1 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:05,539 Can you believe it's almost Valentine's Day already? 2 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:06,974 Remember last Valentine's Day? 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,144 We spent it getting down and dirty on the kitchen table. 4 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,813 I can't wait to do that with you again this year. 5 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,184 Doing our taxes is the best way to spend the holiday. 6 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,551 Say "loophole." 7 00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:19,387 Loophole. 8 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,988 (sighs) 9 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,858 Let's just make sure no stray 1099 forms were mailed late 10 00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,594 so we can get started. 11 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,364 ** 12 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,368 What is it? 13 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:37,338 Whatever it is, it scares me. 14 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,972 Go get the children. 15 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,113 * Fresh off the boat 16 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,847 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,083 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 18 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,384 * Fresh off the boat 19 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,720 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 20 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,188 * But I know where I'm goin' 21 00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:57,024 * I'm fresh off the boat 22 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,259 BRYSON: So, let me get this straight -- 23 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,462 you found this unwrapped, uneaten pastrami sandwich 24 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:02,596 in your mailbox? 25 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,697 Yes. 26 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,932 Just sitting there. 27 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,534 What could this mean, Officer Bryson? 28 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,869 Is it a warning? A threat? 29 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,804 The flag was up. They wanted us to find it. 30 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:11,739 Who's "they"? 31 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,907 We don't know! That's your job! 32 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,476 No one does their job. 33 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,044 No one just does a good job anymore. 34 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,313 I just got a promotion, actually. 35 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:22,416 Anyway, mailbox sandwiches really aren't a police matter. 36 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,084 That's more of a Neighborhood Watch thing. 37 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,254 But our neighborhood doesn't have one of those. 38 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,256 That sounds interesting, though. 39 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:32,126 Watching your neighbors -- that's very Jessica. 40 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,162 That's very Jessica. 41 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,629 Thank you, Officer Bryson. 42 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,166 Corporal Bryson. 43 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,734 (school bell rings) 44 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,303 ** 45 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:45,673 Okay, sirs, since I've become a bit of a perv this year, 46 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,641 I think it's only fitting that I bring up 47 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,443 this Friday's big dance for discussion. 48 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,511 Wait, what dance? 49 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,446 Get your head out of the clouds, Dave! 50 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,481 I swear to God. 51 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,015 The Valentine's Day dance. 52 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,650 The Robin Scouts do it as a fundraiser 53 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,018 for all the 8th- to 12th-graders 54 00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,587 in the East Orlando school district. 55 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,489 I hope the Robin Scouts run a better dance 56 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,324 than an organization. 57 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,625 You guys are losers! 58 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,295 No one likes you! They like the cookies! 59 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,463 You guys have a flat management structure! 60 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,499 How do you make decisions?! 61 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,267 WALTER: My sister Cordette told me about it. 62 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,503 Legend has it, it's where everyone makes out. 63 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,171 So you're saying this is our best shot 64 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:18,872 at getting our first kiss before we start high school? 65 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,641 Dave's awake, everyone. 66 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,210 Everyone, Dave's awake. 67 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,678 I remember my first kiss, back in '93. 68 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,480 '94? It's hard to remember. 69 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:28,382 I kissed lots of girls back in D.C. 70 00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:29,950 I've never seen you kiss Alison. 71 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,553 Oh, yeah. She and I haven't kissed yet. 72 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,721 We're taking it slow, 73 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,290 but I'm sure I'll lay a few on her at the dance. 74 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:39,293 The only light is a disco ball and one floor lamp. 75 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,862 There are dark, unsupervised slut pockets 76 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,831 all over that Jewish Community Center. 77 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:47,401 ** 78 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,370 Peter and I just wanted to thank everyone 79 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,372 for the generous welcome-to-the-neighborhood 80 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:54,242 lawn frog decoration you gave us. 81 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,210 Frogs are my favorite animals -- 82 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,413 after giraffes and elephants and monkeys. 83 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:02,683 Humans are low on the list. 84 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,685 Okay, thank you, Peter. 85 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,554 We'll...put that in the notes. 86 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:07,988 And it's our pleasure, Ann. 87 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,089 Sorry it took so long to get to you, 88 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,492 but not everyone pitched in their share on time. 89 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,060 Thankfully, Evan stepped up 90 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,263 and covered our straggler's last $12. 91 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:19,032 Let me guess -- you sti don't have it. 92 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,434 I forgot -- again. 93 00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:23,103 I'm sorry, Evan. Next time, I promise. 94 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,005 Mommy brain. (groans) 95 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,274 (exhales slowly) 96 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,041 Okay, well, if that's everything, then... 97 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:31,111 Actually, I have a serious issue I would like to discuss. 98 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,681 Our home was attacked. 99 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,048 (people gasp) 100 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,684 Yes. That's right. 101 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,453 My husband and I went to check the mail, 102 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:41,922 and we found... 103 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,958 (voice breaking) a pastrami sandwich just sitting in our mailbox. 104 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,760 It was freaky. 105 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:49,029 That is why I propose 106 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,299 that we start a Neighborhood Watch. 107 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,767 I know some of you may think I'm overreacting, 108 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,736 like the police did, but I -- 109 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:56,970 Like hell we do. 110 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,906 I don't want a sandwich in my mailbox. 111 00:03:58,939 --> 00:03:59,773 Who does? 112 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,542 Really? 113 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,378 Oh, this is amazing. I have so many great ideas. 114 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:05,746 Fantastic. 115 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,948 We'll put it on the agenda for next week's HOA meeting. 116 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,050 Thank you, Jessica. 117 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,654 ** 118 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,122 "Mommy brain"? 119 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,490 I guess having a kid gives you permission 120 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,991 to disrespect people. 121 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,627 Evan, when you... Lend someone money, 122 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,630 you have to be okay with never getting it back. 123 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,498 I know, I know. 124 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,800 Louis, hey, come look at the great ideas I have 125 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,935 for the Neighborhood Watch. 126 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,003 Wow. Are those security cameras? Yes. 127 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,574 I'm also proposing a volunteer nightly patrol shift 128 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:37,345 and an anonymous tip line that will ring directly to me. 129 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:38,512 "J. Huang. 130 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:39,780 A bandit? 131 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,482 Use the Tasers I distributed. 132 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,250 Zap him in the area." 133 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,184 Hmm. 134 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,331 Grandma, you should really keep your money in the bank. 135 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:58,732 It's not safe in the house. 136 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,836 Oh, Grandma. 137 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,638 Dear, sweet Grandma. 138 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,941 You have no idea what hell you hath unlocked. 139 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,977 I even came up with a very clever name for it -- 140 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,113 "Neighborhood Watch Association" -- N.W.A. 141 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,349 How's that, now? Y'all talking Dre? 142 00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:16,617 Neighborhood Watch. 143 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,951 Oh. 144 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,954 I'd pick a new name, Mom. N.W.A. is already a thing. 145 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:21,889 What's it stand for? 146 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,627 I can't say. 147 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,929 ** 148 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,099 Trent! 149 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,469 Eddie. It's not a good time. 150 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,371 Your mom's not a good time. Let me in. 151 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,842 I need to borrow the group bottle of Polo cologne 152 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:42,910 for the dance. 153 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,746 I'm gonna pre-spray my clothes, so -- 154 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,381 Spa day -- that's what's good. 155 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,383 I'm really busy right now, Eddie. 156 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,250 What's that? 157 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,552 Nothing! No, don't -- 158 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,154 "Sparrow Scout Handbook"? 159 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:58,091 ** 160 00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,527 No -- 161 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,529 What the hell, Trent?! 162 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,363 I thought you said you hated the Scouts. 163 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:04,898 I only said that so no one would suspect 164 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,167 that I myself am a Scout. 165 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,102 Everybody makes fun of Sparrow Scouts, 166 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,171 and I've built a reputation as a cool person. 167 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,606 Why do you need the cologne, anyways? 168 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,342 I thought you weren't nervous about the dance. 169 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,343 (sighs) 170 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,345 Since you're coming clean with secrets 171 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,782 and you're a Sparrow Scout, I can obviously trust you. 172 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,751 I lied about kissing girls in D.C. 173 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,052 I've never kissed a girl. 174 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,420 (gasps) 175 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,221 (car door closes) 176 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:37,898 ** 177 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,801 Hey, great! They did your idea! 178 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,537 Yes -- my idea. 179 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:44,872 I was gonna head it up. 180 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,640 And they said that we would discuss it 181 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,375 at the next HOA meeting. 182 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,811 I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding. 183 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,813 No way. I know exactly what's going on here. 184 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,415 Those HOA ladies don't think 185 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,986 I would be good at leading a Neighborhood Watch. 186 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,554 But I see everything. 187 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:04,291 I'll show them I am amazing at finding things. 188 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,760 JESSICA: There he is. 189 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:07,961 (click) 190 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,129 There he is. 191 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,964 (click) 192 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:11,999 There he is. 193 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,333 (click) 194 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,902 Candy cane, candy cane, candy cane... 195 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,836 There he is! 196 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:19,006 Hey, Jessica? Can I have a word? 197 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,140 (projector stops) 198 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,642 I think you're missing the point. 199 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,777 Nobody doubts your ability to find Waldo. 200 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,112 Thank you. 201 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,514 We don't want you involved in the Neighborhood Watch 202 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,981 because you're not a team player. 203 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:30,017 ** 204 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,690 (sighs) I can't believe that's why 205 00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,526 they excluded me from the Neighborhood Watch. 206 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,528 Who cares if I'm not a team player? 207 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,429 That cantaloupe is supposed to last all week. 208 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,465 What's wrong with being a team leader? 209 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:49,102 Some people row, some people coxswain. 210 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,838 I just rented "Oxford Blues." 211 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:53,974 Best rowing movie I've seen in a while. 212 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:57,711 Okay, I found a Monopoly hat piece, 213 00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,012 Evan's diary, 214 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,348 and an R-rated pen in Dad's closet. 215 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,887 It's in Mom and Dad's room! 216 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,488 I knew it! 217 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,462 (sighs) 218 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,898 Jessica, if you want to be a part of the Neighborhood Watch, 219 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:21,168 you're going to have to learn to be a team player. 220 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,703 Don't worry. I'll help you. 221 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,004 (sighs) 222 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,907 All right, talk to me, Eddie. 223 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,475 Why haven't you kissed a girl yet? 224 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,078 Well, the truth is -- 225 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,680 Ugh! What is this?! 226 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,082 It's parve. My mom keeps kosher. 227 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,550 I thought you knew that. 228 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,019 Well, the truth is, 229 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,154 I've had this perfect image in my head about my first kiss 230 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,890 ever since I saw "Poetic Justice," 231 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,257 starring Tupac as Lucky and... 232 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,759 Janet Jackson as Justice. 233 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,260 Yes, I know it well. 234 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,262 Tupac and Janet share a tender kiss on the beach. 235 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,364 Right? It was bomb. 236 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,900 (sighs) I know it's kind of dumb 237 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,335 and it's not gonna be exactly like that, 238 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,038 but I'm waiting for the right moment. 239 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,106 I love that. 240 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,341 And the right moment is Valentine's Day. 241 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,677 You heard the guys -- This is my best shot 242 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,713 to get my first kiss before 9th grade. 243 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,848 I can't go into high school a kissing virgin! 244 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,016 Eddie, relax. 245 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,284 Above all, Sparrow Scouts are loyal friends. 246 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,285 I'm gonna be your wingman. 247 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,287 I know you and Alison as a couple. 248 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,690 I guess you did spend last Valentine's Day with us. 249 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,225 At the Janet Jackson concert. 250 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,393 Full conversational circle. 251 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,462 Don't worry. We're gonna get you kissed. 252 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,734 Now, we're both gonna cut our hands and join our blood 253 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,435 so we never forget this bond of shared secrets. 254 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:29,837 I'm not doing that. 255 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,706 Okay, if you're going to be a team player, 256 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,042 you have to learn how to deal with challenging teammates. 257 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,778 So what do you do if someone disagrees with your idea? 258 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,279 Well, why would they do that? 259 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,049 (sighs) Okay. Just pretend I'm the HOA. 260 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,717 Tell me an idea you have for the Neighborhood Watch. 261 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:46,386 I think we should put up security cameras 262 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,621 in the cul-de-sac. 263 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:48,856 No, that's too expensive. 264 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,992 We buy them wholesale using funds from the October car wash! 265 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,828 Would I have suggested it if I hadn't already done the math? 266 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,464 We have work to do. 267 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,499 What do you do if someone suggests an idea 268 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,434 that's worse than yours? 269 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,037 I think we should start a volunteer nightly patrol. 270 00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:09,509 Uh-huh. And who will tend to the children 271 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,012 that get maimed in the streets, Jenny? 272 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,315 What do you do if you suggest an idea, 273 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,184 then someone else suggests the same idea 274 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,986 and they get credit for it? 275 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:22,089 I also think we should set up an anonymous tip line. 276 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,091 I had an idea for your Neighborhood Watch. 277 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,259 What if you set up a phone number people can call 278 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,428 to report suspicious activity in the neighborhood? 279 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,629 That's my idea! 280 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:36,103 I mean, uh, maybe you can have the same idea as me -- 281 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,537 after me -- 282 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,639 because you're slower... 283 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:40,674 mentally. 284 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,011 And that is why surveillance cameras, 285 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:47,047 nightly patrol shifts, and an anonymous tip line 286 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,949 would increase security 287 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,852 and decrease mailbox sandwiches in our neighborhood. 288 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,954 (high-pitched) We could also publish a newsletter 289 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,123 to update everyone on our progress. 290 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,557 My hair is red. 291 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,326 Great idea, Lisa. 292 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,694 Let's definitely do that. 293 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:01,995 (normal voice) You're ready. 294 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,831 (sighs) 295 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,034 It was really tough. 296 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,137 We both said some things we didn't mean, and some we did. 297 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,672 But I refuse to call my divorce a failed marriage. 298 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,975 (voice breaking) We made a beautiful child together, 299 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,711 and if that's not a success, I don't know what is. 300 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,914 So, I'm wondering if there's any childcare 301 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,249 available in the neighborhood. 302 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,017 I work two jobs, and I can't always be there 303 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,419 when Peter gets home from school. 304 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,255 I don't prefer to be touched. 305 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,158 You know, I've thought about it, 306 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,761 and it's okay if you don't pay me back the $12. 307 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,595 What's important is that Ann and Peter 308 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:36,997 feel welcome in the neighborhood. 309 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,499 Mm-hmm. 310 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,736 Carol-Joan, are those new sandals? 311 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:46,339 Did you buy new sandals when you know you owe me $12? 312 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,709 I had your money, but I-I had to tip my colorist. 313 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:52,179 So, that's it for the HOA. 314 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,947 The Neighborhood Watch committee will be staying after 315 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:56,249 to discuss the success of the signs we put up. 316 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,956 So, Jessica, whenever you're ready 317 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,691 to (clicks tongue) leave... (chuckles) 318 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,760 Actually, I would like to stay. 319 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,796 I have a couple of ideas 320 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,064 I would like to constructively add 321 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:14,601 to all of your already-great ideas. 322 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,403 Um...okay. 323 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,209 So, I've done some research, 324 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,610 and I think the Neighborhood Watch 325 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,413 could be even better if we add security cameras, 326 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,714 a nightly patrol -- 327 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,783 Mm, yeah, we're not doing any of that. 328 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,551 Oh, well, just hear me out. 329 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:35,122 It's just that there have been no new sandwiches in mailboxes, 330 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,825 so the signs seem to be working. 331 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,827 She worked really hard on these ideas. 332 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,661 If you'll just listen -- You know what? Never mind. 333 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:42,762 Meeting is adjourned. 334 00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,498 And to the saboteur who brought the cheesecake bars, 335 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,666 you can take them with you. 336 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:47,835 They'll be by the door. 337 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,003 You know I'm getting ready for bikini season. 338 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,306 Forget it, Louis. 339 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:57,144 They're never gonna let me be part of the Neighborhood Watch. 340 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,746 I'm gonna stop at 7-Eleven for a Chipwich. 341 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,948 I'll see you at home. 342 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,951 ** 343 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,253 I feel so bad for your mom. 344 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,488 She did such a good job learning to be a team player, 345 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,190 but she wasn't rewarded for it. 346 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,659 The set of eggs Carol-Joan has on her, 347 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,962 to wear her brand-new sandals in front of me. 348 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,363 They kept saying "The signs are enough. 349 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,764 The signs are enough." 350 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,866 Go to an ATM! 351 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:22,302 Put on your new sandals and walk to an ATM! 352 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,873 ** 353 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,440 Maybe they'd hear Jessica out 354 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,509 if they thought the signs weren't enough. 355 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:33,246 I don't understand women with unpainted toenails. 356 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,288 Here you go. 357 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,155 I'm bugging out. 358 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,290 Don't bug out. 359 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,025 You'll take Alison to the roof of the building 360 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,326 and use this telescope to show her 361 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,861 the star that you paid to name after her. 362 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:49,729 And then I'm gonna pop a "kiss me" Sweetheart 363 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,531 and I'm gonna kiss her. 364 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:52,465 Hey, Eddie. 365 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,466 Hey, Trent. 366 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,834 You guys ready to go inside? 367 00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,269 We're ready. 368 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,708 Well, well, well. 369 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,977 Look who wants to come into our house. 370 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,712 Walk away, Scout hater. 371 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,448 No way any of you are coming into our dance. 372 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,086 And here's the thing about flat management structure -- 373 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,356 if you come after one of us, you get all of us. 374 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,357 Mm-hmm. 375 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,328 (siren wails) 376 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,063 (police radio chatter) 377 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,531 Oh, my God. 378 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:27,935 Corporal Bryson, what happened? 379 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,169 Sad day, Louis. 380 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:33,040 It appears someone stole Ann's ceramic lawn frog. 381 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,910 This seems a little excessive for a stolen yard decoration. 382 00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:40,247 It was also a hide-a-key for her latchkey son, Peter. 383 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,415 He's missing. 384 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,587 Something horrible happened. 385 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,422 Ann's son, Peter, is missing. 386 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:50,890 What?! 387 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,860 Why can't these white people keep track of their kids? 388 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,295 Every time we look at a milk carton, 389 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,797 we have to see their failures. 390 00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:00,100 Okay. Let's go to the tapes. 391 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,936 ** 392 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,805 You put up an unsanctioned security camera? Mm. 393 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,640 I thought you learned how to be a team player. 394 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,409 I did. 395 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,144 But if the team doesn't go along with what you want, 396 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:12,745 you got to do your own thing. 397 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:15,582 ** 398 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,218 Okay, so, the Robin Scouts won't let us in the dance. 399 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,652 Feels dramatic, but sure. 400 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,288 Here's the new plan -- 401 00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,455 I know a burger place down the street 402 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,424 that lets you dictate the number of straws you get. 403 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,259 We go there, you and Alison get two straws, 404 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,794 and you share a romantic milkshake. 405 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,129 Yeah, yeah, that's good! 406 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,630 And I still have the Sweethearts. 407 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,066 This night can still be perfect. 408 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,268 Now, we're both gonna cut our hands and join our blood -- 409 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,370 Dude, stop. 410 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,441 I found it. I found your money. 411 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,942 It was in Evan's underwear drawer. 412 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,785 The camera was recording the whole day 413 00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,187 that Peter went missing. 414 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,096 I stole the lawn frog. 415 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,131 What? 416 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,598 I thought that if something went missing, 417 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,534 the Neighborhood Watch would see their signs weren't enough 418 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,669 and listen to your great ideas. 419 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,338 But I didn't mean for the thing that went missing 420 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,539 to be a child. 421 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,008 You got a child kidnapped? 422 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,546 That is the sweetest thing you've ever done for me. 423 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,547 (gasps) 424 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,515 You're not mad? No. 425 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:26,019 You really want me to have the things I want in life. 426 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:29,056 And you'll do whatever you have to to help me get them. 427 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,224 I'm never gonna be mad at you for that. 428 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,895 Now let's see what happened to that little snowball. 429 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,532 Marvin? 430 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,404 (gasps) Look. 431 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,742 Hey, sweetie! 432 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,844 Mwah! Mwah! 433 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,246 I did it. 434 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,248 I put the sandwich in your mailbox. 435 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,883 Why would you do that? 436 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,351 Well, I went to the doctor last week, 437 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,721 and s told me that I had high blood pressure. 438 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,556 Now I have to sneak my sandwiches 439 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,226 'cause Honey won't let me eat cured meats anymore. 440 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,894 But she keeps popping up out of nowhere, 441 00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,662 like a sexy jack-in-the-box. 442 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,663 I can't believe this. 443 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,664 I know -- 444 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,200 a lady doctor. 445 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,434 (chuckles) 446 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,936 Oh, she's good, though. She's not half bad. 447 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,106 I'm sorry -- Why are we solving the sandwich case 448 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,373 when there's a child missing? 449 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,709 Marvin, did you see Peter when you were outside 450 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,211 eating your sneaky sandwich? 451 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,278 I did. 452 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:26,946 He asked me where he could get a new house key, 453 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,615 and I told him there was a locksmith at the mall. 454 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:29,949 So he couldn't find his key 455 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,419 and thought he could go to the mall and get one made? 456 00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:33,953 And you just let him go by himself? 457 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,290 Well, the boy's 17 years old. He can go where he pleases. 458 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:38,925 He's 10. 459 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,360 Oh. 460 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,928 ** 461 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,665 (sighs) 462 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,735 We'll never find Peter here. 463 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,270 Jessica, there's no way -- There he is! 464 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:54,974 Huh. 465 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,677 ** 466 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,418 You look really pretty, Alison. I like your hair like that. 467 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,520 Thanks. It's the same way I always wear it. 468 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,291 Even though we didn't get to go to the dance, 469 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:14,294 this has been a really great Valentine's Day, Eddie. 470 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,528 I'm glad you said that. 471 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,334 (Janet Jackson's "Again" plays) 472 00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,306 (chokes) 473 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:27,674 Eddie? Are you okay? 474 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,409 (gasps) Oh, no. 475 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,178 Time to make the Boys In Beige proud! 476 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,482 What are you doing, Trent?! 477 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:36,916 It's okay! I earned a badge for this! 478 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,418 Now get back, Olsen! 479 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,452 I got you, buddy. 480 00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,453 (inhales) 481 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,622 (weakly) Unh-unh. 482 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,863 (gasps) 483 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,099 (sighs) 484 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,035 It's always just the three of us on Valentine's Day, huh? 485 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,040 I can't thank you enough. 486 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:02,675 Of course. We're happy to help. 487 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:03,943 I just hope they find that monster 488 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,678 who stole our hide-a-key frog. 489 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:07,214 Yep, no problem. Good thing you have a Neighborhood Watch. 490 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,948 Bye. (chuckles nervously) 491 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,684 Let's not tell Daddy about this, okay, sweetums? 492 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,321 Okay. I won't tell Tanya, either. 493 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,322 Tanya? 494 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:16,989 Who the hell's Tanya? 495 00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:19,559 You were really amazing today. 496 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,562 We never would've found Peter without you. 497 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,898 Those neighborhood ladies may not think you're a team player, 498 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,268 but I'd pick you for my team every time. 499 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,541 It's nice being on a team with you, too. 500 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,643 If you didn't screw things up so bad, 501 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,578 I wouldn't look so good fixing them. 502 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,347 Hey, this wasn't all my fault. 503 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,749 Peter thinks he can buy a key to his house at the mall. 504 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,883 (both laugh) 505 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,218 And how about Marvin? 506 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,053 Why doesn't he eat all the sandwiches he wants 507 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,355 when he's at work? 508 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,522 (both laugh) 509 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:52,225 We are the only smart people in this neighborhood. 510 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,093 Mm. 511 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,929 I'm sorry about tonight. 512 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,598 I really wanted it to be special. 513 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,000 Well, the night's not over. 514 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,402 ("Again" plays) 515 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,737 * I heard from a friend today 516 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,907 * And she said you were in town * 517 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,577 * Suddenly, the memories -- 518 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:11,911 Hey, Alison! 519 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,713 How are my sloppy seconds? 520 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,548 (laughs) 521 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,254 (doorbell rings) 522 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,526 Well, hey, there, big door answerer. 523 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:27,627 We're here to see your mom. 524 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,529 Sure -- if you pay the toll. 525 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,230 It's $12. 526 00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,766 ** 527 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,439 I'll get your change -- 528 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,540 eventually. 529 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:41,741 (huffs) 530 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,576 Deidre. CJ. 531 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,077 Hey, Jessica. 532 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,713 So, we heard about how you found Peter. 533 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,748 We just want to say we are so sorry 534 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,150 that we did not listen to all your great ideas. 535 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,420 You obviously know what you're doing. 536 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,921 So we wanted to invite you 537 00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,589 to head up the Neighborhood Watch. 538 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,325 Your committee, your rules. 539 00:20:58,358 --> 00:20:59,292 Really? 540 00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:03,062 Wow. I would love that. 541 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,632 Thank you. You're both fired. 542 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:06,833 What? 543 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,067 A kid went missing on your watch. 544 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,603 Clearly, I am the only person I can count on around here. 545 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:12,339 Security will escort you out. 546 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,006 (both sputter angrily) 547 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,743 Has anyone seen my HOA money box? 548 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,945 It's not in my underwear drawer, where I left it. 549 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,947 Evan! 550 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,788 You. 551 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:30,957 (chuckles) 552 00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:36,863 -- Captions by VITA --