1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,671
(wolf howling)

2
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,843
(click)

3
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:13,181
(softly) It's here.

4
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,083
(eerie music plays)

5
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,854
Aaah!

6
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:23,491
(laughs)
Happy Halloween!

7
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,659
(laughter)

8
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,028
(groaning)

9
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:32,200
Brains!

10
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,267
(chuckles)

11
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,370
(echoing)
Chi-chi-chi-chi...

12
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,705
ah-ah-ah-ah...

13
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,807
kill-kill-kill-kill.

14
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,280
Jessica.

15
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,748
(grunts)

16
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,850
Louis!
(groaning)

17
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,786
You're lucky I wasn't clutching
my sleep knife.

18
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,223
(groaning, sobbing)

19
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,791
**

20
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:58,959
* Fresh off the boat

21
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,628
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *

22
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,796
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *

23
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,098
* Fresh off the boat

24
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,434
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *

25
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,035
* But I know where I'm goin'

26
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,738
* I'm fresh off the boat

27
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,741
**

28
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,577
(Transylvanian accent)
Ah, good morning.

29
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,878
What is this?

30
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,413
(normal voice)
I am Pete Vampras.

31
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:23,417
Pete Sampras' undead doubles
partner from Transylvania.

32
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,585
(chuckles)

33
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,823
Ah, don't tell me.

34
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:31,992
Uh, square-dancer
with a light sensitivity.

35
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,394
I'm Dr. Alan Grant --

36
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,930
paleontologist/unlikely father
figure from Jurassic Park.

37
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:37,998
Is that my gardening hat?

38
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,567
(chuckling)
Well, I love it.

39
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,502
Are you and Evan
doing another paired costume?

40
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,003
Yep, we sure are.

41
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,338
(humming)

42
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:47,508
Where's your Barney the Dinosaur
costume?

43
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,310
We need to make sure
you fit in the crate.

44
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:53,113
Oh, I didn't think
we settled on anything yet.

45
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,015
We're trying
to top last year's costume.

46
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,588
I fear we may have peaked
too soon.

47
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,423
Well, whatever you decide
will be great.

48
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,857
Just lock it down
before 5:00.

49
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,159
I want to be out
trick-or-treating

50
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:08,095
before my curls
lose their bounce.

51
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,464
Speaking of which,

52
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,033
there is an extra seat
in the candy van again.

53
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,535
I could really use
a co-pilot

54
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,670
to help me work the maps
and criticize lazy costumes.

55
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,539
(sighs)
Here we go again.

56
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:23,477
Look, I even got you a simple,
no-fuss costume.

57
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,614
Jessicat.
Halloween's not for me.

58
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,782
It's not special
like Christmas

59
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,285
or when a new Denzel movie
comes out.

60
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,287
I don't get
why people waste money

61
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,989
dressing up as somebody else
just to get lollipops.

62
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,691
I like who I am.

63
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,893
I like how I look.

64
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,196
But you all enjoy.
Have fun.

65
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:48,802
Oh, California Raisin -- nice.
How'd I know?

66
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,704
I heard it
through the grapevine.

67
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,906
**

68
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,075
So, the rally point
is Brian's house.

69
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,178
If anybody gets separated
or ODs on peppermint patties...

70
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,080
Once,
that happened once!

71
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,949
Trent, what street
is this year's gold mine?

72
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:04,985
TRENT: Gibson Drive.

73
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,254
My sources say
the Rickenbackers

74
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,755
are giving out
peanut-butter cups.

75
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,022
So? Lots of houses
give out --

76
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,492
King size.
Proceed.

77
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,328
I say we hit the sorority houses
at East Orlando State.

78
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,564
We ask for candy, then...

79
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,699
you know.

80
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:19,767
What happens then?

81
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,769
I don't know.
Something good.

82
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,671
I saw half of Porky's
last night

83
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,673
when Cinemax
accidently de-scrambled.

84
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,408
Wow, appreciate
the phone call.

85
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,910
Guys, focus!
It's Halloween.

86
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,513
I'm gonna get girls
for the rest of my life.

87
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,082
I'm only gonna get free candy
for another couple years.

88
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,084
Hey, what's up?
How you guys doing?

89
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,185
How's 8th grade?

90
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,620
Chill, chill.
How's high school?

91
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,054
Pretty much the bomb.

92
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,790
There's a vending machine
on campus

93
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,124
that has
Arizona Iced Tea.

94
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:44,958
Hmm.
Hmm.

95
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,560
I'm glad I ran into you.

96
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,362
My mom's out of town, and
I'm throwing a party tonight.

97
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,097
You should come by.

98
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,632
Nicole, come on!

99
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,535
You're dad's napping,
so I'm taking the Jag.

100
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,904
(radio turns on)
Ah! It's Jewel!

101
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,540
(chuckling) We'll listen
to Jewel in the Jag!

102
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,709
She doesn't look
out of town.

103
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,944
My real mom.
Not my friend-mom.

104
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,913
Hope I see you guys
tonight.

105
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,917
Yo, we just got invited to
our first high-school party...

106
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,885
as middle schoolers.

107
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,387
This is
how Porky started.

108
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,622
I say we stick
to our candy plan.

109
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,490
The Rickenbackers!

110
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,326
That's two for candy,
two for party.

111
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,428
Whatever we do,
we do as a crew.

112
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,995
Dave, you make the call.

113
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,997
I think we should --
Dave's right.

114
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,166
We're gonna get candy
for the rest of our lives.

115
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,968
We only get to go
to a high-school party

116
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,337
as middle schoolers
tonight.

117
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,838
Buckle up, gentlemen.

118
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,241
From now on,
it's nothing but brassieres.

119
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,176
(keys clacking)

120
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,779
Have you seen a big bowl
of plastic spiders?

121
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,914
I want to place it
next to the candy

122
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,584
and play a little switcheroo
with the trick-or-treaters.

123
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,919
I put it on the counter.
It was crowding my work space.

124
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,955
Are you writing our Christmas
newsletter already?

125
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,123
You have to at least mention
Eddie this year.

126
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,692
While you guys Halloween,

127
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,527
I will have some free time
to work on my novel --

128
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,262
A Case of a Knife
to the Brain.

129
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,798
I heard that Stephen King
writes 10 pages a day,

130
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,500
so I will write 20.

131
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:04,271
Trick-or-treat.
(chuckles)

132
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,873
Joan Jett -- I love it.

133
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,808
Uh...
How'd you get that height?

134
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,309
I've got a salad spinner
up there.

135
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,210
Oh.

136
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,212
Jessica,
you should stop by later.

137
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:15,683
I just whipped up a pitcher
of my famous piña ghouladas.

138
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:16,784
Ooh.
No, thanks.

139
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,620
Booze is what slowed down
Stephen King.

140
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,356
Okay.

141
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,792
Well, Louis, I'd invite you
over for ghouladas,

142
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,994
but I know they're not
a very manly drink.

143
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,029
Ah, no.

144
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,999
I guess not.

145
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,167
(dramatic music plays)

146
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:41,909
Who are you
supposed to be?

147
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,578
I'm Indiana Jones --
professor of archaeology,

148
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:47,915
expert on the occult, and
obtainer of rare antiquities.

149
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,217
We can't both be
Indiana Jones.

150
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,752
You're supposed to be
Short Round.

151
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,722
I'm tired of
always being the sidekick.

152
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:57,758
**

153
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,263
Last year, you pushed me
around on a dolly all night.

154
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,732
I just want one Halloween

155
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,934
where I can feel the earth
beneath my feet.

156
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:10,237
I didn't know
you felt that way.

157
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,872
Tell you want, kid.

158
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,678
You pick our costumes.

159
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,513
I won't let us down.

160
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,749
I'll return
Mom's going-out purse.

161
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,117
**

162
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,554
(keys clacking)

163
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,121
Where should I
put this cobweb?

164
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,591
Back up the fake spider
it came from.

165
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:31,625
(door opens, closes)

166
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,193
Nicole invited me to a party
tonight,

167
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,128
and here are 17 reasons
why you should let me go.

168
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:37,698
One -- I really stepped up
my tooth brushing game.

169
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,866
You got invited to a weener!

170
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,868
What?!
A ween-jam.

171
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,903
A Halloween party.
You're not going.

172
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,539
Two -- I haven't sat
on Evan in over --

173
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,240
Jessica, if you're not
celebrating Halloween,

174
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,643
then you shouldn't have a vote
on how the rest of us do.

175
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,479
Of course you can go.

176
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,413
A party's a great way
to celebrate Halloween.

177
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,916
Yes!
(sighs)

178
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:59,587
You know, I get that
you don't care for all
the costumes and candy,

179
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,421
but how can you not like
the scary stuff?

180
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,491
You love Stephen King,
and he's all about horror.

181
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:08,629
Stephen invokes real fear.
He unlocks the monster within.

182
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:12,833
This isn't scary.
This is amateur hour.

183
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:16,269
(door opens, closes)

184
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:17,671
I don't know, Ma.

185
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,740
That sounded like
a challenge to me.

186
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,775
Did that sound like
a challenge to you?

187
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:33,754
(sighs) Act Two.

188
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,156
This is where we get into
the fun and games.

189
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,026
(knuckles crack)
(sniffing)
Do you smell gas?

190
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:42,596
Only the gas
of productivity.

191
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,164
I'll check
the hot-water heater.

192
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,198
Do you mind checking
the kitchen?

193
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:48,035
(sniffs)

194
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,339
Did it scare you?

195
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,307
Are you in shock
from what you just saw?

196
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,543
No.

197
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,110
Oh, come on.

198
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,846
You don't think that's scary --
head in the oven?

199
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,715
No, a real head wouldn't sever
that cleanly.

200
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:04,618
(sighs)

201
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:07,988
(music blares)

202
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,322
I bet this party
is gonna be

203
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,991
just like
the "Gin and Juice" video.

204
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,493
But, you know,
not as diverse.

205
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,228
Who are you supposed to be
again?

206
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,497
Sidney Deane!

207
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,633
Wesley Snipes
from White Men Can't Jump.

208
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,334
At least you're not dressed
like a lady.

209
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:24,037
I'm not dressed like a lady.
I'm dressed like Grandmama.

210
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,873
Larry Johnson's character
from the sneaker ads.

211
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,374
Why do you have a chair?

212
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,209
I'm Bobby Knight.

213
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,712
The short-tempered
basketball coach.

214
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,180
Come on!

215
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,990
Guys, we're about to enter
our first high-school party.

216
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,892
Let's do this.

217
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,097
(blaring continues)

218
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:53,867
(softly) Hey.

219
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,703
SHELLY:
What are you doing here?

220
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,771
Aren't you tampons
still in 8th grade?

221
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:01,008
Maybe.
That turn you on?

222
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,110
Ew,
the little one spoke.

223
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,679
Officially
the worst party ever.

224
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,047
(sighs)

225
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,252
No...

226
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,387
Jessica,
you won't believe this.

227
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,524
I need the name for a sexually
promiscuous fingerprint analyst.

228
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,692
Amber.

229
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:21,128
So, I was reading this article,
and it says that

230
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,430
a girl slaughtered her family
with a shovel

231
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,800
exactly 100 years ago
tonight...

232
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,036
in this very house.

233
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,805
House was built in '74.

234
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,807
Right,
on the very property

235
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,243
where the shovel massacre
happened.

236
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,646
They filled in a swamp
to build this development.

237
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,381
That's why it smells like eggs
when the wind blows south.

238
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,818
(gasp) Probably
the old swamp house, then.

239
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,920
That is not
how you spell "trachea."

240
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,288
(sighs)

241
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,389
Where's my White Out?

242
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,858
I think there's
some in the hall closet.

243
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,495
(sighs)

244
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:56,830
(eerie music plays)

245
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,633
(Polish accent)
I lost my ball.

246
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,501
Yes, you were scared.

247
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:02,770
No, I'm confused.

248
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,504
Why is Reba standing
in our hallway?

249
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,439
I brought her over
after school.

250
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:12,279
I am not Reba.
I am Anastasia Zinx from Poland!

251
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,947
Did you get
her parents' permission?

252
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,750
If not, that's a felony --
child abduction.

253
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,285
Okay, Reba, let's go.

254
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,653
Who is this Reba
everyone keeps --

255
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:22,589
Let's go!

256
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,959
Evan, choose the costumes
already.

257
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,128
We're losing
trick-or-treat time.

258
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,033
Who are you?

259
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:36,970
I'm Los Angeles County Superior
Court Justice Lance Ito.

260
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,038
Who am I gonna be?

261
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,873
Here, put these on.

262
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:42,810
**

263
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,748
Famous house guest
Kato Kaelin.

264
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,886
Nobody knows
who Kato Kaelin is.

265
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,654
Exactly.
That's what drives him.

266
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,689
Use that.

267
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,057
I knew I shouldn't have
let you pick.

268
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,559
It's late.
Let's just do Jurassic Park.

269
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,162
Overruled!
I'm going as Judge Lance Ito.

270
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,397
Fine!
I'm going as Indiana Jones.

271
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,000
Then give me back
Deidre's wig.

272
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,136
Gladly.

273
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,070
(door shuts)

274
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,139
**

275
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,908
So, where is everybody?

276
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:15,976
Are we early?

277
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,911
Everyone's at
this 10th grader's party.

278
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,346
She's older
and has a pool.

279
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,881
Easy Erica's got a pool?

280
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,750
Does she mind if I...

281
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,851
dip skinny?

282
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,018
(scoffs)

283
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,755
Sailor Boy.
Is that beer?

284
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,590
Yeah. I ganked it from
my dad's fridge in the garage.

285
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,359
I also found this bag
of pipe tobacco.

286
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,995
I don't know how to use it,
but it's there.

287
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,497
Come on, Nicole.
Let's go to Erica's.
I can't.

288
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,033
If I show up there, everyone
will know my party sucked.

289
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,870
Yeah.
All right, bitches.

290
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,537
Zig-a-zig out.

291
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:49,242
**

292
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,678
If we leave now, can we
still make the Rickenbackers?

293
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,681
We'd have to lightly jog.

294
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,883
You guys can't leave.

295
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,118
Come on! Nicole
always had our back

296
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,386
when she was
in middle school.

297
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,954
We can't just abandon her
now.

298
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:03,023
Besides, we're a crew.

299
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,792
We stick together.

300
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,260
We do, but, dude,
it's Halloween.

301
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,200
For real?
You're just gonna bail?

302
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,702
I've been in high school
for a month.

303
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,304
Why did I think anyone
would come

304
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,705
to some dumb
freshman party?

305
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,408
Hey, it only takes two
to start a party.

306
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,744
Lucky for us, I've seen
a ton of music videos.

307
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:29,749
(Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice"
plays)

308
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:32,219
* With so much drama
in the L-B-C *

309
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,222
* It's kinda hard
being Snoop D-O-double-G *

310
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,792
* Rollin' down the street,
smokin' indo *

311
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:41,161
* Sippin' on gin and juice

312
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,229
* Laid back

313
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,163
* With my mind on my money...

314
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,432
(knocking)
We did it!

315
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:49,136
* Rollin' down the street
smokin' indo *

316
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,637
(children laughing)

317
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:53,240
"'Sure, a collapsed
trachea is suspicious,'

318
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,308
she says,
zipping up the body bag,

319
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:58,979
'but so is
a knife to the brain.'"

320
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,914
Gold.
(door opens)

321
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,951
(panting)
I hit someone with my car!

322
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,752
I think it might have been
a kid. I don't know.

323
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,287
They weren't wearing
reflective clothing.

324
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,589
I-I-I panicked,
and I drove right back home.

325
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,291
Are there any pieces
stuck in the grille?

326
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,592
What?

327
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,161
Hair, clothes, skin?

328
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:15,595
Shoes stuck
in the wheel well.

329
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,430
We got to make sure
the car is clean.

330
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,699
Strip down, I will burn
your clothes in the car port

331
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:20,700
while you shower.

332
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,335
Impact blood travels,

333
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,138
so you got to scrub your
bellybutton, armpits, legpits,

334
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,807
inside your eyelids --
everywhere.

335
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,776
Okay, I get it --
Keys!

336
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,878
I need your keys.

337
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,479
I'll run the car
into a tree

338
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,281
to cover up any dents
this kid may have caused.

339
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,449
Better,
I'll slam the brakes

340
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,451
and let the car behind
bump me into it

341
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,653
so we don't have a knock
on our insurance.

342
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,822
Next hurricane,
I'll chop down the tree

343
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,558
in case any flesh
transferred to the bark.

344
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,327
We never speak of this
again.

345
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,628
I love you.

346
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,231
I give up!
You're un-scarable!

347
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,469
(telephone rings)

348
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,539
Hello.
EDDIE: Mom, don't get mad,
but I'm at the police station.

349
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:00,807
You got to come get me.

350
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,344
Eddie, what did you --
Oh-kay.

351
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:08,015
Nice one, Louis. Okay.
You almost had me there.

352
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,917
Good Eddie impression.
Bye.

353
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,818
No, don't han--

354
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,186
Who was that?

355
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,323
**

356
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,226
Eddie's in jail.

357
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,594
Is that
my going-out purse?

358
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,404
(camera shutter clicks)

359
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,340
Okay, now let me do
a goofy one!

360
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,008
Sorry.
Last one, dude.

361
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,343
I'm not supposed to
take these

362
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,544
unless I'm actually
booking someone.

363
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,847
I'm so screwed.

364
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,349
It's okay.

365
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,085
Officer Bryson said
I'm not in trouble, right?

366
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,753
Right, it was just
a noise complaint.

367
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,422
I had to bring you in
because there wasn't
any adult supervision.

368
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,124
What about the beer?

369
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,960
Sailor Boy?
That's that Tom Collins mix.

370
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,962
Zesty,
but non-alcoholic.

371
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,629
Great.
(sighs)

372
00:14:56,663 --> 00:15:00,300
So I was offering a zesty
juice mix to 8th graders.

373
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,868
My party was a disaster.

374
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,471
Everyone's
gonna make fun of me.

375
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:05,939
(sighs)

376
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,207
Hey, Jessica, Louis.

377
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,742
Eddie's free to go,
no need to be mad at him.

378
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:10,978
He's not in any trouble.

379
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,880
I'm not mad at him.
I'm mad at this holiday.

380
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,748
Had to come down here,
waste my time.

381
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,550
I'm in the middle
of a best seller.

382
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,986
Oh,
what are you reading?

383
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,887
(chuckles)
"Reading."

384
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,192
No, I don't consume,
I create.

385
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:29,997
Well, I just need you
to sign him out.

386
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,599
(whooshing)

387
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,336
Or would you prefer
blue ink?

388
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,605
(whooshing)

389
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:44,577
**

390
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,246
Can't believe
we missed trick-or-treating.

391
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,781
And there's no candy
left here.

392
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,783
(Grandma Huang snoring)

393
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,156
(sighs)

394
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,491
This is
the worst Halloween ever.

395
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,996
You didn't check to make sure
the party was supervised.

396
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,498
He could have come home
addicted to drugs or pregnant.

397
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,000
I just wanted him
to have some fun

398
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,335
on the best night
of the year.

399
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:09,802
This wouldn't have happened

400
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,171
if you weren't so busy
trying to scare me.

401
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,041
(sighs)

402
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,009
You know
how you love Christmas?

403
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,444
Yes, it is
a superior holiday.

404
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,647
Well, remember that one
Christmas when I was working,

405
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,449
and I told you to go
get the tree without me,

406
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,451
then I came home,
and there was no tree.

407
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,154
I didn't want to put it
on top of the car myself.

408
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,555
You also wanted me there.

409
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:32,225
I don't want to pay the guy $5
to tie it down with twine.

410
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,993
Another reason
you wanted me there.

411
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,528
I didn't want to
carry it in myself

412
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,064
and get needles
all over the floor.

413
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,998
All reasons
you wanted me there.

414
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:39,999
Okay, fine!

415
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,568
I wanted you there,

416
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,903
but Christmas
is different.
Why?

417
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,373
Christmas is something
you share with your family.

418
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,542
Well, that's how I feel
about Halloween.

419
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:53,080
**

420
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,884
(alarm clock beeping)

421
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,419
Mm.

422
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,820
(beeping stops)

423
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,323
(yawns)

424
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,492
(sniffing)

425
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,528
**

426
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,366
(sniffing)

427
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,109
Get dressed,
we're going trick-or-treating.

428
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,677
But it's November 1st.
I call Evan's candy!

429
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,246
I'm on board!
I'm on board!

430
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,116
What's this all about?

431
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,951
I will never like
Halloween.

432
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,353
But I understand

433
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,288
wanting everyone in the family
to join in.

434
00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:38,891
(sighs)

435
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:41,628
I am a cat now.

436
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,097
(chuckles)
That's the Halloween spirit.

437
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,768
Short Round?

438
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:49,869
Barney?

439
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,439
I just like trick-or-treating
with you.

440
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,207
I don't care
if I'm the sidekick.

441
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,776
Me neither.
I just want to be a team again.

442
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,183
God, I love Halloween.

443
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,021
Hey, put those back.
We're not done yet.

444
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,229
ALL BUT JESSICA:
Trick-or-treat!

445
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:17,364
Trick-or-treat!

446
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,168
You're supposed to
give us something.

447
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,369
Oh.

448
00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:26,573
Thank you.

449
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,242
Sorry, but Halloween
was last month.

450
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,444
What is this game
you all play?

451
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,746
You leave up your Christmas
lights till forever,

452
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,782
but we come one measly day
after Halloween,

453
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,717
and it's like
the whole thing never happened.

454
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,087
You know what?

455
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,523
Let's see if I can whip up
a fresh batch of my ghouladas.

456
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,625
Oh, I'd take a gander
at some of those.

457
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,360
(chuckles)

458
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:51,164
Eddie!
You saved my party!
I did?

459
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,366
Everyone's talking about
how the cops busted it up.

460
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,034
Rumors are flying.

461
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,870
People are saying there were
like 100 kids there --

462
00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,806
kegs, Goldschlager.

463
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,874
Supposedly the gold flakes
cut your throat

464
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,377
so the alcohol can get to
your bloodstream quicker.

465
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:06,179
Tight.

466
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:08,515
Thanks for not bailing on me.
You're a good friend.

467
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,784
You are, too,
unlike some people I know.

468
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,821
I messed up, man!
We shouldn't have bailed on you!

469
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,389
We were seduced
by the holiday!

470
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,024
If it makes you feel better,

471
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,959
we missed out on the good candy,
and that party sucked.

472
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,161
Brian cried,
Trent lost his chair,

473
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,162
Walt just spilled something
on his mom's dress --

474
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,897
he's grounded.

475
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,534
Some bullies thought I was
dressed like Basketball Simba.

476
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,302
They lifted me up
by my waist

477
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,471
and carried me around
like this...

478
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,573
Do you know
how demeaning that is?!

479
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:36,743
Is Dave gonna be okay?

480
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:37,910
He's fine.

481
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,679
I'm just gonna let him sweat
for a little bit.

482
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,081
Seriously,
are we cool, man?!

483
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,017
Can we just agree, overall, that
I've been a good friend to you?

484
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,661
What if you don't like it?

485
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,429
Oh, come on.
We want to hear it.

486
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:57,497
Yeah.
Yeah, it'll be good.

487
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,232
Let's go! Whoo!

488
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,234
Okay, I'll read
the first chapter.

489
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,537
It's 60 pages long,
but I don't see any cuts.

490
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:07,173
(sighs)

491
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,610
"A Case of a Knife
to the Brain by A.L. Tyson."

492
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,912
That's my pen name so we don't
get crazies at the door.

493
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,180
Smart.

494
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,883
"It was just another body
on just another Tuesday.

495
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,218
The sun cast an auburn glow
on the dewy grass

496
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,087
beneath
the marbled-purple corpse.

497
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,457
Three feet away, a sensibly
priced, blood-red pump

498
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:27,760
extinguishes a Virginia Slim
with a vigorous twist.

499
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:31,197
'(sighs)
God, I hate Detroit.'

500
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:34,867
This is Jennifer Hong,
smart as she is beautiful.

501
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,036
She pushes through
the plastic police line,

502
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,738
never one for red tape,

503
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,807
which, in this instance,
is yellow.

504
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,576
'Hey, Freckles,'
she barks a lazy beat cop.

505
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,077
'I'm gonna need a step stool.'

506
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,879
'Why?' asks Chief Stephens,

507
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,382
his incuriosity born
from a looming pension,

508
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:52,218
soft upbringing,
and overall whiteness.

509
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,154
'To get the murder weapon,
dummy,' she yawns,

510
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:58,958
pointing to a 9-inch Bowie knife
stuck in a knobby oak tree.

511
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,494
'I'll be damned,'
Stephens chortles.

512
00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:04,163
She pops an orange Tic Tac
in her mouth

513
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,665
and brushes past Amber,

514
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:08,000
a brunette
with electric green eyes

515
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,937
dusting the rotting cadaver
for prints.

516
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,072
Remember her.

517
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,907
'Hey, Hong,' yells Stephens.

518
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,809
'We got reports to fill out.'

519
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,245
Jennifer spins back,
'I got three kids,

520
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,248
a judgmental mother-in-law,
and an emotional husband

521
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,517
who likes to play games
with the oven!

522
00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:27,654
I don't have time for reports.'"

523
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:34,060
-- Captions by VITA --