1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,573 (ding) WOMAN: We are now arriving in Taipei, Taiwan. 2 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,341 Purpose of your visit? 3 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:10,044 Oh, it's a long story. (chuckles) 4 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,380 Basically, I've come to reconcile with my brother. 5 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,415 See, our father could only send one of us to America, 6 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,716 and it was me. 7 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:19,053 But Gene said he was over it when he came to Orlando, 8 00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,222 and asked me to be best man at his wedding. 9 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:24,258 Turns out, he wasn't over it, we got into a big fight, 10 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,094 and he left me a note disinviting me, 11 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,596 and stole our mother in the middle of the night instead. 12 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,065 So even though I am not the one at fault, 13 00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:33,434 I've come to set an example for my boys 14 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,604 and show them I'm the bigger man by burying the hatchet. 15 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:39,073 I'll just write down you're visiting relatives. 16 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:40,108 (stamp thuds) 17 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,544 I'm here on business. 18 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:44,845 I need to get $200 back 19 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,614 from my brother-in-law who wronged me. 20 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,249 Great. We can just check that box. 21 00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,750 You have a box for that? 22 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,388 I'm home. 23 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,857 ** 24 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,025 * Fresh off the boat 25 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,693 * I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go * 26 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,862 * If you don't know, homey, now you know * 27 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,097 * Fresh off the boat 28 00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,566 * Homey, you don't know where I come from * 29 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,067 * But I know where I'm goin' 30 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,870 * I'm fresh off the boat 31 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,539 ** 32 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,808 Man, it's hot. Like a wet hot. 33 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,645 Like the bathroom after Grandma takes a shower. 34 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,980 I regret wearing jean shorts. 35 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,250 Thick -- it's a thick fabric. 36 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,653 Jessica, your suitcase is so light. 37 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,821 That's because it's empty. I'm buying everything 38 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,957 we need for the year at the night market -- 39 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,160 back-to-school clothes, Christmas presents. 40 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,162 I packed only the essentials. 41 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,196 (zipper opens) 42 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,466 Evan, you don't need that. 43 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,468 According to these pamphlets, I do. 44 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,569 I went to our local AAA. 45 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,571 These are things every tourist should know 46 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,772 when visiting Taiwan. 47 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,073 You're a member of AAA? 48 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,908 I don't understand the question. 49 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,411 You're not tourists. You're home. 50 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,945 But we've never been here. 51 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:54,014 Doesn't matter. This is still your home. 52 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,450 I'm so excited, I didn't sleep at all on the plane. 53 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:57,951 I've got something for that. 54 00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,787 How are you at swallowing caplets? 55 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,089 Yo, my man, we need two stops. 56 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,592 Dad, how do you say, "Yo, my man, we need two stops," 57 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,593 in Mandarin? 58 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,595 Why do you need to make two stops? 59 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,597 I have to find a fax machine on our way to Uncle Gene's 60 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,698 so I can fax Alison. 61 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:11,799 She's going to the Kinko's 62 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,534 near her dad's workplace every day. 63 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,036 We're not stopping so you can fax your girlfriend. 64 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,538 But what if we drift apart? 65 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:18,706 We're only gone a week. 66 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,841 Trust me. Nothing's going to change. 67 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,344 Here. Baby Dramamine. 68 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,045 Don't take while operating heavy homework. 69 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,381 (chuckling) It doesn't say that. 70 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:30,518 ** 71 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,586 (door buzzer) 72 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,928 Hi, Big Auntie. 73 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:45,132 Boys, this is your Big Auntie. 74 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,534 Hello, boys. 75 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,270 $4 million! 76 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,906 I learned English from Oda Mae Brown in Ghost. 77 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,508 Best quality movie. Mm. 78 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,877 Come in, come in. (chuckles) 79 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:57,911 [ Soft music playing ] 80 00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:01,081 That's Big Uncle Otis. 81 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,750 (grunts) 82 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,919 And my daughter -- Little Auntie. 83 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,822 And her husband -- Uncle. 84 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,824 And their son -- Wei. 85 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,361 Please call me by the English name I've chosen -- 86 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,497 Hennessy, because I'm smooth and always in the club. 87 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,899 You're the first cousin I've ever met that I've liked. 88 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,369 What kind of rap music are you into? 89 00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,104 With a name like Hennessy, it's got to be the hard stuff. 90 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,539 I like Richard Marx. 91 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,074 (sighs) And there it go. 92 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,114 Right away. (chuckles nervously) 93 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,250 Uh (clears throat) where's Gene? 94 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,252 Oh, at the wedding location, 95 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,921 attending to last-minute details. 96 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,924 So, Big Auntie, you're Grandma's younger sister? 97 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:47,261 Mm. And she's still bossing me around. 98 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,600 Emery, you're so handsome. 99 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,535 Thanks, but what I find most important 100 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,869 is inner beauty. 101 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,705 Mm-hmm. At the wedding reception, 102 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,873 I'll introduce you to my boss's daughter -- 103 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,241 perfect match. 104 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,711 I like your school uniform, Hennessy. 105 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:07,381 It's funny because it's so close to my normal aesthetic, 106 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,983 but why are you wearing it? What do you mean? 107 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,486 It's summer -- summer vacation. 108 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,623 I have no summer break. I have year-round school. 109 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,291 ** 110 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:20,127 It's like they read my wish journal. 111 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,795 Can I borrow your car, Big Auntie? 112 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,163 I have to go find Gene. 113 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,665 Where is he getting married? 114 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,334 The park? (chuckles) 115 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,302 The old cigarette factory? 116 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,739 (brakes screech) Oh! 117 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,074 This is where he's getting married? 118 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,278 ** 119 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:41,281 (birds screeching) Ooh, peacocks. 120 00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:45,285 "Built in 1973 to house visiting dignitaries, 121 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,254 the Grand Hotel has hosted such luminaries 122 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,923 as the Shah of Iran, Richard Nixon, 123 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,359 and Linda Ronstadt 124 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,361 during her famous Heart Like a Wheel tour." 125 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,163 Mm. (chuckles) 126 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,465 (indistinct conversations) 127 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,838 (scribbling) 128 00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:37,371 I'm getting married here. 129 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,407 Didn't you see the electronic scroll? 130 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,243 I know. That's why we flew halfway across the world. 131 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,412 Big deal! 132 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,580 Probably had a bunch of miles and flew standby. 133 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:47,681 Couldn't use them. 134 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,518 Blackout dates. Had to pay full price. 135 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,487 (gasps) 136 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,656 So you had some layovers, then? 137 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,091 Detroit? Tokyo? 138 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,461 We flew direct. (gasps) 139 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,766 Economy? 140 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,801 Plus. (gasps) 141 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,339 Even paid $4.99 for headphones. 142 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,340 What was the in-flight movie? 143 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,443 The Truth About Cats and Dogs. 144 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,444 (gasps) 145 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,746 ** 146 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,214 (sobbing) You spent so much. 147 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,416 So much! 148 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,284 Let's finally put the past behind us, brother. 149 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,787 I'm honored to have you as my best man. 150 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,088 Well, I'm glad we came. 151 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,224 What a great moment. We're all so happy. 152 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,225 (both chuckle) 153 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,862 Oh, there is so much to tell you. 154 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,363 Tomorrow, the whole wedding party 155 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,598 is taking pictures in -- (money crinkles) 156 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,100 I'm sorry. Uh, that's my wallet. 157 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,535 You owe me $200. 158 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,637 Oh, that's a lot more than $200. 159 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:46,974 Give up the dance, Gene. The song is over. 160 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,477 Hello. Hi. 161 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,479 Where's your business center? I need to send a fax. 162 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,613 Unfortunately, 163 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:55,148 no children are allowed in the business center. 164 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:58,318 How about now? 165 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,621 This is three U.S. dollars. 166 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:04,257 So, is that a lot to you... 167 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,926 or not a lot? 168 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,427 Really impressive, Gene. (chuckles) 169 00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,462 How did you swing it? 170 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:10,464 Oh, Margaret's cousin knows a manager, 171 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:11,999 so we got a deal. 172 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:15,302 So, uh, where's this Margaret I've heard so much about? 173 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,403 She's working at the temple. 174 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,173 Ohh. Her wages are God's love. 175 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:24,277 (traditional music playing) 176 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,355 (rock music plays) (pow!) 177 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,090 (bang!) 178 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,358 (screaming) 179 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,160 (distorted screaming) 180 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,663 (whip, whip, whip!) 181 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,664 MAN: Cut! 182 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:44,998 (bell rings) 183 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,266 (music stops) 184 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,202 Can you tell the bear that I need more mischief? 185 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,304 I will tell him again. 186 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,340 Oh, there she is. 187 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,008 That's my Margaret. 188 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,710 Oh, oh. 189 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,281 So nice to meet you, Margaret. 190 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,617 You're very strong. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 191 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,285 This is Margaret, my fiancée. 192 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,654 Oh, babe. 193 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:09,222 Mm. (chuckles) Hi, Louis. 194 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,391 It's an honor. 195 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,226 I've heard so much about you. 196 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,729 Ohh. 197 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,865 No, no, no, no, no. (chuckles) 198 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,034 This is your fiancée? Mm-hmm. 199 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,636 (laughing) No! No, no. 200 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,737 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 201 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:24,872 You love him? 202 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,073 Mm-hmm. 203 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,709 No, no, no, no! 204 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,578 No! 205 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,485 ** 206 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,988 I forgot how relaxing it is 207 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,156 being around all Asian people. 208 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,325 You don't feel like a foreigner. 209 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,428 You blend in with everyone around you. 210 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,764 Who are you? 211 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,265 Evan! 212 00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,836 ** 213 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,772 (groans) 214 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:00,073 You know what? 215 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,409 It would be okay if you were lost here, Evan. 216 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,678 There are no pedophiles in Taiwan. 217 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:07,180 People are too busy getting things done 218 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,949 to have time for any hobbies. 219 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,784 Mom, are we almost there yet? I'm starving. 220 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,786 Yes, we are almost there. 221 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:16,123 I'm so excited to take you to my favorite place. 222 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,626 They only serve swordfish soup. 223 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,527 But it's 1,000 degrees out. 224 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,096 So the soup will cool you off. 225 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:25,866 According to my pamphlets, it's prime biting hour. 226 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,701 And according to Emery's face. 227 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,036 I guess I just have sweet blood. 228 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:33,573 Okay, no sweet blood, no pamphlets, no complaining. 229 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,909 You guys need to toughen up. 230 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:39,412 Stop being soft American eggs and start being 231 00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:42,816 thousand-year-old Taiwanese eggs. 232 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,152 Ah, here we are. 233 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,631 Oh. (chuckles) 234 00:09:57,665 --> 00:10:02,670 See, it's so nice to be someplace where you have history. 235 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,780 What was that?! I heard a reference to Mickey D's! 236 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,181 Nuggets! 237 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,083 WOMAN: May I use your pen? 238 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,351 GENE: Yeah, well, so, Margaret does a lot of commercials, 239 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,020 a ton of print work. 240 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,155 And I'm also the voice of Little Tum-Tum 241 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:25,325 in the cartoon Here Comes Tum-Tum. 242 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,494 Mm. I don't know what that is. 243 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,230 But I can tell you right now, I love it. 244 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,132 Aren't they sweet? 245 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,001 I haven't seen a couple this in love 246 00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,836 since Molly and Sam. 247 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:36,837 You know, from -- 248 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,471 From Ghost. We know. 249 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,675 So, you...love him? 250 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,110 (Margaret sighs) 251 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,213 From the first moment I saw him in the acting class. 252 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,381 We had to act out a scene where we hated each other. 253 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,750 (scoffs) 254 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:51,885 We couldn't do it. 255 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:04,464 (speaking Mandarin) Your boys must be starving. 256 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,801 We heard about your failure today at the soup place, Jessica. 257 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,703 Everyone knows Mr. Deng. 258 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,406 Well... 259 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,076 I guess it's gotten more gossipy around here. 260 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,144 It was fine. 261 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,546 We had a great lunch at another place. 262 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:21,581 McDonald's. We had McRibs. 263 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:25,485 You had Taiwanese McRibs. 264 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,354 I'm gonna write another fax to Alison. 265 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,156 She hasn't heard from me in two days. 266 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,992 Eddie, I told you, nothing's gonna happen while we're gone. 267 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,862 Mom, every day Alison goes to Kinko's 268 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,197 and there's no fax waiting for her is a bad day. 269 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,366 Because you know what is waiting for her? 270 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,201 Hmm? The dude that works there, 271 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,269 sliding in on my girl 272 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,171 with open arms and a shiny name tag, 273 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,505 creeping on her loneliness. 274 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,008 Those guys clean up. 275 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,010 That's why you work at Kinko's in the first place. 276 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,078 Because you're shady. 277 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,080 "Oh, your boyfriend hasn't faxed you? 278 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,548 I'll fax you every hour. I'll fax you right now. 279 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:58,886 To -- Sad Pretty Girl, Sorry you have a bad boyfriend. 280 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,221 From -- Dwayne, who cares. 281 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:05,492 Total number of pages, including this one -- one." 282 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,696 Well... Okay, mm. 283 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,198 We better get home. 284 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,866 Yeah, well, tomorrow's picture day. 285 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,201 We got to look our best. 286 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,368 Wait. "Get home"? 287 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,204 Yeah, we live upstairs. 288 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,538 * Yeah 289 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,073 JESSICA: Oh. 290 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,574 ** 291 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,511 This is your apartment? (chuckles) No. 292 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,614 Yo, it's way nicer than our house. 293 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,549 This is like Shaq-level nice. 294 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,885 Brand-new floors, vaulted ceilings, 295 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,253 wrap-around windows. 296 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,955 Toilet style? Western. 297 00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:35,956 (whistles) 298 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,424 Yeah, Margaret and I bought it 299 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,259 and gave the downstairs apartment to Big Auntie. 300 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,162 Yeah, we got a good deal. Her aunt knows a guy. 301 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:45,398 Dad, are we poor? 302 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,400 What?! (chuckles) 303 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,902 No, of course not. 304 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,738 American middle class is like Taiwan rich, so... 305 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,907 I'd rather be Taiwan rich. 306 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,542 (chuckles) 307 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,948 ** 308 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,016 (camera shutter clicking) 309 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:04,417 Okay, everyone. 310 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,354 Time to write your good-luck wishes to the happy couple 311 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:12,159 on paper lanterns and send them into the sky. 312 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:16,096 Aww. 313 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,764 "Wishing you a lifetime of only misery, 314 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,366 you ass pimple." 315 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,034 What?! Don't send that up! I'm sending it up! 316 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,302 No, do not send that to heaven! 317 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,570 You want Grandma to read that? 318 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,706 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 319 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,441 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 320 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,442 No! No! 321 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,378 N-No! No. No. 322 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,379 No! No! 323 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:33,413 No! No! 324 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,984 I can't believe you would hold on 325 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,619 to your stupid grudge about me going to America 326 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,821 when you got this amazing life here. 327 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,656 Hey, you were the one who chose to leave. 328 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,825 I know! That's why I'm so mad! 329 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,228 Why did I have to make it harder on myself 330 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,963 and start over in America? 331 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,132 I was already started here! 332 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:55,302 We're the white people of here! 333 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,369 (sighs) 334 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,409 ** 335 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,745 Hello, old friend. 336 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,981 I've missed you. 337 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,417 Fax? Fax machine? 338 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,252 (sighs) 339 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:15,088 Dude, you are getting destroyed by mosquitoes. 340 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,423 I've tried everything. 341 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,092 I've even quit using all my hair products, 342 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,828 but they just can't stop giving me kisses. 343 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,331 I have to get Otis his herbs. 344 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,999 Will you be okay on your own? 345 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,801 Please. I'm in my element. 346 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,272 Do you take traveler's checks? 347 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,273 Uh... 348 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:36,609 (conversing in Mandarin) 349 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:37,610 Where are we going? 350 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,112 Don't worry. She'll stop us. 351 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,780 But she's not. She will. 352 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:41,915 But she isn't. 353 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,216 Is she looking at us? 354 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:46,453 No, she's selling the pencil box to another customer. 355 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,621 That's a plant. That's her sister. We're not gonna fall for that. 356 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,124 (engine revs, horn honks) Well, her sister just got on a scooter 357 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,192 and rode away. 358 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,127 She'll be back. She's doing a loop. 359 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,362 (sighs) 360 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,365 ** 361 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,366 Whoa. 362 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,201 The new '96 Air Jordan Elevens. 363 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,369 * Yeah 364 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,337 You want these basketball heels? 365 00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:08,942 (conversing in Mandarin) 366 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,145 I know how this ends, Eddie. 367 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,647 If you want to squeeze my hand for support -- 368 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,049 The hell? 369 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,284 I got a great deal. 370 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,219 Moms! Thank you! 371 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,388 So what if I can't fax Alison? 372 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,991 Once she sees me in these, she's mine forever! 373 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:27,360 (Westside Connection's "Bow Down" plays) 374 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,965 * The world is mine, yeah, get back * 375 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,567 * Don't mess with my stack, the gage is racked * 376 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,237 * Bow down before I make a phone call * 377 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,406 * Got 25 killers running up on y'all * 378 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,573 * For the cheese 379 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,741 * We want them keys 380 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,643 * Everybody freeze, on you knees * 381 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,012 * Butt-naked, please 382 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,114 * Bow down * * When I come to your town 383 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:50,117 * Bow down * * When I'm westward bound 384 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,685 * Bow down * * 'Cause I ain't a hater like you * 385 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,022 * Bow down to a killer that's greater than you * 386 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,524 * Bow down * 387 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,691 * Bow down * 388 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:01,028 Eddie! 389 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,595 Your shoes. 390 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,098 What?! No! 391 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,699 (Big Auntie groans) 392 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,836 You bought the bad fakes instead of the good fakes. 393 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,204 Never buy in-store. 394 00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,774 Always go to second location for good quality. 395 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,444 I forget there's always a second location. 396 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,214 Your negotiating muscle has atrophied. 397 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,617 ** 398 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,154 (indistinct conversations) 399 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,959 This is way nicer than our wedding. 400 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,394 We got married at City Hall 401 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,529 and had our reception at a car dealership. 402 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,697 (sighs) Just be happy 403 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,699 you guys got to give love a chance. 404 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,035 My horse got shot at the starting gate. 405 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:45,872 Emery, this is my boss's daughter 406 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:46,873 I was telling you -- (gasps) 407 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,007 (screams) 408 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:50,743 Nice meeting you! 409 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,745 I love that there's year-around school here. 410 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,714 It'd be great to stay for the whole summer, 411 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:57,550 go back to Orlando, skip a grade, 412 00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,152 and lap Eddie before he knows it. 413 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,821 Why don't you go in with Hennessy tomorrow? 414 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,157 Sit in on his class, see what you think? 415 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,059 Yes, girl. Yes. 416 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,995 (glass clinks) Hello, everyone. Thanks for coming. 417 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,198 Uh, my brother was supposed to give a speech, 418 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,333 but he's proven unable to present a positive message. 419 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:18,438 So, instead, I will introduce our wedding video myself. 420 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,273 Please enjoy the story 421 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:23,676 of how Margaret and I met and fell in love. 422 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,844 (applause) 423 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:28,181 * Oh, my love 424 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,383 This is my acting class. 425 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,584 (gasps) 426 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,520 There's my husband. * My darling 427 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:37,690 * I've hungered for 428 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,691 (groans) 429 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,360 (gasps) Are you okay?! 430 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,528 I think so. 431 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,363 This is how they met? 432 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:47,934 * So much, are you Ge-e-e-ne! 433 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,703 (voice breaking) Why can't you see me? 434 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,038 * Still mine? Margaret. 435 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,840 You in danger, girl. 436 00:17:56,243 --> 00:18:00,947 * I need your love 437 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,282 Our love knows no bounds. 438 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,951 We are both ghosts, now and forever. 439 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,986 ** 440 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,491 (music ends) 441 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,660 (cheers and applause) 442 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,596 (sobbing) 443 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,901 I'm sorry, Jessica. 444 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,070 Why was the pot already painted? 445 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,772 I'm sorry I couldn't give you a life 446 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,740 like the one Gene and Margaret have here. 447 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,009 What are you talking about? 448 00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,178 (sighs) 449 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,413 You've always said how much you missed Taiwan. 450 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,748 Maybe we should move back. Things would be easier. 451 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,083 No, they wouldn't. 452 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,019 It's hot, crowded, there's mosquitoes... 453 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,088 a sick obsession with the movie Ghost. 454 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,091 Everybody here knows everybody else's business. 455 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,092 (sighs) 456 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,927 Even shopping at the night market 457 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,597 isn't as fun as I remembered. 458 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,799 You're just upset because of what happened with Eddie's sneakers. 459 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,634 No, that's not it. 460 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,504 I know I've been saying how different things are here, 461 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,005 how they've changed, but it's not true. 462 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:02,509 They're the same. I'm the one who has changed. 463 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,544 And I'm homesick for Orlando. 464 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,847 You know what I miss? 465 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,517 Bagels. I want a bagel. 466 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,519 I didn't even think I liked bagels, 467 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,954 but I want a bagel. 468 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,457 (chuckles) Well, I still think 469 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,392 we'd be able to afford a better life in Taiwan. 470 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,394 Through shortcuts and connections, yes. (sighs) 471 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:23,396 But you have worked hard for everything you have. 472 00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,398 You've earned it. No one's given you anything. 473 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,636 We did it, Louis. 474 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:33,640 We moved to America, and we made it. 475 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,575 We are the success story. 476 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,644 I guess we are. 477 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,646 I mean, we did fly economy plus. 478 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,148 Besides, no one loves America more than you. 479 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,650 As soon as we moved back here, 480 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,151 you would miss it over there. 481 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,653 And as soon as we go back there, 482 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,221 you know you're gonna miss it here. 483 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:51,057 Well, maybe we'll never feel completely at home 484 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,292 in either place. 485 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,062 Oh, my God. 486 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,764 We are Ghost. 487 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,234 We are Patrick Swayze in Ghost. 488 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,903 Stuck between two worlds, part of both, 489 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,572 belonging to neither. 490 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,408 Damn it. 491 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,010 It is the best movie ever. 492 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,412 Mm-hmm. 493 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,446 (door buzzer) (horn honks) 494 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,686 Hey. I am so sorry for how I behaved, Gene. 495 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,354 I really am happy for you, 496 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:24,891 for the life you've made here for yourself. 497 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:32,131 "Wishing you a lifetime of only...happiness." 498 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,466 (chuckles) That's what I thought 499 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,468 it was gonna say the first time. 500 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,236 That's why I was so shocked. 501 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,539 Well, I'm glad I got to be here for your special day. 502 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,374 Me, too. We shouldn't wait another 10 years 503 00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,709 before we see each other again. 504 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,311 Well, I have a flight through Orlando next week. 505 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:46,045 That's a little too soon. 506 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,480 Ready to head to the airport? 507 00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:49,316 We're not leaving until tomorrow. 508 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,983 I still think we should head out now, though. 509 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,319 I thought you were excited 510 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,653 to spend the day with Hennessy at school. 511 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,655 I was. 512 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,124 Who can tell me what the Pythagorean theorem is? 513 00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:01,828 The square of the hypotenuse is equal 514 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:04,897 to the sum of the squares of the other two sides. 515 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,900 (smack!) (gasps) 516 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,736 But that was the right answer. 517 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,405 I know, but I didn't say it loud enough. 518 00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:16,409 I am an American citizen. Please take me to my embassy. 519 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,479 I'll go get us a cab. 520 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,787 JESSICA: Ahh! Ahh! 521 00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:29,622 It's so nice and cool in here. 522 00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,524 Feels good to be home, doesn't it? 523 00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:34,226 Wait. Who the hell left the A.C. on?! 524 00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:37,797 Come back, outer beauty! 525 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:40,199 ALISON: Hey. 526 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,101 Eddie. 527 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,269 It's over. 528 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:44,604 Alison, I swear. 529 00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,138 I tried to fax you every day, 530 00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:48,307 but I couldn't find a fax machine and so -- 531 00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:49,642 Oh, it's fine. 532 00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:51,143 I figured something like that happened. 533 00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:52,311 No big deal. 534 00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,312 Really? 535 00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:55,147 Then what did you mean by "It's over"? 536 00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,816 (sighs) 537 00:21:56,849 --> 00:22:01,020 ** 538 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:04,090 -- Captions by VITA --