1
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,004
Eddie:
IN SOME ASIAN HOUSEHOLDS,

2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,306
SCIENCE FAIR WEEK IS NO JOKE.

3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,507
WHEN YOUR PEOPLE INVENTED
EVERYTHING

4
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,008
FROM GUNPOWDER TO SUDAFED,

5
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,344
NOBODY IS COOL
WITH YOU PHONING IT IN.

6
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,513
[ Italian accent ] OH, LUIGI,
SHOULD WE GET MARRIED?

7
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:15,483
THERE'S NO RUSH-A! WE HAVE
ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!

8
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,750
[ Normal voice ]
LITTLE DO YOU KNOW,

9
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,719
SHE ALREADY HAS
ANOTHER SUITOR -- DEATH.

10
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,388
AND WITH EVERY GRADE COMPETING

11
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,022
AND A PIZZA PARTY ON THE LINE
FOR THE WINNER,

12
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,857
EVEN THE NICE KIDS
GOT CUTTHROAT.

13
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:27,261
I MEAN, IT'S GOOD,
BUT IS IT PIZZA PARTY GOOD?

14
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:30,564
WHAT UP, YOUNGSTERS?

15
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,433
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING
FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR, EDDIE?

16
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,035
OH, CRAP!
SCIENCE FAIR?!

17
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,604
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE
JUST BEING NERDS.

18
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,772
IT'S BOTH.
PROJECTS ARE DUE MONDAY.

19
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,408
MONDAY?!

20
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,842
I THOUGHT WE HAD SIX MONTHS
TO THINK OF SOMETHING!

21
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,244
WE DID, SIX MONTHS AGO.

22
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,445
DON'T WORRY, EDDIE.

23
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,180
I'LL SAVE YOU
A SLICE OF PIZZA.

24
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,416
PIZZA IS WHAT THEY GIVE
TO THE WINNER.

25
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,784
I'M IMPLYING
THAT I'LL BE THE WINNER.

26
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,853
MAYBE I STILL HAVE SOME TIME
TO THINK OF SOMETHING.

27
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,224
[ LOUD CRACKLING AND BUBBLING ]

28
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,595
SHE WAS PREGNANT.

29
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,631
-- Captions by VITAC --

30
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,032
* FRESH OFF THE BOAT

31
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,700
* I'M GETTIN' MINE
EVERYWHERE I GO *

32
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,602
* IF YOU DON'T KNOW, HOMEY,
NOW YOU KNOW *

33
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,104
* FRESH OFF THE BOAT

34
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:12,773
* HOMEY DON'T KNOW
WHERE I COME FROM *

35
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:13,974
* BUT I KNOW WHERE I'M GOIN'

36
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,909
* I'M FRESH OFF THE BOAT

37
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,779
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ]

38
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,281
AND I SAID, IF YOU WANT IT,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

39
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,782
GO AND STEAL IT BACK
FROM THAT BIRD.

40
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,117
[ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ] YOU KNOW?

41
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:27,054
MR. HUANG,
YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

42
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,490
OH, VANESSA, YOU'RE JUST SAYING
THAT 'CAUSE I'M THE BOSS.

43
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,492
NO, I'M NOT. [ LAUGHS ]

44
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,162
I THINK THAT THE SEXIEST PART
ABOUT A MAN IS HIS FUNNY BONE.

45
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,497
MM.
I BET YOU HAVE A BIG BONE.

46
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,666
FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT.

47
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,269
I DO HAVE
UNUSUALLY LARGE BONES.

48
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,736
IT RUNS IN MY FAMILY.

49
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:43,804
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN
MY GRANDFATHER --

50
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,239
BONES LIKE CINDER BLOCKS.

51
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:48,442
WENT SWIMMING ONE TIME.
SUNK LIKE A STONE.

52
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,244
DIED.

53
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,246
ANYWAY,
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

54
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,248
[ CHUCKLES ]

55
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,450
HEY, LOUIS, GUESS WHAT?

56
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,586
OSCAR CHOW
IS COMING TO ORLANDO!

57
00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,753
OSCAR CHOW FROM COLLEGE?

58
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:00,754
YES!
[ LAUGHS ]

59
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,323
HE CALLED ME THIS MORNING.

60
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,791
I WAS GONNA INVITE HIM
TO STAY WITH US,

61
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,494
BUT I WASN'T SURE
IF YOU'D BE COMFORTABLE.

62
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,162
OH, WHY WOULD I NOT
BE COMFORTABLE?

63
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,664
I'M LIKE A BEANBAG CHAIR --
ALMOST ALWAYS COMFORTABLE.

64
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,967
BECAUSE OSCAR AND I
USED TO DATE.

65
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,371
WE WERE LIKE PATRICK SWAYZE
AND DEMI MOORE IN "GHOST,"

66
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,807
EXCEPT WE WERE ALIVE
AND IN COLLEGE.

67
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,643
OH, THAT? ANCIENT HISTORY.
I LOVE OSCAR.

68
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,778
[ CHUCKLES ]
OKAY. GOOD.

69
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,481
UH, BAD NEWS, BOSS. MITCH IS
OUT SICK WITH THE CHICKEN POX.

70
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,116
POOR MITCH.

71
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,019
EVEN WHEN IT COMES TO VIRUSES,
HE'S AN IDEAL HOST.

72
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,754
[ FORCES LAUGH ]

73
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,557
I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING

74
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,626
BECAUSE, WELL,
I WAS LISTENING.

75
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,160
I THINK IT'S GREAT

76
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,495
THAT LOUIS ISN'T
ONE OF THOSE JEALOUS TYPES.

77
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:42,863
BECAUSE IF ONE OF MY EXES
CAME TO VISIT,

78
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,332
WELL, HERB WOULD PROBABLY

79
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,367
JUST DRIVE HIS CAR
RIGHT INTO THE LAKE AGAIN.

80
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,469
YOU KNOW HOW HERB GETS.

81
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,539
YES. HERB.

82
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,807
THANKS AGAIN
FOR LETTING ME BORROW

83
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,343
YOUR AIR MATTRESS, HONEY.

84
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,878
I SHOULD GET MY OWN,
BUT I AM VERY CHEAP.

85
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,713
[ LAUGHS ] NO PROBLEM.

86
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,749
YOU HAVE RELATIVES IN TOWN
FOR THE WEEKEND?

87
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:06,186
OH, NO. THIS IS ACTUALLY FOR
MY COLLEGE EX-BOYFRIEND OSCAR.

88
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,821
I WOULD HAVE HIM STAY
ON THE SOFA BED,

89
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,156
BUT EDDIE SPILLED
OYSTER SAUCE ON IT,

90
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,525
SO NOW IT SMELLS LIKE
AN AQUARIUM.

91
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,527
WOW, AND LOUIS IS OKAY
WITH THAT?

92
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,928
WELL,
HE WAS UPSET AT FIRST,

93
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,997
BUT YOU KNOW
HOW OYSTER SAUCE IS.

94
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,999
YOU CAN SCRUB AND SCRUB --

95
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,169
UH, NO. NO, I MEANT ABOUT YOUR
EX-BOYFRIEND STAYING WITH YOU.

96
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,105
MARVIN WOULD NEVER LET ANY OF
MY EX-BOYFRIENDS STAY WITH US.

97
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,607
HE'S TOO JEALOUS.

98
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,576
NANCY SAID THE SAME THING
ABOUT HERB.

99
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,878
WHO'S NANCY?
HERB'S GIRLFRIEND.

100
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,381
AH. OH, MARVIN THINKS
I'M SUCH A CATCH

101
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,683
THAT OTHER MEN
CAN'T BE TRUSTED AROUND ME.

102
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,285
THAT'S TERRIBLE.

103
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:38,786
YEAH.

104
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,388
IT'S TERRIBLE.

105
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,690
ANYWAY, UM,
YOU SHOULD FEEL LUCKY

106
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,792
THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DEAL WITH THAT FROM LOUIS.

107
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,296
YES.

108
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,730
LUCKY.

109
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,066
IF YOU NEED
A SECOND OPINION,

110
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,468
YOU SHOULD ASK

111
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:56,937
ONE OF THE OTHER KIDS
BUILDING A VOLCANO.

112
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,273
I HEAR IT'S THIS YEAR'S
"POTATO BATTERY."

113
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:04,745
MAKE SOME NOISE
FOR THE POWER OF SCIENCE!

114
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,113
WHAT IS THAT?

115
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,382
IT'S A FOOTBALL
AND IT'S A PHONE!

116
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:11,051
EDDIE, YOU NEED
TO APPLY YOURSELF.

117
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,720
IF YOU KEEP LOOKING
FOR SHORTCUTS,

118
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,788
YOU'LL NEVER REALIZE
YOUR POTENTIAL.

119
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,957
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT?
OPRAH?

120
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,792
BARNEY.

121
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,127
ON OPRAH.

122
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,695
WHAT'S YOUR PROJECT, HUH?

123
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,504
[ FABRIC RUSTLES ]

124
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,172
WATCH.

125
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,947
[ CLICK, ELECTRICITY HUMMING ]

126
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:44,117
[ ELECTRICAL HUMMING CONTINUES ]

127
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,920
[ PRINTER WHIRS ]

128
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,989
[ BEEPS ]

129
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:53,494
IT BREAKS DOWN DR PEPPER
INTO ITS 23 INDIVIDUAL FLAVORS.

130
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,430
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
ONE OF THEM ISN'T PEPPER.

131
00:04:56,464 --> 00:05:00,033
DAMN, SON!
YOU UNLOCKED THE DOC!

132
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,435
UGH!
[ THUD ]

133
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:02,936
THERE GOES MY PIZZA PARTY.

134
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,638
THERE'S NO WAY
I'M BEATING EVAN NOW.

135
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,877
[ "CHICKEN DANCE" PLAYING ]

136
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,615
[ BOOMING ]

137
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,316
YO.

138
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,051
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR ARM?

139
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,286
MM.

140
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,621
Louis: CHICKEN POX.

141
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,855
[ SIGHS ]

142
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:25,125
[ Weakly ] NEED TO WORK ON...
PROJECT.

143
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,695
THE ONLY THINGS YOU NEED
ARE BED REST,

144
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,663
IRONICALLY, CHICKEN SOUP,

145
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,566
AND THE HEALING POWERS
OF WHITE FLOWER OIL.

146
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,702
BUT IT SMELLS.
SHH.

147
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,670
FOCUS ON ABSORBING THE OIL.

148
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:37,805
SCIENCE FAIR.

149
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,040
NO SCIENCE FAIR.

150
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,176
YES! [ Singsongy ] LOOKS LIKE
I'M WINNING THE PIZZA PARTY!

151
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,179
WHAT?
I CAN'T HAVE A DARK SIDE?

152
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,816
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
WE CAN'T HAVE OSCAR CHOW STAYING

153
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,884
IN A HOUSE FULL OF INVALIDS.

154
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:54,555
SO EVERYBODY OUT. GRANDMA'S ROOM
IS NOW A QUARANTINE ZONE.

155
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,825
LIKE "OUTBREAK."
GREAT MOVIE.

156
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,227
IS THAT THE ONE
WITH THE CUTE MONKEY?

157
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,829
EMERY, IF YOU EVER SEE
A MONKEY LIKE THAT,

158
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,196
YOU RUN, OKAY?

159
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,666
YOU RUN
AND YOU DON'T LOOK BACK.

160
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,035
AND STAY AWAY FROM EVAN
BECAUSE HE IS CONTAGIOUS.

161
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,570
YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT.

162
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,371
WE DON'T WANT YOU BOYS
MISSING THE SCIENCE FAIR.

163
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,606
YOU CAN'T STAY IN THIS ROOM,

164
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,107
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET
THE CHICKEN POX.

165
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,443
* YEAH

166
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,412
GUYS, COME ON, LET'S GO!
GET OUT OF THERE.

167
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:23,216
[ SIGHS ]

168
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,252
OSCAR WILL BE HERE
ANY MINUTE.

169
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:28,622
[ CHUCKLES ] OH, BOY.
OSCAR CHOW. WHAT A GUY.

170
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,293
SO I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE OSCAR
JACUZZI SHOPPING

171
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:37,197
AT THAT PLACE THAT LETS YOU
TEST-DRIVE THE JACUZZI.

172
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,600
I THINK I'LL WEAR
MY RED BIKINI.

173
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,135
HMM. IS OSCAR LOOKING FOR
A JACUZZI?

174
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,037
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO SHIP IT.

175
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,441
WELL, MAYBE WE'LL GO
FOR MASSAGES AFTERWARDS.

176
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:48,942
HMM, SHIATSU.

177
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,978
DID YOU KNOW THERE'S
A-A RANCH IN JAPAN

178
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,113
WHERE THEY MASSAGE THE COWS?
[ CHUCKLES ]

179
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,315
TALK ABOUT LUCKY COWS.

180
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,587
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE NOT JEALOUS, LOUIS?

181
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:02,422
[ CHUCKLES ]
IT'S OKAY IF YOU ARE.

182
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,724
JEALOUS OF OSCAR?

183
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:07,094
[ LAUGHING ]

184
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,829
NO.

185
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,800
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THEY SAY YOU
NEVER GET OVER YOUR FIRST LOVE.

186
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,603
MM. MY FIRST LOVE WAS
DOLLY PARTON.

187
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:16,970
WHAT A BUTT.

188
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,972
BE MORE JEALOUS!

189
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,974
WHY AREN'T YOU
MORE JEALOUS?!

190
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,477
YOU WANT ME TO BE JEALOUS
OF OSCAR?

191
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,846
[ CHUCKLES ]
JESSICA, THAT'S CRAZY.

192
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,247
OH, SO IT'S SO CRAZY

193
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,149
THAT OTHER MEN MIGHT
FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?

194
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,018
NO.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

195
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,286
OSCAR!

196
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,623
DID SOMEBODY SAY
"CROQUEMBOUCHE"?

197
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,959
THE SUGAR
IS THE SCAFFOLDING.

198
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,700
AND THESE ARE FOR YOU,
EDDIE.

199
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,101
I DON'T KNOW
IF BOYS ARE STILL

200
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,369
INTO WIND CHIMES
THESE DAYS,

201
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,638
BUT I HOPE
THEIR GENTLE TINKLINGS

202
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,706
WILL ALWAYS REMIND YOU
OF HOME.

203
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,875
[ WOOD CLATTERS ]

204
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,109
UH...

205
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,811
HE LOVES THEM!

206
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,947
THANK YOU, OSCAR!

207
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,549
[ CHUCKLES ] SO THOUGHTFUL.

208
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:02,950
SO ATTENTIVE.

209
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,285
SO, OSCAR, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO ORLANDO?

210
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,520
I'M AUDITIONING FOR

211
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,455
THE "ALADDIN" ICE SHOW
SPECTACULAR.

212
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,990
[ GASPS ] OH!

213
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,492
IT'S GOING TO BE MY BIG BREAK.
I CAN JUST FEEL IT.

214
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,629
WELL, YOU WERE ALWAYS
SUCH AN ATHLETE.

215
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,497
WELL, I'M GONNA
GO FRESHEN UP.

216
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,333
BOYS, UH, SHOW OSCAR
TO THE GUEST BATHROOM.

217
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,002
[ Lowered voice ]
WE HAVE A GUEST BATHROOM?

218
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,370
[ Whispers ] THE BATHROOM.

219
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:26,373
[ WOOD CLATTERING ]

220
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,241
[ LOUIS CHUCKLES ]

221
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:31,044
YOU DON'T SEE IT?

222
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,512
SEE WHAT?

223
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,014
[ SIGHS ]
JESSICA, HE'S GAY.

224
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,217
OSCAR CHOW IS
VERY, VERY GAY.

225
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,220
GAY? THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
OSCAR IS NOT GAY.

226
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,856
WE DATED FOR AN ENTIRE SUMMER
IN COLLEGE.

227
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,091
DID HE EVER KISS YOU?

228
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,659
OF COURSE HE --
FOREHEAD DOESN'T COUNT.

229
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,327
HE'S A GENTLEMAN!
[ SCOFFS ]

230
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,896
JESSICA, EVERYONE KNOWS
YOU HAVE A BLIND SPOT

231
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,564
WHEN IT COMES
TO GAY PEOPLE.

232
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:54,034
YOUR GAYDAR IS BROKEN.
YOU CAN'T TELL IF SOMEONE'S GAY.

233
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,236
WELL, THAT IS NOT TRUE.

234
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,504
[ GRUNTS ]

235
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,607
BOYS, STOP FIGHTING!

236
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,475
[ SCOFFS ] WHY CAN'T YOU BE
MORE LIKE THEM?

237
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,914
SO NICE TO SEE BROTHERS
GETTING ALONG.

238
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,950
Men: * GOODBYE,
YELLOW BRICK ROAD *
YEAH, WELL, I THINK THAT...

239
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,886
[ GASPS ]
* WHERE THE DOGS OF SOCIETY
HOWL *

240
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,387
WATCH OUT, LOUIS! [ PANTING ]

241
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,856
* YOU CAN'T PLANT ME
IN YOUR PENTHOUSE *

242
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,090
A GANG!

243
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,627
* I'M GOING BACK TO MY PLOUGH

244
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,629
[ "LA MAMMA MORTA" FROM
"ANDREA CHéNIER" PLAYING ]

245
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,463
[ AUDIENCE SNIFFLING ]

246
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,933
I DON'T GET IT. THIS MOVIE HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH PHILADELPHIA.

247
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,567
SHH!

248
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,069
THEY SHOULD PUT ROCKY
IN THIS MOVIE.

249
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,470
IT WOULD LIVEN THINGS UP.

250
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,939
***

251
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:35,042
THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING,
JUST BECAUSE...

252
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,945
WAIT. WHO WAS GAY
IN "PHILADELPHIA"?

253
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,421
HOW'S MY FAVORITE
LITTLE BROTHER DO--

254
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,759
[ MUFFLED COUGHING ]

255
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,662
I KNOW YOU WANT
MY CHICKEN POX

256
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,730
SO YOU CAN GET OUT
OF THE SCIENCE FAIR.

257
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,165
GREAT.
THEN WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.

258
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,933
NOW GIVE ME THOSE SWEET POX.

259
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,736
SORRY, EDDIE. I DON'T WANT
TO SEE YOU WASTE YOUR POTENTIAL.

260
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,572
BUT THE SCIENCE FAIR'S
ON FRIDAY, AND I GOT NO IDEAS!

261
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,440
SCIENCE IS ALL AROUND US.

262
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,643
UGH!

263
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:13,714
BESIDES, I'M SAVING MY GERMS
FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

264
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,487
SO BEAUTIFUL. SO TRAGIC.

265
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:26,193
[ WOOD CLATTERING ]

266
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,961
Eddie: IS THIS SCIENCE?

267
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,698
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE
STILL HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.

268
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:35,135
HE'S A DANCER AUDITIONING
FOR "ALADDIN" ON ICE.

269
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,970
DAT DUDE GAY.

270
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:40,473
HE IS AN ATHLETE
AUDITIONING FOR "ALADDIN,"

271
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,943
WHICH IS
VERY PHYSICALLY DEMANDING.

272
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,611
SO MUCH CARPET.

273
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,947
JESSICA, THE CLOSEST OSCAR
EVER GOT TO BEING AN ATHLETE

274
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,382
WAS COACHING HIGH SCHOOL
CHEERLEADING IN COLLEGE.

275
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,719
THE MAN PRACTICALLY INVENTED
"THE FLYING LIZA."

276
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,454
[ BROADWAY JAZZ PLAYING,
AUDIENCE CHEERING ]

277
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,056
HE'S STRAIGHT, LOUIS,
AND YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.

278
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,025
IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL,
OSCAR MIGHT STEAL ME

279
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,527
FROM RIGHT UNDERNEATH
YOUR LITTLE --

280
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,963
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
THAT I BORROWED THIS ROBE.

281
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,232
VERY SWISH.

282
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,135
[ SONAR PINGS ]

283
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,669
[ PING ]

284
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,571
[ PING ]

285
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,974
[ PINGING RAPIDLY,
ALARM BLARING ]

286
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,976
OH, MY GOD. OSCAR CHOW IS GAY.

287
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:19,179
[ CHUCKLES ] UM, DUH!

288
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,216
[ WATER DRIPPING ]
* AND THEN A HERO COMES ALONG

289
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,185
* WITH THE STRENGTH
TO CARRY -- *

290
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,353
AAH!

291
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:34,261
[ SQUEAKING ]

292
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,428
[ GASPS ]

293
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,330
[ HUMS "CHICKEN DANCE"
SLOWLY ]

294
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,532
Louis: EVAN!
I MADE YOU AN OATMEAL BATH!

295
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:40,868
COMING, DADDY!

296
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,102
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

297
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,874
[ CREAKING ]

298
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:50,510
[ SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING ]

299
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,947
[ EXHALING DEEPLY ]

300
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,883
TAKE THAT, EMERY.

301
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,250
WAIT. EDDIE?!

302
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,186
TAKE THAT, SCIENCE.

303
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,387
WHOO!

304
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:05,525
H-HOW DID I MISS
THAT OSCAR WAS GAY?

305
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,361
THERE MUST HAVE BEEN CLUES.

306
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:12,432
WELL, THAT'S MAYBE A CLUE.

307
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,567
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
AND THAT.

308
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,872
I FEEL SO SILLY.
[ CLICKS TEETH ] OH.

309
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:22,375
AW! [ CHUCKLES ]
THIS IS A NICE ONE.

310
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,743
I WOULD RECOGNIZE THAT LOOK
ANYWHERE.

311
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,212
THAT IS THE LOOK OF LOVE.

312
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,214
YEAH, BUT HE'S NOT LOOKING
AT ME.

313
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,949
I WONDER
WHO HE WAS LOOKING AT.

314
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,651
OH, MY GOD.

315
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,326
DAMN.

316
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,460
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

317
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,829
OH, GIRL.

318
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:47,267
[ ALARM BLARING ]

319
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:50,170
HELLO, CHICKEN POX --

320
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,638
WHAT THE HELL?!

321
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,940
EVAN, YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO GIVE ME --

322
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,141
NOT NOW, EDDIE.

323
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,076
YOUR BROTHER HAS
THE CHICKEN POX.

324
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,445
WHAT?!

325
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,014
NICE WORK, GERMS.

326
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,953
[ CHOPS LOUDLY ]

327
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,488
IS, UH, EVERYTHING OKAY?

328
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,590
I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL
LAST NIGHT.

329
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,026
OH. WELL, LET ME MAKE YOU
SOME COFFEE

330
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,863
IN MY NEW FRENCH PRESS
THAT OSCAR BOUGHT ME.

331
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,130
[ CHUCKLES ] IT'S AMAZING.

332
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,465
I DON'T SEE THE GUY
FOR 10 YEARS,

333
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,467
AND HE STILL REMEMBERS
HOW I LIKE MY COFFEE.

334
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,202
HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU,
LOUIS!

335
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,938
[ LAUGHS ]
JESSICA, DON'T BE CRAZY.

336
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,774
I THINK I WOULD KNOW IF
OSCAR CHOW WAS IN LOVE WITH ME.

337
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,042
NO, YOU WOULDN'T.

338
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,510
EVERYBODY KNOWS
YOU HAVE A BLIND SPOT

339
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,678
WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE.

340
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,781
YOUR LOVEDAR IS BROKEN.
MY WHAT?

341
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,184
YOUR LOVEDAR. YOU CAN'T TELL
WHEN PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

342
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:41,488
IT TOOK SIX KAYAK TRIPS
BEFORE YOU REALIZED I LIKED YOU.

343
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,523
I JUST THOUGHT
YOU LOVED RAPIDS.

344
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,125
WHO LOVES RAPIDS?

345
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,794
AND REMEMBER AMY JOHNSON
FROM COLLEGE?

346
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,229
SHE LIKED YOU, TOO.

347
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,898
AMY JOHNSON LIKED ME?
MM-HMM.

348
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,632
SHE WAS HOT.

349
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,903
HEY, OSCAR, REMEMBER
BOOBIE JOHNSON FROM COLLEGE?

350
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,470
APPARENTLY, SHE HAD
A THING FOR ME.

351
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,539
[ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ] UM, DUH, LOUIS.

352
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,208
ALL THE GIRLS
HAD A THING FOR YOU.

353
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:02,976
BUT NONE OF THEM
COULD HAVE YOU

354
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,145
BECAUSE YOU WERE DATING ME.
[ SPITS ]

355
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,920
OKAY, WAIT.
OSCAR, I'M REALLY CONFUSED.

356
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,588
I AM SO SORRY IF YOU
MISUNDERSTOOD OUR RELATIONSHIP.

357
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,657
I DIDN'T MISUNDERSTAND
ANYTHING.

358
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,526
WE DATED FOR THREE MONTHS.

359
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,161
I INTRODUCED YOU
TO MY PARENTS.

360
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,730
AS YOUR FRIEND!
NOTHING ROMANTIC EVER HAPPENED!

361
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,233
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT
OUR FRIDAY DINNER DATES?

362
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:29,002
YOU MEAN "FRINNER,"
FRIENDS-DINNER?

363
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,403
WE ALWAYS SPLIT DESSERT.

364
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,072
BECAUSE WE WERE BROKE!

365
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,707
I LOVE SHARING DESSERTS
WITH YOU, LOUIS.
[ CHUCKLES ]

366
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:37,444
ME, TOO. SO AFFORDABLE.

367
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,112
WE'RE JUST OLD FRIENDS.

368
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,381
YOU THINK I BUY
$150 FRENCH PRESSES

369
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,849
FOR OLD FRIENDS?

370
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:47,955
WAIT, SO YOU BOUGHT LOUIS
A $150 FRENCH PRESS,

371
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,722
AND ALL I GET

372
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,558
IS AN ORLANDO SWEATSHIRT?

373
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,393
I LIVE IN ORLANDO.

374
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,262
IT WAS ALL THEY HAD
AT THE AIRPORT.

375
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,064
[ High-pitched voice ]
AT THE AIRPORT?!

376
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:00,200
I'M SORRY, OSCAR, BUT I NEVER
HAD THOSE FEELINGS FOR YOU.

377
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,801
[ SETS DOWN GLASS ]

378
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,636
YOU KNOW, WHEN I CAME DOWN HERE
TO VISIT YOU, LOUIS,

379
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,139
I DIDN'T EXPECT A REWRITING
OF HISTORY.

380
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:07,807
IF ANYBODY WANTS ME,

381
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,110
I'LL BE IN THE GUEST BATHROOM,
FEELING HUMILIATED.

382
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,445
OH, COME ON, OSCAR.

383
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,813
OH.

384
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,249
OH, YOU...JUST WANT YOUR JUICE.
OKAY.

385
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,418
WELL, YOU WERE RIGHT
NOT TO FEEL JEALOUS.

386
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,453
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ALL THIS TIME,

387
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,955
I JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE
WHAT A CATCH I WAS,

388
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,590
BUT NOW I REALIZE

389
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,493
THAT THE REAL CATCH
HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU.
[ SIGHS ]

390
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,332
I WAS JUST ENJOYING
MY FRENCH PRESS, AND...

391
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,333
[ SIGHS ]

392
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,901
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

393
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,137
THE SCIENCE FAIR IS
IN TWO HOURS, AND I GOT NOTHING!

394
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,372
I CAN'T EVEN FIND
MY FOOTBALL PHONE.

395
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:44,311
[ SPEAKING CHINESE DIALECT ]

396
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,746
YOU CAN ENTER MY VOLCANO
INTO THE SCIENCE FAIR, EDDIE.

397
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,281
THE WORLD DESERVES TO SEE IT.

398
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,616
TIGHT! THANK YOU.

399
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,518
OKAY, WALK ME THROUGH IT.

400
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,620
OKAY, SO YOU KNOW HOW
THE EARTH'S CRUST IS BROKEN UP

401
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,256
INTO 17 TECTONIC --
LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

402
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,992
TOO COMPLICATED. NO ONE'S GONNA
BELIEVE I MADE THAT.

403
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,261
OH, FINE. COME OVER HERE
AND I'LL COUGH IN YOUR EAR.

404
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,529
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.

405
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:03,763
THE INCUBATION PERIOD
FOR CHICKEN POX

406
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,798
IS AT LEAST 48 HOURS.

407
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,037
THIS SUCKS.
I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.

408
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,372
I EVEN WENT TO THE LIBRARY
AND RESEARCHED IT.

409
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,807
WAIT. YOU DID RESEARCH?

410
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,209
THAT'S HOW I KNEW
THE VIRUS WAS AIRBORNE.

411
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,944
I SHOULD BE COVERED
IN A SKIN RASH

412
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,179
THAT STARTS AT MY TORSO

413
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,547
AND WORKS ITS WAY DOWN
TO MY LIMBS

414
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,782
IN A PERIOD OF
THREE TO SEVEN DAYS.

415
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,052
DAMN YOU,
VARICELLA ZOSTER VIRUS!

416
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,954
WHAT?

417
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,290
EDDIE, YOU MAY NOT HAVE CAUGHT
THE CHICKEN POX,

418
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,858
BUT YOU CAUGHT
SOMETHING BETTER --

419
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,160
KNOWLEDGE.

420
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,295
OH, SNAP!
I ACCIDENTALLY LEARNED!

421
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,065
BUT I STILL DON'T HAVE
A PROJECT.

422
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,500
WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU, WE HUANGS
HAVE SCIENCE IN OUR BLOOD.

423
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,035
EVAN?

424
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,237
I NEED POSTER BOARDS,
MARKERS, AND GLITTER GLUE.

425
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,706
WE HAVE 90 MINUTES, GENTLEMEN.
LET'S MAKE 'EM COUNT.

426
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:47,907
COME ON!
WHOO!

427
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,910
I MEAN,
I JUST DIDN'T SEE IT.

428
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:54,214
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LOVEDAR
WAS BROKEN FOR SO LONG.

429
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,750
WELL, I AM SO GLAD
THAT IT'S FIXED NOW.

430
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,419
YOU AND ME BOTH.

431
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,820
[ SIGHS ]

432
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,523
WELL, THANK YOU FOR KEEPING
MY KNEE WARM.

433
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,392
HOPEFULLY YOU CAN RETURN
THE FAVOR.

434
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,260
GLADLY. [ CHUCKLES ]

435
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,331
THE OLD HUANG FIRE RUB.

436
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,166
OW. OW. OW.

437
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,567
OKAY, IT FEELS WEIRD.
REALLY?

438
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:15,702
NO. IT'S NOT...
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]

439
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,105
IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD.

440
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,839
I...

441
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,074
Oscar: HELLO, LOUIS.

442
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,612
OSCAR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

443
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,547
ROOM FOR DESSERT?

444
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,749
I'M SORRY ABOUT
STORMING OUT BEFORE.

445
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,384
I LET MY EMOTIONS
GET THE BEST OF ME.

446
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,587
LOOK, I KNOW NOTHING
EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN US,

447
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,056
BUT I WAS CONFUSED
ABOUT WHO I WAS,

448
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,092
AND I FELT SAFE AROUND YOU.

449
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:42,695
WELL, THAT EXPLAINS ALL
THE COUPLES HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.

450
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,796
WE MADE A GREAT WHAM!

451
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,399
[ '80s POP MUSIC PLAYING ]

452
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:49,202
I GUESS JESSICA WAS RIGHT.
I DO HAVE A BLIND SPOT

453
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,238
WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE
HAVING FEELINGS FOR ME.

454
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:54,907
I'M SORRY IF I MADE THINGS
DIFFICULT FOR YOU, OSCAR.

455
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,944
DIFFICULT?
YOU HELPED ME REALIZE WHO I AM.

456
00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:00,480
WITHOUT YOU, I NEVER WOULD'VE
FELT CONFIDENT ENOUGH

457
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,715
TO COME OUT TO THE WORLD.
HMM.

458
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,584
AND SEEING WHAT A GREAT FAMILY
YOU AND JESSICA HAVE,

459
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,153
IT GIVES ME HOPE

460
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,087
THAT ONE DAY I COULD FIND THAT
WITH SOMEBODY, TOO.

461
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,756
HE'S OUT THERE,

462
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,958
AND I'M JEALOUS OF ALL
THE DELICIOUS FRENCH PASTRIES

463
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,560
THAT GUY HAS IN HIS FUTURE.

464
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,662
[ BOTH LAUGH ]

465
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,130
DO YOU KNOW
WHERE JESSICA IS?

466
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,166
I'D REALLY LIKE TO EXPLAIN
THINGS TO HER AS WELL.

467
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,767
THERE'S A BAR
SHE GOES TO SOMETIMES

468
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,435
WHEN SHE'S FEELING LOW.

469
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:28,141
[ BEN STANDAGE'S "RELEVANT NOW"
PLAYING ]

470
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:37,784
***

471
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,186
DOES SHE KNOW THIS IS A --

472
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,188
NO.

473
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,025
BUY YOU A DRINK?

474
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,794
NO, THANKS.

475
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,463
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
BUYING ME DRINKS ALL DAY.

476
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,332
THE WOMEN HERE ARE SO SWEET.

477
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,501
THESE TWO SPERM BAGS
GIVING YOU ANY TROUBLE?

478
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,203
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

479
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,370
YOU GUYS TIRED
OF RUNNING THE WORLD?

480
00:18:57,404 --> 00:19:00,006
I'M A GAY ASIAN, OKAY?

481
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,874
THE ONLY THING I RUN
IS HALF-MARATHONS.

482
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,210
PROCEED.

483
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,011
THANKS, BEV.

484
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,479
THAT'S WHY I LIKE TO COME HERE.

485
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,047
I CAN HAVE A DRINK
WITHOUT BEING BOTHERED.

486
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,783
PLUS, IT'S ALL WOMEN, SO...
I FEEL SAFE.

487
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,385
Woman:
I SAID I CLOSED OUT 18.

488
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:13,786
THE HELL YOU DID!

489
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,388
[ BOTTLE SHATTERS ]
AAH!

490
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,724
WE SHOULD'VE NEVER
MOVED IN TOGETHER SO SOON!

491
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,226
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

492
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,793
IF YOU KNEW YOU WERE GAY,

493
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,296
THEN WHY
DID YOU EVEN DATE ME?

494
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,965
WAS IT BECAUSE YOU FELT BAD
FOR ME?

495
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,834
FELT BAD FOR YOU?

496
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:31,170
JESSICA, I'M GONNA LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE GAY SECRET.

497
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,906
RULE NUMBER ONE
OF BEING IN THE CLOSET --

498
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,509
IF YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO SUSPECT YOU'RE GAY,

499
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,378
DATE THE HOTTEST GIRL
IN SCHOOL.

500
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:39,979
BOOBIE JOHNSON?

501
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,514
NO, YOU.

502
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:44,050
YOU KNOW, GAY MEN ARE NOT
THE ONLY ONES

503
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,319
WHO WANNA DATE
THE HOTTEST GIRL IN SCHOOL.

504
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,088
OR AT LEAST TAKE HER KAYAKING
HALF A DOZEN TIMES.

505
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,990
SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS,

506
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,993
IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF YOU'RE GAY OR STRAIGHT.

507
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,496
THE ONE THING WE CAN
ALL AGREE ON

508
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,831
IS THAT I AM HOT.

509
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,400
YOU NEED ME TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS?

510
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,735
OH, NO, THIS IS MY HUSBAND
AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND.

511
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,605
OKAY. BEV AND I ARE
GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.

512
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,941
SHE TOOK THE TACOMA.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT.

513
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:12,044
UH...LET'S GO.

514
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:14,247
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
THIS LADY'S LOOKING AT YOU.

515
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,283
[ CHUCKLES ]

516
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,386
LOUIS HUANG... [ CHUCKLES ]
ARE YOU JEALOUS?

517
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,588
[ CHUCKLES ]
I DON'T HAVE TO BE JEALOUS.

518
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:25,224
IT'S EVERYBODY ELSE
WHO SHOULD BE JEALOUS...OF ME.

519
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,926
I GOT THE BEST ONE.

520
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,034
BUT I AM ALSO
THE HOTTEST ONE.

521
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,969
YES, YOU ARE ALSO
THE HOTTEST ONE.

522
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,772
YO, YO, YO!

523
00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,241
THE PIZZA PARTY?!
OH, MY GOSH, EDDIE. YOU WON?

524
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:43,643
NO, CINDY HOROWITZ DID.

525
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,878
SHE TAUGHT A BIRD
HOW TO USE A CALCULATOR.

526
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,780
I GOT A "C"-PLUS.

527
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,049
BUT AT LEAST I HAD
A PROJECT.

528
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,118
I PICKED THIS UP FOR YOU GUYS
ON THE WAY HOME.

529
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,887
DIG IN, YO.
YAY!

530
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,556
EVAN,
YOU CAN'T HAVE DAIRY!

531
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,758
IF AN ANGRY PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
SHOWS UP, YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

532
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,465
* FROM WAY UP HERE

533
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,266
* IT'S CRYSTAL CLEAR

534
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,502
* THAT NOW I'M IN A WHOLE...

535
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,237
THAT'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND.

536
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,739
* WITH YOU

537
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,374
MINE, TOO.

538
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,946
THANKS, GUYS!

539
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:21,414
FINGERS CROSSED!

540
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,917
I HAVE A REALLY GOOD FEELING
ABOUT THIS AUDITION.

541
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,954
[ "CHICKEN DANCE" PLAYING ]

542
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,492
[ BOOMING ]