1
00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:03,485
I'm just... I'm so excited
to tell you guys...
2
00:00:03,486 --> 00:00:04,912
Louis, when's it your turn to speak?
3
00:00:04,913 --> 00:00:06,747
I'm on a tight schedule,
and I can't waste time
4
00:00:06,748 --> 00:00:09,883
listening to these HOA ladies
squawk about "community spirit."
5
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:10,884
Soon.
6
00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:12,886
And while summering in Tuscany...
7
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,922
You were there for four days. In May.
8
00:00:14,923 --> 00:00:17,758
I noticed the locals
9
00:00:17,759 --> 00:00:21,066
sitting in the piazza all day long,
10
00:00:21,067 --> 00:00:24,798
which inspired the theme
for our new median.
11
00:00:24,799 --> 00:00:28,969
Say buon giorno...
to Piazza del Eastview.
12
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,373
And it's more than just
a traffic diversion.
13
00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:35,342
It is neutral territory
for community bonding.
14
00:00:35,343 --> 00:00:36,667
"Community."
15
00:00:36,668 --> 00:00:38,712
I mean, we're gonna have
a ribbon-cutting ceremony
16
00:00:38,713 --> 00:00:39,980
- next week and...
- Okay, we get it, lady.
17
00:00:39,981 --> 00:00:41,215
Let's move on.
18
00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:45,853
Okay, next item on the agenda,
19
00:00:45,854 --> 00:00:48,622
I believe we have a Louis Huang?
20
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:53,193
Thanks, son.
21
00:00:53,194 --> 00:00:54,528
Uh, hey everyone.
22
00:00:54,529 --> 00:00:56,630
Many of you know me as the peppy owner
23
00:00:56,631 --> 00:00:58,365
of, uh, Cattleman's Ranch,
24
00:00:58,366 --> 00:01:01,402
the award-winning steakhouse
located right off I-4,
25
00:01:01,403 --> 00:01:03,070
uh, now offering a chopped Cobb.
26
00:01:07,509 --> 00:01:10,210
Um, but today, I'd like
to reintroduce myself
27
00:01:10,211 --> 00:01:12,613
as Louis Huang, business consultant
28
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,149
and founder of Lou For You Consulting.
29
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:16,250
- Ugh.
- Enh.
30
00:01:16,251 --> 00:01:18,819
Uh, still finding the name.
31
00:01:20,522 --> 00:01:22,089
Uh, after weeks of soul searching,
32
00:01:22,090 --> 00:01:23,357
I found my purpose...
33
00:01:23,358 --> 00:01:26,326
Helping others realize
their small-business dreams.
34
00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:29,063
And I'm relying on referrals
from people like you...
35
00:01:29,064 --> 00:01:30,197
Well, what kind of profit margins
36
00:01:30,198 --> 00:01:31,331
are we talking about here?
37
00:01:31,332 --> 00:01:33,734
Um, I'm just starting,
38
00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:35,969
so it must be somewhere around zero.
39
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,071
Oof.
40
00:01:37,072 --> 00:01:38,472
What have you done
to promote your business?
41
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,395
Uh, well, there's this.
42
00:01:40,396 --> 00:01:42,342
Uh, and an e-commerce conference
coming up.
43
00:01:42,343 --> 00:01:44,344
Oh! My mother's Mahjong tournament.
44
00:01:44,345 --> 00:01:46,313
Different ballrooms, same Radisson.
45
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,683
I am so excited for this
new chapter of your life, Louis.
46
00:01:49,684 --> 00:01:51,652
What are your Q3 profit projections?
47
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,662
You tied up in assets,
or are you free to move?
48
00:01:53,663 --> 00:01:55,689
How robust is your client portfolio?
49
00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:56,657
Uh...
50
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,158
Um, w... Uh...
51
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,427
S... I-I-I-I don't know yet, but, um...
52
00:02:00,428 --> 00:02:01,528
Well, if you don't have any clients,
53
00:02:01,529 --> 00:02:03,397
you're not a real business, Louis.
54
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,034
Get out of here.
55
00:02:07,035 --> 00:02:09,436
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
56
00:02:09,437 --> 00:02:10,604
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
57
00:02:10,605 --> 00:02:12,306
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
58
00:02:12,307 --> 00:02:14,608
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
59
00:02:14,609 --> 00:02:15,876
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
60
00:02:15,877 --> 00:02:18,212
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
61
00:02:18,213 --> 00:02:19,680
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
62
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,415
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
63
00:02:23,985 --> 00:02:26,520
Honey, I know it's hard
to get out with two little ones,
64
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,355
so I brought you something
to nibble on...
65
00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,190
Slab of ribs
and our famous chopped Cobb.
66
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,672
Thanks, Louis.
67
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:33,594
I'm always happy to help.
It's kinda my thing.
68
00:02:33,595 --> 00:02:36,029
Or it was before Deidre
crushed my dreams.
69
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,065
Well, that's kinda Deidre's thing.
70
00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:39,800
That and a Mariah-level cackle.
71
00:02:39,801 --> 00:02:42,069
Well, she very publicly noted
72
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:44,838
that my new consulting business
has no clients and no money.
73
00:02:44,839 --> 00:02:46,140
Technically, we're in the red
74
00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:47,573
since printing these business cards.
75
00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:51,645
This a business card
76
00:02:51,646 --> 00:02:53,647
or an invitation
to a really weird party?
77
00:02:53,648 --> 00:02:55,983
Yeah, I haven't landed
on a company name.
78
00:02:55,984 --> 00:02:57,885
According to Deidre, I haven't
even landed on a company.
79
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,153
Tune her out.
80
00:02:59,154 --> 00:03:01,722
She is just a bottle blonde
with low bone density.
81
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,810
- That's easier said than done.
- Not really.
82
00:03:03,811 --> 00:03:05,492
I use the same technique for my girls.
83
00:03:05,493 --> 00:03:07,799
When I need a break
and they refuse to nap,
84
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,816
I just shut off the baby monitor
for a few minutes.
85
00:03:12,134 --> 00:03:13,336
Oh, God. Sorry.
86
00:03:13,337 --> 00:03:14,375
TMI.
87
00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:16,804
No, Jessica and I did
the same thing with the boys.
88
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,272
Only we didn't have a baby monitor.
89
00:03:25,613 --> 00:03:27,614
That's how we got hooked
on "Mork & Mindy."
90
00:03:27,615 --> 00:03:29,683
More like "Mindy & Mork," if you ask me.
91
00:03:29,684 --> 00:03:31,251
Oh, it is so good to hear
92
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,686
I'm not the only parent who struggles.
93
00:03:32,687 --> 00:03:34,221
I swear, when it's not magical,
94
00:03:34,222 --> 00:03:36,089
it's a waking nightmare.
95
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:37,491
Oh, there's no middle ground.
96
00:03:37,492 --> 00:03:39,593
It's either nirvana or a
sledgehammer to the crotch.
97
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,195
Yes.
98
00:03:41,196 --> 00:03:43,430
I wish more parents would share
this kind of thing.
99
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,934
Hey, you should start a web log
on Live Diary.
100
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,269
I don't understand any of those words.
101
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,772
It's a new Internet platform I
heard about at that conference.
102
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,408
People write posts to share
their thoughts anonymously.
103
00:03:54,409 --> 00:03:55,776
Hmm. What I'm hearing is
104
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,244
I can do it while wearing pajamas?
105
00:03:57,245 --> 00:03:58,478
That sounds great.
106
00:03:58,479 --> 00:04:00,547
Ooh, I could call it "TMI:
107
00:04:00,548 --> 00:04:02,082
True Mommy Insights."
108
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,283
That's perfect. I can help.
109
00:04:04,419 --> 00:04:05,686
And now that we're
throwing around names,
110
00:04:05,687 --> 00:04:09,156
what do you think about
Louniversal Consulting?
111
00:04:09,157 --> 00:04:11,191
I'll leave that to Lou.
112
00:04:12,227 --> 00:04:13,793
I don't get it.
113
00:04:17,098 --> 00:04:18,999
I like hard tacos,
114
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,436
but I can fit more soft tacos
in my purse.
115
00:04:23,438 --> 00:04:25,472
What are you guys laughing at?
116
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,474
Is Marvin at it
with that stray cat again?
117
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:30,310
Don't plant berries if you don't
want mischievous kitties.
118
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,578
It's opening day
for Thanksgiving Turkeys
119
00:04:31,579 --> 00:04:32,613
at the grocery store.
120
00:04:32,614 --> 00:04:34,348
It's already Turkey Tango Time?
121
00:04:34,349 --> 00:04:36,750
The holiday season begins
when folks come together
122
00:04:36,751 --> 00:04:38,919
and fight to the death
over big, frozen birds.
123
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,687
It was one of the best years yet.
124
00:04:40,688 --> 00:04:42,456
Tie-Dye Tim brought a lasso.
125
00:04:42,457 --> 00:04:44,090
A lasso!
126
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:47,494
- I can't believe this.
- Me, neither.
127
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:50,892
Tie-Dye Tim told me
he wasn't into rope stuff.
128
00:04:50,893 --> 00:04:53,700
The boys and I have never
missed a Turkey Tango.
129
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:56,036
30 people, 15 turkeys.
130
00:04:56,037 --> 00:04:57,104
Something's gotta give.
131
00:04:57,105 --> 00:04:58,939
Ohh, Carol-Joan and Deidre
132
00:04:58,940 --> 00:05:01,041
both have their claws in a 20-pounder.
133
00:05:01,042 --> 00:05:03,677
C-J, use the other hand to slap.
134
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,479
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
135
00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:11,652
It is one of my favorite
shopping fights of the year.
136
00:05:11,653 --> 00:05:13,587
It's like Thunderdome without the dome.
137
00:05:13,588 --> 00:05:15,055
And with an aisle.
138
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:16,690
Thunderaisle.
139
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,425
Why wouldn't they invite me?
140
00:05:18,426 --> 00:05:19,626
They are at that age
141
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:23,063
where you are not interesting
to them anymore.
142
00:05:23,064 --> 00:05:24,965
I am also at that age.
143
00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:27,134
No, that's not it.
144
00:05:27,135 --> 00:05:28,635
I've just been so busy lately
145
00:05:28,636 --> 00:05:31,004
with studying and job applications.
146
00:05:31,005 --> 00:05:34,007
They need a reminder that I can
be the life of the party.
147
00:05:34,008 --> 00:05:38,111
I don't think you know what a party is.
148
00:05:41,082 --> 00:05:42,416
Ah.
149
00:05:42,417 --> 00:05:45,252
"At the end of the day,
children are like silverware.
150
00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:47,020
You don't have to clean them
that well...
151
00:05:47,021 --> 00:05:48,055
Just get the food off."
152
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,890
Amazing first post.
153
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,325
And sticking your head in the freezer
154
00:05:51,326 --> 00:05:53,126
to muffle your screams is a great tip.
155
00:05:53,127 --> 00:05:54,594
Because sound doesn't travel
through cold air.
156
00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:56,229
Publish it.
157
00:05:59,534 --> 00:06:00,834
And we can track how many people
are reading
158
00:06:00,835 --> 00:06:03,036
with the view counter.
159
00:06:03,037 --> 00:06:04,104
One view.
160
00:06:04,105 --> 00:06:05,138
Our first view!
161
00:06:05,139 --> 00:06:06,106
Refresh the page.
162
00:06:06,107 --> 00:06:08,075
- Uh...
- Two views. Click again.
163
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,210
Three! You're famous! Oh!
164
00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:11,945
Wait a second.
Wait, I think we're ticking up
165
00:06:11,946 --> 00:06:12,980
the view counter.
166
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,482
- Four, five, six.
- Oh. Oh.
167
00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:16,950
Maybe we should just log off
for a while.
168
00:06:16,951 --> 00:06:19,152
In the meantime, can I run
some new company names by you?
169
00:06:19,153 --> 00:06:20,620
Or maybe we c...
170
00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:23,430
Here we go.
171
00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:25,099
_
172
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,254
Okay. Oh.
173
00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,236
Sure, it's long,
but there's something about
174
00:06:28,237 --> 00:06:32,106
C.S. Louis and the Chronicles
of Consulting that feels right.
175
00:06:32,107 --> 00:06:34,709
I think we've waited long enough.
176
00:06:35,744 --> 00:06:37,545
Oh, my God, Louis.
177
00:06:37,546 --> 00:06:38,646
100 views?!
178
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:41,749
Triple didgies!
Honey, you maternal genius!
179
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:43,050
This is great!
180
00:06:43,051 --> 00:06:44,518
Oh, I'm so glad
you encouraged me to do this.
181
00:06:44,519 --> 00:06:45,519
Me too.
182
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,687
See, this is why I started
183
00:06:46,688 --> 00:06:48,756
Stand and DeLOUver Consulting.
184
00:06:48,757 --> 00:06:50,124
Who knew so many people out there
185
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:51,792
would care about my parenting problems?
186
00:06:51,793 --> 00:06:53,060
Yeah.
187
00:06:53,061 --> 00:06:54,380
It's an untapped market.
188
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,864
There were ones you chose not to say?
189
00:06:56,865 --> 00:06:59,000
I mean, at least
Lou Cheese Dressing is a pun.
190
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,167
So, that one?
191
00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:04,305
You fools lace them up?
192
00:07:04,306 --> 00:07:05,706
That's what they want you to do.
193
00:07:05,707 --> 00:07:06,741
Okay!
194
00:07:06,742 --> 00:07:09,443
Who's ready for some fun?
195
00:07:09,444 --> 00:07:12,048
- What's happening?
- Oh, no. The gas leak's back again.
196
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:13,766
I know I've been busy lately,
197
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:18,312
so I thought I'd set aside one
hour of concentrated fun time
198
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,786
for us to spend together.
199
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,023
Say hello...
200
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:24,264
to the Family Fun Activity Wheel!
201
00:07:24,265 --> 00:07:25,677
Hello, Wheel!
202
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:26,724
See? Fun.
203
00:07:26,725 --> 00:07:28,062
Is that just a chore wheel
204
00:07:28,063 --> 00:07:29,297
but with "dusting" crossed out
205
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:30,894
and "roast Grandma" written in?
206
00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:34,101
Oh, we were gonna go
to the ribbon cutting ceremony
207
00:07:34,102 --> 00:07:35,788
for the piazza.
208
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,005
Apparently, "piazza"
is not "pizza" in Italian,
209
00:07:38,006 --> 00:07:40,474
so I still have to learn
how to say "pizza" in Italian.
210
00:07:40,475 --> 00:07:42,977
Carol-Joan's diving
into the Italian theme.
211
00:07:42,978 --> 00:07:44,679
Marvin's gonna teach everyone bocce.
212
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,347
Play on the dirt hill later.
213
00:07:46,348 --> 00:07:47,848
But the ribbon will be cut.
214
00:07:47,849 --> 00:07:50,051
Let's have some quality time together.
215
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,053
Have some fun. Spin the wheel.
216
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:53,654
Sorry, Ma. Maybe next time.
217
00:07:53,655 --> 00:07:56,324
I hear there's a moozarelle tasting.
218
00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:58,159
Mozzarelle!
219
00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:02,430
"Spin again"?
220
00:08:02,431 --> 00:08:04,197
Why is that on there?
221
00:08:06,468 --> 00:08:07,935
So, uh, tech support,
222
00:08:07,936 --> 00:08:09,870
how do I know which pop-ups are viruses
223
00:08:09,871 --> 00:08:11,505
and which ones really are $100?
224
00:08:12,507 --> 00:08:13,874
Louis! I have good news!
225
00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,409
What's all this?!
226
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:17,645
"TMI" just hit 1,000 views.
227
00:08:17,646 --> 00:08:19,080
Quaddie didgies?!
228
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,082
We're in the big leagues, baby!
229
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,249
Honey, that's incredible!
230
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:24,314
Perfect time for me to tell you
about my news.
231
00:08:24,315 --> 00:08:27,788
I incorporated "TMI" as a business.
232
00:08:27,789 --> 00:08:29,590
You did?
233
00:08:29,591 --> 00:08:31,892
And I'm taking you on
as my very first client.
234
00:08:31,893 --> 00:08:34,328
Oh, I don't think you have to...
235
00:08:34,329 --> 00:08:35,796
Uh, bup, bup, bup, bup.
I know what you're thinking,
236
00:08:35,797 --> 00:08:37,732
and I refuse to charge you
a single cent.
237
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:40,201
We're both real businesses now!
238
00:08:40,202 --> 00:08:41,469
We are?
239
00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:42,503
Unh-unh.
240
00:08:42,504 --> 00:08:44,171
We're on the clock.
241
00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:46,407
Okay, so, first order of business...
242
00:08:46,408 --> 00:08:49,343
Uh, marketing.
243
00:08:49,344 --> 00:08:50,778
Wait. Maybe we should order dinner.
244
00:08:50,779 --> 00:08:52,346
It's 3:00 in the afternoon.
245
00:08:52,347 --> 00:08:54,382
You didn't hire me to think
in the present.
246
00:08:54,383 --> 00:08:56,483
You hired me to think ahead.
247
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:01,832
You turned my blog into a business?
248
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,401
But I'm just doing "TMI" for fun.
249
00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:05,236
Well, what's more fun
than a tax-sheltered,
250
00:09:05,237 --> 00:09:06,704
limited liability S-corp?
251
00:09:06,705 --> 00:09:08,838
As a business,
we can reach more parents.
252
00:09:10,609 --> 00:09:12,309
Wow, you did a lot of unsolicited work.
253
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:13,778
The hard part was sneaking
into Evan's room
254
00:09:13,779 --> 00:09:14,912
and stealing his graph paper.
255
00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:15,880
He's a light sleeper.
256
00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:17,081
Anyway,
257
00:09:17,082 --> 00:09:20,684
I booked your very first
major promotional opportunity.
258
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,685
"Good Morning Orlando."
259
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:22,620
What?
260
00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:25,623
But I'm not TV-ready.
261
00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:27,258
I forgot what real pants even feel like,
262
00:09:27,259 --> 00:09:29,460
and I lost a Ricola in my hair
a week ago.
263
00:09:29,461 --> 00:09:30,594
I saw it fall out yesterday.
264
00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:32,963
Okay, but, I mean,
online, I'm anonymous.
265
00:09:32,964 --> 00:09:34,765
Exposing myself in real life is scary.
266
00:09:34,766 --> 00:09:36,467
More risk, more reward.
267
00:09:36,468 --> 00:09:38,302
Starting my own business
was terrifying, too,
268
00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:40,137
but I'm finally feeling good about it,
269
00:09:40,138 --> 00:09:42,372
especially now that I have
my very first client.
270
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,142
Okay, there's no harm in trying.
271
00:09:46,111 --> 00:09:47,577
Uh, there is with crystal meth.
272
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,016
Boys! A grocery store in Sanford
just got their turkeys,
273
00:09:52,017 --> 00:09:53,316
so I thought we'd all go down and...
274
00:09:54,753 --> 00:09:57,188
Why are you all dressed
like European hobos?
275
00:09:57,189 --> 00:09:58,856
We're headed out to the piazza.
276
00:09:58,857 --> 00:10:00,357
We all caught the bocce bug.
277
00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:01,559
And I caught the toga bug.
278
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,893
I'm one safety pin away from nudity,
279
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,961
and I love the thrill.
280
00:10:03,962 --> 00:10:06,140
That fake park thing is still going on?
281
00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:09,600
How is that more fun than
spending time with your mother?
282
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:20,444
Carol-Joan's scooping gelato!
283
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:21,711
Prego, boys!
284
00:10:22,981 --> 00:10:25,249
No, wait. You can't go.
285
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,351
- Why?
- Because...
286
00:10:27,352 --> 00:10:28,319
it's racist.
287
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,854
Against Italians?
288
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:30,888
I guess it's a little on the nose.
289
00:10:30,889 --> 00:10:33,424
No, against us.
290
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,693
An Asian family moves onto the block,
291
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:39,697
and suddenly, we need a median
to solve our "driving issues"?
292
00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:40,764
Wake up.
293
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,199
Suddenly?
294
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,501
We moved here six years ago.
295
00:10:43,502 --> 00:10:46,002
And to be fair, we've had
our share of driving incidents.
296
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:55,045
Hey.
297
00:10:55,046 --> 00:10:56,947
Feels like a reach.
298
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,849
You dilute the movement
with stuff like that, Ma.
299
00:11:00,051 --> 00:11:01,018
Oh, my God.
300
00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:02,119
Meatball's playing "Ave Maria."
301
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,487
That's my jam.
302
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:04,889
Ciao bella, mamma mia.
303
00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:06,991
Now that's racist.
304
00:11:08,927 --> 00:11:11,061
If you want to spend time with them,
305
00:11:11,062 --> 00:11:12,363
then just go out there.
306
00:11:12,364 --> 00:11:14,632
But I want quality time with the boys,
307
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:17,034
not watch Carol-Joan eat gelato and say,
308
00:11:17,035 --> 00:11:19,336
"It's not as good as it was on holiday."
309
00:11:19,337 --> 00:11:20,671
She was hammered the whole time.
310
00:11:20,672 --> 00:11:21,906
Of course it was good.
311
00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,574
You're trying too hard.
312
00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,776
No wonder they prefer the median.
313
00:11:25,777 --> 00:11:28,412
It smells like grass, not desperation.
314
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:30,748
You're right.
315
00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:33,517
I must destroy the median.
316
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:36,620
You always take the wrong lesson.
317
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:39,390
_
318
00:11:39,391 --> 00:11:41,125
Good morning, Orlando.
319
00:11:41,126 --> 00:11:42,960
Gus and Mey-Mey back at ya.
320
00:11:42,961 --> 00:11:45,129
Two seconds in, you're off-script.
321
00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:47,231
This morning, we have Honey Ellis,
322
00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:51,402
the voice of popular
parenting Internet blog, "TMI!"
323
00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:53,704
As a mother myself, I love it.
324
00:11:53,705 --> 00:11:54,838
- Really?!
- Oof.
325
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,240
Oh, that's wonderful to hear.
326
00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:58,242
I thought I was the only one
who ignored my kids.
327
00:11:59,104 --> 00:12:01,812
Sometimes, I go days
pretending I can't hear him.
328
00:12:01,813 --> 00:12:02,880
Days?
329
00:12:02,881 --> 00:12:03,906
You have a kid?
330
00:12:03,907 --> 00:12:07,084
So, Honey, now, what would you say
331
00:12:07,085 --> 00:12:10,011
is the secret behind "TMI's" success?
332
00:12:10,012 --> 00:12:12,289
Well, I wouldn't be here
if it weren't for my friend
333
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:14,124
and business consultant, Louis Huang.
334
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,292
He's backstage right now.
335
00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:16,994
Oh, he's right over there.
336
00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:20,097
Oh. Oh, he's coming over.
337
00:12:20,098 --> 00:12:21,265
Oh, he mic'd himself.
338
00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:23,400
Uh, hi. Thank you for having me on.
339
00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:24,902
You know, I've been
a business consultant for Honey,
340
00:12:24,903 --> 00:12:25,936
who has an original voice.
341
00:12:25,937 --> 00:12:26,937
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
342
00:12:26,938 --> 00:12:28,172
that's... that's... That's great.
343
00:12:28,173 --> 00:12:29,573
Now, uh, uh, uh, Mey-Mey.
344
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,609
Uh, how old is this kid
that I've never heard of?
345
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:33,644
Uh, 12.
346
00:12:33,645 --> 00:12:34,945
12.
347
00:12:34,946 --> 00:12:36,146
Now, Honey, back to your blog.
348
00:12:36,147 --> 00:12:37,748
No, back to the kid.
349
00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:41,151
You and I took a cruise
12 years and 9 months ago,
350
00:12:41,152 --> 00:12:42,219
and then when we got back,
351
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,054
you swore off sushi
and took a sabbatical.
352
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,322
We're talking about a blog.
353
00:12:45,323 --> 00:12:46,624
No, we're talking about my son!
354
00:12:46,625 --> 00:12:48,025
We need to go to break.
355
00:12:48,026 --> 00:12:49,627
Yes, we do need to go to break,
356
00:12:49,628 --> 00:12:51,762
but let's go to break
because I'd like to know...
357
00:12:51,763 --> 00:12:52,963
what is his name?
358
00:12:52,964 --> 00:12:54,665
I-I-I-Is he...
359
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,300
Hold this, and flash 'em the goods.
360
00:12:56,301 --> 00:12:58,102
Your teeth.
361
00:12:58,103 --> 00:12:59,436
There.
362
00:13:01,473 --> 00:13:05,676
According to maritime law,
that baby belongs to no one.
363
00:13:05,677 --> 00:13:07,278
Hey, can you pipe down?
364
00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:09,446
I'm working on an op-ed
for the newspaper.
365
00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:10,614
How's this for a finish?
366
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:14,118
"In summary, leave bocce to the Mafia.
367
00:13:14,119 --> 00:13:15,786
Take down that median."
368
00:13:15,787 --> 00:13:18,756
You are a fool to invoke the mob.
369
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,292
Oh, no.
370
00:13:21,293 --> 00:13:22,526
My parakeet said...
371
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:23,761
Can't you watch that in your room?
372
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:26,297
I was here first. I'm not moving.
373
00:13:26,298 --> 00:13:28,499
Looks like you're stuck with me.
374
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,401
Get there first!
375
00:13:30,402 --> 00:13:32,903
Jenny, you're one for 1,000
on good ideas.
376
00:13:32,904 --> 00:13:36,440
What about the time I attached
the vacuum to my wheelchair?
377
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,509
Two for 1,000.
378
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,082
All done with today's blog post.
379
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,483
"The 55-Second Rule:
380
00:13:46,484 --> 00:13:48,519
Why Floor Food is Better for Everyone."
381
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:49,853
Unless it's pudding.
382
00:13:49,854 --> 00:13:51,855
So hard to pick up.
383
00:13:51,856 --> 00:13:53,357
Wow, you're really churning
these posts out.
384
00:13:53,358 --> 00:13:56,560
I have been so inspired to write
since our readership tripled.
385
00:13:56,561 --> 00:13:58,395
I'm so glad you convinced me
to go on TV.
386
00:13:58,396 --> 00:13:59,863
I'm just doing my job.
387
00:13:59,864 --> 00:14:01,498
Speaking of, maybe we put
a pin in that post
388
00:14:01,499 --> 00:14:04,034
and instead do a... baby food review.
389
00:14:04,035 --> 00:14:05,369
It'll be easy. You just have to include
390
00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:06,603
these promotional bullet points.
391
00:14:06,604 --> 00:14:10,107
A baby food review?
392
00:14:10,108 --> 00:14:12,943
They want me
to say "scrumdeeleeumpcious?"
393
00:14:12,944 --> 00:14:15,546
I would rather scrumdeelee-stick
my head in the oven.
394
00:14:15,547 --> 00:14:17,314
An oven full of cash.
395
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:18,549
Come on.
396
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:19,817
The advertising opportunities
397
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,819
have been pouring in
since your TV segment.
398
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,020
Don't you want to make money?
399
00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:24,154
Like a real business?
400
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,190
Thanks, but I just want to write
401
00:14:26,191 --> 00:14:28,759
what I want to write.
402
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:29,893
Hate to be that guy,
403
00:14:29,894 --> 00:14:32,062
but Americans don't know
how to make coffee.
404
00:14:32,063 --> 00:14:33,464
What coffee did you go with, Eddie?
405
00:14:33,465 --> 00:14:34,631
It's an Eddie-chino...
406
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:36,900
Melted Rocky Road
with a bean at the bottom.
407
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,334
- Hmm.
- Ma?
408
00:14:39,804 --> 00:14:40,804
What are you doing here?
409
00:14:40,805 --> 00:14:43,140
I'm getting my work done outdoors.
410
00:14:43,141 --> 00:14:45,242
You know how I love the sun.
411
00:14:45,243 --> 00:14:46,510
Can you do that somewhere else?
412
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:47,778
We're about to play bocce.
413
00:14:47,779 --> 00:14:50,481
No. I was here first,
and I'm not moving.
414
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,686
Got the bean.
415
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,571
"Dear TMI Honey.
416
00:15:10,572 --> 00:15:12,136
Thanks for the review.
417
00:15:12,137 --> 00:15:16,273
We think you're
scrumdeeleeumpcious, too."
418
00:15:17,342 --> 00:15:18,976
So, a box popped up
419
00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:20,577
offering me a free trip to Cozumel.
420
00:15:20,578 --> 00:15:23,347
I clicked on it, and then
four more boxes popped up,
421
00:15:23,348 --> 00:15:24,748
so I clicked on those.
422
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,750
Now I have no tickets,
and my computer's frozen.
423
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,753
You published that
baby food review behind my back!
424
00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:31,288
What about my post?
425
00:15:31,289 --> 00:15:32,956
You're welcome, Honey.
426
00:15:32,957 --> 00:15:34,758
For what?
427
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,693
For making your business a success.
428
00:15:36,694 --> 00:15:37,828
That's why you hired me, right?
429
00:15:37,829 --> 00:15:39,530
I never hired you.
430
00:15:39,531 --> 00:15:41,064
You hired you.
431
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,766
But now I'm firing you.
432
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:45,202
Ohh, so sorry.
433
00:15:45,203 --> 00:15:47,471
Did you mean to put me on speakerphone?
434
00:15:47,472 --> 00:15:48,472
I wasn't sure.
435
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,070
You're firing me as
your business consultant?
436
00:15:53,071 --> 00:15:55,283
- Why?
- Because you knew I didn't want to post
437
00:15:55,284 --> 00:15:57,552
that baby food review,
and you did it anyway.
438
00:15:57,553 --> 00:15:59,520
Well, I saw you were nervous
about increasing
439
00:15:59,521 --> 00:16:00,755
"TMI's" market share,
440
00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,257
so I pulled the trigger on that post...
441
00:16:02,258 --> 00:16:04,225
Just like you were nervous
about being on TV,
442
00:16:04,226 --> 00:16:05,493
and that turned out great.
443
00:16:05,494 --> 00:16:08,162
And Gus and Mey-Mey are
co-parenting Little Monty.
444
00:16:08,163 --> 00:16:10,465
But I didn't want any of this.
445
00:16:10,466 --> 00:16:11,733
Well, don't you want this?
446
00:16:11,734 --> 00:16:13,201
Now you can take your mind off
447
00:16:13,202 --> 00:16:15,370
the diaper budget and focus on "TMI."
448
00:16:15,371 --> 00:16:18,273
Louis, this is my blog, not yours.
449
00:16:18,274 --> 00:16:20,174
Well, I was only doing this to help you.
450
00:16:20,175 --> 00:16:22,343
Well, I'm only doing this to help you.
451
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:25,079
You were so desperate for a client,
452
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,246
I just went along with it.
453
00:16:26,247 --> 00:16:28,016
Clearly that was a mistake.
454
00:16:31,854 --> 00:16:33,221
Come on, Ma, a-scootchie over.
455
00:16:33,222 --> 00:16:35,223
Jessica, stop hogging the piazza.
456
00:16:35,224 --> 00:16:37,358
Yeah, we have bocce finals.
457
00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:38,392
Finals!
458
00:16:39,628 --> 00:16:42,630
Well, I guess the, uh,
bocce ball tournament
459
00:16:42,631 --> 00:16:44,999
has been postponed, folks,
so all bets are off.
460
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,834
You can see Meatball here for a refund.
461
00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:48,002
Sorry.
462
00:16:49,271 --> 00:16:50,571
Excuse me. I have to go. I have to go.
463
00:16:50,572 --> 00:16:52,373
Now that we have the place to ourselves,
464
00:16:52,374 --> 00:16:54,042
maybe we can have
Family Fun Time out here!
465
00:16:54,043 --> 00:16:55,677
We were already having fun.
466
00:16:55,678 --> 00:16:57,711
Until you showed up and ruined it.
467
00:16:58,847 --> 00:17:00,815
Not-a cool-a.
468
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:04,953
Hey, Jessica.
469
00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:06,254
Brought you some baby food.
470
00:17:06,255 --> 00:17:07,921
Thought you might be hungry
but not want to chew.
471
00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:15,363
This baby food
really is scrumdeeleeumpcious.
472
00:17:16,699 --> 00:17:17,899
I don't get Honey.
473
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:19,867
I help her turn "TMI"
into a real business,
474
00:17:19,868 --> 00:17:20,969
and then she fires me.
475
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:21,989
That's just Honey.
476
00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:23,738
Some people are born for business,
477
00:17:23,739 --> 00:17:24,839
and other people were born
478
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,441
with skin that smells like fruit.
479
00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:27,542
It doesn't add up.
480
00:17:27,543 --> 00:17:29,043
She was actually starting to make money.
481
00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:30,578
I know what this is.
482
00:17:30,579 --> 00:17:33,119
The problem with Honey is she has TMI...
483
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,983
Too Much Integrity.
484
00:17:34,984 --> 00:17:36,891
She's never in it for the money.
485
00:17:36,892 --> 00:17:40,321
Our boys also have a TMI problem...
486
00:17:40,322 --> 00:17:42,239
Too Many Interests,
487
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,525
- and none of them are me.
- Oh, what do you mean?
488
00:17:44,526 --> 00:17:47,395
All they want to do is play
bocce on this dumb piazza
489
00:17:47,396 --> 00:17:48,596
instead of spending time with me.
490
00:17:48,597 --> 00:17:51,265
But I've been so busy lately,
I never get to see them.
491
00:17:51,266 --> 00:17:53,001
If you want to spend time with them,
492
00:17:53,002 --> 00:17:54,268
do what interests them,
493
00:17:54,269 --> 00:17:55,303
even if it happens to be something
494
00:17:55,304 --> 00:17:58,740
you've taken
an arbitrary stance against.
495
00:18:00,709 --> 00:18:04,611
No one wants to eat
a mashed-up Thanksgiving meal.
496
00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:07,648
I do.
497
00:18:11,453 --> 00:18:13,154
You know, when you think about it,
498
00:18:13,155 --> 00:18:15,022
bocce is just adult marbles.
499
00:18:16,492 --> 00:18:19,666
I made you a lasagna to make up
for ruining dumb bowling.
500
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,295
I'm not eating carbs this week.
501
00:18:23,532 --> 00:18:24,665
It's still frozen.
502
00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:26,534
Apparently it takes an hour to bake,
503
00:18:26,535 --> 00:18:28,936
and I didn't need that much time
to reflect.
504
00:18:28,937 --> 00:18:31,506
Between studying and the job hunt,
505
00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:32,707
I've missed you guys.
506
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:34,776
Us too.
507
00:18:34,777 --> 00:18:36,277
It's just weird
when you were jogging around,
508
00:18:36,278 --> 00:18:37,545
making us spin a wheel.
509
00:18:37,546 --> 00:18:38,679
It's forced.
510
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,648
Like when MTV tried to make voting cool.
511
00:18:40,649 --> 00:18:41,849
I know.
512
00:18:41,850 --> 00:18:43,284
I just wanted you all to myself.
513
00:18:43,285 --> 00:18:45,386
But as long as we're together,
I am happy.
514
00:18:45,387 --> 00:18:47,989
Even if Carol-Joan's
hitting the old grapes.
515
00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:49,857
You know, Mommy, you'd love bocce.
516
00:18:49,858 --> 00:18:51,325
It means "boss" in Latin.
517
00:18:51,326 --> 00:18:52,860
Yeah, it's perfect for you...
518
00:18:52,861 --> 00:18:54,862
Precision, competition, violence.
519
00:18:54,863 --> 00:18:56,364
You wanna come play with us?
520
00:18:56,365 --> 00:18:58,166
I do love violence.
521
00:19:04,706 --> 00:19:06,741
Hmm.
522
00:19:06,742 --> 00:19:09,010
Hey, Honey. I was, uh, wondering
523
00:19:09,011 --> 00:19:10,211
if I could use your computer.
524
00:19:10,212 --> 00:19:11,979
And give it a virus?
525
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,126
No, thanks.
526
00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:15,316
I think I've had enough consulting.
527
00:19:15,317 --> 00:19:18,786
I want to show you
the latest "TMI" post.
528
00:19:22,191 --> 00:19:24,092
You took down the review and posted
529
00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:26,160
my "55-Second Rule" piece instead?
530
00:19:26,161 --> 00:19:27,328
I was wrong to sell out your blog.
531
00:19:27,329 --> 00:19:28,296
That's not you.
532
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:31,532
I know you just wanted to help.
533
00:19:31,533 --> 00:19:33,701
I got so caught up trying
to prove I could be successful,
534
00:19:33,702 --> 00:19:36,378
I forgot the job is supporting
someone else and their dreams.
535
00:19:36,379 --> 00:19:37,905
Thanks, Louis.
536
00:19:37,906 --> 00:19:39,807
You are great at what you do.
537
00:19:39,808 --> 00:19:41,008
I know you are gonna make
538
00:19:41,009 --> 00:19:42,810
a small-business owner so happy one day.
539
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:44,445
Well, you've gotta keep blogging.
540
00:19:44,446 --> 00:19:46,514
It's so good, and you've got
such a relatable voice.
541
00:19:46,515 --> 00:19:48,416
Oh, yeah, I'm not stopping.
542
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:50,184
I've got so many ideas.
543
00:19:50,185 --> 00:19:53,287
The other day, I wore a diaper,
and it was magical.
544
00:19:53,288 --> 00:19:56,324
Yeah. Yeah, yeah!
545
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:58,392
Ooh. Guess what?
546
00:19:58,393 --> 00:20:00,394
I finally thought
of a good company name...
547
00:20:00,395 --> 00:20:02,296
All About Lou Consulting.
548
00:20:02,297 --> 00:20:05,399
Yeah. Yeah, yeah!
549
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,302
Or what about just
Louis Huang Consulting?
550
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,511
Wow.
551
00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:23,538
Are you not entertained?!
552
00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:24,573
And that's game.
553
00:20:24,574 --> 00:20:25,841
Jessica wins!
554
00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:26,875
You killed it, Ma!
555
00:20:29,278 --> 00:20:32,180
Clear out, people!
This median was constructed
556
00:20:32,181 --> 00:20:33,448
without a permit.
557
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,250
Bulldozers are on their way.
558
00:20:35,251 --> 00:20:37,586
What?! Who snitched?
559
00:20:37,587 --> 00:20:39,721
There was an anonymous op-ed
in the newspaper.
560
00:20:39,722 --> 00:20:41,389
I bet it was Carol-Joan.
561
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:43,125
No, it wasn't me.
562
00:20:43,126 --> 00:20:44,826
Well, it was good while it lasted.
563
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,161
Arrivederci, bocce.
564
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:49,498
No way. Let's continue
this thing in our backyard.
565
00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:52,434
Sorry, Huang family only.
566
00:20:52,435 --> 00:20:54,402
Boys, grab the gelato cart. Let's go.
567
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:56,838
Bring on the bulldozer.
568
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:59,306
Jim, bring in the bulls.
569
00:20:59,307 --> 00:21:05,307
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com