1
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,896
The plugs in your arms
and head are gone.
2
00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:10,718
Morpheus?
3
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,971
Your appearance now
4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,351
is what we call residual self image.
5
00:00:14,435 --> 00:00:17,809
It's a mental projection
of your digital self.
6
00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,685
This isn't real?
7
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:23,103
What is real? How do you define real?
8
00:00:23,187 --> 00:00:25,061
Real is simply electrical signals
9
00:00:25,145 --> 00:00:26,566
interpreted by your brain.
10
00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:28,209
This is the world that you know,
11
00:00:28,293 --> 00:00:30,960
the world as it was at the
end of the 20th Century.
12
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,933
It exists now only as a
neural interactive simulation
13
00:00:35,017 --> 00:00:37,160
that we call the Matrix.
14
00:00:37,244 --> 00:00:39,429
You've been living in
a dream world, Neo.
15
00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:42,329
This is the world as it exists today.
16
00:00:44,518 --> 00:00:46,003
That's not what Y2K's gonna be.
17
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,137
You don't know that.
18
00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:48,705
No one knows what's going to happen.
19
00:00:48,789 --> 00:00:50,653
Well, I'm not gonna lose
my hair, that's for sure.
20
00:00:50,737 --> 00:00:52,075
You think the world could end?
21
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:53,844
Yes. The Millennium Bug is coming!
22
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,303
It's the bug of the century.
23
00:00:55,387 --> 00:00:58,315
I caught a big bug with my bra today.
24
00:00:58,399 --> 00:01:01,732
- More like a 36 Double Dead.
- Ma!
25
00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:03,387
Guys, this is the first day
26
00:01:03,471 --> 00:01:04,955
of maybe our last summer of our lives.
27
00:01:05,039 --> 00:01:07,758
We've gotta do it all... Ice
cream trucks, sunburns,
28
00:01:07,842 --> 00:01:09,826
water slides, skinny dipping,
29
00:01:09,910 --> 00:01:10,994
ice cream trucks.
30
00:01:11,078 --> 00:01:13,227
- Who's with me?
- I am.
31
00:01:13,311 --> 00:01:14,364
Mom?
32
00:01:14,448 --> 00:01:15,499
For the next three months
33
00:01:15,583 --> 00:01:16,896
while I'm busy studying for grad school,
34
00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:20,000
you will be by my side PSAT prepping.
35
00:01:20,084 --> 00:01:21,505
Study buddies.
36
00:01:28,177 --> 00:01:29,312
No!
37
00:01:50,922 --> 00:01:53,051
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:53,135 --> 00:01:54,371
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
39
00:01:54,455 --> 00:01:56,073
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
40
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,375
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
41
00:01:58,459 --> 00:01:59,643
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
42
00:01:59,727 --> 00:02:01,928
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
43
00:02:02,012 --> 00:02:03,447
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
44
00:02:03,531 --> 00:02:05,264
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
45
00:02:08,235 --> 00:02:09,319
This sucks.
46
00:02:09,403 --> 00:02:10,787
All my friends are going
on cool vacations
47
00:02:10,871 --> 00:02:12,122
and I'm stuck studying.
48
00:02:12,206 --> 00:02:13,924
Sounds like you're going
on a ton of trips...
49
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,625
on the Complain Train.
50
00:02:15,709 --> 00:02:17,566
I don't need all this college prep.
51
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:20,297
Eddie, this is not just
your future at stake
52
00:02:20,381 --> 00:02:21,779
but my reputation.
53
00:02:21,863 --> 00:02:24,401
How am I gonna become a
respected school principal
54
00:02:24,485 --> 00:02:26,758
if I can't even get my own
son into a top college?
55
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:27,871
Whoa, top college?
56
00:02:27,955 --> 00:02:29,739
I was thinking more like Tier 2, Tier 3.
57
00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:31,908
I want less pressure, more fun.
58
00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:33,082
Sit around and relax.
59
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:35,011
Rejuvenate from the
stress of high school.
60
00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:36,682
You get out every day at 1:45.
61
00:02:36,766 --> 00:02:39,008
I know, and my first
class starts at 9:00.
62
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,518
Eddie, what did you do to the tub?
63
00:02:41,602 --> 00:02:43,995
Oh, that's Gia, my mega water balloon.
64
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:47,490
_
65
00:02:47,575 --> 00:02:48,959
I'm leaving Gia in the tub
66
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,113
until I bulk up enough
to be able to throw her.
67
00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:52,462
She big.
68
00:02:52,546 --> 00:02:53,748
"She big," Louis.
69
00:02:54,399 --> 00:02:56,803
No water balloons. Real world is coming.
70
00:02:56,888 --> 00:02:58,438
College. You need to grow up.
71
00:02:58,522 --> 00:03:00,303
You've been saying that since I was 3.
72
00:03:00,387 --> 00:03:02,038
College. I'm so jealous of you.
73
00:03:02,122 --> 00:03:03,340
Best time of your life.
74
00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:05,976
You know, I was a bit of
a campus legend myself.
75
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,477
Please don't start.
76
00:03:07,561 --> 00:03:09,054
They called me "The Buffalo."
77
00:03:09,925 --> 00:03:11,314
Why'd they call you "The Buffalo"?
78
00:03:11,398 --> 00:03:12,983
Because you couldn't
find a hotter wingman.
79
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,972
Hey, what about Maryland?
80
00:03:15,056 --> 00:03:17,803
Go to your old man... And
old woman's alma... mata?
81
00:03:17,887 --> 00:03:19,956
Almamatta. Alma mamata?
82
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,125
Alma... Go to our college?
83
00:03:22,209 --> 00:03:24,242
No. Maryland did not make the list.
84
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:27,631
Do I get a say in any of this?
85
00:03:27,715 --> 00:03:29,966
Oh, Eddie, if only the PSATs
86
00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,550
were verbal, math, and comedy.
87
00:03:33,721 --> 00:03:35,906
Don't you think this is a little much?
88
00:03:35,990 --> 00:03:37,474
You don't want to burn
Eddie out on college
89
00:03:37,558 --> 00:03:38,842
before he even gets in.
90
00:03:38,926 --> 00:03:41,242
We have to stay on him or he strays.
91
00:03:41,326 --> 00:03:43,180
He proves this over and over again.
92
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,682
If I recall, you weren't exactly
93
00:03:45,766 --> 00:03:47,684
the most focused student in college.
94
00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:51,146
We do not talk about my
college days, remember?
95
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,984
Especially not in front
of our impressionable son
96
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,294
who has been talking
about going to school
97
00:03:57,378 --> 00:03:58,988
in "one of the Arizonas."
98
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,431
Just saying, you made some
questionable choices and...
99
00:04:01,515 --> 00:04:02,699
That was different!
100
00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:05,068
It's way more competitive now.
101
00:04:05,152 --> 00:04:07,938
My sister, Connie, started
prepping Justin a year out,
102
00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:09,606
and he got into a crap school.
103
00:04:09,690 --> 00:04:12,209
He's a freshman at UCLA.
That's a great school.
104
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,977
Ugh, you sound just like Connie.
105
00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:15,779
I want better for Eddie,
106
00:04:15,863 --> 00:04:17,581
not just so I can rub
it in Connie's face,
107
00:04:17,665 --> 00:04:20,517
but because I want him to have
the best possible future,
108
00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:22,752
which I could also rub in Connie's face.
109
00:04:22,836 --> 00:04:24,588
Well, it might help
Eddie get more excited
110
00:04:24,672 --> 00:04:27,090
if he knew there was more
to it than just academics.
111
00:04:27,174 --> 00:04:28,513
It's about making connections,
112
00:04:28,597 --> 00:04:30,660
socializing, living on your own...
113
00:04:30,744 --> 00:04:32,028
The whole experience.
114
00:04:32,112 --> 00:04:34,397
Trust me, there is no experience
115
00:04:34,481 --> 00:04:36,533
like the feeling Eddie will get
116
00:04:36,617 --> 00:04:38,160
when he graduates Harvard
117
00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:41,040
and sees my glowing stare of approval.
118
00:04:44,741 --> 00:04:46,512
Whoa!
119
00:04:46,597 --> 00:04:48,849
Do I look cool now?
120
00:04:48,933 --> 00:04:50,717
Mr. Ice.
121
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:52,085
Yeah, just breeze on through.
122
00:04:52,169 --> 00:04:53,387
Emery, join us.
123
00:04:53,471 --> 00:04:55,322
We're watching Arnold
Schwarzenegger's "Twins."
124
00:04:55,406 --> 00:04:57,491
It's Danny DeVito's "Twins."
125
00:04:57,575 --> 00:05:00,027
Perfect timing. Easy on the eyes.
126
00:05:00,111 --> 00:05:02,296
There's rumors of Arnold
entering politics,
127
00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:03,764
so I've become a big fan.
128
00:05:03,848 --> 00:05:06,333
How can you sit and watch TV
with this Y2K thing coming?
129
00:05:06,417 --> 00:05:07,768
We're totally unprepared.
130
00:05:07,852 --> 00:05:10,404
We need to start stocking
up on supplies, rations,
131
00:05:10,488 --> 00:05:12,873
valuables we can use to
trade with other survivors.
132
00:05:12,957 --> 00:05:15,042
That's gonna require some cash.
133
00:05:15,126 --> 00:05:16,109
Exactly.
134
00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:17,644
We need to get summer jobs.
135
00:05:17,728 --> 00:05:20,955
Mm. Act responsible while
everyone else gets crazy.
136
00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:22,649
Or live it up.
137
00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:25,319
We won't be around to
face the consequences.
138
00:05:25,403 --> 00:05:27,136
Y2K!
139
00:05:37,281 --> 00:05:38,565
Something just clicked,
140
00:05:38,649 --> 00:05:40,634
and I fell on board with sunglasses.
141
00:05:40,718 --> 00:05:42,970
I'm just jealous you actually got
to go somewhere this summer.
142
00:05:43,054 --> 00:05:45,038
Not somewhere, Eddie. Ball State.
143
00:05:45,122 --> 00:05:46,106
Damn.
144
00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:48,362
You were on a college campus? Fun!
145
00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:50,510
Oh, yeah. We piled into the Suburban,
146
00:05:50,594 --> 00:05:51,709
popped in some Reba,
147
00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:53,714
and Burger King'd our way
straight to my sister's dorm.
148
00:05:53,798 --> 00:05:54,715
Ah.
149
00:05:54,799 --> 00:05:56,083
Eddie, that's it.
150
00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:57,884
We'll take a family trip to college.
151
00:05:57,968 --> 00:05:59,653
That'd be sick!
152
00:05:59,737 --> 00:06:01,989
Until Mom makes me take
PSATs the whole time.
153
00:06:02,073 --> 00:06:03,390
I think you'll be surprised.
154
00:06:03,474 --> 00:06:04,691
Once your mom's on campus,
155
00:06:04,775 --> 00:06:06,126
you may see a different side of her.
156
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:07,794
There's no chance
we're even getting there.
157
00:06:07,878 --> 00:06:09,930
Mom always says sleep is our vacation.
158
00:06:10,014 --> 00:06:11,598
Trust me, I know her weak spot.
159
00:06:11,682 --> 00:06:12,933
Connie.
160
00:06:13,017 --> 00:06:15,584
I know my weak spot... Toe massages.
161
00:06:17,922 --> 00:06:19,539
Family trip to California!
162
00:06:19,623 --> 00:06:21,174
Oh, that's great. Whose family?
163
00:06:21,258 --> 00:06:22,209
Us. Us family.
164
00:06:22,293 --> 00:06:24,654
Dad's taking us to visit Justin at UCLA.
165
00:06:24,738 --> 00:06:25,841
He's in summer classes.
166
00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,867
We can't. We just got new jobs.
167
00:06:27,951 --> 00:06:29,383
Use your vacation and sick days.
168
00:06:29,467 --> 00:06:30,926
They'll understand. I'm a boss.
169
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:32,919
Dad just Y2K'd our jobs.
170
00:06:33,003 --> 00:06:35,222
Louis, we're saving for college,
171
00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:36,757
not wasting money to go visit one
172
00:06:36,841 --> 00:06:38,331
on the other side of the country.
173
00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:40,494
My brother flies for Delta.
He'll get us free tickets.
174
00:06:40,578 --> 00:06:42,062
We can stay with Justin... No hotel.
175
00:06:42,146 --> 00:06:43,258
And the best part?
176
00:06:43,342 --> 00:06:46,095
If Eddie turns down UCLA for Harvard,
177
00:06:46,179 --> 00:06:47,834
you can rub it in Connie's face.
178
00:06:52,556 --> 00:06:54,408
Okay! Pack your bags, boys.
179
00:06:54,492 --> 00:06:56,425
We're going to college!
180
00:07:02,778 --> 00:07:05,145
Does your roommate have
any diseases, Justin?
181
00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:07,165
Ugh. Never mind.
182
00:07:07,249 --> 00:07:08,633
I assumed when you called
183
00:07:08,717 --> 00:07:10,235
it would be just Eddie staying with me.
184
00:07:10,319 --> 00:07:11,536
Well, that's why you're in college...
185
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,837
To learn things you didn't know.
186
00:07:12,921 --> 00:07:14,739
Hey, how come there's
no sock on the door?
187
00:07:14,823 --> 00:07:15,740
Kidding.
188
00:07:15,824 --> 00:07:17,709
Amazing bookstore.
189
00:07:17,793 --> 00:07:18,877
Oh, Marley, nice.
190
00:07:18,961 --> 00:07:20,578
No woman, no cry... mon.
191
00:07:20,662 --> 00:07:22,514
Oh, sweet.
I had one of these.
192
00:07:22,598 --> 00:07:25,116
Mine was red. If it could talk, whoo.
193
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,285
Louis, calm down. Where's
Grandma and the boys?
194
00:07:27,369 --> 00:07:28,787
She said she needed the campus ATM
195
00:07:28,871 --> 00:07:30,155
before they went sightseeing.
196
00:07:30,239 --> 00:07:31,404
They're here, too?
197
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:33,925
Great.
198
00:07:34,009 --> 00:07:35,727
Fill out the form and
you'll get a credit card
199
00:07:35,811 --> 00:07:37,028
and a free T-shirt.
200
00:07:37,112 --> 00:07:39,364
Grandma, we don't have jobs
to pay these off, remember?
201
00:07:39,448 --> 00:07:40,480
So?
202
00:07:40,564 --> 00:07:43,552
_
203
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:47,132
_
204
00:07:47,556 --> 00:07:49,674
Y2K.
205
00:07:49,758 --> 00:07:50,742
She's right, Emery.
206
00:07:50,826 --> 00:07:53,392
We tried to do the responsible
thing, and it didn't matter.
207
00:07:53,476 --> 00:07:55,280
Let's just live it up while we can.
208
00:07:55,364 --> 00:07:56,363
Y2K.
209
00:07:57,146 --> 00:07:58,650
We're rich!
210
00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:00,385
Y2K! Y2K! Y2K!
211
00:08:00,469 --> 00:08:02,320
Whoo!
212
00:08:02,404 --> 00:08:04,622
Wow. Your own fridge. Cool.
213
00:08:04,706 --> 00:08:06,219
We didn't have those in my day.
214
00:08:06,303 --> 00:08:08,575
You just had to let stuff spoil.
215
00:08:09,578 --> 00:08:10,708
Oh!
216
00:08:10,792 --> 00:08:12,931
There she is. It's all coming back.
217
00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:14,399
Whoa. What'd you just do?
218
00:08:14,483 --> 00:08:15,467
Nothing.
219
00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:17,135
Just trying to clean up this hellhole.
220
00:08:17,219 --> 00:08:20,672
So, uh, J-bird, the
Huangs are at college!
221
00:08:20,756 --> 00:08:21,770
What's the plan?
222
00:08:21,854 --> 00:08:22,907
I have a midterm today
223
00:08:22,991 --> 00:08:24,290
and I was gonna use
the morning to study.
224
00:08:24,374 --> 00:08:26,106
Please.
225
00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:28,600
How hard can the tests be
at Eddie's safety school?
226
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:29,914
UCLA?
227
00:08:29,998 --> 00:08:32,250
I got a 4.0, good SAT,
228
00:08:32,334 --> 00:08:33,918
and a rare sit-down with
the Dean of Admissions
229
00:08:34,002 --> 00:08:35,155
and I still got wait-listed.
230
00:08:35,239 --> 00:08:36,441
It's not easy to get into.
231
00:08:37,573 --> 00:08:39,691
Oh. Quick, hide the Sambuca.
232
00:08:39,775 --> 00:08:40,692
It's the RA.
233
00:08:40,776 --> 00:08:42,660
This is Kip, my roommate.
234
00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:45,438
This is my family.
They're staying with us.
235
00:08:45,522 --> 00:08:46,965
Doesn't matter to me.
236
00:08:47,049 --> 00:08:48,760
My midterms just posted. I flunked out.
237
00:08:48,844 --> 00:08:51,154
AP classes, years of prep school,
238
00:08:51,238 --> 00:08:52,481
valedictorian...
239
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,572
just to be back in my
dad's butcher shop,
240
00:08:54,656 --> 00:08:56,908
cutting ham for Mrs. Josephs.
241
00:08:56,992 --> 00:08:58,176
Wait a minute.
242
00:08:58,260 --> 00:09:00,982
So UCLA isn't a school
for dum-dums like you?
243
00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:03,515
It's the Harvard of California.
244
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,417
Okay, new itinerary...
245
00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:08,253
Campus tour, three class lectures,
246
00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:09,888
and a meeting with the
Dean of Admissions.
247
00:09:09,972 --> 00:09:11,489
Jessica, I thought a
meeting with the Dean
248
00:09:11,573 --> 00:09:12,490
was impossible to get.
249
00:09:12,574 --> 00:09:13,825
I reached out to your RV salesman.
250
00:09:13,909 --> 00:09:14,826
He put in a call.
251
00:09:14,910 --> 00:09:16,127
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
252
00:09:16,211 --> 00:09:19,078
Yeah. Apparently he's some kind
of a big deal around here.
253
00:09:19,162 --> 00:09:20,906
Did he sell RVs in college?
254
00:09:20,990 --> 00:09:22,133
It's industrious.
255
00:09:22,217 --> 00:09:24,511
Dad, you said Mom would
be different once we got here,
256
00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:26,316
but College Mom is even worse.
257
00:09:26,995 --> 00:09:28,640
♪ I'm going, going ♪
258
00:09:28,724 --> 00:09:30,775
♪ Back, back to Cali, Cali ♪
259
00:09:30,859 --> 00:09:32,610
♪ I'm going, going ♪
260
00:09:32,694 --> 00:09:35,446
So, do you want to get a
picture with a "celebrity"?
261
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,415
Marilyn Monroe? Rocky?
262
00:09:37,499 --> 00:09:39,350
That guy with a spot-on Whoopi Goldberg?
263
00:09:39,434 --> 00:09:41,019
I don't know, we've spent a lot.
264
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:43,922
Grandma, what's going on?
265
00:09:44,006 --> 00:09:46,191
Me and Danny are going to take the limo
266
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:47,826
and do some adult things.
267
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:49,794
Uh, Grandma, that's not Danny DeVito.
268
00:09:49,878 --> 00:09:52,096
Show them, Danny. Do the Batman.
269
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:54,065
Wah-wah.
270
00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:56,801
So, you're just gonna ditch us
271
00:09:56,885 --> 00:09:58,236
in the middle of Los Angeles?
272
00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,804
Oh, Y2K!
273
00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:01,778
Every man for themselves.
274
00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:02,941
Again, Penguin!
275
00:10:03,025 --> 00:10:03,908
Wah-wah.
276
00:10:03,992 --> 00:10:06,559
Have fun.
277
00:10:07,489 --> 00:10:09,240
Do you ever worry for Grandma's safety?
278
00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:11,659
I worry for that guy's safety.
279
00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:16,821
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
280
00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:20,158
Uhp, looks like Jessica's
"Bruin" up another question.
281
00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:22,627
Because it's the UCLA Bruins.
282
00:10:22,711 --> 00:10:24,863
Man, this girl is on a pun
run like I've never seen.
283
00:10:24,947 --> 00:10:26,030
It's effortless.
284
00:10:26,114 --> 00:10:27,999
Can you tell us what
the library hours are?
285
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:32,270
I can, but the librarians have
asked me to keep it hush-hush.
286
00:10:32,354 --> 00:10:33,974
Oh, you can't teach this.
287
00:10:34,058 --> 00:10:35,434
A pimps and hoes party?
288
00:10:35,518 --> 00:10:37,691
Yes and yes. Ooh, sounds fun.
289
00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:38,910
Eddie, pay attention.
290
00:10:38,994 --> 00:10:41,044
You need to remember every
detail about the school
291
00:10:41,128 --> 00:10:43,396
so you can impress the
Dean of Admissions later.
292
00:10:46,234 --> 00:10:48,219
Hey, uh, I know you mean well,
293
00:10:48,303 --> 00:10:49,821
but maybe you can ease up on Eddie.
294
00:10:49,905 --> 00:10:52,503
Ease up? I'm trying to get
our son focused on college.
295
00:10:52,587 --> 00:10:55,093
Well, you don't get a donkey to
a cornfield by whipping him.
296
00:10:55,177 --> 00:10:56,227
You show him the corn...
297
00:10:56,311 --> 00:10:58,463
"Hey donkey, look at
all this tasty corn!"
298
00:10:58,547 --> 00:11:00,295
Donkeys don't eat corn.
Well, something does.
299
00:11:00,379 --> 00:11:02,467
I think you mean a pig.
A pig'll eat anything.
300
00:11:02,551 --> 00:11:03,629
I know about pigs.
301
00:11:03,713 --> 00:11:05,930
The point is this is supposed
to be fun for Eddie.
302
00:11:06,014 --> 00:11:08,298
College is not supposed to be fun, okay?
303
00:11:08,382 --> 00:11:09,807
Oh, is that so?
304
00:11:09,891 --> 00:11:12,210
Um, excuse me, uh, Pun Master,
305
00:11:12,294 --> 00:11:14,212
have you ever had a
student get in trouble
306
00:11:14,296 --> 00:11:15,747
for streaking in the cafeteria
307
00:11:15,831 --> 00:11:18,216
instead of studying for
her econ final?
308
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,184
Louis, don't do this.
Follow-up question.
309
00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:21,886
You guys ever hear of a Messy Jessie?
310
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:23,221
Get ready for this, Eddie.
311
00:11:23,305 --> 00:11:25,323
♪ ...leads to shots, grit your teeth ♪
312
00:11:25,407 --> 00:11:26,691
Drink.
313
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:29,027
♪ You run for cover so
discreet, why don't they ♪
314
00:11:29,111 --> 00:11:31,329
Drink. Tough one, Sarah.
315
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:33,765
Man, I love Tuesdays.
316
00:11:33,849 --> 00:11:36,601
What should we do with this
kayak that I "borrowed"?
317
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:37,936
And another time,
318
00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:40,605
she got her hands on a huge
tub of industrial glue...
319
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:42,373
Okay, Louis, that's enough.
320
00:11:42,457 --> 00:11:45,162
And now her son knows
that his mom was fun.
321
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,511
Pretty cool, right, Eddie?
322
00:11:46,595 --> 00:11:49,280
Uh... Eddie?
323
00:11:49,364 --> 00:11:50,682
Where'd he go?
324
00:11:55,137 --> 00:11:56,287
After this,
325
00:11:56,371 --> 00:11:58,756
I wanna see a TV taping with
a live studio audience.
326
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,307
- What? I'm not doing that.
- Why not?
327
00:12:01,391 --> 00:12:04,021
Because our time is finite,
and I don't wanna waste it
328
00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:06,364
watching garbage with a
bunch of zoo people.
329
00:12:06,448 --> 00:12:07,999
I'm thinking of becoming an actor.
330
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:09,600
You and everyone else.
331
00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:11,786
No, I wanna go to Muscle Beach,
332
00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:14,172
see where Arnold began
his political career.
333
00:12:14,256 --> 00:12:16,419
- What's the point of that?
- What's the point in anything?
334
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:17,675
Y2K's coming.
335
00:12:17,759 --> 00:12:19,210
Oh, poor baby.
336
00:12:19,294 --> 00:12:21,446
Grandma got DeVito, so
you want some Arnold.
337
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:23,281
Better actor than you'll ever be.
338
00:12:23,365 --> 00:12:25,216
Maybe you're right.
339
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:26,451
The world's ending.
340
00:12:26,535 --> 00:12:28,537
Why care about anything? Or anyone.
341
00:12:28,621 --> 00:12:29,787
I'm out of here.
342
00:12:29,871 --> 00:12:31,422
- What?
- Y2K!
343
00:12:31,506 --> 00:12:32,772
Y2K!
344
00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:39,597
If Eddie misses this meeting and
winds up at a Tier 3 school,
345
00:12:39,681 --> 00:12:41,532
- it's all your fault.
- My fault?
346
00:12:41,616 --> 00:12:43,887
You corrupted him with
all my old escapades,
347
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,847
which I never wanted him to hear.
348
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,438
He took it as free license
349
00:12:47,522 --> 00:12:50,041
to ditch us and run wild.
350
00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:51,565
Exactly what I feared.
351
00:12:51,649 --> 00:12:53,411
Or I inspired him to explore this campus
352
00:12:53,495 --> 00:12:54,665
and all it has to offer.
353
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,435
Hey, what's up? And still
show up right on time.
354
00:12:57,519 --> 00:13:00,672
Eddie, I'm sorry you had to
listen to those nonsense stories
355
00:13:00,756 --> 00:13:02,140
your dad told the tour group.
356
00:13:02,224 --> 00:13:03,474
Stories? What stories?
357
00:13:03,558 --> 00:13:05,176
The ones about your mother?
358
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:07,145
Nah, I must've bailed before that.
359
00:13:07,229 --> 00:13:09,847
And yet he still made
it to his big meeting.
360
00:13:09,931 --> 00:13:12,250
Because Eddie knows that
college is important
361
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,985
and he must take it seriously.
362
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:15,930
Yeah, I was thinking about that,
363
00:13:16,014 --> 00:13:18,423
and I don't wanna go to college.
364
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:19,524
College sucks.
365
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,742
And this must be Eddie.
366
00:13:24,616 --> 00:13:26,389
- "College sucks"?!
- Eddie!
367
00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:30,021
Sorry. Not just this one. All colleges.
368
00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:34,058
As Dean of Admissions,
I am disappointed.
369
00:13:34,142 --> 00:13:37,358
But as a man who thinks he
may have left the oven on...
370
00:13:37,979 --> 00:13:39,497
I'm thrilled.
371
00:13:39,581 --> 00:13:40,831
Seems like a nice guy.
372
00:13:40,915 --> 00:13:42,500
You had Kareem's recommendation.
373
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:43,901
His sky hook of approval!
374
00:13:43,985 --> 00:13:45,903
All you had to do was come in and smile.
375
00:13:47,722 --> 00:13:49,573
I can't smell anything.
376
00:13:49,657 --> 00:13:52,859
I'm so angry, I've lost
my ability to smell.
377
00:13:53,995 --> 00:13:55,513
You guys should be thanking me.
378
00:13:55,597 --> 00:13:57,348
Now you don't have to waste your money
379
00:13:57,432 --> 00:13:59,417
sending me somewhere I hate.
380
00:13:59,501 --> 00:14:01,230
Nothing. It's like all my powers
381
00:14:01,314 --> 00:14:03,039
have been drained to fuel my rage.
382
00:14:03,123 --> 00:14:04,922
Where have you been?
That tour was so boring.
383
00:14:05,006 --> 00:14:06,390
I had to find something else to do.
384
00:14:06,474 --> 00:14:07,725
You went to that party.
385
00:14:07,809 --> 00:14:09,327
That's how this all happened.
386
00:14:09,411 --> 00:14:10,895
He went there, he got drunk,
387
00:14:10,979 --> 00:14:13,297
he lost his potential, and
now he hates college.
388
00:14:13,381 --> 00:14:15,566
No, I went and found
Justin. He's my age.
389
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:17,835
I figured he might show me
how to have fun around here.
390
00:14:20,091 --> 00:14:21,472
Another "Mr. Show"?
391
00:14:22,151 --> 00:14:23,454
Seriously?
392
00:14:23,538 --> 00:14:24,909
We've been watching TV for hours.
393
00:14:24,993 --> 00:14:26,799
Isn't there anything else you guys do?
394
00:14:27,662 --> 00:14:29,680
We can all take a nap again.
395
00:14:31,299 --> 00:14:33,564
I thought that's what you wanted.
396
00:14:33,648 --> 00:14:35,086
Nice and easy, sit around.
397
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:36,487
Recharge from high school.
398
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:37,855
Yeah, it sounded good in theory,
399
00:14:37,939 --> 00:14:39,657
but that's all they do here.
400
00:14:39,741 --> 00:14:41,225
Turns out I need a little more.
401
00:14:41,309 --> 00:14:44,487
I haven't seen one thing
here that doesn't suck.
402
00:14:44,571 --> 00:14:46,397
I'm sorry. College isn't for me.
403
00:14:46,481 --> 00:14:47,498
It's lame.
404
00:14:49,784 --> 00:14:50,968
This is a disaster.
405
00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:53,704
He went from Tier 3 schools
to no schools at all.
406
00:14:53,788 --> 00:14:55,049
He's going backwards.
407
00:14:55,133 --> 00:14:56,173
Well, it's now or never.
408
00:14:56,257 --> 00:14:57,475
If you're not going to show our son
409
00:14:57,559 --> 00:14:59,276
how to have a good time
here, then I will.
410
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,411
You?
411
00:15:00,495 --> 00:15:01,779
What are you gonna do,
412
00:15:01,863 --> 00:15:03,180
throw a Frisbee with him on the quad?
413
00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:05,416
You don't throw a Frisbee, you slang it.
414
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,752
Louis, who are we kidding?
415
00:15:07,836 --> 00:15:10,421
I let you play it up
in front of the kids,
416
00:15:10,505 --> 00:15:12,289
but we both know that in college,
417
00:15:12,373 --> 00:15:13,724
you were a dork.
418
00:15:13,808 --> 00:15:15,559
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
why Eddie needs you.
419
00:15:15,643 --> 00:15:16,594
He is you.
420
00:15:16,678 --> 00:15:17,728
No, Evan's me.
421
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:20,865
Responsible, focused,
able to pull off argyle.
422
00:15:20,949 --> 00:15:21,832
Argyle!
423
00:15:21,916 --> 00:15:22,833
Evan is you now.
424
00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:24,201
Eddie is who you used to be.
425
00:15:24,285 --> 00:15:25,936
I could handle myself.
426
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,938
I knew where to draw the line.
427
00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:29,911
- Eddie's not me.
- No, he's not.
428
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,909
He's way better off
because you raised him.
429
00:15:31,993 --> 00:15:34,078
Mistakes, regret, loss,
430
00:15:34,162 --> 00:15:36,147
this is the place to start
to learn about that stuff.
431
00:15:36,231 --> 00:15:37,648
And it'll only help our kids to know
432
00:15:37,732 --> 00:15:38,916
that we went through it, too.
433
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,951
And we survived and evolved.
434
00:15:41,035 --> 00:15:42,119
Same way he will.
435
00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:45,589
Look, Jessica, someone
needs to show Eddie
436
00:15:45,673 --> 00:15:47,358
that college can be challenging
437
00:15:47,442 --> 00:15:48,926
and soul-searching and fun.
438
00:15:49,010 --> 00:15:50,327
And that person is you.
439
00:15:50,411 --> 00:15:51,295
The old you.
440
00:15:51,379 --> 00:15:53,197
Messy Jessie.
441
00:15:53,281 --> 00:15:54,680
What do you say, gunslinger?
442
00:15:57,418 --> 00:15:59,503
...probably a huge tadpole by now.
443
00:15:59,587 --> 00:16:00,838
Nice, right?
444
00:16:00,922 --> 00:16:02,540
Wah-wah.
445
00:16:06,461 --> 00:16:08,145
- ♪ Got the wind in my hair ♪
- Arnold got his start here.
446
00:16:08,229 --> 00:16:10,281
What are your political aspirations?
447
00:16:11,165 --> 00:16:12,450
Which exercise
448
00:16:12,534 --> 00:16:13,551
best preps a young candidate
449
00:16:13,635 --> 00:16:14,618
for the campaign trail?
450
00:16:15,737 --> 00:16:17,254
How do you square the Electoral College
451
00:16:17,338 --> 00:16:18,489
with "1 Person, 1 Vote"?
452
00:16:20,308 --> 00:16:21,792
♪ Since I was just a girl ♪
453
00:16:21,876 --> 00:16:24,128
♪ I've traveled near and far ♪
454
00:16:24,212 --> 00:16:27,164
Alright, I know you heard
this scene 15 times or so.
455
00:16:27,248 --> 00:16:29,366
But they're gonna run it once more,
456
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:31,235
so they need you to act like
457
00:16:31,319 --> 00:16:34,205
this is the first time
you're hearing these jokes!
458
00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:35,706
All right? Energy up.
459
00:16:36,791 --> 00:16:38,108
Oh, this is nothing.
460
00:16:38,192 --> 00:16:41,494
When Kelsey Grammer's
having a day, look out.
461
00:16:42,597 --> 00:16:44,148
You sure you can eat ramen dry?
462
00:16:44,232 --> 00:16:46,499
You can eat anything dry
if you chew enough.
463
00:16:49,671 --> 00:16:51,837
Eddie, I have to tell you something.
464
00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:54,558
I am Messy Jessie.
465
00:16:54,642 --> 00:16:55,459
Who?
466
00:16:55,543 --> 00:16:56,827
When I was in college,
467
00:16:56,911 --> 00:16:58,744
I didn't take it seriously.
468
00:16:59,814 --> 00:17:01,499
I used to be a madwoman.
469
00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:04,001
- I don't believe this.
- What?
470
00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:05,569
That you could fill a water balloon
471
00:17:05,653 --> 00:17:06,837
with shaving cream instead of water
472
00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:08,038
so you could actually lift it?
473
00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:10,374
No, I mean, yes, that is
also pretty mind-blowing,
474
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,776
but I'm talking about how
you were wild in college.
475
00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:15,513
Occasionally, I would let my hair down.
476
00:17:15,597 --> 00:17:17,281
Until I shaved it all off on a dare.
477
00:17:17,365 --> 00:17:19,083
How come you never told me all this?
478
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,752
Because there are some
qualities you see in your kids
479
00:17:21,836 --> 00:17:24,989
that you know they got from
you, and you are not proud.
480
00:17:25,073 --> 00:17:25,990
So...
481
00:17:26,074 --> 00:17:27,725
you're ashamed I like to have fun?
482
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:29,527
No, it's not that.
483
00:17:29,611 --> 00:17:31,195
It's just that maybe
484
00:17:31,279 --> 00:17:33,631
if I had been more focused
the first time around,
485
00:17:33,715 --> 00:17:35,099
I wouldn't be back in school now
486
00:17:35,183 --> 00:17:36,600
trying to do it all over again.
487
00:17:36,684 --> 00:17:38,269
I don't want you to have to do that.
488
00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:39,436
Really?
489
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,638
Because it seems to me
that the way you did it
490
00:17:40,722 --> 00:17:41,672
is way more interesting.
491
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,008
You lived it up, you had a family,
492
00:17:44,092 --> 00:17:46,844
multiple careers, still
pushing yourself...
493
00:17:46,928 --> 00:17:48,212
Okay, you're right, I don't regret it.
494
00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:49,847
I just don't want to encourage you
495
00:17:49,931 --> 00:17:51,181
to behave the way I did.
496
00:17:51,265 --> 00:17:52,883
I know, I'm a hypocrite.
497
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:54,218
No, cocky.
498
00:17:54,302 --> 00:17:56,120
You think you're the only person
who could handle anything?
499
00:17:56,204 --> 00:17:57,087
Yes.
500
00:17:57,171 --> 00:17:58,455
Because I am battle-tested.
501
00:17:58,539 --> 00:17:59,723
Not as much as me.
502
00:17:59,807 --> 00:18:02,541
You could never handle what
I went through... you.
503
00:18:03,378 --> 00:18:05,473
Me versus me.
504
00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:08,098
That is interesting. Who would win?
505
00:18:08,182 --> 00:18:09,066
Me.
506
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:10,100
You're crazy.
507
00:18:11,185 --> 00:18:12,736
You call it like you see it.
508
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:15,339
That is another quality I
am proud you get from me.
509
00:18:15,423 --> 00:18:18,876
Well, I am glad that
Messy Jessie could help.
510
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,945
Now, are you gonna tell me
511
00:18:21,029 --> 00:18:22,479
what we're gonna do with
this cream balloon?
512
00:18:22,563 --> 00:18:23,581
Yes.
513
00:18:23,665 --> 00:18:27,251
As long as you promise to
only do it at Harvard.
514
00:18:27,335 --> 00:18:28,619
I don't know about Harvard,
515
00:18:28,703 --> 00:18:31,422
but maybe college isn't
as lame as I thought.
516
00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:33,424
Okay. Stanford.
517
00:18:33,508 --> 00:18:34,558
Ready?
518
00:18:34,642 --> 00:18:35,926
Hey, look!
519
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:37,595
It's our little movie star!
520
00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:39,897
You make it big?
521
00:18:39,981 --> 00:18:41,832
No. Hollywood sucks.
522
00:18:41,916 --> 00:18:43,901
Yeah, turns out a beachside gym
523
00:18:43,985 --> 00:18:46,337
isn't the political think
tank you would expect.
524
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:47,805
And look at this.
525
00:18:47,889 --> 00:18:49,440
Completely pumped out.
526
00:18:49,524 --> 00:18:52,276
I won't be able to do bis
and tris till next week!
527
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:53,510
I thought being rich
528
00:18:53,594 --> 00:18:55,279
and not caring about
anything would be amazing.
529
00:18:55,363 --> 00:18:57,548
Garfield makes it look so easy.
530
00:18:57,632 --> 00:18:58,983
Garfield's not rich.
531
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:01,251
He's cat-rich. It's different.
532
00:19:01,335 --> 00:19:02,620
It was all too much.
533
00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:04,989
The excess, ignoring consequences,
534
00:19:05,073 --> 00:19:06,256
never saying no.
535
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:08,392
It's unsustainable. You
can't live life that way.
536
00:19:08,476 --> 00:19:10,794
No one can. Not even me.
537
00:19:10,878 --> 00:19:12,730
Not even Danny DeVito.
538
00:19:12,814 --> 00:19:14,698
Grandma, that wasn't Danny DeVito.
539
00:19:14,782 --> 00:19:16,967
Emery, they could've
kissed. Let her have it.
540
00:19:17,051 --> 00:19:18,135
♪ Yeah ♪
541
00:19:18,219 --> 00:19:20,170
You know, even if Y2K's coming,
542
00:19:20,254 --> 00:19:22,539
I'd rather spend my last
few days with you two,
543
00:19:22,623 --> 00:19:23,774
just like we always do...
544
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,876
On the couch, busting each other's yams.
545
00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:29,346
Hey, if the world doesn't end,
546
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,617
how are we gonna pay
off our credit cards?
547
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:34,451
I faked my death before.
548
00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:36,074
I can do it again.
549
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:37,688
Hmm.
550
00:19:40,441 --> 00:19:42,290
Look out below!
551
00:19:43,111 --> 00:19:44,510
Nooooooo!
552
00:19:47,615 --> 00:19:49,033
Messy Jessie!
553
00:19:49,117 --> 00:19:50,516
She big, and she back!
554
00:19:52,477 --> 00:19:54,546
If you were this crazy in college,
555
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:56,819
I can't imagine what
"The Buffalo" was like.
556
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,355
Nope. Sorry. That's R-rated.
557
00:19:58,439 --> 00:19:59,723
Louis, I thought you said
558
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:02,526
good parenting was sharing
our past, not hiding it.
559
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:04,661
Oh, I say a lot of things
to get out of the doghouse.
560
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,196
Your dad was a club guy.
561
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,330
He joined them all.
562
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,300
I am so excited.
563
00:20:10,384 --> 00:20:11,701
Topiary Club!
564
00:20:11,785 --> 00:20:13,503
Or should we call it Shrub Club?
565
00:20:14,622 --> 00:20:15,972
Look out, nerds!
566
00:20:16,056 --> 00:20:18,390
Coming through!
567
00:20:19,527 --> 00:20:20,610
Are you here for the club?
568
00:20:21,795 --> 00:20:23,380
Extracurriculars are the wings
569
00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:24,544
of a social butterfly.
570
00:20:24,628 --> 00:20:25,683
Dad, you're making it worse.
571
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,117
Oh, yeah? I had a ton of sex.
572
00:20:27,201 --> 00:20:28,891
- No, you did not.
- I did, too.
573
00:20:28,975 --> 00:20:30,120
With who? The bush club?
574
00:20:30,204 --> 00:20:31,217
The Shrub Club!
575
00:20:31,301 --> 00:20:32,889
Okay. That's enough sharing.
576
00:20:34,575 --> 00:20:38,663
_
577
00:20:38,747 --> 00:20:41,850
_
578
00:20:41,934 --> 00:20:44,004
_
579
00:20:44,088 --> 00:20:47,550
_
580
00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:50,800
_
581
00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:54,253
_
582
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,336
_
583
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,196
_
584
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,280
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com