1
00:00:02,262 --> 00:00:04,699
[ "Pomp and Circumstance"
plays ]

2
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:07,659
Jessica, our son isvaledictorian of Harvard.

3
00:00:07,702 --> 00:00:08,834
Crazy.

4
00:00:08,877 --> 00:00:10,096
Louis, pipe down.

5
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,533
I gave you one rule
for today, remember?

6
00:00:12,577 --> 00:00:14,318
[ Boston accent ] Don't talkin a wicked Boston accent

7
00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:15,232
to order lobster chowder?

8
00:00:15,275 --> 00:00:16,929
Okay, fine.
Two rules.

9
00:00:16,972 --> 00:00:19,627
And it's not crazy
he's up there.

10
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,847
He's always shown
signs of greatness.

11
00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:24,502
Breakfast is served, suckas.[ Warbling ]

12
00:00:24,545 --> 00:00:27,983
Boom. A literal food pyramid
made from all 10 food groups.

13
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,681
Frozen fish sticks
form the base,

14
00:00:29,724 --> 00:00:31,422
so give her a sec to thaw
before diving in.

15
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,728
10 food groups?Why is it moving?

16
00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:36,514
I still can't believe
you got a 1500 on your SAT.

17
00:00:36,557 --> 00:00:38,211
I still can't believeyou haven't told Mom yet.

18
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:39,517
Boys, think.

19
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,519
I'm a high-school junior
who doesn't listen well.

20
00:00:41,562 --> 00:00:43,086
Fair.Cautiously following.

21
00:00:43,129 --> 00:00:44,609
I'll tell Mom my score

22
00:00:44,652 --> 00:00:46,480
when I really need
a get-out-of-jail-free card,

23
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,743
like, for example,
I'm in jail.

24
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,789
Yeah.Eddie, clean up the mess
you made in the kitchen.

25
00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:52,878
I got a 1500
on my SATs.

26
00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:54,314
What?!
Wow.

27
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:57,100
[ Laughs ]
Eddie, I can't believe it!

28
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,233
I did it.

29
00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:02,322
--Captions by VITAC--

30
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,628
♪ Fresh off the boat

31
00:01:03,671 --> 00:01:05,456
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪

32
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,545
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪

33
00:01:07,588 --> 00:01:08,981
♪ Fresh off the boat

34
00:01:09,024 --> 00:01:11,244
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪

35
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,680
♪ But I know where I'm goin'

36
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:15,248
♪ I'm fresh off the boat

37
00:01:16,597 --> 00:01:19,774
You really got a 1500
on the SAT?

38
00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,994
Yep. A 750 on
the verbal and...

39
00:01:22,037 --> 00:01:23,561
whatever's left in math.

40
00:01:23,604 --> 00:01:25,432
Amazing.
I'm so proud of you.

41
00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:26,303
Thank you.

42
00:01:26,346 --> 00:01:27,956
See, Louis?

43
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,351
Me pushing Eddie all these years
is finally paying off.

44
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,571
Top-tier colleges
are back in play.

45
00:01:33,614 --> 00:01:34,702
The football teams
get worse,

46
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,269
but the starting salaries
skyrocket.

47
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:38,097
You did fill in the oval

48
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,230
letting schools get
your test scores, right?

49
00:01:40,273 --> 00:01:43,537
I filled in every oval I saw --you know, better my chances.

50
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:44,930
1500, ladies and germs.

51
00:01:44,973 --> 00:01:47,150
1-5-0-0.

52
00:01:47,193 --> 00:01:48,238
Well, I better clean
my pyramid mess.

53
00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:49,978
No, no, no.
You stay.

54
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,154
You deserve to rest.

55
00:01:51,197 --> 00:01:53,068
[ All gasp ]

56
00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:54,983
I'll do the dishes.
What the heck.

57
00:01:55,027 --> 00:01:57,290
Maybe I'll even reconnect
the dishwasher.

58
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,248
[ Boys gasp ]

59
00:01:58,291 --> 00:01:59,292
[ Gasps ]

60
00:02:01,294 --> 00:02:02,252
[ Sighs ]

61
00:02:02,295 --> 00:02:03,862
Was that a hug?

62
00:02:03,905 --> 00:02:05,733
I've never seen your mother
this happy.

63
00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,431
That includes
our wedding day,

64
00:02:07,474 --> 00:02:08,867
but definitely
not our wedding night.

65
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,260
We went for it.

66
00:02:10,303 --> 00:02:11,261
Gross.

67
00:02:11,304 --> 00:02:13,001
I don't trust this.

68
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:14,786
It's like when a stranger offersyou candy to get in their van.

69
00:02:14,829 --> 00:02:17,005
I mean, you take it --
free candy --

70
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,311
but it never ends well.

71
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,399
Please tell me
you've never gotten in

72
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:20,400
a stranger's van before.

73
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:22,402
Eddie, your mom

74
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,751
doesn't get to
experience pure joy often.

75
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,971
She refuses to watch
"Police Academy,"

76
00:02:26,014 --> 00:02:28,713
doesn't "get dogs,"
calls Weird Al a hack.

77
00:02:28,756 --> 00:02:29,801
Let her have this.

78
00:02:29,844 --> 00:02:31,846
Eddie,
forget the kitchen.

79
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,413
We're going out
to celebrate!

80
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,286
Cele-what?
Girl, I got school.

81
00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:38,418
Not today.
School can wait.

82
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:39,419
[ All gasp ]

83
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:41,291
[ Gasps, chuckles ]

84
00:02:41,334 --> 00:02:43,597
Dibs on the first
dishwasher load.

85
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:48,472
♪ Baby, I got your money

86
00:02:48,515 --> 00:02:50,387
♪ Hey, Dirty

87
00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:54,304
♪ Baby, I got your money,
don't you worry ♪

88
00:02:54,347 --> 00:02:56,654
♪ I said hey, Dirty

89
00:02:56,697 --> 00:02:58,699
♪ Baby, I got your money

90
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:01,311
♪ Hey, Dirty

91
00:03:01,354 --> 00:03:03,443
[ Rapping ]
♪ Dance if you caught up in
the Holy Ghost trance ♪

92
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,532
♪ If you stop, I'm-a putthe killer ants in your pants ♪

93
00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:07,882
♪ I'm the ODB, as you can see

94
00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:10,363
♪ I'm just Dirt Dog trying
to make some money ♪

95
00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:12,800
♪ So give me my streaks
and give me my honey ♪

96
00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:14,454
♪ None of you, nuh,
better look at me funny ♪

97
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:17,327
♪ Nuh, you know my name,
now gimme my money ♪

98
00:03:17,370 --> 00:03:18,632
♪ Hey

99
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,808
Man, I look like
"Boyz n the Hood" Ice Cube,

100
00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:21,461
Asian-boy edition.

101
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,289
Dope.

102
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:24,769
Motherand oval-filling son.

103
00:03:24,812 --> 00:03:25,900
This stays here.

104
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:27,075
I don't wantyour Ivy League roommates

105
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,600
drooling overyour mother's flawless skin.

106
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,384
I don't know
about the Ivy League.

107
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:34,561
I do!
That 1500 changed the game.

108
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,215
We need to update
your life-chart.

109
00:03:38,391 --> 00:03:39,958
Evan has dibs
on president,

110
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:41,307
but we can Kennedy
this thing,

111
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:42,700
and you could be
his attorney general.

112
00:03:42,743 --> 00:03:45,616
Emery can be the drunk
with the square head.

113
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,444
[ Sighs ]

114
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,535
Oh, no.

115
00:03:51,578 --> 00:03:54,189
Mom wrote "A Case of a Knife tothe Brain 2: The Second Knife"?

116
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,017
I'm penning my memoir.

117
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,715
I want to get
my life story down

118
00:03:57,758 --> 00:04:00,195
before things get intensein high school.

119
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:02,894
It'll be way less intense
if you keep that to yourself.

120
00:04:02,937 --> 00:04:04,330
I can't be America's firstDoctor-President

121
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,505
without publishing
a memoir.

122
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,898
I even mocked up a cover.

123
00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:10,945
I'll update the photowhen I'm old enough to run,

124
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,120
maybe grow some stubblefor the ladies --

125
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:13,296
crucial demo.

126
00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:14,862
Cool.

127
00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:16,342
I've outlined
my next chapter --

128
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,431
"Evan Huang,HOA Vice President."

129
00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:25,656
♪♪

130
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,614
Matthew: How do you think
this guy went out?

131
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,050
Big-game hunter,

132
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,401
or stepped in front
of the wrong logging truck?

133
00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:33,620
Pushing that much girth
around the woods?

134
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:34,404
Heart disease all day.

135
00:04:34,447 --> 00:04:36,275
Hey!

136
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,190
Mom liftedher bumper-sticker ban.

137
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:41,628
She wants you to put this onthe Cattleman's delivery car.
Eddie: Great.

138
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,456
That's what you want on your
bumper during rush hour.

139
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,501
Very rear-end-able.

140
00:04:46,546 --> 00:04:47,678
You have a minute
to talk?

141
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:48,853
Boss Talk or Dad Talk?

142
00:04:48,896 --> 00:04:49,854
Dad Talk.

143
00:04:49,897 --> 00:04:51,334
Okay.

144
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:54,641
It's me, Dad.
What's up?

145
00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:56,164
So, I've been thinkinga lot about college

146
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:57,296
ever since our UCLA trip.

147
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,384
Great trip.

148
00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,559
Great trip,

149
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,387
but I don't think I wanta regular school.

150
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,563
[ Breathes deeply ]

151
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:04,869
I want to go to
culinary school.

152
00:05:04,912 --> 00:05:06,697
Culinary school?

153
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,047
Like for cooking.I know what it means --
sorta.

154
00:05:09,090 --> 00:05:11,049
This is big, Eddie.

155
00:05:11,092 --> 00:05:12,746
I know you're working
at the restaurant with me,

156
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,922
but I didn't realize you were
that passionate about this.

157
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,360
I didn't either,until it dawned on me

158
00:05:17,403 --> 00:05:19,405
the thing I always getexcited about is food...

159
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:20,754
[ Fajitas sizzling ]

160
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:24,802
♪♪

161
00:05:24,845 --> 00:05:33,419
♪♪

162
00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,508
...creating it,cooking it, eating it.

163
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,770
I love food, Dad!

164
00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:39,033
I love food, too, son.
[ Chuckles ]

165
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,948
I love food, too.

166
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,602
You're following
in my footsteps.

167
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,648
[ Chuckles ]
Uh, my restaurant footsteps,

168
00:05:44,691 --> 00:05:46,693
not my Cha Cha King of Taipei
footsteps.

169
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,173
Ain't nobody
following those.

170
00:05:48,216 --> 00:05:50,001
Well, I'm glad you're opento culinary school.

171
00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:51,176
Ma won't be.

172
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:52,525
Yeah.

173
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,179
No way she had this
on my life-chart.

174
00:05:54,222 --> 00:05:57,095
Hey, why don't you
make her a meal,

175
00:05:57,138 --> 00:05:58,705
show her your stuff,

176
00:05:58,749 --> 00:06:00,838
and then we can talk about
culinary school together?

177
00:06:00,881 --> 00:06:02,622
Yeah, that'd be sick!

178
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,015
[ Chuckles ]

179
00:06:04,058 --> 00:06:08,672
♪♪

180
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:10,500
"Evan Huang for HOA
Vice President:

181
00:06:10,543 --> 00:06:12,502
One Deidre Heartbeat Away."

182
00:06:12,545 --> 00:06:14,329
You said you worked
as a mall elf

183
00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,723
to "help
my needy brothers"?

184
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,551
Iworked as a mall elf
to help you!

185
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:19,944
Uh, time out.

186
00:06:19,987 --> 00:06:21,336
You read my memoir?

187
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,686
Please tell me you wore
the document gloves

188
00:06:22,729 --> 00:06:23,730
sitting next to it.

189
00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:25,602
You stole my story.
You lied!

190
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,170
I'm just giving readers
what they want -- a hero.

191
00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:30,563
Who cares about
the details?

192
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:31,608
I do.

193
00:06:31,651 --> 00:06:33,436
You can't be presidentif you lie.

194
00:06:33,479 --> 00:06:34,567
It's un-American.

195
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:37,004
Calling the first
Asian President un-American?

196
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:39,224
Pretty racist.

197
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:41,226
[ Sighs ]

198
00:06:41,269 --> 00:06:44,055
♪♪

199
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:45,926
This is amazing.

200
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:48,668
Your mom will have toconsider culinary school.

201
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,104
Each dish is inspired
by her --

202
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:52,585
Anti-Hobo Stew,
Chicken a la Stephen King,

203
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,282
Aw Hell Gnocchi.[ Chuckles ]

204
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,763
I was out at the mailbox,

205
00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:57,808
and I saw Deidre
in the window.[ Door closes ]

206
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,637
Dummy took 20 minutes
to notice my sweatshirt.

207
00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:05,555
What's all this?Oh, I made dinner for you.

208
00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:06,904
Why? [ Gasps ]

209
00:07:06,947 --> 00:07:08,819
Oh, you put a baby
in that redhead, didn't you?

210
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,342
Jessica!
Whoa!

211
00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:11,430
No.

212
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:12,562
I just wanted
to say thank you

213
00:07:12,605 --> 00:07:13,780
for everything
you've done for me.

214
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:15,303
Aww!

215
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,610
You got a 1500
andyou cook.

216
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:20,613
You are going to make some womanI choose a great husband.

217
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,615
[ Sighs ] So, Mom,I was hoping we could talk.

218
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,138
Sure.

219
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,923
What did you want to --
[ Gasps loudly ]

220
00:07:25,966 --> 00:07:27,359
Eddie got a letter
from Harvard.

221
00:07:27,402 --> 00:07:28,360
I'll open it so you don't
cut your test fingers.

222
00:07:28,403 --> 00:07:30,275
Okay with you?
Great!

223
00:07:30,318 --> 00:07:31,798
Aah!

224
00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:34,409
[ Inhales deeply ]
"Dear Edwyn Huang,

225
00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:36,194
we received your SAT scores

226
00:07:36,237 --> 00:07:37,848
and want to schedule
an interview

227
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,545
with one of our alumni"?

228
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,112
[ Screams ]

229
00:07:41,155 --> 00:07:42,896
[ Screams ]

230
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,115
[ Screams ]

231
00:07:47,422 --> 00:07:49,076
Ah!

232
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,339
Harvard wants to send an alum
here to my house

233
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,125
to interview Eddie,
my son.

234
00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:55,953
Louis: No chance they send
Bill Gates, right?

235
00:07:55,996 --> 00:07:58,738
Because I still can't get
the printer to do landscape.

236
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,784
I got to get moving.
I got to call Connie to gloat.

237
00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:02,742
I got to redecorate the house
to Ivy League standards,

238
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,483
polish the fine china.

239
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,572
Fun fact --
that's my bowling nickname.

240
00:08:09,009 --> 00:08:10,968
Dad, I want to go
to culinary school.

241
00:08:11,011 --> 00:08:12,404
Do I really have to do
this interview?

242
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:13,623
It'd just be
a waste of time.

243
00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:14,580
Not for your mom.

244
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,887
Ho, ho, ho!

245
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:17,801
Not a "yo mama" joke.
Sorry.

246
00:08:17,844 --> 00:08:19,803
Eddie, she's worked hard

247
00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:21,065
your whole lifeto give you this opportunity.

248
00:08:21,108 --> 00:08:24,764
Just let her have this,and then we can talkto her about culinary.

249
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,245
Fine.
I'll do it -- for her.

250
00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:28,507
Good.

251
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:29,769
And if,for whatever reason,

252
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,205
cooking school
doesn't pan out...

253
00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,816
Pan out. Nice.

254
00:08:32,859 --> 00:08:34,121
...Harvard is not
the worst backup.

255
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,862
Speak for yourself.

256
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:37,777
I ain't built for those
Pennsylvania winters.

257
00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:40,475
No, Harvard is...
Yeah.

258
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,741
Aah! [ Laughs ]
Ahh.

259
00:08:44,784 --> 00:08:45,872
Pay up, Barbie.

260
00:08:47,482 --> 00:08:48,962
Hey, why are you so quiet there,Emory, huh?

261
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:50,790
Those freshman girls
got your tongue? [ Laughs ]

262
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,226
Evan's writing a memoir,

263
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,359
and he's stealing stories,making things up.

264
00:08:54,402 --> 00:08:55,708
Well,
he's just spinning yarns

265
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,884
like we used to do
in the Navy -- harmless.

266
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,756
Not like those dirty Marines.

267
00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:00,887
They're actual liars.

268
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,628
N-- O-kay.
You can g--

269
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,238
Emery, your brother'sin eighth grade.

270
00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:05,762
That's a tough time.

271
00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:09,374
He's probably justtooting his own horn.Yeah.

272
00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:10,418
Maybe I am overreacting.

273
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:11,855
I'm glad you guys
think it's okay

274
00:09:11,898 --> 00:09:12,899
since you're all
in his memoir, too.

275
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,640
We are?
Yeah?
Yeah.

276
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,773
You should see how
he described Liza's birth.

277
00:09:16,816 --> 00:09:18,209
[ Inhales sharply ][ Suspenseful music plays ]

278
00:09:18,252 --> 00:09:20,124
Oh, Marvin!
Where are the keys?

279
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:22,430
This baby is coming!I can't find 'em!

280
00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:25,259
Oh, this is all too much,even for a Navy man.

281
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,174
[ Gasps ]
Oh, no.

282
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:30,351
Ohh. I'm fainting.

283
00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:34,007
Oh, who could blame you?

284
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:37,576
There's not a man alive who canhandle this kind of pressure.

285
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:38,403
[ Door opens ][ Breathes deeply ]

286
00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:40,623
I will deliver the baby.

287
00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:43,364
[ Heroic fanfare plays ]

288
00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,192
Honey, give me
two deep breaths.

289
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:48,239
1, 2...[ Breathing deeply ]

290
00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:49,893
[ Baby cooing ]

291
00:09:49,936 --> 00:09:52,025
There she is.

292
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:54,680
[ Exhales sharply ]We'll call her Liza.

293
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,900
[ Cooing continues ]

294
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,598
I had a 17-hour labor

295
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,992
with a rare diagonal breach,no epidural,

296
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,863
and that nerd is trying totake it away from me?

297
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,865
I warned Evan,
but he didn't listen.

298
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:06,823
He's stubborn.

299
00:10:06,866 --> 00:10:09,564
That's why he'll be
a good politician.

300
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,175
He only cares
about the votes.

301
00:10:11,218 --> 00:10:13,525
And Navy men don't faint!

302
00:10:13,568 --> 00:10:16,180
They pass out
and hit the ground hard

303
00:10:16,223 --> 00:10:19,313
with their pants off and
their shoes on, like men.

304
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,013
[ Wood creaks ]

305
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,885
Why does our house looklike a Vermont B&B

306
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,887
inside a whaling ship?

307
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,194
I want Harvard to feel at home
for Eddie's interview.

308
00:10:30,237 --> 00:10:32,239
The theme is
"New England Snoot."Smart.

309
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:33,763
[ Door opens ]Eddie: Ma,

310
00:10:33,806 --> 00:10:35,025
do I really have
to wear all this?

311
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,635
I mean, look at me.

312
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,376
I want to kick my ass.Eddie, you look great --

313
00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:41,988
like a hip1970s IBM executive.

314
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:42,989
[ Doorbell rings ][ Gasps ]

315
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,730
Places.
Places, everyone.

316
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:49,039
Together:
[ Maine accent ] Afta-noon!

317
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,868
Hello.
That wasn't creepy at all.

318
00:10:51,911 --> 00:10:53,086
[ Normal voice ]
Andy Richter?

319
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,784
[ Normal voice ]
You know this intelligent man?

320
00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:57,090
Oh, he's the co-host of"Late Night with Conan O'Brien."

321
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,745
The talk show?I understand zero
of those words.

322
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:00,833
Yeah, it's a great job.

323
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:03,618
I sit on the couch
and laugh at Conan's jokes.

324
00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:05,055
Hey, me too.
[ Chuckles ]

325
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,317
Alright, look,
it's not that easy, okay?

326
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,102
I mean, there's...lights
and stuff.

327
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,451
So, Andy,you're a Harvard alum?

328
00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:12,845
Oh, God, no.
My name is Andy. Come on.

329
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,847
[ Chuckles ]
No, but Conan is,

330
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,544
and sometimes he does
interviews for them,

331
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:19,286
and then he asks me to do
the interviews for him.

332
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,940
Mm. I like this Conan.

333
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,812
Eh, everybody does.
He's Conan.

334
00:11:22,855 --> 00:11:25,902
He's tall, he's handsome,
he signs my checks.

335
00:11:25,945 --> 00:11:28,034
So, uh,can I get you anything?

336
00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:29,296
Tea?
Something to eat?

337
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,734
My "Simpsons" spec scriptto give to Conan?

338
00:11:31,777 --> 00:11:34,345
Uh, no, it's alright.
I'll just talk to Eddie.Okay.

339
00:11:34,388 --> 00:11:35,868
And you know what?
I will have something to eat.

340
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,610
And drink.

341
00:11:38,653 --> 00:11:41,004
Evan, thank you for
the block-party update.

342
00:11:41,047 --> 00:11:42,614
My pleasure.

343
00:11:42,657 --> 00:11:44,921
Gonna be a scorcher out there,
so sunscreen up, girls.

344
00:11:44,964 --> 00:11:45,965
[ Women murmur ]Up next

345
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,967
are elections
for HOA Vice President.

346
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:50,317
Any nominations?

347
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:52,842
Uh, I nominate
Emery Huang.

348
00:11:52,885 --> 00:11:54,278
[ Gasps ]

349
00:11:54,321 --> 00:11:57,150
I accept.
[ Scoffs ]

350
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,717
For those who don't know me,
I'm a spelling-bee champ,

351
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:02,373
writing a memoir,
and love a tucked-in polo!

352
00:12:02,416 --> 00:12:04,070
Those are my credentials.[ Women chuckling ]

353
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:05,202
Just giving people
what they want.

354
00:12:05,245 --> 00:12:06,899
It takes a lot of marbles

355
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,119
to sideswipe the guy
holding a wooden hammer.

356
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,598
-[ Gasps ]
-Ooh!

357
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,949
Whoa, Eddie.
You really nailed the SATs.

358
00:12:12,992 --> 00:12:14,298
What was that like?

359
00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:16,779
Tough.I filled in so many ovals,

360
00:12:16,822 --> 00:12:19,216
I didn't have the strengthto zip up my pants for a week.

361
00:12:19,259 --> 00:12:21,174
Well, zippers
are complicated.

362
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:23,350
I think the Amish are ahead
of the curve on that one.

363
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:24,612
Jessica: Oh, don't mind me.

364
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:27,093
Just taking Eddie's cello
to the conservatory.

365
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,616
[ Chuckles ]

366
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,663
Ooh! Cello --
the man's violin.

367
00:12:31,706 --> 00:12:34,448
Well, actually,I'm more of a beatboxer.

368
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,363
No kidding!
Let 'er rip.

369
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,714
[ Beatboxing ]

370
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:41,978
♪ Ah-booty, booty, booty jam

371
00:12:42,021 --> 00:12:43,631
No, no, over here,
ignore that now!

372
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:44,502
Eddie's telescope.

373
00:12:44,545 --> 00:12:46,896
Houston, we have a genius.

374
00:12:46,939 --> 00:12:50,160
Gosh, maybe it would be easier
if I just interviewed you.

375
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,902
Great idea.

376
00:12:52,945 --> 00:12:54,512
Well, uh, Eddie,
do you have any questions

377
00:12:54,555 --> 00:12:56,557
for me, for Conan,
for Harvard?

378
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,124
Yes.

379
00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,212
How hard will
they make him work?

380
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,910
Eddie loves hard work.

381
00:13:00,953 --> 00:13:02,912
Huh?
Huh.

382
00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:04,087
Well, he didn't at first.

383
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:06,263
I've always had to
push him to succeed.

384
00:13:06,306 --> 00:13:08,831
♪♪

385
00:13:08,874 --> 00:13:10,571
Eddie, focus!

386
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,573
Aah!
Where's my bed?!

387
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:14,097
Beds are for people
who work hard.

388
00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:16,926
Recommit yourself to school
and hard work,

389
00:13:16,969 --> 00:13:18,101
you get your bed back.

390
00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:19,058
Mom?

391
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,451
For the next
three months

392
00:13:20,494 --> 00:13:21,887
while I'm busy
studying for grad school,

393
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:25,064
you will be by my side
PSAT prepping.

394
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,370
Study buddies.

395
00:13:26,413 --> 00:13:28,502
Wow. You've really
done a lot for Eddie.

396
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:31,070
I drive my boys
to be the best.

397
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,898
Jessica don't raise
mediocre.

398
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:35,161
That's actually
very helpful to hear.

399
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,728
Yes,
that's why I said it.

400
00:13:36,771 --> 00:13:39,470
Alright, well, uh,
I've got to get going.

401
00:13:39,513 --> 00:13:43,909
"Conan" has another interview
in Daytona Beach.

402
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:45,476
Uh, hey, Andy.

403
00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:47,652
Uh, complimentary
basket of oranges.

404
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:49,915
My "Simpsons" spec scriptis on the bottom.

405
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,264
Homer takes Lisa square dancingand then loses her.

406
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,745
It's called "Do-Si-D'oh!"[ Chuckles ]

407
00:13:53,788 --> 00:13:55,660
Yeah, perfect.

408
00:13:55,703 --> 00:13:57,662
They're always hungry for ideasfrom the random public.

409
00:13:57,705 --> 00:13:59,664
[ Exhales sharply ]Really? That's great.

410
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:03,102
[ Gasps ] Mm.

411
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,888
So, what did you think of Eddie?What will you tell the school?

412
00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:08,629
Should I preorder
my license plate for him now?

413
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:11,937
Okay, look, I've done
a lot of these things,

414
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,461
and Harvard is not
gonna be a fit.

415
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,028
What?

416
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:18,988
Oh, it was his
mouth-rapping, wasn't it?

417
00:14:19,031 --> 00:14:20,293
Oh, no, no,
that was excellent --

418
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,469
I mean,
Michael Winslow-nian.

419
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:26,734
No, i-it's not so much Eddie
as it is you.

420
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,084
Me?

421
00:14:28,127 --> 00:14:31,348
Yeah, you're a bit of
a helicopter mom,

422
00:14:31,391 --> 00:14:35,830
and Harvard's found that, when
a parent is so...invested

423
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,050
that the kid tends to fizzle out

424
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,312
once they're finally
on their own.

425
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,836
Eh, helicopter mom,
that's not me.

426
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,186
Hey, who put this in my room?

427
00:14:46,406 --> 00:14:48,931
Well,
thanks for the oranges.

428
00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:49,801
[ Door opens ]

429
00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:56,460
Eddie can't go to Harvard
because of me.

430
00:14:59,854 --> 00:15:02,988
Jessica.
I pushed you
your whole life

431
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,729
for a school like Harvard,
but I pushed too hard.

432
00:15:04,772 --> 00:15:06,774
I failed you.
What?

433
00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:08,080
No, I wasn't thatbig on Harvard anyways.

434
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,213
I mean, their mascot's
a friggin' color.

435
00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:11,910
Well, I guess there are
other top schools.

436
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:14,130
Why, it is the Ivy League
after all.

437
00:15:14,173 --> 00:15:15,566
Or there are
other options.

438
00:15:15,609 --> 00:15:17,698
Okay, new plan!

439
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:19,004
We go to the schools
to interview.

440
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,440
We ambush them.

441
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:22,051
I'll find
the admissions director,

442
00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:24,140
tell him that if he doesn't
accept Eddie,

443
00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:25,532
it's time
for some smacks --

444
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:28,187
hitting smacks,
not kissing smacks.

445
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,015
Ma, you don't have to
do that.

446
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:33,192
Of course I do.
I ruined Harvard!

447
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,455
You didn't ruin it,
because I didn't want
to go to college.

448
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,544
I want to go to
culinary school.

449
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,894
[ Ominous chord strikes ]

450
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:45,378
Then I guess I really did
fail you as a mother.

451
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:48,991
♪♪

452
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,427
[ Door closes ]

453
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,385
Okay.
I'll tally the votes.

454
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,432
Hey, dingbat.
What the "H" was that?

455
00:15:55,475 --> 00:15:57,086
You took credit
for my success,

456
00:15:57,129 --> 00:15:59,305
plucked my feathers
for your cap.

457
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:00,437
I was just proving a point.

458
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,047
Well,
this isn't a joke, kid.

459
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:05,094
This is the doggone
HOA Vice Presidency!
Mm.

460
00:16:05,137 --> 00:16:07,487
Doesn't feel so goodwhen someone stealsyour story, does it?

461
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:10,012
The dark underbelly
of plagiarism.

462
00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:15,060
Evan, you saw how
everyone reacted

463
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,235
when I shared your story.

464
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,236
It's powerful enoughon its own.

465
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,238
When you get to
high school,

466
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,327
the operating room,
the oval office...

467
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:24,026
you don't need to be anythingother than who you are.

468
00:16:24,069 --> 00:16:25,244
I love that guy.

469
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:28,378
Alright, y'all.

470
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,075
Congrats to the new
Vice President,

471
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:32,034
Emery Huang! [ Chuckles ]

472
00:16:32,077 --> 00:16:34,036
[ Applause ]This -- This is why

473
00:16:34,079 --> 00:16:36,081
we need to do away
with the popular vote.

474
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:40,346
[ R&B music plays ]

475
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:41,739
[ Indistinct conversations ]

476
00:16:41,782 --> 00:16:45,177
♪♪

477
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,527
Here's the thing, kids,
but I've taken this sucker

478
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:50,617
to 150 miles an hour
on a residential street.

479
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,532
Matthew: Taking the ranchon the road.

480
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,839
Brings me back to
my Dolly days --

481
00:16:54,882 --> 00:16:57,189
minus the groupies
and the wigs.

482
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,582
Oh, you worked
at Dollywood?

483
00:16:58,625 --> 00:17:00,062
I wasn't sure, because
you haven't mentioned it

484
00:17:00,105 --> 00:17:01,759
since yesterday.

485
00:17:01,802 --> 00:17:03,456
[ Utensil thuds ]

486
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,415
Yo, Pops.Ma's not doing so well.

487
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,113
Louis: Oh, yowza.
Mac and cheese?

488
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:09,375
And we're out of LACTAID.

489
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,029
This is my fault.

490
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,248
I shouldn't have pushed you
to do that interview.

491
00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:13,466
No, it's my bad.

492
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,686
I knew she'd hate
culinary school,

493
00:17:15,729 --> 00:17:19,168
but I thoughtshe'd be mad, not sad.

494
00:17:19,211 --> 00:17:20,343
I broke Mom.

495
00:17:20,386 --> 00:17:22,649
[ Feedback ]Meatball: Okay, everybody.

496
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,130
Let's keep that energy going
for Jessica Huang,

497
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,740
who's singing next.

498
00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,394
[ Applause ]

499
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,657
[ "Des'ree's
"You Gotta Be" plays ]

500
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:33,530
♪ Listen as your day unfolds

501
00:17:33,573 --> 00:17:36,272
♪ Challenge what
the future holds ♪

502
00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:40,624
♪ Try and keep your head
up to the sky ♪

503
00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:42,147
Oof. I heard
Harvard's out.♪ Lovers, they may
cause you tears ♪

504
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:44,323
Yeah, well, Andy Richter
called her a bad mom.

505
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,543
♪ Go ahead,
release your fears ♪[ Chuckles ]

506
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:47,674
Aw, hell no.♪ Show up and be counted

507
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,504
♪ Don't be ashamed
to cry ♪

508
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:54,159
♪ Herald what
your mother said ♪

509
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:56,770
♪ Read the books
your father read ♪

510
00:17:56,814 --> 00:18:02,298
♪ Try to solve your puzzles
in your own sweet time ♪

511
00:18:02,341 --> 00:18:05,127
♪ You gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold ♪

512
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,477
♪ You gotta be wiser

513
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,522
♪ You gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough ♪

514
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,525
♪ You gotta be stronger

515
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:15,224
♪ You gotta be cool,
you gotta be calm ♪

516
00:18:15,267 --> 00:18:17,313
♪ You gotta stay together

517
00:18:17,356 --> 00:18:22,231
♪ All I know, all I know,
love will save the day ♪

518
00:18:22,274 --> 00:18:24,233
♪ Time asks no questions

519
00:18:24,276 --> 00:18:27,192
♪ It goes on without you

520
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,759
♪ Leaving you behind

521
00:18:28,802 --> 00:18:32,371
If you try to suspend our son
because of this,

522
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,808
we will sue everyone
in this school.

523
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:37,333
♪ You can't stop it
if you try to ♪

524
00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:39,204
♪ The best part is danger...

525
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,510
If Oscar Chow
hadn't dumped me,

526
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,425
I never would have met
your father.

527
00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:43,469
I wouldn't be here.

528
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,471
And that would be tragic.

529
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:48,170
♪ You gotta be bad,
you gotta be bold ♪

530
00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:50,259
♪ You gotta be wiser

531
00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:53,479
♪ You gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough ♪

532
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,916
♪ You gotta be stronger

533
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,485
♪ All I know, all I know,
love will save the day ♪

534
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:03,402
[ Cheers and applause ]

535
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:06,057
♪♪

536
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,407
Okay, I hope you're not
wearing synthetic fibers,

537
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,757
'cause they're about to set
the dance floor on fire.

538
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,542
It's Honey and Marvin.

539
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,065
[ "Love Shack" plays ][ Cheers and applause ]

540
00:19:14,108 --> 00:19:17,242
♪ You see a faded sign
by the side of the road ♪

541
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,375
♪ That says 15 miles
to the ♪

542
00:19:19,418 --> 00:19:22,769
♪ Love shack!

543
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:25,859
Eddie, you didn't
need to do that.
Yes, I did.

544
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:28,340
Think about all the times
you've swooped in to save me.

545
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,168
You've always
been there for me.

546
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,256
You're the best mom ever.

547
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,302
I'm not terrible?

548
00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:35,391
Sure, you pushed me --
a lot.

549
00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,523
Like, I'm probably gonna
have to go talk it through

550
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,046
with a professional
at some point,

551
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:40,439
but I'm glad you did,

552
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,093
because it taught me
to fight for what I want.

553
00:19:42,136 --> 00:19:43,268
Dirty if you have to.

554
00:19:43,312 --> 00:19:45,314
[ Sighs ]

555
00:19:45,357 --> 00:19:46,402
I know it's not
what you planned,

556
00:19:46,445 --> 00:19:49,318
but I want to go
to culinary school.

557
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:54,105
And I just wantwhat's best for you.

558
00:19:54,148 --> 00:19:55,324
That's all I ever wanted.

559
00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,761
I know,
but I'm not gonna quit.

560
00:19:57,804 --> 00:20:01,112
I'm never gonna quit,because I'm Jessica Huang's kid.

561
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:06,030
[ Chuckles ]

562
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:06,944
Marvin: You're what?

563
00:20:06,987 --> 00:20:09,251
Tiiiiin roof!

564
00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:11,296
Oh.
Rusted!

565
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:14,038
♪♪

566
00:20:14,081 --> 00:20:16,388
Amazing duet yesterday.

567
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:18,521
I would've joined in,but Chestnut threw

568
00:20:18,564 --> 00:20:20,784
a piping-hot potato wedgeat Trent.
Good.

569
00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:22,438
You do that thing
where you cup your ear,

570
00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:23,482
but it's still pitchy.

571
00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:25,136
Uh, it's called
harmonizing?

572
00:20:25,179 --> 00:20:26,529
Look, about Eddie.

573
00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:28,531
I know we always wantedhim to go to college,

574
00:20:28,574 --> 00:20:30,707
but he has his own dreams.

575
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,144
Louis, we worked so hard
to get him here.

576
00:20:33,187 --> 00:20:35,451
He has a golden
opportunity.

577
00:20:35,494 --> 00:20:37,627
I don't want him
to throw it all away.

578
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,630
Well, you know, we werehis age when we left Taiwan,

579
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,066
and isn't this why,

580
00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:43,981
so our kids could pursuetheir own dreams?

581
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:49,465
How am I so bad at fakeskateboarding and you're a god?

582
00:20:49,508 --> 00:20:51,031
You got slow thumbs,
Eddie.

583
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,598
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughs ]

584
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:54,034
[ Knock on door ]

585
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,427
Tina, can you
give us a minute?

586
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,516
You got it, Jess.

587
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:58,517
Still weird.

588
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,566
So, are you still into this
whole cooking-school thing?

589
00:21:03,609 --> 00:21:05,263
Yeah.

590
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:07,091
Okay, fine. You can go.

591
00:21:07,134 --> 00:21:08,484
Really?!

592
00:21:08,527 --> 00:21:09,572
That's it?

593
00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:11,313
No one's going
to stop my son

594
00:21:11,356 --> 00:21:14,185
from getting what he wants,
not even me.

595
00:21:14,228 --> 00:21:17,623
But you are going
to the top one.

596
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,625
[ Sighs ] Really, Mom?

597
00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:20,800
Another life-chart?

598
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:23,063
This one...

599
00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:24,717
you fill out yourself.

600
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:27,111
I'd use a pencil, son.

601
00:21:27,154 --> 00:21:28,895
You never know.
Things can change.

602
00:21:28,939 --> 00:21:31,507
And I reserve the right tocorrect whatever you get wrong.

603
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:35,554
Like it or not,
I'm not going anywhere.

604
00:21:35,598 --> 00:21:38,340
♪♪

605
00:21:38,383 --> 00:21:39,863
♪ Yeah

606
00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:44,781
Ohh.
I'm so proud of him.

607
00:21:44,824 --> 00:21:45,999
Our little Evan.

608
00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:48,567
...and my brother, Emery,

609
00:21:48,611 --> 00:21:50,395
who taught me
to be true to myself.

610
00:21:50,439 --> 00:21:52,919
And now he's starring in
cellphone commercials.

611
00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:54,486
I'm sure you've all
heard his catchphrase.

612
00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:56,445
"No, boss,it's a text message!"

613
00:21:56,488 --> 00:21:57,663
[ Laughter ]

614
00:21:57,707 --> 00:21:59,143
You know, Louis,

615
00:21:59,186 --> 00:22:01,101
I'm actually glad
your mother's here,

616
00:22:01,145 --> 00:22:02,668
even like this.

617
00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:11,590
I'm going to bea big ole mess later.

618
00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:12,983
Eddie: Yo, when this thing
wrap up?

619
00:22:13,026 --> 00:22:14,637
I got Trent
running my restaurant,

620
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,987
and his narcolepsy's
flaring up.

621
00:22:17,030 --> 00:22:18,423
I don't know how,
but we did it.

622
00:22:18,467 --> 00:22:19,685
Yep.

623
00:22:19,729 --> 00:22:21,426
I did.Evan: Thank you.

624
00:22:21,470 --> 00:22:23,210
No, I said --

625
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:25,299
[ Cheers and applause ]