1 00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:07,659 Unprompted Mandarin? 2 00:00:07,702 --> 00:00:08,877 What do you want? 3 00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,358 I already told you we are not getting a monkey. 4 00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:13,360 We already have to take care of your grandma. 5 00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,362 Fine, but there's an autograph signing at the mall this week, 6 00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:16,537 and it's during school hours. 7 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:17,538 No skipping school. 8 00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:18,974 Even if the building's on fire, 9 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:21,020 you wait for the bell and die with honor. 10 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,196 But it's my new favorite basketball player -- Allen Iverson! 11 00:00:24,284 --> 00:00:25,329 A.I.? 12 00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:28,767 "The Answer"? The All-Star for the Sixers. 13 00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:31,161 Got a crossover so smooth,it'll put a baby in your sister? 14 00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:34,555 Connie? Don't bring my sister into this! 15 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:36,383 Come on, Dad, please? You love hoops. 16 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,733 And you know how hard I've beenworking on this college stuff. 17 00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:41,301 Sorry, but I'm with your motheron this one. No skipping school. 18 00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:44,130 But I think you should leave if there's a fire. 19 00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:46,219 You smell smoke, you run. 20 00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:48,221 C'mon, Ma, it's just half a day. 21 00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:49,396 This is so unfair! 22 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,354 Unfair? 23 00:00:50,397 --> 00:00:52,182 Wimbledon requiring Pete Sampras 24 00:00:52,225 --> 00:00:54,619 to play wearing a shirt is unfair. 25 00:00:54,662 --> 00:00:58,753 Denzel having to act wearing a shirt is unfair. 26 00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:02,627 Me having to complete a stupid academic practicum 27 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:04,933 in order to become teacher boss... 28 00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,587 definitely unfair. 29 00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:07,980 What's a practicum? 30 00:01:08,023 --> 00:01:09,416 I have to spend 100 hours 31 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:11,418 shadowing a teacher at some school 32 00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:12,811 in order to finish my degree. 33 00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:17,424 Apparently, "practicum" is Latinfor "waste Jessica's time." 34 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:18,425 Practicum? 35 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:19,774 We're talking about practicum? Really? 36 00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,298 I'm in here trying to get an autograph, 37 00:01:21,341 --> 00:01:22,821 and we're talking about practicum? 38 00:01:22,864 --> 00:01:24,257 Practicum?! 39 00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:26,433 100 hours is a lot. 40 00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:27,391 For everyone involved. 41 00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:30,394 Yes, but in order to achieve your goals, 42 00:01:30,437 --> 00:01:33,223 you need to keep your head downand stay the course. 43 00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:34,963 Look at your brother Evan. 44 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,313 He wants to be Doctor-President, 45 00:01:36,356 --> 00:01:39,577 and he has neverveered from the path. 46 00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:42,319 He's predictable, reliable -- 47 00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,450 Aloha! 48 00:01:46,801 --> 00:01:49,064 What have you done to your neck?! 49 00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:50,762 It's ruined! 50 00:01:50,805 --> 00:01:53,243 --Captions by VITAC-- 51 00:01:53,286 --> 00:01:54,461 ♪ Fresh off the boat 52 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,071 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 53 00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,465 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 54 00:01:58,509 --> 00:01:59,553 ♪ Fresh off the boat 55 00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,990 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 56 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,340 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 57 00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,168 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 58 00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:10,434 Evan, why do you have sea creatures on your neck?! 59 00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:13,088 Oh, my puka shells? Geoff got me into them. 60 00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:14,307 Geoff? Who's Geoff? 61 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:15,439 He's my friend from school. 62 00:02:15,482 --> 00:02:17,441 He spells his name G-E-O-F-F. 63 00:02:17,484 --> 00:02:18,572 Isn't that cool? 64 00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:20,008 G-off? 65 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:20,792 Jeff. 66 00:02:20,835 --> 00:02:22,489 G-off. Jeff. 67 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,230 How come you never mentioned him before? 68 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,276 I guess that's 8th grade for you, always moving. 69 00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:28,452 Well, I better go, or else I won't get a seat 70 00:02:28,495 --> 00:02:29,583 in the back of the bus. 71 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,411 Then I'll have to sit on the wheel hump. 72 00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:39,680 Puka shells, back of the bus, single-strap backpack. 73 00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,247 This is not like Evan. 74 00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,944 What is going on with him at school? 75 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:45,773 How would I know? We don't go to the same school anymore. 76 00:02:46,687 --> 00:02:47,906 I'm in high school now. 77 00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:51,301 I graduated junior high last June? 78 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,434 There was a ceremonywhere you shouted out, "Boring"? 79 00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,306 Oh, right. 80 00:02:56,349 --> 00:02:58,960 That poor girl sang "The Greatest Love of All." 81 00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,920 Don't try Whitney if you can't do Whitney. 82 00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,487 Okay. 83 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:05,967 You're worried about Evan because of puka shells? 84 00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:08,361 Puka shells lead to shady friends, 85 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:11,538 which leads to distraction, which leads to bad grades! 86 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,715 Next thing you know,Evan won't be Doctor-President. 87 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:15,716 I don't know, Mom. 88 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,414 Puka shells are just casual beachwear 89 00:03:17,457 --> 00:03:18,937 that also work in the city. 90 00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:21,113 Well, you know what else works in the city? 91 00:03:21,156 --> 00:03:22,680 Institutional racism. 92 00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:30,731 Nice form! 93 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,080 The sleeve helps. 94 00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,735 It's good for my ligaments, and sometimes it's a napkin. 95 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:37,303 Well, sorry we can't let you skip school, but I amproud 96 00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:40,263 of all the hard work you've been doing for college. 97 00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:45,529 An A.I. jersey! 98 00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:47,487 I know you're a fan of "The Big Response." 99 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:48,314 It's "The Answer." 100 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:49,881 Oh. That's catchier. 101 00:03:49,924 --> 00:03:51,186 Thanks, Dad. 102 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,580 Oh. I've been thinking about how to help pay for tuition. 103 00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:56,366 Four words -- basketball scholarship. 104 00:03:56,409 --> 00:03:57,497 Okay. 105 00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,499 I'm gonna put together a reel of all my hoop skills 106 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:02,372 and send it to Georgetown, Duke, Kentucky... 107 00:04:04,591 --> 00:04:07,725 Oh, son, this is the hard part of being a dad 108 00:04:07,768 --> 00:04:09,292 they never show on TV. 109 00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:14,601 The truth is, you are unlikelyto get a basketball scholarship. 110 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,342 You are a clumsy boy with a heart of gold. 111 00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:19,476 Maybe if you hustle, you can get a cup of coffee 112 00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:21,042 in some third-tier Euro league, 113 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,044 but even then, you'll just be a curiosity, 114 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,395 an Asian spectacle for the Slavs to jeer at. 115 00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:26,613 I don't want that. 116 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:28,485 No. 117 00:04:28,528 --> 00:04:30,356 No, you don't. 118 00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:33,011 But what you do have 119 00:04:33,054 --> 00:04:36,057 is a great imagination, intelligence, and personality, 120 00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:37,755 and there's plenty of scholarships for that. 121 00:04:37,798 --> 00:04:38,930 Thanks, Dad. 122 00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:41,149 Wait. 123 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,977 They spelled "Iverson" with a "Q." 124 00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:45,371 "Iversqn"? 125 00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:47,155 Is this fake? 126 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,636 Explains why it was in the clearance bin. 127 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,378 That Michael Gordan jersey makes a lot more sense now. 128 00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:57,949 Hunter, what kind of a child zoo is this? 129 00:04:57,992 --> 00:04:59,820 You've let Evan slip through the cracks. 130 00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:00,952 Evan? 131 00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:03,650 He's got straight A's, a can-do attitude, 132 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:04,651 making new friends. 133 00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,174 Aside from one little detention -- 134 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:08,002 Detention?! 135 00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,831 Well, the whole class got it for tardiness. 136 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,485 The whole class?! 137 00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:13,965 How are you teacher boss 138 00:05:14,008 --> 00:05:15,749 and I still have to take practicum? 139 00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,534 Trust me, Evan's doing just fine. 140 00:05:17,577 --> 00:05:19,536 You have nothing to worry about. 141 00:05:19,579 --> 00:05:20,537 False. 142 00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:21,886 I need you to follow him to every class 143 00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:23,453 and report back to me. 144 00:05:23,496 --> 00:05:24,584 Be sly about it. 145 00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,673 Peek around corners. Use binoculars. 146 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:28,240 You know what I'm talking about. 147 00:05:28,283 --> 00:05:30,416 I can't follow one child all day. 148 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,157 Who has time for that? 149 00:05:34,594 --> 00:05:38,555 One last Huang, one more year. 150 00:05:39,599 --> 00:05:41,209 You can do this. 151 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,867 Dad, I took your advice and found an awesome scholarship. 152 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,260 Oh! 153 00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:51,263 "The Wesley Snipes Scholarship for Orlando Youth." 154 00:05:51,306 --> 00:05:53,700 Smart. Channeling some of that "Passenger 57" money 155 00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,572 into a charitable cause. 156 00:05:55,615 --> 00:05:57,443 He must have a great tax guy. 157 00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:58,923 The scholarship will be enough 158 00:05:58,966 --> 00:06:00,577 to buy a dope-ass massage chairfor my dorm room. 159 00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:01,665 It's gonna be pimp. 160 00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:04,668 Anyways, I have to writean essay about my biggest hero. 161 00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:07,322 Oh. So, uh, who do you have in mind? 162 00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:08,541 It was an obvious choice. 163 00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,369 A man who's really impacted my life. 164 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,370 I'm listening. 165 00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,372 Someone who embodies the American dream. 166 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,547 He came from nothing, 167 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,549 has a tireless work ethic and amazing hair. 168 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:17,681 That doesn't just happen. 169 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,117 That's that work ethic you mentioned. 170 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,901 My hero... 171 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:21,946 Allen Iverson. 172 00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,906 That's great. 173 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,604 Great choice. Yes. 174 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,956 Alright, Geoff, is this your card? 175 00:06:31,999 --> 00:06:32,957 No. 176 00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,089 Is this your card? 177 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:35,873 Nope. 178 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,919 I'm such a bad magician. 179 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:41,052 Hey. That's my card! 180 00:06:41,095 --> 00:06:41,879 Or amI? 181 00:06:41,922 --> 00:06:43,489 Dude, how did you do that? 182 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,883 A magician never reveals his secrets. 183 00:06:45,926 --> 00:06:48,146 That's why they're not in relationships for long. 184 00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:49,756 That was awesome. 185 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,758 Hey, you should come to my Bar Mitzvah. 186 00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:53,934 Really? Isn't that for close friends and family? 187 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:56,110 I mean, we arefriends, right? 188 00:06:57,372 --> 00:07:00,506 One question -- how early is too early to show up? 189 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,987 Show up to what? 190 00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:04,162 Mommy? 191 00:07:04,205 --> 00:07:07,165 Good news, Evan. I'm doing my practicum here. 192 00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:08,775 We're going to school together! 193 00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,736 Now, which one of you bed-wetters is G-off? 194 00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,441 You're doing your practicum here?Isn't it great? 195 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,964 Instead of wasting my time 196 00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:26,880 following dummy teachers at some random school, 197 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,187 I can spend my 100 hours with you 198 00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:30,754 and still get credit! 199 00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:31,755 100 hours is a lot. 200 00:07:31,798 --> 00:07:33,321 A lot of fun. 201 00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:35,759 I guess we could carpool together. 202 00:07:35,802 --> 00:07:38,457 And the field trip permission slip process will be streamlined. 203 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,458 Cards? 204 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:40,764 Are you playing poker? 205 00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:42,243 Did you put him up to this, G-off? 206 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,549 Uh, it's Geoff, 207 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:46,247 and Evan was just showing us some magic tricks. 208 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:49,033 Trix? Like that drunk cartoon rabbit? No. 209 00:07:49,642 --> 00:07:50,774 Applesauce? 210 00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:53,167 You know that gives you bad boom booms. 211 00:07:57,084 --> 00:08:00,044 Boo-yah. Dropped off 10 meals in under two hours. 212 00:08:00,087 --> 00:08:02,829 The trick is, never put the car in "park." 213 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,831 How would that even --So, can I take the afternoon off? 214 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,441 I want to work on my hero essay. 215 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:07,965 Oh. Uh, sure. 216 00:08:08,008 --> 00:08:10,271 Uh, are you still writing about Allen Iverson? 217 00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,708 'Cause I was just thinking, 218 00:08:11,751 --> 00:08:13,840 maybe there's another hero in your life 219 00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:14,841 you'd rather write about, 220 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,495 someone closer to home? 221 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,628 You mean Uncle Marvin? 222 00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:19,629 I do thank you for your service. 223 00:08:19,672 --> 00:08:20,630 Oh. 224 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:22,980 You want to thank me? Enlist. 225 00:08:23,763 --> 00:08:26,244 I was, um, actually thinking even closer to home. 226 00:08:26,287 --> 00:08:29,508 Maybe an unsung hero you've known since birth. 227 00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:30,640 I don't want to write about Mom. 228 00:08:30,683 --> 00:08:33,207 She already made me do that for Mother's Day. 229 00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:34,208 I'll just stick with A.I. 230 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,778 I'll be honest, Lou, I'm a little soused, 231 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:42,695 but I think maybe you wishthat Eddie saw youas his hero. 232 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,610 Oh, yeah, I did, but I know how I get. 233 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,264 I'm probably just overthinking it. 234 00:08:46,307 --> 00:08:47,395 No, no, no. 235 00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,702 If anything, you're underthinkingit. 236 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,878 Nicole used to think of me as her hero, 237 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,489 and then -- pfft -- gonzo. 238 00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:56,840 Was it the...uh... 239 00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:57,841 What? 240 00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:58,885 The lesbian thing? 241 00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:00,060 No, no. That was great. 242 00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,061 I don't know what happened. 243 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,672 You know, I used to fix her car for her. 244 00:09:02,715 --> 00:09:05,065 I'd teach her about classic rock. 245 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,501 I'm a big Pink Zeppelin fan. 246 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:09,026 And then at some point, you know, she just... 247 00:09:09,069 --> 00:09:11,506 stopped seeing me as her hero. 248 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,508 And then she moved away and... 249 00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:15,423 we haven't been as close since. Really? 250 00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:18,035 Hey, if Eddie leaves the house and you're not his hero, 251 00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:19,123 it's over. 252 00:09:20,341 --> 00:09:22,517 But Eddie only has one year of school left. 253 00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,998 Well, then you have time to turn things around. 254 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:27,827 Hey, and if you don't, 255 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,829 that's what whiskey is for. 256 00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:35,313 Great job, Ev. 257 00:09:35,356 --> 00:09:37,924 Ev? No, no. His name is Ev-an. 258 00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:39,926 Trust me, I named him myself. 259 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,928 It's a new nickname I'm trying out. 260 00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:45,149 Did your new friends put you up to this? 261 00:09:45,192 --> 00:09:47,804 Lose it.Presidents don't have nicknames. 262 00:09:47,847 --> 00:09:49,066 What about Abe Lincoln? Dead. 263 00:09:49,109 --> 00:09:50,284 Teddy Roosevelt? Dead. 264 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:51,721 Jimmy Carter? Ineffective. 265 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:54,724 Yes, Ev? 266 00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:56,769 Actually, Ev is no more. 267 00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:57,857 It's back to Evan now. 268 00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,729 May I please be excused to the bathroom? 269 00:09:59,772 --> 00:10:00,904 Yes. 270 00:10:00,947 --> 00:10:04,168 Remember, sitting down to pee doesn't make you a lesser boy. 271 00:10:09,956 --> 00:10:12,785 Everything okay? They said it was a family emergency. 272 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,265 It's our mother. Oh, God. 273 00:10:14,308 --> 00:10:15,832 She's ruining 8th grade for me. 274 00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:17,050 That'sthe emergency? 275 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,357 Remember how hard it was for meafter skipping a grade? 276 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,055 I'm finally starting to fit in,and then Mommy shows up. 277 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,492 Gentle suggestion? Stop calling her Mommy. 278 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:25,798 She won't give me any space. 279 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:26,843 She took over my locker, 280 00:10:26,886 --> 00:10:28,845 threw away my "frivolous" colored pens, 281 00:10:28,888 --> 00:10:30,150 and you know what she said 282 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,325 when I brought up Geoff's Bar Mitzvah? 283 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,936 "A boy doesn't become a man 284 00:10:32,979 --> 00:10:34,502 until he earns his first paycheck. 285 00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:36,722 That's a Chinese Bar Mitzvah.""...Chinese Bar Mitzvah." 286 00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,332 I went through something similar 287 00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:39,986 with my friend Marta's quinceañera. 288 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,379 So, what should I do? 289 00:10:41,422 --> 00:10:42,815 Just ask Mom to pick a new school. 290 00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,512 And interfere with her practicum? 291 00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,732 I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a saboteur. 292 00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,299 Then just figure out a way to avoid her. 293 00:10:48,342 --> 00:10:49,300 It's a big school. 294 00:10:49,343 --> 00:10:50,867 Yeah, I guess. 295 00:10:50,910 --> 00:10:52,390 Look, I gotta go. 296 00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:54,000 Please don't tell Mom we talked. 297 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:55,872 I'm already too involved. 298 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,528 The office said to come meet you. 299 00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:01,616 What's going on? 300 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,967 Is it Grandma's bookie? We gotta move again? 301 00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,229 What? No. 302 00:11:05,272 --> 00:11:07,884 I just thought I'd stop by and say hello and, uh... 303 00:11:07,927 --> 00:11:10,190 take you to get Allen Iverson's autograph. 304 00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,931 For real? You're not clowning me? 305 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:13,324 Lou don't clown. 306 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,630 Well, your mother doesn't alwayssee the whole picture. 307 00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:18,851 Yes, school is important, but so is your happiness. 308 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:20,810 You needed someone to swoop in and save the day. 309 00:11:20,853 --> 00:11:23,421 I don't know what you would call someone like that. 310 00:11:23,464 --> 00:11:25,553 I'd call them awesome. 311 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:28,208 Seed planted. 312 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:31,385 Well, nothing but pavement between us and -- 313 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,996 Oh, no! Obstacle! 314 00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:33,779 What is it, Dad? 315 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,694 Uh, oh, uh...car trouble. 316 00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,652 Now? We're not gonna make it. 317 00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:39,916 Don't worry, son.I will get you to that signing. 318 00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:41,178 Your old man knows his way around 319 00:11:41,221 --> 00:11:42,832 the hood area of an automobile. 320 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,053 Yup. Just what I thought. 321 00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:50,578 A cracked flange belt... plug. 322 00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:52,711 I'll have her fixed in a jiff. 323 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,060 You sure you don't need any help? 324 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:55,670 Oh -- Oh, no. Do not come out here. 325 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,803 But, uh, you know what couldhelp? 326 00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:00,545 Some tunes. Hit "play" on the stereo. 327 00:12:02,503 --> 00:12:04,941 ♪ I need a hero♪ 328 00:12:04,984 --> 00:12:09,249 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light♪ 329 00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:12,252 ♪ He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon♪ 330 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,038 ♪ And he's gotta be larger than life♪ 331 00:12:15,081 --> 00:12:17,431 ♪ Larger than life♪ 332 00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,086 Oh, no! Oh, no. 333 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,261 Damn it, Louis, this is why 334 00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,481 you should always stick to air guitar. 335 00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:27,485 Oh. I was thinking we'd buy lunch. 336 00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:28,660 Today is pizza day. 337 00:12:28,703 --> 00:12:31,445 Yes, but at home, it's expiration date day. 338 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,056 Quick, eat up before they turn. 339 00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:36,407 Mommy, I was thinking... 340 00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:38,888 instead of going to my boring honors classes, 341 00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,628 maybe you'd be more help with the classes 342 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,195 with the "visual learners." 343 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,457 Nope. Sounds bad. 344 00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:44,850 Hey, guys. 345 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,939 Wanna join? Please? 346 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:49,289 Maybe another time, when things are... 347 00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:51,509 ...different. 348 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,469 You sure you don't want to switch classes? 349 00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:57,689 Consider it a challenge. 350 00:12:57,732 --> 00:12:59,865 One of the teachersdoesn't even have a lesson plan. 351 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:02,215 He just makes up facts and plays the guitar. 352 00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,870 Tempting, but I already lined up our schedules 353 00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:06,654 and turned in my timecard to Principal Hunter. 354 00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:08,004 We're set. 355 00:13:08,047 --> 00:13:10,963 If it were up to me, we'd be in school together forever. 356 00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,965 Forever. 357 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,924 Jessica: Go, go, go! 358 00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:17,274 You call that rowing?! I call it pathetic! 359 00:13:17,317 --> 00:13:19,493 No wonder you're all still virgins! 360 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:22,583 Sweetie, how are your boom booms? 361 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,674 This is too cold. 362 00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,938 I'm gonna go sweet-talk that hairy lunch lady 363 00:13:28,981 --> 00:13:30,374 into using the microwave. 364 00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:32,767 And a hair net. 365 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:36,162 I must get rid of Mommy. 366 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,818 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero♪Is this whole tape just this one song? 367 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,080 ♪ Till the end of the night♪ 368 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,561 Dad, we're running out of time for the autograph signing. 369 00:13:43,604 --> 00:13:45,824 Uh, don't worry. It's just the flux capacitor. 370 00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,347 I'll have it fixed in a minute. 371 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,523 ♪ I need a hero♪ 372 00:13:52,091 --> 00:13:54,354 Flux capacitor? That's from "Back to the Future." 373 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,052 I thought you said you knew what you were doing. 374 00:13:56,095 --> 00:13:57,314 Yeah, yeah. I got it. 375 00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:59,490 See? 376 00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:00,578 Uh...that -- 377 00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:01,753 Oh! 378 00:14:01,796 --> 00:14:04,190 Why are there so many things in here?! 379 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,192 Alright, I don'tknow what I'm doing. 380 00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,020 I was pretending the car broke down, 381 00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,195 and then I broke it for real. 382 00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,371 What? Why would you do that? 383 00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:12,329 I don't know. 384 00:14:12,372 --> 00:14:13,983 So you would see me as your hero. 385 00:14:14,026 --> 00:14:15,723 By playing mechanic? 386 00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,161 Well, now I don't get to meet Allen Iverson. 387 00:14:18,204 --> 00:14:19,336 Some hero you are. 388 00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:23,949 Aah! Oh, no! Again! 389 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,999 Hunter, your microwave destroyed my spoon. 390 00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:31,217 You owe me a spoon. 391 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,131 Evan?! 392 00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:34,612 Is that my timecard? 393 00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:37,223 I was just checking your math. 394 00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,790 Uh, 10, carry the 1... 395 00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:39,965 Oh. Yep, looks good. 396 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:43,969 We both know my math doesn't need to be checked. 397 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,623 Youneed to be checked. 398 00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,669 Sneaking into Principal Hunter's office? 399 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:51,150 Did your new sketchy friends put you up to this? 400 00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,978 They didn't make me. Youdid! 401 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:55,850 I was padding your hoursto get you out of school faster. 402 00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:56,939 I don't want you here! 403 00:15:00,768 --> 00:15:03,032 You don't want me here?No. You're messing up my life. 404 00:15:03,075 --> 00:15:05,817 Me?! You're the one who's getting detention 405 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,601 and breaking into offices. 406 00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,255 This is so unlike you, Evan. 407 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,388 Very unpresidential. 408 00:15:11,431 --> 00:15:12,389 Well, except for Nixon. 409 00:15:12,432 --> 00:15:14,086 But at least he had the good sense 410 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,261 to pay other people to do it! 411 00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:17,611 We all got detention, but we weren't late. 412 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,396 Mr. Marsh is a hardliner from Arizona 413 00:15:19,439 --> 00:15:21,398 who doesn't believe in Daylight Savings. 414 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:24,053 You're still veering off course. 415 00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:27,621 That's why I'm here -- to get you back on track. 416 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:30,146 I mean, puka shells, magic tricks, 417 00:15:30,189 --> 00:15:31,843 Geoff with a "G"? 418 00:15:31,886 --> 00:15:33,279 Well, you're a jerk with a "J"! 419 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,457 If you really think these puka shells are the problem, here. 420 00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:40,939 I dare you to not try this on when you're alone. 421 00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:50,035 Hey. Good news. 422 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,602 Marvin said he could fix the van. 423 00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:54,083 Turns out the problem was I jammed a screwdriver in it. 424 00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:55,388 Looks like you saved the day again. 425 00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:56,824 Good job, hero. 426 00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,391 Sorry. 427 00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,480 It's just that when you chose Allen Iverson 428 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,700 for your essay instead of me, I freaked out. 429 00:16:02,743 --> 00:16:05,311 And then Marvin got in my head, 430 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,619 and with you going off to college so soon... 431 00:16:08,662 --> 00:16:10,447 I just don't want us to grow apart. 432 00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:13,276 This is ridiculous. 433 00:16:13,319 --> 00:16:14,494 I know. I'm sorry. 434 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,670 No, I mean, I can't believe you'd ever think that. 435 00:16:17,584 --> 00:16:19,064 You've always been there for me. 436 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,197 You taught me how to drive, gave me my first job, 437 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,720 helped me with my girl problems -- 438 00:16:22,763 --> 00:16:24,852 I mean, womenproblems. 439 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:25,853 Good catch. 440 00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,681 You have nothing to worry about. 441 00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:30,858 Sure, A.I. is awesome, but you're more than a hero. 442 00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,947 You're my dad. 443 00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:34,079 I'm always going to need you, 444 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,212 and we're never going to grow apart. 445 00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:39,650 You want a hug, don't you? 446 00:16:39,693 --> 00:16:42,305 Whatever. I could go either way. 447 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,136 Hey. I have an idea. 448 00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:49,399 Quick, grab your Iversqn. Let's go. 449 00:16:52,358 --> 00:16:55,231 Three more minutes on your test,then pencils down. 450 00:16:57,537 --> 00:16:59,148 What's wrong with Evan? 451 00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:02,325 Excuse me, ma'am. Who are you? 452 00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:03,674 A concerned parent. 453 00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:06,938 God, I miss the WASPy coldness of private school parents. 454 00:17:06,981 --> 00:17:08,461 I don't get it. 455 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,115 Evan's not himself anymore. 456 00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:13,118 He's ruining his dreams of becoming Doctor-President. 457 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,511 No, he's not. 458 00:17:14,554 --> 00:17:17,209 Last night, he held a model U.N.with his Beanie Babies. 459 00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,342 They executed Oinker for war crimes. 460 00:17:19,385 --> 00:17:21,126 But was he wearing his puka shells? 461 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,215 Evan's just getting older and trying new things. 462 00:17:23,259 --> 00:17:24,782 That doesn't make him a different person. 463 00:17:24,825 --> 00:17:27,176 But I don't recognize him anymore. 464 00:17:27,219 --> 00:17:29,221 Every day, it's something new. 465 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:30,570 Mom, 8th grade's tough. 466 00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,529 It's that awkward time before high school. 467 00:17:32,572 --> 00:17:34,400 Remember when I got that zit on my lip 468 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,272 and no one spoke to me for a week -- 469 00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:38,012 at school orat home? 470 00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,536 Oh, I popped it in your sleep, 471 00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:42,147 but by morning, it had grown back stronger... 472 00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,235 and angrier. 473 00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:45,585 Evan's just trying to figure it all out. 474 00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,413 If you really want to help him,give him space. 475 00:17:48,675 --> 00:17:50,329 It's not easy having your mom at school with you. 476 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:53,941 Time. Hand your tests forward. 477 00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:58,250 "C," "D," not enough information, "A"... 478 00:18:00,034 --> 00:18:02,994 Good news, bad news, good news, bad news. 479 00:18:03,037 --> 00:18:04,648 Good news, I got past security 480 00:18:04,691 --> 00:18:06,650 with a classic Louis Huang fakeout. 481 00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:11,394 Shark! 482 00:18:16,442 --> 00:18:18,009 I fell for that, too. 483 00:18:18,052 --> 00:18:20,098 An escaped shark? That's not what you want. 484 00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,578 Okay, bad news -- 485 00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:23,884 Allen Iverson wouldn't sign your fake jersey. 486 00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,409 Agh. Iversqn. That damn "Q." 487 00:18:26,452 --> 00:18:28,411 Good news -- I told him he's your hero, 488 00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:29,629 and he signed this instead. 489 00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:32,197 This is a real jersey. 490 00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,242 And it's game-worn. 491 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,419 It reeks. 492 00:18:36,462 --> 00:18:37,420 Like 46 points. 493 00:18:37,463 --> 00:18:38,856 Thanks, Dad. 494 00:18:38,899 --> 00:18:40,814 Oop. Last bad news. 495 00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:43,252 I have a lifetime ban from all NBA events. 496 00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:44,775 Sorry, son. 497 00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:46,429 I gotta remove him from the property. 498 00:18:46,472 --> 00:18:49,214 But I must say, you got a pretty cool dad. 499 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,042 The best. 500 00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:54,263 Just so you know, I knew there wasn't a shark. 501 00:18:54,306 --> 00:18:57,788 But, you know... safety first. 502 00:18:59,746 --> 00:19:01,835 ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena♪ 503 00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:04,273 ♪ Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegría y cosa buena♪ 504 00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:06,666 ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena♪ 505 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,886 Mommy? What are you doing here? 506 00:19:08,929 --> 00:19:10,453 I'm giving you your space. 507 00:19:10,496 --> 00:19:12,281 So, you crashed my friend's Bar Mitzvah? 508 00:19:12,324 --> 00:19:13,456 School wasn't enough? 509 00:19:13,499 --> 00:19:15,849 ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena♪ 510 00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,024 ♪ Hey, Macarena♪ 511 00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:18,069 About that. 512 00:19:18,112 --> 00:19:20,941 It's possible I may have overreacted. 513 00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:22,943 A little bit. Like just barely. 514 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,293 Barely? 515 00:19:24,336 --> 00:19:27,383 When you showed up withthe puka shells on, I panicked! 516 00:19:27,426 --> 00:19:29,298 That's not the Evan I know. 517 00:19:29,341 --> 00:19:30,473 We're always on the same page. 518 00:19:30,516 --> 00:19:33,432 I'm used to you telling me everything -- 519 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:36,522 what you're thinking, how your day went, 520 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,698 what Grandma writes about me in her journal. 521 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:40,309 I didn't tell you about the necklace 522 00:19:40,352 --> 00:19:41,614 because I knew you'd hate it. 523 00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,877 You hate a lot of stuff.I do. 524 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,749 I just want to be able to try things on my own. 525 00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:47,141 I know. 526 00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:50,101 You have to find out foryourself that things are stupid. 527 00:19:50,144 --> 00:19:52,364 And you wonder why I don't tell you things. 528 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,715 I'm sorry I called you the J-word. 529 00:19:57,456 --> 00:19:58,414 "Jerk." 530 00:19:58,457 --> 00:20:00,633 Man: Oh. 531 00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:03,419 I promise to give you your space. 532 00:20:03,462 --> 00:20:07,379 But if you ever need the truth,you know where to find me. 533 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,380 Deal? 534 00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:09,686 Deal. 535 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,732 I shouldn't have changed your timecard. 536 00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:14,125 That was a low moment. 537 00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:15,996 It was, but good news -- 538 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,390 no more timecards, no more practicum. 539 00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:19,304 What? 540 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,958 Emery's cranky teacher told me 541 00:20:21,001 --> 00:20:23,569 private schools don't require any of that nonsense. 542 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,702 I could become a teacher boss right away! 543 00:20:25,745 --> 00:20:26,746 Mazel tov. 544 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,182 That means "congrats." 545 00:20:29,488 --> 00:20:30,663 Are you wearing cologne? 546 00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:33,231 CK One. It's a unisex fragrance. 547 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:36,190 Ohhh, that's so... 548 00:20:37,191 --> 00:20:39,106 ...interesting. 549 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:39,933 I know, right? 550 00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,161 Hey, Coach, all my life, I've wanted to go 551 00:20:50,204 --> 00:20:53,164 to your college, university, or institute of technology. 552 00:20:53,207 --> 00:20:55,471 Now, anyone can send you a video of their dunks, 553 00:20:55,514 --> 00:20:57,429 but I'm not anyone. 554 00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:58,387 ♪ Y'all ready for this?♪ 555 00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:00,476 Inbound passes. 556 00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:04,349 Taking charges. 557 00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,745 Ugh! 558 00:21:08,788 --> 00:21:10,355 Floor spacing. 559 00:21:12,792 --> 00:21:14,359 Bench support. Hustle up. 560 00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:15,186 Good defense! 561 00:21:15,229 --> 00:21:16,013 Find the opening. 562 00:21:16,056 --> 00:21:17,144 You got this. 563 00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:18,624 C'mon, ref! Are you blind? 564 00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:20,147 They're in the zone! Grandma, get out of the street! 565 00:21:21,235 --> 00:21:22,628 Thanks for watching. 566 00:21:22,672 --> 00:21:23,716 Swish! 567 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:24,717 ♪ Hey♪ 568 00:21:25,805 --> 00:21:26,589 ♪ Hey♪ 569 00:21:26,632 --> 00:21:28,242 Think that's a good idea. 570 00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:29,592 Hmm.