1 00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:04,656 And then I moved to Ohio -- 2 00:00:04,699 --> 00:00:06,353 Akron, Ohio, rubber capital of the world. 3 00:00:06,397 --> 00:00:08,877 He's at the 20-minute mark. Louis, make it stop. 4 00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:10,531 Never. I'm riveted. What a life. 5 00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,664 Marvin: And it was there that I adopted 6 00:00:12,707 --> 00:00:15,884 a little pet alligator I nicknamed Rocky. 7 00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:17,321 [ Guests "Aww", laugh ] 8 00:00:17,364 --> 00:00:18,974 His given name was Rico. 9 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,541 Rocky, baby!Rocky. 10 00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:22,326 All teeth and all love. 11 00:00:22,369 --> 00:00:23,501 [ Laughter ] 12 00:00:23,544 --> 00:00:26,112 That's my best Navy buddy, Clyde Roses. 13 00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:27,287 He followed me out to the Rust Belt. 14 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:30,334 We worked the line at the GM plant together. 15 00:00:30,377 --> 00:00:31,900 And if anybody needs auto parts, 16 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,250 I have a scrapyard in Pine Hills. 17 00:00:33,293 --> 00:00:34,251 [ Guests murmur ] 18 00:00:34,294 --> 00:00:36,340 You got a spoiler for a station wagon? 19 00:00:36,383 --> 00:00:38,472 Spoiler alert -- I do. 20 00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,735 Now, uh, before we call it a night, 21 00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:42,476 there is one more thing -- 22 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,478 your retirement present.Ohh. 23 00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:45,740 ♪♪ 24 00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:48,700 You're getting me my very ownflagpole for the yard? 25 00:00:48,743 --> 00:00:50,354 Oh, honey,it's the perfect gift. 26 00:00:50,397 --> 00:00:51,529 Thank you, thank you. 27 00:00:51,572 --> 00:00:53,922 [ Guests "Aww" ] 28 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,924 Grandma: Wait. 29 00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,275 I have an announcement. 30 00:00:58,318 --> 00:01:00,755 Grandma, if you fart right now, it'd be the perfect joke. 31 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:03,062 [ Scoffs ] 32 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,939 ♪♪ 33 00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:13,203 [ Softly ] Retire from what? 34 00:01:13,246 --> 00:01:15,292 --Captions by VITAC-- 35 00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:16,510 ♪ Fresh off the boat 36 00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,295 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 37 00:01:18,338 --> 00:01:20,601 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 38 00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:21,994 ♪ Fresh off the boat 39 00:01:22,037 --> 00:01:24,431 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 40 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:25,519 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 41 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:28,392 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 42 00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:30,785 ♪♪ 43 00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,222 I'm just gonna say it. 44 00:01:32,265 --> 00:01:34,354 Does anyone know what Grandma's retiring from? 45 00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:35,355 No idea. 46 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,227 I am so happy you brought that up. 47 00:01:37,270 --> 00:01:39,794 I was standing there last nightthinking, "What on Earth?" 48 00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:44,016 I have made a list of my preferred retirement gifts. 49 00:01:44,059 --> 00:01:45,191 [ Chuckles ] 50 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:46,975 Any one will do. 51 00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,194 Just a gift? No party? 52 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:51,415 The answers you seek are on the list. 53 00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:53,591 ♪♪ 54 00:01:53,634 --> 00:01:55,636 Drum kit? Hot tub? 55 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,812 Trip to Jamaica for one? 56 00:01:57,856 --> 00:01:59,031 She wouldn't like Jamaica. 57 00:01:59,074 --> 00:02:00,772 The post-colonial povertywould bum her out. 58 00:02:00,815 --> 00:02:02,339 Kid gets one Bob Marley CD. 59 00:02:02,382 --> 00:02:03,340 [ Scoffs ] 60 00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,037 This list is crazy. 61 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:08,083 Because she expects me to dismiss it. 62 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,869 She wants a retirement party, but she's too proud to ask. 63 00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:13,001 Or she's just using that retirement 64 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:14,568 as an excuse to get a gift. 65 00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:16,222 Well, can I afford to take the chance? 66 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,311 I don't give her this party, and then she'll seek revenge, 67 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,791 and I just don't have the time for that. 68 00:02:19,834 --> 00:02:21,009 Totally get it. 69 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,794 It's a lotta work, but I'm happy to do it. 70 00:02:22,837 --> 00:02:24,448 She deserves to be celebrated. 71 00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:28,103 Can someone agree with me? 72 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:29,583 Sure.Yep.What a woman. No. 73 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:35,241 ♪♪ 74 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:38,505 I know I seemed to be my usual fun self at breakfast, 75 00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,899 but underneath that mirth, I'm full of fear. 76 00:02:40,942 --> 00:02:42,379 Why?We have a problem. 77 00:02:42,422 --> 00:02:44,294 At Marvin's party last night, 78 00:02:44,337 --> 00:02:46,513 I overheard him gossiping about his patients. 79 00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:47,427 About a month ago, 80 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:49,603 I was at his office for a dental procedure. 81 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:53,259 [ Laughter echoing ] 82 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:54,869 What's so funny? 83 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,349 Oh, nothing. 84 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,482 You just told us a funny secretwhile you were under the gas. 85 00:02:58,525 --> 00:03:01,311 Don't worry. I won't tell anybody. 86 00:03:01,354 --> 00:03:03,661 Dentist-Patient confidentiality. 87 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:07,055 [ Both laughing ] 88 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,143 Marvin retiring means 89 00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:10,494 that the Dentist-Patient confidentiality is over. 90 00:03:10,537 --> 00:03:13,105 That's why he's blabbing about his ex-patients. 91 00:03:13,148 --> 00:03:15,629 He can freely tell my secret with no consequences. 92 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:16,717 But, Evan, it's you. 93 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:19,285 If you have any secrets,they're baby secrets. 94 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,939 Like you befriended a ladybug 95 00:03:20,982 --> 00:03:23,115 and thenaccidentally stepped on it. 96 00:03:23,158 --> 00:03:25,291 R.I.P., Spottypants. 97 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,554 But I do have a big boy secret. 98 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,121 And it could hurt us all. 99 00:03:29,164 --> 00:03:30,427 Marvin operated on my teeth 100 00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:33,212 the day after the best day of our lives. 101 00:03:34,387 --> 00:03:35,345 No. Yep. 102 00:03:35,388 --> 00:03:38,086 I might've told him about "Reggie." 103 00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,174 [ Both gasp ] 104 00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:41,133 Reggie?Reggie. 105 00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:44,354 ♪♪ 106 00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:46,530 [ Gasps ] Congrats, Jenny! 107 00:03:46,573 --> 00:03:50,403 It's amazing, you put in all those years, doing... 108 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:51,883 what you did. 109 00:03:51,926 --> 00:03:53,319 No longer, though. 110 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:56,931 Yeah -- Yeah, you did a great job at that -- the job. 111 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,019 [ Chuckles ] 112 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,326 Okay. Okay. 113 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,719 Hey, Carol-Joan, 114 00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,329 those lip injections are looking good. 115 00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,330 [ Laughs ] 116 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,767 I only did it to be a better whistler. 117 00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,203 [ Whistling ] 118 00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:11,337 You were right. He's a blabber box. 119 00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:12,599 Uh, hello. 120 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,384 I want to thank you all 121 00:04:14,427 --> 00:04:16,386 for joining us to celebrate my mother's retirement. 122 00:04:16,429 --> 00:04:17,561 [ Chuckles ] 123 00:04:17,604 --> 00:04:20,215 Now, if you could all turn your attention to the screen, 124 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,174 I put together a little retrospective. 125 00:04:22,217 --> 00:04:23,349 [ Guests murmur ] 126 00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:26,352 [ "Simply the Best" plays ] 127 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,746 ♪ You're simply the best 128 00:04:28,789 --> 00:04:31,357 ♪♪ 129 00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:34,534 ♪ Better than all the rest 130 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:35,970 ♪♪ 131 00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:39,931 ♪ Better than anyone 132 00:04:39,974 --> 00:04:42,194 ♪ Anyone I ever met 133 00:04:42,237 --> 00:04:44,936 ♪ You're simply the best 134 00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:46,546 [ Applause ] 135 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,810 I had to imagine myself while I was singing that 136 00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:51,377 for it to feel real. 137 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:55,381 Uh, Ma,you simply are the best. 138 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,428 Uh, and now thatyou're retiring from, uh... 139 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:00,604 Uh... 140 00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:02,040 y-you'll have time 141 00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:05,043 to, uh, make new memorieswith all of us. 142 00:05:05,086 --> 00:05:06,436 [ Guests agreeing ] 143 00:05:07,828 --> 00:05:10,048 Um, now, is there anythingyou'd like to say to everyone? 144 00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:12,529 I love you all. 145 00:05:12,572 --> 00:05:15,445 Now I'm ready for my gift. 146 00:05:15,488 --> 00:05:17,621 ♪♪ 147 00:05:17,664 --> 00:05:19,623 Oh. Uh, well... 148 00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:21,407 [ Laughs ] Uh... 149 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:22,974 The partyis kind of the gift. 150 00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:24,628 Oh. 151 00:05:24,671 --> 00:05:27,457 Then it was not necessary. 152 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,415 You should have just bought me a hot tub. 153 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,634 Um... 154 00:05:30,677 --> 00:05:33,201 I'm sorry this nice partyisn't enough for you, 155 00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:35,073 but a hot tubis just impractical. 156 00:05:35,116 --> 00:05:36,640 It's a big responsibility. 157 00:05:36,683 --> 00:05:39,425 Who'd wash it?Who'd pay for its utility bills? 158 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,993 Who'd, uh, take care of itwhen we're out of town? 159 00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:44,299 Uh, maybe we start you with a foot bath. 160 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,998 Maybe you start me with a hot tub. 161 00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:48,652 ♪♪ 162 00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:50,871 Trent, the room is dying. Give me "Rolling on the River." 163 00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:52,482 It's called "Proud Mary." 164 00:05:52,525 --> 00:05:54,484 And it's in D major,so good luck. 165 00:05:54,527 --> 00:05:58,836 ♪♪ 166 00:05:58,879 --> 00:06:01,534 I still can't believe you told Marvin about Reggie. 167 00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:02,796 Hey, lay off! 168 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,103 I didn't even wantanything to do with "Reggie." 169 00:06:05,146 --> 00:06:06,887 It was your guys' idea,and you pressured me to go. 170 00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,106 Really? 171 00:06:08,149 --> 00:06:10,325 So, you didn't want to cut piano class, 172 00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:13,024 drive across state lines to meet Reginald VelJohnson, 173 00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:14,460 AKA Carl Winslow, 174 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,636 read his memoir at the Georgia Tech Student Union? 175 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,246 Please! 176 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:21,554 Guys, it doesn't matter who's to blame. We're all guilty. 177 00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:24,557 Well, Evan ratted on us, so he should take the heat 178 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,864 and tell Mom and Dad he did it by himself. 179 00:06:26,907 --> 00:06:28,561 Whoa, whoa! That's crazy! 180 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,650 We don't even knowif I told him anything. 181 00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:33,523 Why don't we just ask Marvin if he knows? 182 00:06:33,566 --> 00:06:35,481 Dummy, if he didn't know, 183 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,396 we'd be telling him our secretby asking. 184 00:06:38,484 --> 00:06:40,704 Public schoolsare failing our children. 185 00:06:40,747 --> 00:06:42,619 The only way to make sure Marvin stays quiet 186 00:06:42,662 --> 00:06:45,143 is to find out a secret about himto use against him. 187 00:06:45,186 --> 00:06:47,711 Shut those loose lips with leverage. 188 00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:49,277 If anyone knows a secret about Marvin, 189 00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:51,062 it's got to be his old Navy buddy. 190 00:06:51,105 --> 00:06:53,891 ♪♪ 191 00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:56,154 This is a punch cardfor Chubby Burger. 192 00:06:56,197 --> 00:06:57,285 Oh, whoops. 193 00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,331 I'm so close to a free egg. [ Chuckles ] 194 00:06:59,374 --> 00:07:01,855 ♪♪ 195 00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:04,292 [ Grunts ] This cuff link!Why won't it come out?! 196 00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:06,643 Louis, you know you shouldn't undress when you're upset. 197 00:07:06,686 --> 00:07:08,296 Remember when you tore your pants 198 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,342 after watching "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo"? 199 00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:11,952 Why is Schneider wasting our time? 200 00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,738 Just make the movie versionof the "Makin' Copies" guy! 201 00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:15,739 [ Sighs ] 202 00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:16,914 I just can't believemy mom tonight. 203 00:07:16,957 --> 00:07:18,872 Louis, so she didn't like your party. 204 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,352 Why are you so upset? 205 00:07:20,395 --> 00:07:22,746 It's not just tonight.She does this all the time. 206 00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:25,183 I do everything for her,but do I ever get a thank-you? 207 00:07:25,226 --> 00:07:26,532 One thank-you? 208 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,403 How can she be so ungrateful? 209 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,883 It's frustrating. I know. 210 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,320 Mother-son relationships are complicated. 211 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,105 Remember last week with Evan? 212 00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:37,543 I justbought this soy milk, and you leave it out to spoil? 213 00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:38,675 I'm sorry, Mommy. 214 00:07:38,718 --> 00:07:39,980 [ Door opens ] 215 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:41,678 I know we have car insurance, 216 00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:45,159 but do we have mailbox and tree insurance? 217 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,336 It's all about perspective. 218 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,643 Compared to perfection, Evan messed up. 219 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,558 Compared to Eddie, Evan is a saint. 220 00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,778 Wait. That's it. 221 00:07:54,821 --> 00:07:56,954 My mom has her own Eddie. 222 00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,784 Gene! 223 00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:02,786 I'll invite my jackass brotherover to visit, 224 00:08:02,829 --> 00:08:03,961 and he'll annoy Mom so much, 225 00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:05,571 she'll see how good she has itwith me! 226 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:06,790 No, Louis! 227 00:08:06,833 --> 00:08:07,791 His voice is too loud 228 00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:09,706 and his clothes are too colorful. 229 00:08:09,749 --> 00:08:11,795 And his cologne. He's tough on all the senses. 230 00:08:11,838 --> 00:08:14,014 Exactly. I'll tellhim Mom's retiring,and he'll rush out here. 231 00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,799 [ Sighs ] Oh, God. 232 00:08:15,842 --> 00:08:18,366 Hurricane Geneis coming to Orlando. 233 00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:19,629 [ Doorbell rings ] 234 00:08:21,674 --> 00:08:23,023 ♪♪ 235 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,851 Hello, brother. 236 00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:28,986 ♪♪ 237 00:08:29,029 --> 00:08:31,815 Your face is like a sunrise in my heart. 238 00:08:31,858 --> 00:08:34,992 ♪♪ 239 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,650 [ Slurping ] 240 00:08:40,693 --> 00:08:41,738 ♪♪ 241 00:08:41,781 --> 00:08:44,697 Each leaf in this tea has a story. 242 00:08:46,873 --> 00:08:49,702 Gene, you seem a little different. 243 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,617 Not just seem. 244 00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:53,445 I am. 245 00:08:53,488 --> 00:08:55,447 You see, I had a near-death experience. 246 00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:57,492 Oh, no! What happened? 247 00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:59,494 I was at the Singapore zoo. 248 00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:03,411 I climbed on the railings to make faces at the lions. 249 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:04,717 Then I fell in the pit. 250 00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,414 What?! 251 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,503 As that lioness was clawing my chest, 252 00:09:08,547 --> 00:09:10,723 I realized life is precious 253 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:12,856 and we must value every moment 254 00:09:12,899 --> 00:09:14,292 while we have on this Earth. 255 00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:15,989 [ Whispering ] He's not a hurricane. 256 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,078 He's a warm breeze on a hot summer day. 257 00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:19,645 [ Whispering ] This is great. 258 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,865 This new Geneis more annoying than ever. 259 00:09:21,908 --> 00:09:24,911 So, Gene, you came here for my retirement. 260 00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,260 Did you bring me a gift? 261 00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:27,261 I did, Mother. 262 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,656 I brought youa deep hug of gratitude. 263 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,311 O-O-Oh, no -- no -- no, thank you. 264 00:09:33,354 --> 00:09:36,488 Does anybody know how to give a gift anymore? 265 00:09:36,531 --> 00:09:39,273 ♪♪ 266 00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:40,797 What's wrong with our mother? 267 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,494 Well, you may not realize this, 268 00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:44,452 because you visit once every 10 years, 269 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,498 but our aging mother can be difficult. 270 00:09:46,541 --> 00:09:48,239 Jessica: She's been like thisall the time, 271 00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:50,676 and it's been "Steady Louis"taking care of everything 272 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:51,851 while you've been in Taiwan. 273 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,679 You're right. I haven't been here. 274 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:56,943 But now it's my turn to share the load with Mom. 275 00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,728 Suddenly you care about doing your share? 276 00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:00,033 I do. 277 00:10:00,077 --> 00:10:01,861 [ Laughs ] Okay, sure. 278 00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:05,082 Uh, well, Mom has a full plate of errands today 279 00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:06,561 that I'd help her with, 280 00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:09,042 but, um, why don't you go ahead and take over for me? 281 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:11,697 Oh, I'd love to. It'd be great fun. 282 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,699 Right. That's our mom -- a pleasure. 283 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:18,051 [ Laughing ] 284 00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:19,574 You. 285 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:22,360 Just...you. 286 00:10:22,403 --> 00:10:24,362 ♪♪ 287 00:10:24,405 --> 00:10:25,929 Eddie: So, Clyde, we're here because 288 00:10:25,972 --> 00:10:28,496 we were thinking of doinga retirement roast for Marvin. 289 00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,933 Ohh! 290 00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:32,065 We need some funny stories of him when he was younger. 291 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,327 [ Laughs ] 292 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,590 Well, funny stories and Ol' Marvgo hand in hand, 293 00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:37,854 like, uh -- like plums and hot sauce. 294 00:10:37,897 --> 00:10:41,118 In '68, Marv and I were driving across country, 295 00:10:41,161 --> 00:10:44,512 took a stop in New Orleans, met some swamp ladies. 296 00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,689 Well, we had a few drinks and -- 297 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,866 I can't finish this story. 298 00:10:49,909 --> 00:10:51,345 [ Sighs ] 299 00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:54,784 Okay, how about a story from when you were in the Navy? 300 00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:56,524 Once, we stopped this mysterious boat 301 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,352 that had crossed into American waters. 302 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,790 Marv and I kicked down the doors to the bridge, 303 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:04,358 and we were confronted by these -- these two... 304 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:05,838 sea ladies. 305 00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,971 So, we had a few drinks and -- 306 00:11:10,364 --> 00:11:11,757 I can't finish this story, either. 307 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,541 Well, are there any stories you can tell us 308 00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:14,717 without drinks or ladies? 309 00:11:16,457 --> 00:11:17,545 Here it is, boys. 310 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,112 Marvin? 311 00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,985 Marvin is my best buddy. We're like brothers. 312 00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,988 And brothers don't talk out of school about their secrets. 313 00:11:25,031 --> 00:11:26,424 I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. 314 00:11:26,467 --> 00:11:28,774 I got to go, uh, fire up the magnet. 315 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,820 ♪♪ 316 00:11:30,863 --> 00:11:32,038 Move some cars. 317 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,345 Come on. 318 00:11:34,388 --> 00:11:35,781 Yeah, come on. [ Chuckles ] 319 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,914 ♪♪ 320 00:11:37,957 --> 00:11:40,786 Gene and Mom have been doing errands for a long time. 321 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:41,787 That's a goodthing. 322 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,789 They probably got in a fightat the salon 323 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:44,790 and one of them is arrested. 324 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:45,922 Or dead. 325 00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:48,881 Damn it. 326 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:49,795 Gene: Hey! 327 00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,058 Sorry to take so long. 328 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:53,930 Her nail guy is very chatty, 329 00:11:53,973 --> 00:11:56,846 and I loved every minute of it. 330 00:11:56,889 --> 00:11:57,977 I believe in him. 331 00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:00,588 I think he hasdesigned a better energy drink. 332 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,677 The trick is getting it into stores. 333 00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,897 Anyway, Ma, I'm gonna get you some water. 334 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:14,211 You don't? 335 00:12:14,254 --> 00:12:15,778 That's never crossed my mind at all. 336 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,397 Uh, that means so much, Ma. 337 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:27,485 Thanks. 338 00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:30,096 ♪♪ 339 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,402 Wow. 340 00:12:31,445 --> 00:12:34,187 This new, extra-annoying Genetotally did the trick. 341 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,233 She's nevertreated you like that. 342 00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:37,277 I know. 343 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,975 I'm pretty emotional on the inside right now, 344 00:12:39,018 --> 00:12:40,628 but I don't want to cry in front of you. 345 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:43,022 Don't. Bottle it upand save it for the shower. 346 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,025 Wasn't that amazing? 347 00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:47,679 Um, what are you talking about? 348 00:12:47,722 --> 00:12:48,898 When I arrived, 349 00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:51,857 I sensed there was tension between you and Mom. 350 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,859 You glowed with resentment. 351 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,426 So I talked to her about it, 352 00:12:55,469 --> 00:12:57,994 and I got her to empathize with the burden you feel. 353 00:12:58,037 --> 00:13:00,648 You're saying you somehow got our mother 354 00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:01,998 to feel empathy for me? 355 00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:04,914 The woman who thinks Lex Luthoris the hero of "Superman"? 356 00:13:04,957 --> 00:13:06,002 I did. 357 00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:08,526 Well, I don't know what to say. 358 00:13:08,569 --> 00:13:10,049 I appreciate you doing that. 359 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,878 Look, I couldn't have fallen in that lion pit and changed my life 360 00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,706 if you weren't here taking care of Mom, 361 00:13:14,749 --> 00:13:16,751 so it was -- it was the least I could do. 362 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,101 [ Pats leg ] 363 00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:19,537 Thanks, Gene. 364 00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:20,886 [ Electricity crackles ] 365 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:23,019 Whoo! She's firing up the jets! 366 00:13:23,062 --> 00:13:24,020 [ Laughs ] 367 00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:25,804 Jets? 368 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,285 Isn't she beautiful? 369 00:13:28,328 --> 00:13:30,330 Same-day delivery. 370 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,115 You bought her a hot tub? 371 00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:33,899 I taught her to value you more, 372 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,728 and as a reward for learning her lesson, 373 00:13:36,771 --> 00:13:38,121 I got her a gift. 374 00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:40,036 So you didn't teach her anything. 375 00:13:40,079 --> 00:13:42,168 You just bought her off! 376 00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:45,476 ♪♪ 377 00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:48,348 Oh, yes, I rememberthe day you came in well. 378 00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,133 You werea real Chatty Cathy. 379 00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:51,047 Nice job, bro. 380 00:13:51,090 --> 00:13:52,787 What did I say, exactly? 381 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:55,355 Well, it wasn't so much whatyou said. 382 00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:56,356 It's how you said it. 383 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,054 Little secret. 384 00:13:58,097 --> 00:14:01,753 Your eyebrows look like birds. 385 00:14:01,796 --> 00:14:03,146 [ Chuckles ] 386 00:14:03,189 --> 00:14:05,713 So I wasn't making any sense? 387 00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,715 No, you just kept lookingat your reflection 388 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,283 in my tiny mirror and saying,"Peep these cheeks!" 389 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,502 That's amazing! 390 00:14:11,545 --> 00:14:13,808 Oh, and youwerethe opposite of Evan 391 00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:15,158 when you were there. 392 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:16,289 Come again, Queenie? 393 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:20,772 This is a secret, but I love Garth Brooks. 394 00:14:20,815 --> 00:14:24,167 And Shania impresses me very much. 395 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,169 Oh, and me and my brothers drove to Georgia 396 00:14:26,212 --> 00:14:28,954 to meet Reginald VelJohnson. 397 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:31,174 It wasn't my fault! It was the gas! 398 00:14:31,217 --> 00:14:32,566 They gave me a man's dosage 399 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,959 even though I'm still a little boy! 400 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:37,049 Is Georgia beautiful?I hear it's beautiful. 401 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:43,186 ♪♪ 402 00:14:43,229 --> 00:14:45,101 I feel like we're in a giant bowl of noodles. 403 00:14:45,144 --> 00:14:47,190 You ever wonder what it would be like 404 00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:49,757 if we spent our life as a noodle? 405 00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,194 That's enough, Gene. 406 00:14:51,237 --> 00:14:53,979 Okay, everybody out! This tub isgoing back where it came from! 407 00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:56,112 Whoa, boss.You said this is a job for two? 408 00:14:56,155 --> 00:14:57,113 I dunno. 409 00:14:57,156 --> 00:14:59,115 We're gonna drain it first. 410 00:14:59,158 --> 00:15:01,117 Jessica, what are you doing? 411 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,379 Your mother said 412 00:15:02,422 --> 00:15:04,555 she'd take care of the tub and pay the utilities, 413 00:15:04,598 --> 00:15:06,557 so why say no to a free hot tub? 414 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,819 And you believe her? 415 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,038 Gene: Don't worry. 416 00:15:09,081 --> 00:15:10,778 If Mom can't make payments, 417 00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:13,042 then Steady Gene can handle it. 418 00:15:13,085 --> 00:15:15,000 [ Scoffs ] Steady Gene? 419 00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,088 Hilarious. 420 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,611 Here's what's actuallygonna happen. 421 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:20,136 In about a week or two, Mom willforget to pay the utilities, 422 00:15:20,179 --> 00:15:21,398 Gene will be long gone, 423 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:23,574 and it'll all fall on me,just like it always does. 424 00:15:23,617 --> 00:15:25,793 You have that little faith in me? 425 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:28,448 The one thing I have faith inis that you'll always screw up. 426 00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:31,147 I even brought you here toscrew up and make me look good, 427 00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:32,887 and you somehowscrewed that up, too. 428 00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,020 I'm not a screw-up anymore. 429 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,587 I've changed. 430 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,284 But clearly, youhaven't. 431 00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:40,243 Once a martyr, always a martyr. 432 00:15:40,286 --> 00:15:42,810 ♪♪ 433 00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:45,422 I'm not ready to show my lion scars to anyone. 434 00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:50,470 But my emotionalscars for being your brother? 435 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:54,126 Well, that is right out there for all to witness! 436 00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:57,825 ♪♪ 437 00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,044 Not to invite myself in, 438 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,220 but have you ever seena redhead in a hot tub? 439 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,048 It's like a lobster in a pot. 440 00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,919 It's sort of my party trick. 441 00:16:09,315 --> 00:16:11,100 Gene's locked himself in our bedroom. 442 00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:13,276 He says he's meditating, but I can hear him crying. 443 00:16:13,319 --> 00:16:14,929 Why can't anything be easy? 444 00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,496 Can you believe this? 445 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,933 Gene was right. You're a martyr. 446 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:20,196 What are you talking about? 447 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:21,936 You goteverything you wanted. 448 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,503 A helpful Gene,a respectful Grandma, 449 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:24,852 even a new hot tub. 450 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:27,290 Yet you're still acting likeit's some kind of a burden. 451 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,119 "I'm Louis. Woe is me. Poor me. 452 00:16:30,162 --> 00:16:32,208 I marriedtotally out of my league." 453 00:16:32,251 --> 00:16:35,124 I guess I got so used to fixing my family's problems 454 00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:37,169 that I didn't believe that they could change. 455 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,084 Well, of course not.You're terrible with change. 456 00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,651 What do you mean? 457 00:16:40,694 --> 00:16:43,436 When Emery tried to quitvolleyball, you stalked him. 458 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,309 When Eddie had to learn howto drive, you pushed him so hard 459 00:16:46,352 --> 00:16:47,875 that he ran overa child on a scooter. 460 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,313 When Gene arrived and your rolewith Grandma changed, 461 00:16:50,356 --> 00:16:51,314 here we are. 462 00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:52,315 I could go on. 463 00:16:52,358 --> 00:16:53,490 No, no, I get it. 464 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:54,926 It's hard for me. 465 00:16:54,969 --> 00:16:58,930 You see Marvin's stupidnew flagpole in his yard? 466 00:16:58,973 --> 00:17:00,323 That's you. 467 00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:02,151 The steady pole in the ground. 468 00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:04,675 Everyone else around youis like the flag, 469 00:17:04,718 --> 00:17:07,199 changing direction as the wind shifts. 470 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,200 But not you. 471 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,941 You're keeping everythingin place. 472 00:17:09,984 --> 00:17:11,116 But the pole gets no attention. 473 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,119 We salute the flag but not the pole. 474 00:17:14,163 --> 00:17:16,252 It might help you outevery once in a while 475 00:17:16,295 --> 00:17:17,340 if you were the flag. 476 00:17:18,384 --> 00:17:19,342 I think you're right. 477 00:17:19,385 --> 00:17:20,691 And beautiful metaphor. 478 00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:21,735 Thank you. 479 00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:24,173 You know,I hated that stupid flagpole, 480 00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:26,000 but suddenly, it's useful to me. 481 00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,350 Marvin's gonna blow 482 00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:30,788 when Grandma tries todry her panties on that thing. 483 00:17:30,831 --> 00:17:33,573 ♪♪ 484 00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,140 I'm sorry, guys. 485 00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,577 I just don't trust myselfto keep that secret. 486 00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:39,144 Please, Uncle Marvin? 487 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,928 No way, José Canseco. 488 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,582 I've spent the last 40 years 489 00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,149 talking to patients all day long, 490 00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:45,759 and now I've got no outlet. 491 00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:46,934 And I'm a chatterbox. 492 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,284 I mean, the minuteI run into somebody, 493 00:17:48,327 --> 00:17:50,373 I start chattering -- like a box. 494 00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:51,548 But you're a Navy man. 495 00:17:51,591 --> 00:17:53,202 Shouldn't you be able to control yourself? 496 00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:57,380 Hey, us Navy guys are in controlon the ocean. 497 00:17:57,423 --> 00:17:58,990 But we're on land, little buddies. 498 00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:00,339 All bets are off. 499 00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,167 Sea legs, land lips. 500 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:03,951 [ Sighs ] 501 00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:05,997 Oh, by the way, Queenie says "Hi." 502 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:06,954 Wait. 503 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,130 You talked to Queenie? 504 00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,436 Is that a threat? 505 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:11,524 D-- 506 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,439 Did she tell you about... 507 00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:14,440 Angela? 508 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:15,180 ♪♪ 509 00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,181 Angela? 510 00:18:17,791 --> 00:18:20,011 You don't know about Angela,do you? 511 00:18:20,054 --> 00:18:21,534 No. But now we do. 512 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,971 Just the lip leverage we were looking for. 513 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,756 How could you do this to Honey? 514 00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:26,757 Who is she? 515 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,194 No, Angela's the nameof my boat. 516 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,414 I've been keeping her a secretfor years 517 00:18:31,457 --> 00:18:33,764 because Honey thought thata boat was a bad investment. 518 00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:36,288 But what about the boat you got for retirement? 519 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,768 Well, it's the same boat. 520 00:18:37,811 --> 00:18:39,204 I gave old Angela a wax job 521 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,293 and then I pretendedthat I bought a new one. 522 00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:42,294 [ Chuckles ] 523 00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:43,208 So please don't tell Honey. 524 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:46,255 How about we'll keep your secretif you keep ours? 525 00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:47,430 Yeah, that's a deal. 526 00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:48,779 We're brothers now, 527 00:18:48,822 --> 00:18:51,651 bound foreverby our shared secrets. 528 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,610 I might even throw ina few weekend boat rides. 529 00:18:53,653 --> 00:18:55,481 My only rule -- 530 00:18:55,525 --> 00:18:57,875 never, ever touch the harpoon gun. 531 00:18:57,918 --> 00:19:00,443 It's for that seagullthat stole my hat. 532 00:19:00,486 --> 00:19:02,271 ♪♪ 533 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:06,318 Louis: Hey, brother. 534 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,580 ♪ Yeah 535 00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,060 What are you doing? 536 00:19:09,103 --> 00:19:11,062 Trying to be more like you. 537 00:19:11,105 --> 00:19:12,237 Oh. 538 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,804 Because Hurricane Gene is the kind of guy 539 00:19:13,847 --> 00:19:15,458 to put a hot tub in a living room. 540 00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:16,459 "Clever." 541 00:19:16,502 --> 00:19:18,287 I'm trying to change,like you did. 542 00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:21,333 And the change I need is to bea little more unpredictable. 543 00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:23,335 But the carpets... 544 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:24,423 I'm extremely worriedabout the carpets, 545 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:25,642 but I'm letting that go. 546 00:19:25,685 --> 00:19:26,860 Can you hop in? 547 00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:28,645 I have a lotof apologizing to do, 548 00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:31,125 and we do our bestbrother-to-brother talks 549 00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:32,257 in hot water. 550 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,694 Like in the hot springs with Dad. 551 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:38,307 I'm, uh,sorry about earlier. 552 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:42,267 When you took over my roleof helping Ma, I struggled. 553 00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:43,442 But I am thankful 554 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,488 for you teaching herto appreciate me. 555 00:19:45,531 --> 00:19:48,926 Boy, our family didn't make it easy on you. 556 00:19:48,969 --> 00:19:50,275 [ Chuckles ] 557 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,450 And Hurricane Gene wasn't easy on anyone. 558 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,322 You, my wife... 559 00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:55,498 Oh, I'm sureshe's loving the new you. 560 00:19:55,541 --> 00:19:56,673 Wouldn't know. 561 00:19:56,716 --> 00:19:58,283 She left me, Louis. 562 00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,415 What?! 563 00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:00,720 When did that happen? 564 00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:01,852 It was recently -- 565 00:20:01,895 --> 00:20:03,941 Actually, it was over two years ago. 566 00:20:03,984 --> 00:20:07,466 But I was too ashamed to talk about it to you or Mom. 567 00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:09,425 Wow. I'm so sorry, Gene. 568 00:20:09,468 --> 00:20:10,556 It's okay. 569 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,949 I'm actually better 570 00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:13,951 'cause it made me look myself in the mirror 571 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:15,866 and make some changes. 572 00:20:15,909 --> 00:20:18,347 Wait, so you didn'tfall into a lion pit? 573 00:20:18,390 --> 00:20:19,435 Oh, no, no, I did. 574 00:20:19,478 --> 00:20:21,959 It was an unrelated incident. I'm super clumsy. 575 00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:24,178 Seriously, just being here with you 576 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:25,397 really made me feel better. 577 00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,443 I mean, it always does. 578 00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:29,967 I didn't come here just for Mom's retirement. 579 00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,883 Well, you're welcome hereanytime. 580 00:20:32,926 --> 00:20:34,537 ♪♪ 581 00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:36,974 Actually, what is Mom retiring from? 582 00:20:38,018 --> 00:20:39,106 No idea. 583 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,369 Okay. 584 00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:45,504 [ Snoring ] 585 00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:46,679 [ Whispering ] Okay, everybody's got it? 586 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,899 Arms up. 587 00:20:48,942 --> 00:20:50,683 Five, six, seven, eight. 588 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:56,341 ♪♪ 589 00:20:56,385 --> 00:21:01,738 ♪♪ 590 00:21:01,781 --> 00:21:03,392 [ Snorts ] 591 00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:07,787 [ Snoring ] 592 00:21:07,831 --> 00:21:17,231 ♪♪ 593 00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:26,371 ♪♪ 594 00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:28,025 Think that's a good idea. 595 00:21:28,068 --> 00:21:29,374 Hmm. 596 00:21:29,418 --> 00:21:32,029 ♪♪