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[CLICK, STATIC]

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[CHORD HUMS]

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[ROCK MUSIC]

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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

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WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"

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I'M JOHN OLIVER.

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THANK YOU SO MUCH

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FOR JOINING US.

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JUST TIME FOR A QUICK RECAP OF

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THE WEEK, WHICH HAS BEEN BUSY.

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RUSSIA'S INVASION OF UKRAINE

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ENTERED ITS SECOND MONTH,

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NORTH KOREA LAUNCHED ITS BIGGEST

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MISSILE TEST IN YEARS, AND HERE

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IN THE U.S., THE SENATE HELD

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CONFIRMATION HEARINGS FOR JUDGE

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KETANJI BROWN JACKSON, WHERE SHE

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HAD TO ANSWER SOME ABSOLUTELY

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BATSHIT QUESTIONS.

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>> ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10,

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HOW FAITHFUL WOULD YOU SAY

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YOU ARE IN TERMS OF RELIGION?

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>> I'M AN HISPANIC MAN.

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COULD I DECIDE I WAS

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AN ASIAN MAN?

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>> DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD

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CATCH AND IMPRISON MORE

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MURDERERS OR FEWER

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MURDERERS?

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>> DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS BOOK

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THAT IS BEING TAUGHT WITH KIDS

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THAT BABIES ARE RACIST?

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>> SENATOR.

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I DO NOT BELIEVE...

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>> John: OKAY, JUST STOP.

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BECAUSE FOR A SECOND, DON'T

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FOCUS ON THE STUPIDITY OF THE

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QUESTIONS, JUST APPRECIATE HOW

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EXQUISITE THAT PAUSE WAS.

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IN IT WAS CONTAINED THE STRENGTH

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AND PATIENCE OF EVERY

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BLACK WOMAN BEING STRETCHED TO

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ITS ABSOLUTE LIMIT.

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IN THAT PAUSE WAS THE DIVINE

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CALCULUS WHERE SHE HAD TO

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BALANCE "HOW MUCH DO I WANT

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THIS JOB?"

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AND "HOW MUCH DO I WANT TO CUSS

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OUT THESE PREPOSTEROUS PEOPLE?"

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CALL IT THE CHISHOLM-JOHNSON

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FORMULA.

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AND LOOK, OBVIOUSLY, THOSE

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QUESTIONS WEREN'T ASKED BECAUSE

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THEY GENUINELY WANTED TO KNOW

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THE ANSWER.

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THEY WERE ASKED TO GENERATE

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VIRAL SOUNDBITES.

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THE PROOF OF WHICH IS IN THIS

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IMAGE OF TED CRUZ, RIGHT AFTER

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HIS QUESTIONING, WHERE HE'S

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CHECKING HIS MENTIONS ON TWITTER

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IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PROCEEDINGS

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WHICH IS HONESTLY KIND OF

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AMAZING.

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CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING TED CRUZ

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AND WANTING TO HEAR WHAT

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PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?

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ON THE INTERNET?

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THAT'S A DOOM-SCROLL

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THAT WILL NOT END WELL.

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BUT FOR NOW, LET'S MOVE ON

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TO THE ROYAL FAMILY.

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THEY'VE HAD A PRETTY TOUGH YEAR,

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COMPARED TO NO ONE ELSE WHO'S

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EVER LIVED, FROM HARRY AND

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MEGHAN TALKING TO OPRAH TO

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PRINCE ANDREW BEING STRIPPED OF

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HIS TITLES AFTER --

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WILL LEGAL LET ME MENTION

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THE THINGS HE DID?

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THEY WON'T?

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EVEN THOUGH HE DEFINITELY DID

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THEM?

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OKAY, I GUESS FORGET

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THOSE THINGS I MENTIONED

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THAT HE DEFINITELY DID.

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THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG

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WEEK FOR THE ROYALS, WITH PRINCE

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WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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EMBARKING ON AN OFFICIAL VISIT

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TO THE CARIBBEAN.

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>> THE MOMENTS ROYAL

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TOURS ARE MADE OF.

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THE DUKE AND DUCHESS

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OF CAMBRIDGE DANCING

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WITH LOCALS IN BELIZE, A VISIT

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OFFICIALLY TO MARK THE QUEEN'S

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70 YEARS ON THE THRONE,

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ALSO BEING DUBBED

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A "CHARM OFFENSIVE",

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AN ATTEMPT TO PERSUADE CARIBBEAN

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NATIONS TO HANG ONTO THE

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MONARCHY.

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>> John: "CHARM OFFENSIVE"?

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WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY ONE OF

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THOSE THINGS.

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THAT LOOKS LESS LIKE A ROYAL

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VISIT AND MORE LIKE "BEACH

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BARBECUE NIGHT AT SANDALS

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BELIZE" BUT IT'S TRUE THAT THIS

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TOUR WAS FOR TWO KEY REASONS.

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FIRST, TO CELEBRATE

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THE QUEEN'S 70 YEARS IN POWER,

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A MILESTONE SHE'S DEFINITELY

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HIT, BECAUSE SHE'S ABSOLUTELY

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NOT DEAD RIGHT NOW.

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NOPE.

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DON'T DO THE DATES.

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DON'T DO THE DATES YET.

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WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WHEN SHE'S

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SO OBVIOUSLY FINE?

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BUT SECOND, THIS WAS A CLEAR

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ATTEMPT TO TRY AND KEEP THE

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COMMONWEALTH TOGETHER,

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ESPECIALLY AS JUST FOUR MONTHS

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AGO, BARBADOS FORMALLY REMOVED

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THE QUEEN AS THEIR HEAD OF STATE

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AND, DURING THE SAME CEREMONY,

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RECOGNIZED RIHANNA

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AS A NATIONAL HERO,

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PROVING BARBADOS IS CURRENTLY

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MAKING ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS.

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BUT INSTEAD OF THE FAWNING

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COVERAGE THE ROYALS NO DOUBT

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HOPED FOR, THIS TOUR HAS BEEN

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A DISASTER.

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>> NOT QUITE THE WELCOME

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THEY WERE HOPING FOR.

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AT ONE OF THE FIRST PLACES

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WILLIAM AND KATE WERE SUPPOSED

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TO VISIT, PROTESTS FORCED

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THE COUPLE TO CANCEL.

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>> John: YEAH, THAT WAS THE

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FIRST STOP OF DAY ONE.

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NOT A GREAT SIGNAL

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FOR THE REST OF YOUR TRIP.

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IT'S LIKE GETTING TO DISNEY

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WORLD AND IMMEDIATELY BEING

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TOLD, "SORRY, THEME PARK'S

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CLOSED TO YOU BECAUSE YOUR

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FAMILY COMMITTED GENOCIDE."

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THAT'S GOING TO SET A TONE

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FOR THE REST OF YOUR TIME

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IN ORLANDO.

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AND THINGS DIDN'T GET MUCH

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BETTER FROM THERE.

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BEFORE THEY EVEN LANDED IN THE

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BAHAMAS, THE NATIONAL

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REPARATIONS COMMITTEE THERE

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RELEASED A STATEMENT, SAYING,

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"THE TIME IS NOW FOR

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REPARATIONS," ENDING THE LETTER

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QUOTING BAHAMIAN ARTIST TONY

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McKAY, SAYING, "I COME TO

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COLLECT EVERYTHING

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THAT YOU OWE ME."

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WHICH IS A DEVASTATING WAY

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TO END A LETTER.

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THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE

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MADE IT ANY MORE DEVASTATING IS

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SIMPLY ADDING THE WORD "BITCH."

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I MEAN, THE "BITCH" IS IMPLIED.

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DON'T GET ME WRONG.

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BUT IT'D BE LOVELY TO SEE IT

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WRITTEN DOWN.

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AND THEN THERE WAS JAMAICA,

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WHERE THINGS CONTINUED GOING

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BADLY.

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PROTESTORS DEMANDED AN APOLOGY

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FOR THE ROYAL FAMILY'S ROLE IN

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THE SLAVE TRADE AND MADE SOME

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PRETTY POINTED CRITICISMS.

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>> MR. WILLIAM, I SEE YOU LOVE

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TO DANCE WITH THE BLACK PEOPLE

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AND YOU LOVE TO FROLIC,

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BUT SPEAK SOME TRUTH

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ON THIS TRIP.

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>> OUR GOAL IS TO LOOSEN AND

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REMOVE THE HANDS, THE GLOVED

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HANDS OF THE QUEEN FROM AROUND

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OUR NECKS

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SO THAT WE CAN BREATHE.

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>> HOW ARE THESE TWO YOUNG

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WHITE PEOPLE NOW, GOING TO BE

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HERE SAYING WE ARE GOING TO

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KOWTOW TO THEM AND WE ARE GOING

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TO BEND AND BOW

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AND KNEEL TO THEM AS IF

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THEY ARE GODS?

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THOSE DAYS ARE DONE.

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THE MONARCHY IS A RELIC.

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>> John: HOLY SHIT.

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WILLIAM, KATE.

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JUST GO.

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YOU JUST GOTTA LEAVE.

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IF ALL THOSE BLACK WOMEN HAVE

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TAKEN TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY TO

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CALL YOU "MR. WILLIAM" AND

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"THOSE TWO YOUNG WHITE PEOPLE,"

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YOU'RE DONE.

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YOU'RE JUST DONE.

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IT IS OVER FOR YOU.

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ALL OF IT.

217
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HAVING YOUR ENTIRE THING IN LIFE

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REDUCED DOWN TO "YOU LOVE

219
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TO FROLIC" IS FUCKING BRUTAL.

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THE PEOPLE OF JAMAICA HAVE SAID,

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"THESE TWO WHITE PEOPLE ARE

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UNSERIOUS, AND WE DO NOT REQUIRE

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THEM.

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PLEASE GO FROLIC SOMEWHERE ELSE"

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AND I DO NOT DISAGREE WITH THEM.

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AND LOOK, WILLIAM AND KATE

227
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TRIED TO TURN THINGS AROUND.

228
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THEY PLAYED SOME BONGOS,

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THEY SAT IN

230
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A JAMAICAN BOBSLED, AND POSED

231
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NEXT TO A BOB MARLEY STATUE,

232
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WHILE SOMEHOW MANAGING TO LOOK

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MORE LIFELESS THAN AN ACTUAL

234
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STATUE.

235
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BUT IT ALL FELT DESPERATE.

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AND PERHAPS THEIR LOWEST MOMENT

237
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CAME DURING THEIR AUDIENCE WITH

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THE JAMAICAN PRIME MINISTER,

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BECAUSE AS HE WELCOMED THEM IN

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FOR THEIR INITIAL PHOTO OP,

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BEFORE THE CAMERAS HAD EVEN GOT

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SETTLED, HE DROPPED THIS

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ON THEM.

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>> JAMAICA IS, AS YOU WOULD SEE,

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A COUNTRY THAT IS VERY PROUD OF

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OUR HISTORY AND VERY PROUD OF

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WHAT WE HAVE ACHIEVED.

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WE ARE MOVING ON AND WE INTEND

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TO ATTAIN IT IN SHORT ORDER.

250
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AND FULFILL OUR TRUE AMBITIONS

251
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AS AN INDEPENDENT,

252
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DEVELOPED, PROSPEROUS COUNTRY.

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>> John: OH, SHIT!

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HE BASICALLY BROKE UP WITH THEM

255
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BEFORE THEY COULD EVEN SIT DOWN.

256
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THEY DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO THE

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CHAIRS.

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IT'S HARD TO WATCH THAT WITHOUT

259
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GETTING FLASHBACKS TO EVERY TIME

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YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED.

261
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ALTHOUGH, IF YOU NEED TO BREAK

262
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UP WITH SOMEONE, YOU SHOULD

263
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DEFINITELY DO IT LIKE THAT.

264
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:08,594
"I'M SORRY, MICHELLE.

265
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:09,428
BEFORE WE EAT, I JUST WANT TO

266
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,463
SAY I'M VERY PROUD OF OUR

267
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:11,798
HISTORY AND WHAT WE'VE ACHIEVED

268
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:12,899
TOGETHER, BUT I'M MOVING ON

269
00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,066
AND INTEND TO FULFILL

270
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,568
MY AMBITIONS AS AN INDEPENDENT,

271
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:18,070
DEVELOPED, PROSPEROUS PERSON.

272
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,173
ALSO, I HATE EVERY ONE OF YOUR

273
00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,074
FRIENDS AND I ALWAYS HAVE."

274
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:25,211
THERE WERE SO MANY POINTS THIS

275
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:25,912
TRIP THAT IT SHOULD'VE BEEN

276
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:27,046
ABANDONED.

277
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,447
HOW DID NO ONE ON IT NOT LOOK

278
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:32,285
AROUND AND SAY, "NO ONE ASKED US

279
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:33,586
TO BE HERE, EVERYONE IS FUCKING

280
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:34,153
MAD AT US, WE SHOULDN'T BE

281
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:34,687
HERE."

282
00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:35,521
ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, I GUESS

283
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:36,289
"NO ONE ASKED US TO BE HERE

284
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,123
AND NOW THEY'RE MAD"

285
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,090
IS ESSENTIALLY BRITISH HISTORY

286
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:42,428
IN TWO SENTENCES.

287
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:43,729
THE THING, THOUGH, IS, EVEN IF

288
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:44,430
WILLIAM AND KATE WERE CHARMING,

289
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:45,464
I'M NOT SURE THERE'S ENOUGH

290
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:46,465
CHARM IN THE UNIVERSE TO

291
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:48,034
CONVINCE THESE NATIONS TO STICK

292
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,236
WITH THE MONARCHY.

293
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,103
THIS IS AN EMPIRE THAT INVADED

294
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,104
THEIR LANDS, ROBBED THEIR

295
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:53,539
WEALTH, AND ENSLAVED AND

296
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:55,174
MURDERED THEIR PEOPLE, AND NOW

297
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,442
THE ROYALS HAVE THE

298
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,344
FUCKING BALLS TO ASK, "CAN YOU

299
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:01,247
PLEASE KEEP US AROUND?"

300
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,515
THAT HAS TO BE THE SINGLE

301
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:03,649
DUMBEST QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD

302
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,251
IN MY LIFE.

303
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,386
ASIDE, MAYBE, FROM THIS.

304
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:08,988
>> DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS BOOK

305
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,089
THAT IS BEING TAUGHT WITH KIDS

306
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,490
THAT BABIES ARE RACIST?

307
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:12,558
>> John: EXACTLY.

308
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:17,830
AND NOW THIS.

309
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,533
>> Announcer: AND NOW YET

310
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,934
ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF COMING UP

311
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:26,639
ON "INSIDE EDITION."

312
00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,175
>> BUGGING OUT.

313
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,445
THE PRESIDENT ATTACKED BY A

314
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:32,812
CICADA.

315
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,280
THEN, THE GUY WHO SAYS HE WAS

316
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,283
SWALLOWED BY A WHALE.

317
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,652
HE SAYS IT'S ALSO HAPPENED TO

318
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:40,419
HIM.

319
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,256
THEN, BABY DINOSAUR MYSTERY.

320
00:08:43,322 --> 00:08:44,891
AND, YOU CALL THIS LUNCH?

321
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:47,226
WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

322
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:51,831
THEN, NOT BAD FOR AN OLD MAN.

323
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,065
THEN, STORAGE LOCKERS.

324
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:53,933
MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE

325
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,368
STORING THEIR STUFF IN THEM.

326
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,470
FREAK OUT.

327
00:08:57,536 --> 00:09:00,506
THEN.

328
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:03,509
THEIR SONG SO BEAUTIFUL.

329
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:04,377
GATOR GIRL.

330
00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:04,911
WILD-GOOSE CHASE.

331
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:08,347
>> HAS HE BEEN EATEN BY

332
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:08,648
ALLIGATORS?

333
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,717
>> THEN, CHIROPRACTORS FOR

334
00:09:11,784 --> 00:09:11,918
BABIES.

335
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:12,685
CHAMPAGNE WEDDING TOAST.

336
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:16,923
THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL.

337
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:17,924
>> John: MOVING ON.

338
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:18,758
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT

339
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:19,425
CONCERNS DRUGS.

340
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,226
THEY'RE SOMETHING WE'VE OFTEN

341
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:20,793
BEEN TOLD TO AVOID, THROUGH

342
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,063
PSAs LIKE THIS.

343
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,465
>> ♪ DON'T DO DRUGS! ♪

344
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:27,099
>> OH, NO!

345
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,301
>> OH, DON'T YOU DO IT NOW!

346
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,002
♪ DON'T DO DRUGS! ♪

347
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:33,873
>> OH, NO!

348
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:34,540
>> ♪ SOMEONE PLAYS YOU

349
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,242
FOR A FOOL WHEN THEY SAY,

350
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:36,676
♪ COME ON, BE COOL

351
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:37,910
JUST BE SMART AND HEED THIS

352
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:38,511
RULE ♪

353
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:42,782
♪ DON'T DO DRUGS! ♪

354
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:43,983
JUST TELL THEM YOU GOT BETTER

355
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,118
THINGS TO DO ♪

356
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,587
>> John: COOL.

357
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,189
EVERYONE KNOWS THE HOTTEST SPOT

358
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,557
TO SNORT COKE IS A BENCH

359
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:52,325
ON A RESIDENTIAL STREET

360
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:54,160
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.

361
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:55,127
THESE DAYS, YOU CAN'T EVEN HANG

362
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:56,429
OUT ON YOUR SPLIT-LEVEL PORCH IN

363
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:57,663
YOUR POODLE SKIRT WITHOUT SEEING

364
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:58,898
THOSE PESKY TEENS, BLOWING THAT

365
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:01,500
SNOW LIKE IT'S JACKSON HOLE.

366
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:02,234
BUT DESPITE THOSE VERY

367
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,336
COMPELLING ARGUMENTS, MILLIONS

368
00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:04,804
UPON MILLIONS OF AMERICANS STILL

369
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:07,006
USE ILLICIT DRUGS.

370
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,574
AND IT'S EASY TO SEE WHY.

371
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:11,010
DRUGS CAN BE A LOT OF FUN.

372
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,211
SOME, IN FACT, CAN BE SO MUCH

373
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:12,945
FUN THEY END UP RUINING YOUR

374
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,013
FUCKING LIFE.

375
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,514
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, THAT

376
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,583
"GREASE" FEVER DREAM ISN'T WRONG

377
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,218
TO IMPLY ENGAGING WITH THE

378
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:19,952
ILLICIT DRUG SUPPLY

379
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:22,555
CAN BE DANGEROUS.

380
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,123
THIS PAST DECADE HAS SHOWN

381
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,791
A SUBSTANTIAL RISE IN OVERDOSE

382
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:26,359
DEATHS, LEADING TO ALARMING

383
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:28,627
STATISTICS LIKE THIS.

384
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:31,097
>> THE CDC ESTIMATES MORE THAN

385
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,898
100,000 AMERICANS DIED FROM DRUG

386
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:35,368
OVERDOSES OVER A 12-MONTH PERIOD

387
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,269
ENDING THIS APRIL, A RECORD.

388
00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:38,337
THAT'S NEARLY THREE TIMES

389
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:38,971
THE NUMBER OF DEATHS

390
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,873
FROM TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS LAST

391
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,408
YEAR AND MORE THAN TWICE THE

392
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,343
NUMBER OF GUN DEATHS.

393
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:45,044
>> John: WOW.

394
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,345
THAT IS STAGGERING.

395
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,047
AND QUICK SIDE NOTE.

396
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:49,181
IT'S DEPRESSINGLY AMERICAN TO BE

397
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,083
SHOCKED THAT SOMETHING COULD

398
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,619
CAUSE MORE DEATHS THAN GUNS.

399
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:54,987
WE'RE THE ONLY COUNTRY THAT

400
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,122
WOULD LOOK AT THAT AND SAY,

401
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,923
"IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT DRUG

402
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:58,824
OVERDOSES ARE KILLING MORE

403
00:10:58,891 --> 00:10:59,892
PEOPLE THAN ONE OF THOSE NATURAL

404
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:00,926
CAUSES OF DEATH,

405
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,795
HIGHLY PREVENTABLE LOSS OF LIFE

406
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,264
BY LOOSELY REGULATED WEAPONS."

407
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,532
THE FACT IS: STREET DRUGS ARE

408
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,434
AN ABSOLUTE MESS RIGHT NOW, AS

409
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,869
THEY'VE BECOME SO CONTAMINATED,

410
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:10,936
ONE YALE RESEARCHER SAID

411
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:11,837
THE WHOLE SUPPLY IS JUST SO

412
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:13,506
ABSOLUTELY FUCKED

413
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:17,743
AT THIS POINT.

414
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,911
AND THE RISE IN OVERDOSES DEATHS

415
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,246
HAS BEEN DRIVEN BY THE PRESENCE

416
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,881
OF ONE DRUG IN PARTICULAR:

417
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:22,615
AND THAT IS FENTANYL.

418
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:23,883
A SYNTHETIC OPIOID OFTEN USED

419
00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:24,650
PRESCRIPTIVELY FOR THINGS LIKE

420
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:25,584
SURGERIES OR CANCER PAIN.

421
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:28,154
BUT OUTSIDE OF MEDICAL SETTINGS,

422
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,688
ILLEGALLY MANUFACTURED FENTANYL

423
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:32,425
HAS BECOME A HUGE PROBLEM.

424
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:33,959
BECAUSE IT AND OTHER SYNTHETIC

425
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,194
OPIOIDS WERE INVOLVED IN NEARLY

426
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,462
TWO-THIRDS OF ALL OVERDOSE

427
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,731
DEATHS DURING THE PAST YEAR.

428
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,099
AND WHILE IT'S TRUE THAT

429
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,734
FENTANYL IS INCREDIBLY POTENT,

430
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,969
THE BIGGER PROBLEM IS THAT

431
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,204
THERE'S A DANGEROUS LACK OF

432
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,205
CONSISTENCY IN THE WAY IT'S

433
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,406
CURRENTLY DISTRIBUTED WITHIN THE

434
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,442
STREET DRUG SUPPLY.

435
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,143
SO YOU CAN EITHER KNOW YOU'RE

436
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,411
TAKING IT ON ITS OWN OR IN

437
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,213
SOMETHING LIKE HEROIN BUT NOT

438
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:54,847
KNOW HOW POTENT WHAT YOU'RE

439
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:58,117
TAKING IS.

440
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,351
OR YOU MAY NOT KNOW YOU'RE

441
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:00,219
TAKING IT AT ALL.

442
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:02,188
>> WHAT WE'RE SEEING IS THAT

443
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:03,689
THIS OPIOID IS BEING FOUND

444
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:05,858
IN A CONTAMINATED PILL SUPPLY

445
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,460
IN THE WHOLE UNITED STATES.

446
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:09,862
THEY'RE USING PILL PRESSES

447
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,697
THAT LOOK LIKE PILLS FOR

448
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:12,665
PHARMACEUTICALS THAT ARE

449
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:13,966
CURRENTLY MARKETED.

450
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,034
>> ONE DAY, I ADMITTED THREE

451
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:16,235
PEOPLE INTO THE CLINIC.

452
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,369
ALL THREE OF THEM SAID

453
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:18,804
THEY WERE TAKING OXYCODONE.

454
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,272
NONE OF THOSE THREE PEOPLE HAD

455
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:21,974
ANY OXYCODONE TESTED IN THEIR

456
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,009
URINE THAT WE TESTED THAT DAY.

457
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,813
IT WAS ALL FENTANYL.

458
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,614
>> John: WELL, THAT'S NOT GREAT,

459
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:29,348
IS IT?

460
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,349
THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD BE

461
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,851
SURPRISED BY WHAT'S IN YOUR

462
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:34,253
URINE IS WHEN YOU FORGOT YOU ATE

463
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,888
ASPARAGUS EARLIER THAT DAY OR,

464
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:38,390
WORST CASE SCENARIO, THE SHRUNK

465
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,525
DOWN MAGIC SCHOOL BUS COMES OUT

466
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:39,992
AFTER A BIOLOGY LESSON

467
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,627
GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.

468
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,195
SO IF THE CURRENT DRUG SUPPLY

469
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,163
IS THIS TAINTED AND THIS

470
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,798
DANGEROUS, WE THOUGHT TONIGHT

471
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,333
IT'D BE WORTH TALKING ABOUT THE

472
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:51,704
OVERDOSES IT CAN CAUSE, AND THE

473
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,872
THINGS WE SHOULD AND REALLY

474
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,639
SHOULDN'T BE DOING TO PREVENT

475
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:54,173
THEM.

476
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,441
AND LET'S START BY ACKNOWLEDGING

477
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:56,142
SOME PAST MISTAKES.

478
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:56,775
BECAUSE FOR DECADES, WE'VE BEEN

479
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:57,409
FIGHTING A WAR ON DRUGS THAT WAS

480
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,144
OFTEN FUELED BY FEAR AND

481
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,378
MISINFORMATION, DIRECTLY LEADING

482
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,281
TO BAD POLICY.

483
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:03,716
IN THE '80s, FOR INSTANCE,

484
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:04,383
THE RISKS ASSOCIATED WITH CRACK

485
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,118
COCAINE USE, WHICH WERE VERY

486
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,220
REAL, GOT CARTOONISHLY

487
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,456
INFLATED INTO FEARMONGERING

488
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,526
HEADLINES ABOUT A GENERATION OF

489
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,195
CRACK BABIES WITH STORIES LIKE,

490
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:17,763
"CRACK BABIES TURN 5

491
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:18,697
AND SCHOOLS BRACE," WHICH WAS

492
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,132
OBVIOUSLY SHITTY AND RACIST AT

493
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:20,766
THE TIME BUT HAS ALSO SINCE

494
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,301
BEEN COMPLETELY DEBUNKED.

495
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,969
BUT THAT HYSTERIA LED TO

496
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:25,638
POLICIES LIKE MANDATORY MINIMUMS

497
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:27,673
THAT FUELED MASS INCARCERATION,

498
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:28,641
AND LAWS THAT CRIMINALIZED

499
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,409
EVERYTHING SURROUNDING DRUG USE,

500
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,178
FROM PARAPHERNALIA TO EVEN

501
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,480
LOCATIONS WHERE DRUGS WERE USED.

502
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,348
AND UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE SEEING

503
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,484
A SIMILAR PANIC TODAY BREWING

504
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,352
AROUND FENTANYL, WHICH, AGAIN,

505
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:41,287
IS DANGEROUS IF INGESTED

506
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:42,688
OR INJECTED.

507
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:44,557
BUT TO HEAR LAW ENFORCEMENT TELL

508
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:45,157
IT, IT'S ALSO DANGEROUS TO BE

509
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:46,425
ANYWHERE NEAR IT.

510
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,259
TAKE THIS VIDEO FROM

511
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:48,794
THE SAN DIEGO COUNTY SHERIFF'S

512
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,129
DEPARTMENT, AND BEFORE I SHOW

513
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:51,330
IT TO YOU, JUST KNOW THE OFFICER

514
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,566
INVOLVED HERE IS COMPLETELY

515
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:54,433
FINE, FOR REASONS I'LL GET TO IN

516
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,001
A MINUTE.

517
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:59,104
>> MY TRAINEE WAS EXPOSED TO

518
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:02,174
FENTANYL AND NEARLY DIED.

519
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,809
HE FOUND A WHITE SUBSTANCE

520
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,445
THAT HE SUSPECTED WAS DRUGS.

521
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,012
>> IT TESTED POSITIVE

522
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,781
FOR FENTANYL.

523
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:09,882
THAT STUFF'S NO JOKE.

524
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:10,649
IT IS SUPER DANGEROUS.

525
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:11,784
>> A COUPLE SECONDS LATER,

526
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:12,851
HE TOOK SOME STEPS BACK

527
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,820
AND HE COLLAPSED.

528
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:15,287
>> John: AGAIN...

529
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,155
DON'T WORRY.

530
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:17,923
THAT OFFICER IS COMPLETELY FINE.

531
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:18,557
AND THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FEW

532
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:19,992
IMMEDIATE RED FLAGS THERE;

533
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,327
NOT ONLY DID THE DEPARTMENT

534
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:22,828
VOLUNTARILY RELEASE THAT BODY

535
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,863
CAM FOOTAGE, THEY ALSO WENT TO

536
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,098
THE TROUBLE OF SCORING IT WITH

537
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,132
MUSIC THAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED

538
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,969
AS "FUNERAL HOME SLIDESHOW."

539
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,737
BUT THE IDEA THAT OFFICER

540
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,038
COULD'VE BEEN PASSIVELY EXPOSED

541
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,074
TO FENTANYL AND THEN OVERDOSED

542
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,076
IS COMPLETELY ABSURD.

543
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:38,744
EXPERTS SAY IT IS TECHNICALLY

544
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,913
IMPOSSIBLE TO TOUCH FENTANYL

545
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,648
POWDER AND FEEL ANY EFFECTS FROM

546
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,551
IT, LET ALONE OVERDOSE AND "YOU

547
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,385
WOULD HAVE TO BE IN SOME SORT OF

548
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:47,886
WIND TUNNEL WITH MASSIVE AMOUNTS

549
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,556
OF FENTANYL" TO ACCIDENTALLY

550
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,290
INHALE ENOUGH TO O.D.

551
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,224
AND BY THE WAY:

552
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:55,661
"A WIND TUNNEL FULL OF FENTANYL"

553
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,495
IS QUITE THE PHRASE THERE.

554
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,496
IF YOU JUST ADD "AND ROVING

555
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,130
GANGS," YOU'VE PRETTY MUCH GOT

556
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:58,964
HOW A RACIST UNCLE DESCRIBES

557
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,032
CHICAGO AFTER WATCHING

558
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:05,804
TOO MUCH FOX NEWS.

559
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:08,140
AND THE THINGS IS IT'S BY NO

560
00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:09,541
MEANS JUST SAN DIEGO

561
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:10,476
MULTIPLE POLICE

562
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:11,543
DEPARTMENTS HAVE PUT OUT SIMILAR

563
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:12,044
CLAIMS OF OD-ING THROUGH

564
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:12,611
ACCIDENTAL SKIN CONTACT OR

565
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:13,512
INHALATION, WHICH AGAIN,

566
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,347
IS BASICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

567
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:16,415
WHAT THOSE OFFICERS WERE MUCH

568
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:17,416
MORE LIKELY EXPERIENCING WERE

569
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,684
PANIC ATTACKS.

570
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:19,985
WHICH MAKES SENSE, IN A WAY,

571
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:20,819
BECAUSE THEY'D JUST BEEN EXPOSED

572
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,154
TO SOMETHING THEY'VE REPEATEDLY

573
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:24,156
HEARD IS DEADLY TO BE ANYWHERE

574
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,524
NEAR.

575
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,059
THIS HAS NOW BECOME SUCH A

576
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,994
TROPE, IT WAS A PLOT POINT ON

577
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:29,995
"BLUE BLOODS," WHERE DONNIE

578
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,530
WAHLBERG'S PARTNER BRIEFLY PICKS

579
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,065
UP A TRAY WITH FENTANYL ON IT,

580
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:35,567
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.

581
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:36,135
>> ANY IDEA WHAT SHE

582
00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:37,603
CAME IN CONTACT WITH?

583
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:38,237
>> SAID SHE GOT

584
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:39,171
FENTANYL ON HER HANDS.

585
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,372
WHAT THE HELL'S HAPPENING HERE?

586
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:40,873
SHE WAS FINE ONE SECOND,

587
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:41,240
THE NEXT MINUTE,

588
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:42,141
SHE'S NOT BREATHING.

589
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:42,941
>> FENTANYL IS A SYNTHETIC

590
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,144
OPIOID 50 TO 100 TIMES STRONGER

591
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,312
THAN MORPHINE.

592
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:47,913
THE SLIGHTEST EXPOSURE

593
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,148
CAN TRIGGER AN OVERDOSE.

594
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:51,183
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S COMPLETE

595
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,719
HORSESHIT, NOT THAT YOU'D EXPECT

596
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,320
ANY MORE NUANCE FROM A SHOW

597
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,587
THAT'S BASICALLY ADULT

598
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:58,290
PAW PATROL.

599
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:00,926
BUT THE POINT IS, IT'S DEEPLY

600
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,127
IRRESPONSIBLE OF POLICE TO KEEP

601
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,696
PERPETUATING A MEDICAL

602
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,564
IMPOSSIBILITY AND FOR MEDIA

603
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,199
OUTLETS TO KEEP AMPLIFYING IT.

604
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:08,634
FOR A START, IT MIGHT MAKE

605
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,835
PEOPLE AFRAID TO HELP SOMEONE

606
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:10,569
THEY SEE EXPERIENCING

607
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:11,337
AN OVERDOSE.

608
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,072
WHY RISK GIVING SOMEONE CPR

609
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,139
IF THEY MIGHT BE COVERED

610
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,275
IN POWDERED DEATH?

611
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,243
AND ALSO, WHEN YOU TREAT A DRUG

612
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,079
LIKE A BIO WEAPON, YOU JUSTIFY

613
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,313
A PUNITIVE, MILITARIZED RESPONSE

614
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:22,648
TO IT.

615
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,450
A COUPLE YEARS BACK, A OHIO MAN

616
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:25,918
RECEIVED ADDITIONAL PRISON TIME

617
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:26,819
FOR ASSAULT ON A POLICE OFFICER

618
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,687
AFTER OFFICERS SEARCHED HIS CAR

619
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,155
FOR DRUGS AND FOUND POWDER THAT

620
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:30,622
LATER TESTED POSITIVE

621
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,557
FOR FENTANYL.

622
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:33,359
THAT EXPOSURE TO FENTANYL

623
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:36,495
ALONE CONSTITUTED THE ASSAULT.

624
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,731
AND LOOK, IF FENTANYL REALLY

625
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,967
WERE SMALLPOX IN A BOTTLE,

626
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,001
MAYBE IT'D MAKE SENSE FOR TOTAL

627
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,203
ERADICATION TO BE OUR GOAL.

628
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:45,971
BUT IT ISN'T.

629
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:46,705
SO IT FRANKLY MAKES MUCH MORE

630
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,607
SENSE TO FOCUS ON HOW TO PROTECT

631
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,908
THOSE GENUINELY AT RISK OF

632
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:51,210
OVERDOSING ON IT:

633
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:52,911
THAT IS THE PEOPLE TAKING IT.

634
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,179
WHICH IS TO SAY, THE REST OF

635
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:55,381
THIS PIECE IS GOING TO BE ABOUT

636
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:56,582
HARM REDUCTION.

637
00:16:56,648 --> 00:16:57,950
ESSENTIALLY, HARM REDUCTION

638
00:16:58,016 --> 00:16:59,952
ACCEPTS THE REALITY THAT PEOPLE

639
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,920
WILL USE ILLEGAL DRUGS AND THAT

640
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:02,421
SOME EITHER CAN'T

641
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:04,223
OR DON'T WANT TO STOP.

642
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,091
SO RATHER THAN ARREST THEM,

643
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,559
WE MIGHT BE BETTER OFF TRYING TO

644
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,228
MITIGATE THE DAMAGE DONE.

645
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:12,197
IT'S A CONCEPT YOU MIGHT BE

646
00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:15,934
FAMILIAR WITH THROUGH THINGS

647
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:16,969
LIKE SYRINGE SERVICES PROGRAMS

648
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:17,903
WHICH GIVE PEOPLE CLEAN NEEDLES

649
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:18,937
AND ARE PROVEN TO MASSIVELY HELP

650
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:19,538
DRIVE DOWN THE SPREAD OF

651
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:20,305
DISEASE.

652
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,507
AND RIGHT NOW, IF YOU GENUINELY

653
00:17:21,573 --> 00:17:22,941
WANT TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF

654
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:23,609
OVERDOSES, THERE ARE SOME

655
00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:25,344
IMPORTANT TACTICS WE COULD

656
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,578
ENCOURAGE.

657
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:27,746
FIRST, THERE'S DRUG CHECKING.

658
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,448
THE SIMPLE ACT OF TESTING DRUGS

659
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:31,083
TO FIND OUT WHAT'S IN THEM.

660
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,317
THIS CAN BE DONE THROUGH THINGS

661
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,419
LIKE FENTANYL TESTING STRIPS OR

662
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:34,953
REAGENT TEST KITS.

663
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:36,688
THESE ARE VERY VALUABLE TOOLS

664
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,590
TO KEEP PEOPLE SAFE, AND YET,

665
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,092
THANKS TO THOSE DRUG-WAR ERA

666
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,193
LAWS ON PARAPHERNALIA

667
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,729
I MENTIONED EARLIER, THEY'RE

668
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,597
TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL IN ALL THESE

669
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:47,533
STATES, MAKING IT A LIABILITY

670
00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:48,700
TO CARRY THEM, WHICH IS

671
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:51,136
JUST COMPLETE MADNESS.

672
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,771
NOW, THANKFULLY, SOME STATES

673
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:53,772
HAVE WRITTEN CARVE-OUTS

674
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:54,973
FOR SPECIFIC METHODS,

675
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,742
LIKE FENTANYL TESTING STRIPS.

676
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,609
AND OTHERS ARE CHOOSING NOT TO

677
00:17:57,676 --> 00:17:59,278
ENFORCE THEIR STUPID LAWS

678
00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:00,679
CRIMINALIZING THEM.

679
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:01,814
THE PROBLEM IS, THOUGH, POLICE

680
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,248
OFFICERS MAY NOT BE AWARE

681
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:04,416
OR INDEED CARE ABOUT THOSE

682
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,485
CARVE-OUTS AND ARE STILL VERY

683
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:09,087
MUCH ARRESTING PEOPLE OR USING

684
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,023
THE PRESENCE OF TESTING

685
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,057
EQUIPMENT AS PROBABLE CAUSE FOR

686
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,358
FURTHER SEARCHES.

687
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,426
AND ALL THIS MEANS PEOPLE ARE

688
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:16,094
STILL GETTING LOCKED UP BECAUSE

689
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,229
THEY WERE CARRYING A LIFESAVING

690
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:19,398
TOOL, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS,

691
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,400
BECAUSE IF ANY LIFE-SAVING TOOL

692
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:22,434
SHOULD BE CRIMINALIZED,

693
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:23,502
IT OBVIOUSLY SHOULDN'T BE

694
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:24,837
DRUG CHECKING EQUIPMENT.

695
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:25,704
IT SHOULD BE

696
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,272
THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER.

697
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:30,042
I'M SORRY, BUT LET'S GET THIS

698
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:31,210
VERY CLEAR.

699
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,846
IF YOU SEE ME CHOKING

700
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:34,913
THAT IS, FRANKLY, NONE OF

701
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,048
YOUR BUSINESS.

702
00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:41,386
IF I DIE, LET ME DIE DOING MY

703
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:42,588
FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD:

704
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:43,355
NOT BEING SURPRISE-HUGGED

705
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:44,122
BY A STRANGER.

706
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:44,890
DO NOT TOUCH ME

707
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,358
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

708
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,459
THEN THERE'S THE HARM REDUCTION

709
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:48,126
METHOD YOU'RE PROBABLY ALREADY

710
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,194
AWARE OF:

711
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:50,095
THAT IS NALOXONE, ALSO KNOWN

712
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:51,497
BY THE BRAND NAME NARCAN.

713
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:52,865
NALOXONE, AS THIS WOMAN

714
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:54,199
WHO WORKS IN HARM REDUCTION

715
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:54,833
EXPLAINS, CAN QUICKLY REVERSE

716
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,004
AN OPIOID OVERDOSE.

717
00:18:59,071 --> 00:18:59,972
>> SO PRETEND THAT, LIKE, THIS,

718
00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:00,739
THIS HERE, THIS IS THE

719
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:01,373
FENTANYL COMING IN YOUR SYSTEM,

720
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,274
RIGHT?

721
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:03,141
SO WHEN YOU SHOOT SOMEONE UP

722
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,776
WITH NARCAN, IT'S LIKE A WALL

723
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,011
GOES UP AND SO THE FENTANYL HITS

724
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:06,512
THE WALL, IT CAN'T KEEP

725
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:07,813
ON GOING.

726
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:08,814
THE MORE NARCAN YOU PUT INTO THE

727
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:09,648
SYSTEM, THAT BIGGER THAT WALL

728
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:10,883
GETS.

729
00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:12,351
>> SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS

730
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:13,585
IS IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE EASY

731
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:14,553
TO REVERSE AN OVERDOSE?

732
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,754
>> YES, IT IS.

733
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:16,688
>> John: RIGHT,

734
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,223
IT'S INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE.

735
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:19,591
NALOXONE HAS GOT TO BE IN THE

736
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,093
HALL OF FAME FOR ERASING

737
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,828
MISTAKES, UP THERE WITH THE

738
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,229
PENCIL ERASER,

739
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:25,330
THE CONTROL-Z KEY, AND STARRING

740
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,399
IN "DADDY'S HOME 2."

741
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:28,667
WHAT A FUN FAMILY!

742
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,302
WHAT A CRANKY DAD!

743
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:33,005
I WONDER IF THERE ARE ANY FUN

744
00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:35,173
PRANKS OR VOICEMAILS ON THE SET.

745
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,042
I BET THERE WERE.

746
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,110
THE POINT IS, NALOXONE'S

747
00:19:38,176 --> 00:19:38,877
A FUCKING MIRACLE, WHICH IS WHY

748
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,245
IT'S SO FRUSTRATING

749
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:41,747
THAT THE FDA CURRENTLY HAS IT

750
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:45,784
UNDER PRESCRIPTION-ONLY STATUS,

751
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:46,485
SOMETHING EVEN THE AMA HAS

752
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:47,619
SAID SHOULD BE CHANGED.

753
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:48,587
AND WHILE EVERY STATE HAS

754
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,022
ADOPTED SOME KIND OF WORKAROUND,

755
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,390
MEANING AN INDIVIDUAL CAN

756
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:52,157
THEORETICALLY GET IT WITHOUT

757
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:53,992
SEEING A DOCTOR FIRST,

758
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,194
IT CAN BE VERY DIFFICULT.

759
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,063
AND FOR COMMUNITY GROUPS WHO

760
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,165
WANT TO BUY IT IN BULK, SO THEY

761
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:02,100
CAN DISTRIBUTE IT DIRECTLY TO

762
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:02,701
PEOPLE WHO NEED IT, IT CAN BE

763
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,303
BASICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

764
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,004
AND LOOK, THERE ARE CERTAIN

765
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:07,339
THINGS YOU'D WANT TO GO OUT OF

766
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,040
YOUR WAY TO DISCOURAGE PEOPLE

767
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:10,208
FROM HAVING IN THEIR HOMES --

768
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:11,910
NAZI FLAGS, PET CHIMPS,

769
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,879
A TV PLAYING AN EPISODE OF

770
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,582
"BLUE BLOODS", BUT NARCAN

771
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,016
IS ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE OF THEM.

772
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,251
BUT PERHAPS THE BIGGEST STEP

773
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,219
WE COULD MAKE HERE IS TO

774
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,021
PROPERLY SUPPORT OVERDOSE

775
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:24,089
PREVENTION CENTERS, SOMETIMES

776
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:24,756
CALLED SUPERVISED INJECTION

777
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,458
SITES.

778
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:27,359
THEY'RE PLACES WHERE PEOPLE CAN

779
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,660
BRING THEIR OWN DRUGS, AND HAVE

780
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,661
ACCESS TO CLEAN SUPPLIES AND

781
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:33,165
TRAINED PROFESSIONALS WHO CAN

782
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:34,299
INTERVENE IN THE EVENT OF AN

783
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:35,534
OVERDOSE AS WELL AS DIRECT

784
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:36,301
THEM TOWARD TONS OF OTHER

785
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:37,603
SERVICES, INCLUDING ADDICTION

786
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:40,172
TREATMENT, IF THEY SO CHOOSE.

787
00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:43,642
HERE'S A LOOK INSIDE ONE OF

788
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:44,242
THEM RIGHT HERE

789
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,110
IN NEW YORK CITY.

790
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:45,777
>> WHEN WE WERE INSIDE,

791
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:46,445
THERE WERE HALF A DOZEN CLIENTS

792
00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:47,079
USING DRUGS.

793
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:48,080
>> NO MORE IMPROPERLY DISCARDED

794
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:48,981
SYRINGES ON THE STREETS,

795
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:50,115
NEAR OUR SCHOOLS,

796
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:51,783
IN OUR SUBWAY STATIONS.

797
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:52,618
YOU WON'T --

798
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,953
YOU FIND WAY LESS --

799
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:59,625
>> SAFELY, SECURELY.

800
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:00,559
WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT

801
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:01,693
OVERDOSING.

802
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:02,561
>> THE VOICE BEHIND THE DIVIDER

803
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,329
BELONGED TO A MAN NAMED OZ

804
00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:05,831
WHO TOLD US HE'S A MARINE CORPS

805
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:06,431
VETERAN AND WAS USING HEROIN

806
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,634
AS WE SPOKE.

807
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,168
>> I'VE GOTTEN MORE HELP HERE

808
00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:12,304
THAN I'VE GOTTEN FROM, YOU KNOW,

809
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:15,040
FROM THE V.A.

810
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,308
>> John: WOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

811
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:17,509
AND I KNOW THAT WE, AS A

812
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:18,577
SOCIETY, HAVE LEARNED NOT TO

813
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,112
TRUST ANYONE NAMED OZ WHO'S

814
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:21,380
EITHER YELLING AT YOU FROM

815
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,281
BEHIND A CURTAIN OR TRYING TO

816
00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:23,849
TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING

817
00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:25,317
MEDICAL.

818
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:26,585
BUT WE SHOULD MAKE AN EXCEPTION

819
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,820
HERE ON BOTH COUNTS BECAUSE THIS

820
00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:29,655
PARTICULAR OZ MAKES A VERY

821
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:30,689
IMPORTANT POINT.

822
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,157
OVERDOSE PREVENTION CENTERS

823
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,692
PROVIDE CRUCIAL SERVICES

824
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:34,860
THAT KEEP PEOPLE WHO USE DRUGS

825
00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:36,862
AS SAFE AS POSSIBLE.

826
00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,096
AND YET, WHENEVER THEY'RE

827
00:21:38,163 --> 00:21:39,431
FLOATED AS AN OPTION,

828
00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:42,100
PEOPLE FREAK THE FUCK OUT.

829
00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:43,268
>> IT'S ACTUALLY A HEROIN

830
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:44,469
SHOOTING GALLERY, AND THAT'S

831
00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:45,237
REALLY WHAT IT IS.

832
00:21:45,303 --> 00:21:47,105
IT IS A COMMUNITY CENTER

833
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:48,573
FOR HEROIN ADDICTS TO GO

834
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,276
AND SHOOT UP UNDER SUPERVISION,

835
00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:52,044
WHICH I THINK IS --

836
00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:53,578
IS CRAZY.

837
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:54,479
>> THE BEST WAY TO PREVENT

838
00:21:54,546 --> 00:21:56,448
OVERDOSES FROM HEROIN IS

839
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:57,015
TO HAVE PEOPLE STOP DOING

840
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:58,483
HEROIN.

841
00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:00,686
>> THEY CALLED IT HARM REDUCTION

842
00:22:00,752 --> 00:22:02,087
CENTERS, BUT IN MY WAY

843
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,057
OF THINKIN, IT'S REALLY HARM

844
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:05,457
ENABLING CENTERS.

845
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:06,191
>> THERE'S SO MANY OTHER THINGS

846
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:07,359
TO DEAL WITH THAN, YOU KNOW,

847
00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:07,993
LETTING PEOPLE SHOOT UP

848
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,194
SAFELY.

849
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:10,495
IT'S JUST LIKE CONDONING

850
00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:11,329
DOING DRUGS.

851
00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:12,364
IT'S LIKE, "WHY DON'T

852
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,032
I GO DO IT?"

853
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,934
>> John: OKAY, BUT THAT'S NOT

854
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,002
AT ALL WHAT THESE CENTERS

855
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:17,536
ARE FOR.

856
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,071
THEY'RE NOT FOR THE

857
00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:20,472
HEROIN-CURIOUS TO SAMPLE FLIGHTS

858
00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:23,175
OF SYRINGES LIKE IPAs.

859
00:22:23,241 --> 00:22:24,876
THEY'RE TO HELP PEOPLE WHO

860
00:22:24,943 --> 00:22:27,045
ALREADY USE DRUGS DO SO IN A WAY

861
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:28,447
THAT WON'T FUCKING KILL THEM.

862
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:29,915
WE KNOW OVERDOSES OFTEN HAPPEN

863
00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:30,716
WHEN PEOPLE USE DRUGS ALONE,

864
00:22:30,782 --> 00:22:32,184
WITH NO ONE AROUND TO HELP THEM,

865
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,018
AND THESE FACILITIES ARE

866
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:33,752
DESIGNED TO MAKE SURE THAT

867
00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:36,054
DOESN'T HAPPEN.

868
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:37,556
AND POLITICIANS WHO ACTUALLY

869
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:38,123
STUDY THESE SITES, LIKE THE

870
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:38,690
FORMER MAYOR OF ITHACA,

871
00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:42,127
NEW YORK, COME AWAY IMPRESSED.

872
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:42,728
>> THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT,

873
00:22:42,794 --> 00:22:43,829
I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED LIKE

874
00:22:43,895 --> 00:22:44,596
WE WERE JUST ENABLING PEOPLE

875
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:47,132
TO USE DRUGS.

876
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,333
BUT THE TRUTH IS, IN THE

877
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,968
PLACES WHERE IT'S WORKED, IN

878
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:53,438
AUSTRALIA AND EUROPE AND CANADA,

879
00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:57,242
MORE PEOPLE GET OFF OF DRUGS,

880
00:22:57,309 --> 00:22:58,243
PEOPLE WHO USE SUPERVISED

881
00:22:58,310 --> 00:22:59,311
INJECTION ARE 30% MORE LIKELY

882
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:00,312
TO ENTER INTO TREATMENT,

883
00:23:00,378 --> 00:23:00,879
AND THEY'RE 100% LESS LIKELY

884
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,614
TO DIE.

885
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:04,416
>> John: JUST TO UNDERLINE THAT:

886
00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:05,650
100%.

887
00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:09,855
NO ONE HAS EVER DIED THERE.

888
00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:11,423
IN FACT, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN

889
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:12,057
A RECORDED DEATH

890
00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:12,858
IN ANY OVERDOSE PREVENTION

891
00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:13,391
CENTER ON EARTH.

892
00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:14,126
THAT'S INSANE!

893
00:23:14,192 --> 00:23:15,494
PEOPLE DIE EVERYWHERE!

894
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,027
PEOPLE DIE

895
00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:17,896
AT CHUCK E. CHEESE!

896
00:23:17,963 --> 00:23:19,297
ALL THE TIME!

897
00:23:19,364 --> 00:23:20,232
THE BALL PIT THERE IS --

898
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:21,166
AND THIS IS TRUE --

899
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,135
MOSTLY BONES.

900
00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:23,735
YOU WANT TO KNOW

901
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:24,836
THAT RAT'S REAL NAME?

902
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:27,539
IT'S CHARLES "EXECUTION" CHEESE.

903
00:23:27,606 --> 00:23:28,874
AND YET DESPITE THE FACT THAT

904
00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:30,408
CLIP WAS FROM SIX YEARS AGO,

905
00:23:30,475 --> 00:23:31,710
ITHACA STILL DOESN'T HAVE AN

906
00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:33,478
OVERDOSE PREVENTION CENTER.

907
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:34,746
BECAUSE WHEN CITIES FLOAT

908
00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:36,214
OPENING ONE, QUESTIONS AROUND

909
00:23:36,281 --> 00:23:37,516
THEIR MORALITY AND EVEN LEGALITY

910
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:39,384
MAKE IT NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE.

911
00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:40,485
JUST RECENTLY, AN OPC IN

912
00:23:40,552 --> 00:23:41,853
PHILADELPHIA WAS PREVENTED FROM

913
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,488
OPENING AFTER A THREE-JUDGE

914
00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:45,090
PANEL FOUND IT VIOLATED A

915
00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:46,625
PROVISION IN FEDERAL LAW KNOWN

916
00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:48,527
AS THE "CRACK HOUSE STATUTE,"

917
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,463
WHICH BANS FACILITIES THAT

918
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:53,565
OPERATE FOR THE PURPOSE OF USING

919
00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:54,299
ILLEGAL DRUGS.

920
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:55,033
YET ANOTHER 1980s LAW

921
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,301
WE'RE STILL SUFFERING FROM,

922
00:23:56,368 --> 00:23:59,104
WHICH IS JUST INFURIATING.

923
00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:00,138
SO OFTEN, THE PROBLEM FACING ALL

924
00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:00,772
HARM REDUCTION PROGRAMS IS THAT

925
00:24:00,839 --> 00:24:02,741
PEOPLE ARE SO ANGRY WITH THOSE

926
00:24:02,808 --> 00:24:03,809
WHO USE DRUGS, THEY WANT TO TRY

927
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:06,378
AND PUNISH THEM INTO ABSTINENCE.

928
00:24:06,444 --> 00:24:07,279
BUT THAT'S NOT HOW

929
00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:09,948
ANY OF THIS WORKS.

930
00:24:10,015 --> 00:24:11,716
AND ADVOCATES HAVE BEEN TRYING

931
00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:12,384
TO TELL US THIS FOR A LONG TIME,

932
00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:13,318
LIKE LOUISE VINCENT, WHO POINTS

933
00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:14,686
OUT THAT FOR DECADES, WE'VE BEEN

934
00:24:14,753 --> 00:24:19,457
GOING AT THIS COMPLETELY WRONG.

935
00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:20,325
>> ALL WE DO IS DISCONNECT

936
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:21,426
PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES.

937
00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:22,360
SO IF YOU ARE FOUND TO BE

938
00:24:22,427 --> 00:24:23,528
A PERSON WHO USES DRUGS

939
00:24:23,595 --> 00:24:26,231
AND NEEDS HELP, WE START

940
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:27,065
WITH DISCONNECTING YOU.

941
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,166
AND I TRULY BELIEVE THAT

942
00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:29,167
ADDICTION IS THE OPPOSITE

943
00:24:29,234 --> 00:24:32,971
OF CONNECTION.

944
00:24:33,038 --> 00:24:34,139
SO WHAT WE DO IS EVERYTHING

945
00:24:34,206 --> 00:24:35,373
WRONG TO HELP A PERSON.

946
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,109
WE DISCONNECT PEOPLE

947
00:24:38,176 --> 00:24:38,777
FROM THEIR FAMILIES.

948
00:24:38,844 --> 00:24:39,744
WE DISCONNECT PEOPLE

949
00:24:39,811 --> 00:24:40,178
FROM THEIR FRIENDS.

950
00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:41,179
WE ALIENATE PEOPLE FROM WORK.

951
00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:43,548
WE DISCONNECT THEM

952
00:24:43,615 --> 00:24:44,716
FROM COMMUNITY,

953
00:24:44,783 --> 00:24:45,550
AND THEN WE DISCONNECT THEM

954
00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:49,187
FROM THEIR FREEDOM, FINALLY,

955
00:24:49,254 --> 00:24:50,155
AND WHEN PEOPLE FINALLY

956
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:51,389
HAVE NOTHING LEFT, THEN THEY

957
00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:54,626
WILL USE UNTIL THEY DIE.

958
00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:55,660
>> John: RIGHT, WHEN PEOPLE HAVE

959
00:24:55,727 --> 00:24:56,228
NOTHING LEFT, THEY WILL USE

960
00:24:56,294 --> 00:24:57,696
UNTIL THEY DIE.

961
00:24:57,762 --> 00:25:00,165
IT IS FUCKING DARK.

962
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:00,765
IT'S HORRIBLE, AND RIGHT NOW,

963
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:01,666
YOU CAN MAKE A PRETTY GOOD CASE

964
00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:02,834
THAT -- DELIBERATE OR NOT --

965
00:25:02,901 --> 00:25:03,802
IT'S THE END-GOAL OF U.S.

966
00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:05,704
PUBLIC HEALTH POLICY.

967
00:25:05,770 --> 00:25:06,504
SO, GIVEN THAT, WHAT DO WE DO

968
00:25:06,571 --> 00:25:09,641
FROM HERE?

969
00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:10,709
WELL, FOR STARTERS, THE FDA

970
00:25:10,775 --> 00:25:11,443
SHOULD REMOVE NALOXONE'S

971
00:25:11,509 --> 00:25:12,043
PRESCRIPTION-ONLY STATUS, AND

972
00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:14,512
THEY SHOULD DO THAT RIGHT NOW.

973
00:25:14,579 --> 00:25:15,881
AND CRUCIALLY, NOT JUST FOR

974
00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:16,448
EXPENSIVE BRAND-NAME NASAL

975
00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:17,182
SPRAYS LIKE NARCAN, BUT FOR

976
00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:20,085
LOW-COST, GENERIC NALOXONE,

977
00:25:20,151 --> 00:25:22,120
WHICH IS THIRTY TIMES CHEAPER.

978
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,955
AS FOR STATE LEGISLATURES,

979
00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:24,522
THEY SHOULD RE-EXAMINE THEIR

980
00:25:24,589 --> 00:25:25,290
PARAPHERNALIA LAWS TO MAKE SURE

981
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:26,524
PEOPLE AREN'T HELD LIABLE FOR

982
00:25:26,591 --> 00:25:27,826
HOLDING BASIC PROTECTIVE TOOLS

983
00:25:27,893 --> 00:25:31,062
LIKE DRUG TESTING EQUIPMENT.

984
00:25:31,129 --> 00:25:31,796
AND FINALLY, WE NEED A

985
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:32,397
FULL-THROATED ENDORSEMENT OF

986
00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:33,632
OVERDOSE PREVENTION CENTERS

987
00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:34,399
FROM THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION,

988
00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:35,634
BECAUSE REMEMBER, RIGHT NOW,

989
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:36,401
AS PHILLY IS FINDING OUT,

990
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:37,535
THEY'RE ARGUABLY ILLEGAL,

991
00:25:37,602 --> 00:25:41,206
THANKS TO THAT

992
00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:41,973
CRACK HOUSE STATUTE.

993
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:42,707
NOW, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION

994
00:25:42,774 --> 00:25:43,842
COULD INTERVENE HERE, AND TAKE

995
00:25:43,909 --> 00:25:44,709
A STAND IN THEIR FAVOR, WHICH IS

996
00:25:44,776 --> 00:25:48,613
FRANKLY THE VERY LEAST BIDEN

997
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:49,147
COULD DO.

998
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:50,115
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE WONDERING,

999
00:25:50,181 --> 00:25:50,749
"WHO'S THE GUY WHO AUTHORED THE

1000
00:25:50,815 --> 00:25:51,283
CRACK HOUSE LEGISLATION,"

1001
00:25:51,349 --> 00:25:54,386
I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS FOR YOU.

1002
00:25:54,452 --> 00:25:54,953
>> I'M THE GUY WHO AUTHORED

1003
00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:56,187
THE CRACK HOUSE LEGISLATION.

1004
00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:58,523
>> John: OH, THANKS

1005
00:25:58,590 --> 00:25:59,357
FOR CLARIFYING, JOE.

1006
00:25:59,424 --> 00:26:00,325
NICE LARRY KING COSTUME,

1007
00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:01,059
BY THE WAY!

1008
00:26:01,126 --> 00:26:02,928
AND LOOK, THIS ADMINISTRATION

1009
00:26:02,994 --> 00:26:04,396
HAS DONE SOME REAL GOOD, IN

1010
00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:05,797
BEING THE FIRST TO BROADLY

1011
00:26:05,864 --> 00:26:06,965
ENDORSE HARM REDUCTION TACTICS.

1012
00:26:07,032 --> 00:26:08,767
BUT ADVOCATES SAY MUCH, MUCH

1013
00:26:08,833 --> 00:26:10,702
MORE IS NEEDED, INCLUDING MAKING

1014
00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:12,504
SURE PEOPLE WHO USE DRUGS HAVE A

1015
00:26:12,570 --> 00:26:13,939
SEAT AT THE TABLE DURING POLICY

1016
00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:15,040
DISCUSSIONS, AND THAT FUNDING

1017
00:26:15,106 --> 00:26:16,107
GETS TO COMMUNITY-BASED

1018
00:26:16,174 --> 00:26:17,442
ORGANIZATIONS PROVIDING THE MOST

1019
00:26:17,509 --> 00:26:19,544
SERVICES FOR THEM.

1020
00:26:19,611 --> 00:26:22,347
BUT WE ALL NEED TO GET ON BOARD

1021
00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:23,048
HERE.

1022
00:26:23,114 --> 00:26:24,049
OUR ENGRAINED STIGMAS AROUND

1023
00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:28,386
DRUGS AND THE PEOPLE WHO USE

1024
00:26:28,453 --> 00:26:29,220
THEM RUN REALLY DEEP.

1025
00:26:29,287 --> 00:26:30,188
AND IF WE ACTUALLY WANT TO

1026
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,323
MINIMIZE DEATHS AND KEEP PEOPLE

1027
00:26:31,389 --> 00:26:31,957
SAFE, THE FACTS POINT IN A VERY

1028
00:26:32,023 --> 00:26:33,525
CLEAR DIRECTION: WE NEED TO MEET

1029
00:26:33,591 --> 00:26:35,393
PEOPLE WHERE THEY ARE, HELP THEM

1030
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:36,695
TRANSITION INTO SAFE DRUG USE TO

1031
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:38,196
STAY ALIVE, AND REMOVE BARRIERS

1032
00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,532
FOR THOSE SEEKING ADDICTION

1033
00:26:40,598 --> 00:26:41,199
TREATMENT.

1034
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:42,267
AND WHAT WE ABSOLUTELY NEED TO

1035
00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:45,437
STOP DOING IS SPREADING

1036
00:26:45,503 --> 00:26:46,271
MISINFORMATION AND WAREHOUSING

1037
00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:49,307
DRUG USERS IN PRISONS.

1038
00:26:49,374 --> 00:26:50,709
OR, TO SAY IT MORE SUCCINCTLY:

1039
00:26:50,775 --> 00:26:51,910
IT IS WELL PAST TIME TO START

1040
00:26:51,977 --> 00:26:52,677
PAYING ATTENTION TO THE MAN

1041
00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:53,878
BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

1042
00:26:53,945 --> 00:27:00,018
AND NOW THIS.

1043
00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:03,154
>> Announcer: I KNOW, STILL OF

1044
00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:06,725
COMING UP ON "INSIDE EDITION."

1045
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:08,326
>> PEACOCK INVASION.

1046
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:10,996
>> SOUND LIKE BABIES BEING

1047
00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:11,930
TORTURED.

1048
00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:15,600
>> THEN, THE BRAZILIAN BUTT

1049
00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:15,834
LIFT.

1050
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:17,302
TORTOISE THEFT.

1051
00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:19,070
YOU'VE BEEN REPLACED BY A ROBOT

1052
00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:20,405
WAITRESS.

1053
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:23,241
THEN, HEY, BUDDY, HOW IS THE

1054
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:23,875
FISHING?

1055
00:27:23,942 --> 00:27:24,075
PLUS.

1056
00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:26,378
>> 911 BAD HAIRCUT.

1057
00:27:26,444 --> 00:27:29,748
>> AND DO FACE COVERINGS PREVENT

1058
00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:31,416
WOMEN FROM GETTING CAT CALLS?

1059
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,585
>> IS THE BABY IN DANGER?

1060
00:27:33,651 --> 00:27:35,787
>> THE WOMAN THEY ARE CALLING

1061
00:27:35,854 --> 00:27:38,723
HULU HOOP KAREN.

1062
00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:40,625
MASK WARS KAREN.

1063
00:27:40,692 --> 00:27:41,559
WHY THESE PEOPLE NAMED KAREN ARE

1064
00:27:41,626 --> 00:27:43,328
FED UP.

1065
00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:46,498
SUPERMODEL GISELE SAVING THE

1066
00:27:46,564 --> 00:27:48,700
TURTLE.

1067
00:27:48,767 --> 00:27:50,168
THE LUPE TAYLOR SWIFT PATIENT.

1068
00:27:50,235 --> 00:27:51,803
WHOSE DENTIST DOESN'T LIKE

1069
00:27:51,870 --> 00:27:52,337
TAYLOR SWIFT.

1070
00:27:52,404 --> 00:27:53,671
>> YOU DON'T LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT.

1071
00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:57,008
DON'T TOUCH ME.

1072
00:27:57,075 --> 00:27:57,642
>> John: MOVING ON.

1073
00:27:57,709 --> 00:27:58,276
FINALLY TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO

1074
00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,010
TALK ABOUT ALASKA.

1075
00:27:59,077 --> 00:27:59,744
THE SINGLE BEST PLACE TO SEE

1076
00:27:59,811 --> 00:28:00,278
A SALMON JUMPING INTO

1077
00:28:00,345 --> 00:28:00,945
A BEAR'S MOUTH, AND,

1078
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:01,446
IF YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY,

1079
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:02,680
A BEAR JUMPING INTO

1080
00:28:02,747 --> 00:28:04,082
A SALMON'S MOUTH.

1081
00:28:04,149 --> 00:28:04,716
IT'S RARE, BUT WHEN IT

1082
00:28:04,783 --> 00:28:06,418
HAPPENS, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

1083
00:28:06,484 --> 00:28:07,385
SPECIFICALLY, I'D LIKE TO TALK

1084
00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:08,253
ABOUT ONE OF ALASKA'S GREATEST

1085
00:28:08,319 --> 00:28:09,354
TREASURES: THE NENANA ICE

1086
00:28:09,421 --> 00:28:11,022
CLASSIC.

1087
00:28:11,089 --> 00:28:12,724
IT'S A YEARLY CONTEST YOU MAY

1088
00:28:12,791 --> 00:28:13,291
NOT HAVE HEARD OF, BUT IT'S

1089
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:13,892
HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, AND IT'S

1090
00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:14,692
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.

1091
00:28:14,759 --> 00:28:16,895
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

1092
00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:18,096
>> WITH THE PLACING OF

1093
00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:19,397
THE TRIPOD ON THE FROZEN

1094
00:28:19,464 --> 00:28:20,598
TANANA RIVER, THE NENANA

1095
00:28:20,665 --> 00:28:21,800
ICE CLASSIC IS OFF AND

1096
00:28:21,866 --> 00:28:22,934
RUNNING.

1097
00:28:23,001 --> 00:28:24,135
THE ICE CLASSIC INVOLVES

1098
00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:24,969
GUESSING WHEN THE TRIPOD

1099
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,371
CONNECTED TO A CLOCK NEAR THE

1100
00:28:26,438 --> 00:28:28,073
RIVERBANK WILL FALL THROUGH THE

1101
00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:30,141
MELTING RIVER ICE,

1102
00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:31,810
WITH THE CLOSEST GUESS WINNING.

1103
00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:33,278
>> John: IT'S TRUE.

1104
00:28:33,344 --> 00:28:34,279
EVERY YEAR, PEOPLE IN THE

1105
00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:35,380
SMALL ALASKAN TOWN OF NENANA PUT

1106
00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:36,681
A GIANT WOODEN TRIPOD ON A

1107
00:28:36,748 --> 00:28:38,016
FROZEN RIVER AND PLACE BETS ON

1108
00:28:38,083 --> 00:28:39,584
EXACTLY WHEN THE ICE WILL MELT

1109
00:28:39,651 --> 00:28:40,819
ENOUGH TO BREAK UP, AND THE

1110
00:28:40,885 --> 00:28:42,053
TRIPOD FLOATS DOWNSTREAM.

1111
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:42,921
AND BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,

1112
00:28:42,987 --> 00:28:44,355
LET ME JUST SAY: IF YOU AREN'T

1113
00:28:44,422 --> 00:28:45,857
INTRIGUED BY WHAT I JUST SAID,

1114
00:28:45,924 --> 00:28:48,893
TURN THIS SHOW OFF RIGHT NOW.

1115
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:49,828
IF YOU JUST HEARD ME DESCRIBE

1116
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:51,029
PEOPLE BETTING ON ICE MELTING

1117
00:28:51,096 --> 00:28:51,830
AND DIDN'T THINK, "SOUNDS GREAT,

1118
00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:53,598
TELL ME MORE," CHANGE THE

1119
00:28:53,665 --> 00:28:55,266
CHANNEL, SHUT YOUR LAPTOP,

1120
00:28:55,333 --> 00:28:57,669
CLOSE THIS YOUTUBE VIDEO ON YOUR

1121
00:28:57,735 --> 00:28:58,703
PHONE, HIT THE "UNROKU" BUTTON

1122
00:28:58,770 --> 00:28:59,871
ON YOUR ROKU -- WHATEVER YOU

1123
00:28:59,938 --> 00:29:01,072
HAVE TO DO, JUST GET THIS SHOW

1124
00:29:01,139 --> 00:29:02,340
AWAY FROM YOUR FACE.

1125
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:03,575
THIS IS NOT A PROGRAM FOR YOU.

1126
00:29:03,641 --> 00:29:04,476
YOU DON'T NEED TO WATCH IT.

1127
00:29:04,542 --> 00:29:05,944
I DON'T WANT YOU TO WATCH IT.

1128
00:29:06,010 --> 00:29:06,544
AND I DON'T WANT TO BE

1129
00:29:06,611 --> 00:29:08,646
IN YOUR LIFE.

1130
00:29:08,713 --> 00:29:13,551
FUCK OFF!

1131
00:29:13,618 --> 00:29:14,719
NOW FOR THE REST OF US:

1132
00:29:14,786 --> 00:29:15,954
THE NENANA ICE CLASSIC IS

1133
00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:16,588
APPARENTLY ONE OF THE OLDEST

1134
00:29:16,654 --> 00:29:17,989
CONTINUOUSLY RUNNING

1135
00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:18,590
BETTING EVENTS IN THE UNITED

1136
00:29:18,656 --> 00:29:19,023
STATES.

1137
00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:20,258
IT OFFICIALLY BEGAN BACK IN

1138
00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:20,892
1917, WHEN A HANDFUL OF RAILROAD

1139
00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:22,227
ENGINEERS DECIDED TO BET ON THE

1140
00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:23,962
ICE BREAKUP TO HELP PASS THE

1141
00:29:24,028 --> 00:29:25,797
LONG ALASKAN WINTER.

1142
00:29:25,864 --> 00:29:27,198
AND ALREADY, I CAN'T HELP

1143
00:29:27,265 --> 00:29:29,134
WONDERING WHAT ELSE DID THEY DO

1144
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,135
TO PASS THE TIME BEFORE THEY

1145
00:29:30,201 --> 00:29:32,737
CAME UP WITH THAT IDEA?

1146
00:29:32,804 --> 00:29:34,038
"LET'S SEE, GUYS, WE PLAYED

1147
00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:35,840
CARDS, SANG SONGS, WROTE LETTERS

1148
00:29:35,907 --> 00:29:36,708
HOME, DRANK HEAVILY, AND

1149
00:29:36,774 --> 00:29:38,476
EXPERIMENTED WITH CANNIBALISM,

1150
00:29:38,543 --> 00:29:39,644
BUT WE'VE STILL GOT TWO MONTHS

1151
00:29:39,711 --> 00:29:40,545
OF WINTER LEFT.

1152
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,713
SO, WHO'S UP FOR BETTING ON WHEN

1153
00:29:41,779 --> 00:29:43,948
THAT ICE OVER THERE MELTS?"

1154
00:29:44,015 --> 00:29:44,849
IF YOU'RE WONDERING HOW THEY

1155
00:29:44,916 --> 00:29:45,817
DETERMINE THE EXACT MOMENT THE

1156
00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:46,451
CONTEST IS OVER, THEY'VE DEVISED

1157
00:29:46,518 --> 00:29:49,387
A PRETTY AMAZING SYSTEM.

1158
00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:50,922
>> WE HAVE DEVELOPED A MECHANISM

1159
00:29:50,989 --> 00:29:52,323
THAT TELLS US WHEN THE TRIPOD

1160
00:29:52,390 --> 00:29:54,392
MOVES 100 FEET DOWN THE RIVER.

1161
00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:59,797
IT CONSISTS OF PULLEYS, WIRE,

1162
00:29:59,864 --> 00:30:02,333
A CLEAVER, TWO DIFFERENT TYPES

1163
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,702
OF ROPE -- THERE'S TWISTED POLY

1164
00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:08,706
AND THEN THERE'S BRAIDED POLY --

1165
00:30:08,773 --> 00:30:10,008
HALF OF A 55-GALLON DRUM

1166
00:30:10,074 --> 00:30:12,177
THAT'S FILLED WITH ROCKS,

1167
00:30:12,243 --> 00:30:13,511
A CLOTHESLINE, AND THE

1168
00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:15,613
SPECIAL CLOCK.

1169
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,148
>> John: EXCELLENT.

1170
00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:18,216
THEY BASICALLY MADE

1171
00:30:18,283 --> 00:30:19,584
A RUBE GOLDBERG MACHINE OUT OF

1172
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:20,285
RANDOM ITEMS TO CALL THE

1173
00:30:20,351 --> 00:30:21,219
CONTEST.

1174
00:30:21,286 --> 00:30:22,153
HONESTLY, I WISH IT WAS EVEN

1175
00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,388
MORE COMPLICATED.

1176
00:30:23,454 --> 00:30:24,789
HOW ABOUT THIS?

1177
00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:26,257
WHEN THE TRIPOD HITS

1178
00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:27,158
100 FEET DOWNRIVER, IT PULLS

1179
00:30:27,225 --> 00:30:27,926
A ROPE THAT RUNS TO THE TOWER,

1180
00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:28,593
WHICH IS CONNECTED TO A HOOK

1181
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:29,494
THAT PULLS UP A GARBAGE CAN

1182
00:30:29,561 --> 00:30:30,461
FILLED WITH DORITOS, AND THAT

1183
00:30:30,528 --> 00:30:32,130
RELEASES A BASKETBALL, WHICH

1184
00:30:32,197 --> 00:30:33,331
ROLLS DOWN A WOODEN PLANK AND

1185
00:30:33,398 --> 00:30:34,165
PULLS A STRING ATTACHED TO A

1186
00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:35,900
PAIR OF SCISSORS, WHICH CUTS A

1187
00:30:35,967 --> 00:30:36,467
CLOTHESLINE, WHICH IS TIED

1188
00:30:36,534 --> 00:30:38,636
THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY TO THE

1189
00:30:38,703 --> 00:30:41,339
BACK OF ROBERT DENIRO'S PANTS

1190
00:30:41,406 --> 00:30:42,574
AND IT PULLS HIS PANTS DOWN,

1191
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:43,775
WHICH THEN PULLS ANOTHER STRING

1192
00:30:43,841 --> 00:30:45,009
BACK AT THE TOWER THAT TRIPS A

1193
00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:46,244
WIRE, WHICH DROPS A SECOND

1194
00:30:46,311 --> 00:30:47,512
GARBAGE CAN FILLED WITH

1195
00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:48,513
MICROSOFT ZUNES,

1196
00:30:48,580 --> 00:30:49,547
WHICH LANDS ON THREE DOZEN EGGS,

1197
00:30:49,614 --> 00:30:50,515
AND THE EGG YOLK RUNS DOWN INTO

1198
00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:51,149
A FUNNEL THAT FLOWS INTO A CUP,

1199
00:30:51,216 --> 00:30:52,383
AND ONCE THE CUP IS FILLED, IT

1200
00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:53,952
PUSHES AN AIR PUMP, WHICH FILLS

1201
00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:55,253
A BALLOON UNTIL IT POPS, AND THE

1202
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,121
BALLOON'S STRING PULLS OPEN A

1203
00:30:57,188 --> 00:30:57,989
GATE THAT RELEASES A MARBLE,

1204
00:30:58,056 --> 00:30:59,090
WHICH ROLLS DOWN A SPIRAL TRACK

1205
00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:01,025
AND THEN HITS A MAN NAMED DOUG

1206
00:31:01,092 --> 00:31:01,793
IN THE HEAD, AND THEN DOUG

1207
00:31:01,859 --> 00:31:04,562
UNPLUGS THE CLOCK.

1208
00:31:04,629 --> 00:31:06,431
IT MIGHT NOT BE AS ACCURATE,

1209
00:31:06,497 --> 00:31:08,499
BUT IT'D BE REALLY FUN TO WATCH.

1210
00:31:08,566 --> 00:31:10,935
SO, TO RECAP, THE MOMENT THE

1211
00:31:11,002 --> 00:31:11,936
TRIPOD FLOATS 100 FEET

1212
00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:12,503
DOWNRIVER, THE CLOCK STOPS,

1213
00:31:12,570 --> 00:31:13,504
AND THE CONTEST IS OVER.

1214
00:31:13,571 --> 00:31:15,373
HERE IS THAT GLORIOUS MOMENT

1215
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,609
FROM A PAST YEAR.

1216
00:31:17,675 --> 00:31:20,612
>> WHOOOO, BABY!

1217
00:31:20,678 --> 00:31:21,946
LOOK AT IT!

1218
00:31:22,013 --> 00:31:26,050
LOOK AT IT GO!

1219
00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:29,554
>> THE CLOCK HAS STOPPED!

1220
00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:31,623
>> THE CLOCK HAS STOPPED!

1221
00:31:31,689 --> 00:31:33,658
>> WHOOOOOO!

1222
00:31:33,725 --> 00:31:34,926
LOOK AT IT GO.

1223
00:31:34,993 --> 00:31:36,127
I COULD NOT ASK

1224
00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:37,795
FOR A BETTER BREAKUP, BABY.

1225
00:31:37,862 --> 00:31:38,763
>> I'VE NEVER WITNESSED

1226
00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:39,797
THIS BEFORE.

1227
00:31:39,864 --> 00:31:40,798
>> YOU HAVEN'T?

1228
00:31:40,865 --> 00:31:41,532
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

1229
00:31:41,599 --> 00:31:43,935
>> IT'S GOOD.

1230
00:31:44,002 --> 00:31:48,573
>> WHOOOOO!

1231
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:49,440
>> John: DON'T YOU ENVY THAT

1232
00:31:49,507 --> 00:31:50,575
WOMAN?

1233
00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:51,843
DON'T YOU ENVY HOW MUCH

1234
00:31:51,909 --> 00:31:53,044
UNBRIDLED JOY SHE FELT WATCHING

1235
00:31:53,111 --> 00:31:54,846
A GIANT WOODEN TRIPOD FLOAT DOWN

1236
00:31:54,912 --> 00:31:56,681
A PARTIALLY FROZEN RIVER?

1237
00:31:56,748 --> 00:31:57,548
SHE'S GOT LIFE FIGURED OUT.

1238
00:31:57,615 --> 00:31:59,517
WE'RE OVER HERE RUNNING AROUND

1239
00:31:59,584 --> 00:32:00,451
LIKE IDIOTS, BEING MISERABLE ALL

1240
00:32:00,518 --> 00:32:04,422
THE TIME, WHILE SHE'S UP IN

1241
00:32:04,489 --> 00:32:04,989
ALASKA WATCHING ICE MELT AND

1242
00:32:05,056 --> 00:32:06,090
EXPERIENCING A LEVEL OF PURE

1243
00:32:06,157 --> 00:32:06,958
HAPPINESS THAT THE REST OF US

1244
00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:09,127
WILL NEVER FEEL IN OUR LIVES.

1245
00:32:09,193 --> 00:32:10,228
THAT WOMAN IS LIVING HER BEST

1246
00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:13,898
LIFE, AND WE ARE ALL DIPSHITS.

1247
00:32:13,965 --> 00:32:14,799
THE WAY YOU ENTER THE ICE

1248
00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:16,067
CLASSIC IS BY FILLING OUT A CARD

1249
00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:18,403
WITH YOUR GUESS AND DROPPING IT

1250
00:32:18,469 --> 00:32:20,204
OFF WITH THE $2.50 ENTRY FEE,

1251
00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:21,639
INTO ONE OF THESE RED ICE

1252
00:32:21,706 --> 00:32:23,007
CLASSIC BETTING CANS.

1253
00:32:23,074 --> 00:32:24,042
WHICH ARE DELIVERED TO VARIOUS

1254
00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:24,676
GAS STATIONS, BARS, AND STORES

1255
00:32:24,742 --> 00:32:25,510
ALL OVER ALASKA.

1256
00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:27,211
AND EACH YEAR, THEY SELL OVER

1257
00:32:27,278 --> 00:32:29,547
A QUARTER MILLION ENTRY TICKETS,

1258
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:30,515
WITH LAST YEAR'S JACKPOT BEING

1259
00:32:30,581 --> 00:32:32,984
OVER $230,000.

1260
00:32:33,051 --> 00:32:35,086
IT WAS SPLIT BETWEEN

1261
00:32:35,153 --> 00:32:36,187
12 WINNERS.

1262
00:32:36,254 --> 00:32:37,855
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, HOLD ON.

1263
00:32:37,922 --> 00:32:39,090
TWELVE DIFFERENT ENTRIES HAD THE

1264
00:32:39,157 --> 00:32:40,825
EXACT DAY, HOUR, AND MINUTE THIS

1265
00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:41,426
GIANT WOODEN THING FLOATED 100

1266
00:32:41,492 --> 00:32:43,561
FEET DOWNSTREAM?

1267
00:32:43,628 --> 00:32:44,696
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY

1268
00:32:44,762 --> 00:32:46,998
WHAT I'M TELLING YOU.

1269
00:32:47,065 --> 00:32:48,333
KEEP PAYING ATTENTION.

1270
00:32:48,399 --> 00:32:49,834
NOW, ONE OF THE REASONS FOR THAT

1271
00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:50,702
IS THAT YOU'RE TECHNICALLY

1272
00:32:50,768 --> 00:32:52,537
ALLOWED TO PLACE AS MANY BETS AS

1273
00:32:52,603 --> 00:32:53,471
YOU WANT AS LONG AS YOU PAY

1274
00:32:53,538 --> 00:32:54,505
THE FEE EACH TIME.

1275
00:32:54,572 --> 00:32:55,773
AND THE CONTEST ISN'T JUST FUN

1276
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:56,808
FOR EVERYONE WHO TAKES PART.

1277
00:32:56,874 --> 00:32:59,043
IT ACTUALLY PROVIDES A VALUABLE

1278
00:32:59,110 --> 00:33:01,045
SOURCE OF CLIMATE CHANGE DATA BY

1279
00:33:01,112 --> 00:33:02,513
MEASURING THE RIVER ICE BREAKUP

1280
00:33:02,580 --> 00:33:04,148
TO THE MINUTE EACH YEAR.

1281
00:33:04,215 --> 00:33:05,883
AS ONE CLIMATE SPECIALIST PUT

1282
00:33:05,950 --> 00:33:06,851
IT, "IT'S ALMOST AS PERFECT

1283
00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:07,518
A CLIMATE RECORD

1284
00:33:07,585 --> 00:33:09,654
AS YOU COULD GET."

1285
00:33:09,721 --> 00:33:10,855
AND THE FINAL THING YOU SHOULD

1286
00:33:10,922 --> 00:33:12,156
KNOW IS THAT PARTICIPATION ISN'T

1287
00:33:12,223 --> 00:33:14,592
JUST LIMITED TO ALASKANS.

1288
00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,394
ANYONE IN THE WORLD CAN

1289
00:33:16,461 --> 00:33:17,595
APPARENTLY PLACE A BET.

1290
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:18,730
NOW, DUE TO ALASKA GAMING

1291
00:33:18,796 --> 00:33:19,764
REGULATIONS, THEY CAN'T

1292
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:21,466
PHYSICALLY MAIL THE TICKETS OUT

1293
00:33:21,532 --> 00:33:23,568
TO YOU, BUT YOU CAN MAIL YOUR

1294
00:33:23,634 --> 00:33:25,937
LIST OF GUESSES ALONG WITH $2.50

1295
00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:27,572
PER GUESS TO THE NENANA ICE

1296
00:33:27,638 --> 00:33:28,940
CLASSIC OFFICE, AND THEY WILL

1297
00:33:29,006 --> 00:33:29,507
GLADLY FILL OUT THE TICKETS

1298
00:33:29,574 --> 00:33:30,174
FOR YOU.

1299
00:33:30,241 --> 00:33:31,342
AND AT THIS POINT, YOU CAN

1300
00:33:31,409 --> 00:33:31,909
PROBABLY SEE WHERE I'M GOING

1301
00:33:31,976 --> 00:33:33,911
WITH THIS, RIGHT?

1302
00:33:33,978 --> 00:33:36,247
YOU THINK I'D SPEND 10 MINUTES

1303
00:33:36,314 --> 00:33:38,116
TALKING ABOUT THE GREATEST ICE

1304
00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:39,183
MELTING CONTEST IN THE WORLD,

1305
00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:40,485
THEN SAY "OKAY, GOODNIGHT"

1306
00:33:40,551 --> 00:33:42,153
AND END THE SHOW?

1307
00:33:42,220 --> 00:33:44,322
NO, THAT'S NOT HOW WE OPERATE.

1308
00:33:44,389 --> 00:33:45,022
OF COURSE, WE'RE BETTING ON THIS

1309
00:33:45,089 --> 00:33:46,758
FUCKING ICE MELTING CONTEST.

1310
00:33:46,824 --> 00:33:48,793
OF COURSE WE ARE!

1311
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,261
WE DECIDED TO PLACE EXACTLY ONE

1312
00:33:50,328 --> 00:33:52,296
BET ON THIS YEAR'S COMPETITION

1313
00:33:52,363 --> 00:33:54,565
FOR APRIL 26, 2022,

1314
00:33:54,632 --> 00:33:56,467
AT EXACTLY 2:17 P.M.

1315
00:33:56,534 --> 00:34:00,838
WHY?

1316
00:34:00,905 --> 00:34:01,506
I JUST HAVE A REALLY GOOD

1317
00:34:01,572 --> 00:34:01,973
FEELING ABOUT IT.

1318
00:34:02,039 --> 00:34:02,974
AND THE TRUTH IS, WE COULD HAVE

1319
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:03,541
PLACED MORE BETS THAN THAT,

1320
00:34:03,608 --> 00:34:04,275
BUT IT DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT.

1321
00:34:04,342 --> 00:34:05,376
AT THAT POINT, WHAT WOULD STOP

1322
00:34:05,443 --> 00:34:05,977
SOMEONE FROM PLACING BETS FOR

1323
00:34:06,043 --> 00:34:07,912
EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY FOR

1324
00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:09,080
THE ENTIRE MONTH OF APRIL?

1325
00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:10,415
THEN IT JUST BECOMES A CONTEST

1326
00:34:10,481 --> 00:34:12,049
OF "WHO HAS THE MOST MONEY?"

1327
00:34:12,116 --> 00:34:13,017
AND THAT'S ALREADY THE GENERAL

1328
00:34:13,084 --> 00:34:15,720
CONTEST FOR LIFE IN AMERICA.

1329
00:34:15,787 --> 00:34:16,988
AND INITIALLY, WE WERE GOING TO

1330
00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:18,423
MAIL OUR GUESS TO ALASKA.

1331
00:34:18,489 --> 00:34:19,157
UNTIL WE REALIZED THAT'S NOT

1332
00:34:19,223 --> 00:34:19,757
FULLY ENTERING INTO THE TRUE

1333
00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:21,726
SPIRIT OF THE CONTEST.

1334
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,961
SO INSTEAD, WE DECIDED LAST WEEK

1335
00:34:24,028 --> 00:34:26,063
TO GO ALL THE WAY TO NENANA AND

1336
00:34:26,130 --> 00:34:27,598
DROP OFF OUR BET IN ONE OF THOSE

1337
00:34:27,665 --> 00:34:28,232
RED CANS.

1338
00:34:28,299 --> 00:34:29,534
AND WHEN I SAY "WE," LET ME BE

1339
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:30,401
VERY CLEAR.

1340
00:34:30,468 --> 00:34:32,303
I DON'T MEAN ME.

1341
00:34:32,370 --> 00:34:34,505
I DID NOT GO TO ALASKA.

1342
00:34:34,572 --> 00:34:36,240
YOU REALLY THINK "THIS" COULD

1343
00:34:36,307 --> 00:34:38,910
HANDLE A HARSH ALASKAN WINTER?

1344
00:34:38,976 --> 00:34:40,044
MY APARTMENT'S THERMOSTAT IS SET

1345
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:42,413
TO "DAINTY BOY."

1346
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,415
THANKFULLY, THOUGH, I KNOW

1347
00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:45,149
SOMEONE WITH A PERFECT BODY FOR

1348
00:34:45,216 --> 00:34:46,284
SUCH AN ADVENTURE.

1349
00:34:46,350 --> 00:34:48,085
YOU MAY REMEMBER, SEVERAL YEARS

1350
00:34:48,152 --> 00:34:48,653
AGO, IN AN ATTEMPT TO HELP

1351
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:49,487
CELEBRATE EARTH DAY, WE

1352
00:34:49,554 --> 00:34:52,156
INTRODUCED A NEW MASCOT

1353
00:34:52,223 --> 00:34:52,924
MARSHMALLOW, THE POLAR BEAR WITH

1354
00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:55,927
A BROKEN PENIS.

1355
00:34:55,993 --> 00:34:56,661
NOW, WHY WAS HIS PENIS BROKEN?

1356
00:34:56,727 --> 00:34:59,363
I HONESTLY CAN'T REMEMBER,

1357
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:00,131
AND I DOUBT IT REALLY MATTERS.

1358
00:35:00,198 --> 00:35:00,998
BUT LONG STORY SHORT, THE

1359
00:35:01,065 --> 00:35:01,766
ORGANIZERS OF EARTH DAY REFUSED

1360
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:02,366
TO ADOPT MARSHMALLOW AS THEIR

1361
00:35:02,433 --> 00:35:03,601
MASCOT.

1362
00:35:03,668 --> 00:35:05,102
SHATTERING HIS HEART, LIKE HIS

1363
00:35:05,169 --> 00:35:08,706
PENIS, INTO A THOUSAND PIECES.

1364
00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:10,208
AND AS MARSHMALLOW'S BEEN

1365
00:35:10,274 --> 00:35:11,409
SITTING AROUND WITH NOTHING TO

1366
00:35:11,476 --> 00:35:13,211
DO FOR SEVEN YEARS, HE WAS MORE

1367
00:35:13,277 --> 00:35:15,713
THAN HAPPY TO DROP OUR BET OFF

1368
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:16,481
IN PERSON, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT

1369
00:35:16,547 --> 00:35:17,014
HE DID.

1370
00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:24,489
TAKE A LOOK.

1371
00:35:24,555 --> 00:35:27,125
>> THEY SAY THE JOURNEY OF A

1372
00:35:27,191 --> 00:35:28,559
THOUSAND MILES STARTS WITH A

1373
00:35:28,626 --> 00:35:30,761
SINGLE STEP BUT FOR THIS POLAR

1374
00:35:30,828 --> 00:35:32,797
BEAR, IT BEGAN WITH A FOND

1375
00:35:32,864 --> 00:35:35,800
FAREWELL TO HIS EMPLOYER.

1376
00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:38,603
A 90 MINUTE CAB RIDE TO NEWARK,

1377
00:35:38,669 --> 00:35:41,539
VIRTUALLY NO TSA LINE, AND AN

1378
00:35:41,606 --> 00:35:42,974
EIGHT-HOUR FLIGHT.

1379
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:45,376
ONCE IN ALASKA, MARSHMALLOW WAS

1380
00:35:45,443 --> 00:35:47,378
READY TO GO.

1381
00:35:47,445 --> 00:35:47,979
UNFORTUNATELY, HIS LUGGAGE WAS

1382
00:35:48,045 --> 00:35:48,846
NOT.

1383
00:35:48,913 --> 00:35:55,553
FEELS LIKE THE FISH BACKS ALWAYS

1384
00:35:55,620 --> 00:35:57,388
COME OUT LAST.

1385
00:35:57,455 --> 00:35:58,356
FUCKING ALASKA AIRLINES.

1386
00:35:58,422 --> 00:35:59,957
MARSHMALLOW FACED AN OMEN OF THE

1387
00:36:00,024 --> 00:36:00,691
PERILOUS PATH AHEAD.

1388
00:36:00,758 --> 00:36:03,794
HERE WAS A FEAT FAR WORSE THAN A

1389
00:36:03,861 --> 00:36:06,364
BROKEN PENIS: BEING STUCK AT THE

1390
00:36:06,430 --> 00:36:08,933
AIRPORT FOREVER.

1391
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,401
MARSHMALLOW KNEW THIS JOURNEY

1392
00:36:10,468 --> 00:36:12,336
WOULDN'T BE EASY, TREKKING

1393
00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:14,438
THROUGH THE VAST ARCTIC EXPANSE

1394
00:36:14,505 --> 00:36:17,408
OF SNOW, SUBZERO COLD, AND WINDS

1395
00:36:17,475 --> 00:36:19,377
THAT CUT TO THE BONE.

1396
00:36:19,443 --> 00:36:21,479
NO ONE SEEMED WILLING TO LEND A

1397
00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:24,515
HAND OR EVEN A HORN.

1398
00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:27,718
AND WHEN MARSHMALLOWS PAWS TOOK

1399
00:36:27,785 --> 00:36:28,886
HIM AS FAR AS THEY COULD GO AND

1400
00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:30,988
HE WAS AT HIS PHYSICAL AND

1401
00:36:31,055 --> 00:36:33,858
MENTAL LIMITS, HE CALLED ON

1402
00:36:33,925 --> 00:36:36,661
ALASKAN UBER.

1403
00:36:36,727 --> 00:36:41,365
NOW THAT'S A FIVE STAR RIDE.

1404
00:36:41,432 --> 00:36:43,534
SOON HE HAD REACHED HIS

1405
00:36:43,601 --> 00:36:44,669
DESTINATION.

1406
00:36:44,735 --> 00:36:56,080
NENANA, HOME OF THE ICE CLASSIC.

1407
00:36:56,147 --> 00:36:56,714
PLACING A SINGLE BET FOR $2.50

1408
00:36:56,781 --> 00:37:01,986
AAND I SMELTING CONTEST.

1409
00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:04,922
APRIL 26, 2:17 P.M.

1410
00:37:04,989 --> 00:37:07,892
THE WAGER 100% GUARANTEED TO WIN

1411
00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:14,398
THIS YEAR'S ICE CLASSIC.

1412
00:37:14,465 --> 00:37:16,701
A KIND STRANGER SAID THE NICEST

1413
00:37:16,767 --> 00:37:18,569
WORDS ANYONE HAD EVER SAID TO

1414
00:37:18,636 --> 00:37:19,203
MARSHMALLOW.

1415
00:37:19,270 --> 00:37:20,004
>> THANKS, MARSHMALLOW.

1416
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:23,207
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND I HOPE YOUR

1417
00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:24,408
PENIS FEELS BETTER.

1418
00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:25,710
>> SORTED MARSHMALLOW.

1419
00:37:25,776 --> 00:37:28,913
BUT OUR BEAR'S JOURNEY WASN'T

1420
00:37:28,980 --> 00:37:32,817
COMPLETE.

1421
00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:35,353
HE HAD ONE MORE THING LEFT TO

1422
00:37:35,419 --> 00:37:43,227
SEE.

1423
00:37:43,294 --> 00:37:51,802
SUDDENLY THERE IT WAS.

1424
00:37:51,869 --> 00:37:56,173
♪ ♪

1425
00:37:56,240 --> 00:38:02,013
THE MIGHTY TRIPOD ON THE RIVER.

1426
00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:05,950
AS STRAIGHT AND STURDY AS

1427
00:38:06,017 --> 00:38:11,155
MARSHMALLOW'S PENIS WAS NOT.

1428
00:38:11,222 --> 00:38:11,922
WE ALL FACE A FOREBODING TUNDRA

1429
00:38:11,989 --> 00:38:15,292
AT SOME POINT IN LIFE THAT WE

1430
00:38:15,359 --> 00:38:16,694
MUST CROSS.

1431
00:38:16,761 --> 00:38:18,129
BUT IT'S THE FIRE ON THE INSIDE

1432
00:38:18,195 --> 00:38:19,096
THAT PUSHES US THROUGH THE

1433
00:38:19,163 --> 00:38:21,732
BITTER COLD ON THE OUTSIDE AND

1434
00:38:21,799 --> 00:38:23,834
AS LONG AS THAT FIRE BURNS

1435
00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:30,408
WITHIN YOU, ANYTHING IS POSSIBL

1436
00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:30,941
POSSIBLE.

1437
00:38:31,008 --> 00:38:33,911
EXCEPT FOR FIXING A BROKEN PENI

1438
00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:35,379
PENIS.

1439
00:38:35,446 --> 00:38:36,881
>> John: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

1440
00:38:36,947 --> 00:38:38,115
PLEASE WELCOME BACK FROM ALASKA,

1441
00:38:38,182 --> 00:38:39,316
MARSHMALLOW, THE POLAR BEAR

1442
00:38:39,383 --> 00:38:51,162
WITH A BROKEN PENIS!

1443
00:38:51,228 --> 00:38:52,363
WELCOME BACK, MARSHMALLOW.

1444
00:38:52,430 --> 00:38:53,631
HOW WAS ALASKA?

1445
00:38:53,698 --> 00:38:54,665
OH, YOU CAN'T TALK BECAUSE YOUR

1446
00:38:54,732 --> 00:38:55,433
PENIS HURTS TOO MUCH AND YOU'RE

1447
00:38:55,499 --> 00:38:55,800
A BEAR?

1448
00:38:55,866 --> 00:38:58,369
I'M SORRY, I FORGOT.

1449
00:38:58,436 --> 00:38:59,804
THE POINT IS, OUR BET FOR THIS

1450
00:38:59,870 --> 00:39:00,204
YEAR'S ICE CLASSIC

1451
00:39:00,271 --> 00:39:01,338
IS OFFICIALLY IN.

1452
00:39:01,405 --> 00:39:03,374
AND WHEN WE WIN, I'M PROUD TO

1453
00:39:03,441 --> 00:39:04,475
ANNOUNCE WE WILL DONATE OUR

1454
00:39:04,542 --> 00:39:05,876
ENTIRE PRIZE TO THE FOOD BANK OF

1455
00:39:05,943 --> 00:39:06,977
ALASKA.

1456
00:39:07,044 --> 00:39:08,345
AND IF FOR SOME WEIRD REASON,

1457
00:39:08,412 --> 00:39:09,680
WE DON'T WIN, WE'RE GOING TO

1458
00:39:09,747 --> 00:39:11,982
DONATE $10,000 TO THEM ANYWAY.

1459
00:39:12,049 --> 00:39:13,050
IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT MORE

1460
00:39:13,117 --> 00:39:14,785
ABOUT HOW TO BET ON THE ICE

1461
00:39:14,852 --> 00:39:16,020
CLASSIC, THERE'S INFORMATION ON

1462
00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:17,088
HOW TO DO THAT AT THIS ADDRESS

1463
00:39:17,154 --> 00:39:18,989
SO HAVE FUN, AND MAY THE BEST

1464
00:39:19,056 --> 00:39:20,157
GUESS WIN!

1465
00:39:20,224 --> 00:39:21,992
THAT'S OUR SHOW.

1466
00:39:22,059 --> 00:39:22,493
THANK YOU SO MUCH

1467
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,696
FOR WATCHING.

1468
00:39:25,763 --> 00:39:26,230
THANK YOU TO MARSHMALLOW!

1469
00:39:26,297 --> 00:39:27,198
GOOD NIGHT!

1470
00:39:27,264 --> 00:39:35,206
WE DID IT!

1471
00:39:35,272 --> 00:39:35,806
WE DID IT, BUDDY.

1472
00:39:35,873 --> 00:39:36,674
WE DID IT.

1473
00:39:36,741 --> 00:39:43,214
THAT'S RIGHT.