♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
JUST TIME FOR A QUICK RECAP OF
THE WEEK, AND AS THIS IS OUR
FINAL SHOW OF 2021, WE THOUGHT
WE'D CHECK IN ON THE EVENT THAT
STARTED ALL OF IT, THE JANUARY 6
INSURRECTION.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THIS YEAR STARTED WITH THAT AND,
AGAINST ALL BETTER JUDGMENT,
KEPT GOING.
AND WHILE THE HUMAN CAUSE OF THE
RIOTS IS STILL STONEWALLING
INVESTIGATORS, THIS WEEK SAW
DEVELOPMENTS REGARDING SOME OF
ITS RANK-AND-FILE PARTICIPANTS.
>> A CAPITOL RIOT SUSPECT ON THE
FBI'S MOST WANTED LIST HAS
TURNED UP NOW IN BELARUS.
THE FUGITIVE'S NAME IS
EVAN NEUMANN.
HE'S FROM CALIFORNIA.
HERE HE IS DURING AN INTERVIEW
WITH STATE MEDIA IN BELARUS.
NEUMANN CLAIMS HE'S INNOCENT AND
A VICTIM OF POLITICAL
PERSECUTION.
>> John: OH, GREAT IDEA, EVAN!
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT POLITICAL
PERSECUTION, SO YOU GO TO
BELARUS, A COUNTRY RUN BY A MAN
WHO CALLS HIMSELF "THE LAST AND
ONLY DICTATOR IN EUROPE."
YOU CAN READ ALL ABOUT THE
FREE-FLOWING EXCHANGE OF IDEAS
IN ANY OF BELARUS'
PUBLICATIONS, LIKE
"REDACTED: MAGAZINE" AND
"ALL PRAISE OUR GLORIOUS LEADER
WHO ISN'T BALD QUARTERLY."
NOW, OTHER PARTICIPANTS IN THE
INSURRECTION HAVE BEEN FACING
CONSEQUENCES.
THE QANON SHAMAN -- A NAME I
STILL CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE TO
SAY OUT LOUD -- IS AWAITING
SENTENCING AFTER PLEADING
GUILTY.
AND THEN THERE'S JENNA RYAN, A
TEXAS REAL ESTATE AGENT WHO
ENTERED THE CAPITOL AND LATER
GOT ATTENTION FOR TWEETING,
"DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO JAIL.
SORRY, I HAVE BLONDE HAIR,
WHITE SKIN, A GREAT JOB, A GREAT
FUTURE, AND I'M NOT GOING TO
JAIL."
WHICH IS, ON ONE HAND, A
DANGEROUSLY BRAZEN TWEET, BUT,
ON THE OTHER, A PRETTY GREAT
"REAL HOUSEWIVES" CATCHPHRASE.
"I HAVE BLONDE HAIR, WHITE SKIN,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO JAIL."
SHE'S THE NEW ERIKA JAYNE, AND I
DON'T SAY THAT LIGHTLY.
BUT TO BE FAIR, JENNA RYAN WAS
RIGHT.
SHE'S NOT GOING TO JAIL.
BECAUSE SHE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO
PRISON.
EARLIER THIS MONTH, SHE WAS
SENTENCED TO 60 DAYS BEHIND
BARS, AND THIS WEEK, SHE SAT
DOWN WITH LOCAL NEWS TO MAKE IT
ABSOLUTELY CLEAR SHE'S LEARNED
NOTHING FROM THIS.
>> RYAN FLEW WITH FRIENDS ON A
PRIVATE PLANE TO THE
STOP THE STEAL RALLY IN DC
BEFORE GOING BACK TO HER HOTEL.
BUT WHILE WATCHING NEWS
COVERAGE, SHE DECIDED TO GO BACK
AND POSTED A VIDEO SAYING SHE
WAS GOING TO STORM THE CAPITOL.
>> SO I WAS JUST LIKE,
"WE'RE STORMING THE CAPITOL!"
AND I MEANT WE'RE STORMING WITH
OUR WORDS, AND OUR -- WE'RE
GOING DOWN THERE TO TELL THEM,
YOU KNOW, AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S
FREE SPEECH.
YOU KNOW WHAT, WE ARE ARMED AND
DANGEROUS!
THIS IS THE BEGINNING!
>> John: WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, YOU
MARJORIE TAYLOR WANNA-GREENE?
"STORMING WITH WORDS"?
THAT'S NOT A THING.
THAT'S NEVER BEEN A THING.
IF YOU LOOK UP "THING" IN THE
DICTIONARY, I'M PRETTY SURE IT
SAYS, "NOT STORMING WITH WORDS."
JENNA ALSO OUTLINED HOW SHE'S
PREPARING FOR HER 60-DAY
SENTENCE, WHICH IS, IF NOTHING
ELSE, ON BRAND.
>> IT'S ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT.
I'M WATCHING ALL THE YOUTUBE
VIDEOS ON HOW PRISON IS, HOW TO
GO TO PRISON, WHAT TO DO.
>> John: ALL RIGHT, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S WEIRDER, THAT SHE SEEMS
SO CASUAL OR THAT AN ADULT HAS
TO GO TO YOUTUBE TO LEARN
"HOW PRISON IS."
I'LL TELL YOU:
IT'S BAD, JENNA!
REALLY BAD.
ALSO, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUTUBE
SHOULD BE FOR.
YOUTUBE'S FOR WATCHING
2-MINUTE MOVIE TRAILERS,
40-MINUTE EXPLAINER VIDEOS
POINTING OUT ALL THE EASTER EGGS
YOU MISSED IN THAT TRAILER, AND
TIKTOK COMPILATIONS BECAUSE
YOU'RE TOO OLD TO LEARN TIKTOK
BUT TOO DESPERATE TO LET IT PASS
YOU BY COMPLETELY.
THAT'S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR.
THAT, AND OF COURSE, MELTING
PEOPLE'S BRAINS WITH UTTER
NONSENSE.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, IN THE LEAST
SURPRISING MOVE IMAGINABLE,
JENNA RYAN LAUNCHED A PODCAST ON
HER YOUTUBE CHANNEL THIS WEEK.
HERE IS A CLIP FROM MONDAY'S
FIRST EPISODE.
>> I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO COME
TO MY CHANNEL AND LISTEN TO WHAT
I HAVE TO SAY AND BE WELL
CAUGHT-UP ON ALTERNATIVE NEWS.
I JUST MADE THAT UP.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
>> John: WE'RE IN HELL.
BUT RYAN'S NOT ALONE IN NOT
LEARNING IMPORTANT LESSONS FROM
JANUARY 6 -- TAKE REPRESENTATIVE
PAUL GOSAR, WHO BRAGGED THAT HE
HELPED ORGANIZE THE VERY FIRST
STOP THE STEAL RALLY IN ARIZONA,
AND TWEETED VARIOUS VERSIONS OF
STOP THE STEAL AT LEAST 25 TIMES
IN THE RUN-UP TO THE
INSURRECTION.
GOSAR'S STILL VERY MUCH IN
CONGRESS -- AND JUST THIS WEEK
WAS CRITICIZED FOR PULLING THIS
SHIT.
>> A U.S. CONGRESSMAN IS UNDER
FIRE TODAY FOR POSTING A VIDEO
WHICH SIMULATES HIM KILLING ONE
OF HIS COLLEAGUES.
REPUBLICAN PAUL GOSAR FROM
ARIZONA SHARED THE CLIP ON
SOCIAL MEDIA, WHICH WAS ALTERED
FROM A POPULAR ANIME SERIES.
IN IT, A CARTOON FIGURE WITH HIS
FACE ATTACKS A FIGURE WITH THE
FACE OF DEMOCRATIC CONGRESSWOMAN
ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ.
IT ALSO APPEARS TO GO AFTER
PRESIDENT BIDEN WITH SWORDS.
>> John: OKAY, THERE IS CLEARLY
A LOT GOING ON THERE.
BUT JUST IN TERMS OF SHEER
WEIRDNESS, I'M NOT SURE I
CAN GET OVER THE IDEA THAT
PAUL GOSAR -- THIS GUY -- IS IN
ANY WAY FAMILIAR WITH ANIME.
WHEN I SEE PAUL GOSAR,
I THINK OF A FEW THINGS.
I THINK ASSHOLE, TROLL,
PLUCKED SAM THE EAGLE,
GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE HE
OCCASIONALLY GOOGLES "WHY AREN'T
THERE MORE BREAKFAST SOUPS?"
BUT ANIME FAN?
THIS GUY?
SHAME ON ME FOR JUDGING A BOOK
BY ITS COVER.
PLEASE CARRY ON AND ENJOY
"NEON GENESIS EVANGELION,"
SUBS NOT DUBS TILL THE DAY THEY
PUT YOU IN THE GROUND.
BUT, LOOK, INSTEAD OF
APOLOGIZING, GOSAR DOUBLED DOWN,
TWEETING THIS MEME IN RESPONSE
SAYING, "IT'S A CARTOON, RELAX."
AND LOOK, IT IS.
KIND OF.
BECAUSE ON ONE HAND, IT'D BE
DISINGENUOUS OF ME TO PRETEND
THAT GOSAR TWEETING A POORLY
EDITED ANIME VIDEO MEANT HE WAS
GOING TO PHYSICALLY ATTACK AOC.
I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO DO
THAT, NOT LEAST BECAUSE IF HE
DID, HE'D LOSE.
BUT ALSO, JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING
ISN'T A LITERAL THREAT DOESN'T
MEAN IT CAN'T STILL INSPIRE
REAL WORLD HARM.
BECAUSE IF WE'VE LEARNED
ANYTHING FROM JANUARY 6TH, AND
IT SEEMS WE HAVE NOT LEARNED
NEARLY ENOUGH, IT'S THAT IT'S
VERY EASY FOR A JOKE TO BECOME
REALITY, AND THAT A TROUBLING
NUMBER OF PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO
UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN "STORMING THE CAPITOL"
METAPHORICALLY AND PHYSICALLY.
AND KNOWING FULL WELL THAT THIS
VIDEO MIGHT NOW SHOW UP IF
JENNA RYAN SEARCHES YOUTUBE FOR
"WHAT TO DO IN PRISON AFTER
CAPITOL RIOTS," ALLOW ME TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY TO ADDRESS HER
DIRECTLY.
JENNA.
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART,
THANKS FOR WATCHING, SMASH THAT
LIKE BUTTON, HIT SUBSCRIBE,
SOUND OFF IN THE COMMENTS WITH
WHAT YOU WANT BIG SWINGIN' JOHN
TO TALK ABOUT IN A FUTURE VIDEO,
THE FUN CONTINUES IN MY
INSTAGRAM STORIES, SO CHECK THAT
OUT AND, AS ALWAYS, NEW MERCH IN
THE DESCRIPTION.
NAMASTE.
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
THE MANY QUESTIONS OF
"FOX AND FRIENDS"
BRIAN KILMEADE.
>> HOW DO DINERS HAVE 20 PAGES
IN THEIR MENU?
THEY COULD MAKE ANYTHING.
HOW DO THEY DO THAT?
WHY DO ALL NEWBORNS HAVE THAT
SAME BLANKET?
WHAT GREAT AMERICAN DECIDED THAT
YOU NEEDED A BUN WITH A HOT DOG,
DO YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
SOULCYCLE AND SPINNING?
DO YOU KNOW?
WHAT DO BEARS EAT?
IS IT SQUIRRELS?
DO YOU THINK SHARKS KNOW IT IS
SHARK WEEK?
WHAT PART OF THE COW IS THE
SKIRT?
IT MAKES YOU QUESTION
EVERYTHING, LIKE, WHY WAS IT
EVER THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF
PANCAKES?
WHAT IF A TREE COULD JUST HOVER?
IS SPAM MEAT?
WHAT'S THIS CALLED?
WHY ARE TURNIPS SO ARE SEASONAL.
TURNIPS.
DO YOU HAVE TURNIPS MORE THAN
ONCE A YEAR?
WHY DON'T WE HAVE TURNIPS
YEAR-ROUND?
>> WE DO.
>> YOU DO?
>> SURE.
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
UNIONS.
THE INSTITUTIONS THAT BROUGHT US
THE WEEKEND, THE MIDDLE CLASS,
AND -- IN THE CASE OF THE
INTERNATIONAL LADIES GARMENT
WORKERS UNION -- AN ABSOLUTE
BANGER OF A SONG.
AND BEFORE WE PLAY THIS, I HAVE
A FAVORITE SINGER HERE, SEE IF
THEY'RE YOURS TOO.
>> ♪ LOOK FOR THE UNION LABEL ♪
♪ WHEN YOU ARE BUYING THAT COAT,
DRESS, OR BLOUSE ♪
♪ REMEMBER SOMEWHERE OUR UNION'S
SEWING ♪
♪ OUR WAGES GOING TO FEED THE
KIDS ♪
>> ♪ AND RUN THE HOUSE ♪
♪ >> ♪ WE WORK HARD, BUT WHO'S
COMPLAINING?
♪ THANKS TO THE ILG, WE'RE
PAYING OUR WAY
♪ SO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE UNION
LABEL
♪ IT SAYS WE'RE ABLE TO MAKE IT
IN THE USA! ♪
>> John: THEY LOOK SO HAPPY!
IT'S A VIDEO SO UPLIFTING, YOU
BARELY PAUSE TO WONDER HOW MANY
OF THEM ARE DEAD NOW.
AND BY THE WAY, YES,
MY FAVORITE SINGER IS THE
"AND RUN THE HOUSE" LADY.
SHE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO
HAVE A DRAMATIC ENTRANCE.
ALSO, SHE'S GOT A FABULOUS
MUSHROOM HAIRCUT, WIDE LAPELS,
AND THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL.
EVERY SINGER IN THAT SONG IS A
STAR, BUT SHE IS THE BRIGHTEST
IN THE GALAXY.
NOW, THAT AD, IF IT WEREN'T
OBVIOUS FROM EVERY SINGLE THING
ABOUT IT, IS FROM THE EARLY
1980s, AND UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE
THEN, UNION MEMBERSHIP HAS
DECLINED CONSIDERABLY.
TODAY, JUST OVER 10% OF AMERICAN
WORKERS BELONG TO A UNION.
THAT'S JUST HALF THE RATE IT WAS
IN 1983, MEANING WE'RE CURRENTLY
LIVING IN ONE OF THE WORST TIMES
FOR ORGANIZED LABOR IN OUR
COUNTRY'S HISTORY.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE THE DEMAND
ISN'T THERE:
NEARLY HALF OF NON-UNION WORKERS
SAY THEY'D LIKE TO BE IN A
UNION.
AND A LOT OF WORKPLACES DO SEEM
LIKE A NATURAL FIT FOR ONE.
TAKE AMAZON.
YOU'VE LIKELY HEARD THE INFAMOUS
STORIES OF DRIVERS FOR THE
COMPANY BEING FORCED TO PEE
IN BOTTLES IN ORDER TO MAKE
QUOTAS -- STORIES THAT AMAZON
INITIALLY DENIED, THEN
APOLOGIZED FOR DENYING, FINALLY
ADMITTING THAT, YEAH, OKAY,
THEIR DRIVERS DO SOMETIMES HAVE
TO PISS IN BOTTLES.
IT'S LIKE THE OLD ADAGE:
"'TIS BETTER TO SEEK FORGIVENESS
THAN PERMISSION, UNLESS THIS IS
ABOUT PISS BOTTLES, IN WHICH
CASE, TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF,
MAN, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING."
MAHATMA GANDHI.
AND YET, DESPITE THAT AND OTHER
REPORTS OF ABYSMAL WORKING
CONDITIONS, EARLIER THIS YEAR AN
ORGANIZING DRIVE FOR AMAZON
WAREHOUSE WORKERS IN BESSEMER,
ALABAMA, WAS VOTED DOWN BY MORE
THAN TWO TO ONE.
WHICH MAY SEEM LIKE A CLEAR-CUT
CASE OF WORKERS DECIDING FOR
THEMSELVES TO REJECT A UNION,
BUT IT'S A LOT MORE COMPLICATED
THAN THAT, BECAUSE IF YOU'VE
NEVER BEEN THROUGH A
UNION-ORGANIZING DRIVE YOURSELF,
YOU MIGHT ASSUME A UNION VOTE IS
A COMPLETELY FREE AND FAIR
ELECTION.
THAT'S AN ILLUSION FED BY
EXECUTIVES LIKE JEFF BEZOS,
AMERICA'S LEAST-INSPIRING
ASTRONAUT, THROUGH STATEMENTS
LIKE THIS.
>> WE DON'T BELIEVE THAT WE NEED
A UNION TO BE AN INTERMEDIARY
BETWEEN US AND OUR EMPLOYEES
BUT, OF COURSE, AT THE END OF
THE DAY, IT'S ALWAYS THE
EMPLOYEES' CHOICE.
AND -- AND THAT'S HOW IT
SHOULD BE.
>> John: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I'M PERSONALLY NOT COMFORTED
BY HEARING ONE OF THE RICHEST
MEN ON EARTH SAY "IT'S YOUR
CHOICE."
NO MATTER THE CONTEXT, ALL I CAN
HEAR IS "SPEAR OR ARROW -- HOW
WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE HUNTED?
IT'S YOUR CHOICE."
BUT IT IS WORTH KNOWING JUST HOW
MANY WAYS AMAZON AND MANY
OTHER COMPANIES TRY TO
INFLUENCE THEIR EMPLOYEES'
CHOICE.
BECAUSE THEY CAN EXERT A HUGE
AMOUNT OF PRESSURE.
SO TONIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT
UNION-BUSTING -- WHAT IT IS,
HOW IT WORKS, AND HOW FEW
CONSEQUENCES COMPANIES FACE FOR
DOING IT.
AND LET'S START WITH A VERY
BASIC BREAKDOWN OF HOW A UNION
DRIVE WORKS.
THE FIRST THING TO KNOW IS THAT
ANY EMPLOYER MAY RECOGNIZE A
UNION BASED SOLELY ON MAJORITY
SUPPORT.
SO THEY CAN LET EMPLOYEES
UNIONIZE IMMEDIATELY, BUT
THEY'RE NOT REQUIRED TO DO THAT,
UNLESS IT'S BEEN CHOSEN THROUGH
A SECRET BALLOT VOTE.
SO UNSURPRISINGLY, THAT'S HOW
MOST UNIONS END UP GETTING
RECOGNIZED.
AND THE FIRST KEY STEP IN
UNION-BUSTING IS PREVENTING
THINGS FROM EVER REACHING THAT
POINT.
BECAUSE FOR AN ELECTION TO
HAPPEN AT ALL, 30% OF WORKERS
MUST SIGN A UNION CARD,
EXPRESSING AN INITIAL INTEREST
IN UNION REPRESENTATION.
BUT AMAZON, FOR INSTANCE, HAS
INSTRUCTED ITS MANAGERS TO BE ON
HIGH ALERT FOR THE SLIGHTEST
SIGN THAT THAT MIGHT HAPPEN --
AS THIS LEAKED INTERNAL VIDEO
SHOWS:
>> IF YOU SEE WARNING SIGNS OF
POTENTIAL ORGANIZING, NOTIFY
YOUR BUILDING HRM AND GM SITE
LEADER IMMEDIATELY.
THE MOST OBVIOUS SIGNS WOULD
INCLUDE USE OF WORDS ASSOCIATED
WITH UNIONS OR UNION-LED
MOVEMENTS LIKE "LIVING WAGE" OR
"STEWARD."
>> John: WOW.
SET ASIDE HOW COMPLETELY
MASK-OFF IT IS TO TREAT THE
PHRASE "LIVING WAGE" LIKE THE
FIRST WARNING SIGN OF A STROKE,
YOU'D ALSO THINK A NEARLY
$2 TRILLION COMPANY LIKE AMAZON
COULD SPRING FOR BETTER
ANIMATION THAN JIBJAB.
BUT IF ENOUGH WORKERS DO SIGN
CARDS, THE ELECTION PROCESS IS
THEN UNDERWAY.
AND IN THAT PROCESS, COMPANIES
HAVE SOME PRETTY HUGE
ADVANTAGES.
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, WHEN YOU'RE
ON THEIR PREMISES, THEY HAVE
UNFETTERED ACCESS TO YOU, WHILE
ALSO HAVING THE ABILITY TO KEEP
UNION REPS OUT.
AND MANY COMPANIES TAKE FULL
ADVANTAGE OF THAT ACCESS.
AMAZON, FOR INSTANCE, INUNDATED
WORKERS WITH ANTI-UNION SIGNS
ALL OVER THEIR WORKPLACE -- EVEN
PUTTING THEM INSIDE BATHROOM
STALLS.
THEY ALSO USED WORKERS' CONTACT
INFO TO SEND MULTIPLE ANTI-UNION
TEXT MESSAGES TO THEM PER DAY.
AND HELD MANDATORY MEETINGS THAT
SEEMED DESIGNED TO SPREAD FEAR.
>> THEY HAD SOMEBODY WHO WAS
LIKE THEIR -- THE CAPTAIN OF THE
UNION BUSTING WHO WOULD COME
DOWN AND TEACH, LIKE --
>> WHAT WAS THE OFFICIAL TITLE
OF THE CLASS?
>> THEY JUST CALLED IT, LIKE,
UNION TRAINING.
THAT'S IT.
WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S NOT
UNION TRAINING.
IT'S ANTI -- IT'S
UNION-BUSTING 101.
>> John: RIGHT.
IT'S NOT "UNION TRAINING" IF THE
EXPLICIT GOAL IS TO KILL THE
UNION.
IT WOULD BE LIKE TAKING
A DOG TRAINING CLASS FROM
CRUELLA DE VIL.
ALTHOUGH, NO, NOT THE ONE THAT'S
A MISUNDERSTOOD BOHEMIAN OR
WHATEVER, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE
REAL CRUELLA.
YEAH, THAT ONE.
THE ORIGINAL DOGICIDAL
BAD BITCH.
THESE MANDATORY PROPAGANDA
SESSIONS ARE CALLED
"CAPTIVE AUDIENCE MEETINGS," AND
MOST AMAZON WORKERS AT BESSEMER
WERE HAVING TO ATTEND AT LEAST
TWO PER WEEK.
AND THAT'S NOT UNCOMMON --
NEARLY 90% OF EMPLOYERS FACING
UNION CAMPAIGNS HOLD CAPTIVE
AUDIENCE MEETINGS.
RIGHT NOW, STARBUCKS IS FACING A
UNION DRIVE AT SIX OF ITS STORES
IN BUFFALO, AND IT'S BEEN DOING
EVERYTHING YOU'VE JUST SEEN --
SENDING ANTI-UNION TEXT
MESSAGES, PUTTING UP SIGNS, AND
HOLDING CAPTIVE AUDIENCE
MEETINGS.
AND IT MAY BE NO COINCIDENCE
THAT AMAZON'S AND STARBUCKS'
TACTICS ARE PRETTY SIMILAR,
BECAUSE BOTH HIRED UNION-BUSTING
LAW FIRMS AND CONSULTANTS TO
HELP THEM WITH THEIR CAMPAIGNS.
WHICH IS NOT UNUSUAL.
UNION-BUSTING IS A WHOLE
INDUSTRY.
THERE ARE NOW ABOUT 2,000 OF
THESE FIRMS, SOME OF WHICH HAVE
EUPHEMISTIC NAMES LIKE
"THE LABOR RELATIONS INSTITUTE."
AND 75% OF COMPANIES FACING
ORGANIZING DRIVES HIRE ONE,
SPENDING NEARLY $340 MILLION ON
THEM PER YEAR.
AND THESE FIRMS OFFER DIFFERENT
LEVELS OF SERVICES.
FOR COMPANIES ON A BUDGET, SOME
OFFER MASS-PRODUCED ANTI-UNION
VIDEOS.
YOU CAN EVEN BUY THIS ONE,
FEATURING A CARTOONISHLY
OVERBEARING UNION ORGANIZER,
SHOT AGAINST A GREEN SCREEN, SO
YOU CAN CUSTOMIZE IT BASED ON
YOUR WORKPLACE.
THEY EVEN PRODUCED SAMPLES OF
WHAT THAT COULD LOOK LIKE:
>> LISTEN, JUST SIGN THE CARD.
ONCE A UNION GETS HERE, YOU
WANNA BE ON THE GOOD SIDE.
LISTEN, JUST SIGN THE CARD.
ONCE A UNION GETS HERE, YOU
WANNA BE ON THE GOOD SIDE.
LISTEN, JUST SIGN THE CARD.
ONCE A UNION GETS HERE, YOU
WANNA BE ON THE GOOD SIDE.
>> John: WELL, I'LL SAY THIS:
AT LEAST THEY CHOSE OUTFITS
THAT'D FIT IN ANY WORKPLACE,
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW EMPLOYEES IN
BOTH CORPORATE OFFICES AND
WAREHOUSES DRESS LIKE
A COLLEGE FOOTBALL COACH
WHOSE WIFE JUST LEFT HIM
AND AN "AMERICA'S
NEXT TOP MODEL" CONTESTANT
BEFORE THE MAKEOVER.
ALTHOUGH THE BACKDROPS CLEARLY
COULD HAVE BEEN MORE CREATIVE.
YOU'VE GOT A GREEN SCREEN.
THE WORLD'S YOUR OYSTER.
WHY NOT SHOW EVIL UNIONIZERS
MOBILIZING ON A ROLLER COASTER
OR ON A TROPICAL GETAWAY OR ON
THE DESERT PLANET OF ARRAKIS?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO FORCE
EMPLOYEES TO WATCH YOUR
BULLSHIT, AT LEAST TAKE THEM
ON A COSMIC JOURNEY WITH
SANDY SOFTBOY SPACE JESUS.
BUT WHETHER IT'S COMING DIRECTLY
FROM A COMPANY OR THROUGH AN
OUTSIDE FIRM, ANTI-UNION
CAMPAIGNS TEND TO FOLLOW A
PRETTY BASIC PLAYBOOK, AND A
GO-TO TACTIC IS TO HIGHLIGHT
THAT UNIONS COLLECT DUES.
IT'S A POINT DELTA AIRLINES
MADE WHEN ITS EMPLOYEES WERE
CONSIDERING UNIONIZING, AND THEY
DID IT IN A
PRETTY DICKISH WAY.
>> DELTA AIRLINES CAUSING A LOT
OF TURBULENCE ON THE GROUND
AFTER IT TOLD EMPLOYEES TO BUY
VIDEO GAMES INSTEAD OF
UNIONIZING.
ONE POSTER -- HERE IT IS -- SAYS
"UNION DUES COST AROUND $700 A
YEAR," AND THEN TELLS EMPLOYEES
TO PUT THEIR MONEY TOWARDS A
VIDEO GAME SYSTEM WITH THE
LATEST HITS.
>> John: OOOH, THE LATEST HITS,
YOU SAY?
TELLING YOUR WORKERS TO PLAY
VIDEO GAMES INSTEAD OF
UNIONIZING IS INCREDIBLY
CONDESCENDING.
AND DOUBLY SO WHEN YOU CONSIDER
VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS ARE THE
ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF EXPLOITED
LABOR.
THINK ABOUT IT: THEY TAKE ORDERS
ALL DAY, USUALLY GET PAID IN
COINS, AND NOT ONCE IN 36 YEARS
OF PLAYING MARIO HAVE I EVER
SEEN HIM GET TO TAKE A
BATHROOM BREAK.
NOT ONCE!
THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM HAS TO BE
LITTERED WITH PISS BOTTLES AT
THIS POINT.
AND YOU MIGHT SAY, "WELL, OF
COURSE A UNION COLLECTS DUES.
HOW ELSE ARE THEY GOING TO HAVE
THE RESOURCES TO FIGHT FOR THEIR
MEMBERS?"
BUT THESE CONSULTING FIRMS WILL
INSIST THAT UNIONS SIMPLY TAKE
MONEY AND OFFER NOTHING IN
RETURN.
HERE'S HOW THE LABOR RELATIONS
INSTITUTE PUTS IT IN ONE OF ITS
UNION-BUSTING VIDEOS.
>> UNIONS ARE IN TROUBLE.
THEIR MEMBERSHIP IS SHRINKING,
WHICH MEANS THEY'RE IN DANGER OF
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.
THEY SEND OUT HIGH-PRESSURE
SALESPEOPLE TO SELL A BILL OF
GOODS THAT MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE
IS EITHER OF NO REAL VALUE OR IS
HIGHLY OVERPRICED.
>> John: SO JUST TO BE CLEAR,
THAT'S A FOR-PROFIT CONSULTING
FIRM, BEING PAID BY A FOR-PROFIT
COMPANY, ARGUING UNIONS ARE ONLY
IN IT FOR THE MONEY.
THAT IS PRETTY FANTASTIC.
IT'S NOT EVEN THE POT CALLING
THE KETTLE BLACK, IT'S THE POT
CALLING THE KETTLE "A POT."
IT'S LIKE BEING CALLED A
BAD FIRST DATE BY TED BUNDY.
LRI CONSULTANTS HAVE ALSO TOLD
EMPLOYEES THAT JOINING A UNION
MIGHT GET THEM A CONTRACT WITH
LESS WAGES AND LESS BENEFITS
THAN THEY CURRENTLY HAVE.
BUT THINK HOW RIDICULOUS THAT
ARGUMENT IS.
IF COMPANIES GENUINELY THOUGHT
UNIONS WOULD NEGOTIATE WORSE
TERMS FOR THEIR EMPLOYEES,
THEY'D BE WELCOMING THEM IN WITH
OPEN ARMS.
JEFF BEZOS WOULD'VE SHOWN UP TO
THAT INTERVIEW IN A CHE GUEVARA
T-SHIRT IF HE THOUGHT IT WOULD
HELP HIM PAY PEOPLE LESS.
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS UNIONIZED
WORKERS IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR
HAVE WAGES ABOUT 25% HIGHER THAN
THEIR NON-UNION COUNTERPARTS.
THAT'S WHY COMPANIES WANT TO
KEEP UNIONS OUT.
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE WILLING TO
PAY LRI $3,000 PER CONSULTANT
PER DAY.
BUT THE ANTI-UNION ARGUMENT
ISN'T JUST THAT THEY ARE
USELESS -- IT'S THAT THEY'LL
DESTROY THE BEAUTIFUL
WORKPLACE CULTURE THAT
COMPANIES HAVE CREATED.
HERE'S HOW TARGET FRAMED IT IN
ONE OF THEIR UNION-BUSTING
VIDEOS.
>> IF THE UNIONS DID TRY TO
ORGANIZE TARGET TEAM MEMBERS,
THEY COULD ALSO TRY AND BRING
ALONG THEIR WAY OF DOING
BUSINESS, AN OLD-FASHIONED,
RIGID STRUCTURE.
NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT COULD
HAPPEN, BUT THERE ARE LOTS
OF EXAMPLES OF HOW RIGID
GROCERY STORE UNION CONTRACTS
COULD HURT OUR STORES' ABILITY
TO SERVE GUESTS.
>> HERE'S WHAT WE MEAN.
♪ ♪
LET'S SAY YOU'RE WORKING IN
STATIONARY, BUT YOU'RE WALKING
THROUGH DOMESTICS ON YOUR WAY TO
CHECK ON SOMETHING.
A GUEST STOPS YOU AND ASKS FOR
HELP.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT,
YOU'D STOP AND GIVE THEM ANY
ASSISTANCE THEY REQUIRED.
BUT WHAT IF UNION WORK RULES SAY
YOU CAN'T WORK OUTSIDE OF YOUR
DEPARTMENT?
WHAT DO YOU TELL THE GUEST?
"SORRY, I N'T HELP YOU"?
THAT MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT MEANS
OUR GUEST DOESN'T GET IMMEDIATE
ATTENTION AND THEY MIGHT NOT
COME BACK.
SO EVERYONE GETS HURT.
EVERYONE EXCEPT THE UNION.
>> John: OOH, I LIKE HOW THEY
PUT THAT LAST PART IN BLACK AND
WHITE, SO WE KNOW IT'S BAD.
WE'RE TALKING "CAN'T OPEN A JAR"
BAD.
THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!
BUT IF I CAN GIVE THE TARGET
EXECUTIVES ONE NOTE:
HAVE YOU EVER WORKED RETAIL?
BECAUSE IF YOU HAD, YOU'D KNOW
THAT TELLING YOUR FLOOR WORKERS
THEY'D BE ABLE TO TELL A
CUSTOMER "FUCK OFF, THIS ISN'T
MY DEPARTMENT" IS A PRETTY GOOD
ARGUMENT TO VOTE YES ON THAT
UNION.
HONESTLY, THAT MIGHT BE WORTH IT
ON ITS OWN.
AND FUN SIDE NOTE: THOSE
AREN'T JUST ACTORS, THEY'RE
UNION ACTORS -- MEMBERS OF
THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD.
IN FACT, THAT MAN LATER ACTUALLY
STRESSED IN AN INTERVIEW THAT HE
IS VERY MUCH PRO-UNION,
DEFENDING HIS APPEARANCE IN THE
VIDEO BY SAYING, "IF SOMEONE
HIRES ME TO PLAY A RAPIST,
DOES IT MAKE ME A RAPIST?"
TO WHICH I'D HAVE TO RESPOND
"WHAT?"
AND "I -- I GUESS NOT, BUT...
WHAT?"
BUT THE MOST FRIGHTENING AND
EFFECTIVE ARGUMENT COMPANIES
MAKE AGAINST UNIONS ISN'T JUST
THAT THEY'LL KEEP YOU FROM
HELPING CUSTOMERS IN OTHER
DEPARTMENTS.
IT'S THAT THEY'LL COST YOU YOUR
JOB.
NOW, THANKFULLY, IT'S AGAINST
THE LAW FOR COMPANIES TO
THREATEN WORKERS THAT IF THEY
UNIONIZE, THEIR WORKPLACE WILL
CLOSE.
HOWEVER, HILARIOUSLY, IT IS
LEGAL FOR THEM TO "PREDICT" THAT
IT'LL SHUT DOWN.
WHICH OBVIOUSLY ISN'T A REAL
DISTINCTION.
WHEN A LOAN SHARK THREATENS TO
BREAK YOUR LEGS, THAT'S NOT
MEANINGFULLY DIFFERENT FROM A
LOAN SHARK "PREDICTING THAT LEGS
WILL BE BROKEN AS A RESULT OF
MARKET FORCES RELATING TO LACK
OF PAYMENT."
AND THAT PREDICTION LOOPHOLE CAN
LET A LOT THROUGH -- FOR
INSTANCE, COLUMBIA SPORTSWEAR
BROUGHT IN A CONSULTANT WHO
FREESTYLED TO A CAPTIVE MEETING
OF WORKERS ABOUT WHAT COULD
HAPPEN IF THEY UNIONIZE.
>> I'VE SEEN THE WORST OF IT,
DOESN'T ALWAYS END UP GOING SO
BADLY, BUT I MEAN, I'VE SEEN
PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, JUST
COMPLETELY BANKRUPTED.
MARRIAGES LOST, HOMES LOST, YOU
KNOW --
>> COMPANY CLOSING.
>> YEAH, SOMETIMES THAT HAPPENS
TOO.
I MEAN, LOOK AT -- LOOK AT
DETROIT.
I MEAN, ALL THE -- THE AUTO
WORKERS THERE, I MEAN, TENS OF
THOUSANDS OF EMPLOYEES LOST
THEIR JOBS OVERNIGHT.
>> John: WOW.
THAT IS A LEVEL OF FEARMONGERING
RARELY SEEN OUTSIDE AN
ABSTINENCE-ONLY SEX ED CLASS.
"DON'T JOIN A UNION -- UNLESS
YOU WANT TO END UP PREGNANT,
DIVORCED, HOMELESS, AND
DETROIT."
AND IT'S NOT JUST COLUMBIA
SPORTSWEAR -- WHEN WORKERS AT A
TIRE COMPANY CALLED KUMHO TRIED
TO UNIONIZE A FEW YEARS BACK,
12 DIFFERENT MANAGERS ISSUED
THREATS TO CLOSE THE PLANT IF
THE UNION WON.
WHICH IS UNDENIABLY SCARY.
AND IT WORKED -- BECAUSE EVEN
THOUGH 80% OF KUMHO WORKERS HAD
INITIALLY SIGNED CARDS
SUPPORTING UNIONIZATION, WHEN
THE VOTE HAPPENED, LESS THAN A
MONTH LATER, ONLY 43% VOTED TO
ORGANIZE.
AND THAT'S THE THING.
THREATS THAT A WORKPLACE WILL
CLOSE ARE EFFECTIVE, DESPITE
BEING OVERWHELMINGLY BULLSHIT.
ONE STUDY FOUND 51% OF COMPANIES
THREATENED TO CLOSE PLANTS IF
UNIONS WON, WHILE JUST 1%
ACTUALLY CLOSED OPERATIONS AFTER
A UNION VICTORY.
IT'S THE SAME STORY AGAIN AND
AGAIN, AND IT CAN BE DISPIRITING
FOR THOSE WHO KNOW HOW MUCH GOOD
A UNION COULD DO FOR THEIR
COWORKERS.
LISTEN TO A WOMAN WHO TRIED TO
ORGANIZE HER NISSAN PLANT, TALK
ABOUT HOW IT FELT, WATCHING HER
UNION DRIVE FALL APART:
>> WHEN WE STARTED THIS, I MEAN,
MY WHOLE LINE WAS JUST -- THEY
WERE JUST, "YES."
BUT WHEN NISSAN STARTED BRINGING
IN THOSE ANTI-UNION VIDEOS, I
SEEN MY COWORKERS, JUST, THE
LOOK ON THEIR FACE, IT WAS,
"BETTY, I JUST CAN'T DO IT."
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S
HEARTBREAKING.
AND FRUSTRATINGLY, EVEN ON THE
RARE OCCASION WORKERS MANAGE TO
OVERCOME EVERYTHING YOU'VE SEEN
TONIGHT AND WIN THEIR ELECTION,
THE FIGHT STILL MIGHT NOT BE
OVER.
AS A STUDY FOUND, IN A QUARTER
OF ALL SUCCESSFUL UNION
ELECTIONS, GETTING A CONTRACT
CAN TAKE THREE YEARS OR LONGER.
AND WHILE COMPANIES ARE SUPPOSED
TO BARGAIN IN GOOD FAITH, THEY
CAN LEGALLY DRAW THINGS OUT TO A
RIDICULOUS DEGREE.
IN 2009, SOME TEXAS EMPLOYEES AT
DISH NETWORK VOTED TO UNIONIZE,
BUT OVER A DECADE LATER, THEY
STILL HAVE NO CONTRACT.
AND THINK ABOUT HOW LONG AGO
2009 WAS.
BACK THEN, THE KIDS ON
"MODERN FAMILY" LOOKED LIKE
ACTUAL CHILDREN, AND AT THAT
POINT, NONE OF THEM WERE ENGAGED
TO THE BARTENDER FROM THE
"BACHELOR" FRANCHISE.
IN 2009, THE QUESTION ON
EVERYONE'S LIPS WAS "IS THE GUY
FROM 'DEGRASSI' REALLY RAPPING
NOW?
IS HE REALLY DOING THAT?"
AND YOU REALLY WANT ME TO
TRANSPORT YOU BACK TO THAT TIME?
TWO WORDS.
SUSAN BOYLE.
REMEMBER HOW HER WHOLE THING
WAS, "WE DIDN'T EXPECT SOMEONE
WHO LOOKED NORMAL COULD SING
GOOD"?
THE POINT IS, 2009 WAS A LONG
TIME AGO, AND THAT'S HOW
RIDICULOUSLY LONG THE EMPLOYEES
OF DISH NETWORK HAVE BEEN
WAITING FOR A FAIR UNION
CONTRACT.
AND THAT ACTUALLY BRINGS US TO
THE FINAL PROBLEM HERE.
BECAUSE FAR TOO OFTEN, THE
CONSEQUENCES FOR ANTI-UNION
ACTIONS BY COMPANIES ARE MINIMAL
TO NONE.
FOR INSTANCE, COMPANIES AREN'T
SUPPOSED TO RETALIATE AGAINST
WORKERS WHO UNIONIZE, BUT IT
HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
TAKE CYNTHIA HARPER, WHO WORKED
AT A FACTORY THAT MADE
WINDSHIELDS.
AFTER SHE SPOKE UP IN FAVOR OF A
UNION, SHE HAD A PRETTY SUDDEN,
AND PRETTY SUSPICIOUS, CHANGE TO
HER JOB.
>> EVER SINCE THEY STARTED THIS
JOB, IT'S BEEN A TWO-MAN JOB.
WHEN THEY PUT ME OUT HERE ON IT,
THEY DECIDED THEY WANTED IT TO
BE A ONE-PERSON'S JOB.
WHEN I WOULD TALK TO HR,
I TOLD THEM THEY WERE
TARGETING ME.
PUTTING ME ON A JOB TO SET ME UP
TO WRITE ME UP FOR PERFORMANCE
ISSUES AND FIRE ME.
>> John: OKAY, THAT'S PRETTY
BRAZEN.
THEY TOOK A JOB CLEARLY FOR TWO
PEOPLE AND MADE HER DO IT ON HER
OWN.
AND IF YOU'RE GOING TO SET HER
UP FOR FAILURE, WHY STOP THERE?
WHY NOT GIVE HER EVERYONE'S JOB?
WHY NOT SEND THE ENTIRE FACTORY
HOME WITH A NOTE SAYING "RELAX,
EVERYONE -- CYNTHIA'S GOT THIS."
AND THE THING IS, SHE WAS RIGHT.
SOON AFTER THAT, SHE WAS
FIRED, ALONG WITH TWO OTHER
PRO-UNION COWORKERS.
BUT THE CONSEQUENCES FOR A
COMPANY DOING THAT ARE JUST
PATHETIC.
A COMPANY THAT WRONGLY
TERMINATES A WORKER FOR
SUPPORTING A UNION MIGHT BE
FORCED TO PROVIDE BACK PAY --
BUT THAT'S A PRETTY SMALL PRICE
TO PAY IF IT HELPS THEM CRUSH A
UNION.
OTHER PUNISHMENTS ARE EVEN
WEAKER, LIKE THE FACT THAT --
AND THIS IS TRUE -- A COMPANY
CAN BE ORDERED TO POST A NOTICE
ON THE BULLETIN BOARD, IN WHICH
IT ADMITS IT VIOLATED THE LAW,
BUT ALSO, AND THIS IS CRUCIAL,
PROMISES NOT TO DO IT AGAIN.
AND COME ON.
A COMPANY SHOULD PROBABLY FACE
MORE CONSEQUENCES FOR ILLEGALLY
UNION-BUSTING THAN THIS DOG, WHO
CLEARLY LIKES TO HUMP THIS CAT.
AND HONESTLY, IN BOTH CASES I
DOUBT THE SIGN IS GOING TO
CHANGE THE UNDERLYING BEHAVIOR.
SO IT'S NO WONDER THAT U.S.
EMPLOYERS ARE CHARGED WITH
VIOLATING FEDERAL LAW IN OVER
40% OF ALL UNION ELECTION
CAMPAIGNS, BECAUSE WHY WOULDN'T
THEY?
EVEN WHEN THOSE CHARGES ARE
PROVEN, THE CONSEQUENCES ARE
LAUGHABLE.
ONE ANTI-UNION CONSULTANT HAS
FLAT-OUT STATED, "WHAT HAPPENS
IF YOU VIOLATE THE LAW?
THE PROBABILITY IS YOU WILL
NEVER GET CAUGHT.
IF YOU DO GET CAUGHT, THE WORST
THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU IS
YOU GET A SECOND ELECTION AND
THE EMPLOYER WINS 96% OF SECOND
ELECTIONS."
AND IT'S NOT GREAT THAT
UNION-BUSTING FIRMS ARE TELLING
COMPANIES THAT.
BUT IT'S EVEN WORSE THAT IT'S
FUCKING TRUE.
SO WHAT CAN WE DO?
WELL, CONGRESS COULD STEP IN TO
HELP REBALANCE THE PLAYING
FIELD.
THE "PROTECTING THE RIGHT TO
ORGANIZE ACT," OR "P.R.O. ACT,"
WOULD OUTLAW CAPTIVE AUDIENCE
MEETINGS AND ENABLE SUCCESSFULLY
UNIONIZED WORKFORCES TO SEEK
ARBITRATION TO SETTLE A FIRST
CONTRACT, MEANING COMPANIES LIKE
DISH CAN'T GIVE THEM THE MIDDLE
FINGER FOR DECADES.
ALSO, AND PERHAPS MOST
IMPORTANTLY, IT'D PUT REAL
FINANCIAL PENALTIES IN PLACE TO
PREVENT COMPANIES FROM VIOLATING
WORKERS' RIGHTS WITHOUT
CONSEQUENCE.
BUT UNTIL THAT LAW IS PASSED,
AND IT SHOULD PASS,
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS
FOR WORKERS TO DO IS TRY NOT TO
GET DISHEARTENED DURING A
CAMPAIGN.
WHICH I KNOW ISN'T EASY.
BUT UNION-BUSTING IS ALL ABOUT
KILLING MOMENTUM, SPLINTERING
UNITY, AND EXHAUSTING WORKERS'
SPIRITS.
SO TO THE EXTENT IT HELPS, IF
YOU'RE IN A WORKPLACE THAT'S
UNIONIZING RIGHT NOW AND YOU'RE
FEELING PRESSURED OR PERSONALLY
ATTACKED, REMEMBER, THE COMPANY
IS ALMOST CERTAINLY FOLLOWING A
SCRIPT.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY THE
PART THEY WANT YOU TO.
AND IF, BY SOME CHANCE, YOU'RE A
CORPORATE EXECUTIVE WHO'S MADE
IT THIS FAR INTO THE SHOW,
FIRST, I'M ALMOST IMPRESSED
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
SECOND, PLEASE STOP WASTING
MONEY ON THESE ANTI-UNION
CONSULTING FIRMS.
INSTEAD, JUST USE THIS VIDEO WE
MADE FOR YOU -- IT'S A LOT
CHEAPER, AND IT SAYS EXACTLY
WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN.
♪ ♪
>> HELLO, THANKS FOR JOINING US
TODAY AND WATCHING THIS
MANDATORY COMPANY VIDEO.
>> YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE SOMEONE
MAY HAVE APPROACHED YOU ABOUT
UNIONIZING.
>> OR ASKED YOU TO SIGN A UNION
CARD.
>> OR SIMPLY SAID THE WORDS
"LIVING WAGE" ANYWHERE OUT LOUD
ON COMPANY GROUNDS.
>> A UNION MAY WORK FOR A LOT OF
PLACES, BUT THE THING IS, HERE,
WE ARE A FAMILY, AND YOU
EMPLOYEES ARE CHILDREN.
>> SO LET'S LISTEN IN ON SOME
WORKER CONVERSATIONS.
>> SOMETHING WE DEFINITELY DON'T
DO IN REAL LIFE.
>> HEY, BOB, DID YOU KNOW IF WE
BROUGHT ON A UNION IT WOULD BE
ILLEGAL FOR US TO TALK TO OUR
BOSSES ANYMORE?
>> NO WAY.
THERE'S TWO THINGS I LOVE IN
THIS WORLD, TALKING DIRECTLY TO
MY SHIFT SUPERVISOR
AND HELPING CUSTOMERS AND
DEPARTMENTS I DON'T WORK IN.
>> BAD NEWS, BOB, IF A UNION
CAME IN, YOU COULDN'T DO THAT.
YEAH, IF A CUSTOMER WAS OUTSIDE
OF YOUR DEPARTMENT ASKS YOU A
QUESTION, YOU ARE LEGALLY
REQUIRED TO GO TELL THEM TO GO
FUCK THEMSELVES.
AND IF THEY ASK YOU A FOLLOW-UP
QUESTION, YOU'D HAVE TO SLAP
THEM WITH AN OPEN HAND.
SO EVERYONE GETS HURT.
EVERYONE EXCEPT THE UNION.
>> WAIT, HOW COULD THE UNION
POSSIBLY BENEFIT FROM SOME --
♪ ♪
>> WE DON'T THINK THE UNION'S
RIGHT FOR OUR WORKPLACE.
BUT ULTIMATELY, THE CHOICE IS UP
TO OUR EMPLOYEES.
>> WE PROMISE NO ONE WILL BE
FIRED FOR WANTING TO UNIONIZE.
ALTHOUGH THERE IS A CHANCE YOU
MIGHT BE FIRED FOR POOR
ATTENDANCE.
>> A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE,
ACTUALLY.
>> BUT YOU WON'T BE FIRED
EXPLICITLY FOR THE UNION THING.
THAT'S HOW WE DO IT.
FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, YOU
MIGHT NOTICE A FEW EXTRA POSTERS
AROUND THE WORKPLACE, IN
BREAK ROOMS, STOCK ROOMS,
BATHROOMS, OR GLUED TO THE BACK
OF A COWORKER.
YOU ALREADY WENT TO THE
BATHROOM, TED.
THESE ARE JUST THERE TO TELL YOU
THINGS LIKE HOW EXPENSIVE UNION
DUES ARE.
$700?
THINK OF WHAT ELSE YOU COULD BUY
WITH THAT.
LIKE A NINTENDO WII WITH ALL
THE LATEST HITS.
OR, I DON'T KNOW, WHAT ELSE DO
POOR PEOPLE LIKE?
POOR PEOPLE, POOR PEOPLE,
POOR...
I KNOW I'VE SEEN POOR PEOPLE.
[SNAPS]
DUH.
DRUGS!
BUY AND EAT DRUGS.
>> DID YOU KNOW WHEN A UNION
ENTERS A NEGOTIATION
OUR WAGES COULD GO UP OR THEY
COULD GO DOWN.
>> WAIT, OUR WAGES COULD GO UP?
>> BUT THEY COULD GO DOWN.
>> REALISTICALLY THOUGH, THEY
COULD GO UP.
>> BUT THEY COULD GO DOWN.
>> BUT WITHOUT A UNION, WHAT'S
PREVENTING THEM FROM GOING DOWN
NOW?
>> BUT THEY COULD GO DOWN.
>> RIGHT, JUST TECHNICALLY
SPEAKING --
>> HEY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOUR ATTENDANCE.
>> JUST REMEMBER, WHEN IT COMES
TO UNIONS, THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
WHEN IT COMES TO WATCHING VIDEOS
LIKE THIS ABOUT UNIONS, THE
CHOICE IS VERY MUCH OURS.
DID I SAY STOP WAVING?
♪ ♪
>> John: MOVING ON, FINALLY
TONIGHT, THIS IS ACTUALLY OUR
LAST SHOW OF THE SEASON, AND IT
HAS BEEN A TRICKY YEAR.
WE BEGAN IT STILL STUCK IN THE
VOID
BEFORE FINALLY MANAGING TO MOVE
INTO THIS STUDIO IN SEPTEMBER.
IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT WE'VE
BEEN HAVING TO OPERATE UNDER
TIGHT RESTRICTIONS, WE STILL
MANAGED TO HAVE SOME FUN.
WE INFILTRATED LOCAL NEWS
BROADCAST TO SELL A VAGINAL
HEALING BLANKET, WE SOLD 10,000
TEDDY BEARS
TO ANNOY EVOLUTION STRONGMAN,
WE ENTERED A DUCK STAMP CONTEST,
AND WE WERE ACTUALLY FUCKING
ROBBED ON THAT BY THE WAY.
WE STARTED OUR OWN HEALTH CARE
SHARING MINISTRY, WE FORCED A
MINNESOTA CAR DEALERSHIP TO
PRODUCE THE FINEST LOCAL CAR AD
THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN,
GEORGE CLOONEY APPEARED ON THE
SHOW EVERY TIME I SNAPPED MY
FINGERS, AND WE ALMOST WELCOMED
A VACCINE CICADA INTO OUR FAMILY
OF MASCOTS, WHICH WOULD HAVE
BEEN THE SINGLE DUMBEST THING
WE'VE EVER DONE.
WE ACTUALLY INVITED
THE VACCINE CICADA TO THE FINAL
SHOW TONIGHT IN A MAKE IT OR
BREAK IT SITUATION.
IF HE COULD DO A DANCE IN ALL
THE RIGHT WAYS, MAYBE HE
DESERVED TO BE HERE.
THEN WE REALIZED, HE DESERVED
SHIT.
HE'S A DOLLAR STORE BEETLE IN A
CROP TOP, SO WE SENT HIM A
TEXT TELLING HIM THE GIG IS OFF,
BUT HE PROBABLY CAN'T EVEN HOLD
A PHONE IN HIS -- WHAT ARE
THOSE?
PINCERS?
IDIOT.
LOOK, THE POINT IS, IT WAS
DEFINITELY A STRANGE YEAR, AND
DESPITE BEING BACK IN THE
STUDIO, THE FACT IS, I STILL
HAVEN'T SEEN MOST OF MY STAFF
SINCE MARCH OF 2020, AND THOUGH
I AM DEFINITELY LOOKING FORWARD
TO NEXT YEAR, THERE IS NO
QUESTION THAT IT HAS BEEN
DIFFICULT SPENDING SO MUCH OF
THIS ONE IN ISOLATION.
THE TRUTH IS, IT DOES SOMETIMES
GET ME DOWN A BIT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I ACTUALLY MIGHT KNOW
SOMEONE WHO COULD HELP ME FEEL A
LITTLE BIT BETTER.
[SNAPS]
>> HEY, JOHN, WHAT'S UP?
>> John: HEY, GEORGE, I WAS JUST
THINKING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS I
WANTED TO DO THIS YEAR AND
HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO AND THE
PEOPLE I WANTED TO SEE BUT
COULDN'T.
YOU KNOW?
>> YEAH.
>> John: YEAH.
>> FEELING DOWN, HMMM?
>> John: YEAH.
YOU COULD SAY IT'S AN
INTOLERABLE CRUELTY.
>> WHAT KIND OF REACTION DO YOU
WANT FROM ME ON THAT?
>> John: I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT
BE ABLE TO CHEER ME UP A BIT.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS, BUT
YOU SEEM MORE PATHETIC THAN
USUAL.
>> John: THAT'S HARSH BUT ALSO
FAIR.
>> FOR THE NEXT FEW MINUTES, I'M
GOING TO GIVE YOU THE POWER TO
SUMMON ANY CELEBRITY WITH THAT
SNAP.
>> John: REALLY?
GEORGE, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY
FANTASTIC NEWS.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I PROMISE I WILL NOT MISUSE THIS
POWER.
>> YES, YOU WILL.
BUT THE BEAUTY IS, YOU ONLY HAVE
A FEW MINUTES.
SO GO.
[SNAPS]
>> John: I MEAN, THIS IS
GREAT.
THIS IS SO EXCITING.
I FEEL SLIGHTLY BETTER
ALREADY, BUT LET'S NOT WASTE ANY
TIME ON THIS, LET'S SEE WHO WE
GET FIRST.
[SNAPS]
OH, WOW, JENNIFER COOLIDGE.
JENNIFER, HI.
>> OH, LOOK, IT'S JIMMY KIMMEL.
>> John: NO, IT'S JOHN, MY NAME
IS JOHN.
>> JIMMY, I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
>> John: THANKS.
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO DO A MEAN
TWEET?
>> John: THAT'S A DIFFERENT
SHOW, JENNIFER.
>> OH.
IS QUESTLOVE THERE?
>> John: THAT'S A DIFFERENT
JIMMY.
>> OH!
WAIT, ARE YOU THE BRITISH ONE?
>> John: YES, THAT'S ME, I'M THE
BRITISH ONE.
YEAH, THAT'S ME.
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO GET IN THE
CAR AND SING?
>> John: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
[SNAPS]
HEY, WILL.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> OH, HEY, JOHN.
WHAT NOW?
>> John: I'VE GOT A REALLY
FUNNY STORY FOR YOU.
GEORGE CLOONEY GAVE ME
THE POWER TO SUMMON ANYONE I
WANT WITH THE SNAP OF A FINGER.
>> HE DID THAT AGAIN?
HE GIVES THAT POWER TO ANYONE.
LAST WEEK I GOT SUMMONED BY A
GUY WHO GIVE CLOONEY A PACK OF
TRIDENT.
>> John: THAT MAKES ME FEEL
SIGNIFICANTLY LESS SPECIAL.
[SNAPS]
OH, RUPAUL!
>> I'M SORRY, MY DEAR, BUT IT'S
TIME FOR YOU TO SASHAY AWAY.
>> John: I'M NOT A CONTESTANT ON
YOUR SHOW.
IT'S ME, IT'S JOHN OLIVER.
HEY.
>> OH, GOSH.
I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THE
QUEENS DRESSED UP AS A
MARIONETTE DOLL.
>> John: JUST ME IN MY ACTUAL
HUMAN BODY.
>> [LAUGHS]
CUTE.
[SNAPS]
>> John: THAT WAS FUN.
THAT WAS DEFINITELY FUN.
NO POINT IN STOPPING IF WE GOT
TIME.
LET'S SEE WHO ELSE WE CAN GET.
HOLY SHIT, CARDI B.
HEY, HEY, CARDI.
>> WHO SAID THAT?
>> John: I'M JOHN
>> ALEXA?
>> John: NOT ALEXA.
>> ALEXA?
>> John: IT'S LOVELY TO MEET
YOU.
I NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD GET TO
SPEAK --
>> ALEXA?
>> John: FORGET IT.
[SNAPS]
>> SURPRISE!
LISTEN, YOUR LITTLE BROTHER
BILLY REACHED OUT TO ME AND TOLD
ME THAT IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY.
THIS IS FREAKING HUGE.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
>> John: BRIAN.
BRIAN.
SORRY, BRIAN.
>> HOLY SHIT.
>> John: YEAH.
>> THE CAMEOS NEVER TALK BACK.
>> John: BRIAN, I THINK THERE'S
BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING, I NEVER
ORDERED A CAMEO, I JUST SNAP MY
FINGERS AND NOW WE'RE TALKING.
>> JOHN, IF THIS ISN'T A CAMEO,
JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY
PHONE.
[SNAPS]
>> John: KEVIN FROM
"THE OFFICE" DOES NOT MESS
AROUND.
ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE PUSH.
HERE GOES.
[SNAPS]
OH, CARDI, IT'S ME AGAIN.
SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
>> ALEXA, STOP.
>> STOP HERE.
CHECK FOR DEVICES.
>> John: I'VE GOT IT, DON'T
WORRY.
[SNAPS]
OH, VOID, GREAT TO SEE.
>> DECENT TO SEE YOU AS WELL.
I CAN'T REALLY TALK AT THE
MOMENT, I'M HOSTING MY OWN
TALK SHOW NOW.
>> John: REALLY?
>> John: KIND OF BUSY.
APPARENTLY HBO MAX LIKED THE
VIBE OF THE SPACE AND THEY
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER
SUITED FOR A COMEDY SHOW AND
NOT, LIKE, WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
>> John: I GET IT, YOU'RE BEING
MEAN TO ME.
[SNAPS]
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
LESLIE, I'M SO GLAD IT'S YOU.
>> NAH.
>> John: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT, NO.
IT'S JOHN.
>> I DON'T WANT THIS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THIS.
ALAKAZAM.
>> John: PART OF WHAT?
WE'RE JUST TALKING.
>> [CLAPPING]
>> John: DON'T CLAP ME AWAY.
>> GO AWAY.
ALAKAZAM.
>> John: JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS.
>> WHITE MEN WON'T LEAVE, WHITE
MAN WON'T LEAVE!
>> John: I WILL, I'LL LEAVE!
[SNAPS]
>> TIME IS UP, HOW WAS IT, JOHN?
>> John: PEOPLE WERE KIND OF
MEAN TO ME, BUT HONESTLY, IT WAS
KIND OF GREAT.
>> I KNEW IT WOULD BE.
JUST BECAUSE THIS YEAR DIDN'T
WORK OUT LIKE YOU THOUGHT IT
WOULD, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT
SHAMELESSLY BRINGING IN
CELEBRITIES FOR THE FINALE WILL
CHEER YOU UP.
BECAUSE, SAY IT WITH ME...
>> CELEBRITIES MAKE EVERYTHING
BETTER EXCEPT IN THE MANY
SITUATIONS WHERE THEY DO NOT.
>> [LAUGHS]
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
JOHN, GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
[SNAPS]
>> John: I MEAN, THAT'S IT.
I DO FEEL 20% BETTER NOW, AT
LEAST.
ANYWAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH
WATCHING OUR SHOW THIS YEAR.
WE ALL REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE
IT.
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.
PLEASE STAY SAFE UNTIL THEN.
GOOD NIGHT.
[SNAPS]
>> DO YOU WANT ME TO GET IN THE
CAR AND SING?
♪ LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ I'M A SMOOTH OPERATOR ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL,
AIN'T NO A HOLLABACK GIRL ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ ♪
>> HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME,
WELCOME, WELCOME, TO
"WHITE VOID TONIGHT."
I'M THE VOID.
LET'S DIVE STRAIGHT IN WITH
THE KEY QUESTION OF THE WEEK.
WHAT WENT WRONG WITH
"SPACE JAM 2"?
PEOPLE THINK THE MAIN FLAW WAS
LeBRON'S ACTING.
I THINK IT WAS ITS FUNDAMENTAL
MISUNDERSTANDING OF BUGS BUNNY
AS A CHARACTER.
I MEAN, THE CLIMAX INVOLVES
BUGS BUNNY LEARNING A LESSON?
BUGS BUNNY DOESN'T LEARN
LESSONS.
LET THOSE FUCKING NERDS AT PIXAR
LEARN LESSONS.
>> John: SORRY, IS YOUR ENTIRE
SHOW BREAKING DOWN YOUR PROBLEM
WITH "SPACE JAM 2"?
>> NO, THIS IS JUST THE FUN BIT
AT THE TOP OF THE SHOW, JOHN.
THERE IS ALSO A MAIN STORY
COMING UP.
>> John: JUST SEEMS LIKE A WEIRD
WAY TO START THE SHOW.
>> EXCUSE ME?
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DOES
20-MINUTE MONOLOGUES ABOUT
FACTORY FARMING.
SO MAYBE TAKE A LOOK AT
YOURSELF.
>> John: HEY.
FAIR ENOUGH.
CARRY ON.
>> IF YOU DON'T MIND?
>> John: HAVE A GOOD SHOW.
>> BYE.
>> John: I'M LEAVING!
>> SORRY ABOUT THAT, FOLKS.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
JET FUEL...
>> John: OH OH, NO, DON'T.
>> SPECIFICALLY THE FACT...
>> John: NO.
>> THAT IT CAN'T MELT
STEEL BEAMS.