♪ ♪
NO
♪ ♪
>> John: HI THERE.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW,
STILL COMING TO YOU FROM
THIS BLANK VOID.
WHICH HAS STARTED TO FEEL A BIT
LIKE HOME.
AND TO BE HONEST, IT IS PRETTY
SIMILAR TO ENGLAND IN THAT
IT'S FRUSTRATINGLY WHITE,
IMMEDIATELY DEPRESSING,
AND I WANT TO GET OUT OF IT
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
LOOK, IT'S BEEN ANOTHER BUSY
WEEK.
CHER TURNED 75, THE HOUSE VOTED
TO CREATE AN INDEPENDENT
NO
COMMISSION TO INVESTIGATE
THE CAPITOL ASSAULT, AND
THE SUPREME COURT DID THIS:
>> THE SUPREME COURT SAYS IT
WILL TAKE UP THE MOST DIRECT
CHALLENGE TO ROE VS. WADE
IN A GENERATION THIS FALL.
NO
>> AT ISSUE, A MISSISSIPPI LAW
THAT WOULD BAN ALMOST ALL
NO
ABORTIONS AFTER 15 WEEKS OF
PREGNANCY.
IT'S SIMILAR TO BANS RECENTLY
PASSED IN OTHER CONSERVATIVE
LEANING STATES, ALL DESIGNED
TO GET THE NEWLY CONSERVATIVE
SUPREME COURT TO CONFRONT
NO
ROE VS. WADE HEAD ON.
>> John: YUP!
THE THING CONSERVATIVES HAVE
BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR DECADES
NOW IS FINALLY HAPPENING.
ROLLING BACK ABORTION RIGHTS
IS PRETTY MUCH THE REASON
THE COUNTRY HAD TO WATCH
A HUMAN BEER BONG SCREAM AND
CRY DURING A JOB INTERVIEW,
THE REASON EVERYONE FREAKED OUT
WHEN AN 87-YEAR-OLD WOMAN DIED,
AND THE REASON WHY THE PRESIDENT
AND HALF HIS INNER CIRCLE ALL
GOT COVID IN THE ROSE GARDEN --
WASN'T THAT A FUN COUPLE OF
DAYS?
ALL OF THAT WAS BUILDING UP TO
THIS DEPRESSINGLY SIGNIFICANT
MOMENT.
AND STATES HAVE BEEN PUSHING
THE ENVELOPE HARD WHEN IT COMES
TO LIMITING ABORTION.
WITH THE LATEST ATTEMPT COMING
JUST THIS WEEK IN TEXAS.
>> TEXAS HAS JUST ADOPTED
ONE OF THE MOST RESTRICTIVE
ANTI-ABORTION LAWS IN THE
NATION.
REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR GREG ABBOTT
SIGNED THE BILL YESTERDAY.
IT BANS THE PROCEDURE AS EARLY
AS SIX WEEKS INTO A PREGNANCY,
BEFORE MANY WOMEN EVEN KNOW
THEY'RE PREGNANT.
>> John: WELL, THAT'S
INFURIATING.
AND MADE SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE
BY THE FACT THEY SEEMED TO CRAM
THE FEW WOMEN IN THE ROOM RIGHT
BEHIND ABBOTT AND THEN LET WHAT
CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A
JOSEPH A. BANK OF MEN FILL IN
EVERYWHERE ELSE.
YOU USUALLY DON'T SEE THAT MANY
MEN IN SUITS LINED UP TO
DISAPPOINT WOMEN UNLESS
IT'S THE FIRST NIGHT OF
"THE BACHELORETTE."
AND FOR MANY BEHIND THAT BILL,
INCLUDING ONE OF ITS SPONSORS,
STATE SENATOR
CHARLES SCHWERTNER,
RESTRICTING ACCESS TO ABORTION
HAS LONG BEEN A PRIORITY.
IN 2017, HE SILENCED A WITNESS
TESTIFYING AGAINST AN EARLIER
ANTI-ABORTION BILL SO HARD,
HIS GAVEL BROKE THE GLASS
TABLETOP OF HIS DESK.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> SB415 INSERTS ITSELF INTO THE
EXAM ROOM BY PUTTING PHYSICIANS
IN THE UNCONSCIONABLE POSITION
OF HAVING TO DENY A WOMAN THE
EVIDENCE-BASED COMPASSIONATE
CARE THAT RESULTS IN THE FEWEST
COMPLICATIONS.
I WANT TO REMIND YOU ALL --
>> MS. HENNESSY --
>> ESPECIALLY THE DOCTORS ON
THIS COMMITTEE, THAT A VOTE FOR
THIS BILL PUTS WOMEN'S LIVES --
>> THANK YOU,
MS. HENNESSY --
>> ON THE LINE.
>> YOUR TIME IS DONE --
>> I URGE YOU TO STOP PLAYING
WITH REPRODUCTIVE HEALTHCARE
AS IF IT'S YOUR OWN POLITICAL
PUPPET.
[GAVEL SMASHES]
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
YOUR TIME IS DONE.
>> John: WOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
WOMEN ARE TOO EMOTIONAL TO MAKE
DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR OWN BODIES
-- BEST LEAVE IT TO A
LEVEL-HEADED, REASONABLE MAN WHO
HULKS OUT ON HIS DESK AT WORK.
BECAUSE JUST LOOK AT WHAT THAT
FUCKING GAVEL DID.
IN EVERY WAY, THAT IS THE EXACT
OPPOSITE OF WHAT IS MEANT BY
"BREAKING THE GLASS CEILING."
AND THERE WILL CLEARLY BE MUCH
MORE TO SAY ON THIS STORY AS IT
UNFOLDS, BUT FOR NOW, LET'S TRY
AND TAKE A LOOK AT NEWS THAT
ISN'T ACTIVELY DEPRESSING.
AND HERE'S ONE -- IN
PHILADELPHIA, LARRY KRASNER,
THE REFORM D.A., WON A HOTLY
CONTESTED PRIMARY AND KRASNER'S
VICTORY WAS BY NO MEANS ASSURED
-- THE POLICE UNION BACKED
HIS OPPONENT IN THE PRIMARY,
AND HE'S COME UNDER ATTACK
FOR BOLD REFORMS LIKE VOWING TO
NEVER PURSUE A DEATH SENTENCE,
REDUCE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE
SENT TO PRISON BY SEEKING
ALTERNATIVES TO INCARCERATION,
AND TO STOP ILLEGAL
STOP-AND-FRISK,
REFORM CASH BAIL, AND END THE
ABUSE OF CIVIL ASSET FORFEITURE.
WHICH IS A STRIKING SET OF
PROMISES, ESPECIALLY COMING FROM
A GUY WHOSE FACE-SWEATER COMBO
WHISPERS, "I'VE GOT AUDIOBOOKS
ON VINYL."
NOW, KRASNER STILL HAS TO FACE
A REPUBLICAN IN THE GENERAL
ELECTION.
SPECIFICALLY, THIS MAN,
CHARLES PERUTO.
WHO IS A LOT.
HIS PLATFORM IS THE ANTITHESIS
OF KRASNER'S.
AND HE'S SAID, "MY FIRST LINE OF
BUSINESS IS TO MEET WITH EVERY
POLICE CAPTAIN.
I WANT TO HAVE MY WIFE COOK THEM
DINNER," WHILE ALSO RELEASING
THIS VIDEO ON HIS WEBSITE:
>> I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN
WEST PHILADELPHIA,
64TH AND JEFFERSON.
I WAS BORN IN
A MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD.
I LOVED IT.
IRONICALLY ENOUGH, THE KID
I HUNG OUT WITH EVERY DAY WAS
MICHAEL JACKSON.
HE DIDN'T SING BUT HE PLAYED
HOOPS.
I UNDERSTAND BLACK PEOPLE JUST
ABOUT AS WELL AS A BLACK PERSON,
NOT GONNA SAY -- I'M NOT GONNA
SAY EQUAL, BUT PRETTY GOOD.
>> John: OKAY.
THAT GUY, SITTING IN THAT
OFFICE, SAYING HE UNDERSTANDS
BLACK PEOPLE AS WELL AS ANY
BLACK PERSON ISN'T GREAT.
EVEN IF HE DOES SLIGHTLY WALK IT
BACK BY SAYING, "I'M NOT GONNA
SAY EQUAL, BUT PRETTY GOOD" --
A LEVEL OF NUANCE NOT SEEN SINCE
PLESSY VS. FERGUSON.
THE WHOLE VIDEO IS 35 MINUTES
LONG, AND SHOT IN A SINGLE TAKE,
WITH REAL "NO ONE IN MY FAMILY
WANTS TO LISTEN TO ME ANYMORE
SO THEY SHOWED ME HOW TO USE A
WEBCAM" ENERGY.
AND LOOK, PERUTO IS UNLIKELY TO
WIN.
BUT HE DOES SPEAK TO THE
POST-TRUMP TREND WHERE EXTREME
CARTOONISHNESS ISN'T A
DEAL BREAKER FOR CANDIDATES --
IT'S A SELLING POINT.
TAKE MISSOURI'S MARK McCLOSKEY,
WHO YOU MIGHT REMEMBER
AS THE MAN WHO POINTED A GUN
AT BLACK LIVES MATTER PROTESTERS
WHILE SOMEHOW MAKING
A POLO SHIRT SLUTTY.
WELL, THIS WEEK, HE DECLARED
HIS CANDIDACY FOR SENATE WITH
THIS AD:
>> WHEN THE ANGRY MOB CAME TO
DESTROY MY HOUSE AND KILL MY
FAMILY, I TOOK A STAND AGAINST
THEM.
NOW I'M ASKING FOR THE PRIVILEGE
TO TAKE THAT STAND FOR ALL OF
US.
I WILL NEVER BACK DOWN.
>> John: OKAY.
SETTING ASIDE THE FACT
McCLOSKEY LOOKS LIKE WHAT YOU'D
GET IF SEAN HANNITY FUCKED
A PACKING PEANUT -- "WHEN THE
MOB CAME TO DESTROY MY HOUSE AND
MY FAMILY?"
GET OVER YOURSELF!
THOSE WERE PROTESTERS WALKING
PAST YOUR YARD ON THEIR WAY TO
THE MAYOR'S HOUSE.
NO ONE CARED ABOUT YOU UNTIL
YOU STARTED WAVING GUNS
IN THEIR FACE.
AND SIDE NOTE: IF THERE ARE
NATIONWIDE PROTESTS AGAINST
RACISM AND YOUR FIRST RESPONSE
IS "THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!"
MAYBE THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT SAYS
ABOUT YOU.
AND I'D SAY McCLOSKEY'S WAS
THE MOST RIDICULOUS CAMPAIGN
ANNOUNCEMENT THIS WEEK,
WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT
ANDREW GIULIANI -- SON OF RUDY
-- IS NOW RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR
OF NEW YORK.
AND EVEN FOX NEWS POINTED OUT,
HE'S DOING SO ON THE THINNEST
POSSIBLE RESUME.
>> ONE OF THE THINGS THAT'S
BEING ASKED ABOUT YOU IS IF
YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE
TO TAKE ON THE JOB OF GOVERNOR.
YOU WORKED AT THE TRUMP
WHITE HOUSE FOR FOUR YEARS,
AND WERE A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER
BEFORE THAT.
>> THE TRUTH IS, MARTHA, FROM AN
EXPERIENCE PERSPECTIVE, I MAY BE
35 YEARS OLD, BUT YOU GOTTA
REMEMBER, I SPENT 32 YEARS --
PARTS OF 32 YEARS -- IN POLITICS
AND IN GOVERNMENT.
I'M THE ONLY ANNOUNCED CANDIDATE
THAT ACTUALLY HAS SPENT PARTS OF
FIVE DECADES IN POLITICS.
SO I MAY LOOK YOUNG, BUT I
CERTAINLY FEEL A LOT OLDER.
>> John: OKAY.
THERE IS A LOT TO TAKE APART AND
PUT BACK TOGETHER THERE.
ONE -- DO YOU THINK YOU
LOOK YOUNG?
BECAUSE IF I HAD TO GUESS
YOUR AGE, I'D PUT YOU SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN "UNHEALTHY 45" AND
"LYING ABOUT AN EARLY RETIREMENT
TO AVOID A SEXUAL HARASSMENT
SETTLEMENT BECOMING PUBLIC."
ALSO, WHY WOULD YOU CLAIM TO
HAVE BEEN IN POLITICS SINCE YOU
WERE THREE YEARS OLD?
UNLESS YOU'RE COUNTING BEING
VIOLENTLY HELD BY YOUR FATHER
DURING HIS FAILED 1989 MAYORAL
CAMPAIGN WHILE DRESSED AS
BUSINESS CHUCKY.
ARE YOU COUNTING THAT?
AND EVEN CALLING GIULIANI
A "PROFESSIONAL GOLFER" NEEDS
MORE CONTEXT, BECAUSE HIS CAREER
HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE BEING KICKED
OFF THE DUKE GOLF TEAM FOR BAD
BEHAVIOR LIKE ALLEGEDLY THROWING
AN APPLE INTO ANOTHER PLAYER'S
FACE SO HARD, THE APPLE
EXPLODED, AND THEN APPEARING ON
A GOLF-THEMED REALITY
COMPETITION CALLED "THE BIG
BREAK," WHERE HE WAS CLEARLY
TYPECAST AS
"THE ANNOYING ONE."
>> ANDREW GIULIANI, HE'S TALKY.
THAT'S ALL HE DOES.
I MEAN, HE JUST -- YOU KNOW,
KIND OF TALKING EVERYONE UP,
AND YOU KNOW, BEING ANDREW
PRETTY MUCH.
>> I KNOW HE WAS TALKING A LOT.
>> NICE BALL THERE.
DID THAT HIT THE TREE?
THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
>> I KNOW A FEW GUYS WERE
GETTING IRRITATED, INCLUDING
MYSELF.
>> THAT'S A TREE!
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT
A TREE RIGHT THERE?
>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
>> THAT'S TOTALLY A TREE.
>> I MEAN, HE WOULD TALK TO
THIS -- TO THIS -- TO THIS DOOR
IF IT HAD EARS.
>> HE KNOWS HE TALKS TOO MUCH,
AND WE ALL TELL HIM HE DOES BUT,
IT ALMOST MAKES HIM -- I FEEL
LIKE HE WANTS TO TALK MORE.
>> John: ANDREW GIULIANI IS A
NIGHTMARE.
IMAGINE BEING THE WORST PERSON
ON A GOLF REALITY SHOW.
AND IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE
GIULIANI WINNING THE SUPPORT OF
THE ENTIRE STATE OF NEW YORK
WHEN IT SEEMS HE CAN'T EVEN
WIN THE SUPPORT OF ALL OF THESE
FUTURE ABSENTEE FATHERS.
IN OTHER WORDS, HIS BASE.
AND YES, ANDREW GIULIANI'S
RIDICULOUS.
ALL THESE CANDIDATES ARE
RIDICULOUS.
BUT IF THE LAST FEW YEARS HAVE
TAUGHT US ANYTHING, IT'S THAT
RIDICULOUS PEOPLE CAN END UP
GETTING ELECTED.
JUST THREE YEARS AGO, WE DID A
PIECE ON STATE ATTORNEYS GENERAL
-- AND IN IT, WE HIGHLIGHTED
ANGELA PAXTON, THE WIFE OF
TEXAS'S A.G.
>> John: JUST LISTEN TO HIS
WIFE, PROUDLY DESCRIBING
PAXTON'S LOVE FOR LAWSUITS
IN WHAT APPARENTLY I LEGALLY
HAVE TO CALL "A SONG."
>> ♪ I'M A PISTOL PACKIN'
MAMA ♪
♪ AND MY HUSBAND SUES OBAMA ♪
♪ I'M A PISTOL PACKIN' MAMA, ♪
♪ YES, I AM ♪
>> John: A FEW THINGS YOU CAN
GLEAN FROM THAT CLIP: THAT WOMAN
HAS A GUN, A LITIGIOUS HUSBAND,
AND NO FUTURE IN MUSIC
WHATSOEVER.
AND I HAVE SOMEHOW AGED 30 YEARS
SINCE 2018.
A TRULY UNCOMFORTABLE WATCH
FOR MANY REASONS.
BUT NOT LONG AFTER THAT SEGMENT
AIRED, ANGELA PAXTON WAS ELECTED
TO THE TEXAS STATE SENATE.
THERE SHE IS STANDING BEHIND
GOVERNOR ABBOTT THIS WEEK AS
HE SIGNED TEXAS'S ABORTION BILL.
THE POINT IS, YES, THESE PEOPLE
LOOK LIKE CLOWNS.
THEY ARE CLOWNS.
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER
THAT CLOWNS, WHILE FUNNY, ARE
ALSO FUCKING TERRIFYING.
AND THIS WEEK GAVE US ANOTHER
REMINDER THAT, IF YOU'RE NOT
VERY CAREFUL, YOU CAN WIND UP
WITH A CLOWN CAR FULL OF THEM
MAKING INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT
DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
AND NOW, THIS.
♪ ♪
>> Announcer: AND NOW...
SAN FRANCISCO CITY COUNCIL
MEETINGS PUBLIC COMMENTS ARE A
JOY TO BEHOLD.
>> NOW IT IS TIME FOR PUBLIC
COMMENT.
ARE THERE ANY MEMBERS OF THE
PUBLIC WHO WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS
THIS BOARD?
PLEASE, NO, STEP FORWARD.
[SPEAKING NON-ENGLISH LANGUAGE]
CHEERIOS.
"GOOD MORNING AMERICA."
"THE VIEW."
>> WHAT I SEE HERE ARE A NUMBER
OF REPRESENTATIVES WHO WORSHIP
LUCIFER.
>> TOBACCO IS GREAT AT GETTING
BEDBUGS AWAY FROM HER BED.
PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE THAT.
♪ BOARD OF SUPERVISORS ♪
♪ SOME OF Y'ALL ARE A BUNCH OF
LIARS ♪
>> FEEL BAD FOR THE DISTRICT, NO
SOUP FOR YOU.
>> HE HAS A DICK.
YOU HAVE A VAGINA.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
>> ♪ I STARTED TALKING AND
TAILORED TO SEEING ♪
♪ SAID THE KING TO THE PEOPLE OF
SAN FRANCISCO ♪
♪ EVERYWHERE ♪
♪ AMERICA'S CUP BOATING ♪
>> THANK YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU, MR. PAULSON.
NEXT SPEAKER, PLEASE.
♪ ♪
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
LOCAL NEWS.
THE TRUSTED PLACE PEOPLE GO TO
FIND TRAFFIC, WEATHER, AND HERE
IN NEW YORK, THE SINGLE GREATEST
10 SECONDS OF TELEVISION THIS
CITY HAS EVER PRODUCED.
>> AT 11:00, PAYING MORE AT THE
GROCER BUT GETTING LESS, WE'LL
TELL YOU HOW TO GET THE MOST!
THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
♪ ♪
>> John: PERFECT.
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
THAT IS SUE SIMMONS, BY THE WAY.
SHE SADLY RETIRED IN 2012, AND
HAS BEEN MISSED EVERY DAY SINCE.
BECAUSE IF ANY CITY NEEDS
A NEWS ANCHOR WITH AN ABILITY
TO SAY "THE FUCK ARE YOU
DOING?," IT IS NEW YORK.
WE'VE TALKED ABOUT LOCAL NEWS
A LOT ON THIS SHOW --
PARTICULARLY, REGARDING JUST
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO ANY
COMMUNITY.
WE ARE CONSTANTLY FEATURING
LOCAL NEWS INVESTIGATIONS
IN OUR STORIES.
AND IT ISN'T JUST IMPORTANT
IN A CIVIC SENSE; IT'S A MAJOR
MONEYMAKER FOR STATIONS.
NEXSTAR, ONE OF THE BIGGEST
OWNERS OF LOCAL STATIONS,
SAID THEY EARNED NEARLY HALF
THEIR ADVERTISING REVENUE FROM
SPOTS AIRED DURING LOCAL NEWS
PROGRAMMING.
BUT THE NEED TO BOTH INFORM A
COMMUNITY AND MAKE MONEY HAS
ALWAYS BEEN TRICKY TO RECONCILE
-- AS YOU CAN TELL FROM THIS
1960s CLIP OF BALTIMORE'S
CHANNEL 11 NEWS.
>> IN CHICAGO, TODAY,
A WHITE MOB THREW ROCKS AND
BOTTLES AT CIVIL RIGHTS
DEMONSTRATORS.
THAT STORY AFTER THIS MESSAGE
ABOUT MASH'S HAM.
>> HE'S A LOVER.
NO, NOT THE KIND YOU'RE
THINKING OF.
HE'S A HAM LOVER.
AND ALL HAM LOVERS KNOW THAT
MASH'S HAMS ARE THE BEST YOU
CAN BUY.
>> John: OKAY, THAT IS A VERY
AWKWARD TRANSITION TO HAVE TO
MAKE.
TO GO FROM TEASING A STORY ABOUT
A RACIST MOB WITH A MASH'S HAM
LOGO ON YOUR DESK, TO A MAN WHO
IS -- NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS --
DEFINITELY FUCKING THAT HAM.
WHICH IS ABSURD.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT,
WHEN INSTEAD, YOU COULD BE
FUCKING HONEYSUCKLE WHITE'S
FRESH GROUND TURKEY?
THE ONLY GROUND TURKEY THAT'S
93% LEAN AND 100% FUCKABLE.
GET YOUR FUCK FILL
WITH HONEYSUCKLE.
NOW, CLEARLY, MAINTAINING
JOURNALISTIC INDEPENDENCE
FROM ADVERTISERS IS CRITICALLY
IMPORTANT.
SO IMPORTANT, IN FACT, IT'S
FREQUENTLY REFERRED TO AS THE
"CHURCH-STATE WALL."
AND THE FCC HAS RULES REQUIRING
BROADCAST STATIONS TO ANNOUNCE
WHEN CONTENT HAS BEEN SPONSORED
OR PAID FOR IN ANY WAY.
UNFORTUNATELY, MANY LOCAL
STATIONS HAVE EITHER COMPLETELY
BROKEN THOSE RULES, OR VIOLATED
THE SPIRIT OF THEM, THROUGH
A PRACTICE KNOWN AS
"SPONSORED CONTENT."
IT'S WHERE ADVERTISING IS
BLENDED DIRECTLY INTO THE
BROADCASTS, AND IT'S BOTH
MORE WIDESPREAD, AND HARDER TO
DETECT, THAN YOU MIGHT REALIZE.
SO TONIGHT, LET'S TALK ABOUT
SPONSORED CONTENT.
AND LET'S START WITH THE STUFF
THAT SEEMS ESSENTIALLY HARMLESS:
PEOPLE GETTING PAID TO HAWK
PRODUCTS ON TV.
THERE'S AN INDUSTRY OF LIFESTYLE
EXPERTS THAT DO THIS.
HERE IS ONE OF THEM EXPLAINING
THE PROCESS TO POTENTIAL
CLIENTS.
>> BRANDIGRATION IS WHERE A
BRAND, ITS PRODUCT, AND THE
MESSAGING ARE ALL WORKED
TOGETHER WITHIN THE CONTENT OF
A SHOW IN A PRE-PLANNED MANNER.
WITH SO MANY SHOWS OFFERING
INTEGRATED CONTENT, IT CAN
BE HARD TO CHOOSE.
BUT LET'S START WITH LOCAL,
OKAY?
WE HAVE A METHOD THAT HELPS
ME GET INTERVIEWS IN A SNAP.
>> HI, MICHELLE!
>> HEY THERE, JER-BEAR!
>> HI, MICHELLE!
>> HEY, GIRL, HOW YOU DOING?
>> SEE?
IN AN INSTANT, WE HAVE ACCESS
TO SHOWS ACROSS THE NATION
THAT ARE READY FOR YOUR
CONTENT.
>> John: WOW.
I GOTTA SAY, THAT IS PRETTY
IMPRESSIVE.
THE ONLY PERSON I CAN SUMMON
WITH A SNAP OF MY FINGERS IS
GEORGE CLOONEY.
WATCH.
THERE HE IS.
>> HELLO?
>> John: HEY, GEORGE!
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> UHHH...
I'M DOING FINE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> John: I'M JUST SHOWING PEOPLE
HOW I CAN SUMMON YOU WITH A
SIMPLE SNAP OF MY FINGERS.
>> I'M EATING DINNER.
I GAVE YOU THIS POWER TO USE IN
A LIMITED CAPACITY, JOHN.
>> John: UNDERSTOOD, GEORGE.
BYE!
>> BYE.
>> John: SEE?
THE SYSTEM WORKS!
BUT THE TRUTH IS, MICHELLE
DIDN'T JUST HAVE THE POWER
TO MAKE PEOPLE APPEAR OUT OF
THIN AIR.
SHE ALSO, CRUCIALLY, HAD THE
POWER TO MAKE THEM PLAY ALONG
AS SHE HAWKED HORRIFYING
PRODUCTS LIKE THESE.
>> THESE ARE THE NEW FRENCH'S
CRISPY JALAPENOS.
ONE FUN IDEA IS TO USE IT IN
THIS JALAPENO CHEESEBURGER DIP.
THIS IS SERIOUSLY EVERYTHING
YOU LOVE ABOUT A CHEESEBURGER
IN DIP FORM.
TAKE A LOOK, IS THIS THING
GORGEOUS OR WHAT?
THIS THING HAS JUST HIT
THE PARTY SCENE.
IT'S THE VELVETTA SHELLS AND
CHEESE LIFE SIZE LIQUID GOLD
FOUNTAIN.
>> OKAY, SO, A FEW THINGS I LOVE
ARE DORITOS, MELTED CHEESE
STICKS, AND NACHOS, AND NOW
THERE'S A WAY YOU CAN ENJOY THEM
ALL IN ONE.
THESE ARE DORITOS LOADED.
IT IS A TOTALLY NEW WAY
TO EXPERIENCE DORITOS.
>> THAT'S A REALLY FUN TWIST
ON A SNACK IDEA.
>> ISN'T IT?
>> John: NO!
NO, IT ISN'T!
NOW THAT PRODUCT HAS SINCE BEEN
DISCONTINUED.
PROBABLY BECAUSE IT LOOKS LESS
LIKE A SNACK, AND MORE LIKE
SOMEONE DEEP-FRIED A FIDGET
SPINNER.
AND YOU PROBABLY ASSUMED
MICHELLE WAS GETTING PAID
TO DO THAT.
BUT INTERESTINGLY, THE STATION
WAS ALSO GETTING PAID TO HAVE
HER ON.
AND WHILE THE FCC REQUIRES
SPONSORED CONTENT LIKE THAT
TO BE LABELED, IT HAS NO
REQUIREMENTS FOR EXACTLY HOW
OR FOR HOW LONG.
SO FOR INSTANCE, IN THE CASE OF
DORITOS LOADED, THE DISCLOSURE
CAME AT THE VERY END OF THE
SEGMENT FOR JUST TWO SECONDS.
SO SIX SECONDS TOTAL.
WHICH IS, INCIDENTALLY, ABOUT
THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME DORITOS
LOADED STAY IN YOUR BODY BEFORE
BEING FORCIBLY EJECTED FROM
WHATEVER ORIFICE THEY'RE
CLOSEST TO.
THIS PRACTICE CAN BE SO
LUCRATIVE THAT MANY BIG CHAINS
HAVE NOW SET UP TEMPLATES FOR
LOCAL SHOWS, BUILT AROUND
SPONSORED CONTENT.
SCRIPPS HAS "MORNING BLEND,"
TEGNA HAS "GREAT DAY," NEXSTAR
HAS "DAYTIME," AND SINCLAIR HAS,
I CAN ONLY ASSUME, "THE MUSLIMS
ATTACK AT DAWN."
AND IT'S NOT JUST BRAND EXPERTS
JOINING BY SATELLITE.
SOMETIMES LOCAL BUSINESSES WILL
PAY FOR AN INTERVIEW, WHERE THEY
CAN SCRIPT THE QUESTIONS, AND
MAKE SURE THEY'RE PRESENTED
GLOWINGLY.
TAKE JIM HEAFNER.
UNTIL RECENTLY, HE WAS A
FINANCIAL ADVISER IN CHARLOTTE,
NORTH CAROLINA, WHO WAS ON THE
LOCAL SHOW "MORNING BREAK"
ALL THE TIME, AND WAS ALWAYS
INTRODUCED IN VERY POSITIVE
TERMS.
>> WE HAVE JIM HEAFNER, HE IS A
CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER, THE
PRESIDENT AND CEO OF HEAFNER
FINANCIAL, A BEST-SELLING
AUTHOR, JUST AN ALL-AROUND GREAT
GUY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
BACK HERE.
YOU'RE A REGULAR HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
BACK WITH US.
>> YOU ARE WELCOME.
>> WE LIKE WHEN YOU'RE HERE.
>> WE'RE SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU
BACK BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA HELP
OUR FOLKS GET FINANCIALLY FIT.
>> WELCOME BACK, MR. HEAFNER!
WE LOVE WHEN YOU ARE HERE WITH
US, SIR.
>> THIS MAN KNOWS HIS STUFF.
>> John: THAT LEVEL OF
ENTHUSIASTIC COSIGNING SEEMS
PRETTY CONVINCING UNTIL YOU
REMIND YOURSELF, THE STATION
WAS BEING PAID TO SAY THOSE
THINGS ABOUT HIM.
IT'S THE REASON NO ONE WHO GETS
A BIRTHDAY CAMEO FROM GARY BUSEY
THINKS, "WOW, GARY BUSEY HOPES
I MAKE IT TO 156 YEARS OLD?
HE MUST BE MY BEST FRIEND."
INSTEAD, THEY THINK, "WOW, CRAIG
JUST WASTED $350 GETTING
GARY BUSEY TO WISH ME
A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HE MUST BE MY BEST FRIEND."
AND IT'S WORTH NOTING THAT
HEAFNER AND THE FIRM HE WORKED
NOT ONLY WERE ORDERED TO PLAY
$1 MILLION IN AN ARBITRATION
CASE THAT HE LOST RETIREES'
MONEY COME ABOUT 22 CLAYTON'S
RECENTLY
SEEKING DAMAGES RELATED TO
SUED HIM,
THE LOSS OF $2.7 MILLION OF
THEIR INVESTMENTS, WITH ONE OF
THEM EVEN SAYING HE TRUSTED
HEAFNER BECAUSE HE "BELIEVED
THE LONGEST-RUNNING CHARLOTTE
STATION WOULD INVITE ON
TRUSTED EXPERTS."
AND YEAH!
OF COURSE YOU'D BELIEVE THAT!
PEOPLE TRUST THEIR
LOCAL STATION!
THAT'S THE POINT HERE!
AND IT DOESN'T STOP AT THESE
LOCAL LIFESTYLE SHOWS --
COMPANIES HAVE ALSO BOUGHT THEIR
WAY DIRECTLY INTO LOCAL NEWS
BROADCASTS.
BACK IN 2017, SINCLAIR FACED
A $13.3 MILLION FINE FROM
THE FCC OVER SEGMENTS PROMOTING
THE HUNTSMAN CANCER INSTITUTE,
WHICH WERE BROADCAST MORE THAN
A THOUSAND TIMES ON LOCAL
SINCLAIR STATIONS WITH NO
INDICATION WHATSOEVER THEY
WERE SPONSORED.
SOME OF THESE SEGMENTS AIRED
DURING THE EVENING NEWS,
AND IN HINDSIGHT, THE TONE OF
THE REPORTS WERE SUSPICIOUSLY
UPBEAT.
>> THIS COMPLEX MACHINE IS
ERADICATING CANCER WITHOUT
THE INVASIVE PROCEDURES.
>> FOR PATIENTS LIKE JEFF, THIS
IS WELCOME NEWS.
>> IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
PROSTATE CANCER, THIS IS THE
TIME TO HAVE IT.
>> IN SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH,
MARK KOBEL REPORTING.
>> John: THAT IS A HELL OF A
POSITIVE SPIN: NO TIME LIKE THE
PRESENT TO HAVE PROSTATE CANCER.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
AND DESPITE HOW HE SIGNED OFF,
IS MARK KOBEL ACTUALLY REPORTING
THERE?
BECAUSE, IN RETROSPECT, IT SEEMS
MORE LIKE MARK KOBEL PARROTING
THE ABSURDLY SUNNY CANCER
PROPAGANDA OF HIS BUSINESS
DADDY'S FAVORITE MONEY FRIEND.
BUT I WILL SAY THIS, AT LEAST
THAT'S AN INSTANCE OF
A BROADCASTER ACTING SO
EGREGIOUSLY, THE FCC WAS ABLE
TO TAKE ACTION.
A LOT OF THE TIME, STATIONS ARE
DOING JUST ENOUGH DISCLOSURE
TO STAY THE RIGHT SIDE OF
THE FCC, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
THEY'RE NOT DOING MASSIVE HARM
TO THEIR CREDIBILITY.
BECAUSE EVEN WHEN A SPONSORSHIP
IS PROPERLY DISCLOSED, I'D ARGUE
THERE ARE CERTAIN BUSINESSES
LOCAL STATIONS SHOULD NOT BE
SELLING THEMSELVES OUT FOR.
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO
MEDICINE.
BECAUSE A SURPRISING NUMBER
OF SEGMENTS ON THESE SHOWS ARE
ENTHUSIASTIC, UNCRITICAL
SHOWCASES FOR EXPENSIVE
TREATMENTS OR DEVICES,
FEATURING CLAIMS THAT ARE,
TO PUT IT CHARITABLY,
MEDICALLY DUBIOUS.
LIKE THIS PRODUCT,
WHICH MADE IT ONTO A REGULAR
MORNING NEWSCAST IN UTAH.
>> TODAY, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
A TECHNOLOGY AIMED TO HELP MEN
WITH A SERIOUS ISSUE.
STEPHANIE AND DUSTIN WOLFF,
THE CO-INVENTORS OF THE WORLD'S
FIRST CLINICALLY TESTED HOME USE
SHOCK WAVE DEVICE TO TREAT
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
IT'S CALLED THE ROCKET.
>> THIS IS THE ROCKET.
SO THE ROCKET WORKS ON THE
PRINCIPLE OF LOW-INTENSITY
SOUND WAVE THERAPY, WHICH HAS
ACTUALLY BEEN AROUND IN EUROPE
FOR ABOUT 25 YEARS.
IT'S VERY EFFECTIVE.
IT'S SAFE.
AND IT'S -- THE TECHNOLOGY'S
FDA RECOGNIZED.
>> John: OKAY, FIRST, THAT
VIBRATING TAINT MISSILE LOOKS
UTTERLY TERRIFYING.
AND WHILE IT'S SINCE BEEN
REBRANDED FROM "THE ROCKET" TO
"THE PHOENIX," I'M NOT SURE "PUT
THIS BIRD THAT DESTROYS ITSELF
IN FIRE NEAR YOUR PENIS" IS MUCH
OF AN UPGRADE.
BUT SECOND: WHAT DOES
"FDA RECOGNIZED" EVEN MEAN?
IT DEFINITELY DOESN'T MEAN IT'S
"FDA CLEARED," MUCH LESS
"APPROVED."
AND THE FDA TOLD US THE PHOENIX
IS "REGISTERED" WITH THEM,
AS A THERAPEUTIC MASSAGER,
THOUGH, NOT AS A DEVICE TO TREAT
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
AND AT THIS POINT, I LEGALLY
HAVE TO TELL YOU,
THE MANUFACTURER OF THE PHOENIX
SAYS THEY MAKE NO EXPLICIT
CLAIMS ABOUT TREATING E.D.
WHICH IS A LITTLE ODD, BECAUSE
THEIR OWN WEBSITE CLAIMS THAT
PHOENIX OFFERS PROVEN TECHNOLOGY
TO MAKE YOUR
PENIS HARDER," WHICH THEY
AND YOU CAN COMPLETE THIS
TREATMENT IN YOUR HOME.
WHICH THEY
PRESUMABLY FEEL JUSTIFIES
ITS PRICE TAG OF HOLY SHIT $879.
BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT HERE.
THE POINT IS, IF YOU'RE GOING TO
ALLOW THAT PRODUCT INTO THE BODY
OF YOUR LOCAL NEWSCAST,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO HAVE SOME VERY
POINTED QUESTIONS READY, AND NOT
END THE SEGMENT LIKE THIS.
>> AND OF COURSE IF YOU WANT TO
FIND MORE INFORMATION, WHERE CAN
THEY FIND IT ONLINE, GUYS?
>> THEY CAN GO TO
GetMyRocket.com.
>> THERE YOU GO.
GET THAT HELP YOU NEED FOR
WHATEVER AILMENT YOU'VE GOT
RIGHT HERE.
>> John: YEAH!
USE THE ROCKET FOR WHATEVER
AILMENT YOU'VE GOT!
ESPECIALLY IF THAT AILMENT IS
HAVING 879 TOO MANY DOLLARS.
AND THE THING IS, THAT'S FAR
FROM THE ONLY WEIRD MEDICAL
PRODUCT THAT'S BEEN PRESENTED
UNCRITICALLY DURING SPONSORED
SEGMENTS.
DENVER'S MILE-HIGH LIVING
FEATURED A SPA OWNER PROMOTING
THIS EXCITING NEW TREATMENT:
>> MONA LISA TOUCH IS THE FIRST
FDA-CLEARED LASER TO TREAT
THE VAGINA, AND IN DOING SO,
IT TREATS THE SYMPTOMS OF
VAGINAL ATROPHY.
>> SO THE PROCEDURE ITSELF,
IS IT PAINFUL?
>> NO.
IT'S -- TYPICALLY, WHAT YOU'LL
FEEL ARE MILD VIBRATIONS.
I TEASE, THE NEXT DAY YOU MIGHT
FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A SUNBURNED
VAGINA, BUT IT'S JUST HEALING.
>> John: OH, THAT'S OKAY, THEN.
IT'S JUST YOUR TYPICAL,
EVERYDAY, SUNBURNED VAGINA.
AND ONLY CAUSED BY A LASER.
SO REALLY, JUST YOUR TYPICAL,
EVERYDAY, LASER-ROASTED
GENITALIA.
WHICH IS JUST HEALING.
FROM THE LASER YOU DELIBERATELY
BURNED IT WITH.
IT BEING THE INSIDE
OF YOUR VAGINA.
YOUR RUN-OF-THE-MILL
LASER-CHARRED VAGINA.
AND IF USING A LASER AS A
MEDICAL PSEUDO-DILDO SEEMS LIKE
A SCARY THING TO DO: YOU HAVE
GOOD INSTINCTS.
BECAUSE OVER A YEAR BEFORE THAT
SEGMENT AIRED, THE FDA ISSUED A
SAFETY ALERT, MAKING IT CLEAR
THAT THEY HAVE NOT CLEARED OR
APPROVED FOR MARKETING ANY
ENERGY-BASED DEVICES TO TREAT
VAGINAL ATROPHY, AND APPLYING
ENERGY-BASED THERAPIES TO
THE VAGINA MAY LEAD TO VAGINAL
BURNS, SCARRING, AND RECURRING
OR CHRONIC PAIN.
AND THE PROBLEM IS, SEGMENTS
WITH DICEY MEDICAL CLAIMS ARE
JUST EVERYWHERE.
RECENTLY, THE FDA HAS WARNED
ABOUT THE USE OF UNAPPROVED
STEM CELL THERAPIES,
WHICH THEY SAY CAN BE HARMFUL.
BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT
TO WATCH SOME OF THESE SHOWS.
HERE'S A SEGMENT FROM
"GOOD MORNING TEXAS," FEATURING
A DOCTOR WHO'S BEEN DISCIPLINED
MULTIPLE TIMES BY THE STATE
MEDICAL BOARD FOR SEPARATE
ISSUES, CLAIMING HIS STEM CELL
THERAPY CAN TREAT THINGS LIKE
M.S. AND PARKINSON'S, DESPITE
THE FACT THAT STEM CELLS HAVE
NEVER BEEN APPROVED TO TREAT ANY
NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER.
AND IT'S NOT JUST HIM -- HERE'S
A NATUROPATHIC DOCTOR, MAKING
SIMILARLY BASELESS CLAIMS ON A
STATION IN ARIZONA.
>> SO, WHAT KIND OF CONDITIONS
ARE YOU TREATING WITH THIS?
>> SO, WE TREAT SO MANY
DIFFERENT KINDS OF CONDITIONS.
WE CAN DO IT TO JOINTS,
WE'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF
THAT -- SYSTEMIC THINGS AS WELL.
INCLUDING, WE'VE HAD A PATIENT
WITH CHRON'S DISEASE RECENTLY.
HAD A PATIENT WITH HEART DISEASE
WHO WAS IN SEVERE HEART
FAILURE.
BOTH OF THEM WITHIN A WEEK OF
GETTING THESE STEM CELLS ARE
JUST FEELING GREAT AND IMPROVED
TO ALMOST NORMAL.
>> WOW!
>> John: YEAH, WOW!
INDEED!
THAT CARD SUGGESTED HE CAN TREAT
PARKINSONS, ALZHEIMERS, AUTISM,
M.S. AND ALS.
IT SEEMS THE ONLY THING HIS
STEM CELLS CAN'T DO IS HELP THAT
STATION PROOFREAD THEIR LIST OF
"CONDITIONS CAN STEM CELL
THERAPY BENEFIT."
BECAUSE OTHER THAN THAT,
GOT YOU THEY COVERED HAVE!
AND LOOK, WHILE THERE IS NO WAY
OF KNOWING EXACTLY HOW MANY
PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THESE SHOWS
AS THEY AIR, THAT'S NOT REALLY
THE POINT, AS THIS MARKETING
EXECUTIVE AT NEXSTAR EXPLAINED
TO POTENTIAL ADVERTISERS.
>> NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL.
MOST PEOPLE THINK, "OKAY, SO I
GO ON THE TV SHOW, I'M ON TV,
GREAT, THIS IS AWESOME, AND IT
AIRS AT 4:00, I GO ON, GREAT,
AND PEOPLE SEE ME, OKAY,
SO THIS IS COOL."
I'M GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GO ON AND DO
THAT, THAT ISN'T EVEN THE CAKE.
THAT'S JUST THE ICING.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE CAKE IS?
THE VIDEO FILE.
[LAUGHS]
AT THE END, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A
FOUR OR FIVE MINUTE VIDEO FILE.
AND YOU'RE GONNA DO WHAT WITH
IT?
POST IT EVERYWHERE!
[LAUGHS]
>> John: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL:
WHAT IS THAT MOTION?
THAT IS UNNECESSARILY GROSS.
THIS ISN'T HOW YOU REPRESENT
CAKE AND ICING.
THIS IS HOW YOU BRING A
MASH'S HAM TO ORGASM.
YOU GIVE IT THE OL' WIGGLE AND
SQUEEZE, AND THEN A TWIST AND
A SNAP.
OH, SHIT!
>> WHAT IS IT?
>> John: SORRY, GEORGE.
I'M SORRY.
THAT ONE WAS GENUINELY AN
ACCIDENT.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHOW PEOPLE
HOW TO BRING A MASH'S HAM TO
ORGASM.
>> THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT.
>> John: OH.
I GUESS THAT'S GOOD INFORMATION
TO HAVE.
THE POINT IS, THAT MARKETING
EXECUTIVE IS RIGHT.
THE CAKE IS THE VIDEO FILE,
AND COMPANIES WILL TAKE THAT
VIDEO AND RUN WITH IT.
REMEMBER THAT NATUROPATHIC
DOCTOR WHO CLAIMED STEM CELLS
ARE A TREATMENT FOR ALZHEIMER'S
AND AUTISM?
HERE'S HIS WEBSITE, WHICH
PROUDLY FEATURES THE MANY TIMES
HE WAS GIVEN AN UNCRITICAL
PLATFORM ON TRUSTED LOCAL TV.
AND YOU MIGHT THINK VIEWERS
SHOULD BE SMART ENOUGH TO
APPROACH ANYTHING ON THESE SHOWS
WITH SKEPTICISM.
THE THING IS, THOUGH, MANY OF
THESE STATIONS ALSO SWAP FIGURES
FROM THEIR NEWSROOM TO THEIR
SPONSORED CONTENT SHOWS.
AT ABC4 UTAH, FOR INSTANCE,
SURAE CHINN IS BOTH THE
CHANNEL'S CHIEF MEDICAL
CORRESPONDENT AND A HOST OF
THE SPONSORED CONTENT SHOW
"GOOD THINGS UTAH."
AND IT REALLY DOES FEEL LIKE A
LINE IS GETTING BLURRED THERE.
AND LOOK, IDEALLY, STATIONS
WOULDN'T ENGAGE IN THIS PRACTICE
AT ALL -- OR, AT THE VERY LEAST,
THEIR DISCLOSURES WOULD BE
HARDER FOR VIEWERS TO MISS,
AND THEY'D DO SIGNIFICANTLY
MORE WORK TO MAKE SURE THAT
IF THEY'RE LETTING SOMEONE BUY
THEIR WAY ONTO THEIR CHANNEL,
AND PRESENT SOMETHING AS REAL,
THAT IT'S NOT, IN FACT, TOTAL
NONSENSE.
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, IT'S FAR TOO
EASY TO MAKE A RIDICULOUS
PRODUCT THAT MAKES OUTLANDISH
CLAIMS, AND GET IT ONTO
LOCAL TV.
AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS,
WE DID.
WE STARTED A COMPANY CALLED
VENUS INVENTIONS, AND CREATED
SOMETHING CALLED THE VENUS VEIL.
AN ABSURD MEDICAL PRODUCT BASED
ON TECHNOLOGY THAT ABSOLUTELY
DOES NOT EXIST.
WE SET UP THIS WEBSITE, AND EVEN
HIRED AN ACTRESS TO BRANDIGRATE
THE SHIT OUT OF THE VENUS VEIL,
INTO SHOWS IT HAD NO BUSINESS
BEING ON.
DID IT WORK?
I DUNNO -- YOU TELL ME,
ABC 4 UTAH!
>> I'M SO EXCITED TO TALK WITH
ERICA HERNANDEZ WITH
THE VENUS VEIL, A REVOLUTIONARY
NEW PRODUCT ON THE LINE.
WHAT EXACTLY IS IT?
I'M SO INTRIGUED.
>> I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE
INTRIGUED.
SO THIS IS THE VENUS VEIL.
IT IS THE WORLD'S FIRST
SEXUAL HEALTH BLANKET.
>> John: YEP!
THAT WAS ON ABC 4 LAST FRIDAY.
AND I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU IT WAS
DIFFICULT TO GET IT ON, BUT IT
REALLY WASN'T.
AND REMEMBER, THAT'S THEIR
CHIEF MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT.
AND IT SEEMS STRIKING THAT
SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY FOLLOW-UPS
ON CLAIMS WE MADE ABOUT THE VEIL
THAT YOU'D HOPE A MEDICAL
CORRESPONDENT WOULD IMMEDIATELY
TAKE ISSUE WITH.
>> THE VEIL IS BEING DESIGNED
WITH THE HOPE THAT IT WILL
PRECISELY DRAW OUT THE NATURAL
ALKALINE UNDERCURRENTS OF THE
VAGINA, AND INITIATE A LOW-GRADE
STATE OF WHAT WE CALL
MICRO-DEATH, WHICH SOUNDS
INCREDIBLY SCARY, BUT THAT'S
ACTUALLY JUST RESTARTING THAT
AREA'S NATURAL LIFE CYCLE.
IT'S USING THIS FIELD OF
MAGNETO-GENETICS I WAS TALKING
ABOUT, AND ALSO A TECHNOLOGY
THAT'S BEEN AROUND FOR A REALLY
LONG TIME THAT WAS PIONEERED IN
GERMANY ABOUT 80 YEARS AGO.
SO THIS IS FULL OF CUTTING-EDGE
TECHNOLOGY, BUT IT JUST LOOKS
LIKE A BLANKET.
>> John: YEAH!
IT DOES.
AND THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS.
IT IS JUST A BLANKET.
ALSO, TECHNOLOGY THAT WAS
PIONEERED IN GERMANY ABOUT
80 YEARS AGO?
I WOULD HAVE SOME QUESTIONS
ABOUT THAT PARTICULAR PERIOD
IN GERMAN HISTORY.
AND I KNOW THAT LOOKS BAD.
BUT LET'S BE FAIR HERE,
IT'S JUST AN ISOLATED EXAMPLE.
THERE WAS NO WAY ANOTHER STATION
WAS GOING TO FALL FOR THIS.
RIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY NO WAY.
IS THERE, KVUE AUSTIN?
BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LET US
PAY TO DIRECTLY FOLLOW YOUR
10:00 PM LOCAL NEWS THIS
THURSDAY, WOULD YOU?
THERE'S NO WAY THAT HAPPENED.
>> IT INCLUDES SOME PRETTY
INTERESTING TECHNOLOGY.
>> YES, IT DOES.
SO THE TEAM BEHIND THE VEIL
WAS INSPIRED BY THE FIELD OF
MAGNETO-GENETICS.
BUT BASICALLY, YOUR BLOOD IS
FULL OF IRON, BUT IT'S DISPERSED
IN SUCH A WAY IT ISN'T AFFECTED
BY NORMAL MAGNETS.
SO THE IDEA BEHIND THE VEIL IS
WITH THE RIGHT BLEND OF
PROPRIETARY MAGNETIC FIBERS,
YOU CAN CREATE A SELF-CONTAINED
MAGNETIC FIELD THAT RESTIMULATES
BLOOD FLOW AND GETS YOU FEELING
LIKE YOUR NORMAL SELF AGAIN.
>> VERY INTERESTING.
>> John: IS IT?
IS IT INTERESTING?
OR IS THAT OBVIOUS BULLSHIT THAT
DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
ON IN THE SAME HOUR
AS COVERAGE OF THE CEASE-FIRE
IN THE MIDDLE EAST,
A SHORTAGE OF LIFEGUARDS IN
LOCAL PUBLIC POOLS, AND AN
INVESTIGATIVE PIECE
ON CRIMINAL JUSTICE AND
BAIL REFORM?
ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE
THE OTHERS, AND IT'S DEFINITELY
OUR NAZI-ERA FUCK BLANKET.
BUT SURELY, IF YOU SAW THIS
BLANKET IN PERSON, THEN,
IN A STUDIO,
YOU WOULD KNOW NOT TO
ENTHUSIASTICALLY COSIGN ON
THE COMPLETELY BASELESS CLAIMS
BEING MADE RIGHT IN FRONT
OF YOU.
YOU'D PROTECT YOUR VIEWERS FROM
THAT HAPPENING, WOULDN'T YOU,
DENVER'S "MILE HIGH LIVING?"
>> THIS IS MEANT TO TREAT SEXUAL
CONDITIONS, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE
ARE EMBARRASSED TO TALK ABOUT
THEIR SEXUAL HEALTH, RIGHT?
SO IT WAS DESIGNED TO BE
SOMETHING THAT'S REALLY DISCRETE
AND ALSO REALLY STYLISH SO YOU
CAN HAVE IT IN YOUR HOME AND IT
REALLY -- I MEAN, COULD IT LOOK
LESS LIKE A MEDICAL PRODUCT?
>> YEAH, NO, IT DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW, AGAIN, IT'S ONE OF
THOSE THINGS I THINK A LOT OF
PEOPLE RIGHT NOW ARE LOOKING
TO ENHANCE THEIR LIVES,
BUT THEY ALSO DON'T WANT
ANYTHING TOO INVASIVE.
>> RIGHT, YEAH.
>> SO THIS IS SOMETHING WHERE,
AGAIN, YOU'RE NOT NEEDING A
PRESCRIPTION OR ANYTHING LIKE
THAT AS WELL.
>> YES.
>> WELL, THANK YOU, ERICA.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING IN
TODAY.
WE APPRECIATE IT.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING
ME.
THANKS FOR MAKING IT SO EASY.
THIS WAS GREAT.
>> YEAH, SUPER EASY.
>> John: YEAH!
SUPER EASY!
YOU COULD EVEN ARGUE
"WAY TOO EASY."
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS, NONE OF
THIS WAS NEARLY DIFFICULT ENOUGH
TO GET ONTO TV.
AND IT WASN'T EVEN EXPENSIVE.
THAT COST JUST $2800.
THIS ONE COST $2650.
AND THIS ONE ONLY COST $1750.
IT WAS ALL SHOCKINGLY
AFFORDABLE, AND SADLY, ON SOME
STATIONS, DIDN'T EVEN LOOK THAT
OUT OF PLACE.
AND THAT IS NOT GOOD.
BECAUSE, AS WE'VE SAID FOR
YEARS NOW, THE INTEGRITY OF
LOCAL NEWS IS CRUCIALLY
IMPORTANT.
AND THERE IS REAL HARM FOR
EVERYONE IF THAT INTEGRITY
IS DAMAGED.
SO TO THE OWNERS OF THESE
STATIONS WHO ARE SELLING THEM
OUT AT A DEPRESSINGLY CHEAP
PRICE, I HAVE A SIMPLE QUESTION.
IF I MAY QUOTE THE WORDS OF A
VERY WISE NEWS ANCHOR:
THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE OUR VENUS
VEIL SEGMENTS IN FULL -- THE
WHOLE CAKE, IF YOU WILL -- YOU
CAN GO TO VenusInventions.com.
GOOD NIGHT!
>> ARE THERE ANY SIDE EFFECTS OF
THIS AT ALL?
>> YOU MIGHT FEEL A LITTLE BIT
OF TINGLING BUT WE LIKEN IT TO
WHAT YOU MIGHT FEEL IF YOU ARE
STANDING OVER A REALLY LOUD
SEVERAL OF HAVE A TIGHT