[ROCK MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER!
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR JOINING US!
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
EUROPE SUFFERED A BRUTAL HEAT
WAVE, THERE WERE MASSIVE
EARTHQUAKES IN VENEZUELA,
AND IN D.C., THE GREAT
AMERICAN STATE FAIR OPENED,
WITH ATTRACTIONS INCLUDING
BULL RIDING, A FERRIS WHEEL,
AND A SPEECH FROM DONALD TRUMP,
WHICH ONE FAN IN PARTICULAR
WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT.
>> TODAY WILL BE MY 116TH TRUMP
RALLY.
>> PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT THIS
SHOULDN'T BE A TRUMP RALLY, THAT
THIS SHOULD BE A NON-POLITICAL
EVENT.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF ALL THAT?
>> OH, I THINK WISH THEY WOULD
JUST SHUT UP.
HE'S THE PRESIDENT.
LIKE LAST WEEK, IT WAS THE
PRESIDENT'S BIRTHDAY.
IF HE WANTS TO HAVE SOME
BARE-KNUCKLE BOXING ON THE WHITE
HOUSE LAWN AND PEOPLE KICKING
EACH OTHER IN THE FACES, FINE!
GREAT!
>> John: THAT IS AN INTERESTING
TAKE!
THOUGH I'M NOT SURE HE'S THE
PERSON TO TRUST ON WHETHER OR
NOT TRUMP IS OVERDOING IT, GIVEN
THAT IT SEEMS HE WOKE UP THAT
MORNING, PUT ONE HAT ON HIS HEAD
AND SAID, "NOPE, THAT'S NOT
ENOUGH."
ALSO 116 TRUMP RALLIES?
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE'D BEEN
THAT MANY OF THEM.
I KNOW TRUMP'S BEEN ALIVE FOR
A LONG TIME, BUT NOWADAYS HE'S
MOSTLY ASLEEP AND HAS DOCTOR'S
APPOINTMENTS APPROXIMATELY 450
DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR.
WHERE DOES HE FIND THE TIME?
BUT THE STATE FAIR WASN'T THE
ONLY CENTER OF ATTENTION IN D.C.
THIS WEEK.
BECAUSE NOT FAR FROM IT, ANOTHER
OF TRUMP'S PET PROJECTS
CONTINUED TO UNRAVEL.
>> THE NATION'S REFLECTING POOL
THE SUBJECT OF INTENSE FOCUS IN
PRESIDENT TRUMP'S ONGOING
CAMPAIGN TO REFRESH WASHINGTON
D.C., IS STILL LOOKING MORE
ALGAE GREEN THAN AMERICA BLUE.
>> THERE'S LOTS OF GREEN, AND IT
SMELLS REALLY BAD.
>> John: YEAH.
"THERE'S A LOT OF GREEN
AND IT SMELLS REALLY BAD."
IT'S NEVER A GREAT SIGN WHEN THE
FEEDBACK FOR YOUR NATIONAL
MONUMENT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE
A REVIEW FOR SEX WITH
THE GRINCH.
"GREEN, SMELLY.
GOOD COMMUNICATOR, THOUGH!
THREE STARS."
TRUMP'S RENOVATION OF THE
LINCOLN MEMORIAL REFLECTING POOL
CONTINUES TO BE AN ABSOLUTE
TRAINWRECK.
IT'S BEEN PLAGUED BY
ENORMOUS BLOOMS OF ALGAE
LARGE CHUNKS OF BLUE SEALANT
HAVE BEEN PEELING OFF, AND JUST
THIS WEEK A TRIO OF DEAD DUCKS
WERE DISCOVERED THERE, PROMPTING
A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE CENTER
FOR BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY TO SAY
TRUMP WAS "WASTING TAXPAYER
MONEY TURNING THE REFLECTING
POOL INTO A GIANT DUCK
DEATH TRAP".
WHICH IS CLEARLY AWFUL.
DUCKS SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT GETTING MURDERED BY THE
REFLECTING POOL.
THEY SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT
GETTING SHOT BY A HUNTER,
GETTING EATEN BY A PREDATOR,
OR GETTING TEASED BY ME
FOR HAVING A CORKSCREW-SHAPED
PENIS.
AS WE'VE MENTIONED REPEATEDLY
BEFORE, ALL MALE DUCKS HAVE
THEM, INCLUDING DONALD.
PUT SOME PANTS ON, YOU PERVERT!
AND SHOW SOME DIGNITY.
YOUR NEPHEWS ARE DEAD.
THEY DIED IN THE REFLECTING
POOL, DONALD!
MAY THEIR MEMORY BE A BLESSING.
AND IN RESPONSE TO ALL THIS
TRUMP SHIFTED INTO FULL
BLAME-DEFLECTION MODE THIS WEEK
CLAIMING THERE'D BEEN SABOTAGE
AND RAILING ON SOCIAL MEDIA
AGAINST A QUOTE
"CRAZY PRO-ALGAE --
LIKELY PAID --
PROTESTOR".
WHICH IS FUNNY EVEN BEFORE YOU
REALIZE HE'S REFERRING TO
THIS FRANKLY EXCELLENT FROG.
AS FOR THAT PEELING LINER, TRUMP
OFFERED THIS EXPLANATION.
>> WE HAVE A, I THINK, 290,
300-FOOT SLIT RIGHT THROUGH IT.
PROBABLY A BOX CUTTER OR A KNIFE
OF SOME KIND.
>> NATIONAL GUARD AND POLICE
HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THE MALL.
HOW WOULD THESE VANDALS HAVE
GOTTEN SO CLOSE TO DO SOMETHING
LIKE THAT?
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY PROOF OF
THIS?
>> I MEAN, WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT
OF THEM THEN.
WHO WOULD THINK THAT SOMEBODY
WOULD GO INTO A POOL AND TAKE
A KNIFE AND START CUTTING IT?
>> BUT DO YOU HAVE PROOF OF
THAT?
THAT THEY USED A KNIFE?
DO YOU HAVE PHOTOS OR VIDEOS?
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
WHEN YOU HAVE A 350, I THINK
IT'S 350, NOT 250, A 350-FOOT
SLIT FROM ONE END TO THE OTHER.
YOU THINK THAT'S PROOF?
>> John: NO!
NO I DON'T.
SO, OVER THE COURSE OF A MINUTE,
THAT SLIT GREW FROM 290 TO 300
TO 350 FEET, DEPENDING ON HOW
PRONE TO EXAGGERATION TRUMP FELT
AT ANY GIVEN SECOND.
NOW, EXPERTS HAVE NOTED THE
THE MORE LIKELY EXPLANATION IS
APPARENTLY THAT THE REPAIRS WERE
IT WILL BE CHALLENGING TO CUT APPARENTLY THAT THE REPAIRS WERE
"JUST DONE TOO HASTILY" AND IT
MAY NOT HAVE HELPED THAT, DURING
THEM, TRUMP DROVE OVER THE POOL
IN HIS MOTORCADE.
AND YET, TRUMP KEPT PUSHING THE
"SABOTAGE" CONSPIRACY, AND HIS
SUPPORTERS TRIED TO SELL IT
EVEN WHEN THE EVIDENCE WAS
JUST LAUGHABLY WEAK.
>> WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO
VERIFY THE VIDEO, BUT TAKE
A LOOK.
JUNE 19TH, A MALE, BLUE SHIRT,
REACHES IN, STAYS THERE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
HE GOES BACK DOWN,
COMES BACK UP.
MULTIPLE TIMES.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
THEN A FEMALE, WHITE TOTE BAG.
SHE REACHES IN, NEEDS A BETTER
ANGLE, SETS THE BAG DOWN, DIVES
IN A LITTLE DEEPER.
WE DON'T KNOW WHO
THESE PEOPLE ARE.
NO ONE WAS STOPPED OR QUESTIONED
BY POLICE, SO NO ARRESTS.
AND WE DON'T HAVE THE POLICE
REPORT YET.
BUT WHAT ARE THEY DOING WITH
THEIR HANDS IN THE POOL?
ARE THEY CUTTING THE LINING?
ARE THEY PEELING OFF THE PAINT?
WE DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE
COMMITTING A CRIME.
THEY'LL PROBABLY TELL YOU THEY
DROPPED THEIR WEDDING RING.
>> John: WAIT.
IS THAT THE BEST YOU'VE GOT?
THAT IS PATHETIC!
AS FOR "THEY'LL PROBABLY TELL
YOU THEY DROPPED THEIR WEDDING
RING" -- YEAH, MAYBE THEY DID!
MAYBE THOSE PEOPLE AT THE
REFLECTING POOL DROPPED THEIR
WEDDING RING AFTER LEAVING THEIR
WIFE FOR A 25-YEAR-OLD COWORKER.
JESSE WOULD KNOW WHAT THAT'S
LIKE!
IT'S ACTUALLY ONE OF MANY FUN
FACTS YOU CAN LEARN ON HIS
WIKIPEDIA PAGE, ALONG WITH
"IN NOVEMBER 2024, WATTERS
STATED HE HAD NOT BEEN INVITED
TO HIS MOTHER'S HOME FOR
THANKSGIVING."
AND I DO NOT BLAME HIS MOM
FOR THAT.
SHE'S A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST
AND SHE TRIED HER BEST.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST
GET ONE THAT SUCKS.
THOUGH IT DOES NOW MAKES MUCH
MORE SENSE THAT JESSE WILL
HUMILIATE HIMSELF PURSUING THE
APPROVAL OF A WITHHOLDING
PARENTAL FIGURE
THAT'LL SIMPLY NEVER COME.
AND SADLY, HE'LL DIE STARVING
FOR IT WHILE HIS MOM SPENDS
THANKSGIVING IN A WARM HOME
SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE SHE LOVES.
IT'S BASICALLY A CHRISTMAS CAROL
IF SCROOGE HAD IGNORED ALL THE
GHOSTS, EVEN THOUGH ONE WAS
LITERALLY HIS MOM.
MEANWHILE THE ADMINISTRATION'S
BEEN TRYING TO FIX THINGS BY
PUMPING OUT THE ALGAE AND
POURING IN JUGS OF HYDROGEN
PEROXIDE.
BUT IT IS NOW AT THE POINT WHERE
THE NATIONAL GUARD HAVE
STEPPED UP PATROLS OF THE AREA,
AND FENCING HAS BEEN PUT UP
AROUND THE POOL.
IN FACT, WHEN YOU GOOGLE IT NOW
YOU'LL FIND THIS LABEL SAYING
IT IS "TEMPORARILY CLOSED"
LIKE IT'S A CHIPOTLE
THAT THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT
SHUT DOWN AFTER FINDING
A DEAD MOUSE IN THE GUAC.
AND THE ADMINISTRATION IS STILL
REFUSING TO QUESTION WHETHER ANY
OF THIS MIGHT'VE BEEN THE FAULT
OF THE COMPANIES THEY GAVE
CONTRACTS TO -- A HIRING PROCESS
THAT ITSELF NOW SEEMS PRETTY
QUESTIONABLE.
>> REPAIRS ARE ADDING TO THE
ALREADY OVER-BUDGET PROJECT
TOTALING MORE THAN $16 MILLION
AFTER A PAIR OF NO-BID
CONTRACTS.
>> ONE OF THOSE COMPANIES?
GREEN WATER SERVICES.
THE WHITE HOUSE DENIED ANY ROLE
IN THE COMPANY'S HIRING.
BUT LAST YEAR, GREENWATER DID
WORK AT MR. TRUMP'S BEDMINSTER
GOLF CLUB.
THE COMPANY IS OWNED BY A TRUST
RUN BY REPUBLICAN DONOR
JOHN CAFARO.
>> John: LOOK.
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN PEOPLE SAY "DOESN'T TRUMP
MAKE YOUR JOB AS A COMEDIAN
EASIER?"
THIS IS WHY THE ANSWER IS
ACTUALLY NO.
BECAUSE HOW CAN I MAKE THAT
FUNNIER THAN IT ALREADY IS?
THEY GAVE THE POOL JOB TO A
TRUMP CRONY WHOSE COMPANY IS
LITERALLY CALLED "GREEN WATER"
AND WHO LOOKS LIKE HE MANAGES
THE UNDERTAKER.
COME ON!
NO LIVING PERSON LOOKS LIKE
THIS!
HE LOOKS LIKE THE RESPONSE TO AN
AI PROMPT OF, "WHAT IF THE
CONCEPT OF RACKETEERING
WAS A PERSON?"
AND EVEN THAT IS BARELY A JOKE
GIVEN THAT MAN ACTUALLY WAS
CONVICTED OF CONSPIRACY TO BRIBE
A CONGRESSMAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GIVE UP.
MUCH LIKE DONALD TRUMP WHEN
"THE ART OF THE DEAL" WAS BEING
WRITTEN, I AM SIMPLY NOT
CONTRIBUTING.
ANYWAY, I KNOW THIS IS FAR FROM
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
HAPPENING IN AMERICA RIGHT NOW,
BUT IT IS STRIKING THAT, EVEN AS
THIS COUNTRY CELEBRATES TURNING
250, ITS CAPITOL CITY IS DEALING
WITH A LITERAL SWAMP OF
CORRUPTION, THERE ARE DEAD DUCKS
TO
IN THE LINCOLN REFLECTING POOL,
AND PEOPLE ARE KICKING
EACH OTHER IN THE FACE
ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN.
THE SYMBOLISM HERE IS PRETTY
HARD TO MISS.
IN FACT, AS METAPHORS FOR THE
CURRENT STATE OF THINGS IN
AMERICA GO, ALL OF THAT IS --
MUCH LIKE THE SARTORIAL SENSE OF
THE PRESIDENT'S BIGGEST FAN --
A HAT ON A FUCKING HAT.
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW THE
DELIGHTFUL REPORT OF JEREMY RAVE
AND TOM.
>> WELCOME.
I AM JEREMY RAVE.
>> I AM TOM TURTON.
>> YOU ARE.
>> I AM AND I HAVE BEEN FOR A
WHILE.
YOU ARE FLASHING TODAY IN
COLORFUL.
>> HERE'S THE THING.
GUESS WHAT.
SATURDAY IS VALENTINE'S DAY.
>> IT IS?
>> FIVE PEOPLE WHOSE FIRST NAMES
SHARE A FIRST NAME AND IT
CREATES A NEW PERSON.
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
>> NO BUT I'LL JUMP IN.
>> IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE SOME
CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS.
I DID NOT CHEAT TODAY.
DID YOU?
>> I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE WERE
DOING IT.
>> OKAY IT'S TIME FOR A ROUND OF
WOULD YOU RATHER?
>> I'D RATHER NOT.
>> OKAY.
GO TO BREAK.
>> MY PLANTS HAVE NOT RECOVERED
FROM THE COLD SNAP WE HAD LAST
WEEK.
THEY LOOK TERRIBLE.
I'M REALLY WORRIED.
>> HAVE YOU GOT BAD PLANTS.
>> I LOVE SCHMIGADOON.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE TV SHOW?
DID YOU SEE THE MOVIE "BARBIE"
WITH MARCO ROBBIE GUEST SPEAKER
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> I HAVE NO ARGUMENT.
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
VOTING.
IT'S THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO GET
A FREE PEN FROM A WOMAN
BORN IN 1904.
VOTING'S ALSO THE SUBJECT OF
THIS BONKERS EARLY '90s PSA.
>> ART IS NOT PRODUCED
IN A VACUUM.
BEAUTY CANNOT BE REGULATED BY
THE STATE.
MUSIC IS A REFLECTION OF OUR
CULTURE.
TODAY OUR OWN GOVERNMENT IS
TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU
SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T PUT IN YOUR
TAPE DECK.
BUT THERE IS A WAY OUT OF THE
VACUUM.
GET TO THE POLLS ON NOVEMBER 6TH
AND EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT.
>> IT'S YOUR TURN TO SPEAK.
YOUR VOTE IS YOUR VOICE.
>> John: WHAT!
OKAY, SETTING ASIDE THE FACT
THAT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN
DIRECTED BY A DEPRESSED DANISH
TEENAGER, THAT'S MAYBE THE MOST
EARLY '90s THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
YOU'RE GOT SJP
AND ROBERT DOWNEY JR. WHO --
FUN FACT -- WERE A COUPLE
FOR SEVEN YEARS.
AND YOU'VE GOT THE SULLEN
MENTION OF A "TAPE DECK",
WHICH IS BASICALLY LIKE AN
iPOD BUT FROM THE CIVIL WAR.
I'M GENUINELY NOT SURE YOU COULD
GET MORE '90s UNLESS THEY BOTH
THREW ON GRETZKY JERSEYS AND
INVADED IRAQI-OCCUPIED KUWAIT.
SPECIFICALLY, THIS STORY
CONCERNS THE FACT THAT -- WHILE
MIDTERM ELECTIONS ARE STILL FOUR
MONTHS AWAY -- SOME OF THE
BIGGEST DECISIONS THAT MAY
DECIDE THE RESULTS HAVE ACTUALLY
ALREADY TAKEN PLACE.
AND THAT'S THANKS TO A
REDISTRICTING FIGHT THAT'S BEEN
RAGING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
>> REPUBLICANS IN TEXAS
CURRENTLY HOLD 25 OF THE STATE'S
38 CONGRESSIONAL SEATS.
THE NEW MAP UPS THE TOTAL THEY
COULD WIN TO 30.
>> CALIFORNIA VOTERS HAVE
APPROVED PROPOSITION 50
REDRAWING CONGRESSIONAL
DISTRICTS IN A WAY THAT COULD
COST REPUBLICANS FIVE SEATS NEXT
YEAR.
>> THE MISSOURI SENATE HAS
PASSED A TRUMP-BACKED
CONGRESSIONAL MAP INTENDED TO
HELP REPUBLICANS ADD AN
ADDITIONAL U.S. HOUSE SEAT.
>> THE LOUISIANA STATE HOUSE HAS
ADVANCED AN UPDATED
CONGRESSIONAL MAP THAT IS
EXPECTED TO REMOVE AT LEAST ONE
DEMOCRAT-LEANING DISTRICT.
>> John: THAT'S RIGHT.
TONIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO BE
TALKING ABOUT CONGRESSIONAL MAPS
REALLY SOLIDIFYING THIS AS THE
ONLY COMEDY SHOW ON TV YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE STUDIED
MORE FOR.
BUT LOOK, THAT IS WHAT YOU GET
WHEN YOU TUNE IN TO
"'YES, UNFORTUNATELY, THIS WILL
BE ON THE TEST' WITH AUSTIN
DOWNERS."
THE POINT IS, FOR THE PAST YEAR
REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS HAVE
BEEN AT WAR OVER CONGRESSIONAL
MAPS, WITH GOVERNORS, STATE
LAWMAKERS, AND ESPECIALLY
THE SUPREME COURT PLAYING KEY
ROLES.
IN FACT, IT'S BEEN PREDICTED
THAT, THANKS TO THIS LATEST
BATCH OF REDISTRICTING
REPUBLICANS COULD GAIN BETWEEN
3 TO 12 MORE SEATS IN CONGRESS
THAN THEY'D OTHERWISE HAVE DONE
WHICH IS SIGNIFICANT, AS --
REMEMBER -- THE LAST ELECTION
GAVE THEM JUST A FIVE-SEAT
MAJORITY.
AND GIVEN SO MANY OF THESE
FIGHTS CENTER ON BREAKING UP
MAJORITY-BLACK DISTRICTS, PEOPLE
IN THEM ARE UNDERSTANDABLY
FURIOUS.
>> CHAOS AT THE TENNESSEE
CAPITOL IN NASHVILLE THURSDAY AS
DEMOCRATIC LAWMAKERS AND
PROTESTERS TRIED TO STOP
LEGISLATION BREAKING UP THE
STATE'S ONLY DEMOCRATIC HOUSE
SEAT.
YELLING, HOLDING SIGNS, CALLING
THE MOVE "JIM CROW 2.0," EVEN
BURNING A PRINTOUT OF THE
CONFEDERATE FLAG.
>> John: YEAH, BURNING A
PRINTOUT OF A CONFEDERATE FLAG
IS A PRETTY POWERFUL RESPONSE
THERE.
IT EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATES
TWO THINGS:
ONE, WE WON'T STAND FOR RIGHTS
BEING STRIPPED AWAY, AND TWO,
I'M MAD ENOUGH TO PUT UP WITH
SOME PRETTY WEIRD LOOKS FROM A
STAPLES EMPLOYEE WHEN WE PRINTED
THIS OUT.
AND IF YOU'VE BEEN SEEING SCENES
LIKE THAT AND WONDERING HOW WE
GOT TO THIS POINT, TONIGHT, WE
THOUGHT WE'D TRY AND EXPLAIN
THE CURRENT REDISTRICTING
BATTLES.
SPECIFICALLY, HOW DAMAGING THEY
COULD BE, AND WHAT COULD BE DONE
GOING FORWARD.
AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT
THAT REDISTRICTING, IN AND OF
ITSELF, IS NOT A BAD THING.
POPULATIONS AREN'T STATIC, AND
DISTRICT LINES SHOULD ACCOUNT
FOR THAT.
BUT THE THING IS, EXACTLY HOW
AND WHERE YOU DRAW THEM MATTERS
A LOT BECAUSE, AS WE'VE
DISCUSSED BEFORE, YOU CAN PUT A
HEAVY THUMB ON THE SCALE OF WHO
GETS ELECTED.
>> IMAGINE A HYPOTHETICAL STATE
WITH A POPULATION OF 25 PEOPLE.
10 BELONG TO ONE PARTY, 15
BELONG TO THE OTHER.
NOW LET'S SAY THEY GET TO SEND
FIVE REPRESENTATIVES TO CONGRESS
DRAW THE LINES HORIZONTALLY, YOU
GET PROPORTIONAL REPRESENTATION.
TWO REPS FROM THE GRAY PARTY AND
THREE FROM THE WHITE, BUT DRAW
THE DISTRICT LINES VERTICALLY
AND THE GRAY PARTY WOULD GET
NONE BECAUSE THE WHITE PARTY
WOULD HAVE A MAJORITY
IN EVERY DISTRICT.
>> John: EXACTLY.
DEPENDING ON HOW YOU DRAW THE
LINES, YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF
A MAJOR ADVANTAGE.
AND WHILE I DO APPRECIATE THE
DIAGRAM THERE, THERE'S NO NEED
TO "IMAGINE A HYPOTHETICAL STATE
WITH 25 PEOPLE", THAT'S JUST
WYOMING.
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WYOMING.
THAT PRACTICE OF MANIPULATING
MAPS TO GET THE OUTCOME YOU WANT
IS KNOWN AS GERRYMANDERING
AND IT'S BEEN A PROBLEM IN THE
U.S. FOR CENTURIES.
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW: MOST OF THE
WORLD DOESN'T LET ITS
POLITICIANS DO THAT AND FOR
VERY GOOD REASON, AS THIS
PROFESSOR EXPLAINS.
>> EVERY FALL, I SPEAK TO FIVE
OR SIX MEMBERS OF THE BRITISH
PARLIAMENT THAT COME OVER TO
SHADOW MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, AND
ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE TO
EXPLAIN TO THEM IS "HERE'S HOW
YOU GET ELECTED TO THE HOUSE."
I SEE THESE SHOCKED LOOKS ON
THESE BRITISH FACES AND ONE TIME
ONE STOOD UP AND SAID "WELL,
THAT'S TERRIBLE!
THAT'S NOT THE VOTERS CHOOSING
THEIR REPRESENTATIVES, THAT'S
THE REPRESENTATIVES CHOOSING
THEIR VOTERS!
>> John: HEY, HEY!
STOP IT.
IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO DO
THAT VOICE.
IT'S NOT OKAY FOR YOU TO DO IT.
ALSO, AS AN AMERICAN, I DO THINK
YOU'D HAVE BEEN WITHIN YOUR
RIGHTS TO SAY TO THOSE BRITISH
POLITICIANS, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR SHIT ABOUT
HOW MAPS SHOULD BE DRAWN FROM
ANYONE FROM GREAT BRITAIN.'"
WHICH, BY THE WAY, I'M PRETTY
SURE IS A DIRECT GHANDI QUOTE.
THE POINT IS, IN MANY STATES
THE WAY WE DRAW DISTRICTS IS
DEEPLY FLAWED.
AND EVEN BEFORE THE PAST YEAR,
THE SUPREME COURT HAD MANAGED TO
MAKE IT EVEN WORSE.
FOR INSTANCE, IT USED TO BE THAT
REDISTRICTING WAS ONLY DONE ONCE
A DECADE, AFTER THE CENSUS, BUT
IN 2006, THE COURT RULED STATES
CAN DO IT AS MANY TIMES AS
THEY WANT.
THEN IN 2013, THEY EFFECTIVELY
TOSSED OUT A REQUIREMENT THAT
AREAS WITH A HISTORY OF
DISCRIMINATION GET
"PRECLEARANCE" BEFORE REDRAWING
MAPS.
AND IN 2019, THEY RULED THAT
FEDERAL COURTS COULDN'T STOP
STATES FROM DRAWING LINES
ON A PARTISAN BASIS.
SO IF, IN THE HELPFUL FRAMING OF
THAT CLIP FROM EARLIER, THE
WHITE PARTY WANTED TO DRAW LINES
IN A WAY THAT'D
TAKES LEAD SOMEWHERE FROM THE
NON WHITE PARTY AND THERE WAS NO
STATE LAW PREVENTING IT
THE ONLY THING STOPPING THEM
WOULD BE THEIR OWN SENSE OF
SHAME.
ALL OF WHICH LEADS US TO LAST
SUMMER, WHEN ONE OF THE MOST
SHAMELESS PRESIDENTS IN U.S.
HISTORY MADE A PRETTY BOLD
REQUEST OF TEXAS TO REDRAW THEIR
MAPS.
AND HE WAS NOT SHY ABOUT WHY HE
WAS ASKING.
>> ON TEXAS, HOW MANY MORE SEATS
DO YOU WANT THE REPUBLICANS TO
DRAW?
>> I THINK WE GET FIVE.
AND THERE COULD BE SOME OTHER
STATES.
WE'RE GONNA GET ANOTHER THREE OR
FOUR OR FIVE IN ADDITION.
TEXAS WOULD BE THE BIGGEST ONE.
AND THAT'LL BE FIVE.
>> ARE YOU CALLING THEN FOR A
COMPLETE REDRAWING OF THE
CONGRESSIONAL MAP?
>> NO, NO.
JUST A VERY SIMPLE REDRAWING.
WE PICK UP FIVE SEATS.
>> John: YEAH.
THAT'S PRETTY DIRECT.
HE ORDERED FIVE MORE REPUBLICAN
SEATS FROM GOVERNOR GREG ABBOTT.
AND AS A RESULT, IN AUGUST
ABBOTT SIGNED A NEW
CONGRESSIONAL MAP INTO LAW
DESIGNED TO DO EXACTLY THAT.
SO, BASICALLY
TRUMP DEMANDED MORE SEATS,
AND HE GOT THEM.
WHICH I KNOW SOUNDS LIKE THE
ANSWER TO THE QUESTION
"WHY IS JEFFREY EPSTEIN'S PLANE
SO FULL?"
BUT IT'S ALSO TRUE HERE.
AND IN THE WAKE OF TEXAS'S
REDISTRICTING, DEMOCRATIC
LEADERS FOR ONCE ACTUALLY
HIT BACK HARD.
IN FACT, CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR
GAVIN NEWSOM ANNOUNCED A BALLOT
MEASURE TO IMPLEMENT NEW MAPS
THAT'D GIVE DEMOCRATS UP TO
FIVE MORE SEATS, ESSENTIALLY
OFFSETTING WHAT TEXAS HAD DONE.
HERE HE IS MAKING HIS PITCH.
>> IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO JUST
HOLD HANDS, HAVE A CANDLE LIGHT
VIGIL, AND TALK ABOUT THE WAY
THE WORLD SHOULD BE.
WE HAVE GOT TO RECOGNIZE THE
CARDS THAT HAVE BEEN DEALT.
AND WE HAVE GOT TO MEET FIRE
WITH FIRE.
>> John: HE'S RIGHT, AND NOW
UNFORTUNATELY, I FIND MYSELF IN
THE UNPLEASANT POSITION OF
HAVING TO ADMIT THAT GAVIN
NEWSOM IS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING.
BECAUSE TO BE CLEAR, I'M NOT A
HUGE FAN OF THAT MAN, FOR MANY
REASONS, FROM HIS GENERAL
"ANDREW CUOMO BUT CALIFORNIA"
VIBES TO THE FACT HE
VETOED A BILL TO LIMIT SOLITARY
CONFINEMENT, TO HIS RESPONDING
TO BOOK BANS BY POSTING
THIS PHOTO OF HIMSELF READING
PAGE 0.5 OF "BELOVED," WITH THE
CAPTION "READING SOME BANNED
BOOKS TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THESE
STATES ARE SO AFRAID OF."
FEATURING THE MOST
ORCHESTRATED-BY-A-PUBLICIST
STACK OF BOOKS I HAVE EVER SEEN.
FROM
"MAKE SURE '1984' IS PEEKING OUT
FROM UNDER 'TO KILL A
MOCKINGBIRD,' BUT NOT TOO MUCH.
THAT WOULDN'T SEEM ORGANIC.
OH, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT.
PLEASE MAKE SURE
GENDER QUEER IS BARELY
VISIBLE."
AND LOOK, WHILE I DON'T LOVE
THE LOGIC OF, "TEXAS
DISENFRANCHISED A BUNCH OF
DEMOCRATIC VOTERS, SO IN
RESPONSE, WE'RE GOING TO
DISENFRANCHISE A BUNCH OF
CALIFORNIA REPUBLICANS," I DO
ALSO GET THAT THE ONLY REAL
ALTERNATIVE WAS TO "WHINE ABOUT
FAIRNESS AND THEN LOSE."
AND APPARENTLY, A LOT OF
CALIFORNIANS AGREED, BECAUSE
NEWSOM'S PROPOSITION
PASSED EASILY.
BUT THE THING IS, BY THE TIME
THAT HAPPENED, MORE RED STATES
HAD ENTERED THE FRAY.
MISSOURI PASSED NEW
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT
BOUNDARIES IN SEPTEMBER --
LIKELY GIVING REPUBLICANS ONE
MORE SEAT -- AND NORTH CAROLINA
DID THE SAME IN OCTOBER.
SO IN RESPONSE, DEMOCRATS IN
VIRGINIA PUT A REFERENDUM TO
VOTERS THERE THAT'D ALLOW THEM
TO DO A PARTICULARLY AGGRESSIVE
GERRYMANDER THAT'D POTENTIALLY
GIVE THEM TEN SEATS,
TO REPUBLICANS' ONE.
>> TO MAKE THE MAP MORE BLUE
DEMOCRATS WOULD CARVE UP DEEP
BLUE FAIRFAX COUNTY.
WHERE I'M STANDING WOULD BE THE
INTERSECTION OF THREE
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICTS, SO THAT
THE APARTMENT BUILDINGS OVER
HERE WOULD BE IN ONE
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT.
THOSE OVER THERE WOULD BE IN A
SECOND, AND THEN RIGHT OVER HERE
THESE FOLKS WOULD BE IN A THIRD
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT.
IF YOU DROVE JUST A SHORT
DISTANCE AWAY, YOU WOULD FIND A
FOURTH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT
AND THEN A FIFTH.
THAT'S LED TO A NEW REPUBLICAN
CATCHPHRASE, "DON'T FAIRFAX ME,"
POPPING UP.
COUNTERING THAT, "TEXAS STARTED
IT" BUMPER STICKERS.
>> John: NOW,
THAT IS OBVIOUSLY VERY PETTY.
BUT ALSO AS A SLOGAN,
"DON'T FAIRFAX ME" IS JUST
NONSENSE.
IS IT THE WORST ONE I'VE EVER
HEARD?
NO, BECAUSE THAT'D BE
DOMINO'S NEW SLOGAN
YOU CAN'T SAY "'DOMINO'S"
WITHOUT SAYING "MMM."
ALTHOUGH I'LL POINT OUT:
YOU ALSO CAN'T SAY DOMINO'S
WITHOUT SAYING "NO", WHICH FEELS
MUCH MORE RELEVANT TO ME.
NOW, THE GOOD NEWS FOR DEMOCRATS
IS VIRGINIA'S REFERENDUM PASSED
IN APRIL.
AND AT THAT POINT, THEY'D
BASICALLY FOUGHT REPUBLICANS TO
A DRAW WITH HAKEEM JEFFRIES
EVEN PROMISING "MAXIMUM WARFARE"
IF REPUBLICANS CONTINUED TO
REDISTRICT.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, SOON AFTER
EVERYTHING FELL APART.
BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID
VIRGINIA'S STATE SUPREME COURT
WIND UP INVALIDATING THAT
REFERENDUM ON TECHNICALITIES
JUST A WEEK EARLIER, THE SUPREME
COURT HANDED REPUBLICANS THIS
MASSIVE GIFT.
>> THE SUPREME COURT ESCALATING
AN INTENSE BACK AND FORTH BATTLE
FOR CONTROL OF CONGRESS, WITH A
LANDMARK RULING THAT'S ALREADY
AFFECTING SOME ELECTIONS.
THE COURT'S CONSERVATIVE
MAJORITY RULING 6-3 THAT
LOUISIANA'S CURRENT
CONGRESSIONAL MAP, WITH TWO
MAJORITY AFRICAN-AMERICAN
DISTRICTS IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
DEMOCRATS BLASTING THE RULING
ARGUING IT WEAKENS A KEY
PROVISION OF THE VOTING RIGHTS
ACT, AIMED AT PROHIBITING
DISCRIMINATION THE BASIS OF
RACE.
ADDING THAT OTHER MAJORITY BLACK
DISTRICTS ARE NOW VULNERABLE TO
BEING ERASED.
>> John: YEP, FROM THE SIX
JUSTICES WHO BROUGHT YOU
SUCH BANGER DECISIONS AS "THE
PRESIDENT IS UNTOUCHABLE", "YOUR
UTERUS IS OUR LEGAL PROPERTY"
AND "OOPS! ALL SMOG"
CAME A BRAND NEW DECISION
ON VOTING RIGHTS.
VERY BASICALLY, UNDER THE VOTING
RIGHTS ACT, MINORITY VOTERS
COULD PREVIOUSLY CHALLENGE A MAP
IF IT DILUTED MINORITY
REPRESENTATION IN THEIR STATE
REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THAT WAS
THE INTENTION.
IT WAS TO COMPLY WITH THAT LAW
THAT LOUISIANA DREW A MAP THAT
CONTAINED TWO MAJORITY-BLACK
CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICTS.
BUT IN THAT SUPREME COURT CASE
A GROUP OF 12 SELF-DESCRIBED
"NON-AFRICAN AMERICAN" VOTERS
CLAIMED THAT THEIR "PERSONAL
DIGNITY" HAD BEEN INJURED BY THE
MAP, WHICH THEY SAID
RACIALLY STIGMATIZED
STEREOTYPED, AND MALIGNED THEM.
AND WHILE I DO APPRECIATE THEM
SPECIFYING THEY WERE
"NON-AFRICAN AMERICAN", HONEY
THAT WAS ALREADY CLEAR.
"THIS MAP HURT MY FEELINGS AND I
WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER"
MORE THAN COVERED IT.
YET THE COURT SIDED WITH THEM
WITH ALITO WRITING THAT GOING
FORWARD, ANYONE CHALLENGING A
MAP COULD ONLY PREVAIL IF THEY
HAD STRONG EVIDENCE
THE STATE INTENTIONALLY DREW
ITS DISTRICTS TO AFFORD MINORITY
VOTERS LESS OPPORTUNITY BECAUSE
OF THEIR RACE.
BASICALLY, UNLESS STATE
LAWMAKERS WERE SHOUTING OUT
SLURS WHILE DRAWING THE LINES
THEY WERE IN THE CLEAR.
AND BY ISSUING THAT RULING, THE
COURT IMMEDIATELY SET OFF A NEW
LIGHTNING ROUND OF
GERRYMANDERING.
BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH LOUISIANA
HAD ALREADY RECEIVED
MORE THAN 40,000 ABSENTEE
BALLOTS FOR ITS CONGRESSIONAL
PRIMARIES, THEIR GOVERNOR
QUICKLY DECLARED
A STATE OF EMERGENCY AND
SUSPENDED THE ELECTION SO NEW
MAPS COULD BE DRAWN.
AND UNSURPRISINGLY, THOSE MAPS
THEN ELIMINATED ONE OF
LOUISIANA'S TWO MAJORITY-BLACK
DISTRICTS.
SO RIGHT NOW, ONLY ONE OF THE
STATE'S SIX DISTRICTS IS
MAJORITY BLACK, DESPITE THE FACT
ITS POPULATION IS ABOUT
ONE-THIRD BLACK.
NOW, UNDERSTANDABLY, MANY VOTERS
THERE WERE UPSET ABOUT THIS, BUT
WHEN LOUISIANA'S GOVERNOR WAS
ASKED ABOUT THAT, HE SEEMED
PERSONALLY OFFENDED.
>> I THINK A LOT OF AFRICAN
AMERICAN VOTERS IN THIS STATE
MIGHT SAY THEY NEED THAT
PROTECTION WHEN IT COMES TO THE
BALLOT BOX.
>> WELL, I MEAN, NOW WE, I MEAN
WE'D GO BACK TO MARTIN LUTHER
KING, RIGHT?
JUDGE A PERSON BASED UPON THE
CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER
RATHER THAN THE COLOR OF THEIR
SKIN.
>> John: WOW.
THAT IS POWERFUL STUFF, LANDRY.
YOU KNOW, THAT ACTUALLY REMINDS
ME OF ANOTHER MARTIN LUTHER KING
QUOTE WHEN HE SAID
"HEY, CAN WHITE PEOPLE PLEASE
LEARN MORE THAN TWO OF MY
FUCKING QUOTES?"
BUT FOR THE RECORD, HISTORY
SHOWS THAT WITHOUT
MAJORITY-BLACK DISTRICTS, BLACK
CANDIDATES IN LOUISIANA HAVE
BASICALLY NO CHANCE OF GETTING
ELECTED.
IN FACT, LOUISIANA, MISSISSIPPI,
AND ALABAMA HAVE NEVER ELECTED
A BLACK REPRESENTATIVE OUTSIDE
A MAJORITY-BLACK DISTRICT --
AND NO BLACK CANDIDATE HAS BEEN
ELECTED TO STATEWIDE OFFICE IN
LOUISIANA SINCE RECONSTRUCTION.
AND TO HER CREDIT, LANDRY'S
INTERVIEWER ACTUALLY PRESSED HIM
ON THAT POINT.
>> BLACK VOTERS IN LOUISIANA
HAVE TOLD ME THAT THEY FEEL LIKE
IT'S TRUE SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE
YOU WHO HAS NOT LIVED THEIR
EXPERIENCE DOES NOT ADDRESS
THEIR CONCERNS AS WELL AS
SOMEONE WHO HAS LIVED THEIR
EXPERIENCE.
>> WELL, HOW IS IT THAT A LITTLE
COUNTRY BOY WHO GREW UP IN A
TOWN THAT WAS PRIMARILY BLACK
NOT LIVED THROUGH THOSE
EXPERIENCES?
>> BUT I DO THINK A LOT OF FOLKS
MIGHT SAY THOSE EXPERIENCES ARE
NOT NECESSARILY THE SAME.
>> WELL, YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULD
NOT JUDGE A PERSON JUST BECAUSE
THE PERSON IS BLACK.
AND I AGREE WITH THAT.
BUT ISN'T IT THE OPPOSITE THAT I
SHOULDN'T BE JUDGED JUST BECAUSE
I'M WHITE OR HISPANIC OR INDIAN?
I MEAN, HERE WE ARE, AFTER
ALL OF THE DIFFERENT CASES,
AFTER ALL OF THE RECTIFICATION
OF THE SINS OF THE PAST,
WHICH CERTAINLY NO ONE HAS
DENIED, AND YET WE'RE STILL
TRYING TO FIND SOME SLIVER OF
DISCRIMINATION IN RACE.
>> I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD
SAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY TO
FIND IT.
IT'S THERE.
>> I WOULD SAY THAT YOU FIND
THAT, THAT IT WOULD RESIDE IN
PEOPLE'S HEARTS, NOT IN THEIR
LAWS.
>> John: OKAY.
THAT MAN IS CLEARLY A HISTORIC
IDIOT, BUT I WILL AGREE WITH HIM
ON ONE POINT.
HE SHOULDN'T BE JUDGED BECAUSE
HE'S WHITE.
HE SHOULD BE JUDGED BECAUSE ONE,
HE JUST HAD TO HAVE THE CONCEPT
OF RACISM EXPLAINED TO HIM
ON TV.
TWO, HE IS FOR SOME REASON
DRESSED LIKE "30 ROCK"'S
LEAP DAY WILLIAM.
AND THREE, BECAUSE HE SOUNDS
LIKE ELMER FUDD IF HE
EXCLUSIVELY WENT TO SCHOOLS
NAMED AFTER ROBERT E. LEE.
BUT LOUISIANA WAS NOT ALONE IN
MOVING FAST AFTER THAT SUPREME
COURT RULING.
TENNESSEE ALSO QUICKLY APPROVED
A NEW MAP THAT SLICES MEMPHIS,
A MAJORITY-BLACK CITY,
INTO THREE EXTREMELY LONG
DISTRICTS THAT DRAG INTO RURAL
AREAS.
AND WHILE DOING SO, TENNESSEE
REPUBLICANS INSISTED THAT THEY
WERE ACTING FOR PURELY PARTISAN
REASONS, WHICH, REMEMBER, THE
SUPREME COURT HAS SAID
IS OKAY, AND WERE COMPLETELY
UNAWARE THAT IN DOING SO,
THEY WERE SCREWING OVER
BLACK VOTERS.
AND WHILE I'VE SHOWN YOU THIS
CLIP BEFORE, IT'S WORTH SEEING
AGAIN JUST HOW FLAGRANTLY DUMB
THEY WERE WILLING TO PRETEND TO
BE.
>> TO THE SPONSOR, ARE YOU AWARE
THAT MEMPHIS IS PREDOMINATELY
AFRICAN AMERICAN?
>> SENATOR STEVENS, RESPOND.
>> THANK YOU, MR. SPEAKER.
I AM NOT.
[LAUGHTER]
[GAVEL]
>> SENATOR LAMAR.
>> THANK YOU, MR. SPEAKER.
SO TO MY SPONSOR, WHO WENT TO
LAW SCHOOL AT THE UNIVERSITY OF
MEMPHIS AND LIVED THERE FOR
THREE YEARS, YOU'RE TELLING ME
YOU'RE NOT AWARE THAT MEMPHIS IS
PREDOMINANTLY AFRICAN AMERICAN
AM I CORRECT?
>> SENATOR LAMAR, HE'S ANSWERED
THAT.
NEXT QUESTION PLEASE.
>> John: "NEXT QUESTION PLEASE"?
OH, I'VE GOT A QUESTION!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT GUY'S
ANSWER WAS BAD WHEN IT GOT A
LAUGH SO BIG IT SOUNDED LIKE
THAT DEBATE WAS BEING FILMED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
MEANWHILE ALABAMA ALSO CALLED
A SPECIAL SESSION TO FORCE
A SERIES OF VOTES ON ITS MAPS
AT BOTH THE STATE
AND CONGRESSIONAL LEVELS.
AND AS YOU'LL HEAR
THIS STATE SENATOR POINT OUT,
IT FORCED ONE OF THOSE VOTES
THROUGH, EVEN AS THE BUILDING
WAS BEING EVACUATED
FOR A TORNADO WARNING.
[ALARM BLARING]
>> NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
WE SHOULD'VE GONE INTO A
RECESS AND THEN WAITED UNTIL
AFTER THE WEATHER TO TAKE THIS
VOTE.
BUT THEY WANT TO DO THIS SO BAD.
THAT'S -- THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
>> John: IT'S TRUE, THEY FORCED
THE VOTE DURING AN EVACUATION.
WHICH ISN'T JUST DISRESPECTFUL
TO ALABAMA VOTERS AND THOSE WHO
FOUGHT FOR CIVIL RIGHTS --
SOMEHOW, IT EVEN MANAGES TO BE
DISRESPECTFUL TO THE TORNADO.
HERE'S A STORM DOING ITS VERY
BEST TO EXTEND FROM THE BASE OF
A CUMULONIMBUS CLOUD AND FORM
A RAPIDLY ROTATING COLUMN OF AIR
AND STATE LEGISLATORS ARE
JUST WILLFULLY IGNORING THAT TO
IMPLEMENT RACIST VOTING MAPS.
HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT!
AND IN CASE THAT WASN'T A POTENT
ENOUGH SUMMARY OF THINGS, WHEN
THE SUPREME COURT GAVE ALABAMA
FINAL CLEARANCE TO USE
A CONGRESSIONAL MAP THAT'D
PREVIOUSLY BEEN FOUND TO BE
RACIALLY DISCRIMINATORY, THE
STATE'S AG RELEASED THIS
CELEBRATORY VIDEO.
>> MY JOB IN THIS OFFICE WAS TO
PUT THE LEGISLATURE IN THE BEST
POSSIBLE LEGAL POSITION TO DRAW
A CONGRESSIONAL MAP THAT FAVORS
REPUBLICANS 7-0.
MY OFFICE HAS NEVER TAKEN THE
CHARGE OF OUR STATE MOTTO
LIGHTLY.
WE DARE DEFEND OUR RIGHTS.
STAY TUNED.
>> John: WOW.
WHAT A SMILE.
HE LOOKS LIKE MR. ROGERS IF HE'D
MADE A FAMOUS EPISODE IN FAVOR
OF SEGREGATION INSTEAD OF
AGAINST IT.
BUT DESPITE WHAT HE SAID THERE
IMPLEMENTING RACIALLY
DISCRIMINATORY MAPS IS NOT
ACTUALLY AN AG'S JOB, AT ALL.
THAT'S LIKE IF YOU WENT TO A
BUILD-A-BEAR WORKSHOP AND ONE OF
THE EMPLOYEES SAID, "MY JOB IN
THIS STORE IS TO BAPTIZE
EVERY STUFFED ANIMAL SO
THAT THEY MAY ENTER THE KINGDOM
OF HEAVEN."
NO, IT IS VERY MUCH NOT THAT.
YOU JUST WANTED TO DO IT.
AND TO BE HONEST, I'D LIKE MY
PLATYPUS TO GO TO HELL,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BUT INCREDIBLY, I'M STILL NOT
DONE, BECAUSE FLORIDA ALSO
PASSED A NEW MAP, WHICH
COULD ADD THREE TO FOUR
REPUBLICAN SEATS.
NOW, PLANS FOR THAT HAD
TECHNICALLY BEEN IN THE WORKS
BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT
DECISION, BUT RON DESANTIS
SEEMED EXTRA-CONFIDENT
AFTERWARDS.
AND I'M GOING TO WARN YOU:
YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE CHOICE
HE MAKES MIDWAY THROUGH THIS
CLIP.
>> SOMETIMES, YOU GOT PEOPLE IN
D.C., IN NEW YORK, WHO, WHO MAY
NOT LIKE, AND THEY MAY SAY
DIFFERENT STUFF.
AND WE'VE GOT THIS GUY,
HAKEEM JEFFRIES.
OKAY?
AND YOU KNOW, HE GOES OUT THERE
AND HE'S LIKE, UM,
"WE'RE GONNA DO MAXIMUM WARFARE
AGAINST REPUBLICANS.
FLORIDA REPUBLICANS, YOU F
AROUND, YOU GONNA FIND OUT."
ALL THIS STUFF.
>> John: HOLY SHIT!
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE
BLACKFACE WITHOUT THE MAKEUP
BUT IT SEEMS THERE'S A FIRST
TIME FOR EVERYTHING.
I DON'T HAVE A TON TO SAY
ABOUT THAT REALLY EXCEPT, A,
FUCK YOU!
AND B, MAYBE SOMEONE SHOW THAT
CLIP TO GOVERNOR LOLLIPOP HERE
THE NEXT TIME HE DESCRIBES
RACISM AS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO
TRY AND FIND.
AND WHEN YOU TAKE THIS WHOLE
REDISTRICTING BACK-AND-FORTH
TOGETHER, IT WILL --
AS I SAID EARLIER --
PROBABLY GIVE REPUBLICANS
UP TO 12 SEATS IN THE HOUSE.
WHICH DOESN'T MEAN THEY'LL
AUTOMATICALLY WIN THE HOUSE IN
NOVEMBER.
BUT IT MAKES THE MARGIN FOR
DEMOCRATS MEANINGFULLY SMALLER.
ALSO EVERYTHING YOU'VE SEEN SO
FAR ONLY ADDRESSES WHAT WAS ABLE
TO BE DONE BEFORE THE MIDTERMS.
BUT IT WON'T END THERE.
IN THE COMING YEARS, REPUBLICANS
IN SOUTHERN STATES
COULD ULTIMATELY ELIMINATE
MAJORITY-MINORITY DISTRICTS
ALTOGETHER, TAKING AMERICA BACK
TO THE JIM CROW ERA, WHEN THERE
WERE NO BLACK REPRESENTATIVES IN
SOUTHERN STATES WITH SIZABLE
BLACK POPULATIONS.
AND THERE'LL LIKELY BE MAJOR
IMPACTS ON OTHER LEVELS OF
GOVERNMENT, TOO, FROM CITY
COUNCILS TO SCHOOL BOARDS TO
STATE LEGISLATURES.
AND FOR THOSE WHO FOUGHT SO HARD
FOR THEIR VOTING RIGHTS,
WATCHING THEM GET STRIPPED AWAY
THIS FAST IS BRUTAL.
BECAUSE IT'S WORTH REMEMBERING
THE PROGRESS THAT'S CURRENTLY
BEING UNDONE, HAPPENED IN LIVING
MEMORY FOR MANY.
IN FACT, JUST LISTEN TO THIS
MAN OUTSIDE THE FLORIDA STATE
HOUSE IN APRIL, AS THEY WERE
PASSING THEIR NEW MAP.
>> BEING 79, I COME FROM
A JIM CROW ERA WHERE BLACKS WERE
SECOND CLASS CITIZENS.
IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.
NOT FOR ME, BECAUSE I HAVE
A SHORT TIME BEING HERE.
BUT FOR MY GRANDCHILDREN, MY
GREAT-GRANDS, I DO NOT WANT
THEM GOING THROUGH WHAT I
EXPERIENCED.
>> John: YEAH, AND IF THAT
DOESN'T MAKE THE POINT HERE,
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
WELL, DEMOCRATS AREN'T
COMPLETELY OUT OF OPTIONS.
AFTER NOVEMBER, MORE STATES
UNDER DEMOCRATIC CONTROL COULD
PURSUE PARTISAN GERRYMANDERS TO
TRY AND OFFSET THE DAMAGE, FROM
NEW YORK TO MARYLAND TO
ILLINOIS, WHERE ONE HOUSE
DEMOCRAT HAS SAID THERE'S A
NUCLEAR OPTION OF A 17-0 MAP.
MEANING, NO REPUBLICAN DISTRICTS
AT ALL.
AND WHILE INITIALLY, THE IDEA OF
TOTAL WARFARE HERE IS UNDENIABLY
SATISFYING, IT'S WORTH
REMEMBERING, THERE ARE MORE RED
STATES THAT COULD JUMP IN AND
RESPOND, TOO, AND YOU MAY NOT
LIKE HOW THAT FIGHT ENDS.
LOOK, THE LONG-TERM GOAL HERE
SHOULD PROBABLY BE TO FIND A WAY
TO TRY AND UN-FUCK EVERY STATE'S
MAPS.
AND IF DEMOCRATS ARE ABLE TO GET
BACK INTO POWER, THERE ARE WAYS
TO GET TO THAT POINT.
FOR INSTANCE, CONGRESS COULD
PASS A NEW VERSION OF
THE JOHN LEWIS ACT, WHICH WOULD
AMONG OTHER THINGS, MODERNIZE
AND REVITALIZE THE VOTING RIGHTS
ACT, AND BAN PARTISAN
GERRYMANDERING.
THE HOUSE ACTUALLY PASSED IT IN
2022, BUT IT COULDN'T GET PAST
A SENATE FILIBUSTER.
BUT THE HARD TRUTH IS, WE MAY
NEED TO THINK BIGGER THAN THAT.
BECAUSE A NEW VOTING RIGHTS LAW
ISN'T GOING TO MEAN MUCH, IF THE
SUPREME COURT JUST STEPS IN TO
UNDO IT.
THAT IS WHY WE ALSO NEED
SIGNIFICANT SUPREME COURT
REFORM.
THERE'S ACTUALLY A HOUSE BILL
THAT WOULD BE A START, PROVIDING
EACH PRESIDENT EQUAL
OPPORTUNITIES TO APPOINT
JUSTICES, BY ESTABLISHING
STAGGERED 18-YEAR TERM LIMITS
FOR THE COURT.
AND WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE THAT COULD BRING THE
CHANGE THAT THIS MAGNIFICENT
HOME, THIS BEAUTIFUL
LOOK, THE CURRENT SITUATION IS
CLEARLY UNTENABLE.
WHICH IS WHY ALL OPTIONS SHOULD
BE ON THE TABLE TO GET US TO A
SYSTEM WHERE IDEALLY --
IF I MAY QUOTE SOMEONE USING
WHAT TURNED OUT TO BE, BY FAR,
THE LEAST OFFENSIVE ACCENT
YOU'VE HEARD TONIGHT,
[COMICAL BRITISH ACCENT]
THE VOTERS CHOOSE THEIR
REPRESENTATIVES, NOT THE
REPRESENTATIVE CHOOSING THEIR
BLOODY VOTERS.
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW LET'S
CHECK BACK IN WITH JEREMY AND
TOM.
♪ ♪
SPEAK OF THAT IS DELICIOUS.
I MEAN, THAT IS TASTY.
WHAT, TOM?
>> John: MOVING ON.
BEFORE WE GO, WE'RE GOING TO BE
OFF FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, SO I
WANTED TO SHARE A QUICK UPDATE
ABOUT SOAP OPERAS.
YOU MAY REMEMBER, BACK IN MARCH
WE DISCOVERED THAT
STEPHEN A. SMITH HAS BEEN
QUIETLY PLAYING THE ROLE OF
BRICK ON "GENERAL HOSPITAL"
FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS, WHICH
FILLED ME WITH BOTH IMMENSE
CONFUSION AND SCORCHING HOT
JEALOUSY.
SO I DID THE ONLY THING ANY
SANE PERSON WOULD IN THAT
SITUATION.
I OFFERED MYSELF TO ANY
SOAP OPERA THAT WOULD CREATE
A ROLE FOR ME, AN OFFER I MADE
RIGHT BEFORE I WAS SHOT ON STAGE
BY COLONEL SANDERS, WHICH I
PROMISE MADE PERFECT SENSE
AT THE TIME.
NOW, SINCE THEN, YOU MIGHT'VE
STUMBLED ACROSS HEADLINES ABOUT
MY PASSIONATE REQUEST IN
OUTLETS LIKE SOAPHUB,
DAYTIME CONFIDENTIAL,
AND CLEVELAND.COM.
ALTHOUGH WHEN "THE DAILY MAIL"
WROTE ABOUT IT, THEY WEREN'T SO
KIND, AS THEIR HEADLINE WAS
"JOHN OLIVER'S PRIVATE PANIC:
LATE-NIGHT CURSE SPREADS AND
HOST PREPARES FOR WORST AS
INSIDERS REVEAL HIS DESPERATE
PLAN B
AND THE INDUSTRY WHISPERS
SWIRLING ABOUT HIS FATE."
FIRST, LET ME SAY, IT IS AN
HONOR TO BE FEATURED ON A
WEBSITE THAT JUST THIS WEEK
PUBLISHED THE STORY:
"I HAD SO MUCH SEX DURING MY
SLUTTIEST EVER SUMMER...
UNTIL ONE GIRLFRIEND CAUGHT ME
DOING SOMETHING SO SHAMEFUL,
I THOUGHT I MIGHT DIE."
BUT TO BE CLEAR,
SOAP ACTING IS NOT MY PLAN B.
MY ACTUAL PLAN B IS, OBVIOUSLY,
BEING A MR. BEAN IMPERSONATOR
FOR THE STRANGEST LITTLE
CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
AND TO CLARIFY THINGS EVEN
FURTHER, MY PLEA WASN'T ME
"PREPARING FOR THE WORST,"
I SIMPLY OFFERED MY HYPOTHETICAL
ACTING ABILITIES TO ANY SOAP
THAT WOULD MEET MY TERMS, WHICH
WERE, I WANTED TO PLAY A
CHARACTER WITH A RIDICULOUS
NAME, I WANTED A JUICY STORYLINE
LIKE MURDER OR SLAPPING, AND I
WANTED A DRAMATIC CLOSE-UP
OF MY FACE.
WELL, I'M THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE
I HAVE AN UPDATE.
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE
EVER HEARD OF A LITTLE SHOW
CALLED "DAYS OF OUR LIVES."
THE AMERICAN ICON THAT GAVE US
UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS LIKE
THE DEVIL POSSESSING MARLENA
SAMI BRADY TRYING TO RESCUE
PHILIP FROM IRAQ
BY GOING IN FULL SOLDIER DRAG
AND BO BRADY DISCOVERING
A MYSTERIOUS WOMAN IN A BAYOU
THAT EVERYONE CALLED "SWAMP
GIRL" UNTIL LEARNING SHE WAS
ACTUALLY A PRINCESS.
WELL, I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT I'VE
ALREADY TAPED A WEEK OF EPISODES
ON "DAYS OF OUR LIVES,"
WHICH IS CLEARLY A HUGE HONOR.
IT'S BEEN HOME TO SOME OF THE
MOST RENOWNED SOAP ACTORS LIKE
DIEDRE HALL,
SUSAN SEAFORTH HAYES,
AND JOHN ANISTON, OF THE
[CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP]
ANISTONS.
IT'S ALSO FEATURED GUEST
APPEARANCES FROM LEGENDS LIKE
DICK VAN DYKE, BETTY WHITE,
AND NOW ME!
THE ONLY OTHER TIME YOU'D HEAR
MY NAME ALONGSIDE THOSE TWO
WOULD BE IF SOMEONE WERE TRYING
TO ANSWER THE QUESTION:
"NAME THREE CELEBRITIES YOU
COULD REASONABLY GUESS WERE BORN
IN THE 1920s?"
BUT THE TRUTH IS
"DAYS OF OUR LIVES" WASN'T
ACTUALLY THE ONLY SHOW THAT
REACHED OUT.
AND IF YOU READ THAT DAILY MAIL
ARTICLE, YOU'D HAVE SEEN THEY
CLAIMED THAT "GENERAL HOSPITAL"
PITCHED ME "AN EMOTIONAL ROLE",
BUT I "TURNED IT DOWN" BECAUSE,
AND I QUOTE,
"HE ONLY WANTS TO PLAY FUN
PARTS."
AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK
THEY GOT THAT FROM.
BECAUSE IF "GENERAL HOSPITAL"
HAD GENUINELY PITCHED ME A ROLE
AND GIVEN ME THE CHANCE TO
HANG OUT IN PORT CHARLES,
THE HOME OF LUKE AND LAURA,
THE CORINTHOS FAMILY, AND
BRICK -- IF THEY'D GIVEN ME THE
CHANCE TO JOIN THE RANKS OF
GUEST STARS LIKE LIZ TAYLOR,
SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
AND OF COURSE COLONEL SANDERS --
I'D HAVE LEAPT AT THE CHANCE.
WHICH IS WHY I'M SO VERY GLAD
THAT THEY ACTUALLY DID.
BECAUSE IT MEANS I NOW GET TO
ANNOUNCE THAT I'LL ALSO BE
APPEARING IN "GENERAL HOSPITAL"
THIS SUMMER.
BECAUSE WHAT IS FUNNIER THAN
BEING IN ONE SOAP OPERA?
BEING IN TWO.
YOU CAN SEE ME ON, AND I CAN'T
BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS,
"GENERAL HOSPITAL" ON ABC
NEXT WEEK.
AND WHILE I'M NOT GOING TO SPOIL
ANYTHING, I WILL SHOW YOU
THIS PICTURE OF MY CHARACTER.
YES, THAT IS ME SURROUNDED BY
MEN WITH GUNS AND YES, MY HAIR
HAS BEEN DIPPED IN AN INK WELL.
AND IF YOU CANNOT TELL FROM
MY FACE THERE, I AM ACTING
REALLY HARD.
I'M ACTING MY HARDEST, IN FACT.
I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT THEY
DID SAY THAT OF ANY GUEST STAR
THEY'VE EVER HAD, I USED THE
MOST TAKES.
NOW IT IS ONLY FAIR I ALSO SHOW
YOU A PHOTO FROM MY TIME ON
"DAYS OF OUR LIVES,"
SO BRACE YOURSELVES, BECAUSE
HERE IT IS!
YES.
THAT IS REAL.
THE PHOTO, THAT IS,
NOT THE HAIR.
I LOOK LIKE ELVIS REINCARNATED
INTO HIS ACCOUNTANT.
I LOOK LIKE RACHEL MADDOW AFTER
WITNESSING A MURDER.
I LOOK LIKE ROGAINE'S WORST-CASE
SCENARIO.
WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT THAT
PHOTO IS THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU
CAN ONLY SEE THE BACK OF THE
OTHER ACTOR'S NECK, YOU CAN TELL
HOW MUCH I VISUALLY DON'T BELONG
ANYWHERE NEAR HIM.
HIS BACK IS AN L.A. 10,
AND MY FRONT IS
A MIDDLE EARTH 3.
I GENUINELY CAN'T WAIT FOR
EVERYONE TO SEE WHAT THESE TWO
SOAPS HAVE DONE -- I'M SO
GRATEFUL THEY PLAYED ALONG WITH
US, AND I'M TRULY LOOKING
FORWARD TO READING ABOUT IT
AFTERWARDS IN
"THE DAILY MAIL," WHICH I CAN
ONLY GUESS WILL WRITE SOMETHING
LIKE "HBO HOST HITS ROCK BOTTOM
WITH MULTIPLE SOAP OPERA ROLES
INSIDERS AND DOCTORS WORRY HE'S
'NEARING DEATH'."
WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO BE EATING
YOUR WORDS, DAILY MAIL, BECAUSE
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A DESPERATE
MAN TO YOU?
NOT TO ME, IT DOESN'T.
THAT'S THE FACE OF A MAN
LIVING HIS FUCKING DREAM!
I'LL BE ON "GENERAL HOSPITAL"
JULY 2, 3 AND 6, AND ON
"DAYS OF OUR LIVES"
AUGUST 11, 12 AND 14.
THAT IS OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH WATCHING!
WE'LL BE BACK JULY 26TH.
GOOD NIGHT!