♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT"!
I'M JOHN OLIVER, THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR JOINING US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
KEN PAXTON WON TEXAS'S
REPUBLICAN SENATE RUNOFF, ONE OF
JEFF BEZOS'S ROCKETS BLEW ALL
THE WAY UP ON THE LAUNCHPAD, AND
D.C. SAW PLANS RAMP UP FOR
AMERICA'S 250TH BIRTHDAY.
THE UFC OCTAGON'S GOING UP ON
THE SOUTH LAWN, AND WEDNESDAY
SAW THIS BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.
>> FREEDOM 250, ANNOUNCING THE
FIRST ROUND OF STARS THAT WILL
BE TAKING OVER THE NATIONAL MALL
IN D.C. FOR THE GREAT AMERICAN
STATE FAIR.
THE 16-DAY EVENT WILL KICK OFF
WITH MARTINA MCBRIDE ON JUNE
25TH ALSO GOING TO FEATURE
MUSICIANS LIKE VANILLA ICE,
FLO RIDA, AND BRET MICHAELS ON
JULY 3, LEADING UP TO
INDEPENDENCE DAY AND AMERICA'S
250 BIRTHDAY.
>> John: YEAH, IT IS A STACKED
LINEUP OF PEOPLE YOU HAVEN'T
THOUGHT ABOUT SINCE 2009.
HONESTLY, THAT SOUNDS LESS LIKE
"AMERICA'S 250TH BIRTHDAY" AND
MORE LIKE THE PLAYLIST AT
"RHONDA'S 50TH."
THE ONLY REALLY SURPRISING THING
ABOUT THAT LINEUP IS THERE'S NOT
A SPECIAL APPEARANCE FROM THE
SHAMWOW GUY AND THE GUSHERS KID
WHOSE HEAD TURNED INTO A
RASPBERRY.
AND QUICK SIDE NOTE: THAT KID
DIED, RIGHT?
IF YOUR HEAD TURNS INTO A
RASPBERRY BUT THE REST OF YOUR
BODY STAYS HUMAN, YOU DIE,
RIGHT?
NOW, CRUCIALLY, THE ORGANIZATION
PLANNING THAT EVENT, "FREEDOM
250," IS NOT THE SAME THING AS
THE NON-PROFIT AMERICA 250, LED
BY A BIPARTISAN BOARD CREATED BY
CONGRESS.
INSTEAD, IT'S A PUBLIC-PRIVATE
PARTNERSHIP LAUNCHED BY THE
WHITE HOUSE, WITH SOME DICEY
ELEMENTS, INCLUDING THE FACT
THAT, FOR $1 MILLION, DONORS TO
IT COULD GET ACCESS TO TRUMP.
AND AS ITS POLITICAL SLANT
BECAME CLEAR, ACTS WHO WERE PART
OF THAT INITIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
QUICKLY BEGAN TO BAIL.
>> YOUNG MC OF BUST A MOVE FAME
DECLARED ON THURSDAY THAT HE
WON'T BE PERFORMING AS PART OF
THE UPCOMING FREEDOM 250
CELEBRATION.
>> MINNESOTA'S OWN MORRIS DAY
AND THE TIME SAYS THEY WILL NOT
PERFORM.
>> THE COMMODORES ALSO SAY
THEY'RE NOT PERFORMING.
>> MARTINA MCBRIDE IS ONE OF
MANY ARTISTS PULLING OUT OF
PERFORMANCES AT THE FREEDOM 250
FAIR.
>> ROCK SINGER BRET MICHAELS IS
NOW THE FIFTH ACT OUT OF 9 TO
PULL OUT OF THE FREEDOM 250
CONCERTS IN D.C.
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S A LOT OF
CANCELLATIONS, THOUGH I HAVE TO
TELL YOU: VANILLA ICE DID NOT
PULL OUT, WHICH I DO REALIZE
SOUNDS LIKE THE ANSWER TO THE
QUESTION "WHY DOES THAT BABY
HAVE FROSTED TIPS?"
AND I SHOULD SAY: EVEN SOME OF
THE ACTS CURRENTLY STILL
SCHEDULED TO PLAY MAY NOT BE THE
EXACT PEOPLE YOU'RE EXPECTING.
FOR INSTANCE, NEITHER OF THE C'S
IN C&C MUSIC FACTORY WILL BE
PERFORMING, IT'S JUST THEIR
RAPPER, FREEDOM WILLIAMS, WHO'D
INITIALLY AGREED TO PERFORM,
THEN CONSIDERED BACKING OUT,
THEN DOUBLED DOWN ON PERFORMING,
BECAUSE HE WAS SO MAD PEOPLE
WERE CRITICIZING HIM -- A
DECISION HE EXPLAINED IN THIS
7 MINUTE VIDEO FILMED IN HIS
BATHROOM.
>> YOU KEEP PUSHING ME.
I'LL DO THE MOTHERFUCKING SHOW
IN NORTH KOREA.
PISSING ON A FUCKING AMERICAN
FLAG.
SMOKING A CUBAN CIGAR.
DRINKING VENEZUELAN WINE.
PLAYING GOLF WITH MOTHERFUCKING
KIM IL-JUNE.
WITH AN IRANIAN BITCH ON MY LAP.
WHILE TRUMP'S STANDING THERE
WITH HIS DICK IN HIS HAND,
THAT'S HOW MUCH OF A FUCK I GIVE
WHAT YOU [BLEEP] THINK.
[BLEEP], WHAT YOU DO?
I'M SITTING ON THE TOILET TAKING
A SHIT.
IRONICALLY.
SLAP YOUR ASS IN THE FACE WITH
SOME FUCKING WET NAPKINS.
>> John: OKAY, THERE'S SO MUCH
THERE, FROM THE FRANKLY GORGEOUS
WALLPAPER, TO HIS SHIRT
DEPICTING -- AND THIS IS TRUE --
KATNISS AND PEETA FROM
"THE HUNGER GAMES," TO THE
LATE-BREAKING REVEAL THAT HE'S
TAKING A SHIT THROUGH ALL OF IT,
AND LET ME JUST SAY: IF YOU
DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF SOMEONE
TAKING A SHIT WHILE DELIVERING A
LONG RANT, FIND ANOTHER SHOW.
BECAUSE THAT'S RIGHT.
[TOILET FLUSHING]
EVERY EPISODE.
THE WHOLE TIME.
THE POINT IS, LET'S PUT C&C
MUSIC FACTORY DOWN AS A "MAYBE."
BUT EVEN WITH THOSE
CANCELLATIONS, THERE'LL STILL BE
THINGS TO DO.
BECAUSE FREEDOM 250'S ALSO
TOUTING EVENTS THAT'LL INCLUDE
STATE AND TERRITORY SHOWCASES
FROM ACROSS AMERICA, A 110-FOOT
FERRIS WHEEL, "CEO AND
INNOVATOR-LED CONVERSATIONS AND
DEMONSTRATIONS," AND SPECIAL
SCREENINGS OF THE ICONIC FILMS
"NATIONAL TREASURE" AND
"NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF
SECRETS."
BRINGING A REAL "SUBSTITUTE
HISTORY TEACHER DOESN'T GIVE A
FUCK" ENERGY TO THE PROCEEDINGS.
ALTHOUGH AT THIS POINT, GIVEN
HOW EVERYTHING'S BEEN GOING I
WOULDN'T BE REMOTELY SURPRISED
IF TOMORROW WE GET A PRESS
RELEASE READING "DUE TO DIVISIVE
POLITICS I WILL NO LONGER BE
ATTENDING THE 250TH CELEBRATION"
FROM THE FUCKING FERRIS WHEEL.
AND LOOK, THERE'LL CLEARLY BE
PLENTY MORE TO SAY ABOUT
AMERICA'S 250TH GOING FORWARD.
BUT FOR NOW, WE'RE GOING TO DIVE
STRAIGHT IN WITH OUR MAIN STORY
THIS WEEK, WHICH CONCERNS LAW
AND ORDER.
IT'S NOT JUST THE PHRASE THAT'LL
BE UTTERED AT LEAST 400 TIMES AT
DICK WOLF'S FUNERAL.
[BUM BUM]
IT'S ALSO SOMETHING TRUMP'S MADE
A CORNERSTONE OF HIS APPEAL TO
VOTERS.
>> I CAMPAIGNED ON LAW AND
ORDER.
I WAS ELECTED BY A LANDSLIDE ON
LAW AND ORDER.
THEY STAND FOR CRIME AND CHAOS
AND CORRUPTION.
WE STAND FOR LAW AND ORDER AND
JUSTICE.
>> THERE WAS A TIME THAT YOU
WEREN'T ALLOWED TO USE THE WORDS
LAW AND ORDER.
>> YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO USE
THE TERM LAW AND ORDER.
YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO USE THE
TERM CHRISTMAS -- MERRY
CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY, RIGHT?
REMEMBER THAT, 2016 I RAN ON
WE'RE GOING TO BRING BACK
CHRISTMAS.
WE DID; NOW THEY'RE AFRAID TO
SUGGEST IT.
BUT WE BROUGHT THAT BACK.
BUT LAW AND ORDER, WE NEED LAW
AND ORDER.
>> John: OH, YEAH, HOW COULD WE
FORGET THAT TRUMP SAVED
CHRISTMAS!
WE ALL REMEMBER THAT BEFORE
2016, THE HALLMARK CHANNEL JUST
RAN MOVIES CALLED "A BOYFRIEND
FOR WINTER" "FINDING MISTLETOE
FOR STRICTLY AGRICULTURAL
REASONS" AND "I FELL IN LOVE
WITH A CHISELED NORDIC-LOOKING
MAN WHO'S SECRETLY A PRINCE ON A
NORMAL WEDNESDAY."
THANK GOODNESS TRUMP INTERVENED.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST RHETORIC --
HE'S TOUTED ALL SORTS OF
"TOUGH-ON-CRIME" TACTICS, FROM
CALLING FOR THE REOPENING OF
ALCATRAZ, TO ADVOCATING FOR THE
DEATH PENALTY FOR DRUG DEALERS,
TO LAUNCHING A "WAR ON FRAUD" TO
"STOP MEDICARE AND MEDICAID FROM
BEING LOOTED BY CRIMINALS AND
THUGS," TO SIGNING THE LAKEN
RILEY ACT, MANDATING ALL
UNDOCUMENTED PEOPLE BE HELD IN
FEDERAL DETENTION FOR CRIMES AS
MINOR AS SHOPLIFTING.
BUT I ACTUALLY WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN
HERE -- WHERE TRUMP'S USED THE
POWERS OF THE PRESIDENCY TO SHOW
MERCY.
SPECIFICALLY, HIS USE OF PARDONS
-- YOU KNOW, THE POWER
PRESIDENTS USE TO SPARE TURKEYS
EVERY THANKSGIVING.
EVEN IF, AS IN THIS INSTANCE,
THE TURKEY REALLY TRIES TO PUSH
ITS LUCK.
HEY, BUDDY, YOUR PARDON AIN'T IN
THERE.
THE EXECUTIVE POWER TO PARDON
SOMEONE FOR FEDERAL CRIMES IS
ENSHRINED IN THE CONSTITUTION,
AND IS VIRTUALLY UNCHECKED.
AND ONCE A PRESIDENT DECIDES TO
DO IT, THERE'S BASICALLY NOTHING
COURTS OR CONGRESS CAN DO.
AND THAT'S GENERALLY A GOOD
THING.
AS WE'VE MENTIONED BEFORE IN OUR
PIECE ON WRONGFUL CONVICTIONS,
IT'S INCREDIBLY HARD TO APPEAL A
FEDERAL CASE.
AND GIVEN THERE'S NO FEDERAL
PAROLE PROGRAM AND THAT SOME
PEOPLE ARE SERVING EGREGIOUSLY
LONG MANDATORY-MINIMUM SENTENCES
-- OFTENTIMES UNDER LAWS THAT
DON'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE -- IN A
DEEPLY FLAWED CRIMINAL JUSTICE
SYSTEM, GETTING A PARDON CAN BE
SOMEONE'S ONLY REAL CHANCE AT
RELIEF.
BUT AS YOU UNDOUBTEDLY KNOW,
TRUMP'S USED PARDONS VERY
SELECTIVELY -- AS THIS SCHOLAR
WHO STUDIES THEM POINTS OUT.
>> ONE THING ABOUT CLEMENCY IS
THAT, BECAUSE IT'S AN UNCHECKED
POWER OF THE PRESIDENT, THAT'S
GOING TO REFLECT THE VALUES OF
THAT PRESIDENT.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP, WE ALL KNEW
BEFORE HE WAS ELECTED -- THINGS
THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM
INCLUDE LOYALTY AND CELEBRITY.
AND SO, IT SHOULD NOT SURPRISE
US THAT CLEMENCY HAS BEEN USED
FOR CELEBRITIES, AND FOR THOSE
WHO HAVE BEEN LOYAL TO HIM.
>> John: RIGHT, TRUMP'S PARDONED
SOME FAMOUS SHITHEADS -- FROM
GEORGE SANTOS TO RUDY GIULIANI
TO SHERIFF JOE ARPAIO -- QUITE
POSSIBLY THE MOST DIFFICULT
FUCK, MARRY, KILL I'VE EVER
SEEN.
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE WHO'D
PICK GIULIANI AS THE ONE TO
MARRY.
EXCEPT FOR, OF COURSE, HIS
COUSIN.
AND TRUMP'S USE OF PARDONS HAS
ESCALATED SHARPLY.
WHILE HE GRANTED TWO HUNDRED AND
THIRTY-EIGHT PARDONS AND
COMMUTATIONS IN HIS FIRST TERM,
LESS THAN A YEAR INTO HIS
SECOND, HE'D ALREADY ISSUED
NEARLY 2,000.
ON TOP OF THAT, HE'S RUMORED TO
BE PLANNING TO ANNOUNCE ANOTHER
250 SOON, TO MARK AMERICA'S
250TH BIRTHDAY.
SO GIVEN ALL THAT, WE THOUGHT
TONIGHT, IT'D BE WORTH TAKING A
LOOK AT TRUMP'S PARDONS, WHO
HE'S GIVEN THEM TO, WHY, AND
WHAT THOSE CHOICES MEAN.
AND LET'S START WITH WHERE THE
POWER TO PARDON COMES FROM.
IT'S ACTUALLY A RELIC OF
MONARCHICAL RULE, WHERE KINGS
HAD THE FINAL SAY ON JUSTICE
PROCEEDINGS.
AND OVER THE YEARS, IT'S BEEN
USED IN ALL SORTS OF WAYS.
RUTHERFORD B. HAYES ONCE
PARDONED AN OHIO MAN CONVICTED
OF SENDING A "SCURRILOUS
POSTCARD."
AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN PARDONED A
MAN CONVICTED OF ATTEMPTED
BESTIALITY.
APPARENTLY HIS REASONING WAS
THAT THE MAN HAD DISPLAYED
EXEMPLARY BEHAVIOR IN PRISON,
PLUS HE WAS DRUNK AT THE TIME.
AND IF NOTHING ELSE, IT IS FUN
TO IMAGINE LINCOLN GOING, "HOLD
ON, HENRY FUCKED A GOAT?
QUICK QUESTION, HOW MANY BEERS
DEEP WAS HE, AND CAN I SEE A
PICTURE OF THE GOAT?"
LET'S BE FAIR HERE.
NOW, OVER THE YEARS, SOME
PARDONS HAVE HELD UP VERY WELL
-- LIKE THE MASS COMMUTATION OF
DRUG SENTENCES UNDER OBAMA OR
THE PARDONS FOR VIETNAM DRAFT
EVADERS UNDER FORD AND CARTER.
BUT OBVIOUSLY, THERE'VE BEEN
SOME INFAMOUS EXAMPLES, TOO.
JOE BIDEN PARDONED HIS SON
HUNTER.
BILL CLINTON PARDONED HIS FRIEND
AND MEGADONOR MARC RICH, WHO'D
BEEN INDICTED ON 65 CRIMINAL
COUNTS, INCLUDING TAX FRAUD AND
TRADING WITH IRAN WHILE IT HELD
AMERICAN HOSTAGES, AND WHO'D
FLED THE COUNTRY TO AVOID
ARREST.
AND THEN THERE WAS GERALD FORD'S
DECISION, IN HIS FIRST MONTH IN
OFFICE, TO PARDON RICHARD NIXON,
WHICH DID NOT GO DOWN WELL AT
THE TIME.
>> THE PRESIDENT GOT A
FACE-TO-FACE LOOK AT THE
HOSTILITY TODAY IN PITTSBURGH,
WHERE HE WENT TO MAKE A SPEECH.
[BOOING]
>> ON THE FLIGHT BACK TO
WASHINGTON, THE PRESIDENT
DECLINED TO TALK TO REPORTERS
ABOUT THE PARDON.
HIS SPOKESMAN, HUSHEN, SAID THE
PRESIDENT KNEW THE PARDON WOULD
BE CONTROVERSIAL AND WAS AWARE
OF THE REACTION.
A WHITE HOUSE SWITCHBOARD
OPERATOR TOLD THE PRESIDENT LAST
NIGHT THE VOLUME OF CALLS WAS
VERY HEAVY AND KIND OF
UNFAVORABLE.
>> John: THAT'S A PRETTY KIND
WAY FOR THAT OPERATOR TO PUT IT
-- "THE CALLS WERE HEAVY AND
UNFAVORABLE" IS A LOT EASIER FOR
A PRESIDENT TO HEAR THAN
"BEVERLY FROM CINCINNATI CALLED
YOU A CORRUPT TAINT," AND "PAUL
FROM KENOSHA SAID YOU'RE AS
CROOKED AS A PIG'S DICK."
BUT OBVIOUSLY, PRESIDENTS
PARDONING THEIR PREDECESSORS, OR
FAMILY MEMBERS, ARE THE
EXCEPTION.
AND TO UNDERSTAND WHAT TRUMP'S
DONE TO THE PARDON SYSTEM, IT'S
WORTH KNOWING HOW IT'S USUALLY
WORKED.
VERY BASICALLY, THE SYSTEM WE'VE
SET UP IS THAT ANYONE CAN SUBMIT
AN APPLICATION TO THE OFFICE OF
THE PARDON ATTORNEY.
THEY THEN JUDGE IT ON A LONG
LIST OF CRITERIA, INCLUDING: THE
PERSON'S POST-CONVICTION
CONDUCT, CHARACTER, AND
REPUTATION; THE SERIOUSNESS AND
RELATIVE RECENTNESS OF THE
OFFENSE; THE ACCEPTANCE OF
RESPONSIBILITY, REMORSE, AND
ATONEMENT; THE NEED FOR RELIEF;
AND OFFICIAL RECOMMENDATIONS AND
REPORTS -- LIKE, FOR INSTANCE,
THE FBI DOING A BACKGROUND CHECK
TO SEE IF THE PERSON WOULD BE A
THREAT TO PUBLIC SAFETY IF
RELEASED.
NOW, IF THE PARDON OFFICE SIGNS
OFF, THE APPLICATION THEN GOES
TO THE PRESIDENT.
BUT CRUCIALLY, THAT WHOLE SYSTEM
IS OPTIONAL FOR A PRESIDENT.
THEY DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO
WHAT THE RECOMMENDATIONS ARE, OR
INDEED, RUN A PARDON THROUGH
THAT PROCESS AT ALL.
AND TRUMP, BY AND LARGE, HASN'T.
IN HIS FIRST TERM, HE FAMOUSLY
PARDONED CRONIES AND FRIENDS
LIKE CHARLES KUSHNER -- JARED'S
DAD, PAUL MANAFORT, AND ROGER
STONE, WHO FOR SOME REASON SELLS
SIGNED COPIES OF HIS PARDON ON
HIS WEBSITE.
IT'S THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE
SPECIAL PERSON IN YOUR LIFE WHO
YOU NO LONGER WANT IN YOUR LIFE.
INCREDIBLY IT'S ONLY THE
SECOND WEIRDEST THING ROGER
STONE SELLS, WITH THE WEIRDEST
BEING THIS SIGNED "MAKE AMERICA
ITALIAN AGAIN" HAT.
FIRST, I DON'T KNOW WHAT "MAKE
AMERICA ITALIAN AGAIN" EVEN
MEANS.
THE ONLY COUNTRY ON EARTH THAT'S
EVER BEEN ITALIAN IS, FAMOUSLY,
ITALY.
BUT ALSO, THE LISTING SPECIFIES
THAT THE "HAT COMES HAND-SIGNED
BY ROGER STONE BY DEFAULT," AND
"PLEASE LEAVE A NOTE WITH YOUR
ORDER IF YOU WOULD LIKE IT
UNSIGNED."
AND JUST IMAGINE THE PERSON
THAT'S AIMED AT -- SOMEONE WHO
LIKES ROGER STONE ENOUGH TO BE
BROWSING THE MERCH ON
SPEND $30 ON A "MAKE AMERICA
ITALIAN AGAIN" HAT, BUT
"DOESN'T" WANT ROGER STONE'S
SIGNATURE ON IT, BECAUSE THAT
WOULD MAKE IT WEIRD.
NOW, TO BE FAIR, TRUMP'S FIRST
TERM ALSO SAW SOME VERY WORTHY
PARDONS -- INCLUDING ALICE
LIFE SENTENCE FOR DRUG
TRAFFICKING CHARGES FROM THE
'90s.
AND WHILE THE REASON HE DID THAT
PROBABLY HAD MORE TO DO WITH THE
FACT SHE'D BEEN ADVOCATED FOR BY
KIM KARDASHIAN, IT'S STILL
UNDENIABLY GOOD HE DID IT.
BUT IN TRUMP'S SECOND TERM, HE'S
USED HIS PARDON POWER TO A TRULY
RIDICULOUS DEGREE.
TO START ON DAY ONE, HE DID
THIS.
>> SO, THIS IS JANUARY 6TH, AND
THESE ARE THE HOSTAGES,
APPROXIMATELY 1,500 FOR A
PARDON, FULL PARDON.
>> THE FULL, COMPLETE AND
UNCONDITIONAL PARDONS INCLUDE
THE FORMER LEADER OF THE
FAR-RIGHT GROUP THE PROUD BOYS,
ENRIQUE TARRIO, SENTENCED TO 22
YEARS FOR SEDITION.
TRUMP ALSO COMMUTING THE
SENTENCES OF 14 OTHERS CHARGED
WITH SEDITION, INCLUDING
STUART RHODES, FOUNDER OF THE
OATH KEEPERS MILITIA, SENTENCED
TO 18 YEARS.
TRUMP EVEN GRANTING CLEMENCY TO
THE MORE THAN 600 PEOPLE CHARGED
WITH ASSAULTING AND RESISTING
LAW ENFORCEMENT.
RIOTERS ON JANUARY 6TH ATTACKING
POLICE, USING EVERYTHING FROM
SHIELDS TO FLAG POLES, EVEN
CATTLE PRODS.
>> John: YEAH, NOT GREAT!
BECAUSE IF YOU SHOW UP TO A
"PROTEST" WITH A CATTLE PROD,
YOUR MOTIVES ARE AUTOMATICALLY
QUESTIONABLE.
HONESTLY, THAT'S TRUE IF YOU
SHOW UP ANYWHERE WITH ONE.
NEXT TIME YOUR FRIENDS INVITE
YOU TO DINNER, TRY SHOWING UP
WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A
CATTLE PROD, AND SEE HOW LONG
BEFORE THEY SAY THEY'RE NOT
FEELING WELL AND WILL HAVE TO
INVITE YOU OVER ANOTHER TIME.
THE VERY NEXT DAY, TRUMP
PARDONED ROSS ULBRICHT, FOUNDER
OF THE "SILK ROAD" DARK WEB
MARKETPLACE, WHO WAS SERVING A
LIFE SENTENCE FOR HIS SITE
BECOMING WHAT THE DOJ DESCRIBED
AS, "THE MOST SOPHISTICATED AND
EXTENSIVE CRIMINAL MARKETPLACE
ON THE INTERNET TODAY."
WHICH IS SAYING A LOT
CONSIDERING I RECENTLY
DISCOVERED A WEBSITE CHARGING
PEOPLE REAL HUMAN DOLLARS FOR AN
AUTOGRAPHED MAKE AMERICA ITALIAN
AGAIN HAT.
IF THAT'S NOT A CRIME, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT IS.
SO CLEARLY, THAT WAS A LOT OF
WILD DECISIONS RIGHT OFF THE
BAT.
IN FACT, LEGAL EXPERTS SAY NO
PRESIDENT HAS STARTED A TERM
WITH SO MANY PARDONS THAT
VIOLATE LONG-STANDING POLICIES
AND NORMS.
AND THOSE NORMS WERE THERE FOR A
REASON.
TAKE THOSE JANUARY 6ERS.
EVEN IF YOU THINK MANY POSED NO
THREAT TO THEIR COMMUNITY,
THERE'S A REASON IT MIGHT'VE
BEEN GOOD TO DO THINGS LIKE
"RUNNING BACKGROUND CHECKS"
BEFORE ALLOWING ALL OF THEM TO
RETURN HOME WITH ZERO
SUPERVISION.
BECAUSE NOT ONLY WERE MANY
FACING OTHER CHARGES AT THE
TIME, IN THE YEAR AND A HALF
SINCE, AT LEAST 12 HAVE BEEN
CHARGED WITH OTHER SERIOUS
CRIMES, INCLUDING ASSAULT,
HARASSMENT, AND MURDER PLOTS.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO REMORSE,
JUST LISTEN TO ONE OF THE MORE
PROMINENT JANUARY 6ERS,
JAKE LANG, AT A RALLY TO
CELEBRATE THE ONE-YEAR
ANNIVERSARY OF THEIR PARDONS.
>> YOU WERE ACCUSED OF DOING
SOME VIOLENT STUFF.
>> WELL, I WAS ACCUSED OF
DEFENDING MY COUNTRY VERSUS THE
VIOLENCE --
>> BEATING CAPITOL POLICE
OFFICERS WITH A POLE.
>> THESE PEOPLE WERE RED COATS
TRAITORS TO THE CONSTITUTION.
THEY TURNED THEIR WEAPONS
AGAINST UNARMED --
>> UNIFORMED POLICE OFFICERS?
>> LISTEN, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF
YOU'RE UNIFORM.
>> John: OKAY, YOU PROBABLY
ALREADY KNOW HE'S FULL OF SHIT,
BUT LET'S ADDRESS THE MOST
STRIKING PART OF THAT: HIS
OUTFIT.
BECAUSE WHAT IS HAPPENING THERE?
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU COULD GET
SCARVES IN THE WRONG SIZE.
EVERYTHING FROM HIS NECK UP IS
GIVING "FRAT BOY ON SPRING
BREAK," BUT EVERYTHING FROM THE
NECK DOWN IS GIVING "POETRY
PROFESSOR AT HOGWARTS."
HE LOOKS LIKE WHAT'D HAPPEN IF
STEVE CARELL FUCKED GRU -- WHICH
MUST BE SOMETHING STEVE'S
THOUGHT ABOUT, RIGHT?
DOESN'T EVERY VOICE ACTOR WONDER
WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO HAVE SEX
WITH THE CARTOON CHARACTER THEY
VOICE?
I KNOW I HAVE -- I'VE THOUGHT
ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO
FUCK VANITY SMURF, AND WHAT IT'D
BE LIKE TO FUCK ZAZU.
IT'S NOT BECAUSE I FIND IT
AROUSING -- I DON'T -- BUT YOU
CAN'T TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T BE
CURIOUS WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO
FUCK SOMEONE AND HEAR YOUR OWN
VOICE COMING OUT OF THEIR
MOUTHS.
IT'D BE SO STRANGE.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "WHY
WOULD YOU FIND A CARTOON
CHARACTER SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE IN
THE FIRST PLACE?"
FIRST, LOTS OF PEOPLE DO, BUT
THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS THOUGHT
EXERCISE IS ASKING, REALLY.
FOR THE RECORD, I DON'T FIND
EITHER OF THESE CHARACTERS
ATTRACTIVE, BUT LET'S SUPPOSE
THERE WAS A UNIVERSE WHERE I
"DID," AND THEY FOUND "ME"
ATTRACTIVE -- COULD I GO THROUGH
WITH IT IF THEY SOUNDED EXACTLY
LIKE ME?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE I'D BE
FUCKING MYSELF -- I'D BE FUCKING
SOMEONE THAT JUST HAS MY VOICE.
HOW WOULD THAT FEEL?
HOW WOULD I REACT IF, MID-COITUS
I HEARD MY OWN PLEASURE MOANS
COMING OUT OF ZAZU'S BEAK?
WOULD IT RUIN THE WHOLE THING?
WOULD I SOMEHOW ENJOY IT?
AND IF SO, DOES THAT MAKE ME A
NARCISSIST?
ALSO, WOULD IT BE WEIRD FOR
THEM?
BECAUSE TO VANITY SMURF AND
ZAZU, I HAVE THEIR VOICES.
SO COULD THEY DO IT?
OF COURSE, THEY'RE CARTOON
CHARACTERS, THIS COULD JUST BE
ME PROJECTING MY OWN HUMANITY
ONTO A SMURF AND A TALKING BIRD,
WHEN THEY EXIST ON THEIR OWN
PLANES OF MORALITY AND
BIOLOGICAL IMPULSE THAT DON'T
NECESSARILY CONFORM TO WHAT WE'D
SAY IS RIGHT OR WRONG.
YOU KNOW, AFTER A LOT OF THOUGHT
AND CONSIDERATION, ULTIMATELY, I
THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO POWER
THROUGH AND HAVE SEX WITH VANITY
SMURF AND ZAZU, BUT I'D FEEL
REALLY GUILTY AFTERWARDS, AND
I'M NOT TOTALLY SURE WHY.
ANYWAY, I'D LOVE TO TALK ABOUT
THIS MORE, BUT WE DON'T HAVE
TIME, SO I'LL JUST CONCLUDE BY
SAYING THIS: LET'S SEE BYRON
ALLEN DO THAT ON
"COMICS UNLEASHED."
ANYWAY.
THE POINT IS, TRUMP RUSHED OUT A
TON OF PARDONS FOR JANUARY 6
RIOTERS.
AND SINCE THEN, HE'S EVEN TRIED
TO SET UP A NEARLY $1.8 BILLION
FUND TO COMPENSATE ANYONE WHO
FEELS THEY WERE UNFAIRLY
PROSECUTED UNDER BIDEN -- WHICH,
IT SEEMS, MANY JANUARY 6ERS HOPE
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF, GIVEN THAT
GUY YOU JUST SAW APPARENTLY
ANSWERED HIS PHONE THE DAY THAT
FUND WAS ANNOUNCED WITH,
"JAKE LANG'S OFFICE, AMERICA'S
NEWEST BILLIONAIRE."
BUT THE TRUTH IS, RUMORS OF THE
FUND HAD BEEN CIRCULATING LONG
BEFORE IT WAS OFFICIALLY
ANNOUNCED, TO THE POINT ONE
JANUARY 6ER LITERALLY TRIED TO
USE IT TO COVER UP HIS TRACKS ON
A DIFFERENT, TRULY HORRENDOUS
CRIME.
>> MEET ANDREW PAUL JOHNSON,
CHARGED WITH STORMING THE
CAPITOL, PARDONED BY THE
PRESIDENT THERE YOU SEE HIM
CIRCLED IN THE CROWD.
HE WAS ARRESTED JUST SIX MONTHS
LATER FOR MULTIPLE CHILD SEXUAL
ABUSE CHARGES IN FLORIDA.
AND APPARENTLY HE TRIED TO BUY
THE SILENCE OF ONE OF HIS CHILD
VICTIMS BY CLAIMING HE STOOD TO
RECEIVE $10 MILLION AS
RESTITUTION FOR BEING A
JANUARY 6ER.
>> John: HOLY SHIT.
I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S ANY
CLEARER EXAMPLE OF "TWO WRONGS
DON'T MAKE A RIGHT" THAN "TRYING
TO SILENCE YOUR CHILD VICTIM
WITH YOUR TREASON MONEY."
AND LOOK, IF TRUMP'S PARDONS
WERE ONLY ABOUT RELEASING
JANUARY 6ERS AND FUNNELING MONEY
TO THEM, THAT'D BE BAD ENOUGH.
BUT IT GOES WELL BEYOND THAT.
MORE THAN 50 OF THE PARDONS AND
COMMUTATIONS HE'S MADE IN HIS
SECOND TERM ARE FOR FRAUD, AND
WHITE-COLLAR OFFENSES SUCH AS
MONEY LAUNDERING, BANK FRAUD AND
WIRE FRAUD ARE AMONG THE MOST
FREQUENT CRIMES HE'S WIPED
CLEAN.
IT'S RANGED FROM YOUR CLASSIC
PONZI SCHEMERS, TO CAMPAIGN
FINANCE VIOLATORS, TO THIS MAN,
TREVOR MILTON.
HE WAS THE FOUNDER OF AN
ELECTRIC TRUCKING COMPANY CALLED
NIKOLA -- WHICH HE APPARENTLY
WANTED TO NAME AFTER NIKOLA
TESLA, BUT AS "TESLA" WAS
ALREADY TAKEN, HE WENT WITH
NIKOLA INSTEAD.
A NAME ONLY MARGINALLY MORE
CREATIVE THAN "TESLA2," "TESLA"
WITH TWO A'S AND "TESLA AGAIN
BUT DIFFERENT" ANYWAY, NIKOLA'S
ELECTRIC TRUCK LOOKED PRETTY
IMPRESSIVE -- HERE'S A VIDEO
THAT WAS POSTED TO THE COMPANY'S
SOCIAL MEDIA, CAPTIONED "BEHOLD,
THE 1,000 HP, ZERO EMISSION
NIKOLA SEMI-TRUCK IN MOTION."
THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS, AS THE
COMPANY LATER ADMITTED, THE
REASON THAT TRUCK WASN'T
EMITTING ANYTHING IS THAT IT HAD
BEEN TOWED TO THE TOP OF A HILL
AND ALLOWED TO ROLL DOWN.
MAKING IT THE PERFECT TRUCK FOR
ANYONE WHO'S ENVIRONMENTALLY
CONSCIOUS AND NEEDS TO COMMUTE
TO THE BOTTOM OF A HILL EXACTLY
ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN.
NOW: MILTON WOUND UP BEING
CONVICTED OF DEFRAUDING THE
COMPANY'S INVESTORS WITH WHAT
PROSECUTORS SAID WERE HIS
REPEATED LIES, AND WAS FACING A
FOUR-YEAR PRISON TERM.
HE WAS APPEALING THAT WHEN TRUMP
SUDDENLY STEPPED IN TO PARDON
HIM.
AND HERE'S MILTON, TELLING THE
MOVING STORY OF HOW TRUMP BROKE
THE NEWS TO HIM OVER THE PHONE.
>> HE SAYS, WELL, UM, TREVOR,
I'VE HEARD YOUR STORY AND WHAT
THEY DID TO YOU WAS EVIL AND
DISGUSTING WAS WRONG ON EVERY
LEVEL.
AND I'M GOING TO ISSUE YOU A
FULL AND UNCONDITIONAL PARDON.
THE HIGHEST PARDON A PRESIDENT
CAN GIVE A HUMAN IS A FULL AND
UNCONDITIONAL, AND I'M GONNA
GIVE -- I'M GONNA ISSUE YOU A
PARDON.
YOU DON'T DESERVE WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN THROUGH.
I'M SO SORRY.
AND HE SAYS, YOU'RE CLEAN.
YOU'RE CLEANER THAN A BABY'S
BOTTOM.
>> John: WAIT, CLEANER THAN A
BABY'S BOTTOM?
FIRST, THAT'S NOT A PHRASE.
BUT ALSO, IF YOU'RE TRYING TO
TALK UP SOMEONE'S HONESTY AND
INTEGRITY, MAYBE AVOID COMPARING
THEM TO SOMETHING THAT IS
FAMOUSLY, LITERALLY FULL OF
SHIT.
AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY
TRUMP GAVE MILTON A PARDON,
HERE'S HOW HE EXPLAINED IT, WHEN
ASKED.
>> WHAT WAS YOUR REASONING FOR
PARDONING TREVOR MILTON?
>> HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY MANY
PEOPLE THAT WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE
OF.
THEY SAY THE THING THAT HE DID
WRONG WAS, HE WAS ONE OF THE
FIRST PEOPLE THAT SUPPORTED A
GENTLEMAN NAMED DONALD TRUMP FOR
PRESIDENT.
HE SUPPORTED TRUMP.
HE LIKED TRUMP.
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM, BUT HE LIKED
HIM.
AND THEY GOT HIM.
AND I SAID THAT'S UNFAIR.
THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
THEY SUPPORT TRUMP, AND THEY
WENT AFTER THEM.
>> John: OKAY, EVEN BY TRUMP'S
STANDARDS, THAT WAS A MESS.
FIRST HE ANSWERS THE QUESTION
"WHAT'S YOUR REASONING FOR
PARDONING TREVOR MILTON," WITH,
AND I QUOTE, "HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
BY MANY PEOPLE THAT WAS TAKEN
ADVANTAGE OF."
THAT'S SIMPLY NOT HOW THE
ENGLISH LANGUAGE WORKS, BUT
OKAY.
THEN, IN THE MIDDLE OF ANOTHER
THOUGHT, HE SWITCHES FROM
SPEAKING IN THE THIRD PERSON TO
THE FIRST, LIKE A SURVIVOR
CONTESTANT IN CONFESSIONAL WHO'S
ONLY EATEN COCONUT WATER FOR
THREE WEEKS.
"RIZO'S PLAYING WELL, RIZO'S
DOMINATING, I AM GOING TO FAINT,
RIZO GOING DOWN."
IF YOU LOOKED AT A TRANSCRIPT OF
WHAT TRUMP JUST SAID ON PAPER,
YOU'D ASSUME IT WAS CHATGPT
TRYING TO KILL ITSELF.
BUT IT'S NOTABLE THAT MILTON
WASN'T JUST A SUPPORTER OF TRUMP
-- HE WAS ALSO A HEAVY DONOR.
IN FACT, HE AND HIS WIFE MADE
CONTRIBUTIONS TOTALING OVER
$1.8 MILLION TO A TRUMP
RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN FUND, JUST
A FEW MONTHS BEFORE THE PARDON.
AND IF THAT HELPED SWING IT, IT
WAS FRANKLY MONEY WELL-SPENT,
ESPECIALLY GIVEN THAT IN
ADDITION TO PRISON, MILTON WAS
ALSO FACING ROUGHLY $676 MILLION
IN RESTITUTION COSTS.
AND WHILE HISTORICALLY,
PRESIDENTIAL PARDONS DON'T WIPE
THOSE AWAY, AND FOR VERY GOOD
REASON, IN MILTON'S CASE, IT
DID.
SO MILTON'S INVESTORS WOULD NOW
GET ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THEIR
MONEY BACK -- PROMPTING ONE
REPORTER TO ASK HIM A PRETTY
OBVIOUS QUESTION.
>> IF SOMEONE CAME OUT AND SAID,
"I LOST MY LIFE SAVINGS," WOULD
YOU PAY THEM BACK?
>> I WOULDN'T PAY THEM BACK.
I WOULD DEFINITELY BE OPEN TO --
I'VE GOT A FEW BIG VENTURES I'M
WORKING ON RIGHT NOW.
I'D DEFINITELY BE OPEN TO TRYING
TO HELP THOSE PEOPLE IN THE
FUTURE.
SO, I'M NOT HEARTLESS.
IN FACT, I FEEL FOR THESE
PEOPLE, PROBABLY MORE THAN MOST.
>> John: WHAT AN ANSWER!
"YOU LOST YOUR LIFE SAVINGS ON
MY COMPANY, MAY I OFFER YOU
ANOTHER AMAZING INVESTMENT
OPPORTUNITY?"
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE ALL THE BIG
VENTURES HE'S WORKING ON!
JUST THINK OF ALL THE NEW,
CUTTING-EDGE THINGS HE'S GONNA
ROLL DOWN A HILL!
AND THE THING IS, WHEN IT COMES
TO GETTING OUT OF FINANCIAL
RESTITUTION TO VICTIMS, MILTON'S
NOT A ONE-OFF.
TRUMP'S SECOND TERM PARDONS
ALONE HAVE TAKEN AN ESTIMATED
$1.3 BILLION AWAY FROM VICTIMS
AND SURVIVORS OF CRIME.
AND SOME ARE CONSIDERABLY LESS
FUN THAN FAKE TRUCK SHENANIGANS.
TAKE JOSEPH SCHWARTZ, THE HEAD
OF A NURSING HOME EMPIRE WHO WAS
FACING THREE YEARS IN PRISON
FOR, AMONG OTHER THINGS,
ORCHESTRATING A $39 MILLION
PAYROLL TAX SCHEME, TO WHICH
HE'D PLED GUILTY.
BUT IT WASN'T JUST HIS EMPLOYEES
WHO SUFFERED FROM HOW SCHWARTZ
MANAGED HIS NURSING HOMES -- IT
WAS THE PATIENTS IN THEM, TOO.
>> BETTY MCFADDEN'S SON WAS IN A
SCHWARTZ-RUN NURSING HOME IN
ARKANSAS AFTER A STROKE LEFT HIM
UNABLE TO MOVE.
SANITARY CONDITIONS WERE SO POOR
IN 2017 THAT INSPECTORS
DOCUMENTED MAGGOTS ON HER SON'S
CATHETER.
THE STATE LATER ISSUED FINES FOR
NEGLECT.
DO YOU THINK THE PEOPLE IN THE
NURSING HOME JUST IGNORED WHAT
WAS BLATANTLY NEGLIGENT CARE?
>> YES, I DO.
>> John: YEAH, SO DO I.
AND YET, DESPITE ALL THAT,
SCHWARTZ RECEIVED A FULL PARDON
FROM TRUMP.
AND WHILE I CAN'T SAY FOR SURE
WHY, I'M GUESSING IT DIDN'T HURT
THAT HE'D PAID NEARLY A MILLION
DOLLARS TO RIGHT-WING OPERATIVES
WHO CLAIMED TO HAVE WORKED WITH
LAURA LOOMER, AND ANOTHER
$100,000 OR MORE TO A LOBBYIST
WHO HAD A DIFFERENT SET OF
CONNECTIONS TO TRUMP.
INCREDIBLY, ONE OF THE ARGUMENTS
SCHWARTZ'S SUPPORTERS MADE FOR
HIS PARDON WAS THAT HE HAD PAID
HIS FULL $5 MILLION IN FEDERAL
RESTITUTION.
WHICH MAKES IT PRETTY
FRUSTRATING TO LEARN THAT, AS
PART OF HIS PARDON, HE WAS
ACTUALLY MAGGOTS.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THAT IMAGE IS AN
ESTIMATE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT $5 MILLION OF
MAGGOTS LOOKS LIKE.
I'M NOT JOSEPH SCHWARTZ.
THE POINT IS, IN TRUMP'S SECOND
TERM, IT SURE FEELS LIKE, TO THE
EXTENT THERE'S ANY RHYME OR
REASON IN HOW PEOPLE GET
PARDONS, IT HAS LITTLE TO DO
WITH ANY OF THE ESTABLISHED
CRITERIA.
IN FACT, ONLY 10 OF THE PEOPLE
GRANTED THEM SINCE LAST YEAR HAD
EVEN FILED PETITIONS TO THE
OFFICE OF THE PARDON ATTORNEY,
AND EVEN WITHIN THAT SMALL
GROUP, SOME DID NOT APPEAR TO
MEET THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT'S
STANDARDS AND REQUIREMENTS.
INSTEAD, WE NOW SEEM TO HAVE A
SYSTEM WHERE THINGS LIKE MEDIA
COVERAGE, MONEY, AND APPEALS TO
TRUMP'S VANITY ARE KEY.
IN FACT, HE'LL OFTEN TIE HIS
JUSTIFICATION FOR PARDONS TO
WHAT HE SEES AS HIS OWN
RAILROADING BY PROSECUTORS, TO
THE POINT THAT, ACCORDING TO
ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS, THE
MAGIC WORDS TO GET HIM TO HELP
WITH A PARDON ARE: "UNJUST
PERSECUTION."
TAKE WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE
FORMER PRESIDENT OF HONDURAS,
JUAN ORLANDO HERNÁNDEZ, WHO WAS
PARDONED AFTER ROGER STONE,
FAMOUS HAT SALESMAN, ADVOCATED
ON HIS BEHALF, AND AFTER
HERNANDEZ'S WIFE APPEARED ON
MATT GAETZ'S SHOW TO CLAIM THAT,
JUST LIKE TRUMP, "MY HUSBAND IS
A VICTIM OF THE DOJ'S BIDEN
LAWFARE AGENDA."
WHICH IS A PRETTY BIG STRETCH,
GIVEN WHAT HER HUSBAND WAS
CONVICTED OF.
>> HERNANDEZ WAS CONVICTED IN
2024 OF WHAT PROSECUTORS CALLED
ONE OF THE BIGGEST AND MOST
VIOLENT NARCOTRAFFICKING
CONSPIRACIES IN THE WORLD,
PROTECTING DRUG ROUTES IN
EXCHANGE FOR MILLIONS.
IN TOTAL, PROSECUTORS SAID, HE
HELPED FLOOD THE U.S. WITH MORE
THAN 400 TONS OF COCAINE.
HE ALLEGEDLY EVEN BOASTED THEY
WERE GOING TO STUFF COCAINE UP
THE GRINGOS' NOSES.
>> John: YEAH, PRETTY BAD!
THE VIOLENT DRUG CONSPIRACY
PART, THAT IS, NOT THE "STUFF
COCAINE UP GRINGOS' NOSES."
IF ANYTHING, THAT'S JUST HELPFUL
CUSTOMER SERVICE.
THAT'S AT-HOME INSTALLATION AND
TROUBLESHOOTING.
IT'S ESSENTIALLY GEEK SQUAD BUT
FOR COCAINE.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, WAIT.
WASN'T "STOPPING THE FLOW OF
DRUGS ACROSS THE SOUTHERN
BORDER" TRUMP'S WHOLE DEAL?
ISN'T THAT WHY WE RECENTLY
KIDNAPPED A DIFFERENT SOUTH
COUNTRY'S LEADER, AND WHY WE'RE
BLOWING UP BOATS OFF VENEZUELA
ON A REGULAR BASIS?
IN FACT, WASN'T "THEY'RE
BRINGING DRUGS" ONE OF THE FIRST
THINGS TRUMP BURPED INTO OUR
COLLECTIVE BRAINS A DECADE AGO
AFTER DESCENDING FROM HELL'S
MEZZANINE?
YEAH!
IT VERY MUCH WAS!
AND IF THE WORLD HAD ANY
JUSTICE, HIS SHOELACES WOULD
HAVE GOTTEN STUCK RIGHT THEN AND
THERE, AND TODAY, INSTEAD OF
INTUITIVELY ASSOCIATING TRUMP
WITH AMERICA IMPLODING, WE'D
JUST ASSOCIATE HIM WITH THE NEED
TO BE REALLY CAREFUL AT THE
MALL.
LOOK UP FROM YOUR PHONE, ALYSSA.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GET TRUMP'D
OUTSIDE AN AMERICAN EAGLE.
LEARN FROM HISTORY.
BUT MAYBE THE BEST WAY TO
UNDERSTAND JUST HOW FULLY THE
BRAKES HAVE COME OFF IS TO LOOK
AT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE CRYPTO
TRADING PLATFORM BINANCE.
IN 2023, THE COMPANY AND ITS
CEO, CHANGPENG ZHAO, WHO GOES BY
"CZ," PLED GUILTY TO VIOLATING
ANTI-MONEY LAUNDERING LAWS.
THE DOJ SAID ZHAO HAD CAUSED
SIGNIFICANT HARM TO U.S.
NATIONAL SECURITY BY ALLOWING
SANCTIONED IRANIAN CRYPTO
EXCHANGES, RUSSIAN
DRUG-TRAFFICKERS, HAMAS
MILITANTS, AND OTHER CRIMINAL
GROUPS TO MOVE BILLIONS OF
DOLLARS THROUGH THE EXCHANGE.
AND IT WAS A PRETTY SLAM DUNK
CASE, WITH AMONG OTHER THINGS,
INTERNAL COMMUNICATIONS FROM
EMPLOYEES, INCLUDING ITS CHIEF
COMPLIANCE OFFICER TEXTING A
COWORKER, "LIKE COME ON.
THEY ARE HERE FOR CRIME," TO
WHICH THE COLLEAGUE REPLIED,
"WE SEE THE BAD, BUT WE CLOSE
2 EYES."
WHICH IS BOTH AN FLAGRANT
ADMISSION OF GUILT AND ALSO, A
FRANKLY GORGEOUS WAY TO DESCRIBE
PLAYING PEEKABOO.
BINANCE'S PLEA AGREEMENTS
CONSTITUTED THE LARGEST
SETTLEMENTS IN HISTORY, AND THE
COMPANY PAID MORE THAN
$4 BILLION IN FINES.
AND YET, SEEMINGLY OUT OF
NOWHERE, TRUMP GAVE ZHAO A FULL
PARDON.
AND WHEN ASKED ABOUT THAT JUST A
FEW DAYS LATER, HIS ANSWER
WASN'T GREAT.
>> HE PLED GUILTY IN 2023 TO
VIOLATING ANTI-MONEY LAUNDERING
LAWS.
>> RIGHT.
>> THE GOVERNMENT AT THE TIME
SAID THAT CZ HAD CAUSED
SIGNIFICANT HARM TO U.S.
NATIONAL SECURITY, ESSENTIALLY
BY ALLOWING TERRORIST GROUPS
LIKE HAMAS --
>> MM-HMM.
>> TO MOVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS
AROUND.
WHY DID YOU PARDON HIM?
>> OKAY.
ARE YOU READY?
I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
I KNOW HE GOT A FOUR-MONTH
SENTENCE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND I HEARD IT WAS A BIDEN WITCH
HUNT.
>> John: THERE IT IS,
THERE IT IS, TRUMP'S CLASSIC
MOVE OF CLAIMING HE DOESN'T KNOW
SOMEONE AFTER IT TURNS OUT HIS
ASSOCIATION WITH THEM MIGHT BE A
PROBLEM.
HE LITERALLY SAYS "ARE YOU
READY?," AS IF TO PREPARE
EVERYONE FOR THE INCOMING
BULLSHIT.
"OKAY, BUCKLE THE FUCK UP,
EVERYONE, BECAUSE EVEN BY MY
STANDARDS, THIS LIE IS ABOUT TO
BE AN ABSOLUTE DOOZY!"
BUT ZHAO'S PARDON MAY NOT "JUST"
HAVE BEEN DOWN TO THE "BIDEN
WITCH HUNT" FACTOR.
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT, JUST
MONTHS BEFORE IT CAME THROUGH,
BINANCE HAD DONE A CRYPTO DEAL
THAT BENEFITED THE TRUMP FAMILY
MASSIVELY.
VERY BASICALLY, UAE INVESTMENT
FUND, BROKERED A $2 BILLION
TRANSACTION USING THE CRYPTO
COIN ASSOCIATED WITH THE TRUMP
THAT TRANSACTION PARKED $2
BILLION INDEFINITELY WITH THE
COMPANY, OFF OF WHICH THE TRUMPS
COULD THEN EARN INTEREST.
AND WHILE BINANCE WILL INSIST
THERE WAS NO QUID PRO QUO AND
THAT IT DIDN'T CHOOSE THE CRYPTO
COIN IN QUESTION, EVEN IF THAT'S
TRUE, IT CAN VERY MUCH DETERMINE
HOW LONG WORLD LIBERTY CONTINUES
EARNING INTEREST ON THAT TWO
BILLION DOLLARS, WHICH IS PRETTY
MEANINGFUL, GIVEN EVEN A 4%
YIELD WOULD GENERATE $80 MILLION
ANNUALLY, OF WHICH THE TRUMP
FAMILY WOULD BE ENTITLED TO
ABOUT $30 MILLION A YEAR.
WHICH IS A LOT OF MONEY.
I MEAN, $30 MILLION DOLLARS!
THAT'S A MILLION SIGNED ITALIAN
FELONY HATS!
THAT'S RICCHEZZA!
AND IT'S NOT JUST ME THAT THINKS
ZHAO'S PARDON LOOKS BAD.
EVEN JOE LONSDALE, THE
CO-FOUNDER OF PALANTIR, TWEETED,
TRUMP HAS BEEN TERRIBLY ADVISED
ON THIS, IT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE
MASSIVE FRAUD IS HAPPENING
AROUND HIM IN THIS AREA."
AND I DON'T LOVE BEING ON THE
SAME SIDE AS THE HEAD OF
IT MAKES ME SECOND GUESS
EVERYTHING.
IMAGINE IF TUCKER CARLSON
ANNOUNCED "THE COMEBACK" IS HIS
FAVORITE SHOW OF ALL TIME, I
THINK I'D KILL MYSELF.
SO, WHAT DO WE DO?
WELL, LEGALLY, THERE'S NOT MUCH
WE CAN DO.
ESPECIALLY GIVEN THE SUPREME
COURT'S FOUND A PRESIDENT CAN'T
BE PROSECUTED FOR OFFICIAL ACTS,
WHICH GIVING OUT PARDONS
UNQUESTIONABLY IS.
AND WHILE SOME CRITICS HAVE
SUGGESTED REINING IN THE
PRESIDENT'S PARDON POWER, I'D
WANT TO TREAD VERY CAREFULLY
THERE.
BECAUSE HISTORICALLY, THE HARM
OF SKETCHY PARDONS HAS GENERALLY
BEEN OFFSET BY CLEMENCY COMING
FOR MANY MORE WHO ACTUALLY
DESERVED IT.
THE PROBLEM IS, RIGHT NOW, IT
FEELS THAT RATIO'S BEEN
REVERSED, AND THAT OUTSIDE OF A
FEW EXCEPTIONS, IT'S BASICALLY
JUST THE SCUMBAGS AND FRAUDSTERS
WITH CONNECTIONS TO TRUMP WHO
GET PARDONS.
AS ONE LAWYER PUT IT, "IF YOU'RE
JUST AN AVERAGE CITIZEN, YOU
CAN'T EVEN GET IN THE LINE.
"I TOLD MY GUY HE'D PROBABLY BE
BETTER OFF IF HE BROKE INTO THE
CAPITOL OR MADE A MAJOR DONATION
TO TRUMP'S INAUGURATION."
WHICH IS PRETTY BLEAK.
ISN'T IT?
ESPECIALLY GIVEN JUST HOW MUCH
TRUMP LOVES TO RAIL ABOUT HOW
TOUGH HE IS ON LAW AND ORDER.
BUT THAT TOUGHNESS IS CLEARLY
DEEPLY SELECTIVE, BECAUSE HE'LL
HAPPILY PUT VIOLENT PEOPLE AND
FRAUDSTERS BACK ON THE STREETS
TO VICTIMIZE PEOPLE AGAIN, JUST
BECAUSE THEY SUPPORT HIM.
AND THAT'S FRANKLY NOT LIKELY TO
STOP ANYTIME SOON.
IN FACT, HE'S REPORTEDLY
PROMISED HIS TOP ADMINISTRATION
OFFICIALS PARDONS BEFORE HE
LEAVES OFFICE, EFFECTIVELY
MEANING THAT THEY CAN GET AWAY
WITH ANY FEDERAL CRIMES THEY MAY
COMMIT DURING HIS SECOND TERM.
WHICH, AMONG OTHER THINGS, MEANS
THAT RFK JR. IS ABOUT TO ENTER
THE ILLEGAL WILDLIFE TRADE IN
WAYS THAT WE'VE NEVER SEEN
BEFORE.
THE HYPOCRISY HERE IS SO
FLAGRANT.
JUST LAST WEEK, ADMINISTRATION
OFFICIALS TRIUMPHANTLY ANNOUNCED
INDICTMENTS AS PART OF THEIR
ONGOING CRACKDOWN ON MEDICARE
HEALTHCARE FRAUD.
BUT AS REPORTERS QUICKLY POINTED
OUT, SOME OF THOSE FRAUD CASES
SEEMED STRIKINGLY SIMILAR TO
THOSE FOR WHICH TRUMP HAS
GRANTED CLEMENCY, WHEN PEOPLE
HAD CONNECTIONS TO HIM.
AND WHEN ONE REPORTER POINTED
THAT OUT DURING THE DOJ'S PRESS
CONFERENCE, THE ANSWER HE GOT
WAS PRETTY REVEALING.
>> PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS GRANTED
CLEMENCY TO NUMEROUS INDIVIDUALS
WHO HAVE STOLEN HUNDREDS OF
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN MEDICAID
FUNDS.
CAN WE EXPECT AIMEE BOCK OR ANY
OF THESE FOLKS TO BE SHOWN THE
SAME MERCY IN THE FUTURE?
>> I'LL TAKE A DIFFERENT
QUESTION AS THE FINAL QUESTION.
>> John: I MEAN, THAT'S NOT EVEN
AN ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN.
AND IF SOMEONE IS DODGING A
QUESTION THAT HARD, IT MEANS THE
ANSWER IS TRULY BAD.
IF YOU ASKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND,
"WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
AND SHE SAYS "I'LL TAKE A
DIFFERENT QUESTION," GO AHEAD
AND DOWNLOAD HINGE BECAUSE
WHATEVER THE REAL ANSWER IS DOES
NOT BODE WELL FOR YOU.
AND LOOK, WHILE THAT ANSWER IS
CLEARLY LAUGHABLE, THE
UNDERLYING MESSAGE IS PRETTY
DARK.
BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S NOT NEWS
THAT AMERICA HAS A TWO-TIERED
JUSTICE SYSTEM, BUT THIS IS
TAKING IT TO AN ABSURD EXTREME.
THE WAY WE'RE GOING RIGHT NOW,
WE MAY END UP AT A POINT WHERE
WE DON'T SO MUCH HAVE A SYSTEM
OF LAWS, AS WE JUST HAVE A GUY.
AND IF YOU'RE ON THAT GUY'S
TEAM, YOU BASICALLY GET TO
COMMIT CRIMES.
AND THAT'S JUST NOT THE SOCIAL
CONTRACT ANY OF US SIGNED UP
FOR.
ALL OF THIS IS A VERY, VERY
SLIPPERY SLOPE.
AND THE PROBLEM IS, MUCH LIKE A
NIKOLA TRUCK, ONCE WE START
GOING DOWN THAT SLOPE, IT COULD
BE VERY HARD TO COME BACK.
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
PEOPLE CALLING INTO C-SPAN ON
THEIR BIRTHDAY PARKA
>> DON IS NEXT PARK OF LIKE
GOOD MORNING.
>> GOOD MORNING, IT'S MY
BIRTHDAY.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> ELROY WISCONSIN, INDEPENDENT
COLOR.
>> GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY.
I'M 84 YEARS OLD.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN AND I'M
80 YEARS OLD.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> I PLAN TO BE ON THIS EARTH.
>> HOW OLD ARE YOU, VIVIAN?
>> 72 YEARS OLD.
>> HAPPY 72ND BIRTHDAY.
>> I CAME IN THIS WORLD 86 YEARS
AGO TODAY.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> THANK YOU, I FEEL GOOD ABOUT
THAT.
I'M STILL KICKING.
>> I JUST TURNED 90.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> THANKS.
>> TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY, I
HAVE TWO VACCINES AND THE
BOOSTER AND I'M SICK RIGHT NOW.
AND SO GOODBYE.
>> HOW OLD ARE YOU?
>> 76.
NO, GOD, 75.
>> HAPPY 75TH BIRTHDAY.
>> GOOD MORNING.
>> IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO GET IN FOR MONTHS AND
I FINALLY GOT IN.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> FIRST OF ALL I WANT TO SAY
TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY.
>> GOOD MORNING, STEVE, I CANNOT
TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I AM TO SEE
YOU BACK ON THE AIR.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I CAN TELL
YOU IT'S THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT
I'VE EVER RECEIVED.
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU
BACK.
VERY EXCITED.
>> GOOD MORNING, GRETA.
TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> THANK YOU.
PRAYER TO THE EXPLOSION OF THE
CHALLENGER.
MEMORABLE ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY.
BUT SINCE THEN PEOPLE REMEMBER
IT.
[LAUGHTER]
>> John: MOVING ON.
BEFORE WE GO, A QUICK WORD ABOUT
MOVIE POSTERS.
HELPING BOYS IN COLLEGE MAKE
TERRIBLE DECORATING DECISIONS
FROM THE JUMP.
"HELLO, MY PERSONALITY IS
'SCARFACE,' WELCOME TO MY HOLE."
THE BEST POSTERS FIND A WAY TO
SUM UP A FILM IN A SINGLE IMAGE,
WHETHER IT'S UMA THURMAN DOING
SOME ARMED BEDTIME READING, OR
JODIE FOSTER WITH A DEATH MOTH
ON HER FACE, OR "GHOST," WHICH
CONVEYS IN AN INSTANT THAT IT'S
A SEXY SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE.
BUT I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
ANOTHER POSTER FOR THAT SAME
MOVIE, THAT WENT IN A DIFFERENT
DIRECTION.
>> THIS OBVIOUSLY LOOKS NOTHING
LIKE THE ACTUAL POSTER FOR
"GHOST."
NONE OF THIS HAPPENS IN "GHOST."
YOU HAVE PATRICK SWAYZE HERE,
DEMI MOORE KIND OF SCREAMING IN
AGONY, AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG'S
HEAD BURSTING THROUGH
DEMI MOORE'S BODY.
AGAIN, NONE OF THAT HAPPENS IN
THE MOVIE.
>> John: THAT IS EXCELLENT.
ESPECIALLY HER CLARIFYING, "NONE
OF THAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE."
GIRL, WE KNOW.
EVEN IF ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT GHOST
IS POTTERY THAT FUCKS, YOU'RE
PROBABLY AWARE THAT
WHOOPI GOLDBERG DOES NOT
"HERE'S JOHNNY" HER WAY OUT OF
DEMI MOORE'S UTERUS.
THAT POSTER'S JUST ONE EXAMPLE
IN THE INCREDIBLE WORLD OF
GHANAIAN MOVIE POSTERS.
IT TURNS OUT, ARTISTS THERE HAVE
BEEN MAKING THEIR OWN
HAND-PAINTED POSTERS FOR DECADES
NOW, LIKE THIS AMAZING ONE FOR
JURASSIC PARK, FEATURING A
GOLFER FOR SOME REASON, TO THIS
ONE FOR "THE SPY WHO LOVED ME"
THAT'S UNEXPECTEDLY
FISH-FORWARD, TO THIS ONE FOR
"HARD BOILED," WHICH FEATURES
CHOW YUN FAT SHOOTING SOME BAD
GUYS SO HARD, ONE OF THEIR HEADS
COMES OFF.
AND THERE'S AN INTERESTING
EXPLANATION FOR THIS TRADITION.
BACK IN THE 1980s, THE
WIDESPREAD INTRODUCTION OF
FOREIGN VIDEOCASSETTES INTO
GHANA LED TO THE CREATION OF A
"MOBILE CINEMA" PHENOMENON --
BASICALLY, LOCAL ENTREPRENEURS
BOUGHT TV MONITORS, VCRs, AND
PORTABLE GAS-POWERED GENERATORS,
THEN TRAVELED AROUND SETTING UP
MAKESHIFT SCREENING AREAS IN
VILLAGES WITH LIMITED OR NO
ELECTRICITY.
BUT THEY HIT A ROADBLOCK WHEN IT
CAME TO ADVERTISING.
BECAUSE AT THAT TIME, GHANA WAS
UNDER A MILITARY DICTATORSHIP,
WHOSE LAWS HAD CUT OFF THE
IMPORTATION OF THE LARGE-SCALE
OFFSET PRINTING PRESSES YOU'D
USE TO MAKE POSTERS.
SO INSTEAD, LOCAL ARTISTS WERE
COMMISSIONED TO MAKE THEIR OWN
-- OFTEN USING REPURPOSED FLOUR
SACKS AS A CANVAS.
AND AS THIS ARTIST EXPLAINS,
THEY HAD A LOT OF FREEDOM TO
IMPROVISE.
>> IN THOSE DAYS, THERE WERE
POSTERS THAT WOULD COME WITH THE
MOVIES, BUT WE'D DECIDE WHAT TO
PAINT BY WATCHING THE MOVIES
OURSELVES AND SELECTING THE
SCENES THAT WE WANTED TO SEE.
>> WESTERN ACTION FILMS WERE
MAINSTAYS AS WERE THOSE FROM
CHINA AND BOLLYWOOD.
MANY POSTERS INCLUDE PARANORMAL
ELEMENTS AND GRATUITOUS
VIOLENCE, EVEN IF THE FILMS HAD
NONE.
>> John: I LOVE THAT IDEA.
GIVING SOMEONE THE FREEDOM TO
MAKE MOVIES SEEM MORE
INTERESTING THAN THEY MIGHT
OTHERWISE BE.
BECAUSE IT'S LED TO SOME TRULY
UNIQUE REPRESENTATIONS.
FOR INSTANCE, THIS POSTER FOR
"PREDATOR" HAS PREDATOR HOLDING
A NAKED WOMAN IN THE BACKGROUND
WHICH DOESN'T HAPPEN IN THE
MOVIE.
AND THIS ONE FOR "HELLRAISER
III" HAS PINHEAD EATING A PERSON
WHOLE, WHICH WASN'T IN THE
MOVIE, BUT FRANKLY SHOULD'VE
BEEN.
ALTHOUGH, AS THIS CULTURAL
ANTHROPOLOGIST EXPLAINS, THAT
APPROACH HAD BOTH PROS AND CONS.
>> SOMETIMES YOU HAVE THINGS
DEPICTED ON THE POSTERS THAT
WILL AROUSE YOUR INTEREST
BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE
GOING TO SEE THOSE DEPICTIONS IN
THOSE MOVIES.
IT CREATED TENSIONS WHERE YOU
HAVE CERTAIN FOLKS DEMANDING
THEIR MONEY BACK BECAUSE THEY'VE
BEEN DECEIVED, RIGHT?
>> John: YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE!
IF YOU BUY A TICKET TO THE SPY
WHO LOVED ME THINKING YOU'RE
GOING TO SEE THE BIG RED FISH
AND HE HASN'T SHOWN UP AN HOUR
INTO THE MOVIE, YOU'RE GOING TO
START WHISPERING TO YOUR DATE
"I'M SO SORRY.
I KNOW YOU WANTED TO SEE THE BIG
RED FISH.
I'M SO SORRY."
AND IF YOUR DATE HAPPENS TO BE A
BIG RED FISH, YOU'D ALSO HAVE TO
SAY "I KNOW THERE AREN'T A LOT
OF GOOD REPRESENTATIONS OF BIG
RED FISH AND YOU WANTED TO SEE
YOURSELF AND YOUR STRUGGLES ON
THE SCREEN.
AGAIN, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT
THIS."
BUT HE'S NOT KIDDING.
ONE GHANAIAN ARTIST SAID, FOR A
CHINESE MOVIE HE ASSUMED WAS A
MARTIAL-ARTS FILM, HE PAINTED
ACTOR JET LI DELIVERING A
BEATDOWN.
BUT NEITHER JET LI NOR FIGHTING
WAS IN THE FILM.
AND WHEN ANGRY CUSTOMERS BEGAN
DEMANDING THEIR MONEY BACK, HE
SNEAKED OUT.
AND WHILE ALL THIS WAS BORN OUT
OF COMMERCE, IT WAS TRULY AN ART
FORM -- MANY OF THE ARTISTS WERE
WELL-TRAINED AND DID
THREE-TO-FOUR-YEAR
APPRENTICESHIPS.
BUT AFTER THE DICTATORSHIP FELL,
AND GHANAIANS GAINED ACCESS TO
CHEAP PRINTING TECHNIQUES AND
HOME TV SETS, THE DEMAND FOR
THESE ARTISTS' SERVICES
DECLINED.
UNFORTUNATELY, MANY WERE UNABLE
TO MAKE A LIVING AS ARTISTS, AND
HAD TO GO BACK TO DOING ORDINARY
JOBS.
BUT THANKFULLY, AFTER ATTRACTING
INTERNATIONAL ATTENTION OVER THE
PAST DECADE, GHANAIAN ARTISTS,
PARTNERING WITH THIS GALLERY,
HAVE BEEN GETTING COMMISSIONED
TO MAKE NEW POSTERS FOR
COLLECTORS AND FANS.
SOME HAVE SPECIALIZED IN TAKING
NON-ACTION MOVIES AND AMPING UP
THE VIOLENCE.
LIKE IN THIS ONE FROM
"FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF,"
WHERE EVERYONE HAS GUNS AND
JENNIFER GRAY IS SLITTING
CAMERON'S THROAT BECAUSE SHE HAS
HAD ENOUGH, OR THIS ONE FOR THE
"WIZARD OF OZ" WHERE EVERY
SUPPORTING CHARACTER IS A
VAMPIRE, THE TINMAN DOESN'T HAVE
A HEART BUT DOES HAVE A BLEEDING
HUMAN ARM THAT HE APPEARS TO
HAVE CUT OFF WITH HIS OWN AXE,
AND TOTO IS THE ONLY ONE
REACTING APPROPRIATELY.
MEANWHILE ACTION MOVIES CAN IT
AMPED UP EVEN FURTHER.
"STAR WARS," FEATURING A CAR
THEN THERE'S THIS ONE FOR
"STAR WARS," FEATURING A CAR
CRASH, MULTIPLE EXPLODING
TORSOS, AN ANT ATTACK, AND YODA
GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL.
ALL OF WHICH ARE ENOUGH TO
DISTRACT YOU FROM THE FACT THERE
IS A FUCKING WEREWOLF ON THE
POSTER.
BUT THE MORE YOU STUDY THESE
POSTERS, THE MORE YOU START TO
SEE SOME PATTERNS.
SNAKES ARE A CONSTANT MOTIF,
SHOWING UP IN UNEXPECTED PLACES,
LIKE IN THIS POSTER FOR COOL
RUNNINGS: SNAKE!
OR THIS ONE FOR "THE MATRIX."
SNAKES!
AND MORE SNAKES!
OR THIS ONE FOR "WILLY WONKA AND
THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY," WITH
SNAKES LAUNCHING THEMSELVES OUT
OF A DEMONIC VIOLET BEAUREGARDE.
OTHER POSTERS SHOEHORN IN
CHARACTERS THAT DON'T APPEAR IN
THE FILM, LIKE THIS VERSION OF
"MAGIC MIKE" FEATURING MACHO MAN
RANDY SAVAGE, OR THIS VERSION OF
"FLUBBER" FEATURING ALVIN AND
THE CHIPMUNKS, WHERE NOT ONLY
ARE THEY AT THE BEACH, BUT ALSO
FLUBBER HAS TWO GUNS.
OR THIS PORTRAYAL OF THE SHARK
FROM "JAWS" WITH RIPPLING ABS,
AND ALSO CHUCK NORRIS.
THESE ARTISTS ARE INCREDIBLE.
AND JUST THINK OF THE TALENT IT
TAKES TO BE PRESENTED WITH A
MOVIE LIKE SAY "PADDINGTON," A
MOVIE WHERE FAMOUSLY AN ORPHANED
BEAR GOES TO LONDON, AND IS
TAKEN IN BY A KINDLY FAMILY, BUT
THEN HAVE THE IMAGINATION TO
SAY, "OKAY, I THINK I GOT IT, SO
FOR A POSTER...
YOU PROBABLY WANT SOMETHING LIKE
THIS, THEN?"
THAT'S AN ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE!
AND I'M GENUINELY GLAD THESE
POSTERS ARE BECOMING POPULAR
AGAIN, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE AS
THAT ANTHROPOLOGIST POINTS OUT,
IT'S HELPING KEEP A TRADITION
ALIVE.
>> WE NEED TO HAVE A WAY OF
MOTIVATING, YOU KNOW, UPCOMING
ARTISTS TO BE ROOTED IN THIS
TRADITION.
TO PRESERVE THIS WAY OF
PAINTING, WE NEED TO HAVE A WAY
OF MOTIVATING THESE ARTISTS TO
GROW
>> John: HE'S RIGHT, ARTISTS
NEED SUPPORT.
EVEN DA VINCI HAD WEALTHY
PATRONS, ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, IF
HE HAD BEEN REGULARLY CRANKING
OUT GOLD LIKE THIS FACE-OFF
POSTER, HE MIGHT HAVE HAD A LOT
MORE.
IF I'M A MEDICI, I'M THROWING
ALL MY FLORINS AT THAT.
AND WHILE WE CAN MOURN THE LOSS
OF THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE OF THESE
POSTERS -- WHICH, REMEMBER, WAS
TO LURE UNSUSPECTING GHANAIANS
TO SEE MOVIES BY COMPLETELY
MISREPRESENTING THE NUMBER OF
DECAPITATIONS IN "SPACE JAM" --
IT IS NICE TO KNOW THESE ARTISTS
ARE FINDING A NEW MARKET AMONG
INTERNATIONAL COLLECTORS.
BECAUSE YOU CAN STILL GET SOME
GREAT CUSTOM WORK DONE.
AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS...
WE ACTUALLY REACHED OUT TO THAT
GALLERY TO COMMISSION A POSTER
FOR THIS SHOW.
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY: EACH
YEAR, DURING EMMY VOTING SEASON,
HBO LAUNCHES A CAMPAIGN ON
BEHALF OF ITS SHOWS, WITH
TASTEFUL ADS LIKE THESE.
THEY EVEN RENT OUT BILLBOARDS IN
L.A.
FOR THE ADS.
AND WHILE THEY'RE ALWAYS DONE IN
A RESTRAINED, CLASSY STYLE, IT'S
NEVER REALLY FELT LIKE IT SPOKE
TO THE CHAOS WE LIKE TO THINK WE
STAND FOR HERE.
SO WE COMMISSIONED A GHANAIAN
POSTER ARTIST TO MAKE SOMETHING
DIFFERENT FOR US THIS YEAR.
WE SENT THEM A FEW IMAGES FROM
THE LAST YEAR OF OUR SHOW --
INCLUDING ME TRYING TO FORCE MY
WAY ONTO A SOAP OPERA, MY WIFE
WANDA JO HELPING ME OPEN A MED
SPA, AND OUR MOON MAMMOTH
MASCOT.
BUT WE DIDN'T TELL THEM MUCH
ELSE ABOUT WHAT THIS SHOW
ACTUALLY WAS.
AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE WHAT
THEY CAME UP WITH?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
PLEASE, COME WITH ME.
♪ ♪
BECAUSE ALL WE ASKED THEM TO DO
WAS TO USE THEIR IMAGINATION,
INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE CHARACTER
WHO IS NOT A PART OF THIS SHOW,
AND TO USE AS MANY OF THEIR
REGULAR TACTICS AS THEY WANTED
TO.
SO MAY I PRESENT TO YOU, FROM
GHANAIAN ARTIST C.A. WISELY, A
POSTER THAT I THINK TRULY
REPRESENTS WHAT THIS SHOW IS
ABOUT.
BEHOLD!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
LOOK AT THIS MASTERPIECE!
IT HAS EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT
-- IT'S GOT ME HOLDING A GUN,
AND ALSO A SECOND GUN.
IT'S GOT OUR WOODEN CABBAGE MAN
STATUE FROM OUR AI SLOP STORY.
IT'S GOT ME DRINKING WINE WITH A
HORSE, WHO BY THE WAY, SEEMS TO
HAVE AN ELEGANT HUMAN HAND.
IT'S GOT A CHAINSAW CUTTING
THROUGH TENTACLES, BLOOD,
SNAKES, AN EXPLOSION, AND ALSO,
THE FUCKING FONZ IS THERE, AND
HE IS HOLDING A PICKAXE FOR NO
CLEAR REASON, OTHER THAN, I'M
GUESSING, TO DEFEND HIMSELF FROM
EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENING
AROUND HIM.
I LOVE THIS PAINTING SO MUCH.
I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE, IT'S
AN AD FOR A MUCH MORE
ENTERTAINING SHOW THAN THE ONE
YOU JUST WATCHED.
NOW WE'VE SHOWN THIS TO HBO, AND
THEY'VE AGREED TO PUT IT ON
THEIR DIGITAL BILLBOARD OVER
SUNSET BOULEVARD NEXT MONTH,
FROM 2 A.M. TO 6 A.M. ONLY.
WHICH IS THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE
TIME FOR IT TO BE UP THERE.
BUT THIS POSTER CAN ALSO BE IN
YOUR HOME, BECAUSE WE'RE SELLING
HIGH QUALITY PRINTS OF IT FOR
$50, WITH ALL PROCEEDS GOING TO
GHANAIAN ARTISTS, AND COMMUNITY
LED CHARITIES ACROSS GHANA.
YOU CAN FRAME THIS POSTER AND
PUT IT UP ON ANY WALL OF YOUR
HOUSE, AND YOU CAN FIND IT AT
HangJohnOliver.com.
A URL I'M HONESTLY A LITTLE
SURPRISED WAS STILL AVAILABLE.
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
GOOD NIGHT!
IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
IT'S JUST A BEAUTIFUL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪