♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
THERE WERE "NO KINGS" PROTESTS
AROUND THE U.S. AND THE WORLD,
WHATEVER THIS WAS HAPPENED, AND
THE WHITE HOUSE TWEETED AMERICA
WILL NEVER GIVE UP THE MOON
AGAIN, WHICH IS DEFINITELY
SOMETHING I WAS WORRIED ABOUT.
MEANWHILE, THE IRAN WAR ENTERED
ITS SECOND MONTH, THOUGH TRUMP
TRIES NOT TO USE THE WORD "WAR,"
FOR REASONS HE PROBABLY
SHOULDN'T BE SAYING OUT LOUD.
>> I WON'T USE THE WORD "WAR"
BECAUSE THEY SAY, IF YOU USE THE
WORD "WAR," THAT'S MAYBE NOT A
GOOD THING TO DO.
THEY DON'T LIKE THE WORD "WAR,"
BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET
APPROVAL, SO I'LL USE THE WORD
"MILITARY OPERATION," WHICH IS
REALLY WHAT IT IS.
>> John: WHAT?
HE REALLY JUST TALKS LIKE A
6-YEAR-OLD SPEAKING STREAM OF
CONSCIOUSNESS TO A STRANGER.
"AND MY MOM SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO TALK ABOUT MY PENIS WITH
OTHER PEOPLE EVEN THOUGH
EVERYBODY HAS ONE.
WELL, NOT HER AND NOT MY SISTER.
BUT MY DAD AND I BOTH HAVE
PENISES BUT WE CAN'T SAY THAT
WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE
AROUND.
EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE KNOWS CAUSE
THEY HAVE THEIR OWN PENISES.
UNLESS THEY DON'T.
BUT I DO."
BUT LOOK, WHATEVER YOU CALL THIS
CONFLICT, IT'S BEEN CHAOS.
LAST SATURDAY, TRUMP THREATENED
TO ATTACK IRAN'S POWER GRID IF
THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ WASN'T
OPENED, WRITING HE'D BE
"STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST"
POWER PLANT FIRST, WHICH WOULD
BE A WAR CRIME, IF THIS WAS A
WAR, BUT LUCKILY WE KNOW IT
ISN'T.
THEN ON MONDAY, HE SAID HE'D
DELAY THOSE STRIKES FOR FIVE
DAYS AFTER "VERY GOOD AND
PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS" WITH
IRAN -- DISCUSSIONS THEY'VE
DENIED TOOK PLACE.
HE'S SINCE EXTENDED THE DEADLINE
UNTIL APRIL 6TH, EVEN AS IRAN'S
CONTINUED TO BOMB U.S. BASES AND
ALLIES ACROSS THE REGION.
ALMOST 2,000 IRANIANS HAVE BEEN
KILLED SO FAR, AS WELL AS 13 US
SERVICE MEMBERS, AND TRUMP'S
REPORTEDLY WEIGHING WHETHER TO
MOVE AN ADDITIONAL 10,000 TROOPS
TO THE REGION.
IT SURE FEELS LIKE WE'RE IN AN
UNNECESSARY WAR WITH NO ENDGAME,
THOUGH THE PRESIDENT'S
SUPPORTERS INSIST THAT, IF YOU
JUST LOOK AT THINGS IN THE RIGHT
WAY, IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
>> HERE'S WHY WE WENT INTO IRAN,
WE HAD NO CHOICE.
THE PRESIDENT DIDN'T START A
WAR.
HE WAS TRYING TO STOP A WAR.
>> John: OH, I GET IT.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO START A
WAR TO STOP A WAR.
THE SAME WAY YOU HAVE TO SPEND
MONEY TO MAKE MONEY, OR FAKE IT
'TIL YOU MAKE IT -- Y'KNOW, ANY
OF THOSE THINGS PEOPLE SAY WHEN
THEY'RE IN WAY OVER THEIR HEAD.
AND LOOK, THERE'LL CLEARLY BE
MORE TO SAY ABOUT IRAN GOING
FORWARD, BUT FOR NOW.....
WE'RE GOING TO DIVE STRAIGHT IN
WITH OUR MAIN STORY THIS WEEK,
WHICH CONCERNS HUNGARY.
A COUNTRY WITH OVER A THOUSAND
YEARS A RICH HISTORY, PROUD
CULTURE, AND ABSOLUTELY NO
CHANCE OF YOU FINDING IT ON THIS
MAP.
NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER.
NO SHADE TO HUNGARY, BY THE WAY,
THAT'S ALL ON YOU.
HUNGARY'S GIVEN A LOT TO THE
WORLD, FROM BELA LUGOSI, TO THE
RUBIK'S CUBE, TO, OF COURSE, THE
GAME HUNGRY HUNGARY HIPPOS.
YEAH, THAT SECOND "HUNGRY" HAS
AN "A" IN IT.
ALWAYS DID!
WILD, HUH?
IT'S ALSO BROUGHT US ONE OF THE
INTERNET'S GREATEST-EVER MEMES.
>> ANDRAS, A RETIRED ELECTRIC
ENGINEER, WAS ASKED TO BE A
MODEL FOR STOCK PHOTOS 10 YEARS
AGO.
THE INTERNET DISCOVERED THEM AND
DECIDED THAT HIS SMILE HIDES A
DEEP SORROW.
HE BECAME "HIDE THE PAIN
HAROLD."
A FLURRY OF MEMES FOLLOWED, AND
ANDRAS FOUND THAT HIS FACE WAS
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE
INTERNET.
>> IF I WANTED TO DRAW A LESSON
FROM WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, I
WOULD SAY, LIFE THROWS ALL KINDS
OF CHALLENGES AT YOU.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT AS IT COMES,
TRY OUT AS MANY THINGS AS
POSSIBLE, AND WHO KNOWS, YOU
MIGHT EVEN BECOME A MEME.
>> John: OKAY, HAROLD, BUT I'M
NOT SURE "YOU MIGHT BECOME A
MEME" IS QUITE AS ASPIRATIONAL
AS YOU THINK.
THOUGH TO BE FAIR, PUTTING ON A
BRAVE SMILE DESPITE INNER REGRET
IS THIS GUY'S WHOLE THING.
HE BRINGS THAT "HIDE THE PAIN"
ENERGY TO ALL HIS STOCK PHOTOS,
WHETHER HE'S ANSWERING THE
PHONE, WHISKING EGGS, PAINTING A
WALL, READING A PATIENT'S X-RAY,
OR RIDING AN EXERCISE BIKE.
EVEN WHEN HE'S SANTA AND HIS
FACE IS COVERED BY A HAT AND
BEARD, HAROLD'S EYES STILL
MANAGE TO HIDE THE PAIN.
LOOK AT THAT AND TELL ME SANTA
DIDN'T JUST ACCIDENTALLY RUN
OVER AN ELF AND HASTILY HIDE THE
BODY.
THE REASON I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
HUNGARY IS IT'S SET FOR
ELECTIONS ON APRIL 12.
VOTERS THERE WILL CHOOSE A NEW
NATIONAL ASSEMBLY -- THEIR
PARLIAMENT -- WHICH IN TURN WILL
MEAN EITHER A NEW PRIME
MINISTER, OR THE REELECTION OF
THEIR CURRENT ONE, VIKTOR ORBAN.
HE'S BEEN IN THE OFFICE SINCE
2010, WITH AN ABSOLUTE MAJORITY
IN HUNGARY'S GOVERNMENT FOR THE
ENTIRE 16 YEARS OF HIS TENURE.
HE'S ACTUALLY THE LONGEST
SERVING CURRENT HEAD OF
GOVERNMENT IN THE EU.
AND IF YOU WANT A QUICK TASTE OF
WHAT KIND OF LEADER ORBAN'S
BEEN, TAKE THIS TESTIMONIAL
VIDEO HE POSTED, FEATURING A
REAL "WHO'S WHO" OF "PEOPLE I'VE
CALLED ASSHOLES ON THIS SHOW,"
INCLUDING NETANYAHU,
MARINE LEPEN, JAVIER MILEI, AND
A FOURTH PERSON THAT I'LL LET
YOU DISCOVER FOR YOURSELF.
>> SECURITY CANNOT BE TAKEN FOR
GRANTED.
IT MUST BE WON, AND I THINK
VIKTOR ORBAN HAS ALL THOSE
QUALITIES.
HE HAS THE TENACITY, THE
COURAGE, AND THE WISDOM TO
PROTECT HIS COUNTRY.
>> IT IS THANKS TO LEADERS LIKE
VIKTOR THAT THE CAMP OF
PATRIOTS, DEFENDERS OF NATIONS,
AND SOVEREIGN PEOPLE ARE WINNING
IN EUROPE.
>> I FERVENTLY SUPPORT
PRIME MINISTER ORBAN AND THE
FIDESZ PARTY.
>> AND I WANT TO CONGRATULATE
HIM, AND ALSO TO ENCOURAGE ALL
HUNGARIANS TO CONTINUE AND MOVE
FORWARD TO PROTECT YOUR GREAT
CULTURE AND YOUR AMAZING
COUNTRY.
>> John: YEP, IT'S NONE OTHER
THAN ACADEMY-AWARD-WATCHING
ACTOR ROB SCHNEIDER!
AND THAT IS A PRETTY WEIRD
CAMEO.
IT'S LIKE IF THE AVENGERS MOVIE
STARRED THREE AVENGERS AND ALSO
ROB SCHNEIDER.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST THOSE
CELEBRITIES AND ALSO
ROB SCHNEIDER.
ORBAN HAS A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
WITH MANY CONSERVATIVES IN THIS
COUNTRY.
HE'S NOT ONLY BEEN INVITED TO
SPEAK AT CPAC, CPAC ITSELF HAS
BEEN HOLDING A SATELLITE
CONFERENCE IN HUNGARY FOR THE
PAST FEW YEARS, WHERE NUMEROUS
U.S. CONSERVATIVES HAVE SHOWN
UP, ARGUING THAT AMERICA SHOULD
REALLY BE TAKING A LESSON FROM
ORBAN'S WORK.
>> THERE ARE MANY CONSERVATIVE
MEMBERS OF CONGRESS WHO, LIKE
ME, WANT TO SEE HUNGARY AS A
BEACON IN THE WEST.
>> HUNGARY'S IMMIGRATION POLICY
SHOULD SERVE AS A MODEL TO THE
UNITED STATES.
>> ONE PLACE WHERE HUNGARY
CLEARLY HAS LED EUROPE IS IN
REASSERTING ITS NATIONAL
IDENTITY, SPECIFICALLY WITH
REGARD TO REJECTING MASS
MIGRATION.
>> LITTLE DID I KNOW I WOULD
WALK INTO BUDAPEST AND BASICALLY
SEE ALL OF THE POLICIES THAT WE
DREAM FOR IN ARIZONA.
>> John: OKAY, FIRST, BASED ON
THAT BLOUSE, I DON'T THINK KARI
LAKE CAME FROM ARIZONA, AS MUCH
AS FROM 1987.
BUT ALSO, IF YOU LOVE BUDAPEST
SO MUCH, PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU
CAN AND SHOULD GO LIVE THERE!
THE POINT IS, REPUBLICANS LOVE
VIKTOR ORBAN.
HE'S EVEN BEEN OFFICIALLY
ENDORSED IN THIS UPCOMING
ELECTION BY TRUMP, WHO ONCE
PRAISED HIM LIKE THIS.
>> YOU KNOW, I WAS VERY
HONORED -- THERE'S A MAN,
VIKTOR ORBAN.
DID EVERY -- ANYONE EVER HEAR OF
HIM?
HE'S PROBABLY, LIKE, ONE OF THE
STRONGEST LEADERS ANYWHERE IN
THE WORLD.
AND HE -- HE'S THE LEADER
OF -- RIGHT?
HE'S THE LEADER OF TURKEY.
>> John: NOPE.
NO.
NO, HE ISN'T.
CLOSE, THOUGH, YOU ARE THINKING
OF THE RIGHT PLANET.
THOUGH, IN TRUMP'S DEFENSE,
HUNGARY AND TURKEY ARE BOTH IN
THE SAME REGION, BOTH RULED BY
AN AUTHORITARIAN, AND BOTH WORDS
THAT A CAVEMAN WOULD SAY WHILE
ORDERING A SANDWICH.
SO YOU CAN SEE WHY HIS BRAIN
WENT THERE.
AND THE LOVEFEST BETWEEN ORBAN
AND AMERICAN CONSERVATIVES IS A
TWO-WAY STREET.
IN FACT, JUST LAST SATURDAY, HE
SPOKE AT THE LATEST CPAC
HUNGARY, AND OUTLINED HOW HE
SEES HIMSELF FITTING IN TO A
GLOBAL CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT.
>> SINCE PRESIDENT TRUMP'S WIN,
THE WESTERN WORLD HAS BECOME A
BETTER PLACE.
GENDER PROPAGANDA AND WOKE
IDEOLOGY HAVE BEEN PUSHED BACK.
PEOPLE CAN PROUDLY EMBRACE
CHRISTIANITY, AS THE FOUNDATION
AND SUSTAINING FORCE OF OUR
CIVILIZATION.
WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW IS THE
LARGEST POLITICAL REALIGNMENT IN
WESTERN CIVILIZATION IN A
HUNDRED YEARS.
THE EPICENTER OF THIS CHANGE IS
THE UNITED STATES, AND IT'S
EUROPEAN FORWARD BASE IS
HUNGARY.
>> John: WOW.
THERE'S A LOT THERE, BUT CITING
THE WEST'S "LARGEST POLITICAL
REALIGNMENT IN A HUNDRED YEARS,"
IS PRETTY STRIKING, GIVEN,
Y'KNOW...
WHAT STARTED HAPPENING IN EUROPE
AROUND 100 YEARS AGO.
THAT'S RIGHT: WINNIE-THE-POOH
WAS FIRST PUBLISHED.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE
THINKING ABOUT.
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW: THINGS IN
HUNGARY AREN'T ACTUALLY GOING
GREAT.
ON ORBAN'S WATCH, IT'S BECOME
ONE OF THE POOREST COUNTRIES IN
THE EU.
SO IT'S FRANKLY NO SURPRISE THAT
IN RECENT YEARS, THERE'VE BEEN
PLENTY OF PROTESTS AGAINST
ORBAN'S GOVERNMENT, LIKE THIS
ONE.
>> THEY'RE CHANTING -- FRICKING
DIRTY FIDESZ.
VIKTOR ORBAN'S PARTY.
>> WHAT'S UP WITH THE ZEBRA?
WHAT DOES THE ZEBRA SYMBOLIZE?
>> ACCORDING TO THE RUMORS,
ORBAN HAS AN ESTATE IN THE
COUNTRYSIDE WHERE ZEBRAS WERE
SPOTTED.
>> THE SIGN BACK THERE THAT'S
KIND OF THE CENTER OF THIS SAYS,
"HUNGARY IS A DICTATORSHIP."
AND THEN, I'M BEING TOLD, "O1G"
MEANS "ORBAN IS A SPERM."
"ORBAN IS A SPERM."
>> John: YEAH, ORBAN IS A SPERM!
WHICH I ASSUME IS AN INSULT, AND
DOESN'T JUST MEAN THAT HE TASTES
SLIGHTLY BETTER WHEN YOU EAT
PINEAPPLE.
ALSO, THAT RUMOR ABOUT ZEBRAS
BEING SPOTTED IS AMAZING IF
TRUE, AS ALL THE ZEBRAS I'VE
EVER SEEN HAVE BEEN "STRIPED."
BOOM!
BOOM, BOOM!
I GOT THAT GUY SO GOOD!
THIS SHOW'S YOUR ONLY SOURCE FOR
ANIMAL PUNS AND JOKES ABOUT
DRINKING SEMEN IN, FRANKLY, TOO
RAPID SUCCESSION.
ORBAN'S FIDESZ PARTY HAS
ACTUALLY BEEN TRAILING BY DOUBLE
DIGITS IN MOST POLLS AHEAD OF
THIS ELECTION, BUT THEY MAY
STILL WIN ANYWAY, FOR REASONS
WE'LL GET INTO LATER.
SO GIVEN HUNGARY'S ELECTION IS
JUST AROUND THE CORNER, AND HOW
INVESTED IN ORBAN CONSERVATIVES
HERE CLEARLY ARE, WE THOUGHT
TONIGHT, IT MIGHT BE WORTH
TAKING A LOOK AT VIKTOR ORBAN.
AND LET'S START WITH A LITTLE
HISTORY, AND I'LL SKIP PAST THE
STUFF WE ALL LEARNED IN SCHOOL
ABOUT HUNGARY, LIKE HOW IT --
SAY IT WITH ME -- WAS PART OF
THE SOVIET BLOC FOR MUCH OF THE
20TH CENTURY WHERE IT OPERATED
UNDER A COMMUNIST DICTATORSHIP.
EXACTLY.
WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE
THANKS TO AMERICA'S FAMOUSLY
THOROUGH AND GLOBALLY CURIOUS
EDUCATION SYSTEM.
BUT WHEN THE COMMUNIST BLOC
BEGAN TO CRUMBLE, ORBAN WAS IN
THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT
TIME -- HERE HE IS IN 1989 AS A
26-YEAR-OLD, CALLING FOR THE
WITHDRAWAL OF SOVIET TROOPS AND
FREE HUNGARIAN ELECTIONS.
AND WHILE I'M NO FAN OF ORBAN'S
LATER WORK, I'LL ADMIT, HE WAS A
LATE '80s SNACK.
HE'S LIKE MEL GIBSON THERE.
HE'S GOT THE HAIR, THE
INTENSITY, AND THE LOOMING SENSE
THAT THINGS WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE
A DARK TURN.
NOW AFTER THE FALL OF SOVIET
COMMUNISM, ORBAN TOOK PART IN
TALKS THAT EVENTUALLY LED TO
HUNGARY'S DEMOCRACY.
AND AT THE TIME, HE AND FIDESZ
WERE ACTUALLY A RELATIVELY
LIBERAL YOUTH MOVEMENT.
IN FACT, EARLY ON, ONLY PEOPLE
UNDER 35 COULD EVEN JOIN THE
PARTY.
JUST LOOK AT ONE OF THEIR EARLY
'90S CAMPAIGN ADS.
♪ ♪
>> HERE AND SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
>> A BLANK SLATE.
>> A NEW DEMOCRACY.
>> A NEW HUNGARY.
>> VOTE FOR FIDESZ.
>> John: KIRÁLY.
THAT AD'S GOT EVERYTHING '90s
KIDS LOVED: MAPS, AN ORANGE,
DOMINOS, AND A BUNCH OF GUYS WHO
LOOK LIKE THEY'RE RUNNING FOR
THE PRESIDENT OF A COLLEGE RADIO
STATION.
THERE WAS VIKTOR ORBAN,
HUNGARIAN ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL,
A STEAKHOUSE WAITER ON HIS SMOKE
BREAK, AND, OF COURSE, VIRGIN
JOHN MAYER.
BACK THEN, FIDESZ CAMPAIGNED ON
ADOPTING WESTERN EUROPEAN
ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL
STANDARDS, AND LIMITING THE ROLE
OF THE STATE AND THE INFLUENCE
OF RELIGION ON PUBLIC LIFE.
BUT AFTER ORBAN WAS ELECTED TO
PARLIAMENT IN 1990, HE STARTED
MOVING THE PARTY TO THE RIGHT.
HE EVENTUALLY BECAME EUROPE'S
YOUNGEST PRIME MINISTER IN 1998,
ONLY TO LOSE AFTER JUST ONE
TERM.
AND IN HIS YEARS OUT OF POWER,
HE CONTINUED MOVING TO THE
RIGHT, AMPING UP NATIONALIST,
POPULIST RHETORIC, AND STARTING
TO WRAP HIMSELF IN RELIGION --
AND AS HE TELLS IT NOW, HE
DEVELOPED A PRETTY STARK
PHILOSOPHY.
>> IN ORDER TO WIN, IT IS NOT
ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
FIGHTING FOR.
YOU ALSO HAVE TO KNOW HOW YOU
SHOULD FIGHT.
MY ANSWER IS, PLAY BY YOUR OWN
RULES.
>> John: NOW, ON THE SURFACE,
"PLAY BY YOUR OWN RULES" IS A
PRETTY BANAL SENTIMENT.
IT'S THE "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" FOR
PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN DIVORCED
YET.
BUT HUNGARY SOON FOUND OUT WHAT
HE MEANT BY THAT IN A POLITICAL
SENSE.
BECAUSE IN 2010, AFTER THE
GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS AND A
SCANDAL IN HUNGARY'S RULING
PARTY, ORBAN WAS SWEPT BACK INTO
POWER, WITH A 2/3 SUPERMAJORITY,
AND IMMEDIATELY BEGAN TAMPERING
WITH THE RULES, TO MAKE SURE HE
NEVER LOST AGAIN.
AS HE PUT IT, "WE HAVE TO WIN
ONCE, BUT THEN WIN BIG."
ESSENTIALLY MEANING, IF HE EVER
GAINED POWER, HE'D USE IT TO
FORTIFY HIS POSITION
INDEFINITELY.
AND "WE ONLY HAVE TO WIN ONCE"
IS ONE OF THE MORE OMINOUS
THINGS TO HEAR FROM A LEADER,
RIGHT UP THERE ALONG WITH "TRUST
ME, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THE
KOOL-AID," "OPEN THE GATES,
PAPA GOTTA GET A CLOSER LOOK AT
THAT BIG OLD HORSE," AND "NO
SMOKING?
WHAT IS THIS, A BLIMP FOR DORKS?
PASS ME MY LIGHTER!"
SURE ENOUGH, ONCE BACK IN POWER,
ORBAN MOVED SWIFTLY TO SOLIDIFY
CONTROL.
IN HIS FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE, HIS
GOVERNMENT RUSHED THROUGH
HUNDREDS OF NEW LAWS AND USHERED
THROUGH A BRAND NEW CONSTITUTION
THAT WAS DRAFTED BEHIND CLOSED
DOORS AND DEBATED IN PARLIAMENT
FOR ONLY NINE DAYS.
THERE WERE ALSO BIG CHANGES TO
HUNGARY'S ELECTION SYSTEM,
INCLUDING GERRYMANDERING MAPS TO
STACK THE ODDS HEAVILY IN
ORBAN'S FAVOR.
AS A RESULT, IN 2014 HIS PARTY
WON 45% OF THE VOTE, BUT 91% OF
THE DISTRICTS.
IN FACT, THANKS TO THAT AND
OTHER TWEAKS, INDEPENDENT
OBSERVERS HAVE DEEMED HUNGARIAN
ELECTIONS SINCE THEN "FREE BUT
NOT FAIR."
WHICH IS AN INTERESTING
COMBINATION.
"YOU'RE FREE TO VOTE FOR ANYONE
YOU WANT, WHETHER IT'S ORBAN OR
WHOEVER INEVITABLY LOSES TO
HIM."
AND WHILE CHANGES LIKE THOSE
COULD THEORETICALLY HAVE FACED
LEGAL CHALLENGES, ORBAN'S ALSO
CO-OPTED HUNGARY'S COURT SYSTEM,
PACKING IT WITH LOYALISTS, AND
PASSING A CONSTITUTIONAL
AMENDMENT THAT REMOVED THE
COURT'S POWER TO EVALUATE ANY
NEW CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS.
AND WHEN YOU TAKE ALL THAT
TOGETHER, AS THIS SCHOLAR POINTS
OUT, IT WAS BASICALLY A COUP,
BUT A VERY 21ST CENTURY ONE.
>> WE TEND TO THINK OF A COUP,
RIGHT, AS HAPPENING WITH TANKS
IN THE STREETS, YOU KNOW, AND
THE MILITARY TAKEOVER AND THE
ANNOUNCEMENT ON RADIO THAT, YOU
KNOW, ALL CIVIL LIBERTIES HAVE
DIED.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT AUTOCRACY
LOOKS LIKE ANYMORE.
YOU DON'T GET PHALANXES OF
TANKS.
YOU GET PHALANXES OF LAWYERS.
>> John: THAT IS CHILLING.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING
SCARIER THAN A TANK, IT'S A
LAWYER.
BELIEVE ME, WE HAVE A BUNCH FOR
THIS SHOW, AND THEY'RE
CONSTANTLY YELLING THINGS LIKE
"JOHN, YOU CAN'T DO THIS," OR
"JOHN, YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT" OR
"JOHN, YOU CAN'T SAY WITH NO
EVIDENCE THAT MILLIE BOBBIE
BROWN HELPED PLAN THE 9/11
ATTACKS -- THAT'S DEFAMATION AND
WE'LL GET SUED."
SO RELUCTANTLY, I DON'T SAY IT.
THOUGH I'LL SAY -- SHE HASN'T
DENIED IT.
WE ADMITTEDLY HAVEN'T ASKED!
BUT HER SILENCE SAYS SOMETHING.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST ORBAN'S
CONTROL OF GOVERNMENT.
PART OF THE WAY HE'S WON OVER
THE HUNGARIAN PUBLIC IS THROUGH
HIS CONTROL OF THE MEDIA.
AFTER RETURNING TO POWER, HIS
GOVERNMENT CREATED A NEW AGENCY
TO IMPOSE HEAVY FINES FOR
COVERAGE IT CONSIDERED
UNBALANCED OR OFFENSIVE, AS WELL
AS FOUNDING A NEW STATE MEDIA
ORGANIZATION CALLED "MTVA"
OVERSEEING ALL PUBLIC MEDIA
ACROSS TV, RADIO, AND THE
INTERNET.
LISTEN TO ONE ANONYMOUS EMPLOYEE
THERE EXPLAIN JUST HOW MUCH
EDITORIAL CONTROL ORBAN HAS.
>> EVERY SINGLE THING CONNECTED
TO DOMESTIC POLITICS IS
RESTRICTED.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T WRITE ANYTHING
BAD ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT.
FOR EXAMPLE, IF SOMETHING IS
POLITICALLY SENSITIVE, I GET
INSTRUCTIONS.
IN SOME CASES, I HAVE THE WHOLE
READY-MADE ARTICLE, SO I DON'T
NEED TO DO ANYTHING, NO EDITING,
JUST CTRL C, COPY AND PASTE THE
WHOLE ARTICLE REALLY.
IT'S UNIMAGINABLE TO BE HONEST.
>> John: YEAH, THOSE CONDITIONS
CLEARLY AREN'T IDEAL FOR A NEWS
OUTLET.
THERE'S A REASON THEY TYPICALLY
DON'T GIVE OUT THE PULITZER FOR
"EXCELLENCE IN CONTROL V."
A STUDY OF ONE PUBLIC TV NIGHTLY
NEWS SHOW FOUND THAT OVER 6
MONTHS, THERE WASN'T A SINGLE
INSTANCE OF GOVERNING PARTY
POLITICIANS APPEARING ON SCREEN
IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT -- LITERALLY
0 SECONDS OF NEGATIVE COVERAGE.
WHICH JUST SHOULDN'T BE
POSSIBLE.
POLITICIANS ATTRACT NEGATIVE
COVERAGE ABOUT EVERYTHING THEY
DO, WHETHER IT'S ABOUT THEIR
OFFENSIVE FASHION FAUX PAS, OR
THEIR COURT-ORDERED LIABILITY
FOR SEXUAL ABUSE, TO PICK TWO
EQUIVALENT EXAMPLES.
AND ORBAN'S REACH GOES BEYOND
STATE MEDIA, AS HIS ALLIES
BOUGHT UP TONS OF PRIVATE,
INDEPENDENT OUTLETS AND THEN
CENTRALIZED MANY OF THEM UNDER A
SINGLE FOUNDATION.
>> ACCORDING TO THE
INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM OUTLET
ATLATSZO, SINCE 2010, ALLIES OF
THE PRIME MINISTER HAVE BEEN
BUYING UP NUMEROUS HUNGARIAN
MEDIA OUTLETS.
MEN LIKE FORMER HOLLYWOOD
PRODUCER ANDY VAJNA AND OLD
SCHOOL FRIEND LORINC MESZAROS
ARE AMONG A GROUP OF 14 ORBAN
ALLIES WHO'VE COLLECTIVELY
BOUGHT 11 RADIO STATIONS, 20
TELEVISION CHANNELS, AND CLOSE
TO 500 ONLINE AND PRINT
ORGANIZATIONS.
>> John: WOW, A FAR-RIGHT
LEADER'S FRIENDS AND ALLIES JUST
BUYING UP ALL THE MEDIA OUTLETS
IN THE COUNTRY AND TURNING THEM
INTO CONSERVATIVE SYCOPHANTS --
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
I SURE CAN'T!
THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT SOMETHING
I'VE HAD RECURRING NIGHTMARES
ABOUT FOR THE PAST MONTH!
AND THE RESULT OF ALL THIS HAS
BEEN ORBAN'S PARTY CURRENTLY
CONTROLS ROUGHLY 80% OF THE
MEDIA MARKET.
AND THIS LEVEL OF INFLUENCE --
OVER LAWS, COURTS, ELECTIONS,
AND THE MEDIA -- HAS ALLOWED
ORBAN TO RESHAPE HUNGARY
VIRTUALLY UNCHECKED.
ON THE INTERNATIONAL LEVEL,
THAT'S MEANT BEING A CONSTANT
THORN IN THE EU'S SIDE,
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO
DEALING WITH RUSSIA.
ORBAN'S CONSISTENTLY HAD THE
FRIENDLIEST TIES TO THE KREMLIN
IN THE EUROPEAN UNION.
IN FACT, HE'S LONG WEAPONIZED
HUNGARY'S VETO POWER AT THE EU
TO BLOCK RUSSIA-RELATED
SANCTIONS, TIE UP FINANCIAL AID
TO UKRAINE, AND REPEATEDLY STALL
URGENT EU DECISIONS.
AND IT SAYS SOMETHING THAT, EVEN
A DECADE AGO, THIS IS HOW THE
THEN PRESIDENT OF THE EUROPEAN
COMMISSION GREETED ORBAN AT A
SUMMIT.
>> THE DICTATOR IS COMING.
DICTATOR.
>> John: IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
AND WHILE I DON'T CONDONE
VIOLENCE, THERE ARE A FEW
SCENARIOS WHERE IT'S FINE TO
SLAP SOMEONE: WHEN YOU'RE TRYING
TO REVIVE THEM, WHEN YOU'RE CHER
AND YOU REALLY NEED NIC CAGE TO
SNAP OUT OF IT, AND OF COURSE,
WHENEVER YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO
HIT AN AUTHORITARIAN IN THE
FACE.
MEANWHILE, DOMESTICALLY, ORBAN'S
RESHAPED HUNGARY INTO WHAT'S
BASICALLY A THEME PARK OF
REACTIONARY TALKING POINTS.
FOR INSTANCE, HE'S RAILED
AGAINST EUROPE BECOMING A
"MIXED-RACE" SOCIETY, AND
OPPOSES ALLOWING ASYLUM SEEKERS
INTO HUNGARY DESPITE EU AND
INTERNATIONAL LAWS.
DURING THE MIGRANT AND REFUGEE
CRISIS A DECADE AGO, HUNGARY WAS
ACCUSED OF UNLAWFUL DETENTION
AND VIOLENCE AGAINST ASYLUM
SEEKERS, AND HE MADE A BIG
SHOW OF BEING OPENLY HOSTILE
TOWARD THEM -- EVEN GOING SO FAR
AS TO BUILD AN ELECTRIFIED
BORDER FENCE, WHICH, INEVITABLY,
GOT THIS RAVE REVIEW FROM
TUCKER CARLSON.
>> HUNGARY BEGAN BUILDING THE
FENCE IN JUNE OF 2015.
BY SEPTEMBER, IT WAS DONE.
WELL, THEY'RE SERIOUS ABOUT
THEIR BORDER.
IT'S NOT A HIGH TECH BORDER
WALL, IT'S A DOUBLE FENCE WITH A
ROAD IN THE MIDDLE.
BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS, THEY'RE
WILLING TO PROTECT IT.
THEY'RE NOT KIDDING.
IT'S THEIR BORDER, THEY CONTROL
IT BECAUSE THEY'RE A COUNTRY.
IT'S ALSO REALLY PRETTY.
>> John: PRETTY!
LOOK, THERE ARE THREE THINGS YOU
CAN RELY ON IN THIS LIFE --
DEATH, TAXES, AND IF YOU BUILD A
FENCE TO KEEP OUT IMMIGRANTS,
TUCKER CARLSON IS GOING TO WANT
TO FUCK IT.
ALTHOUGH IF HE REALLY WANTS TO
KISS SOME ELECTRIFIED BARBED
WIRE, WHO AM I TO STOP HIM?
LOVE IS LOVE.
BUT EVEN AS MIGRATION TO EUROPE
HAS DECLINED, ORBAN'S CONTINUED
TO FEARMONGER ABOUT HOW -- IF IT
WEREN'T FOR HIM -- HUNGARY MIGHT
BE FORCED TO ACCEPT MILLIONS OF
REFUGEES, WHO HE'S FALSELY
CHARACTERIZED AS DISEASE-RIDDEN
THREATS TO PUBLIC HEALTH,
EXTREMISTS PLANNING TERRORIST
ACTS AND AGENTS OF A PLOT TO
REPLACE NATIVE EUROPEANS WITH
FOREIGNERS, ALL WHILE REACHING
FOR A NOW-FAMILIAR SCAPEGOAT --
SUGGESTING GEORGE SOROS WAS
MASTERMINDING A NEFARIOUS PLAN
TO OVERRUN HUNGARY WITH
REFUGEES, AND POSTING BILLBOARDS
AND FULL-PAGE MEDIA ADS WITH THE
CAPTION "DON'T LET SOROS HAVE
THE LAST LAUGH."
AND IT WASN'T JUST BILLBOARDS --
ORBAN'S GOVERNMENT ALSO PASSED A
LAW OFFICIALLY CALLED "STOP
SOROS" THAT MADE IT ILLEGAL TO
HELP ASYLUM SEEKERS, EVEN JUST
WITH THEIR PAPERWORK, AND LED A
CAMPAIGN TO SHUT DOWN THE
HUNGARIAN UNIVERSITY SOROS
FOUNDED.
THOUGH WHAT'S A LITTLE STRANGE
ABOUT ORBAN'S ANTI-SOROS
VENDETTA IS THAT BACK IN 1989,
HE ACTUALLY RECEIVED A
SOROS-FUNDED SCHOLARSHIP TO
STUDY AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY,
WHERE I PRESUME HE MAJORED IN
IRONY.
BUT IMMIGRANTS AND SOROS AREN'T
ORBAN'S ONLY PUNCHING BAGS.
HIS GOVERNMENT'S ALSO GONE AFTER
HUNGARY'S LGBTQ COMMUNITY,
SOMETHING HE BRAGGED ABOUT AT
CPAC.
>> TO SUM UP, THE MOTHER IS A
WOMAN, THE FATHER IS A MAN, AND
LEAVE OUR KIDS ALONE, FULL STOP,
END OF DISCUSSION.
WE DECIDED WE DON'T NEED MORE
GENDERS, WE NEED MORE RANGERS.
LESS DRAG QUEENS AND MORE
CHUCK NORRIS.
>> John: WHAT?
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
THE NUMBER OF GENDERS HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE NUMBER OF
RANGERS.
AND THE NUMBER OF DRAG QUEENS
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE
NUMBER OF CHUCK NORRISES.
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THE MOST
CHUCK NORRISES YOU CAN HAVE IS
ONE, AND THAT NUMBER WENT DOWN
TO ZERO LAST WEEK.
AND IF THIS IS HOW YOU'RE
FINDING THAT OUT, SURPRISE!
BUT IT'S NOT JUST RHETORIC.
ORBAN'S GOVERNMENT OFFICIALLY
REDEFINED "FAMILY" AND
WHICH MEANT BAN ON ADOPTION.
AND ENDED THE RIGHT OF TRANS
PEOPLE TO CHANGE THEIR DOCUMENTS
TO MATCH THEIR IDENTITIES.
IN 2021, HUNGARY EVEN PASSED A
LAW BANNING DEPICTING OR
PROMOTING LGBT+ CONTENT IN
SCHOOLS AND THE MEDIA.
AND IF THAT SOUNDS AT ALL
FAMILIAR, IT MAY BE BECAUSE,
JUST NINE MONTHS AFTER THAT,
FLORIDA'S RON DESANTIS SIGNED
HIS VERSION OF IT, FOCUSED ON
CLASSROOM INSTRUCTION, THE
SO-CALLED "DON'T SAY GAY" LAW.
BUT PERHAPS THE POLICY THAT SUMS
UP ORBAN'S OBSESSIONS THE BEST
-- FROM CHRISTIAN CONSERVATISM
TO PANIC OVER MIGRANTS -- IS HIS
RELENTLESS FOCUS ON HUNGARY'S
LOW BIRTH RATE.
HE'S TRIED TO INCREASE IT BY
INTRODUCING INCENTIVES, LIKE TAX
EXEMPTIONS AND INTEREST-FREE
LOANS OF ABOUT $30,000 FOR
PARENTS, WHICH THEN GET
CANCELLED IF THEY HAVE THREE
CHILDREN.
AND THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD DEAL,
BUT DOES MAKE GIVING KIDS "THE
TALK" A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED:
WELL, WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN
LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, BUT
ALSO GET A SICK LOW-INTEREST
LOAN FROM THE HUNGARIAN
GOVERNMENT, THAT'S HOW BABIES
ARE MADE.
ORBAN'S FRAMED THE NEED FOR
HUNGARIANS TO PROCREATE AS AN
EXISTENTIAL CRISIS -- BECAUSE TO
HEAR HIM TELL IT IN THIS AD HIS
GOVERNMENT POSTED, THE
ALTERNATIVE IS FOR THE COUNTRY
TO BE OVERRUN BY MIGRANTS.
IS BECOMING A
TRACK.
>> [SPEAKING ANOTHER LANGUAGE]
>> John: OKAY, OBVIOUSLY THAT'S
YET MORE "GREAT REPLACEMENT"
FEARMONGERING.
BUT AS FOR, "YOU CAN MAKE FISH
SOUP FROM FISH, BUT YOU CAN'T
MAKE FISH FROM FISH SOUP" -- IS
THAT FOLK WISDOM?
OR IS THAT JUST HOW SOUP WORKS?
I'M JUST SAYING IF YOUR NANA
POINTED AT A BOWL OF SOUP AND
SAID "YOU CAN'T MAKE FISH OUT OF
THAT" YOU'D BE LOOKING AT
RETIREMENT HOME BROCHURES THAT
AFTERNOON.
ALSO, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH --
THAT METAPHOR CUTS BOTH WAYS.
BECAUSE I'VE FOUND, WITH FISH
SOUP, AS WITH COUNTRIES, WHEN
YOU ADD MORE INGREDIENTS, IT
TENDS TO TASTE BETTER.
OTHERWISE WHAT YOU HAVE IS HOT
FISH WATER.
BUT ORBAN'S SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.
HE'S SPENT ABOUT 5% OF HUNGARY'S
GDP ON PROGRAMS INCENTIVIZING
FAMILIES TO HAVE KIDS.
BUT IT HASN'T WORKED.
HUNGARY'S FERTILITY RATE
RECENTLY DIPPED TO THE LOWEST IN
A DECADE, AND THEIR POPULATION
IS STILL SHRINKING.
AND THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE PEOPLE
JUST DON'T FEEL OPTIMISTIC ABOUT
RAISING KIDS IN ORBAN'S HUNGARY,
A PLACE WHERE TWO-THIRDS OF THE
CITIZENS DESCRIBE THE NATIONAL
EDUCATION SYSTEM AS "BAD," OR
WHERE EVEN THE CONSERVATIVE
HERITAGE FOUNDATION HAS PUT HIS
GOVERNMENT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE
EU IN ITS RANKINGS OF GOVERNMENT
INTEGRITY.
AND THAT'S THE THING ABOUT
VIKTOR ORBAN -- FOR ALL THE
FEARMONGERING HE'S DONE, ALL THE
FENCES HE'S BUILT AND ALL THE
LAWS HE'S PASSED TO PROTECT
HUNGARY FROM THE THREAT OF
MIGRANTS, GAYS, AND GEORGE
SOROS, HE'S FUNDAMENTALLY FAILED
WHEN IT COMES TO THE BASICS OF
GOOD GOVERNANCE.
FUNDING FOR SCHOOLS AND
HOSPITALS THERE HAS GOTTEN SO
DIRE, HE HAD TO SIGN AN
EXECUTIVE ORDER TO ENSURE
MEDICAL FACILITIES WERE STOCKED
WITH TOILET PAPER.
ALTHOUGH TO HEAR HIS HEALTH
SECRETARY TELL IT, ANY
COMPLAINTS PEOPLE HAD ABOUT THAT
WERE COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE.
>> IN AN OPERATION AS BIG AS THE
HUNGARIAN HOSPITAL SYSTEM, WHICH
IS 3 MILLION SQUARE METERS AND
HAS TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
VISITING EVERY DAY, I CONSIDER
IT A MATHEMATICAL IMPOSSIBILITY
THAT THERE SHOULD BE TOILET
PAPER IN ALL HOSPITAL BATHROOMS,
AT ALL TIMES.
TO THIS DAY, I MAINTAIN THAT
THIS IS A MATHEMATICAL
IMPOSSIBILITY.
>> John: LOOK, I'VE HEARD SOME
BAD TALKING POINTS BUT "IT'S
MATHEMATICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR
OUR HOSPITALS TO HAVE TOILET
PAPER" IS RIGHT UP THERE.
I'M ONLY SURPRISED HE DIDN'T GO
ON TO SUGGEST HOSPITALS JUST
HANG A SIGN IN EVERY BATHROOM
REMINDING PEOPLE THAT USING
THEIR SOCKS IS ALWAYS AN OPTION.
AND IT'S NOT A GREAT SIGN FOR
ORBAN THAT SOME OF HIS
HEAVIEST-HANDED TACTICS NOW SEEM
TO BE BACKFIRING.
TAKE THIS STORY FROM LAST
SUMMER.
>> VIKTOR ORBAN'S GOVERNMENT
BANNED LGBTQ PUBLIC GATHERINGS
IN MARCH, INCLUDING THIS ONE.
BUT THAT BAN ONLY SEEMS TO HAVE
GALVANIZED COUNTLESS HUNGARIANS.
THEY TOOK PART IN THE PARADE
DESPITE THE RISK OF BEING
IDENTIFIED BY THE AUTHORITIES
USING FACIAL RECOGNITION
SOFTWARE.
>> I OBJECT TO ANY RESTRICTION
OF RIGHTS.
EVERYONE SHOULD BE FREE TO
CHOOSE A PARTNER.
AND I CONDEMN ANY RESTRICTIONS
THAT CRUSH FREEDOM OF ASSEMBLY
AND OTHER FREEDOMS AND THAT'S
WHY I'M HERE.
>> I THOUGHT THE GOVERNMENT
WOULD MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR
THIS TO HAPPEN AND THAT THERE
WOULDN'T BE MANY PEOPLE.
IT'S A FANTASTIC FEELING THAT
IT'S A MUCH BIGGER CROWD THAN
EVER BEFORE.
>> John: THAT'S AMAZING.
AND A PRETTY COLOSSAL BACKFIRE
FROM ORBAN.
AFTER ALL, IF THE ROB SCHNEIDER
MOVIE "THE CHOSEN ONE" TAUGHT US
ANYTHING, IT'S, THE HARDER YOU
TRY TO OPPRESS PEOPLE THROUGH
FEAR, THE MORE THEY'LL RISE UP
AGAINST YOU.
NOW, FULL DISCLOSURE: I DON'T
KNOW IF THAT'S REALLY THE MORAL
OF THAT FILM.
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON EARTH, I
HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,
WATCH IT YOURSELF TO FACT CHECK
ME?
NO FUCKING WAY.
SO LET'S JUST SAY THAT'S THE
MESSAGE OF THE FILM AND MOVE ON.
SHALL WE?
SO, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
WELL, DESPITE THE INCREASING
OPPOSITION TO ORBAN IN HUNGARY,
THE TRUTH IS, IN THIS ELECTION,
THE PLAYING FIELD'S STILL TILTED
STRONGLY IN HIS FAVOR.
AND EVEN IF HE SOMEHOW ENDS UP
LOSING THE GAME HE'S CAREFULLY
RIGGED, IT'S WORTH KNOWING: HIS
MAIN OPPONENT, PETER MAGYAR,
ISN'T EXACTLY THE REFORMER YOU'D
DREAM OF HERE.
HE'S A FORMER MEMBER OF FIDESZ
WHO'S RAILED AGAINST ORBAN'S
CORRUPTION, BUT STILL SHARES
PLENTY OF HIS RIGHT-LEANING
VIEWS.
AND EVEN SOME HUNGARIANS WHO SAY
THEY PLAN TO VOTE FOR HIM DON'T
SEEM THRILLED ABOUT IT.
>> I THINK MORE AND MORE PEOPLE
WANT CHANGE.
>> MR. MAGYAR, HE USED TO BE A
MEMBER OF FIDESZ.
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> DO YOU WORRY THAT HE MIGHT BE
TOO SIMILAR?
>> FOUR YEARS LATER, WE WILL
SEE.
TO BE HONEST, IF THERE
WOULD BE A GOOD LEFT-WING PARTY,
I WOULD VOTE FOR THEM, BUT THERE
IS NOT.
SO, I WILL VOTE FOR MAGYAR
PETER.
>> SO, HE'S NOT COMPLETELY ON
YOUR LEVEL WHEN IT COMES TO
EVERYTHING.
>> IT'S NOT MY TASTE EXACTLY.
>> John: YEAH, HE'S CLEARLY NOT
THRILLED ABOUT VOTING FOR
MAGYAR, BUT HE'S WILLING TO PUSH
THAT DISCOMFORT DOWN AND PUT ON
A HAPPY FACE ANYWAY.
IF ONLY THERE WERE A HUNGARIAN
MEME TO CAPTURE THAT SENTIMENT
PERFECTLY.
I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
BUT THING IS, REGARDLESS OF WHAT
HAPPENS ON APRIL 12, ORBAN'S
STRANGLEHOLD ON POWER SHOULD BE
ALARMING FOR US HERE IN THE
STATES, BECAUSE HE'S CLEARLY
BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO AMERICAN
CONSERVATIVES, TO THE POINT THAT
JD VANCE IS APPARENTLY PLANNING
TO VISIT HUNGARY TO SHOW SUPPORT
FOR ORBAN AHEAD OF THE ELECTION.
AND THAT'S BECAUSE, FOR THEM,
ORBAN'S NOT A CAUTIONARY TALE.
HE'S A BLUEPRINT.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: IF "ORBAN
IS A SPERM," THINK OF TRUMP AS
THE BABY THE SPERM
EVENTUALLY...
YOU KNOW WHAT, FORGET IT, THAT'S
A DISGUSTING IMAGE, LET'S RESET
AND TRY AGAIN.
LOOK, IT'S NOT JUST ME SOUNDING
THE ALARM HERE.
PEOPLE LIKE THIS HUNGARIAN
POLITICIAN HAVE BEEN TRYING TO
WARN US FOR A WHILE.
>> YOU MUST BE FAMILIAR WITH THE
FACT THAT THERE ARE MANY U.S.
CONSERVATIVES COMING HERE TO
LEARN FROM ORBAN'S STYLE OF
GOVERNANCE.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT IS, BUT
I KNOW THAT IT'S DANGEROUS.
YOU SHOULD TAKE CARE OF YOUR
DEMOCRACY, BECAUSE FORTUNATELY
ENOUGH, YOU HAVE YOUR CHECKS AND
BALANCES.
IF SOMEBODY IS ABLE TO SWITCH
THEM OFF, YOU WOULD ALSO SLIDE
DOWN.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO
HUNGARY, AND I REALLY HOPE THAT
YOUR SYSTEM, THE 200-YEAR-OLD
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, WHICH I
ADMIRE, IS STRONG ENOUGH TO
WITHSTAND ANY SUCH THREAT.
>> John: HE'S RIGHT.
THE FACT IS, WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE
THE CHECKS AND BALANCES WE DO,
BUT WE'D DO WELL TO WATCH FOR
WARNING SIGNS OF WHAT HAPPENED
IN HUNGARY STARTING TO HAPPEN
HERE.
YOU KNOW -- SMALL THINGS, LIKE
STACKING THE COURTS, OR
SHAMELESS GERRYMANDERING, OR
FEARMONGERING ABOUT IMMIGRANTS,
OR -- I DUNNO -- PRESIDENTIAL
ALLIES BUYING UP THE MEDIA.
YOU KNOW, ANYTHING YOU MIGHT
SPOT LIKE THAT.
AND LOOK, IT'S NOT A PERFECT ONE
TO ONE.
ORBAN'S TAKEOVER WAS ORGANIZED
AND METHODICAL, WHILE TRUMP HAS
THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A COKED-UP
HUMMINGBIRD WITH A HEAD INJURY.
BUT THEY'RE NOT WORLDS APART,
EITHER.
AND I'LL SAY, IF THE RIGHT IS
LOOKING TO ORBAN AS A MODEL, THE
REST OF US COULD DO A LOT WORSE
THAN TO LOOK TO THOSE HUNGARIANS
IN THE STREETS FOR INSPIRATION.
BECAUSE TO EVERYONE WHO'S EVER
FOUGHT FOR AMERICAN DEMOCRACY,
FAILING TO RESIST
AUTHORITARIANISM WOULD BE A HUGE
SLAP IN THE FACE -- AND
UNFORTUNATELY, NOT THE
UNDENIABLY FUN KIND.
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
SOME DISGUSTING NEW BALLPARK
FOOD FOR BASEBALL'S OPENING DAY.
>> MIAMI MARLINS ARE SURE NO
MIKE SERVING UP THE MACHETE, A 2-FOOT WIDE TORTILLA WITH
MOZZARELLA CHEESE, CARNET ASADA,
SALSA VERDE, AND CILANTRO.
>> THE SUNDAY FUNNEL CAKE FRIED
STRAWBERRY ON CONSTABLE COVERED
IN CEREAL AND SERVED WITH
ICE CREAM.
>> WITH CHEESE SAUCE, BACON,
MUSHROOM, BEEF SHORT RIB SHORT RIBS
BRAISED IN RED WINE, FONTINA
CHEESE.
AND.
>> 2 POUNDS OF MEAT AND ONION
AND EGG AND HOLY MOLY.
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE GOING
TO EAT IT BUT I CHALLENGE YOU.
>> KRAFT MAC AND CHEESE HOTDOG.
>> MONSTER BURGER TOPPED WITH
ENTIRE VIENNA SAUSAGES.
>> NACHOS ON A STICK.
>> A COW MAINE MERINO.
>> A CHOUTEAU BALL.
PARIS, JALAPENO, CHEDDAR SAUSAGE
BITES, WITH SAUTEED PEPPERS AND
RICE.
IT TOPPED WITH CAJUN CREAM
SAUCE.
YOU CAN'T TELL ME IF YOU GOT
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO STAY IN
YOUR SEAT FOR NINE DAYS.
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT TWO
INNINGS AND YOU'LL BE LIKE I'LL
SEE YOU IN A HOUR.
>> John: MOVING ON.
BEFORE WE GO, A QUICK WORD ABOUT
BRANDING.
IN TRUMP'S SECOND TERM, HE'S
CONTINUED HIS LOVE OF SLAPPING
HIS NAME AND FACE ON THINGS.
JUST THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED HE'D
BE THE FIRST-EVER SITTING
PRESIDENT TO PUT HIS SIGNATURE
ON OUR CURRENCY -- MAKING IT
JUST THE LATEST THING HE'S
AWKWARDLY ADDED HIMSELF TO, FROM
THE "DONALD J. TRUMP UNITED
STATES INSTITUTE OF PEACE,"
WHICH IS BOLD, TO
THE KENNEDY CENTER, WHICH IS NOW
CALLED "THE DONALD J. TRUMP AND
THE JOHN F. KENNEDY MEMORIAL
CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS,"
TO THIS.
>> THE ANNUAL NATIONAL PARKS
PASS IS GETTING A NEW LOOK.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THE AMERICA THE
BEAUTIFUL CARD FEATURES A PHOTO
OF PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP NEAR
AN IMAGE OF GEORGE WASHINGTON.
>> John: WELL, THAT'S NOT IDEAL!
YOU DON'T EXPECT A NATIONAL
PARKS PASS TO FEATURE "SPOOKY
LIVE-ACTION STATLER AND WALDORF"
HERE.
AND LOOK, I GET WHAT THEY'RE
GOING FOR BY SHOWCASING
AMERICA'S FIRST AND FINAL
PRESIDENTS TOGETHER, BUT TRUMP
MAKING HIMSELF AND FAMED
CHERRY-TREE ENEMY GEORGE
WASHINGTON THE FACES OF OUR
NATIONAL PARKS IS WEIRD FOR A
NUMBER OF REASONS.
FIRST, TRUMP SEEMS TO HATE THEM
-- HE'S MADE STEEP CUTS TO THE
PARKS SERVICE, WHICH HAS NOW
LOST 24% OF ITS PERMANENT
EMPLOYEES.
BUT ALSO, THE PASSES HAVE
PREVIOUSLY FOCUSED ON THE
NATURAL BEAUTY OF THE PARKS,
LIKE THIS ONE, FEATURING AN
IMAGE OF A REDWOOD FOREST, THIS
ONE, FEATURING A FROG WITH
BEDROOM EYES, AND THIS ONE,
FEATURING A ROSEATE SPOONBILL --
A BIRD THAT ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A
REGULAR DUCK ATTENDING THE MET
GALA.
THE POINT IS, THE PARKS PASSES
WERE ABOUT THE PARKS.
AND THERE'S ACTUALLY A LAWSUIT
RIGHT NOW ARGUING TRUMP'S FACE
CAN'T BE ON THERE, AS FEDERAL
LAW REQUIRES THE MAIN "AMERICA
THE BEAUTIFUL" PASS TO FEATURE
THE WINNING PHOTO OF THE
NATIONAL PARKS FOUNDATION'S
ANNUAL PUBLIC LANDS PHOTO
CONTEST.
THAT'S AN ARGUMENT SEEMINGLY
BACKED UP BY THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF
LAST YEAR'S WINNER, WHICH SAYS
"THIS PHOTO BY AKSHAY JOSHI WILL
BE FEATURED ON THE 2026 AMERICA
THE BEAUTIFUL ANNUAL PASS," AND
DOES NOT GO ON TO SAY "UNLESS,
THAT IS, THE PRESIDENT FEELS
LIKE REPLACING IT WITH A SHOT OF
HIM GETTING A PROSTATE EXAM FROM
GEORGE WASHINGTON."
NOW, THE WINNING PHOTO "IS" ON
THE MORE EXPENSIVE PASS FOR
INTERNATIONAL VISITORS.
BUT THE CHEAPER ONE FOR U.S.
RESIDENTS NOW HAS TRUMP SLAPPED
ON IT.
AND WHILE THAT WINNING PHOTO'S
CLEARLY BETTER, IF YOU'LL PERMIT
A QUICK DIGRESSION HERE: IF YOU
LOOK AT THE RUNNERS-UP FROM LAST
YEAR'S CONTEST, I'D ARGUE THEY
BOTH GOT ROBBED.
BECAUSE SECOND PLACE WENT TO
THIS ICONIC "BIG BIRD BONKING
LITTLE BIRD."
AND THIRD PLACE WAS THIS
ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE: A BEAR
MOMENTS AFTER THE PHOTOGRAPHER
SAID "NOW LET'S TAKE A SILLY
ONE."
BUT OBVIOUSLY, ANY OF THESE
THREE WOULD BE A BETTER CHOICE
FOR A PASS THAN THIS IMAGE THAT
LOOKS LIKE YOU ASKED AI, "WHAT
WOULD EBENEZER SCROOGE LOOK LIKE
TODAY?"
AND IT'S NOT JUST ME WHO THINKS
THAT -- PEOPLE BUYING THESE
PASSES HAVE SOMETIMES BEEN
UNPLEASANTLY SURPRISED, LIKE
THIS MOTORCYCLIST, WHO FILMED
HIMSELF BUYING A PASS AT A
ENTRANCE BOOTH, AND THEN SHOWED
HIS REAL-TIME REACTION.
>> LAST YEAR WHEN I BOUGHT A
PARK PASS, IT WAS, LIKE, A COOL
PICTURE OF, LIKE, A LIZARD OR
SOMETHING ON IT.
SO, I BOUGHT THIS ONE, AND I'M
ALL LIKE, "OH, THIS IS GONNA BE
MY PARK PASS FOR THE YEAR.
I WONDER WHAT COOL PICTURE IS ON
IT.
AND IT'S FUCKING GEORGE
WASHINGTON AND A FUCKING LIZARD.
OH, MAN, YOU KNOW, NO -- NO LOVE
OR HATE TOWARDS ANYONE
SPECIFICALLY, BUT I JUST THOUGHT
THIS WAS FUNNY.
LIKE, AND YOU KNOW, I WOULD HAVE
PREFERRED, LIKE, A COOL SCENIC
NATURE-ANIMAL OR SOMETHING, BUT
THIS IS FUNNY TOO.
>> John: EXCELLENT.
AND KUDOS TO THAT GUY FOR
ROLLING WITH WHAT HAD TO BE A
DISAPPOINTMENT.
YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO SEE A
COOL LIZARD ONLY TO GET TRUMP
INSTEAD?
THAT SUCKS IN ANY CONTEXT.
IF YOUR FRIEND SAID "HEY, COME
TO THE GARAGE, I TRAPPED A COOL
LIZARD UNDER A BUCKET," BUT IT
TURNED OUT TO BE DONALD TRUMP
INSTEAD?
OH, MAN!
I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO
THAT LIZARD!
AND IT SEEMS THERE ARE PLENTY OF
PARK REGULARS ANNOYED AT HAVING
TO CARRY AROUND HIS FACE AROUND
IN THEIR POCKET.
SOME HAVE EVEN COME UP WITH WAYS
TO COVER IT UP, LIKE THIS WOMAN.
>> REALLY JUST WANT TO EMBRACE
WHAT PEOPLE ARE ALREADY
EXPRESSING EVERYWHERE, THAT THEY
WANT TO SEE NATURE ON THEIR
NATIONAL PARKS PASS.
>> JENNY CREATED STICKERS OUT OF
SOME OF HER PAINTINGS.
>> THERE'S A GRIZZLY BEAR
SITTING HERE LOOKING AT DENALI.
>> THE STICKERS ARE THE
DIMENSIONS OF THE AMERICA THE
BEAUTIFUL PASS.
>> THE BACK HAS DIFFERENT
SEGMENTS THAT COME OFF, SO IT'S
BROKEN UP INTO SEGMENTS SO THEY
COULD LEAVE --
>> AND THEY'RE DESIGNED TO BE
PEELED OFF IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
>> SO THAT WHEN IT'S ADHERED TO
THE FRONT OF THE PASS, YOU COULD
FLIP THAT UP AND SHOW THE
DIAMOND UNDERNEATH.
>> John: YEAH, IT'S PRETTY
CLEVER!
SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOT TO GET
IMAGINATIVE WHEN YOU'RE TRYING
TO COVER SOMETHING UP OR MAKE IT
MORE PALATABLE.
FOR HER, IT WAS STICKERS.
AND FOR THE PRODUCERS OF "SNAKES
ON A PLANE," IT WAS HAVING
SAMUEL L. JACKSON RETAKE HIS
LINES FOR A CLEAN VERSION LIKE
THIS.
>> I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE
MONKEY-FIGHTING SNAKES ON THIS
MONDAY-TO-FRIDAY PLANE.
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY
MONKEY-FIGHTING SMART!
NOW, POSSIBLY IN RESPONSE TO
PEOPLE PUTTING STICKERS ON THEIR
PASSES LIKE THAT, THE DEPARTMENT
OF INTERIOR SUDDENLY UPDATED
THEIR RULES, EXPLICITLY FLAGGING
STICKERS AND OTHER COVERINGS AS
ALTERATIONS THAT COULD
INVALIDATE THE PASS.
THOUGH INTERESTINGLY, STICKERS
HAVE NEVER CAUSED AN ISSUE
BEFORE, WITH ONE PARK WORKER
SAYING "I'VE PERSONALLY ACCEPTED
PASSES THAT PEOPLE PUT STICKERS
ON BECAUSE THEY JUST LIKE
STICKERS AND IT'S NEVER BEEN A
PROBLEM."
WHICH SEEMS FAIR.
OTHER DESIGNERS ARE NOW SELLING
NON-STICKER-BASED SOLUTIONS,
LIKE THIS SLEEVE THAT, WHAT DO
YOU KNOW, TURNS OUT TO FIT
JUST PERFECTLY OVER THE CARD.
THESE SLEEVES ARE APPARENTLY
SELLING PRETTY WELL ON ETSY AND
GETTING REVIEWS LIKE "THIS IS
PERFECT TO OBSCURE THAT FACE I
DO NOT NEED TO SEE."
AND LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING
INSPIRING ABOUT SEEING PEOPLE
FIND A WAY TO ENJOY THEIR
EXPERIENCE AT NATIONAL PARKS
WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK AT THE
GUY WHO'S ACTIVELY TRYING TO
RUIN THEM.
AND IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN
STILL BUY ANY OF THE THINGS I'VE
SHOWN YOU TONIGHT.
BUT IF, FOR WHATEVER REASON, YOU
WANT TO ADORN YOUR PASS EVEN
FURTHER, PERHAPS WE CAN HELP.
BECAUSE WE'VE DESIGNED SOME
STICKERS YOU CAN DOWNLOAD FOR
FREE, THAT CAN COVER UP EITHER
TRUMP'S FACE, OR THE ENTIRE
IMAGE.
FIRST, WE CONTACTED THE
PHOTOGRAPHER WHO TOOK THAT
EXCELLENT BEAR PHOTO, AND
THEY'VE VERY KINDLY LET US TURN
IT INTO A STICKER, WHICH
HONESTLY WORKS PRETTY WELL ON
THAT PASS.
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO RESPECT THIS
YEAR'S PRESIDENTIAL THEME, BUT
WOULD LIKE A DIFFERENT PRESIDENT
TO DO THAT, WE'VE MADE STICKERS
OF ALL OUR WAX PRESIDENTS' FACES
-- AND I'VE GOTTA SAY, JIMMY
CARTER'S IN PARTICULAR LOOKS
GREAT ON THERE.
IF YOU WANT SOME WILDLIFE, YOU
CAN PRINT OUT A STICKER OF
MR. NUTTERBUTTER, OR -- IF YOU,
LIKE THAT MOTORCYCLIST, WOULD
PREFER A COOL LIZARD, WHY NOT
TRY A STICKER OF ONE OF OUR
EARLIEST MASCOTS, THE RUSSIAN
SPACE GECKO?
AGAIN, THEY EACH FIT PRETTY
NICELY ON THE PASS.
FINALLY, IF YOU'D PREFER A VISTA
TO COVER THE WHOLE IMAGE, HOW
ABOUT THIS ONE FROM WHEN WE SENT
OUR MASCOT MARSHMALLOW THE POLAR
BEAR WITH THE BROKEN PENIS TO
ALASKA TO BET ON AN ICE-MELTING
CONTEST.
OR, OF COURSE, THIS GORGEOUS
RENDERING OF WHAT TWO WILD
ANIMALS GET UP TO WHEN YOU
SIMPLY ALLOW NATURE TO THRIVE?
I'D ARGUE IT'S THE PERFECT IMAGE
TO HOLD YOUR RIGHTS TO VISIT ALL
AMERICA'S NATIONAL PARKS FOR THE
NEXT 12 MONTHS.
ALL THESE STICKERS TO COVER
TRUMP'S FACE ARE AVAILABLE FOR
YOU AT JOHN OLIVER GIVES TRUMP
HEAD DOT COM.
ACTUALLY, HOLD ON.
I DON'T LOVE THE WAY THAT
SOUNDS.
IT FEELS WRONG TO ME.
BECAUSE WE'RE GIVING OUT
MULTIPLE HEADS.
SO IT SHOULD BE JOHN OLIVER
GIVES TRUMP HEADS DOT COM.
THAT'S BETTER.
THAT IS OUR SHOW, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR WATCHING.
WE'RE OFF FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF
WEEKS, BACK APRIL 19.
GOOD NIGHT!
♪ ♪