WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO
"LAST WEEK TONIGHT"!
I'M JOHN OLIVER, THANKS FOR
JOINING US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK!
ISRAEL ATTACKED MILITARY TARGETS
IN IRAN, AND AN E. COLI OUTBREAK
WAS TIED TO MCDONALD'S, YET WAS
STILL SOMEHOW THE SECOND MOST
REVOLTING THING INSIDE ONE THIS
WEEK.
BUT WITH THE ELECTION JUST NINE
DAYS AWAY, WE'RE GOING TO DO
SOMETHING A BIT DIFFERENT
TONIGHT, AND COVER TWO MAIN
STORIES, BOTH RELATED TO
IMMIGRATION.
THE SUBJECT OF THE STATUE OF
GIVE ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR,
YOUR HUDDLED MASSES, YEARNING TO
BREATHE FREE," WHICH I BELIEVE
"COME IN
BITCHES, LET'S GET TWISTED,"
AFTER IT WAS DEEMED "SIMPLY TOO
GOOD."
IN THE FINAL CAMPAIGN STRETCH,
TRUMP'S FOCUSED RELENTLESSLY ON
IMMIGRATION, AND IT HAS GOTTEN
UGLY.
THEY'RE COMING FROM 181
COUNTRIES AS OF YESTERDAY,
RIGHT, AND WE'RE A DUMPING
GROUND.
WE'RE LIKE A-- WE'RE
LIKE A GARBAGE CAN FOR THE
WORLD.
THESE ARE STONE-COLD KILLERS.
THEY'LL WALK INTO YOUR KITCHEN,
THEY'LL CUT YOUR THROAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'D CALL THEM
PEOPLE.
IN SOME CASES, THEY'RE NOT
PEOPLE, IN MY OPINION, BUT I'M
NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT, BECAUSE
THE RADICAL LEFT SAYS THAT'S A
TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.
THEY'RE DESTROYING THE BLOOD OF
OUR COUNTRY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
THEY'RE DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY.
THEY DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I SAID
THAT, AND I NEVER READ MEIN
KAMPF.
THEY SAID, "OH, HITLER SAID THAT
IN A MUCH DIFFERENT WAY."
OKAY, FOR A START,
IMMIGRANTS AREN'T DESTROYING THE
BLOOD OF OUR COUNTRY.
IF ANYTHING, MOUNTAIN DEW BAJA
BLAST IS DOING THAT, AND LET ME
BE THE FIRST TO SAY I FOR ONE
WELCOME THE POISON.
BUT IT IS WILD THAT TRUMP'S
RESPONSE TO BEING TOLD HE'S
QUOTING HITLER IS "NO, HE SAID
IT DIFFERENTLY."
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE NOT THAT
DIFFERENTLY.
"ALL GREAT
CULTURES OF THE PAST PERISHED
ONLY BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL
CREATIVE RACE DIED OUT FROM
BLOOD POISONING."
SO SAME GENERAL IDEA, JUST A BIT
MORE COHERENT.
I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS, WHEN
IT COMES TO RHETORIC,
TRUMP'S NO HITLER.
BUT...
LET HIM COOK?
BUT IT'S MORE THAN JUST RHETORIC
ABOUT IMMIGRANTS-- TRUMP'S ALSO
MADE A VERY SPECIFIC PROMISE.
AS SOON AS I TAKE THE OATH OF
OFFICE, WE WILL BEGIN THE
LARGEST DEPORTATION OPERATION IN
THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY.
EVEN LARGER THAN THAT OF
PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER
MANY YEARS AGO.
HE WAS A BIG DEPORTATION PERSON.
OKAY, FIRST, IT'S A
HELL OF A THING TO BE CITING
EISENHOWER, GIVEN HIS PROGRAM--
WHICH DEPORTED HUNDREDS OF
THOUSANDS OF MEXICAN IMMIGRANTS
- IS WIDELY SEEN AS BOTH A
FIASCO AND A STAIN ON U.S.
HISTORY, WHILE ALSO HAVING A
NAME I'M LITERALLY UNWILLING TO
SAY ON TV.
IT'S ONE OF MANY FACTS YOU MAY
NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT EISENHOWER,
ALONG WITH "HE WAS THE FIRST
PRESIDENT TO RIDE IN A
HELICOPTER, AND THE FIRST TO
POSE FOR AN OFFICIAL PHOTO LIKE
HE'S ON THE COVER OF "WOMEN'S
HEALTH MAGAZINE" UNDER THE
HOW TO FEEL FABULOUS
AT ANY AGE!"
MASS DEPORTATION IS A
CORNERSTONE PLEDGE FOR THE TRUMP
CAMPAIGN.
IT WAS PROMOTED ON SIGNS AT THE
REPUBLICAN CONVENTION, AND IS
REFERENCED IN THE PARTY'S
PLATFORM.
AND IT SEEMS TO HAVE
WIDESPREAD BACKING, GIVEN ONE
SURVEY FOUND IT HAS AT LEAST
SOME SUPPORT FROM 54% OF
AMERICANS, AND 86% OF
REPUBLICANS.
AND TRUMP SUPPORTERS WILL TELL
YOU THEY LOVE THE IDEA OF
MASS DEPORTATION, EVEN IF THEY
HAVEN'T THOUGHT MUCH ABOUT THE
DETAILS.
THOSE PEOPLE THAT ARE
BREAKING THE LAWS OF THIS
COUNTRY, THAT CAME ACROSS HERE
ILLEGAL, ARE GOING TO BE MASS
DEPORTED.
MASS DEPORTATIONS, THAT'S
WHAT TRUMP'S CALLING FOR.
YES.
THAT'S MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.
WELL, THE PEOPLE THAT ARE
HERE ILLEGALLY, I DON'T HAVE ANY
PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE COMING HERE,
MY GRANDPARENTS CAME HERE, BUT
THEY DID IT THE RIGHT WAY.
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THOUGH.
I DON'T CARE.
I THINK IT HAS TO HAPPEN.
I THINK CITIZENS HAVE TO BE
BEHIND IT.
HOW DO YOU THINK IT'S
POSSIBLE TO DO THAT HUMANELY?
I DON'T KNOW THAT, BUT I'M
CONFIDENT TRUMP CAN DO IT.
ARE YOU?
LOOK, THERE ARE THINGS I'M
PARAPHRASE HITLER, EMOTIONALLY
ABUSE HIS CHILDREN, EVENTUALLY
DIE ON THE TOILET.
BUT UNLIKE AUNT BEDAZZLEHAT
HERE, I DON'T THINK "FIGURING
OUT HOW TO HUMANELY DEPORT
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE" IS ONE OF
THEM.
THE FACT IS, A LOT OF PEOPLE
SEEM TO BE SUPPORTING SOMETHING
RIGHT NOW WHOSE IMPLICATIONS
THEY MAY NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND.
SO GIVEN THAT, TONIGHT, LET'S
TALK ABOUT TRUMP'S MASS
DEPORTATION PLAN.
WE'LL BE TALKING A LOT ABOUT THE
LOGISTICS OF MASS DEPORTATION,
THE MORALITY
OF IT IS DESPICABLE.
IMMIGRANTS ARE HUMAN BEINGS, NO
MATTER WHAT MCDONALD'S WORST
EMPLOYEE SAYS.
WITH THAT SAID, LET'S START WITH
THE SHEER SIZE OF WHAT TRUMP'S
PROPOSING.
BECAUSE HIS CAMPAIGN CLAIMS
THERE ARE 20 TO 25 MILLION
"ILLEGAL ALIENS" IN THE COUNTRY
- DESPITE EXPERTS SAYING IT'S
ROUGHLY HALF THAT, WITH ONE
GROUP PLACING THE NUMBER AROUND
13 MILLION PEOPLE.
SO THEY'RE ALREADY OFF BY THE
"POPULATION OF OHIO."
BUT THAT STILL LEAVES THE TASK
OF REMOVING 13 MILLION PEOPLE--
MANY OF WHOM, INCIDENTALLY, ARE
SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY
AND HAVE LIVED HERE FOR DECADES.
ALSO, DEPORTING SOMEONE ISN'T AS
SIMPLE AS FINDING THEM, NOT
LIKING THEIR PAPERWORK AND
PUTTING THEM ON A PLANE.
IT USUALLY REQUIRES AN ARREST,
DETENTION, LEGAL PROCESSING, AND
ONLY THEN, REMOVAL.
AND TO CARRY OUT OVER 13 MILLION
ARRESTS IN A SHORT PERIOD OF
TIME, IT'S BEEN ESTIMATED THE
GOVERNMENT WOULD NEED TO HIRE
BETWEEN 220,000 AND 409,000 NEW
GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES AND LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS.
AS FOR THE DETENTION PART, THINK
FOR A SECOND WHAT IT WOULD
ENTAIL TO DETAIN 13 MILLION
PEOPLE.
BEAR IN MIND, THE MOST RECENT
DATA HAS THE ENTIRE U.S. PRISON
AND JAIL POPULATION AT AROUND
1.9 MILLION.
AND WE HAVE A LOT OF PRISONS AND
JAILS IN THIS COUNTRY.
THEY'RE KIND OF OUR THING.
IF WE HAD A SLOGAN IT SHOULD
HOME OF
JAILS AND THE KFC DOUBLEDOWN.
AND THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN WILL
SOMETIMES PRETEND THEY'VE TAKEN
THIS INTO CONSIDERATION--
HERE'S JD VANCE, GAMING OUT A
POSSIBLE APPROACH.
NOW YOU'VE GOT 20 MILLION, 25
MILLION PEOPLE.
YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO
DO WITH THEM.
AND I GUESS THE WAY THAT I THINK
ABOUT IT, BILL, IS, YOU KNOW,
IT'S KIND OF LIKE BEING ASKED,
WELL, YOU HAVE A SANDWICH AND
IT'S 10 TIMES THE SIZE OF YOUR
MOUTH.
HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY EAT THE
WHOLE THING?
AND YOU TAKE IT ONE BITE AT A
TIME, RIGHT?
AND I THINK YOU START WITH THE
MILLION MOST VIOLENT, MOST
CRIMINAL ILLEGAL ALIEN ELEMENT.
THERE'S PROBABLY, OF THE 20
MILLION, THERE'S PROBABLY A
MILLION WHO'VE COMMITTED SOME
VIOLENT CRIME.
THAT'S AN ESTIMATE.
BUT I THINK IT'S PRETTY CLOSE TO
THE TRUTH.
YOU DEPORT THEM FIRST AND YOU
FOCUS ON THEM FIRST.
OKAY, FIRST-- AND I
KNOW THIS ISN'T THE POINT-- I
DIDN'T KNOW BILL O'REILLY STILL
HAD A SHOW.
I HAD THE VAGUE, UNINTERROGATED
SENSE THAT HE DIED WHEN ROGER
AILES DID, EITHER BECAUSE I
THOUGHT THEY WERE THE SAME
PERSON OR BECAUSE THAT SEEMS
LIKE A PLAUSIBLE MURDER-SUICIDE,
I DON'T KNOW, THE SUBCONSCIOUS
IS HARD TO PIN DOWN.
BUT SECOND, "ONE BITE AT A TIME"
IS AN INCREDIBLY CALLOUS WAY TO
REFER TO MASS DEPORTATION, EVEN
BEFORE YOU GET TO HIS CASUAL
"ONE MILLION OF THEM ARE
PROBABLY VIOLENT CRIMINALS," A
STATISTIC SOURCED TO "THAT'S AN
ESTIMATE, BUT I THINK IT'S
PRETTY CLOSE TO THE TRUTH."
AND FOR THE RECORD, TO DEPORT
JUST A MILLION PEOPLE A YEAR
WOULD STILL COST AN ESTIMATED
$88 BILLION ANNUALLY, WITH THE
MAJORITY OF THAT GOING TOWARD
BUILDING DETENTION CAMPS.
OVER A DECADE THAT'D COST NEARLY
$1 TRILLION.
AND TO BE CLEAR, MY BIGGEST
PROBLEM WITH "WE'D SPEND NEARLY
$1 TRILLION ON DETENTION CAMPS
FOR IMMIGRANTS" IS NOT THE
TRILLION-DOLLAR PART.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE A HEADLINE
TOMORROW THAT SAYS "JOHN OLIVER
BLASTS DETENTION CAMPS AS TOO
EXPENSIVE."
BUT I DO THINK IT'S WORTH
RECOGNIZING THE EXTENT TO WHICH
TRUMP AND VANCE ARE FULL OF SHIT
FROM A PRACTICAL STANDPOINT AS
WELL AS A MORAL ONE.
BUT JUST FOR THE SAKE OF
ARGUMENT, LET'S SAY MASS
DEPORTATION WERE A REALISTIC
POLICY.
IT STILL WOULDN'T SOLVE THE
PROBLEMS THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN'S
CLAIMING IT WOULD.
IN FACT, IT'D MAKE THEM WORSE.
BECAUSE THEY'RE CONSTANTLY
CLAIMING DEPORTATIONS ARE THE
SOLUTION TO UNEMPLOYMENT,
HOUSING PRICES, AND CRIME.
SO LET'S TAKE EACH IN TURN,
STARTING WITH JOBS.
HISTORICALLY, DEPORTATION HAS
ACTUALLY INCREASED UNEMPLOYMENT
IN THIS COUNTRY.
A STUDY OF THE OBAMA YEARS FOUND
THAT "WHEN 500,000 UNDOCUMENTED
IMMIGRANT WORKERS WERE FORCED
OUT OF THE COUNTRY, 44,000 FEWER
JOBS WERE HELD BY U.S.-BORN
WORKERS."
WHICH MAY SEEM COUNTERINTUITIVE.
BUT WHAT'S OFTEN HAPPENED IS,
COMPANIES THAT RELY ON
IMMIGRANTS FOR THEIR CUSTOMER
BASE OR THEIR WORKFORCE, END UP
SHUTTING DOWN.
AND AS IMMIGRANTS THEMSELVES
WILL TELL YOU-- THEY MIGHT BE
THE ONLY ONES WILLING TO DO
CERTAIN WORK.
THE THING IS IF HE WINS, HE
KICKS OUT ALL THE IMMIGRANTS.
THOSE WHO WORK HERE IN
CONSTRUCTION AND EVERYTHING,
THEY'RE IMMIGRANTS.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE A GRINGO
FILLING HIS FEET WITH CEMENT OR
CARRYING BRICKS OR CARRYING THIS
OR CLEANING.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE IT.
THAT'S BLUNT, BUT TRUE.
THERE ARE CERTAIN JOBS, AND
WHOLE INDUSTRIES, RELIANT ON
IMMIGRANT LABOR.
IN OUR PIECE ON FARMWORKERS, WE
SHOWED YOU A VIRAL VIDEO OF A
FARMER EXPLAINING HE COULDN'T
HIRE ENOUGH PEOPLE TO HARVEST
HIS FIELDS, SO THE PRODUCE WAS
ROTTING.
IN THAT PARTICULAR CASE, IT WAS
ASPARAGUS, SO IT WAS A MINOR
TRAGEDY AT BEST.
BUT THE BROADER POINT STANDS.
AND REMOVING 13 MILLION PEOPLE
- WHO SPEND MONEY IN THEIR
COMMUNITIES-- WOULD BADLY HURT
THE ECONOMY.
IN FACT, EXPERTS HAVE SAID MASS
DEPORTATION WOULD LEAD TO A LOSS
OF SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 4% AND 7%
OF ANNUAL GDP, WHICH
WOULD BE A CRASH ON PAR WITH THE
GREAT RECESSION.
AND I'M NOT AN ECONOMIST,
DESPITE LOOKING LIKE I WAS LEFT
ON THE DOORSTEP OF AN AUDITOR'S
OFFICE AS A BABY, BUT MY
UNDERSTANDING IS THAT THE GREAT
RECESSION WAS BAD.
SO THAT'S UNEMPLOYMENT.
WHAT ABOUT HOUSING?
BECAUSE THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN IS
PROMISING MASS DEPORTATION WILL
ALSO FIX OUR HOUSING CRISIS.
THIS IS SIMPLE SUPPLY AND
DEMAND, MY FRIENDS.
WE'VE GOT TO DO TWO THINGS TO
LOWER THE PRICE OF HOUSING--
TWO THINGS TO LOWER THE PRICE OF
HOUSING FOR NEVADANS IS WE'VE
GOT TO BUILD MORE HOUSES AND
WE'VE GOT TO DEPORT THE ILLEGAL
ALIENS SO THAT AMERICAN HOMES GO
TO AMERICAN CITIZENS.
OKAY, EVEN IF THAT
WASN'T TOTAL BULLSHIT, JD
VANCE'S VERY EXISTENCE IS PROOF
THAT SUPPLY AND DEMAND DOESN'T
ALWAYS WORK.
THERE WAS NO DEMAND FOR A
BUSINESS-PILLED BEARDED
SYCOPHANT THAT GETS ROUTINELY
IGNORED BY TRUMP-- WE ALREADY
HAVE TWO OF THOSE AND WE BARELY
EVEN USE THEM.
AND YET, HERE WE ARE WITH AN
UNNECESSARY THIRD.
THE FACT IS, MANY ECONOMISTS
THINK LARGE-SCALE DEPORTATIONS
COULD ACTUALLY BACKFIRE AND MAKE
THE HOUSING CRISIS WORSE, SINCE
- AS YOU JUST SAW POINTED OUT
- UNDOCUMENTED MIGRANTS ARE A
KEY PART OF THE CONSTRUCTION
INDUSTRY, AND "NATIONALLY, MASS
DEPORTATION WOULD REMOVE 1.5
MILLION WORKERS FROM THE
CONSTRUCTION WORKFORCE."
INCLUDING MORE THAN 1 IN 3
ROOFERS, CEILING TILERS, STUCCO
MASONS, PLASTERERS AND DRYWALL
INSTALLERS."
IN FACT, ONE PROFESSOR WHO
STUDIES IMMIGRATION SAYS THAT IN
THE LONG RUN IMMIGRANTS ARE THE
SOLUTION TO THE HOUSING CRISIS.
WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS, YOU CAN'T
INCREASE THE SUPPLY OF HOUSING.
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
J.D. VANCE, THAT SUPPLY AND
DEMAND IN ACTION.
I'M GUESSING YOU'LL SOLVE
POVERTY BY COMPARING IT TO A
TURKEY FUCKING RUBIN.
AND FINALLY, THERE'S THE CLAIM
MASS DEPORTATION WILL REDUCE
VIOLENT CRIME.
AS WE'VE DISCUSSED BEFORE, FOR
ALL THE COVERAGE ISOLATED
INCIDENTS GET, RESEARCH SHOWS
IMMIGRANTS ARE LESS LIKELY TO
COMMIT CRIMES THAN U.S.-BORN
PEOPLE, AND FBI DATA SHOWS
VIOLENT CRIME HAS ACTUALLY GONE
DOWN SINCE 2020.
IT'S ONE OF THE GENUINELY GOOD
DECREASES SINCE THEN, ALONG WITH
THE AMOUNT OF ZOOM FAMILY
DINNERS AND THE NUMBER OF ALIVE
HENRY KISSINGERS.
ONE WAS ONE TOO MANY.
BUT DESPITE THAT, TRUMP'S
CONTINUED MAKING LURID
ACCUSATIONS.
THERE WERE HIS BULLSHIT CLAIMS
OF PET EATING IN SPRINGFIELD,
OHIO, BUT HE'S ALSO FALSELY
CLAIMED AURORA, COLORADO, IS THE
VICTIM OF A VENEZUELAN GANG
TAKEOVER.
IT'S AN ACCUSATION THAT
ORIGINATED WITH THIS VIRAL VIDEO
OF MEN WITH GUNS, KNOCKING ON AN
APARTMENT DOOR.
THAT CLIP FRIGHTENED A LOT OF
PEOPLE, BUT TO BE CLEAR-- THE
REPUBLICAN MAYOR OF AURORA HAS
FLAT-OUT SAID, "A VENEZUELAN
GANG IS NOT IN CONTROL OF THOSE
APARTMENT COMPLEXES," AND THE
CITY HAS NOT BEEN TAKEN OVER OR
INVADED OR OCCUPIED BY MIGRANT
GANGS.
BUT NONE OF THAT STOPPED TRUMP
FROM GOING TO AURORA TO PUSH FOR
MASS DEPORTATION, WITH THE HELP
OF STEPHEN MILLER, WHO EVEN
BROUGHT ALONG SOME VISUAL AIDS.
LOOK AT ALL THESE PHOTOS
AROUND ME.
ARE THESE THE KIDS YOU GREW UP
WITH?
ARE THESE THE NEIGHBORS YOU WERE
RAISED WITH?
ARE THESE THE NEIGHBORS THAT YOU
WANT IN YOUR CITY?
NO!
NO.
THESE ARE THE CRIMINAL MIGRANTS
THAT KAMALA HARRIS BROUGHT INTO
YOUR COMMUNITY.
AND AS SWIFTLY AS THEY CAME,
DONALD TRUMP WILL SEND THEM
BACK.
OKAY, FOR THE RECORD,
IF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE
YOU DON'T WANT AS YOUR NEIGHBOR?
STEPHEN MILLER WOULD BE TOP OF
MY LIST.
IMAGINE GETTING UP IN THE
MORNING, LOOKING ACROSS YOUR
YARD AND SEEING THAT FUCKING GUY
STANDING THERE, LOOKING LIKE A
MINION'S PENIS.
ALSO, QUICK SIDE NOTE: IF YOU'RE
WONDERING WHAT THIS THING IS?
IT'S A FAIR QUESTION, AND THAT'S
A TRUMPY BEAR.
A STUFFED BEAR WITH TRUMP'S
HAIR, A TIE, AND DISTURBINGLY
HUMAN EYES.
IT LOOKS LIKE PADDINGTON BEAR IF
HE HAD MULTIPLE HEMORRHOIDS.
IT LOOKS LIKE A CARE BEAR THAT
WON'T STOP CALLING THE OTHER
CARE BEARS GAY.
BUT DON'T LET THAT BEAR DISTRACT
YOU FROM THE FACT YOU JUST SAW A
CROWD BAITED INTO BOOING
PICTURES OF HISPANIC PEOPLE WHO
"DON'T LOOK LIKE YOUR
NEIGHBORS."
AT THAT EVENT, TRUMP ANNOUNCED
PLANS FOR SOMETHING HE CALLS
"OPERATION AURORA," AND HIS
CAMPAIGN HAS SINCE DESCRIBED THE
CITY AS "A WAR ZONE."
AND THAT SPECIFIC LANGUAGE
POINTS TO WHAT HIS REAL END GAME
HERE MIGHT LOOK LIKE.
BECAUSE WHILE-- AGAIN-- TRUMP
CAN'T DEPORT 13 MILLION, OR EVEN
1 MILLION, PEOPLE OVERNIGHT.
AND MASS DEPORTATION WON'T FIX
ANY OF THE PROBLEMS HE SAYS IT
WILL.
HE COULD STILL USE AURORA-STYLE
PANICS TO GIVE HIMSELF A TON OF
POWER.
HERE HE IS, AT THAT RALLY,
GAMING OUT A KEY PIECE OF IT.
I WILL INVOKE THE ALIENS
ENEMY ACT OF 1798.
THINK OF THAT.
1798.
THIS WAS PUT THERE IN 1798.
THAT IS A LONG TIME AGO, RIGHT?
TO TARGET AND DISMANTLE EVERY
MIGRANT CRIMINAL NETWORK
OPERATING ON AMERICAN SOIL.
OKAY, 1798 IS "A LONG
TIME AGO," I RELUCTANTLY CONCEDE
THAT POINT.
BUT THE ACT HE'S DESCRIBING
THERE IS TERRIFYING.
IT'S A LAW THAT ALLOWS FOR
SUMMARY DEPORTATION OF PEOPLE
FROM COUNTRIES WITH WHICH THE
UNITED STATES IS AT WAR, THAT
HAVE INVADED THE U.S., OR THAT
HAVE ENGAGED IN "PREDATORY
INCURSIONS."
IT WAS LAST USED DURING WORLD
WAR II AS THE LEGAL AUTHORITY
FOR INTERNING IMMIGRANTS OF
JAPANESE, GERMAN, AND ITALIAN
DESCENT.
AND EXPERTS ARE CONCERNED THAT A
PRESIDENT LIKE TRUMP COULD
RECOGNIZE A CARTEL AS THE DE
FACTO GOVERNMENT OF MEXICAN
TERRITORY, THEN PROCLAIM A
MIGRANT "INVASION" PERPETRATED
BY THE CARTEL "'GOVERNMENT," AND
IN DOING SO GIVE HIMSELF A
TURBOCHARGED DEPORTATION
AUTHORITY.
THAT WAY, HE COULD QUICKLY
REMOVE NON-CITIZENS - EVEN GREEN
CARD HOLDERS-- WITHOUT ANY DUE
PROCESS.
AND WHILE THERE'D BE LEGAL
CHALLENGES, THE COURTS ARE NOW
MUCH MORE TRUMP-FRIENDLY THAN
THEY WERE EIGHT YEARS AGO.
AND EVEN IF TRUMP DOESN'T CHOOSE
TO GO THAT FAR, OR DOES GET
STOPPED BY THE COURTS, IT'S
WORTH REMEMBERING WHAT HE WAS
ABLE TO DO IN HIS FIRST TERM
ANYWAY.
BECAUSE IN ADDITION TO THE
ENDLESS CIRCUS OF OUTRAGEOUS
NONSENSE BACK THEN-- LIKE
HOSTING A FAST-FOOD BANQUET, OR
STARING DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN,
OR DOING A LOUD HONK HONK IN A
BIG VROOM VROOM-- HE ALSO
AGGRESSIVELY RAMPED UP
IMMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT, USING
LARGE-SCALE "WORKSITE RAIDS,"
WHICH INVOLVED IMMIGRATION
AGENTS STORMING WORKPLACES.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED IN 2019,
WHEN ICE CARRIED OUT MASSIVE
RAIDS ON CHICKEN PROCESSING
PLANTS ACROSS CENTRAL
MISSISSIPPI, ARRESTING 680
WORKERS IN WHAT MAY HAVE BEEN
THE LARGEST-EVER WORKPLACE
OPERATION IN ANY SINGLE STATE.
AND THESE WEREN'T SWEEPS FOR
"VIOLENT CRIMINALS."
THEY WERE ATTACKS ON WORKING
PEOPLE WHOSE ONLY OFFENSE WAS
BEING UNDOCUMENTED.
MORE THAN 350 WERE DEPORTED, AND
MANY OTHERS ARE STILL AWAITING
COURT DECISIONS.
MANY OF THE FAMILIES BROKEN UP
THAT DAY REMAIN SEPARATED HALF A
DECADE LATER.
AND THE TRAUMA OF THOSE RAIDS ON
FAMILIES AND CHILDREN WAS TRULY
AWFUL-- AND I'LL WARN YOU, THIS
IS HARD TO WATCH.
I'M SCARED AND I'M CRYING
BECAUSE OF MY DAD AND MOM.
I WANT MY DAD.
THESE HISPANIC PEOPLE THEY
AREN'T DOING NOTHING BAD.
THEY'RE NOT STEALING NOTHING.
MY DAD BOUGHT ME EVERYTHING FOR
ME TO LIVE OVER HERE.
THE RENT.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO
EAT.
I NEED MY DAD FOR ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO
DO RIGHT NOW.
MY DAD DIDN'T DO NOTHING, HE'S
NOT A CRIMINAL.
YEAH, WE DID THAT.
AND WE'RE APPARENTLY A COIN-FLIP
AWAY FROM GOING EVEN FURTHER.
AND A LOT OF TRUMP SUPPORTERS
SEEM TO BE IN DENIAL ABOUT
EXACTLY WHAT A PLAN OF MASS
DEPORTATION WOULD ENTAIL.
AND THAT'S A FRUSTRATING PATTERN
HERE.
IN TRUMP'S FIRST TERM, THIS
LOCAL BUSINESS OWNER IN INDIANA
WAS DEPORTED, TO THE APPARENT
SHOCK OF THE PEOPLE IN HIS
COMMUNITY.
IT JUST FEELS WRONG.
THE COMMUNITY IS BETTER FOR
HAVING SOMEONE LIKE HIM.
I MEAN, HE SHOWED UP HERE
WITH JUST THE SHIRT ON HIS BACK
AND HE'S A RESTAURANT OWNER 20
YEARS LATER.
I MEAN, THAT'S-- AND HE WORKED
HIS BUTT OFF TO GET THERE, I'VE
SEEN IT.
THEY'RE ALL STRONG SUPPORTERS
OF ROBERTO BERISTAIN, THOUGH
FOUR OUT OF SIX OF THEM VOTED
FOR PRESIDENT TRUMP.
I VOTED FOR HIM BECAUSE HE
SAID HE WAS GOING TO GET RID OF
THE BAD-- THE BAD HOMBRES.
ROBERTO IS A GOOD HOMBRE.
WELL, A COUPLE OF
THINGS ABOUT THAT.
FIRST, IF SHOWING UP WITH THE
SHIRT ON YOUR BACK AND WORKING
HARD FOR 20 YEARS MAKES SOMEONE
A GOOD HOMBRE, I'VE GOT SOME
NEWS FOR YOU ABOUT A WHOLE LOT
OF IMMIGRANTS.
BUT ALSO, HOW DO THOSE PEOPLE
EVEN BEGIN TO APOLOGIZE FOR A
SITUATION LIKE THAT?
I DON'T THINK HALLMARK SELLS
CARDS THAT SAY "SORRY WE
INADVERTENTLY GOT YOU DEPORTED
BECAUSE WE ASSUMED TRUMP WOULD
ONLY BE RACIST AGAINST HISPANICS
WE DIDN'T KNOW PERSONALLY."
AND I REALLY WANT TO HOPE PEOPLE
ARE WAVING AROUND SIGNS WITHOUT
UNDERSTANDING WHAT "MASS
DEPORTATION" ACTUALLY MEANS IN
PRACTICE.
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, THE PEOPLE
CAMPAIGNING ON IT ABSOLUTELY DO,
AND IT'S HORRENDOUS.
SO WHAT CAN WE DO?
WELL, THERE'S THE OBVIOUS, AND
THAT'S VOTE.
BUT IT'S ALSO WORTH TALKING TO
PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, WHO ARE
CONCERNED ABOUT IMMIGRATION,
ABOUT WHAT THEY REALLY WANT TO
HAPPEN HERE.
BECAUSE OUR SYSTEM DEFINITELY
NEEDS FIXING, BUT THERE ARE MUCH
MORE HUMANE WAYS TO DO THAT--
AND EVEN SOME REPUBLICANS SEEM
OPEN TO THAT IDEA.
BECAUSE WHILE-- AS I MENTIONED
EARLIER-- THE SLOGAN "MASS
DEPORTATION" POLLS DEPRESSINGLY
WELL, A RECENT STUDY SHOWED THAT
WHEN PEOPLE WERE ACTUALLY GIVEN
A SPECIFIC CHOICE BETWEEN MASS
DEPORTATION AND PATHWAYS TO
CITIZENSHIP AS AN IMMIGRATION
POLICY-- SPECIFICALLY OUTLINING
HOW EACH MIGHT WORK--
MAJORITIES IN EVERY SWING STATE
PREFERRED THE PATH TO
CITIZENSHIP.
IN FACT, EVEN AMONG REPUBLICANS,
IN FIVE OF SIX SWING STATES, IT
WAS PREFERRED.
WHICH SUGGESTS THAT WHEN PEOPLE
GENUINELY UNDERSTAND WHAT THESE
POLICIES LOOK LIKE, THEY TEND TO
CHOOSE THE LESS PUNITIVE ONE.
AND I DO BELIEVE THE VAST
MAJORITY WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT
FOR THE IMMIGRANTS THEY KNOW.
THE TASK IS TO EXTEND THAT SAME
HUMANITY TO THE IMMIGRANTS THEY
DON'T.
AND THAT'S A TASK BOTH PARTIES
WOULD DO WELL TO ADOPT.
BECAUSE DEMOCRATS HAVE NOT BEEN
STELLAR ON THIS ISSUE, EITHER.
OBAMA HOLDS THE RECORD FOR MOST
DEPORTATIONS IN A SINGLE YEAR,
AND BIDEN'S IMMIGRATION POLICIES
- AS WE'VE DISCUSSED MULTIPLE
TIMES-- HAVE BEEN HAPHAZARD AT
BEST.
SO I'D HOPE A POTENTIAL HARRIS
ADMINISTRATION WOULD DO MUCH
BETTER THAN THE ONE SHE'S BEEN
PART OF, AND BEGIN A MUCH NEEDED
OVERHAUL OF A SYSTEM BADLY IN
NEED OF REPAIR.
IMMIGRANTS ARE NOT THE ONES THAT
BROKE THIS SYSTEM.
ON THE CONTRARY, THEY'RE MAKING
THE MOST OF THE SPLINTERED
SHARDS WE'VE GIVEN THEM AND
CONTINUING TO BUILD LIVES,
COMMUNITIES, AND THIS COUNTRY
INTO SOMETHING BETTER, RICHER
AND STRONGER.
AND THE VERY LEAST WE CAN DO FOR
THEM IS TO GO OUT ON
NOVEMBER 5TH AND NOT PICK A
PRESIDENT WHO DEMONIZES THEIR
EXISTENCE, ADVOCATES FOR THEIR
SUFFERING, AND HAS PROVEN
MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE IS, TO
PUT IT MILDLY, A BAD FUCKING
HOMBRE.
AND NOW THIS.
AND NOW,
DREW BARRYMORE WOULD LIKE TO
TELL YOU ABOUT HER FAVORITE
FOOD.
MY NUMBER ONE FOOD ON PLANET
EARTH THAT I CAN EAT EVERY DAY
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IS
MACARONI AND CHEESE.
TO SPEAK OF MY FAVORITE FOOD ON
EARTH IS MACARONI AND CHEESE AND
I USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO EAT
SOME.
MY FAVORITE FOOD ON PLANET
EARTH.
YOU KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE FOOD
IS?
MACARONI AND CHEESE.
I TOTALLY TURNED TO
MAC AND CHEESE.
I HAVE TO GET A BOWL OF MACARONI
AND CHEESE.
IF BUT MACARONI AND CHEESE IS MY
HAPPY PLACE AND MY DOWNFALL AND
EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BOX
MACARONI CHEESE?
NO.
COPY THAT.
FOR REAL?
WELL.
I SAMPLE MY KIDS EVERYTHING,
ESPECIALLY THE MACARONI AND
CHEESE.
OF MACARONI AND CHEESE.
I HIT THE BOX OF MACARONI AND
CHEESE REAL HARD.
I JUST WANT TO MOTORBOAT THIS
MACARONI AND CHEESE.
EVEN MACARONI AND CHEESE.
MY FAVORITE!
MOVING ON.
FOR OUR SECOND STORY TONIGHT,
WE'RE GOING TO KEEP TALKING
ABOUT IMMIGRATION.
I'M INTIMATELY FAMILIAR WITH THE
U.S. IMMIGRATION PROCESS, HAVING
FINALLY BECOME A CITIZEN IN
2019.
IT WAS A LONG, STRESSFUL
PROCESS, CAPPED BY A MOVING
NATURALIZATION CEREMONY AT
WHICH, AMONG OTHER THINGS, I
GAVE THIS AWKWARD THUMBS-UP AND
ALSO I GOT THIS LITTLE FLAG!
BUT ONE PART OF THE CEREMONY
STUCK IN MY HEAD.
AND IT'S SOMETHING MILLIONS OF
NATURALIZED CITIZENS HAVE
EXPERIENCED.
HERE'S FOOTAGE FROM A DIFFERENT
CEREMONY THAT SAME YEAR, WHERE
THEY EXPLAIN WHAT'S ABOUT TO
HAPPEN.
AT THIS TIME, PLEASE DIRECT
YOUR ATTENTION TO THE FRONT FOR
A CONGRATULATORY MESSAGE FROM
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP FOLLOWED
BY AN INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO
PRESENTATION OF "GOD BLESS THE
USA" BY LEE GREENWOOD.
IT'S TRUE.
RIGHT AFTER A MESSAGE FROM THE
PRESIDENT, EVERYONE THERE HAD TO
SIT THROUGH A MUSIC VIDEO FOR
LEE GREENWOOD'S "GOD BLESS THE
USA."
AND IT'S EXACTLY AS WEIRD AS IT
SOUNDS.
HERE'S WHAT IT WAS
LIKE IN THAT ROOM.
AND I'M PROUD TO BE AN
AMERICAN...
WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE.
AND I GLADLY STAND UP NEXT TO
YOU.
AND DEFEND HER STILL TODAY.
BECAUSE THERE AIN'T NOW DOUBT I
LOVE THIS LAND.
GOD BLESS THE USA.
YEAH, ONE OF THE
MOST MEANINGFUL MOMENTS OF YOUR
LIFE, EVERYONE FEELS COMPELLED
TO AWKWARDLY WAVE THEIR LITTLE
FLAG AROUND, WHILE THINKING,
"HOW LONG IS THIS SONG,
EXACTLY?"
AND I GOT CURIOUS ABOUT THE
PRESENCE OF THAT SONG AT THE
CEREMONY, SO WE DID SOME
DIGGING.
BUT BEFORE WE GET INTO ANY OF
THAT, A BIT OF BACKGROUND ON
"GOD BLESS THE USA"-- WHICH IS
UNDENIABLY A PATRIOTIC SONG.
SINCE ITS RELEASE IN 1984, IT'S
HAD MULTIPLE SURGES IN
POPULARITY, USUALLY AT DIFFICULT
MOMENTS FOR THE COUNTRY.
GENERAL NORMAN SCHWARTZKOPF IS
SAID TO HAVE PLAYED THE SONG TO
HIS STAFF THE NIGHT BEFORE
OPERATION DESERT STORM, AND
AFTER 9/11, IT WAS SO
UBIQUITOUS, IT RE-ENTERED THE
SINGLES CHARTS, PEAKING AT
NUMBER 16.
AND WHILE LEE GREENWOOD'S
REPEATEDLY CLAIMED HIS SONG'S
APOLITICAL, HE DEFINITELY ISN'T.
HE'S PERFORMED IT AT A LOT OF
CONSERVATIVE EVENTS OVER THE
YEARS.
HERE HE IS SINGING IT FOR RONALD
REAGAN AT THE 1988 RNC, HERE
HE IS MODIFYING THE WORDS TO
"GOD BLESS THE NRA" FOR ONE OF
THEIR NATIONAL CONVENTIONS, AND
HERE HE IS BECOMING THE THIRD
PERSON EVER INDUCTED INTO THE
CPAC HALL OF FAME, WHILE
RECEIVING AN AWARD THAT LOOKS
LIKE THE WORLD'S FIRST FERRERO
ROCHER PIGEON.
MORE RECENTLY, GREENWOOD'S BEEN
A BIG BOOSTER FOR PRESIDENT
TRUMP.
HE PLAYED HIS INAUGURAL,
INTRODUCED TRUMP AT THIS YEAR'S
REPUBLICAN CONVENTION, AND
SERENADED HIM EARLIER THIS MONTH
WHEN HE RETURNED TO BUTLER,
PENNSYLVANIA, MAKING HIS MUSIC
THE SECOND-WORST THING TO HAPPEN
TO SOMEONE'S EARS THERE.
NOW, INTERESTINGLY, GREENWOOD'S
NEVER HAD A HIT ANYWHERE CLOSE
TO "GOD BLESS THE USA,"
SOMETHING HE INSISTS HE'S
TOTALLY FINE WITH.
HE'S SAID, "IF YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO BE KNOWN FOR SOMETHING,
BE KNOWN FOR SOMETHING REALLY
POWERFUL AND REALLY GOOD...
I'D HATE TO HAVE "PURPLE RAIN"
OR "MARGARITAVILLE" BE MY
SIGNATURE SONG."
WHICH IS JUST AN INSANE DRIVE-BY
AGAINST TWO OBJECTIVELY BETTER
ARTISTS.
YOU'D HATE TO BE KNOWN FOR
"MARGARITAVILLE," A SONG THAT
BECAME A RESTAURANT FRANCHISE
AND A BROADWAY MUSICAL?
BULLSHIT.
AND I'M NOT EVEN TOUCHING THE
"PURPLE RAIN" THING, BECAUSE
PRINCE ISN'T KNOWN FOR PURPLE
RAIN, HE'S KNOWN FOR BEING
PRINCE, EXCEPT FOR THE '90s,
WHEN HE WAS KNOWN FOR BEING
WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS, AND
HIS SIGNATURE SONG IS ALL OF
THEM.
BUT THE TRUTH IS, A LOT OF
PEOPLE DO LOVE "GOD BLESS THE
USA," AND GREENWOOD'S FOUND AS
MANY WAYS AS POSSIBLE TO
MONETIZE THAT FACT, SELLING "GOD
BLESS THE USA FIREWORKS," A
CHILDREN'S BOOK, SILVER COINS,
AND EVEN THIS.
INTRODUCING THE
LIMITED-EDITION "GOD BLESS THE
USA" BIBLE, INSPIRED BY LEE
GREENWOOD'S PATRIOTIC ANTHEM.
BUT "GOD BLESS THE USA"
LARGE-PRINT, LEATHER-BOUND KING
JAMES BIBLE ALSO CONTAINS
THE U.S. CONSTITUTION,
THE BILL OF RIGHTS, THE
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, AND
THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
ALONG WITH A HANDWRITTEN CHORUS
TO LEE GREENWOOD'S SONG
"GOD BLESS THE USA."
IF DOING THAT TO A
BIBLE SEEMS ODD TO YOU, YOU'RE
NOT ALONE.
EVEN CHRISTIANITY TODAY
PUBLISHED A BLOG POST
CRITICIZING IT, SAYING WE AGREE
THAT IT IS ESSENTIAL TO KNOW THE
CONTENT OF THIS NATION'S
FOUNDING DOCUMENTS.
WE DO NOT BELIEVE, HOWEVER, THAT
THEY SHOULD BE PUBLISHED AS
THOUGH THEY ARE AN EXTENSION OF
GOD'S WORD."
A LINE OF CRITIQUE THE PRESIDENT
OF THE MARKETING COMPANY THAT
CREATED THE BIBLE RESPONDED TO
BY SAYING, "IT'S GOT SEPARATION
PAGES."
TO WHICH I REALLY HOPE
CHRISTIANITY TODAY RESPONDED
"OH, SEPARATION PAGES, LA DI
DAH.
WE DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD SEPARATION
PAGES, FUCK YOU."
BUT THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T DO
THAT, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW.
ALSO, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, THIS
DOESN'T REALLY LOOK SEPARATED.
THAT'S THE PRINTED WORDS OF THE
BIBLE NEXT TO THE HANDWRITTEN
WORDS OF A SONG CHORUS, LOOKING
LIKE A YEARBOOK SIGNATURE FROM
YOUR WORST CLASSMATE.
"PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN WHERE
AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE?"
JESUS CHRIST, DYLAN C, JUST
WRITE "KEEP IN TOUCH," SPACE IS
LIMITED, AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN
HOT.
OH, ONE MORE THING, THAT BIBLE
COSTS $60.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "WHO'D
BE SO NAKEDLY CRASS TO BE
ASSOCIATED WITH A $60 LEE
GREENWOOD-BRANDED BIBLE?"
YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO
THAT.
I'M PROUD TO BE PARTNERING
WITH MY VERY GOOD FRIEND LEE
GREENWOOD.
WHO DOESN'T LOVE HIS SONG "GOD
BLESS THE USA", IN CONNECTION
WITH PROMOTING THE "GOD BLESS
THE USA BIBLE"?
ALL AMERICANS NEED A BIBLE IN
THEIR HOME, AND I HAVE MANY.
IT'S MY FAVORITE BOOK.
IT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE'S FAVORITE
BOOK.
SURE.
YEAH, SURE, IT'S YOUR FAVORITE
BOOK.
THAT'S WHY THE MOST FAMOUS TIME
YOU WERE SEEN WITH A BIBLE, YOU
HELD IT LIKE A MODEL ON
"DEAL OR NO DEAL" SHOWING OFF
THE BRIEFCASE NUMBER, THEN
STARED AT IT LIKE YOU'D NEVER
SEEN A BOOK BEFORE.
FUN FACT, TRUMP APPARENTLY
MADE $300,000 FOR ENDORSING THAT
BIBLE.
WE ASKED LEE GREENWOOD HOW MUCH
HE MADE AND HE DECLINED TO
ANSWER, BUT SAID, "YES, I HAVE
MADE MONEY FROM THE BIBLE-- IT
IS PART OF BUSINESS."
AND IT DOESN'T END THERE--IN
2016, GREENWOOD FILED A
TRADEMARK FOR THE PHRASE "GOD
BLESS THE USA," STATING IT'D BE
USED ON "ACCENT PILLOWS;
DECORATIVE CENTERPIECES OF WOOD;
DECORATIVE WALL HANGINGS, NOT OF
TEXTILE; HOME DECOR AND
ACCESSORIES."
BASICALLY, THE ENTIRE LEFT SIDE
OF ANY HOME GOODS STORE.
THAT APPLICATION WAS REJECTED IN
2017 AND AGAIN ON APPEAL IN 2020
BECAUSE, AS ONE ARTICLE PUT IT:
"THE TRADEMARK OFFICE REGULARLY
REJECTS PROPOSED MARKS WHERE
CONSUMERS WOULD LIKELY PERCEIVE
THEM AS MERELY COMMUNICATING THE
ORDINARY MEANING OF WORDS."
A TRULY FANTASTIC REASON TO
REFUSE A TRADEMARK.
"WE'D LOVE TO HELP YOU, BUT
LEGALLY SPEAKING, YA BASIC."
BUT THAT DOES MAKES SENSE.
"GOD BLESS THE USA" IS CLEARLY A
GENERIC SENTIMENT.
IT'S CERTAINLY NO "IT'S FIVE
O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE."
A PHRASE SUCCESSFULLY
TRADEMARKED, BY THE WAY, BY
MARGARITAVILLE ENTERPRISES, LLC.
SUCK IT.
THE POINT IS, LEE GREENWOOD IS
CLEARLY VERY FOCUSED ON MAKING
MONEY FOR LEE GREENWOOD-- EVEN
WHEN DOING THINGS THAT MIGHT
APPEAR ALTRUISTIC.
JUST WATCH AS HE MAKES THIS
SPECIAL OFFER REGARDING AN
UPCOMING CONCERT.
IN ALL OUR SHOWS, NO MATTER
WHERE WE ARE, WE ALWAYS WANT TO
HONOR OUR VETERANS.
WE WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT
VETERANS AND THEIR CAREGIVERS
CAN COME TO OUR PERFORMANCE.
SO, IF YOUR LISTENERS WILL GO TO
OUR WEBSITE, LeeGreenwood.com
AND ADOPT A VET, FOR $100 YOU
CAN PUT A VET AND CAREGIVER IN A
SEAT TO WATCH THIS AMAZING
TELEVISION PRODUCTION.
BUT THAT'S NOT CHARITY.
HE'S NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY.
HE'S JUST GETTING A DIFFERENT
PERSON TO PAY $100 FOR TICKETS
TO HIS CONCERT, AND TELLING
PEOPLE HOW TO MAKE SURE VETERANS
CAN COME, AT SEEMINGLY NO
FINANCIAL COST TO HIMSELF.
IT'S LIKE THAT PHRASE ABOUT THE
US MILITARY "ALL GAVE SOME, SOME
GAVE ALL, LEE GETS 40% OF THE
DOOR."
AND ALL THAT BRINGS US BACK TO
HIS SONG'S PRESENCE AT MY, AND
MANY OTHERS' CITIZENSHIP
CEREMONIES.
BECAUSE EVEN THAT HAS BEEN A
REVENUE STREAM FOR HIM.
BECAUSE WHEN GREENWOOD'S REPS
FOUND OUT HIS SONG WAS BEING
PLAYED AT CEREMONIES, THEY
APPARENTLY FORCED USCIS TO ENTER
INTO SETTLEMENT NEGOTIATIONS TO
COMPENSATE HIM.
WE FOUND THAT SENTENCE IN A
GOVERNMENT-COMMISSIONED REPORT
ON INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY LAW,
BUT IT DIDN'T CONTAIN MUCH INFO
ON WHAT'S HAPPENED SINCE.
BUT WE WANTED TO KNOW MORE.
SO A FEW YEARS AGO, WE FILED A
FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT
REQUEST AND FOUND OUT THE
GOVERNMENT ULTIMATELY PAID
$22,000 TO UNIVERSAL MUSIC,
GREENWOOD'S MUSIC PUBLISHER, FOR
A SIX YEAR LICENSING CONTRACT,
INCLUDING NEARLY FOUR YEARS IN
BACK PAY.
WHICH IS BOTH A SURPRISINGLY
SMALL AMOUNT OF MONEY, AND ALSO
- I'D ARGUE-- $22,000 TOO
MUCH.
BUT IT GETS MUCH WEIRDER FROM
THERE.
BECAUSE IN 2018, THE GOVERNMENT
SIGNED A NEW DEAL TO LICENSE THE
PUBLISHING RIGHTS FOR AROUND
$700 A YEAR.
BUT THEN, DURING THE PANDEMIC,
THERE WAS A SNAG WITH PAYMENTS,
BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT WANTED TO
PAY WITH A CREDIT CARD, BUT
UNIVERSAL INSISTED IT COULDN'T
TAKE CREDIT CARD PAYMENTS.
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY
EMAILS ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR
PROBLEM THERE WERE.
IN THE WAKE OF THAT ISSUE, THERE
WAS APPARENTLY A LOT OF
CONFUSION ABOUT WHETHER THE
GOVERNMENT COULD USE THE SONG AT
CEREMONIES OR NOT.
BECAUSE WE TURNED UP EMAILS
BETWEEN IMMIGRATION EMPLOYEES
LIKE "IS THE LEE GREENWOOD SONG
ALLOWED NOW?"
AND "I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M NOT
LOSING MY MIND, HAVE WE BEEN
GIVEN THE OKAY TO PLAY LEE
GREENWOOD AGAIN?"
THERE'S EVEN AN EXCHANGE WITH
SOMEONE ASKING, "AM I THE ONLY
ONE WHO LOVES THAT SONG?"
AND GETTING THE VERY FIRM REPLY,
"YES.
YOU ARE."
EVENTUALLY, IT BECAME CLEAR THEY
DIDN'T HAVE A LICENSE TO USE
THE SONG, AND STAFFERS WERE TOLD
LAST NOVEMBER, "IT IS VERY
IMPORTANT TO REITERATE THAT WE
NO LONGER HAVE THE LICENSING
RIGHTS TO PLAY THE LEE GREENWOOD
"GOD BLESS THE USA" SONG."
A MESSAGE THAT STILL DIDN'T SEEM
TO GET THROUGH, GIVEN A NEWS
ARTICLE FROM THIS MAY ABOUT A
NEW JERSEY CEREMONY MENTIONS NEW
CITIZENS BEING CALLED UP ONE AT
A TIME, AS LEE GREENWOOD'S GOD
BLESS THE USA PLAYED.
AND HONESTLY, I'M NOT SURE WHY
IT'S BEING PLAYED AT CEREMONIES
AT ALL.
NOT JUST CONTRACTUALLY OR
EVEN MUSICALLY.
BUT BECAUSE GREENWOOD'S PAST
REMARKS ABOUT IMMIGRANTS HAVE
BEEN, TO SAY THE LEAST,
OFF-MESSAGE.
HERE HE IS A FEW YEARS AGO, AT
CPAC.
HERE WE ARE IN A FREE
COUNTRY, WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT.
WE HAVE IMMIGRANTS WHO COME HERE
ALL THE TIME, AND THEY NEED TO
KNOW THIS.
THEY NEED TO KNOW WE'RE STILL A
WESTERN COUNTRY THAT BELIEVES IN
GOD.
THAT'S IT.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT!
AND FELLOW IMMIGRANTS, I CAN'T
DO NOT
LISTEN TO LEE GREENWOOD!
BECAUSE, AMONG OTHER THINGS,
YOU'LL FAIL YOUR CITIZENSHIP
TEST.
THE FACT AMERICANS ARE FREE TO
HAVE ANY RELIGION, OR NONE
WHATSOEVER, IS AN ANSWER TO FOUR
SEPARATE QUESTIONS ON IT,
INCLUDING "WHAT IS FREEDOM OF
RELIGION?"
SO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT'S
ACTUALLY ON THE TEST, NOT THE
MAN DRESSED LIKE A LOAN SHARK IN
MOURNING.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO
UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRATION,
GREENWOOD WILL QUICKLY JUMP TO
THE NEGATIVE, LIKE THIS.
MY SONG "GOD BLESS THE USA"
IS USED IN THE WELCOME FILM
ALONG WITH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM
AND THE WELCOME FROM THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
THAT MAKES ME EXTREMELY PROUD.
WHAT DOES NOT MAKE ME PROUD IS
THAT ANYBODY, ANY ADMINISTRATION
PRIOR WHO HAS NOT SEALED OUR
BORDER AND STOPPED PEOPLE FROM
CHINA, FROM IRAN, OR ANY
TERRORIST ORGANIZATION WHO WOULD
FLY TO MEXICO AND COME ACROSS
THE BORDER ILLEGALLY, FILTER
INTO OUR NATION AND WAITING TILL
THEY'RE TOLD-- TO BE THE NEXT
TERRORIST ATTACK.
IT IS COMING.
OKAY, THAT'S OBVIOUSLY
IDIOTIC, BUT I LOVE THE IDEA
ASPIRING TERRORISTS ARE JUST
SITTING AROUND AND WAITING TO BE
TOLD THEY'RE "AMERICA'S NEXT
TERRORIST ATTACK" LIKE THEY'RE
ON BRAVO'S MOST CONTROVERSIAL
NEW REALITY SHOW.
AND LOOK, MAYBE YOU CAN LOOK
PAST ALL THIS.
THE FACT GREENWOOD'S A TACKY
BIBLE SALESMAN WITH VIEWS
COMPLETELY AT ODDS WITH
EVERYTHING A NATURALIZATION
CEREMONY REPRESENTS.
MAYBE YOU CAN STOMACH HIS SONG
BEING USED, ON THE GROUNDS IT'S
A UNIQUELY AMERICAN TRIBUTE TO
THIS SINGULAR COUNTRY.
BUT IS IT?
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT, JUST FIVE
YEARS AFTER HE RELEASED "GOD
BLESS THE USA" HE RELEASED
ANOTHER SONG.
AND IT'S GOING TO SOUND VERY
FAMILIAR TO YOU, UNTIL IT
SUDDENLY DOESN'T.
AND I'M PROUD TO BE IN CANADA
WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE.
AND I WON'T FORGET THE MEN WHO
DIE, WHO GAVE THAT RIGHT TO ME.
AND I'D GLADLY STAND UP, NEXT TO
YOU, AND DEFEND HER STILL TODAY.
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO DOUBT I
LOVE THIS LAND, GOD BLESS YOU
CANADA.
THAT DOESN'T EVEN
FUCKING RHYME!
IT DOESN'T RHYME!
YOU CAN'T KEEP "DEFEND HER STILL
TODAY" IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO
SING "GOD BLESS YOU CANADAY!"
YOU CAN'T DO IT!
BUT THE POINT IS, HE TOOK HIS
QUINTESSENTIALLY AMERICAN SONG
AND SWITCHED A FEW WORDS SO IT'D
BE ABOUT CANADA INSTEAD.
THE REST OF IT IS HIM JUST
FIND-AND-REPLACING CANADIAN
PLACES FOR AMERICAN ONES.
TAKE A LISTEN.
FROM THE SHORES OF NOVA
SCOTIA TO THE FORESTS IN B.C.,
MONTREAL TO WINNIPEG, FROM SEA
TO SHINING SEA.
OH, COME ON.
YOU CAN'T JUST PACK YOUR SONG IN
WITH PLACE NAMES LIKE A MAD LIBS
AND CALL IT A DAY.
YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'LL GET REAL YOUTUBE
COMMENTS LIKE THIS ONE, SAYING,
"I AM FROM RWANDA AND MR.
GREENWOOD HAS NOT MADE A VERSION
FOR US YET."
IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE, LEE!
ALL OF THIS IS TO SAY THAT, FOR
MULTIPLE REASONS, I'D ARGUE LEE
GREENWOOD'S SONG SHOULD NEVER
AGAIN BE PLAYED AT CITIZENSHIP
CEREMONIES.
BECAUSE THEY DESERVE ONE
GENUINELY UNIQUE TO THIS
COUNTRY.
A SONG THAT CELEBRATES THE
NATION NEW AMERICANS ARE ABOUT
TO JOIN-- AND THE PROCESS
THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH-- WHILE
ALSO NOT SOFT-PEDALING SOME HARD
TRUTHS ABOUT IT.
AND THE GOOD NEWS IS, I THINK WE
HAVE THE PERFECT SONG, PERFORMED
BY AN ACTUAL AMERICAN TREASURE.
AND NOT ONLY WILL WE NOT CHARGE
THE GOVERNMENT $700 A YEAR FOR
IT-- WE'RE NOT ASSHOLES--
WE'LL ACTUALLY PAY THEM $701 A
YEAR IF THEY PLAY IT AT
NATURALIZATION CEREMONIES FROM
NOW ON. úAND I COULD TELL YOU MORE ABOUT
IT, BUT HONESTLY, I'D RATHER
SHOW IT TO YOU.
YOU STUDIED HARD, YOU DID
YOUR BEST, FILLED OUT THE FORMS
AND PASSED THE TEST, NOW YOU'RE
PART OF A LAND THAT IS SO GOD
BLESSED AND STARTING TODAY.
YOUR AMERICAN.
THERE'S CORN DOGS, FIREWORKS
LIGHTING UP THE SKY.
NASCAR RODEO, BARBECUE, THAT
STUFFS AMERICAN SO NOW ARE
YOU.
WE'VE GOT PRESIDENTS AND OUR
LAWS, WE ARE A REAL BIG COUNTRY
WITH REAL BIG PROBLEMS.
IF WE ARE KIND OF HOPING YOU
COULD HELP US SOLVE THEM.
TELEVANGELISTS AND FOSSIL FUELS,
METAL DETECTORS IN ALL OF
SCHOOLS.
DRIVE-IN PRISONS AND
MOUNTAIN DEW.
THAT SUCH AMERICAN NOW THEY ARE
YOUR PROBLEM TOO.
THE WAR ON DRUGS.
TED FUCKING CRUZ, THEY ARE ALL
AMERICAN AND SO ARE YOU.
NOWADAYS, IT'S HARD TO DO.
HARD TO BE THE COUNTRY WE OUGHT
TO BE.
YOU WEREN'T BORN HERE, YOU
VOLUNTEERED.
TO JOIN YOUR FAITH OF THE GREAT
AND THE JUST PLAIN WEIRD.
THOUSANDS OF MEDICAL
BANKRUPTCIES.
A PLANTATION WEDDINGS AND
CHUCK E. CHEESE'S.
TORNADOES ON HALLOWEEN.
HOLY SHIT I JUST REMEMBER THE
CREW, THAT STUFFS AMERICAN.
HERE'S TO THE FIGHT.
OF THE BRIGHTEST ARE ON YOUR
RIGHT.
WHEREVER YOU COME FROM, WHEREVER
YOU ROLE, WHERE ALL AMERICAN,
THEY'RE ALL AMERICAN!
THEY ARE ALL AMERICANS!
WELCOME HOME!
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
GOOD NIGHT!
PLANTATION WEDDINGS AND
CHUCK E. CHEESE'S!
HOLY SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED.
THE STUFFS AMERICAN.