♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
FROM FOX AGREEING TO PAY NEARLY
$800 MILLION FOR BROADCASTING
LIES, TO THE U.K.'S DEPUTY PRIME
MINISTER RESIGNING DUE TO A
BULLYING INVESTIGATION.
BUT WE'RE GOING TO START IN THE
TENNESSEE HOUSE, WHERE
REPUBLICANS RECENTLY VOTED TO
EXPEL TWO DEMOCRATIC LAWMAKERS
FOR VIOLATING HOUSE RULES IN
PROTESTING AGAINST GUN VIOLENCE.
ONE OF THE REPUBLICANS WHO VOTED
TO EXPEL THEM WAS THIS MAN,
SCOTTY CAMPBELL, WHO ABRUPTLY
RESIGNED ON THURSDAY.
AND I COULD TELL YOU WHY.
BUT I'D RATHER LET YOU WATCH AS
HE SEES HIS POLITICAL CAREER
EVAPORATE BEFORE HIS EYES.
AS I UNDERSTAND, YOU ADMITTED
TO SEXUALLY HARASSING THIS
INTERN?
GIVE ME JUST FIVE SECONDS.
OKAY.
IN FACT, SCOTTY CAMPBELL
ALREADY KNEW WE WERE
INVESTIGATING SOME SERIOUS
ALLEGATIONS.
HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.
ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH
AT LEAST ONE LEGISLATIVE INTERN,
ALTHOUGH HE WOULD SOON DIVULGE
THERE WAS A SECOND INTERN.
WHICH DIRECTION DO I NEED TO
LOOK FOR YOUR CAMERA?
JUST LOOK AT ME.
John: WOW.
YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF
POLITICIANS GET CAUGHT OUT ON
THIS SHOW.
SOME GET ANGRY, SOME RUN AWAY.
BUT IN TEN SEASONS, I HAVE NEVER
SEEN SOMEONE SO THOROUGHLY
FUCKED THEIR ONLY RESPONSE IS
"GIVE ME FIVE SECONDS TO CHUG
THIS," FOLLOWED BY "OKAY, WHERE
SHOULD I LOOK WHILE MY CAREER
ENDS?"
KUDOS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED.
SO IT TURNS OUT, A HOUSE ETHICS
SUBCOMMITTEE FOUND LAST MONTH
THAT CAMPBELL HAD VIOLATED THE
POLICY ON WORKPLACE
DISCRIMINATION AND HARASSMENT.
THERE ARE ALLEGATIONS THAT HE'D
SEXUALLY HARASSED AT LEAST ONE
INTERN, REPORTEDLY
MAKING HER "PROGRESSIVELY MORE
AFRAID AND UNCOMFORTABLE,"
THROUGH ACTIONS LIKE, AT ONE
POINT, OFFERING TO GIVE HER
CANNABIS GUMMIES TO SEE HER
TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS.
THE SUBCOMMITTEE ISSUED THEIR
FINDINGS LAST MONTH, BUT NOTHING
HAPPENED UNTIL REPORTERS STARTED
ASKING QUESTIONS.
AND WHILE CAMPBELL DENIES THE
ALLEGATIONS, IT'S NOT GREAT THAT
HE ALSO DOESN'T SEEM TO
COMPREHEND SOME PRETTY BASIC
THINGS.
SO ARE YOU SAYING THE ETHICS
SUBCOMMITTEE IS LYING?
I'M SAYING THAT I DID NOT
KNOW THAT A WORKPLACE POLICY
COULD BE ENFORCED WHEN YOU'RE
NOT AT WORK.
John: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
SCOTTY.
I'M NOT SURE THAT SAYING,
"WHATEVER I DID, I WASN'T AT
WORK WHEN I DID IT!"
IS QUITE THE IRONCLAD DEFENSE HE
THINKS IT IS.
IF YOUR OFFICE HAD A SIGN IN THE
KITCHEN THAT SAID "PLEASE DO NOT
FUCK THE KEURIG MACHINE," AND
YOU RESPONDED BY TAKING IT
OUTSIDE THE BUILDING AND FUCKING
IT THERE, I THINK YOU'RE STILL
PROBABLY GETTING INTO TROUBLE.
AND LOOK, I COULD TALK ALL NIGHT
ABOUT THIS STORY, BUT FOR NOW,
LET'S TURN TO BEER.
DRINKABLE BREAD THAT MAKES
TALKING LESS SCARY.
SPECIFICALLY, BUD LIGHT.
THE BEER YOU'D GIVE A CHILD TO
DRINK TO TEACH IT A LESSON.
A FEW WEEKS AGO, BUD LIGHT
PARTNERED WITH INFLUENCER
DYLAN MULVANEY FOR THE SORT OF
INSTAGRAM PROMOTION YOU SEE ALL
THE TIME.
CHECK OUT MY INSTAGRAM STORY
TO SEE HOW YOU CAN ENJOY MARCH
MADNESS WITH BUD LIGHT AND MAYBE
WIN SOME MONEY, TOO!
John: OKAY.
SEEMS BASICALLY AS INOFFENSIVE
AS AN AD CAN BE WHEN IT'S
PROMOTING BUD LIGHT, A BEER THAT
ASKS THE QUESTION "ARE WE
ALLOWED TO CALL CAT'S URINE
BEER?
BECAUSE IF NOT, THIS FACTORY
TOUR IS OVER."
BUT PEOPLE ON THE RIGHT
ABSOLUTELY LOST THEIR SHIT OVER
THIS, BECAUSE BUD LIGHT
PARTNERED WITH A TRANS WOMAN.
THERE'VE BEEN CALLS FOR
BOYCOTTS, AND THIS INCREDIBLY
STUPID VIDEO FROM KID ROCK.
LET ME SAY SOMETHING TO ALL
YOU AND BE AS CLEAR AND CONCISE
AS POSSIBLE.
[GUNFIRE]
FUCK BUD LIGHT.
AND FUCK ANHEUSER-BUSCH.
HAVE A TERRIFIC DAY.
John: OKAY, A FEW THINGS.
FIRST, I DON'T THINK THERE'S A
MORE DANGEROUS WAY TO DISPOSE OF
BUD LIGHT, OTHER THAN OF COURSE
DRINKING IT.
AND SECOND, NOT TO GUN-SHAME
CHILD ROCK HERE, BUT YOU'RE 20
YARDS AWAY FROM A TARGET THAT'S
BRIGHT, IDENTIFIABLE AND,
CRUCIALLY, STATIONARY, AND
YOU'RE SPRAYING BULLETS ALL OVER
THE PLACE.
PERHAPS THAT'S WHY IT SURE SEEMS
LIKE HE MAY HAVE HAD HELP.
BECAUSE IF YOU WATCH IT SLOWED
DOWN, YOU'LL NOTICE THE THREE
BLASTS THAT ACTUALLY DESTROY THE
CASES APPEAR TO BE COMING FROM
THE RIGHT.
AND THE THING IS, IT'S NOT JUST
52-YEAR-OLDS NAMED "KID" DOING
THIS, THERE'VE BEEN MULTIPLE
VIDEOS OF PEOPLE DESTROYING CANS
OF BUD LIGHT, AND OTHER
ANHEUSER-BUSCH BRANDS.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING
THAT HURTS A COMPANY, IT'S
DESTROYING THEIR PRODUCT AFTER
IT'S ALREADY BEEN PURCHASED.
AND LOOK, THIS IS ALL VERY
STUPID, BUT THERE'S SOME REAL
NASTINESS UNDER ALL THIS.
IT'S PART OF A GENERAL MORAL
PANIC AROUND TRANS RIGHTS,
ARRIVING AT THE SAME TIME AS A
RASH OF BILLS BANNING
GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE FOR KIDS
AND-- IN SOME STATES-- ADULTS
AS WELL.
AND MADDENINGLY,
ANHEUSER-BUSCH'S RESPONSE TO
THAT UGLINESS HAS BEEN TO
EQUIVOCATE IN THE FACE OF IT.
ITS CEO PUT OUT A STATEMENT
SAYING, "WE NEVER INTENDED TO BE
PART OF A DISCUSSION THAT
DIVIDES PEOPLE.
WE ARE IN THE BUSINESS OF
BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER OVER A
BEER."
WHICH, SURE, ALTHOUGH AGAIN, NOT
TECHNICALLY "BEER" SO MUCH AS IT
IS "FIZZY WATER SWISHED AROUND A
DOG'S MOUTH."
AND IT'S PRETTY ANNOYING TO BE
"BOTH-SIDES"ING SOMETHING WHEN
THE TWO SIDES ARE, "I AM TRANS"
AND "THAT MAKES ME SO MAD I'M
GOING TO SHOOT $65 WORTH OF
NON-REFUNDABLE BEER."
AND BUDWEISER JUST RELEASED THIS
EQUALLY EMPTY NEW AD.
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT
A BEER, ROOTED IN THE HEART OF
AMERICA.
FOUND IN A COMMUNITY WHERE A
HANDSHAKE IS A SURE CONTRACT.
RAISED BY GENERATIONS WILLING TO
SIP, SHARE, RISK, REMEMBER.
THIS IS A STORY BIGGER THAN
BEER.
THIS IS THE STORY OF THE
AMERICAN SPIRIT.
John: OKAY.
THERE'S BOTH NOTHING AND A LOT
GOING ON THERE.
THEY'RE CLEARLY SO AFRAID OF
OFFENDING ANYONE, THEY PUT OUT
AN AD ESSENTIALLY SAYING,
"AMERICA SOMETHING SOMETHING,"
AND MADE A POINT OF STOPPING
DOWN, FOR SOME REASON, AT A SHOT
OF THE NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE SO
THEY COULD SAY, "REMEMBER."
IS THAT A 9/11 REFERENCE,
BUDWEISER?
BECAUSE SHOTS OF A HORSE RUNNING
THROUGH THE PLAINS AND "REMEMBER
9/11" FEEL LESS LIKE AN AD AND
MORE LIKE THE RESULTS OF FEEDING
AN AI PROGRAM THE PROMPT
"AMERICA FREEDOM I'M SORRY."
THIS FEELS LIKE A HUGE MISFIRE
FOR ANHEUSER-BUSCH.
BECAUSE WHEN BIGOTS ARE LOUDLY
ANNOUNCING THEY DON'T LIKE YOUR
BEER, BECAUSE THEY ARE BIGOTS,
THAT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SAY,
"THEN OUR BEER IS NOT FOR YOU."
BUT IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO COZY
UP TO THEM WITH PLATITUDES,
STOCK FOOTAGE AND, FRANKLY,
DISTRACTINGLY FUCKABLE HORSES--
WHY NOT AT LEAST REALLY GO FOR
IT?
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT
A BEER.
ONE THAT BELIEVES IN SIMPLE
VALUES LIKE FLAG, HELLO, AND
TROOPS.
A BEER THAT ADMITTEDLY DOES
TASTE LIKE THE DASH YOU MAKE
AFTER YOU DRINK BETTER OF YOUR
APPEAR TO BUT IT'S MORE THAN
THAT, IT'S ABOUT HORSES AND
LIVING YOUR LIFE HOWEVER YOU
CHOOSE.
UNLESS OF COURSE THAT FREEDOM
ALIENATES OUR BASE OF FRAT
GROSS.
ON-DUTY COPS.
AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE DADS.
HONESTLY, WE ARE RUNNING SCARED
BECAUSE KID ROCK TOLD HIS
FOLLOWERS OUR BEER WAS WOKE
INSTEAD OF WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS,
WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU RING OUT A
BAR RAG AT THE END OF A SHIFT AT
ANY BAR.
TO THAT END.
WE ARE HOPING TO MAKE AN AD THAT
WOULDN'T OFFEND ANYBODY.
SO WHAT'S OUR BEER ABOUT?
OUR BEERS ABOUT THE
GRAND CANYON.
TRAINS.
AND DOGS BEING REUNITED WITH
SOLDIERS.
IT'S ABOUT FIREWORKS, ONE KID
PUSHING ANOTHER KID IN A WAGON.
SHARKS, AMERICAN-MADE SHARKS.
SHARKS WHO GO TO CHURCH.
IT'S ABOUT HOT DOGS.
LANDING ON THE MOON.
REMEMBERING 9/11.
AND THE CIVIL WAR.
WHICHEVER SIDE YOU LIKE, IT IS.
THE BOTTOM LINE IS, PLEASE,
BUY OUR AWFUL BEER.
TO DRINK, TO SHOOT, WE DON'T
CARE.
WE NEVER CREATED IT TO BE
ENJOYED.
JUST PURCHASED.
BUD LIGHT.
John: MOVING ON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
CRYPTOCURRENCY.
THE ONLY WORD THAT MAKES ELON
MUSK NUT IMMEDIATELY.
WE FIRST COVERED CRYPTO FIVE
YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS
YOUNGER, AND SINCE THEN, A LOT'S
HAPPENED, INCLUDING,
UNFORTUNATELY, THIS VIDEO FROM
JUST LAST YEAR PROMOTING THE
GENERAL CONCEPT OF TRADING
CRYPTO.
♪ HELLO, IT'S ME ♪
♪ WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN ABOUT
EXCHANGING CRYPTOCURRENCY ♪
♪ WE'LL GO OVER EVERYTHING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT COINS FROM
DIFFERENT BLOCKCHAINS ♪
♪ AND WANNA DO SOME TRADING ♪
John: I MEAN, A LOT TO
DISLIKE ABOUT THAT.
FROM HER CHOOSING TO PARODY A
SONG BY ONE OF OUR GREATEST
SINGERS WHILE HAVING A VOICE I
CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS "A NO CHAIR
TURN," TO WEARING THOSE EARRINGS
WHICH SCREAM, "I DO MY BEST
SHOPPING AT AIRPORTS," TO THE
FACT HER NAME IS RANDI
ZUCKERBERG, AND YES, SHE IS
MARK'S SISTER.
MEANING THAT, INCREDIBLY, SHE'S
"THE COOL ONE" IN THAT FAMILY.
AND THAT WASN'T EVEN THE ONLY
SONG SHE DID.
SHE ALSO DID THIS ONE ABOUT HOW
EVERYTHING WITH CRYPTO WAS GONNA
GO GREAT.
♪ WE'RE ALL GONNA MAKE IT ♪
♪ YEAH, WE'RE ALL GONNA MAKE
IT ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL GONNA MAKE IT ♪
♪ EVERYONE ♪
John: YUP!
"WE'RE ALL GONNA MAKE IT IN
CRYPTO!"
IS A PHRASE THAT'S AGED ABOUT AS
WELL AS "WELCOME ABOARD THE
UNSINKABLE TITANIC!"
THOSE VIDEOS CAME OUT WHEN
CRYPTO FEVER WAS STILL NEAR ITS
ABSOLUTE PEAK.
STADIUMS WERE GETTING NAMED
AFTER CRYPTO COMPANIES,
MATT DAMON AND LEBRON JAMES DID
COMMERCIALS FOR Crypto.com AND
CELEBRITIES FROM LARRY DAVID TO
TOM & GISELE PRE-DIVORCE BUT
POST-LOVE, HYPED A CRYPTO
EXCHANGE CALLED
RUN BY A SUPPOSED 29-YEAR-OLD
GENIUS SAM BANKMAN-FRIED, AKA
"SBF."
HE WAS ON THE COVER OF
FORBES AND FORTUNE, WITH ONE
CALLING HIM "THE NEXT WARREN
BUFFET," AND OTHERS CALLING HIM
"JPEG MORGAN."
AND SEQUOIA CAPITAL, ONE OF THE
BIGGEST VENTURE CAPITAL FIRMS,
HAD A $213 MILLION INVESTMENT IN
THE COMPANY.
BUT SINCE THEN, TO PUT IT
MILDLY, THERE HAS BEEN AN
IMPLOSION, WHICH REALLY BROKE
THROUGH TO PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS
JUST BEFORE LAST CHRISTMAS.
IN A SPAN OF 24 HOURS,
SAM BANKMAN FRIED WAS WHISKED BY
FEDERAL AGENTS IN THE BAHAMAS TO
NEW YORK CITY WHERE HE FACED A
JUDGE AND WALKED OUT OF A
FEDERAL COURTHOUSE AFTER POSTING
BAIL ON A $250 MILLION BOND,
WHICH PROSECUTORS BELIEVE IS ONE
OF THE LARGEST IN U.S. HISTORY.
John: RIGHT, SBF WAS ARRESTED
FOR DEFRAUDING HIS CUSTOMERS OUT
OF BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND TO
BE HONEST, IT SEEMS LIKE THE
COURTROOM SKETCH ARTIST MAY HAVE
BEEN ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE THIS
IS ONE OF THE RUDEST
ILLUSTRATIONS I'VE EVER SEEN.
THE WHOLE "INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN
GUILTY" THING CLEARLY DOESN'T
APPLY TO THE SIDE OF THE LAW
WITH THE COLORING PENCILS.
SBF'S ARREST WAS A BIG DEAL.
AND AS HIS COMPANY IMPLODED,
SOME, LIKE CNBC'S JIM CRAMER,
WERE FURIOUS.
THAT GUY IS A CLUELESS IDIOT.
HE'S A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
HE'S A CON MAN.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT NEARLY FOUR
YEARS OF GETTING AWAY WITH
FINANCIAL MURDER JUST BECAUSE
THEY COULD.
John: WOW, THOSE ARE SOME
HARSH WORDS THERE FROM THE
SQUAWKING PARROT ON EVERY
PIRATE'S SHOULDER.
ESPECIALLY AS, JUST A YEAR
EARLIER, CRAMER WAS SAYING THIS.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO
EDUCATE OURSELVES WITH
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED.
WELL, SAM, I GOT TO TELL YOU,
BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY
MUCH A VISIONARY.
John: YEAH, NOT GREAT, BUT
ALSO NOT SURPRISING.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS THE SAME GUY
THAT PROCLAIMED THAT "BEAR
STEARNS IS FINE" LITERAL DAYS
BEFORE IT FOLDED, TOLD HIS
VIEWERS TO BUY NETFLIX RIGHT
BEFORE IT LOST ALMOST 70% IN
FIVE MONTHS, AND ONCE-- AND
THIS IS TRUE-- SAID THAT
GOOGLE, FACEBOOK AND TWITTER
SHOULD HIRE KEVIN SPACEY AS A
SPOKESPERSON.
JIM CRAMER IS THE ONLY PERSON
WHO COULD LOOK YOU IN THE EYE,
SAY "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE
TOMORROW," AND GIVE YOU AN
IMMEDIATE SENSE OF CALM, KNOWING
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE FOR ANOTHER
50 YEARS.
BUT FTX HAS BEEN JUST ONE OF THE
MANY DOMINOS THAT FELL IN THE
CRYPTO WORLD.
OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS, THE
MARKET VALUE OF ALL
CRYPTOCURRENCIES FELL FROM ABOUT
$3 TRILLION IN LATE 2021 TO
AROUND $1 TRILLION LAST YEAR.
AND THERE ARE SMALL INVESTORS
WHO GOT BADLY HURT BY ALL THIS.
1 IN 5 AMERICANS HAS INVESTED
IN, TRADED, OR USED
CRYPTOCURRENCY.
AND YOU CAN FIND COUNTLESS
STORIES OF PEOPLE LOSING THEIR
LIFE'S SAVINGS IN THE
RECENT IMPLOSIONS.
UNDERSCORING THAT EVERYONE IN
CRYPTO WAS NEVER GOING TO
"MAKE IT," NO MATTER HOW MUCH
RANDI ZUCKERBERG SCREAM-SANG
OTHERWISE.
SO TONIGHT, WE THOUGHT WE'D TAKE
A LOOK AT WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING
IN THE WORLD OF CRYPTO BY
LOOKING AT THREE OF THE BIGGEST
COLLAPSES OVER THE PAST YEAR.
EACH OF THESE COMPANIES WAS
FOUNDED ON THE PROMISE THEY'D
REPLACE SOME PART OF OUR
FINANCIAL SYSTEM.
THERE'S TERRA, A CRYPTOCURRENCY.
CELSIUS, A CRYPTO "BANK."
AND FTX, A CRYPTO TRADING
PLATFORM.
IN THEORY, THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO
BE OUR NEXT DOLLAR, OUR NEXT
BANK OF AMERICA, AND OUR NEXT
STOCK EXCHANGE.
BUT IN REALITY, THEY'RE
FIASCOES.
AND BEFORE WE EVEN START, WE'RE
NOT GOING TO BE DISCUSSING THE
MERITS OR THE TECHNOLOGY OF THE
BLOCKCHAIN.
WE DID THAT FIVE YEARS AGO, IT'S
STILL ON THE INTERNET, YOU CAN
GO WATCH IT THERE.
OR NOT.
NOT WATCHING THIS SHOW IS ALWAYS
A STRONG OPTION FOR YOU.
BUT JUST AS A REMINDER, EVERY
SINGLE CRYPTO COIN IS JUST
SOMETHING SOMEONE WITH A LAPTOP
MADE UP.
THAT'S TRUE FOR ALL OF THEM,
LIKE DOGECOIN, CAT COIN, PANDA
COIN, FURRY COIN, CUMROCKET,
ELONSPERM, AND MONKEYJIZZ.
THOSE ARE ALL REAL BY THE WAY.
WE WERE GOING TO COME UP WITH A
FAKE ONE AS A JOKE, BUT THEN WE
SAW MONKEYJIZZ AND IT FELT LIKE
A HAT ON A HAT.
TO THE EXTENT ANY OF THESE COINS
HAVE VALUE, IT'S BASED ON
WHETHER PEOPLE BELIEVE THEY
DO, WHICH OFTEN COMES DOWN TO
THEIR CONFIDENCE IN THE PERSON
OR GROUP WHO MADE THE COIN.
AND THAT BASIC FACT MAKES THE
CRYPTO BUSINESS VERY ATTRACTIVE
TO A CERTAIN TYPE OF PERSON.
ONE COLUMNIST WHO'S COVERED THIS
INTENSIVELY SUMMED IT UP LIKE
THIS: IF YOU ARE RUNNING A SCAM,
YOU WILL BE DRAWN TO CRYPTO.
YOU ARE RUNNING A CONFIDENCE
GAME, AND CRYPTO OFFERS THE MOST
EFFICIENT MARKET FOR TURNING
CONFIDENCE INTO MONEY.
AND THE STORY FOR ALL THREE
COMPANIES WE'RE GOING TO LOOK AT
TONIGHT IS ONE OF CONFIDENCE
GAINED, AND THEN SQUANDERED.
LET'S START WITH TERRA, WHICH
WAS A CRYPTOCURRENCY LAUNCHED IN
2018 BY A BRASH SOUTH KOREAN
ENTREPRENEUR NAMED DO KWON.
PEOPLE HAD FAITH IN TERRA, IN
PART, BECAUSE KWON EXUDED
CONFIDENCE.
HERE HE IS ON TWITCH, RESPONDING
TO A QUESTION ABOUT THE
VOLATILITY OF COMPANIES IN HIS
SPACE.
I WONDER HOW MANY OF THESE
COMPANIES YOU THINK ARE ENTERING
THIS SPACE JUST BECAUSE IT'S HOT
AND THERE'S A LOT OF FUNDING
VERSUS THE ONES THAT WILL STILL
BE HERE, YOU KNOW, ABOUT 2-5
YEARS LATER?
OH, 95% OF ARE GOING TO DIE.
95% ARE GOING TO DIE.
BUT THERE'S ALSO ENTERTAINMENT
IN WATCHING COMPANIES DIE TOO.
John: I MEAN, THAT'S PRETTY
COCKY, BUT I GUESS HE'S RIGHT.
THERE CAN BE ENTERTAINMENT IN
WATCHING A COMPANY DIE.
INCIDENTALLY, I BELIEVE THAT'S
THE NEW SLOGAN FOR MAX.
HEY, DO YOU LIKE HBO, BUT WANT
ADS, THE PROPERTY BROTHERS, AND
ALSO DON'T LIKE HBO?
MAX!
THERE'S ENTERTAINMENT IN
WATCHING A COMPANY DIE!
KWON'S COMPANY MADE SOMETHING
CALLED A "STABLECOIN," THE IDEA
OF WHICH IS-- UNLIKE SOMETHING
LIKE BITCOIN-- IT WOULD ALWAYS
BE WORTH A STABLE AMOUNT.
SO, ONE UNIT OF TERRA-- OR
"UST"-- WOULD ALWAYS EQUAL ONE
U.S. DOLLAR.
AND THE WAY THEY GUARANTEED THIS
WAS TRULY ABSURD.
BECAUSE RATHER THAN SIMPLY
COLLECTING A DOLLAR FOR EVERY
UNIT OF TERRA IT ISSUED-- WHICH
WOULD MAKE SENSE-- IT INSTEAD
TIED ITS VALUE TO A DIFFERENT
COIN, LUNA, WHICH IT HAD ALSO
MADE UP.
AND IT SAID IT WOULD TURN LUNA
INTO TERRA AND TERRA INTO LUNA,
WITH A SPECIAL ALGORITHM.
AND IF THAT SOUNDS BOTH
COMPLICATED AND STUPID TO YOU,
IT IS.
HERE'S HOW THE COMPANY EXPLAINED
IT-- AND JUST KNOW, YOU DON'T
NEED TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING
THAT'S HAPPENING HERE, BECAUSE
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
LET'S IMAGINE THE ENTIRE
TERRA ECONOMY AS A POOL.
THE SIZE OF THE POOL IS
DETERMINED BY THE TOTAL SUPPLY
OF UST.
IF MORE PEOPLE WANT UST, THE
TIDE RISES, AND IF LESS PEOPLE
WANT UST, THE TIDE FALLS.
TO BRING BACK THE WATER LEVEL TO
$1, WE CAN EXPAND THE POOL BY
INTRODUCING A NEW SUPPLY OF UST.
BUT WHERE DOES NEW UST COME
FROM?
AT TERRA, WE'VE DESIGNED A
MACHINE THAT SWAPS $1 WORTH OF
LUNA TO ONE UST.
John: OKAY, IMAGINE IF
SOMEONE CAME UP TO YOU WHILE YOU
WERE AT THE ATM AND SAID, "GIVE
ME THAT MONEY, AND INSTEAD, I'LL
GIVE YOU BLORPS.
ONE BLORP IS ALWAYS WORTH ONE
DOLLAR, AND THE REASON I CAN
GUARANTEE THAT IS, I'LL SELL AS
MANY FLEEZLES AS IT TAKES TO
MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
ALSO, I MAKE THE FLEEZLES."
YOU'D PROBABLY SAY NO WOULDN'T
YOU IMMEDIATELY?
BUT IF THEY THEN SAID "I DO IT
WITH A SPECIAL ALGORITHM,"
SUDDENLY, YOU MIGHT THINK THEY
KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T.
WELL, THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT
HAPPENED HERE.
AND TO BE FAIR, SOME PEOPLE DID
SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THIS.
IN 2018, AN ANALYST LOOKED AT
TERRA'S BUSINESS MODEL AND SAID,
"THIS IS CRAZY.
THIS OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T WORK."
AND KWON WOULD SHAME ANYONE WHO
DARED QUESTION HIS MODEL.
AFTER A FINANCIAL WRITER RAISED
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE
VULNERABILITIES OF CRYPTO, KWON
TWEETED, "I DON'T DEBATE THE
POOR ON TWITTER."
AND FOR A WHILE, HIS CONFIDENCE
WORKED.
AT ITS HEIGHT, LUNA'S TOTAL
VALUE BALLOONED TO MORE THAN $40
BILLION DOLLARS.
THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS ENTERED
A PARTNERSHIP WITH THEM, KWON'S
FOLLOWERS CALLED THEMSELVES
LUNATICS, AND ONE OF HIS BACKERS
EVEN GOT A LUNA-THEMED TATTOO.
AND THAT'S A BOLD MOVE FROM
CRYPTO MOBY THERE.
I'D SAY IT'S THE WORST TATTOO
I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT I HAVE SEEN
THIS TATTOO OF R. KELLY WITH THE
WORDS, "I DON'T SEE NOTHING
WRONG," AND THAT'S AROUND FIVE
PERCENT WORSE.
BUT WE NOW KNOW, ACCORDING TO
THE SEC, THE ALGORITHM DIDN'T
WORK AS THEY'D CLAIMED.
IN FACT, AT ONE POINT IN 2021,
TERRA NEARLY COLLAPSED.
AND WHILE KWON TOLD PEOPLE THE
CRISIS HAD BEEN AVERTED THANKS
TO HIS ALGORITHM, SAYING IT WAS
"AUTOMATICALLY SELF-HEALING."
IT TURNS OUT, IT WAS ONLY SAVED
BY THE DELIBERATE INTERVENTION
OF A THIRD PARTY, WHICH WAS
QUIETLY PURCHASING LARGE
QUANTITIES OF TERRA TO RESTORE
ITS VALUE.
BUT LAST MAY, A FEW BIG TRADES
DESTABILIZED THE PRICE OF TERRA,
PROMPTING A PANIC IN WHICH BOTH
TERRA AND LUNA HOLDERS STARTED
SELLING EN MASSE.
AND SINCE THEY WEREN'T BACKED BY
ANYTHING BUT GOOD VIBES, BOTH
COINS' VALUE WERE TRADING AT
ESSENTIALLY ZERO, AND THE
IMPLOSION ERASED TENS OF
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF VALUE.
AS FOR KWON, HE NOW FACES
CHARGES IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES.
AND HE ACTUALLY WENT ON THE RUN
FOR A BIT, BUT BEFORE HE WAS
CAUGHT, MANAGED TO FIND
SOME EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ON A
CRYPTO PODCAST.
HERE HE IS, MID-THOUGHT, GETTING
SURPRISED BY AN UNEXPECTED
GUEST.
YOU'RE, LIKE, YOU HAVEN'T
SLEPT IN A WHILE AND LIKE, YOU
FEEL ALMOST-- HOLY SHIT, IS
THAT MARTIN SHKRELI?
HEY, DO, I JUST WANTED TO LET
YOU KNOW, JAIL'S NOT THAT BAD.
IT'S-- IT SUCKS, BUT IT'S--
IT'S NOT THE WORST THING EVER.
YOU KNOW, SO DON'T-- DON'T
FRET, IF THAT-- I HOPE IT
DOE-- DOESN'T HAPPEN.
BUT IF IT DOES HAPPEN, IT'S--
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
GOOD TO KNOW.
John: WOW.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S EVER BEEN
A MORE CURSED ZOOM CALL.
AND I'M INCLUDING THAT CELEBRITY
"IMAGINE" VIDEO.
AND, QUICK SIDENOTE, IF YOU'RE
WONDERING IF JIM CRAMER EVER SAW
MARTIN SHKRELI'S SCANDAL COMING,
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SHKRELI
ACTUALLY GOT HIS START AT
JIM CRAMER'S HEDGEFUND.
SO, ANOTHER ACE IN THE HOLE FOR
THE CRAME-GAME.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST
CRYPTOCURRENCIES THAT CAN BE
BUILT ON SAND.
THE SAME CAN HAPPEN WITH CRYPTO
"BANKS."
WHICH ARE ALREADY A BIT OF A
MISNOMER.
BECAUSE UNLIKE TRADITIONAL
BANKS, THEY'RE NOT REGULATED OR,
INDEED, INSURED.
BUT THEY'RE FIRMS THAT'LL HOLD
YOUR CRYPTO, PAY YOU INTEREST,
AND LEND IT OUT.
AND THAT BRINGS US TO OUR SECOND
COMPANY: CELSIUS, ONE OF THE
BIGGEST CRYPTO BANKS, FOUNDED BY
THIS GUY, ALEX MASHINSKY.
NOW HIS WHOLE SALES PITCH, AS
YOU CAN SEE FROM HIS COOL
T-SHIRT, WAS "BANKS ARE NOT YOUR
FRIENDS."
WHICH IS CLEARLY TRUE.
BUT HE REALLY DOUBLED DOWN, IN
ADS LIKE THIS.
BANKS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
WE ALL KNOW THAT.
AND WE DECIDED TO CREATE A
REPLACEMENT FOR THE BANKING
SYSTEM, RIGHT?
SOMETHING THAT ACTS IN YOUR BEST
INTEREST.
A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN ACTUALLY
HAVE YOUR MONEY WORK FOR YOU.
NOT JUST YOU WORK FOR YOUR
MONEY.
AND BASICALLY, THREE YEARS SINCE
WE LAUNCHED THE PRODUCT, WE'VE
PAID A BILLION DOLLARS BACK TO
THE COMMUNITY.
John: NOW, DESPITE THE FACT
HE SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE
TOMMY WISEAU IN "THE ROOM,"
MASHINSKY BUILT ONE OF THE
BIGGEST CRYPTO LENDERS WITH MORE
THAN $12 BILLION IN DEPOSITS.
AND ONE OF THE WAYS HE DID THIS
WAS BY PROMISING CUSTOMERS WOULD
GET UP TO 18% INTEREST RATES ON
THEIR DEPOSITS, VERSUS THE
AVERAGE OF .06% THEN BEING
OFFERED BY TRADITIONAL BANKS.
AND HE LIKED TO SAY THAT BANKS
COULD ACTUALLY PAY THOSE SORTS
OF RATES IF THEY WANTED TO,
ADDING, "SOMEBODY IS LYING.
EITHER THE BANK IS LYING OR
CELSIUS IS LYING."
AND HEY, PORQUE NO LOS DOS?
TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE!
LIKE HOW FRANKIE MUNIZ CAN BE
BOTH 37-YEARS-OLD AND 12 AT THE
SAME TIME, OR HOW THE ROCK CAN
BE ONE OF THE HIGHEST PAID
ACTORS IN HOLLYWOOD DESPITE
NEVER ACTUALLY ACTING.
MASHINSKY WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO
BUILD TRUST AMONG CUSTOMERS,
HOLDING WEEKLY LIVESTREAM AMAS,
SOMETIMES FEATURING DUMB STUNTS,
LIKE WHEN HE STARTED ONE WEARING
A MANDOLORIAN MASK.
AND ON THESE CALLS, HE'D BRAG
ABOUT ALL THE GREAT THINGS HIS
COMPANY WAS DOING FOR PEOPLE,
WHILE OCCASIONALLY ENGAGING IN
THE WORST ATTEMPT AT A DAB I'VE
EVER SEEN.
THE BEAUTY OF WHAT CELSIUS
MANAGED TO DO IS THAT WE DELIVER
YIELD, WE PAY IT TO THE PEOPLE
WHO WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO DO IT
THEMSELVES, WE TAKE IT FROM THE
RICH, AND WE BEAT THE INDEX.
THAT'S LIKE GOING TO THE
OLYMPICS AND GETTING 15 MEDALS
IN 15 DIFFERENT FIELDS.
OKAY?
John: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
A HEADS-UP DAB?
AND TO BE HONEST, WHY A DAB AT
ALL?
IT'S NOT 2015 AND YOU'RE NOT A
GUEST ON "ELLEN."
ALSO, YOU'RE 57 YEARS OLD!
THAT DEMONSTRATES A LACK OF
JUDGMENT FRANKLY TERRIFYING IN
SOMEONE SUPPOSEDLY RUNNING A
FINANCIAL INSTITUTION.
AND YET, MASHINSKY INSISTED "WE
ARE PROBABLY ONE OF THE LEAST
RISKY BUSINESSES THAT REGULATORS
WORLDWIDE HAVE EVER SEEN."
WHICH WAS FLAGRANTLY UNTRUE.
A COURT-APPOINTED EXAMINER LATER
FOUND HE WAS MAKING INCREDIBLY
RISKY LOANS, AND WAS ALSO USING
CUSTOMERS' MONEY TO PAY THE HIGH
YIELDS THAT HE'D PROMISED.
WHICH SURE SOUNDS LIKE THE
TEXTBOOK DEFINITION OF A PONZI
SCHEME.
EVENTUALLY, CELSIUS STARTED
MINTING ITS OWN COIN TO INFLATE
ITS BALANCE SHEET-- A COIN ITS
OWN EMPLOYEES SAID WAS
"WORTHLESS" AND THAT ITS PRICE
"SHOULD BE ZERO."
ONE EVEN SAID THAT THE WHOLE
THING WAS "VERY PONZI LIKE," AND
AT ONE POINT, THE COMPANY'S
FORMER FINANCE CHIEF SAID, "WE
ARE DOING SOMETHING POSSIBLY
ILLEGAL AND DEFINITELY NOT
COMPLIANT."
AND WHAT AN OFFICE THAT MUST'VE
BEEN TO WORK IN.
FINDING YOURSELF WANDERING OVER
TO SHERYL'S DESK LIKE, "HEY
GIRL, GREAT TOP!
QUICK Q, ARE WE LIKE DOING
CRIMES?
CAUSE I'M GETTING LIKE MAJOR
CRIME VIBES IN HERE.
ALSO, HAVE YOU SEEN OUR BOSS
DAB?
IT'S VERY WEIRD!"
AND WHEN CELSIUS INEVITABLY
COLLAPSED, PEOPLE GOT HURT.
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE, IN THE FINE
PRINT, THE COMPANY'S TERMS OF
USE STATED THAT CUSTOMERS
TRANSFERRED ALL "RIGHTS OF
OWNERSHIP" IN THEIR CRYPTO
ASSETS BY DEPOSITING THEM IN A
CELSIUS ACCOUNT.
MEANING THAT WHEN PEOPLE TRIED
TO WITHDRAW THEIR MONEY, THEY
FOUND OUT IT LEGALLY WASN'T
THEIRS ANYMORE.
AND WHILE CELSIUS AND MASHINSKY
HAVE NOT BEEN CRIMINALLY
CHARGED, TENS OF THOUSANDS OF
CUSTOMERS STILL HAVE DIGITAL
ASSETS TRAPPED ON THE PLATFORM.
AND CELSIUS HAS REPORTED THAT IT
OWES THEM $4.7 BILLION DOLLARS.
ALL OF WHICH IS ENOUGH TO MAKE
YOU THINK THAT, WHILE "BANKS ARE
NOT YOUR FRIENDS," THIS GUY MAY
ACTUALLY BE YOUR ENEMY.
SO, SO WE'VE GOT BULLSHIT MONEY,
AND A BULLSHIT BANK.
WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO
SAM BANKMAN FRIED AND FTX.
IT WAS BASICALLY A WHOLE
BULLSHIT TRADING PLATFORM.
THE PITCH WAS THAT FTX WAS AN
EXCHANGE WHERE YOU COULD BUY AND
SELL CRYPTOCURRENCIES JUST LIKE
STOCKS, AND ITS EASE WAS
EMPHASIZED IN ADS-- LIKE THIS
ONE WITH STEPH CURRY-- THAT
PLAY, IN HINDSIGHT, LIKE A BIT
OF A RED FLAG.
THIS IS STEPH CURRY.
THE WORLD'S LEADING EXPERT ON
CRYPTOCURRENCIES.
I'M NOT.
OKAY, QUICK MESSING AROUND,
MAN, GIVE ME SOME TIPS ON
CRYPTO.
NO.
BUT YOU ARE AN EXPERT, RIGHT?
NO.
I'M NOT AN EXPERT AND I DON'T
NEED TO BE, WITH FTX APP,
I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO BUY,
SELL, AND TRADE CRYPTO SAFELY.
John: YEAH, "YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT, JUST USE
IT."
THEIR PITCH FOR A MAJOR MONEY
APP WAS BASICALLY THE SAME AS
THE ATTITUDE WE ALL HAVE TOWARDS
SEMI-COLONS.
YOU'RE NEVER 100% USING ONE OF
THOSE.
IT'S A REAL "GO WITH GOD"
PUNCTUATION.
ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY, IT KIND OF
MAKES SENSE THEY'D GET
STEPH CURRY FOR THAT CONSIDERING
HE'S ALREADY A SPOKESPERSON FOR
SUBWAY, A RESTAURANT WHOSE
SLOGAN IS OFFICIALLY "EAT FRESH"
BUT SPIRITUALLY "TRUST US, IT'S
TUNA."
AND, AGAIN, FOR A WHILE, THAT
PITCH WORKED PRETTY WELL.
FTX HELD A CONFERENCE IN THE
BAHAMAS LESS THAN A YEAR AGO
THAT INCLUDED A PANEL WITH
TONY BLAIR AND BILL CLINTON, AND
APPEARANCES BY ORLANDO BLOOM,
AND KATY PERRY.
TOM BRADY WAS EVEN THERE, TOO,
MAKING VIDEOS LIKE THIS.
WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
I'M HERE WITH MY BOY SAM FROM
FTX.
WE'RE AT CRYPTO BAHAMAS
CONFERENCE, WE'RE GOING TO START
THE DAY, WE'RE GOING TO DO SOME
TIKTOKS FOR YOU GUYS, AND IT'S
GONNA BE AN AMAZING DAY, WE'RE
GONNA GET STARTED, WE'LL DO A
GET READY WITH ME-- SAM, WHERE
ARE YOU GOING, BRO?
John: LOOK, SAM, SAM, FROM
ONE OHIO SIX TO ANOTHER: NEVER
STAND THAT CLOSE TO TOM BRADY.
IT IS DOING YOU NO FAVORS.
THERE'S A REASON I'VE NEVER BEEN
PHOTOGRAPHED WITH
CHRIS HEMSWORTH, NO MATTER HOW
MUCH HE BEGS FOR IT.
NOW, THE JOKE THERE WAS THAT SAM
WAS A SHY, SELF-EFFACING GENIUS.
AND THAT'S THE GENERAL VIBE HE
WENT FOR.
IT'S WHY HE DRESSED LIKE EVERY
DAY WAS LAUNDRY DAY AND COMBED
HIS HAIR WITH A BALLOON.
OBVIOUSLY, WE NOW KNOW THAT
THINGS CAME CRASHING DOWN, BUT
EVEN AFTER THEY DID, SBF WAS
STILL DEFENSIVE ABOUT WHAT HE
HAD BUILT.
A LOT OF PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU
AND SEE BERNIE MADOFF.
YEAH.
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHO
I AM AT-- AT ALL, BUT I
UNDERSTAND WHY THEY'RE SAYING
THAT.
PEOPLE LOST MONEY.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE CLASSIC
BERNIE MADOFF STORY, THERE WAS
NO REAL BUSINESS THERE.
THE WHOLE THING, AS I UNDERSTAND
IT, I THINK, WAS-- WAS JUST
ONE-- ONE BIG PONZI SCHEME,
RIGHT?
FTX, THAT WAS A REAL BUSINESS.
John: YEAH, BUT WAS IT
THOUGH?
BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND THAT NO ONE
WANTS TO ADMIT THEIR BUSINESS
WAS A SCAM, IT'S THE SAME REASON
NO PARENT WANTS TO ADMIT THEIR
CHILD SUCKS.
SAYING IT OUT LOUD MAKES IT
REAL.
BUT THE TRUTH IS SOME KIDS DO.
SOME KIDS ARE JUST, TO PUT IT
NICELY, "NOT A FUN HANG."
YOU STILL LOVE THEM, OF COURSE,
BUT DO YOU LIKE THEM?
EXACTLY.
BUT IT'S WORTH UNDERSTANDING
JUST WHAT SBF'S "REAL BUSINESS"
CONSISTED OF.
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THAT, IN
ADDITION TO FTX, HE HAD A HEDGE
FUND CALLED ALAMEDA, AND ALSO
PRODUCED HIS OWN COIN, BECAUSE
OF COURSE HE DID, CALLED FTT.
AND VERY BASICALLY, ACCORDING TO
AUTHORITIES, WHAT HE DID WAS
FILLED UP HIS HEDGE FUND'S BOOKS
WITH THE COIN THAT HE PRODUCED,
USING HIS EXCHANGE TO INFLATE
THAT COIN'S PRICE.
AND ONCE HIS HEDGE FUND HAD A
GIANT STASH OF HIS OWN COIN, IT
USED THAT AS COLLATERAL TO TAKE
OUT SEVERAL LOANS.
ESSENTIALLY, THE FEDS SAY HE
CREATED FAKE MONEY, INFLATED ITS
PRICE, AND THEN BORROWED REAL
MONEY AGAINST THAT.
BUT WAIT, I'M NOT DONE.
BECAUSE HE WAS ALSO TAKING MONEY
FROM ACTUAL FTX CUSTOMERS-- THE
ONES, REMEMBER, WHO WERE PUTTING
MONEY IN FTX BECAUSE STEPH CURRY
TOLD THEM IT WAS SAFE-- AND
THEN LOANING IT BACK TO HIS
HEDGE FUND.
THE WHOLE THING WAS HONESTLY
PRETTY BLATANT.
AFTER EVERYTHING COLLAPSED, A
NEW CEO CAME IN TO HANDLE THE
BANKRUPTCY, AND AS HE TOLD
CONGRESS, HE WAS SHOCKED AT HOW
SLOPPY AND POORLY RUN EVERYTHING
WAS.
THIS IS REALLY OLD-FASHIONED
EMBEZZLEMENT.
THIS IS JUST TAKING MONEY FROM
CUSTOMERS AND USING IT FOR YOUR
OWN PURPOSE.
NOT SOPHISTICATED AT ALL.
LITERALLY, YOU KNOW, THERE'S
NO RECORD KEEPING WHATSOEVER.
THEY USED QUICKBOOKS, A
MULTIBILLION-DOLLAR COMPANY
USING QUICKBOOKS.
QUICKBOOKS?
QUICKBOOKS.
John: IT'S TRUE, THEY USED
QUICKBOOKS.
AND LOOK, I'M NO ACCOUNTANT.
I MEAN, I SHOULD BE.
I LOOK LIKE MY MOST FORMATIVE
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES WERE IN AN
H&R BLOCK.
I LOOK LIKE I FELL INTO A VAT OF
RADIOACTIVE ITEMIZED RECEIPTS.
I LOOK LIKE WHAT APPEARS IF YOU
SAY "MICROSOFT EXCEL" INTO THE
MIRROR THREE TIMES.
BUT I'M ACTUALLY NOT AN
ACCOUNTANT.
AND YET, EVEN I KNOW THAT USING
"QUICKBOOKS" FOR A COMPANY OF
THAT SIZE IS ABSURD.
THAT MAN ALSO REVEALED THAT FTX
LET THOUSANDS OF UNCASHED
DEPOSIT CHECKS SIT AROUND LIKE
"JUNK MAIL" AND APPROVED
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF EXPENSE
REPORTS VIA EMOJI ON SLACK.
AND I'M DYING TO KNOW WHICH
EMOJI THEY USED.
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW, EMOJIS ON
SLACK HAVE VERY SPECIFIC
MEANINGS.
FOR INSTANCE THUMBS UP MEANS
"I'M DONE WITH THIS
CONVERSATION."
THIS MEANS "I'M TOO LAZY TO TYPE
THANK YOU."
THIS MEANS "I'M DYING INSIDE,
DON'T TALK TO ME."
THIS MEANS "FEELING CHEEKY,
LET'S GOSS."
AND THIS ONE MEANS "LOOK AT ME,
I'MMA ITALIAN."
BUT I'VE YET TO DISCOVER WHICH
EMOJI MEANS "GO AHEAD.
SPEND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF
COMPANY FUNDS."
BUT IF I HAD TO GUESS, I'D SAY
IT'S PROBABLY MONEY BARF.
BUT IT'S NO WONDER THAT NEW CEO
HAS SAID, "NEVER IN MY CAREER
HAVE I SEEN SUCH A COMPLETE
FAILURE OF CORPORATE CONTROLS
AND SUCH A COMPLETE ABSENCE OF
TRUSTWORTHY FINANCIAL
INFORMATION AS OCCURRED HERE."
WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING, GIVEN
HIS CAREER INCLUDES "OVERSEEING
THE BANKRUPTCY OF ENRON."
AND IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER HOW
BAD ENRON WAS, GOOGLE IT, I
CAN'T DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU.
SUFFICE IT TO SAY, IT'S VERY
BAD.
THE THROUGHLINE IN ALL THREE
COMPANIES I'VE TALKED ABOUT
TONIGHT IS THEM CONFIDENTLY
PRESENTING A VENEER OF
EXPERTISE, EVEN AS, BENEATH THE
SURFACE, THEY WERE A COMPLETE
SHIT SHOW.
AND IT KIND OF SAYS SOMETHING
THAT, EVEN AS THEY IMPLODED, ALL
THREE OF THE MEN BEHIND THEM
WERE STILL TRYING TO BLUSTER
THEIR WAY OUT OF IT.
THAT INTERVIEW WHERE SBF
INSISTED HIS COMPANY WAS A REAL
BUSINESS CAME AFTER IT HAD
DECLARED CHAPTER 11.
AS FOR DO KWON, HE SPENT TIME
PUSHING A NEW TERRA 2.0 COIN,
AND WAS FINALLY ARRESTED LAST
MONTH, AFTER A LENGTHY PURSUIT,
INCLUDING AT ONE POINT HIM
TWEETING THAT HE WASN'T "ON THE
RUN" FROM SOUTH KOREAN
AUTHORITIES, TO WHICH THEY
RESPONDED THAT HE WAS "OBVIOUSLY
ON THE RUN."
AND AS FOR MASHINSKY, HERE IS
AUDIO OF HIM TRYING TO BUCK UP
HIS TEAM AT AN ALL-HANDS
MEETING, EVEN AS HIS COMPANY WAS
CRUMBLING AROUND HIM.
WELL, PEPSI FILED FOR
BANKRUPTCY TWICE, RIGHT?
DOES IT MAKE THE PEPSI TASTE
LESS GOOD, RIGHT?
DELTA FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY,
RIGHT?
DO YOU NOT FLY DELTA BECAUSE
THEY FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY?
John: OKAY, BUT THAT'S NOT
THE SAME, IS IT?
CELSIUS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD
WITH MONEY.
IF DELTA CRASHED FOUR BILLION
PLANES AND DRINKING PEPSI GAVE
EVERYONE INFINITY DIARRHEA, THEN
YEAH, PEOPLE MIGHT LOSE TRUST IN
THEM, AND FOR PRETTY FUCKING
GOOD REASON.
AND THE THING IS, THERE ARE
STILL COMPANIES OUT THERE,
MAKING ALL THE SAME CLAIMS THAT
YOU'VE SEEN TONIGHT.
AND I'M NOT SAYING THEY'RE ALL
SCAMS.
MAYBE THESE THREE ARE THE
EXCEPTIONS, ALTHOUGH THEY'D BE
JOINING ALL THE OTHER EXCEPTIONS
THAT WE HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO TALK
ABOUT TONIGHT, FROM BITCONNECT,
TO QUADRIGA, TO SO, SO MANY
MORE.
BUT THE TRUTH IS, IN A FINANCIAL
SYSTEM WHERE THE ONLY REAL
CURRENCY IS CONFIDENCE, SCAMMERS
ARE GOING TO THRIVE.
AND I KNOW THAT WE USUALLY LIKE
TO POINT TO A SOLUTION AT THE
END OF OUR STORIES, AND THAT
OFTEN MEANS CALLING FOR MORE
REGULATION.
BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT'S A GOOD
IDEA HERE.
THE DANGER IS, REGULATION MIGHT
GIVE THIS SECTOR MORE
LEGITIMACY.
IT'D MAKE A RISKY INVESTMENT
LOOK SAFE, WHEN IT IS CLEARLY
NOT.
AND THAT, IN TURN, THAT MIGHT
ENTICE BANKS TO START GETTING
MORE INVOLVED IN IT, GIVING THE
SECTOR EVEN MORE LEGITIMACY, AND
ALSO, EXPOSING ALL OF US TO ITS
VOLATILITY.
IT REALLY SAYS A LOT THAT ONE OF
THE LEADING ADVOCATES FOR THE
GOVERNMENT TO STRONGLY REGULATE
CRYPTO WAS SAM BANKMAN-FRIED.
AND LOOK, I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT
SAYING WE SHOULD GET RID OF
CRYPTO ENTIRELY.
IT COULD EVENTUALLY BE USEFUL.
MAYBE THE THIRD TIME THAT WE
TALK ABOUT IT, WE'LL ALL BE
USING A DIGITAL COIN TO BUY
EVERYTHING.
I DOUBT IT, BUT I CAN'T PREDICT
THE FUTURE.
AFTER ALL, I'M NO JIM CRAMER.
BUT WE SHOULD RECOGNIZE THAT
RIGHT NOW, THE MAIN THING YOU
CAN REALLY DO WITH CRYPTO IS
GAMBLE WITH MORE CRYPTO.
THIS IS ALL STILL A CASINO.
SO IF YOU DO WANT TO INVEST, DO
YOUR OWN DUE DILIGENCE, NEVER
PUT IN MORE THAN YOU CAN AFFORD
TO LOSE, AND IF YOU EVER SEE
SOMEONE DOING THIS.
RUN.
AND NOW, THIS.
Announcer: AND NOW, A LOOK AT
A FEW MORE JIM CRAMER'S GREAT
CALLS.
COULD THIS BE THE FUTURE?
LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK WITH
ELIZABETH HOULTON.
TO ME, IT'S REASONABLE TO
COMPARE YOU TO STEVE JOBS AND
WHAT HE DID FOR COMPUTING.
♪ ♪
THE DATA, SVB FINANCIAL.
THIS COMPANY'S EMERGING WITH A
DEPOSIT THAT'S BEEN SAFELY
CONCERNED ABOUT.
I THINK THE FEARS WERE NOT
JUSTIFIED.
IT'S A COMPELLING SITUATION.
♪ ♪
ZOOM VIDEO.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
THIS IS THEIR ECONOMY.
THE ZOOM OF ECONOMY.
IT'S THE GREATEST STORY I'VE
SEEN SINCE THE DAWN OF THE
PERSONAL COMPUTER.
♪ ♪
BEAR STEARNS!
IT WAS.
NOW IT'S...
GREAT BRITAIN, GREAT INVESTMENT
BANK.
♪ ♪
YOU CLAIM THEY HAVE AN ARMY, BUT
THAT ARMY'S GOING TO BE OVERRUN
IN THE FIRST TWO HOURS.
I FELT LIKE A MILLION BUCKS BUT
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TO GET THE
STOCK MARKET.
PEOPLE SHOULD BE BUYING THE
STOCK.
THIS IS SO FOR REAL.
♪ ♪
YEAH, LET ME SAY THIS.
I MADE A MISTAKE HERE.
I WAS WRONG.
I TRUSTED THIS MAN COMPLETELY.
THAT WAS ILL-ADVISED.
♪ ♪
[LAUGHTER]
John: THAT'S OUR SHOW,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING!
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]