1 00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:13,814 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:19,953 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:26,627 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:31,791 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 5 00:00:31,791 --> 00:00:33,593 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 6 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,128 WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!" 7 00:00:35,194 --> 00:00:36,262 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 8 00:00:36,329 --> 00:00:37,154 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING 9 00:00:37,154 --> 00:00:38,356 US. 10 00:00:38,422 --> 00:00:39,790 JUST TIME FOR A QUICK RECAP OF 11 00:00:39,857 --> 00:00:45,096 THE WEEK, WHICH WAS A BUSY ONE 12 00:00:45,162 --> 00:00:46,297 FOR THE PRESIDENT, WHO OVERSAW 13 00:00:46,364 --> 00:00:46,998 THE LARGEST SINGLE‐STATE I.C.E. 14 00:00:47,064 --> 00:00:47,632 RAID IN U. S. HISTORY, RETWEETED 15 00:00:47,698 --> 00:00:48,666 CONSPIRACIES ABOUT THE DEATH OF 16 00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:49,567 JEFFREY EPSTEIN, AND VISITED THE 17 00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:50,468 SITES OF LAST WEEK'S MASS 18 00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:51,669 SHOOTINGS, WHICH WENT EXACTLY AS 19 00:00:51,736 --> 00:00:55,706 WELL AS YOU'D EXPECT. 20 00:00:55,773 --> 00:00:57,575 >> SOME OF PRESIDENT TRUMP'S OWN 21 00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,777 AIDES ARE CONCEDING HIS VISITS 22 00:00:59,844 --> 00:01:01,545 TO TWO CITIES IN MOURNING DIDN'T 23 00:01:01,612 --> 00:01:03,347 GO AS PLANNED AFTER NEW VIDEO 24 00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:05,816 SHOWS HIM BRAGGING ABOUT CROWD 25 00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:06,417 SIZES WHILE AT A HOSPITAL IN 26 00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:07,251 EL PASO. 27 00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:09,687 >> I WAS HERE THREE MONTHS AGO 28 00:01:09,754 --> 00:01:11,022 WE, MADE A SPEECH AND WE HAD 29 00:01:11,088 --> 00:01:11,622 A ‐‐ WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE 30 00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:12,256 ARENA? 31 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,324 THAT PLACE WAS PACKED, RIGHT? 32 00:01:13,391 --> 00:01:13,924 THAT WAS SOME CROWD. 33 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,059 AND WE HAD TWICE THE NUMBER 34 00:01:15,126 --> 00:01:16,961 OUTSIDE. 35 00:01:17,028 --> 00:01:19,463 AND THEN YOU HAD THIS CRAZY 36 00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:20,598 BETO ‐‐ BETO HAD 400 PEOPLE IN A 37 00:01:20,665 --> 00:01:21,666 PARKING LOT AND THEY SAID HIS 38 00:01:21,732 --> 00:01:23,057 CROWD WAS WONDERFUL. 39 00:01:23,057 --> 00:01:25,026 >> John: WOW. 40 00:01:25,093 --> 00:01:26,727 LOOK, WE KNOW HOW MUCH TRUMP 41 00:01:26,794 --> 00:01:29,030 STRUGGLES TO DO THE BARE MINIMUM 42 00:01:29,097 --> 00:01:30,531 OF BEING A PRESIDENT, BUT IT'S 43 00:01:30,598 --> 00:01:31,566 STILL SHOCKING JUST HOW MUCH HE 44 00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:34,202 STRUGGLES TO DO THE BARE MINIMUM 45 00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:35,970 OF BEING A FUCKING PERSON. 46 00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,138 BECAUSE JUST CONSIDER THE 47 00:01:37,205 --> 00:01:38,339 THOUGHT PROCESS THERE. 48 00:01:38,406 --> 00:01:39,407 HE VISITED A HOSPITAL FILLED 49 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,074 WITH VICTIMS OF A MASS SHOOTING 50 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,309 AND THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, 51 00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:41,943 "REMEMBER THAT OTHER TIME WHEN I 52 00:01:42,009 --> 00:01:43,211 WAS THE CENTER OF ATTENTION AND 53 00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:45,179 IT WAS BETTER?" 54 00:01:45,246 --> 00:01:47,548 THEN HE THOUGHT, "DO YOU THINK 55 00:01:47,615 --> 00:01:48,116 ANYONE ELSE REMEMBERS THAT?" 56 00:01:48,182 --> 00:01:48,816 THEN HE THOUGHT, "I SHOULD 57 00:01:48,883 --> 00:01:49,817 REMIND THEM, RIGHT?" 58 00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:51,452 THEN HE THOUGHT, "GREAT IDEA." 59 00:01:51,519 --> 00:01:52,854 THEN HE THOUGHT, "THANK YOU!" 60 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:53,888 THEN HE THOUGHT, "IVANKA." 61 00:01:53,955 --> 00:01:55,590 THEN HE THOUGHT, "NO TIME!" 62 00:01:55,656 --> 00:02:00,394 AND THEN HE SAID IT. 63 00:02:00,461 --> 00:02:01,996 AND HE WAS HAPPY WITH HOW IT 64 00:02:02,063 --> 00:02:02,230 SOUNDED. 65 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:02,997 BUT TRUMP'S PATHOLOGICAL LACK OF 66 00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:06,367 EMPATHY SHOULDN'T DISTRACT FROM 67 00:02:06,434 --> 00:02:08,002 THE IMPORTANT QUESTION RIGHT 68 00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:09,036 NOW, WHICH IS, WHAT ACTION, IF 69 00:02:09,103 --> 00:02:10,104 ANY, WILL BE TAKEN ON GUNS? 70 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:13,040 BECAUSE WHILE YOU'RE CONDITIONED 71 00:02:13,107 --> 00:02:14,375 TO THINK, "ABSOLUTELY NONE," 72 00:02:14,442 --> 00:02:15,376 PRESSURE IS ACTUALLY BUILDING. 73 00:02:15,443 --> 00:02:15,977 WHEN OHIO GOVERNOR MIKE DeWINE 74 00:02:16,043 --> 00:02:16,711 SPOKE AT A VIGIL FOLLOWING THE 75 00:02:16,777 --> 00:02:17,812 DAYTON SHOOTING, THE CROWD MADE 76 00:02:17,879 --> 00:02:18,713 IT PAINFULLY CLEAR THEY WANTED 77 00:02:18,779 --> 00:02:21,048 ACTION: 78 00:02:21,115 --> 00:02:24,952 >> WHAT WE DO TONIGHT BY THIS 79 00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:29,390 AMAZING CROWD IS TO SAY TO THEM 80 00:02:29,457 --> 00:02:31,225 THAT WE LOVE YOU, WE CARE VERY, 81 00:02:31,292 --> 00:02:45,273 VERY DEEPLY ABOUT YOU. 82 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:46,774 [CROWD CHANTING DO SOMETHING] 83 00:02:46,841 --> 00:02:47,408 >> John: YOU KNOW YOU'RE DOING A 84 00:02:47,475 --> 00:02:48,042 BAD JOB WHEN PEOPLE ARE YELLING 85 00:02:48,109 --> 00:02:49,010 "DO SOMETHING" AT YOU. 86 00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:49,677 NOT EVEN, "TRY A DIFFERENT 87 00:02:49,744 --> 00:02:50,378 POSITION!" 88 00:02:50,444 --> 00:02:51,179 OR "LIKE THAT BUT TO THE LEFT!" 89 00:02:51,245 --> 00:02:51,913 JUST "DO SOMETHING," THE 90 00:02:51,979 --> 00:02:52,747 UNIVERSAL COMPLAINT FOR MEN 91 00:02:52,813 --> 00:02:53,414 PUTTING IN LESS THAN 0% 92 00:02:53,481 --> 00:02:54,315 EVERYWHERE. 93 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,449 SO IT'S PRETTY CLEAR SUPPORT FOR 94 00:02:55,516 --> 00:02:56,150 MEANINGFUL REFORM IS THERE. 95 00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:56,784 BUT AS ALWAYS, A KEY OBSTACLE IS 96 00:02:56,851 --> 00:02:57,385 THE NRA, AN ORGANIZATION WHOSE 97 00:02:57,451 --> 00:02:58,486 FORMER PRESIDENT ONCE FAMOUSLY 98 00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,587 SAID YOU CAN HAVE HIS GUN WHEN 99 00:02:59,654 --> 00:03:00,788 YOU PRY IT FROM HIS COLD DEAD 100 00:03:00,855 --> 00:03:02,757 HANDS. 101 00:03:02,823 --> 00:03:04,025 AND GUESS WHAT? 102 00:03:04,091 --> 00:03:06,894 I FUCKING DID. 103 00:03:06,961 --> 00:03:07,862 SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT 104 00:03:07,929 --> 00:03:08,996 IT? 105 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,431 SHOOT ME? 106 00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:16,504 WITH WHAT, YOU DEAD IDIOT? 107 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,639 THE NRA HAS SUCCESSFULLY FOUGHT 108 00:03:18,706 --> 00:03:19,941 LEGISLATION FOR DECADES NOW, 109 00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:21,576 ALTHOUGH IT'S CURRENTLY IN THE 110 00:03:21,642 --> 00:03:22,610 MIDST OF AN INTERNAL SHIT SHOW. 111 00:03:22,677 --> 00:03:23,911 IT ALL STARTED LAST YEAR WHEN 112 00:03:23,978 --> 00:03:25,379 FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS STARTED 113 00:03:25,446 --> 00:03:28,583 LOOKING INTO WHETHER A RUSSIAN 114 00:03:28,649 --> 00:03:29,450 AGENT HAD USED THEM TO 115 00:03:29,517 --> 00:03:30,685 INFILTRATE REPUBLICAN POLITICS, 116 00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:32,019 WHICH IS COMFORTABLY BAD ENOUGH, 117 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,254 BUT THEN THE NEW YORK STATE A. G. 118 00:03:33,321 --> 00:03:34,855 STARTED LOOKING INTO THEIR 119 00:03:34,922 --> 00:03:35,790 TAX‐EXEMPT STATUS, BECAUSE THE 120 00:03:35,856 --> 00:03:39,961 NRA IS TECHNICALLY A NON‐PROFIT. 121 00:03:40,027 --> 00:03:40,695 AND IT TURNS OUT THERE'S BEEN 122 00:03:40,761 --> 00:03:41,729 SOME VERY SUSPICIOUS 123 00:03:41,796 --> 00:03:43,297 EXPENDITURES. 124 00:03:43,364 --> 00:03:45,066 >> IN MAY, LEAKED DOCUMENTS 125 00:03:45,132 --> 00:03:46,067 SHOWED THE GROUP'S LONG‐TIME 126 00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:47,235 LEADER, WAYNE LaPIERRE, MAY 127 00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:50,137 HAVE MISUSED MEMBER DUES, 128 00:03:50,204 --> 00:03:51,839 SPENDING NEARLY $300,000 ON 129 00:03:51,906 --> 00:03:55,710 DESIGNER CLOTHES. 130 00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:57,311 >> John: $300,000 ON CLOTHES? 131 00:03:57,378 --> 00:03:58,646 THIS GUY? 132 00:03:58,713 --> 00:04:00,848 HOW? 133 00:04:00,915 --> 00:04:02,516 WAYNE LaPIERRE APPEARS TO ONLY 134 00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:07,355 OWN A SINGLE SUIT. 135 00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:08,189 HERE IS WHAT HE WORE TO CPAC IN 136 00:04:08,256 --> 00:04:09,257 2018. 137 00:04:09,323 --> 00:04:10,524 HERE'S WHAT HE WORE TO CPAC 138 00:04:10,591 --> 00:04:14,462 IN 2017. 139 00:04:14,528 --> 00:04:17,098 ALTHOUGH IN 2016, TO BE FAIR, HE 140 00:04:17,164 --> 00:04:19,867 DID SHAKE IT UP AND WORE THIS ‐‐ 141 00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:23,337 I'M KIDDING. 142 00:04:23,404 --> 00:04:24,005 I'M CLEARLY KIDDING. 143 00:04:24,071 --> 00:04:24,605 IT WAS OBVIOUSLY THIS. 144 00:04:24,672 --> 00:04:25,373 AND LOOK, IF YOU'RE GOING TO 145 00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:26,340 BLOW THAT MUCH MONEY ON CLOTHES, 146 00:04:26,407 --> 00:04:26,974 AT LEAST MAKE MORE INTERESTING 147 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:27,742 CHOICES THAN DRESSING LIKE THE 148 00:04:27,808 --> 00:04:28,676 HEAD COACH OF THE OPPOSING TEAM 149 00:04:28,743 --> 00:04:29,577 IN A "MIGHTY DUCKS" MOVIE. 150 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,045 AND IT WASN'T JUST SUITS ‐‐ 151 00:04:31,112 --> 00:04:31,979 THERE WERE ALSO ALLEGATIONS OF 152 00:04:32,046 --> 00:04:32,880 MISSPENDING ON LAVISH TRAVEL 153 00:04:32,947 --> 00:04:34,682 EXPENSES, ALL OF WHICH WAS 154 00:04:34,749 --> 00:04:38,185 INFURIATING FOR MANY NRA MEMBERS 155 00:04:38,252 --> 00:04:39,287 AND EMPLOYEES, SINCE THE 156 00:04:39,353 --> 00:04:41,756 ORGANIZATION HAS BEEN RUNNING 157 00:04:41,822 --> 00:04:42,990 DEFICITS OF AS MUCH AS 158 00:04:43,057 --> 00:04:45,226 $40 MILLION AND HAS EVEN 159 00:04:45,293 --> 00:04:46,894 ELIMINATED FREE COFFEE AT ITS 160 00:04:46,961 --> 00:04:50,564 HEADQUARTERS AND FROZEN THE 161 00:04:50,631 --> 00:04:51,265 EMPLOYEES' PENSION PLAN. 162 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,600 AND THINGS GOT EVEN WORSE THIS 163 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,434 WEEK WHEN THIS STORY BROKE: 164 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:54,869 >> ACCORDING TO A NEW REPORT 165 00:04:54,935 --> 00:05:00,975 >> THE CEO OF THE NRA, 166 00:05:01,042 --> 00:05:03,177 WAYNE LaPIERRE 167 00:05:03,244 --> 00:05:03,811 WANTED THE GUN LOBBY TO BUY HIM 168 00:05:03,878 --> 00:05:05,179 A $6‐MILLION HOUSE IN TEXAS IN 169 00:05:05,246 --> 00:05:05,813 PART OVER FEARS FOR HIS SAFETY 170 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:06,347 AFTER THE PARKLAND SCHOOL 171 00:05:06,414 --> 00:05:08,616 SHOOTING LAST YEAR. 172 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,216 >> John: WOW. 173 00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:09,884 PUTTING ASIDE THE HEAD OF THE 174 00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:10,785 NRA CLAIMING HE NEEDS A MANSION 175 00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:11,485 BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE GOT SHOT, 176 00:05:11,552 --> 00:05:12,520 THE HOUSE IN QUESTION IS 177 00:05:12,586 --> 00:05:14,021 LUDICROUS. 178 00:05:14,088 --> 00:05:15,122 BECAUSE THE NRA DIDN'T BUY IT, 179 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:20,628 SO IT'S STILL LISTED ON ZILLOW. 180 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,529 WHICH IS HOW WE KNOW IT CONTAINS 181 00:05:21,595 --> 00:05:23,130 FOUR BEDROOMS AND 182 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:23,898 NINE BATHROOMS, WHICH IS TOO 183 00:05:23,964 --> 00:05:24,865 MANY BATHROOMS, ESPECIALLY 184 00:05:24,932 --> 00:05:25,900 CONSIDERING ONE OF THEM IS THIS 185 00:05:25,966 --> 00:05:26,901 ONE. 186 00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:28,135 AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING 187 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,470 THERE? 188 00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:30,905 THAT IS A BATHTUB STAGED LIKE A 189 00:05:30,971 --> 00:05:32,840 COMMUNITY THEATER. 190 00:05:32,907 --> 00:05:33,841 HOW IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO 191 00:05:33,908 --> 00:05:35,276 WORK? 192 00:05:35,343 --> 00:05:37,345 I MEAN, I SUPPOSE YOU COULD SIT 193 00:05:37,411 --> 00:05:38,813 NAKED IN THAT TUB WHILE TWO 194 00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:40,214 PEOPLE SIT WITH THEIR BACKS TO 195 00:05:40,281 --> 00:05:41,315 YOU READING, OR AS IT'S KNOWN IN 196 00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:44,618 ENGLAND, A THREESOME. 197 00:05:44,685 --> 00:05:45,553 BUT OTHERWISE, THAT IS AN 198 00:05:45,619 --> 00:05:46,554 INEXPLICABLE SETUP FOR A 199 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:47,688 BATHROOM. 200 00:05:47,755 --> 00:05:49,256 AND AS IF ALL THIS WEREN'T 201 00:05:49,323 --> 00:05:50,958 ENOUGH, BOARD MEMBERS ARE ALSO 202 00:05:51,025 --> 00:05:52,993 NOW QUESTIONING THE LARGE AMOUNT 203 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,295 PAID TO THE GROUP'S AD AGENCY, 204 00:05:54,362 --> 00:05:55,429 ACKERMAN‐McQUEEN, WHICH WAS 205 00:05:55,496 --> 00:05:56,864 RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING AND 206 00:05:56,931 --> 00:06:00,034 RUNNING NRATV. 207 00:06:00,101 --> 00:06:00,668 WE ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT IT LAST 208 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,402 YEAR. 209 00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:04,772 AND THERE WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING 210 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,807 WEIRD GOING ON THERE, BECAUSE 211 00:06:06,874 --> 00:06:08,142 ITS SHOWS LOOKED BOTH EXPENSIVE 212 00:06:08,209 --> 00:06:09,110 AND MADE FOR NO ONE. 213 00:06:09,176 --> 00:06:09,744 AND WHILE NRATV HAS SINCE BEEN 214 00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:10,578 SHUT DOWN, THERE'S A PART OF 215 00:06:10,644 --> 00:06:12,380 ME ‐‐ THE PART THAT'S LYING ‐‐ 216 00:06:12,446 --> 00:06:13,848 THAT WILL REALLY MISS IT, 217 00:06:13,914 --> 00:06:15,750 BECAUSE IT MEANS THERE'LL BE NO 218 00:06:15,816 --> 00:06:17,218 MORE EPISODES OF MY FAVORITE 219 00:06:17,284 --> 00:06:18,886 SHOWS LIKE "LOVE AT 220 00:06:18,953 --> 00:06:20,888 FIRST SHOT," A SHOW AIMED AT 221 00:06:20,955 --> 00:06:22,056 WOMEN WHERE ONE EPISODE WAS 222 00:06:22,123 --> 00:06:23,791 FOCUSED ON THE MOST STYLISH WAY 223 00:06:23,858 --> 00:06:26,160 TO CONCEALED CARRY: 224 00:06:26,227 --> 00:06:27,828 >> SO TODAY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE 225 00:06:27,895 --> 00:06:29,029 GIVEN A CHALLENGE OF FINDING TWO 226 00:06:29,096 --> 00:06:30,131 OUTFITS. 227 00:06:30,197 --> 00:06:31,499 AND YOU'RE GONNA BE JUDGED ON 228 00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,067 FOUR DIFFERENT CRITERIA. 229 00:06:33,134 --> 00:06:34,301 CONCEALABILITY: HOW WELL YOU CAN 230 00:06:34,368 --> 00:06:36,036 CONCEAL YOUR FIREARM. 231 00:06:36,103 --> 00:06:37,772 PRACTICALITY: ARE YOU ACTUALLY 232 00:06:37,838 --> 00:06:38,706 GONNA WEAR THESE CLOTHES THAT 233 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,808 WE'RE GOING TO BUY TODAY? 234 00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:43,277 STYLE... 235 00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:47,114 >> IF IT GETS HOT DURING THE 236 00:06:47,181 --> 00:06:48,682 DAY, I CAN JUST TAKE OFF THE 237 00:06:48,749 --> 00:06:49,183 BACK PIECE AND STILL BE 238 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:53,654 CONCEALING AND EVERYTHING. 239 00:06:53,721 --> 00:06:54,388 >> ABSOLUTELY. 240 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,089 AND WHERE ARE YOU CARRYING? 241 00:06:55,156 --> 00:06:56,924 >> SO I DEFINITELY AM CARRYING 242 00:06:56,991 --> 00:07:00,261 AT THE WAIST, BUT I HAVE ANOTHER 243 00:07:00,327 --> 00:07:01,228 OPTION TOO, AND I'M CARRYING 244 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,296 UNDER THE ARM TOO. 245 00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:05,766 >> PERFECT, NICE. 246 00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:07,234 >> John: I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO 247 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,569 ADMIT, THAT OUTFIT IS VERSATILE. 248 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,237 YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE HER GOING TO 249 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,540 THE MALL, GOING TO DRINKS, AND, 250 00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:13,774 WITH THOSE GUNS, GOING TO KILL 251 00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:16,076 THE ENTIRE BLUE MAN GROUP. 252 00:07:16,143 --> 00:07:18,379 NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THE DEATH OF 253 00:07:18,446 --> 00:07:20,114 NRATV IS A TRAGEDY ‐‐ THOUGHTS 254 00:07:20,181 --> 00:07:20,848 AND PRAYERS TO ALL THOSE 255 00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:22,917 AFFECTED. 256 00:07:22,983 --> 00:07:24,952 BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT FOR 257 00:07:25,019 --> 00:07:26,120 THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE, 258 00:07:26,187 --> 00:07:27,188 THINGS ARE NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING 259 00:07:27,254 --> 00:07:28,856 GREAT FOR THE NRA. 260 00:07:28,923 --> 00:07:31,158 SO DOES THIS MEAN GUN CONTROL 261 00:07:31,225 --> 00:07:33,127 COULD FINALLY HAPPEN? 262 00:07:33,194 --> 00:07:34,395 MITCH McCONNELL HAS HINTED AT 263 00:07:34,462 --> 00:07:36,797 ACTION ON BACKGROUND CHECKS, BUT 264 00:07:36,864 --> 00:07:37,431 HE'S ALSO REFUSED TO RECALL THE 265 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:38,599 SENATE AND MIGHT WELL BE HOPING 266 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,201 THAT BY THE TIME IT'S BACK IN 267 00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:40,801 SESSION THE PRESSURE WILL BE 268 00:07:40,868 --> 00:07:41,735 OFF. 269 00:07:41,802 --> 00:07:42,937 MEANWHILE, THE PRESIDENT HAS 270 00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:45,005 SAID HE'S WILLING TO STAND UP TO 271 00:07:45,072 --> 00:07:46,607 THE NRA, BUT HE'S ALSO, ONE, A 272 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:48,409 LIAR, AND TWO, LIKELY TO 273 00:07:48,476 --> 00:07:50,144 IDENTIFY WITH AN ORGANIZATION 274 00:07:50,211 --> 00:07:51,378 THAT HAS SPENT ITSELF INTO 275 00:07:51,445 --> 00:07:52,847 COLOSSAL DEBT, HAS TROUBLING 276 00:07:52,913 --> 00:07:54,548 TIES TO RUSSIA, AND IS 277 00:07:54,615 --> 00:07:55,816 ASSOCIATED WITH SHITTY TV 278 00:07:55,883 --> 00:08:00,721 PROGRAMS AND VERY BAD TASTE. 279 00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:04,725 I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS, A 280 00:08:04,792 --> 00:08:07,561 WEAKENED NRA IS NICE, BUT THE 281 00:08:07,628 --> 00:08:08,829 ONLY WAY THINGS ARE REALLY GOING 282 00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:11,098 TO CHANGE IS IF LAWMAKERS 283 00:08:11,165 --> 00:08:14,168 CONTINUE TO FEEL THE PRESSURE 284 00:08:14,235 --> 00:08:15,636 TO, IF I MAY QUOTE THAT OHIO 285 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:16,470 CROWD ‐‐ "DO SOMETHING." 286 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:19,540 AND NOW THIS. 287 00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:23,911 >> Announcer: AND NOW, THE 288 00:08:23,978 --> 00:08:27,181 POINTLESS AND SOMEHOW MEMORIZING 289 00:08:27,248 --> 00:08:30,150 PLAY‐BY‐PLAY OF THE 51ST ANNUAL 290 00:08:30,217 --> 00:08:30,985 STONE SKIPPING COMPETITION. 291 00:08:31,051 --> 00:08:34,288 >> OUR FIRST SKIPPER TODAY IS 292 00:08:34,355 --> 00:08:37,024 KURT. 293 00:08:37,091 --> 00:08:40,661 OH, A LOT OF NICE PITTY PATS 294 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:40,861 THERE. 295 00:08:40,928 --> 00:08:42,963 >> AT THE SHERIFF, IS HE A REAL 296 00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:44,532 SHARE OF? 297 00:08:44,598 --> 00:08:47,401 >> THAT'S HIS NICKNAME. 298 00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:49,570 >> DO THEY TAKE THEIR SHOES OFF? 299 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:50,571 >> THEY ARE AFRAID THEY WILL 300 00:08:50,638 --> 00:08:52,740 SLIP. 301 00:08:52,806 --> 00:08:53,140 >> OH. 302 00:08:53,207 --> 00:08:55,543 >> SHORTS MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD 303 00:08:55,609 --> 00:08:56,577 CALL. 304 00:08:56,644 --> 00:09:00,014 >> HE LEARNED MOST OF WHAT HE 305 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,916 GOT FROM ROSS "ROCK‐BOTTOM" 306 00:09:01,982 --> 00:09:04,218 BUYERS. 307 00:09:04,285 --> 00:09:06,954 >> THESE ARE STONES THAT THESE 308 00:09:07,021 --> 00:09:08,222 GUYS HAVE PROBABLY SLEPT WITH. 309 00:09:08,289 --> 00:09:11,325 >> THERE IS A SKIP. 310 00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:13,928 THERE IS A NICE GIFT. 311 00:09:13,994 --> 00:09:16,564 OOH THERE IS A NICE GET. 312 00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:20,501 SPEAK UP, HOW DO YOU FEEL? 313 00:09:20,568 --> 00:09:21,769 >> LIKE A CHAMPION. 314 00:09:21,835 --> 00:09:23,470 FELT GOOD ABOUT IT. 315 00:09:23,537 --> 00:09:32,713 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 316 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:33,647 >> John: MOVING ON. 317 00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:34,281 OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS 318 00:09:34,348 --> 00:09:35,149 THE COUNTRY OF TURKMENISTAN, AND 319 00:09:35,215 --> 00:09:35,716 SPECIFICALLY, ITS PRESIDENT, 320 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:36,617 GURBANGULY BERDIMUHAMEDOV. 321 00:09:36,684 --> 00:09:37,251 THAT'S NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH 322 00:09:37,318 --> 00:09:38,085 THE GURBANGULY BERDIMUHAMEDOV 323 00:09:38,152 --> 00:09:39,787 YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH OR 324 00:09:39,853 --> 00:09:41,722 THE ONE THAT WAS DATING 325 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:42,456 TAYLOR SWIFT OVER THE SUMMER. 326 00:09:42,523 --> 00:09:42,923 NO ‐‐ THIS GURBANGULY 327 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:43,457 BERDIMUHAMEDOV. 328 00:09:43,524 --> 00:09:44,425 HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN IN THE NEWS 329 00:09:44,491 --> 00:09:45,292 RECENTLY AFTER RUMORS CIRCULATED 330 00:09:45,359 --> 00:09:46,093 THAT HE'D DIED, SOMETHING HIS 331 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,628 GOVERNMENT PUSHED BACK ON HARD, 332 00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:48,195 FIRST INSISTING THAT HE WAS 333 00:09:48,262 --> 00:09:49,697 MERELY ON VACATION, THEN 334 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,432 RELEASING A 25‐MINUTE VIDEO TO 335 00:09:51,498 --> 00:09:53,467 STATE TV SHOWING EVERYTHING HE 336 00:09:53,534 --> 00:09:55,636 WAS DOING, FROM BOWLING TO 337 00:09:55,703 --> 00:09:57,538 WORKING OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS TO 338 00:09:57,605 --> 00:10:00,307 THIS: 339 00:10:00,374 --> 00:10:01,642 >> AS WE KNOW, OUR DEAR LEADER 340 00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:03,177 IS VERY SKILLFUL IN CONTROLLING 341 00:10:03,243 --> 00:10:05,813 A SPORTS CAR. 342 00:10:05,879 --> 00:10:07,348 HE RODE HIS POWERFUL OFF‐ROAD 343 00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:08,749 CAR AROUND THE CRATER AND 344 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:09,917 DEMONSTRATED HIS HIGH 345 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,185 PROFESSIONAL DRIVING SKILLS. 346 00:10:11,251 --> 00:10:12,953 >> John: WELL, COUNT ME 347 00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:16,390 CONVINCED. 348 00:10:16,457 --> 00:10:17,091 THAT GUY IS CLEARLY ALIVE AND 349 00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:18,092 WELL. 350 00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:18,993 YOU CAN'T DO DONUTS AROUND A 351 00:10:19,059 --> 00:10:20,294 FLAMING PIT IF YOU'RE DEAD. 352 00:10:20,361 --> 00:10:21,395 THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO 353 00:10:21,462 --> 00:10:24,064 ARE DEAD RIGHT NOW ‐‐ BABE RUTH, 354 00:10:24,131 --> 00:10:25,766 GALILEO, MARLON BRANDO, 355 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:26,967 MOTHER THERESA, THE ORIGINAL 356 00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:27,901 PAUL McCARTNEY ‐‐ DO YOU SEE ANY 357 00:10:27,968 --> 00:10:28,702 OF THEM DOING DONUTS AROUND 358 00:10:28,769 --> 00:10:30,304 FIRE PITS? 359 00:10:30,371 --> 00:10:33,841 OF COURSE YOU DON'T. 360 00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:35,643 YOU HAVE TO BE ALIVE. 361 00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:37,244 NOW, IF BERDIMUHAMEDOV LOOKS A 362 00:10:37,311 --> 00:10:39,146 BIT FAMILIAR, WE'VE ACTUALLY 363 00:10:39,213 --> 00:10:40,147 MENTIONED HIM BEFORE, DURING OUR 364 00:10:40,214 --> 00:10:40,881 SEGMENT ON AUTHORITARIAN 365 00:10:40,948 --> 00:10:41,715 GOVERNMENTS, WHEN WE SHOWED YOU 366 00:10:41,782 --> 00:10:43,217 THIS CLIP OF HIM BEING A LITERAL 367 00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:48,322 STRONGMAN: 368 00:10:48,389 --> 00:10:55,496 [CLAPPING] 369 00:10:55,562 --> 00:10:57,364 LOOK, I HATE TO SAY THIS TO A 370 00:10:57,431 --> 00:11:00,434 FELLOW LIFTER, BUT THAT SHIT IS 371 00:11:00,501 --> 00:11:01,268 WEAK, BRO. 372 00:11:01,335 --> 00:11:02,836 YOU DID ONE REP, AND THERE 373 00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:04,872 WEREN'T EVEN WEIGHTS ON THE BAR. 374 00:11:04,938 --> 00:11:05,706 EVEN WHEN I'M TAPERING, I STACK 375 00:11:05,773 --> 00:11:08,042 MORE PLATE THAN AN OMAKASE. 376 00:11:08,108 --> 00:11:09,443 MY BODY IS STUCK ON BEAST MODE, 377 00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,045 AND THERE'S NO OFF SWITCH. 378 00:11:11,111 --> 00:11:12,179 YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I GOT THESE 379 00:11:12,246 --> 00:11:15,149 TWO BOULDER SHOULDERS? 380 00:11:15,215 --> 00:11:15,983 BY PUTTING IN MY TIME AT MY 381 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,420 FORTRESS OF SWOLE‐ITUDE. 382 00:11:19,486 --> 00:11:23,057 I'M JUST SAYING, BRO, TAKE 383 00:11:23,123 --> 00:11:24,558 NOTES, 'CAUSE I BURST OUT OF 384 00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,627 SUITS LIKE I'M MEGHAN MARKLE. 385 00:11:26,694 --> 00:11:29,496 WHOO. 386 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,432 BOOM. 387 00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:32,266 KA‐BLOW. 388 00:11:32,332 --> 00:11:33,300 KA‐BLOW. 389 00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,201 AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, 390 00:11:34,268 --> 00:11:35,169 BERDIMUHAMEDOV IS EVEN WORSE AT 391 00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:36,403 RULING A COUNTRY THAN HE IS AT 392 00:11:36,470 --> 00:11:37,004 PUSHING PLATE. 393 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,072 HE'S A FIERCE AUTHORITARIAN AND, 394 00:11:38,138 --> 00:11:40,140 ACCORDING TO HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH, 395 00:11:40,207 --> 00:11:41,308 "TURKMENISTAN REMAINS ONE OF THE 396 00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:41,809 WORLD'S MOST CLOSED AND 397 00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:42,910 OPPRESSIVELY GOVERNED 398 00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:44,278 COUNTRIES," OR AS ONE NGO 399 00:11:44,344 --> 00:11:45,646 RESEARCHER PUT IT: 400 00:11:45,713 --> 00:11:47,881 >> I WOULD SAY IT'S PROBABLY ONE 401 00:11:47,948 --> 00:11:48,916 OF THE WORST PLACES TO LIVE IN 402 00:11:48,982 --> 00:11:49,883 THE ‐‐ IN THE WORLD. 403 00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:51,218 ABSOLUTELY NO FREEDOM OF THE 404 00:11:51,285 --> 00:11:53,120 PRESS, ABSOLUTELY NO WAY YOU CAN 405 00:11:53,187 --> 00:11:54,455 VOICE ANY KIND OF OPINION. 406 00:11:54,521 --> 00:11:56,890 IT IS STILL VIRTUALLY A POLICE 407 00:11:56,957 --> 00:11:58,759 STATE. 408 00:11:58,826 --> 00:12:00,160 >> John: "ONE OF THE WORST 409 00:12:00,227 --> 00:12:02,229 PLACES ON EARTH." 410 00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:04,064 THAT IS QUITE A CLAIM, 411 00:12:04,131 --> 00:12:05,499 CONSIDERING THE EARTH ALSO 412 00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:06,533 INCLUDES SYRIA, NORTH KOREA, AND 413 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,938 TWITTER. 414 00:12:11,004 --> 00:12:12,005 AND IT'S NOT JUST A LACK OF 415 00:12:12,072 --> 00:12:13,173 FREEDOM OF SPEECH ‐‐ THERE'VE 416 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,541 ALSO BEEN STATE DEPARTMENT 417 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,944 REPORTS OF "ARBITRARY ARREST AND 418 00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:17,544 DETENTION, ENDEMIC CORRUPTION, 419 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:18,512 AND FORCED LABOR." 420 00:12:18,579 --> 00:12:19,980 SO HE IS A DANGEROUS WORLD 421 00:12:20,047 --> 00:12:20,781 LEADER, BUT THAT'S NOT THE 422 00:12:20,848 --> 00:12:22,349 REASON WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HIM. 423 00:12:22,416 --> 00:12:23,984 AFTER ALL, DANGEROUS WORLD 424 00:12:24,051 --> 00:12:25,185 LEADERS ARE CURRENTLY A DIME A 425 00:12:25,252 --> 00:12:29,256 DOZEN, WHICH IS JUST ONE OF THE 426 00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:30,724 MANY THINGS THAT MAKES BEING 427 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,159 ALIVE RIGHT NOW SIMPLY GREAT. 428 00:12:32,226 --> 00:12:34,995 NO, WHAT MAKES BERDIMUHAMEDOV 429 00:12:35,062 --> 00:12:36,363 UNIQUE IS THAT, EVEN AMONG 430 00:12:36,430 --> 00:12:37,197 STRONGMAN DICTATORS, HE IS 431 00:12:37,264 --> 00:12:38,198 TRULY, DEEPLY, AND COMPELLINGLY 432 00:12:38,265 --> 00:12:39,533 ODD. 433 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,968 SO TONIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT 434 00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:42,469 HIM, AND WHILE THIS STORY IS 435 00:12:42,536 --> 00:12:43,937 GOING TO GET VERY WEIRD, I 436 00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:45,105 PROMISE YOU, IN 20 MINUTES, 437 00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:48,509 YOU'RE NOT SO MUCH GOING TO BE 438 00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:49,109 WONDERING WHY WE TALKED ABOUT 439 00:12:49,176 --> 00:12:49,910 TURKMENISTAN AS WHY WE'D TALK 440 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,546 ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE EVER AGAIN. 441 00:12:52,613 --> 00:12:53,981 AND LET'S START WITH THE OBVIOUS 442 00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:55,949 AUTOCRAT STUFF HERE: HE'S BEEN 443 00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:58,051 RUNNING TURKMENISTAN FOR 12 444 00:12:58,118 --> 00:12:59,353 YEARS, AND IN HIS MOST RECENT 445 00:12:59,419 --> 00:13:00,821 ELECTION, HE WON WITH 98% OF THE 446 00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:02,489 VOTE. 447 00:13:02,556 --> 00:13:03,924 AND LIKE MANY AUTOCRATS, HE'S 448 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,259 FOND OF SHOWCASING HIS PHYSICAL 449 00:13:05,325 --> 00:13:06,560 PROWESS, WHICH YOU KIND OF 450 00:13:06,627 --> 00:13:07,961 ALREADY KNOW FROM WATCHING HIM 451 00:13:08,028 --> 00:13:11,398 INSTALL A SHOWER ROD ON #ArmDay. 452 00:13:11,465 --> 00:13:13,433 THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF VIDEOS 453 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:14,802 ONLINE WHERE YOU CAN SEE HIM 454 00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:16,503 FIRING WEAPONS AND THROWING 455 00:13:16,570 --> 00:13:17,538 KNIVES TO IMPRESS HIS TROOPS. 456 00:13:17,604 --> 00:13:23,410 BUT THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING. 457 00:13:23,477 --> 00:13:24,144 BECAUSE BERDIMUKHMEDOV TAKES 458 00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:26,213 THOSE STANDARD ISSUE 459 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,147 CULT OF PERSONALITY ANTICS AND 460 00:13:27,214 --> 00:13:28,048 DOES THEM JUST A LITTLE BIT 461 00:13:28,115 --> 00:13:28,816 STRANGER. 462 00:13:28,882 --> 00:13:30,150 >> BY SHOOTING TARGETS DOWN 463 00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:31,218 WHILE RIDING A BIKE, OUR GREAT 464 00:13:31,285 --> 00:13:32,452 COMMANDER‐IN‐CHIEF ONCE AGAIN 465 00:13:32,519 --> 00:13:33,887 DEMONSTRATED HIS PHYSICAL 466 00:13:33,954 --> 00:13:35,422 READINESS. 467 00:13:35,489 --> 00:13:36,623 THIS BECAME A MOMENT WHEN OUR 468 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:37,257 DEAR LEADER, WHO HAS HIGH SKILLS 469 00:13:37,324 --> 00:13:37,925 IN EVERY TRADE, DEMONSTRATED HIS 470 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:42,596 LEVEL OF MASTERFULNESS. 471 00:13:42,663 --> 00:13:43,397 >> John: OH, YES, TOTAL 472 00:13:43,463 --> 00:13:44,531 MASTERFULNESS! 473 00:13:44,598 --> 00:13:45,199 SO WATCH OUT, ENEMIES OF 474 00:13:45,265 --> 00:13:48,535 TURKMENISTAN, BECAUSE 475 00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:49,203 BERDIMUHAMEDOV WON'T HESITATE 476 00:13:49,269 --> 00:13:50,204 TO SLOWLY RIDE A BIKE NEAR YOU 477 00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,705 AND SHOOT A GUN IN YOUR GENERAL 478 00:13:51,772 --> 00:13:52,472 VICINITY BEFORE AN EDITOR MAKES 479 00:13:52,539 --> 00:13:53,373 IT LOOK LIKE HE ACTUALLY HIT 480 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:57,744 YOU. 481 00:13:57,811 --> 00:13:59,079 BUT IT IS NOT JUST KNIFE TOSSING 482 00:13:59,146 --> 00:14:00,547 AND GUN‐CYCLING. 483 00:14:00,614 --> 00:14:01,648 BERDIMUHAMEDOV IS ALSO AN 484 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:02,616 ARTIST, AND HIS CANVAS IS THE 485 00:14:02,683 --> 00:14:03,617 HUMAN EAR. 486 00:14:03,684 --> 00:14:04,718 HE WENT VIRAL LAST YEAR WITH A 487 00:14:04,785 --> 00:14:05,786 RAP VIDEO RECORDED WITH HIS 488 00:14:05,853 --> 00:14:06,854 GRANDSON ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE 489 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,989 OF SPORTS CALLED 490 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:12,025 "SPORTLY TURKMENISTAN." 491 00:14:12,092 --> 00:14:13,360 ♪ ♪ 492 00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:14,194 >> ♪ SPORT AND THE HEALTH IS 493 00:14:14,261 --> 00:14:15,028 INSPIRATION ♪ 494 00:14:15,095 --> 00:14:16,296 ♪ MAKES FOR THE SHOW AND SHOW 495 00:14:16,363 --> 00:14:16,997 ALL THE NATIONS ♪ 496 00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:17,731 ♪ GIVES YOU A JOY AND RAISE 497 00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,333 SPIRIT HIGH ♪ 498 00:14:19,399 --> 00:14:20,267 ♪ SPORT IS THE WAY TO HEALTH IN 499 00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:25,005 LIFE ♪ 500 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:31,879 ♪ ♪ 501 00:14:31,945 --> 00:14:33,180 >> ♪ TURKMENISTAN, 502 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:40,821 TURKMENISTAN! ♪ 503 00:14:40,888 --> 00:14:44,825 >> John: FIRE. 504 00:14:44,892 --> 00:14:46,593 EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT VIDEO IS 505 00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:47,361 PERFECT, FROM THE FACT THAT 506 00:14:47,427 --> 00:14:48,495 CLEARLY NEITHER OF THEM ARE 507 00:14:48,562 --> 00:14:49,663 PLAYING THEIR INSTRUMENTS TO THE 508 00:14:49,730 --> 00:14:50,864 FACT THEY JUST RHYMED 509 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,299 "TURKMENISTAN" WITH 510 00:14:52,366 --> 00:14:54,601 "TURKMENISTAN." 511 00:14:54,668 --> 00:14:56,203 ALL IN ALL, IT'S A FUN, CATCHY 512 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,337 SPORTS ANTHEM TRULY WORTHY OF 513 00:14:57,404 --> 00:14:58,972 "JOCK JAMS VOLUME 40: MAYBE 514 00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:00,307 SPORTS SUCK?" 515 00:15:00,374 --> 00:15:01,341 BUT HIS MUSICAL TALENTS DON'T 516 00:15:01,408 --> 00:15:03,543 STOP THERE. 517 00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:04,878 HE ALSO DJs, PLAYS THE 518 00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:06,647 PIANO, AND IS A GUITARIST WHO 519 00:15:06,713 --> 00:15:08,749 GOES TO GREAT LENGTHS TO CONCEAL 520 00:15:08,815 --> 00:15:13,687 HIS BLISTERING CHOPS: 521 00:15:13,754 --> 00:15:18,959 ♪ ♪ 522 00:15:19,026 --> 00:15:23,864 ♪ ♪ 523 00:15:23,931 --> 00:15:26,300 >> HOLY SHIT. 524 00:15:26,366 --> 00:15:28,335 HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S PLAYING A 525 00:15:28,402 --> 00:15:30,237 DUET WITH THE SMOKE MONSTER FROM 526 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:30,470 "LOST." 527 00:15:30,537 --> 00:15:31,805 THAT STAGE LOOKS LIKE THE BACK 528 00:15:31,872 --> 00:15:32,439 ENTRANCE TO A CHURCH AFTER A 529 00:15:32,506 --> 00:15:35,275 FRENCH AA MEETING. 530 00:15:35,342 --> 00:15:36,743 SO HE'S A STRONGMAN WHO LIKES 531 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,878 DJ'ING, RAPPING WITH HIS 532 00:15:37,945 --> 00:15:38,979 GRANDSON, AND PLAYING THE 533 00:15:39,046 --> 00:15:41,381 GUITAR. 534 00:15:41,448 --> 00:15:42,349 BUT AMAZINGLY, WE HAVEN'T EVEN 535 00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:45,185 GOTTEN TO THE TRULY WEIRD STUFF 536 00:15:45,252 --> 00:15:46,119 YET, BECAUSE BERDIMUHAMEDOV 537 00:15:46,186 --> 00:15:46,920 ALSO LIKES HORSES. 538 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,221 LIKE, A LOT. 539 00:15:48,288 --> 00:15:50,057 LIKE, THE INCORRECT AMOUNT. 540 00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,459 LIKE, TO THE EXTENT IT DISTRACTS 541 00:15:52,526 --> 00:15:53,760 FROM EVERYTHING HE'S DONE DURING 542 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,964 HIS NEARLY 13‐YEAR PRESIDENCY. 543 00:15:57,030 --> 00:15:58,498 JUST THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH 544 00:15:58,565 --> 00:16:02,703 ANGELA MERKEL WOULD HAVE TO LIKE 545 00:16:02,769 --> 00:16:03,804 TURTLES FOR SOMEONE TO GO ON TV 546 00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:04,371 TO SAY, "WE DON'T HAVE MUCH 547 00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:05,605 TIME, SO LET'S PUT ASIDE 548 00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:06,373 EVERYTHING SHE'S EVER DONE AS 549 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,208 THE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY AND 550 00:16:08,275 --> 00:16:08,875 LET'S FOCUS ON THE TURTLE 551 00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:09,977 THING." 552 00:16:10,043 --> 00:16:11,011 THAT'S HOW MUCH BERDIMUHAMEDOV 553 00:16:11,078 --> 00:16:11,912 LIKES HORSES. 554 00:16:11,979 --> 00:16:12,746 AND NOT JUST ANY HORSE ‐‐ HE'S 555 00:16:12,813 --> 00:16:14,281 SPECIFICALLY A FAN OF THE 556 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,149 AKHAL‐TEKE, WHICH ISN'T IN 557 00:16:16,216 --> 00:16:16,950 ITSELF UNUSUAL ‐‐ IT'S A 558 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:17,718 BELOVED NATIONAL SYMBOL IN 559 00:16:17,784 --> 00:16:19,052 TURKMENISTAN. 560 00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:20,554 BUT NOT ONLY DOES HE GIVE 561 00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:21,421 AKHAL‐TEKES AS GIFTS TO OTHER 562 00:16:21,488 --> 00:16:23,824 WORLD LEADERS, HE'S WRITTEN 563 00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:31,365 MULTIPLE BOOKS ON HORSES, 564 00:16:31,431 --> 00:16:33,100 INCLUDING "THE HORSE: A SYMBOL 565 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:33,734 OF FAITHFULNESS AND HAPPINESS," 566 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,835 "THE FLIGHT OF THE CELESTIAL 567 00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:35,635 RACE HORSES," AND "AKHAL‐TEKE, 568 00:16:35,702 --> 00:16:36,136 OUR PRIDE AND GLORY." 569 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:36,803 UNTIL RECENTLY, AN OFFICIAL 570 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:37,404 ENGLISH LANGUAGE COPY OF THAT 571 00:16:37,471 --> 00:16:38,205 BOOK WAS ACTUALLY AVAILABLE ON 572 00:16:38,271 --> 00:16:39,906 AMAZON, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THERE 573 00:16:39,973 --> 00:16:41,408 WAS ONLY ONE COPY, AND IT 574 00:16:41,475 --> 00:16:42,776 APPEARS THAT SOMEONE BOUGHT IT, 575 00:16:42,843 --> 00:16:44,044 SHIPPED IT TO NEW YORK, AND PUT 576 00:16:44,111 --> 00:16:50,584 IT UNDER MY DESK. 577 00:16:50,650 --> 00:16:54,721 BECAUSE ‐‐ WOULD YOU LIKE TO 578 00:16:54,788 --> 00:17:00,427 HEAR MY FAVORITE PASSAGE? 579 00:17:00,494 --> 00:17:02,729 BECAUSE IT'S THIS, AND I QUOTE: 580 00:17:02,796 --> 00:17:04,064 "WITNESSES NEVER WEARIED OF 581 00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:04,631 BEING ASTONISHED BY THE 582 00:17:04,698 --> 00:17:05,298 STEED‐AND‐HUMAN INTERCOURSE 583 00:17:05,365 --> 00:17:06,099 BROUGHT TO FULL PERFECTION." 584 00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:06,733 WHICH I'M HOPING IS A 585 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:07,601 MISTRANSLATION BUT PROBABLY 586 00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:08,201 ISN'T, BECAUSE BERDIMUHAMEDOV 587 00:17:08,268 --> 00:17:08,769 HAS INVOLVED HIMSELF IN ALL 588 00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:10,103 STAGES OF THE HORSE LIFE CYCLE. 589 00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,271 A FEW YEARS AGO, HE AWARDED 590 00:17:11,338 --> 00:17:12,506 HIMSELF THE TITLE "THE PEOPLE'S 591 00:17:12,572 --> 00:17:14,341 HORSE BREEDER." 592 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,276 HE'S ALSO "MADE IT ILLEGAL TO 593 00:17:16,343 --> 00:17:18,011 CHANGE AN AKHAL‐TEKE HORSE'S 594 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:19,713 NAME DURING ITS LIFETIME." 595 00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,115 AND A FEW YEARS AGO, ISSUED A 596 00:17:22,182 --> 00:17:23,050 PRESIDENTIAL DECREE INSTITUTING 597 00:17:23,116 --> 00:17:24,518 A TRADITION OF "BEAUTY CONTESTS 598 00:17:24,584 --> 00:17:26,420 FOR HORSES." 599 00:17:26,486 --> 00:17:31,358 WHICH IS DEFINITELY ODD, BUT AT 600 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,092 THE SAME TIME, YOU DO HAVE TO 601 00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:33,126 ADMIT: THE AKHAL‐TEKE IS A 602 00:17:33,193 --> 00:17:34,828 BEAUTIFUL HORSE. 603 00:17:34,895 --> 00:17:36,696 I MEAN, THAT IS A SUPER FUCKABLE 604 00:17:36,763 --> 00:17:37,097 HORSE RIGHT THERE. 605 00:17:37,164 --> 00:17:38,265 I'M NOT SAYING I WOULD FUCK THAT 606 00:17:38,331 --> 00:17:39,099 HORSE ‐‐ I'M JUST SAYING THAT IF 607 00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:39,833 I WAS A HORSE, I WOULD FUCK THAT 608 00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:42,436 HORSE. 609 00:17:42,502 --> 00:17:43,603 TO BE CLEAR: ME, JOHN OLIVER THE 610 00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:44,137 HUMAN, WOULD NOT FUCK THAT 611 00:17:44,204 --> 00:17:45,705 HORSE. 612 00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,808 BUT JOHN OLIVER THE HORSE WOULD 613 00:17:47,874 --> 00:17:49,776 DEFINITELY FUCK THAT HORSE. 614 00:17:49,843 --> 00:17:52,345 THAT'S NOT WEIRD ‐‐ I'D BE A 615 00:17:52,412 --> 00:17:53,046 HORSE! 616 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,614 HORSES FUCK OTHER HORSES ALL THE 617 00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:55,916 TIME. 618 00:17:55,982 --> 00:17:58,652 THAT'S HOW THEY MAKE NEW HORSES. 619 00:17:58,718 --> 00:18:00,020 I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS, IF I 620 00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:02,255 WAS A HORSE AND YOU SAID TO ME, 621 00:18:02,322 --> 00:18:04,057 "FUCK, MARRY, KILL: MUSTANG, 622 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,992 AKHAL‐TEKE, CLYDESDALE," NO 623 00:18:06,059 --> 00:18:08,028 QUESTION IN MY HORSE MIND, 624 00:18:08,095 --> 00:18:09,296 FUCK THE AKHAL‐TEKE, MARRY THE 625 00:18:09,362 --> 00:18:11,064 MUSTANG, SEND THE CLYDESDALE TO 626 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:12,265 THE GLUE FACTORY. 627 00:18:12,332 --> 00:18:14,901 BUT, AGAIN, ONLY IF I WAS A 628 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,304 HORSE. 629 00:18:17,370 --> 00:18:18,205 ONLY IF I WAS A HORSE. 630 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,339 ADMITTEDLY, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT 631 00:18:19,406 --> 00:18:21,608 THIS A LOT, BUT DEFINITELY NOT 632 00:18:21,675 --> 00:18:22,209 AS MUCH AS GURBANGULY 633 00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:23,376 BERDIMUHAMEDOV HAS. 634 00:18:23,443 --> 00:18:25,545 AMAZINGLY, HE REPORTEDLY OWNS 635 00:18:25,612 --> 00:18:27,013 MORE THAN 600 AKHAL‐TEKES, WHICH 636 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,782 IS ALMOST 10% OF THE WORLD 637 00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:31,418 TOTAL. 638 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,552 HE OWNS A PLURALITY OF THEM. 639 00:18:32,619 --> 00:18:34,087 THAT IS OBJECTIVELY TOO MANY 640 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,288 HORSES. 641 00:18:35,355 --> 00:18:36,723 IMAGINE OWNING 10% OF THE 642 00:18:36,790 --> 00:18:39,192 WORLD'S TOTAL OF ANYTHING, AND I 643 00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:41,495 SAY THIS AS THE OWNER OF 100% OF 644 00:18:41,561 --> 00:18:42,796 AMAZON'S INVENTORY OF 645 00:18:42,863 --> 00:18:45,465 "AKHAL‐TEKE, OUR PRIDE AND 646 00:18:45,532 --> 00:18:47,300 GLORY." 647 00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,503 NOW, EARLIER THIS YEAR, SOMEONE 648 00:18:49,569 --> 00:18:51,471 GAVE BERDIMUHAMEDOV YET ANOTHER 649 00:18:51,538 --> 00:18:53,140 ONE, NAMED "ROVACH," AND HE WAS 650 00:18:53,206 --> 00:18:54,341 SO EXCITED THAT HE WROTE A POEM 651 00:18:54,407 --> 00:18:55,242 ABOUT HIS NEW HORSE AND READ IT 652 00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:56,676 ON STATE TV. 653 00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:59,112 AND THIS IS REAL: 654 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,516 >> YOU ARE THE WORSHIP AND 655 00:19:02,582 --> 00:19:04,451 MEMORABILIA OF ANCESTORS. 656 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,186 YOU ARE THE PASSAGE OF THE PAST 657 00:19:06,253 --> 00:19:08,555 INTO TOMORROW. 658 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:10,557 YOUR NEIGHING IS THE 659 00:19:10,624 --> 00:19:12,325 MELODY OF HEAVENS. 660 00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:12,993 ROVACH, YOU ARE THE ANTHEM OF MY 661 00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:16,830 HEART! 662 00:19:16,897 --> 00:19:19,266 >> John: WAIT. 663 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:19,733 JUST WAIT. 664 00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:20,967 "YOUR NEIGHING IS THE 665 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:21,701 MELODY OF HEAVENS?" 666 00:19:21,768 --> 00:19:22,435 WAIT, WRITING A FUCK‐SONNET 667 00:19:22,502 --> 00:19:23,103 ABOUT A HORSE IS WEIRD; IT 668 00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:24,271 STRONGLY SUGGESTS HE'D LIKE TO 669 00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:24,804 HAVE SEX WITH THAT HORSE. 670 00:19:24,871 --> 00:19:25,438 BUT WRITING A FUCK‐SONNET ABOUT 671 00:19:25,505 --> 00:19:26,873 A HORSE WHILE SITTING ON A HORSE 672 00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:28,775 THRONE AMONG HORSE‐ACCENTED 673 00:19:28,842 --> 00:19:30,277 CABINETRY COMPLIMENTED BY A 674 00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:32,746 HORSE STATUE, HORSESHOE, AND 675 00:19:32,812 --> 00:19:34,047 CUSTOM DESK INLAID WITH GOLD 676 00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:35,382 HORSES? 677 00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:36,683 THAT STRONGLY SUGGESTS THAT HE 678 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:40,120 ACTUALLY ALREADY DID. 679 00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:41,188 THE POINT IS, PRESIDENT EQUUS 680 00:19:41,254 --> 00:19:43,423 HERE LIKES HORSES. 681 00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:44,691 BUT DO HORSES LIKE HIM? 682 00:19:44,758 --> 00:19:46,059 THE ANSWER ‐‐ AND THIS IS A 683 00:19:46,126 --> 00:19:49,596 DIRECT QUOTE ‐‐ IS "NAY." 684 00:19:49,663 --> 00:19:51,932 AND DON'T JUST TAKE THAT FROM 685 00:19:51,998 --> 00:19:55,835 ME. 686 00:19:55,902 --> 00:19:56,469 DON'T TAKE THAT FROM ME. 687 00:19:56,536 --> 00:19:57,537 LOOK AT ROVACH'S EXPRESSION 688 00:19:57,604 --> 00:19:57,837 THERE. 689 00:19:57,904 --> 00:19:58,672 THAT'S NOT SO MUCH AN EXPRESSION 690 00:19:58,738 --> 00:20:00,207 AS A PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF 691 00:20:00,273 --> 00:20:01,841 THE PHRASE "I CAN'T EVEN." 692 00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:04,644 AND THIS ISN'T EVEN THE FIRST 693 00:20:04,711 --> 00:20:05,879 TIME A HORSE SEEMED TO HAVE HAD 694 00:20:05,946 --> 00:20:06,947 AN ISSUE WITH BERDIMUHAMEDOV. 695 00:20:07,013 --> 00:20:07,981 JUST WATCH WHAT HAPPENED WHEN HE 696 00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:09,182 PARTICIPATED IN A HORSE RACE IN 697 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,217 2013. 698 00:20:10,283 --> 00:20:11,384 AND BEFORE I SHOW YOU THIS, I 699 00:20:11,451 --> 00:20:12,919 SHOULD SAY TWO THINGS. 700 00:20:12,986 --> 00:20:14,287 FIRST, REMEMBER, HE RUNS A 701 00:20:14,354 --> 00:20:15,889 COUNTRY WHERE ACTIVISTS ARE 702 00:20:15,956 --> 00:20:17,757 DISAPPEARED IN THE PRISON SYSTEM 703 00:20:17,824 --> 00:20:18,758 AND WHICH HAS HIT THE BOTTOM OF 704 00:20:18,825 --> 00:20:19,893 A NUMBER OF HUMAN RIGHTS 705 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,027 INDEXES. 706 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,762 AND SECOND, THE HORSE YOU'RE 707 00:20:22,829 --> 00:20:26,266 ABOUT TO SEE WAS FINE. 708 00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:26,866 IT WAS FINE. 709 00:20:26,933 --> 00:20:27,934 SO WITH THOSE TWO THINGS IN 710 00:20:28,001 --> 00:20:28,768 MIND, WATCH THIS: 711 00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:37,177 AGAIN, THE HORSE IS ALIVE AND 712 00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:38,845 WELL. 713 00:20:38,912 --> 00:20:39,679 I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU: 714 00:20:39,746 --> 00:20:40,714 HERE HE IS DOING DONUTS AROUND A 715 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:46,353 FIRE PIT. 716 00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:47,087 YOU HAVE TO BE ALIVE TO DO THAT. 717 00:20:47,153 --> 00:20:48,088 CASE CLOSED. 718 00:20:48,154 --> 00:20:48,688 NOW, INTERESTINGLY, WHEN THAT 719 00:20:48,755 --> 00:20:49,723 RACE AIRED ON TV IN 720 00:20:49,789 --> 00:20:50,490 TURKMENISTAN, THE FOOTAGE 721 00:20:50,557 --> 00:20:51,958 CUT OFF A SPLIT SECOND BEFORE 722 00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:53,193 HIS FALL. 723 00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:54,594 SO BERDIMUHAMEDOV REALLY DIDN'T 724 00:20:54,661 --> 00:20:58,164 WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THAT FOOTAGE. 725 00:20:58,231 --> 00:20:59,366 SPECIFICALLY, THIS FOOTAGE: 726 00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:05,071 EXACTLY. 727 00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:06,106 THAT'S THE FOOTAGE HE DIDN'T 728 00:21:06,172 --> 00:21:07,741 WANT PEOPLE TO SEE. 729 00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:09,209 IN FACT, HE WAS SO CONCERNED 730 00:21:09,276 --> 00:21:11,778 THAT PEOPLE MIGHT SEE IT, 731 00:21:11,845 --> 00:21:13,313 JOURNALISTS WERE APPARENTLY 732 00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:15,081 ASKED TO ERASE ALL PICTURES AND 733 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:15,882 FOOTAGE TAKEN OF THE INCIDENT, 734 00:21:15,949 --> 00:21:17,350 AND AT THE AIRPORT, OFFICIALS 735 00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,885 CONDUCTED EXTRA CHECKS FOR 736 00:21:18,952 --> 00:21:20,253 FLASH STICKS AND CAMERA MEMORY 737 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,187 DISKS FOR ANY TRACES OF THE 738 00:21:21,254 --> 00:21:22,155 VIDEO. 739 00:21:22,222 --> 00:21:23,290 AND LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW 740 00:21:23,356 --> 00:21:24,891 YOU THAT SAME VIDEO AGAIN. 741 00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:26,293 WHY WOULD I? 742 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:27,527 WHEN I CAN SHOW YOU A CLOSER 743 00:21:27,594 --> 00:21:28,128 ANGLE OF THE EXACT SAME 744 00:21:28,194 --> 00:21:30,964 INCIDENT. 745 00:21:31,031 --> 00:21:36,870 AGAIN, THE HORSE? 746 00:21:36,936 --> 00:21:41,708 FINE. 747 00:21:41,775 --> 00:21:42,509 AND ‐‐ THIS IS TRUE ‐‐ 748 00:21:42,575 --> 00:21:45,945 A HERO. 749 00:21:46,012 --> 00:21:47,614 SO TO SUMMARIZE, TURKMENISTAN'S 750 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:54,020 AUTHORITARIAN PRESIDENT IS A 751 00:21:54,087 --> 00:21:54,921 STRONGMAN/DJ WITH A CREEPY, 752 00:21:54,988 --> 00:21:55,889 UNRECIPROCATED AFFECTION 753 00:21:55,955 --> 00:21:56,289 FOR HORSES. 754 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:57,390 AND THAT'S WHERE THE STORY ENDS. 755 00:21:57,457 --> 00:21:57,957 OR AT LEAST IT WAS GOING TO 756 00:21:58,024 --> 00:21:58,591 UNTIL WE LEARNED ABOUT ONE LAST 757 00:21:58,658 --> 00:21:59,559 BIZARRE OBSESSION OF HIS, AND IN 758 00:21:59,626 --> 00:22:00,160 THE WORDS OF TURKMEN AIRPORT 759 00:22:00,226 --> 00:22:00,960 OFFICIALS INSPECTING THE LUGGAGE 760 00:22:01,027 --> 00:22:01,628 OF FOREIGN JOURNALISTS, WE'RE 761 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:03,229 GOING TO HAVE TO UNPACK IT. 762 00:22:03,296 --> 00:22:04,731 >> THE PRESIDENT HAS A CHILDLIKE 763 00:22:04,798 --> 00:22:05,598 OBSESSION WITH COLLECTING 764 00:22:05,665 --> 00:22:07,567 GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS. 765 00:22:07,634 --> 00:22:09,269 ASHGABAT HOLDS THE RECORD FOR 766 00:22:09,336 --> 00:22:10,937 HIGHEST DENSITY OF BUILDINGS 767 00:22:11,004 --> 00:22:12,806 WITH WHITE MARBLE CLADDING. 768 00:22:12,872 --> 00:22:15,041 THIS TOWER WON A WORLD RECORD 769 00:22:15,108 --> 00:22:16,609 FOR LARGEST ARCHITECTURAL IMAGE 770 00:22:16,676 --> 00:22:20,013 OF A STAR. 771 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:20,947 AGAIN, A GUINNESS RECORD FOR 772 00:22:21,014 --> 00:22:22,315 THE HOTLY CONTESTED TITLE OF 773 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,817 WORLD'S LARGEST INDOOR 774 00:22:23,883 --> 00:22:27,420 FERRIS WHEEL. 775 00:22:27,487 --> 00:22:29,356 >> John: OKAY, ALL RIGHT, FIRST 776 00:22:29,422 --> 00:22:31,558 OF ALL, THE ONLY THING WORSE 777 00:22:31,624 --> 00:22:32,192 THAN A FERRIS WHEEL IS AN INDOOR 778 00:22:32,258 --> 00:22:32,559 FERRIS WHEEL. 779 00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:33,693 AND SECOND, "THE HIGHEST DENSITY 780 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:34,461 OF BUILDINGS WITH WHITE MARBLE 781 00:22:34,527 --> 00:22:35,095 CLADDING" IS A POINTLESS RECORD. 782 00:22:35,161 --> 00:22:35,929 I GET HE CLEARLY HAS AN 783 00:22:35,995 --> 00:22:38,798 OBSESSION WITH MARBLE. 784 00:22:38,865 --> 00:22:40,567 THE MAN EVEN BUILT A STATUE OF 785 00:22:40,633 --> 00:22:42,168 HIMSELF ON A GOLDEN HORSE ATOP A 786 00:22:42,235 --> 00:22:43,870 MASSIVE WHITE MARBLE CLIFF. 787 00:22:43,937 --> 00:22:45,605 BUT AT SOME POINT, A RECORD IS 788 00:22:45,672 --> 00:22:47,407 SO BIZARRELY SPECIFIC THAT IT 789 00:22:47,474 --> 00:22:49,476 CEASES TO BE IMPRESSIVE, LIKE 790 00:22:49,542 --> 00:22:50,744 "LARGEST BOWL OF GOULASH EATEN 791 00:22:50,810 --> 00:22:53,713 WHILE WATCHING 'FRASIER,'" OR 792 00:22:53,780 --> 00:22:55,849 "WORLD'S TALLEST ANSEL ELGORT. 793 00:22:55,915 --> 00:22:56,716 ALSO, INCIDENTALLY, THE WORLD'S 794 00:22:56,783 --> 00:22:59,152 SMALLEST ANSEL ELGORT." 795 00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:00,820 BUT THE POINT IS, DURING HIS 796 00:23:00,887 --> 00:23:02,589 TENURE AS PRESIDENT, 797 00:23:02,655 --> 00:23:05,191 TURKMENISTAN HAS AGGRESSIVELY 798 00:23:05,258 --> 00:23:06,359 SET A NUMBER OF GUINNESS 799 00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:07,127 RECORDS, INCLUDING THE 800 00:23:07,193 --> 00:23:08,428 WORLD'S HIGHEST NUMBER OF 801 00:23:08,495 --> 00:23:09,529 FOUNTAIN POOLS IN A PUBLIC 802 00:23:09,596 --> 00:23:10,697 SPACE, THE WORLD'S LONGEST 803 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:12,732 SINGLE LINE BICYCLE PARADE, 804 00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:13,767 THE WORLD'S LARGEST HORSE HEAD 805 00:23:13,833 --> 00:23:15,935 STATUE ‐‐ OF COURSE ‐‐ AND THE 806 00:23:16,002 --> 00:23:17,370 WORLD'S LARGEST CYCLING 807 00:23:17,437 --> 00:23:19,205 AWARENESS LESSON. 808 00:23:19,272 --> 00:23:20,440 WE ACTUALLY FOUND FOOTAGE OF HIM 809 00:23:20,507 --> 00:23:21,641 SETTING THAT RECORD, AND HE 810 00:23:21,708 --> 00:23:24,511 SEEMED PRETTY PSYCHED ABOUT HIS 811 00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:24,811 ACHIEVEMENT: 812 00:23:24,878 --> 00:23:25,945 >> I WOULD LIKE TO EXPRESS MY 813 00:23:26,012 --> 00:23:27,847 SPECIAL APPRECIATION TO A 814 00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:28,681 REPRESENTATIVE OF THE 815 00:23:28,748 --> 00:23:30,483 GUINNESS RECORD BOOK FOR A 816 00:23:30,550 --> 00:23:32,619 CERTIFICATE FOR THE LARGEST 817 00:23:32,685 --> 00:23:35,088 CYCLING AWARENESS LESSON. 818 00:23:35,155 --> 00:23:36,256 THIS RESPECTED AWARD IS ANOTHER 819 00:23:36,322 --> 00:23:36,923 ONE INTO THE COLLECTION OF OUR 820 00:23:36,990 --> 00:23:44,030 COUNTRY'S GUINNESS RECORDS. 821 00:23:44,097 --> 00:23:45,198 [APPLAUSE] 822 00:23:45,265 --> 00:23:46,699 >> John: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, 823 00:23:46,766 --> 00:23:48,234 "A CYCLING AWARENESS LESSON" 824 00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:49,135 SEEMS ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY. 825 00:23:49,202 --> 00:23:50,637 CYCLING IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU 826 00:23:50,703 --> 00:23:51,838 WANT TO LOSE A GUNFIGHT AS 827 00:23:51,905 --> 00:23:53,106 SLOWLY AND INACCURATELY AS 828 00:23:53,173 --> 00:23:54,240 POSSIBLE. 829 00:23:54,307 --> 00:23:59,879 WHO ISN'T AWARE OF THAT? 830 00:23:59,946 --> 00:24:00,814 BUT HERE IS WHERE THE STORY IS 831 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:01,915 GOING TO SHIFT AWAY FROM 832 00:24:01,981 --> 00:24:05,185 TURKMENISTAN FOR A MINUTE, 833 00:24:05,251 --> 00:24:05,819 ALTHOUGH I PROMISE WE WILL BE 834 00:24:05,885 --> 00:24:06,486 BACK. 835 00:24:06,553 --> 00:24:07,620 BECAUSE WE STARTED WONDERING, 836 00:24:07,687 --> 00:24:08,421 WHAT IS AN OFFICIAL FROM 837 00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:09,522 GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS DOING IN 838 00:24:09,589 --> 00:24:10,056 ONE OF THE MOST REPRESSIVE 839 00:24:10,123 --> 00:24:11,357 COUNTRIES ON EARTH CERTIFYING 840 00:24:11,424 --> 00:24:13,059 RECORDS FOR AN AUTOCRAT? 841 00:24:13,126 --> 00:24:14,661 BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE 842 00:24:14,727 --> 00:24:15,995 THE FUN‐LOVING COMPANY THAT 843 00:24:16,062 --> 00:24:17,130 CERTIFIES QUIRKY RECORDS LIKE ‐‐ 844 00:24:17,197 --> 00:24:18,865 AND THESE ARE REAL ‐‐ MOST 845 00:24:18,932 --> 00:24:20,733 APPLES HELD IN THE MOUTH AND CUT 846 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,936 BY CHAINSAW IN ONE MINUTE, OR 847 00:24:23,002 --> 00:24:29,943 OLDEST MALE STRIPPER. 848 00:24:30,009 --> 00:24:30,877 IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. 849 00:24:30,944 --> 00:24:32,111 BUT WHEN WE STARTED LOOKING INTO 850 00:24:32,178 --> 00:24:32,712 IT, WE DISCOVERED THAT, IN THE 851 00:24:32,779 --> 00:24:33,346 LAST FEW YEARS, A BIG CHUNK OF 852 00:24:33,413 --> 00:24:34,314 GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS' INCOME 853 00:24:34,380 --> 00:24:35,081 NOW COMES FROM HELPING COMPANIES 854 00:24:35,148 --> 00:24:35,648 AND OTHER CLIENTS INVENT AND 855 00:24:35,715 --> 00:24:36,816 BREAK NEW RECORDS TO GET 856 00:24:36,883 --> 00:24:38,384 PUBLICITY ‐‐ THINGS LIKE WORKING 857 00:24:38,451 --> 00:24:39,953 WITH GENERAL MILLS TO SET THE 858 00:24:40,019 --> 00:24:41,321 RECORD FOR WORLD'S LONGEST LINE 859 00:24:41,387 --> 00:24:43,490 OF TACOS. 860 00:24:43,556 --> 00:24:45,658 BASICALLY, THEY CAN HELP DESIGN 861 00:24:45,725 --> 00:24:46,893 AN EVENT AND EVEN SEND AN 862 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,495 OFFICIAL ADJUDICATOR, LIKE THE 863 00:24:48,561 --> 00:24:49,329 ONE YOU JUST SAW, TO AWARD THE 864 00:24:49,395 --> 00:24:51,097 RECORD ON THE SPOT. 865 00:24:51,164 --> 00:24:52,699 BUT THAT DOESN'T COME CHEAP. 866 00:24:52,765 --> 00:24:54,467 FOR A FULL‐SERVICE EVENT, THEY 867 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,336 REPORTEDLY CHARGE ANYWHERE FROM 868 00:24:56,402 --> 00:24:58,805 $12,000 TO OVER HALF A MILLION. 869 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,440 AND YOU MIGHT THINK, "OKAY. 870 00:25:00,507 --> 00:25:02,742 BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT? 871 00:25:02,809 --> 00:25:04,811 I'M NOT A NINE‐YEAR‐OLD WAITING 872 00:25:04,878 --> 00:25:05,678 TO TESTIFY IN FAMILY COURT. 873 00:25:05,745 --> 00:25:07,046 WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THE 874 00:25:07,113 --> 00:25:14,320 GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS?" 875 00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:15,655 BUT THE THING IS, IT'S NOT JUST 876 00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:17,390 COMPANIES ‐‐ THEY ALSO WORK WITH 877 00:25:17,457 --> 00:25:18,424 AUTHORITARIAN GOVERNMENTS, AND 878 00:25:18,491 --> 00:25:19,225 BERDIMUHAMEDOV ISN'T THE ONLY 879 00:25:19,292 --> 00:25:20,326 ONE. 880 00:25:20,393 --> 00:25:21,661 GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS HAS ALSO 881 00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:23,730 SENT ADJUDICATORS TO 882 00:25:23,796 --> 00:25:25,064 SAUDI ARABIA TO CERTIFY RECORDS 883 00:25:25,131 --> 00:25:26,533 LIKE THEIR "WORLD'S LARGEST 884 00:25:26,599 --> 00:25:27,901 FLAGPOLE" AND HAS REPEATEDLY 885 00:25:27,967 --> 00:25:29,936 WORKED WITH THE DUBAI POLICE 886 00:25:30,003 --> 00:25:31,371 FORCE HELPING THEM BREAK 11 887 00:25:31,437 --> 00:25:32,639 RECORDS, AMONG THEM, "MOST 888 00:25:32,705 --> 00:25:34,641 CONSECUTIVE FORMATIONS FORMED BY 889 00:25:34,707 --> 00:25:36,776 UNMANNED AERIAL VEHICLES." 890 00:25:36,843 --> 00:25:37,844 AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT 891 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:39,879 THAT EVEN MEANS, HERE'S WHAT IT 892 00:25:39,946 --> 00:25:43,116 LOOKED LIKE. 893 00:25:43,182 --> 00:25:56,095 ♪ ♪ 894 00:25:56,162 --> 00:26:02,468 ♪ ♪ 895 00:26:02,535 --> 00:26:07,373 OKAY. 896 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:08,274 ALL RIGHT. 897 00:26:08,341 --> 00:26:09,208 ALL RIGHT. 898 00:26:09,275 --> 00:26:10,276 ALL RIGHT. 899 00:26:10,343 --> 00:26:10,977 FIRST, I'D ARGUE HE COULD BE 900 00:26:11,044 --> 00:26:11,878 SLIGHTLY MORE IMPRESSED BY THAT 901 00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:12,645 DRONE CONSTELLATION OF HIS FACE. 902 00:26:12,712 --> 00:26:13,680 ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY THIS, 903 00:26:13,746 --> 00:26:14,647 THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE 904 00:26:14,714 --> 00:26:16,549 SINGLE MOST ETHICALLY DEFENSIBLE 905 00:26:16,616 --> 00:26:18,051 USE OF DRONES IN THE 906 00:26:18,117 --> 00:26:21,921 MIDDLE EAST. 907 00:26:21,988 --> 00:26:24,524 THE WHOLE POINT WE'RE MAKING 908 00:26:24,591 --> 00:26:26,025 HERE IS, AUTHORITARIANS LOVE 909 00:26:26,092 --> 00:26:26,659 GETTING GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS. 910 00:26:26,726 --> 00:26:27,460 AND YOU CAN SEE WHY ‐‐ THEY 911 00:26:27,527 --> 00:26:28,695 REINFORCE A CULT OF PERSONALITY 912 00:26:28,761 --> 00:26:30,063 AND CONFER A SENSE OF LEGITIMACY 913 00:26:30,129 --> 00:26:31,230 ON A GLOBAL STAGE, WHICH BRINGS 914 00:26:31,297 --> 00:26:33,366 US BACK TO GURBANGULY 915 00:26:33,433 --> 00:26:34,968 BERDIMUHAMEDOV, BECAUSE HE 916 00:26:35,034 --> 00:26:36,536 ABSOLUTELY LOVES THEM. 917 00:26:36,603 --> 00:26:38,071 SO IF YOU WANTED TO HURT HIM, 918 00:26:38,137 --> 00:26:39,038 THEY'D ACTUALLY BE HIS WEAK 919 00:26:39,105 --> 00:26:40,039 POINT. 920 00:26:40,106 --> 00:26:42,675 THE ONLY QUESTION IS, IF YOU 921 00:26:42,742 --> 00:26:43,543 WANTED TO EMBARRASS THIS 922 00:26:43,610 --> 00:26:45,545 PARTICULAR HUMAN‐RIGHTS‐ABUSING 923 00:26:45,612 --> 00:26:46,779 HORSE‐FUCKER, WHAT RECORD WOULD 924 00:26:46,846 --> 00:26:49,983 HURT HIM THE MOST? 925 00:26:50,049 --> 00:26:51,851 I MEAN, IT'D HAVE TO INVOLVE 926 00:26:51,918 --> 00:26:53,486 SOME OF HIS FAVORITE THINGS, 927 00:26:53,553 --> 00:26:54,988 LIKE HORSES AND WHITE MARBLE, 928 00:26:55,054 --> 00:26:56,089 AND ALSO INCLUDE A HUMILIATING 929 00:26:56,155 --> 00:26:57,590 MOMENT. 930 00:26:57,657 --> 00:26:59,359 SO HYPOTHETICALLY, IF YOU COULD 931 00:26:59,425 --> 00:27:00,927 MAKE THE WORLD'S LARGEST MARBLE 932 00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,895 CAKE FEATURING THE IMAGE OF HIM 933 00:27:02,962 --> 00:27:05,565 FALLING OFF A HORSE, THAT WOULD 934 00:27:05,632 --> 00:27:08,368 CHECK ALL OF THE BOXES, RIGHT? 935 00:27:08,434 --> 00:27:11,604 OF COURSE, IT WOULDN'T BE EASY. 936 00:27:11,671 --> 00:27:13,640 THE CURRENT RECORD FOR LARGEST 937 00:27:13,706 --> 00:27:15,808 MARBLE CAKE IS AROUND 160 SQUARE 938 00:27:15,875 --> 00:27:16,609 FEET, SET BY BETTY CROCKER IN 939 00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:19,445 WHERE ELSE BUT SAUDI ARABIA. 940 00:27:19,512 --> 00:27:20,813 ALSO, YOU'D IDEALLY WANT AN 941 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,548 OFFICIAL ADJUDICATOR TO COME AND 942 00:27:22,615 --> 00:27:23,983 CERTIFY THE CAKE IMMEDIATELY. 943 00:27:24,050 --> 00:27:26,319 AND UNFORTUNATELY, HERE'S WHERE 944 00:27:26,386 --> 00:27:27,954 I DO HAVE SOME BAD NEWS, BECAUSE 945 00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:29,255 WE ACTUALLY PLANNED TO BAKE A 946 00:27:29,322 --> 00:27:31,991 600‐SQUARE‐FOOT CAKE THAT WOULD 947 00:27:32,058 --> 00:27:35,094 MAKE BETTY CROCKER'S LOOK LIKE A 948 00:27:35,161 --> 00:27:36,729 FUCKING MOUSE TWINKIE, BUT WHEN 949 00:27:36,796 --> 00:27:39,032 WE REACHED OUT TO GUINNESS 950 00:27:39,098 --> 00:27:41,100 WORLD RECORDS AND WE ASKED THEM 951 00:27:41,167 --> 00:27:42,035 TO SEND SOMEONE, THEY DECLINED, 952 00:27:42,101 --> 00:27:42,669 SAYING, AND I QUOTE, 953 00:27:42,735 --> 00:27:43,636 "UNFORTUNATELY, BECAUSE OUR 954 00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:44,704 BRAND IS ALIGNED WITH KIDS AND 955 00:27:44,771 --> 00:27:46,239 FAMILIES, THIS RECORD ATTEMPT IS 956 00:27:46,305 --> 00:27:48,307 NOT ONE THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO 957 00:27:48,374 --> 00:27:55,948 PROVIDE AN ADJUDICATOR FOR." 958 00:27:56,015 --> 00:27:56,549 WHICH IS ‐‐ YEAH, IT'S A REAL 959 00:27:56,616 --> 00:27:57,283 SHAME. 960 00:27:57,350 --> 00:27:58,551 I GUESS WE JUST DON'T RUN A 961 00:27:58,618 --> 00:27:59,152 BRUTAL ENOUGH DICTATORSHIP TO 962 00:27:59,218 --> 00:28:00,186 MEET GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS' 963 00:28:00,253 --> 00:28:03,222 HIGH ETHICAL STANDARDS. 964 00:28:03,289 --> 00:28:04,090 ALTHOUGH THEY DID SAY THAT IF WE 965 00:28:04,157 --> 00:28:04,791 FULLY DOCUMENTED MAKING THE 966 00:28:04,857 --> 00:28:05,558 CAKE, THEY MIGHT CERTIFY US 967 00:28:05,625 --> 00:28:06,926 AFTER THE FACT. 968 00:28:06,993 --> 00:28:08,461 UNFORTUNATELY, THEY WANTED US TO 969 00:28:08,528 --> 00:28:09,662 SIGN AN AGREEMENT THAT COULD'VE 970 00:28:09,729 --> 00:28:10,863 PREVENTED US FROM CRITICIZING 971 00:28:10,930 --> 00:28:17,336 THEM IN THIS STORY, SO WE DIDN'T 972 00:28:17,403 --> 00:28:22,775 ‐‐ BUT THEN IT HIT US, WE DON'T 973 00:28:22,842 --> 00:28:24,177 NEED GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS TO 974 00:28:24,243 --> 00:28:26,546 MAKE A WORLD RECORD SIZED CAKE. 975 00:28:26,612 --> 00:28:28,681 AND IF WE DID, 976 00:28:28,748 --> 00:28:30,650 NOT ONLY WOULD IT ANNOY AN 977 00:28:30,717 --> 00:28:32,085 AUTHORITARIAN LEADER, IT WOULD 978 00:28:32,151 --> 00:28:32,852 ALSO REALLY IRRITATE THE 979 00:28:32,919 --> 00:28:33,352 GUINNESS BOOK OF 980 00:28:33,419 --> 00:28:34,220 WORLD RECORDS. 981 00:28:34,287 --> 00:28:34,987 SO DID WE BAKE IT? 982 00:28:35,054 --> 00:28:36,089 I GUESS I REALLY ONLY HAVE TWO 983 00:28:36,155 --> 00:28:36,756 QUESTIONS FOR YOU AT THIS POINT: 984 00:28:36,823 --> 00:28:37,390 ONE, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE 985 00:28:37,457 --> 00:28:38,524 HISTORY? 986 00:28:38,591 --> 00:28:39,625 AND TWO, WHO WANTS SOME FUCKING 987 00:28:39,692 --> 00:28:40,393 CAKE? 988 00:28:40,460 --> 00:28:44,197 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 989 00:28:44,263 --> 00:28:45,965 BECAUSE BEHOLD THIS MONSTROUS 990 00:28:46,032 --> 00:28:49,569 FOLLY! 991 00:28:49,635 --> 00:28:53,473 I TOLD YOU THINGS WERE GOING TO 992 00:28:53,539 --> 00:28:54,040 GET WEIRD TONIGHT, DIDN'T I? 993 00:28:54,107 --> 00:28:55,308 ADMIT IT, WHEN I SAID EARLIER 994 00:28:55,374 --> 00:28:58,144 OUR MAIN STORY CONCERNED 995 00:28:58,211 --> 00:28:59,412 TURKMENISTAN, YOU DID NOT EXPECT 996 00:28:59,479 --> 00:29:01,514 THE SHOW TO END 20 MINUTES LATER 997 00:29:01,581 --> 00:29:03,616 WITH ME STANDING NEXT TO THE 998 00:29:03,683 --> 00:29:06,018 WORLD'S LARGEST MARBLE CAKE 999 00:29:06,085 --> 00:29:07,520 DEPICTING A GUY FALLING OFF A 1000 00:29:07,587 --> 00:29:09,889 HORSE. 1001 00:29:09,956 --> 00:29:10,723 YET HERE WE ARE. 1002 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,558 I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS: 1003 00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:13,960 EVERYONE IN THIS AUDIENCE IS 1004 00:29:14,026 --> 00:29:15,695 GOING TO GET SOME CAKE TO TAKE 1005 00:29:15,762 --> 00:29:17,897 HOME TONIGHT, AND THE REST OF 1006 00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:19,499 THIS MAGNIFICENT FROSTED BEAST 1007 00:29:19,565 --> 00:29:22,702 WILL BE DONATED TO CITY HARVEST. 1008 00:29:22,769 --> 00:29:27,106 WE DID IT, GUYS! 1009 00:29:27,173 --> 00:29:28,708 WE DID IT. 1010 00:29:28,775 --> 00:29:29,642 WE DID IT! 1011 00:29:29,709 --> 00:29:33,246 CLAP FOR ME, CYCLISTS! 1012 00:29:33,312 --> 00:29:33,613 CLAP FOR ME NOW! 1013 00:29:33,679 --> 00:29:34,814 THAT'S OUR SHOW, THANK YOU SO 1014 00:29:34,881 --> 00:29:36,649 MUCH FOR WATCHING, SEE YOU NEXT 1015 00:29:36,716 --> 00:29:39,185 WEEK, GOOD NIGHT! 1016 00:29:39,252 --> 00:29:41,220 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1017 00:29:41,287 --> 00:29:52,098 ♪ ♪ 1018 00:29:52,165 --> 00:29:54,367 WE DID IT! 1019 00:29:54,433 --> 00:29:55,935 WE DID IT!