1 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:11,767 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:17,667 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:23,800 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:30,500 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 5 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,300 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 6 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,000 WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!" 7 00:00:36,066 --> 00:00:37,533 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 8 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:38,834 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING 9 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:39,600 US. 10 00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:41,000 JUST TIME FOR A QUICK RECAP OF 11 00:00:41,066 --> 00:00:41,533 THE WEEK. 12 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,400 AND WE BEGIN WITH THE 13 00:00:42,467 --> 00:00:43,633 UNITED KINGDOM, AMERICA'S 14 00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:48,934 DEADBEAT DAD. 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:49,967 THIS WEEK, THE U.K. WEATHERED A 16 00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:50,633 VISIT FROM DONALD TRUMP, WHO MET 17 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:51,333 WITH THE QUEEN WHILE WEARING THE 18 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,700 WORLD'S MOST ILL-FITTING TUXEDO 19 00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:53,300 AND SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW 20 00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:53,934 WITH PIERS MORGAN, IN WHICH, FOR 21 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:54,500 SOME REASON, HE WAS GIVEN A 22 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,166 WINSTON CHURCHILL HAT. 23 00:00:58,233 --> 00:00:58,767 >> LET ME TRY THIS ON. 24 00:00:58,834 --> 00:00:59,333 >> PLEASE TRY IT ON. 25 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,266 THAT'D BE GREAT. 26 00:01:00,333 --> 00:01:00,834 >> OH, IT'S A LITTLE BIG. 27 00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:01,633 >> THAT'S -- WELL, WE CAN GET 28 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:02,467 THAT -- THAT'S FANTASTIC. 29 00:01:02,533 --> 00:01:05,333 >> LET ME SEE HOW THAT LOOKS. 30 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:05,900 I THINK -- I THINK CHURCHILL 31 00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:06,934 LOOKED -- 32 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,000 >> SO WINSTON TRUMP. 33 00:01:09,066 --> 00:01:09,600 >> I THINK -- I THINK WINSTON 34 00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:10,433 LOOKED MUCH BETTER IN IT. 35 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:11,233 >> [LAUGHS] 36 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:15,233 >> John: [LAUGHS] 37 00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:17,000 I GOTTA SAY, I ACTUALLY AGREE 38 00:01:17,066 --> 00:01:18,600 WITH TRUMP ON THAT ONE -- HE 39 00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:19,233 DOES LOOK LIKE SHIT IN THAT HAT. 40 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:19,934 ALTHOUGH IN HIS DEFENSE, ANYONE 41 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,133 LOOKS LIKE AN ASSHOLE WHEN 42 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,033 WEARING A CHURCHILL HAT. 43 00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:23,633 EVEN CHURCHILL KIND OF LOOKED 44 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:24,800 LIKE AN ASSHOLE WHEN WEARING A 45 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,867 CHURCHILL HAT. 46 00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:27,934 THE DIFFERENCE WITH TRUMP IS, HE 47 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,066 STILL LOOKS LIKE AN ASSHOLE 48 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,433 WITHOUT THE HAT. 49 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:33,333 TRUMP WAS IN THE U.K. AT 50 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,367 ACTUALLY A VERY DRAMATIC TIME, 51 00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:35,633 BECAUSE JUST TWO WEEKS AGO, 52 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:36,333 PRIME MINISTER THERESA MAY 53 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,467 TEARFULLY ANNOUNCED HER 54 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:39,266 RESIGNATION AFTER FAILING TO 55 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,767 NEGOTIATE A BREXIT DEAL, A 56 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,266 DECISION TO WHICH I THINK THE 57 00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:42,967 CITIZENS OF "GOGGLEBOX," THE 58 00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:44,600 MAGNIFICENT SHOW WHERE ORDINARY 59 00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:45,233 BRITONS WATCH TV, HAD THE PROPER 60 00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:47,533 RESPONSE. 61 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,200 >> I WILL SHORTLY LEAVE THE JOB 62 00:01:49,266 --> 00:01:50,166 THAT IT HAS BEEN THE HONOR OF MY 63 00:01:50,233 --> 00:01:51,367 LIFE TO HOLD. 64 00:01:51,433 --> 00:01:52,834 >> OH, OH, WOBBLY VOICE. 65 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,967 >> I FEEL REALLY SORRY FOR HER. 66 00:01:55,033 --> 00:01:56,633 >> WHY? 67 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,400 >> SAME. 68 00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:59,133 >> SORRY, SHE FUCKED IT UP. 69 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,033 SHE HAD THREE YEARS TO GET IT 70 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:00,834 RIGHT AND GOT IT GLORIOUSLY 71 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,834 WRONG. 72 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,033 >> John: YEAH, THAT IS THE RIGHT 73 00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:05,066 SENTIMENT, ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW 74 00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:06,033 IF I WOULD DESCRIBE 75 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:06,934 THERESA MAY'S JOB ON BREXIT AS 76 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,333 "GLORIOUSLY WRONG." 77 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,400 "GLORIOUSLY WRONG" IS HOW I 78 00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:10,467 WOULD DESCRIBE THIS ACTUAL 79 00:02:10,533 --> 00:02:12,333 SAN DIEGO FIREWORKS SHOW IN 2012 80 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,800 WHEN ORGANIZERS ACCIDENTALLY SET 81 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,533 OFF ALL 45 MINUTES WORTH OF 82 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,633 FIREWORKS AT THE SAME TIME. 83 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,233 TAKE A LOOK. 84 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:29,533 [FIREWORKS EXPLODING] 85 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:30,400 GLORIOUS. 86 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:31,266 WRONG. 87 00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,600 GLORIOUSLY WRONG. 88 00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:34,834 MAY'S LAST DAY AS CONSERVATIVE 89 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:36,600 LEADER WAS ACTUALLY FRIDAY, BUT 90 00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:37,734 SHE'S STAYING ON AS 91 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:38,600 PRIME MINISTER UNTIL HER 92 00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:40,166 SUCCESSOR IS CHOSEN THROUGH A 93 00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:41,567 TRULY RIDICULOUS PROCESS, 94 00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,066 BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO GENERAL 95 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:44,667 ELECTION. 96 00:02:44,734 --> 00:02:45,433 INSTEAD, THE NEW LEADER WILL BE 97 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,500 CHOSEN BY MAY'S OWN PARTY, THE 98 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,066 CONSERVATIVES, MEANING THE NEXT 99 00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:50,767 PRIME MINISTER WILL BE CHOSEN BY 100 00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:52,100 124,000 PAID MEMBERS OF THE 101 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:54,800 PARTY, MOST OF WHOM ARE OVER 55 102 00:02:54,867 --> 00:02:57,333 AND FROM THE TOP SOCIAL CLASS. 103 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,066 AND JUST THINK ABOUT THAT. 104 00:02:59,133 --> 00:02:59,967 A SMALL GROUP OF OUT-OF-TOUCH 105 00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:01,400 OLD PEOPLE IS GOING TO DECIDE 106 00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:03,066 THE FUTURE OF THE ENTIRE 107 00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,467 COUNTRY. 108 00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:05,433 IT'S BASICALLY LIKE IF 109 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,400 GREAT BRITAIN HAD ITS OWN 110 00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:07,567 FLORIDA. 111 00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:09,467 AND NOBODY WANTS THAT. 112 00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:13,367 SO WHO ARE THE CONTENDERS HERE? 113 00:03:13,433 --> 00:03:14,533 WELL, CURRENTLY AND APPALLINGLY, 114 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:15,533 THE LEADING CANDIDATE IS 115 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,133 BORIS JOHNSON, THE MAN WHO 116 00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:19,800 ANSWERS THE QUESTION, "WHAT 117 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:20,367 WOULD KEVIN McCALLISTER HAVE 118 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,600 EVENTUALLY LOOKED LIKE IF HIS 119 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:25,700 PARENTS NEVER CAME HOME?" 120 00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:26,633 JOHNSON IS WIDELY KNOWN, BOTH AT 121 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:28,734 HOME AND ABROAD, FOR A FEW 122 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,300 REASONS, NONE OF THEM GOOD. 123 00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:30,000 BEFORE HE HELPED SELL BREXIT 124 00:03:30,066 --> 00:03:31,567 WITH A SERIES OF LIES, HE SERVED 125 00:03:31,633 --> 00:03:32,800 AS THE MAYOR OF LONDON, WHERE HE 126 00:03:32,867 --> 00:03:33,800 EMBARRASSED HIMSELF THROUGH 127 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:35,333 STUNTS LIKE GETTING STUCK ON A 128 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:36,867 ZIP LINE AND, DURING A VISIT TO 129 00:03:36,934 --> 00:03:38,433 JAPAN, PLAYING RUGBY WITH 130 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:45,734 CHILDREN AND DOING THIS. 131 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,066 [WHISTLE] 132 00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:49,000 WOW. 133 00:03:49,066 --> 00:03:50,567 THERE MAY BE NO MORE APT 134 00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:52,400 METAPHOR FOR MODERN-DAY BRITAIN 135 00:03:52,467 --> 00:03:54,967 THAN AN OVERCONFIDENT OLD MAN 136 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,433 STEAMROLLING A YOUNG PERSON. 137 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:57,433 BUT JOHNSON DOESN'T JUST SEEM 138 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:58,533 LIKE A FUCKING MORON. 139 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,367 HE IS A FUCKING MORON. 140 00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:01,734 DURING HIS TIME AS FOREIGN 141 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,100 SECRETARY, OFFICIALS AND 142 00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:04,266 DIPLOMATS CHARACTERIZED HIM AS 143 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,266 WOEFULLY UNDERPREPARED, MAKING 144 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,467 CRUCIAL MISTAKES, AND BEING -- 145 00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:09,367 AND HERE I'M QUOTING DIRECTLY -- 146 00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:12,600 "A FUCKING MORON." 147 00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:13,767 UNFORTUNATELY FOR BRITAIN 148 00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:15,433 THOUGH, JOHNSON'S OPPONENTS ARE 149 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,433 ALSO TERRIBLE. 150 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:18,400 ONE OF HIS MAIN COMPETITORS IS 151 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,567 THIS MAN, MICHAEL GOVE, CURRENT 152 00:04:19,633 --> 00:04:20,467 ENVIRONMENT SECRETARY AND 153 00:04:20,533 --> 00:04:21,900 SELF-PROFESSED RAP FAN. 154 00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:23,834 ALTHOUGH WHEN A STUDENT ONCE 155 00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:25,233 ASKED HIM TO GIVE A SAMPLE OF 156 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,500 HIS FAVORITE RAP MUSIC, HIS 157 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,700 ANSWER WASN'T GREAT. 158 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:29,567 >> THE FIRST RAP I PROBABLY 159 00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:32,367 HEARD WHEN I WAS YOUNGER WAS -- 160 00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:33,367 WAS ACTUALLY A VANILLA RAP, 161 00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:33,967 WHICH WAS THE WHAM! RAP, YOU 162 00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:35,100 KNOW, WITH ANDREW RIDGELEY AND 163 00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:35,700 GEORGE MICHAEL? 164 00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:36,800 ♪ HEY, EVERYBODY, TAKE A LOOK 165 00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:37,033 AT ME ♪ 166 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:37,800 ♪ I'VE GOT STREET CREDIBILITY ♪ 167 00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:39,166 ♪ I MAY NOT HAVE A JOB, BUT I 168 00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:39,734 HAVE A GOOD TIME ♪ 169 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,533 ♪ WITH THE BOYS I MEET DOWN ON 170 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,900 THE LINE ♪ 171 00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:47,567 >> John: FRESH. 172 00:04:47,633 --> 00:04:48,467 NOW, OBVIOUSLY, MICHAEL GOVE 173 00:04:48,533 --> 00:04:49,500 CAN'T RAP. 174 00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:50,834 YOU COULD TELL THAT BEFORE HE 175 00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:51,700 STARTED DOING IT. 176 00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:52,667 IT'S JUST ONE OF MANY THINGS YOU 177 00:04:52,734 --> 00:04:53,400 CAN TELL ABOUT MICHAEL GOVE 178 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,333 SIMPLY BY LOOKING AT HIM. 179 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,667 HE CAN'T RAP, HE CAN'T DANCE, HE 180 00:04:56,734 --> 00:04:57,533 LIKES WHAM!, HE WEARS BRIEFS, HE 181 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,433 USES A KNIFE AND FORK WHEN 182 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,066 EATING PIZZA, AND HE WOULD BE AN 183 00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:01,500 ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE 184 00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,700 PRIME MINISTER. 185 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,367 NOW, A SCANDAL INVOLVING COCAINE 186 00:05:05,433 --> 00:05:08,467 COULD ACTUALLY TORPEDO GOVE'S 187 00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:09,100 CHANCES TO TOPPLE BORIS JOHNSON. 188 00:05:09,166 --> 00:05:09,700 SO THAT LEAVES IT UP TO ONE OF 189 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,300 THESE OTHER CONTENDERS. 190 00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:12,467 THE PROBLEM IS, THEY'RE ALL 191 00:05:12,533 --> 00:05:14,000 VERY, VERY BAD. 192 00:05:14,066 --> 00:05:15,400 BUT PERHAPS THE MOST REASONABLE 193 00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:16,900 AMONG THIS TERRIBLE BUNCH IS 194 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,066 RORY STEWART, WHO'S ARGUED 195 00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:20,500 AGAINST A HARD, NO-DEAL BREXIT. 196 00:05:20,567 --> 00:05:21,734 BUT STEWART IS FAR FROM AN IDEAL 197 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,934 CANDIDATE HIMSELF. 198 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,400 HE'S VERY ACTIVE ONLINE, POSTING 199 00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:27,233 SOME TRULY F-MINUS SELFIES LIKE 200 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:30,867 THIS ONE. 201 00:05:30,934 --> 00:05:32,967 AND THAT IS A FACE WHOSE SHEER 202 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,266 BRITISHNESS IS PERHAPS BEST 203 00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:37,300 DESCRIBED AS "METASTASIZED." 204 00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:39,300 STEWART HAS NO SHOT AT WINNING, 205 00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:41,233 WHICH MAY BE WHY HE'S TAKEN TO 206 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,266 WANDERING AROUND THE COUNTRY 207 00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:44,100 EQUIPPED WITH TWO THINGS -- AN 208 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,200 iPHONE AND THE DESIRE TO THE 209 00:05:45,266 --> 00:05:48,066 BICKER WITH STRANGERS. 210 00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:49,834 >> HI, I'M IN BOROUGH MARKET 211 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:51,367 TALKING ABOUT ISSUES BEYOND 212 00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:54,266 BREXIT, AND IF YOU WANT TO COME 213 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:54,900 AND HAVE A CONVERSATION ANYTIME 214 00:05:54,967 --> 00:05:55,967 IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS, 215 00:05:56,033 --> 00:05:57,600 COME AND FIND ME HERE. 216 00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:59,700 HELLO, I'M NOW IN WOKING 217 00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:01,100 AND LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING 218 00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:03,500 PEOPLE HERE CURRENTLY IN THE 219 00:06:03,567 --> 00:06:04,934 TOWN SQUARE. 220 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,200 I'M NOW IN BARKING, CONTINUING 221 00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:08,333 THE CONVERSATION THAT WE HAD IN 222 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,433 BOROUGH MARKET. 223 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,300 COME AND MEET ME ANYTIME, 224 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,633 LEWISHAM MARKET, FOR THE NEXT 225 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,667 COUPLE OF HOURS, BYE. 226 00:06:13,734 --> 00:06:15,066 >> John: I'M SORRY TO BREAK THIS 227 00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:15,900 TO YOU, RORY, BUT NO ONE WANTS 228 00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:17,300 TO GO ON A SCAVENGER HUNT 229 00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:18,867 THROUGH RANDOM TOWNS IN ENGLAND 230 00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:20,233 WHERE THE PRIZE IS BEING BORED 231 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:20,834 TO DEATH BY SOMEONE WHO LOOKS 232 00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:22,033 LIKE EDDIE REDMAYNE FUCKED 233 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,900 WILLEM DAFOE IN A 234 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:25,834 "WALLACE AND GROMIT" CARTOON. 235 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,734 NOW, STEWART -- STEWART DOESN'T 236 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,667 JUST INVITE PEOPLE ON HIS WALKS. 237 00:06:29,767 --> 00:06:31,633 HE ALSO POSTS ABOUT THE 238 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,300 AFTERMATH, INCLUDING THIS 239 00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:35,300 PARTICULARLY ODD REPORT. 240 00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:37,266 >> NOW I'M IN BARKING, WHICH 241 00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:38,734 VOTED 62% LEAVE, AND WHAT I'VE 242 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,633 PICKED UP IS THAT THIS ISN'T A 243 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,900 NATION DIVIDED INTO TWO CAMPS. 244 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,133 PEOPLE WANT TO TALK ABOUT A 245 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,300 HUNDRED DIFFERENT ISSUES, FROM 246 00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:47,600 AIR QUALITY TO SOMEBODY WHO JUST 247 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,567 CAME UP TO ME WHO JUST WITNESSED 248 00:06:49,633 --> 00:06:50,934 A MUGGING IN THE STREET. 249 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,233 >> John: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 250 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,000 FIRST OF ALL, WITNESSING A 251 00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:55,066 MUGGING ISN'T AN ISSUE. 252 00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,100 IT'S A DIRECT REQUEST TO PLEASE 253 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,333 CONTACT THE POLICE. 254 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,300 AND SECOND, IT SEEMS COMPLETELY 255 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:00,333 IMPOSSIBLE THAT A MUGGER WOULD 256 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,000 BE ON THE SAME STREET AS 257 00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:03,166 RORY STEWART -- THIS MAN -- AND 258 00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:06,967 CHOOSE TO MUG SOMEONE ELSE. 259 00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:08,166 STILL, AS CRINGE-INDUCING AS 260 00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:09,333 STEWART CAN BE, I WILL SAY THIS 261 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,100 FOR HIM: UNLIKE BORIS JOHNSON, 262 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,100 HE'S RULED OUT A NO-DEAL BREXIT 263 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,967 AND HE'S NEVER STEAMROLLED A 264 00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,500 CHILD IN A MEANINGLESS SPORTING 265 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,300 CONTEST. 266 00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:21,900 OR SO WE THOUGHT. 267 00:07:21,967 --> 00:07:23,000 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A 268 00:07:23,066 --> 00:07:24,166 "NEW YORKER" PROFILE, WHEN HE 269 00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:25,767 WAS IN COLLEGE, RORY STEWART WAS 270 00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,033 PERSONALLY SELECTED BY 271 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:27,567 PRINCE CHARLES TO TUTOR 272 00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:28,667 PRINCES WILLIAM AND HARRY FOR 273 00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:30,367 TWO WEEKS IN THE SUMMER OF 1993. 274 00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:31,433 NOW, WHY AM I BRINGING THIS UP? 275 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,633 WELL, APPARENTLY, A DOCUMENTARY 276 00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,266 CREW WAS THERE AT THE TIME, AND 277 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:35,333 FOOTAGE SHOWS STEWART PLAYING 278 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,834 SOCCER WITH PRINCE HARRY AND 279 00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:38,166 OTHERS, AND, I QUOTE, "STEWART 280 00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:39,600 CAN BE SEEN FORCEFULLY TACKLING 281 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:44,500 A BOY HALF HIS SIZE." 282 00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:46,033 THAT IS INTRIGUING? 283 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,300 NOW, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT? 284 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:52,500 BECAUSE, YES, WE FOUND IT! 285 00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:53,767 AND, LOOK, IGNORE THE VOICEOVER 286 00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:55,233 OF PRINCE CHARLES TALKING HERE. 287 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,734 JUST WATCH WHAT HAPPENS 288 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,667 ONSCREEN. 289 00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:00,200 >> THE PRINCE AND HIS CHILDREN 290 00:08:00,266 --> 00:08:00,967 OFTEN COME HERE WITH FRIENDS OF 291 00:08:01,033 --> 00:08:01,266 THE FAMILY. 292 00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:02,200 >> DO YOU LIKE BEING WITH THE 293 00:08:02,266 --> 00:08:02,700 CHILDREN? 294 00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:03,633 >> OF COURSE I DO. 295 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,533 I DON'T KNOW IF THEY REALLY LIKE 296 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,000 BEING WITH ME. 297 00:08:09,066 --> 00:08:09,633 >> John: OH, MY GOD! 298 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,033 THAT IS ACTUALLY PRINCE WILLIAM 299 00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:11,667 THAT RORY STEWART JUST VICIOUSLY 300 00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:12,567 ATTACKED! 301 00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:13,533 NOW, WE WERE PRETTY PLEASED WITH 302 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,166 OURSELVES FOR FINDING THAT. 303 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,600 UNTIL WE STARTED TO WONDER, THAT 304 00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:21,934 DOESN'T REALLY LOOK LIKE 305 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:22,467 RORY STEWART, DOES IT? 306 00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:23,066 HE'S BLOND THERE. 307 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:23,700 DID HE HAVE LIGHTER HAIR WHEN HE 308 00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:24,900 WAS YOUNGER? 309 00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:25,233 IT'S POSSIBLE. 310 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:25,767 OR IS THAT NOT ACTUALLY 311 00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:26,600 RORY STEWART? 312 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:27,700 AND THIS IS WHERE OUR WEEK GOT 313 00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,200 WEIRD, BECAUSE IF IT WASN'T 314 00:08:29,266 --> 00:08:30,433 RORY, THEN WHY, FOR NINE YEARS 315 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,567 SINCE THE ACCUSATION WAS MADE, 316 00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:34,066 DID HE NOT CORRECT THE RECORD? 317 00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:35,500 WE THOUGHT, "WELL, HOLD ON, 318 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:36,633 MAYBE WE FOUND THE WRONG FALL." 319 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,567 SO WE LOOKED ELSEWHERE IN THE 320 00:08:37,633 --> 00:08:39,266 TAPE, AND THERE'S ACTUALLY TWO 321 00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,667 MORE MOMENTS OF BOY VIOLENCE. 322 00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:41,734 THERE IS THIS MOMENT, BUT THAT'S 323 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,667 JUST A CHILD SLIPPING. 324 00:08:43,734 --> 00:08:45,567 THERE'S CERTAINLY NO "FORCEFUL 325 00:08:45,633 --> 00:08:46,133 TACKLE" ON DISPLAY THERE, SO 326 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,266 THAT CAN'T BE IT. 327 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,533 THEN THERE'S A SECOND, GENUINELY 328 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:49,700 FORCEFUL INCIDENT WHERE IT'S 329 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:51,300 LITTLE PRINCE HARRY ON THE 330 00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:52,200 RECEIVING END OF A HEAVY TACKLE. 331 00:08:52,266 --> 00:09:00,400 >> OH! 332 00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:01,567 >> John: SO THAT IS THE SAME 333 00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:02,467 SOMEWHAT-TOO-BLOND POTENTIAL 334 00:09:02,533 --> 00:09:04,367 RORY WE SAW BEFORE WITH A 335 00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:05,367 BLUE-SWEATERED POTENTIAL RORY 336 00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,233 ALSO IN THE FRAY. 337 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:09,300 SO BLUE-SWEATERED BOY, THAT'S 338 00:09:09,367 --> 00:09:10,567 THE REAL RORY, RIGHT? 339 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:11,967 BUT WAIT, HE LOOKS TOO YOUNG TO 340 00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:13,333 BE IN COLLEGE, DOESN'T HE? 341 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,934 SO IT CAN'T BE HIM. 342 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:15,700 AND AT THIS POINT, WE NOTICED A 343 00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:17,333 THIRD POTENTIAL RORY RIGHT HERE. 344 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,700 WHO'S THAT THERE? 345 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,000 HE CERTAINLY SEEMS THE MOST 346 00:09:21,066 --> 00:09:22,367 RORY-ISH IN THAT HE SEEMS TO BE 347 00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:23,867 WALKING AROUND RANDOMLY AND 348 00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:25,300 NOBODY WANTS HIM THERE. 349 00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:27,166 THAT'S ON BRAND 350 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,367 BUT THERE'S ACTUALLY MORE 351 00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:32,433 EVIDENCE. 352 00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:33,266 BECAUSE "THE NEW YORKER" 353 00:09:33,333 --> 00:09:34,633 DESCRIBED HIM BACK THEN AS "NOT 354 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,000 FULLY ADULT, WITH A LONG NECK 355 00:09:36,066 --> 00:09:36,600 AND A BIG HEAD." 356 00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:37,233 THAT CERTAINLY SQUARES WITH THE 357 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,333 BOBBLE-HEADED PENCIL-NECKED 358 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:38,967 YOUNG TWERP THAT WE SEE HERE. 359 00:09:39,066 --> 00:09:44,233 SO THAT'S HIM, ISN'T IT? 360 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,800 EXCEPT THE PROBLEM IS, HE'S NOT 361 00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:47,500 ACTUALLY IMPLICATED FORCEFULLY 362 00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:50,266 TACKLING ANYWHERE IN THIS VIDEO. 363 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,033 QUITE THE OPPOSITE, IN FACT. 364 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:51,700 A MOMENT LATER, WE SEE HIM VERY 365 00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:52,934 KINDLY WALKING PRINCE HARRY OFF 366 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:53,200 THE FIELD. 367 00:09:53,266 --> 00:09:53,767 WELL, AT THIS POINT, WE FELT 368 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:54,467 CONFIDENT OF TWO THINGS: ONE, 369 00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:55,900 THIS WAS RORY STEWART. 370 00:09:55,967 --> 00:09:57,433 AND TWO, HE'D BEEN FALSELY 371 00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:01,967 ACCUSED OF BOY TACKLING. 372 00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:05,667 BUT -- BUT -- BUT THEN WE 373 00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:07,333 WATCHED THE TAPE ONE MORE TIME, 374 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,567 AND THERE'S A SMALL MOMENT WHEN 375 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:09,200 POTENTIAL RORY THREE IS WALKING 376 00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:11,000 HARRY OFF THE FIELD. 377 00:10:11,066 --> 00:10:11,734 THE GAME IS ABOUT TO RE-START, 378 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:12,367 AND I NEED YOU TO LISTEN CLOSELY 379 00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,133 TO WHAT IS SHOUTED. 380 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,166 >> OI, RORY! 381 00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:19,500 >> John: YOU ALL HEARD THAT. 382 00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:23,033 YOU HEARD THAT. 383 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,467 SOMEONE OFF-CAMERA CLEARLY 384 00:10:24,533 --> 00:10:25,100 SHOUTED, "ALL RIGHT, RORY." 385 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:25,867 NOW, YOU ASSUME THAT'S ADDRESSED 386 00:10:25,967 --> 00:10:26,834 TO THE PERSON HOLDING THE BALL. 387 00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:27,734 "ALL RIGHT, RORY, LET PLAY 388 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,000 CONTINUE." 389 00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:30,033 BUT THE PERSON HOLDING THE BALL 390 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,633 IS THE TOO-BLOND POTENTIAL RORY 391 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:33,433 THAT WE DISCOUNTED EARLIER. 392 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,467 SO IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG! 393 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:35,266 RORY STEWART DID DEMOLISH THE 394 00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,867 HEIR TO THE THRONE! 395 00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:38,767 AT THIS POINT, OUR STAFF WAS 396 00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:42,066 DIVIDED THOUGH, AND WE OBSESSED 397 00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:42,800 OVER THIS TAPE LIKE IT WAS THE 398 00:10:42,867 --> 00:10:44,400 FUCKING ZAPRUDER FILM. 399 00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:45,600 SOME OF US HERE SUBSCRIBED TO 400 00:10:45,667 --> 00:10:46,200 WHAT'S BEING CALLED THE 401 00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,467 "SECOND RORY THEORY." 402 00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,233 IT'S COMPLICATED, AND WE DON'T 403 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,633 HAVE TIME TO GET INTO 404 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:51,567 EVERYTHING, BUT BASICALLY, WE 405 00:10:51,633 --> 00:10:55,934 THINK THERE'S A SECOND RORY. 406 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,300 AND THEN, ON OUR UMPTEENTH 407 00:10:57,367 --> 00:10:58,333 VIEWING OF THIS TAPE, WE NOTICED 408 00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,533 SOMETHING NEW. 409 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,633 WE'D ALL BEEN LOOKING AT THE BOY 410 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,100 HOLDING THE BALL. 411 00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:03,834 BUT JUST WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 412 00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,967 NON-VIOLENT POTENTIAL RORY THREE 413 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,166 IS WALKING HARRY OFF THE FIELD. 414 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:08,533 WATCH HOW HE REACTS TO THAT 415 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,166 SHOUT OF, "ALL RIGHT, RORY." 416 00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:11,567 I'M GOING TO ZOOM IN AND PLAY 417 00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:12,967 THIS AT HALF-SPEED SO YOU CAN 418 00:11:13,033 --> 00:11:15,000 SEE WHAT HAPPENS. 419 00:11:15,066 --> 00:11:16,400 >> OI, RORY! 420 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,700 >> John: HE TURNED AROUND! 421 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:18,667 HE TURNED AROUND LIKE THE 422 00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:20,333 FUCKING RORY HE IS! 423 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,100 WATCH HIM! 424 00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:21,767 WATCH HIM! 425 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:22,934 BACK AND TO THE LEFT! 426 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:23,567 BACK AND TO THE LEFT! 427 00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:24,834 BACK AND TO THE LEFT! 428 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,066 WE GOT YOU! 429 00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:26,867 WE GOT YOU SO GOOD! 430 00:11:26,934 --> 00:11:28,133 THAT IS THE REAL RORY! 431 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:31,867 HE DIDN'T TACKLE ANYONE! 432 00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:33,300 HE IS INNOCENT OF BOY-BASHING! 433 00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,867 AND YET HE'S LET THIS ALLEGATION 434 00:11:34,934 --> 00:11:36,500 HANG OVER HIM FOR NINE YEARS. 435 00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:39,100 SO WHY? 436 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,000 AND THIS ACTUALLY BRINGS US BACK 437 00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,700 TO THE BATTLE TO BECOME THE NEXT 438 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,734 PRIME MINISTER OF BRITAIN. 439 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:45,600 MY GUESS IS RORY KNOWS THE KEY 440 00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,333 QUALIFICATION TO BE BRITISH 441 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:48,100 PRIME MINISTER IS ACTUALLY TO BE 442 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,133 VERY, VERY WEIRD AROUND 443 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,433 CHILDREN. 444 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,867 BECAUSE THEY'VE ALL DONE IT. 445 00:11:51,934 --> 00:11:53,133 HERE'S THERESA MAY SCOWLING AT A 446 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,166 CHILD. 447 00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:56,233 HERE'S GORDON BROWN MAKING A 448 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,533 LITTLE GIRL CRY. 449 00:11:58,600 --> 00:11:59,767 AND HERE'S DAVID CAMERON 450 00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:01,133 ANESTHETIZING A SCHOOLGIRL WITH 451 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,667 HIS PERSONALITY. 452 00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:04,967 NOW, WE'VE ALREADY SEEN BORIS 453 00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:06,333 AND WHAM!'S BIGGEST FAN, 454 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,934 MICHAEL GOVE, CLEAR THIS BAR. 455 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,200 COULD IT BE THAT RORY STEWART 456 00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:12,033 WAS HAPPY TO LET PEOPLE THINK HE 457 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:12,867 WAS TERRIBLE AROUND CHILDREN, 458 00:12:12,934 --> 00:12:13,867 WHEN, IN FACT, HIS BEHAVIOR IS 459 00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,900 DISQUALIFYINGLY NORMAL? 460 00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:17,233 LISTEN, THE BRITISH PEOPLE 461 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:20,400 DESERVE ANSWERS HERE. 462 00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:21,767 NOW, LUCKILY, RORY STEWART, FOR 463 00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:22,633 SOME REASON, LIKES ADVERTISING 464 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,166 WHEREVER HE IS AND ASKING PEOPLE 465 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,000 TO COME QUESTION HIM. 466 00:12:26,066 --> 00:12:27,834 SO TO THE PEOPLE OF BRITAIN 467 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,200 I SAY THIS: THE NEXT TIME HE 468 00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:30,200 POPS UP IN BASINGSTOKE 469 00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,700 FARMER'S MARKET OR WHEREVER 470 00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:33,033 REQUESTING A DEBATE, IT IS YOUR 471 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,300 RIGHT -- NAY, YOUR PATRIOTIC 472 00:12:34,367 --> 00:12:35,667 DUTY -- TO TURN UP AND ASK HIM, 473 00:12:35,734 --> 00:12:39,867 "WHICH FUCKING RORY ARE YOU?" 474 00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:43,467 TALL, BLOND RORY? 475 00:12:43,533 --> 00:12:44,033 YOUNG, BLUE-SWEATERED RORY? 476 00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:45,133 OR THE RORY TOO COWARDLY TO KICK 477 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,867 PRINCE HARRY IN THE HEAD? 478 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,367 CONSIDER THIS A RORY ELECTION. 479 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:51,367 IT'S LIKE A TORY ELECTION, ONLY 480 00:12:51,433 --> 00:12:52,166 LESS STUPID, BECAUSE AT LEAST IN 481 00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:53,800 THIS ONE, THERE IS ZERO CHANCE 482 00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:55,333 OF BORIS FUCKING JOHNSON 483 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,800 WINNING. 484 00:12:59,867 --> 00:13:00,567 AND NOW THIS. 485 00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:01,767 >> Announcer: AND NOW, 486 00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:02,734 GORDON RAMSAY WANTS TO FUCK HIS 487 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:08,500 FOOD. 488 00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:12,900 >> THE MORE EFFORT, PASSION, AND 489 00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:13,767 LOVE YOU SHOW THE HAM NOW, THE 490 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:14,934 RESULTS ARE TENFOLD. 491 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,567 TAKE HANDFULS OF SALT, AND 492 00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:18,433 JUST SORT OF RUB IT IN. 493 00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:22,233 BEND IT OVER THOSE CRACKS, A 494 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,900 NICE, BIG DOLLOP IN THE MIDDLE. 495 00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:27,867 DON'T BE STINGY. 496 00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:31,266 DON'T BE TIGHT WITH THE CREAM. 497 00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:32,300 GET YOUR FINGERS IN THERE. 498 00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:32,767 THREE-FINGER RULE. 499 00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:33,500 ONE FINGER IN FRONT, TWO BEHIND. 500 00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:35,033 SLIDE RIGHT IN THERE, LONG 501 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:35,734 STROKES OF THE KNIFE. 502 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:36,934 TAKE YOUR TIME. 503 00:13:36,967 --> 00:13:37,900 TURN IT 180. 504 00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:39,500 MMM. 505 00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:42,166 NICE. 506 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:43,867 MMM. 507 00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:46,200 INCREDIBLE. 508 00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,800 MMM. 509 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:49,066 OOH. 510 00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:51,033 GOD. 511 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,000 GENTLY. 512 00:13:52,066 --> 00:13:53,633 GENTLY, GENTLY, GENTLY. 513 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,834 THIS IS THE BIT I'VE BEEN 514 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:57,166 WAITING FOR. 515 00:13:57,233 --> 00:13:58,800 OH, WOW. 516 00:13:58,867 --> 00:14:00,600 MY GOD. 517 00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,667 I'M IN HEAVEN. 518 00:14:02,734 --> 00:14:04,533 ♪ ♪ 519 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,100 >> MOVING ON. 520 00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:08,333 OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS 521 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,734 WOMEN. 522 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:10,967 JUDGING FROM BATHROOM SIGNS, 523 00:14:11,033 --> 00:14:12,133 BASICALLY MEN WHO'VE SWALLOWED A 524 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,700 TRAPEZOID. 525 00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:15,066 IT'S BEEN AN ESPECIALLY ROUGH 526 00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:16,333 FEW YEARS IN AMERICA FOR WOMEN, 527 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,667 FROM ABORTION BANS TO THE 528 00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,133 CONFIRMATION OF A SUPREME COURT 529 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,133 JUSTICE WITH RESTING BEER FACE 530 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,266 TO THE ELECTION OF A PRESIDENT 531 00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:23,400 WHO THINKS OF THEIR GENITALS AS 532 00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:25,066 HANDLES. 533 00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:26,567 ALTHOUGH, TO BE FAIR, TO BALANCE 534 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:27,900 IT ALL OUT, WOMEN DID ALSO GET 535 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,800 THIS. 536 00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:31,433 >> YOU ARE NOT SEEING THINGS. 537 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,867 McDONALD'S ICONIC GOLDEN ARCHES 538 00:14:33,934 --> 00:14:35,333 HAVE BEEN FLIPPED UPSIDE DOWN 539 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,233 AND TURNED INTO A "W" FOR WOMEN. 540 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,433 >> John: OH, NICE GOING, 541 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,667 WcDONALDS. 542 00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:43,767 AND REALLY, WHY DID YOU STOP 543 00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:45,467 THERE? 544 00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:46,800 THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE SO 545 00:14:46,867 --> 00:14:47,300 VERSATILE, AREN'T THEY? 546 00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:47,967 YES, YOU CAN FLIP THEM UPSIDE 547 00:14:48,033 --> 00:14:49,266 DOWN FOR "WOMEN," BUT YOU CAN 548 00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:52,367 ALSO TURN THEM ON THEIR SIDE FOR 549 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,567 "EUNUCHS" AND TURN THEM ON 550 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,333 THEIR OTHER SIDE INTO A "3" FOR 551 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,033 THE ACTUAL NUMBER OF RATS YOU 552 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,400 NEED TO MAKE ONE McRIB. 553 00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:57,967 NOW, I'M NOT SAYING RATS ARE 554 00:14:58,033 --> 00:15:03,700 "IN" THE McRIB. 555 00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:05,133 I'M SAYING THEY MAKE THEM. 556 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:05,934 IT'S DISGUSTING BUT IN A 557 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,066 DIFFERENT WAY. 558 00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,000 THIS WEEK SAW A HISTORIC 559 00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:08,834 MILESTONE BECAUSE TUESDAY MARKED 560 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,233 THE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF 561 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,734 CONGRESS PASSING THE 562 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,734 19TH AMENDMENT, WHICH ENSHRINED 563 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:14,633 IN THE CONSTITUTION WOMEN'S 564 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,100 RIGHT TO VOTE, WHICH IS BOTH A 565 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,000 LONG TIME, AND, WHEN YOU THINK 566 00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:17,967 ABOUT IT, NOT NEARLY LONG 567 00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:19,700 ENOUGH. 568 00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:20,734 IN AN IDEAL WORLD, WOMEN 569 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:21,300 WOULD'VE BEEN GUARANTEED THE 570 00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:21,900 RIGHT TO VOTE FOR A LOT LONGER 571 00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:22,433 THAN KIRK DOUGLAS HAS BEEN 572 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:22,700 BREATHING. 573 00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:23,333 BUT TONIGHT I WANT TO FOCUS ON A 574 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:23,934 MILESTONE FOR GENDER EQUALITY 575 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:24,433 THAT WE HAVEN'T ACTUALLY 576 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:25,033 ACHIEVED YET: THE EQUAL RIGHTS 577 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:25,300 AMENDMENT. 578 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:25,934 IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN UNDER 579 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:26,467 CONSIDERATION FOR A WHILE. 580 00:15:26,533 --> 00:15:26,934 >> THE STRUGGLE FOR AN 581 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:27,533 EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TRACES 582 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,133 BACK TO 1923 WHEN FEMINIST 583 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:38,066 >> THE STRUGGLE FOR AN 584 00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:39,767 EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TRACES 585 00:15:39,834 --> 00:15:40,700 BACK TO 1923 WHEN FEMINIST 586 00:15:40,767 --> 00:15:41,867 ALICE PAUL WROTE THE WORDS THAT 587 00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:43,800 BECAME E.R.A. 588 00:15:43,867 --> 00:15:45,000 >> "EQUALITY OF RIGHTS UNDER THE 589 00:15:45,066 --> 00:15:46,667 LAW SHALL NOT BE DENIED OR 590 00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:48,867 ABRIDGED BY THE UNITED STATES OR 591 00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:53,500 ANY STATE ON ACCOUNT OF SEX." 592 00:15:53,567 --> 00:15:55,300 >> John: THAT'S BASICALLY IT. 593 00:15:55,367 --> 00:15:56,767 THE CORE OF THE EQUAL RIGHTS 594 00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:59,200 AMENDMENT IS JUST 24 WORDS LONG, 595 00:15:59,266 --> 00:16:00,934 AND THE IDEA BEHIND IT IS 596 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,367 BROADLY POPULAR. 597 00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:03,667 IN FACT, ACCORDING TO ADVOCATES, 598 00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:04,767 80% OF US THINK IT'S ALREADY IN 599 00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,500 THE CONSTITUTION. 600 00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:08,000 IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT'S 601 00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:08,633 SO OBVIOUS, YOU ASSUME WE 602 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:09,600 ALREADY HAVE IT. 603 00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:11,300 IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU SEE 604 00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:12,433 BAKING SODA AT THE STORE. 605 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:13,133 YOU THINK, "I DON'T NEED TO BUY 606 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,066 BAKING SODA. 607 00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:15,433 I DEFINITELY ALREADY HAVE 608 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:16,533 BAKING SODA. 609 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,500 IT'S A STAPLE." 610 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,734 AND THEN YOU GET HOME AND YOU'RE 611 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:20,367 BAKING A CAKE, AND YOU REACH IN 612 00:16:20,433 --> 00:16:21,367 THE CUPBOARD FOR BAKING SODA, 613 00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:22,533 AND YOU REALIZE, "FUCK, WOMEN 614 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,000 STILL AREN'T GUARANTEED EQUAL 615 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,767 RIGHTS UNDER THE CONSTITUTION." 616 00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:26,734 AND THERE WAS ACTUALLY A TIME 617 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:27,734 WHEN THE E.R.A. HAD A LOT OF 618 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,000 MOMENTUM. 619 00:16:29,066 --> 00:16:30,033 IT SAILED THROUGH CONGRESS IN 620 00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:32,000 1972 WITH 84 SENATORS VOTING FOR 621 00:16:32,066 --> 00:16:33,834 IT, DESPITE A FEW OF THEIR 622 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:36,367 COLLEAGUES' OBJECTIONS. 623 00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:37,367 >> MALE OPPONENTS IN THE SENATE 624 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:40,633 CALLED IT THE "UNISEX 625 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:40,934 AMENDMENT." 626 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,667 THEY SAID IT WOULD DESTROY 627 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,600 TRADITIONAL MAN-WOMAN 628 00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:44,367 RELATIONSHIPS. 629 00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:45,767 THE SENATE WASN'T SWAYED AND 630 00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:46,867 TONIGHT, AFTER A 49-YEAR 631 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,533 STRUGGLE, A CONSTITUTIONAL 632 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,934 AMENDMENT APPEARS ON THE WAY 633 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,233 PROCLAIMING ONCE AND FOR ALL 634 00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:53,333 THAT WOMEN HAVE ALL THE SAME 635 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,967 RIGHTS AS THAT OTHER SEX. 636 00:16:58,033 --> 00:16:59,800 >> John: WAIT, "THAT OTHER SEX." 637 00:16:59,867 --> 00:17:01,567 THAT SOUNDS LIKE WHAT YOU SAY 638 00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:02,166 WHEN YOU'VE SOMEHOW FORGOTTEN 639 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:03,834 THE WORD "MEN." 640 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,433 "WOMEN HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS 641 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,133 AS -- WHAT ARE THEY CALLED? 642 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,100 SWOLLEN BOYS? 643 00:17:09,166 --> 00:17:09,667 TWO-LEGGED HORSES WITH JOBS? 644 00:17:09,734 --> 00:17:10,734 SHAVED BEARS WHO FART? 645 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,834 SOMEONE HELP ME HERE, PLEASE." 646 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,800 HAVING PASSED THE HOUSE AND THE 647 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,066 SENATE, THE ONLY REMAINING 648 00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:17,200 OBSTACLE WAS FOR 38 STATES TO 649 00:17:17,266 --> 00:17:18,767 RATIFY IT. 650 00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:19,667 AND THAT IS WHERE THE HOLDUP HAS 651 00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,000 BEEN. 652 00:17:21,066 --> 00:17:22,100 WE NEVER QUITE CROSSED THAT 653 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:23,667 THRESHOLD, ALTHOUGH WE ARE 654 00:17:23,734 --> 00:17:24,734 TANTALIZINGLY CLOSE. 655 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,967 37 STATES HAVE RATIFIED IT OVER 656 00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:29,367 THE YEARS, SO WE'RE JUST ONE 657 00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:30,000 AWAY. 658 00:17:30,066 --> 00:17:31,767 AND IF YOU LIVE IN ONE OF THE 659 00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:32,934 STATES THAT'S HOLDING OUT, THAT 660 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:33,600 CAN BE PRETTY DISPIRITING, AS 661 00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:34,734 THESE FLORIDA RESIDENTS FOUND 662 00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,600 OUT. 663 00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:37,700 >> FLORIDA IS ONE OF THE 664 00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,233 HOLDOUTS. 665 00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,800 >> OH, MY GOD. 666 00:17:40,867 --> 00:17:41,600 >> WHY? 667 00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:44,033 >> I'M SO TIRED OF LIVING HERE. 668 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,166 >> John: YEAH, OF COURSE YOU 669 00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:47,433 ARE. 670 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:53,633 OF COURSE YOU ARE. 671 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,033 OF COURSE YOU'RE TIRED OF LIVING 672 00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:55,767 IN FLORIDA. 673 00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:56,500 NOTHING MAKES SENSE THERE. 674 00:17:56,567 --> 00:17:57,667 THE LAWS, THE ALLIGATORS, NOT 675 00:17:57,734 --> 00:17:58,066 EVEN THE WEATHER. 676 00:17:58,133 --> 00:17:59,166 EVERYONE IN THAT CLIP IS DRESSED 677 00:17:59,233 --> 00:17:59,934 FOR AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT 678 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,433 SEASON. 679 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:00,900 "MID-MAY." 680 00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:01,667 "LATE OCTOBER." 681 00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:04,633 AND "SEPTEMBER 13TH, 1992." 682 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:05,667 THE FACT IS THOUGH, WE'VE NEVER 683 00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:06,834 BEEN CLOSER TO THE E.R.A. BEING 684 00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:09,166 ENSHRINED IN OUR CONSTITUTION, 685 00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:10,367 AND JUST SIX WEEKS AGO, THERE 686 00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:11,934 WERE EVEN HEARINGS IN CONGRESS 687 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,367 ON THIS VERY SUBJECT. 688 00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:14,633 SO TONIGHT, WE THOUGHT IT MIGHT 689 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,233 BE A GOOD TIME TO ASK WHY HAS IT 690 00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,800 TAKEN SO LONG TO PASS THE 691 00:18:17,867 --> 00:18:18,667 E.R.A., WHAT WOULD IT MEAN IF WE 692 00:18:18,734 --> 00:18:19,900 DID, AND HOW CAN WE FINALLY GET 693 00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:21,133 IT DONE? 694 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:21,800 AND LET'S START FROM THE 695 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,367 BEGINNING. 696 00:18:23,433 --> 00:18:24,367 WHEN CONGRESS PASSED THE E.R.A., 697 00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:25,600 MANY SAW IT AS PART OF AN 698 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:27,100 OVERALL MOVEMENT TOWARD JUSTICE, 699 00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:28,200 AS ONE SUPPORTER EXPRESSED 700 00:18:28,266 --> 00:18:29,367 AT THE TIME, ALBEIT IN 701 00:18:29,433 --> 00:18:32,400 LESS-THAN-IDEAL TERMS. 702 00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:33,633 >> THIS IS EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL 703 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,767 PEOPLE OF EVERY SEX, EVERY 704 00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,533 COLOR, EVERY RACE. 705 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,667 I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE HOMOS OR 706 00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,433 WHAT. 707 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,967 >> John: WOW, THAT SPEECH WAS A 708 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,934 REAL ROLLERCOASTER. 709 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,400 SO INSPIRATIONAL, ONLY TO FALL 710 00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,633 AT THE LAST SECOND THERE. 711 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:49,800 IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF 712 00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:50,934 MARTIN LUTHER KING ARGUING 713 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,133 CHILDREN SHOULD BE JUDGED NOT BY 714 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,600 THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN, BUT BY 715 00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:54,233 THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER, 716 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,800 EVEN THE DIRTY CATHOLICS. 717 00:18:56,867 --> 00:18:58,100 OH, DR. KING. 718 00:18:58,166 --> 00:18:59,266 YOU REALLY COULD'VE DONE WITHOUT 719 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:02,800 THAT LAST BIT. 720 00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:04,066 THE E.R.A. WAS PASSED WITH A 721 00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:05,266 DEADLINE OF 1979 TO GET THE 722 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,800 38 STATES NEEDED. 723 00:19:07,867 --> 00:19:08,600 AND THAT INITIALLY SEEMED LIKE 724 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:11,300 THAT WAS GOING TO BE NO PROBLEM. 725 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,834 IT WAS ENDORSED BY DEMOCRATS AND 726 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:13,667 REPUBLICANS, INCLUDING 727 00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:15,200 PRESIDENT NIXON, AND WITHIN A 728 00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:17,433 YEAR, 30 STATES HAD RATIFIED IT. 729 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:18,700 HAWAII DID SO JUST 32 MINUTES 730 00:19:18,767 --> 00:19:21,033 AFTER CONGRESS APPROVED IT. 731 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:23,467 THAT'S UNBELIEVABLY FAST, 732 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:28,266 CONSIDERING THAT, ACCORDING TO 733 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,400 WholePigRoast.com, IT CAN TAKE 734 00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:30,500 HAWAIIANS 12 HOURS JUST TO ROAST 735 00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:38,066 A PIG. 736 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:38,633 WHICH IS, IN AND OF ITSELF, 737 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:39,200 RIDICULOUS. 738 00:19:39,266 --> 00:19:39,867 I CAN ROAST A PIG IN FOUR 739 00:19:39,934 --> 00:19:40,433 SECONDS. 740 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,433 I'LL SHOW YOU. 741 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:41,800 HEY, PIG. 742 00:19:41,867 --> 00:19:42,633 YOUR MOM FUCKS PIGS. 743 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:43,300 PUT AN APPLE IN YOUR MOUTH, 744 00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:44,100 YOU'VE BEEN ROASTED! 745 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:44,834 >> ROASTED! 746 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:45,734 >> John: I'VE ROASTED YOU. 747 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,500 YOU STUPID PIG. 748 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:48,834 BUT ALL THAT MOMENTUM CAME TO A 749 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:50,333 CRUSHING HALT, WHICH MANY 750 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,700 HISTORIANS CREDIT TO JUST ONE 751 00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:54,934 WOMAN, PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY. 752 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:55,533 IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF HER, 753 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,867 CONGRATULATIONS. 754 00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:00,266 BUT SHE FOUNDED A GROUP CALLED 755 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,266 "STOP E.R.A.," AND SHE WAS ALL 756 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,700 OVER THE MEDIA IN THE '70s, 757 00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:04,467 SPREADING FEAR ABOUT THE E.R.A. 758 00:20:04,533 --> 00:20:05,734 SOME OF WHAT SHE ARGUED IT 759 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,600 WOULD DO -- LIKE LEAD TO WOMEN 760 00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:08,400 BEING INCLUDED IN THE 761 00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:11,066 MILITARY DRAFT -- WAS POSSIBLE. 762 00:20:11,133 --> 00:20:12,300 BUT A LOT WAS BULLSHIT, LIKE 763 00:20:12,367 --> 00:20:13,400 CLAIMING IT WOULD OUTLAW 764 00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:14,567 SEX-SEGREGATED BATHROOMS. 765 00:20:14,633 --> 00:20:15,767 AND THEN THERE WAS THIS 766 00:20:15,834 --> 00:20:17,900 NONSENSE. 767 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,033 >> UNDER OUR SYSTEM IN CASE OF 768 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:21,467 THE BREAKUP OF MARRIAGE, THE 769 00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:22,100 MOTHER GETS HER CHILDREN IN MOST 770 00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:23,767 CASES. 771 00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:25,400 NOW, WHO WANTS TO TRADE THAT IN 772 00:20:25,467 --> 00:20:27,033 FOR A SO-CALLED EQUALITY WHEREBY 773 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,300 EACH PARENT GETS ONE CHILD? 774 00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:30,133 >> WELL, I DON'T THINK THE 775 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,133 EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT SAYS THAT 776 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,000 IN EACH -- 777 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:33,800 >> OH, OH, YES. 778 00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:35,433 >> IN CASE OF A DIVORCE, EACH 779 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:35,900 PARENT GETS ONE CHILD? 780 00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:37,066 >> IT -- IT SAYS THAT YOU'VE GOT 781 00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:37,667 TO INTERPRET THINGS ABSOLUTELY 782 00:20:37,734 --> 00:20:38,166 EQUALLY. 783 00:20:38,233 --> 00:20:40,133 >> John: "THAT'S RIGHT. 784 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,000 THAT'S RIGHT. 785 00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:41,900 NOW, IF ONE OF THE CHILDREN'S 786 00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:43,133 BETTER THAN THE OTHER ONE, THE 787 00:20:43,233 --> 00:20:43,867 EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT SAYS YOU 788 00:20:43,934 --> 00:20:44,500 HAVE TO CUT OFF A LITTLE BIT OF 789 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,166 THE FIRST ONE AND GIVE IT TO THE 790 00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:47,834 SECOND ONE. 791 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:52,000 'CAUSE EVERYTHING'S GOT TO BE 792 00:20:52,066 --> 00:20:52,600 EXACTLY EQUAL FROM NOW ON. 793 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:53,400 SO YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE YOUR SON 794 00:20:53,467 --> 00:20:54,100 HIS SISTER'S BIG TOE. 795 00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:54,667 THE E.R.A. SAYS THAT. 796 00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:55,533 THAT'S A FACT." 797 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:56,767 NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THAT IS NOT WHAT 798 00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:57,533 EQUAL RIGHTS MEANS. 799 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,700 IT'S NOT THAT EVERYTHING HAS TO 800 00:20:58,767 --> 00:20:59,834 END UP EXACTLY EQUAL, IT'S JUST 801 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:01,533 THE LAW CANNOT DISADVANTAGE YOU 802 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,834 BASED ON GENDER. 803 00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:04,166 BUT THAT DIDN'T MATTER TO 804 00:21:04,233 --> 00:21:05,600 SCHLAFLY. 805 00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:06,800 SHE WAS BASICALLY A PRE-INTERNET 806 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:08,367 INTERNET TROLL, GLEEFULLY 807 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,600 GREETING AUDIENCES WITH LINES 808 00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,700 LIKE THIS. 809 00:21:11,767 --> 00:21:13,433 >> I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY 810 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:14,367 HUSBAND, FRED, FOR LETTING ME 811 00:21:14,433 --> 00:21:16,367 COME TODAY. 812 00:21:16,433 --> 00:21:17,867 I LOVE TO SAY THAT, BECAUSE IT 813 00:21:17,934 --> 00:21:19,734 IRRITATES THE WOMEN'S LIBBERS 814 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,567 MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT I SAY. 815 00:21:22,633 --> 00:21:24,300 >> John: OKAY, THAT THANK YOU TO 816 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,233 FRED IS ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY FOR 817 00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:26,567 TWO REASONS: ONE, WIVES ARE NOT 818 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,066 PROPERTY OF THEIR HUSBANDS, AND 819 00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:29,367 TWO, I'M NOT SURE HOW BIG A 820 00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:30,467 SACRIFICE IT WAS FOR FRED TO 821 00:21:30,533 --> 00:21:33,767 SPEND A FEW HOURS NOT HANGING 822 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:36,367 OUT WITH PHYLLIS SCHLAFLY. 823 00:21:36,433 --> 00:21:38,400 IF I HAD TO GUESS, FRED WAS 824 00:21:38,467 --> 00:21:39,934 ABSOLUTELY OKAY WITH PHYLLIS 825 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:40,567 GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR THE 826 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:41,266 DAY. 827 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:42,767 THE NIGHT, EVEN. 828 00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:43,767 I MEAN, WHERE'S THIS RALLY? 829 00:21:43,834 --> 00:21:44,867 IF IT'S MORE THAN TEN MINUTES 830 00:21:44,934 --> 00:21:45,700 AWAY, MIGHT MAKE SENSE TO JUST 831 00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:46,900 STAY OVER. 832 00:21:46,967 --> 00:21:48,400 AND IF IT'S ANY LATER IN THE 833 00:21:48,467 --> 00:21:49,633 WEEK THAN, SAY, WEDNESDAY, AT 834 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:50,800 THAT POINT, JUST STAY THE 835 00:21:50,867 --> 00:21:52,033 WEEKEND, PHYLLIS. 836 00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:53,100 NO THANK-YOU NECESSARY. 837 00:21:53,166 --> 00:21:53,867 DON'T EVEN MENTION IT, OR 838 00:21:53,934 --> 00:21:55,367 ANYTHING ELSE, TO FRED EVER 839 00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:57,700 AGAIN. 840 00:21:57,767 --> 00:21:59,033 SCHLAFLY BECAME A MAJOR PLAYER 841 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:00,433 IN THE RISE OF THE RELIGIOUS 842 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,734 RIGHT, RALLYING CONSERVATIVES TO 843 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,233 OPPOSE THE E.R.A. 844 00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:04,066 AND ONE OF THE MOST GALVANIZING 845 00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:05,767 TENTPOLES OF THEIR ARGUMENT WAS 846 00:22:05,834 --> 00:22:07,500 THAT THE E.R.A. WOULD EXPAND 847 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:08,800 ACCESS TO ABORTION. 848 00:22:08,867 --> 00:22:10,266 IN FACT, WHEN THREE FIRST LADIES 849 00:22:10,333 --> 00:22:12,100 CAME TOGETHER AT A PRO-E.R.A. 850 00:22:12,166 --> 00:22:15,266 WOMEN'S CONFERENCE, SCHLAFLY 851 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:15,800 ORGANIZED A PROTEST RALLY 852 00:22:15,867 --> 00:22:17,100 FEATURING THIS FEROCIOUS SPEECH 853 00:22:17,166 --> 00:22:19,834 FROM A REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN. 854 00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,734 >> AND THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF 855 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,867 ALL WAS TO SEE THREE FORMER 856 00:22:23,934 --> 00:22:26,600 FIRST LADIES OF THIS NATION 857 00:22:26,667 --> 00:22:29,133 APPROVING OF SEXUAL PERVERSION 858 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,300 AND THE MURDER OF YOUNG PEOPLE 859 00:22:30,367 --> 00:22:32,633 IN THEIR MOTHERS' WOMBS. 860 00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,500 WHAT A DISGRACE! 861 00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:35,934 >> John: OKAY, SO THAT WAS A 862 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,567 LOT. 863 00:22:38,633 --> 00:22:40,633 AND FIRST, THE E.R.A. DOESN'T 864 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:42,800 SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ABORTION OR 865 00:22:42,867 --> 00:22:43,967 ANY OTHER POLICY. 866 00:22:44,033 --> 00:22:44,834 ALL IT SAYS IS THAT MEN AND 867 00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:46,100 WOMEN HAVE TO BE TREATED EQUALLY 868 00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:47,166 UNDER THE LAW. 869 00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:48,000 AND SECOND, IF YOUR VIEW ON 870 00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:49,633 ABORTION REQUIRES THAT MEN AND 871 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:51,567 WOMEN NOT BE EXPLICITLY EQUAL, 872 00:22:51,633 --> 00:22:52,800 YOU MAY WANT TO RETHINK YOUR 873 00:22:52,867 --> 00:22:54,166 VIEW ON ABORTION. 874 00:22:54,233 --> 00:22:56,500 IF SOMEONE STOOD UP AT A 875 00:22:56,567 --> 00:22:58,066 CITY COUNCIL MEETING AND SAID, 876 00:22:58,133 --> 00:22:58,700 "PASSING THIS LAW AGAINST ANIMAL 877 00:22:58,767 --> 00:23:00,133 TORTURE WOULD MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE 878 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:00,934 TO RUN MY PIZZA PARLOR," 879 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,200 THEN HOLY SHIT, THEIR PIZZA 880 00:23:03,266 --> 00:23:05,567 PARLOR NEVER SHOULD HAVE EXISTED 881 00:23:05,633 --> 00:23:09,100 IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE. 882 00:23:09,166 --> 00:23:10,333 AND YET THANKS TO ARGUMENTS LIKE 883 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,166 THOSE, THE E.R.A. HAD BECOME SO 884 00:23:12,233 --> 00:23:14,266 TOXIC THAT BY THE 1979 DEADLINE 885 00:23:14,333 --> 00:23:17,166 ONLY 35 STATES HAD RATIFIED IT. 886 00:23:17,233 --> 00:23:18,600 AND EVEN THOUGH CONGRESS THEN 887 00:23:18,667 --> 00:23:19,800 EXTENDED THE DEADLINE BY THREE 888 00:23:19,867 --> 00:23:21,767 YEARS, NOT A SINGLE ADDITIONAL 889 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:22,567 STATE SIGNED ON. 890 00:23:22,633 --> 00:23:23,700 AND LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THERE 891 00:23:23,767 --> 00:23:25,567 ARE NOT LAWS ON THE BOOKS 892 00:23:25,633 --> 00:23:26,667 OUTLAWING GENDER DISCRIMINATION. 893 00:23:26,734 --> 00:23:28,133 THERE ARE. 894 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,834 AND IF YOU'RE THEN WONDERING, 895 00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:33,400 "WELL, HOLD ON, IF THAT'S THE 896 00:23:33,467 --> 00:23:34,066 CASE, WHY DO WE STILL NEED THE 897 00:23:34,133 --> 00:23:34,633 E.R.A.?" 898 00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:35,834 IT'S BECAUSE LAWS CAN BE ROLLED 899 00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:36,333 BACK BY A SIMPLE ACT OF 900 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,567 CONGRESS, AND POLICY GUIDELINES 901 00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:38,166 CAN GO AWAY BASED ON WHO'S IN 902 00:23:38,233 --> 00:23:39,300 CHARGE. 903 00:23:39,367 --> 00:23:41,433 THAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. 904 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:42,867 CONGRESS RECENTLY LET THE 905 00:23:42,934 --> 00:23:44,200 VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT 906 00:23:44,266 --> 00:23:45,500 EXPIRE, AND THE TRUMP 907 00:23:45,567 --> 00:23:47,400 ADMINISTRATION HAS RESCINDED 908 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,200 MORE THAN 20 POLICY GUIDELINES 909 00:23:49,266 --> 00:23:50,166 ON TITLE IX ANTI-DISCRIMINATION 910 00:23:50,233 --> 00:23:51,500 LAWS. 911 00:23:51,567 --> 00:23:52,967 A CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT LIKE 912 00:23:53,033 --> 00:23:54,633 THE E.R.A. IS MORE STABLE 913 00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:56,133 BECAUSE CONSTITUTIONAL 914 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,900 AMENDMENTS ARE SAFE FROM 915 00:23:58,967 --> 00:24:00,233 DONALD TRUMP, UNLIKE MELANIA'S 916 00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:04,433 HOPES AND DREAMS AND 917 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:09,667 ANY AMERICAN FLAG 918 00:24:09,734 --> 00:24:10,600 HE GETS CLOSE TO. 919 00:24:10,667 --> 00:24:11,767 CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS ARE 920 00:24:11,834 --> 00:24:12,567 SOMETHING HE CAN'T ACTUALLY 921 00:24:12,633 --> 00:24:13,867 RUIN. 922 00:24:13,934 --> 00:24:15,066 NOW, SOME WOULD ARGUE THAT WOMEN 923 00:24:15,133 --> 00:24:15,667 DO HAVE PROTECTION UNDER THE 924 00:24:15,734 --> 00:24:16,266 CONSTITUTION, SPECIFICALLY THE 925 00:24:16,333 --> 00:24:16,900 14TH AMENDMENT WHICH GUARANTEES 926 00:24:16,967 --> 00:24:17,500 INDIVIDUALS EQUAL PROTECTIONS 927 00:24:17,567 --> 00:24:18,233 UNDER THE LAW. 928 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:18,967 SINCE THE '70S, THE 929 00:24:19,033 --> 00:24:20,033 SUPREME COURT HAS INTERPRETED 930 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:20,533 THAT TO COVER GENDER 931 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:21,767 DISCRIMINATION. 932 00:24:21,834 --> 00:24:22,500 BUT NOT EVERYONE AGREES IT 933 00:24:22,567 --> 00:24:24,800 SHOULD BE INTERPRETED THAT WAY. 934 00:24:24,867 --> 00:24:26,467 IN FACT, ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, 935 00:24:26,533 --> 00:24:28,500 FORMER JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA, 936 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:32,000 ONCE STRAIGHT-OUT SAID THE 937 00:24:32,066 --> 00:24:32,767 14TH AMENDMENT DOES NOT COVER 938 00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:35,066 DISCRIMINATION BY GENDER AT ALL. 939 00:24:35,133 --> 00:24:36,467 >> CERTAINLY THE CONSTITUTION 940 00:24:36,533 --> 00:24:38,133 DOES NOT REQUIRE SEXUAL 941 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:38,834 DISCRIMINATION -- DISCRIMINATION 942 00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:41,066 ON THE BASIS OF SEX. 943 00:24:41,133 --> 00:24:42,500 THE ONLY ISSUE IS WHETHER IT 944 00:24:42,567 --> 00:24:44,533 PROHIBITS IT. 945 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,000 IT -- IT DOESN'T. 946 00:24:46,066 --> 00:24:46,633 NOBODY EVER THOUGHT THAT THAT'S 947 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:47,367 WHAT IT MEANT. 948 00:24:47,433 --> 00:24:49,066 NOBODY EVER VOTED FOR THAT. 949 00:24:49,133 --> 00:24:50,166 >> John: YEAH, HE'S RIGHT. 950 00:24:50,233 --> 00:24:52,300 IF WOMEN WANTED THAT AMENDMENT 951 00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:54,133 TO COVER GENDER DISCRIMINATION, 952 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,000 THEY SHOULD'VE VOTED FOR IT IN 953 00:24:55,066 --> 00:24:56,400 1868. 954 00:24:56,467 --> 00:24:58,133 WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT? 955 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:04,467 SILLY LADIES. 956 00:25:04,533 --> 00:25:05,166 LOOK, SCALIA WAS A DIE-HARD 957 00:25:05,233 --> 00:25:06,166 ORIGINALIST. 958 00:25:06,233 --> 00:25:09,200 AND AS INSANE AS I PERSONALLY 959 00:25:09,266 --> 00:25:10,300 FIND HIS PHILOSOPHY OF RULING ON 960 00:25:10,367 --> 00:25:11,266 CASES BY JUMPING INSIDE THE 961 00:25:11,333 --> 00:25:12,900 LONG-DEAD BRAINS OF HISTORY'S 962 00:25:12,967 --> 00:25:13,533 VARIOUS MISOGYNISTS AND RACISTS, 963 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,133 THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO 964 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,567 THINK THAT WAY. 965 00:25:15,633 --> 00:25:16,266 AND TRUMP HAS PROMISED TO PUT 966 00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:17,467 MORE OF THEM ON THE BENCH, 967 00:25:17,533 --> 00:25:18,567 SAYING HE WANTS JUSTICES 968 00:25:18,633 --> 00:25:19,900 "VERY MUCH IN THE MOLD OF 969 00:25:19,967 --> 00:25:21,867 JUSTICE SCALIA," WHICH I CAN 970 00:25:21,934 --> 00:25:24,867 ONLY HOPE MEANS DEAD. 971 00:25:24,934 --> 00:25:26,367 BUT I WORRY MIGHT MEAN 972 00:25:26,433 --> 00:25:28,400 INTERPRETING THE CONSTITUTION 973 00:25:28,467 --> 00:25:29,834 WITHOUT PROTECTIONS FOR GENDER, 974 00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:33,567 AND THAT IS WHERE THE E.R.A. 975 00:25:33,633 --> 00:25:34,266 WOULD COME IN. 976 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:35,433 YOU CAN'T INTERPRET IT AS NOT 977 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:36,767 ADDRESSING GENDER 978 00:25:36,834 --> 00:25:38,233 DISCRIMINATION, BECAUSE THAT'S 979 00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:39,400 ALL IT ADDRESSES. 980 00:25:39,467 --> 00:25:40,967 AND THAT BRINGS US TO OUR LAST 981 00:25:41,033 --> 00:25:42,233 QUESTION: HOW CAN WE FINALLY, 982 00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,133 AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, MAKE THE 983 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:45,266 E.R.A. PART OF OUR CONSTITUTION? 984 00:25:45,333 --> 00:25:46,400 BECAUSE IT IS VERY MUCH 985 00:25:46,467 --> 00:25:47,633 POSSIBLE. 986 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:48,667 YES, THE DEADLINE PASSED IN 987 00:25:48,734 --> 00:25:50,133 1982, BUT LEGAL SCHOLARS BELIEVE 988 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,533 CONGRESS COULD SIMPLY CHANGE THE 989 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,200 DEADLINE AGAIN OR ELIMINATE IT 990 00:25:53,266 --> 00:25:55,400 ENTIRELY. 991 00:25:55,467 --> 00:25:56,800 IN FACT, BILLS TO DO THAT HAVE 992 00:25:56,867 --> 00:25:58,000 BEEN INTRODUCED IN BOTH THE 993 00:25:58,066 --> 00:26:00,300 HOUSE AND SENATE JUST THIS YEAR 994 00:26:00,367 --> 00:26:02,934 WITH BIPARTISAN COSPONSORS. 995 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,300 MEANWHILE, STATES HAVE BEEN 996 00:26:04,367 --> 00:26:05,467 MOVING THE E.R.A. FORWARD, WITH 997 00:26:05,533 --> 00:26:06,834 NEVADA AND ILLINOIS BOTH 998 00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:08,300 RATIFYING IT IN THE LAST COUPLE 999 00:26:08,367 --> 00:26:09,900 OF YEARS. 1000 00:26:09,967 --> 00:26:11,333 AND FOR STATE SENATOR 1001 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,133 PAT SPEARMAN, WHO WAS BEHIND 1002 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,367 NEVADA'S RATIFICATION PUSH, THE 1003 00:26:14,433 --> 00:26:15,400 REASONS FOR DOING SO WERE ALL 1004 00:26:15,467 --> 00:26:17,133 TOO CLEAR. 1005 00:26:17,233 --> 00:26:18,333 >> PEOPLE WHO WERE BORN IN 1006 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,734 PRIVILEGE ALWAYS DEBATE WHETHER 1007 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,400 OR NOT THOSE OF US WHO WERE NOT 1008 00:26:21,467 --> 00:26:23,600 DESERVE EQUALITY. 1009 00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:25,333 AND SO WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT 1010 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:25,967 HERE -- 1011 00:26:26,033 --> 00:26:27,934 [APPLAUSE] 1012 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,200 WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE 1013 00:26:29,266 --> 00:26:30,433 IS THE FACT THAT EQUALITY IS 1014 00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:32,533 NON-DEBATABLE. 1015 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,033 WE ARE BORN WITH IT. 1016 00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:34,934 THE ONLY THING WE'RE ASKING IN 1017 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,500 THE E.R.A. IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE 1018 00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:38,166 FACT THAT WOMEN ARE BORN EQUAL 1019 00:26:38,233 --> 00:26:40,333 TO MEN. 1020 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:41,266 >> John: SHE'S RIGHT. 1021 00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:42,600 NONE OF THIS IS THAT 1022 00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:44,467 COMPLICATED. 1023 00:26:44,533 --> 00:26:45,467 EQUALITY FOR WOMEN SHOULD BE A 1024 00:26:45,533 --> 00:26:46,633 BASIC PRINCIPLE OF OUR SOCIETY. 1025 00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:47,800 AND IF YOU THINK IT ALREADY IS, 1026 00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:48,767 GREAT, ALL THE MORE REASON TO 1027 00:26:48,834 --> 00:26:50,467 WRITE IT DOWN. 1028 00:26:50,533 --> 00:26:52,433 AND IF YOU THINK IT ISN'T, THEN 1029 00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:54,300 WE BADLY NEED THE E.R.A. 1030 00:26:54,367 --> 00:26:55,867 AND, LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING IT'LL 1031 00:26:55,934 --> 00:26:56,700 FIX EVERYTHING. 1032 00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:58,033 NOT BY A LONG SHOT. 1033 00:26:58,100 --> 00:26:58,800 FOR ONE THING, IT FOCUSES ON 1034 00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:00,000 DISCRIMINATION BY THE 1035 00:27:00,066 --> 00:27:01,100 GOVERNMENT, NOT THE PRIVATE 1036 00:27:01,166 --> 00:27:02,066 SECTOR. 1037 00:27:02,133 --> 00:27:03,934 SO FOR AN ISSUE LIKE CLOSING THE 1038 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:04,800 WAGE GAP, MOST WOMEN WOULD HAVE 1039 00:27:04,867 --> 00:27:06,233 TO CONTINUE TO RELY ON OTHER 1040 00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:07,367 LEGISLATION AND, OF COURSE, 1041 00:27:07,433 --> 00:27:08,433 STEALING FROM THEIR MALE 1042 00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:09,433 COWORKERS. 1043 00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:12,133 #Feminism, #Ladyfingers. 1044 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,900 BUT THE E.R.A. COULD, AT THE 1045 00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:16,100 VERY LEAST, BE A SAFEGUARD 1046 00:27:16,166 --> 00:27:17,633 AGAINST THINGS SLIDING FURTHER 1047 00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:19,133 BACKWARDS. 1048 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,066 AND WE ARE JUST ONE STATE AWAY, 1049 00:27:21,133 --> 00:27:22,667 GIVING THESE 13 STATES A HUGE 1050 00:27:22,734 --> 00:27:25,233 OPPORTUNITY TO GENUINELY MAKE 1051 00:27:25,300 --> 00:27:27,467 HISTORY. 1052 00:27:27,533 --> 00:27:28,533 AND ONE ARIZONA LEGISLATOR IS 1053 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,667 INSPIRED BY WHAT THIS COULD 1054 00:27:29,734 --> 00:27:32,533 MEAN. 1055 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:33,166 >> IF WE DO THIS, THIS GOES DOWN 1056 00:27:33,233 --> 00:27:36,667 IN THE HISTORY BOOKS. 1057 00:27:36,734 --> 00:27:37,767 ARIZONA GOES DOWN IN THE HISTORY 1058 00:27:37,834 --> 00:27:41,967 BOOKS. 1059 00:27:42,033 --> 00:27:43,033 >> John: EXACTLY, SHE'S RIGHT. 1060 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:43,600 ARIZONA COULD GO DOWN IN THE 1061 00:27:43,667 --> 00:27:44,200 HISTORY BOOKS. 1062 00:27:44,266 --> 00:27:45,200 AND LET'S BE HONEST, THAT 1063 00:27:45,266 --> 00:27:45,834 DOESN'T HAPPEN MUCH. 1064 00:27:45,900 --> 00:27:47,300 THE MOST FAMOUS PART OF ARIZONA 1065 00:27:47,367 --> 00:27:48,300 IS THE GRAND CANYON, YOU KNOW, 1066 00:27:48,367 --> 00:27:49,533 THE PART OF ARIZONA WHERE 1067 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:50,834 THERE'S NOTABLY LESS OF ARIZONA. 1068 00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:52,567 I MEAN, ANYWHERE ELSE THERE'D BE 1069 00:27:52,633 --> 00:27:53,834 MORE ARIZONA THERE, BUT INSTEAD 1070 00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:55,600 THERE'S JUST A SUDDEN LACK OF 1071 00:27:55,667 --> 00:27:57,200 ARIZONA AND IT'S EVERYONE'S 1072 00:27:57,266 --> 00:27:59,900 FAVORITE PART. 1073 00:27:59,967 --> 00:28:01,166 THE POINT IS, ANY OF THESE 1074 00:28:01,233 --> 00:28:02,066 13 STATES HAVE A HUGE CHANCE TO 1075 00:28:02,133 --> 00:28:04,000 CHANGE HOW HISTORY VIEWS THEM 1076 00:28:04,066 --> 00:28:10,233 FOREVER. 1077 00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:10,934 SO THE ONLY REAL QUESTION HERE 1078 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:11,667 IS, WHICH ONE OF YOU WANTS TO 1079 00:28:11,734 --> 00:28:12,800 SEIZE THAT CHANCE? 1080 00:28:12,867 --> 00:28:13,367 WHICH STATE IS GOING TO TAKE 1081 00:28:13,433 --> 00:28:14,333 THIS OPPORTUNITY TO PUT THIS 1082 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:15,100 AMENDMENT OVER THE TOP AND WRITE 1083 00:28:15,166 --> 00:28:16,367 THEMSELVES INTO THE HISTORY 1084 00:28:16,433 --> 00:28:16,800 BOOKS? 1085 00:28:16,867 --> 00:28:18,333 WILL IT BE ARIZONA? 1086 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,333 OR GEORGIA? 1087 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:20,400 OR COULD IT BE YOU, OKLAHOMA? 1088 00:28:20,467 --> 00:28:21,233 YOU COULD BE KNOWN FOR SOMETHING 1089 00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:22,200 OTHER THAN TORNADOES AND 1090 00:28:22,266 --> 00:28:23,600 MUSICALS ABOUT HOW GREAT MORNING 1091 00:28:23,667 --> 00:28:25,133 IS. 1092 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,000 WHICH IT ISN'T, BY THE WAY. 1093 00:28:27,066 --> 00:28:27,300 IT NEVER IS. 1094 00:28:27,367 --> 00:28:28,033 IT'S JUST LIKE NIGHT BUT 1095 00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:30,500 UNPLEASANTLY BRIGHTER. 1096 00:28:30,567 --> 00:28:31,533 COULD IT BE ONE OF THE 1097 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:32,700 CAROLINAS? 1098 00:28:32,767 --> 00:28:34,166 COULD IT BE YOU, UTAH? 1099 00:28:34,233 --> 00:28:35,467 OR YOU, MISSOURI? 1100 00:28:35,533 --> 00:28:37,433 YOU COULD BE FAMOUS FOR MAKING 1101 00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:38,767 HISTORY RATHER THAN HAVING A 1102 00:28:38,834 --> 00:28:39,800 STATE FLAG THAT'S JUST TWO BEARS 1103 00:28:39,867 --> 00:28:41,433 FUCKING A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT. 1104 00:28:41,500 --> 00:28:42,867 OR COULD IT BE YOU, FLORIDA? 1105 00:28:42,934 --> 00:28:44,133 OR MISSISSIPPI, MAYBE YOU 1106 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,467 COULD -- HOLY SHIT, MISSISSIPPI! 1107 00:28:46,533 --> 00:28:48,600 I ALWAYS FORGET THAT'S ON YOUR 1108 00:28:48,667 --> 00:28:49,734 FLAG. 1109 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,033 THE FUCK, MISSISSIPPI? 1110 00:28:52,100 --> 00:28:54,433 THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT? 1111 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:56,734 I MEAN, I MEAN, YOU COULD PASS 1112 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,033 THE E.R.A., BUT LET'S BE HONEST, 1113 00:28:58,100 --> 00:28:59,200 IT WOULD BE EXTREMELY OUT OF 1114 00:28:59,266 --> 00:29:02,734 CHARACTER. 1115 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,567 LOUISIANA, IT COULD BE YOU. 1116 00:29:04,633 --> 00:29:06,667 ARKANSAS, IT COULD BE YOU. 1117 00:29:06,734 --> 00:29:07,533 ALABAMA, IT DEFINITELY WON'T BE 1118 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:08,734 YOU. 1119 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,834 BUT VIRGINIA, IT REALLY COULD BE 1120 00:29:09,900 --> 00:29:11,266 YOU. 1121 00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:12,900 PLUS, YOU'RE THE BIRTHPLACE OF 1122 00:29:12,967 --> 00:29:14,266 CHRIS BROWN, RICK SANTORUM, AND 1123 00:29:14,333 --> 00:29:15,633 PAT ROBERTSON, SO FRANKLY, YOU 1124 00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:19,266 FUCKING OWE AMERICA THIS. 1125 00:29:19,333 --> 00:29:20,667 ANY ONE OF THESE 13 STATES HAS A 1126 00:29:20,734 --> 00:29:22,867 HUGE OPPORTUNITY TO BRING TO AN 1127 00:29:22,934 --> 00:29:24,200 END A JOURNEY THAT'S TAKEN THIS 1128 00:29:24,266 --> 00:29:25,700 COUNTRY ALMOST A HUNDRED YEARS 1129 00:29:25,767 --> 00:29:26,433 TO MAKE. 1130 00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:27,867 IT IS NOT EVERY DAY YOU GET A 1131 00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:29,300 CHANCE LIKE THIS, AND ALL I CAN 1132 00:29:29,367 --> 00:29:31,033 SAY IS, SOMEBODY PLEASE DO IT 1133 00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:32,700 BEFORE FLORIDA, 'CAUSE I DO 1134 00:29:32,767 --> 00:29:34,433 NOT WANT TO GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR 1135 00:29:34,500 --> 00:29:35,400 THIS. 1136 00:29:35,467 --> 00:29:36,734 THAT'S OUR SHOW. 1137 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:37,467 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 1138 00:29:37,533 --> 00:29:40,066 SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. 1139 00:29:40,133 --> 00:29:40,433 GOOD NIGHT! 1140 00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:41,500 ♪ ♪