1
00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:13,994
Hi, Johnny. Can we come in for a moment?

2
00:00:14,029 --> 00:00:15,395
Yes. Yes.

3
00:00:17,331 --> 00:00:19,733
Thank you. Hello.

4
00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:21,434
Oh, hi.

5
00:00:21,469 --> 00:00:23,336
Is everything okay?

6
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,104
We've got some sad news.

7
00:00:25,139 --> 00:00:28,975
Uh... someone very close has died.

8
00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:31,844
- Sorry.
- Oh...

9
00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:34,147
You remember Bob?

10
00:00:34,182 --> 00:00:37,150
No...

11
00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:39,085
You broke into his cabin and had sex

12
00:00:39,119 --> 00:00:42,155
while he and his wife
were in the next room.

13
00:00:42,189 --> 00:00:44,256
Oh...  That's Bob.

14
00:00:44,291 --> 00:00:46,559
Yeah, Bob, who was on the town council.

15
00:00:46,593 --> 00:00:49,162
He's on the town council,
yeah... Oh, Bob died?

16
00:00:49,196 --> 00:00:50,963
Tsk, tsk, tsk.

17
00:00:50,998 --> 00:00:53,933
No. No, not Bob. Bob's brother, Carl, died.

18
00:01:01,108 --> 00:01:03,041
I don't know Carl.

19
00:01:03,076 --> 00:01:05,811
We barely know Bob.

20
00:01:05,845 --> 00:01:08,314
Carl thought so highly of you, Johnny.

21
00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,483
Oh... really. Well, that's nice.

22
00:01:11,518 --> 00:01:13,285
No, I honestly don't know the man.

23
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,688
Well, understandably, Bob is uh...

24
00:01:15,722 --> 00:01:17,856
Pretty broken up by all of this

25
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:21,793
and he asked me to ask you
if you'd be willing to um...

26
00:01:21,828 --> 00:01:25,731
be a pallbearer at Carl's funeral.

27
00:01:25,765 --> 00:01:28,466
A pallbearer... Mm-hmm.

28
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:32,904
at Carl's funeral. Well, I don't, um...

29
00:01:32,939 --> 00:01:35,741
I, you know, I-I'm flattered.

30
00:01:35,775 --> 00:01:37,709
It's-it's quite
an honour to be-

31
00:01:37,744 --> 00:01:39,144
- I knew he would say yes.
- Yeah.

32
00:01:39,178 --> 00:01:41,880
And-and normally I would... I would.

33
00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:44,715
I-I-I, you know, but
my back. I have uh...

34
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,884
I... I-I have back issues.

35
00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:48,352
- Honey? You know, my back.
- What?

36
00:01:48,386 --> 00:01:49,586
- The thing with my back.
- Your back!

37
00:01:49,621 --> 00:01:52,389
Oh, it's... it's terrible.

38
00:01:52,423 --> 00:01:56,260
And his arms are so weak.
Little muscles like corn nuts.

39
00:01:56,294 --> 00:01:58,262
Yeah, yeah, we're just talking
about my back, sweetheart.

40
00:01:58,296 --> 00:02:00,530
It's awful.

41
00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:02,466
I don't know what we're gonna tell Bob.

42
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,236
He's gonna be so disappointed.

43
00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:08,571
Yeah... yeah. Well, life can
kick you in the teeth sometimes.

44
00:02:08,605 --> 00:02:12,008
Mm. Well, that's not gonna help
Bob out too much there, Johnny.

45
00:02:12,042 --> 00:02:14,043
Mm. Yeah. Shouldn't bother Carl.

46
00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:21,651


47
00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:39,921
I said bring
the goddamn diaper bag!

48
00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:42,871
Uh, babe, I'm getting the cooler right now

49
00:02:42,906 --> 00:02:44,439
in case you didn't notice.

50
00:02:44,473 --> 00:02:45,640
Well, Denim has needed a diaper change

51
00:02:45,675 --> 00:02:47,475
since before we left the house!

52
00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:49,077
Oh my God.

53
00:02:49,112 --> 00:02:50,879
What?

54
00:02:50,914 --> 00:02:53,881
Some townie douchebag
is moving in next door.

55
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:57,618
They've got a baby.

56
00:02:58,253 --> 00:02:59,553
Agh!

57
00:02:59,587 --> 00:03:00,955
Is there a gun?

58
00:03:06,028 --> 00:03:07,228
- Oh... no.
- Jesus! What the hell did you

59
00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,030
- throw that for?!
- It's still too hot.

60
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,065
It's 20 seconds in the microwave
not 20 minutes, you tool!

61
00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:13,200
You've lost it. You've lost it.

62
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,002
What the hell are you so rattled about?

63
00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,842
- What are you doing?
- Um, I'm gonna go stay at Ted's

64
00:03:21,876 --> 00:03:23,676
because I've been on enough spring breaks

65
00:03:23,711 --> 00:03:27,513
to know how this is gonna
end, and it's not... not good.

66
00:03:27,548 --> 00:03:29,782
You're just gonna leave
me here with these people?!

67
00:03:29,817 --> 00:03:31,751
Yeah. Like I don't feel good about it.

68
00:03:31,785 --> 00:03:34,387
Um, hello! Hello!

69
00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:36,756
Is anybody in that hollow chest?

70
00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:49,935
Hey, Bob. How are you holding up?

71
00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,904
Oh... you know. Not bad.

72
00:03:54,741 --> 00:03:56,175
You know, they say death is just life

73
00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:58,377
except you're not here.

74
00:03:58,411 --> 00:04:01,146
You're somewhere else, you know? But...

75
00:04:01,181 --> 00:04:03,815
But that's okay because
at least you're somewhere,

76
00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:04,984
you know? But when does...

77
00:04:05,018 --> 00:04:07,219
When does somewhere become there?

78
00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,388
And when does there become here?

79
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:10,655
- And I... it
- Just, just a coffee, please.

80
00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:11,390
- For here?
- Yeah.

81
00:04:11,424 --> 00:04:12,424
Okay.

82
00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:22,100
Bob.

83
00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:24,769
- Hi, Johnny.
- Oh, hi... hi.

84
00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:27,138
You mind if I join you?

85
00:04:27,172 --> 00:04:28,873
I could use a little company today.

86
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:31,509
Oh, no, no. You-you stay where you are

87
00:04:31,543 --> 00:04:34,712
and I'll... I'll come over there.

88
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,213
Oh! Ooh, baby.

89
00:04:36,247 --> 00:04:37,782
Ooh, wow. Ugh.

90
00:04:40,385 --> 00:04:44,789
Yikes! That's... That hurts today.

91
00:04:44,823 --> 00:04:48,258
Yeah, Roland, he told me
about your back and I...

92
00:04:48,293 --> 00:04:50,227
I am so sorry.

93
00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:52,662
Well... well, I'm the one who's sorry, Bob.

94
00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:56,800
You know, hearing about your,
uh, brother... C-C-Chris-

95
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,002
- Carl.
- Carl. Yeah, he was a good man.

96
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,703
A good man. He admired you, Johnny.

97
00:05:00,738 --> 00:05:01,805
And I him. Yeah.

98
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,640
And I him.

99
00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:05,875
Listen, uh, I understand about your back...

100
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,978
Yeah...

101
00:05:08,012 --> 00:05:11,181
And... I was just uh.. Just wondering

102
00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:14,250
if, uh, maybe you could say
a few words at the funeral?

103
00:05:16,954 --> 00:05:19,322
Well, the thing, uh, the thing is, uh, Bob,

104
00:05:19,356 --> 00:05:22,559
I-I-I don't feel I
deserve that... honor.

105
00:05:22,593 --> 00:05:26,028
Oh, see, I'm uh... I'm
no good at these things.

106
00:05:26,063 --> 00:05:29,231
You know, you, you're... You're polished.

107
00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:31,100
You know, you're... You're well-spoken.

108
00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:33,069
Oh no. No, no. Not really. Not really.

109
00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:35,605
I mean, I'm good one on one,

110
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,539
but not-not good in a public situation.

111
00:05:37,574 --> 00:05:38,941
I clam up pret-pretty good.

112
00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:41,143
As a favor, Johnny.

113
00:05:41,178 --> 00:05:43,245
He must have had a few close friends,

114
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:46,515
- somebody that
- No one.

115
00:05:46,549 --> 00:05:49,452
Well, sure. Sure. I can
say a few words, Bob.

116
00:05:49,486 --> 00:05:52,721
I'll say a few words.

117
00:05:55,859 --> 00:05:58,494
Have you seen the couple that checked in?

118
00:05:58,528 --> 00:06:02,531
They're like really scummy.
Like... very skaggy people,

119
00:06:02,565 --> 00:06:05,400
who happened to produce a child

120
00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,302
that hasn't been taken away from them yet.

121
00:06:07,336 --> 00:06:08,871
Imagine being related to them.

122
00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,639
No, I can't. It's too early.

123
00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:15,210
- They're my cousins.
- Oh! Well, the um...

124
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,545
The baby's relatively normal looking.

125
00:06:17,579 --> 00:06:18,946
No, no they're definitely skaggy.

126
00:06:18,981 --> 00:06:22,282
My God, they're so skaggy.

127
00:06:22,317 --> 00:06:24,418
Hmm. Wait, so you're related to Carl?

128
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,654
Not genetically.

129
00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:30,090
My mom's sister was married to
Carl. Carl is Sean's step-dad.

130
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,526
And was that a factor
in the cause of death?

131
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,094
I wouldn't be surprised.

132
00:06:34,129 --> 00:06:36,530
They broke up just before
Sean got Bree pregnant.

133
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,999
Or someone got Bree pregnant.

134
00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,034
I mean, Bree's not exactly fussy

135
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,037
when it comes to introducing
men to her vagina.

136
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,471
Mm. Charming.

137
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:53,947
Tell me it's not always this clean in here.

138
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,015
No, it's-it's always this clean.

139
00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:57,716
Oh... it smells so fresh!

140
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,585
Uh... that's the Febreeze.

141
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,787
I was... I was eating
Indian last night, so...

142
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,323
So much better than the motel.

143
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,026
At least you know what the smell is.

144
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,900
Oh, ho-oh! Oh...

145
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,002
Hey, come on now, you two, Oh, hi! Hi.

146
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,638
- Come on.
- Hi there. Ooh!

147
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:24,042
Oh-ho-ho... there's a good
girl. There's a good girl!

148
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:27,845
- They're so...
- Well, Macy and Fifer are just staying with me

149
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,314
for a couple of weeks until
they get back on their feet.

150
00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:31,283
Isn't that right, Fifey?

151
00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,518
Yeah, your worms are almost
all gone, aren't they?

152
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,419
Yeah...

153
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:37,521
Is that a diaper on that little cutie?

154
00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:40,691
Yup. Oh! You know what though? Whoa
-'kay. This is just...

155
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,759
This is because she's...
She's... She's scared right now.

156
00:07:42,794 --> 00:07:44,295
But don't worry.

157
00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,330
I can tell that you
are gonna win them over.

158
00:07:46,364 --> 00:07:48,566
- Yeah... ?
- Yeah.

159
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,935
I just-I haven't um...
been... I haven't-I don't-

160
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,769
I'm not around dogs a lot,
so...

161
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:54,670
No, you know what? Don't even worry about.

162
00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:56,906
Just... for tonight,

163
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,476
think of them as... our kids.

164
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:02,378
Right? Oh yeah...

165
00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:04,481
John, you're speaking at the funeral?

166
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:07,217
The man was weeping.
What was I supposed to do?

167
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:08,884
You take his hands in yours,

168
00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:12,154
you look him in the eye, and say, "no."

169
00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:14,823
What do you say about guy
you couldn't care less about?

170
00:08:14,857 --> 00:08:17,593
Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's
funeral all over again.

171
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:18,827
- Who's Gord
what's-his-name? - Exactly.

172
00:08:18,861 --> 00:08:21,430
He was some kind of
crew-person on Sunrise Bay.

173
00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:24,833
I made an obligatory
appearance at the service

174
00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:27,503
and his hysterical girlfriend
cornered me into saying a few words.

175
00:08:27,537 --> 00:08:28,897
I didn't have a thought in my head,

176
00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:30,472
so I just stood up and sang "Danny Boy."

177
00:08:30,507 --> 00:08:31,839
Not a dry eye in the house.

178
00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:32,906
Huh...

179
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,345
God, I love this bed.

180
00:08:40,449 --> 00:08:42,550
I'm so glad you're not my brother.

181
00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:45,453
Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty glad about that too.

182
00:08:45,487 --> 00:08:48,489
But let me assure you,
tonight it is just you and me.

183
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:02,602
Um...

184
00:09:02,637 --> 00:09:05,838
Hey, the little guy is looking at us.

185
00:09:05,873 --> 00:09:09,209
Oh, yeah, dogs sometimes do that.

186
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:21,421
Um... maybe we could
invite it to... go? Go away.

187
00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,723
Oh, she's fine. She's fine. She's fine.

188
00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:31,163
Oh, now you want in on
the action, too, huh?

189
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:34,800
Okay, the... the big one
is sniffing the diaper.

190
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,534
Does... does that mean it's full?

191
00:09:36,569 --> 00:09:38,103
- Okay.
- What is... ?

192
00:09:38,137 --> 00:09:40,939
Okay, you guys, just give
us a little bit of time here

193
00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:44,209
and then you can come
sleep with us, okay? Okay?

194
00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:46,044
Okay, where were we?

195
00:09:46,079 --> 00:09:47,713
- Hmm...
- Mm...

196
00:09:52,518 --> 00:09:55,153
Out! Out!

197
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,961
Pass the chips!

198
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,298
Hello. Excuse me.

199
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:09,499
Excuse me!

200
00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:10,901
- Hey!
- Excuse me!

201
00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:13,170
- Hey! Go.
- Excuse me, hi.

202
00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,872
Oh, Buttons,

203
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,540
I don't think you're
invited to this one, huh?

204
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,474
I don't wanna be invited to this one.

205
00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:19,743
Hey, look
who it is. It's your dad.

206
00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:21,211
- He's here to take you home!
- Yeah, yeah...

207
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:23,813
- Remember that?!
- Yeah!

208
00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:24,547
You remember that one?!

209
00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:27,083
No.

210
00:10:27,118 --> 00:10:29,152
- I'm just pumpin' your tires, bud!
- Okay.

211
00:10:29,186 --> 00:10:31,020
Look, what you gotta understand

212
00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:33,322
is that my ex-stepdad just died,

213
00:10:33,357 --> 00:10:35,859
so we're here celebrating his life, okay?

214
00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:38,261
Okay, you all seem very devastated by this.

215
00:10:38,295 --> 00:10:40,296
I need you to turn-mm.

216
00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:43,866
I need you to turn the music down, okay?

217
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:47,536
Because I-I'm trying to get
couple hours... Sleep tonight.

218
00:10:47,571 --> 00:10:50,906
Oh, sleep? Well, you know
who's sleeping forever, bud?

219
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:52,642
- Your ex-stepdad, yeah.
- My ex-stepdad, yeah.

220
00:10:52,676 --> 00:10:55,210
- Yup, yeah.
- Damn, that's sad...

221
00:10:55,245 --> 00:10:57,012
- Okay, thank you. If you could just turn it..
- Are we out of mix?

222
00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:58,713
Thank you.

223
00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,152
Oh my God.

224
00:11:03,186 --> 00:11:04,552
Don't...

225
00:11:04,587 --> 00:11:08,556
Oh my...  Oh my God!

226
00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:10,025
I am so sorry. They got me...

227
00:11:12,162 --> 00:11:13,395
They got me wasted.

228
00:11:13,429 --> 00:11:15,264
- Mm-hmm. - I
hate them, okay?

229
00:11:15,298 --> 00:11:17,432
I hate them so much.

230
00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:21,035
You smell... very flammable right now.

231
00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:23,337
Yes, I'm sure...

232
00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:27,374
I'm gonna need you to get
them to turn it down, okay?

233
00:11:27,409 --> 00:11:29,177
- Yes!
- Yeah.

234
00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:34,615
- Hi, Denim.
- Hi, sweetie pie.

235
00:11:34,649 --> 00:11:36,550
David, I so sorry.

236
00:11:48,223 --> 00:11:49,624
- Johnny.
- Hello, Bob.

237
00:11:49,658 --> 00:11:52,259
Moira, so good of you to come.

238
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:55,196
John said we had no choice.

239
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:56,631
Listen, we have some good seats down front.

240
00:11:56,665 --> 00:11:57,785
Oh, that's very nice.

241
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:03,937
Boy, what a beautiful day for a... funeral.

242
00:12:13,639 --> 00:12:17,008
Bob... in case I wanna
mention this in my remarks,

243
00:12:17,042 --> 00:12:19,375
how-how did Carl go?

244
00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:22,846
Well, it was a bit of a
freak accident, really.

245
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,215
Apparently, he was trying to
unhook his belt from the ceiling fan

246
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:29,686
and... apparently it... It
got knotted around his neck.

247
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,454
What?

248
00:12:31,488 --> 00:12:32,756
Yeah, you know, you'd think the whole thing

249
00:12:32,790 --> 00:12:34,991
would've come down, you know,

250
00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:40,262
keeping a fan and a body
spinning up there for two days.

251
00:12:40,296 --> 00:12:43,632
But uh... Carl found the studs on that one.

252
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:45,467
Oh...  Yeah...

253
00:12:45,501 --> 00:12:46,569
That's craftsmanship.

254
00:12:46,603 --> 00:12:48,704
Oh, yeah.

255
00:12:48,738 --> 00:12:51,607
But that uh... That was Carl.

256
00:12:59,582 --> 00:13:02,083
Do you even know what that stain is or... ?

257
00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:04,986
Uh... I'm worried if I
did, I wouldn't clean it up.

258
00:13:07,522 --> 00:13:09,857
Why are you cleaning it up?

259
00:13:09,892 --> 00:13:14,629
Sadly, um, I threw most of
the broken glass you see here.

260
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,697
You were a bit of a mess last night.

261
00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,431
They told you?

262
00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:21,568
Oh, no, no. We had a
full-blown conversation.

263
00:13:21,603 --> 00:13:24,137
You were barely clinging to consciousness.

264
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,172
Oh. Sorry.

265
00:13:28,409 --> 00:13:30,477
Did I try and make out with you?

266
00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:33,346
- Mm-mm.
- Good.

267
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,749
But now I'm worried I
made out with someone else.

268
00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:38,151
Uh, it's kind of my go-to
when I'm a little boozy.

269
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:41,887
Mm. Mine's shame eating,
so yours sounds more fun.

270
00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:45,190
Huh.

271
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:47,827
Um...

272
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,662
Is this your thong or... ?

273
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:53,833
Yeah, no. Bree's a real classy girl.

274
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,135
Uh, his was wrapped around the remote.

275
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,770
Don't worry, I threw out the remote.

276
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,238
Hmm.

277
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,108
Well, it looks like
they have a side hustle.

278
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,545
Uh, I'm pretty sure she strips. Why?

279
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,713
Oh no, this is just a lot of um...

280
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,883
- Yes, it is.
- Marijuana.

281
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,186
And if you're offering, my answer is yes.

282
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,128
Thank you for that, Shannon.

283
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:26,697
Nothing says we'll miss you like
an excerpt from "Breaking Dawn,"

284
00:14:26,731 --> 00:14:29,066
one of Carl's favourites
of the Twilight movies.

285
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,903
Now, to say a few words,

286
00:14:32,937 --> 00:14:34,872
I'd like to bring up a close friend

287
00:14:34,906 --> 00:14:36,740
and one of Carl's personal heroes...

288
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:40,110
Johnny Rose.

289
00:14:48,653 --> 00:14:50,187
Thank you... minister.

290
00:14:52,256 --> 00:14:55,659
Carl...

291
00:14:55,693 --> 00:14:57,126
What to say about Carl... ?

292
00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:02,899
Once so full of life

293
00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:06,335
and now... lying... very, very close to me.

294
00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:10,306
What a terrible thing death is...

295
00:15:12,676 --> 00:15:15,678
And yet, for Carl,

296
00:15:15,712 --> 00:15:17,713
pretty much an all-consuming
thing at this point.

297
00:15:19,683 --> 00:15:21,684
He-he was a- he was
a man who loved...

298
00:15:23,786 --> 00:15:25,153
A good sweater I'm told.

299
00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:30,158
And-and he loved the feel
of big tool in his hand,

300
00:15:30,193 --> 00:15:32,761
am I right, Bob?

301
00:15:32,795 --> 00:15:35,163
And I wonder,

302
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:38,799
when Carl was spinning
around on that ceiling fan

303
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:41,535
that he was so very proud of,

304
00:15:41,569 --> 00:15:45,139
was he ever thinking of this town...

305
00:15:45,173 --> 00:15:47,942
where he was born where he lived,

306
00:15:47,976 --> 00:15:50,077
and where he died... Where he died.

307
00:15:53,982 --> 00:15:57,084
But I-I-I'm not
up here today

308
00:15:57,119 --> 00:16:01,320
to speak about dying in Schitt's Creek.

309
00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:05,591
I'm-I'm here-I'm-

310
00:16:05,626 --> 00:16:07,927
Where the hell are you, Sean?!

311
00:16:07,962 --> 00:16:10,230
At a bar?!

312
00:16:10,264 --> 00:16:11,898
If anyone should be in
a bar right now, it's me.

313
00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:15,769
Sean!

314
00:16:15,803 --> 00:16:20,140
Excuse me.

315
00:16:20,174 --> 00:16:23,675
Well... I-I am here to talk
about dying in Schitt's Creek!

316
00:16:23,709 --> 00:16:27,279
I'm here to talk about the
misery of our lives here

317
00:16:27,313 --> 00:16:30,315
and how we might never escape this place,

318
00:16:30,349 --> 00:16:33,252
and how we do not wanna end
up in a coffin, like Carl,

319
00:16:33,286 --> 00:16:36,354
here in this... godforsaken-

320
00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:39,758
♪ Oh, Danny boy, ♪

321
00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:47,399
♪ the pipes, the pipes are calling... ♪

322
00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:55,607
♪ From Glen to Glen

323
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:58,142
♪ And down the Mountain side ♪

324
00:17:01,314 --> 00:17:03,348
♪ but God... ♪

325
00:17:06,685 --> 00:17:09,820
So... I'm sorry

326
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:13,890
if, earlier, I wasn't
sensitive to your animal issues.

327
00:17:13,925 --> 00:17:16,660
And if it's any consolation,
the dogs told me to tell you

328
00:17:16,695 --> 00:17:20,931
that they're super embarrassed
about their behaviour, too.

329
00:17:20,965 --> 00:17:24,367
Well, I am dating a vet.
I should've known that...

330
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:26,736
There'd be slutty little
animals running around.

331
00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:28,604
And I only take in the slutty ones, so...

332
00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:31,974
I just... I didn't know what to do

333
00:17:32,008 --> 00:17:34,977
because I love the dogs so much, but...

334
00:17:35,011 --> 00:17:39,549
You know, I also really love...

335
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:44,253
The way that our relationship
is going right now... so much.

336
00:17:44,287 --> 00:17:46,755
Mm... such a sweet face.

337
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:49,291
So, to get you more
comfortable around animals...

338
00:17:49,326 --> 00:17:51,293
Not a puppy, Ted! I...

339
00:17:51,328 --> 00:17:52,928
No, that would be cruel to the puppy.

340
00:17:52,963 --> 00:17:55,297
No, I got you... this.

341
00:17:58,034 --> 00:18:00,569
"Opening your heart to
animals: A guide to the benefits

342
00:18:00,603 --> 00:18:03,638
of caring for something
other than yourself."

343
00:18:03,673 --> 00:18:05,374
It's a very specific book.

344
00:18:05,408 --> 00:18:08,443
You might wanna check out page 37.

345
00:18:11,647 --> 00:18:13,281
Is it a credit card?

346
00:18:13,315 --> 00:18:16,251
No. It's a room key...

347
00:18:16,285 --> 00:18:18,920
To the premium king suite

348
00:18:18,954 --> 00:18:20,989
at the Holiday Inn Express in Elmdale,

349
00:18:21,023 --> 00:18:23,725
and they have a very strict
no pets allowed policy.

350
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,260
Well... it just so happens

351
00:18:26,294 --> 00:18:28,662
that I have packed my overnight bag.

352
00:18:28,697 --> 00:18:30,765
- Hmm.
- Come here.

353
00:18:33,735 --> 00:18:35,302
- Thank you.
- No. Thank you.

354
00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:36,737
- No. Thank you!
- Thank you.

355
00:18:36,772 --> 00:18:37,471
- Thank you!
- Thank you.

356
00:18:37,506 --> 00:18:38,506
Thank you!

357
00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:44,077
You know where I got my hat, brah?

358
00:18:44,112 --> 00:18:45,779
Where?

359
00:18:45,813 --> 00:18:47,881
"Assholes' R 'Us".

360
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,791
Oh! Ow!

361
00:18:57,825 --> 00:19:00,359
Oh! Oh my God.

362
00:19:00,394 --> 00:19:02,429
Oh my God! We need to go.

363
00:19:02,463 --> 00:19:04,430
We need to go! We need to go!

364
00:19:06,933 --> 00:19:09,000
I don't
see it... I don't see it.

365
00:19:09,035 --> 00:19:10,101
- Let me see
it- - Shhh...

366
00:19:16,976 --> 00:19:18,577
The?!

367
00:19:18,611 --> 00:19:20,251
Shhhhhh!

368
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:26,384
My hat.. I'm wearing it.

369
00:19:26,419 --> 00:19:27,652
I'm wearing it...

370
00:19:52,711 --> 00:19:53,944
So I'm thinking to myself,

371
00:19:53,978 --> 00:19:56,414
"Oh, God, what if die here?"

372
00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:59,784
Mm. That was not lost on anyone.

373
00:19:59,818 --> 00:20:01,752
Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches

374
00:20:01,787 --> 00:20:03,353
and make a gracious French exit.

375
00:20:03,388 --> 00:20:05,188
Good idea.

376
00:20:08,793 --> 00:20:13,261
Moira! Your "Danny Boy"... What a voice.

377
00:20:13,564 --> 00:20:15,265
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.

378
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,434
I-I'd really like you to
sing at my cousin's funeral.

379
00:20:17,468 --> 00:20:18,936
She's not dead, but...

380
00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:21,972
She's been coughing a lot lately.

381
00:20:22,006 --> 00:20:24,408
Moira, before they close the coffin,

382
00:20:24,442 --> 00:20:26,810
One more chorus for Carl?

383
00:20:26,844 --> 00:20:29,111
Please?

384
00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:35,051
Take your time, honey.

385
00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:43,559
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh... ♪

386
00:20:46,128 --> 00:20:48,629
♪ Oh... ♪

387
00:20:50,632 --> 00:20:53,001
♪ Danny... ♪

388
00:20:59,641 --> 00:21:01,076
♪ Boy... ♪

389
00:21:04,646 --> 00:21:07,582
♪ The pipes, the pipes are... ♪

390
00:21:10,118 --> 00:21:12,319
♪ Call-all-all-ling... ♪

391
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,888
It's our annual

392
00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,923
Hawaiian night.

393
00:21:15,925 --> 00:21:17,859
Pineapples, pig on the spit,

394
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,193
the whole nine yards.

395
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,028
Oh, you, uh, roast pig?

396
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,497
We do!

397
00:21:22,499 --> 00:21:24,365
So, who's pig do we have to

398
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,432
slaughter to get an invite?