1
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,509
So, this is the town limits?

2
00:00:08,543 --> 00:00:12,012
Yes sir, 4,500 acres that ends
right here at the town sign.

3
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,915
And it's all yours, Johnny,
it must be a nice feeling,

4
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:17,116
considering you don't have a lot right now.

5
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,785
You know, because of the
crooked business manager.

6
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:19,886
You know, the money scandal...

7
00:00:19,921 --> 00:00:22,355
Yes, I know, I know, I know, Ray.

8
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,059
What the hell is this?!

9
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:28,294
The town sign.

10
00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:30,930
Is this the real sign, or the joke sign?

11
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:32,398
What do you mean?

12
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,967
You don't see anything wrong with this?

13
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,103
The man!

14
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,772
Standing awfully close to
that woman, wouldn't you say?

15
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:42,075
Well, he's holding on to her so
she doesn't fall into the creek.

16
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,409
Look a little closer, Ray.

17
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,812
Well, it need a little sprucing up.

18
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,614
- Sprucing up?!
- It's very popular,

19
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,215
people come from all over
to take a picture with it.

20
00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:51,917
I'll bet they do!

21
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,720
You know what? This is coming down!

22
00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,354
That's the mayor's family up there!

23
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,624
The sign's been here over forty years.

24
00:00:58,658 --> 00:01:02,827
And you wonder why this place won't sell?

25
00:01:02,861 --> 00:01:06,364
Oh, I think I see it now.
His shoulders are too big.

26
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,533
Get in the car, Ray.

27
00:01:11,369 --> 00:01:16,240


28
00:01:18,465 --> 00:01:20,700
Moira?

29
00:01:20,734 --> 00:01:22,702
Boy, we've got our work cut out for us.

30
00:01:22,736 --> 00:01:24,804
But I've seen worse.

31
00:01:24,838 --> 00:01:26,939
It's not a problem.

32
00:01:26,974 --> 00:01:28,975
Moira?

33
00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:32,211
They dare to call me irrelevant?

34
00:01:34,614 --> 00:01:36,982
Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant!

35
00:01:39,352 --> 00:01:41,053
L.A. is irrelevant...

36
00:01:44,691 --> 00:01:47,826
I am relevant!

37
00:01:52,865 --> 00:01:55,701
"Good riddance," is what they said.

38
00:01:55,735 --> 00:01:57,169
Oh, who said that, sweetheart?

39
00:01:57,203 --> 00:02:00,172
I don't know!

40
00:02:00,206 --> 00:02:04,508
They're no name commentors.

41
00:02:04,509 --> 00:02:07,912
- Tormentors.
- Are we having a bad day, honey?

42
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:10,271
Anonymous.

43
00:02:10,306 --> 00:02:13,908
Ominous.

44
00:02:13,942 --> 00:02:16,043
That'll be fine, thank you.

45
00:02:16,077 --> 00:02:21,349
I'm afraid I don't have
a gratuity right now.

46
00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:24,318
So, that guy from the other night.

47
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,753
- He's not for me, right?
- What guy?

48
00:02:26,788 --> 00:02:30,090
That beardy guy that I kissed at the party.

49
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:33,194
He's gross, right? Like,
that's not a thing for me.

50
00:02:33,228 --> 00:02:36,398
There wasn't like, a spark or anything.

51
00:02:36,832 --> 00:02:39,165
You mean the hitchhiker that was
burning meat over a garbage can?

52
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,368
Yeah, that one.

53
00:02:41,402 --> 00:02:43,503
Have you seen your mother today?

54
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,938
Um yeah, she was face down on the carpet

55
00:02:44,972 --> 00:02:46,940
before dragging herself into the closet.

56
00:02:46,974 --> 00:02:49,242
And you didn't say anything?!

57
00:02:49,276 --> 00:02:52,078
I thought she was maybe looking
for a contact or something.

58
00:02:52,112 --> 00:02:53,680
Yeah, she googled herself again,

59
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,649
now she's having one of her "things."

60
00:02:56,683 --> 00:02:58,184
How bad is it?

61
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,153
How bad is it? A solid seven.

62
00:03:00,187 --> 00:03:02,388
It's not an eight, which
seems manageable for you.

63
00:03:02,422 --> 00:03:04,224
Well, except I've got a few
things I have to take care of,

64
00:03:04,258 --> 00:03:06,059
so I need you two to go in, and take...

65
00:03:06,093 --> 00:03:08,261
No, I did Saint-Tropez, so.

66
00:03:08,295 --> 00:03:10,730
And I did her birthday, and Aspen twice.

67
00:03:10,764 --> 00:03:12,431
And I'm trying to sell this town.

68
00:03:12,466 --> 00:03:15,534
So, if you kids want any
chance of getting out of here,

69
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:17,936
you'll help me out, and go
in and look after your mother!

70
00:03:17,971 --> 00:03:19,839
Well, my horoscope said
that I shouldn't assume

71
00:03:19,873 --> 00:03:21,974
responsibility for
anybody but myself today.

72
00:03:22,008 --> 00:03:23,442
Yeah, and my horoscope says,

73
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:27,813
why don't you go in and help your mother!

74
00:03:27,848 --> 00:03:29,314
And don't let her out of your sight, okay?

75
00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:30,682
We don't want her detonating in public!

76
00:03:31,216 --> 00:03:33,318
I know!

77
00:03:33,353 --> 00:03:36,154
Though it is kind of fun to watch, though.

78
00:03:36,189 --> 00:03:37,890
Not when you're the one she's
trying to back over with a car.

79
00:03:37,924 --> 00:03:39,892
What's that?

80
00:03:39,926 --> 00:03:41,526
- Eye cream.
- From where?

81
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,061
From Paris.

82
00:03:43,096 --> 00:03:44,996
How did you pay for it?

83
00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:46,931
Oh, one of my credit
cards is still working.

84
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,733
Oh, you're charging things
to your credit card?!

85
00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:51,636
I see, and how are you gonna pay for it?

86
00:03:51,670 --> 00:03:56,408
I don't think you
understand, I already have it.

87
00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:59,310
Well, I know this is a
bizarre concept for you, David,

88
00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:02,513
but if you want cream
from Paris, you need a job,

89
00:04:02,547 --> 00:04:06,350
so you can pay for the cream from Paris!

90
00:04:06,385 --> 00:04:09,086
Okay well, tell that to the
bags under my eyes, then.

91
00:04:09,121 --> 00:04:10,754
And right after you tell your next joke,

92
00:04:10,789 --> 00:04:12,156
I want you to go down to the front desk,

93
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:13,324
and ask what's-her-name...

94
00:04:13,358 --> 00:04:14,526
Stevie.

95
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:17,195
Where you can get a job
around here! All right?

96
00:04:17,229 --> 00:04:19,396
I'm in the middle getting
rid of an x-rated sign,

97
00:04:19,431 --> 00:04:22,199
before it scares off the few
buyers we might actually have!

98
00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:25,168
Okay, I'll get on that.

99
00:04:25,203 --> 00:04:28,339
You want the smooth under eyes
of a 16-year-old, get a job!

100
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:34,577
You just need to relax, because
it's not like your boyfriend left you

101
00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:37,480
for a Scandinavian flight attendant!

102
00:04:37,514 --> 00:04:40,350
What kind of name is Kika anyway?

103
00:04:40,384 --> 00:04:41,985
I'm the one that should be in
the closet right now, not you.

104
00:04:42,019 --> 00:04:44,120
Help me out.

105
00:04:44,155 --> 00:04:45,956
- Help me!
- Okay!

106
00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:49,392
- Oh, shhh!
- My foot's fallen asleep.

107
00:04:49,426 --> 00:04:52,628
Hey, shall we see what they're
saying about you and Stavros?

108
00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:56,098
No! It's not my idea!

109
00:04:56,132 --> 00:04:58,167
You were a couple of doe eyed lovers

110
00:04:58,201 --> 00:05:02,839
aboard a trans-Atlantic
airship filled with gas!

111
00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:03,973
You know what I think we should do?

112
00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:05,775
I think we should go get something to eat,

113
00:05:05,809 --> 00:05:08,543
because when you're eating you
can't be talking to me, okay?

114
00:05:08,578 --> 00:05:10,346
- You know what I think?
- What?

115
00:05:12,782 --> 00:05:16,318
You date pigs.

116
00:05:16,353 --> 00:05:19,255
Okay, I just remembered that being
a mother is not your strong suit.

117
00:05:19,289 --> 00:05:23,792
Oh darling, I'm only telling
you because it's true!

118
00:05:23,826 --> 00:05:25,059
And because you gobbled
down a hundred thousand

119
00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:27,061
anti-depressants this morning.

120
00:05:27,096 --> 00:05:31,099
I was hungry! But I could still eat.

121
00:05:36,939 --> 00:05:39,274
Hi, um... question.

122
00:05:39,308 --> 00:05:44,345
If one were to theoretically look for a job

123
00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:48,249
here in Schitt's Creek, where would you...

124
00:05:48,284 --> 00:05:51,319
suggest that that person go to look?

125
00:05:51,353 --> 00:05:53,687
Is there, like, a bulletin
board or a pamphlet,

126
00:05:53,722 --> 00:05:55,189
or something with information on it?

127
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,458
No, no bulletin board...

128
00:05:57,492 --> 00:05:59,794
What kind of job are you looking for?

129
00:05:59,828 --> 00:06:03,030
Um, something in like, art
curating, or trend forecasting.

130
00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:06,233
Oh, okay... um, hmmm, let's see.

131
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:09,069
Not seeing anything in art curating,

132
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:11,338
or trend forecasting, that's weird.

133
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,173
Okay.

134
00:06:13,257 --> 00:06:15,658
Um, do you have any other
skills or areas of expertise?

135
00:06:15,693 --> 00:06:17,760
I've been told I have really good taste.

136
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:19,356
Oh, well, that's good.

137
00:06:19,390 --> 00:06:22,526
Um, let's see... Oh!

138
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,262
Bag boy at the grocery store.

139
00:06:25,296 --> 00:06:26,596
I don't know what that is.

140
00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:28,965
You put groceries in bags,

141
00:06:28,999 --> 00:06:30,332
so that people can carry their groceries

142
00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:33,469
out of the grocery store.

143
00:06:33,503 --> 00:06:36,706
Okay, and how much do
you think that would pay?

144
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:40,309
Mmm, I'm gonna say minimum wage.

145
00:06:40,343 --> 00:06:42,712
Which is what, forty,
forty-five something an hour?

146
00:06:42,746 --> 00:06:46,415
- Mmm-hmm, exactly.
- Okay. Okay!

147
00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:47,783
Um, well, something to think about.

148
00:06:47,817 --> 00:06:49,818
For sure, thank you.

149
00:06:49,852 --> 00:06:53,155
You're welcome.

150
00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:57,493
I would like two apple fritters,

151
00:06:57,527 --> 00:07:00,729
sliver of pecan pie, large
fries with gravy and bacon!

152
00:07:03,499 --> 00:07:05,934
Okay, so, she will have
scrambled egg whites

153
00:07:05,969 --> 00:07:07,970
and some steamed spinach,
please, thank you.

154
00:07:08,004 --> 00:07:12,273
And some pecan pie! Onion
rings, and ice cream!

155
00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:14,309
Actually, none of that, and
I will have a tea, thank you.

156
00:07:14,343 --> 00:07:16,745
Okay.

157
00:07:16,779 --> 00:07:20,014
Um, Mrs. Rose, are you
okay? You seem a bit...

158
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:23,218
- Mm-hmm, she's fine.
- I'm fine.

159
00:07:35,864 --> 00:07:38,332
Um...

160
00:07:38,366 --> 00:07:40,200
Hey! Stay here, okay? Don't move!

161
00:07:46,307 --> 00:07:47,775
Oh wow, I'm really bored.

162
00:07:50,112 --> 00:07:51,779
Hey! Hey! Hey you! Hey!

163
00:07:53,781 --> 00:07:55,882
Hey, so I just wanted to be clear

164
00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:57,551
about what happened the other night.

165
00:07:57,585 --> 00:07:59,219
The reason that I let you kiss me.

166
00:07:59,254 --> 00:08:01,988
Um, you kissed me.

167
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,857
Yeah, no, I can see how
that would be confusing,

168
00:08:03,891 --> 00:08:06,092
but I just wanted to let you know

169
00:08:06,127 --> 00:08:09,595
that that was just me
going through some stuff.

170
00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:11,264
Cool.

171
00:08:11,298 --> 00:08:13,399
Um, hey!

172
00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:16,536
So, why do they give you table scraps?

173
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,571
Are you, like, a poor person, or?

174
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,942
Uh, no, but thanks for asking.

175
00:08:22,977 --> 00:08:24,944
No, I use it to compost.

176
00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:27,813
You know, that way nothing gets thrown out.

177
00:08:27,847 --> 00:08:29,815
Composting?

178
00:08:29,849 --> 00:08:32,585
Yeah, no, I... I know composting.

179
00:08:32,619 --> 00:08:36,589
Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does
a compost gift exchange.

180
00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:39,292
I'm gonna go.

181
00:08:39,326 --> 00:08:42,227
Okay, great, I'm glad that
we could clear this up.

182
00:08:54,007 --> 00:08:55,808
Speak of the devil.

183
00:08:55,842 --> 00:08:57,509
Good morning.

184
00:08:57,543 --> 00:09:00,812
- Ray! Hi.
- Hi.

185
00:09:00,846 --> 00:09:02,414
I... I just stopped by
to make an appointment

186
00:09:02,448 --> 00:09:04,382
to see the town council.

187
00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:06,284
You're looking at us.

188
00:09:06,319 --> 00:09:09,487
I'm Bob, that's Ronnie, you know Ray.

189
00:09:09,522 --> 00:09:11,055
Yes, yes, Ray.

190
00:09:11,090 --> 00:09:13,725
Spent a wonderful morning with Ray.

191
00:09:13,759 --> 00:09:15,993
Well, I can see you've got a
million things on your plate,

192
00:09:16,028 --> 00:09:18,996
so I'll get to the point,
it's about the town sign.

193
00:09:19,031 --> 00:09:20,531
I told you he wouldn't let this go!

194
00:09:22,735 --> 00:09:26,170
The sign tells people what to
expect when they're in town.

195
00:09:26,205 --> 00:09:28,572
Do you have a problem with that message?

196
00:09:28,607 --> 00:09:31,275
A major problem, Bob.

197
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,510
Yeah, you see, it's the first
thing you see when you drive in,

198
00:09:33,545 --> 00:09:35,912
and as the owner of the town,

199
00:09:35,947 --> 00:09:40,351
I'd like to convey a better, cleaner image.

200
00:09:40,385 --> 00:09:42,653
There's a lot of history
in that sign, Johnny.

201
00:09:42,743 --> 00:09:44,577
Schitt history.

202
00:09:44,612 --> 00:09:46,713
That's all we need,

203
00:09:46,747 --> 00:09:49,248
some outsider coming in
here and changing everything.

204
00:09:49,283 --> 00:09:52,151
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

205
00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,327
- Hello, Moira!
- Hi!

206
00:10:04,097 --> 00:10:05,397
How are you?

207
00:10:05,432 --> 00:10:08,801
I'm eating egg whites,

208
00:10:08,835 --> 00:10:11,937
and hoping the building will collapse.

209
00:10:11,971 --> 00:10:14,239
Anyways, I have a giant favour.

210
00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:21,880
My class is putting on a play for
the younger grades, and I just...

211
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:24,515
thought that you'd be perfect,

212
00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,954
you know, to help coach the kids.

213
00:10:28,988 --> 00:10:31,890
Because they'd be thrilled
to have someone like you,

214
00:10:31,924 --> 00:10:38,122
an actual star... teach them?

215
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,999
That must have taken such
courage to ask me that.

216
00:10:46,338 --> 00:10:49,640
But in show business boldness is rewarded,

217
00:10:49,675 --> 00:10:51,542
so my answer is yes.

218
00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:54,311
Yes, yes!

219
00:10:54,346 --> 00:10:57,246
- That is such good news!
- (Bleep), I know!

220
00:11:07,245 --> 00:11:10,013
So, how'd it go?

221
00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:12,882
I met with a woman at a
very sad grocery store,

222
00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:16,953
and I have a quote unquote
interview to be a bag boy.

223
00:11:16,987 --> 00:11:20,223
Hey, that's great!

224
00:11:20,258 --> 00:11:22,559
That's all that I'm
apparently qualified to be.

225
00:11:22,593 --> 00:11:23,593
When's the interview?

226
00:11:23,628 --> 00:11:25,161
This afternoon.

227
00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:26,896
Well, the interview's where you make

228
00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:28,164
your first good impression,
so, it's gotta count.

229
00:11:28,198 --> 00:11:29,565
I'm interviewing to be a bag boy,

230
00:11:29,599 --> 00:11:31,367
not a personal injury lawyer.

231
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:34,436
David, I've had enough people
hire enough people in my day

232
00:11:34,471 --> 00:11:36,739
to know exactly what they're
looking for in an interview,

233
00:11:36,774 --> 00:11:39,175
so, let's go! Let's get up.

234
00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:42,879
For what?

235
00:11:44,647 --> 00:11:45,914
Come in!

236
00:11:48,718 --> 00:11:52,254
Ah, David Rose.

237
00:11:52,288 --> 00:11:54,289
You're applying for the bag boy position.

238
00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:55,824
Yeah.

239
00:11:55,859 --> 00:11:57,959
Tell me David, why do you want this job?

240
00:11:57,994 --> 00:11:59,862
I don't want this job.

241
00:11:59,896 --> 00:12:02,663
Well, thank you very much,
and don't expect a phone call!

242
00:12:02,698 --> 00:12:04,132
- Okay.
- All right, do it right!

243
00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:05,767
Or let's not do it.

244
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,869
Now, we're gonna start again.

245
00:12:07,904 --> 00:12:09,804
- Okay.
- Tell me, David, why do you want this job?

246
00:12:09,838 --> 00:12:11,773
I ran out of eye cream.

247
00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:12,874
Okay, you're not gonna get this job.

248
00:12:12,909 --> 00:12:14,209
You're not gonna get this job!

249
00:12:14,243 --> 00:12:16,711
You know why? Your attitude sucks!

250
00:12:16,745 --> 00:12:17,978
- Okay...
- And look at how you're dressed!

251
00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:20,915
What is this?! Colostomy bag pants!

252
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,650
I'm the manager of a
family run grocery store.

253
00:12:22,684 --> 00:12:24,819
I'm not gonna hire you!

254
00:12:24,853 --> 00:12:27,187
You're not gonna get the
job, you're the last person...

255
00:12:27,222 --> 00:12:28,823
- Okay!
- Where's your mother?

256
00:12:28,857 --> 00:12:30,357
Whew!

257
00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:32,326
- Where's your mother?
- What?

258
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,328
- Aaaaaah!
- Aaah? What?!

259
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,563
- Where's your mother?!
- She's with Jocelyn.

260
00:12:36,597 --> 00:12:38,899
- With Jocelyn?
- She's fine!

261
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:40,167
And I'm fine too, if anybody cares.

262
00:12:40,201 --> 00:12:42,102
I told you to watch her!

263
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,304
I did watch her!

264
00:12:43,338 --> 00:12:45,572
I watched her talk to Jocelyn.

265
00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:52,381
Okay, how many of you
beautiful young things

266
00:12:52,415 --> 00:12:53,516
have a background in the theater?

267
00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:55,384
Raise your swords!

268
00:12:59,389 --> 00:13:03,559
I see, a class grounded
in realism, nice work.

269
00:13:03,594 --> 00:13:05,327
Because that is where
we find our deepest well.

270
00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:08,597
May I be up front?

271
00:13:08,631 --> 00:13:11,666
Yes.

272
00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:14,003
We're not here to play, or to have fun!

273
00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:19,341
You will work until it hurts!

274
00:13:24,947 --> 00:13:27,081
Hey, come here a second!

275
00:13:27,116 --> 00:13:29,818
Hey, just the man I wanna see!

276
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,453
So word on the street is
that you're all freaked out

277
00:13:32,488 --> 00:13:35,256
about the town sign, is that right?

278
00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:37,692
No, no, I'm not freaked out
about the town sign, I just...

279
00:13:37,727 --> 00:13:41,162
And that you have some sort
of problem with my family,

280
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,663
- ... Or something, is that it?!
- No, no, no, this is not about your family.

281
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,298
- Oh, it's not?
- It's not about your family.

282
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:44,865
- Oh, really? Okay, interesting.
- No, no, no.

283
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,501
In the car, come on!

284
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:50,671
In, let's go!

285
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,041
Come on, Kaylee, try this.

286
00:13:53,075 --> 00:13:55,743
It's cool.

287
00:13:55,777 --> 00:13:57,545
I can be cool without drugs, Mark!

288
00:13:57,579 --> 00:13:58,746
Okay, stop! No one speak.

289
00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:01,314
Not a word!

290
00:14:03,785 --> 00:14:05,986
It's not your fault, the script is garbage!

291
00:14:06,021 --> 00:14:07,988
Okay, which one of you wrote this?

292
00:14:10,525 --> 00:14:14,027
I did.

293
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,430
Jocelyn, have you ever
been addicted to drugs?

294
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,765
No!

295
00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:20,867
Then write what you know, okay?

296
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,735
The quiet suffering of a woman

297
00:14:22,770 --> 00:14:24,771
trapped in a relationship with a simpleton.

298
00:14:24,805 --> 00:14:27,640
That's not what I know Moira,

299
00:14:27,675 --> 00:14:31,143
and drug awareness is
part of the curriculum, so.

300
00:14:31,178 --> 00:14:33,412
I'm gonna work with these two.

301
00:14:33,447 --> 00:14:36,616
What is it that you want?

302
00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:38,217
To go home.

303
00:14:38,251 --> 00:14:39,819
Is that where you keep the stash?

304
00:14:39,853 --> 00:14:41,821
You want the marijuana?

305
00:14:41,855 --> 00:14:43,823
Yes?

306
00:14:43,857 --> 00:14:46,825
No, you want to be seen,
and heard, and loved!

307
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,463
Now, what is it you need?

308
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:56,402
It's different, be careful,
what is it you need?

309
00:14:58,771 --> 00:15:00,973
What is it you need?

310
00:15:18,257 --> 00:15:20,291
Okay. Ahem!

311
00:15:29,034 --> 00:15:31,369
Hey!

312
00:15:31,403 --> 00:15:34,372
Um, were you working
out or something? Or...

313
00:15:34,406 --> 00:15:37,708
Ah, sort of.

314
00:15:37,743 --> 00:15:40,911
Okay, well, I'm sorry for interrupting.

315
00:15:40,946 --> 00:15:43,380
Um, I just I happened
to be in the area, so...

316
00:15:43,414 --> 00:15:46,150
Mutt?

317
00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:48,519
Um... just...

318
00:15:48,553 --> 00:15:50,921
Alexis!

319
00:15:50,956 --> 00:15:53,490
Twyla!

320
00:15:53,525 --> 00:15:54,758
I didn't know you two were uh...

321
00:15:54,792 --> 00:15:56,527
Did you wanna come in?

322
00:15:56,561 --> 00:15:58,028
I was just about to make some tea.

323
00:15:58,062 --> 00:16:00,531
Mmm, no, I'm good.

324
00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:02,966
Uh, I should be getting back to my mom,

325
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,036
who's not well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go.

326
00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:07,003
- Okay.
- Oh.

327
00:16:07,038 --> 00:16:08,305
You guys have fun!

328
00:16:08,339 --> 00:16:09,939
Thanks!

329
00:16:09,974 --> 00:16:13,376
Bye!

330
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:17,080
Blaaaaah!

331
00:16:17,114 --> 00:16:20,684
That is my great grandfather
up there, Horace Schitt.

332
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:23,386
He was a visionary, Johnny!

333
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,688
He discovered this land, he developed it,

334
00:16:25,722 --> 00:16:28,257
and he turned it into the little
slice of heaven that it is.

335
00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:30,959
And I'm proud of him! You understand that?

336
00:16:30,994 --> 00:16:31,760
Roland, you've got this all wrong.

337
00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:33,796
Why do you hate me?

338
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:35,565
I don't hate you! I don't hate you!

339
00:16:35,599 --> 00:16:36,566
Well then, why do you
have a problem with a sign

340
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,634
that celebrates my family?

341
00:16:38,669 --> 00:16:41,070
It's not, it's just the way
they're celebrating, that's all!

342
00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:42,771
Okay, so now you hate my family.

343
00:16:42,806 --> 00:16:44,740
I don't hate your family!

344
00:16:44,774 --> 00:16:46,575
Well then, what is your big
fat problem with the sign?!

345
00:16:46,609 --> 00:16:48,276
It looks like your great grandfather's

346
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:52,447
your great grandmother right up the ass!

347
00:16:52,481 --> 00:16:55,417
Oh my go... that is so demented!

348
00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:58,653
You can't tell me you don't see that!

349
00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:01,590
Well, you know, now that you put
that creepy thought in my head,

350
00:17:01,624 --> 00:17:05,159
sure, I... I see it, but
you got it all wrong, pal!

351
00:17:05,194 --> 00:17:07,429
Let me enlighten you, Mr. Johnny Rose!

352
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:09,564
That isn't even Horace's wife!

353
00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:11,799
That's his sister.

354
00:17:14,704 --> 00:17:16,804
Well, how does that make it any better?

355
00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:18,873
Ohhh!

356
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:21,042
Well, I don't know how they
do things where you come from,

357
00:17:21,076 --> 00:17:22,710
but around these parts,

358
00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:25,546
we don't do that sort of
thing with our sisters!

359
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:28,983
Roland, how is anybody
driving past this sign

360
00:17:29,017 --> 00:17:31,085
supposed to know the woman
getting banged from behind

361
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,621
is that man's sister?!

362
00:17:33,956 --> 00:17:37,691
- Oh my.
- Oh my! Yes, oh my!

363
00:17:37,726 --> 00:17:39,793
All right, Johnny, well I never
really looked at it that way,

364
00:17:39,827 --> 00:17:41,695
but now I get it, okay,

365
00:17:41,730 --> 00:17:43,264
well, all right, I'll
do something about it,

366
00:17:43,298 --> 00:17:45,399
I'll fix it, all right?

367
00:17:45,433 --> 00:17:47,735
And thank you, thank you
for bringing that up to me.

368
00:17:47,769 --> 00:17:51,171
Good.

369
00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:53,373
Good!

370
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:57,144
Jocelyn, we're going off book!

371
00:17:57,178 --> 00:17:58,411
Well, actually, we're running out of time.

372
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,214
Forget the lines, forget the lines!

373
00:18:01,249 --> 00:18:03,316
Let's just be in character, shall we?

374
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,720
Oh, could you be stiffer?!

375
00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:09,455
Just watch, please.

376
00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:10,757
Ahem! Start wherever.

377
00:18:10,871 --> 00:18:14,474
Um... Do you wanna smoke a joint?

378
00:18:14,508 --> 00:18:17,610
Oh Mark, you are better than this.

379
00:18:17,644 --> 00:18:19,579
You can't let others define you.

380
00:18:19,613 --> 00:18:21,313
Look at me!

381
00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:24,149
Never let the bastards get you down!

382
00:18:24,184 --> 00:18:26,451
- Can't say bastard!
- Okay.

383
00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:28,087
You must prepare for life,

384
00:18:28,121 --> 00:18:29,922
and whatever it will throw at you.

385
00:18:29,956 --> 00:18:32,291
The opportunities will diminish,

386
00:18:32,325 --> 00:18:34,493
and the ass will get bigger,

387
00:18:34,527 --> 00:18:36,228
oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will!

388
00:18:36,263 --> 00:18:37,829
Especially yours.

389
00:18:37,864 --> 00:18:40,198
You're going to have a huge ass.

390
00:18:40,232 --> 00:18:43,134
And you, future baldy.

391
00:18:43,168 --> 00:18:45,771
Sorry, hairless, homeless!

392
00:18:45,805 --> 00:18:48,239
So what? Who cares?

393
00:18:48,324 --> 00:18:51,560
When they get mean, you
tell them to go to hell!

394
00:18:51,594 --> 00:18:54,929
Because only you know who you are!

395
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:57,231
And those cruel Internet people

396
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,067
cannot take that away from you!

397
00:18:59,101 --> 00:19:02,470
You will forge on!

398
00:19:02,504 --> 00:19:06,740
And you will find some glimmer
of something to hold on to.

399
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:10,744
And only then will you find your way back.

400
00:19:10,779 --> 00:19:13,681
Only then will you become
once again who you are!

401
00:19:15,484 --> 00:19:17,417
Lady standing!

402
00:19:28,562 --> 00:19:31,031
Good, you're gettin' the hang of it.

403
00:19:31,065 --> 00:19:33,266
Well, putting groceries in a bag

404
00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:35,335
is not as complicated as one might think.

405
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,737
Watch the eggs. What did I say?

406
00:19:37,771 --> 00:19:39,806
You said put them in a separate bag.

407
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,310
Good. Quick learner.

408
00:19:43,344 --> 00:19:47,213
David Rose, line one.

409
00:19:47,247 --> 00:19:50,216
Sorry, I just gotta...
just one... thank you.

410
00:19:52,285 --> 00:19:53,786
Hello?

411
00:19:53,821 --> 00:19:55,321
Hey, how's it going?

412
00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:57,023
Yeah, I can't talk right now, so.

413
00:19:57,057 --> 00:19:58,825
Ah, they're working you hard, huh?

414
00:19:58,859 --> 00:20:03,062
Yeah, I can't talk, so
I'm gonna hang up, bye.

415
00:20:03,096 --> 00:20:04,430
Sorry, sorry about that.

416
00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:10,969
Someone's on a health kick, huh?

417
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,674
David Rose, line one.

418
00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:20,345
I'm just gonna... scoot past.

419
00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:25,283
- Yeah?
- You hung up.

420
00:20:27,554 --> 00:20:29,821
Sorry.

421
00:20:29,856 --> 00:20:32,424
Okay.

422
00:20:32,458 --> 00:20:35,093
Where were we?

423
00:20:35,127 --> 00:20:37,262
David Rose, line one!

424
00:20:39,498 --> 00:20:42,434
Right.

425
00:20:42,468 --> 00:20:44,669
Take that off.

426
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:47,072
Hand that to you.

427
00:20:47,106 --> 00:20:48,173
Now I'm gonna... I'm gonna go.

428
00:20:55,648 --> 00:20:58,983
This is worse. This is much worse!

429
00:20:59,018 --> 00:21:02,519
- You did this?
- No, I didn't do this, I tried to fix this!

430
00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:06,085
Well, it... it is what it is.

431
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,820
Okay, it looks like...

432
00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:09,455
I know what it looks like, Alexis!

433
00:21:09,489 --> 00:21:11,457
I know!