1 00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:25,045 - Immigration? - Revenue. 2 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:29,250 Missus Rose! There are people here from the government! 3 00:00:35,956 --> 00:00:38,658 I've been gutted! 4 00:00:38,693 --> 00:00:40,660 John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure 5 00:00:40,695 --> 00:00:43,397 I earned in this life! 6 00:00:43,431 --> 00:00:44,731 Well, how do you think I feel, Moira?! 7 00:00:44,766 --> 00:00:47,267 Eli was family, for God's sake! 8 00:00:47,301 --> 00:00:50,569 Leave your finances to me, he said! Son of a bitch! 9 00:00:50,604 --> 00:00:51,837 Baby, it's crazy, people are just like, 10 00:00:51,872 --> 00:00:54,274 taking our stuff! 11 00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:56,943 I said, they're taking our stuff! 12 00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:59,379 Can you just step out of the club for a second, ple... 13 00:00:59,413 --> 00:01:01,614 Hold on, hold on! Those bags are not for you, 14 00:01:01,648 --> 00:01:03,182 my boyfriend bought those for me, 15 00:01:03,217 --> 00:01:05,218 so, theoretically, they are his! 16 00:01:05,252 --> 00:01:07,486 Please sir, can you step aside? 17 00:01:07,521 --> 00:01:10,423 No, you step aside! You step aside! 18 00:01:10,457 --> 00:01:11,824 I'm still trying to wrap my mind around 19 00:01:11,858 --> 00:01:13,759 what kind of a sick person wants to get paid 20 00:01:13,794 --> 00:01:15,928 to destroy another person's life! 21 00:01:15,962 --> 00:01:19,298 Destroy another person's life! 22 00:01:19,332 --> 00:01:20,733 Where are you taking that?! 23 00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:23,468 My very soul has been kidnapped, 24 00:01:23,502 --> 00:01:26,438 there's no ransom, no one's coming to save me! 25 00:01:26,472 --> 00:01:28,040 We've got 15 minutes to collect our personals, 26 00:01:28,074 --> 00:01:30,675 - can we pick up the pace?! - No, no! 27 00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:32,877 Did you put Kristen with Robin? They don't like each other! 28 00:01:32,912 --> 00:01:36,681 Nooooo! Nooooo! 29 00:01:36,715 --> 00:01:38,516 Eli really did a number, Johnny. 30 00:01:38,551 --> 00:01:40,819 He took everything. 31 00:01:40,853 --> 00:01:43,154 They're still looking for him, they think he's in the Caymans. 32 00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:45,189 He was our business manager, he's supposed to pay taxes! 33 00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:47,459 Hmm. 34 00:01:47,493 --> 00:01:50,027 There is a very small amount set aside for you, 35 00:01:50,062 --> 00:01:52,497 and one asset the government has allowed you to retain. 36 00:01:52,531 --> 00:01:55,299 The kids. 37 00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:59,703 The children are dependents, Moira. 38 00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:03,640 You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny. 39 00:02:03,675 --> 00:02:06,810 Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son. 40 00:02:06,845 --> 00:02:09,880 Wait, you actually purchased that town? 41 00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:13,517 Yes, I purchased the town, how else could I get the deed? 42 00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:16,252 - You could've photo shopped the deed! - And saved the money! 43 00:02:16,287 --> 00:02:18,856 Why would I Photoshop a deed, the joke was owning the town! 44 00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,190 - Okay, stop. - That was the joke! 45 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,358 - Oh my God! - Well, that was the joke! 46 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,727 To Johnny's credit... 47 00:02:23,761 --> 00:02:27,230 This town just might be your saving grace, at least for a while. 48 00:02:27,264 --> 00:02:28,732 What do you mean? 49 00:02:28,766 --> 00:02:30,033 You can live there for next to nothing, 50 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,801 until you get back on your feet. 51 00:02:31,835 --> 00:02:33,736 I'm sure there's a penthouse we can move into, 52 00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:36,206 please, there are other options. 53 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,141 Well, homelessness is still on the table. 54 00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:55,791 The whole time I was surrounded by old women wearing visors, 55 00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:58,628 who smelled like yams! 56 00:02:58,662 --> 00:03:01,130 There was nowhere to lie down! 57 00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:02,831 There was nowhere to lie down, there was no bed! 58 00:03:02,865 --> 00:03:04,566 There was no kitchen. 59 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,635 I know! 60 00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:09,338 No. 61 00:03:09,372 --> 00:03:10,605 I don't know what to tell you, there's like, 62 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,442 cows all over the place, like, everywhere. 63 00:03:13,476 --> 00:03:15,610 I don't know if there's even a station, 64 00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,546 I don't know what's happening! 65 00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:21,583 Johnny Rose! 66 00:03:21,617 --> 00:03:23,852 Roland Schitt. 67 00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:25,787 Oh, you're the mayor we're supposed to meet. 68 00:03:25,821 --> 00:03:27,889 That's right, I'm the mayor, 69 00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:29,758 so if you're looking for an ass to kiss, it's mine! 70 00:03:32,595 --> 00:03:36,030 Oh, this is my family, my son... 71 00:03:36,065 --> 00:03:37,365 Let's get you all squared away in the office there, Johnny, 72 00:03:37,399 --> 00:03:39,434 okay, the gals can grab the bags, 73 00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:40,768 you follow me, all right, right this way, 74 00:03:40,802 --> 00:03:43,137 watch it, honey, here we come. 75 00:03:43,172 --> 00:03:44,939 The "Cheaters" marathon we watched, it's like that. 76 00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:46,874 Children, keep an eye on these bags. 77 00:03:46,908 --> 00:03:50,778 Apparently in hell, there's no bellman! 78 00:03:50,812 --> 00:03:53,113 - David, what are we... - Shut up! 79 00:03:53,147 --> 00:03:54,848 - You shut up! - You shut up! 80 00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:59,587 - Um, you shut up! - You shhhut up! 81 00:03:59,621 --> 00:04:01,722 The name is Rose. 82 00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:04,558 I don't see a reservation under that name. 83 00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:07,027 It's okay, Stevie, I set aside two rooms for them. 84 00:04:07,062 --> 00:04:09,062 Well, there's nothing here. 85 00:04:09,097 --> 00:04:10,863 Well okay, fine, just book 'em in with two rooms, 86 00:04:10,898 --> 00:04:13,166 these people own the town; They're big deals. 87 00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,034 We'll need three rooms, minimum. 88 00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:17,337 Ooh, no can do, honey. 89 00:04:17,371 --> 00:04:20,039 Look, we have a one room comp policy here, 90 00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:23,176 and I am personally throwing in an extra room out of sheer decency, so... 91 00:04:23,211 --> 00:04:25,244 What about suites? Do you have a couple of suites? 92 00:04:25,278 --> 00:04:26,579 This guy! 93 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,280 Um... 94 00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:31,884 No, this is a motel, 95 00:04:31,919 --> 00:04:35,387 so we cater more to off road truckers and drunk teenagers. 96 00:04:35,422 --> 00:04:38,457 Please, someone just give me a key, to a door, 97 00:04:38,492 --> 00:04:41,893 to a room any room! I just want a bathtub, 98 00:04:41,928 --> 00:04:45,063 and a long extension cord, please. 99 00:04:45,098 --> 00:04:47,266 There you go, ma'am. 100 00:04:52,305 --> 00:04:54,306 It smells like a gym bag. 101 00:04:54,341 --> 00:04:56,708 Does anyone else feel light headed? 102 00:04:56,743 --> 00:05:00,311 Oh my God, this takes me back to high school. 103 00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:03,815 You know, I did the deed in just about every room in this place. 104 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:06,284 Yep, if a forensic team came in here 105 00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:08,520 with one of those blue lights, this place would just light up! 106 00:05:08,554 --> 00:05:10,756 Okay, that's good. 107 00:05:10,790 --> 00:05:12,557 - Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! - Oh my God. Oh my God! 108 00:05:12,591 --> 00:05:14,959 Oh hey, chief, the other room's right through there. 109 00:05:14,993 --> 00:05:16,561 Here you go. 110 00:05:19,865 --> 00:05:21,866 And there's the bed, 111 00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:26,137 I should probably pull off that cover, and... burn it. 112 00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:28,640 All right. 113 00:05:28,674 --> 00:05:32,843 Good, Roland, thank you very much, appreciate everything, uh... 114 00:05:32,878 --> 00:05:33,878 ... Have a ball in the land down under! 115 00:05:33,912 --> 00:05:35,445 Ever wanna ride a kangaroo? 116 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,182 Okay. 117 00:05:38,216 --> 00:05:41,018 Okay. 118 00:05:41,053 --> 00:05:44,555 - Okay. - Oof! 119 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,691 Okay, okay. 120 00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:48,992 Okay, okay, okay. 121 00:05:49,026 --> 00:05:52,762 Okay. Okay. 122 00:05:52,797 --> 00:05:55,265 Okay. Okay! 123 00:05:59,036 --> 00:06:02,472 Okay. Okay. I love you! 124 00:06:02,507 --> 00:06:06,976 Oh, okay, well, it looks like you got all the channels 125 00:06:07,011 --> 00:06:09,913 except for Channel 19 for some reason. I don't know why. 126 00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:11,848 Well, the thing is we won't be watching a lot of television, 127 00:06:11,882 --> 00:06:14,584 but again, thank you, 128 00:06:14,618 --> 00:06:17,120 I don't want to keep you, I know you're a busy man. 129 00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:33,236 Whoa! 130 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,273 Hi. 131 00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:40,408 Can I help you? 132 00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,010 I'm looking for an extra towel, Okay... 133 00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:43,712 And this might be a stupid question, 134 00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:45,748 considering the state of the rugs in our room, 135 00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:50,219 but do you have a business centre here? 136 00:06:50,253 --> 00:06:53,521 Yes, we do have a business center. 137 00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:55,423 You can find it right outside the doors to your left, 138 00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:59,060 right beside the hammam spa. 139 00:06:59,094 --> 00:07:00,328 Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it? 140 00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:02,297 Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks. 141 00:07:02,331 --> 00:07:04,232 I'll get those right out. 142 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,337 Well Roland, once again, thank you for giving us 143 00:07:10,372 --> 00:07:11,906 the lay of the land here, 144 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:14,008 but we have some serious unpacking to do. 145 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,644 - Oh, sure! - If you don't mind. 146 00:07:16,678 --> 00:07:19,213 No problem there, Johnny, I don't mind helpin' out. 147 00:07:19,248 --> 00:07:21,615 Listen, one thing before I go here, um... 148 00:07:23,852 --> 00:07:25,686 Do you mind if I use your toilet? 149 00:07:28,022 --> 00:07:32,092 Is it absolutely necessary? 150 00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:34,461 Uh, yeah, I would say it's absolutely necessary! 151 00:07:36,765 --> 00:07:38,064 Excuse me. 152 00:07:38,099 --> 00:07:40,033 Absolutely necessary. 153 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,303 Yes, that train has left the station, 154 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,337 if you know what I mean! 155 00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:50,143 - I need that bed. - Why? 156 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,477 - Because I need it. - Why? 157 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,013 Because if someone were to break in here 158 00:07:53,047 --> 00:07:54,181 in the middle of the night wanting to murder us, 159 00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:55,548 they would attack this bed first, 160 00:07:55,582 --> 00:07:58,218 so I need this bed. 161 00:07:58,252 --> 00:08:00,753 So you're saying that you want me to get murdered first?! 162 00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:02,822 In front of you? And then what would you do? 163 00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,691 Would you just run away and leave me to bleed out... 164 00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:06,492 On the floor?! 165 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,662 Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah. 166 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,164 Okay. Well, you can have the bed when I leave. 167 00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:14,734 Well, where are you going? 168 00:08:14,768 --> 00:08:16,035 Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that. 169 00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:19,205 What do you mean Stavros is com... 170 00:08:19,239 --> 00:08:21,307 What do you mean? When? When is he doing that? 171 00:08:21,341 --> 00:08:23,342 Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane. 172 00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:26,511 Well, where are we going? 173 00:08:26,546 --> 00:08:30,482 Okay, at present, he's just coming for me, 174 00:08:30,516 --> 00:08:32,351 but then I figured that we would just come back 175 00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:35,387 and grab you guys at some point. 176 00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:38,623 What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit soaked dump, 177 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,729 to gallivant around the world 178 00:08:43,763 --> 00:08:45,764 with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend 179 00:08:45,798 --> 00:08:48,299 she's known for three months?! 180 00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,969 Um, David, it will be four months next month! 181 00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:53,304 Oh my God! 182 00:08:53,339 --> 00:08:56,507 And he just told me that he could potentially see himself 183 00:08:56,541 --> 00:08:57,942 considering saying "I love you" 184 00:08:57,977 --> 00:09:00,278 at some point sometime soon, so... 185 00:09:00,312 --> 00:09:01,846 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 186 00:09:01,881 --> 00:09:03,681 I'm telling mom. I'm telling mom and dad, have you told them? 187 00:09:03,715 --> 00:09:06,384 No! No David, I'm waiting for the right opportunity. 188 00:09:06,418 --> 00:09:08,419 Okay, otherwise dad's gonna cry, 189 00:09:08,453 --> 00:09:10,287 and mom's gonna do that thing 190 00:09:10,321 --> 00:09:11,989 where she pretends that nothing's wrong, 191 00:09:12,023 --> 00:09:13,357 and then just doesn't talk to me for five months, 192 00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:14,425 and I don't want that. 193 00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:17,928 Well, I need this bed! I need it, so. 194 00:09:17,962 --> 00:09:20,163 You know what, David?! 195 00:09:20,198 --> 00:09:22,199 You get murdered first for once! 196 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:24,301 No, you get murdered first! 197 00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:26,603 David, you get murdered first! 198 00:09:26,637 --> 00:09:28,738 No, you! You do it! 199 00:09:28,773 --> 00:09:31,108 Yes, you get murdered first! David, you get murdered first! 200 00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:45,354 I actually think this place is kinda cute. 201 00:09:45,389 --> 00:09:47,490 Did you say cute? 202 00:09:47,525 --> 00:09:50,993 No Alexis, Martha Stewart's Hampton home is cute. 203 00:09:53,297 --> 00:09:55,298 Where's that weird man? 204 00:09:55,332 --> 00:09:58,367 Where? 205 00:09:58,402 --> 00:09:59,936 He's in the bathroom. 206 00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,238 He... he won't leave! 207 00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:04,140 Well, he's been in there for a very long ti... 208 00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:07,143 Oh my God! Oh my God! 209 00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:10,479 Jeez. Um... Boy. 210 00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,013 Remind me to get that window fixed. 211 00:10:12,048 --> 00:10:14,049 It will not open. 212 00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:15,851 Roland, listen, thank you very much, 213 00:10:15,885 --> 00:10:17,753 but I appreciate everything you've done, 214 00:10:17,787 --> 00:10:21,389 we need a little private time now, as a family. 215 00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:25,393 Sure, well actually, those curtains do close there so... 216 00:10:25,428 --> 00:10:28,096 Oh, look! You've got Channel 19! 217 00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:31,599 Roland, could you get the fuck out?! 218 00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:34,336 This latest model is a revelation in innovation. 219 00:10:34,370 --> 00:10:36,838 I am not lying folks, it's gonna last you a lifetime. 220 00:10:36,872 --> 00:10:40,808 You are gonna thank... 221 00:10:40,843 --> 00:10:44,645 That was an overreaction. That was uncalled for. 222 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,381 It's just... you know, we're a little tired, 223 00:10:47,415 --> 00:10:49,917 it's been a long day, 224 00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,920 there's a pharmacy worth of drugs wearing off 225 00:10:52,955 --> 00:10:54,989 on most of us right now, and I just think as a family, 226 00:10:55,023 --> 00:10:57,057 we just need a little time to chill. 227 00:10:57,092 --> 00:11:00,327 Johnny, please, you don't have to apologize, 228 00:11:00,362 --> 00:11:01,962 and you really don't have to hit me over the head 229 00:11:01,997 --> 00:11:03,830 with this sort of thing, I get it, 230 00:11:03,865 --> 00:11:06,233 you need your little family time and all that, I'm sure. 231 00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:08,202 No problem. 232 00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:10,971 You know what I'll do, I'll um... 233 00:11:11,006 --> 00:11:14,241 I'll just get the fuck out of here. 234 00:11:30,796 --> 00:11:32,597 Ugh, we have to eat in here?! 235 00:11:32,631 --> 00:11:35,266 I think it's kinda sweet. 236 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:38,369 Alexis, what's going on with you? 237 00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:41,239 - What do you mean? - Seriously?! 238 00:11:41,273 --> 00:11:43,374 The room was "cute," this place is "sweet." 239 00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:45,476 I am personally offended by this place, 240 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,112 I don't know what you think is nice about it. 241 00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:51,982 The town is disgusting. It is gruesome. 242 00:11:52,016 --> 00:11:56,687 It is charming, it is quaint, it's like out of a storybook. 243 00:11:56,721 --> 00:12:00,657 Alexis, what the hell is the matter with you?! 244 00:12:00,692 --> 00:12:04,695 Okay... Stavros is flying in to get me, 245 00:12:04,729 --> 00:12:06,797 and I am going to go live with him for a little bit. 246 00:12:06,831 --> 00:12:09,099 Well, that is not happening. 247 00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:11,234 And I am appalled that my baby girl 248 00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:14,004 has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore! 249 00:12:14,038 --> 00:12:16,139 Oh, hello! 250 00:12:16,173 --> 00:12:18,875 Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. 251 00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:21,677 Anyway, I read about you guys, 252 00:12:21,712 --> 00:12:24,114 and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy. 253 00:12:24,148 --> 00:12:26,081 Super crappy? 254 00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:27,950 I had a second cousin in Elmdale 255 00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:30,453 who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. 256 00:12:30,487 --> 00:12:31,987 It turns out his entire business was illegal, 257 00:12:32,022 --> 00:12:33,489 and he lost everything. 258 00:12:33,524 --> 00:12:36,125 Hm... not quite the same. 259 00:12:36,159 --> 00:12:38,828 Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... 260 00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:42,431 But he is learning Spanish, no mas, le duele! 261 00:12:42,465 --> 00:12:44,499 I think it means, "stop, it hurts." 262 00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:46,802 Oh, wonderful anecdote. 263 00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:48,270 Could you give us a moment please? 264 00:12:48,305 --> 00:12:50,672 Whenever you're ready, I'm just right over here. 265 00:12:50,706 --> 00:12:53,409 I forbid you to abandon our family. 266 00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:55,344 I am a grown woman, mother. 267 00:12:55,378 --> 00:12:57,246 This is an act of a spoiled child! 268 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,515 I think it's unforgivable! 269 00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:01,817 I think that you're just super jealous, 270 00:13:01,851 --> 00:13:04,486 'cause I'm getting out of here! 271 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,755 Also, you have a big thing of dandruff on your eyebrow. 272 00:13:06,789 --> 00:13:08,523 - Don't do that! - Kids, stop, stop! 273 00:13:08,558 --> 00:13:10,425 The world is falling apart around us John, 274 00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,828 and I'm dying inside. 275 00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:15,029 Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself. 276 00:13:15,064 --> 00:13:17,698 Oh, brisket! 277 00:13:17,732 --> 00:13:19,300 - Give me... some spale! - David! 278 00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,177 John... 279 00:13:29,211 --> 00:13:31,011 - Oh my God! - Umm... 280 00:13:35,183 --> 00:13:37,818 These rooms did have doors, didn't they? 281 00:13:37,853 --> 00:13:39,520 Yeah, it's a hotel, they're hotel rooms! 282 00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:42,322 It's a motel! These are motel rooms. 283 00:13:42,357 --> 00:13:44,424 What if they took our stuff?! 284 00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:46,126 What stuff? There's no stuff to take. 285 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,427 I have stuff! 286 00:13:49,630 --> 00:13:52,432 Son of a bitch! 287 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,040 Yeah, I've got a problem. 288 00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:02,075 If this is about doors... 289 00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:03,776 Yeah, it's about doors, yeah, my doors are gone, 290 00:14:03,811 --> 00:14:06,245 my front door, somebody stole my doors! 291 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,180 Yeah, you're gonna have to talk to Roland about that. 292 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,983 He lives just down the street, you make a left out of the motel 293 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,918 and then another left. 294 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,887 It's a house with a truck in the driveway. 295 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:18,558 There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren. 296 00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:23,295 Oh my God, no! No! No! 297 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,931 - What?! - Ah! My earrings! They were there. 298 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,333 - They're not there! - Where did they go? 299 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,635 I don't know! 300 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,537 I don't know! First you threatened to abandon me, 301 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,906 and now my precious diamonds are gone! 302 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:36,175 Okay, you are super dramatic right now. 303 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:39,210 Shut up and look for them! 304 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:52,090 Get open! 305 00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,896 Roland, I see you behind the truck! 306 00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,898 Yeah, of course you see me. 307 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,367 I'm looking at my gravel. 308 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,272 Gravel these days, what are you gonna do? 309 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:10,041 - Yeah, it's gravel. - Yeah, it's gravel! 310 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,142 Hey, good news for you. 311 00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:14,545 I talked to a guy about that bathroom window. 312 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,914 That's the least of my concerns right now! 313 00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:20,117 Oh really? Well, why don't we address your concerns?! 314 00:15:20,151 --> 00:15:23,420 The doors! I want my doors back! 315 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,521 - Oh! - Before it gets dark! 316 00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,823 My son is afraid of moths. 317 00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:28,725 Oh, hmm. Well, here's the thing about that Johnny, 318 00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:31,295 you see, you did a bad thing. 319 00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:33,663 You disrespected me in front of your family! 320 00:15:33,698 --> 00:15:34,831 And now they think less of me. 321 00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:37,667 I doubt that's possible. 322 00:15:37,702 --> 00:15:39,570 And to be honest, you were kinda breathing down our necks 323 00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:41,871 a little bit back at the motel. 324 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:44,808 Johnny, when I was a kid and I did a bad thing, 325 00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:47,477 my father took the doors off my room. 326 00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:51,547 And he said to me, "Roland, privacy is earned." 327 00:15:51,582 --> 00:15:54,584 I am having a tough time following that. 328 00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,452 What the hell does that have to do with privacy? 329 00:15:56,487 --> 00:15:59,822 Nothing. I just got mad, and I took your doors. 330 00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:02,391 Look, if you took offense to anything I said 331 00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:05,261 back at the motel, just know it wasn't personal. 332 00:16:07,764 --> 00:16:10,766 All right, apology accepted. 333 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,967 Well, that was less of an apology, 334 00:16:12,002 --> 00:16:13,469 and more of an explanation. 335 00:16:13,504 --> 00:16:14,470 Nevertheless, I accept your apology. 336 00:16:14,505 --> 00:16:16,571 Which it wasn't! 337 00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:19,341 So thank you again for that apology. 338 00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:20,976 Well, there was no apology, and I can't do this anymore! 339 00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:22,978 You said you're sorry in a very sweet and humble way, 340 00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,813 and that takes a big man to do that, 341 00:16:24,848 --> 00:16:27,716 and that's what Johnny Rose is! A big man! Ooh! 342 00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:34,822 Oh! 343 00:16:34,857 --> 00:16:38,126 Hello! Hello! 344 00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:40,828 Hi, hello, come here, please. 345 00:16:40,863 --> 00:16:45,467 I don't suppose you saw any hobos or crackheads 346 00:16:45,501 --> 00:16:48,036 loitering around the hotel today? 347 00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:50,872 No crackheads, no... 348 00:16:50,906 --> 00:16:53,675 While the rooms were exposed to the world like a Moroccan fair, 349 00:16:53,709 --> 00:16:56,778 someone got in here and stole my earrings. 350 00:16:56,812 --> 00:17:00,848 But it was just... but it was just you here today. 351 00:17:00,883 --> 00:17:03,918 - It was. - It was. 352 00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:07,221 I'm assuming you were the only one here on the premises today? 353 00:17:07,255 --> 00:17:09,756 I think I know where you're going with this. 354 00:17:09,791 --> 00:17:14,161 No, I'm simply confirming that you alone were here 355 00:17:14,196 --> 00:17:16,397 when the earrings were stolen. 356 00:17:16,431 --> 00:17:17,364 Are you asking me if I stole your earrings? 357 00:17:17,399 --> 00:17:20,467 No, I would never, please! 358 00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:23,570 But I also would certainly never press charges 359 00:17:23,604 --> 00:17:26,439 if my earrings were suddenly to be returned. 360 00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:29,475 If they suddenly reappeared, 361 00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:31,444 if you gave them back I would not press charges, 362 00:17:31,478 --> 00:17:33,680 I would look the other way. 363 00:17:33,715 --> 00:17:35,481 Okay, you know what? I gotta run. 364 00:17:35,516 --> 00:17:37,684 'Cause I wanna hit the pawn shop before it closes. 365 00:17:37,719 --> 00:17:39,852 I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so. 366 00:17:39,886 --> 00:17:42,755 You seem like you have this under control, though. 367 00:17:42,789 --> 00:17:44,424 What just happened?! 368 00:17:44,458 --> 00:17:46,926 David, I politely asked that concierge girl 369 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,629 if she had stolen my earrings, and she turned ice cold, 370 00:17:49,663 --> 00:17:51,664 and now she's on her way to a pawn shop! 371 00:17:51,699 --> 00:17:54,100 What?! I need a towel! 372 00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:56,335 Hello, hi. 373 00:17:56,369 --> 00:17:58,704 Hi, I am sorry if my mom accused you 374 00:17:58,739 --> 00:18:00,840 - of taking something. - It's fine. 375 00:18:00,874 --> 00:18:02,842 Okay, but does this mean that when you're cleaning our rooms, 376 00:18:02,876 --> 00:18:04,676 you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds out of spite, or something? 377 00:18:04,711 --> 00:18:06,278 I won't be cleaning your room. 378 00:18:06,312 --> 00:18:07,847 Okay, can I ask you a question? 379 00:18:07,881 --> 00:18:09,949 Shoot. 380 00:18:09,983 --> 00:18:11,016 I think you're kind of rude! 381 00:18:11,051 --> 00:18:13,318 Is that a question? 382 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:16,455 I have asked you thrice now for a towel, 383 00:18:16,489 --> 00:18:19,258 so that I may wash this town off my body. 384 00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,525 Do you think I wanna be here? 385 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,261 Do you think I wanna be here?! 386 00:18:22,295 --> 00:18:23,962 I don't know what you want, 387 00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:26,064 you've given me one word answers since I got here! 388 00:18:26,098 --> 00:18:27,999 So if I get you a towel you'll stop following me to my car? 389 00:18:28,093 --> 00:18:31,996 Yes! Yes! 390 00:18:32,031 --> 00:18:34,632 Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, 391 00:18:34,666 --> 00:18:36,835 and I take that as a compliment. 392 00:18:36,869 --> 00:18:39,003 The man is a lunatic! 393 00:18:39,038 --> 00:18:40,604 What the hell happened here? 394 00:18:40,639 --> 00:18:43,007 We've been robbed. 395 00:18:43,042 --> 00:18:46,310 Right now some local is pawning my earrings for crank. 396 00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:48,111 - Your diamonds?! - Yes, my diamonds, 397 00:18:48,146 --> 00:18:50,080 the one thing I could hide under my tongue. 398 00:18:50,114 --> 00:18:54,585 Moira, I took your earrings out of here, 399 00:18:54,619 --> 00:18:58,422 and I put them in my shoe. For safekeeping. 400 00:18:58,457 --> 00:19:02,392 No! No! 401 00:19:02,426 --> 00:19:05,128 Stavros just texted me. 402 00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:07,464 And he ended it, he's not coming! 403 00:19:07,498 --> 00:19:08,932 He said he doesn't have time to come and get me, 404 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:12,269 because he already rsvp'd to Diddy's white party, 405 00:19:12,303 --> 00:19:14,738 and doesn't have time to do both! 406 00:19:14,772 --> 00:19:16,573 But I was supposed to be his date to the white party! 407 00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:20,844 Alexis, he was never my favourite Stavros. 408 00:19:20,878 --> 00:19:22,479 I've hated that guy ever since he asked me 409 00:19:22,513 --> 00:19:24,748 to do lines with him at my sixtieth. 410 00:19:24,782 --> 00:19:27,149 Just out of sheer curiosity, 411 00:19:27,184 --> 00:19:29,986 um, where do you stand now 412 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,921 on whether or not you think this motel is cute? 413 00:19:31,955 --> 00:19:33,022 Like, is it still cute, or is it... 414 00:19:33,056 --> 00:19:35,057 You're a dick, David! 415 00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:36,859 Oh, I'm a dick! 416 00:19:36,894 --> 00:19:38,761 Okay, did I dump you for a party?! 417 00:19:38,795 --> 00:19:40,129 David, help me with the doors. 418 00:19:40,163 --> 00:19:42,331 No I can't, I just got out of the shower. 419 00:19:42,366 --> 00:19:43,499 - I need help with the doors. - Oh my God! 420 00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:45,201 David, help him with the doors! 421 00:19:45,235 --> 00:19:46,903 - You help him with the doors! - No! 422 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:48,037 David, could you help me with the doors?! 423 00:19:48,071 --> 00:19:49,605 It's air drying! 424 00:19:49,639 --> 00:19:52,207 Pick up a hammer, and nail this coffin shut! 425 00:19:56,204 --> 00:19:57,850 As if I didn't see this coming. 426 00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:02,044 He's broken up with me five times already. 427 00:20:02,078 --> 00:20:05,480 Like, there was that time that he never met me in Rio, 428 00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:06,981 and remember that time that he gave me 429 00:20:07,016 --> 00:20:09,885 his ex wife's engagement ring? 430 00:20:09,919 --> 00:20:12,287 And then, last summer, 431 00:20:12,321 --> 00:20:14,423 that time that he left his Molly 432 00:20:14,457 --> 00:20:16,190 in my glove compartment, and then I got arrested? 433 00:20:16,225 --> 00:20:18,860 Oh my God! Can you do me a huge favour? 434 00:20:18,895 --> 00:20:21,595 And never repeat this to anyone that you respect, okay? 435 00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:24,665 - Okay? Okay. - Okay. 436 00:20:24,699 --> 00:20:26,968 Kids, we just came in to say good night, 437 00:20:27,002 --> 00:20:30,704 and to remind you that we will get through this... 438 00:20:30,739 --> 00:20:32,240 - Okay, good night! - As a family... 439 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,675 Warmest regards to you both. 440 00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:38,746 And that will end up on our feet in no time! 441 00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,681 Of course, by then our feet will be shoeless, 442 00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:42,750 and filthy and mangled, 443 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:46,487 from walking on cigarette butts and broken beer bottles. 444 00:20:46,521 --> 00:20:50,257 So, seriously Alexis, enough about Stavros! 445 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:54,328 I'm sorry if I am going through something right now! 446 00:20:54,362 --> 00:20:55,595 You're going through something?! 447 00:21:06,107 --> 00:21:08,641 - Good night, children. - Good night! 448 00:21:08,676 --> 00:21:11,177 - Good night. - Good night. 449 00:21:11,211 --> 00:21:12,445 Let's all pray we don't wake up.