Announcer: TONIGHT ON "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS."
MICHAEL MOORE -- HOST OF "THE RICH EISEN SHOW," RICH EISEN -
AN ALL NEW "CLOSER LOOK" - FEATURING THE 8G BAND WITH VALERIE FRANCO
AND NOW SETH MEYERS. Seth: GOOD EVENING, I'M SETH MEYERS AND THIS IS "LATE
NIGHT. HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT? THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR
LET'S GET TO THE NEWS. PRESIDENT TRUMP IS SCHEDULED TO PARDON THE ANNUAL THANKSGIVING
TURKEY NEXT WEEK AT THE WHITE HOUSE. BUT I THINK THEY'RE GOING FOR A
LEGAL LOOPHOLE BECAUSE THEY NAMED THE TURKEY DONALD TRUMP. "I HEREBY PARDON DONALD TRUMP,
NO TAKEBACKS." PRESIDENT TRUMP HAD NOTHING ON HIS PUBLIC SCHEDULE TODAY.
NOTHING? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES BUT YOU HAVE THE SAME SCHEDULE AS A TIBETAN MONK "TODAY I HAVE NOTHING.
I WILL DO NOTHING. I AM NOTHING." PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LAWYER
RUDY GIULIANI TODAY HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE IT WAS GOING TO BE IN THE ROSE
GARDEN BUT HE ACCIDENTALLY BOOKED OLIVE CLASSIC RUDY
PRESIDENT TRUMP'S PERSONAL LAWYER RUDY GIULIANI THIS WEEK MADE HIS FIRST IN-PERSON
APPEARANCE IN FEDERAL COURT SINCE THE EARLY 1990s, AND YOU COULD TELL
DURING YESTERDAY'S SHOW "FOX & FRIENDS" HOST BRIAN KILMEADE SAID THAT IT IS QUOTE, "IN THE
COUNTRY'S BEST INTEREST THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP BEGINS COORDINATING WITH
PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE BIDEN. YOU KNOW, I'VE SAID A LOT OF MEAN THINGS ABOUT
BRIAN KILMEADE THE OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS TREE ARRIVED THIS WEEK
IN WASHINGTON WHERE IT WAS MET BY FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP AND HER WOOD CHIPPER
TOMORROW IS PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE BIDEN'S 78th BIRTHDAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT,
SAID REPUBLICANS TO TRUMP. THE NYPD ANNOUNCED THAT IT'S LAUNCHED AN INVESTIGATION AFTER
A VIDEO WAS POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA OF A MAN USING A FLAME THROWER ON TOP OF A CROWDED CITY
BUS. HONESTLY, I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE TERRIFYING THAN A
CROWDED CITY BUS TODAY WAS NATIONAL PLAY MONOPOLY DAY, WHICH MEANS SATURDAY IS
NATIONAL FINISH PLAYING MONOPOLY DAY. AND FINALLY, ACCORDING TO A NEW
SURVEY, 86% OF PET OWNERS SAID THAT THEIR ANIMALS' COMPANIONSHIP HAS HELPED THEM
THROUGH 2020 THE OTHER 14% HAVE A CAT AND THAT WAS THE MONOLOGUE
EVERYBODY! WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
HE'S THE HOST OF "THE RUMBLE WITH MICHAEL MOORE PODCAST." I ALWAYS LOVE TALKING TO HIM
MICHAEL MOORE IS BACK, EVERYBODY. AND HE IS AN EMMY NOMINATED
SPORTSCASTER HE HOSTS "THE RICH EISEN SHOW" EVERY DAY ON PEACOCK
RICH EISEN WILL BE JOINING ME. BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL THAT, PRESIDENT TRUMP'S ATTEMPTED COUP
KEEPS GETTING DUMBER AND MORE DESPERATE. TODAY HIS LAWYER, RUDY GIULIANI,
HAD A MELTDOWN LIVE ON TELEVISION AS TRUMP TRIED TO OVERTURN THE WILL OF THE VOTERS
IN MICHIGAN. FOR MORE ON THIS, IT'S TIME FOR "A CLOSER LOOK."
Seth: LET'S START WITH SOME GOOD NEWS BECAUSE GOD KNOWS WE
NEED IT. FOR THE LAST FEW WEEKS I'VE BEEN POPPING ATIVAN LIKE THEY'RE
ALTOIDS. ALTHOUGH IN FAIRNESS, THEY SHOULDN'T SELL THEM IN
SIMILAR-LOOKING TINS EARLY DATA SUGGESTS WE MAY HAVE NOT ONE BUT TWO HIGHLY EFFECTIVE
CORONAVIRUS VACCINES AND IN PARTICULAR PFIZER SAYS THEY'RE READY TO ASK THE FDA FOR
EMERGENCY USE AUTHORIZATION WITHIN DAYS. MEANWHILE TODAY, OXFORD AND
ASTRAZENECA REPORTED THAT THEIR VACCINE HAS GENERATED A STRONG IMMUNE RESPONSE IN OLDER ADULTS.
HONESTLY, I'M SO READY FOR THIS VACCINE, I'VE BEEN SHOWING UP TO MY LOCAL CVS IN A TANK TOP
WAITING FOR A SHOT IN MY ARM MY PHARMACIST TOLD ME, YOU LOOK LIKE LATE NIGHT WRITER
MIKE SCOLLINS. YEAH, THIS BURN ALSO IS GOING TO HAVE MULTIPLE WAVES, SCOLLINS.
ANYWAY, DOCTORS AND PUBLIC HEALTH OFFICIALS WHO HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS THROUGHOUT
THIS ENTIRE PANDEMIC ARE STARTING TO TELL US THERE REALLY ARE GLIMMERS OF HOPE
WE JUST HAVE TO PULL TOGETHER AND GET THROUGH WHAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE A BRUTAL WINTER
WITH THESE TWO PROMISING VACCINES
WE JUST HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS WINTER WE CAN DO IT
WE CAN PUT OFF CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING IN PERSON LET'S HAVE THANKSGIVING IN JULY.
Seth: GREAT, I LOVE THAT IDEA THANKSGIVING SUCKS WHERE IT IS
NOW. IT'S TOO CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS. WE DON'T NEED BACK-TO-BACK
HOLIDAYS WHERE WE GO HOME AND SLEEP ON A TWIN BED AFTER MAINLINING GRAVY
MOVE IT TO JULY AND WE CAN STUFF A BIRD FULL OF BOTTLE ROCKETS AND LAUNCH IT STRAIGHT INTO THE
SKY, AKA, FIRE TURKS THE WRITER OF THIS PIECE, SAL GENTILE, WANTED ME TO STRESS
THAT FIRE TURKS WAS NOT IN HIS ORIGINAL DRAFT AND THAT I ADDED IT AFTER THE FACT.
AND I DON'T CARE I'LL OWN IT. HOWEVER SAL DID WRITE THAT
SCOLLINS BURN AND HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE ORIGINAL ZOOM MEETING WHEN SCOLLINS WORE THE TANK TOP.
THAT'S HOW RIDICULOUS YOU LOOK, MIKE HE HEARD IT SECOND HAND AND HE'S
BURNING YOU. ANYWAY, WE CAN COMBINE THE TRADITIONS OF BOTH HOLIDAYS INTO
ONE. GRAVY ON OUR HOT DOGS, CRANBERRIES ON OUR HAMBURGERS
AND INSTEAD OF FOOTBALL WE CAN FALL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH WATCHING THE DETROIT LIONS LOSE
AT WIMBLEDON I'M SORRY, WHY IS IT THE LIONS EVERY YEAR
BECAUSE TRADITION. WE JUST NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS BLEAK WINTER BUT WE ALSO NEED A
PLAN FOR ROLLING OUT A POTENTIAL VACCINE. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE
MIDDLE OF A PRESIDENTIAL TRANSITION RIGHT NOW, WHICH MEANS WE NEED THE INCOMING AND
OUTGOING ADMINISTRATIONS TO COOPERATE ON DEVELOPING A PLAN TO DISTRIBUTE THE VACCINE, WHICH
BIDEN HAS CALLED FOR
GETTING THE VACCINE AND A
VACCINATION, THOUGH, ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS EVERYONE ON OUR CALL TODAY IN
OUR ZOOM TODAY AGREED THAT THE SOONER WE HAVE ACCESS TO THE ADMINISTRATION'S DISTRIBUTION
PLAN, THE SOONER THIS TRANSITION WOULD BE SMOOTHLY MOVE FORWARD AH, JOE BIDEN
IT'S LIKE THE HUMAN SOUNDS OF THE RAINFOREST C.D JUST HEARING A PRESIDENT-ELECT
SPEAK IN DIRECT, COHERENT TERMS ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR YOU KNOW -- SOLVING THINGS, IS REASSURING.
ALTHOUGH JOE BIDEN COULD THINK VACCINE IS THE NAME OF THAT LADY FROM THE HALLMARK CARDS AND I'D
STILL JUST BE GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO PRESIDENT TRUMP EVER AGAIN
HUH. THIS IS A FUNNY ONE. HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF A SHOT IN
THE ARM, I GAVE YOU A SHOT IN THE ASS. MAXINE
MAX, WHEN WILL IT STOP, MAXINE AND YET DONALD TRUMP IS STILL MOPING AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE
PRETENDING HE HAS A PATH TO VICTORY BY, FOR EXAMPLE, OVERTURNING THE RESULTS IN
MICHIGAN TRUMP TRIED TO STEAL MICHIGAN IN PART BY UNDERMINING THE ROUTINE
PROCESS OF CERTIFYING ELECTION RESULTS IN WAYNE COUNTY, MICHIGAN, WHICH HE LOST AND NOT
COINCIDENTALLY INCLUDES DETROIT. IN FACT, WE LEARNED TODAY HE EVEN WENT SO FAR AS TO
PERSONALLY CALL TWO LOCAL REPUBLICAN CANVASSERS IN WAYNE COUNTY, WHO THEN TRIED TO
RESCIND THEIR VOTES TO CERTIFY THE RESULTS.
COUNTY BOARD OF CANVASSERS SUDDENLY CHANGED COURSE. YES, A PAIR OF REPUBLICANS
TRYING TO REVERSE COURSE AFTER CERTIFYING THE RESULTS FROM THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
THE VERY LATEST IS THAT THE TWO REPUBLICAN MEMBERS OF THE BOARD OF CANVASSERS THERE NOW
ASKING FOR THEIR VOTES TO BE RESCINDED FROM EARLIER IN THE WEEK, AND WE ARE NOW LEARNING
THAT PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP ACTUALLY CALLED BOTH OF THEM FOLLOWING THAT CONTROVERSIAL
MEETING. Seth: SO NOW TRUMP IS TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH LOCAL COUNTY
ELECTION BOARDS. WHAT'S NEXT? IS HE GOING TO START
INDIVIDUALLY TRACKING DOWN THE OLD LADIES AT THE POLLING STATIONS WHO GIVE YOU THE "I
VOTED" STICKER "I NEVER GOT A STICKER, THAT'S FRAUD.
I WIN. NOW GIMME THAT QUILT YOU OLD BAG!
ALSO, THIS MEANS SOMEONE AT THE WHITE HOUSE ACTUALLY HAD TO SIFT THROUGH GOOGLE OR SHUFFLE
THROUGH AN OLD ROLODEX TO FIND THE PHONE NUMBERS OF TWO LOCAL ELECTION CANVASSERS IN WAYNE
COUNTY, MICHIGAN YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THAT PROBABLY TOOK JUST TO FIND THIS
STORY ABOUT TRUMP CALLING THE CANVASSERS I HAD TO GOOGLE "TRUMP WAYNE,"
WHICH GAVE ME A BUNCH OF ARTICLES ABOUT LIL WAYNE SUPPORTING TRUMP SO.
THEN I TYPED "WAYNE TRUMP" INTO GOOGLE AGAIN AND ONE OF THE SUGGESTED SEARCHES WAS "WAYNE
TRUMPET" SO I CLICKED ON THAT. AND FOUND A WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE ABOUT A JAZZ MUSICIAN NAMED
WAYNE BERGERON WHO PLAYS THE TRUMPET SO I STARTED READING IT BECAUSE I PERSONALLY ALWAYS
THOUGHT IF I HADN'T GONE INTO COMEDY, I COULD HAVE BECOME A JAZZ MUSICIAN.
AND THEN I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS "SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AND GOOGLED TRUMP CALLS WAYNE COUNTY
BOARD OF CANVASSERS. THE POINT IS, THIS STUPID COUP IS TAKING A LONG [ BLEEP ] TIME.
AND THEN THERE'S THE FACT THAT TRUMP IS ATTEMPTING TO OVERTURN TENS OF THOUSANDS OF BALLOTS IN
GEORGIA AND ARIZONA AND SENDING RUDY GIULIANI TO PENNSYLVANIA TO EMBARRASS HIMSELF IN FEDERAL
COURT. IT'S FUNNY, BUT WHEN RUDY SHOWS UP IN COURT EVEN VIA CONFERENCE
CALL, EVERYONE MUST IMMEDIATELY THINK IT'S A HIDDEN CAMERA PRANK.
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IN EVERY CASE BUT ONE THIS YEAR, RUDY WAS THE BORAT
RUDY AND THE TRUMP TEAM MADE A SERIES OF COURT FILINGS YESTERDAY IN WHICH THEY ASKED,
AND THIS IS REAL, TO DISENFRANCHISE UP TO 1.5 MILLION VOTERS
THEY TOLD THE COURT THAT ULTIMATELY PLAINTIFFS WILL SEEK THE REMEDY OF TRUMP BEING
DECLARED THE WINNER OF THE LEGAL VOTES CAST IN THE PENNSYLVANIA 2020 GENERAL ELECTION AND THUS
THE RECIPIENT OF PENNSYLVANIA'S ELECTORS OKAY, SURE
THEN I'M FILING A MOTION IN COURT TO SEEK THE REMEDY THAT SETH MEYERS BE NAMED "PEOPLE
MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE." AND TO MY PUBLICIST, NO, I DON'T THINK SMUG WEEKLY'S MUG OF THE
MONTH IS JUST AS GOOD. ANYWAY, RUDY AND HIS LEGAL TEAM, WHICH INCLUDES A RADIO SHOW HOST
ARE NOT JUST ASKING FOR MILLIONS OF VOTERS TO BE DISENFRANCHISED, THEY'RE ALSO ASKING, AND AGAIN,
THIS IS REAL, TO BE ALLOWED TO COUNT THE BALLOTS THEMSELVES BY THE WAY, I'M USING LEGAL TEAM
SO LOOSELY HERE. ANYWAY RUDY'S PSYCHO PLAN AS FAR AS I CAN TELL IS TO COUNT A
SAMPLE OF THE BALLOTS AND THEN IF THEY CAN FIND ENOUGH SUPPOSED FRAUD, WHICH DOESN'T EXIST, THEY
WILL THEN EXTRAPOLATE THAT TO ALL OF THE BALLOTS AND DECLARE TRUMP THE WINNER
ACCORDING TO THE VERY REAL AND INSANE COURT FILING, PLAINTIFFS WILL EXAMINE THESE ENVELOPES TO
DETERMINE THE PERCENTAGE OF MAIL BALLOTS WHICH WERE ILLEGALLY COUNTED.
PLAINTIFFS THROUGH STATISTICAL EXPERT ANALYSIS WILL THEN EXTRAPOLATE THIS PERCENT TO THE
1.5 MILLION MAIL BALLOTS THIS SIMPLE EXERCISE WILL DETERMINE WHETHER PLAINTIFFS CAN
PROVE THEIR CASE THAT SUFFICIENT ILLEGAL BALLOTS WERE COUNTED THAT CHANGED THE RESULT OF THE
ELECTION IF SO, THE COURT SHOULD SET ASIDE THE VOTES AND DECLARE
TRUMP THE WINNER I LOVE THE PART WHERE THEY SAY THEY'LL EXTRAPOLATE THROUGH
STATISTICAL EXPERT ANALYSIS. I'M GUESSING WHAT THEY MEAN IS RUDY IS GOING TO BE SITTING IN A
ROOM WITH AN 80'S CASIO PRINTING CALCULATOR AND A STACK OF BALLOTS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW
TO DO HIGHER ORDER MATH. "WHAT? I DIDN'T KNOW SQUARE HAD ROOTS."
ALSO, I'M GLAD THEY TOOK TIME TO SAY THAT PART OF THEIR PETITION IS TO PROVE THE PLAINTIFF'S
CASE, WHICH WITHOUT EXCEPTION HAS BEEN THE GOAL OF THE PLAINTIFF IN EVERY SINGLE
LAWSUIT EVER, SINCE LIKE CAVEMAN COURT. YOU NEVER HEARD A LAWYER SAY,
"YOUR HONOR, WE'D LIKE TO PROVE THE CASE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, YOU DECIDE
WE HAVE NO SKIN IN THE GAME. EVEN TRUMP'S CLOSEST ALLIES LIKE HIS FORMER CHIEF OF STAFF
MICK MULVANEY HAD EXPRESSED CONCERN ABOUT RUDY'S EMBARRASSING PERFORMANCES IN
COURT.
ABOUT THE USE OF RUDY GIULIANI
THEY'RE NOT USING THE MOST WELL-NOTED ELECTION LAWYERS. THERE ARE FOLKS WHO USE-- WHO DO
THIS ALL OF THE TIME Seth: YEAH, AND NONE OF THEM WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS
HAREBRAINED SCHEME YOU DON'T END UP WITH RUDY WHEN YOU HAVE OTHER OPTIONS
THE RAFT IN CASTAWAY WASN'T TOM HANKS' FIRST CHOICE OF BOAT. IT WAS HIS ONLY CHOICE
TRUMP CHOSE RUDY THE WAY YOU CHOOSE A DENTIST WHOSE IN YOUR INSURANCE PLAN'S NETWORK
"WELL, THIS GUY'S ONLY OPEN ON TUESDAY BUT THIS OTHER GUY WORKS OUT OF A BARGE ON THE EAST
RIVER. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN DENTAL INSURANCE FROM THE
GENERAL OF GENERAL!" ANYWAY, WHAT WE HERE AT "LATE NIGHT" HAVE BEEN CALLING THE
KOOKY CUCKOO COUP CREW IS WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME, THERE'S STILL, YOU KNOW, A RAGING
PANDEMIC GOING ON AND THE PEOPLE CALLING UP RANDOM ELECTION OFFICIALS IN WAYNE COUNTY TO
OVERTURN LEGITIMATE ELECTION RESULTS ARE THE ONES WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING
AMERICANS FROM A DEADLY DISEASE. IT'S LIKE EVERY BUILDING IS ON FIRE AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
WON'T PUT THE FIRES OUT BECAUSE THEY'RE IN COURT DEMANDING, 'A', THEY NEVER HAVE TO RETIRE AND,
'B', FROM NOW ON WE CALL THEM "DA PARTY BOYS." YESTERDAY THERE WERE OVER 1,900
DEATHS, THE DAY BEFORE THAT THERE WERE OVER 1,600 DEATHS JOE BIDEN WANTS TO COOPERATE
WITH THE TRUMP TASK FORCE TO WORK ON A PLAN TO CURB CASES, SAVE LIVES AND GET A VACCINE OUT
TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. INSTEAD THE PRESIDENT IS
REFUSING TO CONCEDE AND TRYING TO STAGE AN INCOMPETENT COUP AND HE'S BECOME A FULL
J.D. SALINGER-LEVEL RECLUSE, HIDING OUT IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND SKIPPING TASK FORCE MEETINGS
ON A DEADLY PLAGUE SPREADING RAPIDLY THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY
PRESIDENT ON THIS. WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM AT ALL.
HE HASN'T TAKEN OUR QUESTIONS IN OVER TWO WEEKS SO WE HAVEN'T SEEN THE PRESIDENT
SINCE ON FRIDAY. AND THE WHITE HOUSE INSISTS HE'S STILL WORKING, HE'S STILL
FOCUSED ON CORONAVIRUS, BUT ERIN, WE SHOULD NOTE THE PRESIDENT HASN'T ATTENDED A TASK
FORCE MEETING IN IVE MONTHS, EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE HAD ONE HELD JUST IN THE LAST WEEK.
SO IF THAT GIVES YOU ANY IDEA, WE'RE ACTUALLY TOLD BY SOURCES HE'S MUCH MORE CONSUMED BY THE
STATE OF THIS ELECTION AND CONTESTING THE RESULTS THAN HE IS WITH THE PANDEMIC SURGING
ACROSS THE COUNTRY Seth: OF COURSE HE'S MORE FOCUSED ON THE ELECTION HE LOST
THEN ON THE PANDEMIC I KNOW IT WAS HARD TO TELL FROM THE HUNDREDS OF PSYCHOTIC ALL
CAPS TWEETS, MOST OF THEM WITH WARNING LABELS ON THEM, WHICH IS INSANE
AT THIS POINT WE HAVE TO PUT A DISCLAIMER ON THE PRESIDENT'S TWEETS, IT'S LIKE A PACK OF
CIGARETTES OR AN EPISODE OF "JACKASS." THINK ABOUT THAT, THE PANDEMIC
RAGING OUT OF CONTROL, THOUSANDS OF AMERICANS DYING A DAY AND THE PRESIDENT HASN'T EVEN BEEN TO A
MEETING IN FIVE MONTHS YOU REALIZE HOW LONG THAT IS FIVE MONTHS AGO I WAS TRAPPED IN
MY IN-LAW'S HOUSE TALKING TO A PAINTING OF A SEA CAPTAIN. EVEN THEN I APPARENTLY WAS DOING
MORE WORK THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES BECAUSE AT LEAST I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE
THEN TODAY AFTER A STRING OF EMBARRASSING COURT LOSSES AND BUMBLING PERFORMANCES IN FRONT
OF EXASPERATED JUDGES, RUDY GIULIANI, VOTED AMERICA'S WETTEST LAWYER FOR THREE YEARS
RUNNING, HELD A MARATHON PRESS CONFERENCE/PERFORMANCE ART PIECE THAT WAS HONESTLY AT TIMES SO
INCOMPREHENSIBLE I THOUGHT HAD TO PUT ON THE CLOSED CAPTIONING AND EVEN WHEN I DID, THE CLOSED
CAPTIONING SAID "YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE. IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE AND
HONESTLY POINTLESS TO WADE THROUGH ALL THE UNINTELLIGIBLE BULL [ BLEEP ] BECAUSE EVEN IF
YOU WERE SOMEHOW STEEPED IN THE FOX NEWS CINEMATIC UNIVERSE FOLLOWING ALL THE DETAILS OF A
DERANGED CONSPIRACY THEORY LIKE THIS CAN BE EXHAUSTING IT'S LIKE KEEPING TRACK OF WHERE
EVERY CHARACTER IS SUPPOSED TO BE DURING EACH "AVENGERS" MOVIE. ALL I KNOW IS I'M PRETTY SURE
JOE BIDEN IS OLD CAPTAIN AMERICA. HERE'S A SAMPLING OF JUST HOW
PSYCHOTIC THIS TELEVISED THERAPY SESSION WAS.
THE ONLY THING LEFT IS THE VOTE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MICKEY
MOUSE. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A DEAD PERSON
DID YOU ALL WATCH "MY COUSIN VINNY" YOU KNOW THE MOVIE
IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE LAW MOVIES BECAUSE HE COMES FROM BROOKLYN
AND THE NICE LADY WHO SAID SHE SAW AND THEN HE SAYS TO HER HOW MANY FINGERS DO I -- HOW MANY
FINGERS DO I GOT UP? A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE COMING OVER FROM CAMDEN TO VOTE.
THEY DO EVERY YEAR HAPPENS ALL THE TIME IN PHILLY IT'S ABOUT AS FREQUENT AS
GETTING BEATEN UP AS A PHILADELPHIA EAGLE BASKETBALL -- UH, FOOTBALL GAME.
I ASSUME IF SHE'S WORKING FOR THE -- I ASSUME IF SHE'S WORKING FOR THE CITY OF DETROIT THAT
SHE'S A DEMOCRAT WE HAVE WITNESSES WHO HAVE ACTUALLY REPORTED --
WHERE ARE YOU, FBI? WE MORE THAN DOUBLE THE NUMBER OF VOTES NEEDED TO OVERTURN THE
ELECTION THERE'S NOBODY HERE THAT ENGAGES IN FANTASIES
Seth: "HOW COME NOBODY'S LOOKING AT MY PENCILS? I GOT ALL THE PENCILS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M SORRY, NOBODY HERE ENGAGES IN FANTASIES
YOU JUST DID A LENGTHY REENACTMENT OF "MY COUSIN VINNY" AND CALLED THE PHILADELPHIA
EAGLES A BASKETBALL TEAM ALSO, WHY IS RUDY ALWAYS WIPING HIS ENTIRE FACE LIKE HE JUST GOT
DONE DOING CROSSFIT WHILE EATING A MEATBALL SUB IT'S NOT GREAT WHEN THE LAWYER
LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO ADMIT TO THE CRIME "MY CLIENT IS INNOCENT, YOUR
HONOR, BECAUSE I'M THE KILLER AND I'D DO IT AGAIN! ALSO, HE ADMITTED THEY'RE TRYING
TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION HE ACTUALLY USED THOSE WORDS IT'S LIKE WALKING INTO A COSTUME
SHOP AND SAYING WHICH MASK IS BEST FOR ROBBING A BANK? AND, BY THE WAY, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT THEY'RE TRYING TO DO. AND IT'S VERY REAL AND AS INCOMPETENT AS IT IS,
IT'S STILL AN ASSAULT ON CONSTITUTIONAL DEMOCRACY THE PRESIDENT JUST INVITED
MICHIGAN LAWMAKERS TO COME TO THE WHITE HOUSE TO PRESSURE THEM TO OVERTURN THE RESULTS IN THEIR
STATE. CAN WE JUST CALL THIS AN ATTEMPTED COUP NOW
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS. WE'RE ALL ARGUING OVER TERMINOLOGY LIKE WHETHER IT'S
CHAMPAGNE OR SPARKLING WINE BUT IT'S A COUP. EVEN IF IT DOESN'T SUCCEED
BECAUSE EVERYBODY INVOLVED IS A MORON, THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS HORRIFYING.
EVEN IF THIS FAILS, HISTORIANS WILL SPEND YEARS STUDYING THIS ATTEMPTED COUP AND PSYCHIATRISTS
WILL SPEND YEARS STUDYING --
THE USE OF RUDY GIULIANI.
Seth: THIS HAS BEEN "A CLOSER LOOK." *
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL MOORE. *
Seth: ALL THIS WEEK WE'VE HAD THE FANTASTIC DRUMMER FOR POP
ARTIST HAYLEY KIYOKO AND MILCK SITTING IN WITH THE 8G BAND. AND THIS IS JUST A WEIRD FUN
FACT THAT WE HAD KALEY CUOCO ON MONDAY AND I ALSO MENTIONED HAYLEY KIYOKO.
I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT'S FOR BUT THE WEEK'S ALMOST OVER AND I JUST WANTED TO GET IT OUT THERE.
HER NEW PODCAST "GAY CHURCH" IS OUT NOW. BE SURE TO FOLLOW HER ON YOUTUBE
AND INSTAGRAM @SEEVALDRUM. VALERIE FRANCO IS HERE THANK YOU FOR A GREAT WEEK, VAL.
OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING FILMMAKER OF DOCUMENTARIES LIKE
"ROGER & ME," "BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE," AND "FAHRENHEIT 9/11."
HIS PODCAST "RUMBLE WITH MICHAEL MOORE" IS AVAILABLE WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW MICHAEL MOORE. MICHAEL, HOW ARE YOU
GREAT, SETH THANKS FOR HAVING ME ON. Seth: I FEEL AS THOUGH OUR
APPEARANCES TOGETHER ON THIS SHOW HAVE BEEN CLOAKED IN SORT OF AN OPPRESSIVE PESSIMISM
ARE YOU FEELING A LITTLE BIT MORE OPTIMIST BASED ON WHERE WE'RE AT AS A NATION TODAY
YES AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT NOW?
[ LAUGHTER ] Seth: YOU KNOW THAT KEEPS COMING UP ON THIS SHOW
NO, THERE'S A LOT TO TALK ABOUT OBVIOUSLY. WHAT YOU JUST COVERED, WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN MICHIGAN, WHAT HAPPENED A COUPLE NIGHTS AGO WITH THE BOARD OF CANVASSERS,
ALL OF THESE YOU KNOW, WE'VE HAD THESE CRAZY REPUBLICANS IN MICHIGAN LONG
BEFORE TRUMP SO THIS ISN'T -- IT ISN'T THAT THEY JOINED TRUMP'S PARTY.
TRUMP JOINED THEIR PARTY REMEMBER, IT WAS THE REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR OF MICHIGAN THAT TOOK
THE PEOPLE OF FLINT OFF THE CLEAN WATER FROM LAKE HURON AND MADE THEM DRINK FROM THE FLINT
RIVER AND POISONED THE ENTIRE TOWN SO, THAT'S THE REPUBLICANS,
THAT'S THE WAY THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN IN MICHIGAN AND THIS IS NO DIFFERENT, THIS CRAZY THING THAT
HAPPENED THERE WHERE THEY WERE GOING TO TRY TO DENY THE PEOPLE OF DETROIT THE RIGHT TO HAVE
THEIR VOTE COUNTED Seth: WE'VE OBVIOUSLY TALKED ABOUT JOE BIDEN AND THE FACT
THAT YOU LIKED HIM YOU MET HIM AT A DNC WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST INTERACTION
WITH HIM LIKE? YEAH, I MET HIM AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IN BOSTON
IN 2004 AND I WAS IN THE PRESIDENTIAL BOX, WHICH IS NOT WHERE I'M USUALLY FOUND.
BUT PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER HAD INVITED ME TO SIT WITH HIM AT THE CONVENTION
AND OF COURSE THIS DROVE FOX NEWS AND THE RIGHT WING CRAZY.
BUT IN ONE OF THOSE -- YOU KNOW WHERE THEY HAVE THOSE LUXURY BOXES AT THE BASKETBALL OR THE
FOOTBALL GAME OR WHATEVER, I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS BUT YOU ACTUALLY -
THERE'S A WHOLE AREA BEHIND THE BOX THAT'S FULL OF CATERED FOOD. SO NATURALLY I LEFT MY SEAT AND
WENT BACK TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT AND IN THROUGH THE DOOR COMES JOE BIDEN.
I'D NEVER MET HIM BEFORE AND HE SEES ME AND HE JUST GOES LIKE, "HOLY --
[ LAUGHTER ] EXPLETIVE. AND HE COMES AT ME, HE'S ALL
SMILES AND HE'S SHAKIN' MY -- GRABBIN' MY HAND "OH, GOD, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
MEET YOU WOW, MOTHER [ BLEEP ], THIS IS SOMETHING.
WOW! AND HE'S JUST DROPPING F-BOMBS AND I'M LIKE, "WHOA.
AND THEN WE START TALKING AND HE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MY DAD WORKING IN THE FACTORY AND MY
MOM WAS A CLERK AND THIS AND THAT AND, YOU KNOW, I KNEW HE ALWAYS
SAID HE WAS FROM THE WORKING CLASS BUT I NEVER SAW IT BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD THOSE NICELY
TAILORED SUITS, PERFECT TEETH. AND WITHIN TEN OR 15 MINUTES, I REALIZED, "WOW, HE IS ONE OF US.
HE DID COME FROM WHERE I CAME FROM." THERE'S NO CAMERAS AROUND, IT'S
NOT A SHOW OR ANYTHING HE'S JUST BEING HIMSELF. AND I THINK WHAT BERNIE HAD SAID
ABOUT HIM, THAT HE WAS A GOOD AND DECENT PERSON. AND I GUESS IN THOSE MINUTES
THERE WITH HIM, YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, 15 MINUTES, CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT SOMEBODY
IN 15 MINUTES? I GUESS I DECIDED THAT HE WAS THAT PERSON.
AND I HAVE FELT THROUGH THE CAMPAIGN, EVEN THOUGH I WAS HELPING BERNIE, I THINK THAT I
FELT THAT IF HE BECAME PRESIDENT, WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE
AND EVEN THOUGH MAYBE OUR POLITICS DIDN'T LINE UP ENTIRELY, WE WERE GOING TO HAVE
A BETTER CHANCE GETTING OUR THING THROUGH. LIKE -- LIKE -
Seth: THERE'S REALLY A LOT OF PARALLELS TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO WHAT BERNIE HAS SAID ABOUT
JOE OVER THE YEARS WHICH IS ONE, HE ALWAYS MAKES CLEAR WE'RE DIFFERENT ON A LOT
OF THINGS POLITICALLY. TWO, THOUGH, HE ALWAYS MAKES CLEAR THAT HE REALLY LIKES
JOE BIDEN. AND HE THINKS THAT HE CAN GET ON THE PHONE WITH HIM IF NEED BE.
OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THE THINGS PROGRESSIVES ARE UP AGAINST NOW IS THE FACT THAT THE
PRESIDENT-ELECT IS A BIT MORE MODERATE ARE YOU -- HOW DO YOU FEEL LIKE
PROGRESSIVES HAVE TO TRY TO INFLUENCE POLICY MOVING FORWARD? WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE OUR
VOICES ARE HEARD AND WE HAVE TO BE HEARD RIGHT NOW WHILE HE'S PICKING THE CABINET, WHILE
THEY'RE DECIDING POLICY. THIS IS A VERY CRITICAL PHASE. AND SO -- BUT I BELIEVE THAT
JOE BIDEN WILL LISTEN. WE MAY NOT ALWAYS GET OUR WAY, WE MAY NOT GET HIM TO AGREE WITH
US ON EVERYTHING, BUT I THINK THAT IT'S KIND OF LIKE WHEN HE SAYS HE'S AGAINST MEDICARE FOR
ALL. BUT IF WHEN WE GET THE SENATE AND WE PASS A MEDICARE FOR ALL
BILL AND IT GOES TO HIS DESK, HE'S NOT GOING TO VETO IT. HE'S NOT GOING TO SAY, "NO,
I'M -- WHAT, WHAT? EVERYBODY GETS HEALTH CARE NO WAY!"
HE'S NOT GOING TO DO THAT. IF HE'S FOR $12 AN HOUR MINIMUM WAGE AND THE BILL SAYS 15
BECAUSE WE -- THE PROGRESSIVE PART OF THIS, WHICH IS REALLY THE MAJORITY BECAUSE THE
MAJORITY OF AMERICANS WANT A $15 AN HOUR MINIMUM WAGE THEY WANT WOMEN PAID THE SAME AS
MEN. THEY BELIEVE THAT CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL.
THIS IS A PROGRESSIVE COUNTRY. I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES. AND IF THE PROGRESSIVE
LEGISLATION COMES ON HIS DESK, I GOT TO BELIEVE HE'S GOING TO SIGN THIS.
HE'S NOT GOING TO -- HE NOT GOING TO SEND IT BACK. WE HAVE A BETTER CHANCE WITH
HIM. OBVIOUSLY BETTER THAN IF TRUMP HAD WON ANOTHER TERM
AND I'M ACTUALLY -- I'M SURPRISED FRANKLY, I HAVE TO SAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT THIS IF COVID HADN'T COME ALONG, WOULD TRUMP HAVE WON
WOULD HE HAVE GOT THAT SECOND TERM BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING
I WONDERED ABOUT THIS FOR MONTHS YOU KNOW, AN AUTHORITARIAN,
TOTALITARIAN LEADER WOULD RELISH TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TELL THE PEOPLE, "YOU WILL WEAR A
MASK, YOU WILL STAY INDOORS. YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT AN AUTHORITARIAN WANTS TO DO.
THEY WANT TO GIVE ORDERS AND ALSO WANTS TO BE SEEN AS THE HERO
TAKE THE REINS OF THIS VIRUS, KILL THE VIRUS, SUCCEED. NOT TRUMP.
NO, THE OPPOSITE HE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING HE JUST IGNORES IT OR TRIES TO
PRETEND IT WILL GO AWAY BY EASTER AND NOW WE HAVE A QUARTER
MILLION DEAD SETH, A QUARTER MILLION DEAD IS THE SAME EXACT NUMBER OF PEOPLE
AS IF -- IF YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING AND YOU LOOK AT YOUR PHONE AND IT SAYS "BREAKING
NEWS, RICHMOND, VIRGINIA HAS BEEN ANNIHILATED EVERYONE IS DEAD."
THAT WOULD BE SUCH -- WHAT WOULD THAT DO TO OUR COLLECTIVE HEADS? AND YET HERE WE ARE TONIGHT AT A
QUARTER MILLION DEAD AND WE'RE NOT ACTING LIKE RICHMOND, VIRGINIA HAS JUST BEEN
ANNIHILATED. WE'RE NOT ACTING LIKE THERE ARE NOW -- THERE'S NOW A 9/11 EVERY
TWO -- EVERY TWO OR THREE DAYS NOW. WE'RE -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
BUT WE NEED BIDEN AND HIS TEAM TO TAKE THESE REINS, TO GET THIS COUNTRY, AS FAUCI SAID THIS
WEEK, WE NEED A NATIONAL MANDATE OF HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS VIRUS, NOT A STATE BY STATE BY STATE.
Seth: I WANT TO GET BACK AND TALK ABOUT THAT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
FROM MICHAEL MOORE * Seth: WELCOME BACK TO "LATE
NIGHT. WE'RE HERE WITH MICHAEL MOORE. 2019 YOU WERE HERE
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHO SHOULD THE NOMINEE BE YOU WERE MAKING THE ARGUMENT
THAT THE NOMINEE SHOULD BE SOMEBODY WHO WOULD EXCITE THE BASE
I GOT THE SENSE, I THINK WE BOTH AGREE THAT MAYBE THAT WASN'T JOE BIDEN.
RIGHT Seth: DO YOU THINK, LOOKING BACK, YOU UNDERESTIMATED HOW HE
WOULD PERFORM AS A CANDIDATE I KNOW -- MEA CULPA ON MY OWN PART, I THINK I UNDERESTIMATED
HIM CERTAINLY AND SO FAR AS THE KIND OF CAMPAIGN HE RAN. RIGHT, EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, THE
FIRST THREE PRIMARIES AND CAUCASUS BERNIE WON THE POPULAR VOTE IN ALL THREE.
BIDEN WAS, YOU KNOW, FOURTH, FIFTH, SIXTH SO IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT WAS
GOING TO HAPPEN. AND EVEN THE PARTY -- WHAT DO YOU CALL THE PARTY HACKS THAT
RUN THE PARTY? THEY PANICKED AND CHANGED THE RULES TO GET BLOOMBERG ON THAT
STAGE AND IN THE CAMPAIGN. REMEMBER THAT? THEY HAD COLLECTIVELY DECIDED,
"OH, SHOOT, BIDEN'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. WE GOT TO GET BLOOMBERG IN HERE
AND WE GOT TO CHANGE THE RULES SO HE CAN DEBATE." SO I THINK THAT, YES --
HONESTLY, I THINK NOW, LOOKING BACK, I THINK BIDEN DID THE RIGHT THING.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS CRITICIZED CONSTANTLY BY TRUMP FOR BEING IN THE BASEMENT BUT THAT'S EXACTLY
WHERE I THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH "SPORTSCENTER" ON BECAUSE TRUMP WAS DEFEATING
HIMSELF. THE MORE BIDEN JUST LET TRUMP TALK, THE MORE THAT BIDEN
JUST - THE MORE THAT TRUMP JUST KEPT DOING ONE WHACKADOODLE THING
AFTER ANOTHER, THAT -- THAT WAS GOING TO GUARANTEE HIS DEFEAT. AND, YOU KNOW, THEY ASKED
PEOPLE, NOW IN THESE LAST COUPLE WEEKS THAT VOTED FOR BIDEN, WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE REASON YOU
VOTED FOR BIDEN. 58 PERCENT SAID, "BECAUSE I WANTED TO DEFEAT TRUMP
I WANTED TO REMOVE TRUMP." SO THAT'S STILL THE NUMBER ONE REASON THAT THEY WANTED.
BUT I HONESTLY BELIEVE -- MAYBE I'M WRONG BUT I'VE -- I WANT TO HANG ON TO SOME BELIEF THAT --
THAT BIDEN IS GOING SEIZE THIS MOMENT YOU KNOW, HE'S -- HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, BY THE WAY 78 YEARS OLD AND, HE KNOWS THAT HE'S IN THAT
FINAL QUARTER OF HIS LIFE. AND SO I THINK WHEN PEOPLE GET TO THAT AGE, THEY WANT TO GO OUT
BELIEVING THEY'VE DONE SOMETHING PROFOUND THAT THEY'VE REALLY MADE A
DIFFERENCE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT BECAUSE YOU PASSED A GOOD TAX BILL OR
TRADE BILL OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO GO OUT BECAUSE YOU SAVED THE PEOPLE OF THE
UNITED STATES, BECAUSE WOMEN FINALLY WERE EQUAL UNDER THE LAW.
THAT THE RACISM AND THE VIOLENCE AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE WAS GOING TO SOMEHOW COME TO AN END.
THAT WE WERE GOING TO STOP THIS MASS INCARCERATION AND ALL THESE THINGS THAT HE HAS A CHANCE TO
BE REMEMBERED IN THE WAY WE REMEMBER SAY, YOU KNOW, JOHN F. KENNEDY, WHO WAS
PRESIDENT FOR TWO AND A HALF - TWO AND THREE-QUARTERS YEARS THAT'S IT.
AND YET, LOOK HOW HE'S REMEMBERED SO BIDEN HAS THAT -- BIDEN HAS
THAT CHANCE. AND THE PEOPLE WANT HIM TO SUCCEED.
I REALLY BELIEVE THAT. AND I DO AND THERE'S SO MUCH TO GET DONE.
ALL OF US HAVE TO BE ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN THIS WE HAVE TO GET THE SENATE.
WE ALL HAVE TO DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO HELP OUT IN GEORGIA BETWEEN NOW AND JANUARY 5th.
EVERYBODY IN GEORGIA, YOU'VE GOT TO GET REGISTERED TO VOTE BY DECEMBER 7th
IF YOU'RE 17 AND YOU'RE UP WATCHING SETH RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THERE'S NO SCHOOL
TO GO TO TOMORROW, YOU CAN VOTE IN THIS IF YOU TURN 18 BY JANUARY 5th.
YOU COULD REGISTER RIGHT NOW AT 17 YEARS OLD SO THESE ARE THINGS WE NEED TO
BE ACTIVE AND INVOLVED IN. AND WE'VE GOT MORE WORK TO DO BUT WE GET TO PLAY OFFENSE
WE GET TO -- THE QUARTERBACK IS, YOU KNOW, IN HEART IS WITH US. AND THAT'S NOT A BAD THING
NOT A BAD THING AT ALL Seth: I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE WITHOUT YOU HAVING A CHANCE TO
BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT SOMETHING I DO -- I HAVE HEARD YOU'RE A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT THE TURKEY
PARDON OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. OH, THAT'S COMING UP ON TUESDAY,
THE PARDON EVERY YEAR. YOU KNOW THE PRESIDENT PARDONS THE TURKEY
I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT -- FIRST OF ALL, DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN WATCH THIS BECAUSE THINGS ARE SO
CRAZY WITH TRUMP RIGHT NOW THIS IS GOING TO BE THE ONE YEAR WHERE THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T
PARDON THE TURKEY. THE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO FREAKIN' KILL THE TURKEY
[ LAUGHTER ] HE'S GOING TO WRAP HIS HANDS AROUND THAT TURKEY'S NECK OR
HE'S GOING TO CALL ERIC IN WITH ONE OF HIS SAFARI HUNTING GUNS OR -
SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH TOMMY TURKEY. AND I -- THIS IS -- YOU KNOW,
ALL I WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT THANKSGIVING IS THAT THE MEYERS FAMILY --
IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN THIS YEAR Seth: WE'RE BEING HOPEFUL
WE'RE TRYING TO QUARANTINE SO THAT WE CAN DO IT SAFELY NEXT WEEK
OKAY, I UNDERSTAND WHY BECAUSE PEOPLE WATCHING THIS NEED TO NOT HAVE, UNLESS THEIR
IN THE SAME FAMILY IN THE SAME HOUSE, I THINK WE'VE GOT TO FORGO THIS
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT ALWAYS BRINGS A LITTLE CHEER TO YOUR FANS OUT HERE
Seth: WE'RE GOING TO DO WHAT WE CAN YOU'LL SEE THEM NO MATTER WHAT
WHETHER THEY'RE HERE IN PERSON OR VIA ZOOM, THEY'LL BE HERE THANK YOU SO MUCH --
WAIT, THEY WILL BE THERE AND TOMMY TURKEY, PLEASE, SOMEBODY PROTECT THAT BIRD.
PLEASE [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING.
Seth: THANK YOU, MICHAEL. "RUMBLE WITH MICHAEL MOORE" IS AVAILABLE WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR
PODCASTS WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH OUR FRIEND RICH EISEN.
* Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY NOMINATED SPORTSCASTER.
HE HOSTS "THE RICH EISEN SHOW," WHICH AIRS WEEKDAYS FROM NOON TO 3:00 P.M. ON PEACOCK
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, OUR FRIEND, RICH EISEN HOW ARE YOU, RICH?
HEY, BROTHER. HOW ARE YOU? Seth: I'M DOING WELL.
I HAVE SUCH AN INCREASED APPRECIATION FOR WHAT YOU DO EVERY DAY, BROADCASTING A
THREE-HOUR SHOW WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE I'M NOW OF COURSE COMING INTO, I
THINK ABOUT MONTH SEVEN OF NO AUDIENCE I REALLY DO -- I'M AMAZED YOU
CAN DO IT EVERY DAY. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, I JUST LAUGH AT MY OWN STUFF, NORMALLY.
SO, THAT'S THE WAY I GET THROUGH THE SHOWS. I DO HAVE A COUPLE OF MY
COLLEAGUES HERE WHO KNOW THEY HAVE TO LAUGH AT MY STUFF. UM, SO THAT'S HOW I GET THROUGH
THREE HOURS EVERY DAY. PRETTY MUCH. Seth: WELL, IT'S IMPRESSIVE
THAT YOU DO. ANOTHER THING THAT'S IMPRESSIVE, WE'VE TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE,
YOUR CHARITY EVENT "RUN RICH RUN. FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, YOU
RUN A 40-YARD DASH, WHICH IS SOMETHING THEY DO IN THE DRAFT COMBINE.
YES Seth: YOU DO IT BOTH AT YOUR AGE AND IN A FULL SUIT
YES, YES. Seth: AND DRESS SHOES, RIGHT? I DO -- WELL, I HAVE
GRADUATED FROM THE DRESS SHOES TO MAKE SURE I DON'T ACTUALLY BREAK OR TEAR ANYTHING
Seth: THANK YOU YEAH, BUT I HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT ON YOUR SHOW BEFORE, AND IT
IS NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART BECAUSE IT RAISES MONEY NOW, THE RUN, FOR ST. JUDE'S CHILDREN'S
RESEARCH HOSPITAL. WE RAISED OVER A MILLION BUCKS THIS YEAR.
DOUBLE THE MONEY THAT WE HAD RAISED THE FOUR PREVIOUS YEARS IN JUST ONE YEAR ALONE
YOU KNOW, THE TIMING WAS PERFECT. IT WAS ABOUT THREE WEEKS LATER
WHEN THE PANDEMIC REALLY STARTED TO HIT SO WE GOT IT IN THERE, WE SNUCK
IT IN RIGHT AT THE WIRE. AS YOU CAN SEE WE'VE INCORPORATED IT AS THE LOGO OF
THE SHOW Seth: IT'S A FANTASTIC LOGO THERE WERE SOME REALLY NICE
MEMES ON ELECTION NIGHT, PARTICULARLY WITH WHEN NEVADA WAS BEING A LITTLE SLOW,
SOMEBODY PUT THIS UP "IF NEVADA WAS A 40-YARD DASH. ARE YOU HAPPY WITH SOMETHING
LIKE THAT, RICH? I MEAN, IT IS FOR CHARITY, BUT THIS IS A BURN
IT IS A CHARITY IT IS A GOOD THING MY KIDS DIGGED IT.
MY KIDS LOVED IT THEY SAW THAT. IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS TOO
WHEN YOU'RE JUST SCROLLING THROUGH, YOU'RE DOOMSCROLLING THROUGH YOUR TWITTER FEED AS WE
ALL KNOW A LOT OF US ARE DOING THESE DAYS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL OF THOSE
MEMES ABOUT HOW SLOW NEVADA'S COUNTING, AND SUDDENLY IT GETS PERSONAL, COMES OUT OF NOWHERE,
BLINDSIDES YOU IN A WAY. BUT EVEN I GOT A CHUCKLE OUT OF THAT ONE
Seth: YEAH, AND EVEN NEVADA, LIKE YOU, EVENTUALLY GOT TO THE FINISH LINE.
SO - WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE FILED ABOUT 15 FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS TO
TRY AND DISCOUNT MY TIME TO TRY AND GET IT A LITTLE BIT FASTER
HASN'T WORKED SO FAR, HASN'T WORKED SO FAR. Seth: HASN'T WORKED SO FAR.
NO. Seth: I WAS ALSO -- I THINK WE TALKED ABOUT EARLY DAYS OF
THE PANDEMIC, AND ONE OF THE SHOWS THAT EVERYBODY WAS WATCHING WAS "LAST DANCE."
YES Seth: THE ESPN DOCUMENTARY ABOUT MICHAEL JORDAN
AND OF COURSE THIS WAS AN ERA WHEN YOU WERE A "SPORTSCENTER" ANCHOR, YOU WERE WORKING AT
ESPN DID YOU KNOW WHEN WATCHING IT THAT THERE WOULD BE A CHANCE YOU
WOULD SHOW UP? WERE YOU HOPEFUL FOR THAT? WELL, I HAD THE DIRECTOR ON
AT THE VERY OUTSET BECAUSE OF THE DOCUMENTARY BECAUSE IT WAS APPARENT AS IT STARTED, SETH,
THAT WITHOUT LIVE SPORTS, WE IN THE SPORTS MEDIA BUSINESS CERTAINLY DOING A SHOW EVERY DAY
FOR THREE HOURS, WE WERE VIEWING "THE LAST DANCE" AS IF IT WAS A LIVE SPORTING EVENT.
EVERYBODY WAS WATCHING IT ALL AT ONCE IT WAS SORT OF A COMMUNAL FEEL,
JUST LIKE A LIVE SPORTING EVENT. AND WE WERE JUST -- WE WERE LEARNING NEW STUFF ABOUT
SOMETHING THAT WE THOUGHT THAT WE HAD NOT LEARNED BEFORE. SO I HAD THE DIRECTOR ON, AND I
DID ASK HIM IF THERE WAS A CERTAIN ANCHOR, WITH A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS HAIRCUT AT THE TIME
THAT NO LONGER EXISTS, WAS GOING TO APPEAR. HE SAID, "YES, YOU ARE MAKING
IT YOU WILL BE THERE. AND EACH WEEK, WEEK IN AND WEEK
OUT IT WOULD START AND END WITHOUT ME APPEARING SO, I KNEW THE LAST EPISODE
WOULD HAVE TO, IF HE WAS TRUE TO HIS WORD, INCLUDE ME AND, UM -- AND I POPPED UP ON
SCREEN AND IT WAS JUST LIKE AN OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.
TOTALLY WORTH IT Seth: I WILL SAY YOU COULD HAVE DONE A LOT WORSE.
YOU COULD HAVE DONE A LOT WORSE. I MEAN, IT HELPED THAT RODMAN'S HAIR WAS IN YOUR SHOT.
YES, IT DID FOR COMPARISON PURPOSES. Seth: YEAH.
YOURS LOOKS PERFECTLY FINE, PERFECTLY FINE HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS NOW, RICH?
THEY ARE 12, 9, AND 7 TWO BOYS AND A GIRL. ZANDER, COOPER, AND TAYLOR
Seth: AND SO THE NOTES -- WE HAVE SOME NOTES THAT, UH, THAT YOU'VE POSTED.
OH, YOU DO? Seth: THIS IS YOUR DAUGHTER IS THAT CORRECT?
YES, THAT IS MY -- OH HOLD ON, LET ME PUT MY GLASSES ON NO, THAT'S MY OLDEST SON
Seth: OKAY UM, THAT'S MY OLDEST SON WHO POSTED THAT ONE.
Seth: OKAY. GOT YOU. SO THIS SAYS "WARNING, BORING,
STUCK IN THE 20th CENTURY PEOPLE ARE IN THERE." WHAT'S THAT IN REFERENCE TO?
OKAY. MY WIFE, SUSIE, AND I INSISTED ON PLAYING A BOARD GAME INSTEAD
OF LETTING THEM BE ON THEIR iPADS FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME OF THE DAY.
WE STUCK TO IT WE PLAYED A BOARD GAME, AND THEN MAYBE A LITTLE BIT OF CHARADES
AND THAT IS WHAT CAME FROM MY SON. Seth: SO THE VERY FACT THAT
YOU WANTED TO PLAY A BOARD GAME, HE THOUGHT IT WAS NECESSARY TO PUT UP A WARNING
20th CENTURY. YEAH, VERY 20th CENTURY. Seth: BORING 20th CENTURY
PEOPLE YES, YEAH Seth: SO THIS, THEN, WOULD BE
YOUR DAUGHTER. UH, YES, THAT IS MY DAUGHTER, TAYLOR
THAT'S HER WORK. Seth: DEAR MAMA AND DADA, I THINK FIRST I SHOULD STAY UP
LATE I KNOW I'M A GROWING KID, BUT IF I STAY UP LATER I WILL BE MORE
TIRED, THEREFORE, I WILL SLEEP LONGER THERE'S SOME REAL LOGIC THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT WASN'T JUST WILLY-NILLY SHE WAS TRYING TO ACTUALLY USE
RATIONAL THOUGHT UH, FOR A 7-YEAR-OLD, WE THOUGHT THAT WAS VERY IMPRESSIVE OF HER
TO ACTUALLY DO THAT. BUT UNFORTUNATELY, AT THE VERY END OF THE DAY IT WAS SUMMARILY
REJECTED BY MY WIFE AND I, AND SHE DID HAVE TO GO TO BED AS SCHEDULED ON TIME, SETH.
GOT TO SOMETIMES LAY IT DOWN, YOU KNOW Seth: IT IS KIND OF THRILLING
WHEN KIDS START TO MAKE ARGUMENTS. YOU BOTH ARE DREADING IT BECAUSE
THEY ARE STUBBORN. BUT JUST WATCHING THEIR BRAINS COME UP WITH LOGIC IS A REALLY
EXCITING THING YES, BECAUSE YOUR KIDS ARE YOUNGER, RIGHT
Seth: YEAH, TWO AND A HALF AND FOUR AND A HALF. OKAY.
SO AT SOME POINT YOU WILL BE SO EXASPERATED BY THEIR BEHAVIOR, AND LACK OF LISTENING, AND
ARGUMENTS THAT CONSTANTLY COME YOUR DIRECTION YOU BEGIN TO TELL THEM HOW TO
STATE THE ARGUMENT AND GAME THE SYSTEM LIKE WE HAVE SET UP THE SYSTEM
YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY COME AT US THIS WAY IF YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL
WE'VE RUN OUT OF BASICALLY, THINGS TO BASICALLY TRY, AND LAY DOWN FOR THE LAW
Seth: YEAH I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. ESSENTIALLY
THAT'S COMING. Seth: YEAH, JUST QUITTING YOU HAVE A SEGMENT ON YOUR SHOW
CALLED "FOUR DOWNS." YES, SIR. Seth: AND THESE ARE WHERE YOU
MAKE YOUR PREDICTIONS. YES Seth: WEEKLY LAY IT OUT
YES Seth: AND I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ONE THAT'S MUSIC TO MY
EARS YES AS A MATTER OF FACT, BECAUSE I
DO THE SHOW EVERY DAY THREE HOURS A DAY, AS YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO MENTION, ON PEACOCK
12:00 TO 3:00 EASTERN. I ALLOW MYSELF ONE HOT TAKE PER WEEK, WHICH IS USUALLY NOT THE
CASE FOR PEOPLE IN POSITIONS LIKE MINE AND SHOWS LIKE MINE. Seth: NO, IT SHOWS
INCREDIBLE -- AN INCREDIBLE RESTRAINT TO ONLY GIVE ONE HOT TAKE A WEEK.
THANK YOU EXACTLY, ONE HOT TAKE A WEEK AS A MATTER OF FACT, IF YOU
DON'T MIND JUST BEARING WITH ME, I'LL LEAVE THE FRAME FOR JUST ONE SECOND HERE.
I DO IT CLUTCHING WHAT'S CALLED THE HOT TAKE PLANK WHICH IS THIS, RIGHT HERE.
AND I ACTUALLY HAVE THE HOT TAKE PLANK WITH A MASK ON, AND MY HOT TAKE THIS WEEK, NEAR AND DEAR TO
YOUR HEART, WAS THAT YOUR PITTSBURGH STEELERS CURRENTLY 9-0 WOULD FINISH UNDEFEATED
16-0 THIS YEAR, SETH THEY WILL FINISH UNDEFEATED. THAT IS MY HOT TAKE.
AND IT IS MY RIGHT TO HOT TAKE, NOT ONLY BECAUSE I WAS CLUTCHING THE PLANK, BUT IF I'M WRONG,
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? IF I'M RIGHT, I WILL MENTION IT LITERALLY EVERY WEEK FOR THE
REST OF THE YEAR Seth: YEAH, YOU KNOW, I WILL NOT SPEAK ANY OF THOSE WORDS
BECAUSE I WOULD HATE TO JINX IT. YES Seth: BUT I WILL ONLY SAY
THAT I HOPE THIS IS ONE OF THOSE CASES, MORE THAN EVER, THAT I AM ROOTING FOR YOU TO BE CORRECT.
LAST THING, I'M GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT WE'RE FILMING THIS IN THE AFTERNOON,
AND WHEN IT AIRS THERE WILL HAVE BEEN A FOOTBALL GAME SO PEOPLE ABSOLUTELY IMMEDIATELY
WILL KNOW IF YOU'RE RIGHT OR WRONG. WHO IS GOING TO WIN TONIGHT, THE
CARDINALS OR THE SEAHAWKS? I'M GOING TO TAKE THE ARIZONA CARDINALS TO HAND THE SEATTLE
SEAHAWKS THEIR FIRST THREE-GAME LOSING STREAK OF THE PETE CARROLL ERA
THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. Seth: OKAY, I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT ONLY BECAUSE THAT WILL
INCREASE THE ODDS YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT OTHER THING THAT I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT SHALL NO LONGER BE MENTIONED.
Seth: "THE RICH EISEN SHOW" AIRS WEEKDAYS AT NOON ON PEACOCK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, WITH MORE "LATE NIGHT. *
Seth: COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR ALL NEW SHOWS. WE'LL HAVE MANDY MOORE,
JEFF TWEEDY, AMY ADAMS, AND JOHN OLIVER. AND RIGHT NOW, MY FAMILY IS
QUARANTINING, BECAUSE AS WE DO EVERY THANKSGIVING, MY GUESTS WILL BE MY PARENTS AND MY
BROTHER. YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF OUR HIGHEST-RATED SHOWS OF THE YEAR.
AND IF YOU ASK MOST PEOPLE -- MOST EXPERTS -- THEY WOULD SAY IT'S BECAUSE OUR LEAD-IN IS A
BIG FOOTBALL GAME ON NBC BUT IF YOU ASK LARRY AND HILARY MEYERS, THEY'RE EXTREMELY
CONVINCED THEY ARE THE REASON FOR OUR RATINGS SUCCESS, AND I KNOW BETTER THAN TO ARGUE WITH
EITHER OF THEM WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. *
Seth: I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS, MICHAEL MOORE AND RICH EISEN
I WANT TO THANK VALERIE FRANCO AND THE 8G BAND. STAY TUNED FOR LILLY -
HI, SETH! Seth: OH, HI, AMBER SETH, HEY QUICK QUESTION,
WHAT'S MY FAVORITE MOVIE FROM 2017? Seth: UMM, IS IT "GET OUT?"
THAT'S RIGHT! GET OUT, SO I CAN GET READY FOR "THE AMBER RUFFIN SHOW," WHICH
IS ON PEACOCK, AND SHOOTS IN THIS STUDIO TOMORROW Seth: STAY SAFE
WASH YOUR HANDS. WEAR A MASK. WE LOVE YOU.
WE LOVE YOU * * BUT I LOVE YO
MORE THAN HI HE DOESN'T LOVE YO AS MUCH AS I DO *
* I LOVE YOU LIKE THIS SUPER MUC HE LOVES YOU LIK
JUST A TEENY LITTLE BIT * *