1
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Subtitles by explosiveskull

2
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- Thank you.
- Does your mom have a favorite flower?

3
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Ah, she loves those red
Gerbera flowers.

4
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Do you have a favorite flower?

5
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I don't know.

6
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Well, when you dated
people in the past

7
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what kind of flower..?

8
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what kind of flower
did they give you?

9
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I think I've given more
flowers than I've received.

10
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What?

11
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- Really?
- Yes.

12
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- No.
- Yes.

13
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You have to let me be the
one to give you flowers.

14
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<i>I don't understand
people. Who steals a doormat?</i>

15
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How're you doin'?

16
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Oh, I'm missing doormats
and losing my mind.

17
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You know what I'm saying.

18
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This is your first Thanksgiving

19
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without your dad.

20
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- Hi.
- Hey.

21
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Why, why are
you huddled outside my door?

22
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Will you come in to the office
to pay, sweetie?

23
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I'm waiting for my daughter to
come and bring me the cash.

24
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- I'll bring it tomorrow.
- Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.

25
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She's...

26
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Excuse me. Can I help you?

27
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- I don't know. Who are you?
- Rose.

28
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This is my hotel.

29
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Oh!

30
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Yeah, I'm just lost.

31
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- Okay.
- Thought it was a diner but...

32
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Yeah, all good. Thanks.

33
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- Bye.
- Bye.

34
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What the hell was that?

35
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I've seen that van before.

36
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You've gotta tell me this stuff.

37
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- What stuff?
- Suspicious stuff.

38
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Your brother is the most
suspicious thing around here.

39
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- That's true.
- Alright.

40
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- I like you in an apron.
- Don't get used to it.

41
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- So, I've been thinking about something.
- Oh, yeah, what?

42
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I think maybe you and
I should go on a trip.

43
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,170
Oh, yeah? Where do you wanna go?

44
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I don't know.
Maybe somewhere for New...

45
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Ahem, Ladies, are we
interrupting something?

46
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This is Mimi.

47
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Hi.

48
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:09,546
Mimi, this is
my roommate Lauren,

49
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and Hailey.

50
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I have to pee.

51
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I'm sorry.
The bathroom is down the hall.

52
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Somethin' smells good.
What are we cookin'?

53
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Berry crumble for tomorrow.

54
00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:27,096
What are your Thanksgiving
plans? What are you doing?

55
00:04:27,098 --> 00:04:29,031
Mimi invited me to
a pot luck in Brooklyn

56
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with some friends,
so I don't know.

57
00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:32,435
- I'm Weighing my options.
- Oh.

58
00:04:32,437 --> 00:04:33,806
Yeah.

59
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- Wait, no, no, stop.
- Ooh!

60
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- Hey, Mrs. Anderson!
- No, no.

61
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Not, not funny,

62
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Austin, seriously?
Give me the phone.

63
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- Oh, why thank you.
- Give me the phone.

64
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Hi, mom.
Yeah, I'll call you back.

65
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Bye, Mrs. Anderson.

66
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- Austin!
- Yeah. Watch out.

67
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Hey. It's nice
to see you too, Hailey.

68
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Always a pleasure, Austin.

69
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I'm gonna check the crumble.

70
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What the hell?

71
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Oh.

72
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Looking for a diner, my ass.

73
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I'm home!

74
00:05:21,485 --> 00:05:22,954
My brother,

75
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is up to something.

76
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:27,356
- Well, you gotta fire him.
- I can't fire my brother.

77
00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:29,192
Work's supposed
to keep him out of trouble.

78
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Are you eating blueberry pie?

79
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First of all, it's only
147 calories per slice.

80
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- Yeah.
- Second of all,

81
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- it's a super-food.
- And you're a super-man,

82
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but it's for tomorrow.

83
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Not this slice.

84
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Okay. Did you watch
the turkey carving video?

85
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Well, I did and I didn't.

86
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- Dad always carved the turkey.
- Oh, come here.

87
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I know.
I'll watch the video, I promise.

88
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I miss him too.

89
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And he's the only one
that would fight me for

90
00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:00,589
- the dark meat.
- Oh, please watch the video.

91
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I will, I swear. I mean,
how else am I gonna know how

92
00:06:03,127 --> 00:06:04,993
carve a dumb turkey?

93
00:06:04,995 --> 00:06:06,495
Yeah. I still love you, though.

94
00:06:06,497 --> 00:06:07,630
Yeah, I love you too.

95
00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:13,105
What are we supposed
to do with that?

96
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- Mm-mm.
- Mm-mm.

97
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:23,245
- No.
- Hey, mom.

98
00:06:23,247 --> 00:06:26,149
- <i>You didn't call me back!</i>
- Uh, sorry.

99
00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:29,051
Austin sent
a smoked turkey again.

100
00:06:29,053 --> 00:06:32,187
I'm making my turkey too. How
much turkey does he think we eat?

101
00:06:32,189 --> 00:06:34,457
I have no idea. I mean,
he's not even coming this year.

102
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- What's with the Wi-Fi?
- You know, sweetie, technologically,

103
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that doesn't do anything.
So, did you have a nice night?

104
00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:42,565
Yeah. Just hanging out
with Hailey.

105
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- When are we meeting the boyfriend?
- Soon.

106
00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:47,202
- <i>When's soon?</i>
- Mom.

107
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When are you and
your friend coming tomorrow?

108
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,541
I need a game plan.
I don't like surprises.

109
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I'm coming at, like, 10:00.
She's coming a little later.

110
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Okay, okay, I love you.
Bye. Muah!

111
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I love you, too. Bye. Muah!

112
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She doesn't like surprises.

113
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- Surprise, I'm not a boyfriend.
- Right.

114
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What should I wear tomorrow?

115
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Um, I don't know,

116
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just, casual, comfortable.

117
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My family's super comfortable.

118
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- Pajamas?
- Funny.

119
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What are you gonna say to them?

120
00:07:17,735 --> 00:07:20,135
Mom, dad, I have a girlfriend.

121
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She'll be here, like, real soon.

122
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,207
Are you sure you don't
want me to come with you?

123
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:27,110
Yeah. I don't wanna
bombard them.

124
00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:18,260
Did you watch
the video yet?

125
00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:19,530
I'm on it.

126
00:08:21,098 --> 00:08:23,265
- I want grandchildren.
- Okay.

127
00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:25,834
I don't wanna be 80,
chasing around a 5-year-old.

128
00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:27,469
- No.
- I'm still vivacious.

129
00:08:27,471 --> 00:08:28,439
Yes, you are.

130
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,043
- How did we get old?
- Nobody's old. Who's old?

131
00:08:32,777 --> 00:08:35,578
Just yesterday I was getting high
and listening to The Beatles.

132
00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:39,081
Well, yeah, that's what you do...
Lauren's walking?

133
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,816
Why would she walk?

134
00:08:40,818 --> 00:08:43,352
- I have no idea.
- Who walks?

135
00:08:51,729 --> 00:08:54,430
- What are you doing?
- Why didn't you call for a ride?

136
00:08:54,432 --> 00:08:56,531
Sorry, I just wanted to walk,
clear my head.

137
00:08:56,533 --> 00:08:58,334
Just doing
my beads, chanting.

138
00:08:58,336 --> 00:09:00,869
Alright. Well,
let me hug my favorite daughter.

139
00:09:00,871 --> 00:09:02,537
- Only daughter.
- Oh, heads up.

140
00:09:02,539 --> 00:09:04,739
Your mom was just talking
about grandchildren.

141
00:09:04,741 --> 00:09:06,508
- What grandchildren?
- Exactly.

142
00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:08,777
- What are you chanting?
- Hare Krishna.

143
00:09:08,779 --> 00:09:12,547
If I see you with a tambourine
begging for money, I swear to God...

144
00:09:12,549 --> 00:09:14,249
Mom.

145
00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:16,319
Oh, God, do you think we could
hide this today?

146
00:09:16,321 --> 00:09:17,853
<i>What? Why?</i>

147
00:09:17,855 --> 00:09:21,123
Um, mom, I'm in a relationship.

148
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:24,392
Right, that mystery man you're
embarrassed to bring home.

149
00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:25,661
- Yeah.
- Help me with the carrots.

150
00:09:25,663 --> 00:09:27,229
Before we get going with
the carrots,

151
00:09:27,231 --> 00:09:28,564
I wanted to talk to you about...

152
00:09:28,566 --> 00:09:30,299
Yes, tell me, tell me.
I keep asking.

153
00:09:30,301 --> 00:09:31,566
Well, I wanted to make sure

154
00:09:31,568 --> 00:09:34,170
- if it was serious.
- And?

155
00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:36,204
- It's, you know...
- What are you doing?

156
00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:38,206
- Just checking.
- You see what he's doing?

157
00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:40,175
He's checking his stash.

158
00:09:40,177 --> 00:09:41,743
- Stash?
- Of cookies. He wants to see

159
00:09:41,745 --> 00:09:43,146
how many I've eaten.

160
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,680
- What?
- I found the most amazing

161
00:09:44,682 --> 00:09:47,617
almond cookie. Unfortunately,
she also loves 'em.

162
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:51,454
- The woman can whack a box in a day.
- Excuse you, I do not.

163
00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:53,522
- So...
- Peel. Talk and peel.

164
00:09:53,524 --> 00:09:55,624
You know, it's important
for you guys to know

165
00:09:55,626 --> 00:09:57,359
that, like, having
feelings for someone,

166
00:09:57,361 --> 00:09:59,262
it can take you
by surprise. I mean,

167
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:02,632
that you might not expect. I
mean, it took me by surprise.

168
00:10:02,634 --> 00:10:03,766
- Right?
- Um,

169
00:10:03,768 --> 00:10:05,368
and so I was thinking that,

170
00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,502
- what the...?
- Who the hell could that be?

171
00:10:07,504 --> 00:10:09,671
If your parents
are four hours early

172
00:10:09,673 --> 00:10:11,806
I will literally scream.

173
00:10:11,808 --> 00:10:12,908
Can you get that?

174
00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:16,244
- I...
- Can you... Oh!

175
00:10:16,246 --> 00:10:19,117
- They did this before.
- When?

176
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:22,353
365 days ago.

177
00:10:24,489 --> 00:10:26,388
- What are you doing?!
- Just stretching it out.

178
00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:28,657
Last night was a feat of
physical dexterity,

179
00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:30,926
- with Mimi.
- No, what are you doing here?

180
00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:32,695
- You can't be here.
- Yeah, your mom invited me.

181
00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:34,530
- When?
- Last night, on the phone.

182
00:10:34,532 --> 00:10:36,464
She said if my plans
fell through I was more

183
00:10:36,466 --> 00:10:38,267
- than welcome to join you guys.
- Oh, you're not.

184
00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:39,901
- What happened to pot luck?
- I don't want Mimi thinking

185
00:10:39,903 --> 00:10:42,504
I want anything serious.
Besides, Thanksgiving alone

186
00:10:42,506 --> 00:10:44,272
would be so depressing,
and your family loves me.

187
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:46,541
Austin, I'm trying to come out.

188
00:10:46,543 --> 00:10:48,579
On Thanksgiving?
That's pretty crazy.

189
00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:51,280
- Austin!
- Hey!

190
00:10:51,282 --> 00:10:52,281
I didn't know you were coming!

191
00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:53,281
Surprise!

192
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:54,416
Oh, this is great!

193
00:10:54,418 --> 00:10:55,486
Did you get the turkey?

194
00:10:56,453 --> 00:10:58,353
No wonder you sent the turkey.

195
00:10:58,355 --> 00:11:01,723
- Okay. I understand.
- Oh, no.

196
00:11:01,725 --> 00:11:03,559
Austin. Come on in.

197
00:11:03,561 --> 00:11:06,929
Make yourself at home.
That turkey was very thoughtful.

198
00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:08,500
See? I'm thoughtful.

199
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:11,499
- This is so great.
- No, he's not the boyfriend.

200
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:13,969
- How did this happen?
- No, no, what?

201
00:11:13,971 --> 00:11:15,671
Honey, this is great.
I love him.

202
00:11:15,673 --> 00:11:16,839
Mom, no. No, no.

203
00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:18,541
Isn't there a song, like,

204
00:11:18,543 --> 00:11:20,675
"Are you my best
friend, are you my lover?"

205
00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:22,578
- I don't know that song.
- Isn't there a song like that?

206
00:11:22,580 --> 00:11:24,313
- No.
- Come, oh, my gosh.

207
00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:25,684
- He's so great.
- He's not my boyfriend.

208
00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:31,657
Hello, Mr. Anderson.

209
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:37,459
Okay. Lauren, I need your focus.

210
00:11:37,461 --> 00:11:39,829
- Mom, I need your focus.
- Peel.

211
00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:42,430
- Oh, what are you doing?
- Having breakfast.

212
00:11:42,432 --> 00:11:44,333
Pie is not breakfast.

213
00:11:44,335 --> 00:11:46,868
- Blueberries.
- With sugar and butter.

214
00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:48,671
Talk sense into your father.

215
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:50,772
- Dad, pie's not breakfast.
- So good.

216
00:11:50,774 --> 00:11:52,708
I can't serve that now.

217
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:54,810
- Are you eating meat these days?
- No, mom.

218
00:11:54,812 --> 00:11:57,012
I was really hoping
that was a phase.

219
00:11:57,014 --> 00:11:58,948
What are you doing?

220
00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:01,383
Guys, I really need to talk
to the two of you alone.

221
00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:04,420
Whatever you have to say, you can say
it in front of Austin. He's family.

222
00:12:04,422 --> 00:12:05,554
- Yeah.
- I mean, is he?

223
00:12:05,556 --> 00:12:06,888
That's a legitimate question.

224
00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:08,556
Oh! Sweetie, you can't just

225
00:12:08,558 --> 00:12:10,528
dump, you need to measure.

226
00:12:11,528 --> 00:12:14,897
Okay, what's on your mind?
Talk, talk, talk.

227
00:12:14,899 --> 00:12:16,799
Last night Hailey and I
went to this LPAC thing.

228
00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:19,602
Yes, saw a picture on Instagram.
I liked it.

229
00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:21,469
Yeah, you are
all over my social media, um.

230
00:12:21,471 --> 00:12:22,938
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Nothing, nothing.

231
00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,041
- Um
- I've gotta get a broom.

232
00:12:25,043 --> 00:12:26,908
You went to an alpaca meeting?

233
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:30,546
LPAC, it's a super PAC for
lesbians, for women in power.

234
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:33,516
- It's a political power thing.
- Since when are you into politics?

235
00:12:33,518 --> 00:12:36,951
- And lesbians?
- Can we please stay focused? Um.

236
00:12:36,953 --> 00:12:39,488
We went to this LPAC thing
and then we came home

237
00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:41,390
and we made this
berry crumble together.

238
00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:43,592
You have got to take
one of these brooms.

239
00:12:43,594 --> 00:12:46,061
- We just got them at the motel.
- So you're a feminist now.

240
00:12:46,063 --> 00:12:48,497
- They are freakin' great.
- I'm just trying to stay informed.

241
00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:50,833
Oh, Hailey's not informing you?
That's a bummer.

242
00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:53,401
- Feel it, sweetie.
- Yeah, go on.

243
00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:55,938
Feel the broom, feel it.

244
00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:58,074
They gotta feel good.
When they feel good,

245
00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:00,776
they pick up all the stuff on the floor.
You're taking one back.

246
00:13:00,778 --> 00:13:03,079
I just don't understand why
women have to gather, to rally.

247
00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:04,680
- Because you're not a woman.
- Uh-huh.

248
00:13:04,682 --> 00:13:07,416
She can ignore me, you can't.

249
00:13:07,418 --> 00:13:08,850
Yeah, I'll take one.
Got a broom.

250
00:13:08,852 --> 00:13:10,920
It's important
to keep the home clean.

251
00:13:10,922 --> 00:13:13,089
Mom, me and Austin,
we don't have a home.

252
00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:14,489
We don't have a home.

253
00:13:14,491 --> 00:13:15,791
I am not against women.

254
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:17,926
- Oh, my God!
- So, why are you yelling?

255
00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:20,463
Whatever you have to say,
we support you.

256
00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:21,997
- George, we love Austin, right?
- Do we?

257
00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:24,800
Austin, come with me now!
We're going upstairs!

258
00:13:24,802 --> 00:13:25,836
Okay.

259
00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:31,107
No wonder he sent the turkey.
This is very exciting.

260
00:13:31,109 --> 00:13:34,477
I just wish he would have had
the decency to ask

261
00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:35,810
before moving in together.

262
00:13:35,812 --> 00:13:39,448
They were already living
together, so...

263
00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:41,916
- As roommates, but this.
- They're in love.

264
00:13:41,918 --> 00:13:43,719
Living in sin?

265
00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:46,722
Sweetie, this is the 21st century.
These things just happen.

266
00:13:46,724 --> 00:13:49,824
These things don't just happen
to my daughter.

267
00:13:49,826 --> 00:13:51,761
- Fix this.
- And tell them you're a scissor sister?

268
00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:53,762
- No way.
- No, tell them we're not dating, Austin.

269
00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:56,165
You tell them you're a lesbian.
Two birds, one stone.

270
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,932
This is not funny.

271
00:13:57,934 --> 00:13:59,337
Okay. Come on.

272
00:14:02,907 --> 00:14:03,908
Take a deep breath.

273
00:14:05,942 --> 00:14:06,877
Relax.

274
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:11,747
You're like a balloon.
Let me be your strength.

275
00:14:11,749 --> 00:14:13,616
Baby girl, I'm having a crisis.

276
00:14:13,618 --> 00:14:16,484
Does this make me look fat?
This says fat, right?

277
00:14:16,486 --> 00:14:19,488
- Don't answer that.
- We're not dating.

278
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:21,089
Oh, your father's
gonna come around.

279
00:14:21,091 --> 00:14:22,657
No, no seriously
we're not dating,

280
00:14:22,659 --> 00:14:24,627
- Mrs. Anderson.
- I promise you.

281
00:14:24,629 --> 00:14:27,028
- He's not the boyfriend.
- Okay.

282
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,897
- Hey, I'm gonna go to the store.
- Oh, good, wait.

283
00:14:28,899 --> 00:14:30,733
I need walnuts,
Ronnybrook yogurt,

284
00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:32,901
pistachios for your father
and Jarlsberg cheese.

285
00:14:32,903 --> 00:14:35,036
- That's your favorite, right?
- Yeah, text it to me.

286
00:14:35,038 --> 00:14:36,807
- Okay.
- Hands off, you wanna come with?

287
00:14:51,489 --> 00:14:53,656
I have nothing to wear.
Nothing fits.

288
00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:55,523
Your father
keeps bringing home cookies.

289
00:14:55,525 --> 00:14:57,661
- Shirt looks nice.
- Yeah.

290
00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:02,797
I'm sad today without my dad.

291
00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:04,666
I know, mom. I'm sorry.

292
00:15:04,668 --> 00:15:06,634
I miss him too.

293
00:15:06,636 --> 00:15:07,570
I love you, mom.

294
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:08,907
I love you too.

295
00:15:10,073 --> 00:15:12,874
Okay.

296
00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:14,108
Text the list.

297
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,945
Text the list.

298
00:15:15,947 --> 00:15:18,417
Hey, mom, I really gotta talk
to you about Hailey.

299
00:15:20,684 --> 00:15:22,852
- About Hailey?
- Yeah.

300
00:15:22,854 --> 00:15:25,186
Okay. I understand, though.

301
00:15:25,188 --> 00:15:26,622
What do you understand?

302
00:15:26,624 --> 00:15:27,989
I'm excited to meet your friend,

303
00:15:27,991 --> 00:15:29,791
but I get it's hard

304
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:32,094
maintaining friendships when
you're in a relationship.

305
00:15:32,096 --> 00:15:34,229
- What are you talking about?
- It's a real best friend

306
00:15:34,231 --> 00:15:36,665
when someone else
takes that place.

307
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:38,501
You've had a lot
of best friends.

308
00:15:38,503 --> 00:15:41,002
- What?
- I thought we were best friends.

309
00:15:41,004 --> 00:15:43,705
But you don't
tell me anything anymore.

310
00:15:43,707 --> 00:15:47,542
- I tell you things, mom.
- Tell me how to spell Jarlsberg?

311
00:15:47,544 --> 00:15:49,244
It's a J.

312
00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:53,848
J-A-R-L-S... B-U-R-G or B-E-R-G?

313
00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:57,887
- Okay, well, Hailey's at the station now.
- Okay.

314
00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:00,855
- So, I guess I'll just go.
- You want me to come?

315
00:16:00,857 --> 00:16:02,791
No. How do I look?
Do I look okay?

316
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:05,026
- Good, you look good.
- What does that mean?

317
00:16:05,028 --> 00:16:08,129
For someone who's doing all this meditating
you're awfully stressed, sweetie.

318
00:16:08,131 --> 00:16:11,132
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Maybe, maybe it's reversing

319
00:16:11,134 --> 00:16:13,234
- your brain waves.
- You're making it worse, mom.

320
00:16:13,236 --> 00:16:16,070
Do you want anything while
I'm texting your father?

321
00:16:16,072 --> 00:16:18,741
- No.
- Okay.

322
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,025
Um...

323
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:36,560
Where's the store?

324
00:16:38,195 --> 00:16:42,164
Well, you know, I just thought I'd get
you away from the hubbub of the house,

325
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:45,667
- have a little chat man-to-man.
- Okay.

326
00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:47,705
Just had a couple of questions.

327
00:16:49,206 --> 00:16:51,940
How long have
you been dating my daughter?

328
00:16:51,942 --> 00:16:55,777
Oh, yeah, no, no, sir.
We're not dating.

329
00:16:55,779 --> 00:16:57,948
- Don't lie to me.
- Oh, no, I'm not lying.

330
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:01,717
Okay. Let me rephrase.

331
00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:03,651
How long have you been
sleeping with my daughter?

332
00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:07,791
Oh, what do you mean?

333
00:17:09,059 --> 00:17:10,528
What do I mean?

334
00:17:11,194 --> 00:17:13,063
Okay, what has Lauren told you?

335
00:17:15,165 --> 00:17:16,934
Nothing gets past me.

336
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:20,538
We're not dating.

337
00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:26,144
You're saying you've never
slept with my daughter?

338
00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:30,048
Is that what you're saying?

339
00:17:33,351 --> 00:17:36,017
Okay, okay. Yeah, um.

340
00:17:36,019 --> 00:17:39,023
Yeah, so we slept
together once and, um...

341
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:42,658
It never happened again. It was just
one time and it didn't mean anything.

342
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:45,259
- It didn't mean anything?!
- Well, I didn't mean like that.

343
00:17:45,261 --> 00:17:48,296
- You know, it's just that we...
- You slept with my daughter

344
00:17:48,298 --> 00:17:49,832
and it didn't mean anything!

345
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,400
No, it meant something.

346
00:17:51,402 --> 00:17:52,867
It just, we're not dating.

347
00:17:52,869 --> 00:17:54,135
You better be dating

348
00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:55,703
if you're
sleeping with my daughter!

349
00:17:55,705 --> 00:17:57,942
- But I...
- Take a look around.

350
00:18:02,813 --> 00:18:05,617
- You see anybody?
- No.

351
00:18:06,851 --> 00:18:09,821
- You think you'll be missed?
- What?

352
00:18:12,355 --> 00:18:13,924
Ten.

353
00:18:14,892 --> 00:18:16,725
- Nine.
- Oh, god, are you counting down

354
00:18:16,727 --> 00:18:18,126
- to kill me?
- Eight.

355
00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:19,995
Okay, okay, yep.

356
00:18:19,997 --> 00:18:23,065
- Seven.
- Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, we're dating.

357
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,999
- Six.
- We're dating, we're dating, we're dating.

358
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,102
- I am obsessed with her.
- Five.

359
00:18:27,104 --> 00:18:29,404
- I love her. She is a great human being!
- Four.

360
00:18:29,406 --> 00:18:32,074
- I think you birthed an amazing little girl.
- Three!

361
00:18:32,076 --> 00:18:34,977
- I'm dating your daughter!
- Okay.

362
00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:37,278
Man asks a simple question,

363
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,347
just give a straight answer.

364
00:18:47,791 --> 00:18:50,025
- Hey.
- Hi.

365
00:18:50,027 --> 00:18:51,663
I made it.

366
00:18:52,863 --> 00:18:54,763
Oh, I got this for your mom.

367
00:18:54,765 --> 00:18:56,131
Oh, that was really nice.

368
00:18:56,133 --> 00:19:00,436
- And these.
- That was so thoughtful.

369
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:03,842
- Everything okay?
- Mm-hm. Yeah.

370
00:19:04,974 --> 00:19:06,909
So, how far is it from here?

371
00:19:06,911 --> 00:19:09,147
Just, it's, uh,
it's really close.

372
00:19:11,749 --> 00:19:12,817
So close.

373
00:19:17,488 --> 00:19:20,322
So, how did it go?

374
00:19:20,324 --> 00:19:21,726
You look really nice.

375
00:19:23,193 --> 00:19:24,325
So, Austin...

376
00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:26,761
I don't wanna talk about Austin.

377
00:19:26,763 --> 00:19:27,930
No, I know. It's just that...

378
00:19:27,932 --> 00:19:29,398
Lauren, today is
about you and me.

379
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,100
And today's totally still about

380
00:19:31,102 --> 00:19:33,201
you and me, but I should
tell you that Austin is...

381
00:19:33,203 --> 00:19:34,239
Right! So no Austin.

382
00:19:35,338 --> 00:19:36,838
Okay, but the thing is...

383
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:37,972
If you say Austin one more time,

384
00:19:37,974 --> 00:19:39,276
I'm gonna get out of this car.

385
00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:52,888
- Welcome to my home.
- It's so cute.

386
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:55,524
Yeah. Um, don't look at that.

387
00:19:55,526 --> 00:19:58,994
- Okay, now I have to.
- Come on.

388
00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:02,096
- Oh, God.
- Oh, wow.

389
00:20:02,098 --> 00:20:04,365
- Yes.
- This is amazing.

390
00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:06,134
It's a whole lotta me.

391
00:20:06,136 --> 00:20:09,103
- You must be Hailey.
- Hi, these are for you.

392
00:20:09,105 --> 00:20:11,539
Oh, these are my favorite.
That is so nice.

393
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,409
It is such a pleasure to finally meet you.
We've heard so much about you.

394
00:20:14,411 --> 00:20:18,046
- Oh, thank you so much for having me.
- Oh, you're so welcome.

395
00:20:18,048 --> 00:20:20,149
I was just looking
at this amazing collage.

396
00:20:20,151 --> 00:20:22,284
- Pretty great, right?
- Yes, it is so embarrassing.

397
00:20:22,286 --> 00:20:24,553
- No, it's beautiful.
- She's always beautiful to me.

398
00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:25,957
Okay.

399
00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:29,991
- Hey, Hailey.
- Austin?

400
00:20:29,993 --> 00:20:31,325
I need to talk to you.

401
00:20:31,327 --> 00:20:32,995
- There you go.
- Whoa, are you okay?

402
00:20:32,997 --> 00:20:34,863
Oh, you went
lumberjack chic, too.

403
00:20:34,865 --> 00:20:36,864
That's what I tried to tell you
in the car on the way over here.

404
00:20:36,866 --> 00:20:38,267
I'm really sorry.

405
00:20:38,269 --> 00:20:39,938
What the hell, Austin?

406
00:20:43,374 --> 00:20:44,940
Hello. I'm George.

407
00:20:44,942 --> 00:20:47,209
- Hi, I'm Hailey.
- Pleasure.

408
00:20:47,211 --> 00:20:49,545
- What's Austin doing here?
- Oh, he just surprised us.

409
00:20:49,547 --> 00:20:52,113
- I might kill him.
- The feeling's mutual.

410
00:20:52,115 --> 00:20:54,349
Why did you tell your father
that we slept together?

411
00:20:54,351 --> 00:20:56,418
- I would never tell him that.
- He was all like, you slept with my daughter.

412
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,821
- Did, did you just tell my father we slept together?
- He knew!

413
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:01,422
- He's with our daughter in her bedroom.
- I know.

414
00:21:01,424 --> 00:21:03,091
This is for the two of you.

415
00:21:03,093 --> 00:21:04,559
Thank you both so much
for having me

416
00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:07,362
and welcoming me into your
home on Thanksgiving.

417
00:21:07,364 --> 00:21:10,431
Your daughter is amazing. I can't
tell you how much this means.

418
00:21:10,433 --> 00:21:13,367
- Lauren told me how important you are.
- Oh.

419
00:21:13,369 --> 00:21:16,305
- So, tell us about Austin.
- Yeah, what's his deal?

420
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:18,039
Um, he's fine.

421
00:21:18,041 --> 00:21:20,007
He wants to kill me!
Legitimately kill me!

422
00:21:20,009 --> 00:21:21,410
Austin, I might kill you.
I might kill you.

423
00:21:21,412 --> 00:21:22,911
I might actually kill you.

424
00:21:22,913 --> 00:21:24,846
This must be tough.
You get jealous?

425
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,515
- Of?
- Austin.

426
00:21:26,517 --> 00:21:28,115
It's okay, you can tell me.

427
00:21:28,117 --> 00:21:30,017
I guess. They're just so close.

428
00:21:30,019 --> 00:21:31,519
Of course.
They have a special connection.

429
00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:33,087
Special, my ass.

430
00:21:33,089 --> 00:21:35,324
And I understand.
It's totally natural.

431
00:21:35,326 --> 00:21:37,860
Well, I don't think
I've admitted that before.

432
00:21:37,862 --> 00:21:39,527
- Even to Lauren.
- Don't worry.

433
00:21:39,529 --> 00:21:41,263
It'll all work out.

434
00:21:41,265 --> 00:21:43,565
When they get married,
you'll still be close friends.

435
00:21:43,567 --> 00:21:45,199
Um, what?

436
00:21:45,201 --> 00:21:46,934
Oh, me and
Austin are not dating.

437
00:21:46,936 --> 00:21:49,071
Austin and I.
You were an English major.

438
00:21:49,073 --> 00:21:50,972
Why don't we go outside,
get some fresh air.

439
00:21:50,974 --> 00:21:52,242
We'll be right back. Come on.

440
00:21:55,346 --> 00:21:57,248
- Where the hell is he going?
- Stop.

441
00:22:00,384 --> 00:22:01,883
What's he doing here?

442
00:22:01,885 --> 00:22:03,285
Yeah, I was planning
on telling them,

443
00:22:03,287 --> 00:22:04,518
and then the doorbell rang
and my parents

444
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,554
just kind of assumed...

445
00:22:05,556 --> 00:22:07,088
You were getting married.

446
00:22:07,090 --> 00:22:09,958
- He sent a turkey.
- He sent a turkey?

447
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,093
I know, I know.

448
00:22:11,095 --> 00:22:12,928
Listen, I will make this better.

449
00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:13,996
Okay.

450
00:22:36,319 --> 00:22:38,519
- That is just horrifying.
- What?

451
00:22:38,521 --> 00:22:41,657
The neighbors do not need
to see this kid's pelvis!

452
00:22:41,659 --> 00:22:43,991
What are you talking about?

453
00:22:43,993 --> 00:22:46,561
I never liked the idea of her moving
in with some guy off of Craig's List.

454
00:22:46,563 --> 00:22:49,230
Oh, I remember vividly you saying:
"That kid's got a good head

455
00:22:49,232 --> 00:22:51,667
- on his shoulders." Remember?
- I'd like to knock that head off his shoulders.

456
00:22:51,669 --> 00:22:53,535
Oh, you don't like any
of Lauren's boyfriends.

457
00:22:53,537 --> 00:22:56,103
Remember that nice kid Johnny?
You gave him PTSD.

458
00:22:56,105 --> 00:22:57,340
That Johnny was a bum.

459
00:22:58,342 --> 00:23:00,574
Meanwhile, we invite this Austin
into our home for Thanksgiving

460
00:23:00,576 --> 00:23:03,411
and he clearly
deceived us with his intentions.

461
00:23:03,413 --> 00:23:05,413
How could you not fall in love
with our daughter.

462
00:23:05,415 --> 00:23:08,485
He's got her lying to us.
She never lied to us.

463
00:23:09,519 --> 00:23:10,954
Sweetie.

464
00:23:12,655 --> 00:23:16,094
Do you think she's pregnant?

465
00:23:20,263 --> 00:23:22,500
- Where's the sharpener?
- No, no.

466
00:23:33,443 --> 00:23:36,280
- What?
- It's my grandparents.

467
00:23:38,015 --> 00:23:39,748
So we're playing straight today.

468
00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:41,318
They're not listening to me!

469
00:23:43,686 --> 00:23:47,157
Maybe they'll listen to you. Why don't
you give it a try? Go tell them.

470
00:23:47,724 --> 00:23:50,028
- What?
- You go tell my parents.

471
00:23:50,594 --> 00:23:52,361
No. Okay, I just met them.

472
00:23:52,363 --> 00:23:54,532
I am not coming out for you.

473
00:23:55,499 --> 00:23:59,066
Austin.
Oh, what a surprise!

474
00:23:59,068 --> 00:24:01,202
Hello, Anderson grandparents.

475
00:24:01,204 --> 00:24:02,770
Call me Josephine.

476
00:24:02,772 --> 00:24:04,573
Grandpa gets it done.

477
00:24:04,575 --> 00:24:08,543
And don't you worry.
I got your smoked turkey.

478
00:24:08,545 --> 00:24:10,612
He's arm-in-arm
with your grandma.

479
00:24:10,614 --> 00:24:14,149
I am not with Austin.
I am with you, okay?

480
00:24:14,151 --> 00:24:15,584
They're going to love you.

481
00:24:15,586 --> 00:24:17,585
Walk along
like you know how.

482
00:24:17,587 --> 00:24:19,621
I'm waiting
for you, bitch.

483
00:24:19,623 --> 00:24:22,090
Oh, I can walk. Look at the...

484
00:24:22,092 --> 00:24:24,191
Oh, well, oh, good. okay. Well.

485
00:24:24,193 --> 00:24:25,293
Well, keep up.

486
00:24:25,295 --> 00:24:26,694
You're gonna be the death of me.

487
00:24:26,696 --> 00:24:29,131
Oh, the death of you
will be your cholesterol.

488
00:24:29,133 --> 00:24:31,499
Oh, really?
Did you ever hear of Lipitor?

489
00:24:31,501 --> 00:24:33,334
- Oh, wait a second.
- Lepicore?

490
00:24:33,336 --> 00:24:34,803
- Lipitor. Lipitor.
- I have no idea.

491
00:24:34,805 --> 00:24:37,139
- Ask your doctor.
- Ask... should I get some?

492
00:24:37,141 --> 00:24:38,472
Jesus Christ.

493
00:24:38,474 --> 00:24:41,378
- What are the side effects?
- Death.

494
00:24:45,315 --> 00:24:47,382
Keep walking.
You don't have to wait for me.

495
00:24:47,384 --> 00:24:50,387
- I don't need a helper.
- Well, you need something.

496
00:24:53,589 --> 00:24:57,625
Let's go in there so that they
can see you by my side

497
00:24:57,627 --> 00:25:01,298
and they can process it and I'll
clear this all up, alright?

498
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,535
Fine.

499
00:25:10,173 --> 00:25:11,840
<i>Happy Thanksgiving!</i>

500
00:25:11,842 --> 00:25:17,612
Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so happy everyone's early.

501
00:25:17,614 --> 00:25:20,782
You wore those pants again?
Look at them.

502
00:25:20,784 --> 00:25:22,284
- Yeah?
- Yes, I did.

503
00:25:22,286 --> 00:25:24,553
Well, thank heaven
I didn't dress up.

504
00:25:24,555 --> 00:25:26,353
Well, they're
very comfortable. Here.

505
00:25:26,355 --> 00:25:28,623
- They're very heinous.
- They may be heinous,

506
00:25:28,625 --> 00:25:32,626
but something smells
awfully good.

507
00:25:32,628 --> 00:25:35,697
Well, this is so great
because, you know,

508
00:25:35,699 --> 00:25:40,302
your son ate the entire pie I was
planning to serve for breakfast.

509
00:25:40,304 --> 00:25:41,769
Oh, pie is okay for
breakfast.

510
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:44,538
Maybe everyone can
congregate in the living room.

511
00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:46,574
Austin sent me
one of those smoked turkeys

512
00:25:46,576 --> 00:25:49,510
- now I'm excited about Thanksgiving.
- Mm-hm.

513
00:25:49,512 --> 00:25:51,712
That's good.
This man ate a whole pie?

514
00:25:51,714 --> 00:25:53,481
Part of a pie.
She's exaggerating.

515
00:25:53,483 --> 00:25:55,150
- Pig, oink.
- Uh, everyone?

516
00:25:55,152 --> 00:25:56,852
Can I have your attention?

517
00:25:56,854 --> 00:26:01,189
- We're dating.
- Yes, Austin and Lauren are dating.

518
00:26:01,191 --> 00:26:02,724
- You're misunderstanding.
- Oh, no, no.

519
00:26:02,726 --> 00:26:04,860
- That's wonderful.
- No, Grandma. Stop it.

520
00:26:04,862 --> 00:26:07,228
- No, Grandma, stop kissing Austin.
- Oh, no, no, no.

521
00:26:07,230 --> 00:26:09,631
It's not what you think.
But it's very meaningful.

522
00:26:09,633 --> 00:26:11,732
- There's just a bit of confusion here.
- Yeah, listen.

523
00:26:11,734 --> 00:26:13,200
You work with Lauren?

524
00:26:13,202 --> 00:26:16,371
Yeah. Hailey is a lawyer, um.

525
00:26:16,373 --> 00:26:18,305
- She actually makes money.
- So do you.

526
00:26:18,307 --> 00:26:20,609
- How is the writing coming?
- Bet you got a whole lot

527
00:26:20,611 --> 00:26:21,712
of new material now.

528
00:26:22,613 --> 00:26:25,646
Her writing's going really well.
Tell them.

529
00:26:25,648 --> 00:26:27,716
- What kind of law?
- Uh, environmental law.

530
00:26:27,718 --> 00:26:30,352
- All about shrubbery and bushes.
- I love shrubbery.

531
00:26:30,354 --> 00:26:32,687
I don't know anything about
environmental law,

532
00:26:32,689 --> 00:26:34,823
but I learn something
new every day.

533
00:26:34,825 --> 00:26:38,492
As did I, madame, the day
I married you 'til today.

534
00:26:38,494 --> 00:26:40,295
What's the newest
thing you've learned?

535
00:26:40,297 --> 00:26:42,564
You, ma'am, have major game.

536
00:26:42,566 --> 00:26:44,231
- Alright, you two get a room.
- So, um,

537
00:26:44,233 --> 00:26:46,200
Hailey and I met in yoga.

538
00:26:46,202 --> 00:26:48,402
Thought you weren't supposed
to talk in yoga.

539
00:26:48,404 --> 00:26:49,804
Well, she hates rules.

540
00:26:49,806 --> 00:26:51,273
Hailey is not my friend.

541
00:26:51,275 --> 00:26:52,440
She's your best friend.

542
00:26:52,442 --> 00:26:54,375
I liked that picture of you

543
00:26:54,377 --> 00:26:55,911
two on Instagram last
night. That was beautiful.

544
00:26:55,913 --> 00:26:57,511
- She's talking about the LPAC event.
- Yeah.

545
00:26:57,513 --> 00:26:59,780
Lesbians for women in power.

546
00:26:59,782 --> 00:27:02,249
Yeah, we got a bunch of
feminists in the house.

547
00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:04,251
Are you two wearing
the same shirt?

548
00:27:04,253 --> 00:27:06,353
Okay. Come with me.

549
00:27:07,790 --> 00:27:09,857
Okay. Excuse me.

550
00:27:09,859 --> 00:27:11,361
He goes too?

551
00:27:15,798 --> 00:27:18,466
- They're not listening.
- I told you.

552
00:27:18,468 --> 00:27:20,267
No, like, they're really
not listening.

553
00:27:20,269 --> 00:27:22,603
I mean, okay,
they're still my family.

554
00:27:28,311 --> 00:27:30,344
Jesus Christ! How many times
do I have to knock

555
00:27:30,346 --> 00:27:31,880
before someone answers the door?

556
00:27:31,882 --> 00:27:33,248
What's with the girl in the van?

557
00:27:33,250 --> 00:27:34,682
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
- Mike!

558
00:27:34,684 --> 00:27:36,351
- Happy Thanksgiving to you too!
- Mike, Mike!

559
00:27:36,353 --> 00:27:39,286
- What?
- You heard me.

560
00:27:39,288 --> 00:27:41,488
I don't even know
what you're talking about! What?

561
00:27:41,490 --> 00:27:44,292
Oh, I don't believe you.
Where's the cranberry sauce?

562
00:27:44,294 --> 00:27:46,294
- What?
- I asked you to bring one thing.

563
00:27:46,296 --> 00:27:48,296
Oh, wait. Oh, woah, woah.
I brought wine.

564
00:27:48,298 --> 00:27:49,797
- Oh, great.
- I brought wine.

565
00:27:49,799 --> 00:27:51,868
So we're drinking again.
That makes me happy.

566
00:27:52,702 --> 00:27:56,374
- So, this is your bedroom?
- This is it.

567
00:27:57,708 --> 00:27:59,708
I'm so glad we're sharing
this moment with Austin.

568
00:27:59,710 --> 00:28:01,977
No one wants to out you guys
more than me right now.

569
00:28:01,979 --> 00:28:05,447
- Why exactly are you here?
- How was I supposed to know you were gonna drop

570
00:28:05,449 --> 00:28:08,382
- the lez bomb today?
- Why did you send a turkey?

571
00:28:08,384 --> 00:28:10,884
Because her grandmother
liked it last year.

572
00:28:10,886 --> 00:28:14,288
You're deliberately
trying to sabotage me.

573
00:28:14,290 --> 00:28:15,990
Shut up. Both of you.

574
00:28:15,992 --> 00:28:19,928
We'll go with the flow and when
the right moment presents itself

575
00:28:19,930 --> 00:28:23,998
- I will tell them we're in a relationship.
- Okay.

576
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,434
Alright, listen, you just
have to rip off that Band-Aid.

577
00:28:27,436 --> 00:28:30,337
- I didn't want there to be any ripping.
- I know.

578
00:28:30,339 --> 00:28:34,409
- It's not how it was supposed to happen.
- Oh, I know.

579
00:28:34,411 --> 00:28:37,344
- Sorry.
- Hey, it's gonna be okay.

580
00:28:43,886 --> 00:28:47,424
- So, this is your bedroom?
- This is my bedroom.

581
00:28:48,491 --> 00:28:50,627
All of this was made here.

582
00:28:51,394 --> 00:28:54,796
How did you even fit on the bed
with all these stuffed animals?

583
00:28:54,798 --> 00:28:58,632
I don't know.
I'm actually not sure.

584
00:28:58,634 --> 00:29:00,802
- Who's this guy?
- This is Teddy.

585
00:29:00,804 --> 00:29:03,371
I lacked imagination.

586
00:29:03,373 --> 00:29:06,507
This is, like, quite the
introduction to 6-year-old Lauren.

587
00:29:06,509 --> 00:29:09,376
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

588
00:29:11,381 --> 00:29:13,315
- Hey, mom!
- Oh!

589
00:29:13,317 --> 00:29:14,615
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- All my children.

590
00:29:14,617 --> 00:29:16,418
Oh, it smells so good in here.

591
00:29:16,420 --> 00:29:18,420
- You look so handsome.
- Really?

592
00:29:18,422 --> 00:29:20,921
- Yes, I really like this hairdo.
- Why don't I have a girlfriend then?

593
00:29:20,923 --> 00:29:23,391
- This deserves a girlfriend.
- It's so touchable.

594
00:29:23,393 --> 00:29:25,959
Hey, I did bring
a little bit of laundry

595
00:29:25,961 --> 00:29:28,363
- Oh, how great, I love doing laundry.
- for us to do.

596
00:29:28,365 --> 00:29:30,532
But I don't know how to do it.
So I thought, you know, you.

597
00:29:30,534 --> 00:29:33,537
Yeah, we'll have a class
in that. It's all good.

598
00:29:36,772 --> 00:29:38,806
<i>♪ Dashing
through the snow... ♪</i>

599
00:29:40,777 --> 00:29:43,611
Honey, one holiday
at a time, please.

600
00:29:43,613 --> 00:29:46,081
- Can I have my phone back now?
- Jess.

601
00:29:46,083 --> 00:29:49,517
- Would you give her the phone back?
- Don't make me the bad cop.

602
00:29:49,519 --> 00:29:50,884
You are the bad cop.

603
00:29:50,886 --> 00:29:53,823
- Hey. Don't push it.
- Thank you.

604
00:29:57,027 --> 00:30:00,431
Okay, here we go.
Let's have a good time.

605
00:30:05,499 --> 00:30:06,101
Can I please
have my phone now?

606
00:30:06,103 --> 00:30:08,068
No.

607
00:30:08,070 --> 00:30:09,671
And don't slam the door.

608
00:30:09,673 --> 00:30:12,106
Can we just eat some food
and give thanks?

609
00:30:12,108 --> 00:30:14,476
No. I'm not thankful.

610
00:30:14,478 --> 00:30:16,577
How about giving thanks
for me birthing you?

611
00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,979
Push a child out of
your vagina for 32 hours.

612
00:30:18,981 --> 00:30:21,149
- You won't be crying about that phone.
- Mom, don't say vagina.

613
00:30:21,151 --> 00:30:22,820
And don't mention
the spinach dip.

614
00:30:25,654 --> 00:30:28,055
Hey, the good
guys are here!

615
00:30:28,057 --> 00:30:30,691
Hey! Hi, are you?

616
00:30:30,693 --> 00:30:34,129
I'm very,
very well, Maggie.

617
00:30:34,131 --> 00:30:35,863
- Hey there, beautiful lady.
- Oh.

618
00:30:35,865 --> 00:30:38,665
- Happy Thanksgiving, mom.
- You kiss her on the lips?

619
00:30:38,667 --> 00:30:41,402
- I love you.
- Hey, tough guy. How you doin'?

620
00:30:41,404 --> 00:30:42,737
- I'm doing great.
- Yeah?

621
00:30:42,739 --> 00:30:44,671
I feel great.
I got the appetite back.

622
00:30:44,673 --> 00:30:46,007
- How do I look?
- Like a 100 damn dollars.

623
00:30:46,009 --> 00:30:47,842
You actually
asked him if he felt good?

624
00:30:47,844 --> 00:30:50,014
Look at the woman's face
that he brought with him.

625
00:30:50,946 --> 00:30:53,914
- I mean, how could you not feel good?
- Pop, come on.

626
00:30:53,916 --> 00:30:56,017
Jessica. Hi, Mike.

627
00:30:56,019 --> 00:30:57,419
- Maggie.
- Hi!

628
00:30:57,421 --> 00:30:58,753
The whole gang is here. Great.

629
00:30:58,755 --> 00:31:00,555
- This is Hailey.
- John.

630
00:31:00,557 --> 00:31:01,956
- Hi.
- Do you want some meat?

631
00:31:01,958 --> 00:31:03,725
No, thanks,
I actually don't eat meat.

632
00:31:03,727 --> 00:31:06,026
- Oh.
- Are you a vegetarian?

633
00:31:06,028 --> 00:31:09,898
- Yeah.
- Wait, you're the one that turned my daughter vegetarian?

634
00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:12,033
No, actually,
she turned me vegetarian.

635
00:31:12,035 --> 00:31:16,069
- She doesn't eat meat, but she eats pie.
- So do you.

636
00:31:16,071 --> 00:31:18,506
- Mom, can I have my phone?
- Not until you learn that

637
00:31:18,508 --> 00:31:20,475
my privacy is my privacy.

638
00:31:20,477 --> 00:31:22,110
She has taken to filming me
in the bathroom.

639
00:31:22,112 --> 00:31:23,777
- Got enough?
- Mm-hm.

640
00:31:23,779 --> 00:31:25,913
On the toilet,
in the shower, waxing, shaving.

641
00:31:25,915 --> 00:31:27,748
- Waxing is my favorite one.
- Oh, my god.

642
00:31:27,750 --> 00:31:29,883
- Well, that's flattering.
- That's flattering, right?

643
00:31:29,885 --> 00:31:34,021
- Yes, the evil spawn.
- Real flattering.

644
00:31:34,023 --> 00:31:36,490
Somebody said
there was gonna be turkey.

645
00:31:36,492 --> 00:31:39,059
- You are an evil spawn, you really are.
- Oh, yes, it's hilarious.

646
00:31:39,061 --> 00:31:41,662
- You should have some wine.
- I don't want wine.

647
00:31:41,664 --> 00:31:44,833
- It's the bottle that Hailey brought.
- Great.

648
00:31:44,835 --> 00:31:47,501
Is there a reason
you don't want wine?

649
00:31:47,503 --> 00:31:49,970
- A specific reason?
- You like drinking?

650
00:31:49,972 --> 00:31:53,208
- That's it?
- Dad, I don't want wine.

651
00:31:53,210 --> 00:31:54,575
- Do you want the wine?
- Ahh, No.

652
00:31:54,577 --> 00:31:56,510
I'm thinking you
might want some.

653
00:31:56,512 --> 00:31:58,680
Lauren, can you grab me some extra
oven mitts from downstairs?

654
00:31:58,682 --> 00:32:00,949
- Oh, I'll go get them.
- The big... Lauren, can you

655
00:32:00,951 --> 00:32:02,816
show Hailey where
the extra oven mitts are?

656
00:32:02,818 --> 00:32:04,986
Mom, can you ask dad
why he's being crazy?

657
00:32:04,988 --> 00:32:07,555
- She doesn't want any wine.
- Where the hell is the turkey?

658
00:32:07,557 --> 00:32:09,257
Amen. I'm with Pop.
Let's eat.

659
00:32:09,259 --> 00:32:10,824
It's roast beef.

660
00:32:10,826 --> 00:32:13,260
- You need to talk to them.
- Okay.

661
00:32:13,262 --> 00:32:17,532
- You need to drink that wine.
- Getting drunk's not gonna fix anything.

662
00:32:17,534 --> 00:32:19,566
- They think you're pregnant.
- No.

663
00:32:19,568 --> 00:32:21,568
Oh, yeah. They think you
came home to tell them

664
00:32:21,570 --> 00:32:22,903
you're in a relationship
with Austin

665
00:32:22,905 --> 00:32:25,573
and you're pregnant.
Congratulations.

666
00:32:25,575 --> 00:32:27,040
Oh, my God.

667
00:32:27,042 --> 00:32:31,011
I just need to get my mom
alone for, like, a minute.

668
00:32:31,013 --> 00:32:32,515
Is someone smoking pot?

669
00:32:33,148 --> 00:32:35,552
I don't think so. Nobody smokes.

670
00:32:37,953 --> 00:32:38,989
What?

671
00:32:43,993 --> 00:32:46,760
My uncle is smoking
weed in Pop-pop's bathroom!

672
00:32:46,762 --> 00:32:48,997
My uncle, this, my Pop-pop
used to live down here.

673
00:32:48,999 --> 00:32:51,732
My uncle's in there smoking and shaving.
My mom's gonna kill him.

674
00:32:51,734 --> 00:32:54,201
- Why is he shaving?
- Why is he smoking?

675
00:32:54,203 --> 00:32:56,537
- Ask if he wants to share?
- That's not funny.

676
00:32:56,539 --> 00:32:58,139
- I'm not joking.
- I'll be right back.

677
00:32:58,141 --> 00:33:00,307
- No.
- Just give me, just give me five minutes.

678
00:33:00,309 --> 00:33:01,976
- No.
- Just give me... Please.

679
00:33:01,978 --> 00:33:04,312
Please just give me five
minutes to talk to my mom.

680
00:33:04,314 --> 00:33:06,180
You get one minute.

681
00:33:06,182 --> 00:33:08,115
Only 'cause you look
so cute in that dress.

682
00:33:08,117 --> 00:33:09,586
I like you in flannel.

683
00:33:10,252 --> 00:33:12,490
Relax. I'll be right back.

684
00:33:18,127 --> 00:33:19,960
Shit.

685
00:33:19,962 --> 00:33:21,629
Oh, good. Lauren.

686
00:33:21,631 --> 00:33:22,896
- No, not right now.
- Your friend.

687
00:33:22,898 --> 00:33:24,766
- No.
- Yeah, we had a connection.

688
00:33:24,768 --> 00:33:26,334
- There's no connection.
- Tell me one thing.

689
00:33:26,336 --> 00:33:28,135
What kind of guys
does she date?

690
00:33:28,137 --> 00:33:29,770
She is unavailable.

691
00:33:29,772 --> 00:33:31,171
- Hey, listen.
- What?

692
00:33:31,173 --> 00:33:33,708
Mike's smoking weed
in Pop-pop's bathroom.

693
00:33:33,710 --> 00:33:35,109
- Is he gonna share?
- John!

694
00:33:35,111 --> 00:33:36,944
What? What do
you want me to do about it?

695
00:33:36,946 --> 00:33:38,580
I just need everyone to pull
their shit together

696
00:33:38,582 --> 00:33:40,014
for five seconds
while I talk to mom.

697
00:33:40,016 --> 00:33:41,615
- Can you just help me do that.
- That's fair.

698
00:33:41,617 --> 00:33:42,917
She's in the
kitchen, you know,

699
00:33:42,919 --> 00:33:44,521
- basting away.
- Okay.

700
00:33:45,855 --> 00:33:48,722
- No. Where are you going? Stay.
- Where's Hailey? I just wanna have a stimulating

701
00:33:48,724 --> 00:33:51,895
conversation with somebody actually...
She seems smart. I'll see you later.

702
00:33:54,931 --> 00:33:57,632
- Here.
- What the hell? This cannot be right.

703
00:33:57,634 --> 00:34:02,069
According to this, the turkey's done.
According to this, we ate it already.

704
00:34:02,071 --> 00:34:06,841
Vegetarian or not, you need to
try the smoked turkey, Lauren.

705
00:34:06,843 --> 00:34:09,276
- It was a gift from your boyfriend.
- It wasn't.

706
00:34:09,278 --> 00:34:12,045
If she's gonna try meat,
it's gonna be my meat.

707
00:34:12,047 --> 00:34:13,780
- Can you at least try my gravy?
- I'm not trying meat today.

708
00:34:13,782 --> 00:34:15,717
Oh, yes, you are.
You're trying this gravy.

709
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:17,784
- You really want to.
- How about I try it, and we can go talk?

710
00:34:17,786 --> 00:34:19,621
- We're talking right now. Try the gravy.
- We're not talking.

711
00:34:19,623 --> 00:34:23,090
Mmm. It's so good, right?
It's really good.

712
00:34:23,092 --> 00:34:23,893
Why?

713
00:34:24,860 --> 00:34:27,163
This is the best one
I have ever made.

714
00:34:29,365 --> 00:34:30,632
That is great.

715
00:34:30,634 --> 00:34:31,865
- Rose.
- Yeah.

716
00:34:31,867 --> 00:34:33,767
I hate to tell you.

717
00:34:33,769 --> 00:34:36,304
You don't fry with olive oil.

718
00:34:36,306 --> 00:34:40,842
No, I learned that.
Oh, they told us that in Greece.

719
00:34:40,844 --> 00:34:42,844
- Never.
- Okay.

720
00:34:42,846 --> 00:34:46,179
- We're in New Jersey.
- You use canola oil or coconut oil.

721
00:34:46,181 --> 00:34:48,282
Really? Huh!

722
00:34:48,284 --> 00:34:52,253
You know, when I was a young girl
and I had an itchy lady garden,

723
00:34:52,255 --> 00:34:56,657
- Excuse me?
- I put just a drop of olive oil on a cotton swab and

724
00:34:56,659 --> 00:34:59,730
- pat it down there.
- Oh, my God!

725
00:35:00,262 --> 00:35:01,996
That's so great.

726
00:35:01,998 --> 00:35:05,135
- How often would you do that?
- Every single time.

727
00:35:06,268 --> 00:35:08,735
- Have you ever had an itch down there?
- Never.

728
00:35:08,737 --> 00:35:11,139
- Never. That's never happened to me.
- Mom, I need my phone.

729
00:35:11,141 --> 00:35:13,141
- I need to film this.
- Oh, yeah, that's not happening

730
00:35:13,143 --> 00:35:15,275
because you and your friends
do too much of that snatching...

731
00:35:15,277 --> 00:35:17,278
- Snap-snapping?
- of drugs and naked pictures.

732
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,213
- I'm not doing any of that.
- Okay, whatever.

733
00:35:19,215 --> 00:35:21,916
All I'm saying is your
generation is over-sexualized.

734
00:35:21,918 --> 00:35:24,284
No, that was never Lauren.

735
00:35:24,286 --> 00:35:26,119
What? You were an angel.

736
00:35:26,121 --> 00:35:29,123
Do you remember when you asked
me what this meant?

737
00:35:29,125 --> 00:35:30,992
- I literally wanna die.
- Wait, what?

738
00:35:30,994 --> 00:35:33,327
Some brat at school did that

739
00:35:33,329 --> 00:35:35,796
and she wanted to know what he
was talking about, right?

740
00:35:35,798 --> 00:35:38,365
Okay, can you stop making
that motion, forever.

741
00:35:38,367 --> 00:35:40,133
This...? You, no.

742
00:35:40,135 --> 00:35:41,802
Mom, let me live my life, okay?

743
00:35:41,804 --> 00:35:43,804
Tell them about
the Spin the Bottle.

744
00:35:43,806 --> 00:35:45,139
- Mom, this is not a roast!
- Okay, Lauren,

745
00:35:45,141 --> 00:35:48,008
Lauren called me
in seventh grade.

746
00:35:48,010 --> 00:35:50,244
- It was sixth grade.
- It was seventh grade.

747
00:35:50,246 --> 00:35:54,115
- It was sixth grade.
- And everybody was playing Spin the Bottle, right?

748
00:35:54,117 --> 00:35:57,284
I didn't want my first kiss
to be with some random guy.

749
00:35:57,286 --> 00:35:59,720
- Right, and you called me, your mom.
- Yes.

750
00:35:59,722 --> 00:36:02,923
I snuck off and called my mom
and asked her if I should play.

751
00:36:02,925 --> 00:36:04,891
- What'd she say? What'd you say?
- I said you should do

752
00:36:04,893 --> 00:36:07,327
whatever you feel
comfortable doing.

753
00:36:07,329 --> 00:36:11,833
But you hang up the phone and
don't tell anyone you called.

754
00:36:11,835 --> 00:36:14,334
- Loser.
- Yes, I was not cool.

755
00:36:14,336 --> 00:36:17,074
I miss those days.
You told me everything.

756
00:36:18,907 --> 00:36:22,175
I just want some clarification.
You and Austin?

757
00:36:22,177 --> 00:36:24,811
- Not together.
- Why are you keeping it secret?

758
00:36:24,813 --> 00:36:28,048
I'm not keeping it a secret! I've
been trying to tell everyone.

759
00:36:28,050 --> 00:36:31,251
- We're not together!
- I've got an idea.

760
00:36:31,253 --> 00:36:34,856
Take this, put it
in your hand and pray.

761
00:36:34,858 --> 00:36:38,525
And pray to God that
someday you figure out

762
00:36:38,527 --> 00:36:41,197
that you can
get your shit together.

763
00:36:42,798 --> 00:36:44,965
- Put that rosary away.
- What shit?

764
00:36:44,967 --> 00:36:46,300
- Put it away.
- Why?

765
00:36:46,302 --> 00:36:48,202
We only use it
for important things.

766
00:36:48,204 --> 00:36:52,240
God belongs in your house
every day of your life, lady.

767
00:36:52,242 --> 00:36:55,776
We're not talking about God right
now, we're talking about your rosary.

768
00:36:55,778 --> 00:36:57,878
Jessica, do you have a
boyfriend? Change of subject.

769
00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,380
I'm so into lacrosse players.

770
00:36:59,382 --> 00:37:02,016
- Is Austin a lacrosse player?
- Lacrosse?

771
00:37:02,018 --> 00:37:04,050
Where do you see
lacrosse players?

772
00:37:04,052 --> 00:37:05,385
You don't know what I do.

773
00:37:05,387 --> 00:37:06,954
Rose, I need more...

774
00:37:06,956 --> 00:37:08,255
Where are you going?
I need more chairs.

775
00:37:08,257 --> 00:37:10,224
- They're in the basement.
- Mike's, uh,

776
00:37:10,226 --> 00:37:12,159
- smoking weed down there.
- What?!

777
00:37:12,161 --> 00:37:14,394
How is that surprising?
What are you chewing?

778
00:37:14,396 --> 00:37:15,563
Nothing, I'm not chewing.

779
00:37:15,565 --> 00:37:18,335
Look at that! One of my cookies!

780
00:37:20,135 --> 00:37:23,170
- Mike!
- What?!

781
00:37:23,172 --> 00:37:27,141
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm shaving!

782
00:37:27,143 --> 00:37:29,010
- I smell weed.
- I'm shaving!

783
00:37:29,012 --> 00:37:30,845
You're smoking in our
deceased father's bathroom!

784
00:37:30,847 --> 00:37:32,146
- It's all in your head.
- No.

785
00:37:32,148 --> 00:37:34,282
I'm telling you, Rose,
stop it. Ah!

786
00:37:34,284 --> 00:37:36,416
- Rose, there's something wrong with you.
- Where is it, where is it?

787
00:37:36,418 --> 00:37:38,452
- What are you laughing at?
- Rose, I'm kind of worried about you.

788
00:37:38,454 --> 00:37:40,153
- What is so goddamn funny?
- You don't look normal right now.

789
00:37:40,155 --> 00:37:42,123
- You don't look normal.
- You are doing...

790
00:37:42,125 --> 00:37:44,492
No, I'm kind of depressed!
I've gotta relax!

791
00:37:44,494 --> 00:37:47,028
- Oh, yeah. That's called being an adult! Welcome to...
- Okay, Rose.

792
00:37:47,030 --> 00:37:49,896
You look like Grandma,
you look just like grandma.

793
00:37:49,898 --> 00:37:52,432
I am so going to kill you.
Goddamn it.

794
00:37:52,434 --> 00:37:58,371
- I have had it. I am not your goddamn mother!
- I didn't do anything!

795
00:37:58,373 --> 00:38:03,878
Right over there
I saw Lauren kiss Hailey.

796
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,912
Lauren's dating Austin.

797
00:38:07,449 --> 00:38:09,617
Kids these days think they can
have their gluten-free

798
00:38:09,619 --> 00:38:11,885
cake and eat it too.

799
00:38:11,887 --> 00:38:14,121
Well, what should
we do about it?

800
00:38:14,123 --> 00:38:17,027
You do nothing.
I'll handle this.

801
00:38:20,262 --> 00:38:23,197
You put those hands on me,
you get bossy

802
00:38:23,199 --> 00:38:28,970
and it turns me on, still.

803
00:38:28,972 --> 00:38:31,438
- So, no meat at all?
- Nope.

804
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:35,075
- Well, where do you get your protein?
- Oh, Hailey eats fish.

805
00:38:35,077 --> 00:38:37,945
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
There's a name for that.

806
00:38:37,947 --> 00:38:40,213
It's a p, p, pescatarian.

807
00:38:40,215 --> 00:38:42,182
- You're a pescatarian.
- No, I'm not.

808
00:38:42,184 --> 00:38:44,251
- Semantics.
- Maybe I should be a pescatarian.

809
00:38:44,253 --> 00:38:46,987
Hey, we were just talking about
Hailey's meat-eating habits.

810
00:38:46,989 --> 00:38:48,956
Austin's telling your
brother I eat fish.

811
00:38:48,958 --> 00:38:50,191
What do you think
about that, Lauren?

812
00:38:50,193 --> 00:38:52,059
Gosh, it starts
with a P, right?

813
00:38:52,061 --> 00:38:53,628
- Yeah, pescaterian.
- It's on the tip of the... No.

814
00:38:53,630 --> 00:38:55,496
- That's right. Am I wrong?
- No, it's not. That's not it.

815
00:38:55,498 --> 00:38:58,499
- Lauren? Lauren!
- Oh, no.

816
00:38:58,501 --> 00:39:00,133
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

817
00:39:00,135 --> 00:39:02,168
Not pescatarian.
I'll tell you later.

818
00:39:02,170 --> 00:39:04,104
I wanna make sure you're
comfortable, you know?

819
00:39:04,106 --> 00:39:05,972
Mi casa is your house.

820
00:39:05,974 --> 00:39:07,074
- Thanks.
- Yeah.

821
00:39:07,076 --> 00:39:08,541
You play lacrosse?

822
00:39:08,543 --> 00:39:10,211
Yeah, in high school.

823
00:39:10,213 --> 00:39:12,380
Hm. Nice.

824
00:39:12,382 --> 00:39:16,150
- Lauren!
- What's going on, Grandma?

825
00:39:16,152 --> 00:39:18,653
You never bring the side dish
with the main dish.

826
00:39:18,655 --> 00:39:20,121
Huh?

827
00:39:20,123 --> 00:39:22,322
You don't think I know
what's going on?

828
00:39:22,324 --> 00:39:26,327
- You and Hailey?
- Yes. Me and Hailey.

829
00:39:26,329 --> 00:39:28,262
Yeah. Wow.

830
00:39:28,264 --> 00:39:30,998
I didn't think that you'd be the
first person to figure that out.

831
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,434
You like to share your vegetarian plates
and throw meat in when you feel like it.

832
00:39:34,436 --> 00:39:37,137
- Wait, what?
- You, Hailey, Austin.

833
00:39:37,139 --> 00:39:39,539
I don't care what you do on
your own personal time,

834
00:39:39,541 --> 00:39:43,177
but you don't bring the side dish with
the main course home for the holidays.

835
00:39:43,179 --> 00:39:45,012
No, I'm with Hailey.
There's not Austin.

836
00:39:45,014 --> 00:39:46,313
There's no side dish.

837
00:39:46,315 --> 00:39:50,050
Don't bullshit me.
He sent a turkey.

838
00:39:50,052 --> 00:39:51,318
I'm not bullshitting you.

839
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,190
Hey, Lauren. Your brother's....

840
00:39:56,159 --> 00:40:00,594
- Yeah. John? Stop waving at my friend.
- Quit cock-blocking me.

841
00:40:00,596 --> 00:40:02,032
I'm watching you.

842
00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:07,503
Shut the door.
It's cold outside.

843
00:40:09,405 --> 00:40:11,041
Uh...

844
00:40:12,175 --> 00:40:14,278
I saw the two of you kissing.

845
00:40:17,045 --> 00:40:18,948
Nice seeing you both.

846
00:40:20,048 --> 00:40:22,048
What? What do you want?

847
00:40:22,050 --> 00:40:25,119
- John, stop hitting on Hailey.
- Okay. I think she might be into it,

848
00:40:25,121 --> 00:40:27,287
- so I really don't wanna stop.
- She's not into it. She's not into it.

849
00:40:27,289 --> 00:40:29,190
- Okay, she might be.
- She's not into it at all.

850
00:40:29,192 --> 00:40:30,590
You know what?
I'm picking up some things.

851
00:40:30,592 --> 00:40:32,025
And if you think I don't know

852
00:40:32,027 --> 00:40:33,327
when I'm getting the eyes,

853
00:40:33,329 --> 00:40:35,195
- Then you're wrong.
- There's no eyes.

854
00:40:35,197 --> 00:40:36,731
- You're not her type.
- This is one of those amazing,

855
00:40:36,733 --> 00:40:38,599
beautiful romances that's just
starting to blossom.

856
00:40:38,601 --> 00:40:40,367
- What are you talking about?
- You can't cover it up.

857
00:40:40,369 --> 00:40:42,103
- She just showed up!
- Well, yeah. You know.

858
00:40:42,105 --> 00:40:43,570
- John, listen to me.
- You have to relax!

859
00:40:43,572 --> 00:40:45,338
- I sense that you're worked up.
- Listen to me!

860
00:40:45,340 --> 00:40:47,344
- OK.
- Hailey is my girlfriend.

861
00:40:48,478 --> 00:40:50,610
Oh. Oh.

862
00:40:50,612 --> 00:40:52,679
- Okay?
- Yeah.

863
00:40:52,681 --> 00:40:55,249
- But, you made out with tons of my friends in high school.
- Oh, my God,

864
00:40:55,251 --> 00:40:57,617
- I made out with one and it wasn't Thanksgiving. Let it go!
- But you did. I saw

865
00:40:57,619 --> 00:40:59,487
- I owe you one. I owe you one.
- Don't... Put your finger away!

866
00:40:59,489 --> 00:41:01,222
- I owe you one.
- Put the finger away.

867
00:41:01,224 --> 00:41:02,623
Okay. You know what?
If you don't think

868
00:41:02,625 --> 00:41:04,124
I can make out with her,

869
00:41:04,126 --> 00:41:05,594
then I will take
that as a challenge.

870
00:41:06,429 --> 00:41:08,762
- Don't.
- You're room smells like farts.

871
00:41:08,764 --> 00:41:11,367
- Get out.
- So maybe you wanna do something about that.

872
00:41:24,780 --> 00:41:27,384
Why don't you get over there
so I can keep an eye on you.

873
00:41:37,393 --> 00:41:39,392
- You alright?
- Oh, yeah.

874
00:41:39,394 --> 00:41:41,662
Yeah, they just they did a lot
of cutting around the muscle.

875
00:41:41,664 --> 00:41:44,434
So you're gonna blame cancer
for your shitty golf game?

876
00:41:46,536 --> 00:41:48,137
You look alright, buddy.

877
00:41:48,704 --> 00:41:50,336
Don't lie to me.
I look like shit.

878
00:41:50,338 --> 00:41:52,009
Well, there's that.

879
00:41:54,677 --> 00:41:57,014
Hey, what's the deal
with dad and the rosary?

880
00:41:58,547 --> 00:42:00,049
Well, he, uh...

881
00:42:02,485 --> 00:42:05,222
promised to do the rosary every
day if you'd beat cancer.

882
00:42:06,588 --> 00:42:08,423
So, he's screwed.

883
00:42:12,494 --> 00:42:15,795
You look good, though.
You eating healthy?

884
00:42:15,797 --> 00:42:19,333
- From the guy who eats pie for breakfast.
- And lunch.

885
00:42:19,335 --> 00:42:21,668
- You know, George, I feel good.
- Good.

886
00:42:21,670 --> 00:42:27,141
- I feel like a teenager.
- Like a really old, out of shape teenager.

887
00:42:28,577 --> 00:42:31,547
Fore! On your house!

888
00:42:37,820 --> 00:42:40,590
Okay. I need a new thermometer.

889
00:42:41,824 --> 00:42:44,458
Lauren, get me a new
thermometer for Christmas.

890
00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:46,260
- That's all I want.
- Great.

891
00:42:46,262 --> 00:42:47,595
- I'm hungry.
- Hey, sweetie?

892
00:42:47,597 --> 00:42:50,498
I have your baby clothes
up in the attic.

893
00:42:50,500 --> 00:42:52,900
- Mom, there's no reason for baby clothes.
- Oh, okay.

894
00:42:52,902 --> 00:42:54,802
Is something burning in here?

895
00:42:54,804 --> 00:42:58,873
No, it's the smoked turkey?
I mean, my turkey's fine.

896
00:42:58,875 --> 00:43:00,374
- It smells.
- That's not a turkey.

897
00:43:00,376 --> 00:43:01,876
Yeah, what's with
the smoked turkey?

898
00:43:01,878 --> 00:43:04,211
- It's a family tradition.
- Hailey, what's up?

899
00:43:04,213 --> 00:43:06,412
I am gonna be
an awesome grandma.

900
00:43:06,414 --> 00:43:10,751
Yo, would a rational,
pregnant person do this?!

901
00:43:10,753 --> 00:43:13,623
- Yeah, boy. Oh, boy.
- God. Wow. Oh, Wow.

902
00:43:14,757 --> 00:43:16,824
No, no way to get that.

903
00:43:16,826 --> 00:43:19,492
- Oh, my god, no.
- So awesome.

904
00:43:19,494 --> 00:43:21,494
- There's no baby.
- You just killed it.

905
00:43:21,496 --> 00:43:24,632
There was never a baby, mom.
There was never a baby.

906
00:43:25,867 --> 00:43:27,367
- Get the turkey!
- Wait, wait!

907
00:43:27,369 --> 00:43:29,369
Okay, everybody out now!

908
00:43:33,208 --> 00:43:35,342
Save the turkey and get out!
Come on!

909
00:43:35,344 --> 00:43:38,311
Hailey and I have
been dating for six months.

910
00:43:38,313 --> 00:43:40,581
No one seems
to give a shit about anything.

911
00:43:40,583 --> 00:43:42,916
- Move, move get out!
- Alright, we're coming!

912
00:43:44,786 --> 00:43:46,887
George! Where are mom and dad?

913
00:43:46,889 --> 00:43:49,190
Has anybody seen my brother?

914
00:43:49,192 --> 00:43:51,561
Okay, we gotta go now.
We gotta go.

915
00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:55,831
<i>The house is okay, but the
basement's got a lot of smoke damage.</i>

916
00:43:56,599 --> 00:43:59,336
- <i>What caused the fire?</i>
- <i>A joint, Chief.</i>

917
00:44:01,536 --> 00:44:02,805
<i>Does he wanna
share?</i>

918
00:44:04,606 --> 00:44:08,943
It's gonna be ok, mom. Why don't we
go to the motel and have Thanksgiving there?

919
00:44:08,945 --> 00:44:11,912
Yeah, okay. Okay.

920
00:44:13,583 --> 00:44:16,950
- Oh, my God, it's all dad's stuff.
- I know.

921
00:44:16,952 --> 00:44:18,952
His...

922
00:44:18,954 --> 00:44:21,324
- His baseball bats.
- I know.

923
00:44:23,391 --> 00:44:25,858
- It's gonna be okay.
- His bird box and...

924
00:44:25,860 --> 00:44:28,697
- It's gonna be okay.
- Oh, God.

925
00:44:31,233 --> 00:44:32,633
- Yeah.
- Um.

926
00:44:32,635 --> 00:44:33,934
I'll be right back.
Are you gonna be okay?

927
00:44:33,936 --> 00:44:35,305
Yep.

928
00:44:39,641 --> 00:44:41,976
- Oh! Oh.
- Happy Thanksgiving, Rose.

929
00:44:41,978 --> 00:44:44,010
- Oh, Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.
- And that is one hell of a way

930
00:44:44,012 --> 00:44:45,748
to smoke a turkey.

931
00:44:48,284 --> 00:44:49,849
Dick.

932
00:44:49,851 --> 00:44:51,584
Hey, where are you going?

933
00:44:51,586 --> 00:44:54,021
Your brother's going to give
me a ride to the station.

934
00:44:54,023 --> 00:44:55,889
I tried to tell them,
you heard me.

935
00:44:55,891 --> 00:44:59,392
No, I know, I'm sorry. Look,
I'm just really uncomfortable.

936
00:44:59,394 --> 00:45:00,860
- I mean, this is crazy, right?
- John?

937
00:45:00,862 --> 00:45:02,795
- What?
- Hailey's staying. You're staying.

938
00:45:02,797 --> 00:45:04,498
No, she said she wanted a ride.
I'll give her a ride.

939
00:45:04,500 --> 00:45:05,865
What's your deal anyway?
You seem

940
00:45:05,867 --> 00:45:07,601
- really depressed.
- Give me Hailey's bag.

941
00:45:07,603 --> 00:45:09,737
I can hold onto a bag, okay?

942
00:45:09,739 --> 00:45:14,374
You have to stay, please.
I need my friend's support.

943
00:45:14,376 --> 00:45:18,311
Look, I get it that your family doesn't
wanna hear about your <i>friend</i> today.

944
00:45:18,313 --> 00:45:19,746
But I think they need to know.

945
00:45:19,748 --> 00:45:22,349
I need to know that my
friend has my back.

946
00:45:22,351 --> 00:45:25,619
And I need my friend to be open
and honest about her feelings.

947
00:45:25,621 --> 00:45:27,487
Friends are there even
when it's inconvenient.

948
00:45:27,489 --> 00:45:29,322
They're there when you
need them the most.

949
00:45:29,324 --> 00:45:31,758
She sounds like she's pretty
hard to be friends with, right?

950
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,961
- Probably not even bother.
- Give me Hailey's bag.

951
00:45:33,963 --> 00:45:35,896
- Hey, you should mediate a little bit.
- Give me Hailey's bag.

952
00:45:35,898 --> 00:45:37,563
- Sibling rivalry. Hey, guys.
- I think it would be good.

953
00:45:37,565 --> 00:45:39,432
- Who am I riding with?
- Guys, we can,

954
00:45:39,434 --> 00:45:42,369
we can fit we can fit
three in our backseat.

955
00:45:42,371 --> 00:45:45,773
- Mom, you're gonna get sick.
- Hey, we got the food in the driveway!

956
00:45:45,775 --> 00:45:48,508
- We can have, like, a picnic, man!
- Oh, make him be quiet.

957
00:45:48,510 --> 00:45:50,510
- It's a beautiful day, you know!
- Make him shut up.

958
00:45:50,512 --> 00:45:52,646
- Make him shut up or I will die.
- Come on, we're all here, you know?

959
00:45:52,648 --> 00:45:54,947
I mean, there's no reason
we all gotta climb

960
00:45:54,949 --> 00:45:57,016
in the car and go to the motel!

961
00:45:57,018 --> 00:45:58,851
- Seriously!
- Hey, Austin.

962
00:45:58,853 --> 00:46:00,920
My parents said
you're coming with us.

963
00:46:00,922 --> 00:46:02,356
Cool.

964
00:46:02,358 --> 00:46:03,626
- Uhh.
- I know.

965
00:46:04,527 --> 00:46:06,526
- We're just gonna go to the motel.
- Okay.

966
00:46:06,528 --> 00:46:09,329
And we're gonna have a perfect
Thanksgiving dinner.

967
00:46:09,331 --> 00:46:11,932
- You're gonna come.
- You are a saint

968
00:46:11,934 --> 00:46:13,666
for putting up with all this.

969
00:46:13,668 --> 00:46:16,869
- Oh, Mrs. Anderson.
- Oh, it's gonna be okay.

970
00:46:16,871 --> 00:46:20,007
These are Ken's keys, and this
is Ken's car, but it's just

971
00:46:20,009 --> 00:46:21,708
- they're not working for Ken and...
- Sweetie

972
00:46:21,710 --> 00:46:23,677
find the keys
that work for that car

973
00:46:23,679 --> 00:46:26,646
or find a car that
goes with those keys, okay?

974
00:46:26,648 --> 00:46:28,514
Johnny?
Put on your big boy pants.

975
00:46:28,516 --> 00:46:31,084
Don't let the panic win.
So, you're coming back

976
00:46:31,086 --> 00:46:33,387
to the motel with us, right?

977
00:46:33,389 --> 00:46:35,021
- Oh, yes, you are. Yes, you are.
- Yeah.

978
00:46:35,023 --> 00:46:38,025
- Thank you so much for having me.
- Oh, you're welcome.

979
00:46:38,027 --> 00:46:39,760
- So, we're just all gonna go to the motel?
- Yep.

980
00:46:39,762 --> 00:46:42,396
- Alright. Roommates.
- John!

981
00:46:42,398 --> 00:46:43,963
- What?
- Leave Hailey alone.

982
00:46:43,965 --> 00:46:45,965
I'm not, not leaving her alone.

983
00:46:45,967 --> 00:46:47,934
- You're talking too much.
- I've been talking to everybody.

984
00:46:47,936 --> 00:46:49,737
- Stop it, just go away.
- Guys, guys?

985
00:46:49,739 --> 00:46:51,472
- Stop it, just go away.
- Guys, guys?

986
00:46:51,474 --> 00:46:52,673
- I can't go in the house.
- Okay.

987
00:46:52,675 --> 00:46:54,541
- He's a moron.
- Here we go.

988
00:46:54,543 --> 00:46:56,008
- He's a moron.
- Here we go, come.

989
00:46:56,010 --> 00:46:59,579
I'm sorry. I'm sorry
he's harassing you.

990
00:46:59,581 --> 00:47:01,414
- Work on your attitude!
- We're good?

991
00:47:01,416 --> 00:47:03,883
- Shut up!
- We're all good!

992
00:47:16,465 --> 00:47:17,998
What's with the smoked turkey?

993
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,099
How many times are we gonna go
through this today?

994
00:47:20,101 --> 00:47:21,735
Austin sent it.

995
00:47:21,737 --> 00:47:23,807
What? He doesn't
like <i>your</i> turkey?

996
00:47:24,606 --> 00:47:26,139
Does Austin not like my turkey?

997
00:47:26,141 --> 00:47:27,974
No, mom. It was just a gesture.

998
00:47:27,976 --> 00:47:31,043
It was a peace offering.
He knew I wanted to kill him.

999
00:47:31,045 --> 00:47:34,046
If you're gonna eat turkey
today, it's gonna be my turkey.

1000
00:47:34,048 --> 00:47:36,883
See, Lauren? Your mom doesn't
want you eating Austin's meat.

1001
00:47:36,885 --> 00:47:39,720
- I thought you don't eat meat.
- I don't.

1002
00:47:39,722 --> 00:47:42,021
Do you have any allergies
I should know about, Hailey?

1003
00:47:42,023 --> 00:47:44,758
- Just bees.
- Okay, I'm not gonna cook bees,

1004
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:47,494
so that's fine.
I was gonna make us dinner.

1005
00:47:47,496 --> 00:47:48,898
Oh, my God.

1006
00:48:00,775 --> 00:48:01,577
Oh.

1007
00:48:02,844 --> 00:48:05,646
So, now, how long have you and
Lauren been officially together?

1008
00:48:05,648 --> 00:48:07,581
- Yeah, no, it's not official.
- Oh.

1009
00:48:07,583 --> 00:48:10,016
- What the hell would you call it?
- Keeping your options open?

1010
00:48:10,018 --> 00:48:11,818
Yep, nope! that's not...

1011
00:48:11,820 --> 00:48:15,188
Not keeping our options open.
We're just roommates.

1012
00:48:15,190 --> 00:48:17,057
Mm-hm.

1013
00:48:17,059 --> 00:48:18,561
Roommates.

1014
00:48:19,594 --> 00:48:21,961
No phone. Disgusting casserole.

1015
00:48:21,963 --> 00:48:25,566
Hey, it is not a casserole,
it is a spinach dip.

1016
00:48:25,568 --> 00:48:29,936
And it's the best goddamn spinach
dip in this part of the country.

1017
00:48:29,938 --> 00:48:32,673
- Yeah.
- Salty, it's buttery,

1018
00:48:32,675 --> 00:48:34,775
the edges get
a little bit texture-y.

1019
00:48:34,777 --> 00:48:37,677
It's fantastic. That, to me,
I mean, I don't know.

1020
00:48:37,679 --> 00:48:40,680
- It just seems perfect.
- Well, also I steam...

1021
00:48:40,682 --> 00:48:44,684
If you pull it out a little early,
sometimes we get a situation.

1022
00:49:21,990 --> 00:49:23,460
Are you kidding me?

1023
00:49:27,195 --> 00:49:28,896
- Hey, mom?
- Yeah, sweetie.

1024
00:49:28,898 --> 00:49:31,130
Let's try to enjoy
what's left of the day.

1025
00:49:31,132 --> 00:49:33,967
Pop-pop would have wanted us to
have a lovely Thanksgiving.

1026
00:49:33,969 --> 00:49:37,170
- That was very well put.
- Okay? Okay?

1027
00:49:37,172 --> 00:49:39,007
- Alright?
- Wait a sec, what?

1028
00:49:39,875 --> 00:49:41,541
Probably I'll stay
over there and we'll...

1029
00:49:41,543 --> 00:49:43,644
Hey, John, maybe make
yourself useful.

1030
00:49:43,646 --> 00:49:45,711
Yeah, no problem. I was just saying
we could figure out sleeping

1031
00:49:45,713 --> 00:49:46,880
arrangements whenever
it's good for everyone.

1032
00:49:46,882 --> 00:49:48,215
We're obviously sharing a room.

1033
00:49:48,217 --> 00:49:49,615
It's not an option.

1034
00:49:49,617 --> 00:49:51,284
Hey, listen. My mom is at

1035
00:49:51,286 --> 00:49:54,787
boiling point. Let me just bring
her back to zero, okay?

1036
00:49:54,789 --> 00:49:56,188
I get it. I get it.

1037
00:49:56,190 --> 00:49:59,027
It's all about preserving
your mom's emotions.

1038
00:49:59,894 --> 00:50:02,195
You know, maybe I should
just get together with John.

1039
00:50:02,197 --> 00:50:04,898
- That'll make her happy.
- You're being ridiculous.

1040
00:50:04,900 --> 00:50:07,066
Your cousin
is sexually harassing me.

1041
00:50:07,068 --> 00:50:10,771
You need to deal with that. I can't
deal with anything else today.

1042
00:50:10,773 --> 00:50:12,008
- Can you take this?
- Yeah.

1043
00:50:13,175 --> 00:50:15,211
Okay, okay, I got it. I got it.

1044
00:50:16,045 --> 00:50:18,110
What is going on here? This
parking lot is for guests only.

1045
00:50:18,112 --> 00:50:20,916
- Hey, is everything okay here?
- Everything is great.

1046
00:50:22,117 --> 00:50:23,753
Guests only, please.

1047
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,186
- I'm with Mike.
- Yeah.

1048
00:50:26,188 --> 00:50:30,222
She's, uh... Ro... Emma.
This is my guest.

1049
00:50:30,224 --> 00:50:32,092
- Yes, hello, family
- Yeah.

1050
00:50:32,094 --> 00:50:34,327
that was not supposed
to be here with me today.

1051
00:50:34,329 --> 00:50:36,095
- We had this little accident at the house.
- Little accident?

1052
00:50:36,097 --> 00:50:38,097
- Little? Little my ass
- Is everything okay here?

1053
00:50:38,099 --> 00:50:40,266
- You're little. You're little.
- Is everything okay here, mom?

1054
00:50:40,268 --> 00:50:41,901
- Jeez.
- Everything is fine.

1055
00:50:41,903 --> 00:50:43,670
- Bring it down a notch.
- Everything's fine.

1056
00:50:43,672 --> 00:50:45,905
Come on. We're gonna
go have some dinner and

1057
00:50:45,907 --> 00:50:48,675
our bellies will be full of
surprise, we'll be on our way.

1058
00:50:48,677 --> 00:50:52,813
Let's, you know, we'll... Let's make
the most of it, the best of it.

1059
00:50:52,815 --> 00:50:54,914
Right? The best of it.

1060
00:50:54,916 --> 00:50:57,016
Hey, mom, can I grab a key for
me and Hailey to grab a room?

1061
00:50:57,018 --> 00:50:58,784
- Yes, go ahead.
- Okay. You good here?

1062
00:50:58,786 --> 00:50:59,922
Yeah, I'm great here.

1063
00:51:04,994 --> 00:51:07,730
I'm looking at you.
I'm looking at you.

1064
00:51:11,300 --> 00:51:15,936
You know, today was supposed
to be a really important day.

1065
00:51:15,938 --> 00:51:18,671
Yeah, well, how was
I supposed to know that?

1066
00:51:18,673 --> 00:51:22,208
- Why exactly are you here?
- 'Cause, I like Lauren's family.

1067
00:51:22,210 --> 00:51:24,077
- What?
- You like Lauren.

1068
00:51:24,079 --> 00:51:27,880
Okay. Alright. Alright.
Look, you're frustrated,

1069
00:51:27,882 --> 00:51:30,784
because her family
welcomed me with open arms.

1070
00:51:30,786 --> 00:51:32,318
- No, no.
- Yeah.

1071
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,121
I'm frustrated because you've

1072
00:51:34,123 --> 00:51:37,057
managed to hijack
the entire day.

1073
00:51:37,059 --> 00:51:40,126
- They think you guys are a couple.
- That's not my fault.

1074
00:51:40,128 --> 00:51:44,430
You and Lauren are never going
to be a couple, okay?

1075
00:51:44,432 --> 00:51:46,802
I hope you realize that.

1076
00:51:50,938 --> 00:51:55,742
You guys have been dating
for six months, right?

1077
00:51:55,744 --> 00:51:57,880
We've been living together
for three years.

1078
00:51:59,815 --> 00:52:01,184
Guess who knows Lauren better?

1079
00:52:05,019 --> 00:52:07,454
- How the hell did Mike start that fire?
- Smoking pot.

1080
00:52:07,456 --> 00:52:10,322
- Where'd he get the weed?
- He's probably dealing again.

1081
00:52:10,324 --> 00:52:13,193
- I didn't realize he was selling ever.
- Oh, yeah.

1082
00:52:13,195 --> 00:52:14,927
Interesting.

1083
00:52:14,929 --> 00:52:17,296
- Interesting.
- Failed at it, of course.

1084
00:52:17,298 --> 00:52:19,432
- He'll probably fail at it again.
- Yeah.

1085
00:52:19,434 --> 00:52:21,901
- They're ripping out the flowers again!
- Who?

1086
00:52:21,903 --> 00:52:23,704
- I don't...
- Holy...!

1087
00:52:23,706 --> 00:52:25,141
Fuck!

1088
00:52:25,940 --> 00:52:27,974
Johnny, stop pretending to help.
You can actually help.

1089
00:52:27,976 --> 00:52:29,909
Well, it's heavier
than it looks, mom.

1090
00:52:29,911 --> 00:52:31,711
I'm putting the spinach
dip right here.

1091
00:52:31,713 --> 00:52:33,179
Okay, that's great, Maggie.

1092
00:52:41,422 --> 00:52:44,224
- I can do that.
- Let me help you with this, Mrs. Anderson.

1093
00:52:44,226 --> 00:52:46,793
I'm happy to help.
I can just spread

1094
00:52:46,795 --> 00:52:50,066
a tablecloth or whatever
I need to do here.

1095
00:52:51,467 --> 00:52:53,266
Relax if you want or...

1096
00:52:53,268 --> 00:52:54,903
Oh! Yeah.

1097
00:53:02,811 --> 00:53:04,043
- George?
- Hey!

1098
00:53:04,045 --> 00:53:05,445
Watch the damn turkey video.

1099
00:53:05,447 --> 00:53:07,414
Okay, I will watch the video.

1100
00:53:07,416 --> 00:53:09,081
- Now.
- Absolutely.

1101
00:53:09,083 --> 00:53:11,418
- Why wouldn't I?
- Rose!

1102
00:53:11,420 --> 00:53:12,688
Somebody's calling!

1103
00:53:13,288 --> 00:53:15,224
Would you mind
closing the door, honey?

1104
00:53:23,331 --> 00:53:24,933
- Yeah?
- Ah-hah.

1105
00:53:26,835 --> 00:53:29,034
Your brother and his friend.

1106
00:53:29,036 --> 00:53:30,903
Yeah, I know, I know.
What the hell's going on here?

1107
00:53:30,905 --> 00:53:33,840
Let me call the police.
I got this.

1108
00:53:33,842 --> 00:53:35,842
I can't call the cops on Mikey.

1109
00:53:35,844 --> 00:53:39,979
That's why you're gonna let me
call the cops on him, okay?

1110
00:53:39,981 --> 00:53:42,150
- I can't.
- Yeah, you can do it.

1111
00:53:43,818 --> 00:53:47,920
- Just come inside and just act normal.
- I am not going inside.

1112
00:53:47,922 --> 00:53:50,123
- Are you out of your mind?
- Please come inside?

1113
00:53:50,125 --> 00:53:52,992
Please come inside?
Do you wanna get this done?

1114
00:53:52,994 --> 00:53:55,262
- Oh, my...
- Are we gonna get this done? Are we gonna be professional?

1115
00:53:55,264 --> 00:53:57,396
- Let's go inside.
- Do you wanna be professional?

1116
00:53:57,398 --> 00:53:59,132
- I am a professional.
- Do you wanna try and be a professional?

1117
00:53:59,134 --> 00:54:00,833
Oh, my God! You are
the absolute worst!

1118
00:54:00,835 --> 00:54:02,369
I've been a professional
for a while.

1119
00:54:02,371 --> 00:54:03,470
Oh, yeah, so professional.

1120
00:54:03,472 --> 00:54:05,905
We can stay in here tonight.

1121
00:54:05,907 --> 00:54:07,976
Shouldn't we be sleeping
in separate beds?

1122
00:54:08,976 --> 00:54:10,879
Funny.

1123
00:54:11,547 --> 00:54:13,146
Lauren. Okay.

1124
00:54:13,148 --> 00:54:15,151
I think Uncle
Mike's dating a gay lady.

1125
00:54:16,385 --> 00:54:18,584
Yeah. I know a lesbian
when I see one.

1126
00:54:18,586 --> 00:54:20,353
- Hi, Hailey.
- Hey.

1127
00:54:20,355 --> 00:54:21,954
What are you doin'?
What are you guys doin'?

1128
00:54:21,956 --> 00:54:23,326
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.

1129
00:54:24,293 --> 00:54:27,159
- Impeccable gaydar, that one.
- Spot on.

1130
00:54:27,161 --> 00:54:29,329
I'm glad there's so many
love connections happening.

1131
00:54:29,331 --> 00:54:32,398
I know, and my whole family
will know about this one.

1132
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:36,938
We'll be laughing about
this someday, I'm sure.

1133
00:54:38,373 --> 00:54:41,177
It's nice to have a moment
away from my family.

1134
00:54:43,177 --> 00:54:46,278
I was really excited
to meet them today.

1135
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,382
I know.

1136
00:54:48,617 --> 00:54:52,989
They're gonna love you. I'm
sorry it didn't go as planned.

1137
00:54:56,925 --> 00:54:58,294
It just...

1138
00:54:59,494 --> 00:55:02,999
doesn't feel good
not to be worth talking about.

1139
00:55:03,632 --> 00:55:06,269
Of course you're
worth talking about.

1140
00:55:07,101 --> 00:55:10,205
You know, I adore you.

1141
00:55:22,617 --> 00:55:24,251
- Hey, dad?
- Hey.

1142
00:55:24,253 --> 00:55:26,586
I really need to talk to you.

1143
00:55:26,588 --> 00:55:28,921
Yeah, you and Austin
are not sharing a room.

1144
00:55:28,923 --> 00:55:31,860
- That's not happening.
- I don't wanna share a room with Austin.

1145
00:55:32,427 --> 00:55:34,594
It's the first
Thanksgiving without Pop-pop.

1146
00:55:34,596 --> 00:55:38,632
It's really important that we
make this a nice dinner for mom.

1147
00:55:38,634 --> 00:55:41,101
There's something I have
to talk to you both about.

1148
00:55:41,103 --> 00:55:42,905
Oh, yeah, what's up?

1149
00:55:43,572 --> 00:55:46,005
- Hailey and I...
- I mean, you're right about your mom.

1150
00:55:46,007 --> 00:55:49,077
She's not having
an easy go of it

1151
00:55:49,644 --> 00:55:51,313
with Pop-pop passing and...

1152
00:55:53,248 --> 00:55:54,648
this place.

1153
00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:57,920
Mike. She's sad.

1154
00:55:59,353 --> 00:56:03,358
She misses you. You guys were
so close, you know?

1155
00:56:04,192 --> 00:56:05,992
We're still close, dad.

1156
00:56:05,994 --> 00:56:07,396
You wanted to tell me something?

1157
00:56:09,431 --> 00:56:12,398
Let's just have a really
nice Thanksgiving dinner?

1158
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:15,334
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It starts
with the carving, apparently.

1159
00:56:15,336 --> 00:56:17,970
- I mean, just watch the video.
- Is it just "YouTube carving,"

1160
00:56:17,972 --> 00:56:20,407
"YouTube
comma carving?"

1161
00:56:20,409 --> 00:56:25,481
"Turkey video carving" in the
Internet will lead you right there.

1162
00:56:26,315 --> 00:56:27,613
Right there.

1163
00:56:27,615 --> 00:56:30,349
This was supposed
to be an easy merchandise move.

1164
00:56:30,351 --> 00:56:32,351
And now you're asking me to
pretend to be your girlfriend.

1165
00:56:32,353 --> 00:56:35,155
Just relax, Emma.
Everybody's gonna be eating.

1166
00:56:35,157 --> 00:56:36,555
You can do your business.

1167
00:56:36,557 --> 00:56:38,458
Yeah, I hope
I can do my business, okay?

1168
00:56:38,460 --> 00:56:40,427
You weren't even
supposed to be here, okay?

1169
00:56:40,429 --> 00:56:43,095
- You don't mess with the cartel!
- Okay!

1170
00:56:43,097 --> 00:56:44,965
And that's another thing
about the cartel!

1171
00:56:44,967 --> 00:56:46,499
- I should be part of this cartel!
- Hey, guys.

1172
00:56:46,501 --> 00:56:48,568
- I've been wanting...
- For the last time...

1173
00:56:48,570 --> 00:56:50,470
- What are you guys doing out here?
- Not much.

1174
00:56:50,472 --> 00:56:52,204
Nature.

1175
00:56:52,206 --> 00:56:55,008
Question. You carryin'?

1176
00:56:55,010 --> 00:56:56,476
What?

1177
00:56:56,478 --> 00:56:57,613
You know. Hey.

1178
00:56:58,746 --> 00:57:01,581
Oh, man, I don't even know
what you're talking about.

1179
00:57:01,583 --> 00:57:03,717
Come on, Mike.

1180
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:07,052
Yes, hi. He is selling.

1181
00:57:07,054 --> 00:57:10,289
Dude, this is my
sister's husband's brother.

1182
00:57:10,291 --> 00:57:15,028
I don't care who he is.
We have merchandise to move.

1183
00:57:15,030 --> 00:57:16,932
How much are you looking for?

1184
00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:19,465
A joint?

1185
00:57:19,467 --> 00:57:21,136
Now you're
just wasting my time.

1186
00:57:21,737 --> 00:57:24,670
- Oh, mom's stuffing is so good.
- Thank you, sweetie.

1187
00:57:24,672 --> 00:57:29,175
So, Hailey, how strict a vegetarian
would you say that you are?

1188
00:57:29,177 --> 00:57:31,244
Hey, John?
We're exclusively vegetarian.

1189
00:57:31,246 --> 00:57:34,046
I mean, can she handle,
like, a little sausage?

1190
00:57:34,048 --> 00:57:37,016
Come on. What the hell's
the matter with you?

1191
00:57:37,018 --> 00:57:40,019
I just want her to taste mom's stuffing.
There's bits of little sausages in it.

1192
00:57:40,021 --> 00:57:43,255
I don't even know whether to
accept that as what that is,

1193
00:57:43,257 --> 00:57:46,291
but it's the grimmest shirt I ever
saw in my life that you're wearing.

1194
00:57:46,293 --> 00:57:49,095
Grandpa, I couldn't agree more. That's
the ugliest sweater I've ever seen.

1195
00:57:49,097 --> 00:57:53,666
Well, truthfully, I don't love
it either, but mom picked it out

1196
00:57:53,668 --> 00:57:55,501
- Wow.
- and she is great.

1197
00:57:55,503 --> 00:57:59,572
So, Hailey,
I'm a good man with a good soul.

1198
00:57:59,574 --> 00:58:02,275
There's a good chance I'm gonna
murder you this Thanksgiving, John.

1199
00:58:02,277 --> 00:58:06,780
Yeah, well, I took out a hell of a
life insurance policy on myself

1200
00:58:06,782 --> 00:58:08,782
so you can
make me a very rich man.

1201
00:58:15,356 --> 00:58:18,159
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

1202
00:58:19,126 --> 00:58:21,126
Mike sold me some weed.

1203
00:58:21,128 --> 00:58:22,729
Oh, my God, we have a teenage
daughter in there

1204
00:58:22,731 --> 00:58:24,229
and you're out here doing drugs?

1205
00:58:24,231 --> 00:58:25,697
Barely. Come on.

1206
00:58:25,699 --> 00:58:28,168
That is a shit ton of weed!

1207
00:58:28,170 --> 00:58:29,836
Honey, they don't
sell it like they used to.

1208
00:58:29,838 --> 00:58:33,373
- And you plan on smoking all of that?
- I don't know.

1209
00:58:33,375 --> 00:58:35,543
Mike's girlfriend
scared the shit out of me.

1210
00:58:38,313 --> 00:58:41,680
- How are you feelin'?
- Better.

1211
00:58:41,682 --> 00:58:43,485
Well, get back inside,

1212
00:58:45,152 --> 00:58:46,421
before you get us all arrested.

1213
00:58:50,525 --> 00:58:51,693
What the hell?

1214
00:58:52,561 --> 00:58:54,094
Do you need help
with the chair?

1215
00:58:55,262 --> 00:58:56,695
Uh, no. I've got it.

1216
00:59:07,476 --> 00:59:09,309
Hey, what you got there,
Josephine?

1217
00:59:09,311 --> 00:59:12,744
- Digestive enzymes.
- Nice.

1218
00:59:12,746 --> 00:59:15,283
Lot of food to digest today...

1219
00:59:16,351 --> 00:59:19,251
as well as new information.

1220
00:59:19,253 --> 00:59:21,289
What kind of information?

1221
00:59:22,456 --> 00:59:26,726
Look what I found. Look what I found.
My spinach dip.

1222
00:59:26,728 --> 00:59:28,193
Somebody's dug into it.
I didn't even get a taste.

1223
00:59:28,195 --> 00:59:30,262
There was a guy.

1224
00:59:30,264 --> 00:59:33,301
Oh, honey. It's perfect.

1225
00:59:34,202 --> 00:59:37,637
Happy Thanksgiving.
Can you move, Johnny?

1226
00:59:37,639 --> 00:59:40,240
Don't worry about
dropping it, it's dead.

1227
00:59:40,242 --> 00:59:42,275
Here we go.

1228
00:59:42,277 --> 00:59:44,744
What we need to do is carve it.

1229
00:59:44,746 --> 00:59:48,248
It just needs to be carved and then
we're, we're good, we're all good.

1230
00:59:48,250 --> 00:59:51,351
Rose, that turkey
looks like ass. Old ass.

1231
00:59:51,353 --> 00:59:53,353
You know what?
You look like old... Mikey,

1232
00:59:53,355 --> 00:59:55,655
would you please come into
the kitchen with me?

1233
00:59:55,657 --> 00:59:58,227
- I'd rather stay here.
- I think I'd rather you...

1234
01:00:01,228 --> 01:00:03,795
- Ow! You wrinkled my good shirt!
- You tell me what's going on.

1235
01:00:03,797 --> 01:00:06,499
You tell me what's going on or I am
calling the cops on your friend.

1236
01:00:06,501 --> 01:00:09,334
Sure, sure! She's my
girlfriend and I love her.

1237
01:00:09,336 --> 01:00:10,605
- You love her?
- Yeah.

1238
01:00:11,940 --> 01:00:15,374
- What's going on? What's going on?
- Nothing's going on, nothing.

1239
01:00:15,376 --> 01:00:17,776
- You tell me what's going on.
- Nothing. Ow!

1240
01:00:17,778 --> 01:00:20,648
You broke my rib,
or my ass or something.

1241
01:00:21,550 --> 01:00:23,715
- Anyway, Hailey, I thought I could make you a plate.
- John!

1242
01:00:23,717 --> 01:00:25,885
- I know you don't normally eat a lot of meat, but...
- John, she is

1243
01:00:25,887 --> 01:00:28,521
- I am an immovable wall!
- not going to eat the turkey.

1244
01:00:28,523 --> 01:00:31,356
Okay, I find this very awkward.
Oh, my god.

1245
01:00:31,358 --> 01:00:33,825
You know, today might be
the day I try something new.

1246
01:00:33,827 --> 01:00:35,862
- See? She might want...
- Am I allowed to eat?

1247
01:00:35,864 --> 01:00:38,363
Oh, you're allowed to,
I'm just watching you.

1248
01:00:38,365 --> 01:00:40,566
- She does not want any turkey.
- No, he's right, Lauren.

1249
01:00:40,568 --> 01:00:42,668
I'd usually go for
a big hunk of breast,

1250
01:00:42,670 --> 01:00:46,572
but maybe today I'd like a
juicy drumstick, you know?

1251
01:00:46,574 --> 01:00:49,508
You're gonna have to move while I prepare a
plate because it's feeling very sexual...

1252
01:00:49,510 --> 01:00:52,244
- This is the Thanksgiving I'm going to kill you.
- And you need to do this for me.

1253
01:00:52,246 --> 01:00:54,613
- You're the best spinach dip maker in the world.
- You're pushing my buttons.

1254
01:00:54,615 --> 01:00:55,815
Button push.

1255
01:00:55,817 --> 01:00:57,684
Jesus Christ.
What have we got here?

1256
01:00:57,686 --> 01:00:59,719
I'm gonna go cool off.
I'm gonna do my tens,

1257
01:00:59,721 --> 01:01:01,653
- where I count to 10 in the other room.
- Yes, yes.

1258
01:01:01,655 --> 01:01:03,690
And you need to
grow up while I'm gone, okay?

1259
01:01:03,692 --> 01:01:05,557
because I can't deal with
your childish behavior.

1260
01:01:05,559 --> 01:01:07,793
- I'm sorry about her.
- It's okay, John.

1261
01:01:07,795 --> 01:01:09,431
Thank you
for being so understanding.

1262
01:01:10,831 --> 01:01:14,766
- I know, but...
- I love you and I love this spinach dip.

1263
01:01:14,768 --> 01:01:16,903
- Which do you love more?
- Happy Thanksgiving.

1264
01:01:18,606 --> 01:01:20,572
I do like these chips.
I don't know if they're...

1265
01:01:20,574 --> 01:01:21,576
What?

1266
01:01:23,378 --> 01:01:25,577
Are you drinking?

1267
01:01:25,579 --> 01:01:28,615
- Mom, it's a holiday.
- No!

1268
01:01:28,617 --> 01:01:29,585
Don't... Get!

1269
01:01:30,652 --> 01:01:32,651
Dad. Seriously?

1270
01:01:32,653 --> 01:01:35,257
- Not happening, no!
- Getting the edge off, mom.

1271
01:01:35,990 --> 01:01:38,458
The edge off of what?

1272
01:01:38,460 --> 01:01:41,860
<i>Between the breast and
the drumstick, cut through the skin.</i>

1273
01:01:41,862 --> 01:01:45,331
<i>Gently, but firmly pull
the drumstick and thigh away...</i>

1274
01:01:45,333 --> 01:01:46,833
George!

1275
01:01:46,835 --> 01:01:48,333
Uh.

1276
01:01:48,335 --> 01:01:52,005
Okay. Why is
she carving my turkey?

1277
01:01:52,007 --> 01:01:53,706
Put the skin down.

1278
01:01:53,708 --> 01:01:55,675
Put the skin back.

1279
01:01:55,677 --> 01:01:57,644
- Oh, put the skin down, Grandma.
- I got it.

1280
01:01:57,646 --> 01:01:59,579
Why does the turkey
need a blanket? It's dead.

1281
01:01:59,581 --> 01:02:01,780
It's more than a blanket.
It's tasty, tasty skin.

1282
01:02:01,782 --> 01:02:04,416
- Terrible for cholesterol.
- The skin is the best part, Jo.

1283
01:02:04,418 --> 01:02:06,619
There's Austin's turkey also
if we need it.

1284
01:02:06,621 --> 01:02:08,854
- Are you kidding me?
- No, dad.

1285
01:02:08,856 --> 01:02:10,456
- What's happening?
- Are you kidding me?

1286
01:02:10,458 --> 01:02:12,358
- Alright.
- Is everybody happy?

1287
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:13,925
- Carve that turkey.
- Okay.

1288
01:02:13,927 --> 01:02:16,762
The turkey that
I have been cooking all day.

1289
01:02:16,764 --> 01:02:18,731
smells so
good from here.

1290
01:02:18,733 --> 01:02:22,034
- It's no offense, Austin.
- No, none taken.

1291
01:02:22,036 --> 01:02:24,070
The turkey looks perfect.
Sit down.

1292
01:02:24,072 --> 01:02:26,505
- I'm gonna cut the turkey now.
- Wait a second. We forgot grace.

1293
01:02:26,507 --> 01:02:28,574
- Oh, boy.
- Okay.

1294
01:02:28,576 --> 01:02:30,376
- Ow.
- Oh, yeah, grace.

1295
01:02:30,378 --> 01:02:32,445
- Oh.
- You wanna do it?

1296
01:02:32,447 --> 01:02:33,780
- Oh.
- Uh. Um.

1297
01:02:33,782 --> 01:02:36,682
- I can get this.
- Austin should lead grace.

1298
01:02:36,684 --> 01:02:39,418
- Yeah, I don't mind.
- No, I got it.

1299
01:02:39,420 --> 01:02:40,887
- I got it.
- Somebody say grace.

1300
01:02:40,889 --> 01:02:42,688
That's more fighting
over grace

1301
01:02:42,690 --> 01:02:44,057
than any grace I ever knew.

1302
01:02:44,059 --> 01:02:45,624
Okay. Uh,

1303
01:02:45,626 --> 01:02:47,559
First of all, thank you

1304
01:02:47,561 --> 01:02:49,494
for cooking
this beautiful dinner.

1305
01:02:49,496 --> 01:02:51,396
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.

1306
01:02:51,398 --> 01:02:55,400
Thanksgiving's
all about thanks and truth.

1307
01:02:55,402 --> 01:02:56,903
- Amen.
- And forgiveness.

1308
01:02:56,905 --> 01:02:58,737
And giving.

1309
01:02:58,739 --> 01:03:00,807
And not groping
your sister's friend, John.

1310
01:03:00,809 --> 01:03:03,675
But mostly,
it's about coming home

1311
01:03:03,677 --> 01:03:08,947
- and coming out about things.
- Oh, holy shit.

1312
01:03:08,949 --> 01:03:10,550
What?

1313
01:03:10,552 --> 01:03:12,651
- You alright?
- You okay?

1314
01:03:12,653 --> 01:03:13,952
Come on, Lauren.

1315
01:03:13,954 --> 01:03:17,326
You can do it. Okay?

1316
01:03:18,092 --> 01:03:19,460
Uh...

1317
01:03:20,695 --> 01:03:21,830
Uh, mom?

1318
01:03:22,797 --> 01:03:25,333
Is there something
you wanna say, sweetie?

1319
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:28,467
Lauren.

1320
01:03:28,469 --> 01:03:31,570
Uh, we need wine.
Do you want wine?

1321
01:03:31,572 --> 01:03:34,072
Do you want more wine?
We're out of wine.

1322
01:03:34,074 --> 01:03:36,476
This table needs more wine.
Who wants wine?

1323
01:03:36,478 --> 01:03:38,110
- I need some wine.
- Yeah, sure, more wine.

1324
01:03:38,112 --> 01:03:40,947
I'm just gonna get a bottle.
I'm just gonna get some wine,

1325
01:03:40,949 --> 01:03:43,719
- and I'll be right back.
- Grandma wants red.

1326
01:03:45,586 --> 01:03:47,954
- Okay.
- What a lunatic.

1327
01:03:47,956 --> 01:03:50,956
- We keep holding hands?
- No, eat up.

1328
01:03:50,958 --> 01:03:52,791
No reason to wait now.

1329
01:03:52,793 --> 01:03:56,662
Giving the worst graces.
I mean, that was the worst.

1330
01:03:56,664 --> 01:03:58,130
Was that not terrible?

1331
01:03:58,132 --> 01:03:59,632
I didn't get much.

1332
01:03:59,634 --> 01:04:00,999
Well, I'm carving
the turkey now, dad.

1333
01:04:01,001 --> 01:04:02,603
You'll have more in a second.

1334
01:04:04,806 --> 01:04:06,875
Lauren! Oh!

1335
01:04:07,942 --> 01:04:09,378
Okay, so...

1336
01:04:11,713 --> 01:04:14,813
You and Hailey, you're dating,
aren't you?

1337
01:04:14,815 --> 01:04:17,416
- Oh, my God, thank God!
- I knew it!

1338
01:04:17,418 --> 01:04:19,552
Yes, yes,
please go tell everyone.

1339
01:04:19,554 --> 01:04:23,021
Yeah, no. Your mother would freak out
if she wasn't the first person to know.

1340
01:04:23,023 --> 01:04:25,724
Yeah, yeah, oh, my God.
Maggie, thank you so much

1341
01:04:25,726 --> 01:04:27,592
for being cool enough to put
two and two together.

1342
01:04:27,594 --> 01:04:29,729
Oh, okay, stay here.

1343
01:04:29,731 --> 01:04:31,764
I'm gonna go get Jessica
so you can tell her.

1344
01:04:31,766 --> 01:04:33,499
Oh, wait, I have to tell
my mom before I start

1345
01:04:33,501 --> 01:04:35,034
- telling everyone else.
- Oh, yeah, no.

1346
01:04:35,036 --> 01:04:37,039
I mean the part
about me being cool.

1347
01:04:37,972 --> 01:04:40,807
I promise I will tell her
how cool you are after.

1348
01:04:40,809 --> 01:04:45,211
Okay, good.
And what exactly is scissoring?

1349
01:04:45,213 --> 01:04:48,847
Because I can touch my toes
but I can't do the splits.

1350
01:04:48,849 --> 01:04:52,820
Oh, maybe we revisit this
after dessert?

1351
01:04:53,588 --> 01:04:56,492
I gotta do the splits,
don't I? Oh, goddamn it.

1352
01:05:03,797 --> 01:05:06,534
Oh, hey, sorry.
I was just washing my hands.

1353
01:05:07,501 --> 01:05:12,574
You should really lock the door. Unless
you're looking for some company.

1354
01:05:13,240 --> 01:05:16,708
Yeah, no, not looking for any company.
No company needed.

1355
01:05:16,710 --> 01:05:17,945
I was just using the bathroom.

1356
01:05:19,713 --> 01:05:21,646
- What are you doing?
- Looking for wine.

1357
01:05:21,648 --> 01:05:23,048
- You're hiding.
- No, I'm not.

1358
01:05:23,050 --> 01:05:25,818
Lauren, the wine's
next to the walk-in.

1359
01:05:25,820 --> 01:05:27,920
- Do you wanna have sex right now?
- What?

1360
01:05:27,922 --> 01:05:30,690
It's what you like, right? It makes
you hot, keeping it a secret?

1361
01:05:30,692 --> 01:05:31,958
I don't like this
version of you.

1362
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:33,662
I don't like this
version of <i>you.</i>

1363
01:05:34,963 --> 01:05:38,498
You are just so concerned about
everyone else's feelings.

1364
01:05:38,500 --> 01:05:39,768
What about mine?

1365
01:05:40,568 --> 01:05:41,733
Hm?

1366
01:05:41,735 --> 01:05:43,038
What about my feelings?

1367
01:05:46,875 --> 01:05:47,909
Fine.

1368
01:05:48,976 --> 01:05:50,742
Come on.

1369
01:05:50,744 --> 01:05:52,278
You're really young, okay?

1370
01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:54,713
These are your formative years,
and you're gonna be

1371
01:05:54,715 --> 01:05:57,115
a crazy heart-breaker,
but I am way too old for...

1372
01:05:57,117 --> 01:05:58,818
Can you put your shirt back on?

1373
01:05:58,820 --> 01:06:02,220
This turkey tastes soapy.
It tastes like soap.

1374
01:06:02,222 --> 01:06:04,523
- Uh, mom?
- Whoa, what took so long?

1375
01:06:04,525 --> 01:06:07,526
Dipping into the side dish
while we're all sitting here

1376
01:06:07,528 --> 01:06:08,927
waiting for the main course.

1377
01:06:08,929 --> 01:06:11,697
No, mom, I wanted to tell you...

1378
01:06:11,699 --> 01:06:13,865
Lauren, you didn't
even remember the wine.

1379
01:06:13,867 --> 01:06:15,834
That was the whole point.
Hailey, you can

1380
01:06:15,836 --> 01:06:17,603
- have mine, I guess.
- John, let me talk for two seconds.

1381
01:06:17,605 --> 01:06:18,970
- Okay, sure.
- Mom, thank you so much for

1382
01:06:18,972 --> 01:06:21,773
putting all this
food together, um...

1383
01:06:21,775 --> 01:06:23,909
- And?
- I couldn't be more grateful.

1384
01:06:23,911 --> 01:06:26,045
I could not be more grateful

1385
01:06:26,047 --> 01:06:28,748
to be able to spend
Thanksgiving with all of you

1386
01:06:28,750 --> 01:06:31,150
- Last chance, Lauren.
- and be able to talk to

1387
01:06:31,152 --> 01:06:35,186
You all so openly about,
like, life and gather...

1388
01:06:35,188 --> 01:06:38,023
And I have an announcement
to make, everyone.

1389
01:06:38,025 --> 01:06:41,896
Don't, don't do this like
this. This is not what...

1390
01:06:43,864 --> 01:06:45,030
Whoa.

1391
01:06:45,032 --> 01:06:47,766
- I'm going to kill you.
- What is this?

1392
01:06:47,768 --> 01:06:49,635
Let's just French a little
and see what happens.

1393
01:06:49,637 --> 01:06:51,206
What?

1394
01:06:52,005 --> 01:06:53,905
No, it's not what it...
It's not what it looks like!

1395
01:06:53,907 --> 01:06:55,840
No! Not, she kissed me!

1396
01:06:58,211 --> 01:07:00,179
She kissed me! She kissed me!

1397
01:07:00,181 --> 01:07:01,713
I kissed him, Uncle George!

1398
01:07:01,715 --> 01:07:05,217
Why, you son of a bitch!
No, my baby!

1399
01:07:05,219 --> 01:07:06,751
Grounded!

1400
01:07:09,724 --> 01:07:12,791
No! I didn't mean to!

1401
01:07:12,793 --> 01:07:16,929
Never! Stomp in the nuts!
You never know!

1402
01:07:16,931 --> 01:07:19,865
- No, not mashed potatoes!
- Eat it! Eat it!

1403
01:07:19,867 --> 01:07:21,601
It is mashed potatoes.

1404
01:07:21,603 --> 01:07:22,802
Laurie! Laurie!

1405
01:07:22,804 --> 01:07:24,336
Guys, guys, guys.

1406
01:07:24,338 --> 01:07:26,905
Woah!

1407
01:07:26,907 --> 01:07:29,641
That was my spinach dip. Yeah.

1408
01:07:29,643 --> 01:07:31,644
Come up!

1409
01:07:31,646 --> 01:07:35,680
- What are you doing?
- Hailey and I are in a relationship.

1410
01:07:35,682 --> 01:07:37,085
Wait, what?

1411
01:07:40,688 --> 01:07:41,856
Oh.

1412
01:07:42,990 --> 01:07:44,222
Knew it.

1413
01:07:44,224 --> 01:07:45,893
She's pretty, the little girl.

1414
01:07:47,628 --> 01:07:48,931
You're a lesbian?

1415
01:07:50,965 --> 01:07:52,701
A lesbian Hare Krishna.

1416
01:07:54,168 --> 01:07:55,333
What about Austin?

1417
01:07:55,335 --> 01:07:57,403
There is no me and Austin.

1418
01:07:57,405 --> 01:07:59,708
Austin said you guys had sex.

1419
01:08:02,409 --> 01:08:04,275
You slept with Austin?

1420
01:08:04,277 --> 01:08:06,679
Sorry to interrupt,
but there are two men

1421
01:08:06,681 --> 01:08:11,316
unloading what seems to be a
whole lot of weed from that van!

1422
01:08:11,318 --> 01:08:12,721
Damn!

1423
01:08:17,225 --> 01:08:18,694
I'm sorry.

1424
01:08:21,128 --> 01:08:23,396
Hey! Hey, you guys!

1425
01:08:23,398 --> 01:08:27,133
What are you doing with my
brother's girlfriend's truck?

1426
01:08:27,135 --> 01:08:28,933
Girlfriend?

1427
01:08:28,935 --> 01:08:31,836
- Emma, I'm so happy for you.
- Hell no, we're not dating!

1428
01:08:31,838 --> 01:08:33,772
- Who the hell are you?
- We're the cartel.

1429
01:08:33,774 --> 01:08:35,808
- Wait, this is the cartel?
- I'm Baba.

1430
01:08:35,810 --> 01:08:37,308
- Cartel.
- Chino.

1431
01:08:37,310 --> 01:08:39,745
- I'm calling the cops.
- No, we can't call the cops

1432
01:08:39,747 --> 01:08:43,014
- 'cause we're accomplices.
- Oh, yeah. Hey, this is your weed.

1433
01:08:43,016 --> 01:08:44,784
My parents do drugs?
You do drugs?

1434
01:08:44,786 --> 01:08:46,718
- Wait, wait. Wait.
- Alright, alright.

1435
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:49,821
- You're pulling a sword on me?
- Your brother owes us money.

1436
01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,456
- Take my brother!
- You can't let them take me!

1437
01:08:51,458 --> 01:08:53,159
No, you are not
joining our cartel.

1438
01:08:53,161 --> 01:08:55,760
- You are fired. You are fired.
- You can't fire me!

1439
01:08:55,762 --> 01:08:57,429
- Okay. You are cut off.
- Oh, come on!

1440
01:08:57,431 --> 01:08:59,165
- Give me your sword, I'll kill him.
- Seriously?

1441
01:08:59,167 --> 01:09:00,700
- Absolutely.
- You've gotta make this go away!

1442
01:09:00,702 --> 01:09:01,800
I didn't do anything.

1443
01:09:01,802 --> 01:09:03,169
You gotta make it go away, Mike!

1444
01:09:03,171 --> 01:09:04,903
I'm trying to come
out of the goddamn

1445
01:09:04,905 --> 01:09:07,272
closet here, people!

1446
01:09:07,274 --> 01:09:09,040
Jesus!

1447
01:09:09,042 --> 01:09:11,376
What is happening? Hailey!

1448
01:09:13,180 --> 01:09:15,216
Get out of here!

1449
01:09:19,921 --> 01:09:22,722
That was my turkey, wasn't it?

1450
01:09:22,724 --> 01:09:24,322
Alright. Alright.

1451
01:09:24,324 --> 01:09:26,994
Well, does this mean
there's no dessert?

1452
01:09:28,829 --> 01:09:30,396
Hailey? Hailey?

1453
01:09:30,398 --> 01:09:32,397
- Hailey, open the door, please?
- I'm leaving.

1454
01:09:32,399 --> 01:09:35,036
- I don't wanna talk to you.
- Hailey, please open the door.

1455
01:09:36,270 --> 01:09:39,675
- Hailey, come on, open the door.
- Go away, Lauren!

1456
01:09:44,345 --> 01:09:46,344
Why would you
tell my dad we slept together?

1457
01:09:46,346 --> 01:09:48,848
- He knew.
- This is the worst day of my life.

1458
01:09:48,850 --> 01:09:51,083
- Why didn't you tell your family about Hailey?
- I did, I've been trying

1459
01:09:51,085 --> 01:09:52,384
- to tell them.
- Before today.

1460
01:09:52,386 --> 01:09:53,952
Before she came, before I came.

1461
01:09:53,954 --> 01:09:55,321
I didn't know you
were coming, Austin.

1462
01:09:55,323 --> 01:09:57,092
You know what I'm talking about.

1463
01:09:58,158 --> 01:09:59,892
I wanted to make sure
it was serious.

1464
01:09:59,894 --> 01:10:01,227
You wanted to make sure
it was serious?

1465
01:10:01,229 --> 01:10:03,161
I have watched you
dive head-first into

1466
01:10:03,163 --> 01:10:05,196
over a 100 different phases
over the last three years.

1467
01:10:05,198 --> 01:10:08,032
You remember when you were
into aerobic pole dancing?

1468
01:10:08,034 --> 01:10:09,968
It's kind of that same thing,
you know what I mean?

1469
01:10:09,970 --> 01:10:11,937
Don't compare Hailey to
a fitness class, Austin.

1470
01:10:11,939 --> 01:10:13,371
- That is not fair.
- No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1471
01:10:13,373 --> 01:10:16,442
I'm sorry, it's not fair.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1472
01:10:16,444 --> 01:10:19,111
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do here.

1473
01:10:19,113 --> 01:10:23,115
Well, I mean, it wasn't so bad to be
in a relationship for a day, right?

1474
01:10:23,117 --> 01:10:24,983
I just need to clear my head.

1475
01:10:24,985 --> 01:10:27,385
- You're avoiding my question.
- Question?

1476
01:10:27,387 --> 01:10:30,156
It wasn't so bad being in
a relationship for a day.

1477
01:10:30,158 --> 01:10:31,991
I mean, we've lived
together for three years.

1478
01:10:31,993 --> 01:10:33,462
It always felt
like we were in a relationship.

1479
01:10:34,863 --> 01:10:36,327
- Austin, what are you doing?
- It always feels like we're in one.

1480
01:10:36,329 --> 01:10:37,865
What are you doing?

1481
01:10:38,533 --> 01:10:40,165
You know me better than anyone.

1482
01:10:40,167 --> 01:10:42,103
And I know you
better than anyone.

1483
01:10:44,037 --> 01:10:45,272
No.

1484
01:10:48,576 --> 01:10:50,442
Stop, no!

1485
01:10:50,444 --> 01:10:52,881
Hailey! Hailey, please stop!

1486
01:10:53,547 --> 01:10:56,150
Hailey, Hailey, Hailey!

1487
01:10:57,518 --> 01:10:59,418
You had sex with Austin!

1488
01:10:59,420 --> 01:11:01,519
It was way before you and me.

1489
01:11:01,521 --> 01:11:03,589
You should've told me.

1490
01:11:03,591 --> 01:11:05,491
What good would that have done?

1491
01:11:05,493 --> 01:11:09,027
You know, I always said
your friendship was...

1492
01:11:09,029 --> 01:11:11,330
You used to make me
feel like I was crazy!

1493
01:11:11,332 --> 01:11:13,598
I didn't want you to worry
about anything happening.

1494
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:15,567
- You just kissed him!
- He kissed me!

1495
01:11:15,569 --> 01:11:17,072
You let it happen!

1496
01:11:18,038 --> 01:11:21,941
You know, I feel like
such an asshole.

1497
01:11:21,943 --> 01:11:23,976
Here I am to meet
your parents and you two

1498
01:11:23,978 --> 01:11:27,545
are just parading around
like a couple with a secret.

1499
01:11:27,547 --> 01:11:30,952
It's not like that. I love you.
I love you.

1500
01:11:33,287 --> 01:11:36,391
It's a really shitty time to
say it for the first time.

1501
01:11:38,592 --> 01:11:40,394
I can't trust you.

1502
01:11:41,194 --> 01:11:43,361
But I do love, I love you.

1503
01:11:43,363 --> 01:11:44,629
You're the one I love.

1504
01:11:44,631 --> 01:11:46,965
It's not him. Come on!

1505
01:11:46,967 --> 01:11:49,567
This entire day.

1506
01:11:49,569 --> 01:11:52,338
My family wouldn't listen to me.

1507
01:11:52,340 --> 01:11:55,307
They are not the problem!

1508
01:11:55,309 --> 01:11:57,876
- You are the problem!
- I, you...!

1509
01:11:57,878 --> 01:12:01,981
Just, just stop. Just stop.
Just stop.

1510
01:12:01,983 --> 01:12:03,616
You have no idea what you want!

1511
01:12:03,618 --> 01:12:06,855
I don't wanna be gay, Hailey!

1512
01:12:09,289 --> 01:12:11,956
Nobody wants this.
Nobody wants this.

1513
01:12:11,958 --> 01:12:13,260
I'm sorry.

1514
01:12:16,029 --> 01:12:17,832
I'm sorry.

1515
01:12:18,431 --> 01:12:19,900
Thank you.

1516
01:12:20,967 --> 01:12:23,204
Finally I have some honesty.

1517
01:12:28,141 --> 01:12:30,979
I just, I can't do this anymore.

1518
01:12:41,288 --> 01:12:43,988
- Where's Hailey going?
- She's leaving because of you.

1519
01:12:43,990 --> 01:12:46,994
- I hope you're happy.
- Of course I'm not happy.

1520
01:12:47,694 --> 01:12:50,094
Why didn't you just tell us?

1521
01:12:50,096 --> 01:12:51,964
Mom, you don't listen to me!

1522
01:12:51,966 --> 01:12:55,233
You need to be more clear.
I had no idea.

1523
01:12:55,235 --> 01:12:58,169
I knew you were not
going to accept this.

1524
01:12:58,171 --> 01:13:00,039
- I didn't know I had to.
- Just leave me alone.

1525
01:13:00,041 --> 01:13:02,040
- I didn't know...
- Leave me alone.

1526
01:13:02,042 --> 01:13:03,675
Just leave me alone.

1527
01:13:03,677 --> 01:13:05,279
Let her go. Leave her alone.

1528
01:13:08,248 --> 01:13:10,148
- She's so angry with us.
- Let her go.

1529
01:13:10,150 --> 01:13:12,084
- She's, like, completely...
- No, no, not at us.

1530
01:13:12,086 --> 01:13:14,018
- Not at us.
- Oh, my God.

1531
01:13:14,020 --> 01:13:17,156
She's angry, yes. She's hurt.

1532
01:13:17,158 --> 01:13:19,325
- Is she gonna be okay?
- She is gonna be okay.

1533
01:13:19,327 --> 01:13:21,593
It's just gonna
take a little while.

1534
01:13:21,595 --> 01:13:23,265
Women are nicer than men.

1535
01:13:24,666 --> 01:13:30,134
Women... That's all you've got for me?
"Women are nicer than men."

1536
01:13:30,136 --> 01:13:33,472
She follows her heart.
She's always followed her heart.

1537
01:13:33,474 --> 01:13:36,177
- That's all she's doing now.
- Oh, boy.

1538
01:13:37,211 --> 01:13:40,181
Oh, boy. Are we bad parents?

1539
01:13:41,414 --> 01:13:42,917
We're...

1540
01:13:44,685 --> 01:13:48,754
not terrible.
We're not great. We're, well,

1541
01:13:48,756 --> 01:13:50,522
fair.

1542
01:13:54,295 --> 01:13:57,595
Trust me.
Everything's gonna be okay.

1543
01:13:57,597 --> 01:14:00,034
- Oh, okay.
- I promise.

1544
01:15:29,090 --> 01:15:30,291
Coffee.

1545
01:15:32,859 --> 01:15:34,362
Here you go.

1546
01:15:35,496 --> 01:15:36,431
Thank you.

1547
01:15:39,265 --> 01:15:40,534
How're you feeling?

1548
01:15:42,569 --> 01:15:47,138
I know this is not
the life you imagined for me.

1549
01:15:47,140 --> 01:15:48,442
Right.

1550
01:15:50,110 --> 01:15:53,047
I don't think this is the life
you imagined for yourself.

1551
01:15:55,181 --> 01:15:57,418
I'm sorry that I didn't know.
I'm sorry.

1552
01:16:00,688 --> 01:16:02,222
It's okay, mom.

1553
01:16:08,295 --> 01:16:11,265
I just thought Mike was the
only one dating a lesbian.

1554
01:16:14,902 --> 01:16:16,434
Mom, who knew you were funny?

1555
01:16:16,436 --> 01:16:20,207
I know, I'm very,
I'm very funny.

1556
01:16:23,210 --> 01:16:24,509
You're okay with it?

1557
01:16:24,511 --> 01:16:26,245
Oh, my God. Yes.

1558
01:16:26,247 --> 01:16:29,184
Yes, of course I'm okay with it.
I mean, I need...

1559
01:16:30,917 --> 01:16:34,088
I need to sort of
adjust my idea.

1560
01:16:35,890 --> 01:16:37,356
Life never goes the way

1561
01:16:37,358 --> 01:16:39,194
you expect it, that's all.

1562
01:16:40,194 --> 01:16:42,097
But you're...

1563
01:16:42,896 --> 01:16:46,234
Yeah, you're, you're good.

1564
01:16:48,769 --> 01:16:50,238
Thank you.

1565
01:16:52,372 --> 01:16:53,841
Is it okay
if I ask you a question?

1566
01:16:54,675 --> 01:16:58,579
- What's the question?
- Is this your first time with a girl?

1567
01:17:05,286 --> 01:17:07,122
I slept with...

1568
01:17:07,921 --> 01:17:09,420
Elizabeth.

1569
01:17:09,422 --> 01:17:11,322
- Which Elizabeth?
- A bunch more.

1570
01:17:11,324 --> 01:17:13,692
Which Elizabeth?
College roommate Elizabeth?

1571
01:17:13,694 --> 01:17:16,231
Oh, my God.
She's a little mouse.

1572
01:17:17,898 --> 01:17:19,865
- So what? So what?
- Wow.

1573
01:17:19,867 --> 01:17:21,569
She had hidden depths.

1574
01:17:22,903 --> 01:17:25,603
- Can I ask you one more question?
- Oh, God, what?

1575
01:17:25,605 --> 01:17:27,474
Did you always know
that you were gay?

1576
01:17:31,645 --> 01:17:33,844
I just thought
I was really open.

1577
01:17:34,948 --> 01:17:36,550
Oh, good. Someone's at the door.

1578
01:17:39,286 --> 01:17:41,320
- Hey, Betty, how are you, honey?
- Hey, Rose.

1579
01:17:41,322 --> 01:17:43,789
Hi, um, Ronnie said
you were here.

1580
01:17:43,791 --> 01:17:45,656
- Yes.
- Here.

1581
01:17:45,658 --> 01:17:48,293
Uh, my daughter
brought me the money.

1582
01:17:48,295 --> 01:17:50,562
Well, I'm very happy
to hear that.

1583
01:17:50,564 --> 01:17:53,168
- Okay, you have a good morning.
- Alright, thank you.

1584
01:17:54,935 --> 01:17:57,302
Thank you for that.

1585
01:17:57,304 --> 01:17:58,903
Do you wanna get some fresh air?

1586
01:17:58,905 --> 01:18:00,375
I would love to.

1587
01:18:04,310 --> 01:18:07,745
You know, my roommate in college
was a lesbian.

1588
01:18:07,747 --> 01:18:09,748
- Did I ever tell you that?
- No.

1589
01:18:09,750 --> 01:18:11,450
Mm-hmm.

1590
01:18:11,452 --> 01:18:14,986
She told me I wasn't her type.

1591
01:18:14,988 --> 01:18:17,555
I was so insulted.

1592
01:18:17,557 --> 01:18:20,795
I don't even know what to do
with that information.

1593
01:18:22,296 --> 01:18:23,461
So, I'm...

1594
01:18:23,463 --> 01:18:27,366
Do you, do you, um, like

1595
01:18:27,368 --> 01:18:29,367
having sex with men?

1596
01:18:29,369 --> 01:18:31,937
I'm just trying
to understand. Don't get mad.

1597
01:18:31,939 --> 01:18:34,542
No, I'm not mad. Well, I just...

1598
01:18:35,743 --> 01:18:37,409
prefer women.

1599
01:18:37,411 --> 01:18:39,544
It just clicks with women.

1600
01:18:39,546 --> 01:18:41,349
It never clicked
that way with men.

1601
01:18:43,417 --> 01:18:45,220
Why didn't you tell me?

1602
01:18:47,354 --> 01:18:49,821
I think it was easier

1603
01:18:49,823 --> 01:18:51,623
thinking...

1604
01:18:51,625 --> 01:18:52,827
I...

1605
01:18:53,993 --> 01:18:55,729
I think I was so worried that...

1606
01:18:57,398 --> 01:18:59,764
that you guys
wouldn't be okay with it,

1607
01:18:59,766 --> 01:19:02,237
then I never stopped
to think if I was.

1608
01:19:02,903 --> 01:19:04,639
Oh, my sweetie, I'm sorry.

1609
01:19:12,578 --> 01:19:14,345
- No, it's okay, it's okay.
- A parent is only

1610
01:19:14,347 --> 01:19:16,647
as happy as
their unhappiest child.

1611
01:19:16,649 --> 01:19:18,416
- I'm happy, I'm happy.
- If you're going to be this happy

1612
01:19:18,418 --> 01:19:20,352
- I'm happy, I am.
- then I want me to be happy.

1613
01:19:20,354 --> 01:19:23,754
I'm happy.
I'm just figuring stuff out.

1614
01:19:23,756 --> 01:19:24,826
I know you are.

1615
01:19:27,328 --> 01:19:30,298
- Thank you, mom.
- You're so welcome.

1616
01:19:31,597 --> 01:19:33,632
Hailey doesn't hate you,
do you know that?

1617
01:19:33,634 --> 01:19:35,733
- Hailey hates me.
- She does not hate you.

1618
01:19:35,735 --> 01:19:37,402
- She hates me, she does.
- She does not hate you, she's hurt.

1619
01:19:37,404 --> 01:19:40,037
And we like her,
just so you know.

1620
01:19:40,039 --> 01:19:43,810
But you're the one who
has to be okay with it, not us.

1621
01:19:44,610 --> 01:19:46,814
Thank you, mom. Thank you.

1622
01:19:49,550 --> 01:19:52,787
I would do anything in the whole
world for you, you know that, right?

1623
01:19:54,354 --> 01:19:56,323
- Good.
- Thank you.

1624
01:19:57,957 --> 01:20:01,759
- This coffee's disgusting.
- I know, it's so gross.

1625
01:20:01,761 --> 01:20:04,696
- It's Ronnie's special formula.
- It's not special.

1626
01:20:04,698 --> 01:20:05,964
It's so bad.

1627
01:20:19,947 --> 01:20:21,649
- Hey.
- Hey.

1628
01:20:27,654 --> 01:20:28,990
You didn't say
goodbye this morning.

1629
01:20:30,323 --> 01:20:32,857
Yeah, I thought I'd give you some
more time with your parents.

1630
01:20:32,859 --> 01:20:35,927
Grandma took all of your
smoked turkey leftovers.

1631
01:20:35,929 --> 01:20:38,129
I'm glad she liked it.
I promised her

1632
01:20:38,131 --> 01:20:40,567
that I was going to
send her another one next year.

1633
01:20:41,969 --> 01:20:43,704
I'm gonna move out.

1634
01:20:50,444 --> 01:20:53,778
I'm sorry about yesterday.

1635
01:20:53,780 --> 01:20:55,746
Austin,
the entire day was my fault.

1636
01:20:55,748 --> 01:20:57,482
I'm talking about the kiss.

1637
01:20:57,484 --> 01:20:59,049
I know. It's okay.

1638
01:20:59,051 --> 01:21:00,621
I mean, I guess I...

1639
01:21:01,788 --> 01:21:06,760
I didn't realize how serious
you and Hailey were.

1640
01:21:08,729 --> 01:21:09,764
Yeah.

1641
01:21:11,532 --> 01:21:12,900
I love her. I don't...

1642
01:21:16,103 --> 01:21:17,736
I should have told her sooner.

1643
01:21:17,738 --> 01:21:19,574
Yeah, well,
you should have told everyone.

1644
01:21:20,573 --> 01:21:22,973
I should have told everyone.

1645
01:21:22,975 --> 01:21:25,545
I should have
told everyone so much sooner.

1646
01:21:26,846 --> 01:21:28,648
You're my best friend, Austin.

1647
01:21:30,716 --> 01:21:32,652
If it was gonna be a guy,

1648
01:21:34,054 --> 01:21:35,523
it'd have been you.

1649
01:23:21,662 --> 01:23:25,597
...and in love too, it's fear that
often gets in the way of it's magic.

1650
01:23:25,599 --> 01:23:29,134
- I'm sorry.
- Class started an hour ago.

1651
01:23:29,136 --> 01:23:30,738
I'm sorry to use you.

1652
01:23:31,904 --> 01:23:35,272
- I need to talk to you.
- What are you doing here?

1653
01:23:35,274 --> 01:23:36,743
You deserve flowers.

1654
01:23:39,212 --> 01:23:41,616
I wanna be the one that
gives you flowers.

1655
01:23:43,917 --> 01:23:46,183
I was wrong. I'm sorry.

1656
01:23:46,185 --> 01:23:48,652
This is all new and scary,

1657
01:23:48,654 --> 01:23:50,992
and it's wonderful and exciting,
but it's scary.

1658
01:23:51,792 --> 01:23:54,025
And that thing with Austin,
I'm so sorry.

1659
01:23:54,027 --> 01:23:58,032
I should have told you. But I love you.
I'm in love with you.

1660
01:23:58,998 --> 01:24:01,031
This is not how I saw my life.

1661
01:24:01,033 --> 01:24:05,605
But it's so much better than
anything I could have imagined.

1662
01:24:06,340 --> 01:24:08,339
I wanna be with you.

1663
01:24:08,341 --> 01:24:10,075
If you'll take me back.

1664
01:24:10,077 --> 01:24:11,979
Aw!

1665
01:24:14,381 --> 01:24:16,551
- Is that a yes?
- Yes.

1666
01:24:17,350 --> 01:24:18,885
I have something
I wanna ask you.

1667
01:24:20,720 --> 01:24:22,086
Oh, no, I just

1668
01:24:22,088 --> 01:24:24,891
feel really put
on the spot, um.

1669
01:24:25,891 --> 01:24:27,127
Will you move in with me?

1670
01:24:28,395 --> 01:24:29,794
Yes.

1671
01:24:29,796 --> 01:24:31,632
- Yes?
- Of course.

1672
01:24:40,940 --> 01:24:44,110
- I love you.
- I love you, too.

1673
01:24:44,944 --> 01:24:48,849
Hey, I'm the best version
of myself with you.

1674
01:24:52,653 --> 01:24:55,754
When are you planning to tell
your parents we're moving in?

1675
01:24:55,756 --> 01:24:57,992
Oh, I was thinking Christmas?

1676
01:25:12,420 --> 01:25:15,807
Subtitles by explosiveskull