In America, anyone can serve their country
at the highest levels,
no matter where you started from.
Blanche Bruce was born a slave,
but became a U.S. Senator
just 10 years after the Civil War.
Honest Abe's first house
was smaller than my sneaker closet,
but his last house was a little bit bigger.
Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer.
I'm gonna say it again -- peanut farmer!
And he became President.
And more recently,
someone went from making margaritas in Manhattan
to making history in Congress.
Anyone can go from the outhouse to the White House,
no matter their background.
You just have to have what it takes.
Great news, guys!
I'm running for Congress!
You mean you're running fromCongress.
At first, I wasn't sure I had what it takes,
but it turns out
a painting I won in a poker game
was by Jean-Michel Basqui-something.
So I sold that,
and now I definitely have what it takes...
millions and millions of dollars.
Ahh, I love the smell of democracy in the morning.
Yep, anyone can run...
damn it.
--Captions by VITAC--
What's your angle with this?
Tax scam?
Trying to launch your own TV network? What?
There's no angle.
I just feel like this country's given me so much.
It seems like I can take a little more.
Boss, I'd trust anyonewhose ancestors
pushed someone off the Mayflower.
You already have great name recognition.
Your name's on the wall, my checks,
all my business cards.
You support this, Charlie?
There's always room for one Black guy
in a campaign like this.
Bush had Powell, Trump had Carson,
Obama had...Obama.
How did you even get on the ballot?
I'm a rich White man.I asked.
Gentlemen I believe it's time
for me to go get photographed with an eagle.
Careful with that bird.
He was a Christmas present from Ted Nugent.
[ Dog barks, eagle cries ]Aah!
Run, Ginger!
Well, you're never going to believe
what Stevens says he's gonna do.
Hunt Josh for sport?
Fund a South American coup?
De-integrate baseball?
Stop calling Inglewood a "basketball neighborhood"?
No, he's gonna run for Congress!
Oh.Well, that makes sense.
How does that make sense?
It's normal behaviorfor guys like him --
when the wiener pillsstop working,
they try to screw the country.
Problem is White men don't know how to be bored.
That's why they're always opening up vineyards.
Well,he's wasting his time.
As soon as Ronan Farrowgets ahold of that folder
labeled "Do not show Ronan Farrow,"
it's over.
Well, I'm for it.
I'm in favor of anything
that brings us closerto society breaking down.
Don't get too excited.
Stevens doesn't stand a chance.
I wouldn't be so sure.
A tall White man with all his original hair?
He's already got my vote.
Mm-hmm. Mine too.
I like that he's a bad person.
A politician should be willing to get his hands dirty.
Marion Barry bought crack.
You tellin' me he can't handle the parks department?
Guys, you really think Stevens can get elected?
Dad, I am totally with you.
What are his chances?
He's sexist, out of touch,
completely amoral --
Oh, God.
He's gonna win.
You're probably right,Jack.
I'm Junior.
Uh, sorry.
Kind of been on my own show.
Anyway, money talks,
and there's never beenmore of it in politics.
Thank you, Citizens United.
That's a soccer team.No, it's not.
Oh, sorry, "football" team.
Aww, buddy.
Citizens United was a court case
that removed limits
on how much corporationscan spend on elections.
Mm-hmm.
Makes it harder for regular folks to win.
Sure, it's harder,
but grassroots candidates
are running all across the country.
People are energized.
When you have ideas
and the support of the people, no opponent --
no matter how much money they have -- can stop you.
An inspirational candidate
can ignite the will of the voters,
fulfilling the true promise of democracy.
You almost had me there.
"True promise of democracy."
That's good, Bow.
Alright.Who else wants pizza?
You know Stevens has settled eight paternity suits?
I didn't even have to dig.
He's on Twitter bragging about it.
Guys, we're dropping McDonald's,Coca-Cola, and Disney.
We've got a new, bigger client...
moi.
We are gonna make so much money off of me.
First things first.
Josh, purchase me some blue jeans
so I look approachable to the lower classes.
I will order something
from the Brett Favrecollection, sir.
Okay, this is too much.
What do you mean?
I don't know what he stands for,
and I don't think it should be my job
to support his ego trip.
I'm starting to getuncomfortable with all of this.
Alright, everybody.
I'm gonna need you all to come with me,
especially Dre and Charlie.
Why?
Okay.
I'm definitelyuncomfortable with this.
Come on, Dre.
We got the best seats in the house.
The camera can see us and everything.
I'm a tough business leader.
My opponents are asking,
"What does a wealthy man know about the common man?"
See for yourselves!
[ Gasps ]Those are the new Favres!
I'm very accustomed to dungaree trousers.
Why are these people clapping?
He doesn't believe in anything.
This is just a joke to him!
The right person can fulfill
the true promise of democracy.
Do you think I'm the right person?
No, Taylor Swift is.
Of course it's you, Negro!
Do something!...first order of business
will be to eliminate taxes
on privately owned submarines.
Yo, Stevens!
You know, I'm really happy for you.
I'mma let you finish, but I'm running.
Andre Johnson is running for Congress!
Lock him up!
You're running for Congress?
You said it yourself --
the right person can win.
Yeah, but I was talking about a teacher or a nurse
or a stunning anesthesiologist.
What made you think you were the man for the job?
Because I'm looking at you right now,
and you are not.
Yeah.
You always say the news
should be replaced with another ESPN.
And I stand by that.
But I still understandhow real people live
better than somebodywho's never known
what it's like to pay rent.
Isn't that what we wantfrom politicians?
Politicians should also read up on what the job is.
Like, um, what district are you running for, Dad?
This one?
Look, I've been thinking.
All Americans want the same things, right?
A life of dignity,
where they can provide a future for their children.
There may be different ways to achieve that,
but if we hold on to an idea
that unites us more than divides us,
then we can really start to solve problems.
Now, I've had a little bit to drink,
but if I had my eyes closed,
I'd have thought that was Obama speaking.
Yeah, a better-looking, smarter Obama.
Ain't that right, baby?
I don't know about this, Dre.
Bow, I'm serious.
This is important.
Without honest peoplein D.C.,
how can we expect thingsto get better?
And I can't do this on my own.
Be my Michelle.
Tell us who you're wearing!
Who am Iwearing?
My own label, of course.
Hey, Jay and Bey!
Aw, you guys left Blue Ivy at my house,
and now she doesn't want to leave.
Can we get a comment
on the tragic death of your husband
by barbecue-induced heart explosion?
It's a sad day for our family,
but a bright day for America
because I am now president.
And I'll also be my own Surgeon General.
Let's do this!
Yes, we can, Dre.
Oh, yes, we can.
Great! Can I be your campaign manager?
I know all about the election process.
I even read "No Stoppin' the Populace"
by George Stephanopoulos.
Just hire him.
Fine.
My family had my back,
and I was ready to get to work.
Junior surprised everybody
by setting up a call with Stacey Abrams.
Hello, Dre.
I'm so happy to be talking to you today
about mail-in voting.
What? I thought we were talking about my campaign.
I may have lied to both of you,
but since we're here and the data's free,
I don't see why we both can't get
what we want out of this call.
Okay, look, Stacey Abrams, I'm running for Congress.
I want to change the system,
but I'm not sure where to start.
Running for office is a lot of work,
mostly fundraising.
To beat the big money you're up against,
you'll need community support.
Knock on doors, talk at churches
and union meetings.
And that'll be enough?
Oh, definitely not.
So I can't imagine you pulling it off.
I was looking for more of a pep talk.
Um... you've lost weight?
Well, thank you, Stacey Abrams.
Wait a second.
How would you know? We just met.
I don't need to know you
to tell you that we need everyone to vote early.
The important thing is making sure
your voice is heard this November.
Oh, that is not a problem for him.
He is a very loud man.
Don't you embarrass me
in front of Stacey Abrams, boy!
Hey, Stacey Abrams, can I get an endorsement?
Sorry, Georgia earthquake.
Rumble, rumble, rumble, rumble.
B-Best of luck.
After getting Stacey Abrams' implicit endorsement,
I decided to follow her advice and hit the streets.
♪ Now, don't you ever feel sad ♪
Aww, look at the cute little,wittle baby with the...
♪ Lean on me Ow!
♪ When times get bad
♪ When the day come
♪ And you're down
♪ In a river of trouble
♪ You about to drown Hi, neighbor.
I'm Janine Greenstein.
I just wanted to talkto you about --
[ Both grunt ]Ohh!
Dre Johnson for Congress.
♪ Hold on Huh.
♪ I'm comin' That kind of worked.
Get up, Janine.
We've got 30 more housesto hit.
I landed on a cactus.
Look, I'm not afraid
to answer that question, Desus and Mero.
When I'm in office,
my term is going to be aboutmaking the tough calls.
So here we go --
garlic Parmesan, Cajun,
and number one is lemon pepper.
Hold up, my guy!
Buffalo doesn't even crack the top three
in your wing ranking?
Are you serious?
Nope. Not for me.
I'm losing my mind right now.
I respect that. That's bold.
But are you a ranch
or are you a bleu cheese kind of dude?
Um...
Say bleu cheese, you'll look like an elitist.
If you say ranch,
the voters will know you're pandering.
How are you gonna get out of this one, Dad?
You know, I get both.
I like to dip the drumettesin the ranch
and the flats in the bleu.
Much like America,
I believe ina blending of flavors.
Yes!
♪ Hold on
Spoken like a true man of the people, Dre.
You got my vote, man.
I got to vote for him,as well.
Then the hologram of Biggie
hugs the hologram of Tupac.
Then they both introduce Kendrick Lamar,
who introduces me.
Do we have the budget for that?
We have the budget for...
a poster!
Well, well, well...
if it isn't my enemy.
I notice you've been making some headway,
but I've got just the thing for that.
Andre Johnson has over a hundred pairs of shoes.
What's he running from?
Can we trust a man
who still lives with his parents?
Face it -- Andre Johnson is out of his depth.
And he can't even swim.
Paid for by the powerful friends
of Leslie Stevens.
Outstanding!
Notes, anybody?
Can we make it race-baitier?
We'll save the race-baiting stuff
for social-media pudding.
You can't air that.Thank you.
Not until you switch the last photo
to black and white
and slow-zoom on his mouth to make him look scarier.
Whose side are you on?
I'm on the side of becoming Secretary of Transportation.
Gonna finally get my Celica out the pound.
You know what?
I refuse to respond to this.
I've got integrity.
When you go low, I go high.
Great.
While you go high,
we'll be going to my $20,000-a-plate
fundraising dinner.
My campaign will have madeenough money to crush you
by the time they servethe koala steaks.
Okay.
So, the next time I get youa radio interview,
try not to say,
"Does anyone still listen to this?"
Psst! Yo, bro.
Charlie? Is that you?
Look, man, they told you,
if you're gonna sleepin the car,
it has to be your own.
Hey, man. You're Dre Johnson, right?
I'm a huge fan.
Look, I heard through the grapevine --
and I have not been bugging your phone --
that your campaign could use some funding,
and it just so happens I've got a check
with your name written all over it, dogg.
Who are you?Come on, man.
Why does that matter? I'm just a friend --
a friend with some money.
Where's this money coming from?
C'mon, Dre, you got so many questions.
It's all good, baby.
This is just one stranger
speaking to another stranger in a garage
about funding his campaign with a bunch of money.
Why you gotta be so weird about this?
Unh-unh.
No one ever gives yousomething for nothing.
Learned that the hard way
when I took a couch off the curb
and it was full of earwigs.
So, what's the catch?
There's no catch. I just want to help.
You take some money, do some evil,
next thing you know, you're in Congress.
Did you just say "do some evil"?
Why would I say "do some evil"
if I really wanted you to do some evil, dogg?
I do want you to do evil, though.
But why would I say that?
That's weird. C'mon, man.
I'm good. Alright, alright, alright.
Here, take my card.
Give me a call if you change your mind. We can do some evil.
Guy didn't even get into a car.
Just went right back into the shadows.
Hello. I'm calling from
the Andre Johnsonfor Congress campa--
Uh, well, that's not a very nicething to say to a child.
I have your phone number.
You think I don't have your address?
My dad's running for Congress.
Can we have some money?
Oh, so if I send you 50 bucks,
you'll send back 100?
That's a great deal.
And how is the fish prepared?
Yum. Let me get two orders.
Yeah, you can charge it to the campaign.
There he is!
Good news, Dre.
Well, I need it.
Some shady dude just tried to bribe me.
Well, you're not gonnaneed his money
'cause --drum roll, please --
today, we raised almost $600.
$600?
That's not even enough for our campaign mailers.
And, actually,that was the good news.
Because there's bad news, too.
Stevens just dropped this.
Andre Johnson's running for Congress?
Andre Johnson, not I,
crashed my Toyota Celica
through the window of a doughnut shop.
He does not follow the five-second rule.
You sold me out, son?
So if I droppeda hot dog right now,
you're not gonna eat it?
I probably would.
Look, maybe a lot of people
won't see that Stevens ad.
[ Plane engine whirring ]Well, they'll probably see this.
Smart.
It's not technically slander
if it's written as a question.
I was starting to realize
it was going to take more than my beliefs
to get into Washington.
Without money, I was in trouble.
Stevens:...preserve, protect,
and defend the Constitutionof the United States,
so help me God.
Time's up, Canada.
Nooooooo!
Hey, I've thought about your offer,
and I'm in.
Ooh, this is Dre Johnson.
Please give me dirty money.
If I'd learned anything,
it's that I needed to go all-in to beat Stevens.
Here it is.
Leslie Stevens thinks
you're too old to vote.
Why else hasn't he come out against a maximum voting age?
Maybe it's because he supports them.
Leslie Stevens --
wrong for Grandpa, Grandma, and America.
I'm Andre Johnson, and I approve this message.
Riling up the elderly for personal gain?!
I've never been more proud, son.
It's running during every local news broadcast.
What happened to"When they go low, we go high"?
That attitude is for losers.
Michelle Obama said it.
And how many elections has shewon?
What about the issuesyou said you cared about?
I haven't forgotten dignity and all that crap.
It's just first things first.
Ugh.
I can call him a sellout, right?
Guys, I know it's not a good look,
but you've got to trust me.
This money is just a means to an end,
and it'll all be worth it
when I beat Stevens and save a grateful nation.
Next up, is your home toxic?
Unh-unh!Put that local news back on.
I want to knowwhat the silent killer is
lurking under my sink.
Drizzy Dre.
Looking like $9,457.78in that suit we bought you.
That's very specific.
I got a speechfor you to read, my man.
I've already got a speech.
Does it begin"My fellow Americans"?Yeah.
Well, then it's basicallythe same speech.
Trust me, it's the leastyou could do for us, Dre,
after we paid for your ads,this rally.
Come on, baby,we're looking out for you.
Now, look, the new speechwill be up on the teleprompter.
You can read, right? Of course I can.
Look at you,just breaking down stereotypes.
I told you he could read.
C'mon, Dre, let's getout there and kill 'em.
Your next congressperson,
Andre Johnson!
♪ Hold on♪
♪ I'm comin'♪
♪ I'm on my way♪
My fellow Americans,
I stand before you today to promise
that when I'm elected,
I will sponsor legislation
to help the working people of this country,
everyday people like you.
Thus I promise to vote to slash taxes on business,
provide subsidies to clean tobacco...
Teleprompter man, can you scroll down a little?
I, Andre Johnson,
will end the tyranny of national parks,
militarize the fire department?
What is this?
I can't do this.
Look, when you have to take millions from private interests
just to run,
there's no way principles can come first.
Even an honest man doesn't stand a chance.Damn. His integrity's back.
Let's shut it down, guys.
The system is set up so that...
Could have had it all,Dre.
Do you know how hard it was
for me to find a jacketin a 48 Short?
That was made by children,
working all night --maskless.
And it's not about
whether you're a Democrat or a Republican.
Money corrupts the best of us.
I know.
I'm the best, and it corrupted me.
It did!
Huh?
People, we need to reduce
corporate influence on politics,
stop unlimited money in campaigns,
and keep track of where funds are coming from.
You can take my stage.
[ Crowd gasping ]Mm.
You can take the clothes off my back.
But you will never take my voice.
Hmm.
-Mm. -Aah!
I'm sorry you all had to see me in my shame.
And people wonder whyI never come home anymore.
Guess I blew my chances at Congress,
but at least I stood up for what I believe in.
Oh, babe.
You didn't do that at all.
It's Stacey Abrams.
Just checking in to see how it went.
Great, great.
I mean, I stood up for what I believed in,
and then everyone saw my nuggets,
but otherwise great.
What?
An average guy like me
doesn't stand a shot against big money.
It's true.
The campaign with the most money
wins most of the time.
But thereare passionate people
who have dedicated their lives to making change.
They're the oneswho are gonna break through
and beat the system.
It's David versus Goliath.
But never forget,in that story, David wins.
Stacey Abrams was right.
The odds may seem long,
but with regular folks like teachers and activists
and mechanics and librarians getting into politics
and fighting for the common person,
we can look forward to a future
where our government actually looks like America.
Should I keep up the fight like Stacey Abrams?
Uh, it hasn't been great.
You're wearing a trash bag.
Half a trash bag.
I...can't turn around.
My God, please don't turn around.
And it appears business owner Leslie Stevens
loses by one point
to unhinged billionaire Thad Hearst-Kennedy,
who outspent Stevens 10 to 1.
We did it.
Together, we will rise up and reinforce the system.
It's disgraceful that someone with more money
can just waltz in on a lark and buy his way into power.
What kind of country is this anymore?
If we hadn't just renouncedour citizenship
for tax purposes,I would be horrified.
Hmm!