1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,503 Here's the thing about having a big family... 2 00:00:02,513 --> 00:00:05,144 Every day, there's something surprising. 3 00:00:05,241 --> 00:00:07,042 Some surprises are good... 4 00:00:07,111 --> 00:00:09,477 Look! I'm off the no-fly list. 5 00:00:09,837 --> 00:00:11,943 Some surprises are not so good... 6 00:00:11,953 --> 00:00:16,699 Look, a Saudi prince I met on Instagram wants to pay me to model. 7 00:00:17,702 --> 00:00:20,111 And some surprises aren't all that surprising... 8 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:23,866 - Look, I got a "C." - That's a "D," baby. 9 00:00:23,876 --> 00:00:27,554 And some surprises you don't see coming at all. 10 00:00:27,564 --> 00:00:29,201 - Mom, Dad... - Mm. Mm? 11 00:00:29,211 --> 00:00:31,278 I'd like you to meet Megan, my girlfriend. 12 00:00:31,346 --> 00:00:32,312 Hmm. 13 00:00:34,019 --> 00:00:35,183 Ah. 14 00:00:36,818 --> 00:00:39,052 Megan. 15 00:00:45,624 --> 00:00:48,094 I mean, at all. 16 00:00:48,163 --> 00:00:49,428 Megan. 17 00:00:49,497 --> 00:00:53,196 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~ 18 00:01:01,054 --> 00:01:02,793 - Hey. Everything okay? - Hey. 19 00:01:02,803 --> 00:01:04,738 - Yeah, everything's great. - Okay. 20 00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:06,247 Then why are you chopping onions 21 00:01:06,257 --> 00:01:08,279 like a crazy person to mask your tears? 22 00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:10,462 - I don't do that. - Ooh, onions. 23 00:01:10,472 --> 00:01:12,519 Why are you masking your tears? 24 00:01:12,529 --> 00:01:14,496 Does this have anything to do with Junior's new girlfriend? 25 00:01:14,564 --> 00:01:16,163 What? Junior has a girlfriend? 26 00:01:16,232 --> 00:01:17,799 Wow. What a twist. 27 00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:20,001 Hold on. Wait a minute. 28 00:01:20,069 --> 00:01:21,892 Is it because she's white? 29 00:01:21,902 --> 00:01:24,305 Dre, you're delusional. 30 00:01:24,374 --> 00:01:26,803 So you do see color! 31 00:01:26,813 --> 00:01:28,279 Dre, that's not who I am. 32 00:01:28,347 --> 00:01:30,247 Or is it who you are? 33 00:01:30,316 --> 00:01:32,148 Please let it be who you are. 34 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,250 Look, this is something that we could do together 35 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:35,752 - as we grow old. - Ew. 36 00:01:35,821 --> 00:01:37,554 You know, some couples, they have golf? 37 00:01:37,623 --> 00:01:39,889 We can mistrust white people together. 38 00:01:41,126 --> 00:01:42,793 This could save our marriage. 39 00:01:42,861 --> 00:01:44,294 Oh, I'm getting so emotional. 40 00:01:44,363 --> 00:01:47,063 I think we should really focus on Junior here. 41 00:01:47,132 --> 00:01:49,165 This is a huge moment. It should be celebrated. 42 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:54,003 I mean, wildly, joyously, ferociously celebrated. 43 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,571 I'm trying to say he is not an easy sell. 44 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:56,739 He wears a cape. 45 00:01:56,808 --> 00:01:59,075 Hey! Do not talk about my son's cape, okay? 46 00:01:59,144 --> 00:02:01,777 You are a grown man with bangs. 47 00:02:03,014 --> 00:02:04,947 These are tendrils. 48 00:02:06,384 --> 00:02:08,150 All right, look. 49 00:02:08,219 --> 00:02:09,452 Corbin Blue is right. 50 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:10,953 We should be celebrating this. 51 00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:12,455 Okay, well, unlike you, Dre, 52 00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:15,691 I'm not just gonna celebrate any girl that Junior brings home. 53 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,092 What if she's mean? 54 00:02:17,161 --> 00:02:18,461 What if she's dumb? 55 00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:20,795 What if they don't have anything in common? 56 00:02:21,471 --> 00:02:24,047 _ 57 00:02:24,401 --> 00:02:25,934 Mmm. 58 00:02:26,003 --> 00:02:27,848 - Ah. - Megan. 59 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,038 How'd you two meet? 60 00:02:30,107 --> 00:02:32,440 I was actually coming down the hall when I noticed him. 61 00:02:32,509 --> 00:02:34,977 A couple of freshmen were trying to take his backpack. 62 00:02:35,045 --> 00:02:37,556 You should have seen Megan confront those girls. 63 00:02:37,566 --> 00:02:39,247 She was amazing. 64 00:02:39,315 --> 00:02:42,216 Well, I mean, Megan's amazing at everything, so... 65 00:02:42,285 --> 00:02:43,518 Oh, tell them about Brown. 66 00:02:43,587 --> 00:02:44,819 - Oh. - Oh, stop it. 67 00:02:44,829 --> 00:02:48,055 Well, I actually got early acceptance to go to Brown. 68 00:02:48,124 --> 00:02:49,357 Just like you, Mrs. Johnson. 69 00:02:49,426 --> 00:02:52,660 Well, not just like me... I was wait-listed. So... 70 00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,250 Isn't she great? 71 00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:55,688 _ 72 00:02:55,698 --> 00:02:57,164 Oh! 73 00:03:00,569 --> 00:03:02,203 It's because she's white. 74 00:03:02,272 --> 00:03:03,938 Oh, God. 75 00:03:07,211 --> 00:03:08,342 Hey. 76 00:03:08,411 --> 00:03:10,677 How's my favorite twin brother and sister? 77 00:03:10,746 --> 00:03:12,161 What do you want? 78 00:03:12,171 --> 00:03:14,080 What? I can't come in here to visit? 79 00:03:14,149 --> 00:03:15,982 I'm gonna ask you this one more time, 80 00:03:16,051 --> 00:03:17,684 and then I'm gonna scream. 81 00:03:17,753 --> 00:03:18,685 What do you want? 82 00:03:18,754 --> 00:03:21,722 Money? An alibi? Clean urine? 83 00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:24,224 I don't know why we can't... 84 00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:25,526 Okay, fine. 85 00:03:25,594 --> 00:03:28,710 I need some extra credit for my interior design class. 86 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:29,813 Mm-hmm. 87 00:03:29,823 --> 00:03:33,499 And Mom gave me a small budget to redo your room. 88 00:03:33,568 --> 00:03:37,003 I mean, it's tired, baby-ish. 89 00:03:37,072 --> 00:03:38,305 Like the "J" and "D" on your wall. 90 00:03:38,373 --> 00:03:41,507 You don't need a "J" to tell you where to sleep, Jack. 91 00:03:41,576 --> 00:03:43,375 The "J" is for Jack? 92 00:03:43,385 --> 00:03:46,746 Guys, you need something a little bit more mature, 93 00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:49,281 something that doesn't say... 94 00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:51,317 "I still wear Pull-Ups." 95 00:03:53,387 --> 00:03:55,220 I trusted you. 96 00:03:56,973 --> 00:03:58,685 Wow, so you're boy 97 00:03:58,695 --> 00:04:01,385 - got himself a snowflake. - Yep. 98 00:04:01,395 --> 00:04:04,330 And he didn't even have to become a professional athlete. 99 00:04:04,398 --> 00:04:06,498 Oh, hey, Dre-Dawg, maybe you can coach me. 100 00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:09,001 I'm getting nowhere with this blonde hottie down at the gym, 101 00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:10,802 and I already used my best line. 102 00:04:10,871 --> 00:04:14,106 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the men's room. 103 00:04:15,409 --> 00:04:17,008 I'm not allowed to go to that gym anymore. 104 00:04:17,077 --> 00:04:18,977 You're gonna have to leave me out of this, all right? 105 00:04:19,045 --> 00:04:21,079 'Cause Junior, he did this on his own. 106 00:04:21,147 --> 00:04:23,114 My white-girl game is in shambles. 107 00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:25,784 Why do you think I act so weird around Kelly from Microsoft? 108 00:04:25,853 --> 00:04:27,853 Thank you for coming. I think we're gonna come up with something 109 00:04:27,921 --> 00:04:29,420 - you'll be very happy with. - Oh, thank you. 110 00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:32,195 Thank you for coming so very much, milady. 111 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,059 Thank you. 112 00:04:34,069 --> 00:04:35,090 A curtsy? 113 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,208 I wish we was in jail so I could shank you. 114 00:04:37,218 --> 00:04:38,650 What did you expect, man? 115 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,352 I grew up in an all-black neighborhood. 116 00:04:40,421 --> 00:04:41,854 I went to an all-black college. 117 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:43,655 I never mastered the art of white women. 118 00:04:43,725 --> 00:04:45,191 It's not your fault, Dre. 119 00:04:45,259 --> 00:04:47,492 White women are probably just scared of you. 120 00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:50,061 - I know my wife is. - White women aren't scared of me. 121 00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:51,263 I can't keep them off me. 122 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,265 My friends, they call me "the bunny magnet." 123 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,252 - Hm. - Lord Snow. 124 00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:56,935 White Walker. 125 00:04:57,003 --> 00:04:59,238 Anglo-Saxon Jackson. 126 00:04:59,686 --> 00:05:01,373 I think I might be a sell-out. 127 00:05:01,442 --> 00:05:02,641 Right, now this is fascinating. 128 00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:07,278 Now, Charles, let's pretend that I am a white woman 129 00:05:07,347 --> 00:05:10,915 walking through the produce section of Trader Joe's. 130 00:05:10,984 --> 00:05:12,917 What do you say to get these pants off? 131 00:05:12,986 --> 00:05:15,086 Hmm. I would start by telling you 132 00:05:15,155 --> 00:05:17,856 that Aspen got two inches of fresh powder last night. 133 00:05:17,924 --> 00:05:19,323 - Oh. - Really? 134 00:05:19,392 --> 00:05:21,559 Then I would ask you, how close are you to your father? 135 00:05:21,628 --> 00:05:23,663 - I love my father. - Is it fake snow or real snow? 136 00:05:23,673 --> 00:05:24,929 Hey. Hey! 137 00:05:24,939 --> 00:05:28,132 Why am I seeing so much of this and none of this? 138 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,809 - Oh. - Yeah, you guys need to get back to work 139 00:05:30,819 --> 00:05:34,472 on this Microsoft campaign or all of you will be this. 140 00:05:34,540 --> 00:05:36,274 Ooh. 141 00:05:36,342 --> 00:05:37,808 - Ooh. - So mad. 142 00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:41,070 And that's why I keeps me some snow. 143 00:05:42,138 --> 00:05:43,781 Hey, Mom? We'll see you later. 144 00:05:43,849 --> 00:05:45,215 Megan's gonna take me to the part of the mall 145 00:05:45,284 --> 00:05:47,217 I've always been afraid to check out. 146 00:05:47,286 --> 00:05:49,219 Bye, Mrs. Johnson. 147 00:05:49,288 --> 00:05:51,655 Dr. Johnson. I'm a doctor. 148 00:05:52,378 --> 00:05:53,614 Bye. 149 00:05:54,275 --> 00:05:55,279 Oh, God. 150 00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:58,707 I noticed your eyes look more haggard than usual. 151 00:05:58,717 --> 00:06:00,263 I know those tears. 152 00:06:00,332 --> 00:06:02,098 I've shed them a million times. 153 00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:04,267 This is about that little Disney princess 154 00:06:04,336 --> 00:06:06,065 that just left with you son, isn't it? 155 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:08,905 No, Ruby, I-I have allergies. 156 00:06:08,973 --> 00:06:10,940 It's a rite of passage for a mother 157 00:06:11,009 --> 00:06:13,743 to hate the girl her son is with. 158 00:06:14,034 --> 00:06:17,313 The ember of hatred will grow into a wildfire. 159 00:06:17,381 --> 00:06:19,182 And eventually, your one joy 160 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:21,350 will be cutting a few subtle inches 161 00:06:21,419 --> 00:06:23,686 off her hair while she sleeps. 162 00:06:23,754 --> 00:06:25,288 - What? - Huh? 163 00:06:25,356 --> 00:06:28,290 Okay. Okay, Ruby, this is not about Junior 164 00:06:28,359 --> 00:06:30,025 just bringing home some girl, okay? 165 00:06:30,093 --> 00:06:34,262 It's... it's about Junior bringing home someone who's... 166 00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:36,465 White. 167 00:06:36,691 --> 00:06:37,900 - What? - I know. 168 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:40,101 How the hell can you be mad at that? 169 00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:41,169 You're a white. 170 00:06:41,238 --> 00:06:43,171 I'm not a white... I mean, white. 171 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,706 Eh... have you been cutting my hair? 172 00:06:44,774 --> 00:06:46,341 A black woman would know. 173 00:06:46,409 --> 00:06:47,475 Mnh-mnh. 174 00:06:47,544 --> 00:06:50,111 Okay. What Ruby's trying to say 175 00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,848 in her blissfully ignorant yet always-offensive way 176 00:06:52,916 --> 00:06:56,184 is that because my mother's black but my father's white, 177 00:06:56,253 --> 00:06:58,320 I'm somehow not really black. 178 00:06:58,388 --> 00:07:01,228 Sadly, Rubeline's not the only one 179 00:07:01,238 --> 00:07:02,736 who thinks that's how it works. 180 00:07:02,746 --> 00:07:03,825 It's complicated. 181 00:07:03,893 --> 00:07:05,708 And it dates back to a time when slave-owners 182 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:08,730 like Thomas Jefferson invited/ordered 183 00:07:08,798 --> 00:07:11,966 their slaves like Sally Hemings up to their chambers, 184 00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:14,301 which resulted in a bunch of folks like me 185 00:07:14,371 --> 00:07:16,303 they called mulattos. 186 00:07:16,373 --> 00:07:17,738 Crazy offensive name, right? 187 00:07:17,806 --> 00:07:20,540 Well, crazier offensive origin, because the word "mulatto" 188 00:07:20,609 --> 00:07:23,244 derived from the Spanish word for mule. 189 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:25,379 But being mulatto had another side to it. 190 00:07:25,447 --> 00:07:26,646 With a slave-owner daddy, 191 00:07:26,715 --> 00:07:28,192 you may have been one of the few slaves 192 00:07:28,202 --> 00:07:30,601 who learned to read, write, or even got your freedom. 193 00:07:30,611 --> 00:07:33,045 Now of course this preferential treatment, 194 00:07:33,055 --> 00:07:36,356 created major friction between black people and mulattos. 195 00:07:36,425 --> 00:07:39,893 This complicated relationship went on for generations. 196 00:07:39,961 --> 00:07:42,396 But things started to change with the Civil Rights Movement, 197 00:07:42,464 --> 00:07:44,264 which encouraged biracial people 198 00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:46,733 to embrace their heritage. 199 00:07:46,802 --> 00:07:50,795 Suddenly, being any kind of black was the new black. 200 00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:54,207 One of the biggest wins of the movement was in 1967, 201 00:07:54,276 --> 00:07:55,775 when the Loving vs Virginia case 202 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:58,211 abolished anti-miscegenation laws, 203 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,213 legalizing interracial marriage. 204 00:08:00,282 --> 00:08:02,282 Black and white people could finally get 205 00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:05,351 their interracial freak on without fear of imprisonment. 206 00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:07,085 And by the early '90s, 207 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:11,256 biracial births sky-rocketed by over 500%. 208 00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:15,027 That's 500% more people with an identity crisis 209 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,929 who don't even know what to call themselves 210 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,065 and are always asking, "Where do I fit in?" 211 00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:21,801 You don't. Accept it. 212 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,638 Oh, come on. 213 00:08:23,648 --> 00:08:26,156 Your problem is not with Junior's girlfriend. 214 00:08:26,166 --> 00:08:27,843 It's with you. 215 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:31,276 You can't like her if you don't like yourself. 216 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,860 And you don't even know who you are. 217 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:37,316 - I know who I am, Ruby. - Yeah. 218 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,694 I know exactly who I am. 219 00:08:39,704 --> 00:08:41,152 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 220 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,196 Ugh. 221 00:08:49,265 --> 00:08:52,261 You will never believe what Ruby just said to me. 222 00:08:52,271 --> 00:08:55,539 Oh, I'll believe anything that comes out of that woman's mouth. 223 00:08:58,858 --> 00:09:01,345 Mm. 224 00:09:01,413 --> 00:09:03,947 We're not related, you know. 225 00:09:06,636 --> 00:09:07,889 The scary thing is, 226 00:09:07,899 --> 00:09:10,065 I'm not entirely sure it's not gonna happen. 227 00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:12,501 - You have a say in this. - I'm not sure that I do. 228 00:09:12,570 --> 00:09:16,004 Ugh, okay. Anyway, Ruby actually said to me 229 00:09:16,073 --> 00:09:18,474 that the reason I don't love myself 230 00:09:18,542 --> 00:09:20,674 is because I don't know who I am. 231 00:09:20,684 --> 00:09:23,245 Well, you have always had a bit of an identity issue. 232 00:09:25,571 --> 00:09:27,374 _ 233 00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:29,653 How come there's not a box for both? 234 00:09:30,129 --> 00:09:32,053 Baby, you better check black. 235 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,024 It was confusing. 236 00:09:36,093 --> 00:09:38,093 Didn't you ever struggle with which box to check? 237 00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:39,560 I mean, if you check one, 238 00:09:39,629 --> 00:09:41,096 you're denying a whole part of yourself. 239 00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:44,098 Yeah, I had to do a lot of self-inventory 240 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,617 before I discovered who I was and how to be proud of that. 241 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,839 - And who are you? - I'm mélange. 242 00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:54,241 - Oh, my God, Johan. - What? It's French for "mixed." 243 00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:55,943 What's French for "stab victim"? 244 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,445 Look, say what you want. 245 00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:00,380 Sounds like you need to do some self-inventory. 246 00:10:00,449 --> 00:10:01,612 Hmm. 247 00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:04,085 Did you cut your hair? 248 00:10:05,788 --> 00:10:08,088 Ooh. I dropped my book. 249 00:10:08,157 --> 00:10:12,177 Somebody better take his shirt off and help me pick that up. 250 00:10:12,461 --> 00:10:14,061 Mmm. 251 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:17,364 So, I've gathered a couple ideas for the remodel. 252 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:18,432 Oh. 253 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,701 Okay. 254 00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:22,636 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, okay. 255 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,603 Uh-huh. 256 00:10:23,672 --> 00:10:24,672 Okay. 257 00:10:27,343 --> 00:10:28,308 Hey! 258 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:30,109 Can we have a frank conversation? 259 00:10:30,178 --> 00:10:33,146 - You seem out of your league. - Yeah. Strips and polka dots? 260 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,647 We want a more mature look. 261 00:10:34,716 --> 00:10:38,117 Mahogany, stainless steel, leather. 262 00:10:38,186 --> 00:10:41,420 We want it to look like the VIP lounge at American Airlines. 263 00:10:41,489 --> 00:10:42,922 I have $62. 264 00:10:42,991 --> 00:10:45,175 Fine. Delta Airlines. 265 00:10:46,461 --> 00:10:48,427 - Okay, we'll put it all around. - So, so... so you mean to tell me 266 00:10:48,496 --> 00:10:51,897 that you have two John Mayer tickets on you at all times? 267 00:10:51,966 --> 00:10:53,799 At all times. 268 00:10:53,868 --> 00:10:55,968 That is amazing. 269 00:10:56,036 --> 00:10:57,970 Man, he isn't even touring right now. 270 00:10:58,038 --> 00:11:00,506 Mm-hmm. They tried to offer me Dave Matthews tickets, 271 00:11:00,575 --> 00:11:01,974 but I don't want a woman that white. 272 00:11:02,042 --> 00:11:03,060 - I feel you. - Mm. 273 00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:04,913 That is going in the white-girl Bible, huh? 274 00:11:04,923 --> 00:11:06,644 Ooh, don't I look handsome? 275 00:11:06,713 --> 00:11:09,047 Uh, you want to know what I say to get white women? 276 00:11:09,057 --> 00:11:10,498 That's my jet. 277 00:11:10,508 --> 00:11:12,105 - It's that simple? - Mm. 278 00:11:12,115 --> 00:11:14,236 Okay. So we got white chicks down, 279 00:11:14,246 --> 00:11:16,288 but what if I want to talk to a black woman? 280 00:11:16,357 --> 00:11:17,764 Whoa, whoa. Wait, man. 281 00:11:17,774 --> 00:11:19,124 I need help with Kelly, all right? 282 00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:20,292 Let's stay on track. 283 00:11:20,361 --> 00:11:21,860 No, no, actually, let's not. 284 00:11:21,928 --> 00:11:25,864 Uh, Charles, what is the safest way to talk to a sistah? 285 00:11:25,932 --> 00:11:28,165 Well, in my experience, I have found out 286 00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:29,967 that women of color actually love 287 00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:31,528 to be addressed by their color. 288 00:11:31,538 --> 00:11:33,083 - "Hey, green eyes." - Mm. Mm. 289 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,338 "What's up, purple jeans"? 290 00:11:34,408 --> 00:11:35,808 I see you, white French tips. 291 00:11:35,818 --> 00:11:38,276 Okay. Okay, let me try. Let me try. 292 00:11:38,286 --> 00:11:40,756 Uh, hey, red blood-shot eyes. 293 00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:42,947 - Ooh. - Oh. 294 00:11:43,016 --> 00:11:44,181 - Yeah. - Double barrel. 295 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:45,682 Did not like that. 296 00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:48,552 So I've been thinking. 297 00:11:48,621 --> 00:11:50,989 Oh, you mean taking self-inventory? 298 00:11:50,999 --> 00:11:53,057 Can you please take a break from being so pretentious? 299 00:11:53,126 --> 00:11:54,725 Your mother-in-law thinks it's cute. 300 00:11:54,794 --> 00:11:56,059 You're playing with fire. 301 00:11:56,128 --> 00:11:58,896 I know, but I can't help it. There's something... 302 00:11:58,964 --> 00:12:01,231 Okay. That's gross. Really, really gross. 303 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,866 Listen, you were right. 304 00:12:02,935 --> 00:12:04,635 I've been confused most of my life. 305 00:12:04,703 --> 00:12:08,138 Do you remember me in high school? 306 00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:11,207 I was, like, totally. I mean, as if. 307 00:12:11,276 --> 00:12:12,932 - Whatever. - Whatever. 308 00:12:12,942 --> 00:12:14,644 Yeah, that was a bad time. 309 00:12:14,712 --> 00:12:15,878 I couldn't help it, though. 310 00:12:15,948 --> 00:12:17,547 I mean, that's who we grew up around. 311 00:12:17,615 --> 00:12:19,049 Those were my friends. 312 00:12:19,117 --> 00:12:19,849 Were they? 313 00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:23,254 You should, like, totally audition for the theater this year. 314 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,268 Oh, yeah. 315 00:12:24,278 --> 00:12:26,156 We could really use some strong black actors. 316 00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:27,424 - Oh. Cool. - You know? 317 00:12:27,492 --> 00:12:29,158 - Toodles. - Toodles. 318 00:12:29,384 --> 00:12:31,625 _ 319 00:12:33,431 --> 00:12:35,565 Toto! 320 00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:37,032 A flying monkey? 321 00:12:37,101 --> 00:12:40,368 - Why did you agree to do it? - Admittedly, mistakes were made, 322 00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:41,537 but if you were in that situation, 323 00:12:41,606 --> 00:12:43,172 you just... You overcompensate. 324 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,273 You do what you can... 325 00:12:44,342 --> 00:12:46,008 - Hey, I get it. - to fit in. 326 00:12:46,077 --> 00:12:49,511 In college, with my black friends, I went in hella hard. 327 00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:51,246 What up, y'all? Oh! 328 00:12:51,315 --> 00:12:53,115 Boom, boom, boom. Ah. 329 00:12:53,184 --> 00:12:57,752 It's "R" to the "A" to the "I" to the... 330 00:12:57,821 --> 00:12:59,888 Rainbow! Wha-ooh! 331 00:12:59,957 --> 00:13:02,150 In hindsight, I wish I had just said hello. 332 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,359 So you leaned into a few dumb stereotypes 333 00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:06,427 to try and get people's approval. Everybody does it. 334 00:13:06,497 --> 00:13:07,929 Yeah, but not everybody is pulled 335 00:13:07,998 --> 00:13:10,799 into day-to-day situations where they're forced to pick a side. 336 00:13:10,868 --> 00:13:12,734 We the jury in the above entitled action 337 00:13:12,803 --> 00:13:15,804 find the defendant Orenthal James Simpson not guilty of... 338 00:13:15,873 --> 00:13:18,606 Oh, my God! 339 00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:21,109 Oh, my... Oh, my God. 340 00:13:22,479 --> 00:13:24,645 I'm so confused. Oh, O.J. did it. 341 00:13:24,714 --> 00:13:27,148 I meant, I can't believe I'm still asking myself 342 00:13:27,217 --> 00:13:29,317 these same questions after all these years. 343 00:13:29,386 --> 00:13:30,816 Stop being so hard on yourself. 344 00:13:30,826 --> 00:13:33,026 Okay, besides, I know who you are. 345 00:13:34,023 --> 00:13:37,213 - You're "R" to the "A" to the "I"... - Please don't do that. Don't do that. 346 00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:39,326 - I don't want to remember that. - Hey, you remember? You were amazing. 347 00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:41,261 Where's Ruby? 348 00:13:41,330 --> 00:13:42,963 - Oh, no. - That is a good call. 349 00:13:43,032 --> 00:13:46,400 That is not how you pick up a pack of Korean women. 350 00:13:46,468 --> 00:13:49,269 First of all, a group of Korean women is called a raft. 351 00:13:49,338 --> 00:13:51,304 Uh, actually, according to this, 352 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:56,343 - a raft is a group of otters. - Hm? 353 00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:58,345 You know what? It is. 354 00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:00,447 It is. It... it really is. 355 00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:02,916 We are screwed. All right, either we focus up 356 00:14:02,984 --> 00:14:05,452 or we demand that Microsoft sends us somebody black. 357 00:14:05,521 --> 00:14:07,754 It's just one white woman. 358 00:14:07,822 --> 00:14:09,088 What are you afraid of, Dre? 359 00:14:09,157 --> 00:14:11,090 A man's spit game is like a comic's. 360 00:14:11,159 --> 00:14:12,458 All right, some comics can cross over 361 00:14:12,527 --> 00:14:15,327 to all audiences, and some can't. 362 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,663 And I'm Steve Harvey. 363 00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:19,298 My material only works on black women. 364 00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,768 Really? Is that who his material works on? 365 00:14:21,836 --> 00:14:23,269 Don't you talk about Steve Harvey. 366 00:14:23,337 --> 00:14:24,836 That man is a treasure. 367 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:26,172 He brought us four-button suits 368 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,141 and brought back giant teeth and the man wig. 369 00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:30,342 I will not hear it from you. 370 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,610 You watch your mouth. 371 00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:33,446 That's a man wig? I totally thought it was real. 372 00:14:33,514 --> 00:14:34,547 I had no idea. 373 00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,009 Hey. How's it coming, dumb-dumbs? 374 00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:37,316 - Uh... - Oh, well, it turns out, a raft... 375 00:14:37,385 --> 00:14:39,721 "How to holler at Mexican women"? 376 00:14:39,731 --> 00:14:41,319 What? "One... 377 00:14:41,388 --> 00:14:44,189 remember, they love playing Sudoku." 378 00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:45,791 What the hell have y'all been doing in here? 379 00:14:45,859 --> 00:14:47,025 - Just trying to stay fresh. - Otters. 380 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,694 - Mostly research. - We kind of got sidetracked. 381 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,522 Sidetracked? Do you know how stupid this is? 382 00:14:51,532 --> 00:14:54,566 First of all, everybody knows the key to Mexican women 383 00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:57,168 is the same as it is for Mexican men... 384 00:14:57,237 --> 00:14:59,904 Compliment their eyebrows and take them to Benihana. 385 00:14:59,973 --> 00:15:02,340 - That's right. - Benihana. 386 00:15:02,409 --> 00:15:04,842 - Knives are flipping in the air. - So much sense. Okay. 387 00:15:05,231 --> 00:15:06,934 All right. Here you go, baby. 388 00:15:06,944 --> 00:15:09,041 Made you a sandwich on gluten-free bread. 389 00:15:09,051 --> 00:15:10,748 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 390 00:15:10,817 --> 00:15:14,351 Why am I so bothered by Junior dating that girl? 391 00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:18,383 Dre, when I brought you home, my dad did not act this way. 392 00:15:18,489 --> 00:15:20,157 He was very good to you. 393 00:15:20,226 --> 00:15:21,525 He was. 394 00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,360 I was not expecting that. 395 00:15:23,429 --> 00:15:25,529 You know, he was the first white man to hug me. 396 00:15:25,598 --> 00:15:27,031 What? 397 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:28,432 - And the last white man I ever hugged. - Hm. 398 00:15:28,501 --> 00:15:30,534 But I got to give it up to your pops. 399 00:15:30,603 --> 00:15:34,037 You know, he was friendly and chill from jump. 400 00:15:34,106 --> 00:15:36,072 - He was probably high. - He was definitely high. 401 00:15:36,142 --> 00:15:37,874 - Mm. - Yeah. 402 00:15:37,943 --> 00:15:40,720 Good thing he didn't turn out to be a hater like you. 403 00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,989 Hey. Don't change. 404 00:15:42,999 --> 00:15:45,449 Dre was right. I was being a hater. 405 00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:47,917 How was my dad so cool? 406 00:15:47,986 --> 00:15:50,098 And why was he always so high? 407 00:15:53,859 --> 00:15:56,507 - Bow-Bow girl! - Hi, Daddy. 408 00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,093 Oh, my God. That's Kelly. 409 00:16:00,162 --> 00:16:01,361 Is today Thursday? 410 00:16:01,430 --> 00:16:03,931 Okay, guys, really, what do we actually have 411 00:16:03,999 --> 00:16:05,265 for the Microsoft presentation? 412 00:16:05,334 --> 00:16:06,599 Nothing. We're not ready. 413 00:16:06,668 --> 00:16:10,337 Oh, my God. Okay, guys, we have got to wing it. 414 00:16:10,405 --> 00:16:13,172 We cannot wing a presentation to Microsoft. 415 00:16:13,241 --> 00:16:14,874 Man, you better ask for an extension. 416 00:16:14,943 --> 00:16:17,777 I can't. I spent the money on jet fuel. 417 00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,879 - What? - Look, we're gonna be fine. 418 00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:22,915 Everyone just remember what Snow J. Pimpson taught you. 419 00:16:22,984 --> 00:16:24,417 Charlie, what the hell are you talking... 420 00:16:24,486 --> 00:16:25,552 Hi, guys. How are you? 421 00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:26,819 - Hey. - Hi. 422 00:16:26,888 --> 00:16:28,525 Top o' the morning to you lassie. 423 00:16:28,535 --> 00:16:30,627 - Oh, for God's sakes. - What the hell was that? 424 00:16:30,637 --> 00:16:32,458 I'm looking forward to hearing what you guys have for me today. 425 00:16:32,526 --> 00:16:34,693 Yes, we have an amazing presentation. 426 00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:37,196 This is for, as you know, the Microsoft Surface, 427 00:16:37,265 --> 00:16:41,472 which is a laptop, amazing, incredibly powerful machine. 428 00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:44,584 - And, Josh, you pick it up. - What? 429 00:16:44,594 --> 00:16:47,239 Uh, yes. It has a screen. 430 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,376 And it comes with a pen, which does pen things. 431 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,878 Okay, Kelly, you know what? No more B.S. 432 00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:54,380 - Cards on the table. - Mm-hmm. 433 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:57,883 We had an amazing presentation ready for you this morning, 434 00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,972 but then we got a bomb threat from the North Koreans. 435 00:17:00,982 --> 00:17:02,754 - We lost power... - Please stop. 436 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,089 Yep. Okay. 437 00:17:04,865 --> 00:17:06,491 I'm afraid this isn't gonna work, you guys. 438 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,560 Hold on. Wait... wait a minute. Um... 439 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,663 Yes, we stopped doing work for days, 440 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:17,733 but that is what's great about the Surface, Kelly. 441 00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:20,191 It allows you to do everything. 442 00:17:20,429 --> 00:17:23,974 The Microsoft Surface... 443 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:28,646 It's what you work on even when you are not doing work. 444 00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:30,165 Hm. 445 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,883 Mm? 446 00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:37,587 You've got to be kidding me. 447 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:38,989 - Okay. - Okay. Well, you know, 448 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,391 I swung for the fences. 449 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,793 Listen, guys, if you're not gonna be able to focus, 450 00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:44,795 I'm gonna have to rethink this entire relationship. 451 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,964 - Whoa, whoa, Kelly. - Please don't. 452 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,033 I really think you're just... 453 00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:51,601 John Mayer? Tonight? 454 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,385 I didn't even know he was touring. 455 00:17:53,395 --> 00:17:56,272 - Pick you up at 8:00? - Can you make it 8:30? 456 00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:59,175 It was probably gonna be around that time anyway. 457 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,812 Let me walk you out. 458 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,313 I think we gonna be fine. 459 00:18:03,381 --> 00:18:05,648 So, how close are you to your father? 460 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:09,452 Oh, my God. Dad. 461 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,121 - What? - Okay, these are amazing. 462 00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:15,224 - Awe, look how adorable I am here. - That's your brother. 463 00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,392 - It is? - Mm-hmm. 464 00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:20,296 Oops. Oh, God, we look so much alike. 465 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:22,064 So, Dad, I came out here 466 00:18:22,132 --> 00:18:24,166 'cause I want to talk to you about something important. 467 00:18:24,234 --> 00:18:26,836 Is is the fact that I live in a bus that runs on human waste? 468 00:18:26,904 --> 00:18:29,872 Nope. I gave up on that battle a long time ago, Dad. 469 00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:31,328 - Oh, oh, okay. - I wanted to ask you a question. 470 00:18:31,338 --> 00:18:32,599 Yeah. 471 00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:35,377 Junior came home with a girlfriend, 472 00:18:35,446 --> 00:18:38,246 she's white, and it totally freaked me out. 473 00:18:38,315 --> 00:18:39,681 - What?! - I know. God, I know. 474 00:18:39,749 --> 00:18:41,716 - I'm so ashamed of myself. - Junior has a girlfriend? 475 00:18:41,785 --> 00:18:43,274 Did you have some kind of party for him? 476 00:18:43,284 --> 00:18:46,221 This should be celebrated... Wildly, joyously. 477 00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,190 Dad, did you hear what I said? 478 00:18:48,258 --> 00:18:50,615 - The kid wears capes. - Yeah. 479 00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:53,495 No, Bow-Bow, I get it. 480 00:18:54,245 --> 00:18:57,098 A mother often sees who her son's with 481 00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:59,233 - as a reflection of herself. - Mm. 482 00:18:59,302 --> 00:19:00,806 You're a black woman. 483 00:19:00,816 --> 00:19:03,104 So Junior bringing home a white girl, 484 00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:05,773 it's making you feel a certain way. 485 00:19:06,224 --> 00:19:07,842 - Dad. - Mm? 486 00:19:07,911 --> 00:19:09,276 You see me as a black woman? 487 00:19:09,286 --> 00:19:10,921 Well, that's what you are, sweetie. 488 00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:14,515 Yeah, but you're my dad and you are white 489 00:19:14,583 --> 00:19:16,917 and that's half of me. Right? 490 00:19:16,986 --> 00:19:18,719 And I love that half of me. 491 00:19:18,787 --> 00:19:21,455 So do I. And nothing can change that. 492 00:19:22,016 --> 00:19:24,291 But look at this. Yeah. 493 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,937 - Remember this day? - Oh, yeah, I do. 494 00:19:26,947 --> 00:19:29,295 All the awkward stares and comments 495 00:19:29,364 --> 00:19:31,563 from people who didn't think I was your father? 496 00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:33,133 Well, I knew then, 497 00:19:33,201 --> 00:19:35,602 way before you had a chance to decide for yourself, 498 00:19:35,671 --> 00:19:39,030 that the world had already made that choice for you. 499 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,974 You were black. 500 00:19:41,043 --> 00:19:44,211 God, I struggled with that so much growing up. 501 00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:47,580 But you did... You got through it. 502 00:19:48,172 --> 00:19:50,283 - Wow. - Eventually, you met Dre. 503 00:19:50,352 --> 00:19:52,118 You fell in love. 504 00:19:52,187 --> 00:19:54,720 And you had that big, beautiful family of yours. 505 00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:58,072 My big, beautiful, black family. 506 00:19:58,082 --> 00:20:02,294 But now, because Junior likes a white girl, 507 00:20:02,363 --> 00:20:05,998 it feels like, uh... a rejection. 508 00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:09,101 - Exactly. That's exactly it. - Yeah. 509 00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:11,236 Yeah, and it's making you second-guess 510 00:20:11,305 --> 00:20:13,272 the choices that you've made. 511 00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:15,140 Here... Here's the thing, love. 512 00:20:15,237 --> 00:20:17,309 You know who you are. 513 00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,349 I know who I am. 514 00:20:21,014 --> 00:20:22,490 Thank you. 515 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,986 So there it was. 516 00:20:27,996 --> 00:20:31,890 I had to go back to my past to look at my future. 517 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,661 Thanks, Dad. 518 00:20:38,442 --> 00:20:39,908 Ta-da! 519 00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:42,878 Well, what do you think of your new room? 520 00:20:42,946 --> 00:20:44,913 - It's nice. - Nice? 521 00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:48,517 Yeah, it's just... Something feels off. 522 00:20:48,585 --> 00:20:49,651 Yeah. 523 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,721 What? It's everything you asked for. 524 00:20:52,789 --> 00:20:56,892 Fashionable beds, accent pillows, privacy partition... 525 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,695 It's totally grown up... The opposite of a baby room. 526 00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:03,231 You're right. Totally grown up. 527 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,366 Yeah, no more kid stuff. 528 00:21:07,904 --> 00:21:09,003 You know what? 529 00:21:09,071 --> 00:21:12,773 There's actually one thing I forgot to add. 530 00:21:13,809 --> 00:21:15,242 There it is. 531 00:21:15,310 --> 00:21:17,511 Now I know which bed is mine. 532 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:18,798 I need that "J." 533 00:21:18,808 --> 00:21:20,888 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~