1 00:00:00,023 --> 00:00:03,485 Guys! Get in here! Come on! We're watching a movie! 2 00:00:03,521 --> 00:00:04,420 What are we watching? 3 00:00:04,455 --> 00:00:05,487 I'll give you one hint. 4 00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:08,724 Nants ingonyama 5 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,526 Bagithi baba 6 00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:13,395 Sithi uhmm ingonyama 7 00:00:13,431 --> 00:00:14,996 - "The Lion King"? - Mm-hmm. 8 00:00:15,032 --> 00:00:16,932 We love it, but we've seen it so many times. 9 00:00:16,967 --> 00:00:19,267 Nants ingonyama 10 00:00:19,303 --> 00:00:21,002 Bagithi baba 11 00:00:21,038 --> 00:00:22,137 Wha... Whatever. 12 00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:23,404 It's the movie That was chosen this week. 13 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,806 Okay. Thanks a lot, Jack. 14 00:00:24,842 --> 00:00:26,074 Wait. Don't look at me. 15 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,943 I wanted to watch "Think Like a Man". 16 00:00:27,978 --> 00:00:29,610 Kevin Hart's hello to the world. 17 00:00:29,646 --> 00:00:31,246 Then who picked this? 18 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,215 It doesn't matter who picked this emotionally stirring, 19 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,950 richly drawn animated Disney classic. 20 00:00:35,985 --> 00:00:38,018 - Okay? - All right. 21 00:00:38,054 --> 00:00:39,086 But we're not fast-forwarding 22 00:00:39,121 --> 00:00:40,388 through the part where Mufasa dies. 23 00:00:40,423 --> 00:00:41,489 Wait, what? 24 00:00:41,524 --> 00:00:43,458 Oh, Diane. 25 00:00:43,493 --> 00:00:44,492 He dies?! 26 00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:46,060 Why else you think we always skip that part? 27 00:00:46,095 --> 00:00:48,429 I thought you were fast-forwarding through lion sex. 28 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,797 Nope... dead dad. 29 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:51,466 - Wha... - Stomped out by wildebeests. 30 00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:54,235 Okay, okay. Sweetheart, come on. 31 00:00:54,270 --> 00:00:55,870 It's all about the circle of life. 32 00:00:55,905 --> 00:00:56,770 Simba moves on, 33 00:00:56,805 --> 00:00:58,839 and he finds comfort and protection 34 00:00:58,908 --> 00:01:01,876 from a friendly warthog and a rascally ferret. 35 00:01:01,911 --> 00:01:02,843 - Hmm? - Meerkat. 36 00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:04,311 Okay. So... 37 00:01:04,347 --> 00:01:07,481 Timon the meerkat gives him comfort and protection. 38 00:01:07,516 --> 00:01:09,683 - Mm-hmm. - Oh. You disgust me. 39 00:01:09,718 --> 00:01:12,151 You know what I think would lift everyone's spirits? 40 00:01:12,187 --> 00:01:13,387 "Ex Machina". 41 00:01:13,422 --> 00:01:14,554 Of course. 42 00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:18,191 The story of a genius who built a hot, naked robot... 43 00:01:18,226 --> 00:01:20,827 - Oh! - programmed to do anything he tells her. 44 00:01:23,231 --> 00:01:25,031 Maybe I should watch that alone. 45 00:01:25,066 --> 00:01:26,299 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Not really kid-friendly. 46 00:01:26,334 --> 00:01:28,368 So wait, who's going to be our warthog and meerkat 47 00:01:28,403 --> 00:01:29,402 if you guys die? 48 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:30,203 I... 49 00:01:30,238 --> 00:01:31,237 Uh... 50 00:01:31,273 --> 00:01:33,306 Sweetheart, your dad and I 51 00:01:33,341 --> 00:01:36,842 are gonna be here for a long, long, long time. 52 00:01:36,878 --> 00:01:37,877 - Yeah. - Yeah, Son. 53 00:01:37,913 --> 00:01:39,279 Hakuna matata. No worries. 54 00:01:39,314 --> 00:01:40,246 Give me that popcorn. 55 00:01:40,282 --> 00:01:41,747 Let me put some butter on it. 56 00:01:41,783 --> 00:01:42,981 Uh, Bow? 57 00:01:43,017 --> 00:01:44,249 - Can I see you a sec? Mm-hmm. - Okay. 58 00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:45,418 Oh, my God. 59 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:47,185 What happens to them if we die? 60 00:01:47,221 --> 00:01:48,186 I don't know. 61 00:01:48,222 --> 00:01:49,388 We gotta matata. 62 00:01:49,424 --> 00:01:50,856 Oh, we got a lot of matatas. 63 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,961 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com 64 00:01:57,965 --> 00:02:01,166 So, Bow and I didn't have a legal guardian for our kids. 65 00:02:01,201 --> 00:02:03,101 That called for immediate action. 66 00:02:04,871 --> 00:02:06,271 Ahh. Ahh. 67 00:02:06,307 --> 00:02:07,973 - More tequila? - Yes. 68 00:02:08,008 --> 00:02:09,374 I can still feel my face. 69 00:02:09,410 --> 00:02:10,742 Mnh. 70 00:02:10,777 --> 00:02:12,144 How did we not handle this? 71 00:02:12,179 --> 00:02:13,412 I don't know. 72 00:02:13,447 --> 00:02:15,279 Didn't we talk to our accountant when Zoey was born? 73 00:02:15,315 --> 00:02:17,615 You mean your accountant, James Brown? 74 00:02:17,651 --> 00:02:19,784 So, in the event of your deaths, 75 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,386 little Zoey here should become a ward of the state. 76 00:02:22,422 --> 00:02:25,222 All the tax benefits? Astronomical. 77 00:02:25,258 --> 00:02:26,558 You little cute, little thing. 78 00:02:26,593 --> 00:02:28,426 Do you want to be raised in the system? 79 00:02:28,495 --> 00:02:29,561 Come on, now. 80 00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:30,695 Shamon. 81 00:02:32,432 --> 00:02:33,730 - All right. Don't worry about it. - Ohh, ohh, ohh. 82 00:02:33,766 --> 00:02:35,967 First thing in the morning, I'm gonna call a lawyer up, 83 00:02:36,002 --> 00:02:37,301 and I'm gonna let them know 84 00:02:37,337 --> 00:02:39,236 that we're leaving our kids with my family. 85 00:02:39,272 --> 00:02:40,604 Wait. Your family? 86 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:41,605 Mm-hmm. 87 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:42,773 Why not my family? 88 00:02:42,808 --> 00:02:45,609 Because they're our children and we love them? 89 00:02:45,644 --> 00:02:46,978 What's that supposed to mean? 90 00:02:47,013 --> 00:02:49,646 Your parents raised you in a cult. 91 00:02:49,682 --> 00:02:51,949 Wha... And I'm not gonna let them raise my kids 92 00:02:51,984 --> 00:02:54,618 on a bus powered by human poo. 93 00:02:56,188 --> 00:02:59,723 That bus produces 30% less emissions 94 00:02:59,758 --> 00:03:01,525 than a diesel-powered bus. 95 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:02,593 You know what else it produces? 96 00:03:02,628 --> 00:03:03,527 What? 97 00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:04,527 Pinkeye. 98 00:03:04,562 --> 00:03:05,761 Your mama stays with it. 99 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,064 You know what? 100 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,166 The obvious choice is my mama. 101 00:03:10,202 --> 00:03:11,701 Over my dead body! 102 00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:16,339 Dre, there is no way in hell. 103 00:03:16,375 --> 00:03:17,707 Can you imagine 104 00:03:17,742 --> 00:03:19,209 what would happen to our children 105 00:03:19,244 --> 00:03:20,910 if they were raised by that crazy lady? 106 00:03:20,945 --> 00:03:21,911 Do you believe? 107 00:03:21,946 --> 00:03:23,045 We believe! 108 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,180 - Do you believe? - We believe! 109 00:03:25,216 --> 00:03:27,349 I praise, I praise, I praise God 110 00:03:27,385 --> 00:03:28,350 Okay. 111 00:03:28,386 --> 00:03:29,952 We'll leave them with Pops. 112 00:03:29,988 --> 00:03:31,286 He's worse than your mom! 113 00:03:31,322 --> 00:03:32,955 - What?! - Dre, he's always disappearing. 114 00:03:32,991 --> 00:03:35,691 The kids would be, like, wondering if he's even alive. 115 00:03:35,727 --> 00:03:38,027 I mean... In fact, is he even alive? 116 00:03:38,062 --> 00:03:40,095 - Yes, he is alive! - Prove it. 117 00:03:40,131 --> 00:03:41,196 Prove it, Dre. Prove that he is still alive! 118 00:03:41,232 --> 00:03:42,564 I'll prove it to you right now. Uh-huh. 119 00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:43,665 I'm calling him right now. 120 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,167 - Put it on speaker phone. - Hey. 121 00:03:45,202 --> 00:03:46,701 Hey, Pops! 122 00:03:46,737 --> 00:03:50,339 Earl Johnson. 123 00:03:51,775 --> 00:03:52,807 He's... 124 00:03:52,843 --> 00:03:55,076 Sh-Should... Should we be worried? 125 00:03:55,111 --> 00:03:57,612 Okay. Maybe not Pops. 126 00:03:57,648 --> 00:04:00,348 But we're definitely not leaving them with your sister. 127 00:04:00,383 --> 00:04:02,617 She literally said she hates children 128 00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:04,019 in front of our children. 129 00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:05,020 Fine. 130 00:04:05,055 --> 00:04:07,622 Then we're nixing your sister 131 00:04:07,658 --> 00:04:09,257 just out of spite for the fact that you nixed mine. 132 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,191 Ha! 133 00:04:10,226 --> 00:04:11,825 I still have a brother and June Bug. 134 00:04:11,894 --> 00:04:14,828 Oh, God, Dre. 135 00:04:14,864 --> 00:04:16,730 You mean San Quentin and Folsom. 136 00:04:16,766 --> 00:04:18,366 You love them. 137 00:04:18,435 --> 00:04:20,401 If I want to do a smash and grab! 138 00:04:20,437 --> 00:04:22,236 - Whatever. I'm calling June Bug. - Fine. You know what? 139 00:04:22,272 --> 00:04:23,538 - Take that. - Yeah. I'm taking it. 140 00:04:23,573 --> 00:04:24,772 All right. Hey, hey, June Bug! 141 00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:26,040 - Oh, please. - Hey. What's up, man? It's Dre. 142 00:04:26,076 --> 00:04:29,076 Look, I got to ask you something. 143 00:04:29,111 --> 00:04:32,412 Have you seen my Pops? 144 00:04:33,616 --> 00:04:35,182 Thanks for coming out tonight, guys. 145 00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:36,750 Hope everyone's enjoying the snacks. 146 00:04:36,786 --> 00:04:39,553 - Mm-hmm. - So, feels like old Jack 147 00:04:39,589 --> 00:04:41,855 got a fast one pulled on him with this Mufasa thing. 148 00:04:41,891 --> 00:04:43,990 Took a real gut punch on that one. 149 00:04:44,025 --> 00:04:45,158 - Mm-hmm. - Yep. 150 00:04:45,194 --> 00:04:46,359 But, it's okay, though. 151 00:04:46,428 --> 00:04:48,328 Shame on me, fool me once, all that. 152 00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:50,697 But in the spirit of honesty, 153 00:04:50,732 --> 00:04:53,066 I thought we should Have some chips and some truth. 154 00:04:53,102 --> 00:04:55,668 Jack, you don't have to oil us up to hang out with you. 155 00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,270 Uh, let's hear him out. 156 00:04:57,306 --> 00:04:59,872 So, uh, let's just get loose, huh? 157 00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,340 Let's have fun with this. 158 00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:02,441 Now, tell me. 159 00:05:02,477 --> 00:05:03,576 What else has been a lie? 160 00:05:03,612 --> 00:05:05,277 Oh. 161 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,347 Okay. Here it goes. 162 00:05:09,217 --> 00:05:12,118 So, two scoops of ice cream is okay. 163 00:05:12,153 --> 00:05:13,519 But three? 164 00:05:13,554 --> 00:05:15,054 Three will kill you. 165 00:05:15,090 --> 00:05:16,022 Really? 166 00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:16,955 Yeah. 167 00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:19,492 Wow. Okay. 168 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,692 Jack, we don't have to do this. 169 00:05:20,728 --> 00:05:21,660 No, no, no, no, no. 170 00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:22,628 No, keep them coming. 171 00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:23,729 - Hmm. - Okay. 172 00:05:23,764 --> 00:05:25,364 You want it. 173 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:28,234 Sorry, Son. 174 00:05:28,269 --> 00:05:31,103 Disneyland is closed on the Fourth of July. 175 00:05:33,107 --> 00:05:34,205 Right. 176 00:05:34,241 --> 00:05:36,207 Of course they're not closed on America's birthday. 177 00:05:36,243 --> 00:05:39,310 Probably missed out on an epic fireworks show, 178 00:05:39,346 --> 00:05:40,779 some red, white, and blue cotton candy, 179 00:05:40,814 --> 00:05:42,848 but hey, live and learn. 180 00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:45,550 File that one under "trusting little boy." 181 00:05:45,585 --> 00:05:47,452 This guac tastes so fresh. 182 00:05:47,487 --> 00:05:49,454 It's not. 183 00:05:49,489 --> 00:05:53,458 So... I'm afraid to ask, but our old dog Spinach? 184 00:05:53,493 --> 00:05:56,127 Guess it's safe to assume that he didn't really go 185 00:05:56,163 --> 00:05:58,029 to that farm in Houstatlantavegas? 186 00:05:58,064 --> 00:05:59,430 His name was Nacho, 187 00:05:59,466 --> 00:06:02,367 and I'm not sure dad didn't throw him out of a moving car... 188 00:06:02,402 --> 00:06:04,469 - Okay, Nacho dead. - All right, then! 189 00:06:04,504 --> 00:06:07,138 Uh, we're done here. You know everything. 190 00:06:07,173 --> 00:06:09,774 Right, guys? He knows everything? 191 00:06:09,809 --> 00:06:11,441 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Everything. 192 00:06:11,477 --> 00:06:12,977 - You know it all. - Yep. 193 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,914 That was another lie. 194 00:06:16,949 --> 00:06:18,749 There's so much more. 195 00:06:18,785 --> 00:06:23,520 So... much... more. 196 00:06:28,427 --> 00:06:29,526 Hey, Zoey. 197 00:06:29,562 --> 00:06:31,695 Listen, I'm trying to computer talk 198 00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,330 with my distant lover Davis... 199 00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:35,732 - Hi, Zoey. - and this damn thing isn't working. 200 00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:40,170 Now, how do I get my face and cleavage in the TV box? 201 00:06:40,205 --> 00:06:42,405 You know, Grandma's got a lot to work with, 202 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,240 and Davis is getting dizzy. 203 00:06:44,275 --> 00:06:46,943 No, no, Zoey, you don't have to do this, okay? 204 00:06:46,978 --> 00:06:49,179 I-I'm happy to just talk to your grandma 205 00:06:49,214 --> 00:06:50,279 and see her face. 206 00:06:50,315 --> 00:06:52,015 Oh, he's just saying that. 207 00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:55,218 He loves to sing to me. 208 00:06:55,253 --> 00:06:56,819 He's the only man I've ever known 209 00:06:56,854 --> 00:06:59,888 who could rock me to sleep singing James Ingram 210 00:06:59,924 --> 00:07:02,825 except James Ingram. 211 00:07:04,262 --> 00:07:05,961 - Grandma! - Zoey, it's okay. 212 00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:08,497 I-I know your grandma has a past. 213 00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:09,732 Um... 214 00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:12,000 Ca... Just put it in portrait instead of landscape. 215 00:07:12,036 --> 00:07:14,069 Portrait? What's that? 216 00:07:14,105 --> 00:07:15,037 Turn it to the side. 217 00:07:15,072 --> 00:07:15,938 Oh. 218 00:07:15,973 --> 00:07:18,707 Oh! Oh! 219 00:07:18,743 --> 00:07:20,008 There you are. 220 00:07:20,044 --> 00:07:21,844 Hello, Davis. 221 00:07:21,879 --> 00:07:22,811 Ruby. 222 00:07:22,847 --> 00:07:23,912 - Get out, Zoey. - What? 223 00:07:23,948 --> 00:07:25,547 I swear to God This is your last warning. 224 00:07:25,582 --> 00:07:26,815 This was my first warning. 225 00:07:26,851 --> 00:07:27,983 Get out, sweet pea. 226 00:07:28,018 --> 00:07:29,317 - Get out! - Dear God! 227 00:07:29,353 --> 00:07:30,385 Okay! 228 00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:33,187 - Yeah. Sookie, Sookie now! - Oh, God. No. 229 00:07:33,223 --> 00:07:34,522 Hoo! 230 00:07:34,558 --> 00:07:35,957 Bow and I could not agree 231 00:07:35,992 --> 00:07:38,627 on which family member should take care of the kids, 232 00:07:38,662 --> 00:07:40,729 so it was back to the drawing board. 233 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:41,896 W-What are you doing, Dre? 234 00:07:41,931 --> 00:07:43,265 You casting the new Spike Lee film? 235 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:44,766 No, we're looking at all of Dre's friends, 236 00:07:44,801 --> 00:07:47,501 trying to figure out who'd be the best guardian for his kids. 237 00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:49,203 Wh... Is that all of your friends? 238 00:07:49,239 --> 00:07:50,437 Every last one of them. 239 00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:51,806 Hurtful. 240 00:07:51,841 --> 00:07:53,674 Now, my first choice would be Gigi. 241 00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:55,476 Lifelong friend, megastar. 242 00:07:55,511 --> 00:07:58,079 They would never have to worry about money. 243 00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,814 Mm. Guess what she lacks in parental instincts 244 00:07:59,849 --> 00:08:01,649 she makes up for in decadent excess. 245 00:08:01,684 --> 00:08:04,017 That's an outstanding idea from the female diversity hire. 246 00:08:04,052 --> 00:08:06,153 - Wow. - Your children would be above the law. 247 00:08:06,188 --> 00:08:07,721 Like Blanket and Paris Jackson. 248 00:08:07,757 --> 00:08:09,790 - Gigi's out. - Mm. 249 00:08:09,825 --> 00:08:11,458 How about the round fellow with the little teeth? 250 00:08:11,494 --> 00:08:12,593 Is that Biz Markie? 251 00:08:12,628 --> 00:08:14,227 No. That's my boy, Sha. 252 00:08:14,263 --> 00:08:16,597 And, to be honest, I'm a little concerned 253 00:08:16,632 --> 00:08:19,199 that he won't be able to handle four kids. 254 00:08:19,234 --> 00:08:23,069 After all, he does live inside the IKEA in Carson. 255 00:08:23,105 --> 00:08:25,570 Is that Charlie? 256 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,706 - Oh. - Who? 257 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,542 - He used to work for you. - In which of my houses? 258 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,011 - Oh, my. - I've never seen him before in my life. 259 00:08:32,046 --> 00:08:33,578 I know he's not a good option. 260 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,713 I just miss the guy. 261 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,881 - Mm. No. - Come on, guys. 262 00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:36,882 I'm running out of friends. 263 00:08:36,918 --> 00:08:39,384 So... 264 00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:40,719 Drake it'll have to be, then. 265 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,487 Whoa. You're friends with Drake? 266 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:45,857 Never met him, but we're cut from the same exact cloth... 267 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,992 ambitious, soulful 268 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,828 Fantastic beard game. 269 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,762 He's Canadian. 270 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,063 Drake is out. 271 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,132 Ah, what the hell, Dre. 272 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,301 I'll take your little black kids. 273 00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:58,803 That's... 274 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,972 _ 275 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,107 _ 276 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,255 So after wasting 277 00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,725 me and my colleagues' entire day at work, 278 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,326 I finally knew what I had to do. 279 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,961 - Oh, Bow. - Hey. 280 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:25,529 I've been thinking about who we should leave our children with. 281 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,797 - Oh, me too. - Mm-hmm. 282 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,298 And there's only one way to go. 283 00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,567 - My mom. - My mom. 284 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,235 Wha... 285 00:09:33,234 --> 00:09:37,069 So, you want your mom, and I want my mom. 286 00:09:37,104 --> 00:09:38,537 - Mm-hmm. - Sounds like we have ourselves 287 00:09:38,572 --> 00:09:40,639 a good, old-fashioned mom-off. 288 00:09:40,675 --> 00:09:42,875 Dre, we are not having a mom-off. 289 00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,009 Then what are we gonna do? 290 00:09:44,045 --> 00:09:46,411 We are gonna sit our moms side by side, 291 00:09:46,446 --> 00:09:49,548 ask them questions, and see who's better. 292 00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:51,015 Oh, my God. 293 00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:52,284 We're having a mom-off. 294 00:09:52,319 --> 00:09:53,618 Mm-hmm. 295 00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:55,720 So, cursive's just busywork? 296 00:09:55,755 --> 00:09:57,955 I'm never going to use it again after third grade? 297 00:09:57,991 --> 00:10:00,192 Not unless you end up teaching third grade. 298 00:10:00,227 --> 00:10:03,260 So many lies. I can't take any more. 299 00:10:03,296 --> 00:10:04,595 Oh, so you don't want to hear 300 00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:06,798 about all the art projects you bring home from school. 301 00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:08,365 Don't tell me. 302 00:10:08,401 --> 00:10:09,533 Tell me. 303 00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:10,601 They don't all go 304 00:10:10,636 --> 00:10:12,603 to Grandma Alicia's "basement museum." 305 00:10:12,638 --> 00:10:14,572 Uh-oh. 306 00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:15,740 Oh. 307 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,445 There's no Jackenheim? 308 00:10:23,382 --> 00:10:25,782 Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're laughing pretty hard. 309 00:10:25,818 --> 00:10:27,351 You're not exactly bulletproof. 310 00:10:27,386 --> 00:10:28,552 What are you saying? 311 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:29,786 It's amazing how, 312 00:10:29,822 --> 00:10:32,556 after eight years of so many adventures, 313 00:10:32,592 --> 00:10:35,225 Squeaks the Frog has remained so pristine. 314 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:38,095 Because mom handwashes him with Woolite and love. 315 00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:40,063 Squeaks has been with me since I was a baby. 316 00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:41,064 No. 317 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,866 This Chinese bulk-rate trinket 318 00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,367 has been with you since Tuesday. 319 00:10:47,305 --> 00:10:48,605 Oh. 320 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,006 There's another case of them 321 00:10:50,042 --> 00:10:51,741 in the garage under the jumper cables. 322 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,675 But I... 323 00:10:52,711 --> 00:10:54,043 Remember when dad said 324 00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:56,078 he was driving back To Disneyland to find Squeaks? 325 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,081 Well, he just went to Wendy's, got himself a Frosty, 326 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,251 and listened to a podcast. 327 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,519 How do you know this, Longhead? 328 00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:04,920 I was there. 329 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:07,256 I had a loaded potato. 330 00:11:10,661 --> 00:11:13,595 He's taking way too much pleasure in this. 331 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:16,165 Well, thank you both for joining us. 332 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,933 - Mm-hmm. - Peace to all. 333 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,601 Andre, You're looking well fed. 334 00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,637 And we're off. Hmm. 335 00:11:21,672 --> 00:11:23,139 Mommy, is everything okay? 336 00:11:23,174 --> 00:11:24,806 Yes, my eye's just a little bit sensitive. 337 00:11:24,841 --> 00:11:25,974 - Oh. - To poo. 338 00:11:26,009 --> 00:11:27,175 It's... They're... They're sensitive. 339 00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:28,744 - That's... They're sens... - Look at them. 340 00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:30,111 - They look pinkish to me. - Okay. 341 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:32,180 Okay, Dre and I have been talking about 342 00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:33,148 and trying to decide 343 00:11:33,183 --> 00:11:35,450 who we would leave our kids with 344 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,386 if anything ever happened to us. 345 00:11:37,421 --> 00:11:38,987 Is something happening to my baby? 346 00:11:39,022 --> 00:11:40,021 - No. - Mom. 347 00:11:40,056 --> 00:11:41,022 Oh, you got the sugar, don't you? 348 00:11:41,057 --> 00:11:42,123 We're gonna fight this thing, baby. 349 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:43,691 - Mama... - You believe that. 350 00:11:43,726 --> 00:11:44,625 I'm fine. 351 00:11:48,131 --> 00:11:49,831 Is there something wrong with Rainbow? 352 00:11:49,866 --> 00:11:50,731 Uh... 353 00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:51,933 - No. - No. 354 00:11:51,968 --> 00:11:53,634 Nothing is wrong with me, Ruby. 355 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:55,036 Matter of opinion. 356 00:11:55,071 --> 00:11:56,837 - Talking to a computer. - Mama. 357 00:11:56,872 --> 00:11:58,406 Yeah, there's some [bleep] wrong, all right. 358 00:11:58,441 --> 00:12:00,207 - Okay. - Please, please. 359 00:12:00,242 --> 00:12:01,609 Just tell us what we can do to help. 360 00:12:01,644 --> 00:12:02,743 Okay. 361 00:12:02,779 --> 00:12:03,877 Well, Dre and I have a couple of questions. 362 00:12:03,913 --> 00:12:04,878 Mm-hmm. 363 00:12:04,914 --> 00:12:06,647 What would you do 364 00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:08,949 to help our children make good decisions 365 00:12:08,984 --> 00:12:09,983 in a crisis? 366 00:12:10,019 --> 00:12:12,886 Oh! I would do something fantastic! 367 00:12:12,922 --> 00:12:13,954 - Mm. - Okay. 368 00:12:13,989 --> 00:12:15,322 Oh, you're gonna love it! 369 00:12:15,357 --> 00:12:17,657 It's gonna be huge! 370 00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,960 We're gonna make this family great again! 371 00:12:19,995 --> 00:12:20,961 Boom! 372 00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:21,929 Nailed it. 373 00:12:21,964 --> 00:12:23,864 My mama all day, er'day. 374 00:12:23,899 --> 00:12:24,832 Ha ha! 375 00:12:24,867 --> 00:12:25,899 She didn't say anything. 376 00:12:25,935 --> 00:12:28,235 Oh, I think she said everything. 377 00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:29,669 - Everything! - No, she... 378 00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:30,837 - No, yes, she did. - No. She did not say anything. 379 00:12:30,872 --> 00:12:32,138 She did. 380 00:12:32,173 --> 00:12:33,938 Okay, well, why don't we just ask my mom, okay? 381 00:12:34,058 --> 00:12:35,608 - Go. - What would you do, Mom? 382 00:12:35,644 --> 00:12:36,643 I would sit them down, 383 00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:37,910 have them take a deep breath, 384 00:12:37,946 --> 00:12:39,379 have them weigh their options... 385 00:12:39,414 --> 00:12:41,280 Ah, that sounds good. 386 00:12:42,818 --> 00:12:44,551 And then access their spirit animals. 387 00:12:44,586 --> 00:12:46,352 - Uh... - There it goes. 388 00:12:46,387 --> 00:12:49,488 Listen, what I want to know is why is this a conversation? 389 00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:51,157 She's not even here! 390 00:12:51,192 --> 00:12:53,692 You can't parent over a computer! 391 00:12:53,728 --> 00:12:56,162 Can I just say that it doesn't matter where I am. 392 00:12:56,197 --> 00:12:58,197 Our energy transcends space and time. 393 00:12:58,233 --> 00:13:00,266 It doesn't matter where any of us are. 394 00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,301 Well, if it doesn't matter where you are, 395 00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:04,002 then why are you here? 396 00:13:04,037 --> 00:13:06,238 You're fired! 397 00:13:06,273 --> 00:13:07,373 Hey. 398 00:13:07,408 --> 00:13:08,306 - That's enough out of... - Hey! 399 00:13:08,342 --> 00:13:09,541 It's enough of it! 400 00:13:09,577 --> 00:13:10,676 Don't bring me down here 401 00:13:10,711 --> 00:13:12,778 for no computer talk no more with that woman. 402 00:13:14,815 --> 00:13:15,748 Hey, Junior. 403 00:13:15,783 --> 00:13:16,815 We just want to thank you 404 00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:18,049 for giving us the straight talk. 405 00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:19,617 It's that kind of candor 406 00:13:19,652 --> 00:13:21,987 that the President of the United States of America 407 00:13:22,022 --> 00:13:25,023 values when he calls you on your birthday every year. 408 00:13:25,058 --> 00:13:26,657 Why would you bring that up? 409 00:13:26,693 --> 00:13:28,593 Happy Birthday, Junior. 410 00:13:28,628 --> 00:13:30,028 Thank you for all of your help 411 00:13:30,063 --> 00:13:32,964 in getting our country through the latest financial crisis. 412 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,499 You're welcome, Mr. President. 413 00:13:34,534 --> 00:13:36,333 And I appreciate the nod you gave me 414 00:13:36,369 --> 00:13:37,535 during the State of the Union. 415 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:38,469 I saw it. 416 00:13:38,505 --> 00:13:40,605 Good! I hoped that you would. 417 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,907 You know, Malia will need a prom date this year... 418 00:13:42,942 --> 00:13:45,075 Oh, I don't know, Mr. President. 419 00:13:45,111 --> 00:13:46,577 No, no, no, no, no, no. 420 00:13:46,613 --> 00:13:48,078 You are a catch, 421 00:13:48,114 --> 00:13:49,980 and Malia would be lucky to have you. 422 00:13:50,016 --> 00:13:51,215 Go to LAX. 423 00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:53,284 Air Force One will be waiting for you. 424 00:13:53,319 --> 00:13:55,552 The code word "Buttress." 425 00:13:56,655 --> 00:13:58,822 Buttress. Got it. 426 00:13:59,858 --> 00:14:01,458 Your brother's an idiot. 427 00:14:04,797 --> 00:14:05,862 I always thought 428 00:14:05,898 --> 00:14:08,065 he was a little loose-lipped about Iran. 429 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,099 Hurts, doesn't it? 430 00:14:10,135 --> 00:14:11,935 That was for Squeaks... 431 00:14:11,970 --> 00:14:13,537 O.G. Squeaks. 432 00:14:20,111 --> 00:14:21,745 You monsters. 433 00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:23,980 You know, I've been thinking. 434 00:14:24,015 --> 00:14:27,283 - Your mama's so crazy... - Oh. Seriously? 435 00:14:27,319 --> 00:14:28,717 Dre, really? This is where we're at? 436 00:14:28,753 --> 00:14:30,019 You're making "your mama" jokes? 437 00:14:30,055 --> 00:14:32,088 - I'm not making jokes. - Mm-hmm. 438 00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:34,424 All I'm saying is that your mama... 439 00:14:34,459 --> 00:14:35,891 your mother... Oh, God. 440 00:14:35,927 --> 00:14:37,260 Is so out of touch 441 00:14:37,295 --> 00:14:39,996 that she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company. 442 00:14:40,031 --> 00:14:41,630 Mm-hmm. Really? Okay. 443 00:14:41,666 --> 00:14:45,501 Well, your mother is so dumb 444 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,369 that she sat in a treehouse 445 00:14:47,404 --> 00:14:49,438 'cause she wanted to be a branch manager. 446 00:14:49,474 --> 00:14:50,439 - Oh. - Mm-hmm. 447 00:14:50,475 --> 00:14:51,607 Well, your mama is so stupid... 448 00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:52,942 Oh! Dre, stop. 449 00:14:52,977 --> 00:14:53,943 Oh. Okay. 450 00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:55,110 Come on. Seriously? 451 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,145 The fact that you even 452 00:14:57,181 --> 00:14:59,414 consider your mother for a minute 453 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,149 makes me question your judgment. 454 00:15:01,185 --> 00:15:02,817 Your mom is basically Donald Trump 455 00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:04,819 in polyester sweats and kitten heels. 456 00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:07,022 Uh, well, the fact That you want to leave our kids 457 00:15:07,057 --> 00:15:09,724 with a woman who rides shotgun in a poo bus 458 00:15:09,759 --> 00:15:12,194 makes me question your judgment as a parent. 459 00:15:12,229 --> 00:15:13,195 My judgment? 460 00:15:13,230 --> 00:15:14,562 Oh, yeah. 461 00:15:14,598 --> 00:15:16,163 You know, if something were to happen to me, 462 00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:18,700 I'm not sure I'd leave my children with you. 463 00:15:18,735 --> 00:15:20,334 Well, you don't have any choice. 464 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:21,736 Oh, I have a choice. 465 00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:23,805 I choose to outlive you. 466 00:15:26,042 --> 00:15:28,042 Good luck with that, buddy. 467 00:15:28,077 --> 00:15:30,378 I woke up this morning, and I had a kale smoothie. 468 00:15:30,413 --> 00:15:32,613 You woke up and had a sleeve of Pop-Tarts 469 00:15:32,648 --> 00:15:33,847 and a pack of bacon. 470 00:15:33,883 --> 00:15:34,982 I like my odds. 471 00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:38,285 It was a low-sodium Canadian bacon. 472 00:15:38,321 --> 00:15:39,620 Mm-hmm. Still ham. 473 00:15:41,353 --> 00:15:43,716 Kids, if you're watching this, I'm dead. 474 00:15:43,836 --> 00:15:45,245 So I've gone ahead and put everything 475 00:15:45,365 --> 00:15:47,573 I won't be around to teach you on video... 476 00:15:47,609 --> 00:15:51,044 everything I stand for, Dre's ways, 477 00:15:51,079 --> 00:15:53,913 or as I like to call them, "Dways." 478 00:15:53,949 --> 00:15:54,981 Dways number one. 479 00:15:57,352 --> 00:16:00,986 Never put your baseball hat on straight. 480 00:16:01,022 --> 00:16:02,655 You always cock it to the side. 481 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:05,024 But don't cock it too far. 482 00:16:05,059 --> 00:16:07,926 You're a Johnson, not a Wayans. 483 00:16:07,962 --> 00:16:09,595 - What are you doing? - Huh? 484 00:16:09,631 --> 00:16:11,497 Oh. 485 00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:13,065 Leaving the kids some rules behind. 486 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,167 Oh. 487 00:16:14,202 --> 00:16:16,536 This morning, I tried drinking a kale smoothie, 488 00:16:16,571 --> 00:16:17,736 and my body rejected it. 489 00:16:17,772 --> 00:16:18,837 Oh, yeah. 490 00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:21,006 So I ended up chasing it with a chocolate shake. 491 00:16:21,042 --> 00:16:21,940 Let's face it, Bow. 492 00:16:21,976 --> 00:16:23,909 There's no way I'm outliving you. 493 00:16:23,944 --> 00:16:26,311 Hell, to be honest, I'm on borrowed time. 494 00:16:26,346 --> 00:16:28,346 I know that, baby. 495 00:16:28,382 --> 00:16:31,717 My sweet morning surprise is seeing your eyes open. 496 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,819 - I'm sorry, Bow. - Oh. 497 00:16:34,854 --> 00:16:36,087 You know, I don't want to think 498 00:16:36,122 --> 00:16:37,722 about not being here for our kids. 499 00:16:37,757 --> 00:16:38,923 Oh, God. 500 00:16:38,958 --> 00:16:40,559 - I don't, either. I don't, either. - You know? 501 00:16:40,594 --> 00:16:43,628 And recording these Dways, it... it brought it all home. 502 00:16:44,831 --> 00:16:47,031 You have no idea how many takes I ruined. 503 00:16:48,868 --> 00:16:51,302 Don't order tilapia. 504 00:16:51,337 --> 00:16:54,038 There's no such fish as tilapia. 505 00:16:54,074 --> 00:16:58,743 It's whatever unidentified fish they happen to find that day. 506 00:16:58,778 --> 00:17:01,412 When I think about not being here 507 00:17:01,447 --> 00:17:04,515 to teach my kids about trash fish, 508 00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:06,383 it's just too much. 509 00:17:06,419 --> 00:17:10,020 I didn't know about tilapia. 510 00:17:10,055 --> 00:17:11,589 I didn't know. 511 00:17:11,624 --> 00:17:13,790 It's not even fish. 512 00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:14,825 What is it? 513 00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:15,792 It's trash. 514 00:17:15,828 --> 00:17:17,428 No! 515 00:17:17,463 --> 00:17:19,196 It's trash fish. 516 00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:22,933 They do need us both. They need us both. 517 00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,434 Maybe... 518 00:17:24,469 --> 00:17:27,137 Maybe we should think about your parents again. 519 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,206 Maybe they can move the doody bus here. 520 00:17:29,241 --> 00:17:32,175 No, Dre. No. 521 00:17:32,211 --> 00:17:33,576 Okay. 522 00:17:40,118 --> 00:17:41,351 It should be Ruby. 523 00:17:41,386 --> 00:17:42,652 What? 524 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,653 Ruby! 525 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,921 - What? - Yes, Dre. 526 00:17:45,957 --> 00:17:51,193 Even though she and I don't agree on... 527 00:17:51,229 --> 00:17:52,228 anything. 528 00:17:52,264 --> 00:17:53,730 - Uh-huh. - Okay? 529 00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:56,832 She adores the kids. 530 00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:58,167 And they love her. 531 00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,168 Yeah. 532 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,836 And she practically lives here. 533 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,939 And she is not going anywhere. 534 00:18:03,975 --> 00:18:05,141 Yeah. 535 00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:06,842 Evil never dies. 536 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,844 It cannot be Grandma. 537 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:09,912 - Huh? - What? 538 00:18:09,947 --> 00:18:12,214 She is half teenager, half elderly person. 539 00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,181 Oh. 540 00:18:13,216 --> 00:18:14,816 It's a bad mix. 541 00:18:14,851 --> 00:18:17,386 I don't have the heart 542 00:18:17,421 --> 00:18:19,988 To hurt you 543 00:18:20,023 --> 00:18:21,556 It's the last thing I want to do 544 00:18:23,694 --> 00:18:25,160 Fire. Fire. 545 00:18:25,195 --> 00:18:26,395 Fire! Ruby! 546 00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:27,796 - Ruby, wake up! - Oh, my goodness! Grandma! 547 00:18:27,831 --> 00:18:30,031 Fire! 548 00:18:30,066 --> 00:18:32,400 While you two have been arguing all week 549 00:18:32,435 --> 00:18:34,269 about who should Be taking care of the family, 550 00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:36,171 I've been taking care of the family. 551 00:18:36,206 --> 00:18:38,139 I had to write a convincing letter 552 00:18:38,175 --> 00:18:39,740 from the President of the United States 553 00:18:39,776 --> 00:18:40,942 to Junior. 554 00:18:42,745 --> 00:18:44,612 Wait a second. 555 00:18:44,647 --> 00:18:46,414 No stamp? 556 00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:47,782 Hand delivered?! 557 00:18:49,218 --> 00:18:50,484 All right! 558 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,053 I drove over a new Squeaks five times 559 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,955 to re-create the original Squeaks. 560 00:18:58,194 --> 00:18:59,259 How'd you find him? 561 00:18:59,295 --> 00:19:01,094 I called Disneyland and made them drain 562 00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:02,562 the "Pirates of the Caribbean." 563 00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:03,463 He was at the bottom. 564 00:19:03,498 --> 00:19:05,098 - I knew it! - Mmhmm. 565 00:19:05,134 --> 00:19:07,000 Hmm. Move out the way. 566 00:19:07,036 --> 00:19:09,203 And I've created an actual Jackenheim 567 00:19:09,238 --> 00:19:10,537 for all of Jack's art. 568 00:19:10,572 --> 00:19:11,638 - Oh. - Oh. 569 00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:16,176 Impressive. 570 00:19:16,212 --> 00:19:17,978 Wow. 571 00:19:18,013 --> 00:19:21,448 But we can't keep all this junk in our dining room. I mean... 572 00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:22,782 - Just don't eat it. - Oh. 573 00:19:22,818 --> 00:19:25,151 Put it in a box in the garage like a normal person. 574 00:19:25,186 --> 00:19:26,319 Oh. Okay. 575 00:19:26,355 --> 00:19:28,388 Anyway, if something ever happens to you guys, 576 00:19:28,423 --> 00:19:30,523 no one's taking care of my brothers and sister 577 00:19:30,559 --> 00:19:31,658 besides me. 578 00:19:31,693 --> 00:19:33,393 Oh. 579 00:19:34,696 --> 00:19:37,196 Zoey, I... 580 00:19:37,232 --> 00:19:38,898 I don't know what to say. 581 00:19:38,933 --> 00:19:40,666 Just don't die. I'm almost 18. 582 00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,336 If you make it another 22 months, we're all good. 583 00:19:43,371 --> 00:19:44,403 - Oh. - Oh, my goodness. 584 00:19:44,438 --> 00:19:45,571 - I just want to hug. - No, thank you. 585 00:19:45,606 --> 00:19:46,772 Okay. 586 00:19:49,643 --> 00:19:53,245 So, we just have to hold on till she's 18, 587 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,780 - and then I'm out of here. - Wha... 588 00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:57,583 I don't think That's what she was saying. 589 00:19:57,618 --> 00:20:00,051 - That's what I heard. - Oh. Okay. 590 00:20:01,756 --> 00:20:03,555 So, we landed on Zoey. 591 00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:05,657 Of course, she won't be alone, 592 00:20:05,693 --> 00:20:08,126 she'll have a village of crazy grandparents, 593 00:20:08,161 --> 00:20:10,762 extended family, super-rich megastars, 594 00:20:10,797 --> 00:20:12,430 and IKEA dwellers. 595 00:20:12,465 --> 00:20:14,266 She'll have help from everyone. 596 00:20:15,903 --> 00:20:17,969 Who would have thought at the end of the day, 597 00:20:18,005 --> 00:20:20,405 the best person to take care of our children 598 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,940 is one of our children? 599 00:20:35,052 --> 00:20:37,071 Hey, babies! Oh. 600 00:20:37,191 --> 00:20:40,335 If you're watching this, I'm dead. 601 00:20:41,505 --> 00:20:43,105 In the tragic event 602 00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:46,408 that I die before your father, 603 00:20:46,443 --> 00:20:48,777 please delete all of his Dways. 604 00:20:48,813 --> 00:20:51,513 I've set up a condo for you in Chatsworth. 605 00:20:51,548 --> 00:20:53,047 He will never find it. 606 00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:54,449 You go there. 607 00:20:54,518 --> 00:20:57,819 Go there and tell the doorman who you are. 608 00:20:57,854 --> 00:21:00,689 The password is "buttress."