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Raising four kids
requires the parents to be
2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:05,172
a perfectly coordinated team,
3
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:08,175
and Bow and I are on point.
4
00:00:08,226 --> 00:00:09,476
We have it down.
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,428
Mm! Or we did.
6
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:14,114
Lately, we've been slipping...
7
00:00:14,116 --> 00:00:16,333
and slipping...
8
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:17,534
and slipping.
9
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:20,637
Hey, it's your mother's fault.
10
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,072
She ironed that shirt.
11
00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:23,824
Dre, you do the ironing.
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I'm his father. He looks up to me.
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He doesn't need to know that
I'm a grown man who can't iron.
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Well, I'm not killing it, either.
15
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Hmm?
16
00:00:31,382 --> 00:00:32,732
Jack's lunch almost gave him AIDS.
17
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Damn.
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00:00:34,018 --> 00:00:36,436
And, you know, I know we've
gone round and round on this,
19
00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:38,738
- but, Dre...
- Hmm?
20
00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:40,173
We need a nanny.
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00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,141
What? No.
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- Yeah.
- No.
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No, black people don't
get nannies, all right?
24
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,579
- Ohh!
- That's some white [bleep]
25
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,965
Okay, well, Dre, then
you're gonna need to
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00:00:48,999 --> 00:00:52,218
put down that Asian pear
and stop listening to Kenny G
27
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and get rid of your neti pot.
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I knew one day you were gonna
use my neti pot against me.
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It's got to go.
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Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com
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Look, Bow, I'm just not feeling
32
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this whole nanny idea, all right?
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That's not how I was raised.
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My mother... She did not use a nanny.
35
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That's 'cause she had grannies
and aunties and Yaya and Tata...
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Titi. All right, she's called Titi.
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00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:23,566
- Okay.
- And that's different.
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They're family.
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I would love to depend on our family,
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but your mom has fallen in
love with this younger man...
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00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:31,357
- Ohh.
- and so she's always gone.
42
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:32,909
And then there's your dad who's on
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00:01:32,943 --> 00:01:34,360
a constant turnaround to Vegas.
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00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:38,364
I'm just saying I'm not cool
with strangers raising my kids.
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00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,583
But you are cool with
countless babysitters
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and endless after-school programs
47
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and the fact that we started using Uber
48
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way before we should have.
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Take the Cahuenga
Pass. The 101 is a bear.
50
00:01:50,761 --> 00:01:52,178
So, what was I supposed to do...
51
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:53,930
bring them to the
Mayweather-Ortiz fight?
52
00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:57,383
Uh, hello!
53
00:01:57,434 --> 00:01:59,969
Doesn't anybody do a
head count around here?
54
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You never notice how
many white vans there are
55
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,724
until you have to walk home by yourself.
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I thought I brought her home already.
57
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We need a nanny.
58
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,314
So for class president,
59
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,950
vote for the one that
rhymes with "best"...
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00:02:13,984 --> 00:02:14,867
Susie Kwest.
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Thanks, friends!
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Well, she's got my vote.
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What? She's running against me.
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Like I said, she's got my vote.
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She seems so sweet.
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Sweet?! I'll show you losers sweet.
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00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,586
Oh, hello, friends.
Sorry, I didn't see you.
68
00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:35,171
I was just hugging my brother.
69
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:38,507
Vote for me for this
largely symbolic office.
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Paid for by the Committee
to Elect Diane Johnson.
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00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,596
Are you trying to lose?
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00:02:44,681 --> 00:02:45,981
You don't have a nanny?
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Mnh-mnh.
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00:02:47,317 --> 00:02:49,852
Then how in God's name have
you been raising your 10 kids?
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00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,320
Four kids.
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00:02:51,354 --> 00:02:54,356
I'm your boss. I'll tell you how
many damn kids you have. Uh...
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00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,774
Dre, you totally have to get a nanny.
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When I become a mom, I'm gonna have one.
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00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,862
Whoa, wait, are you pregnant,
or... or planning on it?
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00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,664
Because legally, you are required
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00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,582
to disclose that in your interview.
82
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,502
Actually, that's illegal,
as are my weekly weigh-ins.
83
00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:08,254
Interesting.
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00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,674
Lucy, um, unrelated,
go pee in a cup for me.
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00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:13,626
Uh, Josh, do the same
thing so it looks fair.
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00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:15,260
- Sure thing, boss.
- Pee on your own time.
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00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,845
Copy.
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00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,965
Point is, Dre, nannies
are essential, okay?
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00:03:20,016 --> 00:03:22,301
Mine's been with me since
my first child was born.
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00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,802
Later, she became my wife,
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00:03:23,853 --> 00:03:26,438
and now she's my nanny
again, post-divorce.
92
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:27,523
She's my rock.
93
00:03:27,557 --> 00:03:29,141
Definitely some white [bleep]
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00:03:29,192 --> 00:03:30,192
Fo' sho.
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00:03:30,226 --> 00:03:31,527
- No, it's not.
- No, it is not.
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00:03:31,561 --> 00:03:34,029
My kids are grown, and
I still keep two nannies.
97
00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:36,482
- Hmm?
- One because she's my Spades partner,
98
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:39,701
and the other one 'cause, uh...
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00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:40,986
she's got some photos.
100
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,072
- What? Oh.
- Hmm.
101
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,873
Now, uh, Dre, in your nanny search,
102
00:03:44,908 --> 00:03:46,992
you're gonna want
someone who's hardworking.
103
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Meaning foreigner.
104
00:03:48,211 --> 00:03:50,829
Exactly, like a gal from Trinidad.
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00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,080
Ah, but not Tobago.
106
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,749
No, Tobagans are not
to be trusted, no, no.
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00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,917
Oh, especially with a camera.
108
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,168
No, no.
109
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,970
Okay, not to slow down
our island-defaming rant
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00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,338
that's only slightly less racist
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00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,506
than our Turks and Caicos run...
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00:04:00,556 --> 00:04:02,474
Don't you bring up those damn Caikens!
113
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,809
Why'd you bring up the Caikens?
114
00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:05,510
- I'm just trying to...
- You know that's a sore spot.
115
00:04:05,561 --> 00:04:07,062
- Lucy, that's a total trigger.
- Okay.
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00:04:07,096 --> 00:04:09,681
Okay, so, I've created a campaign ad
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00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,317
that goes more with your personality...
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00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,853
mean old lady in a small girl's body.
119
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:18,423
Susie Kwest wears the
same khakis every day
120
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:21,059
and uses Febreze
instead of washing them.
121
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,862
If Susie can't change her clothes,
122
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:27,199
how can we trust her
to change our school?
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00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,700
Vote Diane Johnson.
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00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:31,420
Fresh clothes. Fresh choice.
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00:04:31,454 --> 00:04:34,172
Ba-bing, ba-bang.
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00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:38,110
Wow. If I knew how, I'd cry.
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00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,862
So it didn't matter what I thought.
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00:04:40,897 --> 00:04:42,030
We were getting a nanny.
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00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,833
Bow had set up a ton of interviews,
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00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,418
but none felt right.
131
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,720
From British au pair...
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00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:52,557
to mannys, which, for obvious
reasons, shouldn't exist.
133
00:04:52,608 --> 00:04:56,161
- There was one that seemed promising.
- No.
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00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,830
But Bow didn't think so.
135
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,215
- Probably for the best.
- Hmm.
136
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:02,751
Dre...
137
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,386
It's one more interview,
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00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:07,305
and I have a really good
feeling about this one.
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00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:12,410
Oh. Hi. I'm Dre.
140
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:13,778
Hi. I'm Vivian.
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00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:14,863
Hi. Rainbow.
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00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:15,914
Hi, Rainbow.
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00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:16,965
- Oh. Yeah.
- Excuse us.
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00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:18,216
Uh, Bow, can I talk to you for a second?
145
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,135
- Okay.
- I know what you're trying to do.
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00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:23,054
You think I'm gonna like her because...
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00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,356
she's black.
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00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,658
Dre, you can just say the word. Black.
149
00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:27,909
- Black.
- Yes.
150
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,761
Okay. Well, aren't you always saying,
151
00:05:29,795 --> 00:05:31,629
"Bow, we got to be down with our hood
152
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,314
and look out for our own."
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00:05:33,349 --> 00:05:35,099
That sounds nothing like me.
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00:05:35,151 --> 00:05:39,204
And no matter how black she
is, we don't need a nanny.
155
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:43,074
This is a beautiful house
with amazing acoustics,
156
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,909
which you probably know
157
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,046
because we can hear
each other perfectly.
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00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,798
Uh-uh. Oh. So you...
could... Well, you...
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00:05:50,849 --> 00:05:53,067
Yeah, good thing I didn't say
anything about those boots.
160
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,904
So, I have 10 years experience.
161
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,739
- And I love to cook. I cook a lot.
- Oh.
162
00:05:57,773 --> 00:05:59,574
And I always felt
comfortable in the kitchen.
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00:05:59,608 --> 00:06:00,858
So do I.
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00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:04,245
And in Hide-and-Go-Seek,
I am a great hider
165
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:05,880
- and terrible seeker.
- Oh, my God, yes.
166
00:06:05,914 --> 00:06:07,382
The kids... They're gonna love that,
167
00:06:07,416 --> 00:06:10,635
and especially because Dre
always finds them right away.
168
00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:12,003
What?
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00:06:12,054 --> 00:06:14,639
Uh, am I supposed to not see
the feet under the curtain?
170
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,140
- Yes.
- Yes!
171
00:06:16,191 --> 00:06:18,976
Like, what? Like,
doesn't even make sense.
172
00:06:19,027 --> 00:06:20,194
Anyway, we want you to know
173
00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:21,863
that we're not looking
for a housekeeper.
174
00:06:21,897 --> 00:06:23,531
You're not gonna need to do any cooking.
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00:06:23,565 --> 00:06:24,866
No cleaning, nothing like that.
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00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,284
We want you to focus on the kids.
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00:06:26,318 --> 00:06:28,319
- Mm... Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.
- I'm s...
178
00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:29,954
No, no, no, no, no. You work hard.
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00:06:29,988 --> 00:06:31,072
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:32,323
- And I should, too.
- Yes.
181
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,959
My job is to take care
of this entire family,
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00:06:34,993 --> 00:06:36,661
and that includes you.
183
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:37,745
Hmm.
184
00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:40,081
Wait, so...
185
00:06:40,132 --> 00:06:42,216
You're gonna... You're
gonna take care of me?
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00:06:42,251 --> 00:06:43,718
Yes!
187
00:06:43,752 --> 00:06:48,139
And just like that, my black
family had a black nanny.
188
00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:49,674
- Aw!
- Let me give you a hug.
189
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:50,841
- Too much too soon.
- Not right now, though.
190
00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:53,859
Although Bow was in love with her,
191
00:06:53,979 --> 00:06:56,696
I still wasn't totally
sure about black nanny.
192
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:59,172
Hey, Vivian. We're we're home!
193
00:07:00,524 --> 00:07:03,576
Oh, my God, this place looks amazing!
194
00:07:03,578 --> 00:07:04,744
And look at that...
195
00:07:04,795 --> 00:07:07,146
The kids, quiet, doing their homework.
196
00:07:07,181 --> 00:07:08,147
And
197
00:07:08,182 --> 00:07:10,149
It's okay. No big whoop.
198
00:07:10,151 --> 00:07:11,401
- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
199
00:07:11,452 --> 00:07:12,618
Hello, bl... nanny.
200
00:07:12,669 --> 00:07:15,722
So, guys, huh, what do
you think of the new nanny?
201
00:07:15,773 --> 00:07:17,440
I like Vivi a lot.
202
00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:20,660
Me, too. Like, a lot, a lot.
203
00:07:20,711 --> 00:07:22,495
Like, if it was the end of the world
204
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,981
and we were the only two people left,
205
00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:26,766
I would prefer it that way.
206
00:07:26,817 --> 00:07:28,951
Okay, dinner is ready.
207
00:07:28,986 --> 00:07:30,786
Kids, please go wash your hands.
208
00:07:30,838 --> 00:07:31,754
- Okay.
- Okay.
209
00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,339
And, you two, please get comfy.
210
00:07:33,341 --> 00:07:34,423
- Oh, go sit down?
- Oh.
211
00:07:34,475 --> 00:07:36,008
- Mm-hmm.
- Shut the front door.
212
00:07:36,043 --> 00:07:37,693
Okay. Okay, I will.
213
00:07:37,728 --> 00:07:39,378
Oh, my goodness. I like this so much.
214
00:07:39,413 --> 00:07:40,580
Okay, now, I DVRed the game for you.
215
00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:41,747
But first... Mmhmm.
216
00:07:41,749 --> 00:07:43,299
- Oh, my g... No way.
- here you go. Mm-hmm.
217
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:44,884
No way. Is that homemade mac and cheese?
218
00:07:44,918 --> 00:07:46,903
- Now, I use sharp cheddar...
- Mmm!
219
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:49,288
Fontana, asiago, and let
me see if you taste it.
220
00:07:49,323 --> 00:07:51,757
Mmm! See if you taste the big dog.
221
00:07:51,792 --> 00:07:52,758
Velveeta.
222
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:53,926
- Velveeta!
- Velveeta!
223
00:07:53,977 --> 00:07:55,394
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
224
00:07:55,396 --> 00:07:56,395
Enjoy.
225
00:07:56,446 --> 00:07:57,563
- Bow.
- Uh-huh?
226
00:07:57,614 --> 00:07:58,814
This is a big whoop.
227
00:07:58,865 --> 00:08:00,549
- Oh.
- Whoop-whoop!
228
00:08:00,584 --> 00:08:01,667
You win, Bow.
229
00:08:01,669 --> 00:08:03,669
I would say I'd eat my words,
230
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,489
but I'm fulled up off of black nanny's
231
00:08:06,523 --> 00:08:08,190
delicious mac and cheese.
232
00:08:09,276 --> 00:08:10,960
You know, Dre, I think you should stop
233
00:08:11,011 --> 00:08:12,261
calling her black nanny.
234
00:08:12,295 --> 00:08:14,313
Don't you tell me what to do.
235
00:08:14,347 --> 00:08:15,865
You know...
236
00:08:15,899 --> 00:08:17,049
Hmm?
237
00:08:17,084 --> 00:08:23,105
I haven't felt this not
tired in a long time.
238
00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:27,877
I-I wonder what I should do
with all this extra energy.
239
00:08:27,911 --> 00:08:29,912
I think you should bring it to daddy...
240
00:08:30,981 --> 00:08:32,598
'Cause I'm naked from the waist down.
241
00:08:32,649 --> 00:08:33,566
- What?
- Come on.
242
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,683
Come on.
243
00:08:34,734 --> 00:08:36,952
- Just roll over. Roll over
- Ohh!
244
00:08:38,455 --> 00:08:39,672
Whoop-whoop!
245
00:08:41,892 --> 00:08:43,359
Mmm!
246
00:08:43,393 --> 00:08:45,194
You better get a move on, Mr. Dre.
247
00:08:45,245 --> 00:08:49,048
Okay, here is your lunch,
your second lunch...
248
00:08:49,082 --> 00:08:52,484
- Oh.
- and your secret third lunch.
249
00:08:52,535 --> 00:08:54,036
How'd you know?
250
00:08:54,087 --> 00:08:55,921
Bye.
251
00:08:55,955 --> 00:08:56,922
Bye-bye.
252
00:08:58,425 --> 00:09:01,693
Oh! I know that look.
253
00:09:01,745 --> 00:09:03,495
Hmm?
254
00:09:03,497 --> 00:09:06,331
Looks like somebody
got some on a weeknight.
255
00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:07,683
Who, me?
256
00:09:07,717 --> 00:09:10,269
Yes, I sure did.
257
00:09:12,072 --> 00:09:13,038
Good for you!
258
00:09:13,072 --> 00:09:14,723
It was. It was very good for me.
259
00:09:16,811 --> 00:09:18,994
Okay, h-hold on a second.
260
00:09:19,028 --> 00:09:20,579
Are those Swarovski crystals?
261
00:09:20,613 --> 00:09:21,830
- Oh.
- Oh, I need these.
262
00:09:21,881 --> 00:09:23,582
Okay, okay, well, can I keep these
263
00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:25,184
and you go get your own, maybe?
264
00:09:25,218 --> 00:09:26,685
Well, I guess so, if you want
to be all stingy about it.
265
00:09:26,736 --> 00:09:28,320
Let me see.
266
00:09:28,322 --> 00:09:29,454
Wait, go like this.
267
00:09:29,489 --> 00:09:32,524
Okay, kids, you ready for school?
268
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,093
All right. Time to make my move.
269
00:09:35,128 --> 00:09:37,195
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
270
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:39,565
Thank you, girls.
271
00:09:39,615 --> 00:09:42,301
Oh, hey, Vivian.
272
00:09:42,335 --> 00:09:43,885
These munchkins...
273
00:09:45,004 --> 00:09:46,405
Aren't they something?
274
00:09:49,242 --> 00:09:52,177
Vivi, I forgot to give a morning hug!
275
00:09:52,211 --> 00:09:54,529
Aw, come here, man-man!
276
00:09:58,584 --> 00:10:00,385
And what about big man?
277
00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:02,053
Morning hug.
278
00:10:02,088 --> 00:10:03,188
Boy, please.
279
00:10:07,794 --> 00:10:09,761
People are loving our ad.
280
00:10:09,812 --> 00:10:12,264
Wow! Look at all these comments.
281
00:10:12,315 --> 00:10:14,065
"Susie Kwest is a bleeping mess."
282
00:10:14,116 --> 00:10:15,884
I think you got this wrapped up.
283
00:10:17,253 --> 00:10:19,888
Ugh, Susie tagged me in a new video.
284
00:10:19,939 --> 00:10:21,656
- Here.
- What's that about?
285
00:10:23,242 --> 00:10:24,659
Uh... Watch it, meatball head!
286
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,378
W-W-W-W-W-Watch it, meatball head!
287
00:10:26,412 --> 00:10:28,980
Head... Head... Head...
Watch it, meatball head!
288
00:10:29,015 --> 00:10:30,448
Really?
289
00:10:30,483 --> 00:10:33,001
In my defense, kid's
covered in marinara.
290
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:36,388
Gloves off? Duly noted, Susie.
291
00:10:36,422 --> 00:10:38,390
We can empty our pockets, too.
292
00:10:38,392 --> 00:10:41,576
So... a knife fight?
293
00:10:41,611 --> 00:10:44,129
I was thinking stronger attack ads?
294
00:10:44,180 --> 00:10:46,314
That lead to a knife fight?
295
00:10:46,349 --> 00:10:49,734
You scare me.
296
00:10:52,538 --> 00:10:53,605
- Hey.
- Huh?
297
00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:54,923
What are you doing?
298
00:10:54,974 --> 00:10:58,076
Um, I'm trying to clean up
this mess before Vivi gets here.
299
00:10:58,110 --> 00:10:59,944
I don't want her to know
we're disgusting animals.
300
00:10:59,946 --> 00:11:01,913
Dre, can I ask you a question?
301
00:11:01,915 --> 00:11:03,181
Sure.
302
00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:05,416
Um, do you think that these
pajamas are cute enough
303
00:11:05,451 --> 00:11:06,518
for when Vivi gets here?
304
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:07,569
Because I have a cuter pair,
305
00:11:07,603 --> 00:11:08,686
but she's already seen me in them.
306
00:11:08,688 --> 00:11:09,988
What do you think? Are they okay?
307
00:11:09,990 --> 00:11:13,791
So you changed out of
pajamas into pajamas for her?
308
00:11:13,793 --> 00:11:14,926
Good morning!
309
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,144
- Oh, hey!
- Oh, hey.
310
00:11:16,178 --> 00:11:17,529
Oh, cute PJs.
311
00:11:17,563 --> 00:11:19,397
Thank you! Yes.
312
00:11:19,448 --> 00:11:22,450
Mr. Dre, more sneakers on your stoop.
313
00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:23,584
Ah.
314
00:11:23,619 --> 00:11:25,370
Ooh, it is like Christmas
every day in here.
315
00:11:25,404 --> 00:11:26,471
Oh, well...
316
00:11:26,505 --> 00:11:28,423
It's like I get to work for the Diddys.
317
00:11:29,575 --> 00:11:31,776
Well, technically, it
would be the Combses.
318
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,294
Well, you sure are blessed.
319
00:11:33,328 --> 00:11:34,462
God is good.
320
00:11:34,496 --> 00:11:36,431
I wish I could get
new sneakers every day.
321
00:11:36,465 --> 00:11:39,050
Or at least once a year.
322
00:11:39,052 --> 00:11:41,736
But they'd steal them as soon
as UPS left them on my stoop,
323
00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:42,904
if I had a stoop.
324
00:11:42,938 --> 00:11:44,322
Yeah.
325
00:11:44,324 --> 00:11:46,958
Or a UPS man brave enough
to come into my neighborhood.
326
00:11:48,128 --> 00:11:49,761
Huh? Excuse me.
327
00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:54,398
Black nanny's offhand remarks
made me feel all weird inside.
328
00:11:54,449 --> 00:11:56,000
It's white guilt, Dre.
329
00:11:56,034 --> 00:11:57,668
But I'm black.
330
00:11:57,670 --> 00:12:00,421
You have black white
guilt, which is way worse
331
00:12:00,472 --> 00:12:03,474
because we went from being
the help to having help.
332
00:12:03,509 --> 00:12:05,309
What a world we live in.
333
00:12:05,344 --> 00:12:07,411
I'll bet it's how Carlos Santana feels
334
00:12:07,413 --> 00:12:09,880
when he walks past day
laborers at Home Depot.
335
00:12:09,882 --> 00:12:12,733
Just looks away, pretends
to be on his phone.
336
00:12:12,768 --> 00:12:15,386
Or starts humming "Oye Como Va."
337
00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:16,787
Oh, that's my jam!
338
00:12:16,822 --> 00:12:18,956
Oye como va, uh-uh
339
00:12:18,958 --> 00:12:20,691
Something-something
340
00:12:20,726 --> 00:12:22,093
Oye como va
341
00:12:22,144 --> 00:12:23,260
Uh-uh-un
342
00:12:23,312 --> 00:12:25,229
Enchilada, da-da-da
343
00:12:25,231 --> 00:12:27,782
Okay, okay, so your
advice to me is to hum
344
00:12:27,816 --> 00:12:30,384
a Carlos Santana song
in front of my nanny.
345
00:12:30,419 --> 00:12:32,837
Don't be ridiculous, Dre, okay?
346
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:35,940
A culturally specific
song you choose, okay?
347
00:12:35,974 --> 00:12:38,609
And I'm not gonna start talking
black music with you here, Dre,
348
00:12:38,611 --> 00:12:41,245
'cause we all know it's
just derivative of Elvis.
349
00:12:41,247 --> 00:12:46,016
So I devised a three-step plan
to get rid of my white guilt.
350
00:12:46,051 --> 00:12:48,185
Step one... hide my stuff.
351
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,622
But some things were impossible to hide.
352
00:12:51,656 --> 00:12:55,426
Damn! You got an
S-Class and a G-Wagon?
353
00:12:55,428 --> 00:12:57,478
It was cheaper to buy them both.
354
00:12:57,512 --> 00:12:59,897
Like, uh, buying two cases of Diet Coke.
355
00:12:59,948 --> 00:13:03,534
I only ever had Shasta.
And my car got repoed.
356
00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:06,804
But luckily for me, I
still got my bus pass.
357
00:13:06,838 --> 00:13:08,806
Uh-oh. Mnh-mnh,
it done expired.
358
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,307
Yeah.
359
00:13:10,342 --> 00:13:11,809
Step two... Walk out of the room
360
00:13:11,843 --> 00:13:14,011
whenever I started feeling sad.
361
00:13:14,013 --> 00:13:17,164
So I told my sister, "6
bucks for a coffee?" Mm.
362
00:13:17,198 --> 00:13:20,167
"Unh-unh, that's three dinners
and a flu shot for my son."
363
00:13:20,201 --> 00:13:21,919
Ooh. That's hard.
364
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:23,337
Damn.
365
00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:25,005
Step three wasn't great.
366
00:13:25,056 --> 00:13:27,357
Hey, Mr. Dre. Another day at golf, huh?
367
00:13:27,392 --> 00:13:29,109
We've been working on math all day.
368
00:13:29,144 --> 00:13:31,395
Oye como va
369
00:13:31,446 --> 00:13:33,247
Something-something
370
00:13:33,281 --> 00:13:35,115
Oye como va
371
00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,800
Enchilada
372
00:13:36,835 --> 00:13:39,386
The more I was hiding my white guilt,
373
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:42,106
the more Bow was showing her yellow ass.
374
00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:44,775
- No one's ever done that?
- No, because they don't...
375
00:13:44,777 --> 00:13:46,026
You got to get in there
'cause these nails...
376
00:13:46,077 --> 00:13:47,528
- That's what it does to you.
- Oh, it's so good.
377
00:13:47,579 --> 00:13:48,962
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Dre!
378
00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:52,216
Oh, my God, look, look,
Vivi totally braided my hair.
379
00:13:52,218 --> 00:13:54,134
Can you see? She put "Bow" in there.
380
00:13:54,185 --> 00:13:55,486
- It's my name, babe. Look at it.
- Yeah.
381
00:13:56,938 --> 00:13:58,906
She makes the best cocktails.
382
00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,992
It's got Champagne,
tequila, and applesauce.
383
00:14:02,026 --> 00:14:03,410
- Exactly.
- What?
384
00:14:03,444 --> 00:14:05,829
It really shouldn't
work, but it just does.
385
00:14:05,831 --> 00:14:08,048
Oh, wait. You got to try
it. You got to try it.
386
00:14:08,082 --> 00:14:09,966
- Mm-hmm.
- Try it, baby. Come on.
387
00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:12,302
She's just the best in the whole world.
388
00:14:12,304 --> 00:14:16,440
Especially for someone who was
an absolute stranger a week ago.
389
00:14:16,474 --> 00:14:18,191
- I should get out, right?
- Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
390
00:14:18,226 --> 00:14:19,309
Okay, I'm gonna get out of the tub.
391
00:14:19,311 --> 00:14:20,477
- Yeah, I got you.
- Okay. Okay, wait.
392
00:14:20,479 --> 00:14:22,279
I'm a little tipsy.
393
00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:24,364
What happened to the baby?
394
00:14:24,398 --> 00:14:25,482
I fell.
395
00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:26,867
Aw, but I bet a kiss
396
00:14:26,901 --> 00:14:29,286
would make that boo-boo
feel better, huh?
397
00:14:39,664 --> 00:14:41,915
Will you kiss my boo-boo?
398
00:14:43,501 --> 00:14:46,136
Everyone was loving the
new reality in our house,
399
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:47,471
except me.
400
00:14:47,505 --> 00:14:49,422
I was stuck. And then...
401
00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:52,509
Black nanny's got to go.
402
00:14:54,883 --> 00:14:56,956
So you want to fire black nanny?
403
00:14:57,076 --> 00:14:58,907
- Oh, yeah.
- Just the other day, you said
404
00:14:58,942 --> 00:15:01,710
"She is just the best
in the whole world."
405
00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:03,128
That sounds nothing like me.
406
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,430
Yeah, okay.
407
00:15:04,464 --> 00:15:06,882
Listen, I went down to that nail shop
408
00:15:06,933 --> 00:15:08,600
that Vivian recommended...
409
00:15:08,651 --> 00:15:10,185
And then Vivian said
the husband and wife
410
00:15:10,236 --> 00:15:11,236
get it in on the regular.
411
00:15:11,271 --> 00:15:12,638
And when she washed their sheets,
412
00:15:12,672 --> 00:15:14,706
she said it looked filthier
than a hot tub at Circus Circus.
413
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:15,707
What?!
414
00:15:15,758 --> 00:15:17,392
We had a wild night, but...
415
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:19,528
I mean, sure, yeah,
we tried some things,
416
00:15:19,562 --> 00:15:21,613
but neither one of us
was in any real danger.
417
00:15:21,615 --> 00:15:22,781
Exactly.
418
00:15:22,816 --> 00:15:24,917
She is literally airing
our dirty laundry.
419
00:15:24,951 --> 00:15:27,002
And it did not stop there, Dre.
420
00:15:27,053 --> 00:15:29,621
The wife says her hair
is naturally curly,
421
00:15:29,656 --> 00:15:32,858
and I guess it is... if you call
$700 worth of product natural.
422
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:36,845
Oh, you did not like that.
423
00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:38,463
No, I did not.
424
00:15:38,514 --> 00:15:40,265
We should have seen the warning signs.
425
00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:41,316
If you're thinking
426
00:15:41,351 --> 00:15:42,267
of setting me up, no.
427
00:15:42,318 --> 00:15:43,335
No, no, no, no, no.
428
00:15:43,369 --> 00:15:44,753
No Libras. Gerome was a Libra.
429
00:15:44,787 --> 00:15:46,371
- He spelled it with a "G"...
- Oh.
430
00:15:46,373 --> 00:15:48,123
Which I thought was cute,
right, but it just...
431
00:15:48,174 --> 00:15:49,391
- It still didn't work.
- It didn't work.
432
00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:50,509
He was an exterminator.
433
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,144
Had an exterminating
business. He was just so good.
434
00:15:52,146 --> 00:15:53,612
You never know that
that's gonna come in handy
435
00:15:53,646 --> 00:15:54,696
when you meet somebody,
436
00:15:54,731 --> 00:15:55,781
but you have to think
about those things.
437
00:15:55,783 --> 00:15:56,782
A lot of times, you know,
438
00:15:56,833 --> 00:15:58,450
we used to have these little fly traps.
439
00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,384
Gerome would come in.
440
00:15:59,419 --> 00:16:00,685
He would take those fly traps out.
441
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,554
He was a real man like that.
He was an October Libra, though.
442
00:16:02,556 --> 00:16:03,655
They're later Late bloomers.
443
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,357
She has got to go.
444
00:16:05,408 --> 00:16:07,325
- Yes, she has got to go.
- Mm-hmm.
445
00:16:07,376 --> 00:16:10,245
And I threw a $1,500 pair
of shoes into a hot oven
446
00:16:10,296 --> 00:16:11,513
because of my white guilt.
447
00:16:11,547 --> 00:16:13,398
You're still spending
that much money on shoes?
448
00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:15,233
Bow, I'm gonna need you
to stay on point, okay?
449
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:17,068
'Cause right now we
need to fire black nanny.
450
00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,336
Black nanny. Yes.
451
00:16:18,371 --> 00:16:20,005
They're getting rid of my Vivi?
452
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:21,673
Why, God, why?
453
00:16:21,675 --> 00:16:25,660
Well, at least we'll
always have the burn ward.
454
00:16:25,695 --> 00:16:28,163
And that time we were behind
her going up the stairs.
455
00:16:28,214 --> 00:16:30,248
Oh, yeah!
456
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,051
So, we're gonna say
Susie Kwest wets the bed?
457
00:16:33,102 --> 00:16:34,269
Did we fact-check this?
458
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,021
Who cares?
459
00:16:36,023 --> 00:16:39,407
Meatball Gate really put us
in a hole, and if we do this,
460
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,093
there is no way she can recover.
461
00:16:42,128 --> 00:16:45,130
Really? She'll never recover?
462
00:16:45,181 --> 00:16:46,898
That's awful.
463
00:16:46,932 --> 00:16:48,283
Let's do it.
464
00:16:48,317 --> 00:16:50,151
All right, and posting it...
465
00:16:50,202 --> 00:16:51,786
- Whoa!
- I don't think so.
466
00:16:51,821 --> 00:16:54,038
- What?
- I have been watching you two.
467
00:16:54,089 --> 00:16:55,206
This is wrong.
468
00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:57,725
Diane, if you want
to be class president,
469
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,644
you need to be a leader, not a bully.
470
00:16:59,678 --> 00:17:02,981
And, Zoey, you are
too pretty to be mean.
471
00:17:02,983 --> 00:17:04,232
Oh, thank you!
472
00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:05,450
No, not, "Thank you."
473
00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:07,285
Somebody is gonna whup that ass!
474
00:17:07,336 --> 00:17:09,354
And then what, huh?
475
00:17:09,388 --> 00:17:12,090
Now, come on. Go.
476
00:17:12,092 --> 00:17:15,593
And don't just do better. Be better.
477
00:17:15,644 --> 00:17:16,945
Go.
478
00:17:16,979 --> 00:17:18,196
Vivian don't play.
479
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:21,282
Yeah, she even got through
to me, and I'm broken inside.
480
00:17:21,317 --> 00:17:22,734
Yeah.
481
00:17:26,138 --> 00:17:29,474
How can we fire her when
she's so good with our kids?
482
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:32,310
Yeah, and it's not only the big stuff.
483
00:17:32,361 --> 00:17:34,479
She got Jack to change his underwear
484
00:17:34,481 --> 00:17:36,481
three out of five days this week.
485
00:17:36,532 --> 00:17:39,217
You're kidding me!
486
00:17:41,854 --> 00:17:44,522
So instead of kicking
black nanny to the curb,
487
00:17:44,556 --> 00:17:47,809
we sat her down on the
sofa and had a conversation
488
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:49,577
we needed to have from the get-go.
489
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:50,795
Look, I'm going to be
completely honest with you.
490
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,046
- Okay.
- When I first met you...
491
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,831
Mm-hmm... I tripped
over how black you are.
492
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,967
I know. I-I-I remember.
493
00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:57,268
Acoustics.
494
00:17:57,302 --> 00:17:58,636
- Right. Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
495
00:17:58,638 --> 00:18:00,271
What I think Dre's trying to say is
496
00:18:00,322 --> 00:18:01,656
that we've never had a black person
497
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:02,990
working in our house.
498
00:18:03,025 --> 00:18:04,775
And I just felt so comfortable with you.
499
00:18:04,777 --> 00:18:06,244
I felt like we were girlfriends.
500
00:18:06,295 --> 00:18:07,628
No, and I felt the same way.
501
00:18:07,679 --> 00:18:08,679
We... Well, I didn't, you know.
502
00:18:08,714 --> 00:18:10,264
- Okay.
- I felt hella uncomfortable.
503
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:12,633
- Mm-hmm. What?
- Because all my boxes of shoes...
504
00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:14,735
and my two Benzes and
my crazy jacket game
505
00:18:14,770 --> 00:18:17,321
- and my Sonicare and my neti pot.
- Okay, all right.
506
00:18:17,372 --> 00:18:19,040
You don't have to feel guilty.
507
00:18:19,074 --> 00:18:20,658
I admire how hard you work.
508
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:22,076
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
509
00:18:22,127 --> 00:18:23,828
I-I hope to ball out and...
and have what you do one day.
510
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:25,346
Well, that's probably not gonna happen.
511
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:27,598
- Dre.
- W-W-W-With hard work.
512
00:18:27,632 --> 00:18:29,266
With hard work, it...
it... it could happen.
513
00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:30,634
- Yeah.
- And... And a GED.
514
00:18:30,636 --> 00:18:32,136
- Yeah.
- But anyway, you know,
515
00:18:32,187 --> 00:18:34,159
- the lines got a little blurred.
- Mm-hmm.
516
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,490
But moving forward, I
have to be comfortable
517
00:18:36,525 --> 00:18:38,442
with who I am in my own house.
518
00:18:38,444 --> 00:18:40,277
Yes, and I need to
know that what happens
519
00:18:40,279 --> 00:18:42,079
at the Johnsons stays at the Johnsons.
520
00:18:42,081 --> 00:18:44,131
- Mm-hmm. Right here.
- No, I-I am so sorry.
521
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,634
I-I-I screwed up that
whole nail-shop thing.
522
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,136
I almost felt like I was
talking about my sister,
523
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,521
- Yolanda, you know.
- Mm-hmm.
524
00:18:50,555 --> 00:18:52,273
And... And she had just
asked me to pee in a cup
525
00:18:52,307 --> 00:18:53,557
for her for the third time.
526
00:18:53,559 --> 00:18:55,109
- She... She is a mess.
- Don't...
527
00:18:55,143 --> 00:18:57,144
And... And there I go again.
528
00:18:57,195 --> 00:18:58,696
- Mm-hmm.
- I-I'm sorry.
529
00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:01,031
You know what, let's
just keep it professional.
530
00:19:01,066 --> 00:19:02,366
- Agreed.
- Mm-hmm.
531
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,234
And to that point, if we are going to
532
00:19:04,286 --> 00:19:06,871
keep it professional,
uh, Bow, I-I can't...
533
00:19:06,905 --> 00:19:08,956
I can't be braiding your hair
like that in the tub anymore.
534
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:11,625
No! I love it so much!
535
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,377
Baby, she... she wrote "Bow" in my hair.
536
00:19:13,411 --> 00:19:14,995
- She wrote my name.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
537
00:19:15,046 --> 00:19:16,080
- Okay, baby...
- And the way she scratches my...
538
00:19:16,131 --> 00:19:17,164
you need to let that go, okay?
539
00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:18,966
- You look crazy in braids.
- No, I don't.
540
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,468
Like Allen Iverson
pretending to be a doctor.
541
00:19:21,503 --> 00:19:22,669
Okay?
542
00:19:22,721 --> 00:19:25,222
The point is you are
amazing with the babies.
543
00:19:25,256 --> 00:19:26,423
You're amazing.
544
00:19:26,425 --> 00:19:29,560
But this dynamic is...
is new for all of us,
545
00:19:29,594 --> 00:19:32,596
and... and... and we're gonna
have to work on this together.
546
00:19:32,598 --> 00:19:34,598
In the spirit of keeping
it professional...
547
00:19:34,649 --> 00:19:35,849
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
548
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,434
Well, do you think that maybe you could
549
00:19:37,436 --> 00:19:38,986
stop calling me "black nanny"?
550
00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:40,938
Absolutely. Absolutely.
551
00:19:40,989 --> 00:19:42,656
And... And... And in that same spirit,
552
00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:46,193
can you please remind me
what your real name is?
553
00:19:46,244 --> 00:19:47,327
I'm s...
554
00:19:49,265 --> 00:19:50,348
Come on. come on.
555
00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:52,984
Ooh! The results are in!
556
00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:55,320
Okay, and the winner is...
557
00:19:55,371 --> 00:19:57,271
Susie Kwest!
558
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,549
I meant...
559
00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:02,313
Susie Kwest!
560
00:20:02,603 --> 00:20:04,585
I'm sorry Diane.
561
00:20:05,153 --> 00:20:07,863
It's not your fault, it's Vivian's.
562
00:20:08,135 --> 00:20:10,499
We should've never taken
a photo of Susie's throat.
563
00:20:10,619 --> 00:20:12,226
Hi guys, how's it going?
564
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:15,051
Oh it's going much better...
565
00:20:15,578 --> 00:20:16,397
Now!
566
00:20:17,506 --> 00:20:19,633
- Did you win the election?
- No!
567
00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:23,609
But the real win is going to bed
with a clear conscience.
568
00:20:23,954 --> 00:20:25,791
Thanks again for your advice...
569
00:20:26,154 --> 00:20:27,209
Vivian!
570
00:20:27,609 --> 00:20:30,736
You're welcome... Diane!
571
00:20:31,184 --> 00:20:32,748
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