1 00:00:00,260 --> 00:00:04,295 My only love sprung from my only hate, 2 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:07,898 too early seen unknown and known too late. 3 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,802 Prodigious birth of love it is to me, 4 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:13,738 that I must love a loathed enemy. 5 00:00:13,739 --> 00:00:15,440 Ha! [Chuckles] That's my baby girl! 6 00:00:15,441 --> 00:00:16,674 - Okay, babe, babe. - Hmm? 7 00:00:16,675 --> 00:00:18,009 No yelling. [Scoffs] 8 00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:19,610 - We're not at a movie. - Oh, come on, baby. 9 00:00:19,611 --> 00:00:22,013 We all know how the story ends... they die. 10 00:00:22,014 --> 00:00:23,548 Both: They die?! 11 00:00:23,549 --> 00:00:25,049 Yep. Both of them. 12 00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:26,984 Dre: What is it about the law of attraction? 13 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,754 Why do we fall for who we fall for? 14 00:00:29,755 --> 00:00:32,790 And why do we often pick someone so wrong for us? 15 00:00:32,791 --> 00:00:36,227 It must have been so much easier in prehistoric times. 16 00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:39,007 Back then, you met, fell in love... 17 00:00:39,464 --> 00:00:40,731 Hunted and gathered, 18 00:00:40,732 --> 00:00:43,267 and then got eaten by a woolly mammoth. 19 00:00:43,268 --> 00:00:45,436 [Chomp! Burp!] 20 00:00:45,437 --> 00:00:48,306 But what happens when there's no mammoth to take you out? 21 00:00:48,307 --> 00:00:50,341 When you both live? 22 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,376 Some people are lucky and find a way 23 00:00:52,377 --> 00:00:55,112 to keep that fire alive for decades, 24 00:00:55,113 --> 00:00:58,449 while others burn so bright, they explode. 25 00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:02,486 Look at Britney and K-Fed, Sid and Nancy, Ruby and Earl. 26 00:01:02,487 --> 00:01:03,821 Never heard of Ruby and Earl? 27 00:01:03,822 --> 00:01:05,256 They're the fiery couple 28 00:01:05,257 --> 00:01:08,325 who made my childhood miserable... my parents. 29 00:01:08,326 --> 00:01:12,063 When these two loved each other, they loved each other. 30 00:01:12,064 --> 00:01:14,098 But when they didn't, whoo! 31 00:01:14,099 --> 00:01:15,399 Burn! 32 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,501 Burn, baby, burn! 33 00:01:17,502 --> 00:01:20,271 [Laughing maniacally] 34 00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:22,807 Which is why I do everything I can 35 00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:25,685 to make sure they're never in the same room together. 36 00:01:25,687 --> 00:01:27,644 Ugh. What the hell is she doing here? 37 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:29,480 What's he doing here? 38 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,549 Come on. 39 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:35,343 At least Romeo and Juliet had the decency to off themselves. 40 00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:42,203 Black-ish - 01x11 Law of Attraction 41 00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:45,273 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 42 00:01:46,832 --> 00:01:49,927 You trying to make us pass out from all that cologne? 43 00:01:49,929 --> 00:01:50,740 Mnh-mnh. 44 00:01:50,742 --> 00:01:52,403 Just you. Breathe deep. 45 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:53,571 Shush! 46 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:56,073 Art thou not Romeo and a montague? 47 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,343 [Romeo speaking indistinctly] I see you're still wearing those ridiculous hats. 48 00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:01,679 I see you're still wearing them 30 pounds. 49 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,715 Glass houses, fat man. 50 00:02:04,716 --> 00:02:07,118 Hey! Be quiet! Please! 51 00:02:07,119 --> 00:02:08,617 Tell him that. 52 00:02:08,619 --> 00:02:10,286 I'm just trying to watch the play. 53 00:02:10,288 --> 00:02:11,788 Don't get invested. 54 00:02:11,789 --> 00:02:12,990 Everyone dies. 55 00:02:13,436 --> 00:02:15,737 Yeah, and not soon enough. 56 00:02:17,629 --> 00:02:20,164 And that's how it went through the play and through dinner. 57 00:02:20,165 --> 00:02:23,100 Nobody made you come to dinner. 58 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,335 I'm not gonna miss a family dinner 59 00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:28,472 just because watching you eat is offensive. 60 00:02:28,473 --> 00:02:30,207 It's nice being together like this. 61 00:02:30,208 --> 00:02:32,309 Why do you always take his side? 62 00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:34,811 'Cause no one ever sides with the witch. 63 00:02:34,812 --> 00:02:36,847 Are you a good witch or a bad witch? 64 00:02:36,848 --> 00:02:39,116 Bad witch... very bad witch. 65 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,617 Dre: Keep your distance, kids. 66 00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:44,054 Oh, excu... excuse me. 67 00:02:44,055 --> 00:02:44,855 Excuse me, babe. 68 00:02:44,856 --> 00:02:46,156 Hey, man. 69 00:02:46,157 --> 00:02:47,024 What? 70 00:02:47,025 --> 00:02:48,692 What?! 71 00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:50,060 Are we really doing this? 72 00:02:50,061 --> 00:02:51,728 Hell, yeah, we really doing this. 73 00:02:51,729 --> 00:02:53,029 [Scoffs] 74 00:02:53,030 --> 00:02:54,131 Man, whatever. 75 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,399 Oh, I know it's whatever. 76 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,934 [Scoffs] What's wrong with you, boy? 77 00:02:57,935 --> 00:02:59,336 You better show some respect. 78 00:02:59,337 --> 00:03:00,971 Who you calling "boy," old man? 79 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:04,608 The thing about us old men is we got nothing to lose. 80 00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:06,977 What you willing to lose today, son? 81 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,054 Go on and get your car, lady. 82 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,621 Thank you. 83 00:03:17,622 --> 00:03:20,757 Mm. Very impressive. 84 00:03:20,758 --> 00:03:23,526 Not bad for an old man. 85 00:03:23,527 --> 00:03:25,862 I see you found that smile I used to like. 86 00:03:25,863 --> 00:03:28,198 Well, lucky for you, I brought it. 87 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,568 My car. 88 00:03:31,569 --> 00:03:34,738 Earl, is it okay if I ride with you? 89 00:03:34,739 --> 00:03:36,139 What?! No! 90 00:03:36,140 --> 00:03:37,741 I'd like that. 91 00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:39,743 Oh! 92 00:03:41,746 --> 00:03:46,116 I can't believe my moms is riding home with pops. 93 00:03:46,117 --> 00:03:47,417 Hmm? 94 00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:49,519 Oh, oh. God, yeah, that's bad. 95 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,987 It brings me back to my childhood. 96 00:03:50,988 --> 00:03:53,556 They were always splitting up and getting back together. 97 00:03:53,557 --> 00:03:54,757 I would get my hopes up, 98 00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:57,093 and then I'd be crushed all over again. 99 00:03:57,094 --> 00:03:59,028 I don't want our kids around that. 100 00:03:59,029 --> 00:04:02,098 It always came to a head just like it did at my eighth birthday. 101 00:04:03,267 --> 00:04:05,501 [Laughing maniacally] 102 00:04:07,771 --> 00:04:09,606 My new bike was in that car. 103 00:04:09,607 --> 00:04:10,773 What? 104 00:04:10,774 --> 00:04:12,308 For sure. 105 00:04:12,309 --> 00:04:15,345 How stupid is it that my mother only got interested in pops 106 00:04:15,346 --> 00:04:17,246 when he went all caveman on that dude? 107 00:04:17,247 --> 00:04:18,848 I know. 108 00:04:18,849 --> 00:04:21,050 That tough-guy stuff is so stupid. 109 00:04:21,051 --> 00:04:22,819 Totally. I mean, you weren't stupid. 110 00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:25,188 You weren't stupid at all. 111 00:04:25,189 --> 00:04:27,090 No, I was not. Nope. 112 00:04:27,091 --> 00:04:28,624 That guy was kind of tall. 113 00:04:28,625 --> 00:04:29,959 Real big. 114 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,295 Probably an ex-NFL player. 115 00:04:32,296 --> 00:04:34,797 Yeah. Maybe. 116 00:04:34,798 --> 00:04:36,099 What position do you think he played? 117 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,200 I don't know. 118 00:04:37,201 --> 00:04:39,302 What position do regular-sized guys play? 119 00:04:39,303 --> 00:04:41,571 I was catching a vibe 120 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,873 that maybe Bow was disappointed in her man. 121 00:04:43,874 --> 00:04:47,243 And to be honest, I wasn't that happy with him, either. 122 00:04:47,244 --> 00:04:48,911 You should have been like, "man, we next in line! 123 00:04:48,912 --> 00:04:50,279 What you trying to do?" 124 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,181 And he would have been like, "man, my bad, my bad." 125 00:04:52,182 --> 00:04:53,316 And I would have been like, "you want some of this?" 126 00:04:53,317 --> 00:04:55,284 You want some of this?!" Waah! 127 00:04:55,285 --> 00:04:56,552 What you got? What you got? 128 00:04:56,553 --> 00:04:58,387 Huh?! What'd you say to my wife, huh?! 129 00:04:58,388 --> 00:04:59,622 Tap out! Tap out! 130 00:04:59,623 --> 00:05:00,790 Go to sleep. 131 00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:01,824 That's it. Go to sleep. 132 00:05:04,528 --> 00:05:06,128 And stay down. 133 00:05:06,129 --> 00:05:07,797 Then I could have been like, "hyah!" 134 00:05:07,798 --> 00:05:10,499 And then I should have been like, "hyah!" 135 00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:16,405 Did you get the e-mail? Best news ever. 136 00:05:16,406 --> 00:05:18,007 Bryce Porter's grandmother died, 137 00:05:18,008 --> 00:05:19,809 Jordan Greenwald has mono, 138 00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:22,578 and Cayden Morrison ate some bad pork. 139 00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:25,181 - So? - So, they're out of Romeos. 140 00:05:25,182 --> 00:05:29,919 That means the part goes to the under-under-understudy 141 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,821 slash assistant stage manager. 142 00:05:31,822 --> 00:05:36,425 So, for next weekend, your main maing is Romeo! 143 00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:39,628 No. But I'm Juliet, your sister. 144 00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:40,629 I know! 145 00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,464 We're such a talented family, 146 00:05:42,465 --> 00:05:45,434 like the Gyllenhaals or the Osmonds. 147 00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:47,102 Or the Bushes! 148 00:05:47,103 --> 00:05:48,737 That's disgusting. 149 00:05:48,738 --> 00:05:51,373 We are not playing star-crossed lovers. 150 00:05:51,374 --> 00:05:53,308 It's not like we're actually kissing. 151 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,511 But I might actually kill myself. 152 00:05:55,512 --> 00:05:58,514 I'm gonna go try on my tights. 153 00:05:58,515 --> 00:06:00,449 Ugh, God. 154 00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:02,551 - Look at this. - What? 155 00:06:02,552 --> 00:06:04,019 I told you. 156 00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:05,454 It's bad. 157 00:06:05,455 --> 00:06:06,989 Ruby, would you pass me a fork, please? 158 00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:08,157 Oh, yes. 159 00:06:08,158 --> 00:06:10,025 What? She just passed him a fork, Dre. 160 00:06:10,026 --> 00:06:11,493 And he didn't flinch. 161 00:06:11,494 --> 00:06:13,695 She once put a fork in his neck. 162 00:06:13,696 --> 00:06:15,898 They're being polite. 163 00:06:15,899 --> 00:06:19,357 I mean, you have no idea that anything's going on between them. 164 00:06:19,359 --> 00:06:21,703 Bow, you look so beautiful. 165 00:06:21,704 --> 00:06:24,706 Look at your hair, all bouncing and behaving. 166 00:06:24,707 --> 00:06:27,042 Thank you, Ruby. 167 00:06:27,043 --> 00:06:29,478 Oh, yeah. He's tapping that ass. 168 00:06:29,479 --> 00:06:33,048 I told you that wasn't a coyote I heard last night. 169 00:06:33,049 --> 00:06:35,183 Okay, so, you wouldn't believe 170 00:06:35,183 --> 00:06:37,151 what happened at Valet last night. 171 00:06:37,153 --> 00:06:38,520 So, my parents were a mess, 172 00:06:38,521 --> 00:06:40,922 and I decided I'd get some points of view 173 00:06:40,923 --> 00:06:44,159 from some of the most damaged and imbalanced people I knew. 174 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,661 So, this morning, she gives him eggs! 175 00:06:46,662 --> 00:06:48,163 Did you say eggs or A.I.D.S.? 176 00:06:48,164 --> 00:06:49,164 I... [sighs] 177 00:06:49,165 --> 00:06:50,398 You know what? It doesn't matter. 178 00:06:50,399 --> 00:06:51,800 The point is... 179 00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:53,001 You're getting a divorce. 180 00:06:53,002 --> 00:06:54,302 Absolutely. 181 00:06:54,303 --> 00:06:55,337 Yeah, that's a given. 182 00:06:55,338 --> 00:06:57,706 - Ah, your first divorce. - Yeah. 183 00:06:57,707 --> 00:06:58,907 Cherish this. 184 00:06:58,908 --> 00:07:01,710 Give her the house. Visit Thailand. 185 00:07:01,711 --> 00:07:03,044 [Chuckles] What are you talking about? 186 00:07:03,045 --> 00:07:04,746 Thailand... it's got no rules. 187 00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:06,381 It was made for these times. 188 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,416 It's why the Lord God put it there. 189 00:07:08,417 --> 00:07:10,618 No, I'm asking you, why am I getting a divorce? 190 00:07:10,619 --> 00:07:12,687 Oh, because you got punked out like a little bitch 191 00:07:12,688 --> 00:07:15,223 in front of your wife and then your daddy had to save you. 192 00:07:15,224 --> 00:07:17,225 And then you came in here and distracted us 193 00:07:17,226 --> 00:07:18,560 with this cockamamie story 194 00:07:18,561 --> 00:07:20,729 about your parents' loving relationship and A.I.D.S. 195 00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:22,523 - [Clicks tongue] - Look here, man. 196 00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,300 The Valet thing was no big deal, all right? 197 00:07:25,301 --> 00:07:26,267 I played it cool. 198 00:07:26,268 --> 00:07:27,902 No, Dre, you played it wrong. 199 00:07:27,903 --> 00:07:29,971 Women like their men strong. 200 00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:32,207 We're drawn to that male essence. 201 00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:33,408 Take me, for example. 202 00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:34,609 Women used to hate me. 203 00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:35,610 "Used to"? 204 00:07:35,611 --> 00:07:37,178 They could smell my weakness. 205 00:07:37,179 --> 00:07:38,680 Why are you talking in the past tense? 206 00:07:38,681 --> 00:07:39,714 Laura, please. 207 00:07:39,715 --> 00:07:40,748 Stop flirting. 208 00:07:40,749 --> 00:07:42,283 Oh, my God. 209 00:07:42,284 --> 00:07:44,018 Look, Dre, it sounds like you turned her off. 210 00:07:44,019 --> 00:07:45,420 Did you kiss goodbye this morning? 211 00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,621 Yeah. 212 00:07:46,622 --> 00:07:47,984 Okay. How was it? 213 00:07:55,297 --> 00:07:56,431 Good? 214 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,299 All: Ohh. 215 00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,835 Oh, no, Dre. Dre, you've lost your... your thing. 216 00:08:00,836 --> 00:08:04,238 Imagine David Copperfield with no magic. 217 00:08:04,239 --> 00:08:05,773 Well, that's just some weird klepto 218 00:08:05,774 --> 00:08:07,608 who likes to cage up women. 219 00:08:07,609 --> 00:08:10,044 Imagine Billy Joel without his piano... 220 00:08:10,045 --> 00:08:13,114 Just a bloated fella from long island who loves mudslides. 221 00:08:13,115 --> 00:08:16,918 Exactly. And what's carrot cake without the carrots? 222 00:08:16,919 --> 00:08:19,454 Cake... delicious, spicy cake. 223 00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:20,822 Stevens: Yeah. Dre's got a point. It's... 224 00:08:20,823 --> 00:08:22,089 Laura: Yeah. Really good. 225 00:08:22,090 --> 00:08:23,357 - You don't even miss the carrots. - Nah. 226 00:08:23,358 --> 00:08:24,659 Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 227 00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:25,560 N-now you want to boss up? 228 00:08:25,561 --> 00:08:27,161 - Over carrot cake? - What... 229 00:08:27,162 --> 00:08:28,896 Yeah, okay, you know what? 230 00:08:28,897 --> 00:08:31,032 - Let's do this. - Oh, my God. 231 00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:32,333 But what do they know? 232 00:08:32,334 --> 00:08:34,268 They were taking their shirts off at work. 233 00:08:34,269 --> 00:08:36,537 Bow and I were fine. 234 00:08:36,538 --> 00:08:38,873 Our life was just like it had always been. 235 00:08:38,874 --> 00:08:40,474 Hey, hey, babe, babe! What are you doing? 236 00:08:40,475 --> 00:08:42,810 - I said I was gonna do that. - I know, I just want to enjoy it 237 00:08:42,811 --> 00:08:44,178 before the two-year warranty is up. 238 00:08:44,179 --> 00:08:46,514 What? [Power drill whirs] 239 00:08:46,515 --> 00:08:47,815 Boom. 240 00:08:47,816 --> 00:08:49,283 That ain't going nowhere. 241 00:08:49,284 --> 00:08:51,018 Great job, babe. 242 00:08:51,019 --> 00:08:53,154 No, no, no, no. Sweaty... real, real sweaty. 243 00:08:53,155 --> 00:08:54,288 Uh, okay. All right. 244 00:08:54,289 --> 00:08:56,691 Meet you in the shower! [Chuckles] 245 00:08:56,692 --> 00:08:58,092 Babe? 246 00:08:58,093 --> 00:09:01,262 The law of attraction was not going my way. 247 00:09:01,263 --> 00:09:04,921 Bow was seriously not feeling me right now. 248 00:09:05,373 --> 00:09:06,239 [Both chuckling] 249 00:09:06,818 --> 00:09:07,985 Pops: Oh, Lord. 250 00:09:08,485 --> 00:09:09,885 Where you two coming from? 251 00:09:09,887 --> 00:09:12,322 You see me carrying a picnic basket in my hand. 252 00:09:12,323 --> 00:09:14,091 Where you think we coming from, fool? 253 00:09:14,092 --> 00:09:14,958 [Laughs] 254 00:09:14,959 --> 00:09:15,926 Bless his heart. 255 00:09:15,927 --> 00:09:17,394 Are you sure he's ours? 256 00:09:17,395 --> 00:09:20,107 You know, there was another black baby in that nursery, but he looked smart. 257 00:09:20,109 --> 00:09:21,264 I bet he was ours. 258 00:09:21,265 --> 00:09:22,232 [Both laugh] 259 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:23,867 Mm-hmm. 260 00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:27,070 Your father took me on a picnic and a sunset cruise. 261 00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:29,007 I'm guessing not on his old boat, though. 262 00:09:31,042 --> 00:09:32,909 [Laughing maniacally] 263 00:09:36,514 --> 00:09:38,081 Nothing was ever proven. 264 00:09:38,082 --> 00:09:39,649 Yeah, son. Sometimes boats just blow up. 265 00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:42,419 Mm-hmm. Sometimes it happens twice. 266 00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:44,821 Well, me and my raggedy-ass boats, huh, sweets? 267 00:09:44,822 --> 00:09:47,490 [Laughs] Raggedy and flammable. 268 00:09:47,491 --> 00:09:48,625 [Both laugh] 269 00:09:48,626 --> 00:09:50,627 Just like your relationship. 270 00:09:53,196 --> 00:09:55,164 - Hey, miss Rainbow. - Hey. 271 00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:56,232 Smelling good! 272 00:09:56,233 --> 00:09:57,434 Thank you. [Chuckles] 273 00:09:57,435 --> 00:10:00,036 But isn't grilling really your man's job? 274 00:10:00,037 --> 00:10:02,572 Oh, no. Dre and I don't really get caught up in all that. 275 00:10:02,573 --> 00:10:03,974 Mm-hmm. 276 00:10:03,975 --> 00:10:05,709 I didn't see you grilling a lot 277 00:10:05,710 --> 00:10:08,144 before your husband showed his ass at the Valet. 278 00:10:08,145 --> 00:10:09,079 What? 279 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,714 Everything all right with y'all? 280 00:10:10,715 --> 00:10:12,515 Yeah. Ruby, that was no big deal. 281 00:10:12,516 --> 00:10:14,250 I don't need Dre fighting for me. 282 00:10:14,251 --> 00:10:15,518 Oh, but you do. 283 00:10:15,519 --> 00:10:18,388 See, this is primal, caveman stuff. 284 00:10:18,389 --> 00:10:21,724 Listen, I think Dre and I are way more evolved than that. 285 00:10:21,725 --> 00:10:22,812 Please. 286 00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:25,617 Don't you remember why you fell for him in the first place? 287 00:10:26,497 --> 00:10:29,065 Give me the mustard. I'm using it. 288 00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:30,567 Not anymore. [Screams] 289 00:10:30,568 --> 00:10:31,434 Hey! 290 00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:32,635 Hey, hey, hey, hey, 291 00:10:32,636 --> 00:10:33,670 brothers, brothers, brothers, brothers! 292 00:10:33,671 --> 00:10:35,538 All right? We all in the same game. 293 00:10:35,539 --> 00:10:36,773 You all right? 294 00:10:36,774 --> 00:10:37,607 Hey. 295 00:10:37,608 --> 00:10:38,575 I'm Dre. 296 00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:40,877 Rainbow. 297 00:10:40,878 --> 00:10:43,112 He made those guys apologize. 298 00:10:43,113 --> 00:10:45,548 Oh, it was amazing. 299 00:10:45,549 --> 00:10:47,016 Oh, my God. 300 00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:48,284 I'm a cavewoman! 301 00:10:48,285 --> 00:10:51,454 See? There's no such thing as evolution. 302 00:10:51,455 --> 00:10:55,158 I don't know why they teach that foolishness in the schools. 303 00:10:55,159 --> 00:10:57,327 [Scoffs] 304 00:10:57,328 --> 00:11:01,531 My lips, two blushing pilgrims, 305 00:11:01,532 --> 00:11:06,169 ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. 306 00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:07,904 I'm not doing this. 307 00:11:07,905 --> 00:11:10,039 Actually, your line is, "for saints have hands 308 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:14,277 that pilgrims' hands do touch," and then we touch palms. 309 00:11:14,278 --> 00:11:15,812 Go ahead. Touch my palms. 310 00:11:15,813 --> 00:11:16,946 Dude. 311 00:11:16,947 --> 00:11:18,781 No. 312 00:11:18,782 --> 00:11:20,650 [Sighs] 313 00:11:20,651 --> 00:11:21,884 Help me out. 314 00:11:21,885 --> 00:11:25,421 Let lips do what hands do. 315 00:11:25,422 --> 00:11:29,192 Grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. 316 00:11:29,193 --> 00:11:30,593 Seriously? 317 00:11:30,594 --> 00:11:31,961 This feels right to you? 318 00:11:35,499 --> 00:11:38,567 So, Jack and Diane were getting attached to the idea 319 00:11:38,568 --> 00:11:40,536 of Ruby and pops together, 320 00:11:40,537 --> 00:11:43,539 and to be honest, it was making me nervous. 321 00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:46,575 This is me and your grandmother on a boat today. 322 00:11:46,576 --> 00:11:47,576 Wow. Wow. 323 00:11:47,577 --> 00:11:48,477 Oh, check this out. 324 00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,246 We saw a whale. 325 00:11:50,247 --> 00:11:52,281 You look so happy together! 326 00:11:52,282 --> 00:11:53,916 I know. We are happy. 327 00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:55,551 Are you guys gonna get married? 328 00:11:55,552 --> 00:11:57,453 You should get married on a whale. 329 00:11:57,454 --> 00:11:59,388 Oh, yeah, that would be magical. 330 00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:00,489 Uh-huh. 331 00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:02,024 I think I hear an ice cream truck. 332 00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,292 [Scoffs] I don't hear it. 333 00:12:03,293 --> 00:12:05,312 Do you really want to take that chance? 334 00:12:08,698 --> 00:12:10,232 [Exhales deeply] 335 00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:13,302 Pops, what's going on with this mess with you and moms, man? 336 00:12:13,303 --> 00:12:15,404 It's not a mess, son. It's a dance. It's a beautiful dance. 337 00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:18,574 Honestly, when things are good with me and your mama, I never feel more alive. 338 00:12:18,575 --> 00:12:21,210 - Until she tries to kill you. - Well, then I feel lucky to be alive. 339 00:12:21,211 --> 00:12:22,378 Told you... it's a dance. 340 00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:24,446 Don't worry about my business. Mind yours. 341 00:12:24,447 --> 00:12:27,716 Your wife is grilling steaks, hanging flat-screens. 342 00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:28,817 You are in trouble, son. 343 00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:31,754 Yeah, I am, aren't I? 344 00:12:31,755 --> 00:12:34,056 Pops, look, I don't even know how to turn this around. 345 00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,592 Well, why don't you try reminding her of why she was attracted 346 00:12:36,594 --> 00:12:38,899 - to an idiot like you in the first place? - Hey. 347 00:12:41,564 --> 00:12:43,632 [Gasps] Aah! Hey! 348 00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:45,400 [Indistinct shouting] 349 00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:47,169 Brothers, brothers, brothers, stop the violence! Stop the violence! 350 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,203 Man, we all in the same game. 351 00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:50,139 Man, get your hands off of me! 352 00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:51,740 [Men grunting] 353 00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:01,650 Oh, hey. How you doing? 354 00:13:01,651 --> 00:13:03,685 Good. I'm Dre. 355 00:13:03,686 --> 00:13:06,021 Hmm. Even I fell a little bit in love with me that day. 356 00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:06,922 Then be that guy. 357 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:09,224 Or don't. 358 00:13:09,225 --> 00:13:11,893 Look, Bow hung that television at the exact right height, 359 00:13:11,894 --> 00:13:14,563 not too high, like the one you hung in my room, 360 00:13:14,564 --> 00:13:16,465 neck all hurting after "Scandal." 361 00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:17,632 [Scoffs] 362 00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:19,267 Maybe pops was right. 363 00:13:19,268 --> 00:13:21,436 I need to check out "Scandal." 364 00:13:21,437 --> 00:13:23,398 Oh, and I also need to fix things with Bow. 365 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,501 I knew just what I had to do. 366 00:13:26,375 --> 00:13:27,676 - Dre. - Hmm? 367 00:13:27,677 --> 00:13:29,344 What are we doing in this neighborhood? 368 00:13:29,345 --> 00:13:32,614 Please tell me you are not gonna buy me another fake purse. 369 00:13:32,615 --> 00:13:34,916 I've never bought you a fake purse. 370 00:13:34,917 --> 00:13:36,218 - Dre. - Hmm? 371 00:13:36,219 --> 00:13:39,521 You know that "Chanel" has one "N," right? 372 00:13:39,522 --> 00:13:41,923 - I do now. - Mm-hmm. 373 00:13:41,924 --> 00:13:43,758 - Wait. Larry's? - Uh-huh. 374 00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:44,726 - Babe. - What? 375 00:13:44,727 --> 00:13:45,860 You do not need to do this. 376 00:13:45,861 --> 00:13:48,330 Hey, hey, hey, babe, I don't know what you're talking about. 377 00:13:48,331 --> 00:13:51,132 I just want to get me a dangerous chili dog. 378 00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:52,100 Mm-kay. [Chuckles] 379 00:13:54,070 --> 00:13:55,637 Oh, hey, baby, stay close. 380 00:13:55,638 --> 00:13:56,771 - Turn your ring around. - What? 381 00:13:56,772 --> 00:14:00,442 - Turn... turn your ring around. - Okay, okay. Okay. 382 00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:01,976 Hey, hey, hey, bro. 383 00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:03,812 We were here, all right? There's a line! 384 00:14:03,813 --> 00:14:06,181 Respect the line 'cause I got nothing to lose. 385 00:14:06,182 --> 00:14:07,916 Nothing! 386 00:14:07,917 --> 00:14:09,217 Oh, my God. 387 00:14:09,218 --> 00:14:11,252 I just needed some napkins. Things are greasy. 388 00:14:12,388 --> 00:14:13,488 Yeah, okay. 389 00:14:15,658 --> 00:14:17,468 Got you some wet-naps, too. 390 00:14:20,095 --> 00:14:22,263 Dre, uh, can we order now? 391 00:14:22,264 --> 00:14:23,731 You know what, baby? You order first. 392 00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,433 I'm gonna keep my eye on old boy over there 393 00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,635 'cause, you know, sometimes that napkin thing can be a trick. 394 00:14:27,636 --> 00:14:28,903 Ah, okay. 395 00:14:28,904 --> 00:14:29,971 All right. Look, here he come. 396 00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:32,140 - Okay. Oh, God. Oh, boy. - Hey, bro. What up?! 397 00:14:32,141 --> 00:14:33,274 Okay. 398 00:14:33,275 --> 00:14:34,876 I think you dropped a $20. 399 00:14:37,156 --> 00:14:38,490 Oh. 400 00:14:39,715 --> 00:14:40,882 Thank you. 401 00:14:40,883 --> 00:14:42,884 Thank you. Thanks. 402 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,156 - Let's go, baby. This place is too tame. - Okay. 403 00:14:48,157 --> 00:14:49,857 You made your point. Can we go home? 404 00:14:49,858 --> 00:14:51,492 Uh-huh, sure we can... 405 00:14:51,493 --> 00:14:52,927 As soon as I turn down this alley! 406 00:14:52,928 --> 00:14:54,195 Wait, Dre! No, Dre! 407 00:14:54,196 --> 00:14:55,530 Aah! Something could happen to me down here! 408 00:14:55,531 --> 00:14:56,864 Dre, don't do this! 409 00:14:56,865 --> 00:14:58,800 Dre! I know you're brave! 410 00:14:58,801 --> 00:15:00,401 Dre! 411 00:15:00,402 --> 00:15:02,570 [Dog barking in distance] 412 00:15:02,571 --> 00:15:04,238 [Screams] Run! 413 00:15:05,374 --> 00:15:07,041 - Run! - What? 414 00:15:07,042 --> 00:15:08,643 Run! 415 00:15:08,644 --> 00:15:10,678 [Dog barking] Ugh! Don't bite me! 416 00:15:10,679 --> 00:15:12,013 Don't bite me! 417 00:15:12,014 --> 00:15:13,414 Don't bite... 418 00:15:13,415 --> 00:15:14,482 Oh, damn, I'm gonna die. 419 00:15:14,483 --> 00:15:15,783 Girl: Pickles! Come here, Pickles! 420 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,218 Don't bite me! Leave me alone! 421 00:15:17,219 --> 00:15:18,286 There you are. 422 00:15:18,287 --> 00:15:21,756 - Oh, God. - I'm sorry, sir. She loves giving kisses. 423 00:15:21,757 --> 00:15:24,792 Look, Dre. Pickles loves giving kisses. 424 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:25,960 [Whimpers] 425 00:15:25,961 --> 00:15:27,361 Don't leave me like this, Pickles. 426 00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:29,375 Finish me off. 427 00:15:30,662 --> 00:15:31,595 [Whimpering] 428 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,302 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 429 00:15:33,304 --> 00:15:36,197 Ooh. Baby, that peroxide stings. 430 00:15:36,199 --> 00:15:37,500 What is that, medical-grade? 431 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,001 It's just water. 432 00:15:39,002 --> 00:15:41,370 Oh, God. Even water's punking me. 433 00:15:41,371 --> 00:15:43,172 Oh, Dre, you need to stop this. 434 00:15:43,173 --> 00:15:44,218 - Me? - Yeah. 435 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,008 You're the one who can barely look at me 436 00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:47,510 - since the Valet thing. - [Sighs] I know. 437 00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:49,212 Now, I'm not proud of my reaction. 438 00:15:49,213 --> 00:15:52,848 I mean, I am an evolved woman with multiple degrees, 439 00:15:52,849 --> 00:15:55,651 but there is just this primal part of me 440 00:15:55,652 --> 00:15:57,920 that really wanted you to take that guy out. 441 00:15:57,921 --> 00:15:59,322 And it's killing me that I didn't. 442 00:15:59,323 --> 00:16:00,756 Hey, before we were married, 443 00:16:00,757 --> 00:16:02,258 I would have been the first guy to jump into a fight. 444 00:16:02,259 --> 00:16:04,026 - Mm-hmm. - But I can't now. 445 00:16:04,027 --> 00:16:05,428 I've got too much to lose... 446 00:16:05,429 --> 00:16:08,764 You, the kids, my "s" [Gasps] class. 447 00:16:08,765 --> 00:16:10,199 Ow. 448 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,369 Baby, I want you to know that if anything or anyone 449 00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,304 ever really threatened you or the kids, 450 00:16:15,305 --> 00:16:17,673 there's nothing that I wouldn't do to protect you. 451 00:16:17,674 --> 00:16:19,241 I know that. 452 00:16:19,242 --> 00:16:21,344 And I wouldn't want you to go back to being the person 453 00:16:21,345 --> 00:16:23,212 that would fight two guys over mustard. 454 00:16:23,213 --> 00:16:25,648 Two guys? More like six or seven. 455 00:16:25,649 --> 00:16:27,149 Or... two. 456 00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:28,284 Two big guys. 457 00:16:28,285 --> 00:16:29,618 Or teenage boys. 458 00:16:29,619 --> 00:16:31,087 Teenage ex-cons, all right? 459 00:16:31,088 --> 00:16:32,455 - Maybe. Yes. - Hmm? 460 00:16:32,456 --> 00:16:33,956 I... they had a lot of tattoos. 461 00:16:33,957 --> 00:16:35,224 - And piercings. - Yes. Of course. 462 00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:36,926 And... okay, yeah. Okay? 463 00:16:36,927 --> 00:16:39,361 Hey, mom. Hey, dad. 464 00:16:39,362 --> 00:16:40,696 - Dre: Hey. - Hey, babies. 465 00:16:40,697 --> 00:16:43,132 Ooh, how was your day with grandma and pops? 466 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,667 - It was awesome! - Yeah? 467 00:16:44,668 --> 00:16:46,035 It was confusing. 468 00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:48,170 We went to an ice-cream store. 469 00:16:48,171 --> 00:16:50,506 Where pops told grandma 470 00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:52,608 he wished she'd get run over by a big rig. 471 00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:53,742 - What? - What? 472 00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:55,678 That's not exactly what I said, now. 473 00:16:55,679 --> 00:16:56,946 Oh! 474 00:16:56,947 --> 00:16:59,949 Oh, I hope you get run over by a big rig! 475 00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:02,751 I hope it keeps going after it hits you! 476 00:17:02,752 --> 00:17:04,486 Take me, big rig. 477 00:17:04,487 --> 00:17:09,024 Take me away from this sorry excuse for a man! 478 00:17:09,025 --> 00:17:10,693 But then they made up. 479 00:17:10,694 --> 00:17:11,994 It was fun. 480 00:17:11,995 --> 00:17:13,462 But confusing. 481 00:17:13,463 --> 00:17:14,596 Hey, kids, go get ready for dinner. 482 00:17:14,597 --> 00:17:16,598 Okay. 483 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:19,568 Give me that shirt, sugar. Let me get that stain out for you. 484 00:17:19,569 --> 00:17:21,570 All right, miss Ruby. [Chuckles] 485 00:17:21,571 --> 00:17:24,039 You two are doing it again. 486 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,207 Doing what? 487 00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:27,543 Dragging everybody into your mess. 488 00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:29,411 Pops, this has to end now. 489 00:17:29,412 --> 00:17:30,913 You know, I put braces on them teeth. 490 00:17:30,914 --> 00:17:32,548 Be a shame if I have to knock them out. 491 00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:34,950 Now, you watch your tone. I'm still your father, son. 492 00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:36,653 Yeah, and I'm their father, pops. 493 00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:39,087 I don't want my children going through what I went through 494 00:17:39,088 --> 00:17:40,489 over and over, 495 00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:42,257 thinking you two were getting back together 496 00:17:42,258 --> 00:17:43,625 only to have my heart broken. 497 00:17:43,626 --> 00:17:45,160 And then to testify in court 498 00:17:45,161 --> 00:17:48,463 about my mama's secret stash of boat dynamite. 499 00:17:48,464 --> 00:17:50,625 - Not happening! - Boy, let me tell you something. 500 00:17:50,627 --> 00:17:52,433 No, no, let me tell you something. 501 00:17:52,435 --> 00:17:56,138 End it now or leave my damn house. 502 00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:05,380 I need something out of my trunk. 503 00:18:06,273 --> 00:18:09,351 Hey, you gonna let little Andre punk you like that? 504 00:18:09,352 --> 00:18:10,786 'Course he is. 505 00:18:10,787 --> 00:18:14,790 Old soft man can't even stand up to his own son. 506 00:18:14,791 --> 00:18:17,046 Wash your own damn shirt! 507 00:18:19,295 --> 00:18:20,195 And you. 508 00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:21,763 Me? What? 509 00:18:21,764 --> 00:18:23,343 Get a mirror. 510 00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,869 Welcome back, real Ruby! 511 00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:29,771 - [Notorious B.I.G.'S "Big Poppa" playing] - Babe. 512 00:18:29,772 --> 00:18:31,072 [Sighs] 513 00:18:31,073 --> 00:18:34,109 - Look, babe, I know I was harsh, but... - You were incredible. 514 00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:35,277 I was? 515 00:18:35,278 --> 00:18:36,745 Yes! 516 00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:39,614 Standing up to pops like that, looking out for our kids. 517 00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:40,749 Ooh! 518 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,150 Oh, you liked that, huh? 519 00:18:42,151 --> 00:18:43,551 Oh, I liked that. I liked that. 520 00:18:43,552 --> 00:18:44,986 Oh, yeah, I've been meaning to talk to him 521 00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:47,122 about some other things... paying rent, 522 00:18:47,123 --> 00:18:49,758 parking his car too far to the left on the drive... 523 00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:52,460 - [Inhales sharply] Ohh! - Mowing the lawn every Sunday. 524 00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:54,596 You gonna talk to him about his drinking? 525 00:18:54,597 --> 00:18:55,864 No, I'm not gonna talk to him about that. 526 00:18:55,865 --> 00:18:56,698 No. Mnh-mnh. 527 00:18:56,699 --> 00:18:57,732 - Don't do that. - No. 528 00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:58,833 - Baby. - Hmm? 529 00:18:58,834 --> 00:19:00,201 Want to go upstairs? 530 00:19:00,202 --> 00:19:01,870 We better hurry before pops comes back. 531 00:19:01,871 --> 00:19:03,571 You know, he could be grabbing a tire iron 532 00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:04,973 or grabbing a ham... I never know. 533 00:19:04,974 --> 00:19:07,275 - Let's go, baby. Come on! - [Laughing] Okay! 534 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:10,645 Law of attraction works in mysterious ways. 535 00:19:10,646 --> 00:19:13,915 I didn't need to be the caveman I was 20 years ago. 536 00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,884 I'm a cave dad now. 537 00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:18,353 [Car alarm chirps, tires screech] 538 00:19:20,763 --> 00:19:22,097 Here's to my love. 539 00:19:22,098 --> 00:19:23,098 [Chair squeaking] 540 00:19:23,099 --> 00:19:25,967 Oh, true apothecary [Gasps] 541 00:19:27,168 --> 00:19:28,836 Thy drugs are quick. 542 00:19:28,837 --> 00:19:29,789 [Shudders] 543 00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:33,460 Thus, with a kiss... I die. 544 00:19:34,108 --> 00:19:36,877 Can't you see other people trying to enjoy the show? 545 00:19:36,878 --> 00:19:39,843 Can't you see all those other seats you could be sitting in? 546 00:19:40,315 --> 00:19:43,684 When are you just gonna stop waking up in the morning? 547 00:19:43,685 --> 00:19:47,455 Question I asked myself every day when I was married to you. 548 00:19:47,456 --> 00:19:51,358 Hearing them snipe like this was music to my ears. 549 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,861 The love affair was over... for now. 550 00:19:53,862 --> 00:19:56,597 Jack and Diane seemed no worse for wear, 551 00:19:56,598 --> 00:19:59,200 and there was only a small fire. 552 00:19:59,201 --> 00:20:01,602 [Laughs maniacally] 553 00:20:01,603 --> 00:20:02,603 Whoo! 554 00:20:05,307 --> 00:20:06,407 Hey, baby. 555 00:20:06,408 --> 00:20:07,775 Hey. 556 00:20:07,776 --> 00:20:09,543 Who's your understudy? 557 00:20:09,544 --> 00:20:10,811 Wait for it. 558 00:20:10,812 --> 00:20:13,547 Yea, noise? 559 00:20:13,548 --> 00:20:15,716 Then I'll be brief. 560 00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:20,554 O happy dagger, this is thy sheath. 561 00:20:20,555 --> 00:20:21,388 [Groans] 562 00:20:21,389 --> 00:20:23,724 There rust... 563 00:20:23,725 --> 00:20:26,727 And let me... die. 564 00:20:29,497 --> 00:20:31,298 [Cheers and applause] [Laughing Oh, my God! 565 00:20:31,299 --> 00:20:33,333 Oh, my God! Yeah! 566 00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:35,502 That was incredible! 567 00:20:35,503 --> 00:20:37,004 Junior! 568 00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:40,407 Oh, my God! 569 00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,576 Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! 570 00:20:42,577 --> 00:20:43,977 Seriously? 571 00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:45,345 This feels right to you? 572 00:20:45,346 --> 00:20:47,346 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com