1 00:00:02,781 --> 00:00:05,649 Behind many a great black man is a strong woman 2 00:00:05,650 --> 00:00:08,853 who sacrificed to raise him right... his mama. 3 00:00:08,854 --> 00:00:10,454 And my mama's the best. 4 00:00:10,922 --> 00:00:12,456 Sorry, other great black men. 5 00:00:12,457 --> 00:00:14,024 Wow. 6 00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:16,560 Tulips, chocolate. 7 00:00:16,561 --> 00:00:18,295 Oh, my God. Wait... Dre. 8 00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:21,965 Are you using the candle you gave me for our anniversary for your mom? 9 00:00:21,966 --> 00:00:24,534 Junior was just in here with that eye-watering puberty funk. 10 00:00:24,535 --> 00:00:26,169 Whew! Whoo. 11 00:00:27,539 --> 00:00:29,072 - Cotton sheets? - Yeah. 12 00:00:29,073 --> 00:00:32,442 Come on. This is my mom, not your mom. 13 00:00:32,443 --> 00:00:34,744 Could have said "anyone." Didn't think that through. 14 00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:36,912 Uh... you know what? 15 00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:38,414 Oh! Why don't you grab the silks? 16 00:00:38,415 --> 00:00:40,850 And while you're doing that, I'm gonna sprinkle potpourri. 17 00:00:40,851 --> 00:00:43,085 - Whoo. - Dre, what are you doing? 18 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,755 You're scattering rose petals like it's the coming of spring. 19 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,623 - Is that what it seems like? - Yeah. 20 00:00:47,624 --> 00:00:49,692 Good. 'Cause that's what I'm going for. 21 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:06,241 Babe, I know you don't always get along with my mom. 22 00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:07,509 Don't blame this on me. 23 00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:09,444 No, your mom is a bit... 24 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:12,147 M-much... to deal with, Dre. 25 00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:14,850 She's always coming at me with those passive-aggressive jabs. 26 00:01:14,851 --> 00:01:16,485 My mother is not out to get you. 27 00:01:17,152 --> 00:01:19,287 Dre, she wore white to our wedding, 28 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,155 she cut in on our first dance, 29 00:01:21,156 --> 00:01:23,024 and she had a coughing fit 30 00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:25,827 when the minister asked if there were any objections. 31 00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:28,796 Unfortunately, no matter what I said, 32 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:32,300 Bow and I always saw my mom's visits a bit differently. 33 00:01:38,740 --> 00:01:42,276 Winter is coming. 34 00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:45,805 Black-ish - 01x08 Oedipal Triangle 35 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,692 I hope grandma Ruby gets here before school. 36 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,794 I am jonesing for a good gift. 37 00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:54,029 Yeah, I bet you are. 38 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,899 Hey, how come she only visits when grandpa pops is in Bermuda? 39 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,235 Oh, it's a special game that divorced people play 40 00:01:59,236 --> 00:02:01,237 called "give me your Lincoln and get out." 41 00:02:01,238 --> 00:02:02,404 Oh! 42 00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:03,405 - She's here! - Me first! 43 00:02:03,406 --> 00:02:04,406 - Me first! - Move! Move! 44 00:02:04,407 --> 00:02:05,708 Okay. 45 00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,509 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Y'all stop! 46 00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:09,645 This is my mama, all right? 47 00:02:12,315 --> 00:02:13,883 Mama! 48 00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:15,851 Baby boy! 49 00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:19,889 Whoo! 50 00:02:21,992 --> 00:02:23,192 Whoo! 51 00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,760 - My babies! - Grandma! 52 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,997 Oh! 53 00:02:28,998 --> 00:02:30,432 Well, hello, Rainbow. 54 00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:31,600 Hi! 55 00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:34,469 Did you do something around your eyes? 56 00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:35,971 You look... 57 00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:36,972 Less tired. 58 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,842 See, baby? She's trying. 59 00:02:40,843 --> 00:02:42,611 Mm. 60 00:02:42,612 --> 00:02:44,012 Who wants presents? 61 00:02:44,013 --> 00:02:45,914 Yeah! 62 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,349 Here we go. 63 00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:48,783 All right. 64 00:02:49,216 --> 00:02:49,984 Voilà! 65 00:02:49,985 --> 00:02:51,452 Nunchuks! 66 00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:53,221 Look! I'm a killer! 67 00:02:53,222 --> 00:02:55,790 Wow! Cute thong, grandma. 68 00:02:55,791 --> 00:02:57,292 Oh, "Grand Theft Auto V"?! 69 00:02:57,293 --> 00:02:59,294 I read they finally got the hooker blood right. 70 00:02:59,295 --> 00:03:00,628 Okay, okay. 71 00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:03,665 And we will see these again in another 10 years. 72 00:03:03,666 --> 00:03:05,433 Hey, hey, hey, babe. 73 00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:07,836 She's just a grandma celebrating her grandkids. 74 00:03:07,837 --> 00:03:09,938 With nunchuks and thongs? 75 00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:13,208 Oh, mama, are you all right? 76 00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:14,342 You need some water? 77 00:03:14,343 --> 00:03:15,844 Oh, God. Don't die. 78 00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:17,178 You mean too much to me. 79 00:03:17,179 --> 00:03:19,280 I'm all right, baby. Okay. 80 00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:22,183 I guess there's just a lot of dust in this house. 81 00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,687 Baby, you gonna have to talk to Rosario, all right? 82 00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:26,621 - Oh... oh? - Yes. 83 00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:27,655 Okay. 84 00:03:27,656 --> 00:03:29,357 I love your hair, grandma. 85 00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:32,160 Oh, thank you, Dee-Dee! 86 00:03:32,161 --> 00:03:34,996 This is all-natural Zulu-Cherokee blend. 87 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,497 Wow. 88 00:03:36,498 --> 00:03:39,434 I don't let anyone hot-comb out my heritage. 89 00:03:39,435 --> 00:03:43,137 Are my ears bleeding, or does it just feel like it? 90 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,474 Hey, mom, let me take you up to your EN suite. 91 00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,443 You're gonna love it. 92 00:03:48,444 --> 00:03:50,345 Okay, let's go. 93 00:03:50,346 --> 00:03:52,380 Hey, baby, get Rosario on the phone. 94 00:03:52,381 --> 00:03:53,781 Oh, you think that's r-Rosario's... 95 00:03:53,782 --> 00:03:55,049 - Yes, it's dusty! - Okay. 96 00:03:57,553 --> 00:03:58,786 I found another gum foil! 97 00:03:58,787 --> 00:03:59,954 Nice! 98 00:03:59,955 --> 00:04:01,689 I'll go add this to the stash in my locker. 99 00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:02,991 As soon as we have 50 pounds, 100 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,993 we can bike it to the Recycling Center. 101 00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:09,964 Okay, stop. 102 00:04:09,965 --> 00:04:12,567 Who's that lady you were picking up garbage with? 103 00:04:12,568 --> 00:04:16,204 Oh, that's no lady. That's Natalie Harris. 104 00:04:16,205 --> 00:04:18,673 Hey, I'm kind of stuck in the friend zone with her. 105 00:04:18,674 --> 00:04:20,375 I need advice on asking her out. 106 00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:22,176 Yeah. Don't. 107 00:04:22,177 --> 00:04:23,378 Huh? 108 00:04:23,379 --> 00:04:24,979 Why do you insult me? 109 00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:28,316 I'm Zoey Johnson. I run the social scene here. 110 00:04:28,317 --> 00:04:32,053 Forget about "hopeshepurells" and let's go big-game hunting, 111 00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,488 like for... 112 00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:35,990 Her. 113 00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:41,029 Kyra Kang-Nussbaum? 114 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,697 She's a held-back senior. 115 00:04:42,698 --> 00:04:44,532 She votes and smokes. 116 00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:46,401 And I heard she got a boob job. 117 00:04:46,402 --> 00:04:47,902 Plus some light butt work. 118 00:04:47,903 --> 00:04:49,671 And I am gonna get you a date with her. 119 00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:51,973 Oh, God. 120 00:04:51,974 --> 00:04:54,409 One of the highlights of my mom's visits 121 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,244 is her soul-icious spread... 122 00:04:56,245 --> 00:04:59,881 Fried pork chops, biscuits, thick-ass gravy. 123 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,549 I was a pig in mud... 124 00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:03,918 Eating another pig. 125 00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:06,520 Gee. Thanks for waiting for me. 126 00:05:06,521 --> 00:05:07,822 Oh, we would have, 127 00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:09,423 but there's nothing worse than clotted gravy. 128 00:05:09,424 --> 00:05:10,725 Nothin' worse! 129 00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:12,827 What happened to the Kale salad I made for dinner? 130 00:05:12,828 --> 00:05:14,562 That wasn't Jumbo Parsley? 131 00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:16,911 - No. - Oh, I'm sorry. 132 00:05:16,912 --> 00:05:18,697 I used it as garnish for the chops. 133 00:05:18,698 --> 00:05:19,933 For the chops! 134 00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,235 Okay, settle down, Jack. 135 00:05:21,236 --> 00:05:22,236 Sweetheart. 136 00:05:22,237 --> 00:05:23,470 - What? - Mnh-mnh. 137 00:05:23,471 --> 00:05:25,211 Baby, get your own meat. 138 00:05:25,212 --> 00:05:27,040 You know you can't eat like this. 139 00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:30,577 Ohhh, but his chipmunk cheeks are so yummy! 140 00:05:30,578 --> 00:05:32,812 Yes, but he needs to watch his numbers. 141 00:05:32,813 --> 00:05:35,448 Oh, now, that's just doctor nonsense. 142 00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:37,150 His heart stops twice a night. 143 00:05:37,884 --> 00:05:39,886 I stop breathing twice a night, okay? 144 00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:40,987 That's different. 145 00:05:40,988 --> 00:05:44,457 Rainbow, honey, I make real food. 146 00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:45,558 Mm-hmm. 147 00:05:45,559 --> 00:05:47,160 Now, you can have your rabbit food 148 00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:49,996 and your yoga... and your therapy. 149 00:05:52,199 --> 00:05:54,500 Um, Ruby... 150 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,536 What exactly do you mean by "therapy"? 151 00:05:56,537 --> 00:06:01,007 Listen, I know you saw a shrink after having the kids. 152 00:06:01,008 --> 00:06:03,376 Not everybody can jump into being a mom. 153 00:06:04,309 --> 00:06:05,243 No judgment. 154 00:06:05,712 --> 00:06:08,581 Therapy's just not something our people do. 155 00:06:08,582 --> 00:06:11,083 We have Jesus... and baths. 156 00:06:12,117 --> 00:06:13,685 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 157 00:06:13,686 --> 00:06:15,053 Can I talk to you for a minute? 158 00:06:15,054 --> 00:06:16,521 - Get in here. - Ow! Ow! 159 00:06:16,522 --> 00:06:17,589 Okay! 160 00:06:18,557 --> 00:06:21,225 How does your mom know I went to therapy? 161 00:06:21,226 --> 00:06:23,861 I may have innocently told her in passing. 162 00:06:23,862 --> 00:06:26,230 Dre! That's personal! 163 00:06:26,231 --> 00:06:28,666 Babe, but her peach cobbler is so sweet, 164 00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,167 it probably made me high. 165 00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:31,736 Don't talk to her about my stuff, okay? 166 00:06:31,737 --> 00:06:33,571 I don't want her throwing it back in my face. 167 00:06:33,572 --> 00:06:35,539 Okay, babe. Y-you're absolutely right. 168 00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:38,576 You know, my mother should have never told you that I told her. 169 00:06:38,577 --> 00:06:41,178 No, Dre. You should have never told your mom. 170 00:06:41,179 --> 00:06:42,346 Right, right, right, right, right. 171 00:06:42,347 --> 00:06:45,216 You know what? I shouldn't talk to my mom. 172 00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:46,851 - Wait a minute. - What? 173 00:06:46,852 --> 00:06:47,885 Are you being sarcastic? 174 00:06:47,886 --> 00:06:49,153 No. 175 00:06:49,154 --> 00:06:51,722 I'm just saying it's crazy for me to talk to my mom. 176 00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:53,756 - Who birthed me. - No, no, no. 177 00:06:53,757 --> 00:06:55,292 I know exactly what you're doing. 178 00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:57,561 You are trying to make me think that you're agreeing with me, 179 00:06:57,562 --> 00:07:00,130 when you are completely not agreeing with me. 180 00:07:00,131 --> 00:07:01,732 Okay, Bow. I'm sorry. 181 00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:03,400 Let me say this clearly so there's no misunderstanding. 182 00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:04,468 Okay. 183 00:07:04,469 --> 00:07:06,069 I will do the very reasonable thing 184 00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:07,504 that you're asking me to do, 185 00:07:07,505 --> 00:07:09,840 which is to never talk to my mom again. 186 00:07:10,188 --> 00:07:11,155 Better? 187 00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:16,145 So I kinda won the battle. 188 00:07:16,146 --> 00:07:17,447 I'm not sure. 189 00:07:17,448 --> 00:07:19,382 But I did know I was gonna lose the war 190 00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,351 unless I made things right with Bow. 191 00:07:21,352 --> 00:07:22,352 What is this? 192 00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:24,888 - A peace offering. - Oh. 193 00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:27,323 I didn't mean to betray your confidence. 194 00:07:27,324 --> 00:07:28,491 Hmm. 195 00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:31,327 Ever since I was a kid, my mama was my go-to. 196 00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:33,997 I never had that relationship with pops. 197 00:07:33,998 --> 00:07:35,999 Emotionally, she's all I had. 198 00:07:37,434 --> 00:07:39,369 I hate it when you move me with poignant honesty 199 00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:40,637 about your damaged childhood. 200 00:07:40,638 --> 00:07:41,704 Very damaged. 201 00:07:42,072 --> 00:07:44,407 Homemade skateboard. Never had a pet. 202 00:07:44,408 --> 00:07:46,175 A latch-key with no latch... 203 00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,277 Just a loose key in my pocket. 204 00:07:48,278 --> 00:07:50,046 And my mama. 205 00:07:50,047 --> 00:07:51,881 Well, now you have me. 206 00:07:51,882 --> 00:07:54,417 Dre, I don't want you to talk to your mom about me. 207 00:07:54,784 --> 00:07:57,219 I want me and you to talk about your mom. 208 00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,889 Baby, how about we just forget about her? 209 00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,790 All right? 210 00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:05,261 So let's clean the slate with this nice, warm bath 211 00:08:05,262 --> 00:08:06,295 that I may get into. 212 00:08:06,296 --> 00:08:07,630 Oh. 213 00:08:07,631 --> 00:08:11,066 Spoiler alert... I will get into. 214 00:08:12,102 --> 00:08:13,536 Mm. I'm not hating that idea. 215 00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:14,637 - Nor should you. - Oh! 216 00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:16,605 I am here to serve you. 217 00:08:16,606 --> 00:08:17,540 Well. 218 00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:21,644 Okay, babe. 219 00:08:21,645 --> 00:08:23,045 Let me go give her some water. 220 00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:24,880 That does not sound like you serving me. 221 00:08:24,881 --> 00:08:27,583 Trust me... you do not want a dry hacking cough 222 00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:29,852 to be the soundtrack to tub love, all right? 223 00:08:29,853 --> 00:08:32,021 Now just slide right in. I'll be right back. 224 00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:34,957 Okay. 225 00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:44,166 Where the hell is he? 226 00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:46,802 Dre? 227 00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:47,736 Dr... 228 00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:53,776 - Dre! - Huh! Huh? Huh? 229 00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:54,977 Seriously?! 230 00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:58,080 Oh, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, baby, 231 00:08:58,081 --> 00:08:59,682 I-it's not what it looks like. 232 00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:01,250 I just ate too many biscuits. 233 00:09:01,251 --> 00:09:03,352 It was an over-the-cover biscuit nap! 234 00:09:05,288 --> 00:09:08,524 Look at her trailing that water all across the floor. 235 00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:12,294 Maybe it'll mop up some of that dust. 236 00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:21,067 Between my mom's cough and Bow making me sleep on the couch, 237 00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:22,735 I'm beginning to question 238 00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:25,362 my decision to skimp on nice furniture. 239 00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,730 Mochi balls on the neck? 240 00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:28,958 That can only mean one thing... 241 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,143 Pit bull attack. 242 00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:32,579 No, man. Bow's just trippin'. 243 00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:35,148 Women be shoppin'. Right? 244 00:09:35,149 --> 00:09:36,382 Come on, playa. 245 00:09:36,383 --> 00:09:37,550 What'd you do, Dre? 246 00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:41,087 My wife caught me in bed with my mama. 247 00:09:41,821 --> 00:09:43,288 It was just a nap, fool, all right? 248 00:09:43,656 --> 00:09:45,024 Nothing wrong with that. 249 00:09:45,025 --> 00:09:47,393 Back me up, Charlie. Tell them this is what brothers do, right? 250 00:09:47,394 --> 00:09:49,128 No. Brothers do not do that. 251 00:09:49,129 --> 00:09:49,962 What? 252 00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:51,230 No, I'm-a say it again. 253 00:09:51,231 --> 00:09:53,799 Brothers do not do that. 254 00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,806 There's only one way out of this, Dre. 255 00:09:57,136 --> 00:09:59,159 You got to pretend like you have an addiction 256 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,427 by napping with everyone you know. 257 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,642 Saved my marriage. 258 00:10:03,643 --> 00:10:05,310 Look, Dre, you just got to make sure 259 00:10:05,311 --> 00:10:08,046 Bow and your mama feel equally loved. 260 00:10:08,047 --> 00:10:09,615 Trust me... I got two groups of people 261 00:10:09,616 --> 00:10:11,183 in two different parts of the country 262 00:10:11,184 --> 00:10:13,619 that I gots to love exactly the same. 263 00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:14,853 Charlie. 264 00:10:14,854 --> 00:10:16,488 Do you have two families? 265 00:10:16,489 --> 00:10:17,789 What? No! 266 00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,325 W-why would you even come at me like that? 267 00:10:20,326 --> 00:10:21,493 Oh. My bad. 268 00:10:21,494 --> 00:10:23,028 But I do need to have half my paycheck 269 00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,797 sent to a P.O. box in Phoenix for unrelated reasons. 270 00:10:26,831 --> 00:10:28,733 I think "big love" is onto something. 271 00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:30,168 Right? Follow me on this. 272 00:10:30,169 --> 00:10:33,404 Love them equally, but keep them separate, right? 273 00:10:33,405 --> 00:10:35,306 Separate but equal. 274 00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:37,775 What's that look? 275 00:10:37,776 --> 00:10:38,876 Have you tried this before? 276 00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:40,344 You know what? 277 00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,980 I've got to get me some actual friends. 278 00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:44,582 Okay, here's the plan. 279 00:10:44,583 --> 00:10:46,617 You walk up to Kyra. I'll be your brain. 280 00:10:46,618 --> 00:10:47,819 Here. 281 00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:49,887 Oh. No, thanks. I waterpik after every meal. 282 00:10:49,888 --> 00:10:51,422 No, idiot. 283 00:10:51,423 --> 00:10:53,658 Ryan gosling said five words in "Drive" 284 00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:56,027 and still got a married woman with just this. 285 00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:57,028 You know what? 286 00:10:58,497 --> 00:10:59,530 Walk. 287 00:11:05,304 --> 00:11:06,971 I'm Cho... I'm choking. 288 00:11:06,972 --> 00:11:08,706 No, you're fine. 289 00:11:08,707 --> 00:11:11,197 Just stay confident and say hi. 290 00:11:11,509 --> 00:11:12,943 H-hi. 291 00:11:13,611 --> 00:11:15,179 What? 292 00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:17,047 Now compliment her lip gloss. 293 00:11:17,048 --> 00:11:19,650 Uh, cool gloss. Does it last all day? 294 00:11:19,651 --> 00:11:22,286 No! Not like you want to borrow it! 295 00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,353 You know what? Never mind. 296 00:11:23,354 --> 00:11:24,321 Just laugh, 297 00:11:24,322 --> 00:11:25,355 but not too hard. 298 00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:28,225 O... kay. 299 00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:31,094 Now break eye contact and check out another girl. 300 00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:32,696 The blonde to your left. 301 00:11:35,133 --> 00:11:38,368 And that's how you drop a jealousy bomb. 302 00:11:38,369 --> 00:11:41,017 Now casually touch Kyra's elbow, and we're golden. 303 00:11:42,139 --> 00:11:45,742 Graze like a player. Don't linger like a pervert. 304 00:11:45,743 --> 00:11:49,445 Oh. Free-styling small talk. Not bad! 305 00:11:49,446 --> 00:11:51,314 See you later. 306 00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:52,715 Ohhhh. 307 00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:56,185 Oh, my God! She asked me out! 308 00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:58,368 Actually, she asked me out. 309 00:11:59,590 --> 00:12:01,958 So, Josh's "separate but equal" suggestion 310 00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:03,459 Was horribly offensive, 311 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,329 but repackaged as "different but the same"? 312 00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:08,531 That could work. 313 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,135 Oh, my God. 314 00:12:12,136 --> 00:12:13,202 Oh. 315 00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:16,205 Welcome, milady. 316 00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,573 Dre! 317 00:12:17,574 --> 00:12:19,776 This is where you proposed to me. 318 00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:21,543 Mm-hmm. 319 00:12:21,544 --> 00:12:24,580 A special place for my true love. 320 00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:25,547 Aww. 321 00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:27,082 Baby boy! 322 00:12:29,119 --> 00:12:31,453 I got your GPS text. 323 00:12:31,454 --> 00:12:33,389 - You sent her one, too? - Mm-hmm. 324 00:12:33,390 --> 00:12:35,557 Oh, my God, Dre. 325 00:12:35,558 --> 00:12:38,627 This is where you told me you got into college! 326 00:12:38,628 --> 00:12:40,462 Hold on. 327 00:12:40,463 --> 00:12:43,599 Am I hearing that I got sloppy seconds on an overlook? 328 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,234 When were you here before? 329 00:12:45,235 --> 00:12:46,902 This is my proposal spot. 330 00:12:46,903 --> 00:12:48,037 Well, it was my spot first! 331 00:12:48,038 --> 00:12:49,605 Okay, ladies, ladies, ladies, look. 332 00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,674 It's both your spot, all right? 333 00:12:51,675 --> 00:12:53,575 I love this spot. 334 00:12:53,576 --> 00:12:55,210 Which I thought was my spot. 335 00:12:55,211 --> 00:12:56,779 But we all know it's mine. 336 00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:59,381 Okay, look. Please, please. I love you both. 337 00:12:59,749 --> 00:13:01,717 But this is killing me. 338 00:13:01,718 --> 00:13:04,619 I'm doing my best to try to get you guys together. 339 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,021 I'm sweating over here. 340 00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:09,533 Look at this! I made finger sandwiches! 341 00:13:10,793 --> 00:13:12,760 He made sandwiches. 342 00:13:13,128 --> 00:13:15,130 But he probably didn't wash his hands. 343 00:13:15,131 --> 00:13:16,765 He never does. 344 00:13:16,766 --> 00:13:18,199 Mmm! 345 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,734 Dirty boy. 346 00:13:19,735 --> 00:13:21,936 Ohh. Filthy, filthy man. 347 00:13:23,939 --> 00:13:24,939 Whoo! 348 00:13:26,242 --> 00:13:29,644 I didn't mind taking a couple of hits 349 00:13:29,645 --> 00:13:32,047 if it meant they were getting along. 350 00:13:32,048 --> 00:13:33,415 And they weren't wrong. 351 00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,116 I did not wash my hands. 352 00:13:35,117 --> 00:13:38,320 I came straight from work, stopped to get gas, 353 00:13:38,321 --> 00:13:41,389 and then made the sandwiches in my back seat. 354 00:13:42,123 --> 00:13:45,393 So, for 16 hours, we had peace... 355 00:13:45,394 --> 00:13:49,030 Until my mom did something you just don't do. 356 00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:51,299 Look who's got a new natural! 357 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,767 Oh, no. 358 00:13:52,768 --> 00:13:56,808 Ruby, you cannot just change Diane's hair 359 00:13:56,809 --> 00:13:57,943 without asking me first. 360 00:13:57,944 --> 00:13:59,172 Mnh-mnh. 361 00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:00,307 Oh, I'm sorry. 362 00:14:00,308 --> 00:14:02,075 I-I'm just introducing the baby 363 00:14:02,076 --> 00:14:04,578 to her Zulu-Cherokee heritage. 364 00:14:04,579 --> 00:14:05,846 You're not Cherokee! 365 00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:07,714 Look, I don't get what the problem is. 366 00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,116 The baby loves it. 367 00:14:09,117 --> 00:14:10,484 And I love it. 368 00:14:10,485 --> 00:14:12,219 But until she's old enough to do her hair herself, 369 00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:14,721 then it's just easier for me to do it the way I do it. 370 00:14:14,722 --> 00:14:15,956 So what you're saying is 371 00:14:15,957 --> 00:14:17,724 you don't have time to take care of your kids. 372 00:14:17,725 --> 00:14:19,760 - What?! - Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies! 373 00:14:19,761 --> 00:14:20,794 Okay, let's not fight. 374 00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:23,964 Diane can't handle this. 375 00:14:23,965 --> 00:14:26,366 I'm fine. I don't internalize things. 376 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:27,601 People disagree. 377 00:14:27,602 --> 00:14:29,803 You see what you've done to her? She's broken! 378 00:14:29,804 --> 00:14:31,838 Okay, I'm sorry. Let's just drop it. 379 00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:33,006 Oh, see? She dropped it, baby. 380 00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,274 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 381 00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:36,109 I was just curious about your parenting choices. 382 00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:37,277 No judgment. 383 00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:38,912 "No judgment"? You know what, Ruby? 384 00:14:38,913 --> 00:14:40,547 You can't just put "no" in front of a word 385 00:14:40,548 --> 00:14:41,882 and make it go away, 386 00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:43,951 because if I could, I would just say "no Ruby"! 387 00:14:43,952 --> 00:14:45,786 - What? - No Ruby! 388 00:14:45,787 --> 00:14:46,720 No Ruby! 389 00:14:48,623 --> 00:14:50,857 She's still here. 390 00:14:57,195 --> 00:14:59,263 - Bow. - What? 391 00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:02,332 My mother was completely out of pocket, okay? 392 00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,468 That thing with Diane's hair... That wasn't cool. 393 00:15:04,469 --> 00:15:05,602 Whatever. It's fine. 394 00:15:05,603 --> 00:15:07,437 I'm not gonna let her bother me anymore. 395 00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:09,339 - Good for you, babe. - Oh, my God! 396 00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:10,640 She bothers me! 397 00:15:10,641 --> 00:15:12,075 Why does she rile me like this? 398 00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:13,143 Rile you? 399 00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:14,811 Yeah. I'm so riled! I'm riled, Dre! 400 00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:16,079 Oh, yeah, you're pretty riled. 401 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,714 Why does she have this weird power over me 402 00:15:17,715 --> 00:15:19,082 after all these years? 403 00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:21,118 I have to go in the bathroom and cry 404 00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:23,220 every time she makes a comment about my dusty house? 405 00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:24,388 I mean, is the house that dusty? 406 00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:25,689 I don't think the house is that dusty. 407 00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:26,690 - Babe. - Maybe it's dusty. 408 00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:27,991 - Babe. - Is it dusty? 409 00:15:27,992 --> 00:15:29,326 - Babe, babe, babe, come here. - I think it's normal dusty. 410 00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,294 Come here. Shh. 411 00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:32,729 Easy, girl. 412 00:15:33,281 --> 00:15:34,964 Easy, girl. 413 00:15:34,965 --> 00:15:36,366 Shhh! 414 00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,067 Are you horse-whispering me? 415 00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:39,435 Is it working? 416 00:15:39,436 --> 00:15:41,337 I do feel less riled. 417 00:15:41,338 --> 00:15:43,673 Okay. Let's go back to the stables. Come on. 418 00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:51,314 Oh, my God. Where have you been? 419 00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:53,482 Were you actually worried about me? 420 00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,451 No. What?! Shut up. 421 00:15:55,452 --> 00:15:57,553 I was worried about my reputation. 422 00:15:57,554 --> 00:15:59,922 Now, how did our date with Kyra go? 423 00:15:59,923 --> 00:16:01,290 Dish. 424 00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,993 Well, after chipotle... paid for by Moi... 425 00:16:03,994 --> 00:16:05,528 She drove us back to her house. 426 00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:06,662 - Seriously? - Mm-hmm. 427 00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:09,565 Wow. I'm more powerful than I thought. 428 00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:10,566 Then what? 429 00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:11,967 She took me to her room... 430 00:16:11,968 --> 00:16:13,135 Uh-huh. 431 00:16:13,136 --> 00:16:15,237 - Turned out the lights... - Yeah? 432 00:16:15,238 --> 00:16:16,405 And asked me to edit 433 00:16:16,406 --> 00:16:18,006 her audition video for "The Bachelor." 434 00:16:18,007 --> 00:16:19,174 Wait... what? 435 00:16:19,175 --> 00:16:22,144 Don't worry... I didn't use any star wipes. 436 00:16:22,145 --> 00:16:24,980 I kept it very elegant. Not too cutty. 437 00:16:24,981 --> 00:16:27,449 What in the world is wrong with you? 438 00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,986 Kyra used your nerdiness to try and win a husband on TV. 439 00:16:30,987 --> 00:16:33,255 I guess. 440 00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:35,123 Aw, man. 441 00:16:35,491 --> 00:16:38,760 I spent a lot of time on that thing... like hours. 442 00:16:38,761 --> 00:16:40,629 Oh, my God. 443 00:16:40,630 --> 00:16:42,430 I got played. 444 00:16:42,431 --> 00:16:44,833 Is this what it feels like to be you? 445 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:47,869 I'm totally gonna fail my math test tomorrow. 446 00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,105 I haven't even opened the book. 447 00:16:50,106 --> 00:16:51,973 It's like 30% of my grade. 448 00:16:56,512 --> 00:16:58,179 Okay. 449 00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,215 Now, you know why my mom acts this way, right? 450 00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:02,083 No. 451 00:17:02,816 --> 00:17:04,585 Because we've been together 16 years, 452 00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:06,988 and she thought you wouldn't last the first two weeks. 453 00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:09,891 But you're not going anywhere. 454 00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:11,058 Mnh-mnh. 455 00:17:11,059 --> 00:17:11,959 We're not going anywhere. 456 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:12,994 No. 457 00:17:12,995 --> 00:17:15,029 And whether you know it or not... 458 00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:16,264 You won. 459 00:17:16,265 --> 00:17:18,266 So you're my prize? 460 00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:20,767 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! 461 00:17:20,768 --> 00:17:22,202 Come here. 462 00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:23,237 - Yeah, okay. - Come on. 463 00:17:23,238 --> 00:17:25,272 I need some arms around me. 464 00:17:25,273 --> 00:17:26,607 Oh, I got you, babe. 465 00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,442 Ohhhh. 466 00:17:30,178 --> 00:17:31,411 Oh, my... 467 00:17:31,412 --> 00:17:33,413 Go. Go! Go ahead, go! 468 00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:34,715 - No. No. - Go! 469 00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:36,550 You know that cough isn't even real? 470 00:17:37,952 --> 00:17:39,786 She just uses it to get attention. 471 00:17:39,787 --> 00:17:42,456 You know, growing up, as kids, when she wasn't around, 472 00:17:42,457 --> 00:17:44,057 we would call her "Coughy Klatch." 473 00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:47,127 Oh, my God. 474 00:17:47,128 --> 00:17:48,061 "Here come Coughy Klatch." 475 00:17:49,564 --> 00:17:51,098 Okay, please, no more. Please, no more. 476 00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:52,399 Okay. 477 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,434 So, like a good husband, I held strong 478 00:17:54,435 --> 00:17:58,162 and slept with my wife instead of my mom. 479 00:17:58,163 --> 00:18:00,307 Hold your head down, baby. 480 00:18:00,308 --> 00:18:03,276 Be real still. Let grandma get you kitschy. 481 00:18:03,277 --> 00:18:05,212 What's going on? 482 00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:06,413 Oh, hey, Bow. 483 00:18:06,414 --> 00:18:08,114 You know, I thought it over last night, 484 00:18:08,115 --> 00:18:09,649 and I just want to say I'm sorry. 485 00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:12,786 It was not my place to do what I did, 486 00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,321 so I'm undoing it. 487 00:18:14,322 --> 00:18:17,491 Thank you... Ruby. 488 00:18:17,492 --> 00:18:19,793 A woman shouldn't have to feel riled up in her own home. 489 00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:23,430 You have got to be kidding me! 490 00:18:23,431 --> 00:18:25,232 Bow, I was trying to help, baby. 491 00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:27,467 Ooh, this is messy! 492 00:18:27,468 --> 00:18:31,037 See, that's why me and Dre keep it absolutely 100. 493 00:18:31,038 --> 00:18:32,939 Ha ha! No secrets. 494 00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,441 Well... oh... really? 495 00:18:34,442 --> 00:18:35,976 Bow... 496 00:18:35,977 --> 00:18:38,362 So you know that he calls you "Coughy Klatch" 497 00:18:38,363 --> 00:18:39,430 behind your back? 498 00:18:39,431 --> 00:18:40,813 What? 499 00:18:40,814 --> 00:18:43,516 A-fake, a-fake, a-fake. 500 00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:44,550 Look, mama... 501 00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:46,219 Ohhh! Baby boy, I... 502 00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,521 Mama... I... 503 00:18:48,522 --> 00:18:49,856 Mama, I was just... 504 00:18:49,857 --> 00:18:52,358 Damn it, Bow, how could you tell her that? 505 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:54,193 "Coughy Klatch" was between us! 506 00:18:54,194 --> 00:18:55,795 Now you know how it feels. 507 00:18:55,796 --> 00:18:57,096 Oh... 508 00:18:58,298 --> 00:19:00,333 Great timing, dad. Really. 509 00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:08,050 So, after getting three combs and a brush 510 00:19:08,051 --> 00:19:09,352 stuck in Diane's hair, 511 00:19:09,353 --> 00:19:11,554 I had to call in the only woman left in this house 512 00:19:11,555 --> 00:19:13,022 that was still talking to me. 513 00:19:13,023 --> 00:19:15,625 Stop tugging! She's tender-headed. 514 00:19:15,626 --> 00:19:18,694 Thank you. He ignored my screams. 515 00:19:18,695 --> 00:19:21,164 I really screwed this up, Zo. 516 00:19:21,165 --> 00:19:22,498 Yeah, you really did. 517 00:19:22,499 --> 00:19:25,001 By trying to make mom and grandma equal, 518 00:19:25,002 --> 00:19:27,303 you've created an emotional half-fro. 519 00:19:27,671 --> 00:19:29,472 Interesting metaphor. 520 00:19:29,473 --> 00:19:31,540 Yeah, here's the thing about girls, dad... 521 00:19:31,541 --> 00:19:33,642 You can only have one number 1 at a time. 522 00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:34,844 Hmm. 523 00:19:34,845 --> 00:19:37,012 First it's your mom, then it's your wife, 524 00:19:37,013 --> 00:19:38,214 then it's the daughter 525 00:19:38,215 --> 00:19:40,449 you leave all your money to when you die. 526 00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:41,884 Wait. 527 00:19:41,885 --> 00:19:44,353 Point is, anything else violates the natural order. 528 00:19:44,354 --> 00:19:46,088 Natural order. 529 00:19:46,089 --> 00:19:48,123 You might be onto something. 530 00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,394 Good luck with that mess. 531 00:19:52,395 --> 00:19:53,429 Help me. 532 00:19:58,168 --> 00:19:59,568 Wow. 533 00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:01,537 Looks amazing. 534 00:20:01,538 --> 00:20:04,573 Well, you are not getting so much as a nibble 535 00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:06,141 until you admit 536 00:20:06,142 --> 00:20:10,513 I have medically diagnosed chronic bronchitis. 537 00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:14,149 Mom, you raised me to be strong. 538 00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:17,720 You gave me the tools to survive and succeed in a hard world, 539 00:20:17,721 --> 00:20:20,289 and I wouldn't be half the man I am today 540 00:20:20,290 --> 00:20:22,725 without the wisdom you instilled in me. 541 00:20:22,726 --> 00:20:25,394 Now, there's my Andre. 542 00:20:25,395 --> 00:20:26,595 Aww. 543 00:20:26,596 --> 00:20:27,796 And, mom, 544 00:20:27,797 --> 00:20:30,499 that wisdom is telling me to tell you right now 545 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,835 to back off when it comes to Bow. 546 00:20:32,836 --> 00:20:34,737 You mean the spot stealer? 547 00:20:34,738 --> 00:20:38,007 First of all, it's my spot, all right? 548 00:20:38,008 --> 00:20:40,776 And Bow is my wife of 16 years. 549 00:20:40,777 --> 00:20:43,078 You will always be my mother, 550 00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:45,381 but Bow is my number 1... 551 00:20:45,382 --> 00:20:47,283 For now and forever. 552 00:20:47,284 --> 00:20:50,119 Ohhhh. 553 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,321 Thank you, baby. 554 00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,691 Bow. 555 00:20:54,692 --> 00:20:55,925 Looks awesome, grandma! Let's eat! 556 00:20:55,926 --> 00:20:57,726 Oh, oh. Hey, hey, hey, kids. 557 00:20:57,727 --> 00:20:59,562 Slow your roll. Slow your roll, all right? 558 00:20:59,563 --> 00:21:01,997 Tonight, we're gonna eat your mother's little red pebbles. 559 00:21:01,998 --> 00:21:03,198 It's quinoa. 560 00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:04,432 Ah. So it is. 561 00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:06,433 - Yes. Quinoa. - Hey, hey, hey. 562 00:21:06,434 --> 00:21:09,884 Jack, hide that meat loaf in my car. 563 00:21:09,885 --> 00:21:11,885 Hmm. 564 00:21:14,354 --> 00:21:17,149 Looks like I raised you an amazing husband. 565 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:19,150 Hm. 566 00:21:19,151 --> 00:21:20,837 You're welcome. 567 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:32,867 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com