1
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,808
Halloween has always
been my favorite holiday,

2
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,976
and not just because it lets me show off

3
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:13,212
my killer decorating skills.

4
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,816
What? It doesn't look like a John Woo movie

5
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,617
when you decorate for Halloween?

6
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,454
Hmm. You must not be doing it right.

7
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,527
But what I love most about Halloween

8
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,397
is a Johnson family
tradition I like to call

9
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,133
"pranking the living
crap out of each other."

10
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,234
Guys, come here.

11
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,302
Come meet your new cousin, Colton.

12
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,770
Aunt Jill says be very careful

13
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,505
- when you hold him, all right?
- So sweet.

14
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,242
You thought you killed the baby!

15
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:45,744
It's not real!

16
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,513
Bam! Oh, he kicked the baby!

17
00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:54,709
But the kids also hold
their own with the pranks,

18
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,139
especially Zoey.

19
00:00:57,668 --> 00:01:00,724
Hey, Junior, there's a girl
named Sophie calling you.

20
00:01:00,726 --> 00:01:01,693
Sophie?

21
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,795
Sophie's calling me?

22
00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:04,395
Whoa!

23
00:01:05,931 --> 00:01:07,231
Sophie.

24
00:01:07,299 --> 00:01:09,567
But when it comes to
the most devilish pranks,

25
00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:11,369
no one can stop me.

26
00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:13,271
What is...

27
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,572
A bra?

28
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,507
That's why they call me "the prank king."

29
00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:17,642
Trashy purple underwear?

30
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:18,943
What's going on?

31
00:01:19,011 --> 00:01:20,011
Who's in there?

32
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:21,012
- Who is in there?!
- What?

33
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,113
- Who's in the closet?
- Nobody.

34
00:01:22,181 --> 00:01:23,581
- Who's in the closet?
- What closet?

35
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,453
You thought dad was
blowing up your marriage.

36
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,254
I'm telling you.

37
00:01:30,322 --> 00:01:33,291
This long-standing tradition
really bonds us together...

38
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:36,461
At least, it does when Bow
can take a freakin' joke.

39
00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:38,329
Good going, you guys.

40
00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:39,973
Black-ish - 01x06
"The Prank King"

41
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,877
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com

42
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:46,704
Oh, look at that...

43
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:49,307
A fake spider in my night-guard case.

44
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:50,808
Aww.

45
00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:52,143
The twins must have tried to prank me.

46
00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:55,113
Stupid twins.

47
00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:56,814
Oh, my God.

48
00:01:56,882 --> 00:01:57,815
Huh?

49
00:01:57,883 --> 00:01:59,283
- It's you.
- What?

50
00:01:59,351 --> 00:02:00,985
You're the stupid twins.

51
00:02:01,053 --> 00:02:02,553
Come on, Bow.

52
00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:04,288
Make an effort.

53
00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:06,023
- Oh, that was my warm up.
- Oh?

54
00:02:06,091 --> 00:02:07,592
You just need to prepare

55
00:02:07,659 --> 00:02:10,161
to be dethroned this year, prank king.

56
00:02:10,229 --> 00:02:11,629
What? Oh. Oh, you...

57
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:13,498
- You really think you're gonna get me?
- Yeah.

58
00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:15,199
Huh. Your poker face gives away more

59
00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:17,335
than an episode of
"Oprah's favorite things."

60
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:19,170
I knew it!

61
00:02:19,238 --> 00:02:21,472
Secret Oprah fan. Yes!

62
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:24,142
Yes, I am. I miss her every day.

63
00:02:24,209 --> 00:02:25,309
Don't you love her?

64
00:02:25,377 --> 00:02:26,511
Here's a tip from the prank king.

65
00:02:26,578 --> 00:02:28,012
Okay. Fake spiders...

66
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,046
- Yes?
- ... Bush league.

67
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:30,214
- Oh, come on.
- You want to prank?

68
00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:31,482
- Use real spiders.
- What?

69
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:32,750
- Like that one.
- What?

70
00:02:33,819 --> 00:02:34,919
Oh!

71
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,754
Oh, hey, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe.

72
00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:38,755
I was joking, all right?

73
00:02:38,757 --> 00:02:40,391
- It's fake.
- What?

74
00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:42,593
But the superglue on that magazine?

75
00:02:42,661 --> 00:02:43,594
Totally real.

76
00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:44,729
What?

77
00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:46,230
Dre, that is not funny.

78
00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,298
- Dre!
- Yes, it is!

79
00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:48,766
Dre, I have surgery in the morning.

80
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,501
Well, I'm about to go to bed.

81
00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:51,502
What?!

82
00:02:56,808 --> 00:02:58,108
- Babe?
- Hmm?

83
00:02:58,110 --> 00:02:59,076
What was that?

84
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:00,677
I didn't hear anything.

85
00:03:00,679 --> 00:03:01,679
You're so paranoid.

86
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:03,347
You always think you hear something, Dre.

87
00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:05,283
No, no, babe. I definitely heard something.

88
00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,084
- Hmm?
- This could be it...

89
00:03:07,152 --> 00:03:08,419
- The home invasion.
- What?

90
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:09,921
Okay, babe, babe, babe,
babe. You go and check.

91
00:03:09,988 --> 00:03:11,055
- No! What?
- Go check.

92
00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:12,089
Dre, you go check.

93
00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:13,257
Okay, you're right. You're right.

94
00:03:13,325 --> 00:03:14,992
- I'll go check. I'll go check.
- Okay.

95
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:22,433
All right, family room... clear.

96
00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:24,335
- Patio... clear.
- What?

97
00:03:24,403 --> 00:03:25,937
Fridge... too clear.

98
00:03:26,004 --> 00:03:27,605
- You got to shop. What?
- Dre.

99
00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:29,740
Why do you have a camera
in the refrigerator?

100
00:03:29,808 --> 00:03:32,210
To see what's in there to determine
if I'm gonna go downstairs or not.

101
00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:35,346
- You know, saves me a trip.
- You are the laziest man I ever met.

102
00:03:35,414 --> 00:03:36,347
What?

103
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:37,648
Are there any grapes in there?

104
00:03:37,716 --> 00:03:39,217
- Uh, no.
- Oh.

105
00:03:39,284 --> 00:03:40,551
What?

106
00:03:40,619 --> 00:03:42,153
Oh.

107
00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:43,921
Hey, babies.

108
00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:46,190
Diane had a nightmare and told me about it,

109
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:48,159
and now I'm more scared than she is.

110
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:50,027
Can we sleep in your room tonight?

111
00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:51,095
Yeah, come on. Come on, come on.

112
00:03:51,163 --> 00:03:52,730
Get in here. Just get up.

113
00:03:52,798 --> 00:03:53,965
Get in here.

114
00:03:54,032 --> 00:03:55,500
Ow.

115
00:03:57,536 --> 00:03:59,537
This is nice. Mm-hmm.

116
00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:03,407
What the...

117
00:04:03,475 --> 00:04:04,408
We wet the bed.

118
00:04:04,476 --> 00:04:05,843
You guys got pranked!

119
00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:07,645
Boo-yah!

120
00:04:07,713 --> 00:04:09,146
Unh-unh.

121
00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:11,349
These are 1,200-thread-count sheets.

122
00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:12,750
Family meeting! Now!

123
00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:13,784
Let's go.

124
00:04:13,852 --> 00:04:14,819
What does that mean?

125
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:16,087
Hey!

126
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,822
All right, now, as you all know,

127
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,557
pranking each other on Halloween

128
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:23,127
is a long and glorious
Johnson family tradition.

129
00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:24,562
We know, dad.

130
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:26,264
So why do we need to hear about
it in the middle of the night?

131
00:04:26,331 --> 00:04:29,000
Because the youngest members
of our team are confused

132
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:31,602
as to what constitutes a prank.

133
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:33,037
We peed on daddy.

134
00:04:33,105 --> 00:04:35,373
Again, not a prank.

135
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,375
Hey, now, I'm gonna need you guys
to look to Zoey as your role model

136
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:41,012
'cause she is an evil genius.

137
00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:44,015
I mean, Sophie really calling you?

138
00:04:44,082 --> 00:04:47,618
Why would she even have your number, huh?

139
00:04:47,686 --> 00:04:49,420
- Hey, but I...
- Shut up!

140
00:04:49,488 --> 00:04:51,556
Baby girl, I'm really excited

141
00:04:51,623 --> 00:04:53,391
about what you have planned
this year, all right?

142
00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:56,894
Now, if you can somehow arrange
it so he ends up publicly naked...

143
00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:59,830
- Whoo! That's a prank.
- I hate to break it to you,

144
00:04:59,898 --> 00:05:01,365
but not really sure I'm
gonna prank this year.

145
00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:03,367
Not really feeling it anymore.

146
00:05:03,435 --> 00:05:04,735
- Wow.
- What do you mean?

147
00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,437
What do you mean, you're
not gonna prank this year?

148
00:05:06,505 --> 00:05:09,640
Baby, you're the only one that
inherited my pranking gene.

149
00:05:09,708 --> 00:05:11,175
- Hey!
- Hey.

150
00:05:11,243 --> 00:05:12,376
Why don't you want to do it anymore, baby?

151
00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:13,644
Yeah.

152
00:05:13,712 --> 00:05:15,246
I don't know. It's just kind of lame.

153
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:16,581
I feel like I've outgrown it.

154
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:18,249
Oh. Okay.

155
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,952
Hilarious!

156
00:05:23,088 --> 00:05:24,555
What, you're serious?

157
00:05:24,623 --> 00:05:26,490
Babe, you don't outgrow pranking.

158
00:05:26,558 --> 00:05:28,159
Bow, are you hearing this nonsense?

159
00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:30,928
- I am, sweetheart. She's a teenager now.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

160
00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:33,197
- These things are bound to happen.
- Oh, not to me.

161
00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:35,499
Yeah, dad. I'm 15.

162
00:05:36,668 --> 00:05:38,869
I'm out.

163
00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:40,004
Ohh.

164
00:05:41,807 --> 00:05:43,608
Family meeting adjourned!

165
00:05:43,675 --> 00:05:44,842
Kids...

166
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,090
- Don't look at me.
- It's okay, sweetie.

167
00:05:47,157 --> 00:05:48,579
- Don't look at your father.
- No!

168
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:50,648
But she decided to bail
on the family tradition

169
00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:52,550
that we've worked years at building, man.

170
00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,852
This is the kind of stuff
that tears families apart.

171
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,722
The family that pranks
together stays together.

172
00:05:57,789 --> 00:05:59,523
Wait, Dre. I think it's "prays."

173
00:05:59,591 --> 00:06:01,692
Uh, Kris, I think you work for me.

174
00:06:03,395 --> 00:06:04,328
Oh, God!

175
00:06:04,396 --> 00:06:05,896
It stings so bad!

176
00:06:05,964 --> 00:06:07,531
Boo-to-the-ya!

177
00:06:07,599 --> 00:06:09,734
You just got Josh'd!

178
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:11,469
Josh... not my favorite guy,

179
00:06:11,536 --> 00:06:14,705
mostly because he's always
asking me if I know Jay-Z.

180
00:06:14,773 --> 00:06:16,374
But this... solid prank.

181
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:18,643
This is scalding hot coffee.

182
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,411
Burned twice.

183
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:22,580
Why is everyone standing
around, not working?

184
00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:23,848
I pranked Kris.

185
00:06:23,915 --> 00:06:26,867
Made his pour scalding hot
coffee all over his body.

186
00:06:27,819 --> 00:06:29,052
Outstanding.

187
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,854
Hey, good one, Josh.

188
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:32,489
Oh, thanks, Dr. Driggity Dre.

189
00:06:32,557 --> 00:06:34,758
That means a lot,
especially coming from you.

190
00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:36,159
Why is that?

191
00:06:36,227 --> 00:06:39,129
Well, I know bros aren't
exactly into pranks.

192
00:06:39,197 --> 00:06:41,698
Bros tend to be a little
touchy about being startled.

193
00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:44,534
I think they're startled at the comfort
level in which you use the word "bro."

194
00:06:44,602 --> 00:06:47,504
But, hey, I love pranks, all right?

195
00:06:47,572 --> 00:06:49,615
Everybody enjoys a good prank.

196
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,508
- Boom.
- I am so not okay.

197
00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:54,877
Oh, maybe you should get to the hospital.
We'll roll calls when you get back.

198
00:06:54,879 --> 00:06:56,680
Ow! All right, buddy?

199
00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:00,116
- Hey, babe.
- Hmm?

200
00:07:00,184 --> 00:07:03,818
Big news. I found a way to save Halloween.

201
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,087
Ooh, that's great.

202
00:07:05,155 --> 00:07:06,722
I found a way to save a guy

203
00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:09,292
that was at the bottom
of a pool for 20 minutes.

204
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:11,460
- But... but you go.
- Okay. Here's what I realized.

205
00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:14,330
There's something about watching
another person's humiliation

206
00:07:14,398 --> 00:07:16,332
that makes you feel good about yourself.

207
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:17,667
Uh... today, Kris got pranked

208
00:07:17,734 --> 00:07:19,502
and the entire company
went out of a long lunch...

209
00:07:19,570 --> 00:07:20,503
Not Kris.

210
00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:22,205
Underwater for 20 minutes.

211
00:07:22,272 --> 00:07:23,873
Heart completely stopped.

212
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:26,409
And that's when it hit me.

213
00:07:26,476 --> 00:07:29,645
What does Zoey love more
than anything in the world?

214
00:07:29,713 --> 00:07:31,847
Watching bad stuff happen to Junior.

215
00:07:31,915 --> 00:07:34,974
So all I have to do is
prank him in front of her,

216
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,956
and she'll remember how magical
pranking is and get back in the game.

217
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,421
And then the prank king is back on top!

218
00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:45,894
He drove himself home from the hospital.

219
00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:48,763
Very little brain damage, so...

220
00:07:48,831 --> 00:07:49,931
Good job, Bow!

221
00:07:51,534 --> 00:07:54,803
I enlisted Jack and Diane as
my accomplices to prank Junior,

222
00:07:54,871 --> 00:07:57,372
hoping to show them a
non-urine-based stunt.

223
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,474
Can you help me with my legos?

224
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,476
I'm not sure I did it right.

225
00:08:01,544 --> 00:08:02,511
Not sure?

226
00:08:02,578 --> 00:08:03,945
This is a disaster.

227
00:08:04,013 --> 00:08:05,147
For starters,

228
00:08:05,214 --> 00:08:07,082
if you're gonna built
the cantina at Mos Eisley,

229
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:08,517
solo can't be here.

230
00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:10,018
Where's his line of fire?

231
00:08:10,086 --> 00:08:11,086
Think!

232
00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:15,123
Chair monster!

233
00:08:15,191 --> 00:08:16,958
Chair monster!

234
00:08:17,026 --> 00:08:18,927
Zoey, you see the look
on your brother's face?

235
00:08:18,995 --> 00:08:20,028
Priceless!

236
00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:21,096
Priceless!

237
00:08:21,164 --> 00:08:23,198
You can't put a price on it!

238
00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:25,767
I always thought I was gonna die that way.

239
00:08:25,835 --> 00:08:27,302
Zoey, how cool was that?

240
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,771
You're feeling it, right?
Hey, I know you're feeling it.

241
00:08:29,839 --> 00:08:31,406
Not really.

242
00:08:31,474 --> 00:08:33,341
It was actually kind of mean.

243
00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:35,243
- What?
- I saw the light.

244
00:08:35,311 --> 00:08:38,246
My entire life flashed before my eyes.

245
00:08:38,314 --> 00:08:39,548
I got to do more.

246
00:08:39,607 --> 00:08:41,315
Come on, Zoey.

247
00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,718
That didn't inspire you to prank again?

248
00:08:43,786 --> 00:08:46,688
Dad... grow up.

249
00:08:46,755 --> 00:08:49,491
Wha... What was happening
to my little girl.

250
00:08:49,558 --> 00:08:51,326
Well, at least I had Junior.

251
00:08:51,393 --> 00:08:53,127
I'm out, too.

252
00:08:56,065 --> 00:08:57,499
Hey, guys.

253
00:08:57,566 --> 00:08:59,400
Come on, g...

254
00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:03,171
I used to be their king.

255
00:09:03,239 --> 00:09:06,910
Now I'm just a fool dressed like a chair.

256
00:09:07,519 --> 00:09:10,561
So pranking was out.

257
00:09:10,629 --> 00:09:13,197
But at least we had an amazing
family costume lined up.

258
00:09:20,941 --> 00:09:23,439
I was mid-'70s Tito,

259
00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:25,510
and there was no better time to be Tito.

260
00:09:29,714 --> 00:09:31,815
Hey!

261
00:09:31,817 --> 00:09:34,251
Marlon, Jermaine, your polyester awaits.

262
00:09:34,319 --> 00:09:36,620
- Ow!
- Ow. Okay.

263
00:09:36,688 --> 00:09:40,590
- Uh, I don't want to wear that.
- It looks too itchy.

264
00:09:40,592 --> 00:09:41,792
Very hard pass.

265
00:09:41,860 --> 00:09:43,193
Wait a minute.

266
00:09:43,261 --> 00:09:45,429
Neither of you want to do
the family costume this year?

267
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,498
Junior, come on, man.

268
00:09:47,565 --> 00:09:48,999
You love costumes.

269
00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:50,067
Sorry, dad.

270
00:09:50,135 --> 00:09:51,435
I...

271
00:09:54,405 --> 00:09:55,405
Can you believe this?

272
00:09:55,407 --> 00:09:56,573
Look, don't panic, all right.

273
00:09:56,641 --> 00:09:58,442
We can still make it
work with the little ones.

274
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,312
Are you insane? That...
that makes no sense.

275
00:10:01,379 --> 00:10:03,279
We don't have enough people.

276
00:10:03,281 --> 00:10:05,315
What are we supposed to do,
walk around with a sign that says

277
00:10:05,383 --> 00:10:07,050
"we're the Jackson 3 plus Janet"?

278
00:10:07,118 --> 00:10:09,453
What's happening to our family?

279
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,588
- We're losing them.
- Oh, they're gone.

280
00:10:11,656 --> 00:10:13,924
Look, we've become the family
that doesn't even eat together.

281
00:10:13,991 --> 00:10:15,625
They'll move out. They won't call.

282
00:10:15,693 --> 00:10:18,028
Hell, we'll be lucky if
they visit you in the home.

283
00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:19,593
W-whoa.

284
00:10:19,595 --> 00:10:21,463
Whoa, why am I the one in the home?

285
00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:22,632
Come on, Bow.

286
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:25,101
We both know that I'm not a good caretaker.

287
00:10:25,418 --> 00:10:27,070
Just makes more sense.

288
00:10:28,572 --> 00:10:30,173
Can't the kids take care of me?

289
00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:33,376
So this was shaping up to
be the worst Halloween ever.

290
00:10:33,444 --> 00:10:35,578
I needed something to cheer me up.

291
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:38,545
Ooh, look. An idiot in a trash can.

292
00:10:38,547 --> 00:10:41,049
Josh, how long have you been in there?

293
00:10:41,051 --> 00:10:42,084
All day.

294
00:10:42,086 --> 00:10:43,787
I admire your dedication.

295
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,745
Man, wish you were my kid.

296
00:10:45,747 --> 00:10:47,120
I wish you were my dad.

297
00:10:47,164 --> 00:10:48,164
I was joking.

298
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:50,125
Yeah, me too.

299
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:51,260
My dad's awesome.

300
00:10:51,328 --> 00:10:53,496
Oh. Oh, hey. Here comes Charlie.

301
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:56,098
Get him for me, all right?
I could use a pick-me-up.

302
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:59,602
Hey, Charlie! Come over here, man.
Let me holler at you for a second.

303
00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:02,258
Uh, can you make it fast? I
have a hayride in 10 minutes.

304
00:11:03,473 --> 00:11:04,574
It's 11:00 A.M.

305
00:11:04,641 --> 00:11:06,042
Uh, this part of town is on curfew.

306
00:11:08,178 --> 00:11:09,946
Ohh!

307
00:11:10,013 --> 00:11:11,380
What the hell, man?!

308
00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:13,282
I thought someone was trying to jump me.

309
00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:14,550
See, Dre?

310
00:11:14,618 --> 00:11:16,385
This is what I was saying
about starling a bro.

311
00:11:16,453 --> 00:11:18,321
- Let me see, let me see.
- Oh, damn, Josh.

312
00:11:18,388 --> 00:11:19,422
It looks broke. It hurts.

313
00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:21,090
You should to go the hospital.

314
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:22,592
It's okay if you're late for the meeting.

315
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:23,658
- Okay.
- Hey.

316
00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:24,594
I want to talk to you, man.

317
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:25,992
- Hey.
- What?

318
00:11:25,994 --> 00:11:27,428
- Did I looked scared?
- Yeah.

319
00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,797
Weren't you?

320
00:11:28,865 --> 00:11:30,399
No, man. I knew he was in there.

321
00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:32,735
I wasn't gonna waste an
opportunity to sock a dude.

322
00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:34,270
Charlie, why did you do that?

323
00:11:34,337 --> 00:11:36,071
'Cause it's hilarious.

324
00:11:36,139 --> 00:11:37,473
See, man, now he's gonna think

325
00:11:37,540 --> 00:11:39,775
all those messed-up stereotypes
about black folks are true.

326
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:42,410
Man, he'll never stop
asking me if I know Jay-Z.

327
00:11:42,412 --> 00:11:44,179
But don't you know Jay-Z?

328
00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:46,281
A little bit. But that's beside the point.

329
00:11:46,349 --> 00:11:49,718
Man, look. All black people
don't know one another.

330
00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:51,086
Do you know Rupaul?

331
00:11:52,322 --> 00:11:54,723
Yeah. I... I do, actually.

332
00:11:54,791 --> 00:11:56,958
Me too. Cool chick.

333
00:11:57,026 --> 00:11:59,261
While I might know a lot of black people,

334
00:11:59,329 --> 00:12:01,530
it turns out I don't know my own children.

335
00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:02,898
So, guys,

336
00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:05,734
since it's just the four
of us for family costumes,

337
00:12:05,802 --> 00:12:08,670
we were thinking we
would go as the Beatles.

338
00:12:08,738 --> 00:12:09,738
Huh?

339
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:11,373
Ew. Beetles?

340
00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:13,041
We don't want to be bugs.

341
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:14,532
No, no, no!

342
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:15,801
The Beatles.

343
00:12:17,044 --> 00:12:18,478
The Beatles?

344
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,847
The Beatles.

345
00:12:20,558 --> 00:12:21,892
I'm not hearing a difference.

346
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,150
- Are you?
- No.

347
00:12:23,218 --> 00:12:23,672
You know what?

348
00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:26,149
I'm gonna put an end to the
foot-dragging about Halloween.

349
00:12:26,151 --> 00:12:28,506
Whoever puts on their Halloween costume

350
00:12:28,590 --> 00:12:30,324
and goes trick-or-treating
with me and mommy

351
00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:34,095
gets to eat all of their
Halloween candy on that night.

352
00:12:34,162 --> 00:12:36,163
No waiting, no restraints.

353
00:12:36,231 --> 00:12:37,298
Boom. Huh?

354
00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:38,899
No, thanks.

355
00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:40,402
We don't want any candy.

356
00:12:40,404 --> 00:12:41,605
What?

357
00:12:41,607 --> 00:12:44,342
No... no candy? W-w-what? Huh?

358
00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:45,744
What do you mean, you don't want candy?

359
00:12:45,855 --> 00:12:48,257
They learned about
diabetes at school today.

360
00:12:48,259 --> 00:12:49,226
- What?
- Yep.

361
00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:50,862
Damn hippy school.

362
00:12:50,864 --> 00:12:53,032
- What's happened to you?
- Candy kills.

363
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,716
I don't want to go blind and lose my feet.

364
00:12:55,784 --> 00:12:57,485
Hey. You know what?

365
00:12:57,553 --> 00:12:59,720
This is it. I'm out.

366
00:12:59,788 --> 00:13:00,888
Oh. Halloween's over.

367
00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:02,190
Oh, babe.

368
00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:03,491
And you wouldn't lose both feet.

369
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:04,992
You just lose one at a time.

370
00:13:13,402 --> 00:13:15,369
Dre! Dre!

371
00:13:15,437 --> 00:13:16,304
Stop!

372
00:13:16,371 --> 00:13:17,972
Stop it!

373
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,874
You're scaring the kids!

374
00:13:19,942 --> 00:13:22,210
What kids?! We don't have kids!

375
00:13:22,277 --> 00:13:24,645
Everybody's grown up!

376
00:13:24,713 --> 00:13:28,282
You know, we don't need any of this!
Halloween is officially cancelled!

377
00:13:30,886 --> 00:13:32,853
No. No.

378
00:13:32,921 --> 00:13:34,121
No! No!

379
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:35,890
No! No!

380
00:13:36,959 --> 00:13:38,192
Oh.

381
00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:39,961
Stay down, sucka!

382
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,031
Halloween's over for you, too.

383
00:13:45,934 --> 00:13:47,501
Damn it!

384
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:54,657
So, while my Halloween plans

385
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,602
stay at home were falling apart,

386
00:13:56,737 --> 00:13:58,740
things at work weren't much better.

387
00:13:58,742 --> 00:14:02,673
Gentlemen, last night, I received a
very upsetting phone call from H.R.

388
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,409
In the middle of my "Bones" marathon.

389
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,311
Now, Dre, a member of your
team assaulted a co-worker?

390
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,314
Um, it was an accident.

391
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,417
No. I jacked him up.

392
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,086
Uh, dude, I'm trying to
help you out, okay? Relax.

393
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,188
Joker jumped out on me.

394
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,190
It's, uh, my fault. I should have known.

395
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,193
Micro-targeting studies
show that 84% of black men

396
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,028
did not like being startled,

397
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:26,698
while the other 16% find it "messed up."

398
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:30,636
- What?! Man, this is crazy.
- Guys, guys, now, look.

399
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,038
Now, I-I-I love publicly
humiliating an employee

400
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,974
as much as the next guy... Probably more...

401
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,876
But the risk of litigation
is just too great.

402
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:41,747
So from now on, Stevens &
Lido is a prank-free zone.

403
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,648
That's it. No more.

404
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,751
But you can still put
stuff in people's yogurt

405
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:47,052
'Cause that's just fun.

406
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,121
Totally.

407
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:51,223
- Okay.
- Mm.

408
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,225
So that kind of put a dent in my day,

409
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,893
but this... this totaled it.

410
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:59,397
I came home and found my
family had gone to the movies

411
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:02,567
on Halloween without me!

412
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:06,504
I don't need them, anyway.

413
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:09,866
More secret candy for me.

414
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,442
Got you!

415
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:14,212
They thought I threw you away.

416
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,180
Me throw out candy?

417
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,750
Ha! Who needs 10 toes?

418
00:15:21,302 --> 00:15:22,536
What was that?

419
00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:28,362
Hello?

420
00:15:29,393 --> 00:15:30,760
What?

421
00:15:30,828 --> 00:15:33,630
I'm not alone!

422
00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:40,804
That's the sound of my shotgun,
in case you didn't hear it.

423
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:47,577
Okay.

424
00:15:47,645 --> 00:15:50,213
Uh, all right, living room... clear.

425
00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:51,681
Back patio... clear.

426
00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:54,818
Fridge... still no grapes.

427
00:15:54,886 --> 00:15:56,153
Foyer... clear.

428
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,721
Family room...

429
00:15:57,788 --> 00:16:00,290
Big black man!

430
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:01,992
Oh.

431
00:16:02,059 --> 00:16:03,593
Look at him!

432
00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:04,628
O-oh, God!

433
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:05,729
Oh, oh, oh!

434
00:16:05,796 --> 00:16:08,165
Look, now he's making himself
big, like he's facing a bear.

435
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,702
Oh, you guys... oh, thank you so much.

436
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:16,637
Thank you for helping me out this
year. Mommy really needed a win.

437
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:20,909
I tell you,  It's always like
year after year after year.

438
00:16:20,911 --> 00:16:22,378
He's just... he's so cocky.

439
00:16:22,446 --> 00:16:23,546
You know what I'm talking about?

440
00:16:23,614 --> 00:16:26,649
It's like, God, how much can a girl take?

441
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:27,717
You know what I mean?

442
00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:29,986
It's like... Oh, God.

443
00:16:31,089 --> 00:16:33,190
- Uh, are you okay, mom?
- Yeah, I am.

444
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:36,094
It's just, you know, he's a lot sometimes.

445
00:16:36,293 --> 00:16:38,895
- Uh-huh. So, you know.
- Oh, my gosh.

446
00:16:38,962 --> 00:16:40,596
He's army crawling into the living room.

447
00:16:40,664 --> 00:16:42,331
Yes, he is. Oh, God!

448
00:16:42,399 --> 00:16:45,101
He's trying to go up the fireplace.

449
00:16:45,169 --> 00:16:46,805
Does he not understand gravity?

450
00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:49,137
- Obviously not.
- Come on, Junior. What's next?

451
00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:51,007
Well, I hid a Bluetooth
speaker in the living room...

452
00:16:51,074 --> 00:16:53,476
So let's see what happens
when he hears this.

453
00:16:53,478 --> 00:16:55,413
Go, go.

454
00:16:57,279 --> 00:16:58,379
Oh, God.

455
00:16:58,381 --> 00:17:00,082
I always knew it would end like this.

456
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:04,757
You know what 84% of black men don't
do when they hear a scary noise?

457
00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:06,755
Try to figure out where it's coming from.

458
00:17:06,823 --> 00:17:08,824
I'm out of here.

459
00:17:08,892 --> 00:17:10,025
Got you!

460
00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:14,830
That's right! We pranked you, prank king!

461
00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:19,535
- You were so scared.
- You almost peed on you!

462
00:17:19,602 --> 00:17:20,969
Hey, it's not funny.

463
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:22,504
That is not funny.

464
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:25,741
Actually, it's extremely funny.

465
00:17:25,743 --> 00:17:29,468
We made you think that we hated
Halloween, and you bought it.

466
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:32,112
- Yeah!
- Uh, guys? Just a second.

467
00:17:32,114 --> 00:17:33,148
Just a second.

468
00:17:33,216 --> 00:17:36,885
I got to make sure my husband
knows that he's my prank bitch!

469
00:17:38,287 --> 00:17:40,335
- Guys, there's a dude in our backyard.
- What?

470
00:17:40,337 --> 00:17:42,623
Oh, my God! Oh, my...
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

471
00:17:42,625 --> 00:17:43,792
Oh, my God. Okay, okay, let's get...

472
00:17:46,662 --> 00:17:47,996
Okay.

473
00:17:48,064 --> 00:17:51,124
The look on their faces... pure terror.

474
00:17:51,126 --> 00:17:52,901
The look on my face... pure joy.

475
00:17:52,903 --> 00:17:56,718
Because the prank king
was way ahead of them.

476
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,006
I figured out the other day
they were planning something,

477
00:17:59,008 --> 00:18:02,142
and I anticipated my family's every move...

478
00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:04,378
Except this one.

479
00:18:04,446 --> 00:18:06,214
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

480
00:18:06,281 --> 00:18:07,248
- Kick him till he's dead!
- No!

481
00:18:07,316 --> 00:18:10,051
No, no, no! Bow!

482
00:18:10,118 --> 00:18:12,153
Oh, God. Oh, God.

483
00:18:12,431 --> 00:18:13,664
Get back. It's Josh.

484
00:18:14,002 --> 00:18:14,935
You all right?

485
00:18:14,937 --> 00:18:15,837
Uh-huh.

486
00:18:15,839 --> 00:18:17,139
Josh from work.

487
00:18:17,141 --> 00:18:19,293
Hi. Yeah.

488
00:18:19,811 --> 00:18:20,811
You have a lovely home.

489
00:18:20,813 --> 00:18:22,227
Thank you so much.

490
00:18:22,229 --> 00:18:24,030
What the hell is going on?

491
00:18:24,032 --> 00:18:25,299
- Do you have any ice?
- Oh.

492
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:26,900
Someone need some ice?

493
00:18:26,968 --> 00:18:28,035
Sorry.

494
00:18:28,103 --> 00:18:30,838
I was gonna do the whole scare thing,
but I heard you all having a chit-chat,

495
00:18:30,905 --> 00:18:32,373
so I poured myself some scotch.

496
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,508
I... My Macallan 18?

497
00:18:34,576 --> 00:18:37,259
Okay, someone needs to
tell me what is going on!

498
00:18:39,014 --> 00:18:40,981
So ripping down the decorations

499
00:18:41,049 --> 00:18:44,483
and doing a reverse Santa Claus back up
the chimney was all a part of the plan?

500
00:18:44,485 --> 00:18:47,352
Babe, I had to let you think
that your little plan was working.

501
00:18:47,354 --> 00:18:48,621
The takeaway...

502
00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:50,089
Don't plot against me

503
00:18:50,091 --> 00:18:53,430
and forget that there's a
camera in the refrigerator.

504
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,132
Oh, no!

505
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,167
Look at that.

506
00:18:56,331 --> 00:18:58,199
Ha! He totally bought it.

507
00:18:58,201 --> 00:19:01,467
Standing there all sad in his tito outfit.

508
00:19:01,469 --> 00:19:02,369
Nuh-uh.

509
00:19:02,371 --> 00:19:03,804
Look at your mama.

510
00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:06,072
Next step... the break-in.

511
00:19:06,074 --> 00:19:08,593
- You heard everything!
- Yeah, I saw it.

512
00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:10,609
Oh, come on.

513
00:19:10,611 --> 00:19:12,612
You guys, who ate all the grapes?

514
00:19:13,714 --> 00:19:14,747
Those were my grapes.

515
00:19:14,815 --> 00:19:16,282
You know what?

516
00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:18,885
You out-pranking us was
actually pretty awesome, dad.

517
00:19:18,953 --> 00:19:20,820
Can't wait to get you back next year.

518
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,288
Aww, thank you, baby girl.

519
00:19:22,356 --> 00:19:23,957
That means a lot, and I know you meant it

520
00:19:24,024 --> 00:19:26,159
because you weren't looking
at your phone when you said it.

521
00:19:26,227 --> 00:19:27,227
Wait. What?

522
00:19:27,294 --> 00:19:28,595
I...

523
00:19:28,662 --> 00:19:31,173
- Babe, I got to hand it to you.
- Oh.

524
00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:33,398
You really tapped into my biggest fears.

525
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,667
Home invasion?

526
00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:36,236
No.

527
00:19:36,303 --> 00:19:38,204
The thought of you guys growing up.

528
00:19:38,272 --> 00:19:41,241
That scares the hell out of me.

529
00:19:41,308 --> 00:19:44,477
Please don't do it for
another 15, 20 years, okay?

530
00:19:44,545 --> 00:19:46,312
- Okay.
- Aww.

531
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:48,047
- Uh, you all got a maid?
- What?

532
00:19:48,115 --> 00:19:50,578
'Cause she's gonna have
to clean that microwave.

533
00:19:53,218 --> 00:19:55,185
It's filthy.

534
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,882
So it was a good Halloween after all.

535
00:20:07,884 --> 00:20:10,135
Turns out, the Johnson family traditions...

536
00:20:14,665 --> 00:20:16,180
Hey, son, hold out your right hand.

537
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,363
- All right.
- Watch this.

538
00:20:19,321 --> 00:20:21,047
Afro!

539
00:20:21,115 --> 00:20:22,682
Afro!

540
00:20:25,198 --> 00:20:27,298
You know Jordan?

541
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,042
Yeah, I met him at a golf tournament once.

542
00:20:30,549 --> 00:20:32,313
What about Ray from Account?

543
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,891
Of course! I don't play with my money.

544
00:20:35,805 --> 00:20:38,501
- Craig and them?
- No!

545
00:20:40,503 --> 00:20:41,829
Oh, oh, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

546
00:20:41,830 --> 00:20:43,830
- From Long Beach?
- Yeah.

547
00:20:43,831 --> 00:20:46,470
- I went to their barbecue last summer.
- Damn it!

548
00:20:46,471 --> 00:20:48,634
Josh can't be right.

549
00:20:48,635 --> 00:20:52,202
Between the two of us, there has to
be a black person that we don't know.

550
00:20:53,915 --> 00:20:56,907
- Dionne Warwick?
- Wonderful woman,

551
00:20:56,908 --> 00:20:58,571
generous lover.

552
00:20:58,572 --> 00:20:59,735
- What!?
- What?

553
00:20:59,737 --> 00:21:01,470
I didn't... I didn't say nothing.

554
00:21:03,353 --> 00:21:08,353
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com