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The Johnson family loves Christmas.
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And for us, Christmas kicks off
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the moment Bow starts washing
dishes after Thanksgiving.
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From that moment on, it's a countdown
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to our favorite holiday of the year
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when a joyous and inclusive
spirit runs through the house.
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This year is extra special
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because of the pleasant surprise
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of my aged wife's fertility.
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And to top it off,
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my favorite
person/international pop star
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was coming to stay with us
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with the baby she'd wished for
for so long.
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And my least favorite person/
international mooch
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was leaving, but not fast enough.
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Hey. That's my... That's my...
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Okay. All right.
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But there was something bittersweet
about this holiday, too.
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My firstborn, Zoey,
is a senior in high school,
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and she's about to leave the nest.
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Dad, you're gazing at me again.
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Please don't go to college!
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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Hey, what's happening, girl?
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I like your new room.
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Hey, what are you watching? "TRL"?
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Dad, don't.
The friend thing... it's weird.
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Yeah, I felt that. Okay, look.
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This is your last Christmas
before you go to college,
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and I want to spend
some quality time with you.
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I was hoping we could make
some memories,
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do the greatest hits...
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perfect tree, cocoa, matching PJs.
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We've never done matching PJs.
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This is our last chance.
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It'll get weird soon.
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Hold on, Dad.
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If you wanted to do Christmas stuff,
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just tell me that.
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I love Christmas. Let's hang.
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We're gonna hang?
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Thank you.
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Should I look away while
you get yourself together?
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- Yes, please! Please look away!
- Okay, looking away.
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I don't want you
to remember me like this!
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Tell me when you're done.
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Nope. Nope.
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Ooh, I think this is for us.
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Ooh, I bet it's a trampoline.
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Without looking at it, it is not.
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- What are you two doing?
- Laundry.
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You don't need to lie to him.
He has no power.
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Well, a certain elf
watching from a distance does.
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And he will be very interested
in letting Santa know
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about these violations.
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Well, the elf isn't in this room.
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So by his law,
none of this ever happened,
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so nobody saw nothing.
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You won't get away with this.
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You think that magical
cross-legged sentry is a joke?
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I only see one joke in here.
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It's me, isn't it?
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It's always you.
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Aww. Aren't you the cutest?
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Oh, my goodness.
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You're so cute, I just
want to put your foot in my mouth.
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I'm gonna do it. Ahhh!
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- No, uh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- She's touching...
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C-Can... Can you, um,
not put my baby's feet
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into the dirtiest part of your body?
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- Oh.
- Uh, maybe we just play pretend,
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like air bites, like, nyah-yah-yah.
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- Ah-yah-yah.
- Yeah.
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- Okay.
- It's just as fun.
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- Is it?
- Yeah!
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It's even more fun because
then my baby can still live.
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Oh! Okay.
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Look at all the padding
around the baby's head.
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Looks like he's about to blast
off into outer space.
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We didn't even have a car seat for Dre.
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- What?
- He just rode shotgun and
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held my cigarettes for me.
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I've got the burns
and the asthma to prove it.
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Ain't nobody wheeze like my baby.
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- What is that?
- Oh, it's a sleep monitor.
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It lets us know
if the baby isn't breathing
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or if his heart stops
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or if somebody tries to snatch him.
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- Ah.
- It's a little glitchy, though,
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so seven, eight times a day,
we think our baby died.
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Other than that, it's awesome.
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Wow. I forgot how silly new parents are.
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Silly or not, this baby
has not cried once.
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Well, of course you haven't cried.
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With all the beeping and the blinking
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and the padding and the heating,
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you don't have any time
for your own little thoughts,
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do you, sweetheart?
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Well, we need to tell Auntie Bow Bow
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that Mommy has read all the blogs
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and knows exactly what babies need.
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Maybe Auntie Bow Bow is a little
out of touch touch.
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- Oh.
- Oh, come on, Ruby.
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Baby can't even talk,
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and they think he can clearly track
a passive-aggressive conversation
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like a divorce arbitrator.
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You know, I miss Gene.
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Oh, yeah. Gene was good.
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All right, here we go.
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Heading to the garage
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to find our Christmas ornaments.
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2016, Zoey and Dre!
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Okay, I'm gonna switch to slo-mo.
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All right. Ugh!
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I can't switch to slowmo while I'm
filming, so you're gonna have to fake it.
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Okay? Go!
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This is the best Christmas ever.
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You guys filming?
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Damn it, Junior! Delete.
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I'm trying to spend
some time with my child.
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Okay, then. I'll be fast.
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I'd like to bring up
the twins' behavior of late.
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They are making a mockery of the elf!
They're running amok!
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Do you even know
what they had for breakfast?
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Don't listen to him!
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We had a bowl of cereal and fresh fruit.
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Uh, next to two slices of toast,
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- and a glass of OJ to wash it all down.
- All down.
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Lies!
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They're just describing
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a balanced breakfast
they saw on television!
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- You know what they really had?
- Junior.
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That cake you hid
in the vegetable crisper.
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Hold on.
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My shame cake?
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- Torched it.
- Ah.
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Get out of my sight.
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And if you even look
at my sadness cookies...
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You fix this, Junior. You fix this now.
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I swear to God.
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You better not let them two
ruin Zoey's Christmas.
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You mean all of our Christmases, ri...
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You heard what I said.
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How long do I need
to keep my finger here?
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What does it matter, Earl?
Your drinking hand's still free.
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Yeah, well, when you're right,
you're right.
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What the hell is this?
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Earl, why is this happening?
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I don't know, but it's making me
want to beat somebody up.
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Knock, knock.
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Isn't this great? Huh?
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I'm giving you guys
a sample of the CD I made
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so I could exchange gifts
without participating
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in the Christmas industrial complex.
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Why are you connected to my Sonos?
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Aren't you supposed to be leaving?
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Yeah, yeah. I'll give you a ride.
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Oh, no, no. My flight's not until later.
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Here. Have a CD. This is track four.
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It's an Irish dystopian vision
of Christmas in a drunk tank.
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You are also going to love
"Do They Know It's Christmas?"
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Let me see that.
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Now, I'm going to make
a real holiday playlist.
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I'm talking about roasted chestnuts,
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angels singing, little drummer boys.
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All of that magnificent [bleep].
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Hey, is everything okay?
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Yeah, I'm just preparing his bath.
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I've got to hydrate this bath flower
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and then I got to get that music going
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and then I have his
massage oil that I'm preparing.
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Oh, my God. Mm.
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- And then I'm almost ready to go.
- Okay.
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You know, Dre and I
used to just wash the babies
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in the kitchen sink.
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So the same kitchen sink
where you clean raw chicken.
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Yeah. That's the one.
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- That's interesting.
- Uh-huh.
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You know, Gigi,
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germs are actually really good
for a baby's immune system.
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I know that 'cause I've had
four children,
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and I got another one on the way.
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And I'm, uh... I'm a doctor, so...
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- Yeah.
- Yeah, she likes to say that.
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Well, I'm... I am,
and everybody seems to forget.
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What are those?
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These are temperature beads.
188
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And we just sit,
and we wait for 10 minutes
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until the smile appears.
190
00:07:07,115 --> 00:07:08,782
- Okay.
- What?
191
00:07:08,851 --> 00:07:11,117
Gigi, you can use your elbow,
192
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and you just go like this.
193
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And ooh, whoop!
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Yep. Bath is ready for the baby.
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- Should I...?
- Yeah.
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See?
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It's delicate skin, so if it's
comfortable for your skin,
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then it's comfortable for the baby.
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Yeah, I still want to wait for
the smiley face to come, though.
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00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:26,032
- Okay.
- I want to be safe.
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00:07:26,101 --> 00:07:27,400
Yes, you, uh... That makes sense.
202
00:07:27,469 --> 00:07:30,102
So you wait for the beads to smile.
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00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:31,770
I got another gadget
for you there, though.
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00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:33,906
You just look right in here,
look in there,
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00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,641
and you see that you're doing too much.
206
00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:37,275
Touché, boo.
207
00:07:40,447 --> 00:07:41,981
Oh! Found 'em!
208
00:07:42,049 --> 00:07:42,882
Oh!
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00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,416
Sadness cookies.
210
00:07:44,485 --> 00:07:46,451
The man does know his cookies.
211
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,555
100% pure uncut Double Stuf.
212
00:07:50,624 --> 00:07:51,756
Wow.
213
00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:52,956
Eating stolen cookies
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00:07:53,026 --> 00:07:54,992
right in front of Bear on the Chair.
215
00:07:56,496 --> 00:07:58,962
- What is that?
- Santa's eyes and ears.
216
00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:00,331
What happened to the elf?
217
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,566
You've aged out of his jurisdiction.
218
00:08:02,635 --> 00:08:04,735
You're on Bear on the Chair's turf now.
219
00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:06,904
What are you talking about?
220
00:08:06,972 --> 00:08:08,439
This isn't a thing.
221
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:10,273
Zach Labich didn't believe, either.
222
00:08:10,342 --> 00:08:12,308
10-year-old punk did whatever he wanted.
223
00:08:12,377 --> 00:08:14,110
He crossed Bear on the Chair,
224
00:08:14,179 --> 00:08:17,313
and let's just say
that was his last Christmas.
225
00:08:17,382 --> 00:08:19,482
- He died?!
- He's dead to Santa.
226
00:08:19,552 --> 00:08:23,119
But go ahead. Have another stolen Oreo.
227
00:08:23,188 --> 00:08:26,322
I'm not afraid of that bear.
228
00:08:26,391 --> 00:08:27,757
Am I, Diane?
229
00:08:27,825 --> 00:08:31,094
Um... no.
230
00:08:31,163 --> 00:08:35,465
We are just going to put
these away because we are full.
231
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:36,466
Hmm.
232
00:08:36,535 --> 00:08:38,634
We are just fine.
233
00:08:41,173 --> 00:08:43,372
I am so sorry we are
running out on you like this.
234
00:08:43,441 --> 00:08:45,274
Oh, no, it's fine.
Please, enjoy yourself.
235
00:08:45,342 --> 00:08:46,542
Get out of here. Go.
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00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,677
You know I got this.
237
00:08:47,745 --> 00:08:48,678
Where you guys going?
238
00:08:48,746 --> 00:08:51,113
Cher was supposed to perform
at this charity event,
239
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,448
and she pulled out at the last minute,
240
00:08:52,516 --> 00:08:53,616
and so they asked me to fill in.
241
00:08:53,685 --> 00:08:55,484
Okay. Who's going to watch the baby?
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- I am.
- Oh.
243
00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:59,555
Are you sure about that, Bow?
'Cause, you know, my mom's here.
244
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,667
- Mama! Can you come down here and help...
- Shh!
245
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,175
Go. Just go.
246
00:09:03,244 --> 00:09:04,744
And I've got this. I've got it.
247
00:09:04,769 --> 00:09:05,621
- You sure?
- Yes.
248
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,646
And if she doesn't, my mom's here.
249
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,048
Well, look, if he gets fussy,
250
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,949
just throw him in the mamaRoo
and he'll conk right out.
251
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,918
And if that doesn't work,
you just play "Rump Shaker."
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00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,186
I don't know why, but it works.
253
00:09:14,255 --> 00:09:17,488
Guys, I have been a mom for 16 years.
254
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:18,423
I got this.
255
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,925
And my mom's here.
256
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,292
Thank you guys so much.
257
00:09:21,317 --> 00:09:22,326
- I got it.
- Okay.
258
00:09:22,351 --> 00:09:24,238
You be a good boy.
259
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,265
You got this, Bow?
260
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,667
I got this.
261
00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:35,623
So, Zoey and I spent
the afternoon sorting through
262
00:09:35,694 --> 00:09:37,936
all the Christmas ornaments
she'd made as a kid.
263
00:09:38,006 --> 00:09:40,037
Oh, this is my favorite one right here.
264
00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:41,816
Santa's Little Zo-Zo.
265
00:09:41,884 --> 00:09:43,650
I just get cuter with age, huh?
266
00:09:43,699 --> 00:09:45,602
I'm not even being conceited.
267
00:09:45,671 --> 00:09:46,970
This is hard proof.
268
00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:48,238
Yeah, I can't believe
269
00:09:48,307 --> 00:09:49,839
your mother wanted me
to throw all this out.
270
00:09:49,908 --> 00:09:52,742
"Dre, it's a fire hazard.
Dre, it has lead in it.
271
00:09:52,811 --> 00:09:54,578
Dre, the babies will choke on this."
272
00:09:54,647 --> 00:09:55,812
How do you even deal with her?
273
00:09:55,881 --> 00:09:58,348
You know, I'm barely hanging on.
274
00:09:59,685 --> 00:10:00,750
Oh, remember that?
275
00:10:00,819 --> 00:10:02,251
Yeah.
276
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,920
Okay.
277
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:05,955
Hey! The baby's crying!
278
00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:07,356
Is he, Junior?
279
00:10:07,425 --> 00:10:09,425
Why don't you use
the fancy egg-shell thing?
280
00:10:09,494 --> 00:10:12,328
Junior, I do not need gadgets
to put a baby down.
281
00:10:12,397 --> 00:10:14,363
I am a mother of four,
282
00:10:14,432 --> 00:10:17,033
and I have another one on the way, okay?
283
00:10:17,102 --> 00:10:18,634
I'm a doctor, sweetheart.
284
00:10:18,703 --> 00:10:20,336
- Okay.
- A doctor!
285
00:10:20,405 --> 00:10:22,705
Damn it.
I really need to lead with that.
286
00:10:22,773 --> 00:10:24,340
Okay, sweetheart. I'm sorry.
287
00:10:25,657 --> 00:10:27,109
This.
288
00:10:27,522 --> 00:10:30,480
This is Christmas music.
289
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:34,183
The birth of our savior inspired
the people who wrote classics,
290
00:10:34,252 --> 00:10:36,819
like "White Christmas"
and "Silver Bells."
291
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:37,820
They were Jewish.
292
00:10:39,123 --> 00:10:40,355
Well, all of these songs
293
00:10:40,424 --> 00:10:41,690
were written by Jewish composers.
294
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:42,858
Very musical people.
295
00:10:42,927 --> 00:10:44,659
Also know how to finely slice a meat.
296
00:10:44,729 --> 00:10:46,795
Even Nat King Cole's song?
297
00:10:46,864 --> 00:10:48,663
Especially Nat King Cole's song.
298
00:10:48,733 --> 00:10:49,762
You know what?
299
00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:51,466
I'm gonna make my own Christmas playlist
300
00:10:51,535 --> 00:10:52,967
that'll blow
both of yours out the water.
301
00:10:53,036 --> 00:10:55,036
Mm. You do that, Earl.
302
00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:58,240
So... it's just us.
303
00:10:58,308 --> 00:11:00,742
And it appears we're...
304
00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:01,809
under the mistletoe.
305
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,811
Uh, I have a cold sore.
306
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,046
So do I, darling.
307
00:11:05,115 --> 00:11:06,715
So do I.
308
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:09,283
Ooh.
309
00:11:10,319 --> 00:11:11,252
Oh!
310
00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:14,155
I got you in my cross hairs!
311
00:11:14,224 --> 00:11:16,690
Die! Die, you dirty...
312
00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:20,862
Um, I mean, pass away
313
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,697
after a long, fulfilling life
314
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:27,601
in your sleep on your own terms.
315
00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:29,603
- Yeah.
- Do you think he bought it?
316
00:11:29,672 --> 00:11:31,538
Just turn and walk away.
317
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:38,545
It's almost too easy.
318
00:11:42,751 --> 00:11:44,117
Damn.
319
00:11:46,246 --> 00:11:48,054
Yeah.
320
00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:51,330
Soul Glo needs to put that
on his playlist.
321
00:11:51,355 --> 00:11:52,292
Mm-hmm.
322
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,706
- I grew up on songs like this.
- Mm-hmm.
323
00:11:53,731 --> 00:11:55,628
Like, uh, "Every Day
Will be like a Holiday"
324
00:11:55,697 --> 00:11:59,131
or, uh, uh, "All I Want
for Christmas is You."
325
00:12:00,188 --> 00:12:04,984
You did not grow up on a
Mariah Carey song from 1994.
326
00:12:05,008 --> 00:12:06,606
Shut up, boy. You don't know
what the hell you talking about.
327
00:12:06,675 --> 00:12:07,873
That song came out in the '50s.
328
00:12:07,942 --> 00:12:12,228
He's right! Earl and I first
made love to that song in 1971.
329
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:13,558
- Didn't we, baby? Remember?
- Sure did.
330
00:12:13,582 --> 00:12:15,915
- Hey!
- You two are crazy.
331
00:12:15,983 --> 00:12:19,550
Mariah Carey wrote that song in 1994.
332
00:12:19,575 --> 00:12:20,986
Well, then, you're telling me
333
00:12:21,055 --> 00:12:25,390
that five-octave superstar
Mariah Carey is a time traveler.
334
00:12:25,459 --> 00:12:27,459
'Cause I heard that song
when I was a child.
335
00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:28,493
Trust me.
336
00:12:28,562 --> 00:12:30,229
If she was a time traveler,
337
00:12:30,298 --> 00:12:31,763
she'd go back in time
338
00:12:31,832 --> 00:12:34,499
and tighten up that prenup
with Nick Cannon.
339
00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:37,502
Okay, come on.
340
00:12:37,571 --> 00:12:40,138
You're... You're in your egg.
You had a bottle.
341
00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:41,673
I-I put you in the bath.
342
00:12:41,742 --> 00:12:44,743
I even waited until the pearls smiled.
343
00:12:44,812 --> 00:12:46,978
Okay, are you seriously
gonna make me do this?
344
00:12:47,047 --> 00:12:50,982
Okay, okay. Okay, okay.
I'll try anything.
345
00:12:55,822 --> 00:12:58,323
Seriously? "Rump Shaker"?
346
00:12:58,391 --> 00:13:00,325
Are you kidding me?
347
00:13:04,474 --> 00:13:06,597
Okay, okay. I'll put it back on.
I'll put it back on.
348
00:13:06,622 --> 00:13:08,466
It's coming back. Here it is.
349
00:13:08,534 --> 00:13:10,334
Okay. Oh, my God.
350
00:13:10,403 --> 00:13:11,535
Oh, God. Okay.
351
00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:13,003
Okay. Hold on.
352
00:13:13,072 --> 00:13:14,805
Hi. Gigi.
353
00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:15,840
How's it going?
354
00:13:15,908 --> 00:13:17,608
Oh, great! Can you believe it?
355
00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:19,343
Luca actually fell asleep in my arms.
356
00:13:19,412 --> 00:13:20,777
- Sounds like he's crying.
- Nope, nope.
357
00:13:20,846 --> 00:13:23,613
Uh, it's just, uh, um, a documentary
358
00:13:23,682 --> 00:13:25,983
that I-I'm watching
about helicopter parenting
359
00:13:26,051 --> 00:13:28,185
and how the the kids get so sad
360
00:13:28,254 --> 00:13:29,887
that the parents are always calling
361
00:13:29,955 --> 00:13:31,054
and checking up on them.
362
00:13:31,123 --> 00:13:32,389
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
363
00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:34,391
Everything is totally fine.
364
00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:35,625
Everything is fine.
365
00:13:35,694 --> 00:13:37,627
He doesn't even know you're gone.
366
00:13:37,696 --> 00:13:38,795
Okay. Can I at least say goo...
367
00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:40,697
I'll tell him for you! Okay. Bye, girl!
368
00:13:45,771 --> 00:13:47,804
You're a monster.
369
00:13:47,873 --> 00:13:49,338
No. No, I-I-I...
370
00:13:52,411 --> 00:13:54,143
Wow.
371
00:13:54,212 --> 00:13:55,477
I think we put up
372
00:13:55,546 --> 00:13:58,414
every single one of my ornaments
since kindergarten.
373
00:13:58,482 --> 00:14:01,250
- Mm-hmm.
- So, should we light this baby up?
374
00:14:01,319 --> 00:14:02,584
Let's do it.
375
00:14:02,653 --> 00:14:04,486
Hey, everybody! Come down!
We're about to light the tree!
376
00:14:04,555 --> 00:14:06,255
You extinguished that tree's light
377
00:14:06,324 --> 00:14:07,723
the moment you cut it down.
378
00:14:07,792 --> 00:14:09,491
And why are you still here?
379
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,493
Hm.
380
00:14:11,562 --> 00:14:13,695
My favorite.
381
00:14:13,764 --> 00:14:16,598
Mm! I mean, why do I need a will?
382
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:18,266
All I ask is that you're fair
383
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,536
and give your siblings
whatever it is you don't want.
384
00:14:20,604 --> 00:14:21,537
Okay?
385
00:14:21,605 --> 00:14:23,605
Oh, got to go. Got to go.
386
00:14:25,275 --> 00:14:26,374
You guys ready to see this?
387
00:14:28,178 --> 00:14:29,610
Oh, my God. Really?
388
00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:32,213
He is listening to a TED Talk,
389
00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:33,214
not "Rump Shaker."
390
00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:34,715
Are you good at anything?
391
00:14:34,784 --> 00:14:36,351
All right, get your cameras ready
392
00:14:36,420 --> 00:14:38,886
for Zoey and Dre's...
and no one else's...
393
00:14:38,956 --> 00:14:41,022
Perfect Christmas 2016.
394
00:14:41,091 --> 00:14:41,957
Hurtful.
395
00:14:48,965 --> 00:14:49,897
- What the...
- What is that?
396
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:58,573
My baby!
397
00:14:58,641 --> 00:15:00,540
So, so hurtful!
398
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,950
Whoo! That's the last of it.
399
00:15:08,138 --> 00:15:09,438
I saved the house!
400
00:15:09,506 --> 00:15:12,006
Damn it, Junior!
You got it on the chair!
401
00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:14,486
That was the first chair that I bought!
The best chair ever!
402
00:15:14,511 --> 00:15:17,311
Your grandmother held you for
the first time in that chair!
403
00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:18,680
You owe your grandmother an apology!
404
00:15:18,748 --> 00:15:20,448
And damn it, you owe us all an apology!
405
00:15:20,517 --> 00:15:22,684
Oh, please, Dre. You did it.
406
00:15:22,752 --> 00:15:25,319
After years of trying, you
finally burned the house down!
407
00:15:25,388 --> 00:15:26,788
What were you thinking?
408
00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:28,755
Popsicle sticks, tissue paper...
409
00:15:28,824 --> 00:15:30,291
it's just a pile of kindling.
410
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,459
And any idiot knows
411
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:33,194
you're supposed to check
the lights first!
412
00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:34,962
No, this issue wasn't electric.
413
00:15:35,031 --> 00:15:36,464
That tree was bone dry...
414
00:15:36,532 --> 00:15:38,466
a reminder that we cannot tame nature.
415
00:15:38,534 --> 00:15:40,968
Shut up, Johan!
It wasn't that big of a deal!
416
00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:44,305
- Seems like a pretty big deal.
- T-T-To be honest, we're lucky.
417
00:15:44,374 --> 00:15:45,772
No one was injured.
418
00:15:45,841 --> 00:15:48,675
Except the chair that Junior ruined.
419
00:15:48,744 --> 00:15:51,111
Boo, Junior! Boo, Junior!
420
00:15:51,179 --> 00:15:52,613
Come on, everybody! Boo!
421
00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:54,915
No, Dad! Not this time!
422
00:15:56,051 --> 00:15:58,485
You ruined Christmas.
423
00:15:58,554 --> 00:15:59,520
What?
424
00:16:00,756 --> 00:16:02,522
- That's my...
- Yeah, you tell him, boy.
425
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:03,823
Mother Nature wins again.
426
00:16:03,892 --> 00:16:05,625
You broke my heart.
427
00:16:05,693 --> 00:16:06,893
Unbelievable.
428
00:16:06,961 --> 00:16:09,195
It's a waste
of a perfectly good tree, son.
429
00:16:09,264 --> 00:16:12,032
It's gonna take a while
to come back from this one.
430
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,034
My God.
431
00:16:26,814 --> 00:16:28,480
Hi, backup shame cake.
432
00:16:30,552 --> 00:16:32,818
You don't think
I ruined Christmas, do you?
433
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:34,319
No, Dre.
434
00:16:34,388 --> 00:16:36,422
I don't think
you ruined Christmas at all.
435
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:37,856
I love you.
436
00:16:37,925 --> 00:16:40,859
I love you, too.
437
00:16:40,928 --> 00:16:42,661
You're my family now.
438
00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:47,099
Do you need a minute
to pull yourself together?
439
00:16:47,168 --> 00:16:48,367
No.
440
00:16:48,436 --> 00:16:51,402
This is who I am.
441
00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:55,073
I'm sorry I let you take
the fall back there.
442
00:16:55,141 --> 00:16:58,509
I deserved it.
443
00:16:58,579 --> 00:16:59,744
I'm stupid.
444
00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:01,212
I got too caught up
445
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,915
in wanting to have one
last perfect Christmas.
446
00:17:03,984 --> 00:17:06,051
But instead,
447
00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:07,518
I burned up all our memories.
448
00:17:07,587 --> 00:17:10,754
Are you kidding me, Dad?
Those weren't all our memories.
449
00:17:10,823 --> 00:17:12,690
Besides, this will be
450
00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:15,926
the most memorable Christmas
we'll ever have.
451
00:17:15,995 --> 00:17:17,361
You almost killed us.
452
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:19,930
I did, didn't I?
453
00:17:19,999 --> 00:17:23,301
And this isn't gonna be
our last Christmas together.
454
00:17:23,369 --> 00:17:25,903
Next year will be
the baby's first Christmas.
455
00:17:25,972 --> 00:17:27,638
Do you think I'd miss that?
456
00:17:27,707 --> 00:17:29,940
Come on.
457
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:31,308
Ohhhh.
458
00:17:31,376 --> 00:17:32,810
I'm here, too, Dad.
459
00:17:37,783 --> 00:17:39,783
Bring it in, son. Bring it on in.
460
00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:41,384
Aw, I love you guys.
461
00:17:41,453 --> 00:17:42,419
- Love you, too.
- Love you, too.
462
00:17:42,488 --> 00:17:43,886
Mm.
463
00:17:43,955 --> 00:17:45,989
I'm so sorry I had to call you.
464
00:17:46,057 --> 00:17:48,492
Bow, your house was on fire
with my baby inside of it.
465
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,994
I think you may have
legally had to call me.
466
00:17:51,062 --> 00:17:53,796
I know, but the charity
event and all the kids.
467
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:55,965
Oh, Bow, stop, stop.
468
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,233
I didn't go.
469
00:17:57,301 --> 00:17:59,168
What? What do you mean?
Did it get canceled?
470
00:17:59,237 --> 00:18:02,138
Bow, Kids Town Help USA
is not a real charity.
471
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,073
Me and Napoleon got
472
00:18:04,142 --> 00:18:06,976
the most expensive hotel room
that we could find,
473
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,344
and we took a nap.
474
00:18:08,412 --> 00:18:10,279
So you made up a charity event
475
00:18:10,348 --> 00:18:11,958
so that you could take a nap?
476
00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:15,184
No, I made up a charity
477
00:18:15,253 --> 00:18:18,521
because I am struggling being a mom.
478
00:18:18,589 --> 00:18:19,988
What are you talking about?
479
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:22,024
Gigi, come on. You're killing it.
480
00:18:22,093 --> 00:18:23,659
I mean, you have everything.
481
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:24,927
You got the mamaRoo
482
00:18:24,995 --> 00:18:27,829
and the... the bath pearls
that smile and...
483
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,065
I have everything
484
00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,733
because I am hoping
that I will buy something
485
00:18:31,802 --> 00:18:34,870
that makes me feel like
I know what the heck I'm doing.
486
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:37,873
Sweetheart, why didn't you
just ask if you needed help?
487
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:40,709
Because when you try
this hard to have a baby,
488
00:18:40,778 --> 00:18:43,111
you feel like
you have no right to complain.
489
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:47,082
- Mm.
- Especially to "the" Rainbow Johnson.
490
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:50,302
Uh, are you talking
about this Rainbow Johnson?
491
00:18:50,327 --> 00:18:52,887
- Oh, yeah.
- Because Gigi, Luca cried
492
00:18:52,956 --> 00:18:54,922
the entire time that you were gone.
493
00:18:54,991 --> 00:18:56,057
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
494
00:18:56,126 --> 00:18:58,859
I was actually a little bit relieved
that the house caught fire.
495
00:18:58,928 --> 00:18:59,794
Just saying.
496
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:00,761
Yeah, okay.
497
00:19:00,830 --> 00:19:02,730
I'm scared.
498
00:19:02,799 --> 00:19:06,601
I'm scared. It's been 10 years since
I've had a baby in this house.
499
00:19:06,669 --> 00:19:07,868
And I don't know what I'm doing.
500
00:19:07,937 --> 00:19:09,570
You have four amazing kids.
501
00:19:09,639 --> 00:19:10,671
They're fine.
502
00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:13,074
Okay, so, if you don't have this down,
503
00:19:13,142 --> 00:19:14,976
what the hell am I supposed to do?
504
00:19:15,044 --> 00:19:16,143
You're the perfect mom.
505
00:19:16,212 --> 00:19:17,979
I hate that expression so much.
506
00:19:18,047 --> 00:19:20,046
What, everybody else gets to have flaws,
507
00:19:20,116 --> 00:19:21,582
and moms have to be perfect?
508
00:19:22,784 --> 00:19:23,783
Oh, God.
509
00:19:23,852 --> 00:19:26,420
It's been so long. My God.
510
00:19:26,489 --> 00:19:28,788
And I'm older, and kids are...
511
00:19:28,857 --> 00:19:31,925
Babies. Babies are stronger now.
512
00:19:31,994 --> 00:19:32,926
Like weed.
513
00:19:34,330 --> 00:19:36,763
- I'm really sorry I was so judgy.
- Yeah.
514
00:19:36,832 --> 00:19:39,633
- Here is the deal.
- Okay.
515
00:19:39,701 --> 00:19:40,934
From now on,
516
00:19:41,003 --> 00:19:42,669
we are gonna support each other.
517
00:19:42,738 --> 00:19:43,737
I like that.
518
00:19:43,805 --> 00:19:45,739
- Because we are amazing.
- Mm!
519
00:19:45,807 --> 00:19:48,775
We should all support
each other, but we can't.
520
00:19:48,844 --> 00:19:51,077
'Cause you two are failures.
521
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:53,112
Come on with Grandma.
522
00:19:54,682 --> 00:19:58,518
Every day, Gigi. Every day.
523
00:20:01,055 --> 00:20:02,855
Things are rarely perfect.
524
00:20:02,923 --> 00:20:05,491
Whether you're trying
to find the perfect song...
525
00:20:10,665 --> 00:20:12,264
...worrying about
the perfect behavior...
526
00:20:16,436 --> 00:20:17,836
...missing the perfect flight.
527
00:20:21,008 --> 00:20:24,810
And sometimes, you get scared
you're not the perfect parent.
528
00:20:24,879 --> 00:20:29,047
Point is, you hardly remember
the perfect things.
529
00:20:31,051 --> 00:20:33,518
But when perfect goes wrong,
530
00:20:33,587 --> 00:20:35,987
those are the memories
that last forever.
531
00:20:40,812 --> 00:20:44,151
Dre. This has got to stop.
532
00:20:44,991 --> 00:20:47,380
This is my insomnia cupcake.
533
00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:49,810
Really, Dre?
534
00:20:49,879 --> 00:20:51,479
Those are my sleepy-time Cheetos
535
00:20:51,548 --> 00:20:53,781
because the sugar in my cupcake
keeps me up at night.
536
00:20:53,850 --> 00:20:55,878
That's disgusting. What else do
you have hidden here, huh?
537
00:20:55,903 --> 00:20:56,861
- Nothing.
- What else?
538
00:20:56,886 --> 00:20:59,154
Uh, that's soap. And that's floss.
539
00:21:03,459 --> 00:21:04,759
Okay. Okay.
540
00:21:04,827 --> 00:21:07,327
Those are my marshmallows
for my morning time s'mores.
541
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:08,362
And that is it.
542
00:21:08,431 --> 00:21:09,970
Aw, man, you have a problem, dude.
543
00:21:09,995 --> 00:21:11,566
- I do not have a problem.
- Yes, you do.
544
00:21:11,591 --> 00:21:13,725
I do not have a problem.
545
00:21:17,739 --> 00:21:19,106
She will never find you.
546
00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:21,030
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com