1 00:00:00,132 --> 00:00:02,523 Facebook was founded 10 years ago 2 00:00:02,643 --> 00:00:03,789 by a teenage smart-ass. 3 00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:05,629 Ever since then, 4 00:00:05,749 --> 00:00:09,087 people have been predicting when it would stop being cool. 5 00:00:09,207 --> 00:00:10,387 But I know when. 6 00:00:10,507 --> 00:00:12,655 Last week, when my wife signed up. 7 00:00:12,775 --> 00:00:14,506 Dre, look at this... 8 00:00:14,626 --> 00:00:16,954 A puppy becomes friends with a python. 9 00:00:17,074 --> 00:00:18,873 They love each other. It's so cute. 10 00:00:18,993 --> 00:00:21,139 Keep watching. It gets less cute. 11 00:00:21,259 --> 00:00:22,703 Oh! 12 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,736 Gosh. Oh, Dre, 13 00:00:24,771 --> 00:00:27,372 Shawn and Lance said that they're gonna be in town 14 00:00:27,492 --> 00:00:28,797 next week and they want to get together. 15 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,596 That was in a private message. 16 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,398 Yeah, everybody says that, nobody means it. 17 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,166 If you haven't seen each other in forever, 18 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,334 there's a reason why. 19 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,002 Dre, I don't understand why you're such an ass 20 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,337 when it comes to my college friends. 21 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,872 - Oh, you don't? - No. 22 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:40,973 - Mm, look at this right here. - What? 23 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:44,243 Look at the united colors of benetton posers. 24 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,344 They think they're so cool 25 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,112 because they're the picture of diversity. 26 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:50,816 Mixed Bow, Asian Maisie, Fat Shawn, and Black Lance. 27 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,684 You really stretched yourselves on those nicknames. 28 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,186 Those weren't our nicknames, Dre. 29 00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,888 You just came up with those right now. 30 00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,590 Asian Maisie looks so great. 31 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:00,692 She thinks she's famous 32 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,094 just because she was on "The Real World." 33 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,730 Dre, she dated David Spade. 34 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,132 Name me one David Spade movie. 35 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,500 "Tommy Boy," "Black Sheep," 36 00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:09,868 "Lost & Found," "Joe Dirt," 37 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,204 - "Grown Ups," "Grown Ups 2"... - Okay, okay! 38 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,338 I said, "one." All right. 39 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,840 And what's up with you and David Spade? 40 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,542 You know what? 41 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,210 Of all those people in that group, 42 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,778 you know who annoys me the most? 43 00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:20,646 Lance? 44 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,747 Dre, come on. 45 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:22,815 We dated in the '90s. Get over it. 46 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,050 - No. You. - Wha... 47 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,085 You get so fake when you're around them. 48 00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,850 You're so thirsty to impress these clowns, 49 00:01:28,970 --> 00:01:30,722 you turn into "Big Word Bow." 50 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,491 That's ludicrous and preposterous. 51 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:33,926 - See? - You know what? 52 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,427 I'm gonna invite them over here, 53 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,095 and we are gonna have a dinner party. 54 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,330 Ha ha! 55 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,899 That sounds like so much fun... for you. 56 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,835 Dre, you're coming, okay? 57 00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,237 And this time, you're gonna turn it on. 58 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,939 - I'm always on. - Oh, really? 59 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:47,834 - Mm-hmm. - Do you remember the last time? 60 00:01:47,954 --> 00:01:49,571 The whole night, you were busy putting olive pits 61 00:01:49,691 --> 00:01:52,110 in the peanut bowl, sitting there doing your dead face. 62 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:53,312 What's my "dead face"? 63 00:01:54,593 --> 00:01:55,981 That's just my face. 64 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,115 Yeah, I know, Dre. 65 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,718 I had to Photoshop our whole wedding album. 66 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,620 What? 67 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:06,204 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com 68 00:02:07,173 --> 00:02:08,827 So, she wants you to host a party 69 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,562 for her old college friends, 70 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,097 that you don't even like, 71 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,333 and you gotta show up and you gotta be all fun, 72 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,536 - and you gotta give them top-shelf Dre? - Yep. 73 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,872 Look, my ex-wife shot me, which wasn't cool, 74 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,307 but to make you hang out with her old boyfriend 75 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,342 is just next level. 76 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,310 Look, I'm not worried about dude, okay? 77 00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:26,512 I mean, that's old-school, right, Curtis? 78 00:02:26,632 --> 00:02:27,878 Not wanting to kick it with a dude 79 00:02:27,998 --> 00:02:30,653 that smashed your wife is not old-school. 80 00:02:30,773 --> 00:02:31,578 That's just school. 81 00:02:31,698 --> 00:02:33,852 Look, man, Lance is not a threat. 82 00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:36,722 He wears a smedium and chalks in his hairline... 83 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,964 Basically, old boy's the black David Spade. 84 00:02:39,084 --> 00:02:40,526 You know what's underrated? 85 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,227 "Dickie Roberts: Former child star." 86 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:44,897 You know, none of this would be so bad 87 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,932 if I had some of my people there, 88 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:49,535 but I don't have the heart to subject anybody 89 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,970 that I care about to Bow and her friends. 90 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,438 So, do you guys want to come? 91 00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,741 Hell, yeah. I'm already there. 92 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:59,578 Um, does the girl twin still live with you? 93 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,113 - Yes. - Mm-hmm. 94 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,148 Not a fan. 95 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,783 But I've been locked out of my house for a few days, 96 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,619 so... I'll come. 97 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,255 The night of the party, 98 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,991 Bow turned it up like the Obamas were coming. 99 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:16,395 I don't know why she felt the need to impress these folks, 100 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,462 but she did. 101 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,631 She was even wearing a caftan. 102 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,899 - Hey, mom. - Hey, baby. 103 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:21,967 Oh, food! 104 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,468 Oh, no, don't touch that. 105 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:24,903 Don't touch that! 106 00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:26,238 Don't touch that! 107 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:29,441 It's my inhaler. I need this to live. 108 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,578 Take a hit and beat it. I don't need you passing out in here. 109 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,346 Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, goodness. 110 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:38,116 Whoo! Mommy is wound up. 111 00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:39,751 My guests are gonna be here any minute. 112 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,787 Great, I'll show them my new dance moves. 113 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,755 Oh, look at that. Oh, careful, careful! 114 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,223 My champagne Mountain. 115 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,693 Again, so sorry... A little wound up. 116 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,927 Okay, but you know what? 117 00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:50,762 Why don't you guys head on upstairs 118 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:53,065 and then, uh, when I call you back downstairs, 119 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,033 it'll be just like we planned, right? 120 00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:59,304 You'll be smiling and smiling and laughing... 121 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:06,678 And we're leaving, and we're smiling. 122 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,347 'Cause she's crazy, 123 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:11,650 so we're hurrying. 124 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,422 - Hey, babe. - Huh? 125 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,690 How do I look? 126 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:19,842 Acceptable. 127 00:04:19,962 --> 00:04:23,662 Okay, so, the guests are gonna arrive precisely at 8:00 p.m. 128 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,688 All right, well, in Charlie's case, 129 00:04:24,808 --> 00:04:27,199 that could be 8:00 or 11:45. 130 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,234 Nice. 131 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,602 Or 6:30. 132 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,471 So glad you invited him, Dre. 133 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,678 Diane. 134 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,279 Charles. 135 00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:51,583 Okay, drinks and hors d'oeuvres for about an hour, 136 00:04:51,618 --> 00:04:53,285 and then at 9:15, 137 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,987 I will spontaneously come up with the idea for a party game, 138 00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:57,255 just out of nowhere. 139 00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,359 And what time do I spontaneously blow my brains out, 140 00:05:00,394 --> 00:05:01,626 just out of nowhere? 141 00:05:01,662 --> 00:05:04,396 Dre, you promised you were gonna be on tonight. 142 00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:06,465 All right, all right, all right. Let me warm up, okay? 143 00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:08,100 - Okay. - Red leather, yellow leather, 144 00:05:08,135 --> 00:05:09,768 red leather, yellow leather. 145 00:05:09,803 --> 00:05:12,070 Bio-pic, biopic, bio-pic, biopic. 146 00:05:12,106 --> 00:05:14,206 You know New York, you need New York, 147 00:05:14,241 --> 00:05:15,874 you know you need unique New York. 148 00:05:15,909 --> 00:05:17,142 Ooh, I'm gonna murder this. 149 00:05:17,177 --> 00:05:18,577 Mm-hmm. 150 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:25,584 I can't believe mom knows someone who was on "Real World." 151 00:05:25,619 --> 00:05:27,652 How is this even a reality show? 152 00:05:27,688 --> 00:05:30,956 No one's singing, cooking, or exploiting their children. 153 00:05:30,991 --> 00:05:33,325 What's that line down the front of their jeans? 154 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,694 I believe that's called a crease. 155 00:05:35,729 --> 00:05:38,096 You have to understand, it was 1994. 156 00:05:38,132 --> 00:05:40,565 Television itself was in its infancy. 157 00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,801 You had to be there at a certain time 158 00:05:42,836 --> 00:05:45,237 to watch a show or it was gone... forever! 159 00:05:45,272 --> 00:05:48,640 Wait. No pause button? No DVR? 160 00:05:48,675 --> 00:05:50,509 And you had to watch the commercials. 161 00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:51,443 - What?! - What?! 162 00:05:51,478 --> 00:05:53,645 This is really boring. 163 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,614 We could do better than that. 164 00:05:55,649 --> 00:05:58,083 We can do better. 165 00:05:58,118 --> 00:06:01,787 Why don't we shoot our own reality show here tonight? 166 00:06:01,822 --> 00:06:03,355 We'll have Maisie downstairs, 167 00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,791 but older and more desperate. 168 00:06:05,826 --> 00:06:07,592 Now, that's TV. 169 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,528 Right? Junior, you'll shoot and direct, 170 00:06:09,563 --> 00:06:11,163 and I'll be executive producer. 171 00:06:11,198 --> 00:06:13,165 Why do you get to be executive producer 172 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,966 if I'm the one doing all the work? 173 00:06:15,002 --> 00:06:17,135 Because I'm a people person and I look great in a blazer. 174 00:06:17,171 --> 00:06:19,271 Diane, you're in charge of lighting, 175 00:06:19,306 --> 00:06:21,006 and, Jack, you're a teamster. 176 00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:23,475 Great! I'm on a break. 177 00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:27,045 Guys, get ready for... 178 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:31,483 "The Real World: Old people eating cheese." 179 00:06:31,518 --> 00:06:35,287 So, the kids had a project for the night. 180 00:06:35,322 --> 00:06:37,355 Let's meet our cast of characters. 181 00:06:37,391 --> 00:06:39,858 - Ahh! - There's Big Word Bow. 182 00:06:39,893 --> 00:06:43,628 You look absolutely pulchritudinous! 183 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:46,131 You had former reality star Maisie. 184 00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,427 - Is that a Sushi tower? - It is. 185 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,554 You know who loves Sushi? David. 186 00:06:51,674 --> 00:06:52,854 - Mm. - David Spade. 187 00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:53,779 - Yeah. - We dated. 188 00:06:53,899 --> 00:06:55,040 - Y-you knew that, right? - Yeah. 189 00:06:55,075 --> 00:06:56,475 Yeah. He bought me a Subaru. 190 00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:57,909 A Subaru. 191 00:06:57,945 --> 00:07:00,011 And then there was Bow's old boyfriend... 192 00:07:00,047 --> 00:07:02,214 Guys? It's Lance. 193 00:07:02,249 --> 00:07:03,415 Bland Lance. 194 00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:04,783 Oh, what up, Lance? 195 00:07:04,818 --> 00:07:06,618 Do you have any room-temperature water? 196 00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:07,986 Yeah. 197 00:07:08,021 --> 00:07:10,489 So, that chump is your wife's former lover? 198 00:07:10,524 --> 00:07:12,290 I'm cooler than him. 199 00:07:12,326 --> 00:07:14,926 Dre, it looks like this dude got his suit at build-a-bear. 200 00:07:14,962 --> 00:07:16,127 Hey, baby. 201 00:07:16,163 --> 00:07:18,230 - Hi. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. 202 00:07:18,265 --> 00:07:19,097 Who is that? 203 00:07:19,132 --> 00:07:21,399 Hi! 204 00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:22,334 Ahh! 205 00:07:23,837 --> 00:07:24,769 Shawn? 206 00:07:24,805 --> 00:07:26,238 Fat Shawn? 207 00:07:26,273 --> 00:07:29,374 Turns out, she'd become "Phat Shawn." 208 00:07:31,345 --> 00:07:33,078 Damn, that is one thick snow bunny. 209 00:07:33,113 --> 00:07:35,113 I swear to God I wish I would have said that. 210 00:07:35,148 --> 00:07:36,982 She lost a lot of weight! 211 00:07:37,017 --> 00:07:39,718 But kept it in all the right places. 212 00:07:39,786 --> 00:07:42,320 Mm. My man made a very strong move. 213 00:07:42,356 --> 00:07:43,688 Very strong. 214 00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:45,824 Hey, Lance, I see you, brother. 215 00:07:45,859 --> 00:07:47,425 He bought low. 216 00:07:47,461 --> 00:07:49,461 He's the Warren Buffett of Biggums. 217 00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:52,722 The nostradamus of thick chicks... "Thickadamus." 218 00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:54,154 Do you guys want to see the rest of the house? 219 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:54,945 - Yeah. - Of course. 220 00:07:55,065 --> 00:07:56,668 - Come on, follow me. - All right. 221 00:07:58,572 --> 00:08:00,972 Thanks for bringing us all together. 222 00:08:01,008 --> 00:08:03,341 Oh, sure. Gosh, I just thought it'd be really pleasurable, 223 00:08:03,377 --> 00:08:07,279 you know, to have a convivial soiree at my humble domicile. 224 00:08:07,314 --> 00:08:09,781 That's a good one, man. 225 00:08:09,816 --> 00:08:11,917 How adorable is that? They're finally getting along. 226 00:08:11,952 --> 00:08:13,518 Hey, tell me about this, man. 227 00:08:13,554 --> 00:08:15,720 Is that all squats, or does she run stairs? 228 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,289 Because how did that happen? 229 00:08:17,324 --> 00:08:18,899 Hey, guys. 230 00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:20,959 I'm so glad you guys are getting along. 231 00:08:20,994 --> 00:08:22,127 - I know, right? - To be honest, Dre, 232 00:08:22,162 --> 00:08:23,628 I never thought you would get past the fact 233 00:08:23,664 --> 00:08:24,796 that Lance and Bow were engaged. 234 00:08:24,831 --> 00:08:26,097 Mm. 235 00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:28,740 Well, it... it... That's... it was... 236 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:32,144 Uh, uh, no, no, no. Wait. Did you just say "engaged"? 237 00:08:32,264 --> 00:08:34,172 Well, I mean... Come on. 238 00:08:34,207 --> 00:08:36,207 I wouldn't... I wouldn't call it... 239 00:08:36,243 --> 00:08:37,044 I wouldn't call it "engaged." 240 00:08:37,164 --> 00:08:38,764 Well, what would you call it when one person 241 00:08:38,799 --> 00:08:41,197 asks another person to marry him and she says "yes" 242 00:08:41,317 --> 00:08:43,145 and then he buys her a ring and then they invite 243 00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:45,350 all their friends to Applebee's for jalapeño poppers? 244 00:08:45,922 --> 00:08:47,084 Engaged. 245 00:08:47,204 --> 00:08:49,504 Or like a party. It's like... 246 00:08:49,539 --> 00:08:53,341 Wow. This just stopped being polite... 247 00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:55,343 And got really real. 248 00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:58,012 Whoa. Lance would have been our dad? 249 00:08:58,048 --> 00:09:00,582 And Shawn would have been our mom? 250 00:09:00,617 --> 00:09:02,650 So hot! 251 00:09:02,686 --> 00:09:04,586 She wouldn't have been your mom. 252 00:09:04,621 --> 00:09:06,087 - Bow. Uh -huh? 253 00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:08,289 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure, sweetie. 254 00:09:08,325 --> 00:09:09,691 - Now. - Just a second. 255 00:09:09,726 --> 00:09:10,692 - Um, enjoy the food, and I'm gonna refill... - Come on. 256 00:09:10,727 --> 00:09:11,693 I think he wants a refill. 257 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,296 Sweetheart. Yeah, we were engaged, but it was, like, so long ago. 258 00:09:16,416 --> 00:09:17,982 It was like for 10 minutes, 259 00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:19,984 and we were young and we were stupid, 260 00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:22,920 and, like, we went five-way Dutch on jalapeño poppers. 261 00:09:22,955 --> 00:09:25,423 I mean, I didn't even get any and Shawn ate... 262 00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:27,391 I-I should have told you. 263 00:09:27,427 --> 00:09:29,493 I should have told you, and I didn't. 264 00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:31,228 I'm sorry. 265 00:09:31,264 --> 00:09:35,533 Babe, I'm really gonna surprise you now... 266 00:09:35,568 --> 00:09:36,567 I get it. 267 00:09:36,602 --> 00:09:37,868 - Seriously? - Huh! 268 00:09:37,904 --> 00:09:39,537 - Yes, it's ancient history. - Yeah. 269 00:09:39,572 --> 00:09:42,106 Plus, there's plenty of things I haven't told you about. 270 00:09:42,141 --> 00:09:42,940 Wait, what what, now? 271 00:09:42,975 --> 00:09:44,141 But the point is, 272 00:09:44,177 --> 00:09:46,210 all of our secrets are out in the open now. 273 00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:47,445 But... but you didn't tell me... 274 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,713 Ah, ah, ah, let's not forget who's in the hot seat. 275 00:09:49,749 --> 00:09:51,749 Actually, you're just lucky 276 00:09:51,784 --> 00:09:55,152 that you married a man like me... magnanimous. 277 00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:56,954 - See? - Hmm. 278 00:09:56,989 --> 00:09:58,422 We're meant to be. 279 00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:00,458 If Lance hadn't broken it off with me, 280 00:10:00,493 --> 00:10:02,359 I never would have met you, my Dre. 281 00:10:02,395 --> 00:10:03,994 - Oh. - Thanks, baby. 282 00:10:04,030 --> 00:10:05,062 Hold on. 283 00:10:05,097 --> 00:10:08,065 Did she just say Lance dumped her? 284 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,834 Who the hell am I married to? 285 00:10:09,869 --> 00:10:12,036 This is crazy, man. 286 00:10:12,071 --> 00:10:14,772 I always saw me and Bow as this power couple... 287 00:10:14,807 --> 00:10:16,674 The dumpers, not the dumpees. 288 00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:17,942 And you still are, boss. 289 00:10:17,977 --> 00:10:20,110 Look, who cares if he looked her dead in the face and said, 290 00:10:20,146 --> 00:10:22,012 "there's no way I want to go further with this"? 291 00:10:22,048 --> 00:10:24,748 That's his thing. One man's trash, right? 292 00:10:24,784 --> 00:10:25,850 No! 293 00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:27,585 Man, Bow and I are A-listers. 294 00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,587 Jay and Bey. 295 00:10:29,622 --> 00:10:31,522 Look, I'm just worried that now I'm Jay 296 00:10:31,557 --> 00:10:33,047 and she's one of those other girls... 297 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:35,701 Destiny's illegitimate child, Hazel. 298 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,569 Hey, Dre, get out of your head, man. 299 00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:40,439 Look at me. I always get dumped. 300 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:43,920 That don't make me a loser, you know? 301 00:10:44,452 --> 00:10:46,419 Dre, there is absolutely nothing wrong 302 00:10:46,454 --> 00:10:48,325 with a man dating a woman who's been dumped. 303 00:10:48,445 --> 00:10:49,944 - You don't think so? - No, man. 304 00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,113 I almost exclusively date women who have been dumped. 305 00:10:52,148 --> 00:10:54,882 I'll wait outside the club by the street meat cart, 306 00:10:54,918 --> 00:10:57,285 looking for girls to stumble out at closing 307 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,454 with runny mascara and a broken heel. 308 00:10:59,489 --> 00:11:01,522 Then your boy Josh goes to wiz-erk! 309 00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:03,891 I'll whisper in their ear, "you can do better. 310 00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,927 You can do better. Shh, shh, shh. 311 00:11:05,962 --> 00:11:07,729 But not tonight." Mm? 312 00:11:07,764 --> 00:11:08,596 Feel better? 313 00:11:08,631 --> 00:11:09,764 - No. - Okay. 314 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,032 Look, just let it go, boss. 315 00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,529 Okay, you start digging in a cemetery, 316 00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:14,249 all you gonna find is dead bodies. 317 00:11:14,284 --> 00:11:16,217 You know, you right, Curtis. You're right. 318 00:11:16,253 --> 00:11:17,919 You know, I'm gonna leave it alone. 319 00:11:17,954 --> 00:11:19,020 I did not leave it alone. 320 00:11:19,055 --> 00:11:21,222 Hey, Lance. More scotch? 321 00:11:21,258 --> 00:11:23,591 - Oh, thank you. - All right. 322 00:11:23,627 --> 00:11:26,160 I told you that Lance and I were engaged. 323 00:11:26,196 --> 00:11:27,929 Of course I did! 324 00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:29,364 Money. "Old people eating cheese" 325 00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:31,299 just graduated to "mom's secret fiancé 326 00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:32,567 could wreck her marriage." 327 00:11:32,602 --> 00:11:34,969 Why is there so much footage of that lady's butt? 328 00:11:35,005 --> 00:11:38,172 It's called "ambient b-roll," and I need it. 329 00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:40,708 We need it. 330 00:11:40,744 --> 00:11:42,477 I need it. 331 00:11:42,512 --> 00:11:44,679 We still need to find a villain in all this. 332 00:11:44,714 --> 00:11:46,014 There's a villain in our house? 333 00:11:46,049 --> 00:11:47,081 Like... Like Bane? 334 00:11:47,117 --> 00:11:49,784 No. All reality shows have a villain... 335 00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:51,786 The drama queen you love to hate, 336 00:11:51,821 --> 00:11:54,556 your Snookis, your Omarosas, your Bryant Gumbels. 337 00:11:54,591 --> 00:11:55,823 Now let's go find ours. 338 00:11:58,528 --> 00:12:00,328 My money's on Maisie. 339 00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:01,763 Really? Why her? 340 00:12:01,798 --> 00:12:05,300 I saw her double dip in the Ponzu. 341 00:12:05,335 --> 00:12:07,502 Dirty, dirty girl. 342 00:12:09,506 --> 00:12:11,606 Kind of crazy finding out that you and Bow 343 00:12:11,641 --> 00:12:12,941 were engaged and everything. 344 00:12:12,976 --> 00:12:14,475 Oh, I'm so sorry. 345 00:12:14,511 --> 00:12:16,578 - All these years, I assumed you knew. - It's cool. 346 00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:18,705 Hey, just curious how it all ended. 347 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,048 You know, was it the type of thing 348 00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:21,556 where you saw the writing on the wall 349 00:12:21,676 --> 00:12:22,680 with a girl that spectacular? 350 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,833 You know, did you dump her before she dumped you? 351 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,635 Hey, hey, no shame in that game, playboy. 352 00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:28,730 I don't know. Who can remember? It was college. 353 00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:30,182 College. I get it. 354 00:12:30,218 --> 00:12:32,752 A little experimental phase, huh? 355 00:12:32,787 --> 00:12:34,587 Not sure what team you were playing for. 356 00:12:34,622 --> 00:12:36,555 Yeah, no, no, had to clear the deck for Mr. Right. 357 00:12:36,591 --> 00:12:37,623 Dre, I'm not gay. 358 00:12:37,659 --> 00:12:39,558 You've been staring at my wife all night. 359 00:12:39,594 --> 00:12:41,360 In fact, you're doing it right now. 360 00:12:41,396 --> 00:12:42,561 Huh? 361 00:12:42,597 --> 00:12:45,364 Look, man, if I had to dig deep here, 362 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,033 I guess I had to end things with Bow 363 00:12:47,068 --> 00:12:48,834 because... she was still not over Brian. 364 00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:49,935 Who's Brian? 365 00:12:49,971 --> 00:12:51,671 - The guy who dumped her after Mike. - What?! 366 00:12:51,706 --> 00:12:56,742 I have had a spontaneous idea... let's play a game! 367 00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:58,344 This isn't gonna be the type of thing 368 00:12:58,379 --> 00:13:00,379 where we're gonna get naked, are we? 369 00:13:00,415 --> 00:13:02,148 - Hmm? - Full disclosure? 370 00:13:02,183 --> 00:13:05,251 I had a botched circumcision a few years ago. 371 00:13:05,286 --> 00:13:07,319 Just so you know. 372 00:13:07,355 --> 00:13:10,022 - What about celebrity charades, huh? - Oh! 373 00:13:10,058 --> 00:13:12,958 I actually had a different kind of game in mind. 374 00:13:12,994 --> 00:13:14,660 - Really? - Yeah. 375 00:13:14,696 --> 00:13:17,930 So, I'm not proud of how this is about to go down, 376 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,398 but I needed answers. 377 00:13:19,434 --> 00:13:20,733 All right. 378 00:13:20,768 --> 00:13:22,505 Everybody know how to play "I never"? 379 00:13:22,625 --> 00:13:25,571 It's where I say something I have never done, 380 00:13:25,606 --> 00:13:28,507 like, "I have never been dumped by a guy named Brian." 381 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,342 - Wait, what? - Oh, I'll explain. 382 00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:31,777 You've been dumped by a guy named Brian... 383 00:13:31,813 --> 00:13:32,978 - Yes, thank you. - Oh! 384 00:13:33,014 --> 00:13:34,146 So you drink. 385 00:13:34,182 --> 00:13:35,247 - Okay. - There you go. 386 00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:36,215 I'll go next. 387 00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,583 I've never spent 388 00:13:37,618 --> 00:13:39,985 a Thanksgiving meeting David Spade's parents. 389 00:13:40,021 --> 00:13:41,954 Oh, that's me! 390 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,489 - Yeah, that's her. - All right. 391 00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:44,957 Okay, I'm gonna go next. I'm gonna go next. 392 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:49,428 I never had to balance having four children 393 00:13:49,464 --> 00:13:52,264 while managing a very challenging medical career. 394 00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:53,766 - Oh. - Ho-ho! 395 00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:54,967 - Down the hatch! - All right. 396 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:55,968 - Mm-hmm. - Ah. 397 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,403 Okay, okay. I have one. 398 00:13:57,438 --> 00:13:59,038 I have never been dumped 399 00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:01,607 by more than three people in college. 400 00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:02,675 Yes. 401 00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:03,676 Ha, Josh! 402 00:14:03,711 --> 00:14:04,577 Josh! 403 00:14:04,612 --> 00:14:05,611 Drink up, Bow. 404 00:14:05,646 --> 00:14:07,580 Oh, you too, huh? 405 00:14:07,615 --> 00:14:09,415 Yeah, thank you, Shawn. Yeah. 406 00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:11,350 See? This is fun. 407 00:14:11,385 --> 00:14:13,486 Well, anybody else have any stories about Bow? 408 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:15,821 Lance, I'm sure you're sitting on a couple of gems. Dre... 409 00:14:15,857 --> 00:14:18,191 Oh, hell yeah. I never had "finals baldness." 410 00:14:18,311 --> 00:14:19,410 What? 411 00:14:19,445 --> 00:14:21,578 It's called stress-related alopecia, 412 00:14:21,614 --> 00:14:24,547 and millions of Americans suffer from it. 413 00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:27,334 Yes, so I'm not embarrassed. I will drink. 414 00:14:27,369 --> 00:14:30,270 Oh, let's go back to an old favorite of mine. 415 00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:34,441 I have never been dumped by more than four people in college. 416 00:14:34,476 --> 00:14:35,542 Drink! Drink! 417 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,313 Five? 418 00:14:39,348 --> 00:14:40,580 Drink! 419 00:14:40,616 --> 00:14:42,649 Six people? 420 00:14:42,685 --> 00:14:43,650 Drink, drink, drink! 421 00:14:43,686 --> 00:14:44,584 Seven? 422 00:14:46,021 --> 00:14:47,921 Damn. 423 00:14:47,957 --> 00:14:51,591 Okay, yeah, obviously I have a few skeletons in my closet. 424 00:14:51,627 --> 00:14:53,093 Ohh! 425 00:14:53,128 --> 00:14:54,561 More than eight? 426 00:14:54,596 --> 00:14:56,430 Drink! 427 00:14:56,465 --> 00:14:57,965 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 428 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,968 Enough! Enough! Why are you attacking me?! 429 00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:03,503 This is not how the night was supposed to go. 430 00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:06,373 You guys were just supposed to admire my bangles 431 00:15:06,408 --> 00:15:10,310 and... and eat my almonds and just watch me float like an angel! 432 00:15:10,346 --> 00:15:11,478 Oh, God! 433 00:15:11,513 --> 00:15:14,481 Oh, my I'm... 434 00:15:14,516 --> 00:15:17,417 Oh, my God. Mom's the villain. 435 00:15:17,453 --> 00:15:19,052 I'm gonna win an Emmy. 436 00:15:19,088 --> 00:15:20,554 I'm in a bad way. 437 00:15:20,589 --> 00:15:21,888 Bow! 438 00:15:22,906 --> 00:15:26,408 - I'm buttoning up, so get off of me. - All right, let me make you some coffee. 439 00:15:26,528 --> 00:15:27,830 I don't want coffee. 440 00:15:27,950 --> 00:15:29,901 Uh, where do you keep your cubed ham? 441 00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:30,830 What the hell? 442 00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:32,816 Two fire extinguishers and no ham. 443 00:15:32,852 --> 00:15:34,351 I mean, that's just crazy. 444 00:15:34,386 --> 00:15:35,419 Charlie, can you give us a moment? 445 00:15:35,454 --> 00:15:38,155 You better not let it burn. 446 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:40,257 What?! 447 00:15:40,292 --> 00:15:41,692 What is going on with you? 448 00:15:41,727 --> 00:15:43,127 What's going on with you?! 449 00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:46,196 Dre, why were you trying to take me down during "I never"? 450 00:15:46,232 --> 00:15:48,098 Because when I found out you got dumped, 451 00:15:48,134 --> 00:15:49,933 I needed to know how dumped you were. 452 00:15:49,969 --> 00:15:52,336 Who knew the depths of your dumped-ness? 453 00:15:52,404 --> 00:15:55,405 Hey, have you ever ended a relationship? 454 00:15:55,441 --> 00:15:56,874 I'm about to. 455 00:15:56,909 --> 00:15:58,242 Look, I know I acted crazy, 456 00:15:58,277 --> 00:16:01,966 but I always saw you as this brilliant heartbreaker, 457 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:02,737 and then I find out 458 00:16:02,857 --> 00:16:04,477 that these dudes told you to kick rocks. 459 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:05,549 Hell, I started to spiral. 460 00:16:05,584 --> 00:16:07,747 You know, I didn't have it all together when I was in college. 461 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,267 And maybe it's obnoxious, but invited these people over here 462 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,536 so they could see how great my life turned out for me. 463 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,422 And now they think I'm a lunatic! 464 00:16:14,542 --> 00:16:16,449 They might also think you have a drinking problem. 465 00:16:16,569 --> 00:16:19,404 Oh. 466 00:16:19,524 --> 00:16:21,190 Hey, hey. Charlie, Charlie! 467 00:16:21,225 --> 00:16:22,491 - Use your words. What? - What's happening? 468 00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:24,760 - I ate peanut sauce. - Mm-hmm. 469 00:16:24,795 --> 00:16:25,861 - Dying! - Okay. Okay. 470 00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,696 - Allergic. - Okay. Okay. 471 00:16:27,732 --> 00:16:28,931 Throat closing. 472 00:16:28,966 --> 00:16:29,657 It's gonna be all right. 473 00:16:29,777 --> 00:16:32,244 Good sauce, though... murderer! 474 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:33,846 Okay, nobody panic. Nobody panic. 475 00:16:33,881 --> 00:16:35,414 Do you have an epipen handy? 476 00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:37,183 - In my car. - Okay, great, I'll go get it. 477 00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:38,351 - Go get it, thank you. - I'll go get it. 478 00:16:38,386 --> 00:16:39,618 - Car got repo'd. - Oh, God. Okay. 479 00:16:39,654 --> 00:16:40,786 - What?! - It's okay. 480 00:16:40,822 --> 00:16:41,854 Hitchhiked 481 00:16:41,974 --> 00:16:43,328 underrated form of transportation. 482 00:16:43,448 --> 00:16:44,781 - Okay, okay. - Okay, okay. 483 00:16:44,901 --> 00:16:45,901 Okay, everybody just step back, please. 484 00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:47,053 Step back, step back. 485 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,089 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 486 00:16:49,124 --> 00:16:50,156 Okay, come on. 487 00:16:50,192 --> 00:16:51,691 Dre, Dre, lay him down on the counter. 488 00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,359 I got him. I got him. Come on, get up here, Charlie. 489 00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:55,328 Lay him back. Quick, get up here. 490 00:16:55,363 --> 00:16:56,996 Charlie, you gonna be all right, okay? 491 00:16:57,032 --> 00:16:58,231 Everything's gonna be okay. 492 00:16:58,266 --> 00:17:00,033 Dre, get me a steak knife and a juice box. 493 00:17:00,068 --> 00:17:01,301 Wapple apple or Berry Berry wild? 494 00:17:01,336 --> 00:17:03,369 - Just bring me the damn straw, Dre. - Okay, okay. 495 00:17:03,405 --> 00:17:05,171 Hey, Curtis, I need you to call an ambulance. 496 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:12,278 Got it. 497 00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,154 Sit up. 498 00:17:22,891 --> 00:17:24,624 Charlie, you're gonna be okay, all right? 499 00:17:24,659 --> 00:17:26,593 There's not even gonna be a scar. 500 00:17:28,029 --> 00:17:30,029 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. 501 00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:33,066 I never saved a man's life on my kitchen counter 502 00:17:33,101 --> 00:17:35,401 with a steak knife and a bendy straw. 503 00:17:36,905 --> 00:17:37,904 Boom. 504 00:17:37,939 --> 00:17:38,938 This is amazing! 505 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,274 Villain becomes hero. We did it! 506 00:17:41,309 --> 00:17:43,610 We have it. 507 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:48,214 Uh... let's say hypothetically that we don't have it, 508 00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:51,217 but, good news... 509 00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:54,420 Got a lot of head to toe on Shawn. 510 00:17:59,361 --> 00:18:00,860 Babe? 511 00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:03,229 - Is everybody gone? - Well... 512 00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:05,498 It turns out things start winding down 513 00:18:05,534 --> 00:18:08,134 once you plunge a knife into somebody's neck. 514 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,269 What a bust of a party. 515 00:18:09,304 --> 00:18:11,404 - Hey, babe, they'll never forget it. - Dre... 516 00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:14,807 And plus, you never have to worry about impressing them again. 517 00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:17,143 You saved a man's life. 518 00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,646 So what if it was Charlie's? Still counts. 519 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,481 - You know why I'm good at that? - Hmm? 520 00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:23,149 Because I studied my ass off, 521 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,685 - so much so that I was a terrible girlfriend. - Mm? 522 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,421 I even skipped a boyfriend's birthday 523 00:18:28,456 --> 00:18:32,192 so I could dissect a fetal pig, and I do not regret it. 524 00:18:32,227 --> 00:18:33,493 - Disgusting... - Mm-hmm. 525 00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:35,094 - And selfish. - Yes. 526 00:18:35,130 --> 00:18:38,064 And then you came along, Dre, and you changed everything. 527 00:18:38,099 --> 00:18:40,200 I was so busy trying to make you think I was perfect, 528 00:18:40,235 --> 00:18:41,668 I almost flunked out of med school. 529 00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:43,870 Hey, babe, you didn't have to do that for me. 530 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,772 - I didn't? - Hell no. 531 00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:47,407 Because from the moment I met you, 532 00:18:47,442 --> 00:18:48,942 I knew that you weren't perfect. 533 00:18:48,977 --> 00:18:50,009 Dre. 534 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,411 Hell, you thought the greatest rapper 535 00:18:51,446 --> 00:18:52,946 of all time was that dude from P.M. dawn. 536 00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:54,881 - He's really good. - Hey. 537 00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:56,783 But I knew you were perfect for me. 538 00:18:56,818 --> 00:18:59,252 Hmm? 539 00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:00,687 - That's my baby. Come on. - Aw. 540 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:01,988 Mm! 541 00:19:02,023 --> 00:19:03,289 And now all our secrets are out. 542 00:19:03,325 --> 00:19:05,124 - Yes, they are... - Yeah. 543 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,393 - More or less. - Hey! 544 00:19:07,429 --> 00:19:11,064 You need to start talking or I will trach you right now. 545 00:19:11,099 --> 00:19:12,232 Oh, you gonna have to cut it out of me, then. 546 00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:13,900 - Okay, fine. - Come on, come on, come on. 547 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,168 No, I don't want to cut it, just tell me. 548 00:19:15,203 --> 00:19:17,136 Cut it out of me! Come on, come get me! 549 00:19:20,995 --> 00:19:23,128 This looks so beautiful. I wish I could eat it. 550 00:19:23,164 --> 00:19:25,631 Thanks for bringing us all together. 551 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:27,357 I am impressed with Bow's life now. 552 00:19:27,477 --> 00:19:29,009 It looks like she has her stuff together. 553 00:19:29,045 --> 00:19:30,544 I mean, she was a bit of a hot mess tonight. 554 00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,480 I wanted all these people to see 555 00:19:32,515 --> 00:19:34,582 how great my life turned out for me! 556 00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:36,802 Bow might be a little intimidated 557 00:19:36,837 --> 00:19:38,036 by the fact that I'm famous. 558 00:19:38,072 --> 00:19:39,905 David used to say that star quality 559 00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:41,840 is something that you just can't buy, 560 00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:43,075 so I wouldn't blame her. 561 00:19:43,110 --> 00:19:46,311 No, I know he's in town, 'cause I saw him on TMZ. 562 00:19:46,347 --> 00:19:49,481 Just... maybe he checked in under a different name? 563 00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:53,452 Try, um... Dirt, Joe. 564 00:19:53,487 --> 00:19:56,789 I knew Maisie's breakup with Spade was ancient history, 565 00:19:56,824 --> 00:19:58,891 but the wounds were still fresh. 566 00:19:58,926 --> 00:20:02,528 That's when old Joshy boy started circling the airport. 567 00:20:02,563 --> 00:20:07,399 Flight 69-69, you are cleared for landing. 568 00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:13,338 Hey, you look like you could use a massage. 569 00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:16,775 Dre, Dre, Dre, give me my caftan, please! 570 00:20:16,811 --> 00:20:18,777 - I'm gonna win an Emmy. - Your what? 571 00:20:18,813 --> 00:20:20,345 My diaphanous caftan! 572 00:20:20,381 --> 00:20:22,648 Junior, get back on mom. 573 00:20:24,451 --> 00:20:26,118 I wish I could say I was surprised. 574 00:20:26,153 --> 00:20:28,587 Get off, Dre. I got it. 575 00:20:28,622 --> 00:20:32,291 Let's be honest, she's always been a bit of a train wreck. 576 00:20:32,326 --> 00:20:34,426 - Down the hatch. - All right. 577 00:20:34,461 --> 00:20:38,297 It's scary walking around, knowing this could happen to me. 578 00:20:38,997 --> 00:20:41,574 Who am I kidding? It won't happen to me. 579 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,439 It'll happen to him. 580 00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:44,675 Probably. 581 00:20:45,002 --> 00:20:46,330 I'm a hot mess. 582 00:20:47,057 --> 00:20:52,057 Synced and corrected by OussLP - www.addic7ed.com