1
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There are many different
ways to protect your family.
2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:07,392
Now I hate to be the paranoid mom with the
list of things that would kill her son, but...
3
00:00:07,512 --> 00:00:08,577
Mm.
4
00:00:08,613 --> 00:00:10,413
In-vitro was not cheap.
5
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It's just that some ways are
way more annoying than others.
6
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Okay, peanuts. He can't have peanuts.
7
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- Okay.
- Gluten.
8
00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:17,286
- Of course.
- Black mold.
9
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- Mm-hmm. Okay.
- Why black mold?
10
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:19,071
HBO.
11
00:00:19,191 --> 00:00:19,844
- What?
- What?
12
00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:22,658
That show "Girls" makes
him want to talk to me
13
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about that show "Girls," which
makes me want to kill him.
14
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So I had to put it on the list.
15
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Okay.
16
00:00:28,232 --> 00:00:30,299
So, uh, what... like, what, um...
17
00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,635
What time are you gonna
pick Seth up tomorrow?
18
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Oh, not till Sunday.
19
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Oh! Oh, so, like...
20
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oh, three whole days.
21
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You can just forward his mail.
22
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I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
23
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We are so happy to be raising your son.
24
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- That's nice.
- I see you have smoke detectors.
25
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- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
26
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Good.
27
00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:46,582
I assume you have a
carbon-monoxide monitor.
28
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- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yeah.
29
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Obviously you don't have a gun.
30
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- No.
- Yes.
31
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- No, we don't.
- We absolutely have a gun.
32
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You know, there've been a few
break-ins in the neighborhood,
33
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so I decided to get a gun
to protect my sneakers.
34
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Oh, and you guys.
35
00:00:57,895 --> 00:00:58,761
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
36
00:00:58,796 --> 00:00:59,929
Yeah. Oh, that...
37
00:00:59,964 --> 00:01:01,597
That makes makes perfect sense.
38
00:01:01,632 --> 00:01:04,266
- Mm-hmm.
- Seth, don't settle in!
39
00:01:04,302 --> 00:01:05,468
Seth!
40
00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:07,503
Why would you lie to her
about us having a gun?
41
00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:08,637
I don't know that woman.
42
00:01:08,673 --> 00:01:10,439
She might have been a
part of the break-ins.
43
00:01:10,475 --> 00:01:13,242
White people stole our freedom, Bow.
44
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You don't think they'll come
in here and steal my Xbox?
45
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Dre, this is serious.
46
00:01:17,215 --> 00:01:20,082
Yes, protecting my family is very serious.
47
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That's why I've been talking
about getting a gun for years.
48
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- Mnh-mnh.
- Even more now that the kids are freaked out
49
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,988
because of that break-in on the next block.
50
00:01:26,023 --> 00:01:27,757
Bow, this bourgie neighborhood
51
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has lulled us into a
false sense of security.
52
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It's time to...
53
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Tool up.
54
00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:33,395
No.
55
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We are not getting a gun.
56
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Do you watch the news?
57
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Guns are very dangerous.
58
00:01:38,536 --> 00:01:39,969
Yeah, yeah. You know what's dangerous, Bow?
59
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What?
60
00:01:40,805 --> 00:01:42,538
Being murdered.
61
00:01:42,573 --> 00:01:44,106
By murderers.
62
00:01:44,175 --> 00:01:47,843
But when it comes to the best
way to protect your family,
63
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there's still a little bit of a debate.
64
00:01:50,181 --> 00:01:51,981
And it looked like me and Bow
65
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were about to have one big-ass debate.
66
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a a
- a
67
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thank you so much for everything.
68
00:02:01,692 --> 00:02:04,527
Something came up, and it has
nothing to do with the gun.
69
00:02:05,897 --> 00:02:07,062
Well, Seth is gone.
70
00:02:07,098 --> 00:02:09,665
Let's celebrate with nuts and gluten.
71
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:12,234
And even though I hate it,
let's watch that show "Girls."
72
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This is not a joke.
73
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There's nothing funny
about the show "Girls," Bow.
74
00:02:16,507 --> 00:02:17,706
I'm not playing.
75
00:02:17,742 --> 00:02:19,041
We agreed on this.
76
00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:21,911
- No, you agreed on this.
- And I was right.
77
00:02:21,946 --> 00:02:24,413
Every day at work, I see
what guns do to people.
78
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:25,548
Why do you want a gun?
79
00:02:25,583 --> 00:02:27,049
Why do I want a gun?
80
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For protection.
81
00:02:28,886 --> 00:02:29,985
Oh, and you don't feel safe enough
82
00:02:30,021 --> 00:02:31,320
with all the ridiculous weapons
83
00:02:31,355 --> 00:02:32,488
you have stashed around this house?
84
00:02:32,523 --> 00:02:34,456
They're not ridiculous.
85
00:02:34,492 --> 00:02:36,792
Under-counter switchblade?
86
00:02:36,828 --> 00:02:39,061
Shower machete?
87
00:02:39,096 --> 00:02:42,498
Blender nunchuks? Why?
88
00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:44,567
In case you get attacked
while making a milkshake?
89
00:02:44,602 --> 00:02:46,802
It's where you're most vulnerable.
90
00:02:46,838 --> 00:02:48,838
- Oh, my God.
- Come on, Bow.
91
00:02:48,873 --> 00:02:51,507
We'd all be a lot safer if I got a gun.
92
00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:52,975
Got a gun?
93
00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:55,311
You mean we've been living
in this house without one?
94
00:02:56,581 --> 00:02:58,247
You've had us flapping in the breeze?
95
00:02:58,282 --> 00:02:59,849
Okay, why don't you guys go to your room?
96
00:02:59,884 --> 00:03:01,784
Why? Is there a gun in there?
97
00:03:01,819 --> 00:03:02,651
Go!
98
00:03:02,687 --> 00:03:04,887
- Unbelievable.
- Mm-hmm.
99
00:03:04,922 --> 00:03:08,424
And there go two of
the four biggest reasons
100
00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:10,459
why we should not have a gun.
101
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:13,929
They're two of the biggest
reasons to have a gun.
102
00:03:13,965 --> 00:03:15,764
Our children are frightened, Bow,
103
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,367
and as their father, it's
my job to keep them safe.
104
00:03:18,402 --> 00:03:19,335
You're insane.
105
00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:20,536
Insane?
106
00:03:20,571 --> 00:03:22,605
We have a hard enough
time keeping Jack alive
107
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,406
without a lethal weapon in the house.
108
00:03:25,676 --> 00:03:27,576
Every day that boy doesn't drown
himself when brushing his teeth
109
00:03:27,612 --> 00:03:28,878
is a victory.
110
00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:32,448
No gun?
111
00:03:32,483 --> 00:03:34,116
I thought dad loved us.
112
00:03:34,151 --> 00:03:36,619
Apparently not, or he would've strapped up.
113
00:03:36,654 --> 00:03:38,387
I'm such a fool!
114
00:03:38,422 --> 00:03:40,189
I've been sleeping with my window open.
115
00:03:40,224 --> 00:03:41,891
Guys, relax.
116
00:03:41,926 --> 00:03:43,092
We don't need a gun.
117
00:03:43,127 --> 00:03:45,527
That kind of security is fool's gold.
118
00:03:45,563 --> 00:03:49,899
The real threat to our family
and America is cyberterrorism.
119
00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:50,933
Here it goes.
120
00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:52,101
No one's watching the grid.
121
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What... the grid?
122
00:03:54,005 --> 00:03:56,105
Are you ever on anyone else's page?
123
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God, I hope not.
124
00:03:57,608 --> 00:03:59,041
Wake up, sheep!
125
00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:01,076
Cyberterrorism has made burgling possible
126
00:04:01,112 --> 00:04:03,646
for fat guys who can't fit through windows.
127
00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:06,482
So to protect us, I'm
gonna beef up our firewall.
128
00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:08,050
'Cause somebody has to.
129
00:04:08,085 --> 00:04:09,952
- No, they don't.
- Mm, no, they don't.
130
00:04:09,987 --> 00:04:11,420
It's your funeral.
131
00:04:11,455 --> 00:04:12,254
Bye, freak.
132
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:13,689
Hey,
133
00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:17,493
that girl Dominique Harris seems
like she's from a gun family.
134
00:04:17,528 --> 00:04:19,228
Maybe her parents will adopt us.
135
00:04:19,263 --> 00:04:20,462
Good idea.
136
00:04:20,498 --> 00:04:25,634
Should I go with adorable
face or sad-puppy face?
137
00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:27,269
I'll find it.
138
00:04:28,773 --> 00:04:30,572
Uh, excuse me?
139
00:04:30,608 --> 00:04:31,941
You know what?
140
00:04:31,976 --> 00:04:33,909
If no one wants to say it, I will.
141
00:04:33,945 --> 00:04:36,111
I'm the real target.
142
00:04:36,147 --> 00:04:37,947
You guys are scraps!
143
00:04:37,982 --> 00:04:40,983
Well, if you really want to
learn how to defend yourself,
144
00:04:41,018 --> 00:04:44,720
I could teach you the gentle art of karate.
145
00:04:44,755 --> 00:04:46,322
Thanks, Pops, but I don't know
146
00:04:46,357 --> 00:04:47,656
if that's better than having a gun.
147
00:04:47,692 --> 00:04:49,091
Yeah, I used to carry.
148
00:04:49,126 --> 00:04:51,093
And then someone took my
piece and used it against me.
149
00:04:51,128 --> 00:04:52,361
What happened?
150
00:04:52,396 --> 00:04:54,396
Your grandma Ruby shot
me right in the biscuit.
151
00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:58,434
But then I learned the
gentle art of karate.
152
00:04:58,469 --> 00:05:00,869
I became a walking lethal weapon.
153
00:05:00,905 --> 00:05:02,538
See these guns? They don't jam.
154
00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:05,641
No 10-day waiting period, and
I breeze right through TSA.
155
00:05:05,710 --> 00:05:06,942
Sounds ridiculous.
156
00:05:06,978 --> 00:05:08,444
All right, Zo-Zo.
157
00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:11,547
You are the one that said
you were the real target.
158
00:05:11,582 --> 00:05:13,882
Wa-wa-wait. Come back.
159
00:05:13,918 --> 00:05:15,884
That's a solid point.
160
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,920
I'm in. And I need to learn today.
161
00:05:17,955 --> 00:05:19,054
Whoa.
162
00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,656
Martial arts is not learned in a day.
163
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:23,292
It's a long, lonely
journey that begins within,
164
00:05:23,327 --> 00:05:24,960
in which the student... that's you...
165
00:05:24,996 --> 00:05:26,862
never questions the master... that's me.
166
00:05:26,897 --> 00:05:28,230
- You understand?
- Sure.
167
00:05:28,265 --> 00:05:31,867
So, are you ready to begin your training?
168
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,439
The lessons begin.
169
00:05:37,475 --> 00:05:39,708
Pledge on.
170
00:05:39,744 --> 00:05:41,944
Pledge off.
171
00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:43,379
Pledge on.
172
00:05:43,414 --> 00:05:46,115
What does this have to
do with learning karate?
173
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Everything.
174
00:05:47,952 --> 00:05:49,351
You missed a spot.
175
00:05:49,387 --> 00:05:50,919
Pledge on.
176
00:05:50,955 --> 00:05:53,022
And we will get maximum market penetration
177
00:05:53,057 --> 00:05:55,424
with a multi-platform media blitz.
178
00:05:55,459 --> 00:05:57,126
Now, before I continue,
179
00:05:57,161 --> 00:06:01,096
does anybody want to interrupt
me with personal business?
180
00:06:01,132 --> 00:06:02,331
You know, I got something.
181
00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,299
- Yeah!
- Outstanding.
182
00:06:04,335 --> 00:06:05,901
I hate powerpoint.
183
00:06:05,936 --> 00:06:09,004
I want to get a gun, but
Bow is heavy against it.
184
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,406
Get a gun, Dre.
185
00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:13,542
You gonna need one anyway
when it's time for the...
186
00:06:13,577 --> 00:06:14,910
Evolution-ray.
187
00:06:14,945 --> 00:06:17,146
You know, my girlfriend
didn't want me to have a gun.
188
00:06:17,181 --> 00:06:19,948
But I told her, "I'm a man. Men have guns."
189
00:06:19,984 --> 00:06:21,283
Heh.
190
00:06:21,318 --> 00:06:24,820
N-now I'm on tinder, s-so...
191
00:06:24,855 --> 00:06:28,791
Well, I am a card-carrying
member of the NRA.
192
00:06:28,826 --> 00:06:31,126
- Whoa.
- Geez, Stevens.
193
00:06:31,162 --> 00:06:33,429
I didn't know California
had an open carry permit.
194
00:06:33,464 --> 00:06:35,831
Well, I like to think of the gun on my hip
195
00:06:35,866 --> 00:06:38,434
as the permit to carry the gun on my hip.
196
00:06:38,469 --> 00:06:40,302
Dre, just be careful, all right?
197
00:06:40,337 --> 00:06:43,739
'Cause guns go off really easy.
198
00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:45,974
Like, really, really easy.
199
00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:48,177
Matter of fact, get you a throwaway.
200
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:51,146
Less questions.
201
00:06:51,182 --> 00:06:52,381
For who?
202
00:06:52,416 --> 00:06:54,616
Anyway, look, just let me
know when the gun shows up,
203
00:06:54,652 --> 00:06:57,486
because I have a great place for
us to go hunt the giant panda.
204
00:06:57,521 --> 00:06:58,921
Oh, yeah.
205
00:06:58,956 --> 00:07:01,557
Mr. Stevens, those are endangered.
206
00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:03,525
Didn't say it was cheap.
207
00:07:03,561 --> 00:07:04,927
Here's how you convince your wife, Dre.
208
00:07:04,962 --> 00:07:07,396
Y-you buy the gun, and then you, uh...
209
00:07:07,431 --> 00:07:10,999
Well, you just point it
right in her face, you know?
210
00:07:12,069 --> 00:07:13,535
Unloaded, of course.
211
00:07:13,571 --> 00:07:15,070
I'm not a crazy person, okay?
212
00:07:15,106 --> 00:07:18,907
If I was seeing eye-to-eye
with the dum-dums from work,
213
00:07:18,943 --> 00:07:21,410
then maybe I was on the
wrong side of the issue.
214
00:07:21,445 --> 00:07:23,479
Maybe.
215
00:07:25,916 --> 00:07:27,716
What's going on?
216
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:28,750
We were robbed.
217
00:07:28,786 --> 00:07:29,985
We were in the house,
218
00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,087
and they came in through the back door.
219
00:07:32,123 --> 00:07:35,023
I was making a milkshake!
220
00:07:38,362 --> 00:07:39,928
It's where you're most vulnerable.
221
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,324
Nothing makes a marriage stronger
222
00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:48,680
than arguing over the most
polarizing issue in America.
223
00:07:48,716 --> 00:07:52,784
I just don't think that
violence is ever the solution.
224
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,954
Bow, the threat is
literally in our backyard.
225
00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:58,157
- We're getting a gun.
- So, you're saying to me,
226
00:07:58,192 --> 00:08:00,759
if Janine had a gun in her
house, she would have been safe?
227
00:08:00,794 --> 00:08:04,062
Yes! I'm saying people
protect themselves using guns.
228
00:08:04,098 --> 00:08:05,464
It's what they're for.
229
00:08:05,499 --> 00:08:08,367
Dre, statistics show that it
would've been used against her,
230
00:08:08,402 --> 00:08:10,769
or she would've shot
herself or her husband.
231
00:08:10,804 --> 00:08:12,437
Who still hasn't returned our leaf blower.
232
00:08:12,473 --> 00:08:14,072
- So, justice?
- Oh, my God.
233
00:08:14,108 --> 00:08:16,108
Bow, it's not that I don't
understand your perspective.
234
00:08:16,143 --> 00:08:18,577
It's just that your perspective is dumb.
235
00:08:18,612 --> 00:08:22,347
You are lucky we don't
have a gun in this house,
236
00:08:22,383 --> 00:08:23,649
'cause I would shoot you right now.
237
00:08:23,684 --> 00:08:24,650
You wish you could.
238
00:08:24,685 --> 00:08:25,884
See, you're making my point for me.
239
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,386
Clearly there is no compromise.
240
00:08:27,421 --> 00:08:28,554
No, there isn't.
241
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:29,688
That's why we're getting a gun.
242
00:08:29,723 --> 00:08:31,390
- No!
- Yes!
243
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:33,992
Look at this.
244
00:08:34,028 --> 00:08:35,260
I've been keeping score.
245
00:08:35,296 --> 00:08:36,695
It's time for me to win.
246
00:08:36,730 --> 00:08:39,398
It's my turn!
247
00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:41,800
I did not have your four children
248
00:08:41,835 --> 00:08:44,369
so you could die and
leave me to raise them.
249
00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:45,971
- I'm not gonna...
- take it back!
250
00:08:46,006 --> 00:08:47,472
Can't never do nothing...
251
00:08:48,609 --> 00:08:50,709
That makes you look like
you ate Eddie Murphy.
252
00:08:50,778 --> 00:08:52,578
- What?
- Take it back!
253
00:08:52,613 --> 00:08:54,012
Never do nothing!
254
00:08:54,048 --> 00:08:56,548
You are not turning my sanctuary
into a gas-station bathroom.
255
00:08:56,584 --> 00:08:57,849
- No, that...
- take it back!
256
00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:58,917
- But you can pee standing...
- take it back!
257
00:08:58,953 --> 00:09:00,385
Never let me do nothing!
258
00:09:00,421 --> 00:09:04,356
I've been tanking arguments on
purpose just to win a big one,
259
00:09:04,391 --> 00:09:06,258
and getting a gun is a big one.
260
00:09:06,293 --> 00:09:08,227
Fine. You want a big one?
261
00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:10,028
You can have a urinal.
262
00:09:10,064 --> 00:09:13,265
Too late. The S.S.Urinal has sailed.
263
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,499
We're getting a gun.
264
00:09:14,535 --> 00:09:15,601
Ba-bang!
Ba-bang!
265
00:09:15,636 --> 00:09:16,969
Well, if you shoot the way you pee,
266
00:09:17,004 --> 00:09:18,503
then we're all gonna be dead.
267
00:09:18,539 --> 00:09:20,372
Ba-bang!
Ba-bang!
268
00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:21,340
Good night.
269
00:09:21,408 --> 00:09:22,341
Good night.
270
00:09:24,345 --> 00:09:26,912
Mmm.
271
00:09:26,947 --> 00:09:28,947
Mm. Damn it.
272
00:09:33,721 --> 00:09:35,053
God.
273
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:36,755
Look at him.
274
00:09:36,790 --> 00:09:38,690
That's our father.
275
00:09:38,726 --> 00:09:40,692
Let's go.
276
00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:44,162
Hey, hey, hey!
277
00:09:44,198 --> 00:09:45,797
Hey. Come here. Where are you going?
278
00:09:45,833 --> 00:09:47,199
To Dominique Harris' house.
279
00:09:47,234 --> 00:09:48,734
We'll be safe there.
280
00:09:48,769 --> 00:09:50,602
What are you talking
about? You're safe here.
281
00:09:50,638 --> 00:09:51,870
Really?
282
00:09:51,905 --> 00:09:53,772
With you protecting us?
283
00:09:53,807 --> 00:09:55,907
- Yes, really.
- Uh-huh.
284
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,709
This morning, we saw you
285
00:09:57,745 --> 00:09:59,911
trying to put your
pants on over your shoes.
286
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:00,846
I did not.
287
00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:01,813
I have video.
288
00:10:01,849 --> 00:10:03,081
I...
289
00:10:04,585 --> 00:10:05,884
Thought they were boot cut.
290
00:10:05,919 --> 00:10:06,885
- They weren't.
- They weren't.
291
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,020
But I get it.
292
00:10:08,055 --> 00:10:09,087
This is about the gun, isn't it?
293
00:10:09,123 --> 00:10:10,856
Don't worry.
294
00:10:10,891 --> 00:10:13,358
Don't worry.
295
00:10:13,394 --> 00:10:14,893
I'm all on this.
296
00:10:15,863 --> 00:10:17,596
I guess we should give him a chance.
297
00:10:17,631 --> 00:10:20,399
We can't leave our safety
in the hands of that man.
298
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,134
We got to start looking out for ourselves.
299
00:10:22,169 --> 00:10:24,770
Well, I heard about a documentary
300
00:10:24,805 --> 00:10:27,939
on security systems for young kids.
301
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:32,177
If this kid can protect
his family, so can we.
302
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:34,079
The twins were the final straw.
303
00:10:34,114 --> 00:10:36,982
So I went to exercise
my second-amendment right
304
00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:38,350
at a local gun store.
305
00:10:38,419 --> 00:10:39,584
There's your shotgun, ma'am.
306
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:44,122
Do... do you have class for this to use?
307
00:10:44,158 --> 00:10:45,123
No, no, no.
308
00:10:45,159 --> 00:10:47,225
There's plenty of stuff on YouTube.
309
00:10:47,261 --> 00:10:49,728
- You...?
- Honestly, it's mostly about confidence.
310
00:10:49,763 --> 00:10:50,796
- Con...
- Okay.
311
00:10:50,831 --> 00:10:51,630
Have fun.
312
00:10:51,665 --> 00:10:53,432
Oh, I don't know...
313
00:10:53,467 --> 00:10:55,567
Ehh, looks like you don't know.
314
00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:57,736
Hey, man, you're really
gonna sell her that?
315
00:10:57,771 --> 00:10:59,304
Why? 'Cause she's a woman?
316
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:01,673
I'm about to sell one
to you, and you're a...
317
00:11:01,709 --> 00:11:03,642
anyway, what can I help you with today?
318
00:11:03,677 --> 00:11:05,777
I'd like a handgun, please.
319
00:11:05,813 --> 00:11:08,380
Preferably one I can hold sideways.
320
00:11:08,415 --> 00:11:09,581
Yeah, sure thing.
321
00:11:09,616 --> 00:11:12,551
Just fill out this
paperwork, give me a deposit,
322
00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:15,354
I'll give you a gun-safety test,
and I'll see you in 10 days.
323
00:11:15,389 --> 00:11:18,156
10 da... you mean I have
to wait and take a test?
324
00:11:18,192 --> 00:11:20,192
- Mm-hmm.
- She didn't have to.
325
00:11:20,227 --> 00:11:22,627
Yeah, well, handguns are dangerous.
326
00:11:27,468 --> 00:11:30,001
Please do that outside, ma'am.
327
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:34,373
So, obviously, the process
needs a little refining.
328
00:11:34,408 --> 00:11:37,142
But I was on the path
of making my family safe.
329
00:11:37,177 --> 00:11:40,145
Meantime, the kids still didn't trust me,
330
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:41,747
so they were on their own path.
331
00:11:48,355 --> 00:11:49,888
Unh!
332
00:11:49,923 --> 00:11:53,058
Fearing no danger, Junior
became a brave foot soldier
333
00:11:53,093 --> 00:11:54,826
in the war against cyber-terror.
334
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,834
While Zoey was working on her inner chi,
335
00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:05,437
she was helping pops with his outer chores.
336
00:12:05,472 --> 00:12:08,206
Vacuum the floor.
337
00:12:08,242 --> 00:12:10,642
Are you ever gonna teach me karate
338
00:12:10,677 --> 00:12:12,244
or am I just gonna keep doing chores?
339
00:12:12,279 --> 00:12:15,046
By mastering the mundane, one
can achieve the extraordinary.
340
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:17,215
You saw "Karate Kid"...
those chores were how
341
00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:19,751
Mr. Miyagi turned
Daniel-San into a champion.
342
00:12:19,787 --> 00:12:22,654
Really? That's how you
actually learn karate?
343
00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:26,725
That's the only way to learn karate.
344
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,560
Fact... Bruce Lee's mother's house
345
00:12:28,595 --> 00:12:31,096
was spic-and-span and spotless.
346
00:12:31,131 --> 00:12:32,464
I see you're not convinced.
347
00:12:37,538 --> 00:12:39,604
Tchya! Try and hit me.
348
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:40,772
- Right now?
- Right now.
349
00:12:40,808 --> 00:12:41,873
Okay.
350
00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,442
Vacuum the floor! Aah!
351
00:12:43,477 --> 00:12:45,544
Now, do you want to learn karate,
352
00:12:45,579 --> 00:12:48,547
or would you prefer home invaders
bust in here in the middle of the night
353
00:12:48,582 --> 00:12:50,315
and see you with a scarf on your head?
354
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,817
Karate.
355
00:12:51,852 --> 00:12:52,918
Good.
356
00:12:52,953 --> 00:12:54,186
All right.
357
00:12:54,221 --> 00:12:56,655
Now, bend your knees.
358
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,857
Straighten up your back.
359
00:12:58,892 --> 00:13:00,859
Good. Now...
360
00:13:00,894 --> 00:13:03,028
Go plunge the toilet.
361
00:13:05,599 --> 00:13:07,265
Meanwhile, the clock was ticking
362
00:13:07,301 --> 00:13:09,167
on the 10-day waiting period.
363
00:13:09,203 --> 00:13:10,469
Even though I was sure
364
00:13:10,504 --> 00:13:12,137
I was doing the right thing by my family,
365
00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:16,141
it didn't stop Bow from
trying to change my mind.
366
00:13:16,176 --> 00:13:17,375
She tried facts.
367
00:13:17,411 --> 00:13:19,377
289 jelly beans.
368
00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:22,247
The same number of people
that get shot every day.
369
00:13:22,282 --> 00:13:25,150
That's one every five minutes.
370
00:13:25,185 --> 00:13:27,352
- Those are scary numbers.
- Yeah.
371
00:13:27,387 --> 00:13:29,888
- We should get two guns.
- What?
372
00:13:29,923 --> 00:13:33,091
She tried bribery.
373
00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:34,759
I'm not gonna kill myself on that
374
00:13:34,795 --> 00:13:36,161
and leave you to raise our kids.
375
00:13:36,196 --> 00:13:37,462
What is wrong with you?
376
00:13:37,498 --> 00:13:38,563
Take it back.
377
00:13:38,599 --> 00:13:41,399
She tried coming down to my level.
378
00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:43,235
Rock, paper, scissors.
379
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:44,302
Winner gets her way.
380
00:13:44,338 --> 00:13:46,137
I feel sad for you.
381
00:13:48,842 --> 00:13:49,774
What is that?
382
00:13:49,810 --> 00:13:50,942
Gun.
383
00:13:50,978 --> 00:13:52,210
Gun beats everything.
384
00:13:54,248 --> 00:13:58,016
Then the gun arrived, and
she tried old faithful.
385
00:13:58,051 --> 00:14:00,519
I hope that gun is more
important to you than sex.
386
00:14:00,554 --> 00:14:03,221
What?
387
00:14:06,527 --> 00:14:07,792
She don't really mean that.
388
00:14:07,828 --> 00:14:09,561
You know, once she... she calms down,
389
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:11,429
she'll come crawling
back to get this loving.
390
00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:12,464
No, she won't.
391
00:14:12,499 --> 00:14:14,966
I know.
392
00:14:15,002 --> 00:14:16,535
I know.
393
00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:18,904
Okay, done with that.
394
00:14:18,939 --> 00:14:20,772
Mm.
395
00:14:20,807 --> 00:14:23,308
Good night, babe.
396
00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:26,144
I...
397
00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:27,746
- oh.
- Mm-hmm.
398
00:14:27,781 --> 00:14:30,081
Okay. Silent treatment.
399
00:14:30,117 --> 00:14:31,483
That's cool.
400
00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:33,618
Now I don't have to pretend
to be interested in your day.
401
00:14:33,654 --> 00:14:34,853
"Word?
402
00:14:34,888 --> 00:14:36,688
Tuna fish again?
403
00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:38,623
Ha! You crazy, Bow."
404
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,494
Dre, did you hear that?
405
00:14:42,529 --> 00:14:43,929
Dre, did you hear that?
406
00:14:43,964 --> 00:14:46,231
Uh, Bow, you obviously don't know
407
00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:48,133
how the silent treatment works.
408
00:14:49,102 --> 00:14:50,335
Somebody's in the house!
409
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,837
Then why are we in here?
What's dad gonna do?
410
00:14:52,873 --> 00:14:54,639
Suck salsa off the burglar's shirt?!
411
00:14:54,675 --> 00:14:56,841
Don't worry, guys. I know karate.
412
00:14:56,877 --> 00:14:58,209
- What's on your head?
- Yeah.
413
00:14:58,245 --> 00:14:59,644
Oh.
414
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,112
Mop the floor! Mop the floor!
415
00:15:01,148 --> 00:15:02,213
Okay, okay.
416
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,082
Okay, everybody calm down, all right?
417
00:15:04,117 --> 00:15:06,051
I'm just gonna check the security cameras.
418
00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:08,320
Oh, I took the liberty
of adding a few features
419
00:15:08,355 --> 00:15:10,689
that I think you'll find...
420
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:15,193
Those are not the features I added. I...
421
00:15:15,228 --> 00:15:16,861
what the hell did you do,
huh? What the hell did you do?
422
00:15:16,897 --> 00:15:18,797
- Get away from me, man.
- Hey, you remember Zoey's scarf?
423
00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:21,499
Get down.
424
00:15:22,869 --> 00:15:23,902
Dre.
425
00:15:23,937 --> 00:15:25,403
- Dre, get the gun.
- What?
426
00:15:25,439 --> 00:15:26,471
- Get the gun!
- Okay.
427
00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:27,572
And don't stop pulling the trigger
428
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:28,807
until your finger cramps!
429
00:15:28,842 --> 00:15:30,075
Okay, okay.
430
00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:31,576
Oh, my goodness. Dre!
431
00:15:31,612 --> 00:15:33,745
Why do they put so much
tape on these things?
432
00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:35,380
Okay.
433
00:15:35,415 --> 00:15:36,915
Got it. Where is it? Where is it?
434
00:15:36,950 --> 00:15:39,284
Freeze
435
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:40,752
Hello, son.
436
00:15:40,787 --> 00:15:42,354
Thought you should know
you're out of scotch.
437
00:15:42,389 --> 00:15:45,724
And somebody needs an ass whupping.
438
00:15:46,893 --> 00:15:48,193
Are you kidding me?
439
00:15:48,228 --> 00:15:49,160
Mnh-mnh.
440
00:15:49,196 --> 00:15:52,197
Dry as a bone. See?
441
00:15:54,226 --> 00:15:56,430
- I can't believe I almost shot pops.
- Yeah.
442
00:15:56,465 --> 00:15:58,365
Really? You think you almost shot pops?
443
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,866
Okay, leave your dad alone, all right?
444
00:15:59,902 --> 00:16:01,902
It was a false alarm. Everybody
just go back to your rooms.
445
00:16:01,937 --> 00:16:03,236
- No!
- What?
446
00:16:03,272 --> 00:16:06,239
I want him to explain how he
was gonna shoot pops with a box.
447
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:07,574
Okay, look, I-I-I was just...
448
00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:10,644
Flapping. In. The breeze.
449
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:11,712
Go!
450
00:16:11,747 --> 00:16:14,414
Go to your rooms.
451
00:16:14,450 --> 00:16:17,117
Way to turn it on dad to
distract from your cyber fail.
452
00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:22,923
I'm so disappointed in myself.
453
00:16:22,958 --> 00:16:24,591
In yourself? But...
454
00:16:24,627 --> 00:16:26,126
so does that mean I'm off the hook?
455
00:16:26,161 --> 00:16:29,563
Dre, I hate guns more than
I hate how Levi's fit me.
456
00:16:29,598 --> 00:16:31,598
And I know I don't want guns
anywhere near my children,
457
00:16:31,634 --> 00:16:32,599
all right?
458
00:16:32,635 --> 00:16:34,735
But somehow I panicked, okay?
459
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:36,703
And that is how people wind up shot.
460
00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:39,573
That is exactly why we shouldn't
have a gun in the house.
461
00:16:39,608 --> 00:16:40,841
Babe, I get it.
462
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,342
And I shouldn't want one, either,
463
00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:43,677
especially after what just happened.
464
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:44,778
But I do.
465
00:16:44,813 --> 00:16:46,346
Okay, you have to explain this to me.
466
00:16:46,382 --> 00:16:48,215
You need to help me understand.
467
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:49,216
It...
468
00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:50,350
Talk to me.
469
00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,855
You know how sometimes I
look past you when I talk?
470
00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:56,089
Yeah.
471
00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:57,290
It's habit.
472
00:16:57,326 --> 00:17:00,093
From when me and my brother
would sit on our porch.
473
00:17:00,129 --> 00:17:03,664
We would look over each other's
shoulder to see what was coming.
474
00:17:03,699 --> 00:17:06,900
A drive-by, people getting jumped, jacked.
475
00:17:06,935 --> 00:17:08,502
There was always something.
476
00:17:08,537 --> 00:17:11,238
And when that's your
childhood, it feels like
477
00:17:11,273 --> 00:17:13,140
the only way to keep
yourself from being a victim
478
00:17:13,175 --> 00:17:15,308
is to have a gun.
479
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,744
And as much as I want to
get that out of my mind, Bow,
480
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:18,945
I can't.
481
00:17:18,981 --> 00:17:20,480
Dre, why didn't you ever tell me that?
482
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:23,450
Babe, I don't know.
483
00:17:23,485 --> 00:17:26,887
Look, I-I never thought about
it like that until just now.
484
00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:28,855
I get it.
485
00:17:28,891 --> 00:17:31,692
I do. I get it, and I hear you, okay?
486
00:17:31,727 --> 00:17:34,728
But I still don't want a gun in our house.
487
00:17:36,165 --> 00:17:39,332
But I can't erase your experiences, either.
488
00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:42,502
So I know that you are gonna
make the right decision,
489
00:17:42,538 --> 00:17:44,738
all right?
490
00:17:44,807 --> 00:17:47,207
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
491
00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,876
Make the right decision, though.
492
00:17:52,214 --> 00:17:53,547
So, can I get that urinal?
493
00:17:53,582 --> 00:17:56,516
Yeah, that'll look great
in your apartment in reseda.
494
00:17:56,552 --> 00:17:58,251
Mm-hmm. Get the urinal.
495
00:17:58,287 --> 00:17:59,453
That's cool.
496
00:17:59,488 --> 00:18:03,023
I'm, uh... I'm cool
with peeing sitting down.
497
00:18:09,098 --> 00:18:10,097
Zo-Zo.
498
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,099
Zo-Zo, I-I got to come clean.
499
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,867
I carry a gun, all right?
500
00:18:13,902 --> 00:18:16,103
Now come out the trash.
501
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,305
You said guns were unreliable
502
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:20,440
and that karate was the real answer.
503
00:18:20,476 --> 00:18:23,477
I say that to sucker
people into fair fights.
504
00:18:23,512 --> 00:18:25,078
Karate is cray-cray.
505
00:18:25,114 --> 00:18:27,948
You have no idea how many
black belts I've shot.
506
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:31,752
And, for the record, you did
a bang-up job with the toilet.
507
00:18:31,787 --> 00:18:32,786
Bang-up job.
508
00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:37,958
Quick heads up,
509
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:40,727
I was using your grill to
dry some socks and smalls
510
00:18:40,763 --> 00:18:43,830
and, well, long story
short, you need a new grill.
511
00:18:43,866 --> 00:18:45,532
Okay.
512
00:18:46,869 --> 00:18:48,535
What's wrong with you?
513
00:18:49,805 --> 00:18:52,005
Trying to figure out what
I'm gonna do with this gun.
514
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,974
Bow doesn't really want it,
515
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:56,409
and I can't stop feeling like I need it.
516
00:18:56,445 --> 00:18:59,713
Dre, look around you, son.
517
00:18:59,748 --> 00:19:01,047
You done good.
518
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:03,617
I mean, you got your kids in a place
519
00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:06,486
where they're not surrounded
by gangs and packs of wild dogs
520
00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:08,922
and grown men riding girls' bicycles.
521
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,625
Huh?
522
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:14,694
You... you know, I
actually miss that last one.
523
00:19:14,763 --> 00:19:16,163
- Yeah, me too.
- Mm-hmm.
524
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:19,866
But the point is, by the time
Junior has his own family,
525
00:19:19,902 --> 00:19:22,836
maybe he won't feel the need
to have a gun to protect them.
526
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,404
Okay, you do, you can't change that
527
00:19:24,439 --> 00:19:26,706
any more than you can change
the fact that you're a klutz.
528
00:19:26,742 --> 00:19:28,842
You tried to shoot me
with a box last night.
529
00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,610
- You scared me.
- Okay.
530
00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:33,013
You gonna give me this damn gun
until you learn some gun safety.
531
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,115
And if you still want it,
then we'll keep it locked up.
532
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,683
That way, nobody'll get hurt.
533
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:37,851
All right?
534
00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:39,853
Thanks, Pops.
535
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,254
Mm.
536
00:19:41,290 --> 00:19:42,689
You know what else I miss from the 'hood?
537
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,990
What's that?
538
00:19:44,026 --> 00:19:46,760
Being buzzed into the KFC bathroom.
539
00:19:46,795 --> 00:19:49,095
- Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
540
00:19:49,131 --> 00:19:50,530
Now, that made you feel special.
541
00:19:52,134 --> 00:19:53,500
They didn't just let anybody in there.
542
00:19:53,535 --> 00:19:55,669
- Mnh-mnh.
- Mnh-mnh.
543
00:19:55,704 --> 00:19:59,272
There may not be one way
to protect your family,
544
00:19:59,308 --> 00:20:01,107
but the Johnsons still figured out
545
00:20:01,143 --> 00:20:04,244
a way to make everyone feel safe.
546
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:07,781
And for us, that means living with pops,
547
00:20:07,816 --> 00:20:09,983
who is a master of gun-fu.
548
00:20:10,018 --> 00:20:12,419
What, you not gonna let the
armed man have the last chop?
549
00:20:14,623 --> 00:20:16,456
That's what I thought.
550
00:20:16,491 --> 00:20:18,825
What have I done?
551
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:25,067
Oh, Pops. Check it out.
Zoey's teaching me karate.
552
00:20:25,102 --> 00:20:26,368
Hyah!
553
00:20:26,404 --> 00:20:27,803
Hyah!
554
00:20:27,838 --> 00:20:29,004
Ky-yah!
555
00:20:31,242 --> 00:20:33,709
Show me "shirt on hanger."
556
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,112
Shirt on hanger!
557
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,814
Hyah! Hyah!
558
00:20:38,849 --> 00:20:41,083
Hyaaah!
559
00:20:41,118 --> 00:20:43,085
Wha! Yah! Wha!
560
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:43,986
Yah!
561
00:20:44,021 --> 00:20:45,054
Whoo!
562
00:20:45,089 --> 00:20:47,356
Oh, yeah.
563
00:20:47,391 --> 00:20:48,824
Congratulations, Zo-Zo.
564
00:20:48,944 --> 00:20:51,794
The student has become the master.
565
00:20:52,299 --> 00:20:56,117
a a
- a