1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,380
Dre: What's one thing we all
know Black people don't like?

2
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,960
Camping.

3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,040
An overwhelming majority
of national park visitors

4
00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:10,620
are White.

5
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:13,830
Only 7% of national park
visitors are Black.

6
00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:17,380
And they probably just got lost
on the way to Vegas.

7
00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:19,380
The only good thing
about camping

8
00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:22,880
is all those comedies about
White people in the woods.

9
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,920
Oh! That boulder got him!

10
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,330
Should've stayed home!

11
00:00:27,330 --> 00:00:28,670
Oh, my God.
Ha!

12
00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:29,920
Buh-bye, arm.

13
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:30,960
Whoo!
Oh, my God.

14
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,750
The wilderness remains

15
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:35,750
undefeated
against White people!
Oh, my God.

16
00:00:35,750 --> 00:00:38,460
Man #1: I told you
this would be a mistake.

17
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,330
I thought
this would be funnier.

18
00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:43,670
It's not funny!

19
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:47,040
So I choose to honor
the great men and women

20
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,580
who didn't have a choice
about being outside

21
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:52,670
by keeping my Black ass inside.

22
00:00:52,670 --> 00:00:56,420
Which is why I was
so horrified to hear this.

23
00:00:56,420 --> 00:00:58,040
You need to take
Jack and Diane camping.

24
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,040
What?!

25
00:01:04,380 --> 00:01:06,210
Look, I can't
take them camping.
Why?

26
00:01:06,210 --> 00:01:07,750
I don't know
anything about it.

27
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:09,920
The woods or --

28
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,330
or how to set up that --

29
00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:13,920
that sleeping
triangle thing.

30
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,080
The tent?

31
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,290
See? See?

32
00:01:16,290 --> 00:01:17,500
You're already
miles ahead of me.

33
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:18,580
Oh, my God.
Have fun tonight!

34
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,460
Oh, no, no, no, Dre.

35
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:22,790
I have surgery tonight.

36
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:26,210
And it is not
just any surgery.

37
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,880
It is my chance

38
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,290
at a SHLEB.

39
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,210
A SHLEB?

40
00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:31,710
Have you ever heard
of the EGOT?

41
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:33,170
Ruby: Yeah, yeah.

42
00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:35,420
That's when you win an Emmy,

43
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:37,920
Grammy, Oscar, and a Tony.

44
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,000
Mm-hmm.
Whoopi has one.

45
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,210
Dre and Rainbow: Yep.

46
00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:41,210
A real one.

47
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:42,670
Streisand walking around

48
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,000
like that honorary Tony
counts.

49
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,540
It does not.

50
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,330
Well, the equivalent

51
00:01:48,330 --> 00:01:49,880
for an anesthesiologist

52
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,500
is the SHLEB --

53
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,330
spine, heart, lungs,

54
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:56,750
eyes, and the brain.

55
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,170
I finally get a brain!

56
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,830
Easy, Scarecrow.

57
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,380
The only thing you should
be asking the Wizard for

58
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:04,750
is nicer feet.

59
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,710
Y--

60
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,250
-John Legend got an EGOT?
-Mm-hmm.

61
00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:09,830
-Seems young.
-I know.

62
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,830
-Do we like him?
-We like him.

63
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:11,880
Let me see.

64
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:14,290
Ohh.

65
00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:15,290
Oh, we like him.

66
00:02:15,290 --> 00:02:16,500
Yeah.
Hey, hey. Oh, yeah!

67
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:17,880
Anyway, Dre,

68
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,750
you have got to
take the kids camping.

69
00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:21,380
It's for
science extra credit.

70
00:02:21,380 --> 00:02:23,500
Can't they just get some other
kids to sign in for them?

71
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,500
It's not even
really camping.

72
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,960
You're gonna put a tent
on the football field at school,

73
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,460
and it's an opportunity

74
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,540
for you to have fun
with the twins.

75
00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:35,000
We always have fun!

76
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,330
We ate nachos
and played "NBA 2K"

77
00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,040
for four hours
last night

78
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,540
when I told you
I was working.

79
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:43,170
Kiss the controller.

80
00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:43,960
Kiss the controller.

81
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:47,000
This trade is gonna
turn the Clippers around.

82
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,330
Trade rejected?!

83
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,210
You !
Dang it!
You kidding?!

84
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:56,670
We're basically triplets.

85
00:02:56,670 --> 00:02:57,960
Watch this.

86
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,290
Jack!
-Yeah?

87
00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:01,000
-Diane?
-What?

88
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,920
Hey, you guys want to sleep

89
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,830
inside or outside tonight?

90
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:07,540
Both: Inside!

91
00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:09,580
Hm. Just like their daddy.

92
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,330
You are still
taking them camping.

93
00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:12,620
I know that.

94
00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:14,330
But if you think
I'm just gonna roll over

95
00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:15,880
because it's the right thing
to do, then...

96
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,250
...you don't know me.

97
00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,040
And you've never
known me.

98
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:21,960
Okay.

99
00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:26,960
Look at all these
smiling idiots.

100
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,080
How comfortable must you be

101
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,040
in your life for you to choose

102
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,420
to be homeless for a night?

103
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,460
For fun.

104
00:03:32,460 --> 00:03:34,210
Grab my damn bag, Janine.

105
00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:36,500
"Grab my damn bag, Mom."

106
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:37,920
Kids today.

107
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,120
Hey, Dre.
How are you?

108
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,830
I'm gonna see you
in there, right?

109
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:42,620
Can't wait
to sleep with you!

110
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:44,250
That's a joke.

111
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,790
Oh, I love roughing it.

112
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,250
It's become clear to me

113
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:48,830
that...

114
00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:49,960
...I'm gonna die here.

115
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,920
Pfft. Camping.

116
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,750
All the inconveniences
of the apocalypse

117
00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:54,790
and none of the fun.

118
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:56,080
We should be
spending tonight

119
00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,420
going down an awesome
YouTube spiral.
Mm.

120
00:03:58,420 --> 00:04:00,250
What are LeBron James'
top five steals?

121
00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:01,290
Mm.

122
00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:02,920
What is a smart
and easy way

123
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,420
to lose belly fat?

124
00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:05,620
I mean, I don't know.

125
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,120
I'm not gonna
find out now.

126
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,540
Man: Warm fires,
stars above, tasty groove.

127
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:13,830
-You said it, baby.
-One, two, three, unh!

128
00:04:13,830 --> 00:04:14,880
Dad rock!

129
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,830
If that's gonna be

130
00:04:16,830 --> 00:04:18,000
a part of this,

131
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,830
we can't be here.

132
00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:20,920
Ohh!

133
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,000
What choice
do we have?

134
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,330
What about
this choice?

135
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:31,080
We sign in,
show our smiling faces,

136
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,790
get the extra credit,

137
00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:36,080
and then, boom,
spend a luxurious night

138
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,420
in a suite
at the Four Seasons.

139
00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:41,330
Can we play video games
until I fall asleep

140
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,880
with the controller
in my hand?
Done.

141
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,290
Can we eat
at the hotel restaurant

142
00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:46,500
and charge it
to some stranger's room?
Done.

143
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,250
Can I send a fax
from the business center?

144
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,790
Is there any other way
to send a fax?

145
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,460
Done! Ha ha!

146
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,290
And just in case your mother
calls around looking for us,

147
00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,540
we'll check in the hotel
under the names

148
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:58,750
Quavo, Offset,
and Takeoff.

149
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,420
Drip, drip!
Both: Splash!

150
00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:02,670
Let's get this camping garbage
over with.

151
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,620
Man: Hey!

152
00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:06,420
Thataway.

153
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,380
Well, that's that.

154
00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:11,250
Just another routine bifrontal
craniotomy in the books.

155
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:12,420
Nothing special
about that.

156
00:05:12,420 --> 00:05:15,920
Actually, that was
my first brain surgery.

157
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,500
Wait, what?
Swear to God.

158
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,540
You've never done
a brain surgery before?

159
00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:22,210
But you have done a spine,
heart, lungs, and eyes?

160
00:05:22,210 --> 00:05:23,040
Yeah.

161
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,290
Well, that means...

162
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,540
All: Surprise!

163
00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:30,290
Oh, my God!

164
00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:32,500
I didn't know
you were gonna do this!

165
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,460
But I was hoping
you were gonna do this.

166
00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:35,920
I'm pretending
that I don't want this,

167
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,670
but I really,
really want this!

168
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,790
Oh, my God!

169
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,170
Well, we're very happy
to do it.

170
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:42,540
You know, you are a bit of
a SHLEB-rity around these parts.

171
00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:45,040
Oh, you're hilarious!

172
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,000
Oh, there she is!
Oh, look. A plaque.

173
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,620
As I always say,

174
00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:49,380
the party doesn't start until
the neurosurgeon gets here.

175
00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:50,580
No one says that.

176
00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:53,500
Nice job back there.

177
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,500
Ohh!
The bifrontal craniotomy,

178
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:58,170
that's not an easy surgery
for anesthesiologists.

179
00:05:58,170 --> 00:05:59,830
Ohh!
Thank you, Dr. Cole.

180
00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:01,420
I just put him to sleep

181
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:03,380
and then woke him up
again mid-surgery

182
00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:05,330
and then put him back to sleep
and made sure he didn't die.

183
00:06:05,330 --> 00:06:07,750
So it was nothing.

184
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,000
Now, I-I don't know
much about you.

185
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,540
What's your story?

186
00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:12,880
Where -- Where'd you
go to medical school?
USC.

187
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,380
Huh, wow.
Yeah.

188
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:16,290
That's a really
good school.
Yeah.

189
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:17,880
Good for you.

190
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,330
Good...for me,
yeah.

191
00:06:20,330 --> 00:06:21,460
Dr. Windsor: All right,
you guys, say cheese!

192
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,290
Here we go! Cheese!

193
00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:24,750
Mr. Solomon: It's happening!

194
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,580
It's really happening!
Oh ho!

195
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:30,500
Good afternoon,
students and parents,

196
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,580
and welcome to
the Valley Glen Campout!

197
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:37,880
I love nature!

198
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,290
I love nature!
Whoo-hoo! What fun.

199
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:42,170
Now, everybody,
I am Mr. Solomon,

200
00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:43,960
the environmental science
teacher.

201
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,120
Welcome to
the environment.

202
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,830
And right now,
I want everyone

203
00:06:47,830 --> 00:06:51,330
to really notice
the nature around them.

204
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:53,790
And right now, I want
everybody to close your eyes

205
00:06:53,790 --> 00:06:57,880
and listen,
really listen.

206
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,420
Oh, my goodness!
What is that?

207
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,290
Is that
a coyote I hear?

208
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,170
Dre:
Is this the guy

209
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,960
I leave you guys with
every day?

210
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,790
He bikes
to work, Dad.

211
00:07:09,790 --> 00:07:12,000
He's the reason we don't
have straws anymore.

212
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:17,710
Okay, now, everybody,
it is time to unplug.

213
00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:19,380
The camp staff is
gonna be coming around

214
00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:22,330
to make sure that this is
a screen-free zone.

215
00:07:22,330 --> 00:07:24,080
Let's plug into nature!

216
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,920
Junior: All right.
Phones, please.

217
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:26,920
Junior.
Phones.

218
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,040
What are you
doing here?

219
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:29,750
The school alumni
e-blast

220
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,580
said they were looking
for volunteers.

221
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,670
They call, I listen.

222
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:35,040
So, I'm gonna need
that phone, big guy.

223
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,500
Enh-enh.

224
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,380
I learned my lesson
at the Drake concert.

225
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,920
If I want shaky footage
of "Passionfruit,"

226
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,330
that's my decision.

227
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:43,420
Not his.

228
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:44,750
Fine, keep it.

229
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,210
But Mother Nature
gives her likes in person.

230
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:48,120
Hmm.

231
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,580
Come on.
Phones in.

232
00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:51,120
Pay up, come on.

233
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,790
Thank you.

234
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:54,920
Look here, guys.

235
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,540
I'm gonna need you
to make your rounds,

236
00:07:56,540 --> 00:07:58,380
show your pretty faces,
and get that extra credit,

237
00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:01,290
and be back here
in an hour, all right?

238
00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:03,210
We'll be at the hotel
before sunset,

239
00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:05,210
just like Dr. King
would've wanted.

240
00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:06,750
"Four Seasons" on three.
One, two, three.

241
00:08:06,750 --> 00:08:09,000
All: Four Seasons.

242
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,670
Mr. Solomon: What I love
the most about a leaf

243
00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:12,250
is the veins, right?

244
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,580
Yeah,
I like to just --

245
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,540
-Oh!
-Oh! Hey.

246
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:17,080
Your bike fell.
-Oh, no.

247
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,380
Oh, hey. Hey.
Sorry. Dre Johnson.

248
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:21,170
-Hi.
-Yeah, hi, I was here. Okay.

249
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:23,040
Lunch box!
I'm here!

250
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,500
Dre Johnson!
You see me!

251
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,330
Hey, hey. Squat down
for this picture, guys.

252
00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:31,620
Come on.
Jailhouse style. Ah!

253
00:08:31,620 --> 00:08:34,380
I love how we're documenting
our camping experience --

254
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,380
every single one of us,
including me.

255
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:37,830
Hey, I love
roughing it.

256
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,830
Valley Glen
Camping Trip 2019!

257
00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:43,250
As you can see, these are
different-colored eggs

258
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:46,380
from birds
all over California.

259
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,380
Hey, guys, let's go.

260
00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:48,880
All right,
the concierge level

261
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,750
only has the slider bar
from 4:00 to 6:00.

262
00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:52,250
One second, Dad.

263
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:54,420
So, you're saying that eggs come
in different colors,

264
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,880
and I've been dyeing them
on Easter like a jerk?
Yep!

265
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,290
It's all part of Mother Nature's
colorful tapestry.

266
00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:01,460
Now, who can pick the egg
from my favorite bird --

267
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:04,420
and I love saying it --
the snowy plover?

268
00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:05,960
-Oh, it's this bespeckled one.
-Ding, ding, ding!

269
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,420
Diane,
that is excellent!

270
00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:09,210
Uh, how did you
know that?

271
00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:11,040
We had an avian
biology unit.

272
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,210
A what?

273
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,790
I get what you're doing.

274
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:17,620
You want
everybody to remember

275
00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:20,040
how Diane laid
all that egg knowledge down.

276
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,500
Girl, you are smart.

277
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,830
Okay, I'll go start the car.

278
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,620
Wait, but Mr. Solomon's gonna
let us touch a condor egg.

279
00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:27,670
Excuse me?
We've never touched
a condor egg.

280
00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:30,790
Oh, a condor egg.
Yeah.

281
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:33,250
All right, off-white,
kind of round, in a shell?

282
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:34,080
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

283
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,920
Yeah, that's every egg.

284
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,500
All right, if you like eggs
so much, man, we can order some

285
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,170
up to the room and you can
touch them all you want.

286
00:09:39,170 --> 00:09:41,170
Come on.
Diane, back me up here.

287
00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:42,790
This sucks.

288
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,540
I didn't think
I would,

289
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,500
but I'm kind of
having a good time.

290
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,250
-What?
-All right, everybody,

291
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:52,250
it is time to carve
flutes out of reeds!

292
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,250
Oh, my God.
What you're looking at
is 3 yards of music,

293
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:56,460
so let's get fluting!

294
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:58,620
Oh, yeah, we are
definitely staying, Dad.

295
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:01,380
I mean, you never walk away from
an authorized use of knives.

296
00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:05,460
Follow me, future flautists!
Follow me!

297
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:08,080
Did you hear what Dr. Cole
said to me at the party?

298
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,500
What do you mean?

299
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,540
You were standing
right there.
Mm-hmm.

300
00:10:11,540 --> 00:10:14,210
I said I went to USC,
and she was like,

301
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:17,250
"Wow.
That's such a good school.

302
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,670
Good for you."

303
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:21,710
Yeah, well, USC is
a really good school.

304
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:23,120
And you went there.

305
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,460
And that is good.
For...you.

306
00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:28,830
Yeah, but did you hear
the way she said it?

307
00:10:28,830 --> 00:10:31,420
She acted surprised
that I got in.

308
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:32,540
You know what it means
when people say

309
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:33,750
"Good for you,"
don't you?

310
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:36,580
Come on. It means
they have low expectations.

311
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:39,120
They think I got in
because of the diversity slot.

312
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,460
Hmm...
Mm-hmm.

313
00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:42,330
Don't you think you might be
reading a lot into that?

314
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:44,500
No, I think that's
a textbook micro-aggression.

315
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,790
How often do people ask you
what school you went to?

316
00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:48,210
Not a lot,
and that's a good thing

317
00:10:48,210 --> 00:10:49,830
because people are not
reassured when they hear

318
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,210
"Medical College of Tobago --
South Campus."

319
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:53,710
What -- Is that --
Yeah.

320
00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:55,750
The look on their faces --
they just go

321
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,290
But listen, I think she was just
trying to pay you a compliment.

322
00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,420
Maybe you're being
a little too sensitive.

323
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:03,330
I'm being
too sensitive?
Yeah.

324
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,880
That's your takeaway?
Yeah, you know?

325
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,170
Sometimes things are just
what they are at face value.

326
00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:09,790
Mm...
Okay?

327
00:11:09,790 --> 00:11:11,040
Have a good
rest of your day,

328
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,380
and what I mean
by that is,

329
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,710
have a good
rest of your day.

330
00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:15,960
-Yeah, I get it.

331
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,750
It's very funny.

332
00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:20,210
Unbelievable.

333
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:21,580
Fun fact, everybody.

334
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:24,120
With only a slightly
uncomfortable hand contortion,

335
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,670
the reed flute can double
as a reusable straw.

336
00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:30,210
And let me tell you something.
The oceans will thank you.

337
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,210
This guy
and his straws.

338
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:35,330
Great.

339
00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:36,790
The hotel website says

340
00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:38,580
the rooftop hot tub
is closed.

341
00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:40,620
I hope you're happy.

342
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:42,500
Now we have to use
the ground-level hot tub

343
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,920
like we're some
contest winners from Iowa.

344
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,000
Dad, camping is
actually pretty great.

345
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,540
-Really?
-Yeah, you made it sound

346
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,460
like this was going to be
the worst thing ever.

347
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,750
Have you ever
even been camping before?

348
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:55,210
I've never been murdered before,
but I know that sucks.

349
00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:57,670
We're already here,
and we're having fun.

350
00:11:57,670 --> 00:12:00,040
Why can't you just
give it a chance?

351
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,580
Yeah, I didn't think I was gonna
like Fruit by the Foot,

352
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:05,500
but now that's the only way
I eat fruit.

353
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,710
Come on.
Be open.

354
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:09,580
Fine.
I'll give it a try.

355
00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:13,210
Junior:
That sounds like a man ready
to make a friendship bracelet.

356
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:14,670
Insider tip --
you're gonna want to make it

357
00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:15,880
longer than you think.

358
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,290
You can always cut,
but you can't add.

359
00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:21,120
Dre:

360
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,750
So, for the sake
of my kids, I tried.

361
00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:26,620
I even played Bird Bingo.

362
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,460
Ooh, it's a scrub jay!
Look, look! Look over there!

363
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,790
Ah, I see it, too!

364
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:33,170
Let me confirm.

365
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,120
Ah, yep.
You found a beauty.

366
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,790
Child:
Whoo! Bird Bingo!

367
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,290
We'll see about that.

368
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,750
Don't give her
the prize yet!

369
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:43,080
Oh, my God,
Jack, look!

370
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,750
I'm only a gold finch
and a sparrow away

371
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,040
from Bird Bingo.

372
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,830
Well, on my bird card,
I got

373
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:51,880
hot, teriyaki,
and lemon pepper.

374
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,540
Shh. I'm trying
to concentrate.

375
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,330
Really?

376
00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:55,750
Why?

377
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:58,960
Because there is literally
no stakes to this.

378
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,120
Guys, I offered
a luxurious hotel weekend

379
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,500
jammed into one night!

380
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,330
That's the kind of stuff
you give to a mistress.

381
00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:08,000
Dad, you're scaring
the birds!

382
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,540
I don't care
about the birds, son!

383
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,830
You didn't care about them
until 20 minutes ago.

384
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:16,500
Come on, guys.
You can't possibly like this.

385
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:19,210
So, we're not allowed to like
stuff that you don't like?

386
00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:21,040
Yes.

387
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,620
Finally!
Thank you! Thank you.

388
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:25,080
Come on.
Let's go to the hotel.

389
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:26,120
Let's go!
Come on, let's go!

390
00:13:27,670 --> 00:13:29,170
You can go, Dad.

391
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:30,880
Yeah, we'll stay here
with Junior.

392
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,000
Really?

393
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,380
Okay, fine.

394
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,040
I'll go to the hotel
without you.

395
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,380
Daddy out.

396
00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:39,000
Good night to you,

397
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,880
and good night to you.

398
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,380
And FYI,

399
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,880
I didn't pack a tent.

400
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,210
Good luck, suckers!

401
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:51,670
Coo-coo!

402
00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:53,330
Coo-coo!

403
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:54,710
It's a ghetto owl.

404
00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:02,080
So, I got away from camping,
and I got my revenge on birds.

405
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,960
Hot, teriyaki, and lemon pepper.

406
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,120
Bingo, you flying bastards!

407
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,170
Mm.
Hello, extra ranch.

408
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:13,170
Hey --

409
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:15,880
Ah.

410
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,580
You're not extra ranch.

411
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:19,710
What are you
doing here?

412
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,120
Jack and Diane with you?

413
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,670
They can come in, but they
can't have any of my wings.

414
00:14:23,670 --> 00:14:25,080
No, I'm alone.

415
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,710
Just came
to check on you.

416
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,420
Mm-hmm. Okay.

417
00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,120
That was
a pretty dramatic exit,

418
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,380
right up there with when you got
thrown out of Dodger Stadium

419
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:35,250
for not giving a foul ball
to a kid.

420
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:36,880
I didn't know
it was his wish.

421
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,290
Look, I know you hate
that Jack and Diane

422
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:43,330
are starting to like things
that you don't.

423
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,040
Up until now,
they basically only liked

424
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:45,960
whatever
you told them to.

425
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,330
Hey, not true.

426
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:49,420
Jack's favorite movie
is "Juice."

427
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,460
He came to that
on his own.

428
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:53,250
And look, man.
I don't care.

429
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:56,500
I'm never, ever
going to like camping.

430
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,580
Black people don't camp.

431
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,250
It's wrong.

432
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:01,460
This sounds
really familiar.

433
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:02,500
Eh --

434
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,710
When I was
Diane and Jack's age,

435
00:15:04,710 --> 00:15:07,420
you took me to see
"Harry Potter," and I loved it.

436
00:15:07,420 --> 00:15:09,080
But you said
you hated it

437
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,210
because Black people
weren't into wizards.

438
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:12,580
I stand by that.

439
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,670
Yeah, but that's
when you decided

440
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,250
you weren't into a lot of
the stuff I was getting into.

441
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,170
So we pretty much stopped
doing things together.

442
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,920
Son, what are you
talking about, man?

443
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:22,880
We do things together.

444
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,250
You're my favorite.

445
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:26,460
Oh, Dad,
let's not do this.

446
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:28,580
Okay. You know you're at least
in the top five for sure.

447
00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,500
See that?

448
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,960
Hey, man.
We mess with each other.

449
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,620
We have a back-and-forth,
and...

450
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:37,880
I think
that's kind of cool.

451
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,920
Yeah,
actually, it is.

452
00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:43,210
But we could've
had more.

453
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,210
True.

454
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,120
The window's still open
with the twins.

455
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,960
I hear you.

456
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:59,500
Ooh, I don't know about
this "La La Land," Devante.

457
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,250
Ryan Gosling is saving jazz
from John Legend?

458
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,080
I don't think so.

459
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,620
Hey.
-Oh, oh.

460
00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:08,750
I wasn't, uh...

461
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,580
I wasn't giving him
screen time and Pringles.

462
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,750
It's fine.
Nothing matters.

463
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,080
What's wrong with you?

464
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,120
Do you ever feel like
you see something

465
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,460
that no one else
can see?

466
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:22,080
Are you talking about that ghost
in the laundry room?

467
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,210
No, everybody knows
about him.

468
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,170
This surgeon said
something to me

469
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:30,210
that I think was kind of racist,
but no one else could see it.

470
00:16:30,210 --> 00:16:31,250
What'd he say?

471
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,080
She.
She?

472
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,670
Yes, Ruby.
Women can be doctors.

473
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,580
Not my doctors!

474
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,000
Oh, my God.

475
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,330
They got to be older than me,
more man than me,

476
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,420
and more Jewish than me.

477
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,380
I'm from
a different time.

478
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:51,210
Well, she acted
overly surprised

479
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:52,920
that I went to USC.

480
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,880
-And that's your problem?
-Yes.

481
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,710
It was an insult --
classic micro-aggression.

482
00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:59,210
Micro-aggression?
Yeah.

483
00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:03,500
Well, in my day, we had
aggression aggressions.

484
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,670
So don't talk to me until
you've been called the n-word

485
00:17:06,670 --> 00:17:09,960
while walking out of the
hospital with your newborn baby.

486
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,960
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry that happened.

487
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:12,880
I didn't know that.

488
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,170
Mm-hmm.

489
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:18,790
But what I'm talking about
is different, Ruby.

490
00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:22,670
I-I accomplished
something huge today,

491
00:17:22,670 --> 00:17:24,420
and now every time
I look at this thing,

492
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:27,120
I'm gonna think
of what she said to me.

493
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,170
It's ruined.

494
00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:31,040
So what are you gonna
do about it?

495
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,500
What can I do about it?

496
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,750
Well, I handed baby Dre
to the security guard

497
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,290
and chased that truck down!

498
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,330
Well, that makes sense.

499
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:41,210
That kind of racism's
so in-your-face.

500
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:42,330
I mean,
who could deny it?

501
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:44,250
But what I'm talking about
is more subtle.

502
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:45,920
It's when you feel it
in your gut,

503
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,000
but no one backs you up.

504
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,710
Oh, I get it.

505
00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:50,580
Like with Obama.

506
00:17:50,580 --> 00:17:54,540
Everyone said
he was so well-spoken.

507
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:56,960
But we all knew
what they meant by that.

508
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,170
Yeah, we did.

509
00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:00,460
It didn't
take away the fact

510
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:04,420
that he was president
for eight years.

511
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:06,710
And you...

512
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,920
shouldn't let them
take away your joy.

513
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,330
Thank you, Ruby.

514
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:15,210
What'd you do
when you caught that truck?

515
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:17,330
Oh, he got away.

516
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,460
You know, when I got back,
I'm not even sure

517
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:21,880
if the security guard
gave me back the same baby.

518
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,330
What?

519
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:24,710
But it was the '70s.

520
00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,880
You know, I'm from
a different time.

521
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,120
Yeah.

522
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,330
Dre is definitely
your baby.

523
00:18:30,330 --> 00:18:32,330
There's no question there.

524
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:40,080
So when they went out
into the backyard...

525
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,580
they found --

526
00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:46,170
A young-looking dad
in the swaggiest of jeans

527
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:48,290
who thought...

528
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:49,880
he knew his kids.

529
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,080
Oh, no. He's back.

530
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,040
Who is watching the gate?

531
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,380
This is not a safe place!

532
00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:55,750
Excuse me, sir.

533
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:58,080
Only the person with the
flashlight is supposed to talk.

534
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,420
These are the rules
of the fire.

535
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,960
Where'd he get
that phone?

536
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,960
Anyway...

537
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:10,880
this swaggy dad thought his kids
would be just like him.

538
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,500
But they weren't.

539
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,620
They loved unlikable things

540
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:19,710
like whittling
and bird watching and wizards.

541
00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:23,380
So the dad realized
that instead of hating

542
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:25,790
on all the new things
that they loved,

543
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:29,750
he would try --
I mean, really try --

544
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:34,290
to enjoy those things with them
while he still can.

545
00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:38,330
Because he didn't want
that door to close on him.

546
00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:39,290
It was a window.

547
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,710
It -- It doesn't matter.
Door's good, too.

548
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:45,290
Anyway,
I'm gonna do better.

549
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:47,920
Will you guys
forgive me?

550
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:53,830
-Okay, fine.
-Bring it in, Dad.

551
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:56,170
Ohh, guys, I love you!

552
00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:57,540
Janine:
That was sweet.

553
00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:59,290
Think I can
get a hug, too?

554
00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:00,830
I hate you.

555
00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:02,290
Thank you
for saying that quietly.

556
00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:04,460
Actually, he didn't.

557
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,790
So, I came around
to some parts of camping.

558
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:11,880
Like s'mores.

559
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,670
Whoa!

560
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:16,380
And sing-alongs,
once I could pick the songs.

561
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:18,330
♪ If I didn't ride blade
on curbs, would you still... ♪

562
00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:19,960
♪ Love me ♪

563
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,080
♪ If I made up my mind at work,
would you still... ♪

564
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,830
♪ Love me ♪

565
00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:25,710
♪ Keep it hundred, I'd rather
you trust me than to... ♪

566
00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:26,670
♪ Love me ♪

567
00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:27,750
Can I do
the Kendrick part now?

568
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,580
Janine! Sit down!

569
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,210
Oh. Hi.

570
00:20:38,210 --> 00:20:39,620
I've been thinking
about what you said,

571
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,000
and you were right.

572
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,210
I'm sorry
I didn't recognize

573
00:20:42,210 --> 00:20:44,290
what Dr. Cole
was doing yesterday.

574
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:46,710
Did you...come to
that conclusion on your own?

575
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:49,920
Well, uh, she was
loud-talking at Dr. Chen

576
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,670
because she didn't think
she spoke English.

577
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:53,000
What?!
Yeah.

578
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,620
Dr. Chen is
from Bakersfield.

579
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:55,540
Mm-hmm.

580
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:56,620
Ew.

581
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,420
So my eyes are open now.

582
00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,580
Thank you.

583
00:20:59,580 --> 00:21:00,620
You're welcome.

584
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:01,830
And honestly,

585
00:21:01,830 --> 00:21:03,540
it feels really nice to be

586
00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:05,670
seen and heard, so thank you.

587
00:21:05,670 --> 00:21:07,330
Mm-hmm. Good.

588
00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:09,540
And listen, if I ever do
one of these micro-aggressions,

589
00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:10,750
will you please
let me know?

590
00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:12,000
Actually, there's, uh --

591
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,790
there's a gender one.

592
00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,250
Um, you have a tendency
to interrupt --

593
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:17,580
Let me stop you there.

594
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,380
I think if I did
one of these micro-aggressions,

595
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:20,250
I would know it.

596
00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:23,540
Okay. 'Cause...