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00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,359
Kids.
2
00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:04,389
Tiny, fragile, needy.
3
00:00:04,390 --> 00:00:07,889
But they are still capable
of amazing things.
4
00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:12,299
Alexander the Great was a
military leader at age 20.
5
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:15,759
At 16, Greta Thunberg inspired millions
6
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,259
to fight climate change.
7
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She even sailed across the
ocean to prove her point.
8
00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:24,839
Louis Braille was 15 when he
invented his reading system.
9
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15. And blind!
10
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,679
Jack and Diane are Johnsons,
so I can't wait to see
11
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how they're going to shake up the world.
12
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Will you guys take us to the
artisanal ice cream place
13
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- on Ventura?
- Mm-hmm.
14
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They read your aura and
give you your flavor based
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- on the color of your soul.
- Mm-hmm.
16
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,839
- Oh, that's cute.
- Okay, guys, we have to go through these bills.
17
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You know what? But here.
18
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Here, take that 20.
19
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,559
- Here.
- Go on your own.
20
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Uh, pass.
21
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I thought you wanted ice cream?
22
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Not bad enough to go by ourselves.
23
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Come on, Diane.
Let's just get some fruit.
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Thanks a lot.
25
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,139
Alexander the Great conquered the world.
26
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These two won't even conquer the block.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
28
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Hey, hey, hey. Hang on.
29
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Just because someone won't give
you a ride, you're not gonna go?
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You said it's on Ventura.
W... Just walk.
31
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Uh, that strip mall's not
fully gentrified yet.
32
00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:15,199
W...
33
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,824
It's anchored by a liquor store.
34
00:01:16,825 --> 00:01:19,320
That liquor store has a Michelin star.
35
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You'll be fine.
36
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I don't know.
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- Anything could happen.
- Yes.
38
00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:25,239
Anything could happen,
39
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,139
and if you go with me, you know
exactly what's gonna happen.
40
00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:30,039
We're gonna listen to
Jodeci's first album.
41
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,839
Huh? I'm gonna say,
"What's taking so long?"
42
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,419
And then I'm gonna get mad
43
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:36,840
because they have a tip jar at
a self-serve ice cream place.
44
00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:41,049
Listen, if you want to
have fun, you should go.
45
00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,310
By yourselves.
46
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:43,989
We're in range for dinner.
47
00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:46,769
- We'll just call it.
- Peace.
48
00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,399
What the hell just happened?
49
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,690
Where is their sense of adventure?
50
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,829
Seriously.
51
00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:53,099
When I was around their
age, me and Sha...
52
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,690
we went to the recycle factory.
53
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,032
Ooh, recycle factory.
54
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,909
Okay, that's not the
point of the story, Bow.
55
00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,899
- Oh.
- All right? We were crossing the street,
56
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,469
and as I stepped off the curb,
57
00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:03,539
I noticed my foot was on something.
58
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,839
I look down, and it was tickets
to the Clippers' first game
59
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,609
- in Los Angeles.
- No.
60
00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:10,129
Floor seats.
61
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,709
That sounds like a dream sequence
62
00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:13,383
that was cut out of "Boyz n the Hood."
63
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,819
Yeah, it took us two buses to
get to the LA Sports Arena.
64
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,119
- Oh.
- We sat next to Donald Sterling.
65
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:19,819
- Ew.
- He did not like that.
66
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,724
- No.
- But the Clippers... they won that night.
67
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:25,059
And in that moment,
I became a Clipper fan.
68
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:27,159
None of that would have
been possible, Bow,
69
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,850
if I was not out there.
70
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:32,689
Is this why you're so upset
that Jack is a Lakers fan?
71
00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:34,839
- Now, that is a betrayal, Bow.
- Uh-huh.
72
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,658
It makes no sense to just root
for whatever team LeBron is on.
73
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,539
I wish that our kids had more
of a sense of adventure, too,
74
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:44,080
but you can't force it.
75
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:47,039
But it needs to happen now,
Bow, because if it doesn't,
76
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,759
they're gonna miss out on
the fun of finding shortcuts
77
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,389
through people's yards or... or
exploring abandoned buildings.
78
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,099
- What?
- Or playing touch football
79
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:57,540
- on the on-ramp to the 105 freeway.
- You're...
80
00:02:57,550 --> 00:02:59,846
Those are all crimes.
81
00:03:01,230 --> 00:03:03,829
You didn't grow up in Compton, Bow.
82
00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,269
As much as I tried to let it go,
83
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,919
I couldn't shake the feeling
84
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,879
that Jack and Diane were
missing out on something
85
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,679
that was critical to my childhood.
86
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,679
Gentlemen, Stevens and
Lido is now a church,
87
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,019
and if anyone asks,
88
00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:22,535
you are all men of the cloth
and I don't pay any taxes.
89
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,162
Worked for Kanye.
90
00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,619
Whoa, uh, Deacon Johnson, hello?
91
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,917
Yeah, I would have thought
you'd be more into this.
92
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,719
Oh, sorry. I was...
93
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,719
I was just thinking about Jack and Diane
94
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,299
refusing to go outside
into the neighborhood
95
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,479
in the middle of the day.
96
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,559
Is Sherman Oaks no longer a
safe White neighborhood,
97
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,049
or have more, uh... "apartment
people" moved in there?
98
00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:46,059
Nah, it's perfectly safe.
99
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,144
Kids just aren't built the same anymore.
100
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,579
It's the milk.
101
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,599
We had that good '80s steroids milk.
102
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,199
- Mm.
- Kind that made you want
103
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,109
to fight your mama when
you ran out of cereal.
104
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,249
It wasn't the same for Zoey and Junior.
105
00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:59,859
You know, but Jack and
Diane have grown up
106
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:02,570
with all these gadgets and
apps at their fingertips.
107
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,329
They basically never
have to leave the house.
108
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:06,919
Smart phones make dumb kids.
109
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,450
Boy, there is nothing
like a good adventure.
110
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:13,336
When I was a young lad, I once
got lost in the woods for days.
111
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,909
Had to go house-to-house,
surviving on nothing
112
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,089
but my wits and the
kindness of strangers.
113
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:21,886
Kind of like, uh,
trick-or-treating, but to live.
114
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,638
God, that must have been so scary.
115
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,249
Oh, it was.
116
00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:27,379
Turns out, I never left
my family's property
117
00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:30,810
and everyone I met worked
for us, but eventually,
118
00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,659
I ran into my driver, Tomathy,
119
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:33,919
and he popped me in the back of the limo
120
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,855
and took me back to the big house. So...
121
00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:38,599
That's nothing. When I was
growing up as a kid in Missouri,
122
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,399
me and my best friend, we built a raft,
123
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,639
and we went all the way
down the Mississippi River,
124
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,569
having all kinds of adventures.
125
00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:47,360
That's just what happened in
"Huckleberry Finn," Charlie.
126
00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,569
- Mm.
- This is ridiculous, Dre.
127
00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:54,544
Your entitled children are
abusing your kindness.
128
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:57,439
Oh, i-it's a dangerous world, man,
129
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,170
and Jack and Diane are
not free-range kids.
130
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,589
Okay, now I see what's happening, Dre.
131
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:03,678
This is all your fault.
132
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,264
You have domesticated your children.
133
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,399
Oh, my God.
134
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,429
You're right.
135
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,439
Yeah.
136
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,479
They might as well be wearing
those little shock collars
137
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,179
that you put on barking
dogs and carnival workers.
138
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:17,729
You know what? I got to
go fix this right now.
139
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,639
Wait, what about our happy hour?
140
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,969
If you don't come, it'll be a sad hour,
141
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:24,282
and I've got enough of
those, thank you very much.
142
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,309
I'm pretty sure you can
find another sucker
143
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:29,538
who has nothing else better to do.
144
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,619
So, she's 28, blonde,
a lawyer from Ukraine.
145
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,713
I think it's gonna work out.
146
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,389
All right, next round's on me.
You guys want anything?
147
00:05:43,390 --> 00:05:45,219
- I'm good.
- Good one, man!
148
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,339
I mean, you're hilarious,
handsome, generous.
149
00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:48,974
I mean, you're just the
total package, huh?
150
00:05:48,975 --> 00:05:50,879
- But I'm good. Thanks, anyway.
- You sure?
151
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,639
- Yeah, yeah.
- You sure? All right. All right, all right.
152
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,354
What was that?
153
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,739
It's employee review time,
154
00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:59,105
and I'm putting all my
money moves on Josh.
155
00:05:59,106 --> 00:06:01,789
Sometimes you got to kiss the
ring in order to get that bling.
156
00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:02,799
You know what I'm talking about?
157
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,280
You know what I'm talking about, right?
158
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,719
Even less than usual.
159
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,408
I thought Stevens does all the reviews?
160
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,889
No. Everyone knows Stevens
makes Josh do the reviews.
161
00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:12,859
Josh is thirsty for friendship,
162
00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:15,529
and I am thirsty to get out
of this crippling debt.
163
00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:18,189
One time I went with him to
a Laguna Beach cat show.
164
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,630
Got a five-finger bonus.
165
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,381
I think you mean "figure."
166
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,829
I do not.
167
00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:27,303
You could have used that
money to pay down your debt.
168
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,681
You don't understand how
finances work, brother.
169
00:06:29,682 --> 00:06:31,299
You got to suck up to him, Junior.
170
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:32,683
Talk about his interests...
171
00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:36,149
cats, poker, cats playing
poker, poking cats.
172
00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:37,647
That's how you get that bonus.
173
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:38,856
Hey-o!
174
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:43,799
Hey, Josh, I hear you're
amazing at poker.
175
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,190
I'd love to play sometime.
176
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,899
What?! I got a game this Saturday!
177
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:48,570
- You should come play!
- Mm. Saturday.
178
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,660
I actually got a date on Saturday.
179
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,989
Bring her.
180
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,560
Date night playing poker
is so much fun, man.
181
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:56,519
We'll probably go all night,
and there's like four guys.
182
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,869
They're kind of a good
consistent rotation.
183
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:00,340
It's all the guys that I met online.
184
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,004
You know, I think I can reschedule.
185
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,109
That's great. That's great!
186
00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:08,009
Hey, as Lady Gaga would
say, bring your poker face.
187
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:15,159
It was late when I got
home, and I knew exactly
188
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,619
where my unadventurous
children would be.
189
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:20,189
Jack! Sleep is for the weak!
190
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,858
- You're going to get some ice cream.
- No, run! Run, Jack!
191
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,119
W-What's going on? It's 10:45.
192
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,659
Which means your ass has 15 minutes
193
00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:29,241
to get to Sprinkle Sprankles.
194
00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:31,450
Come on! Hurry up!
195
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,659
- Let's go!
- I hate when Mom's on call.
196
00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,199
Dad, this is ridiculous.
197
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,439
It's dark outside.
198
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,830
Yeah, this is when adventures happen.
199
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,252
Now, go out there and grab
yourself a double scoop of life.
200
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,279
Ooh! Oh, lord, it's a ghetto bird.
201
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,879
Okay, uh, black-owned!
202
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,370
Black-owned!
203
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,513
Once the sun came up,
it was time to set my kids free.
204
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,499
Okay, there are only certain things
205
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,852
that you can truly understand
until you experience them.
206
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,647
Have you guys ever been in a sewer?
207
00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:04,089
I have. It was 1986.
208
00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:06,639
Our ball rolled into a storm drain,
209
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,099
and we climbed in after it.
210
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,406
You know what we saw?
211
00:08:10,210 --> 00:08:11,782
- Garbage?
- Yes.
212
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,839
And a tunnel.
213
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,319
The tunnel only went across the
street, but while we were in it,
214
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,580
it could have went anywhere.
215
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,458
Uh, Mom, talk to your man.
216
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,499
Yeah.
217
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,335
Your dad is on one right now.
218
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,979
But, you guys, it wouldn't kill
you to go out into the world
219
00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:28,760
and develop a sense of curiosity.
220
00:08:28,770 --> 00:08:31,510
Put yourself in situations where you
don't know what's gonna happen.
221
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,845
Yes.
222
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:37,558
You need to get out on,
and up under, these streets.
223
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,809
You know what? Here.
224
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,936
Here. Here's a hundred dollars.
225
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,599
- W...
- Hey.
226
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,191
Put most of it in your shoe.
227
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,679
Keep $15 in your pocket.
228
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:47,861
That's your "mugging money."
229
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,779
We're gonna get mugged?
230
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,659
- Ooh, if you're lucky.
- You won't.
231
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,520
You're more likely to
get mauled by a dog.
232
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:56,368
You're not gonna get
mauled by a dog, either.
233
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,529
Look, go out and have some fun.
234
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:03,209
Seriously, get some lunch, and
don't come back for three hours.
235
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,879
Okay, but are you sure
you want to do this?
236
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,715
I might get a taste of freedom
and never give it back.
237
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,959
- I'm good.
- Did he just call my bluff?
238
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,739
We're out of moves.
239
00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:16,619
You are definitely out of moves.
240
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,799
Hey, now, while you're out
there, I need you to stop
241
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:19,809
at the liquor store and pick me up
242
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,499
- a package of triple-A batteries.
- Oh.
243
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,930
It's refresh season on the remote.
244
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,239
Also, got a sweater
at the dry cleaner's.
245
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,940
- Could you pick that up for me?
- You hear that?
246
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,779
Your mama got a sweater
at the dry cleaner's.
247
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:30,980
- Yeah, I just said that.
- Yeah,
248
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,229
I just wanted to make sure
they heard you, baby.
249
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:33,240
Okay. All right.
250
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,859
Hey, there he is!
251
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:37,179
Yeah.
252
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:39,219
Surprised that you have
your weekend poker game
253
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:40,239
at the office.
254
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,019
- Where's everybody else?
- Uh...
255
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,929
bunch of "maybe"s
turned into "hard no"s.
256
00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,084
They could always turn back.
257
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,878
And until then, we can play heads up.
258
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,047
That's how poker guys say "two players."
259
00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:52,879
Uh, great.
260
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:53,959
Deal me in.
261
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,659
Hey, that's the attitude
I was looking for.
262
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:56,760
- Yes, sir.
- Okay.
263
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,055
It's a $200 buy-in.
264
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,079
Oh! Gosh.
265
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,014
I-I didn't bring that kind of cash.
266
00:10:02,015 --> 00:10:03,979
Funny. At work, you always struck me
267
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:05,649
as somebody who's always prepared.
268
00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:07,190
Guess I had the wrong read on you.
269
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,159
No.
270
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,399
No, no, no, no, no.
271
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,479
You had the right read on me.
272
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,449
I am an out-of-the-box problem solver.
273
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,868
How about I Venmo you the cash?
274
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,499
I like the sound of it.
275
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,912
Now let's do this.
276
00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,415
Do it.
277
00:10:24,410 --> 00:10:26,359
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
278
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,479
So, this is what they wanted?
279
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:29,979
For me to try falafel?
280
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:32,599
Because if they think fried
chickpeas is an adventure,
281
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,549
then I reject their
authority to parent me.
282
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,649
Ugh.
283
00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:37,970
What are we gonna do
for the next two hours?
284
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,931
I don't know, but we've got
to come back with a story.
285
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,559
Maybe falafel's the story.
286
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,809
I'll just tell them I put
too much hot sauce on it
287
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:45,969
and it got in my eyes.
288
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:48,269
- Oof. Classic Jack.
- What?
289
00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:49,499
We need a real adventure,
290
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,229
not just some run-of-the-mill
Jack shenanigans.
291
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,899
We need something big.
292
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,239
You know what?
293
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,739
If they want a stupid adventure,
we're gonna give them one.
294
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,679
We'll just ride the bus
wherever it's going.
295
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,039
- That'll show 'em.
- Mm.
296
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,249
Great idea.
297
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,479
"Out of Service,"
California, here we come.
298
00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:12,400
Classic Jack.
299
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,843
I fold. You got me again.
300
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,559
You folded a pair of queens.
301
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,629
That's top pair.
302
00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:21,959
You should have at least called.
303
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,299
Oh, that is a great tip.
304
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,019
You will never have to
tell me that one again
305
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:29,430
because I am someone who
learns from his mistakes.
306
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,564
Love that about you.
307
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,039
I'm gonna go grab us some drinks.
308
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,770
You're a diet soda,
five Splendas, right?
309
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:36,904
You know my drink.
310
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,249
Pow, pow!
311
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,658
Yes, sir.
312
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:44,199
Charlie?
313
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,913
What are you doing here?
314
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,519
It's Saturday.
315
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,874
So I'm cooking grits.
316
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,539
I like to make them here in the office
317
00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:52,599
because they have a bunch of
stuff that I don't have at home,
318
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,290
like electricity.
319
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,599
I...
320
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,425
So, I see you took my advice,
321
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,593
kissing that ass to get that bonus.
322
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:04,569
Okay, I really don't like the
way that you just phrased that.
323
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,279
I don't know how you do this every year.
324
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,010
I could barely make it
through the morning.
325
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,749
Stop making a big deal
out of this, all right?
326
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:12,199
Stop treating these
misdemeanors like felonies.
327
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,479
Go in there, make that
lonely white man happy,
328
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,359
and get your money, you hear me?
329
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,319
Now, get out of here.
330
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,739
You're taking up my stir time.
331
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,889
Oh.
332
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,299
What do you say? A couple more hands?
333
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,529
Eh, I don't know.
334
00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:32,269
I mean, you really cleaned me out.
335
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,219
Oh. Well, if it makes
you feel any better,
336
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,794
the money's going to a good cause.
337
00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:37,739
I always donate my
winnings to this charity
338
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,799
that helps declawed cats get reclawed.
339
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,719
You should really come down
and volunteer sometime.
340
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,011
- I don't know.
- Hey, hey, hey.
341
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,347
It's only every weekend for four months.
342
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:47,224
I really don't have that kind of time.
343
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,309
You got that kind of time.
344
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:52,349
Look, dude, I see what you're
trying to do here, okay?
345
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:54,599
No review is worth all of this.
346
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,199
I am done trying to kowtow
347
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,139
to all of your pathetic little needs
348
00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:01,479
just because no one shows
up to your poker game.
349
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,940
- I would rather be...
- Yo, sorry we're late.
350
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,259
- Hey, bud.
- How are you?
351
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,780
Good. Good to see you.
352
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,661
Who are these guys?
353
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,959
I guess according to you,
354
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,667
these are the poker buddies
who fulfill my pathetic needs.
355
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,049
Hey, guys.
356
00:13:17,050 --> 00:13:20,079
It was an hour and a half
into my kids' adventure.
357
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,579
They were out there
experiencing the world
358
00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:26,059
because of my good
parenting, and I was pumped.
359
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,099
I can't sit still, Bow.
360
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,129
- Yeah, I know.
- Come on.
361
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:29,892
Hah! Wrestle me.
362
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:32,102
I already beat you twice, and in heels.
363
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,559
I love it when you wrestle me in heels.
364
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,499
- Oh, God. Stop it.
- Especially when you put it in my back.
365
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:36,509
- Aah!
- Okay.
366
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:37,979
But we got to do it
quick, baby, all right?
367
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,239
The twins, uh... they could
be back at any moment now.
368
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,669
- Come on.
- Nope.
369
00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:43,113
They haven't even made
it to the cleaner's yet.
370
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,366
How do you know that?
371
00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:45,950
Oh.
372
00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,679
Are you tracking them?
373
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,247
Of course I am, Andre.
374
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,149
There's no privacy under this roof.
375
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:56,336
If I can track you, I'm gonna track you.
376
00:13:56,990 --> 00:13:58,170
Are you tracking me?
377
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,819
No, baby, you're too smart
for me to track you.
378
00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:01,839
Oh.
379
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,639
- I trust our kids.
- Yeah.
380
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,359
We raised them well.
381
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,179
It's everybody else I worry about.
382
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,629
- Me, too.
- You know what I mean?
383
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,559
I just find it comforting
knowing exactly where they are.
384
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,726
Wait, why are they in Van Nuys?
385
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,739
- How did they get to Van Nuys?
- Is that thing broken?
386
00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:17,279
No, Dre, because that dot's
still over the house.
387
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,209
What?
388
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,565
- You are tracking me!
- Dre, not now.
389
00:14:21,566 --> 00:14:24,196
Our kids are two blocks
from a ho stroll.
390
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,599
Wait, why is it moving so fast?
391
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,657
- Oh, God.
- Okay, babe, what...
392
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:27,866
Where did the dots go?
393
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,077
Um, sometimes that happens
when the battery's low.
394
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,039
So, we don't know where
they are right now?
395
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,299
No, not exactly.
396
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,099
No. But, but, but, but, but, but, but...
397
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:39,399
our children are on an
adventure in Los Angeles.
398
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,462
- Okay.
- And that's that we wanted.
399
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,499
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
400
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:43,259
That... That... That... That's
exactly what we asked for.
401
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,339
- Yep. That's it.
- Mm-hmm.
402
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:47,089
Okay. So, everything is okay as
long as they're home by 5:00.
403
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:48,239
- Yeah.
- Okay.
404
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,095
- Right. Right.
- And at 5:01, we call the police.
405
00:14:51,096 --> 00:14:52,839
4:59, and the fire department.
406
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:53,849
- Okay. All right.
- Yes.
407
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:55,179
Whenever we do find these kids, uh,
408
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,646
I'm going to Best Buy
and get me a new phone.
409
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,232
- Tracking me.
- Okay. What...
410
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:04,539
My kids were off God knows
where having an adventure.
411
00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:06,659
Since there was nothing
I could do about it,
412
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:08,509
I went about my business.
413
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:11,479
But Bow was still out
here stone-cold tripping.
414
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,779
Okay, call me back.
415
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,149
Listen, I'm not worried, sweetheart.
416
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,819
I just want to know if the dry cleaner's
417
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:22,379
still has that autographed
picture up on the wall
418
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,659
of Robert Guillaume.
419
00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:25,259
Okay. Yeah.
420
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:27,092
Call me back. Okay.
421
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,239
- Okay, Bow?
- What?
422
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,619
All right, a few minutes ago,
you told me if their phone's dead,
423
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:32,659
they're not gonna answer.
424
00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:35,059
- So, just relax like me.
- Okay.
425
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,219
All right, I don't need to know
426
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:37,519
about things that I can't control.
427
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,139
Like, I don't need to know who shot JFK.
428
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,579
I don't need to know
if there are aliens in Area 51.
429
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:47,079
And I do not need to know
where our children are.
430
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,531
Then why do you keep
checking the laptop?
431
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:49,539
Because I don't know
432
00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,825
- where my children are, Bow!
- Exactly.
433
00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:54,030
All right, everything was fine
until I knew what was going on.
434
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,379
If you weren't tracking them,
I would be left in the dark,
435
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:57,679
like parents are supposed to be.
436
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,189
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
437
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:01,544
Are you blaming this on me?
438
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:05,429
Because you are the one
who forced our kids
439
00:16:05,430 --> 00:16:07,007
out of the house on an adventure!
440
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,279
They were first-timers.
441
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,669
I sent them on a local adventure.
442
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,269
Mm. No.
443
00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:13,639
- You know what, Dre?
- What?
444
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,269
Maybe their phones aren't dead.
445
00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:19,039
Maybe they are just
underground in the sewer,
446
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,521
where you told them to go!
447
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,509
- We're home.
- Oh, my babies!
448
00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:25,025
Oh, my babies! Babies, I love you!
449
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,318
Now, where the hell were you?!
450
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,071
Uh, what do you mean? We're back early.
451
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:31,189
You guys didn't stick to the plan.
452
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,019
You were supposed to have lunch,
453
00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:34,359
pick up my sweater,
454
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,659
- and come right home!
- Mm-hmm.
455
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:36,919
Wait, we were?
456
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,330
- Yeah.
- Were you tracking us?
457
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,379
Well, apparently, your
mama is tracking everybody
458
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:43,769
- that lives in this house.
- I can't believe you guys.
459
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,754
This was your idea. We didn't
want to do any of this.
460
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:46,759
Sorry.
461
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,260
We... We freaked out.
We were... We just...
462
00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:49,925
- But we're so glad we went.
- Mm.
463
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,739
- What?
- Okay, so you'll never believe this.
464
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,555
We got on the bus, went
all the way to Hollywood,
465
00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:57,149
and we got off right in
front of the wax museum.
466
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,639
Because we wanted to take
pictures with wax T-Pain.
467
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,270
Mm-hmm. And guess who we saw there.
468
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,139
- Who?
- Real T-Pain.
469
00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:04,319
- Oh.
- Yeah.
470
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,459
He was going to a movie
premiere right up the street.
471
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,999
He let us walk on the
red carpet with him,
472
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,821
- and he also gave me this.
- What?
473
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,799
- Oh.
- He told me to tuck it in on the bus.
474
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,320
Yeah. And if you hadn't
kicked us out of the house,
475
00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:17,829
none of this ever would have happened.
476
00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:19,799
- This was one of the best days ever.
- Yeah.
477
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,663
Can we have another adventure tomorrow?
478
00:17:21,664 --> 00:17:23,529
- Uh...
- Knock yourselves out.
479
00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:24,542
- Sure.
- Yeah.
480
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,079
- Great.
- Well, we only have to take
481
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,939
five different buses
to get to the beach.
482
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:28,979
Which basically means
483
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:30,591
- we live at the beach now.
- Mm.
484
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,599
- Oh.
- Thank... Thank you.
485
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:32,619
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
486
00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:34,261
- All right.
- I like it.
487
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,749
Huh.
488
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,719
- They're a lot more confident now.
- Mm-hmm.
489
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,389
There it was.
490
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:43,189
The independent kids I'd always wanted.
491
00:17:43,190 --> 00:17:44,729
So why was I scared?
492
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,819
Were you bluffing,
or did you have a straight?
493
00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:48,699
I'm not gonna tell.
494
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,099
Hey, Josh.
495
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,439
I'm sorry.
496
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,769
I messed up.
497
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:55,157
Charlie really got in my
head with all that talk
498
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,619
about sucking up to you so
he can get a good review,
499
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:58,689
- and I couldn't...
- Wait, wait, wait.
500
00:17:58,690 --> 00:18:00,530
Is that why Charlie's
always bringing me gifts?
501
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,665
He told me he celebrates
year-round Kwanzaa.
502
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,119
Yeah, that's not a thing.
503
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,169
I mean, regular Kwanzaa's
barely a thing.
504
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,254
I always thought that, but
never felt like I could say it.
505
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,889
That's probably a good idea.
506
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,059
Look, Charlie is shockingly
good at his job.
507
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,319
That's why Stevens lets him come in
508
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,579
on the weekends to cook his grits,
509
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:19,340
and that's why I give him a good review.
510
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,369
And that's why I'm gonna
do the same thing for you.
511
00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:22,894
'Cause you're great at your job, Junior.
512
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:25,949
Wow. Um... I don't know what to say.
513
00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:26,979
Thanks.
514
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,459
Eh, you don't need to thank me. And...
515
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:31,579
maybe I did come on too strong.
516
00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,119
I'm just not used to having
someone at the office
517
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,149
who returns my texts.
518
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,909
Ah, come on, man.
519
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,059
You send the best emojis.
520
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:38,619
Aw, thank you.
521
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,849
Once I figured out how to change
the race on the thumbs up,
522
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:42,389
I knew I was onto something.
523
00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:44,456
Ah. That's why you send black emojis.
524
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,859
You know...
525
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:50,499
I've been telling that Clipper
tickets story for years.
526
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,919
By putting myself out in the
world, I exposed myself
527
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,170
to some things that I never
would have seen otherwise.
528
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:59,681
Yeah. That's what we
want for our children.
529
00:18:59,682 --> 00:19:00,959
Yeah, but in all these years,
530
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,269
I never saw it from my
mother's point of view.
531
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,509
Mm. Interesting.
532
00:19:06,950 --> 00:19:08,579
You know...
533
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,279
it's no fun thinking about
your kids playing in a sewer.
534
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,849
- No. No.
- Or packing themselves seven-deep
535
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:18,319
in a Pontiac Bonneville for a joyride.
536
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,533
Seems so dangerous.
537
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,659
That's because it is dangerous, Dre.
538
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:25,599
But... you were a dumb kid.
539
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,769
- Mm.
- You did stupid stuff.
540
00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:29,961
- I did.
- But thankfully,
541
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:32,599
our twins are smarter than you,
542
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,719
so the hard part is us
allowing them the freedom
543
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,920
to make their own mistakes.
544
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,139
Like your mom did when
you went to the game.
545
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:43,839
You know, I was gone
for 11 hours that day.
546
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,319
Ugh. She must have been terrified.
547
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,589
Had she known where I was,
she would have never let me go.
548
00:19:47,590 --> 00:19:49,639
Ha! She would have whooped your ass.
549
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,460
Yeah, she sure would.
550
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,109
You're not gonna tell her, are you?
551
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,610
Good night, sweetie.
552
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,399
Hey...
553
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,989
Bow, I'm serious.
554
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,299
My mama... she punches hard, Bow!
555
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,640
- Yep.
- I...
556
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,799
- Come on, baby.
- Nope.
557
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:11,039
Okay, you guys can go out every weekend,
558
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,599
if that's what you choose to.
559
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,920
But you've got to stick together.
560
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,129
That's great.
561
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,169
Where should we go?
562
00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:18,069
Ooh, uh, what about that pizza place?
563
00:20:18,070 --> 00:20:20,178
The one with the square slices
and, uh, the meatballs.
564
00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:21,719
- Ooh, I love that place.
- Yeah.
565
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,429
Wait, why did we stop going?
566
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,899
- I don't know.
- There might be an issue.
567
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,349
- What?
- I went there late one night,
568
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:31,069
and they were out of Parmesan, so...
569
00:20:31,070 --> 00:20:32,739
- I'm banned.
- Seriously?
570
00:20:32,740 --> 00:20:34,079
- Should have known.
- What?
571
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,860
Picture on the wall and everything.
572
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:39,359
- Hold on.
- Hmm?
573
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,906
Is that why we don't go to the day spa?
574
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,699
Refused to take off my shirt.
575
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,951
Farmer's market?
576
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,619
Apparently, I over-sample.
577
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:48,799
- Uh-huh.
- What?
578
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,019
You can go to all those
places without me.
579
00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:52,659
I'm going to!
580
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,779
- You should.
- Your dad is a dummy.
581
00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:58,199
And take my picture off the
pizza wall when you get there.
582
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,560
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