1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,359 Kids. 2 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:04,389 Tiny, fragile, needy. 3 00:00:04,390 --> 00:00:07,889 But they are still capable of amazing things. 4 00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:12,299 Alexander the Great was a military leader at age 20. 5 00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:15,759 At 16, Greta Thunberg inspired millions 6 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,259 to fight climate change. 7 00:00:17,260 --> 00:00:20,869 She even sailed across the ocean to prove her point. 8 00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:24,839 Louis Braille was 15 when he invented his reading system. 9 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,639 15. And blind! 10 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,679 Jack and Diane are Johnsons, so I can't wait to see 11 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,490 how they're going to shake up the world. 12 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,509 Will you guys take us to the artisanal ice cream place 13 00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:37,519 - on Ventura? - Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,539 They read your aura and give you your flavor based 15 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,799 - on the color of your soul. - Mm-hmm. 16 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,839 - Oh, that's cute. - Okay, guys, we have to go through these bills. 17 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,159 You know what? But here. 18 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,199 Here, take that 20. 19 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,559 - Here. - Go on your own. 20 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,047 Uh, pass. 21 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,591 I thought you wanted ice cream? 22 00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:51,629 Not bad enough to go by ourselves. 23 00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,799 Come on, Diane. Let's just get some fruit. 24 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,846 Thanks a lot. 25 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,139 Alexander the Great conquered the world. 26 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,183 These two won't even conquer the block. 27 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:04,184 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 28 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,190 Hey, hey, hey. Hang on. 29 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,919 Just because someone won't give you a ride, you're not gonna go? 30 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,321 You said it's on Ventura. W... Just walk. 31 00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:14,019 Uh, that strip mall's not fully gentrified yet. 32 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:15,199 W... 33 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,824 It's anchored by a liquor store. 34 00:01:16,825 --> 00:01:19,320 That liquor store has a Michelin star. 35 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,455 You'll be fine. 36 00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:21,899 I don't know. 37 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,459 - Anything could happen. - Yes. 38 00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:25,239 Anything could happen, 39 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,139 and if you go with me, you know exactly what's gonna happen. 40 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:30,039 We're gonna listen to Jodeci's first album. 41 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,839 Huh? I'm gonna say, "What's taking so long?" 42 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,419 And then I'm gonna get mad 43 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:36,840 because they have a tip jar at a self-serve ice cream place. 44 00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:41,049 Listen, if you want to have fun, you should go. 45 00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,310 By yourselves. 46 00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:43,989 We're in range for dinner. 47 00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:46,769 - We'll just call it. - Peace. 48 00:01:46,770 --> 00:01:48,399 What the hell just happened? 49 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,690 Where is their sense of adventure? 50 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,829 Seriously. 51 00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:53,099 When I was around their age, me and Sha... 52 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,690 we went to the recycle factory. 53 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,032 Ooh, recycle factory. 54 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,909 Okay, that's not the point of the story, Bow. 55 00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,899 - Oh. - All right? We were crossing the street, 56 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,469 and as I stepped off the curb, 57 00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:03,539 I noticed my foot was on something. 58 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,839 I look down, and it was tickets to the Clippers' first game 59 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,609 - in Los Angeles. - No. 60 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:10,129 Floor seats. 61 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,709 That sounds like a dream sequence 62 00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:13,383 that was cut out of "Boyz n the Hood." 63 00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,819 Yeah, it took us two buses to get to the LA Sports Arena. 64 00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,119 - Oh. - We sat next to Donald Sterling. 65 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:19,819 - Ew. - He did not like that. 66 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,724 - No. - But the Clippers... they won that night. 67 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:25,059 And in that moment, I became a Clipper fan. 68 00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:27,159 None of that would have been possible, Bow, 69 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,850 if I was not out there. 70 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:32,689 Is this why you're so upset that Jack is a Lakers fan? 71 00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:34,839 - Now, that is a betrayal, Bow. - Uh-huh. 72 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,658 It makes no sense to just root for whatever team LeBron is on. 73 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,539 I wish that our kids had more of a sense of adventure, too, 74 00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:44,080 but you can't force it. 75 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:47,039 But it needs to happen now, Bow, because if it doesn't, 76 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,759 they're gonna miss out on the fun of finding shortcuts 77 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,389 through people's yards or... or exploring abandoned buildings. 78 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,099 - What? - Or playing touch football 79 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:57,540 - on the on-ramp to the 105 freeway. - You're... 80 00:02:57,550 --> 00:02:59,846 Those are all crimes. 81 00:03:01,230 --> 00:03:03,829 You didn't grow up in Compton, Bow. 82 00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,269 As much as I tried to let it go, 83 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,919 I couldn't shake the feeling 84 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,879 that Jack and Diane were missing out on something 85 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,679 that was critical to my childhood. 86 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,679 Gentlemen, Stevens and Lido is now a church, 87 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,019 and if anyone asks, 88 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:22,535 you are all men of the cloth and I don't pay any taxes. 89 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,162 Worked for Kanye. 90 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,619 Whoa, uh, Deacon Johnson, hello? 91 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,917 Yeah, I would have thought you'd be more into this. 92 00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,719 Oh, sorry. I was... 93 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,719 I was just thinking about Jack and Diane 94 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,299 refusing to go outside into the neighborhood 95 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,479 in the middle of the day. 96 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,559 Is Sherman Oaks no longer a safe White neighborhood, 97 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,049 or have more, uh... "apartment people" moved in there? 98 00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:46,059 Nah, it's perfectly safe. 99 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,144 Kids just aren't built the same anymore. 100 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,579 It's the milk. 101 00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,599 We had that good '80s steroids milk. 102 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,199 - Mm. - Kind that made you want 103 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,109 to fight your mama when you ran out of cereal. 104 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,249 It wasn't the same for Zoey and Junior. 105 00:03:57,250 --> 00:03:59,859 You know, but Jack and Diane have grown up 106 00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:02,570 with all these gadgets and apps at their fingertips. 107 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,329 They basically never have to leave the house. 108 00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:06,919 Smart phones make dumb kids. 109 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,450 Boy, there is nothing like a good adventure. 110 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:13,336 When I was a young lad, I once got lost in the woods for days. 111 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,909 Had to go house-to-house, surviving on nothing 112 00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,089 but my wits and the kindness of strangers. 113 00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:21,886 Kind of like, uh, trick-or-treating, but to live. 114 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,638 God, that must have been so scary. 115 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,249 Oh, it was. 116 00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:27,379 Turns out, I never left my family's property 117 00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:30,810 and everyone I met worked for us, but eventually, 118 00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,659 I ran into my driver, Tomathy, 119 00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:33,919 and he popped me in the back of the limo 120 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,855 and took me back to the big house. So... 121 00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:38,599 That's nothing. When I was growing up as a kid in Missouri, 122 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,399 me and my best friend, we built a raft, 123 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,639 and we went all the way down the Mississippi River, 124 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,569 having all kinds of adventures. 125 00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:47,360 That's just what happened in "Huckleberry Finn," Charlie. 126 00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,569 - Mm. - This is ridiculous, Dre. 127 00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:54,544 Your entitled children are abusing your kindness. 128 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:57,439 Oh, i-it's a dangerous world, man, 129 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,170 and Jack and Diane are not free-range kids. 130 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,589 Okay, now I see what's happening, Dre. 131 00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:03,678 This is all your fault. 132 00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,264 You have domesticated your children. 133 00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,399 Oh, my God. 134 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,429 You're right. 135 00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,439 Yeah. 136 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,479 They might as well be wearing those little shock collars 137 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,179 that you put on barking dogs and carnival workers. 138 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:17,729 You know what? I got to go fix this right now. 139 00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,639 Wait, what about our happy hour? 140 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,969 If you don't come, it'll be a sad hour, 141 00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:24,282 and I've got enough of those, thank you very much. 142 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,309 I'm pretty sure you can find another sucker 143 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:29,538 who has nothing else better to do. 144 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,619 So, she's 28, blonde, a lawyer from Ukraine. 145 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,713 I think it's gonna work out. 146 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,389 All right, next round's on me. You guys want anything? 147 00:05:43,390 --> 00:05:45,219 - I'm good. - Good one, man! 148 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,339 I mean, you're hilarious, handsome, generous. 149 00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:48,974 I mean, you're just the total package, huh? 150 00:05:48,975 --> 00:05:50,879 - But I'm good. Thanks, anyway. - You sure? 151 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,639 - Yeah, yeah. - You sure? All right. All right, all right. 152 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,354 What was that? 153 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,739 It's employee review time, 154 00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:59,105 and I'm putting all my money moves on Josh. 155 00:05:59,106 --> 00:06:01,789 Sometimes you got to kiss the ring in order to get that bling. 156 00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:02,799 You know what I'm talking about? 157 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,280 You know what I'm talking about, right? 158 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,719 Even less than usual. 159 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,408 I thought Stevens does all the reviews? 160 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,889 No. Everyone knows Stevens makes Josh do the reviews. 161 00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:12,859 Josh is thirsty for friendship, 162 00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:15,529 and I am thirsty to get out of this crippling debt. 163 00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:18,189 One time I went with him to a Laguna Beach cat show. 164 00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,630 Got a five-finger bonus. 165 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,381 I think you mean "figure." 166 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,829 I do not. 167 00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:27,303 You could have used that money to pay down your debt. 168 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,681 You don't understand how finances work, brother. 169 00:06:29,682 --> 00:06:31,299 You got to suck up to him, Junior. 170 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:32,683 Talk about his interests... 171 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:36,149 cats, poker, cats playing poker, poking cats. 172 00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:37,647 That's how you get that bonus. 173 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:38,856 Hey-o! 174 00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:43,799 Hey, Josh, I hear you're amazing at poker. 175 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,190 I'd love to play sometime. 176 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,899 What?! I got a game this Saturday! 177 00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:48,570 - You should come play! - Mm. Saturday. 178 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,660 I actually got a date on Saturday. 179 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,989 Bring her. 180 00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,560 Date night playing poker is so much fun, man. 181 00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:56,519 We'll probably go all night, and there's like four guys. 182 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,869 They're kind of a good consistent rotation. 183 00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:00,340 It's all the guys that I met online. 184 00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,004 You know, I think I can reschedule. 185 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,109 That's great. That's great! 186 00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:08,009 Hey, as Lady Gaga would say, bring your poker face. 187 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:15,159 It was late when I got home, and I knew exactly 188 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,619 where my unadventurous children would be. 189 00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:20,189 Jack! Sleep is for the weak! 190 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,858 - You're going to get some ice cream. - No, run! Run, Jack! 191 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,119 W-What's going on? It's 10:45. 192 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,659 Which means your ass has 15 minutes 193 00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:29,241 to get to Sprinkle Sprankles. 194 00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:31,450 Come on! Hurry up! 195 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,659 - Let's go! - I hate when Mom's on call. 196 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,199 Dad, this is ridiculous. 197 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,439 It's dark outside. 198 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,830 Yeah, this is when adventures happen. 199 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,252 Now, go out there and grab yourself a double scoop of life. 200 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,279 Ooh! Oh, lord, it's a ghetto bird. 201 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,879 Okay, uh, black-owned! 202 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,370 Black-owned! 203 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,513 Once the sun came up, it was time to set my kids free. 204 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,499 Okay, there are only certain things 205 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,852 that you can truly understand until you experience them. 206 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,647 Have you guys ever been in a sewer? 207 00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:04,089 I have. It was 1986. 208 00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:06,639 Our ball rolled into a storm drain, 209 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,099 and we climbed in after it. 210 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,406 You know what we saw? 211 00:08:10,210 --> 00:08:11,782 - Garbage? - Yes. 212 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,839 And a tunnel. 213 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,319 The tunnel only went across the street, but while we were in it, 214 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,580 it could have went anywhere. 215 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,458 Uh, Mom, talk to your man. 216 00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,499 Yeah. 217 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,335 Your dad is on one right now. 218 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,979 But, you guys, it wouldn't kill you to go out into the world 219 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:28,760 and develop a sense of curiosity. 220 00:08:28,770 --> 00:08:31,510 Put yourself in situations where you don't know what's gonna happen. 221 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,845 Yes. 222 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:37,558 You need to get out on, and up under, these streets. 223 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:38,809 You know what? Here. 224 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,936 Here. Here's a hundred dollars. 225 00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,599 - W... - Hey. 226 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,191 Put most of it in your shoe. 227 00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,679 Keep $15 in your pocket. 228 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:47,861 That's your "mugging money." 229 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,779 We're gonna get mugged? 230 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,659 - Ooh, if you're lucky. - You won't. 231 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,520 You're more likely to get mauled by a dog. 232 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:56,368 You're not gonna get mauled by a dog, either. 233 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,529 Look, go out and have some fun. 234 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:03,209 Seriously, get some lunch, and don't come back for three hours. 235 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,879 Okay, but are you sure you want to do this? 236 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,715 I might get a taste of freedom and never give it back. 237 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,959 - I'm good. - Did he just call my bluff? 238 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,739 We're out of moves. 239 00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:16,619 You are definitely out of moves. 240 00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,799 Hey, now, while you're out there, I need you to stop 241 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:19,809 at the liquor store and pick me up 242 00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:21,499 - a package of triple-A batteries. - Oh. 243 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,930 It's refresh season on the remote. 244 00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,239 Also, got a sweater at the dry cleaner's. 245 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,940 - Could you pick that up for me? - You hear that? 246 00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,779 Your mama got a sweater at the dry cleaner's. 247 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:30,980 - Yeah, I just said that. - Yeah, 248 00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,229 I just wanted to make sure they heard you, baby. 249 00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:33,240 Okay. All right. 250 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,859 Hey, there he is! 251 00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:37,179 Yeah. 252 00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:39,219 Surprised that you have your weekend poker game 253 00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:40,239 at the office. 254 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,019 - Where's everybody else? - Uh... 255 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,929 bunch of "maybe"s turned into "hard no"s. 256 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,084 They could always turn back. 257 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,878 And until then, we can play heads up. 258 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,047 That's how poker guys say "two players." 259 00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:52,879 Uh, great. 260 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:53,959 Deal me in. 261 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,659 Hey, that's the attitude I was looking for. 262 00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:56,760 - Yes, sir. - Okay. 263 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,055 It's a $200 buy-in. 264 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,079 Oh! Gosh. 265 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,014 I-I didn't bring that kind of cash. 266 00:10:02,015 --> 00:10:03,979 Funny. At work, you always struck me 267 00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:05,649 as somebody who's always prepared. 268 00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:07,190 Guess I had the wrong read on you. 269 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,159 No. 270 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,399 No, no, no, no, no. 271 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,479 You had the right read on me. 272 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,449 I am an out-of-the-box problem solver. 273 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,868 How about I Venmo you the cash? 274 00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,499 I like the sound of it. 275 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,912 Now let's do this. 276 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,415 Do it. 277 00:10:24,410 --> 00:10:26,359 - Thank you. - Thank you. 278 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,479 So, this is what they wanted? 279 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:29,979 For me to try falafel? 280 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:32,599 Because if they think fried chickpeas is an adventure, 281 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,549 then I reject their authority to parent me. 282 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,649 Ugh. 283 00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:37,970 What are we gonna do for the next two hours? 284 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,931 I don't know, but we've got to come back with a story. 285 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,559 Maybe falafel's the story. 286 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,809 I'll just tell them I put too much hot sauce on it 287 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:45,969 and it got in my eyes. 288 00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:48,269 - Oof. Classic Jack. - What? 289 00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:49,499 We need a real adventure, 290 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,229 not just some run-of-the-mill Jack shenanigans. 291 00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,899 We need something big. 292 00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,239 You know what? 293 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,739 If they want a stupid adventure, we're gonna give them one. 294 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,679 We'll just ride the bus wherever it's going. 295 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,039 - That'll show 'em. - Mm. 296 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,249 Great idea. 297 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,479 "Out of Service," California, here we come. 298 00:11:11,220 --> 00:11:12,400 Classic Jack. 299 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,843 I fold. You got me again. 300 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,559 You folded a pair of queens. 301 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,629 That's top pair. 302 00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:21,959 You should have at least called. 303 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,299 Oh, that is a great tip. 304 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,019 You will never have to tell me that one again 305 00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:29,430 because I am someone who learns from his mistakes. 306 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,564 Love that about you. 307 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,039 I'm gonna go grab us some drinks. 308 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,770 You're a diet soda, five Splendas, right? 309 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:36,904 You know my drink. 310 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,249 Pow, pow! 311 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,658 Yes, sir. 312 00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:44,199 Charlie? 313 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,913 What are you doing here? 314 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,519 It's Saturday. 315 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,874 So I'm cooking grits. 316 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,539 I like to make them here in the office 317 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:52,599 because they have a bunch of stuff that I don't have at home, 318 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,290 like electricity. 319 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,599 I... 320 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,425 So, I see you took my advice, 321 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,593 kissing that ass to get that bonus. 322 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:04,569 Okay, I really don't like the way that you just phrased that. 323 00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,279 I don't know how you do this every year. 324 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,010 I could barely make it through the morning. 325 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,749 Stop making a big deal out of this, all right? 326 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:12,199 Stop treating these misdemeanors like felonies. 327 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,479 Go in there, make that lonely white man happy, 328 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,359 and get your money, you hear me? 329 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,319 Now, get out of here. 330 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,739 You're taking up my stir time. 331 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,889 Oh. 332 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,299 What do you say? A couple more hands? 333 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,529 Eh, I don't know. 334 00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:32,269 I mean, you really cleaned me out. 335 00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,219 Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any better, 336 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,794 the money's going to a good cause. 337 00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:37,739 I always donate my winnings to this charity 338 00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,799 that helps declawed cats get reclawed. 339 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,719 You should really come down and volunteer sometime. 340 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,011 - I don't know. - Hey, hey, hey. 341 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,347 It's only every weekend for four months. 342 00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:47,224 I really don't have that kind of time. 343 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,309 You got that kind of time. 344 00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:52,349 Look, dude, I see what you're trying to do here, okay? 345 00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:54,599 No review is worth all of this. 346 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,199 I am done trying to kowtow 347 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,139 to all of your pathetic little needs 348 00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:01,479 just because no one shows up to your poker game. 349 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,940 - I would rather be... - Yo, sorry we're late. 350 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,259 - Hey, bud. - How are you? 351 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,780 Good. Good to see you. 352 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,661 Who are these guys? 353 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,959 I guess according to you, 354 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,667 these are the poker buddies who fulfill my pathetic needs. 355 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,049 Hey, guys. 356 00:13:17,050 --> 00:13:20,079 It was an hour and a half into my kids' adventure. 357 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,579 They were out there experiencing the world 358 00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:26,059 because of my good parenting, and I was pumped. 359 00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,099 I can't sit still, Bow. 360 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,129 - Yeah, I know. - Come on. 361 00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:29,892 Hah! Wrestle me. 362 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:32,102 I already beat you twice, and in heels. 363 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,559 I love it when you wrestle me in heels. 364 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,499 - Oh, God. Stop it. - Especially when you put it in my back. 365 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:36,509 - Aah! - Okay. 366 00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:37,979 But we got to do it quick, baby, all right? 367 00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,239 The twins, uh... they could be back at any moment now. 368 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,669 - Come on. - Nope. 369 00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:43,113 They haven't even made it to the cleaner's yet. 370 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,366 How do you know that? 371 00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:45,950 Oh. 372 00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,679 Are you tracking them? 373 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,247 Of course I am, Andre. 374 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,149 There's no privacy under this roof. 375 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:56,336 If I can track you, I'm gonna track you. 376 00:13:56,990 --> 00:13:58,170 Are you tracking me? 377 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,819 No, baby, you're too smart for me to track you. 378 00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:01,839 Oh. 379 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,639 - I trust our kids. - Yeah. 380 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,359 We raised them well. 381 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,179 It's everybody else I worry about. 382 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,629 - Me, too. - You know what I mean? 383 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,559 I just find it comforting knowing exactly where they are. 384 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,726 Wait, why are they in Van Nuys? 385 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,739 - How did they get to Van Nuys? - Is that thing broken? 386 00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:17,279 No, Dre, because that dot's still over the house. 387 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,209 What? 388 00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,565 - You are tracking me! - Dre, not now. 389 00:14:21,566 --> 00:14:24,196 Our kids are two blocks from a ho stroll. 390 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,599 Wait, why is it moving so fast? 391 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,657 - Oh, God. - Okay, babe, what... 392 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:27,866 Where did the dots go? 393 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,077 Um, sometimes that happens when the battery's low. 394 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,039 So, we don't know where they are right now? 395 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,299 No, not exactly. 396 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,099 No. But, but, but, but, but, but, but... 397 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:39,399 our children are on an adventure in Los Angeles. 398 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,462 - Okay. - And that's that we wanted. 399 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,499 - Yeah. - Yeah. 400 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:43,259 That... That... That... That's exactly what we asked for. 401 00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,339 - Yep. That's it. - Mm-hmm. 402 00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:47,089 Okay. So, everything is okay as long as they're home by 5:00. 403 00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:48,239 - Yeah. - Okay. 404 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,095 - Right. Right. - And at 5:01, we call the police. 405 00:14:51,096 --> 00:14:52,839 4:59, and the fire department. 406 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:53,849 - Okay. All right. - Yes. 407 00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:55,179 Whenever we do find these kids, uh, 408 00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,646 I'm going to Best Buy and get me a new phone. 409 00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,232 - Tracking me. - Okay. What... 410 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:04,539 My kids were off God knows where having an adventure. 411 00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:06,659 Since there was nothing I could do about it, 412 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:08,509 I went about my business. 413 00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:11,479 But Bow was still out here stone-cold tripping. 414 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,779 Okay, call me back. 415 00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,149 Listen, I'm not worried, sweetheart. 416 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,819 I just want to know if the dry cleaner's 417 00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:22,379 still has that autographed picture up on the wall 418 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,659 of Robert Guillaume. 419 00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:25,259 Okay. Yeah. 420 00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:27,092 Call me back. Okay. 421 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,239 - Okay, Bow? - What? 422 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,619 All right, a few minutes ago, you told me if their phone's dead, 423 00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:32,659 they're not gonna answer. 424 00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:35,059 - So, just relax like me. - Okay. 425 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,219 All right, I don't need to know 426 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:37,519 about things that I can't control. 427 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,139 Like, I don't need to know who shot JFK. 428 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,579 I don't need to know if there are aliens in Area 51. 429 00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:47,079 And I do not need to know where our children are. 430 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,531 Then why do you keep checking the laptop? 431 00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:49,539 Because I don't know 432 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,825 - where my children are, Bow! - Exactly. 433 00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:54,030 All right, everything was fine until I knew what was going on. 434 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,379 If you weren't tracking them, I would be left in the dark, 435 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:57,679 like parents are supposed to be. 436 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,189 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 437 00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:01,544 Are you blaming this on me? 438 00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:05,429 Because you are the one who forced our kids 439 00:16:05,430 --> 00:16:07,007 out of the house on an adventure! 440 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,279 They were first-timers. 441 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,669 I sent them on a local adventure. 442 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,269 Mm. No. 443 00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:13,639 - You know what, Dre? - What? 444 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,269 Maybe their phones aren't dead. 445 00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:19,039 Maybe they are just underground in the sewer, 446 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,521 where you told them to go! 447 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,509 - We're home. - Oh, my babies! 448 00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:25,025 Oh, my babies! Babies, I love you! 449 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,318 Now, where the hell were you?! 450 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,071 Uh, what do you mean? We're back early. 451 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:31,189 You guys didn't stick to the plan. 452 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,019 You were supposed to have lunch, 453 00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:34,359 pick up my sweater, 454 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,659 - and come right home! - Mm-hmm. 455 00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:36,919 Wait, we were? 456 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,330 - Yeah. - Were you tracking us? 457 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,379 Well, apparently, your mama is tracking everybody 458 00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:43,769 - that lives in this house. - I can't believe you guys. 459 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,754 This was your idea. We didn't want to do any of this. 460 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:46,759 Sorry. 461 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,260 We... We freaked out. We were... We just... 462 00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:49,925 - But we're so glad we went. - Mm. 463 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,739 - What? - Okay, so you'll never believe this. 464 00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,555 We got on the bus, went all the way to Hollywood, 465 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:57,149 and we got off right in front of the wax museum. 466 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,639 Because we wanted to take pictures with wax T-Pain. 467 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,270 Mm-hmm. And guess who we saw there. 468 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,139 - Who? - Real T-Pain. 469 00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:04,319 - Oh. - Yeah. 470 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,459 He was going to a movie premiere right up the street. 471 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,999 He let us walk on the red carpet with him, 472 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,821 - and he also gave me this. - What? 473 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,799 - Oh. - He told me to tuck it in on the bus. 474 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,320 Yeah. And if you hadn't kicked us out of the house, 475 00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:17,829 none of this ever would have happened. 476 00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:19,799 - This was one of the best days ever. - Yeah. 477 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,663 Can we have another adventure tomorrow? 478 00:17:21,664 --> 00:17:23,529 - Uh... - Knock yourselves out. 479 00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:24,542 - Sure. - Yeah. 480 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,079 - Great. - Well, we only have to take 481 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,939 five different buses to get to the beach. 482 00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:28,979 Which basically means 483 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:30,591 - we live at the beach now. - Mm. 484 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,599 - Oh. - Thank... Thank you. 485 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:32,619 - Thank you. - Yeah. 486 00:17:32,620 --> 00:17:34,261 - All right. - I like it. 487 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,749 Huh. 488 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,719 - They're a lot more confident now. - Mm-hmm. 489 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,389 There it was. 490 00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:43,189 The independent kids I'd always wanted. 491 00:17:43,190 --> 00:17:44,729 So why was I scared? 492 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,819 Were you bluffing, or did you have a straight? 493 00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:48,699 I'm not gonna tell. 494 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,099 Hey, Josh. 495 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,439 I'm sorry. 496 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,769 I messed up. 497 00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:55,157 Charlie really got in my head with all that talk 498 00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,619 about sucking up to you so he can get a good review, 499 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:58,689 - and I couldn't... - Wait, wait, wait. 500 00:17:58,690 --> 00:18:00,530 Is that why Charlie's always bringing me gifts? 501 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,665 He told me he celebrates year-round Kwanzaa. 502 00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,119 Yeah, that's not a thing. 503 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,169 I mean, regular Kwanzaa's barely a thing. 504 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,254 I always thought that, but never felt like I could say it. 505 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,889 That's probably a good idea. 506 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,059 Look, Charlie is shockingly good at his job. 507 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,319 That's why Stevens lets him come in 508 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,579 on the weekends to cook his grits, 509 00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:19,340 and that's why I give him a good review. 510 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,369 And that's why I'm gonna do the same thing for you. 511 00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:22,894 'Cause you're great at your job, Junior. 512 00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:25,949 Wow. Um... I don't know what to say. 513 00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:26,979 Thanks. 514 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,459 Eh, you don't need to thank me. And... 515 00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:31,579 maybe I did come on too strong. 516 00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,119 I'm just not used to having someone at the office 517 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,149 who returns my texts. 518 00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,909 Ah, come on, man. 519 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,059 You send the best emojis. 520 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:38,619 Aw, thank you. 521 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,849 Once I figured out how to change the race on the thumbs up, 522 00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:42,389 I knew I was onto something. 523 00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:44,456 Ah. That's why you send black emojis. 524 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,859 You know... 525 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:50,499 I've been telling that Clipper tickets story for years. 526 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:53,919 By putting myself out in the world, I exposed myself 527 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,170 to some things that I never would have seen otherwise. 528 00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:59,681 Yeah. That's what we want for our children. 529 00:18:59,682 --> 00:19:00,959 Yeah, but in all these years, 530 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,269 I never saw it from my mother's point of view. 531 00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:05,509 Mm. Interesting. 532 00:19:06,950 --> 00:19:08,579 You know... 533 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,279 it's no fun thinking about your kids playing in a sewer. 534 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,849 - No. No. - Or packing themselves seven-deep 535 00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:18,319 in a Pontiac Bonneville for a joyride. 536 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,533 Seems so dangerous. 537 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,659 That's because it is dangerous, Dre. 538 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:25,599 But... you were a dumb kid. 539 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,769 - Mm. - You did stupid stuff. 540 00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:29,961 - I did. - But thankfully, 541 00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:32,599 our twins are smarter than you, 542 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,719 so the hard part is us allowing them the freedom 543 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,920 to make their own mistakes. 544 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,139 Like your mom did when you went to the game. 545 00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:43,839 You know, I was gone for 11 hours that day. 546 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,319 Ugh. She must have been terrified. 547 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,589 Had she known where I was, she would have never let me go. 548 00:19:47,590 --> 00:19:49,639 Ha! She would have whooped your ass. 549 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,460 Yeah, she sure would. 550 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,109 You're not gonna tell her, are you? 551 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,610 Good night, sweetie. 552 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,399 Hey... 553 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,989 Bow, I'm serious. 554 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,299 My mama... she punches hard, Bow! 555 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,640 - Yep. - I... 556 00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,799 - Come on, baby. - Nope. 557 00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:11,039 Okay, you guys can go out every weekend, 558 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,599 if that's what you choose to. 559 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,920 But you've got to stick together. 560 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,129 That's great. 561 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,169 Where should we go? 562 00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:18,069 Ooh, uh, what about that pizza place? 563 00:20:18,070 --> 00:20:20,178 The one with the square slices and, uh, the meatballs. 564 00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:21,719 - Ooh, I love that place. - Yeah. 565 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,429 Wait, why did we stop going? 566 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,899 - I don't know. - There might be an issue. 567 00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,349 - What? - I went there late one night, 568 00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:31,069 and they were out of Parmesan, so... 569 00:20:31,070 --> 00:20:32,739 - I'm banned. - Seriously? 570 00:20:32,740 --> 00:20:34,079 - Should have known. - What? 571 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,860 Picture on the wall and everything. 572 00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:39,359 - Hold on. - Hmm? 573 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,906 Is that why we don't go to the day spa? 574 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,699 Refused to take off my shirt. 575 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,951 Farmer's market? 576 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,619 Apparently, I over-sample. 577 00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:48,799 - Uh-huh. - What? 578 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,019 You can go to all those places without me. 579 00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:52,659 I'm going to! 580 00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,779 - You should. - Your dad is a dummy. 581 00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:58,199 And take my picture off the pizza wall when you get there. 582 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,560 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --