>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - CHELSEA HANDLER,
MATTHEW MACFADYEN, COMEDIAN RALPH BARBOSA AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1776 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." HEY, BEFORE WE GET STARTED, EVERYONE DO ME A FAVOR
CHECK UNDER YOUR SEATS FOR ANY CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY JUST SEEM TO BE EVERYWHERE LATELY
YEAH, EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS A SECOND BATCH OF CLASSIFIED
DOCUMENTS WERE FOUND AT PRESIDENT BIDEN'S HOME IN DELAWARE
GOOD LORD, APPARENTLY, PRESIDENTS LOSE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS THE WAY WE LOSE
AIRPODS. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S GETTING CRAZY
NOW, INSTEAD OF QUARTERS, BIDEN'S FINDING CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS BEHIND KIDS' EARS.
IT'S LIKE, "OH, LOOK AT THAT." [ LAUGHTER ] "THE NUCLEAR CODES FROM IRAN."
YEAH, MOST OF THE NEW DOCUMENTS WERE FOUND IN BIDEN'S GARAGE COME ON, THESE ARE THE NATION'S
TOP SECRETS. THEY SHOULD ALL BE STORED IN THAT CRAZY PUZZLE BOX FROM
"KNIVES OUT 2. [ LAUGHTER ] "AIM IT TOWARDS --
ANOTHER CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT WAS FOUND IN A ROOM THAT BIDEN CALLS HIS PERSONAL LIBRARY
OH, PLEASE JUST SAY BATHROOM. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE WHITE HOUSE SAID IT WAS JUST A SMALL NUMBER OF CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS
IT'S LIKE YOUR DOCTOR SAYING, "DON'T WORRY, IT'S JUST A SMIDGE OF HERPES."
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
"JUST AN UNCH, JUST AN UNCH. THIS MORNING, BIDEN ADDRESSED THE DISCOVERY OF THE SECOND
BATCH OF DOCUMENTS AND HERE'S WHAT HE SAID
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AND CLASSIFIED MATERIALS SERIOUSLY [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HERE'S HOW FOX NEWS AIRED IT
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS - * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: BUT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT IS TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY.
TODAY THE ATTORNEY GENERAL APPOINTED A SPECIAL COUNSEL TO INVESTIGATE BIDEN'S HANDLING OF
THE DOCUMENTS. YEAH I'M NOT SAYING BIDEN'S GETTING
WORRIED, BUT HE JUST TEXTED RUDY GIULIANI. SO, YOU GO, WOW.
[ AUDIENCE OHs ] THAT'S NOT GOOD. THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THAT'S RIGHT THEY APPOINTED A SPECIAL COUNSEL.
BIDEN TRIED TO SPIN IT HE SAID, "GOOD NEWS, I'M CREATING JOBS.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOW SAYING THAT THEY ARE CONFIDENT
AN INVESTIGATION WILL SHOW THE DOCUMENTS WERE INADVERTENTLY MISPLACED.
NEXT, HE'LL BE LIKE, "I WAS JUST HOLDING IT FOR A FRIEND, I SWEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ] SWITCHING GEARS, I SAW THAT PRINCE HARRY'S MEMOIR, "SPARE,"
IS BREAKING SALES RECORDS. IT IS MASSIVE. AND THIS IS VERY INTERESTING -
HIS BOOK DEAL INCLUDES THREE MORE BOOKS SO, HE'S ALREADY WORKING ON
SEQUELS. IN FACT, WE GOT OUR HANDS ON SOME OF THE TITLES THAT HE'S
CONSIDERING. >> Tariq: OH, HERE WE GO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S UP, TARIQ >> Tariq: WELL, LET ME GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO POKE FUN
ATPRINCE HARRY BY LISTING A BUNCH OF FAKE BOOK TITLES. >> Jimmy: I MEAN, YEAH, THAT
WAS THE PLAN >> Tariq: I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THIS WILL GO DOWN.
SO, YOU'LL SHOW A GRAPHIC WITH A PICTURE OF PRINCE HARRY THAT SAYS "NEW BOOK TITLES.
AND THEN -- AND THEN UNDER THAT YOU'LL LIST A BUNCH OF JOKES LIKE -
"CRAZY RICH CAUCASIANS." [ LAUGHTER ] OR "50 SHADES OF RED."
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, MAYBE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Tariq: OR "HARRY AUTHOR AND
THE ORDER OF THE FROSTBITTEN PENIS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
AND THEN -- AND THEN YOU'LL DO "OF MICE AND MEGHAN. >> Jimmy: YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] OR "WILLIAM AND KATE EXPECTATIONS."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN "WHERE THE WILD CORGIS ARE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] OR -- OR "THE OLD MAN AND THE TEA.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT >> Tariq: THEN FINALLY, YOU'LL JUST DO "PRIDE AND PREJUDICE."
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: IS THAT HOW IT'S
GOING TO GO, JIMMY >> Jimmy: UH, YEAH, YOU NAILED IT
>> Tariq: IT'S A FUN BIT YOU SHOULD DO IT ON THE SHOW >> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE -- MAYBE
SOME OTHER TIME. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] GOT SOME TV NEWS
"WHEEL OF FORTUNE" WAS JUST RENEWED FOR FIVE MORE SEASONS. AND THE DEAL INCLUDES A BIG
RAISE FOR PAT SAJAK. YOU CAN TELL PAT'S EXCITED CHECK OUT ONE OF TODAY'S
PUZZLES.
>> I'LL TAKE A C
>> YEAH, THAT'S IT * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: COME ON. >> Steve: WOW. DON'T RUB IT IN.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS I HEARD THAT SUBWAY MIGHT BE
SOLD FOR MORE THAN $10 BILLION [ AUDIENCE OHS ] YEAH, THE SALE COULD BE DONE IN
A FEW MONTHS, OR A LITTLE LONGER IF THEY WANT THEIR SUBWAY TOASTED
[ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, AFTER BEING CLOSED FOR YEARS DUE TO COVID, THE
PUBLIC BATHROOMS IN SEVERAL NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY STATIONS WERE JUST REOPENED
[ CHEERS ] YEAH AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE
THIS WHEN THEY OPENED THEM UP, THEY FOUND MORE CLASSIFIED
DOCUMENTS. [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY. COME ON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE
FOR YOU TONIGHT. ONE OF MY FAVORITES. OH, I LOVE HER
HER LATEST STANDUP SPECIAL, "REVOLUTION," IS NOW STREAMING GLOBALLY ON NETFLIX.
CHELSEA HANDLER IS HERE TONIGHT. >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: MAN, SHE'S FUNNY I LOVE HER
PLUS, YOU KNOW HIM FROM "SUCCESSION. NOW HE'S STARRING IN THE NEW
MINISERIES, "STONEHOUSE," WHICH BEGINS STREAMING ON BRITBOX JANUARY 17th
MATTHEW MACFADYEN IS HERE TONIGHT. >> Steve: OH! [ CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: HE'S TOM AND WE'VE GOT GREAT STANDUP
FROM RALPH BARBOSA, EVERYBODY. >> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." HERE WE GO
* HASHTAG HASHTAGS *
>> Jimmy: WE DO THIS THING EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS
TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC THIS WEEK, I SPENT OUT THE HASHTAG, "THAT'S MY FAMILY."
AND I ASKED YOU TO TWEET OUT YOUR FAMILY -- FUNNY OR SILLY FAMILY QUIRKS.
WITHIN MINUTES, IT WAS A A TRENDING TOPIC IN THE U.S., SO, THANK YOU FOR PLAYING
ALONG. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I THINK WITH PRINCE HARRY, A
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE JUST LOOKING AT THEIR OWN FAMILY AND GOING, "WELL, WE'RE WEIRD TOO.
ANYWAYS, I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE TWEETS FROM YOU GUYS
THIS FIRST ONE'S FROM @FIESTA RED. HE SAYS, MY DAD WILL GET
KETCHUP PACKETS FROM RESTAURANTS AND THEN HAVE US ALL TAKE TURNS USING THEM TO
FILL UP OUR EXISTING KETCHUP BOTTLE AT HOME [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WOW. >> Steve: WOW. FRUGAL
>> Jimmy: GENIUS >> Steve: YOU KNOW WITH THE CREAMERS, TOO
>> Jimmy: THAT'S MY FAMILY THIS IS FROM @RENEEJORDAN78. SHE SAYS, "WHENEVER MY DAD SEES
A HOUSE AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD THAT HE LIKES, HE SAYS, 'I'LL TAKE THAT ON FRENCH TOAST.'"
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS ONE'S FROM @BABEWHO SHE SAYS, "WHEN MY SON WAS A
A TODDLER, HE COULDN'T PRONOUNCE 'YOU'RE WELCOME' IT CAME OUT 'YOU'RE RECTUM.'
[ LAUGHTER ] "40 YEARS LATER, OUR FAMILY STILL RESPONDS 'YOU'RE RECTUM'
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS 'THANK YOU.' [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S -- THAT'S A FAMILY
TRADITION. >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
>> Steve: I'LL TAKE THAT ON SOME FRENCH TOAST. YOU'RE RECTUM.
>> Jimmy: AH, THANK -- [ RIM SHOT ] CAN'T SAY THEM BOTH IN -
>> Steve: WHAT'S THAT? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@CHELSEAGONZO. SHE SAYS, "WHEN IT'S SOMEONE'S BIRTHDAY, THEY GET WOKEN UP
WITH A SMATTERING OF BUTTER ON THEIR NOSE." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"GOOD MORNING. >> Steve: "MORNING." >> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS FROM
@DASNAPESOFWRATH THEY SAID, "WHENEVER ME OR ONE OF MY FOUR SISTERS BRINGS HOME
A BOY, WE LIKE TO TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, SIT IN A CIRCLE AND CHANT RANDOM THINGS AS HE WALKS
IN THE DOOR. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: THAT'S A COVEN
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @GORHAM BETSY. SHE SAYS, "WE OFTEN TELL PEOPLE
HOW MY BROTHER, PHIL, DOESN'T COME TO FAMILY EVENTS AND HOW IT'S A WHOLE THING
WE MADE UP PHIL IN 1995. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE HE DOESN'T EXIST
>> Steve: YEAH, "HE'S NOT HERE." >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@JAKEWILLIAMSART HE SAYS, "DAD USED TO MAKE US WEAR OUR HOLIDAY CLOTHING ON
VALENTINE'S DAY JUST SO THAT WE COULD SAY WE WORE THEM MORE THAN ONCE A YEAR."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS LAST ONE HERE IS FANTASTIC.
THIS IS FROM @CLAIRELINKHART SHE SAYS, "MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY HAD HIS BABY TEETH PRESERVED IN
A HAND- CARVED WOODEN BEAVER." [ AUDIENCE OHS ] THAT'S THE -
[ AUDIENCE OHS LOUDER LOOK AT -- [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
OH, MY - THERE YOU HAVE IT. THOSE ARE OUR "TONIGHT SHOW"
HASHTAGS TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES, GO TO
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "AUDIENCE SUGGESTION BOX."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: IT'S TIME FOR A DANCE
OFF BETWEEN WEDNESDAY ADDAMS AND M3GAN THE ROBOT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK
AS YOU GUYS KNOW, WE'RE ALWAYS STRIVING TO GET BETTER HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW.
* HARDE BETTER * * FASTE
STRONGER * [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO, BEFORE EVERY
SHOW, WE PUT OUT A SUGGESTION BOX FOR THE AUDIENCE, JUST TO GET SOME FEEDBACK ABOUT WHAT
YOU GUYS THINK OF THE SHOW, THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE US DO, THAT KIND OF STUFF
SO, TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK INSIDE THE "AUDIENCE SUGGESTION BOX." HERE WE GO
* LOOK INTO THE BOX THE SUGGESTION BOX *
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I APPRECIATE THESE SUGGESTIONS, EVERYBODY
THIS FIRST ONE IS FROM @SHERRY -- IT'S NOT FROM AT, SORRY.
THIS IS FROM SHERRY McFALL "HEY, JIMMY, I LOVE 'YELLOWSTONE,' AND I'D LOVE TO
HEAR THE THEME SONG DONE WITH KAZOOS CAN YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN?"
YEAH, OF COURSE. HERE'S THE THEME FROM "YELLOWSTONE" DONE WITH KAZOOS
CHECK IT OUT
[ KAZOO PLAYING
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] * [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THEY SHOULD USE THAT YEAH
LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE HERE THIS ONE'S FROM DENNIS HARRY "HEY, JIMMY.
I NOTICED THERE ARE SOME BUTTONS ON YOUR CHAIR. I WAS WONDERING WHAT THOSE WERE
FOR. YEAH THIS IS MY -- THIS IS MY
SELF-DRIVING CHAIR >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S
A BRAND-NEW THING. JUST CAME OUT AT CES AND IT'S -- I -- ONE OF THE
FIRSTS TO HAVE IT. >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: IT GETS ME AROUND THE
STUDIO SUPER FAST. THE CHAIR JUST KNOWS WHERE TO GO
IT'S PRETTY -- YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE HOW IT WORKS >> Audience: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HERE WE GO HERE PULL UP THE LEVER HERE, LIKE
THAT AND THEN, HERE WE GO WOAH
THIS SEAT TAKES OFF. [ LAUGHTER ] BE RIGHT BACK.
[ CHAIR ROLLING WOOHOO WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT, WATCH
OUT, WATCH OUT [ CHAIR CRASHING ] COMING THROUGH
[ SHRIEKING WATCH OUT. NO, NO, NO
NO, NO, NO, NO [ CRASHING DOWN STAIRS ] AH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WOW. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT? >> Steve: ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? >> Jimmy: PERFECTLY GREAT.
>> Steve: DID YOU SAY CES OR CVS? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE ANOTHER SUGGESTION HERE. THIS ONE'S -
[ LAUGHTER ] THE CHAIR GETS ME AROUND THE STUDIO
>> Steve: THAT'S -- IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S EFFICIENT THOUGH
>> Jimmy: YEAH OH, IT'S FANTASTIC >> Steve: ARE YOU OKAY
YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU FELL DOWN A FEW FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. >> Jimmy: WHAT, NO
NO WERE THE CAMERAS ON ME >> Steve: OH, MY GOSH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS IS FROM TRACY TOMPKINS
"JIMMY, I LOVE VIRTUAL REALITY YOU SHOULD HAVE A VR INTERVIEW WITH SOMEONE ON THE SHOW."
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. WE CAN ACTUALLY TRY ONE RIGHT NOW.
TARIQ, ARE YOU DOWN? >> Tariq: SURE >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
LET ME JUST PUT ON MY HEADSET HERE LET'S DO THIS, MAN
HERE WE GO OH, MY GOSH. HOW'S IT GOING, TARIQ?
>> Tariq: OH, PRETTY GOOD, PRETTY GOOD. >> Jimmy: ANY PLANS FOR THE
WEEKEND? >> Tariq: YEAH, YOU KNOW, I -- YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO GO SEE
"AVATAR" AND ALSO I HAVE TO DO SOME LAUNDRY >> Jimmy: OKAY
I'M LOGGING OFF. WOW. >> Tariq: COPY THAT.
>> Jimmy: WOW. THAT FELT SO REAL -- IT FELT LIKE I WAS REALLY TALKING TO
YOU. >> Tariq: I KNOW YEAH
SAME HERE. >> Jimmy: IT WAS WILD. [ LAUGHTER ]
AMAZING. AMAZING TECHNOLOGY LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.
IT'S FROM ERICA DALE "HEY, JIMMY, I SAW THE PROPERTY BROTHERS WERE ON THE SHOW LAST
NIGHT. CAN YOU HAVE THE PROPERTY BROTHERS SING THE RIGHTEOUS
BROTHERS?" >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: YEAH, I LOVE THE
RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE ARE THE PROPERTY BROTHERS
SINGING "YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELIN'," BY THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS
ENJOY.
* YOU NEVER CLOSE YOU
EYES * ANYMORE WHEN I KISS YOUR LIPS * * AND THERE'S NO TENDERNESS
LIKE BEFOR IN YOUR FINGERTIPS * * YOU'RE TRYING HAR
NOT TO SHOW IT BUT BABY BAB I KNOW IT *
* YOU LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELIN' WHOA THAT LOVIN' FEELIN' *
* YOU LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELIN' NOW IT'S GONE GONE GON
WHOA-OH * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: THEY WERE FANTASTIC. PROPERTY BROTHERS.
>> Steve: THEY WERE DELIGHTFUL >> Jimmy: I THINK THEY MISSED THEIR CALLING.
THAT'S WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING. I LOVE THAT.
>> Steve: VERY WELL DONE >> Jimmy: HERE'S ANOTHER SUGGESTION
THIS ONE'S FROM GWEN NOTH. "HEY, JIMMY, YOU NEVER SHOWED US THE VIRTUAL REALITY FOOTAGE
FROM THE INTERVIEW YOU JUST DID WITH TARIQ, JUST NOW." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
"CAN WE SEE IT." OH, YEAH WELL, WE COULDN'T SHOW IT TO
YOU EARLIER, BECAUSE OUR CAMERA SYSTEMS DON'T HAVE THE COMPUTING CAPACITY TO RENDER
THE GRAPHICS AT SUCH A HIGH FRAME RATE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BUT NOW IT'S FULLY RENDERED. DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT? THIS IS THE ACTUAL -
>> Audience: YEAH. THIS IS THE ACTUAL VR FOOTAGE FROM ME AND TARIQ'S INTERVIEW
EARLIER. >> TARIQ, HELLO. [ LAUGHTER ]
HOW ARE YOU? >> OKAY, JIMMY >> WHAT DO YOUR WEEKEND
PLANS -- OKAY. >> I'M GOING TO SEE "AVATAR. LAUNDRY, LAUNDRY, LAUNDRY.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: CAN'T GET OVER HOW
REAL -- IT FELT SO REAL -- HOW REAL IT LOOKED >> Steve: IT FELT LIKE META,
METAVERSE. >> Jimmy: AMAZING. AMAZING.
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: WE'RE DOWN TO OUR LAST SUGGESTION HERE
IT'S FROM NANCY BENNION. IT SAYS, "HEY, JIMMY, HELP SETTLE A BET
I THINK THE WEDNESDAY ADDAMS DANCE IS AWESOME BUT MY FRIEND LIKES THE CREEPY
ROBOT, M3GAN'S, DANCE MOVES BETTER CAN YOU HELP US FIGURE OUT,
ONCE AND FOR ALL, WHO'S THE BETTER DANCER. I THINK WE CAN DO THAT
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR A DANCE-OFF BETWEEN WEDNESDAY ADDAMS AND M3GAN THE
ROBOT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * YEAH I CRUISE THROUGH
THE CITY AND I ROAM THE STREETS * *
* YOU BETTER DUCK WHEN I SHOW UP THE GOO GOO MUCK *
* * IT'S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * OH-LA OH-LA AYY OH-LA OH-LA AY
ROLLING ROLLIN ROLL WITH KID 'N PLAY NOW * * ROLLING ROLLING
ROLL WITH KID 'N PLAY NO ROLLING ROLLING ROLL * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: COME ON, NOW THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "AUDIENCE SUGGESTION BOX."
WE'RE TALKING WITH CHELSEA HANDLER, AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> SHE SAID, "NO, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IS HAPPENING BETWEEN THE SUN AND
THE MOON." AND I WAS LIKE, "HONESTLY, I
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A A GRAMMY NOMINATED COMEDIAN, WHOSE LATEST STANDUP SPECIAL,
"REVOLUTION," IS NOW STREAMING GLOBALLY ON NETFLIX. PLEASE WELCOME,
CHELSEA HANDLER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH,
CHELSEA HANDLER. COME ON. >> OH, MY GOD.
HI, YOU GUYS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH, THEY LOVE YOU.
>> HI, GUYS. LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME ARRAY OF MEN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE DO HAVE A A GOOD CREW. >> THERE'S A PARTY OVER THERE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT IS. I WANT TO GET INTO "REVOLUTION," YOUR STANDUP
SPECIAL ON NETFLIX IT'S FANTASTIC BUT FIRST, WE HAVE THINGS TO
COVER. YOU'RE HOSTING THE CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS.
>> I AM. SUNDAY NIGHT WE'VE GOT TO KEEP THE VIBES
FUN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S FUN
>> I'M EXCITED YEAH I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE SAFER NOW
AROUND ME, SINCE I'VE BEEN TO THERAPY. THEY DON'T HAVE TO FEAR, YOU
KNOW [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT GOING TO GO IN THERE
AND STEWER PEOPLE. I THINK IT NEEDS TO BE A REALLY FUN NIGHT.
YOU DO IT REALLY WELL. >> Jimmy: YEAH, OH THANK YOU >> AND I'M JUST GOING TO COPY
WHAT YOU DO. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: PERFECT.
THAT'S SUNDAY NIGHT THEN >> YEAH, SUNDAY NIGHT. CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS.
I'M REALLY EXCITED IT'S GOING TO BE FUN >> Jimmy: BUT THEN, ALSO, IF
YOU LOVE CHELSEA HANDLER LIKE I DO, YOU GET TO SEE MORE OF YOU YOU'RE ALSO GUEST HOSTING ON
"THE DAILY SHOW. >> OH, YES I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT TOO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE, THEY'RE
LIKE, THAT'S GOING TO BE GREAT >> YEAH, I HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE I NEED TO GO OFF ON IN A PUBLIC
FORUM, SO I'M GOING TO SAVE IT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SO I'M GONNA SAVE IT AND SKIP
THE CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS FOR THAT BECAUSE THESE ARE HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE
YOU KNOW HOW SENSITIVE EVERYONE IS AND THEN I'M JUST GOING TO GO
FOR STRAIGHT THE JUGULAR WHEN I GET OVER TO "THE DAILY SHOW. >> Jimmy: WHEN YOU DO YOUR
SPECIAL, "REVOLUTION," BY THE WAY, WHEN YOU DO THAT, YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.
YOU'RE VERY SPECIFIC YOU TALK ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DO THEY GET UPSET? AND THEY GO, "HEY, WISH YOU
DIDN'T BRING THAT UP." >> NO, I GIVE THEM A WARNING NOW.
AS I'VE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS, IT'S MORE SENSITIVE OF ME TO TELL THEM THAT IT'S HAPPENING
BEFORE IT HAPPENS, BUT STILL DO IT [ LAUGHTER ]
AND LIKE I SAID TO MY NEPHEW, I SAID, "THIS TIME --" I HAVE A WHOLE RUN ABOUT HIM
>> Jimmy: IT'S SO FUNNY. >> AND I TOLD HIM WHEN HE CAME TO SEE ME PERFORM, I SAID,
"LISTEN, JAKEY --" HE'S MY FIRST BORN NEPHEW, SO, YOU KNOW, HE'S SENSITIVE TOO
AND I SAID, "THERE'S A BIT ABOUT YOU, AND IT'S NOT PLEAS --
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT FLATTERING. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND HE SAID, "OKAY."
AND THEN HE SAW THE SHOW AND THEN AFTERWARDS, I SAID, "SO HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT
THAT BECAUSE IF IT'S A REAL ISSUE, MAYBE WE CAN DISCUSS PRETENDING
TO TAKE IT OUT." AND HE WAS LIKE, "NO, EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS TRUE."
I WAS LIKE, "ALL RIGHT WAY TO MAN UP. GREAT.
>> Jimmy: WOW, HE GREW UP A LITTLE BIT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: BUT YOU ALSO TALK ABOUT FAMILY
YOU POKE FUN AT YOURSELF A LOT IN THIS SPECIAL. I YOU TOLD SOME JOKES THAT I
LOVE BACKSTAGE BUT CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE ONE WHERE YOU WENT TO AFRICA
>> WELL, OKAY. THE REASON WHY -- I'M VERY OUTSPOKEN ABOUT NOT WANTING TO
BE A PARENT BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE SKILLS, THAT YOU KNOW -
I'M NOT EQUIPPED WITH WHAT IT TAKES TO ANSWER ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS TO CHILDREN, BECAUSE
THEY DON'T JUST ASK YOU ONCE THEY COME IN AND IN AND IN I HAVE ENOUGH NIECES AND
NEPHEWS TO KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE A TOLERANCE FOR THAT KIND OF LINE OF QUESTIONS ABOUT
THINGS THAT I REALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW THE ANSWERS TO. AND AT A CERTAIN AGE, WHEN YOU
DON'T KNOW ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS, IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING TO ASK QUESTIONS,
YOU KNOW YOU JUST HAVE TO PRETEND YOU KNOW
AND I TALK ABOUT A STORY THAT I DIDN'T KNOW -- AND THIS IS TRUE
I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL I WAS 40 YEARS OLD THAT THE SUN AND THE MOON WERE NOT THE SAME
THING. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I FOUND THIS HARD TO
BELIEVE. BUT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT >> IT WAS SHOCKING TO ME AS
WELL I MEAN - [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OF COURSE. IT MUST HAVE BEEN MORE SHOCKING TO YOU
>> I WAS LIKE -- I WAS IN AFRICA, WE WERE ON SAFARI. MY SISTER AND I WERE RIDING AN
ELEPHANT, AND THERE WAS A MAN RIDING AN ELEPHANT FOR US BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO
RIDE AN ELEPHANT AND MY OLDER SISTER, SIMONE, LOOKED UP AT THE SKY, AND SHE
SAID, "CHELSEA, LOOK UP. IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT YOU GET TO SEE THE SUN AND THE MOON AT THE
SAME TIME. >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND I WAS LIKE -- I WAS LIKE SCOOBY DOO I'M LIKE -
I SAID, "WAIT, BUT THEY'RE ALWAYS TOGETHER. AND AS SOON AS I SAID THAT, SHE
TURNED AROUND AND SHE GOES, "WHAT DID YOU SAY? I WAS LIKE, "OH, SHUT UP, SHUT
UP, SHUT UP. [ LAUGHTER ] I KNOW WHAT I SAID I WAS WRONG
>> Jimmy: GIDDY UP, ELEPHANT >> I WAS LIKE, "LET'S CANTER." IS THAT WHAT AN ELEPHANT DOES?
SHE LOOKED AT ME SHE GOES, "I NEED YOU -- AND I JUST TRIED TO GLOSS OVER
IT I WAS LIKE, "NEVER MIND WHAT I SAID
I KNOW." AND SHE SAID, "NO, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IS
HAPPENING BETWEEN THE SUN AND THE MOON." [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I WAS LIKE, "HONESTLY, I JUST ASSUMED WHEN THE SUN WENT DOWN, IT POPPED BACK UP AS THE
MOON," YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID A LITTLE COSTUME
CHANGE >> I'M LIKE, "IS THAT NOT WHAT'S HAPPENING?"
THE MAN RIDING THE ELEPHANT SPOKE NO ENGLISH AND WENT -- [ LAUGHTER ]
AND HE'S JUST LIKE, "ANOTHER DUMB AMERICAN. YOU KNOW
>> Jimmy: YOU ALSO TALK ABOUT ALL YOUR DOGS. >> YEAH, YOU HAVE A DOG, GARY.
I TALK ABOUT MY DOG, GARY. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A DOG, GARY.
>> Jimmy: HOW BIG IS YOUR DOG, GARY >> WELL GARY, I KNOW ALSO
A REASON I SHOULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN IS BECAUSE I'VE RESCUED NINE DOGS IN MY LIFE
THANK YOU. THAT'S SWEET THANK YOU, YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH AND I'VE RETURNED FOUR
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: MY GOODNESS. >> AND GARY WAS A RETURN TO
SENDER SO, I GOT A BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG.
I WENT TO A DOG SHOW IN LONDON, AND I SAW A BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG.
AND I HAVE A TYPE. I LIKE DOGS -- I DON'T WANT TO BE -- I DON'T LIKE OVERACTIVE
DOGS I LIKE THEM TO BE OVERWEIGHT AND LAZY
>> Jimmy: OKAY [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S YOUR TYPE OF DOG.
>> I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR HIKES, OR WALKS, OR ANY OF THAT REALLY
I JUST WANT TO GET HOME, YOU KNOW, SNUGGLE AT THE END OF A LONG DAY, AND THEN WHEN IT
GETS TOO HOT BE LIKE, "GET THE HELL OFF ME. THAT'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
SO, I GOT A DOG -- I SAW A A BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG AS YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE A
A CELEBRITY, YOU CAN'T BUY DOGS YOU HAVE TO RESCUE ALL YOUR
ANIMALS. YOU HAVE TO. OTHERWISE, PETA WILL BURN YOUR
HOUSE DOWN [ LAUGHTER ] I SAID TO MY ASSISTANT, "YOU
NEED TO FIND ME A USED BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG." AND HE -- IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
SO, I ENDED UP BUYING THIS DOG, AND HE CAME INTO MY LIFE AND HE WAS A PUPPY, AND HE WAS
EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR HE ATE EVERYTHING.
HE JUMPED ON EVERYTHING. MY OTHER TWO DOGS MOVED UPSTAIRS AS SOON AS HE CAME
HOME THEY DIDN'T COME DOWN FOR TWO DAYS
THEY WERE LIKE, LET US KNOW WHEN GARY IS GONE. >> THEY DIDN'T WANT ANY PART OF
IT YEAH SO, I HAD TO GIVE GARY TO
ANOTHER PERSON, BECAUSE I COULDN'T HANDLE THE SITUATION. SO, I'M NOT -- AND I KNOW THAT
YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH BABIES, YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: NO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A PUBLIC PERSON.
YOU WOULD DEFINITELY GET CAUGHT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BUT THERE'S A HAPPY ENDING FOR GARY. >> GARY LIVES WITH A WOMAN
NAMED TERESA SHE SAYS I PAY FOR HIS CLOTHING AND EDUCATION --
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HIS CLOTHING >> YEAH, YEAH.
HE'S A REALLY SMART DRESSER. WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR DOG, GARY? WHAT KIND OF DOG IS IT
>> Jimmy: IT'S A GOLDEN RETRIEVER, AND SHE'S JUST THE BEST, NICEST DOG
MY DOG DOESN'T BARK. >> WHY IS HER NAME GARY? >> Jimmy: SHE WAS ON THE
SHOW -- SHE WAS AN ACTOR PUPPY >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: AND HER NAME WAS
GARY WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GET A A FEMALE OR MALE DOG
>> OKAY. WELL, GREAT. WELL, EVERYTHING IS FLUID NOW
ANYWAY SHE'S RIGHT ON TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: VERY TOPICAL DOG [ APPLAUSE ] THAT'S TRUE, IT IS VERY --
BEFORE WE SHOW -- BEFORE WE SHOW A CLIP FROM YOUR SPECIAL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET THIS UP?
>> OH, YES THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE. SO, MY BROTHER WAS SEEING MY
SHOW YOU RUN THE SHOW SEVERAL -- A HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE YOU FILM
IT FOR YOUR SPECIAL, USUALLY SO, MY BROTHER KEPT COMING TO SHOWS, MY OLDER BROTHER, ONE OF
MY OLDER BROTHERS. AND HE SAID, HE GOES, "YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SIMONE, OUR
SISTER, A LOT IN YOUR ACT. AND I SAID, "ARE YOU JEALOUS?" HE GOES, "WELL, I MEAN, YOU
SHOULD SHARE THE LOVE. I WAS LIKE, "OH, YOU WANT ME TO WRITE A JOKE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE
I CAN? [ LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS -- THIS IS THAT
JOKE >> Jimmy: OKAY, HERE WE GO
>> I WAS WITH MY BROTHER THE OTHER DAY, AND I SAID, "WHY ARE YOU EVEN A PARENT?
[ LAUGHTER ] I SAID, "YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] HE SAID, "CHELSEA, I HAD TO THINK ABOUT MY LEGACY.
I SAID, "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO IS SOMEONE BEHIND ME
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING - [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR --
WHO THE [ BLEEP ARE YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LEGACY
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE - [ LAUGHTER ] THAT PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO SEE
WHAT YOU LEAVE BEHIND ON THIS EARTH. YOUR LEGACY IS THAT YOU'RE MY
[ BLEEP ] BROTHER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, COME ON!
YOU WANT TO BE IN THE ACT? YOU WANT TO BE IN THE ACT, BUDDY?
I'LL PUT YOU IN THE ACT. CHELSEA HANDLER, EVERYBODY "REVOLUTION" IS STREAMING NOW
ON NETFLIX [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU WANT TO BE IN THE ACT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW AS
TOM FROM "SUCCESSION." NOW -- YEAH. [ HOWLING
[ CHEERS ] NOW, HE'S STARRING IN THE NEW MINISERIES, "STONEHOUSE," WHICH
BEGINS STREAMING ON BRITBOX JANUARY 17th PLEASE WELCOME,
MATTHEW MACFADYEN, EVERYBODY
*
>> Jimmy: MATTHEW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME >> Jimmy: IT IS -- IT IS GREAT TO HAVE YOU ON
I'M A BIG FAN. I -- >> ME TOO.
I MUST SAY - >> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- IT'S PARTICULARLY NICE TO
BE ON, BECAUSE I'VE GOT A SOFT SPOT FOR THE SHOW. ONE OF MY KIDS, A FEW YEARS
AGO, SENT ME A CLIP OF YOU AND BRADLEY COOPER IRRETRIEVABLY BREAKING -- BREAKING UP.
>> Jimmy: LAUGHING SO HARD >> LIKE, YEAH. >> Jimmy: THAT WAS -- WE CUT
THAT DOWN ACTUALLY >> IT'S JUST JOYFUL. WELL, THE WHOLE SEGMENT. >>
Jimmy: YOU SAW - THE WHOLE SEGMENT? WELL, WE ACTUALLY EVEN CUT THAT
DOWN >> YOU WALKED AWAY, AT ONE POINT.
>> Jimmy: WE LAUGHED FOR 25 MINUTES >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IT WAS TERRIBLE. IT WAS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. >> THERE'S ONE MOMENT, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE ON THE FLOOR,
FACE DOWN. >> Jimmy: I'M WIPING MY TEARS. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I KNOW, YEAH HE'S NOT -- HE'S BANNED FROM THE SHOW
YEAH, HE ACTUALLY IS [ LAUGHTER ] NOT ALLOWED BACK
>> GOOD, BAN HIM >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND WE ONLY HAVE PROFESSIONAL ACTORS, NOW,
ON THE SHOW. >> YEAH, THIS IS -- YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU WENT TO A VERY PRESTIGIOUS DRAMA SCHOOL IN THE ROYAL ACADEMY OF DRAMATIC ART,
IN LONDON. >> I DID A LONG TIME AGO, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YES. WE ACTUALLY FOUND YOUR HEADSHOT -
>> DID YOU >> Jimmy: -- FROM WHEN YOU WERE IN THAT -- YEAH.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] TELL ME ABOUT THIS GUY WHAT WAS HE ALL ABOUT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WOW. >> I LOOK -- I LOOK LIKE A SORT
OF NERVOUS TARZAN. [ LAUGHTER ] I LOOK LIKE A WEIRD --
AND THERE'S SOME SIDEBURNS - >> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- GOING ON THERE
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I LIKE HIS VIBE I LIKE HIS STYLE
HE'S LIKE -- >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: HE -- HE WAS -- HE
WAS GOING OUT. HE WANTED TO GET HIRED FOR ANYTHING
WHAT WAS HE WANTING TO DO? >> YEAH. IT'S A BIT LIKE, "PICK ME.
NOT -- DON'T REALLY PICK ME. YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: "PICK ME, BUT DON'T. >> DON'T -- YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DID -- THIS IS -- DID IT FEEL LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO
NAIL IT AT THE TIME? DID YOU GO, "YEAH, I'VE GOT THIS?"
>> NO. NO JUST TERROR -- JUST TOTAL
UNCERTAINTY AND TERROR IT NEVER -- IT DOESN'T REALLY END, THAT FEELING.
>> Jimmy: THIS GUY WENT -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS GUY WENT TO WIN NUMEROUS
EMMY AWARDS FOR "SUCCESSION. I MEAN, COME ON, HE'S BELOVED NOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BAFTA -- BAFTA WINNER. NOT TOO SHABBY
I MEAN, MULTIPLE, MULTIPLE AWARDS I MEAN, HAS THIS -- HAS THIS
GONE TO YOUR HEAD? >> UH, NO, IT'S SORT OF -- NO
IT'S VERY NICE IT'S VERY NICE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE EMMY -- THE EMMY NIGHT WAS VERY SCARY >> Jimmy: WHY?
JUST - >> JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE SORT OF NORMALIZING EVERYTHING ALL THE
TIME AND TRYING NOT TO BE -- YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THERE'S BEN STILLER, AND THERE'S
OPRAH WINFREY, AND YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE IT NORMAL, AND ACTUALLY IT'S JUST HORRIFYING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH HOW DOES -- HOW DOES - [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> REALLY SCARY, AND - >> Jimmy: HOW DOES THE CAST DEAL WITH YOU NOW THAT YOU'RE
A MULTIPLE-AWARD WINNER? >> THEY DON'T SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE, WHICH IS --
- [ LAUGHTER ] - - FINE. THEY DON'T -- YEAH, YEAH
NO, THEY'RE LOVELY THEY'RE LOVELY >> Jimmy: YEAH
THEY DO? YEAH >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE VOICE OF TOM? BECAUSE WE ALL NOTICED YOU'RE
NOT AMERICAN >> WELL, YEAH. I'M NOT AN AMERICAN.
>> Jimmy: NO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> THAT GETS THE AWARD, RIGHT
THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT GETS THE AWARD.
UNBELIEVABLE >> YEAH. IT'S REALLY -- IT'S DIFFICULT.
SARAH SNOOK, WHO'S AUSTRALIAN AND PLAYS SHIV, SHE AND I HAVE, SORT OF, ACCENT DAYS, WHERE
WE'RE LIKE, "WE CAN'T DO THIS. WE JUST CAN'T DO IT. 'CAUSE EVERYTHING SOUNDS WEIRD
NEW YORK IS VERY HARD TO SAY IN AN AMERICAN ACCENT >> Jimmy: HOW -- "NEW YORK?'
>> YEAH, IT JUST KIND OF TURNS INTO SORT OF "NEW YORK, NYORK, N'YORK."
IT'S LIKE A WHOLE -- [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, IT'S REALLY -- LIKE, IT'S
REALLY HARD. >> Jimmy: "LET'S GO -- GO TO N'YORK."
>> "YEAH, GOING TO N'YORK. >> Jimmy: "LET'S GO TO N'YORK. >> "I'M AN AMERICAN, AND I GO
TO N'YORK. >> Jimmy: "LIVE FROM N'YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT THERE ARE CERTAIN -- IF I LOOK -- BUT IF I LOOK AT THE -- IF, LIKE, I LOOK AT
NICK BRAUN, WHO PLAYS GREG, I SUDDENLY THINK, "OH, THERE'S GREG."
AND IT'S ALL - IT'S JUST -- YEAH, HIS, SORT OF, FACE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO
AND MY VOICE GOES VERY HIGH WITH SARAH, PARTLY THROUGH FEAR -- TOM'S FEAR OF SHIV
>> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. >> SO, I START -- YEAH IT'S SORT OF -- IT'S VERY LIKE,
"HONEY, HONEY, HONEY, NO, NO ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND SO, THEN I SORT OF FIND MY -- YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> FIND MY LEVEL, YEAH >> Jimmy: WELL DONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW
MINISERIES ON BRITBOX. BRITBOX, BY THE WAY, YOU CAN DOWNLOAD ON ANYTHING YOU HAVE.
APPLE TV OR WHATEVER IT IS IT'S A STREAMING SERVICE THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
ANYONE WHO'S NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOHN STONEHOUSE, CAN YOU SET THIS UP?
>> SO, JOHN STONEHOUSE WAS A A BRITISH M.P., A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT, IN THE '60s AND
'70s AND HE WAS KIND OF A RISING STAR IN THE LABOUR PARTY IN
BRITAIN. AND THROUGH VARIOUS UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, HE HAS A TERRIBLE,
COMPLICATED LOVE LIFE. AND HE GETS IN TERRIBLE FINANCIAL TROUBLE.
AND HE'S SPYING BADLY FOR THE CZECH SECRET SERVICE AND, ANYWAY -- AND IT ALL
BECOMES TOO MUCH FOR HIM AND HE DECIDES TO FAKE HIS OWN DEATH.
>> Jimmy: SO HE FAKES HIS OWN DEATH. >> YEAH, HE LEAVES HIS WIFE AND
CHILDREN, AND HE FLIES TO MIAMI ON A BUSINESS TRIP, ON A A SO-CALLED BUSINESS TRIP.
AND HE SWIMS -- LEAVES HIS CLOTHES ON THE BEACH, AND A PASSPORT ON TOP OF HIS
CLOTHES, AND SWIMS INTO THE SEA. AND THEN SWIMS ALONG THE COAST
A BIT, AND COMES OUT, AND THEN FLIES TO AUSTRALIA [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH OH, IN AUSTRALIA >> ON A FAKE -- WITH A FAKE
PASSPORT WITH A NEW IDENTITY IN THE DAYS WHEN IT WAS EASIER TO FAKE YOUR OWN DEATH, HE DOES
IT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, IF--
WE ALL KNOW. WE ALL CAN RELATE TO THAT. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE, YEAH >> SO -- AND I DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS GUY. SO, IT WAS JUST A FASCINATING, BONKERS STORY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AMAZING >> Jimmy: BUT YOUR -- YOUR WIFE
IN REAL LIFE, KEELEY HAWES - >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: -- PLAYS YOUR WIFE IN
THE SHOW >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: IS THAT DIFFICULT TO
DO, OR --? >> IT WAS LOVELY >> Jimmy: IT WAS GREAT
>> IT WAS LOVELY, YEAH IT WAS REALLY GOOD IT WAS SO NICE
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> YEAH. I MEAN, YEAH, THEY HAVE AN ODD
RELATIONSHIP IN THE SHOW, AND SHE SORT OF SEES THROUGH HIS SHENANIGANS.
BUT IT WAS JUST GREAT TO PLAY. IT WAS NICE. >> Jimmy: YEAH
WELL, YOU SAID BEFORE THAT YOUR KIDS HAVE NEVER -- NO REAL WANT TO SEE -
>> -- DESIRE TO SEE US ON THE SCREEN, EVER [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
NO, REALLY [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BUT EVEN -- EVEN
AFTER THE AWARDS THAT YOU'VE GOTTEN AND EVERYTHING? >> NOT REALLY.
NO >> Jimmy: BUT THEN YOU SAID, "WELL, MAYBE WHEN THEY'RE
TEENAGERS, THEY'LL GET INTO IT." >> Jimmy: YES.
>> YEAH, NO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THEY ARE TEENAGERS
>> THEY ARE. >> Jimmy: AND THEY STILL DON'T >> THEY'RE LIKE 18 AND 16.
AND THEY -- THEY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WATCH. >> Jimmy: WHAT DO THEY WATCH
>> THERE'S A LOT OF -- THERE'S A LOT -- OTHER STUFF I DON'T KNOW, YEAH
>> Jimmy: ANYTHING BUT YOU >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THEY DON'T WANT TO
SEE MOM AND DAD? >> NOT REALLY. >> Jimmy: NO, OKAY, YEAH
WELL, THEY SHOULD WATCH "STONEHOUSE," BECAUSE MOM AND DAD ARE REALLY GOOD IN IT.
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT, YEAH
>> YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PLEASE WATCH -
DOWNLOAD BRITBOX AND GET WATCHING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S MATTHEW MACFADYEN AND KEELEY HAWES IN "STONEHOUSE.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
*
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [ DOOR SHUTTING >> IT'S PRIVATE.
>> I THOUGHT WE DIDN'T HAVE SECRETS FROM ONE ANOTHER >> IT'S SOMETHING FOR YOUR
BIRTHDAY >> BUT THAT'S TWO MONTHS AWAY. *
HM * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT COME ON. MATTHEW MACFADYEN, EVERYBODY
"STONEHOUSE" PREMIERES ON BRITBOX, JANUARY 17th. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
STAND-UP FROM RALPH BARBOSA. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST STARS IN THE COMEDY SPECIAL, "ENTRE
NOS: THE WINNERS 3," AVAILABLE NOW ON HBO MAX MAKING HIS LATE NIGHT DEBUT,
PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY RALPH BARBOSA.
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THANK YOU
THANK YOU. IT IS SUCH AN HONOR TO BE HERE MAKING MY LATE NIGHT DEBUT,
YES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE MY
GRANDMOTHER, WHO RAISED ME, SHE'S A HUGE FAN OF COMEDY IF YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD HER THAT
ONE DAY I'D BE HERE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JIMMY FALLON," SHE PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE SAID, "QUE?" BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW ENGLISH [ LAUGHTER ]
I LOVE LIVING AT MY GRANDMA'S. WHEN YOU'RE BEING RAISED BY AN OLD WOMAN WHO DOESN'T SPEAK
ENGLISH, YOU GROW UP WITH ZERO CONSEQUENCES [ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE, I USED TO GET PHONE CALLS FROM SCHOOL. BUT WHO DO YOU THINK SHE NEEDED
TO TRANSLATE THESE CALLS [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT
I RAN THAT HOUSE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ANYTIME ANYBODY CALLED THE
HOUSE SPEAKING ENGLISH, SHE'D PUT THE HOUSE PHONE ON SPEAKER, AND SHE WOULD BE LIKE, "WHO IS
IT WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?" AND I'D ACT LIKE I'M LISTENING
REALLY HARD. AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "MAN, GRANDMA, THEY'RE TALKING REALLY
FAST IT'S KIND OF HARD TO UNDERSTAND, BUT THEY'RE SAYING
SOMETHING ABOUT -- PROOF OF RESIDENCY?" [ LAUGHTER ]
SHE'S LIKE, "HANG UP." I'M LIKE, "IF YOU SAY SO." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I LIVED WITH MY MOM FOR A WHILE TOO, AND SHE WAS COOL. SHE NEVER REALLY KEPT MY DAD
AROUND, BUT SHE ALWAYS KEPT FATHER FIGURES AROUND. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] I ACTUALLY RAN INTO MY MOM'S EX-BOYFRIEND THE OTHER DAY
HE'S DOING REALLY GOOD HE WAS RIGHT -- WE -- WE WERE HOLDING HIM BACK
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE HE HAS A CAR NOW [ LAUGHTER ]
I APPROACHED HIM I HAD TO I WAS LIKE, "DUDE, IF THIS IS
WHAT GETTING AWAY FROM MY MOM LOOKS LIKE, I'M READY, MAN." [ LAUGHTER ]
I RECENTLY BECAME A FATHER, HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU. YEAH, IT'S GREAT BUT IT'S ALSO VERY SCARY HAVING
A BABY AT A YOUNG AGE. I FEEL LIKE I'M A NEW EMPLOYEE WHO JUST GOT PUT TO TRAIN AN
EVEN NEWER EMPLOYEE. [ LAUGHTER ] I JUST LOOK AT MY SON LIKE, "I
DON'T -- I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE THAT LONG, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER ] "I COULD SHOW YOU WHERE WE EAT THAT'S ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BUT IT IS AMAZING WATCHING 'EM
LEARN THINGS AND GROW. LIKE, HE'S WALKING NOW HE KNOWS HOW TO ASK FOR FOOD
I WAS LIKE, "DANG. I'VE TAUGHT YOU ALL I CAN, SON " [ LAUGHTER ]
"FROM HERE ON OUT, WE LEARN TOGETHER." [ LAUGHTER ]
I LIKE BUYING HIM LOTS OF SNEAKERS, 'CAUSE I'M BIG ON SNEAKERS
LAST MONTH, I WENT A LITTLE CRAZY. I BOUGHT US, LIKE, EIGHT PAIRS
OF SHOES FOUR FOR ME. FOUR FOR MY BABY BOY
HE DOESN'T FIT INTO A SIZE 9 YET, SO I WEAR HIS HALF FOR NOW, BUT -
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I LOVE BEING A DAD HE DOES EMBARRASS ME SOME TIMES
IN PUBLIC. LIKE, WE GO TO THE MALL TOGETHER A LOT, AND HE'LL BE
WALKING NEXT TO ME AND HE STARES AT EVERYBODY WE WALK PAST.
AND WHENEVER HE SEES A REALLY PRETTY GIRL, HE'LL LET GO OF MY HAND, WALK UP TO THE GIRL, AND
ASK HER TO CARRY HIM [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND I HAVE TO BE LIKE, "HEY,
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. I THINK MY SON JUST WANTS US TO GO OUT FOR DRINKS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I RECENTLY MOVED OUT FROM HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.
I GOT MY FIRST APARTMENT, YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU.
IT'S A -- IT'S A SMALL APARTMENT, BUT I LOVE IT I'M VERY PROUD OF IT
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SHOW IT OFF, MOSTLY TO GET GIRLS TO NOTICE ME.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] LIKE, EVERYWHERE I GO, I TAKE MY LEASE WITH ME NOW
[ LAUGHTER ] JUST LET IT HANG OUT MY POCKET A LITTLE BIT
THE OTHER DAY I ACTED LIKE I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED IT BY A A GIRL
SHE PICKED IT UP SHE WAS LIKE, "HEY, YOU DROPPED THIS PIECE OF PAPER.
I WAS LIKE, "OH, MAN, DID I DROP MY 13-MONTH LEASE?" [ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE, "YOU KEEP THAT THAT'S YOU RIGHT THERE." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
NAH, TO BE 100% HONEST, I DO WANT THE APARTMENT TO GET GIRLS TO NOTICE ME, BUT AFTER THAT
DEPOSIT, AND THAT ONE FURNITURE I BOUGHT - [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T REALLY HAVE MONEY LEFT FOR DATING LIKE, I'VE APPROACHED ONE GIRL
AT A BAR I WAS LIKE, "HEY, WHAT'S UP? WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?
SHE WAS LIKE, "A CROWN AND COKE." I WAS LIKE, "NICE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT WAS AS FAR AS I COULD AFFORD TO GO
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT THEN I TOLD MYSELF, "I SHOULDN'T OVERTHINK IT."
SO, I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M A GO FOR IT. AND I SAID, "COULD YOU BUY ME
ONE TOO, PLEASE? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I'M RALPH BARBOSA.
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT THERE. THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT
RALPH BARBOSA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "ENTRE NOS: THE WINNERS 3" IS
AVAILABLE NOW ON HBO MAX WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY RALPH BARBOSA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
CHELSEA HANDLER, MATTHEW MACFADYEN. RALPH BARBOSA, ONCE AGAIN
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. BYE-BYE.