>> Jimmy: JAMES, YOU MADE IT HI
>> JIMMY, THANKS FOR HAVING ME, BUDDY. I LOVE NEW YORK CITY AT THIS
TIME OF YEAR >> Jimmy: I KNOW, SAME I JUST WISH WE HAD TIME FOR THE
BIG MUSICAL NUMBER >> I KNOW. * SLEIGH BELLS RING
ARE YOU LISTENING * * IN THE LANE SNOW IS GLISTENING *
* A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT * * WALKING IN
WINTER WONDERLAND * * JINGLE BELL JINGLE BEL
JINGLE BELL ROCK * * JINGLE BELL SWING AND JINGLE BELLS RING *
* DANCING AND PRANCIN IN JINGLE BELL SQUAR IN THE FROSTY AIR *
* FROSTY THE SNOWMA WAS A JOLLY HAPPY SOUL * * WITH A CORN COB PIP
AND A BUTTON NOS AND EYES MADE OUT OF COAL * >> Jimmy: DID THE IDEA OF
FROSTY EVER WEIRD YOU OUT? >> YOU MEAN LIKE A SNOWMAN COMING TO LIFE AND HANGING OUT
WITH CHILDREN? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> IT DOES
LET'S CARRY ON * * SANTA TELL ME
IF YOU'RE REALLY THERE * * YOU'LL MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE AGAIN *
* IF YOU WON'T BE HER NEXT YEAR * * MY NAME'S J.C
WITH A MIC IN MY HAND * * AND I'M CHILLIN AND COOLIN
JUST LIKE A SNOWMAN * * SO OPEN YOUR EYES LEND US AN EAR *
* WE WANT TO SA MERRY CHRISTMA AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR *
* YOU'RE HERE WHERE YOU SHOULD BE * * SNOW IS FALLING
AS THE CAROLERS SING * * IT JUST WASN'T THE SAME ALONE ON CHRISTMAS DAY *
* PRESENT WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT * * IT DON'T MEAN A THING
IF YOU AIN'T HOLDING ME TIGHT * * YOU'RE ALL THAT I NEE
UNDERNEATH THE TRE TONIGHT * * CHRISTMAS TIM
IS HERE * >> WOW THAT FEELS -- DOES THAT NOT
FEEL A LIKE -- THAT FEELS A LITTLE HIGH FOR YOU. >> Jimmy: POWERFUL
>> POWERFUL? IT FEELS LIKE WE MIGHT - MAYBE WE WANT SOMETHING THAT'S
MORE IN YOUR -- A BETTER SONG FOR YOU. MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE -
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CLAPPING ]
* * * STEP INTO CHRISTMAS
DANCE, JOIN TOGETHER * * WE CAN WATCH THE SNOW FALL FOREVER AND EVER *
* EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERR COME ON ALONG WITH ME * * STEP INTO CHRISTMAS
THE ADMISSION'S FREE * >> Jimmy: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME THE RADIO CITY
ROCKETTES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
* STEP INTO CHRISTMAS DANCE, JOIN TOGETHER * * WE CAN WATCH THE SNOW
FALL FOREVER AND EVER * * EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERR COME ALONG WITH ME *
* STEP INTO CHRISTMAS THE ADMISSION'S FREE * *
* STEP INTO CHRISTMAS STEP IN TOGETHER * * WE CAN WATCH THE SNOW
FALL FOREVER AND EVER * * EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERR COME ON ALONG WITH ME *
* STEP INTO CHRISTMAS THE ADMISSION'S FREE WHOA *
>> Jimmy: THE RADIO CITY ROCKETTES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
JAMES CORDEN "THE TONIGHT SHOW" STARTS NOW!
*
>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE
TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS
GUESTS - JAMES CORDEN JENNA ORTEGA
COMEDIAN MIKE FENNEY AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW
>> Questlove: 1768 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD. ENJOY YOURSELF WELCOME, EVERYBODY
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW. YOU'RE HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE GUYS, I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT
THIS JAMES CORDEN IS MY GUEST TONIGHT.
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE A
A FEW DAYS AGO, BUT HE TOOK A CARPOOL ALL THE WAY FROM L.A [ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE, SINCE TWO OF THE THREE LATE NIGHT JIMMYS ARE IN THE SAME BUILDING, JIMMY KIMMEL
IS BEING LOCKED AWAY IN A SECURE LOCATION. JUST SO YOU KNOW
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M IN A GREAT MOOD BECAUSE WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE HOLIDAY SEASON CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND HANUKKAH STARTS ON SUNDAY. THAT'S RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HANUKKAH IS CELEBRATED FOR EIGHT NIGHTS SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU COMPLAIN
ABOUT YOUR RELATIVES AT CHRISTMAS, TIMES THAT BY EIGHT [ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE, PEOPLE ARE STILL SHOPPING FOR PRESENTS. AND I HEARD THAT THIS YEAR, ONE
OF THE MOST UNWANTED GIFTS IS BEAUTY PRODUCTS. THAT MAKES SENSE
YOU CAN'T HAND SOMEONE A BAG OF MAKE-UP LIKE, "I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, IN A RECENT SURVEY, FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW,
NEW HAMPSHIRE RANKED AS THE STATE WITH THE MOST CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
[ APPLAUSE ] VERMONT WAS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME, WE HAVE THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS
PAST HELLO. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
COME ON. LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS LAST NIGHT, SEVERAL HIGH
PROFILE JOURNALISTS WHO HAVE BEEN COVERING ELON MUSK HAD THEIR TWITTER ACCOUNTS
SUSPENDED. ELON SAID THE JOURNALISTS WERE USING SOCIAL MEDIA TO KEEP
TRACK OF WHAT HE'S DOING, OR AS THAT'S ALSO KNOWN, SOCIAL MEDIA.
[ LAUGHTER ] I HAVE A FEELING THAT RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS, WE'RE GOING TO
SEE ELON MUSK IN LINE TRYING TO RETURN TWITTER [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S A BIG WEEKEND FOR SPORTS, 'CAUSE THIS SUNDAY IS THE WORLD CUP FINAL BETWEEN ARGENTINA AND
FRANCE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ARGENTINA AND FRANCE
OF COURSE MY BRACKET'S ALREADY BUSTED I HAD ENGLAND AND GONZAGA IN
THE FINAL. [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, ARGENTINA VERSUS FRANCE
AT FIRST I WASN'T SURE WHAT WAS AT STAKE BUT THEN, SOMEONE TOLD ME IT'S
LIKE EVITA VERSUS LES MIS. THEN I WAS LIKE, "OH, I GET IT."
[ LAUGHTER ] THE FINAL WILL BE PLAYED ON SUNDAY AT 10:00 A.M.
SO, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOCCER ISN'T MORE POPULAR IN AMERICA, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT THIS
13 YEARS AFTER THE ORIGINAL, "AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER" HAS FINALLY HIT THEATERS
YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THIS IS WILD
THE MOVIE HAS A RUN TIME OF 3 HOURS AND 12 MINUTES THAT'S NOT A MOVIE, THAT'S A
A FLIGHT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] EVEN HANUKKAH IS LIKE, "WHOA,
HOW LONG ARE WE DOING THIS?" [ LAUGHTER ] IF THIS WAS ON NETFLIX, THE
"ARE YOU STILL WATCHING" THING WOULD POP UP 48 TIMES. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, I'M STILL WATCHING I READ THAT THIS WEEKEND, SCREENINGS OF "AVATAR: THE WAY
OF WATER" ARE SELLING OUT ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY, ESPECIALLY AT IMAX THEATERS
AND I THINK I KNOW WHY CHECK OUT THIS AD I JUST SAW
LIKE THE UNDERWATER WORLD OF
PANDORA. AND IN HONOR OF "AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER," IMAX HAS
SOMETHING ELSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. INTRODUCING FLYMAX, THE FIRST
LARGE FORMAT URINAL. DESIGNED TO HANDLE YOUR STREAM AFTER A 44 OUNCE ICEE AND
A 3 HOUR MOVIE ABOUT WATER JUST ZIP AND LET HER RIP, AS A A CASCADE OF BLUE LIQUID TAKE
YOURS URINE ON THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME FLYMAX BY IMAX
PUTTING THE "AH" IN "AVATAR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS
FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS, STARBUCKS UNION MEMBERS WILL STRIKE AT 100 LOCATIONS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, THAT MEANS THE OTHER 40,000 STARBUCKS WILL STILL BE OPEN FOR BUSINESS
[ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS? A PANERA CUSTOMER WENT VIRAL ON
TIKTOK AFTER SHE DISCOVERED THAT THE CHAIN CHARGED LEMONADE DRINKS CONTAIN MORE CAFFEINE
FOUR ESPRESSOS [ AUDIENCE OHS ] PANERA WAS LIKE, "WELL, YOU'RE
GOING HAVE TO NEED IT AFTER EATING A MAC AND CHEESE BREAD BOWL."
[ LAUGHTER ] AFTER A FEW SIPS, SHE WAS LIKE, "DO YOU ALSO HEAR EDM MUSIC?
OH, NEVERMIND. THAT'S JUST MY HEART." [ LAUGHTER ]
GUYS, FINALLY, WE HAVE EXACTLY ONE SHOW LEFT BEFORE WE GO ON CHRISTMAS BREAK.
WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR THAT BELOVED "TONIGHT SHOW" TRADITION.
IT'S TIME FOR "12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SWEATERS." HERE WE GO
* 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SWEATER ONE DAY LEFT *
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT FOR EACH OF THE LAST 12 SHOWS BEFORE CHRISTMAS, WE'VE BEEN
GIVING ONE LUCKY AUDIENCE MEMBER A MAGNIFICENT CHRISTMAS SWEATER FROM THE "COUNTDOWN TO
CHRISTMAS CABINET. SO SINCE THERE IS ONE SHOW LEFT, LET'S OPEN DOOR NUMBER
ONE. WHERE ARE WE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HERE >> RIGHT HERE. >> Jimmy: GO FOR IT, PAL
READY? WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT COMES WITH A HAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW LET'S SEE WHO'S GOING HOME WITH TONIGHT'S SWEATER
EVERYONE LOOK AT YOUR SEAT NUMBER IF I CALL YOUR NUMBER -- IF I
CALL YOUR NUMBER, COME ON DOWN QUEST, CAN I GET A DRUM ROLL, PLEASE
[ DRUMROLL ] 238! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* YES, COME HERE COME ON DOWN
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YES!
HELLO, HOW'RE YOU DOING? >> GOOD, HOW ARE YOU >> Jimmy: NICE TO SEE YOU,
STAND OVER THERE HI WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
>> MAKAYLA >> Jimmy: MAKAYLA, WHERE ARE YOU FROM
>> I'M FROM NASHVILLE. >> Jimmy: HEY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NASHVILLE IN THE HOUSE IT CAN GET COOL SOMETIMES AT NIGHTTIME IN NASHVILLE, RIGHT?
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS AT HOME?
>> I DON'T THINK SO. >> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT THE MATCHING BEANIE?
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT >> NOPE. >> Jimmy: WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY
IT ON FOR OUR AUDIENCE >> OH, OF COURSE [ CHEERS ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU NEED ME TO HOLD YOUR GLASSES OR YOU GOT IT
MAKAYLA, GOOD JOB. BE CAREFUL *
>> OH, PERFECT [ CHEERS ] *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I THINK SHE WANTS TO GET OUT OF IT.
SHE'S RUNNING AWAY BYE, MIKA -- WOW, LOOK AT MAKAYLA GOING UP
THE STAIRS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ LAUGHTER ]
SHE'S RUNNING AWAY THANK YOU -- RUNNING AWAY FROM ME
YEAH, IT'S LIKE, "THANK YOU, I'M SO HAPPY THANKS FOR THE SWEATER."
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH? YOU KNOW WHAT GUYS
I'M IN THE GIVING SPIRIT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHY -- WHY DOES JUST ONE PERSON
GET A GIFT WHY CAN'T EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE GET A GIFT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW
STOCKING STUFFERS. HERE WE GO
STOCKING STUFFERS *
* IT'S THE TONIGHT SHOW STOCKING STUFFER STOCKING STUFFERS *
>> Jimmy: EVERY NIGHT UNTIL CHRISTMAS BREAK, WE'RE GIVING AWAY AN AWESOME GIFT TO EVERY
SINGLE PERSON IN OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE AND WE SAVED THE BIGGEST GIFT
FOR LAST ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
QUESTLOVE, CAN I GET A DRUM ROLL, PLEASE [ DRUMROLL ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TONIGHT'S STOCKING STUFFER IS A SONDORS SMART STEP RECYCLED
E-BIKE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: THAT'S RIGHT, JIMMY.
SONDORS REFURBISHED SMART STEP IS AN EASY GOING E-BIKE DELIVERING CONVENIENT DESIGN,
TECH, AND PERFORMANCE. WHILE HELPING TO MAINTAIN A GREENER FUTURE BY KEEPING
THEM OUT OF THE LANDFILL WITH ITS EASY STEP-THROUGH FRAME, THE SONDORS REPURPOSED
SMART BIKE IS AS FUN AS IT IS EFFORTLESS TO RIDE JIMMY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EVERYONE'S GETTING AN E-BIKE
EVERYONE'S GETTING AN E-BIKE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU SONDORS!
ENJOY YOUR GIFT, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF "THE TONIGHT SHOW"!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD HAVE
EVER HOSTED MY SHOW IF IT WASN'T FOR WATCHING YOU DO THIS SHOW AND ALL THE PEOPLE YOU
HAVE HERE. AND TO BE SAT HERE NOW, I AM THRILLED TO BE ON "THE TONIGHT
SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MAN, I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE I WANTED TO GET HIS ADVICE BECAUSE I'M HOSTING "SNL" THIS
WEEKEND WITH LIZZO PERFORMING. WHO IS THIS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I'VE SEEN THINGS THA NO ONE ELSE KNOW I'M ELVIS *
* ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS I'M ELVI ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS *
* I'M ELVIS ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS WHEN I MOVE AROUND THE
HOUSE WHEN I'M HOME ALONE * * YOU DID WHAT YOU DI YOU'VE DONE WHAT YOU'V
DONE ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS * * WON'T TELL NO ONE I'M ELVI
ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS * * I'M ELVIS ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS
I'M ELVIS * * ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS WELL, A HO, HO, HO
AND ANOTHER HO * * WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED DON'T YOU SCREAM AND SHOUT
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS * * WHAT I'M REALLY ABOUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU
KNOW WHERE I'LL BE * * A ROCKING AROUND TH CHRISTMAS TREE
BEFORE YOU GO TO BED YOU * * MAKE ME COOKIES AND MIL I'M 90% POLY 10% SIL
I'M ELVIS * * ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS I'M ELVI
ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS * * I'M ELVIS ELVIS ON THE SHELVIS
IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW * * NOW YOU KNO WELL, I'M ELVI
WELL ON THE SHELVIS * I'M WATCHING YOU MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY
THANK YOU! * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> YOU'RE GOING ON THE TOP OF MY TREE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY. HEY, EVERYBODY
I WANT TO REMIND EVERYBODY, "5 MORE SLEEPS," THE ANIMATED SPECIAL, "5 MORE SLEEPS TIL
CHRISTMAS" AIRS NEXT FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23rd AT 8:30 P.M. AFTER "THE GRINCH" ON NBC.
CHECK IT OUT GET COZY WITH YOUR FAMILY. COZY UP AROUND THE TREE.
ENJOY "5 MORE SLEEPS." AND IF YOU WANT A LITTLE SOMETHING BEFORE THEN, I WENT
OUT UNDER THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE EARLIER TONIGHT, AND VIDEO TAPED MYSELF
READING THE BOOK -- VIDEOED MYSELF -- I CAN'T SAY VIDEO TAPED.
I VIDEOD MYSELF READING THE BOOK IN VIRTUAL REALITY 360. SO, IF YOU HAVE THE YOUTUBE
APP, IF YOU HAVE A VR HEADSET, IF YOU HAVE AN OCULUS, GO SEARCH FOR "JIMMY FALLON'S
'5 MORE SLEEPS.'" YOU'LL SEE IT YOU CAN LOOK AT THE TREE
YOU CAN LOOK AT ME IT'S PRETTY BIZARRE, IT'S FUN. IT'S NOT THE METAVERSE, BUT
IT'S NEW YORK CITY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TODAY'S FRIDAY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP WITH SOME PERSONAL STUFF
I CHECK MY INBOXES I CHECK EMAILS, AND, OF COURSE, SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, DECEMBER.
BETWEEN THE WORLD CUP AND ROCKETTES, BIG MONTH FOR KICKING.
BIG MONTH FOR KICKING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
THANK YOU, MAKING SNOW ANGELS, FOR LETTING ME FINALLY DO JUMPING JACKS THE WAY I WANT
SLOWLY AND LYING DOWN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
THANK YOU, GINGERBREAD MEN, FOR ALWAYS DRESSING LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO AN INTERVIEW AT
CHIPPENDALES [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE *
THANK YOU, THE HOLIDAYS, FOR BEING THE ONLY TIME THE BILLBOARD HOT 100 FEATURES
DRAKE, NICKI MINAJ, AND BING CROSBY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* THANK YOU, "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" FOR BEING THE
HEARTWARMING STORY OF A MAN WHO YELLS AT HIS CHILDREN BEFORE WISHING HE WAS DEAD.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH, MY GOD *
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, MYRRH FOR SOUNDING, LIKE THE THIRD WISEMAN FORGOT A PRESENT AND
JUST MUMBLED SOMETHING TO COVER. "I GOT YOU A LITTLE MYRRH.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "WHAT DO YOU MEANM, WHAT IS IT THIS IS MYRRH.
IT'S MYRRH." [ LAUGHTER ] *
THANK YOU, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS, FOR BEING THE MOST ROUNDABOUT WAY TO TELL EVERYONE
YOU'RE A MESS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY
THOSE ARE MY THANK YOU NOTES WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES CORDEN, EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
TELLING ME, "OH, YOU KNOW, JENNA, THIS IS GOING TO BE A A THING ON TIKTOK.
AND I THOUGHT, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, OKAY, WHATEVER BECAUSE I FIGURED, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE EXCITED. THEY'RE GETTING HYPED UP [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS
THE EMMY WINNING HOST OF "THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH JAMES CORDEN."
HE ALSO STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "MAMMALS", WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON PRIME VIDEO
EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME JAMES CORDEN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW. WELCOME.
YOU'RE THE GUEST >> I'M SO USED TO WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON
>> Jimmy: I'M INTERVIEWING YOU >> I'M LOVING IT I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE >> CAN I SAY THAT?
I HAVE WANTED TO BE ON THIS TELEVISION SHOW SINCE I -- SINCE THE SECOND YOU STARTED
HOSTING IT I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD HAVE EVER HOSTED MY SHOW IF IT
WASN'T FOR WATCHING YOU DO THIS SHOW AND ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE HERE.
AND AS WE SAT HERE NOW, I AM THRILLED TO BE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
>> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU MAN >> I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE I REALLY AM.
>> Jimmy: WHEN I FIRST MET YOU, BEFORE YOU WERE HOSTING THE SHOW, I KNEW YOU AS AN ACTOR
YOU'RE A PHENOMENAL ACTOR. EVERYONE WATCH "MAMMALS" ON PRIME VIDEO.
WATCH JUST THE FIRST EPISODE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WATCH IT YOU'LL BE SUCKED INTO IT EVEN THE LAST THREE SECONDS,
I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOD >> THE TWISTS AND TURNS, ALL OVER THE PLACE
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE FANTASTIC, BUDDY. >> YOU ARE SO KIND
THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU'RE ON THE SHOW, BUT WE'VE
HUNG OUT MANY TIMES. >> WE HAVE >> Jimmy: WE HAVE MANY FUN
ADVENTURES TOGETHER. >> WELL, IT'S ALWAYS FUN IT'S NEVER NOT FUN
THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT. IF I GO TO SOMETHING BECAUSE, OFTEN TIMES JIMMY AND I WILL BE
INVITED TO THINGS. AND YOU GET THERE. AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I
SHOULDN'T BE HERE. SOMEONE'S GOING TO TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER AND SAY, IT'S BEEN
A HUGE MISTAKE [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU SHOULD LEAVE
>> YEAH, JAMES CAMERON WE MEANT TO INVITE. NOT YOU.
>> Jimmy: NOT YOU. >> THEN, WHEN I SEE YOU, I SAY, "OKAY, THIS IS GOING TO BE
FUN. AND WE HAVE THIS -- I CAN'T REMEMBER WHO STARTED IT,
WHETHER I STARTED IT OR YOU STARTED IT, THIS RUNNING BIT THAT WE HAVE WHERE WE SEE EACH
OTHER AT AN EVENT. I THINK IT WAS ME WHO STARTED. I CAME OVER TO YOUR TABLE, AND
YOU HAD -- I THINK IT WAS A TEQUILA. A GLASS OF TEQUILA, AND YOU
WERE JUST ABOUT TO GRAB IT TO TAKE A DRINK AND I SWOOPED IN, PICKED IT UP, LOOKED YOU DEAD
IN THE EYE AND DRUNK THE WHOLE THING AND PUT IT BACK. >> Jimmy: YEAH
EXACTLY, YEAH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> AND THIS THEN SET IN MOTION
A CONSTANT RUNNING JOKE WHERE -- >> Jimmy: ANY TIME WE SAW EACH
OTHER, I GO LIKE, [ CLEARS THROAT ] CAN I HAVE A SIP OF --
CAN I HAVE A SIP >> OH, SURE. YOU GOT A BAD VOICE?
HERE YEAH, HERE YOU GO. OH, SURE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. AND I SHOVE THE WHOLE DRINK UNTIL IT'S EMPTY, THEN GIVE IT
BACK TO YOU. >> THE ENTIRE THING. AND IT ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH
>> Jimmy: DO YOU REMEMBER YOU WERE SITTING NEXT TO LADY GAGA ONCE
>> DO I REMEMBER OF COURSE I REMEMBER [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I SAT NEXT TO LADY GAGA, RIGHT I'M HERE SHE'S THERE.
AND SHE'S LOVELY SHE'S AMAZING. AND WE'RE TALKING.
AND SHE WAS SAYING TO ME THAT SHE'S VERY NERVOUS ABOUT HER PERFORMANCE.
SHE WAS GOING TO PERFORM THAT NIGHT. AND SHE SAID SHE WAS VERY, VERY
NERVOUS. AND I'M LIKE, YOU'RE LADY GAGA YOU DON'T GET NERVOUS.
SHE SAID, "I'M MORE COMFORTABLE IN A BIG STADIUM THAN I AM IN FRONT OF A SMALL ROOM LIKE
THIS." I SAID, "YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT.
SHE SAID, "WILL YOU PRAY WITH ME?" >> Jimmy: YES.
>> AND I WENT, "SURE, YEAH LET'S. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND SHE HELD MY HAND LIKE THIS, AND SHE CLOSED HER EYES. AND WE'RE LITERALLY LIKE THIS.
SHE CLOSED HER EYES, AND SHE STARTED SAYING, "PLEASE GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO PERFORM.
AND I OPENED MY EYES SLIGHTLY, AND IN THE CORNER OF MY EYE, I CAN SEE JIMMY WALKING TOWARDS
MY DRINK TO DO THE BIT [ LAUGHTER ] AND I'M GOING LIKE THIS, I'M
GOING LIKE THIS -- I'M GOING [ LAUGHTER ] I'M GOING --
"YES, GIVE US THE STRENGTH." [ LAUGHTER ] AND HE GOES -- HE GOES TO ME -
HE GOES LATER, YOU CAME BACK >> Jimmy: I DID A GOOD JOB I WENT
>> HE LOOKED AND WAS LIKE "WHAT WAS GOING ON?" I SAID, "WE WE WERE JUST
PRAYING. THAT'S ALL." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? >> SIMPLE PRAYERS.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN I DRANK YOUR DRINK. >> A SIMPLE PRAYER AND THEN WE
DRANK OUR DRINKS >> Jimmy: YOU ANNOUNCED YOU'RE LEAVING "THE LATE LATE SHOW"
THIS COMING SPRING VERY SAD WE LOVE YOU.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED FOR THE END? >> WELL, I'VE ACTUALLY JUST
BEEN ASKED TO TAKE OVER "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WHICH IS REALLY WEIRD.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HEY, THAT'S A MISTAKE!
NO WAIT, I CAN'T -- PLEASE NO >> WELL, MY BIGGEST PLAN -- MY
INTENTION, WHICH I THINK I'LL FAIL AT DRAMATICALLY IS TO JUST NOT BE CRYING FOR THE ENTIRE
HOUR, WHICH I THINK I WILL BE. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO I'M REALLY GOING TO TRY
TO KEEP IT TOGETHER. OUR INTENTION IS TO, YOU KNOW, GO OUT IN THE WAY THAT WE CAME
IN AND I WILL MISS IT HUGELY. I WILL MISS IT EVERY DAY
I WILL MISS THE PEOPLE THAT I WORK WITH. AND THERE'S NO SENSE OF ME
LEAVING BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE IT I'M JUST LEAVING THE SHOW
PRIMARILY BECAUSE WE'RE A LONG WAY FROM HOME, AND WE REALLY WANT OUR CHILDREN TO KNOW WHAT
IT'S LIKE TO GROW UP IN LONDON, TO HAVE A SOLID RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR GRANDPARENTS.
AND THAT IS TIME THAT YOU DON'T GET BACK REALLY. SO, HOWEVER HARD IT IS TO GO,
I'M COMPLETELY CERTAIN IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO IT AND, YOU KNOW, I'VE LOVED EVERY
SECOND OF DOING IT I LOVE IT. I LOVE THE SHOW.
I REALLY DO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT
"MAMMALS." >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: CAN I GIVE A LITTLE
SPOILER. >> YEAH, IT'S ALWAYS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO SPOIL THE SHOW IF YOU'RE
GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT SO YOU CAN. >> Jimmy: IT'S A DARK COMEDY
>> YES >> Jimmy: BUT SOME VERY DRAMATIC SCENES, VERY FUNNY
SCENES I THINK THAT ONLY YOU CAN PULL THIS OFF
YOU DO SUCH A GREAT JOB OF THIS IT STARTS OFF WITH YOU GUYS
TRAVELING. YOU'RE GOING TO A BEAUTIFUL PLACE IN ENGLAND
>> IN CORNWALL, YEAH >> Jimmy: CORNWALL >> THE COAST, YEAH
>> Jimmy: BEAUTIFUL AND YOU'RE WIFE IS PREGNANT AND SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
AND YOU GUYS ARE JUST THE PERFECT COUPLE AND THE SUNSET AND IT'S ALL GREAT
>> YES >> Jimmy: AND THEN SHE LOSES THE BABY
>> SO THEY LOSE THE BABY AND IT'S REALLY SAD. IT'S AWFUL
AND HE'S GOT HER PHONE BECAUSE THERE'S BAD SERVICE WHERE THEY ARE IN CORNWALL.
AND HE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS PHONE AND HE REALIZES IN THAT MOMENT THAT SHE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR.
AND IN THAT MOMENT, HE ALSO BUMPS INTO THE SINGER, TOM JONES.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH SO, HE'S TRYING NOT TO FREAK
OUT THAT TOM JONES IS THERE, BUT THEN YOUR LIFE IS FALLING APART HERE
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND IT GETS TRICKIER AFTER THAT
IT JUST GETS TRICKIER, UPON TRICKIER, UPON TRICKIER. IT'S SO GREAT.
IT'S SO WORTH IT I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE IS JAMES CORDEN AND
TOM JONES IN "MAMMALS. TAKE A LOOK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I'M TOM FROM NEXT DOOR PLEASED TO MEET YOU. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M
COMING BACK. I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE A A LANDSCAPE YOU ALREADY KNOW
IT'S LIKE SOMETHING THAT'S ETCHED IN YOUR SOUL. DO YOU EVER GET THAT
[ VOMITING ] ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? [ VOMITING ]
JESUS CHRIST WHAT WAS IT? AN OYSTER OR SOMETHING
>> TOM JONES >> YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: TOM JONES. I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON.
BUT I LOVE DOING LATE NIGHT WITH YOU IN THE SAME SCHOOL AND US DOING THE SHOW TOGETHER
I'M GOING TO MISS THAT AND SEEING YOUR BITS AND YOU WOULD DO THINGS THAT
WOULD MAKE ME WANT TO BE BETTER AT MY JOB. SO, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING YOU DO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> YOU'RE WELCOME.
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I REALLY DO.
GOD BLESS. >> Jimmy: JAMES CORDEN, EVERYONE
"MAMMALS" IS STREAMING NOW ON PRIME VIDEO. JENNA ORTEGA JOINS US AFTER THE
BREAK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE STAR OF THE GIANT NEW SHOW,
"WEDNESDAY," WHICH HAS BECOME ONE OF THE MOST WATCHED SHOWS IN NETFLIX HISTORY
SEASON ONE IS STREAMING RIGHT NOW. PLEASE WELCOME JENNA ORTEGA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: JENNA ORTEGA WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JIMMY FALLON >> Jimmy: THANKS FOR BEING
HERE I APPRECIATE THIS. IT'S GOOD TO HAVE -- BEFORE WE
GO INTO "WEDNESDAY," WHICH I CAN'T WAIT TO RAVE ABOUT -- RIGHT NOW YOU'RE IN A TRAILER
FOR THE NEW "SCREAM" MOVIE >> YES, I AM >> Jimmy: AND IT BROKE
RECORDS -- IT STARTED -- IT WENT VIRAL, I THINK. IT CAME OUT AND IT DID
3 MILLION VIEWS IN THE FIRST DAY. THIS IS YOUR SECOND "SCREAM"
MOVIE. DO YOU LIKE DOING THESE MOVIES >> I LOVE HORROR FILMS
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HAVING BLOOD THROWN ON YOUR FACE AND RUNNING AROUND
SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT IT REALLY IS SO
THERAPEUTIC. SO MUCH FUN. EVERYONE WHO WORKS ON HORROR
SETS LOVES HORROR. AND YOU KNOW PEOPLE DO SPECIAL EFFECTS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. >> BECAUSE THEY GREW UP LOVING GORE
THE BEST PART ABOUT THE "SCREAM" FILMS IS, IT REALLY IS SUCH A GREAT COMMUNITY
THAT CAST AND CREW, THEY'RE MY FAMILY AND WE CAN NEVER TAKE ANYTHING
SERIOUSLY. SO, GHOSTFACE COULD LITERALLY BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR
MONOLOGUE AND WE'RE HAVING TO RESTART TAKES BECAUSE WE'RE LAUGHING SO HARD
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: REALLY >> YEAH.
IT'S A MESS. >> Jimmy: ON ONE OF THE SCARIEST MOVIES EVER, YOU'RE
LAUGHING >> YEAH, WE COULD BE -- IN THE FIFTH ONE I WAS LIKE ARMY
CRAWLING IN THE HOSPITAL, AND I JUST, LIKE, WOULD -- I WOULDN'T LIFT MY FACE BECAUSE I WAS
LAUGHING IN MY HANDS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I'VE WATCHED
"WEDNESDAY," AND I TOLD YOU THIS BACKSTAGE I GO, "OH, MY GOSH, YOU'RE
CRUSHING THIS. YOU'RE PHENOMENAL. IT IS THE SECOND MOST WATCHED
SERIES IN NETFLIX HISTORY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND ONE OF ONLY THREE SHOWS TO
BE STREAMED OVER A BILLION TIMES. OVER A BILLION
IS THAT -- CAN YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT? >> NO.
I TRY NOT TO ACTUALLY. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> IT'S TOO WEIRD.
>> Jimmy: BUT, I MEAN, YOU NAIL EVERY JOKE, EVERY DELIVERY YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
THAT'S -- THIS IS BEFORE YOU EVEN DID THE DANCE SCENE I MEAN, THE DAN -- CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THE DANCE? THE WEDNESDAY DANCE? >> IF YOU WANT TO.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I MEAN, GOING INTO IT, WHAT HAPPENED DID TIM BURTON GO, "OKAY, I GOT
AN IDEA. YOU DO THIS, YOU DO THAT." >> WELL, I READ
EPISODE 104 PRETTY EARLY ON. AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SONG WE WERE GOING TO BE USING, WE
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE SITUATION WAS. INITIALLY THEY WANTED A FLASH
MOB. BUT I THOUGHT, NO, THERE'S NO WAY WEDNESDAY WOULD BE COOL
WITH DANCING AND ENCOURAGING A A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. SO TIM AND I -- THE DIRECTOR,
TIM BURTON, AND I TALKED ABOUT IT A LITTLE BIT AND HE SAID, "YEAH, LET'S NOT DO A CIRCLE
LET'S HAVE IT BE HER OWN THING. AND I REMEMBER ABOUT A WEEK
BEFORE WE STARTED -- A WEEK BEFORE WE SHOT THE DANCE, HE CHOSE THE SONG, "GOO GOO MUCK"
BY THE CRAMPS. AND THE CRAMPS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS EVER.
SO I WAS SUPER EXCITED, SUPER PUMPED, IT WAS ON MY EPISODE FOUR PLAYLIST.
AND HE CAME TO MY TRAILER ABOUT TWO DAYS BEFORE WE SHOT IT AND SAID, "HEY JENNA, SO I KNOW YOU
SAID THAT YOU WANTED TO CHOREOGRAPH THIS YOURSELF - BECAUSE I REFUSED TO SEE A
A CHOREOGRAPHER. HE WAS LIKE, "I KNOW YOU'VE GOT IT
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT. I'M NOT EVEN WORRIED ABOUT IT. I TRUST YOU.
AND I SAID, "OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL SO GOOD." AND I HAD NOT GONE OVER IT AT
ALL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU HAD NO PLAN?
>> NO. I WAS DOING CELLO THAT WEEK, FENCING THAT WEEK.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TIME. >> Jimmy: YOU DO A LOT IN THE SHOW
>> THERE'S A LOT GOING ON. >> Jimmy: YES. YOU WORK HARD IN THE SHOW.
ON TOP OF THAT, YOU'RE LIKE GOING TO CHOREOGRAPH YOUR OWN DANCE?
>> YEAH. OH, MY GOD, I WAS KICKING MYSELF
I FELT LIKE SUCH A FOOL. I WAS LIKE, I'M NOT A DANCER I DON'T DO ANY OF THAT
I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE IN THAT FIELD. AND THEN, YEAH, I DIDN'T SLEEP
FOR TWO DAYS I WATCHED VIDEOS OF SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES
>> Jimmy: REALLY >> DENIS LAVANT IN "BEAU TRAVAIL.
I FOUND ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE OF GOTH KIDS DANCING IN CLUBS IN THE '80s
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH >> LENE LOVICH, NINA HAGEN,
JUST ANYTHING THAT I COULD GET MY HANDS ON. AND THEN ON THE DAY, I THOUGHT,
"ALL RIGHT, WELL." >> Jimmy: I'M JUST GOING TO DO IT
>> LET'S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS >> Jimmy: DID YOU JUST GO SUPER LONG
DID YOU DO IT LIKE A 20-MINUTE DANCE? OR IS THIS THE STEP BY STEP,
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU PLANNED? >> NO, I -- I KNEW THERE WERE
CERTAIN THINGS THAT I WANTED TO DO I PAID HOMAGE TO LISA LORING,
THE FIRST WEDNESDAY ADDAMS I DID A LITTLE BIT OF HER SHUFFLE THAT SHE DOES, AND OF
COURSE THEY CUT OUT OF CAMERA WHEN I DID DO IT, BUT IT'S THERE, I KNOW IT IS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU DID IT, YEAH
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. THAT'S WILD.
DID YOU UNDERSTAND IT WOULD GO THIS VIRAL IT'S EVERYTHING ON TIKTOK RIGHT
NOW. RIGHT NOW, IF YOU GO ON TIKTOK, IT'S YOU DANCING
IT IS. >> NO, I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T
AND NETFLIX, THEY WERE TELLING ME, "OH, YOU KNOW, JENNA, THIS IS GOING TO BE A THING ON
TIKTOK." AND I THOUGHT, "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, OKAY, WHATEVER."
BECAUSE I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE EXCITED. THEY'RE GETTING HYPED UP
AND THEN THEY WERE RIGHT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, SOMETIMES
PEOPLE ARE RIGHT >> YEAH, THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE MESMERIZING YOU'RE DAZZLING TO LOOK AT I JUST GO, OH MY GOD
YOU'RE DOING THAT AND YOU'RE JUST DOING THE WEDNESDAY STARE AND YOU'RE KIND OF DOING THAT.
BUT THEN THAT AND IT'S KIND OF -- YOU MAKE IT COOL AND IT'S ONE OF THE KIND OF
GEEKIEST SONGS, "GOO GOO MUCK. YOU KNOW, THE CRAMPS AND I GO, "HOW DID YOU DO
THIS?" AND IT'S JUST -- I DON'T KNOW. I THINK WE ALL AGREE IT'S JUST
WELL DONE. YOU JUST CRUSHED IT. >> THANK YOU
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: JENNA ORTEGA I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP.
HERE'S JENNA ORTEGA IN "WEDNESDAY." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC * >> IT'S YOUR DECISION, BIANCA.
>> LET'S SEE IF YOU BLEED IN BLACK AND WHITE. *
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: JENNA ORTEGA "WEDNESDAY" IS STREAMING RIGHT NOW ON NETFLIX
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAND-UP FROM MIKE FEENEY, EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS HIS COMEDY SPECIAL, "RAGE AGAINST THE ROUTINE," AVAILABLE
ON YOUTUBE MAKING HIS LATE NIGHT DEBUT HERE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW,"
PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY MIKE FEENEY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> OH, MY GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYBODY WOW.
I APPRECIATE THAT. I -- EXCITING NEWS I JUST CELEBRATED SEVEN YEARS
OF MARRIAGE WITH MY WIFE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, YEAH
WE'VE BEEN MARRIED SEVEN YEARS WE'VE BEEN DATING A TOTAL OF 17 YEARS THOUGH.
YEAH, I KNOW I HAD TO MAKE SURE AND --
[ LAUGHTER ] IF I'M BEING HONEST, SHE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE RIGHT
NOW. BUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A A RELATIONSHIP THAT LONG, A LOT
OF TIMES, AFTER SHOWS, FOR MEN, THEY'LL COME UP TO ME AND THEY'LL BE LIKE, "17 YEARS
I MEAN, MY GOD, IT MUST HAVE GOTTEN SO STALE IN THE BEDROOM BY NOW, RIGHT?
AND EVERY TIME I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO THEM LIKE, "NO, IT HASN'T GOTTEN STALE.
IT'S GOTTEN EFFICIENT. THAT'S HOW I WOULD -- [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH LIKE, OUR SEX LIFE IS LIKE GOING TO A BILLY JOEL CONCERT
AT THIS POINT. YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
WE'RE JUST PLAYING THE HITS, NO NEW STUFF, EVERYBODY'S HAPPY [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
YEAH, YEAH YEAH YOU'RE NEVER READY TO GO TO
A BILLY JOEL CONCERT YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BE LIKE, "THIS IS OFF MY NEW, LIKE --
PIANO MAN, GET TO IT RIGHT NOW HURRY. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE, YOU KNOW MY WIFE AND I, WE GOT A DOG
RECENTLY, WHICH WAS SUCH A A GREAT DECISION BECAUSE WE ALWAYS HAVE CATS AND I WOULD
DEFEND CATS. ANY TIME SOMEONE TALKED BAD ABOUT CATS, I'M LIKE, "THAT'S
BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAVE ONE." ONCE YOU GET ONE, YOU REALIZE THEY GOT THEIR OWN PERSONALITY
THEY'RE CUTE THEY'RE CUDDLY THEY'RE THE BEST, YOU KNOW
AND THEN WE GOT THIS DOG AND I LOOKED AT THE CATS AND I'M LIKE, "I HAVE NEVER LOVED YOU.
THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. LIKE, I JUST -- [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE THE DOGGY IS ADORABLE. HE'S, LIKE, A 40 POUND LAB, BEAGLE MIX
HE'S GOT THE BIG DUMB EARS ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE HE'S SMILING I LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY
BUT NOBODY TOLD ME THE SOCIAL CONTRACT THAT COMES WITH HAVING A DOG.
VERY DIFFERENT FROM HAVING CATS I USED TO WALK AROUND
NEW YORK CITY. PEOPLE DON'T REALLY TALK TO YOU.
AND THEN YOU GET A DOG, EVERYBODY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BUT NOT ABOUT YOU, ABOUT THE DOG. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO, YOU HAVE TO LEARN EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THEM BECAUSE DOG LOVERS ARE CRAZY PEOPLE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT? [ LAUGHTER ] DOG LOVERS WILL JUST RUN UP TO
YOU WITH QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS RIGHT NOW. THEY'RE SO AGGRESSIVE.
AND FOR MY DOG, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME THREE THEY ALWAYS GO, "OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S HIS NAME? WHAT KIND OF DOG IS IT IS THAT AS BIG AS IT'S GOING TO
GET? OH." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THAT IS BIG AS HE'S GONNA -- I'M GOING TO KEEP FEEDING HIM IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ASKING
WHAT [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, HE'LL PROBABLY GET
HORIZONTALLY BIGGER FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE AND THEN, GOD FORBID, YOU SEE
ANOTHER DOG OWNER WITH THEIR DOG. NOW IT'S A MANDATORY
CONVERSATION THE SECOND WE SEE EACH OTHER DOWN THE BLOCK, WE HAVE TO
START COMMUNICATING AND BE LIKE -- [ LAUGHTER ]
"YEAH, HE'S -- CAN THEY SAY HI OKAY YEAH, YEAH, YEAH."
[ LAUGHTER ] "DON'T LET THE LEASHES GET TANGLED.
OKAY." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND EVERY DOG OWNER WILL TELL
YOU THAT THEIR DOG IS FRIENDLY, AND ALMOST NONE OF THEM ARE FRIENDLY
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO LOOK AT THE DOG.
THE OWNER IS LIKE, "NO, HE'S GOOD." LIKE, THEY'RE GETTING
YANKED -- [ LAUGHTER ] DOWN THE BLOCK WHILE THE DOG
CHARGES ME LIKE -- [ DOG CHARGING IMITATION ] JUST FULL SPEED.
AND THEN THEY START SHOUTING VERY SPECIFIC COMMANDS AT YOU. THEY'RE LIKE, "LET HIM GET YOUR
SCENT, BUT DON'T LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYE. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S LIKE, "WHY? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT WILL HAPPEN?"
YOU KNOW "WHAT'S YOUR DOG'S NAME? MEDUSA
MY GOD!" YEAH I TRAVEL A LOT FOR COMEDY.
I HAVE TO FLY OFTEN. I GET VERY NERVOUS FLYING BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THAT
POSSIBILITY. [ LAUGHTER ] SO, I DRINK ON EVERY FLIGHT
THAT I'M ON. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S 6:00 A.M., IF IT'S
10:00 P.M., IT'S SKY TIME. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ]
THE SECOND THAT DOOR LOCKS, I'M LIKE, "I'LL DO A KEG STAND DO WE HAVE ONE?"
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS FLYING ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
IT WAS AN EARLY FLIGHT AND THE WOMAN CAME UP TO ME. I WAS LIKE, "HI, CAN I PLEASE
HAVE A -- A VODKA SODA?" AND THE FIRST THING SHE DID WAS SHE LOOKED AT HER WATCH.
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, YOU CAN CHECK THAT JUDGMENT AT THE
DOOR OKAY." [ LAUGHTER ]
"PUT THAT BAGGAGE IN THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT." YOU KNOW
YEAH [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YEAH
NO WAY LIKE, YOU HIGH ALTITUDE HUSSEY I WILL NOT BE JUDGED --
[ LAUGHTER ] -- BY SOMEBODY WHO WEARS A A PAPER HAT, YOU KNOW?
LIKE -- I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I'M A COWARD
I TRIED TO MAKE IT EASY FOR HER. SO, I WAS LIKE, "OH, I'M GOING
TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE DRINK. COULD I PLEASE OPEN A TAB? WHICH I THOUGHT WAS A VERY
NORMAL SENTENCE TO SAY AND THIS WAS HER REACTION. SHE GOES, "SIR, THIS IS AN
AIRPLANE, NOT A BAR. [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT EXAGGERATING HER
SHOULDER SHE DID -- SHE LITERALLY WENT, "NOT A BAR," LIKE THAT
SHE SHIMMIED HER SHOULDERS AT ME IT MADE ME FURIOUS
I WAS LIKE, "OH, I'M SORRY I MUST HAVE GOT CONFUSED WHEN YOU PUSHED A MOBILE BAR UP TO
MY SEAT. [ LAUGHTER ] FRISBEED A NAPKIN AT ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND SAID, "WHAT WILL IT BE?" YOU KNOW
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, "YOU'RE A A BARTENDER.
YOU KNOW "YOU'RE A BARTENDER IN THE SKY YOU'RE A SKY TENDER.
CALL IT WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT -- SO, I GOT VERY PETTY
I WAS GOING TO HAVE TWO DRINKS ON THE FLIGHT. INSTEAD, I HAD SIX
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, YEAH AND SHE DID NOT LET ME OPEN THE
TAB. SO, I HAD TO RUN MY CARD SIX TIMES.
AND ON THE SIXTH TIME, SHE CAME BY WITH THAT LITTLE CREDIT CARD MACHINE.
AND SHE WAS LIKE, "UM, SIR I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THERE IS, LIKE, A GRATUITY
OPTION ON HERE SO, YOU KNOW, IN CASE YOU WANT TO LEAVE A TIP."
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN HANDED IT TO ME, WHICH MADE ME SO ANGRY
I HAD TO RETURN MY SEAT TO THE UPRIGHT AND LOCKED POSITION. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND JUST LOOKED HER RIGHT IN THE FACE, I WAS LIKE, "OH, I'M SORRY.
THIS IS AN AIRPLANE, NOT A A BAR. SO --
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M MIKE FEENEY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: THAT IS HOW YOU DO
IT, BUDDY. FANTASTIC, BUDDY THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT
THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MIKE FEENEY.
"RAGE AGAINST THE ROUTINE" IS AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
JAMES CORDEN, JENNA ORTEGA, MIKE FEENEY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WELL DONE, BUDDY >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: PLEASE COME BACK
MIKE FEENEY, THAT WAS FANTASTIC. AUSTIN BUTLER, I WANT TO SAY
THANK YOU TO YOU GOOD LUCK ON "SNL. AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA A SPECIAL THANKS TO THE ROCKETTES.
THEIR CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR IS RUNNING THROUGH JANUARY 2nd AT RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL!
THANKS FOR WATCHING. STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE