Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - TIFFANY HADDISH, PARIS HILTON,
MUSICAL GUEST, EARL SWEATSHIRT, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW
Questlove: 1590 Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS! COME ON!
THAT'S A GREAT CROWD WELCOME! THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE.
YOU MADE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
WELL, GUYS, THIS WEEKEND WAS THE DIVISIONAL ROUND OF THE NFL PLAYOFFS, AND AFTER ALL FOUR
GAMES WERE DECIDED ON THE FINAL PLAY, PEOPLE ARE CALLING IT THE GREATEST PLAYOFF WEEKEND OF ALL
TIME WELL, EVERYONE FROM BUFFALO, GREEN BAY, TENNESSEE, AND TAMPA
ARE LIKE NOT, "EH, NOT SO MUCH." THAT'S RIGHT, TOM BRADY AND THE
DEFENDING CHAMPION TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS WERE KNOCKED OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS.
BRADY IS REALLY NOT USED TO LOSING HE NORMALLY COMMUTES HOME VIA
PARADE [ LAUGHTER ] NOW THERE ARE REPORTS THAT
BRADY ISN'T SURE IF HE'LL PLAY NEXT YEAR. THEN TODAY GISELE SAID, "WE'RE
INVITED TO DINNER ON SUNDAY WITH OUR NEIGHBORS." AND BRADY WAS LIKE, "I'M
PLAYING NEXT YEAR. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT, BRADY SAID HE
MIGHT RETIRE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS KIDS. THEN HIS KIDS WERE LIKE, "DAD,
WE'RE 35 DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, IT WAS A WEEKEND OF UPSETS ON SATURDAY, AARON RODGERS AND
THE GREEN BAY PACKERS HOSTED THE SAN FRANCISCO 49ers AND LOST, IN GREEN BAY
IN OTHER WORDS, AARON RODGERS FAILED HIS AT-HOME TEST. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND AHEAD OF HIS LOSS TO THE 49ers, RODGERS CRITICIZED THE CDC, PRESIDENT BIDEN, AND THE
FAKE WHITE HOUSE IN AN INTERVIEW WITH ESPN. WHAT A YEAR FOR RODGERS.
HE COULD BE THE FIRST PERSON NAMED MVP AND GOVERNOR OF FLORIDA.
[ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS PRESIDENT BIDEN AND
BERNIE SANDERS ARE IN A BIT OF A FEUD AFTER BIDEN TRIED TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM THE FAR
LEFT BY SAYING, "I'M NOT BERNIE SANDERS." THEN BERNIE SNAPPED BACK
SAYING, "I'M NOT JOE BIDEN." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IF THINGS START TO GET
PHYSICAL, THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE SEPARATED BY A LIGHT BREEZE
[ LAUGHTER ] USUALLY WHEN GUYS THIS OLD FIGHT, IT'S OVER A PARKING
SPACE OUTSIDE THEIR WATER AEROBICS CLASS [ LAUGHTER ]
NO ONE SAW THIS FEUD COMING. IT'S RARE TO SEE THE TWO MUPPETS FROM THE BALCONY HECKLE
EACH OTHER [ LAUGHTER ] WELL THIS WAS PRETTY COOL.
JANUARY IS NATIONAL BLOOD DONOR MONTH. SO IF YOU DONATE BLOOD, YOU CAN
GET A DOZEN FREE DONUTS FROM KRISPY KREME OR A FREE COFFEE FROM DUNKIN'
Steve: WAIT, SO YOU CAN DONATE FOR A DONUT Jimmy: YEAH
YOU GET A DOZEN DONUTS IF YOU DONATE BUT IF YOU DO NOT, YOU DO NOT
GET A DONUT IF YOU DO NOT DONATE Steve: WHAT'S THE DUE DATE?
Jimmy: DON'T KNOW BUT IF YOU DO NOT DONATE BY THE DONATE DUE DATE, YOU DO NOT GET
A DOZEN DONUTS [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: DARN IT.
Jimmy: DARN IT? Steve: YEAH, I DO ALL MY DONUT DINNING AT DUNKIN'
Jimmy: BUT DUDE, DON'T WORRY. DUNKIN' IS DOING DECAF IF YOU
DONATE Steve: SO YOU'RE TELLING ME, YOU DO NOT GET A DONUT IF YOU
DO OR DO NOT DONATE, BUT IF YOU DO GET SOME DECAF YOU DONATE AND YOU GET TO DINE OUT AT
DUNKIN'? Jimmy: DUH. IF YOU DO NOT DONATE, YOU DO
NOT GET DONUTS BUT DON'T NOT DONATE AT DUNKIN', BECAUSE DUNKIN' GIVES
DECAF IF YOU DINE OUT AND DONATE BY THE DUE DATE Steve: DUDE
Jimmy: DOPE Steve: DONATE Jimmy: YOU'LL DO IT
Steve: NO, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE BLOOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE GOT MAD COW DISEASE Jimmy: OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT LET'S MOVE ON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT GUYS GET THIS.
THE FBI HAS SAID AN UNRULY PASSENGER ON A DELTA FLIGHT WAS TAKEN INTO CUSTODY AFTER HE
REFUSED TO WEAR A MASK AND MOONED A FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND OTHER PASSENGERS
THE MAN ULTIMATELY APOLOGIZED AND THEN RETURNED TO THE COCKPIT TO FLY THE PLANE
[ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY RESEARCHERS HAVE FOUND THAT DRINKING RED WINE
CAN LOWER YOUR RISK OF COVID INFECTION. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
RED WINE CURES COVID THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SIGN YOUR AUNT WOULD HANG IN HER KITCHEN
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT RED WINE CAN LOWER YOUR RISK OF
COVID, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL BECAUSE IT CAN ALSO LOWER YOUR PANTS ON A DELTA
FLIGHT WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
Jimmy: HAPPY MONDAY, EVERYBODY. IT IS MONDAY
WE'RE EXCITED TO BE BACK WE'VE GOT A GREAT WEEK OF SHOWS AHEAD.
JAMIE DORNAN WILL BE HERE, HALLE BERRY AND KEVIN JAMES WILL ALL BE HERE THIS WEEK
BUT FIRST, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE STARS IN THE NEW SHOW "THE
AFTERPARTY," WHICH PREMIERES THIS FRIDAY ON APPLE TV PLUS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST OUT THERE,
TIFFANY HADDISH IS JOINING US TONIGHT. Steve: COME ON!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: PLUS, YOU CAN SEE THE TWO-EPISODE FINALE OF HER
SERIES "PARIS IN LOVE" THURSDAY ON PEACOCK, PARIS HILTON IS HERE
Steve: WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: AND WE'VE GOT GREAT
MUSIC FROM EARL SWEATSHIRT Steve: WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "BAD SIGNS." HERE WE GO
* Steve: BAD SIGNS IS FILMED
BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. Jimmy: THESE ARE PICTURES OF FUNNY OR WEIRD SIGNS THAT YOU
GUYS SAW AND SENT INTO US. And THESE ARE ALL REAL THIS FIRST ONE WAS SENT IN BY
MATT ZALECK IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA. IT'S A SIGN FOR A NEW
RESTAURANT THAT HE SPOTTED LET'S SEE WHAT IT SAID IT'S CALLED JUST TACOS AND
MORE THAT'S IT. Steve: THAT'S ALL YOU GOT
YOU GOT TACOS? Jimmy: WE GOT BURGERS TOO YOU GOT PIZZA.
Steve: OH Jimmy: WHATEVER YOU WANT. Steve: DO YOU HAVE SUSHI?
Jimmy: JUST TACOS YOU HEARD ME THE FIRST TIME, RIGHT?
Steve: SUSHI? Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE WE HAVE SUSHI
YEAH THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM PATRICK BENDER IN BAYONNE,
NEW JERSEY HEY. Steve: HEY.
HE WAS SHOPPING AT RITE AID AND SPOTTED THIS AMAZING DEAL. LOOK AT THIS
"BUY ZERO GET ZERO AT ZERO PERCENT. [ LAUGHTER ]
Steve: WHERE DO I SIGN? Jimmy: THAT'S A DEAL. THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY
BRADLEY NELL IN DALLAS, TEXAS WHO WAS SHOPPING IN A DEPARTMENT STORE AND SAW THIS
SIGN "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, AN ELEVATOR IS LOCATED IN CHINA."
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S SO SIMPLE Steve: WHAT DO YOU DO
Jimmy: GO TO THE AIRPORT, IT'S AN INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT, SO YOU GOT TO GO A COUPLE HOURS
AHEAD OF TIME, AND GO ALL THE WAY TO CHINA AND THEN YOU CAN TAKE THE ELEVATOR.
Steve: OH, MY GOD Jimmy: VERY CONVENIENT. THIS NEXT ONE IS SENT IN FROM
KATE VAN PERREN IN GEORGIA SHE WAS OUT TO EAT WITH HER KIDS AND SPOTTED THIS GREAT
OFFER. "YOUR FAVORITE KIDS EAT FREE ON SUNDAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ] "NOT SO FAST YOU CAN GO."
[ LAUGHTER ] Steve: "YOU CAN GO TO JUST TACOS.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: "YOU CAN GO TO JUST TACOS.
THERE'S MORE THEY HAVE MORE THAN JUST TACOS.
THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM AUSTIN HAVEN IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN
HE WAS VACATIONING IN AUSTRALIA AND SPOTTED THIS SIGN ON A TRAM HE WAS ABOUT TO GET ON
IT SAYS, "TOUCHING WIRES CAUSES INSTANT DEATH. $200 FINE.
[ LAUGHTER ] Steve: I DON'T WANT TO PAY THAT $200.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: GOOD LUCK COLLECTING Steve: YEAH
Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY RAINER, FROM DRESDEN, GERMANY
HE WAS EATING AT A RESTAURANT AND WENT TO USE THE BATHROOM AND HE SAW A SOCIAL DISTANCING
SIGN TELLING YOU WHERE TO STAND. LOOK AT THIS
[ LAUGHTER ] FOR SPIDER-MAN, MAYBE. Steve: YEAH
Jimmy: NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY JUDD KIRK IN YORBA LINDA, CALIFORNIA
IT'S A NEW BUSINESS THAT HE SPOTTED IN A STRIP MALL NEAR HIS HOUSE.
IT SAYS, "PEDIATRIC TATTOOS. Steve: OH [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: KIDS ARE GETS ARE GETTING INTO IT. YEAH
THEY LOVE IT Steve: ONLY FOR YOUR FAVORITE KIDS.
Jimmy: OH, YEAH THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN MY JOSH MARCHANT IN UTAH.
HE WAS VISITING A PARK AND SAW THIS SIGN. LOOK AT THIS
"PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON FENCE. Steve: OUCH Jimmy: HOW COULD YOU
POSSIBLY SIT ON THAT FENCE [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: LOOK AT THOSE CURVED
BLADES Jimmy: IT'S ALMOST LIKE A A FISH HOOK.
IT'S A CRUEL FENCE THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY HOWARD TANNER IN ADRIAN,
MICHIGAN HE WAS SHOPPING IN A PHARMACY AND SPOTTED THIS SIGN RIGHT
HERE "FUN GIFT IDEAS. LET'S SEE WHAT THEY HAD.
THERE'S A BOWL OF VASELINE [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: OH!
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SIT ON THE FENCE LL Jimmy: OH, YEAH.
* FINALLY, THIS LAST ONE WAS FROM MICHAELA STRAUSBA IN
INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA. SHE SPOTTED IT WHILE DRIVING THIS PLACE IS CALLED,
"BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS CLOTHING SALE." [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE YOU GO THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "BAD SIGNS."
IF YOU SEE A FUNNY SIGN, EMAIL IT TO US AT BADSIGNS@TONIGHTSHOW.COM
WE MIGHT PUT IT ON THE SHOW. STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TIFFANY HADDISH, EVERYBODY COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE, LIKE, DANCING.
YOU KNOW, EATING ON SOME FRIES AND DANCING, AND YOU LOOK OVER AND THERE GOES RIHANNA
"HEY, LUPITA, WHAT'S UP, GIRL? OH, LEONARDO WHAT'S GOING ON LEONARDO
Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AND GRAMMY WINNING COMEDIENNE WHO STARS IN
THE NEW SHOW, "THE AFTERPARTY," WHICH PREMIERES FRIDAY ON APPLE TV PLUS.
HERE IS TIFFANY HADDISH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* Jimmy: OH, MAKING AN ENTRANCE
COME ON! OH, MY -- [ LAUGHTER ]
MAKING AN ENTRANCE COME ON. ONLY YOU
I LOVE YOU, BUD. WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW I LOVE YOU TOO, JIMMY
Jimmy: YOU KNOW, TIFFANY, I WAS VERY EXCITED TO HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW
YOU'VE BEEN BOOKED FOR MONTHS. WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT "THE AFTERPARTY."
AND I KNOW YOU'VE JUST HAD A A VERY PUBLIC BREAK UP, AND -- AND THEN I SAW YOU WERE ON THE
NEWS LAST WEEK AND SO I GO, "HEY, YOU KNOW -- AND HOPEFULLY YOU KNOW THIS,
THAT I'M YOUR FRIEND." SO I LOVE YOU. SO YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME ON THE
SHOW BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS CANCEL ON US AS WELL IF YOU WANT TO
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU WERE LIKE, "NO, I'M A PRO.
I'M GOING TO COME ON." SO I APPRECIATE YOU COMING ON. I MEAN, CAN YOU --
I APPRECIATE YOU HAVING ME, JIMMY. THANK YOU FOR, YOU KNOW,
ALLOWING ME TO BE HERE Jimmy: CAN YOU TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED OR WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT OR NO WELL, I CAN SAY THIS, JIMMY Jimmy: OKAY
I'VE BEEN PRAYING TO GOD TO SEND ME A NEW MAN, A GOOD MAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND GOD WENT AHEAD AND SENT ME FOUR IN A UNIFORM. [ LAUGHTER ]
I WASN'T EXPECTING IT. WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT AT ALL. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: OKAY AND NOW, I'VE GOT A REALLY GREAT LAWYER, AND WE'RE GOING
TO WORK IT OUT Jimmy: YEAH AND I GOT TO GIVE MY -- MY
ASKING OF THINGS TO GOD A LITTLE BETTER. Jimmy: YEAH, GOT TO BE
A LITTLE CLEARER [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S VERY GOOD
I'M VERY GLAD YOU'RE HERE TONIGHT. I UNDERSTAND IT WAS A TOUGH,
TOUGH WEEK FOR YOU I MEAN, YOU LOST A FEW PEOPLE VERY CLOSE TO YOU.
I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT. YEAH, YEAH. I MEAN, ONE OF OUR MUTUAL
FRIENDS, BOB SAGET, WHO WAS, LIKE, A BIG MENTOR TO ME, A BIG BROTHER, FATHER FIGURE, HE --
HE MEANT A LOT TO ME AND -- Jimmy: FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY
DUDE FUNNY MAN HE WAS THE FIRST WHITE MAN TO
EVER TELL ME, "JUST BE YOURSELF JUST BE WHO YOU ARE, TIFFANY
[ LAUGHTER ] DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHING. JUST BE YOU.
Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? AND THAT WAS HUGE FOR ME. AND THEN MY GRANDMA PASSED
AWAY AND THAT -- SHE SAVED MY LIFE. AND, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS --
THAT'S MY HEART. LIKE -- SHE WAS, LIKE, MY SOUL MATE
Jimmy: YEAH AND THAT -- THAT'S BEEN A A REALLY HARD TO PROCESS ALL
THIS, YOU KNOW, GRIEF. Jimmy: YEAH IT'S GRIEF.
Jimmy: WELL, IF YOU WERE HERE, I WOULD -- I WOULD GIVE YOU A HUG, AND I WOULD SAY, "IT
ONLY GETS BETTER." YOU KNOW AND THESE ARE TOUGH TIMES AND
YOU'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH IT AND I LOVE THAT YOU CAME ON OUR SHOW
THIS IS THE FIRST STEP I LOVE THAT YOU DID THIS I'M LIKE -- IT TAKES A LOT OF
GUTS SO I APPRECIATE THAT YOU'RE AWESOME, BUDDY.
THANK YOU THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: WE'RE COMEDIANS. WE'VE GOT TO MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH.
WE'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY RIGHT WELL, ALSO, YOU KNOW, JUST
BEING IN YOUR PRESENCE, EVEN THOUGH IT'S THROUGH ZOOM, IT'S, LIKE, THROUGH THE ENERGY,
IT'S -- IT BRINGS ME JOY Jimmy: GOOD I MISS YOU.
Jimmy: I MISS YOU TOO AND THIS IS HOW I GET TO SEE YOU.
Jimmy: TAKE THIS -- TAKE THIS AND, HOPEFULLY, MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT, YOU KNOW.
OH, I'M DEFINITELY MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF IT. MY NEXT SPECIAL IS GOING TO BE
ABOUT GRIEF. Jimmy: IT IS? AND IT'S GOING TO BE
HILARIOUS. Jimmy: I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT YOU'RE DOING THIS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH. BECAUSE FIGURING OUT HOW TO
PROCESS IT YOU KNOW, PROCESS STUFF. KIDS GET TO CRY WHENEVER THEY
WANT TO, WHEREVER THEY WANT TO AS AN ADULT, YOU CAN'T DO THAT [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU CAN'T JUST CRY AT WORK LIKE THAT THEY SEND YOU HOME
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: THAT'S TRUE. THEY SEND YOU HOME
I MEAN, I NEED MY MONEY Jimmy: THEY DO. WELL, DO IT.
MAKE IT SPECIAL, AND WIN ANOTHER GRAMMY, WILL YOU CONGRATS ON --
OH, I SURE WILL Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THAT GRAMMY, BY THE
WAY, BUD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU
Jimmy: THAT'S -- A GRAMMY IS A REALLY COOL AWARD. OUT OF ALL THE AWARDS, THAT
ONE'S, LIKE, COOL. BECAUSE YOU, KIND OF, GREW UP --
IT IS IT IS. YOU CAN DRINK OUT OF IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY RIGHT. EXACTLY RIGHT.
YEAH, I -- BUT YOU, AS A A COMEDIAN, I DON'T KNOW, YOU DON'T EVEN DREAM ABOUT WINNING
A GRAMMY YOU THINK OF, LIKE, MICHAEL JACKSON OR SOMEBODY OR,
YOU KNOW, WHITNEY HOUSTON OR SOMEBODY WINNING ALL THESE GRAMMYS.
YOU DON'T THINK THAT A COMEDIAN IS GOING TO WIN ONE AND THEN YOU HAVE ONE
NEVER NEVER. I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I WAS
NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY FOR MY AUDIO BOOK FOR READING OUT LOUD
I WAS LIKE, "WHAT? WHAT?" LIKE, "YOU CAN GET A GRAMMY FOR
READING OUT LOUD?" [ LAUGHTER ] AND I CALLED MY DRAMA TEACHER
IMMEDIATELY, MY HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA TEACHER WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO READ.
AND I WAS LIKE, "GIRL, YOU DID A GOOD JOB THIS JUST GOT NOMINATED FOR
A GRAMMY FOR READING OUT LOUD. Jimmy: "I'M A GRAMMY-NOMINATED READER.
THAT'S A GRAMMY-NOMINATED READER [ LAUGHTER ]
YES Jimmy: I READ SOMETHING FUNNY IN ONE OF YOUR INTERVIEWS
RECENTLY YOU SAID YOU WANT TO MAKE 80 FILMS BY THE TIME YOU'RE 50
YES BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE IN ALL OF THEM, OKAY?
I JUST WANT TO MAKE THEM I WANT TO BE A PART OF THE MOVIE-MAKING PROCESS IN SOME
WAY. 80 OF THEM BY THE TIME I'M 50. Jimmy: WHY 80
BECAUSE IT'S A NICE WELL-ROUNDED NUMBER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND IT SEEMS TO ME THAT, YOU KNOW, IF YOU MAKE 80 FILMS THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE --
YOU'RE AN OFFICIAL ENTERTAINER YOU ARE, LIKE, THE THING [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: 80 I LOVE THAT. I LOVE THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT.
BECAUSE I SAW -- "THE AFTERPARTY," BY THE WAY, SUPER FUNNY.
OH, MY GOSH. I MEAN, WHAT A TALENTED CAST YOU SENT OVER A COUPLE
PICTURES THIS IS YOU AS A CAMERA OPERATOR ON "THE AFTERPARTY.
YEAH, YEAH, SEE [ LAUGHTER ] CAMERA OPERATOR ALREADY.
Jimmy: DOES THIS COUNT? DOES THIS COUNT AS ONE OF THE --
YES, THAT COUNTS. TO ME THAT COUNTS. YOU KNOW, I PUT IN AN INVOICE
FOR THE CHECK FOR CAMERA OPERATOR [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BUT THEY DIDN'T PAY ME FOR THAT PART BUT I PUT IN AN INVOICE Jimmy: HOW ABOUT -- HOW
ABOUT BOOM OPERATOR? BOOM OPERATOR [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S, LIKE, I'VE GOT THESE STRONG ARMS. YOU KNOW, "BAM!"
YEAH Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "AFTERPARTY" IF YOU CAN.
BECAUSE -- HOW ABOUT THIS? WHAT WAS YOUR BEST AFTER PARTY YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO IN YOUR
LIFE BEST AFTER PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO IN MY LIFE WOULD HAVE
TO BE THE JAY-Z/BEYONCE GOLD PARTY AFTER THE OSCARS Jimmy: OH
THAT'S THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO BECAUSE, FIRST OF ALL, GOOD
MUSIC, GOOD FOOD Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT AND THEN, IT'S SOMETHING
ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE, LIKE, DANCING. YOU KNOW, EATING ALL SOME FRIES
AND DANCING AND YOU LOOK OVER AND THERE GOES RIHANNA "HEY, HEY LUPITA, WHAT'S UP,
GIRL OH, LEONARDO WHAT'S GOING ON, LEONARDO?
WE READY HEY! OH, BEYONCE DANCING WITH ME.
ME AND BEYONCE DANCING [ LAUGHTER ] WE GETTING IT.
AND MOST PEOPLE WOULD BE INTIMIDATED TO DANCE NEXT TO
BEYONCE, BUT I FEEL LIKE BEYONCE IS INTIMIDATED DANCING NEXT TO ME BECAUSE I GOT THE
MOVES. OKAY [ LAUGHTER ]
I BEEN KILLING IT ON THE DANCE FLOOR. MOSTLY MY PINKY TOE.
Jimmy: THAT'S CRAZY SLRSRS SHE WAS LIKE, "HERE YOU GO,
GIRL YOU AIN'T GOT NO SHOES ON. HERE YOU GO.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT THAT'S FUN
I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THE SHOW AND SEE A CLIP FROM IT WHEN WE COME BACK.
MORE WITH TIFFANY HADDISH AFTER THE BREAK, EVERYBODY COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. WE ARE HANGING OUT WITH TIFFANY HADDISH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HER NEW SHOW, "THE AFTERPARTY," PREMIERES THIS FRIDAY ON APPLE
TV PLUS. THE SHOW TAKES PLACE ON THE NIGHT OF A HIGH SCHOOL REUNION
HAVE YOU EVER GONE BACK TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION? OR GONE TO ONE
OH, DEFINITELY. I'VE BEEN TO MY HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS
IT'S -- THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW YOU MADE IT, JIMMY THEY SCHEDULED THE REUNIONS
AROUND MY SCHEDULE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THEY CALLED ME LIKE, "TIFFANY,
YOU COMING TO THE REUNION? I'M LIKE, "WHEN IS IT? WHEN IS IT?"
THEY'RE LIKE, "WHEN ARE YOU AVAILABLE? [ LAUGHTER ]
"SHE MADE IT, SHE READY. OKAY, SO HERE ARE MY DAYS. WE EVEN HAD ONE OF THE
REUNIONS, OUR FIFTEENTH REUNION, THE YEAR 15, WE HAD IT AT THE COMEDY CLUB
I WAS LIKE, "OH, THAT NIGHT, I'VE GOT TO DO A SHOW. THEY WERE LIKE, "WHERE'S THE
SHOW AT? I WAS LIKE, "FLAPPERS IN BURBANK.
THEY WERE LIKE, "THAT'S WHERE THE REUNION WILL BE. Jimmy: NO WAY
[ LAUGHTER ] SO YOU GOT TO SEE EVERYONE FROM YOUR HIGH SCHOOL IN THE CROWD?
YEAH, EVERY -- IT WAS EVERYBODY FROM HIGH SCHOOL SO IT, KIND OF, TURNED, INTO,
LIKE, AN IMPROMPTU ROAST [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY.
SO, IT WAS GOOD Jimmy: I'VE DONE THAT TO. I REMEMBER DOING STAND UP AND
MY PRINCIPAL CAME TO SEE ME DO STAND UP AND I WAS LIKE -- AND HE WAS
LIKE, "HI, YOU REMEMBER ME OR WHATEVER?" AND I GO, "OH, MY -- YEAH.
AND THEN I WAS LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE ANY MATERIAL TO MAKE FUN OF YOU, BUT I WILL."
YOU DIDN'T MAKE FUN OF THE PRINCIPAL? Jimmy: I COULDN'T -- I
COULDN'T -- I DIDN'T KNOW MATERIAL ABOUT THE PRINCIPAL HE LIKED ME.
HE WAS A GREAT -- I WAS, LIKE, THE KID IN SCHOOL THAT I -- IF I WOULD GET IN TROUBLE AND THEN
THE PRINCIPAL WOULD BE LIKE, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" I GO, "I KNEW I MADE A JOKE OR
SOMETHING. HE WAS LIKE, "AH, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO DETENTION?"
I GO, "SURE. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, WE JUST HAD A DEAL
WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING. I WAS LIKE -- I WAS HANGING OUT IN THE OFFICE.
AND I WOULD GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE AND JUST SAY, "WHAT'S UP?
AND HANG OUT [ LAUGHTER ] MY PRINCIPAL AT -- WELL, LET
ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL, I USED TO GET SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE OFTEN BUT -- BUT SEE, I WAS A BUSINESS WOMAN
[ LAUGHTER ] AND ONE DAY I GOT SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE BECAUSE I
DECIDED TO QUIT BEING A MASCOT, AND THEY NEEDED ME BACK ON THE FIELD BECAUSE THE NUMBERS WAS
DROPPING LOW THE MORALE WAS DROPPING LOW. AND SO WE HAD NEGOTIATED A
A DEAL, BECAUSE I WOULD THROW OUT CANDY AND I WOULD GET THE CANDY FROM MY HOME GIRL WHO
WORKED AT THE 99 CENT STORE, RIGHT? AND SO -- AND SHE OWED ME SOME
FAVORS BECAUSE I WOULD BABYSIT OR WHATEVER. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT ANYWAYS, I TOLD HIM, "LOOK, I CAN'T GET BACK ON THE FIELD UNLESS I GET PAID, BECAUSE I
NEED A BOYFRIEND I DON'T HAVE NO BOYFRIEND. I NEED TO GET MY HAIR DONE AND
MY NAILS DONE SO I CAN GET A A BOYFRIEND. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: OH, MY GOD AND THEN HE WAS LIKE, "I CAN'T PAY YOU TO BE A MASCOT."
I SAID, "WELL, LOOK, WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING." SO BY THE TIME WE FINISHED
NEGOTIATING, YOU KNOW, I WAS MAKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW, $50 TO $100 A GAME.
Jimmy: SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NOW YOU WERE THE MASCOT OF -- OF THE TEAM? WHAT WAS -- WHAT WAS THE
MASCOT WHAT WAS IT? OH, IT WAS A CONQUISTADOR
I WAS A SPANISH SOLDIER, DARLING. Jimmy: WOW, THE
CONQUISTADOR AND YOU HAD TO WEAR A FULL COSTUME AND EVERYTHING
YEAH, I WORE THE FULL COSTUME, BUT I DID NOT WEAR THE HEAD
BECAUSE THE HEAD -- IT WAS AN OLD -- IT WAS AN OLD COSTUME YOU KNOW, THE SCHOOL WAS BUILT
IN THE '50s. I GRADUATED IN THE 1 1990s -- 1900s, ANYWAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT -- THE HEAD WAS NOT A GOOD SMELL, SO I DIDN'T WEAR THE
HEAD Jimmy: 1900s. IT WAS FULL COSTUME BUT MY
HEAD SO -- AND I WAS THE ONLY TALKING MASCOT IN THE VALLEY
I WOULD BE LIKE, "EL CO- 'WHAT?'" AND EVERYONE WOULD BE LIKE, "-MINO."
I WAS EL CAMINO REAL SO, YEAH "EL CAMINO
WHO KNOWS? WE KNOW! BABY!"
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT
WE HAVE TO -- I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "THE AFTERPARTY. IT'S ON THIS FRIDAY, APPLE TV
PLUS HOW DO WE SET IT UP FOR EVERYBODY?
WHAT DO WE SAY SO IF YOU LOVE TO PLAY THE GAME, "CLUE," RIGHT?
REMEMBER THE GAME, "CLUE"? Jimmy: OF COURSE, LOVE IT SO IT'S A MYSTERY SHOW, AND
EVERY EPISODE IS A DIFFERENT GENRE OF TV AND MOVIE. SO THE FIRST EPISODE IS THE
ROM-COM. AND ANOTHER EPISODE IS THRILLER OR ACTION.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT'S JUST FUN IT'S JUST A REALLY FUN SHOW.
SHOW THEM THE CLIP SHOW THEM THE CLIP Jimmy: YEAH, HERE WE GO
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, I WANT TO SHOW THE CLIP. HERE IS TIFFANY HADDISH IN "THE
AFTERPARTY." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
CULP, GOOD. I NEED SOMEBODY TO - CAPTAIN CALLED ME
REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS WERE FRIENDS.
OH, WE'RE NOT HE JUST WANTED ME TO HEAR IT DIRECTLY FROM HIM THAT THIS IS
NOT OUR CASE HE ONLY WANTED US TO COLLECT WITNESS STATEMENTS UNTIL
JERMAINE GOT HERE. OKAY, SO THAT IS BASICALLY WHAT HE SAID TO ME AS WELL,
BUT -- LOOK, I CAN CRACK THIS THING, OKAY? YOU LIED TO ME.
YOU'RE BEING DRAMATIC DO NOT CALL ME DRAMATIC IT'S COOL
LOOK, IF I DON'T SOLVE THIS CASE, I PROMISE YOU I WILL TAKE THE RAP.
I WILL NOT LET ANY HARM COME TO YOU. BUT THIS WRINGER GUY THAT'S
COMING, I KNOW HIM AND HE WILL -- THIS UP NOW I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO HELP
ME I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO NOT "NOT HELP ME," OKAY
Jimmy: YEAH, AS IN "NOT NOT. TIFFANY HADDISH, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TO "NOT GO. Jimmy: "THE AFTERPARTY"
PREMIERES FRIDAY ON APPLE TV PLUS WE LOVE YOU, BUD
LOVE YOU, TOO Jimmy: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH PARIS HILTON.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. WE LOVE YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* Jimmy: "I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
I'M ALWAYS ROLLING MY EYES AT PEOPLE'S RIDICULOUSNESS. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP
DO YOU HAVE ANY SOLUTIONS OR ADVICE?" WEAR SUNGLASSES
Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSWOMAN, DJ, AND PODCAST HOST
YOU CAN CATCH THE TWO-EPISODE FINALE OF HER SERIES "PARIS IN LOVE" THURSDAY ON PEACOCK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME PARIS HILTON
* * Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC
THANK YOU Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, AND CONGRATS ON GETTING
MARRIED. THIS IS A BIG DEAL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
IT HAPPENED. YEP Jimmy: THIS THURSDAY YOU'LL
BE ABLE TO SEE THE WEDDING IN THE TWO-PART FINALE OF "PARIS IN LOVE.
I HAVE SOME PHOTOS HERE TO SHOW THIS IS BEAUTIFUL, LOOKING
AT - HERE'S YOU AT THE ALTAR. YES
Jimmy: GORGEOUS I LOVE THAT OSCAR de la RENTA GOWN
Jimmy: WOWZERS. THIS IS YOU AND CARTER WALKING DOWN THE AISLE
LOOK AT THIS HOW WAS IT HOW WAS EVERYTHING
WHAT WENT WRONG? [ LAUGHTER ] IT WAS --
Jimmy: SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG AT A WEDDING IT WAS MAGICAL.
IT WAS EVERYTHING. I THINK THE ONLY THING I WAS STRESSING OUT ABOUT WAS I
HADN'T WRITTEN MY VOWS UP UNTIL I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE
I WAS LIKE - Jimmy: OH, NO -- RUSHING.
IT WAS VERY STRESSFUL. Jimmy: THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE
WHAT'D YOU END UP -- DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID? I JUST ENDED UP THROWING
THEM ON THE FLOOR DURING MY SPEECH AND THEN JUST STARTED SPEAKING FROM THE HEART.
SO, IT WENT WAY BETTER Jimmy: WOW. DID YOU GET EMOTIONAL?
HE WAS CRYING THE ENTIRE TIME [ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS LIKE, I AM NOT RUINING THIS MASCARA AND GLAM, SO -- [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: THAT'S SO FUNNY. DID YOU MAKE - LAST TIME WE TALKED, YOU SAID
YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE TEN OUTFIT CHANGES DID YOU?
WELL, I WANTED TO LIVE UP TO THAT, BUT I ONLY DID SEVEN [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: BUT YOU DID DO IT. YES Jimmy: WAS IT TOUGH TO DO
TO KEEP GOING AND CHANGING SORT OF Jimmy: YEAH
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOUGHER TO DO AT THE SANTA MONICA PIER FOR THE NEON CARNIVAL BECAUSE
THERE'S NOWHERE TO CHANGE. BUT I HAD THE WEDDING AT MY GRANDFATHER'S OLD ESTATE
SO I JUST GOT DRESSED IN MY OLD TEENAGE ROOM IT WAS CUTE.
Jimmy: WOW. HOW ABOUT FIRST DANCE? WAS THAT GOOD?
STRESS YOU OUT I WAS SO STR -- THAT WAS THE ONE THING I WAS DREADING,
'CAUSE I HATE BALLROOM DANCING I'M JUST -- I'M GOOD AT LIKE RAVING AND JUMPING AROUND.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT, LIKE, A FANCY DANCE - Jimmy: YOU CAN'T DO THAT,
YEAH YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YEAH, I WAS LIKE, I CAN'T
BUT I KILLED THAT TOO. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH.
YOU'RE RIDICULOUS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
WHAT WAS -- CAN YOU TELL US YOUR FIRST DANCE SONG? BRUNO MARS, "JUST THE WAY
YOU ARE. I LOVE THAT SONG Jimmy: DID YOU HAVE ANY
OTHER SONGS UNDER CONSIDERATION? "STARS ARE BLIND.
MY SONG. Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT KIM PETRAS SANG IT. Jimmy: THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT.
SHE ALREADY SANG IT KIM PETRAS, MY FRIEND SANG IT AS I WAS WALKING DOWN THE
AISLE, SO -- Jimmy: SHE DID? YES
Jimmy: I RAN INTO YOUR MOM, BY THE WAY, WHO'S SUPER CUTE AND AWESOME AND FUNNY.
AND SHE TOLD ME THAT DEMI LOVATO CRUSHED IT OH, MY GOD.
THAT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL SINGING "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
EVERYBODY WAS CRYING Jimmy: DEMI LOVATO IS LEGIT, MAN.
SO TALENTED Jimmy: I MEAN, PIPES. YEAH
OH, THAT'S SO FUN. WELL, HOW WAS YOUR MOM DURING THE WEDDING?
SHE WAS A LOT OF FUN. MY MOM -- NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO THROW A PARTY LIKE MY MOM.
LIKE, THAT'S WHERE I GET IT FROM Jimmy: SHE SEEMS FUN.
YEAH, SHE'S SO COOL SHE LOVES YOU. SHE SAID SHE LOVES YOU THE
OTHER NIGHT. Jimmy: SHE'S GREAT. ALSO -- SHE'S JUST A CHARACTER
SHE'S SO FUN I MEAN, SHE'S THE BEST THING ON TELEVISION
THANK YOU Jimmy: I THINK SHE'S THE FUNNIEST PERSON.
I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP OF YOUR SHOW THIS IS PARIS FINDING WEDDING
INSPIRATION IN THE CRAZIEST -- WHERE IS THIS PLACE? LAS VEGAS
AREA 15, IT'S LIKE AN INDOOR BURNING MAN. IT'S SICK.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: THIS IS REAL TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
MAN FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE EVENTS
IT'S SO MAGICAL AND IT'S LIKE NOTHING ON EARTH AND AREA 15 IS LIKE AN INDOOR
BURNING MAN. SO I THOUGHT, WHAT A BETTER WAY TO KICK OFF THE WEEKEND.
ALL RIGHT, LOSER TAKES A SHOT NO, I DON'T WANT TO RACE.
OH, BABE, WAIT FOR ME YES OH, YES!
IT PAYS TO GO WITH PARIS HILTON TO VEGAS BECAUSE THEY TREAT YOU LIKE THE QUEEN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT IS THAT IT'S AMAZING.
YOU HAVE TO GO Jimmy: I HAVE TO GO TO THAT PLACE.
LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, I ASKED YOU TO EXPLAIN NFTs. AND YOU DID SO IN A GREAT WAY,
WHICH IS A VERY HARD THING TO REALLY EXPLAIN TO A LOT OF PEOPLE
BUT SINCE THEN FORBES HAS NAMED YOU ONE OF THE TOP 50 MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE IN THE NFT
SPACE. SO, CONGRATS ON THAT THANK YOU
Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. THANK YOU
I'M SO PROUD I LOVE BEING PART OF THIS COMMUNITY AND BEING A VOICE AND
SHARING MY PLATFORM AND JUST GETTING THE WORD OUT THERE BECAUSE I THINK IT'S JUST SUCH
AN INCREDIBLE THING TO BE A PART OF. Jimmy: YEAH, I JUMPED IN.
I KNOW, I HEARD I'M SO HAPPY I TAUGHT YOU WHAT THEY WERE.
Jimmy: YOU DID. YOU TAUGHT ME WHAT'S UP. AND THEN I BOUGHT AN APE
I GOT AN APE TOO. BECAUSE I SAW YOU ON THE SHOW WITH BEEPLE.
AND I SEE YOU GOT A MOONPAY. SO, I WENT AND I COPIED YOU AND DID THE SAME THING
Jimmy: YOU DID? MM-HM Jimmy: THIS IS YOUR -- THIS
IS YOUR APE. YEAH, IT'S REALLY COOL. LOOK AT THE HAT, THE SHADES.
[ APPLAUSE ] Jimmy: NOW -- HOW DID YOU PICK -
'CAUSE YOU CAN PICK YOUR APE YES I WAS GOING THROUGH A LOT OF
THEM, AND I WAS LIKE, I WANT SOMETHING THAT, LIKE, KIND OF REMINDS ME OF ME
BUT -- THIS ONE, IT DOES I THINK -- WE MADE, LIKE, ANOTHER VERSION OF IT WHERE HE
TAKES THE HAT OFF AND BLONDE HAIR COMES OUT Jimmy: YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU CAN
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ANIMATED VERSION. Jimmy: WE'RE PART OF THE
SAME COMMUNITY I KNOW, YES Jimmy: WE'RE BOTH APES.
I LOVE IT Jimmy: HERE'S MY APE. THIS IS MY APE
YOURS IS SO COOL. I LOVE THE RED HEART SUNGLASSES
I LOVE THE CAPTAIN HAT Jimmy: IT REMINDED ME OF ME A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE I WEAR
STRIPE SHIRTS. I'VE WORN THESE HEART SUNGLASSES 'CAUSE MY DAUGHTERS,
JUST AS A JOKE THEY HAVE THEM AND AS A JOKE I'VE PUT THEM ON
SO, I'VE DONE THIS AND I LOVE YACHT ROCK AND JUST BEING BREEZY
SO, I'M LIKE, YEAH THAT KIND OF -- AND I LIKE THE BLUE
SEE, LOOK AT THIS. THEY LOOK LIKE THEY COULD BE FRIENDS.
Jimmy: THEY'RE BUDDIES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BUT THIS IS -- YOU HAVE A NEW
NFT. YOU HAVE ONE BEING RELEASED SOON
WE HAVE IT HERE. WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS
WELL, IT'S AN NFT SERIES I'M DOING WITH SUPER PLASTIC AND RELEASING ON ORIGIN PROTOCOL
AND THEN I MADE ANOTHER PIECE BY HAND. IT TOOK ME SIX MONTHS.
AND IT'S A COLLAGE OF ALL OF MY MEMORIES WITH CARTER AND IT'S CALLED "MY FOREVER
FAIRY TALE." Jimmy: WOW. AND HERE'S THE ACTUAL COLLAGE.
[ APPLAUSE ] YES Jimmy: THIS IS BIG.
I THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS. WELL, IF YOU LOVE IT SO
MUCH, I ACTUALLY WANT TO GIVE YOU THE FIRST ONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: I WOULD BE HONORED AND I WANT TO GIVE ONE TO EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: EVERYONE GETS AN NFT YES, EVERYONE
Jimmy: EVERYONE GETS AN NFT PARIS -- THAT -- COME ON I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST NFT
GIVE AWAY IN TELEVISION HISTORY. YES
Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU. ICONIC! Jimmy: PARIS HILTON
WHO ELSE DOES THAT I LOVE YOU GUYS Jimmy: PARIS AND I ARE GOING
TO DO SOMETHING AFTER THE BREAK. WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GUEST TO
HELP US OUT. STICK AROUND FOR REAL
WE ALL GET ONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. WE HAVE A LITTLE -
WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST WITH US RIGHT NOW. YES
THIS IS DIAMOND BABY Jimmy: HI, DIAMOND BABY NICE TO SEE YOU.
I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE THE BIGGEST SURPRISE BUT WE ALSO HAVE ANOTHER
SURPRISE YOUR MOM IS HERE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
KATHY HILTON
*
Jimmy: YES! YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST PERSON ON
TELEVISION RIGHT NOW HI, MOM Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
HI, HONEY HOW ARE YOU? BEAUTIFUL
Jimmy: NOW, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO HAVE BOTH YOU GUYS TOGETHER AND PLAY A GAME
WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS GIVE OUT GREAT ADVICE
AND I THOUGHT, RIGHT NOW IT WOULD BE FUN WE CAN HELP PEOPLE OUT WITH BIG
TIME LIFE DECISIONS. IT'S TIME FOR "LIFE COACH WITH PARIS AND KATHY HILTON."
* LIFE COACH WITH PARIS AND KATHY *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: SO, WE HAD VIEWERS SEND IN SOME QUESTIONS
WE'VE GOT SOME PRETTY GOOD ONES HOW ABOUT THIS ONE
MY BEST FRIEND JUST HAD A BABY, AND ALL SHE EVER WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IS THE KID
HOW DO I GET HER INTERESTED IN TALKING ABOUT ALL THE GOSSIP AND STUFF WE USED TO DISCUSS
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, I KNOW THOSE PEOPLE I WOULD JUST SAY, SHOW THE
PICTURE ONCE 'CAUSE NOBODY REALLY CARES, TRUTHFULLY
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S SO MEAN. ONE PICTURE
THAT'S ENOUGH. Jimmy: THEY DON'T REALLY -- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT
THAT'S TRUE. THEY DON'T CARE Jimmy: BUT WHEN YOU FIRST
BECOME A PARENT THOUGH, ALL YOU DO IS SHOW PICTURES TO EVERYBODY.
I SHOW MY CAB DRIVER I'M LIKE, DUDE LOOK AT MY BABY AND HE'S LIKE -- YEAH.
THAT WAS RICK, MY HUSBAND Jimmy: HE SHOWED IT TO EVERYBODY, YEAH.
MY FRIEND AND I HAD A PRETTY MEDIOCRE MEAL, AND SHE LEFT A ONE STAR REVIEW ON YELP.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE RESTAURANT AND WORKERS, 'CAUSE MAYBE THEY JUST HAD AN OFF DAY.
IS IT RUDE TO LEAVE A SUPER NEGATIVE REVIEW LIKE THAT, OR AM I CRAZY
I THINK THAT'S SO RUDE BECAUSE YOU COULD REALLY HURT SOMEONE.
AND PEOPLE ARE REALLY STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW AND IT'S JUST NOT NICE
IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOMETHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL
Jimmy: I LOVE THAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CAN'T TOP THAT
I AGREE WITH YOU DON'T DO THAT. I LOVE THAT.
ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT THIS I FEEL LIKE I'M LOOKING AT MY
CELL PHONE SO MUCH, IT'S STARTING TO NEGATIVELY AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIPS AND MY SLEEP.
HOW DO I CUT DOWN ON MY PHONE USAGE? I WASTED THREE YEARS ON MY
CELL PHONE AND MY iPAD NO, I'M NOT KIDDING. Jimmy: THREE YEARS OF YOUR
LIFE GONE. THREE YEARS GONE. WASTING, JUST SITTING THERE.
AND IT WOULD GET DARK. Jimmy: WOW. AND WHAT DO YOU DO NOW
NOW I'M WORKING [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: SO, YOU DON'T NEED -
HOW ABOUT YOU? I WOULD PROBABLY NEED TO ASK THAT ADVICE AS WELL.
BECAUSE I'M ADDICTED TO MY PHONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: IT'S LIKE, THIS QUESTION CAME FROM YOU ALL RIGHT, PERFECT
IT'S ME Jimmy: I HEARD, LIKE, IF YOU WANT TO -- WHEN YOU GO TO BED,
YOU PUT THE PHONE -- YOU CHARGE IT IN THE OTHER ROOM NO
I NEED THE ALARM. Jimmy: TOO SCARY? I NEED THE SLEEP FAN OR
SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT LIKE, A NOISE.
Jimmy: YOU TOO, RIGHT WE BOTH HAVE THE FANS Jimmy: HOW ABOUT THIS
I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM I'M ALWAYS ROLLING MY EYES AT PEOPLE'S RIDICULOUSNESS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP DO YOU HAVE ANY SOLUTIONS OR
ADVICE WEAR SUNGLASSES [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: WOW, A PRO I LOVE IT Jimmy: WOW, A PRO RIGHT
THERE. DON'T STOP ROLLING JUST WEAR SUNGLASSES
PERFECT. PARIS, IT GOES WITH YOUR APE MY HUSBAND IS A NIGHT OWL BUT
I'M AN EARLY RISER WE DON'T GET TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME TOGETHER AS WE'D LIKE
SHOULD I TRY TO START STAYING UP LATER, OR SHOULD HE TRY TO START WAKING UP EARLIER.
I CAN RELATE TO THAT. BUT IT'S THE OPPOSITE. I'M THE NIGHT OWL AND MY
HUSBAND IS, LIKE, THE EARLY RISER AND GOES TO BED EARLY. SO, I TRY TO GET HIM TO STAY UP
LATER. SO, I DON'T KNOW JUST TRY TO CHANGE YOUR
SLEEPING SCHEDULE OR TELL THE OTHER PERSON TO WAKE UP EARLIER.
WAKE THE OTHER PERSON Jimmy: WOW. KATHY, ANY ADVICE ON THAT?
I WOULD -- I THINK I'M -- RICK GOES TO BED I STAY UP LATER ON THE iPAD.
SO, I THINK HE'S GOT TO GET AN iPAD SO WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: YOU'RE BOTH ON THE iPAD YEAH
ALL RIGHT, THIS ONE SAYS, I REALLY WANT TO QUIT MY JOB AND TRAVEL, BUT I'M AFRAID OF
FINDING WORK WHEN I'M BACK SHOULD I JUST DO IT ANYWAY I KNOW WHO WROTE THIS
QUESTION YOU DO? I DO.
DON'T YOU KNOW NO. I THINK I DO.
I THINK IT'S THE OCTOPUS, CARTER WHAT?
Jimmy: WHAT WE CALL CARTER THE GROOMZILLA AND THE OCTOPUS
BECAUSE HE'S GOT HIS MITTS INTO EVERYTHING. Jimmy: SO, YOU THINK CARTER
WROTE THIS READ IT AGAIN Jimmy: I WANT TO QUIT MY JOB
AND TRAVEL, BUT I'M AFRAID OF FINDING WORK WHEN I'M BACK SHOULD I JUST DO IT ANYWAY
WHAT? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. [ LAUGHTER ]
HE DID TRAVEL WITH YOU ON A A LONG HOLIDAY YEAH, THE HONEYMOON
HE'S WORKING NON-STOP. I KNOW. IT'S A NEW WORLD.
YOU CAN WORK FROM ANYWHERE AND ZOOM I GET IT.
SOON. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WOW, WOW
THE OCTOPUS. OH, MY GOD NO, HE DOES
HE'S GOT HIS MITTS INTO EVERYTHING AND PARIS IS RIGHT
SHE GOES, "MOMMY, HE MEANS WELL." BUT HE WAS OFFENDING ME.
HE WAS CALLING THE CAKE PLACE. HE WAS CALLING THE BAND. HE WAS CALLING -
Jimmy: FOR THE WEDDING? THE PARTY PLANNER YES, HE'S VERY ORGANIZED.
THE BAND, THE HOTELS. EVERYTHING Jimmy: BUT HE'S THE GROOM
I KNOW. I SAID, THIS IS NOT NORMAL [ LAUGHTER ]
HE EVEN PICKED OUT THE INVITATION AND THE SAVE THE DATE CARDS
I WAS LIKE, OKAY HE'S JUST VERY RESPONSIBLE, VERY ORGANIZED
AND WE'RE NOT. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? COME ON?
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: ALL, RIGHT, HOW ABOUT THIS
READY? HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE HATERS AROUND THE WORLD
AND WHAT'S YOUR ADVICE TO KEEP THE NEGATIVITY AWAY? TO ME I REALLY THINK THAT
YOU SEND OUT LOVE AND GOOD WISHES AND I JUST PUT, LIKE -- IF
THEY'RE UNKIND, PUT LIKE A A LITTLE SAD EMOJI [ LAUGHTER ]
NO, I MEAN THAT. REALLY Jimmy: JUST LET THEM KNOW
THE FACT THEY'RE GIVING YOU ATTENTION, THEY DO CARE ABOUT YOU.
SO, THEN I JUST WRITE, "OH, I'M SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU" OR I PUT AN EMOJI LIKE THAT
AND THEN THEY'RE SWEET AND THEY FEEL BAD [ LAUGHTER ]
KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS I LIKE THAT. YES
GRANDMA USED TO SAY THAT Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. GOOD
KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS. I'LL TAKE THAT I LOVE IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "LIFE COACH WITH PARIS AND
KATHY HILTON." THANK YOU. I LOVE THAT YOU CAME OUT
THANK YOU. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC FROM EARL SWEATSHIRT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * Jimmy: PERFORMING
"TWENTY-TEN" FROM HIS NEW ALBUM "SICK!" GIVE IT UP FOR EARL SWEATSHIRT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* I'MA NEED A BIGGE
BAG FOR THE COHORT TRYNA MAKE A MILLIONAIRE OUT OF SLUM DOGS *
* BET THAT HEAD CRACK BLUNT FORC COZY WITH TH
EAST AFRICANS UP NORTH * * SEVEN MAKE A THRE TURN A TEN BY LA
CRESCENT MOON WINK WHEN I BLINKED IT WAS GONE * * LEFT THE CRIB SMACKED
NO SHEATH ON THE SWORD MADE IT BY THE SKI OF MY TEETH THANK GOD '03 *
* MOMMA ROCKIN LIZ CLAIBORN HAD HER STRESSIN' UP THE WALL PLAYIN'
MARY J. SONGS * * RAINY DAY CAM COULDN'T RINSE
THE STAINS OFF LONG WAY TO GO * * WE ALREADY CAME FAR
STORY STAYED THE SAM IT WAS NEVER MAD U THREW ME LOOSE CHANGE *
* LOOK AT WHAT I MADE OF IT WHEN THE MOOD CHANGE I'MA POKER-FACE 'E
IT'S A NEW DAY * * WHO GOT ALL THE ACE WHO BE FOLDIN' LAT
WHO KNOW WHEN TO PLAY DEAD WHO SIT UP STRAIGHT * * WHEN THE ROOF CAVED I
HAD A FULL PLATE YOU AIN'T WANNA SPLIT IT TELL IT TO YOU STRAIGHT *
* YOU AIN'T WANNA LISTE CUP RUNNETH OVER THE BRI BUST OPEN THERE'
NO CLOSIN' THE LID * * DRUMROLL HERE GO MY LIL' ENTRANC
GUNG HO I'M THE ON THAT GO GET IT * * FIVE O'S ON M
LIKE THE OLYMPIC PURE GOLD SOMETHIN TOLD ME DON'T MIX IT *
* CAUGHT A FEELIN' * * MOMMA HAD ME OUT TEMPLE NOT RELIGIOU
WE WAS REALLY OUT PHILLY LIVIN' ON THE FLY * * TRYNA WING IT
WE GOT US A FIRE TO REKINDL REDIRECT THE FIGHT *
* WHERE IT'S MEANT FO TRIUMPH OVER PLIGH AND IMMENSE LOSS
RIDE ALONE AT NIGHT * * I GET CLEAR THOUGHT CAUGHT A COUPLE SLIGHT
AND I VEERED OFF SAW ANOTHER HEIGHT * * HAD MY EARS POPPIN'
WALKED OUTSIDE IT WAS STILL GORGEOU SHARP INCISORS *
* REVEAL SLOWLY IN THE DARK INSIDE WE WAS REAL HUNGRY
ON A SEVEN OF THE FIVE * * WE WAS REAL HUNGR WE STILL DRUMMIN
FOOT SHOOK GROUN WHEN I STEPPED ON IT * * DIDN'T LOOK BAC
WHEN I BROKE SOI 'CAUSE EVERY TIM I DID IT WOULD HURT MORE *
* IN THE DARK INSID WE WAS REAL HUNGRY ON A SEVEN OF THE FIVE
WE WAS REAL HUNGRY * * AND I DIDN'T LOOK BAC WHEN I BROKE SOI
'CAUSE EVERY TIM I DID IT WOULD HURT MORE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: EARL SWEATSHIRT! "SICK!" IS OUT NOW MY THANKS TO TIFFANY HADDISH,
PARIS HILTON EARL SWEATSHIRT ONCE AGAIN AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE