1 00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:13,113 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:18,918 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:23,056 TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - SARAH SILVERMAN, 4 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:27,894 LEWIS BLACK, MUSICAL GUEST FONTAINES D.C. AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:35,568 ROOTS CREW QuestLove: 1582. >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:41,708 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,177 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:44,177 --> 00:01:01,061 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 9 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,597 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT WELCOME EVERYBODY. 10 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,366 WELCOME. ENJOY YOURSELVES WELCOME. 11 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:10,170 WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE, YOU MADE IT 12 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:15,241 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL GUYS, TODAY IS NATIONAL 13 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:20,246 PHARMACIST DAY [ CHEERS ] YEAH 14 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,082 TO CELEBRATE, PHARMACISTS EVERYWHERE WERE LIKE, "A PFIZER SHOT FOR YOU AND A TEQUILA SHOT 15 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:26,486 FOR ME." [ LAUGHTER ] IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING 16 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:29,089 NICE TO YOUR PHARMACIST, YOU CAN STOP ASKING THEM IF THEY HAVE ANYMORE COVID TESTS IN THE 17 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:35,862 BACK "EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS OUT." [ LAUGHTER ] 18 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:39,099 SPEAKING OF COVID TESTS, THE STATE OF FLORIDA LET A MILLION COVID TESTS EXPIRE IN 19 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:45,705 A WAREHOUSE. [ AUDIENCE GROANS BUT NOW THE FDA HAS DECIDED TO 20 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:55,015 EXTEND THE EXPIRATION DATES. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WHEN THEY HEARD THAT, EVERY 21 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,850 NEW YORK HOTDOG VENDOR WAS LIKE, "IS THAT REALLY SAFE TO DO THAT? 22 00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:01,654 BECAUSE -- [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THE FDA JUST EXTENDED THE 23 00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:05,158 EXPIRATION DATES WHEN THEY HEARD THAT, THE CDC SAID, "HEY, MAKING UP RULES AS 24 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:10,730 YOU GO IS OUR THING. [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, FLORIDA WAS LIKE, 25 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,298 "YOU CAN PUT ANY DATE ON THEM IF YOU WANT, WE'RE STILL NOT GOING TO USE THEM. 26 00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:16,736 WE DON'T CARE. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW GET THIS 27 00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:19,806 I SAW THAT GRADE SCHOOLS IN MASSACHUSETTS ARE USING DOGS TO SNIFF OUT COVID. 28 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,876 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SO IF THE DOG STARTS BARKING, "EITHER YOU HAVE COVID OR 29 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:30,950 LUNCHABLES." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE [ GROWLS ] 30 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:35,689 >> Steve: "BOLOGNA." >> Jimmy: BUT GOOD NEWS, IF THIS WORKS, THE WHITE HOUSE 31 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:38,625 PLANS TO MAIL EVERYONE IN THE U.S. A COVID DOG THAT'S RIGHT 32 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:45,598 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO, THAT'S KIND OF COOL. YESTERDAY, FORMER PRESIDENT 33 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:50,203 TRUMP HUNG UP DURING AN INTERVIEW WITH NPR [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 34 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:56,543 "I'VE HAD ENOUGH." [ LAUGHTER ] AFTER BEING CHALLENGED ON HIS 35 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,112 BASELESS ELECTION FRAUD CLAIMS OF COURSE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME TRUMP'S HUNG UP ON A PHONE 36 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:02,048 CALL I MEAN, WE ACTUALLY GOT AHOLD OF SOME AUDIO FROM OTHER ONES. 37 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:03,350 >> Steve: REALLY >> Jimmy: YEAH, TAKE A LISTEN TO THESE 38 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:03,383 >> Jimmy: YEAH, TAKE A LISTEN TO THESE 39 00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:08,054 >> MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF BEACH BUM TANNING, 40 00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:10,056 YOU'VE BEEN IN THE BED EIGHT HOURS AND WE'RE JUST WONDERING -- 41 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:13,693 [ HANGS UP ] [ LAUGHTER ] >> HELLO 42 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,663 >> MR.PRESIDENT, THIS IS DOMINO'S UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE OUT OF 43 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,265 CHEESY BREAD, BUT IF YOU'D LIKE TO EXCHANGE THAT FOR MAYBE A A SIDE SALAD WE COULD -- 44 00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,769 [ HANGS UP ] [ LAUGHTER ] >> HELLO 45 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:25,839 >> HI DAD, IT'S ERIC [ HANGS UP ] [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 46 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,876 >> Jimmy: VERY INSTANT >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: QUICK TO THE TRIGGER 47 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,512 ON THAT. >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: SWITCHING GEARS, 48 00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:37,917 RESEARCHERS FOUND THAT NETFLIX HAS CONTINUED TO PRODUCE CONTENT THAT SHOWS PEOPLE 49 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:43,857 SMOKING, DESPITE MAKING A PLEDGE THAT THEY WOULD STOP. PEOPLE DON'T WANT NETFLIX TO 50 00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:47,494 GLORIFY ADDICTION WHILE THEY WATCH FIVE HOURS OF NETFLIX EVERY NIGHT. 51 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:56,102 [ LAUGHTER ] NETFLIX IS LIKE, "WE HAD A DOLL MOW DOWN 300 PEOPLE IN 'SQUID 52 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:57,437 GAME.' YOU'RE DRAWING THE LINE AT SMOKING? 53 00:03:57,437 --> 00:04:03,209 [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, LISTEN TO THIS I SAW THAT THE OSCARS ARE GOING 54 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:05,945 TO HAVE A HOST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR YEARS YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT. 55 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:11,051 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, IT TURNS OUT A LOT OF CELEBRITIES ARE INTERESTED IN 56 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,820 THE JOB, AND WE ACTUALLY GOT OUR HANDS ON SOME LEAKED AUDIO OF THEIR AUDITIONS 57 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,055 OF THEIR AUDITIONS HERE, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 58 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:19,926 HOSTING THE OSCARS RIGHT NOW 59 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:24,330 THIS IS SO CRAZY OKAY SO, LIKE, HERE ARE THE NOMINEES 60 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:29,669 FOR BEST KISS? OH, NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S AN AWARD. 61 00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,405 KISSING'S LIKE PRETTY TIGHT THOUGH [ BEEP ] 62 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:36,109 >> OH, WOW >> WOW >> WOW, THIS IS JUST - 63 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,179 LOOK AT THESE BRIGHT LIGHTS. >> OH, MY GOD, THOSE LITTLE STATUES, WOW 64 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:42,682 [ LAUGHTER ] >> WOW [ BEEP ] 65 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:46,086 >> GREAT TO BE HERE ON HOLLYWOOD'S BIGGEST NIGHT, BROTHER. 66 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,654 I READ ON FACEBOOK THAT WIRELESS PRINTERS GIVE YOU COVID, ALSO THOSE APPLEBEE'S 67 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:53,560 BUZZERS TOO. ANYWAYS, THE NOMINEES FOR BEST TECHNICAL DIRECTION IN A SHORT 68 00:04:53,560 --> 00:05:03,036 FILM ARE, BROTHER -- [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW. 69 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:07,707 SOME BUSINESS NEWS APPARENTLY, DIRECTV AND DISH NETWORK ARE ONCE AGAIN IN TALKS 70 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:11,511 TO MERGE YEAH, IT'S TAKEN AWHILE TO REACH A DEAL BECAUSE NEITHER OF 71 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:17,217 THEM WORK WHEN IT'S RAINING. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT 72 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,954 DIRECTV AND DISH NETWORK MIGHT MERGE. AND IF THEY DO, MAYBE THEY'LL 73 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:26,292 BE NAMED "FORBES" MOST POWERFUL COMPANY OF 2003. [ LAUGHTER ] 74 00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,061 I SAW THAT, THIS WEEK, POPE FRANCIS WENT TO A RECORD SHOP IN DOWNTOWN ROME AND BOUGHT 75 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:33,833 A CD [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH, I GUESS HE'S A BIG MUSIC 76 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,336 FAN. CAN WE SEE HIM I GUESS HE LISTENED TO HIS CD 77 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:41,708 ON THE DRIVE HOME. * A-B-C-D-E-F-U * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 78 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:46,312 >> Jimmy: WOW, INTERESTING HE LIKES THAT? I LIKE GAYLE, TOO. 79 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,082 HEY, I HEARD THAT DOMINO'S SAID THIS YEAR IT'S EXPECTING UNPRECEDENTED FOOD COST 80 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:54,154 INCREASES. MEANWHILE, PAPA JOHNS WAS LIKE, "AS LONG AS KETCHUP PRICES STAY 81 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:57,891 LOW, WE'RE FINE. [ AUDIENCE OOHS [ LAUGHTER ] 82 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:02,028 OH, COME ON, HE'S NOT WATCHING [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, A PUB OWNER IN 83 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,097 IRELAND IS SO TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT COVID THAT HE'S MAKING ANY CUSTOMER WHO MENTIONS THE 84 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:09,703 VIRUS PUT TWO EUROS IN THE COVID JAR. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 85 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,305 THAT'S NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE OTHER COVID JAR, A BOWL OF COMMUNAL PEANUTS 86 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:16,943 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW, EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS 87 00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:17,043 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW, EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS 88 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:25,118 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 89 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:35,862 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE 90 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,398 FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE IS THE HOST OF "THE SARAH SILVERMAN PODCAST," AND 91 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:43,236 YOU CAN SEE HER IN THE NEW FILM, "MARRY ME," WHICH IS IN THEATERS FEBRUARY 11th 92 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:48,708 THE VERY FUNNY SARAH SILVERMAN IS JOINING US! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 93 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:52,645 I LOVE SARAH SILVERMAN IT'S A FUNNY SHOW. WE HAVE A FUNNY SHOW 94 00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:54,414 PLUS, HIS GRAMMY-NOMINATED STAND-UP SPECIAL "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE" IS AVAILABLE 95 00:06:54,414 --> 00:07:01,721 NOW, AND YOU CAN CATCH HIM LIVE ON HIS "OFF THE RAILS" TOUR. LEWIS BLACK IS HERE! 96 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:05,025 >> Steve: COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COME ON. 97 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:10,797 LOVE THAT MAN! >> Jimmy: AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM FONTAINES D.C.! 98 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:16,903 >> Steve: WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR 99 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,906 OUR LATEST INSTALLMENT OF "TONIGHT SHOW POLLS. HERE WE GO 100 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:19,939 "TONIGHT SHOW POLLS. HERE WE GO 101 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:26,579 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: LET'S CHECK OUT THIS 102 00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:28,081 FIRST POLL THIS FIRST POLL ASKED, "IF YOU'RE A PARENT, HOW ARE YOU 103 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:35,055 HANDLING SCHOOL CLOSINGS?" 50% SAID, "GETTING MY KIDS SET UP ON ZOOM." 104 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:40,060 30% SAID, "IN-PERSON TUTORING. 20% SAID, "WINE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 105 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:44,564 I'M SURPRISED IT'S THAT LOW. >> Steve: THAT'LL DO IT, YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE NEXT POLL 106 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,800 ASKED, "HOW ARE YOU TESTING FOR COVID? 64% SAID, "USING AT-HOME RAPID 107 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:53,206 TESTS. 32% SAID, "GETTING A PCR AT MY DOCTOR'S OFFICE. 108 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,476 4% SAID, "SHOVING A Q-TIP UP MY NOSE, RUBBING IT ON A PREGNANCY TEST, AND HOPING FOR THE BEST. 109 00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:02,649 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: FLORIDA. >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT POLL SAID, 110 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,219 "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON NETFLIX? 10% SAID, "'QUEER EYE.'" 111 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:10,156 10% SAID, "'EMILY IN PARIS.' 80% SAID, "MY OWN REFLECTION WHILE I SCROLL THROUGH TIKTOK. 112 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:19,532 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS NEXT ONE ASKED, "HOW DID YOU FEEL AFTER YOUR BOOSTER 113 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:22,936 SHOT?" 50% SAID, "I FELT NORMAL." 49% SAID, "I FELT A LITTLE 114 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:28,308 ACHY." THE CEO OF PFIZER SAID, "I PFELT PERPFECTLY PFINE." 115 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:32,479 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE ASKED, "WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO MAKE 116 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:36,916 YOUR HOME ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM FEEL LIKE A MOVIE THEATER? 12% SAID, "GET A WIDESCREEN 117 00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:42,956 TV." 23% SAID, "BUY A COMFORTABLE RECLINER." 118 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,058 65% SAID, "HIRE A STRANGER TO SIT NEXT TO YOU AND SUCK ON A MILK DUD TOO LOUDLY. 119 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:56,269 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: "YOU LIKING THE MOVIE? 120 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,439 >> Jimmy: "CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE? >> Steve: "SURE. 121 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:04,010 I GOT TWO PACKS. >> Jimmy: EVERY TIME WE WOULD GO TO THE MOVIES WITH MY MOM, 122 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,745 SHE WOULD SNEAK IN CANDY, AND IT WAS JUST LIKE THE LOUDEST CANDY YOU COULD EVER SNEAK IN 123 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:11,818 ANYWHERE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] IT WAS JUST LIKE WRAPPING AND 124 00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:14,087 UNWRAPPING, AND I GO, "WHAT IS YOUR THING." AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I 125 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:18,792 HEARD HER GO LIKE -- [ MIMICKING SELTZER OPENING SHE HAD LIKE A TWO LITER BOTTLE 126 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:22,028 OF SELTZER OR SOMETHING. [ LAUGHTER ] "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 127 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:25,265 >> Steve: "SAVING MONEY, MAN." >> Jimmy: "HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR BURGER 128 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:28,735 >> Steve: YOU COOKING STUFF? >> Jimmy: "YEAH, I'M -- HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR BURGER 129 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,604 MEDIUM?" >> Steve: "I GOT A FONDUE POT FOR NACHOS." 130 00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,107 >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT POLL ASKED, "HAVE YOU PLAYED THE NEW GAME WORDLE 131 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:38,812 ISN'T IT SO MUCH FUN?" 25% SAID, "MAYBE." 25% SAID, "GRAVE." 132 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:44,384 25% SAID, "AGAVE." 25% SAID, "AGREE." YEAH, WE DID IT! 133 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:49,856 >> Steve: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: NEXT POLL ASKED, 134 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:59,232 "WHAT RATING WOULD YOU GIVE THE WEEKND'S NEW ALBUM?" 100% SAID, "TN OUT OF TN." 135 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,334 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT WAS A THINKER, KIND OF, YEAH 136 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,837 >> Steve: IT'S A THINKER, NOT A STINKER. >> Jimmy: YEAH 137 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,473 THIS LAST POLL ASKED, "WHAT ANGERS YOU THE MOST? 60% SAID, "POLITICS. 138 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:10,844 39% SAID, "TAXES." ELMO SAID, "ROCKS CAN'T EAT COOKIES. 139 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,912 THERE YOU GO, EVERYBODY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S ALL WE HAVE FOR "TONIGHT 140 00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:15,315 SHOW POLLS." STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "BATTLE OF THE 141 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,817 INSTANT SONGWRITERS" COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 142 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:39,472 * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 143 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:43,643 HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE LOVE SONGS AND WE ESPECIALLY LOVE SONGS 144 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,912 WRITTEN BY OUR AUDIENCE MEMBERS IN UNDER AN HOUR IT'S TIME FOR "BATTLE OF THE 145 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,747 INSTANT SONGWRITERS. HERE WE GO 146 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:51,951 * SOMETHING SUNG * * AND SINGING THE SON AND I'M WRITING THE SONG 147 00:10:51,951 --> 00:11:00,794 ABOUT ANOTHER SONG * >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO "BATTLE OF THE INSTANT SONGWRITERS. 148 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:05,598 BEFORE THE SHOW WE WENT THROUGH OUR AUDIENCE AND PICKED OUT TWO PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY WERE 149 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,668 MUSICIANS. WE GAVE THEM EACH A MADE-UP SONG TITLE AND GAVE THEM AN 150 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,970 HOUR TO WRITE AN ORIGINAL SONG BASED ON THAT TITLE. HERE'S A SHOT OF THEM 151 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:15,642 PRACTICING BACKSTAGE A MINUTE AGO. OH, THEY'RE BOTH PLAYING THE 152 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:18,712 PIANO. I THOUGHT THEY WERE TYPING OUT THEIR WORDS. 153 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,681 LET'S SEE WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH LET'S MET THEM RIGHT NOW 154 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,718 COME ON OVER, GUYS HEY, WELCOME TO THE SHOW HI 155 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:29,089 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, WE'RE DOING THE ELBOWS, IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING? 156 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,291 HI >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: PERFECT. 157 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,926 WELCOME, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS 158 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:35,428 I KNOW YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW. BUT HERE YOU ARE, ON THE SHOW. 159 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,297 LET'S START WITH CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE 160 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:40,133 YOU FROM >> I'M KIMBERLY DeNARO I'M FROM MASSACHUSETTS 161 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:44,504 >> Jimmy: YEAH, COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE KIMBERLY, WELCOME TO THE SHOW. 162 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:48,341 >> THANKS. >> Jimmy: WHAT WAS THE TITLE OF THE SONG THAT YOU WERE GIVEN 163 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:54,447 >> "I'M SCARED OF MY ROOMBA. >> Jimmy: SOUNDS LIKE A HIT. WHAT INSTRUMENT WILL YOU BE 164 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,883 PLAYING? >> THE PIANO >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, VERY NICE 165 00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,153 WHY DON'T YOU HEAD OVER THERE AND GET YOURSELF READY TO GO AND WE'LL GET HERE 166 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:06,393 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GET READY TO GO. WHAT WAS THE NAME AGAIN? 167 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,696 "I'M SCARED OF MY ROOMBA?" YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY. ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND 168 00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,531 GENTLEMEN, HERE TO PERFORM THE WORLD PREMIERE OF THE SOON-TO-BE CLASSIC "I'M SCARED 169 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:15,301 SOON-TO-BE CLASSIC "I'M SCARED OF MY ROOMBA," IT'S KIM DeNARO 170 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:21,474 * 171 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:25,512 * IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGH I SAW IT GLIDING LIKE A GHOST * 172 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:30,750 * A SQUEAKY SHADO CRASHING INTO THE CORNER * * DEVOURING EVERY CRUMB 173 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:38,525 IN ITS PATH * * I TOLD MYSELF OH DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT* 174 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:42,462 * IT'S PROBABLY JUST A RA BUT WORSE * * IT WA 175 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:52,172 THE ROOMBA NO * * I'M SCARED OF MY ROOMBA 176 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:56,976 I LIVE WITH A ROBOT * * THAT MEMORIZED THE LAYOUT OF MY ROOM * 177 00:12:56,976 --> 00:13:02,549 * BECAUSE I WAS TOO LAZY TO VACUUM * * I TOOK THE BATTERY OU 178 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,052 BUT IT'S POSSESSED * * A HOCKEY PUCK OF SUCTIO CONTINUING TO CLEAN * 179 00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:10,223 * WHILE PLOTTIN MY ABDUCTION * * IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIM 180 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,959 BEFORE THE MACHINE TAKE OVER * * AND I CAN'T SPEAK 181 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:20,500 THE LANGUAGE O VROOM VROOM * * BUT THE ROOMBA OF DOOMB 182 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:25,305 WITH IT'S STOMAC FULL OF DUST * * IS A ROBOT THAT 183 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:33,513 I'LL NEVER TRUST * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 184 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:36,449 >> Jimmy: KIM DeNARO COME OVER. KIM DeNARO 185 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,953 [ APPLAUSE ] YOU WROTE A LEGIT SONG VERY FUNNY 186 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:44,224 THANK YOU, KIM ALL RIGHT. LET'S MEET CONTESTANT NUMBER 187 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,292 TWO. WHAT IS YOUR NAME, AND WHERE ARE YOU FROM 188 00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:49,462 >> MY NAME'S RYDER CHASIN, AND I'M FROM CONNECTICUT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 189 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:52,098 >> Jimmy: YEAH, RYDER CHASIN FROM CONNECTICUT THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, 190 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:57,671 RYDER. RYDER, TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOUR SONG TITLE WAS 191 00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:03,877 >> YEAH, THEY GAVE ME "I BOUGHT AN OFF-BRAND RAPID TEST. [ LAUGHTER ] 192 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,279 >> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE I'VE HEARD THAT SONG BEFORE THIS IS AMAZING. 193 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,582 YOU WILL BE PLAYING PIANO AS WELL >> THE ELECTRIC ORGAN ON THE 194 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,085 KEYBOARD >> Jimmy: OH, I'M SO SORRY YEAH 195 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,287 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THANKS FOR CORRECTING ME 196 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,156 I APPRECIATE IT. >> PLEASE, YEAH. >> Jimmy: NO, PLEASE, GO GET 197 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,658 READY TO DO YOUR - >> OH, THANK YOU >> Jimmy: GO BY YOUR ELECTRIC 198 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:25,298 ORGAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S SO FUNNY. 199 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,100 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GET READY FOR THE WORLD PREMIERE OF, "I BOUGHT ON OFF-BRAND RAPID 200 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:31,604 TEST," DONE ON THE ELECTRIC ORGAN BY RYDER CHASIN. 201 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:41,281 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WANTED TO GO UPSTAT SO I HAD TO VALIDATE 202 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:47,620 THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE COV * * CVS WAS OUT OF STOC SO I TRAVELE 203 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:54,294 DOWN THE BLOCK * * AND INTO TH DOLLAR STORE I DOVE * 204 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,696 * I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEN THEY SOLD IT * * NEXT TO STAPLES 205 00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:00,834 AND LOOSE SCREWS * * I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEN THE NASAL SWAB SAID 206 00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:04,437 WARNING SLIGHTLY USED * * I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN 'CAUSE THE BRAND 207 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:09,476 WAS SOMETHING * I HAD NEVER SEEN * * AND RIGHT ON THE PACKAG 208 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:13,413 IT SAID COVID-17 * [ LAUGHTER ] * GOT NO CLUE I 209 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:19,319 I'VE GOT THE RONA * * GUESS I'M STAYING HOME ALONE * 210 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:24,057 * BECAUSE I BOUGHT AN OFF-BRAND RAPID TEST * * 'CAUSE I BROUGHT AN 211 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:32,632 UNPLANNED LEGALLY BANNED OFF-BRAND RAPID TEST * * 212 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:37,904 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW! GIVE IT UP FOR RYDER CHASIN! 213 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:45,078 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, RYDER NOW IT IS TIME TO SEE WHO WON. WE'RE GOING TO LET OUR GREAT 214 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:51,685 AUDIENCE DECIDE THE WINNER WAS IT KIM DeNARO? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 215 00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:56,623 OR WAS IT RYDER CHASIN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THE WINNER IS 216 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,992 RYDER CHASIN CONGRATULATIONS RYDER! * 217 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:05,098 RYDER. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WILL BE GOING HOME WITH $1,000 218 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:10,236 YEAH AND A "TONIGHT SHOW" NOTEBOOK FOR WRITING MORE SONGS 219 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:16,042 THERE YOU GO, CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NO -- NO ONE GOES HOME EMPTY 220 00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:20,046 HANDED YOU WILL ALSO BE GETTING A A NOTEBOOK WITH $1,000 221 00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:22,282 KIM -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT, I 222 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:26,653 APPRECIATE IT. GIVE IT UP FOR OUR TWO INSTANT SONGWRITERS. 223 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,389 THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT THAT WAS AMAZING STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT 224 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,892 BACK WITH SARAH SILVERMAN, EVERYBODY! COME ON BACK 225 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:53,313 * >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN EMMY-WINNING COMEDIAN AND THE 226 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:58,118 HOST OF "THE SARAH SILVERMAN PODCAST. YOU CAN ALSO SEE HER IN THE NEW 227 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:02,288 FILM, "MARRY ME," IN THEATERS AND STREAMING ON PEACOCK FEBRUARY 11th. 228 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:05,191 FEBRUARY 11th. HERE IS SARAH SILVERMAN! 229 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:07,527 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 230 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,862 * >> Jimmy: HI YEAH 231 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,899 >> YEAH! >> Jimmy: CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE FROM -- FROM NEW YORK FOR 232 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:16,736 SARAH SILVERMAN? >> HI. >> Jimmy: HI, BUD. 233 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,572 >> I BROUGHT YOU -- I BROUGHT YOU A GIFT >> Jimmy: OH, YOU -- THANK YOU 234 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,776 [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, BECAUSE IT -- IT'S CLOSE TO VALENTINE'S DAY AND 235 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:26,780 THE MOVIE, "MARRY ME," COMES OUT ON VALENTINE'S DAY >> Jimmy: YEAH 236 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:29,849 >> AND I KNOW YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE. >> Jimmy: I DO 237 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:35,188 >> AND SO I THOUGHT I'D JUST GIVE YOU THIS, BUT I -- I'M NOT THERE, I REALIZED. 238 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,157 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GOING TO BRING IT OUT TO ME OR SOMETHING, BUT NO 239 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:40,126 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH >> NO. 240 00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:43,830 >> I'LL JUST -- JUST, LIKE, ASMR IT. [ LAUGHTER ] 241 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,332 >> Jimmy: NO OH, MY GOSH. >> OH, MY GOD. 242 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:54,641 >> Jimmy: OH, PLEASE WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? IT'S THE THOUGHT - 243 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:55,975 >> I DON'T WHY YOU WOULD LOVE THIS [ LAUGHTER ] 244 00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,711 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, SARAH. 245 00:17:57,711 --> 00:17:59,779 [ LAUGHTER ] HOW MANY CHOCOLATES ARE >> I ONLY ATE ONE, BUT THEN IT WAS 246 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,082 LIKE, "CAN'T SWALLOW IT WHOLE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S TRUE, YEAH. >> YOU HAVE TO SAVOR IT. 247 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,050 >> Jimmy: NO, YOU HAVE TO SAVOR IT >> GO ON, GO ON. 248 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,052 I'LL BE READY. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE BACK TO DOING STAND-UP, WHICH I'M EXCITED 249 00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:07,387 ABOUT. WHAT THINGS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NOW IN YOUR -- IN YOUR 250 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:11,391 ACT? >> CAN I JUST DO A BIT THAT ISN'T EVEN A BIT 251 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,893 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS >> Jimmy: OKAY 252 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:20,233 I LOVE THIS. >> IT'S SOMETHING LIKE -- IF YOU WENT UP TO SOMEBODY, LIKE, 253 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,202 YOU WALKED UP TO A STRANGER, AND YOU COULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE, "HI, YOU DON'T KNOW ME -- 254 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:36,049 THIS IS SO WEIRD BUT I -- SOMEBODY YOU LOVE WHO HAS PASSED AWAY WANTS YOU TO 255 00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:44,591 KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT?" [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN -- 256 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,693 >> Jimmy: THAT'S FANTASTIC >> I JUST THINK IT'S INTERESTING. 257 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,863 >> Jimmy: WOW. THEY'RE STRANGERS. >> BECAUSE -- JIMMY, IT'S 258 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:58,605 A LIE. BUT IT'S ALSO, LIKE, THE TRUTH YOU KNOW 259 00:18:58,605 --> 00:19:00,240 THERE ISN'T ANYBODY WHO THAT WOULDN'T BE VERY MOVING AND, LIKE, RELEASE THEM FROM 260 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:06,813 BURDENS. BUT IT IS A LIE. [ LAUGHTER ] 261 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,416 YEAH >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALLEVING PEOPLE FROM THE GUILT. 262 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,017 I THINK IT'S FANTASTIC AND I THINK IT'S -- I THINK IT'S A GOOD BIT. 263 00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:13,687 ARE YOU -- ARE YOU DOING ANY -- >> JOKING. 264 00:19:13,687 --> 00:19:18,825 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU DOING ANY JOKE -- LIKE, SPECIFIC "JOKE" JOKES? 265 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,895 >> OOH, I WROTE A LIKE, JOKEY JOKE LIKE A -- LIKE A JOKE BOOK KIND 266 00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:24,064 OF JOKE. >> Jimmy: I LOVE THIS. I WANT TO HEAR THIS. 267 00:19:24,064 --> 00:19:33,673 >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: YES, WE LOVE THIS. >> OKAY. 268 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:38,278 WHAT DID THE JEWISH MOTHER SAY TO HER PORN STAR DAUGHTER AFTER WATCHING HER IN A GANG BANG? 269 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:46,052 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT >> YOU WERE THE BEST ONE 270 00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:50,090 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. [ LAUGHTER ] 271 00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:55,762 >> YOU WERE THE BEST ONE I JUST LOVE THAT STEREOTYPE, YOU KNOW 272 00:19:55,762 --> 00:20:00,266 THAT JEWISH MOTHERS ARE JUST SO BANANAS FOR THEIR KIDS >> Jimmy: THEY REALLY ARE. 273 00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:04,637 >> MY SHARON, ANYWHERE YOU COULD FIT A SCHMEKEL, THERE WAS SCHMEKEL 274 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,774 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY >> TOP OF HER KNEE, A SCHMEK -- 275 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:11,845 SCHMEKEL ON HER FOREHEAD A SCHMEKEL YOU EVER SEEN A SCHMEKEL ON AN 276 00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:16,549 ELBOW? THE LEFT ONE, A DOCTOR >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. 277 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,985 TOO MUCH [ LAUGHTER ] I THOUGHT I REALLY CLEANED IT 278 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:21,988 UP FOR THIS. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. UNBELIEVABLE 279 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:26,593 UNBELIEVABLE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE APPLAUSE BREAK 280 00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:32,232 APPLAUSE BREAK THROUGH ZOOM. YOU DO A THING ON YOUR PODCAST WHERE YOU GIVE ADVICE TO 281 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:36,970 LISTENERS. AND I LOVE THAT PART OF YOUR PODCAST. 282 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:40,273 HAVE YOU ALWAYS GIVEN ADVICE TO PEOPLE ARE YOU GOOD AT THAT 283 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:43,309 MAYBE YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE THAT >> YEAH, I THINK SO. 284 00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,780 I -- YEAH. I MEAN, I WAS JUST IN NEW YORK MY BEST FRIEND, HEIDI, LIVES IN 285 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:53,153 NEW YORK YOU'VE MET HER, ACTUALLY AND SHE LOVES YOU. 286 00:20:53,153 --> 00:20:56,222 AND SHE WAS LIKE, "I'VE HAD DIARRHEA FOR, LIKE, THREE DAYS I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. 287 00:20:56,222 --> 00:21:00,193 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN -- YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE IN NEW YORK, SHE HAD ME 288 00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:01,695 GO INTO HER BACKPACK SHE WAS LIKE, "GET MY WATER OUT OF MY BACKPACK." 289 00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:06,833 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I GET HER WATER OUT SHE HAS, LIKE, HALF A BAG OF 290 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:10,370 PRUNES IN HER BACKPACK [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS LIKE, "HEIDI, I SOLVED 291 00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:13,606 THE CASE YOU'RE EATING PRUNES." >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. 292 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,576 >> SHE'S LIKE, "THEY'RE NOT PRUNES." AND SHE POINTED TO IT. 293 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,946 SHE GOES, "THEY'RE DRIED PLUMS. [ LAUGHTER ] 294 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,715 I SAID, "WHAT DO YOU THINK PRUNES ARE?" SHE'S LIKE, "ARE THEY DRIED 295 00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:25,919 PLUMS? [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH -- SHE'S A THERAPIST, BY 296 00:21:25,919 --> 00:21:29,089 THE WAY, JUST WANT TO POINT THAT OUT BUT -- 297 00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:31,791 >> Jimmy: IS THAT -- >> I GET IT. LIKE, BIG PRUNE WAS PROBABLY 298 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:36,129 LIKE, "WE NEED TO REBRAND. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BIG PRUNE. 299 00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:40,834 >> PEOPLE HEAR "PRUNE. THEY THINK DIARRHEA, SO, YEAH. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. 300 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:44,671 >> CALL YOURSELVES "DRIED PLUMS. >> Jimmy: YEAH, COME ON. 301 00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:46,606 >> BUT I THINK THEY SHOULD CALL -- BE CALLED "DRIED PLUMS," BUT IT SHOULD COME WITH 302 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:49,142 A WARNING THAT SAYS LIKE, WARNING -- >> Jimmy: THESE ARE ACTUALLY 303 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,211 PRUNES >> THESE ARE PRUNES. >> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE 304 00:21:51,211 --> 00:21:55,248 [ LAUGHTER ] BIG PRUNE IS TAKING OVER IT'S SO SAD TO SEE THAT HAPPEN 305 00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:57,784 >> BIG PRUNE >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR MOVIE, "MARRY ME. 306 00:21:57,784 --> 00:22:02,489 THE BUZZ IS THIS IS GOING TO BE -- THIS IS GOING TO BRING BACK THE ROM-COM 307 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:08,495 YOU'RE SAVING THE ROMANTIC COMEDY >> THANK YOU 308 00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:12,766 >> Jimmy: SARAH SILVERMAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S -- YOU GOT JENNIFER LOPEZ 309 00:22:12,766 --> 00:22:15,468 ANYTHING JENNIFER LOPEZ IS IN A MOVIE, I'M THERE JENNIFER LOPEZ -- 310 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:18,438 >> SAME. >> Jimmy: I MEAN, HOW FUN IS IT 311 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:24,344 HOW -- SHE'S JUST THE GREATEST >> AND SHE'S -- BY THE WAY, LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE HER ON 312 00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:27,180 INSTAGRAM. YOU SEE HER ON TV AND IN MOVIES 313 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,249 AND THEY HAVE FILTERS AND THEY DO BEAUTY WORK AND YEAH, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, BUT 314 00:22:29,249 --> 00:22:32,986 IN PERSON -- >> Jimmy: IN REAL LIFE OH, STUNNER. 315 00:22:32,986 --> 00:22:37,223 >> SHE'S A MONSTER >> Jimmy: SHE IS >> NO, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL 316 00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:39,626 >> Jimmy: SHE IS SO STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL. >> I MEAN, I LOOK AT HER THIS 317 00:22:39,626 --> 00:22:44,130 CLOSE AND I'M JUST LIKE, "HOW? [ LAUGHTER ] "HOW IS IT POSSIBLE? 318 00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:47,300 >> Jimmy: AND SHE CAN SING AND SHE CAN DANCE. AND SHE CAN -- YOU -- YOU DO 319 00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:49,803 THAT >> AMAZING SINGER, AMAZING DANCER 320 00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:51,871 >> Jimmy: YOU GOT TO DANCE WITH HER. >> AWESOME ACTOR 321 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:56,109 I LOVE HER MOVIES. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> ANYTIME HER MOVIE IS ON, 322 00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:59,212 I'M -- I STAY THERE. SHE'S JUST -- SHE'S ELECTRIC AND THEN THERE'S OWEN WILSON, 323 00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:07,287 WHO IS ANOTHER FAVORITE, I MEAN, BUT SO DIFFERENT, SUCH A A DIFFERENT REALM. 324 00:23:07,287 --> 00:23:10,690 [ CHEERS ] LIKE, HIS WRITING, HIS COMEDY, HIS BEAUTIFUL ACTING 325 00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:17,130 AND THEY'RE SO DIFFERENT, BUT IT'S LIKE, ELECTRIC, YOU KNOW? >> Jimmy: YEAH 326 00:23:17,130 --> 00:23:18,765 >> IT REALLY IS. IT IS BRINGING BACK THE ROM-COM. 327 00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:21,167 I THINK YOU'RE SO RIGHT. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP. 328 00:23:21,167 --> 00:23:23,269 HERE'S SARAH SILVERMAN, JENNIFER LOPEZ AND OWEN WILSON IN "MARRY ME." 329 00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:24,738 IN "MARRY ME." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 330 00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:31,111 >> OH SHE'S RIGHT THERE, JESUS 331 00:23:31,111 --> 00:23:35,615 >> COME ON, MY GUYS. CHARLIE, KAT KAT, CHARLIE 332 00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:40,353 >> HI. >> HOW ARE YOU >> I'M PARKER, I'M -- I AM THE 333 00:23:40,353 --> 00:23:44,891 ONE WHO BROUGHT CHARLIE TO THE CONCERT. >> SURE. 334 00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:46,426 >> AND I'M BASICALLY -- I GUESS I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS WHOLE THING. 335 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:52,332 >> HI PARKER >> HEY, KAT. >> HI. 336 00:23:52,332 --> 00:23:55,735 >> WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR FOR JUST TWO SECONDS AND JUST SAY, "ROXY REALLY BLEW IT"? 337 00:23:55,735 --> 00:23:59,439 >> "TODAY SHOW" IS A GO AT 10:00 ON TUESDAY THEY WANT TO -- 338 00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:05,045 >> CHARLIE >> CHARLIE IN STUDIO AND KAT REMOTE FROM LONDON 339 00:24:05,045 --> 00:24:09,049 EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND I JUST HAVE TO TAKE -- >> BYE KAT 340 00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:13,853 >> SHE'S LIKE A REAL PERSON. >> WHAT'S GOING ON >> Jimmy: SHE'S A REAL PERSON. 341 00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:17,791 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU BLEW IT ROXY SARAH SILVERMAN, EVERYBODY 342 00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:21,394 "MARRY ME" IS IN THEATERS AND STREAMING ON PEACOCK FEBRUARY 11th. 343 00:24:21,394 --> 00:24:26,232 WHO KILLS ON ZOOM? WHO KILLS ON ZOOM? >> IS IT ME? 344 00:24:26,232 --> 00:24:28,301 >> Jimmy: LEWIS BLACK JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK! STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. 345 00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:49,456 THANK YOU, SARAH SILVERMAN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 346 00:24:49,456 --> 00:24:52,359 >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY, VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN. HIS GRAMMY-NOMINATED SPECIAL, 347 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:57,764 "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE," IS AVAILABLE ON ALL DIGITAL PLATFORMS. 348 00:24:57,764 --> 00:25:01,267 AND YOU CAN CATCH HIM LIVE ON HIS "OFF THE RAILS" TOUR LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE 349 00:25:01,267 --> 00:25:03,837 WELCOME THE ONE AND ONLY LEWIS BLACK! 350 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:23,223 * * >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT, THANK 351 00:25:23,223 --> 00:25:26,626 YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE >> WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE A LIFE 352 00:25:26,626 --> 00:25:33,833 [ LAUGHTER ] IT REALLY BOILS DOWN TO THAT AND I'M, LIKE, SIX BLOCKS AWAY 353 00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:37,203 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO THIS IS GREAT. >> Jimmy: OH, PERFECT. 354 00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:38,772 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE TELLING ME BACKSTAGE YOU GOT TO VISIT YOUR 355 00:25:38,772 --> 00:25:44,544 MOM. >> I DID SHE'S -- MY MOM IS 103 356 00:25:44,544 --> 00:25:51,985 LOOK AT THIS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 357 00:25:51,985 --> 00:25:55,255 AND SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT A DAY OVER 97. [ LAUGHTER ] 358 00:25:55,255 --> 00:25:57,657 >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. HOW IS SHE FEELING HOW SHE FEELING? 359 00:25:57,657 --> 00:26:00,760 SHE FEELS GOOD >> SHE'S FEELING -- NO, SHE'S FEELING -- YOU KNOW. 360 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,564 LOOK, SHE'S 103 AND IT'S A A BLESSING THAT -- >> Jimmy: YEAH 361 00:26:04,564 --> 00:26:08,468 >> THAT WE'RE -- YOU KNOW, THAT MANY PEOPLE SAY THAT IT IS THAT I'VE GOTTEN TO SPEND THIS 362 00:26:08,468 --> 00:26:11,438 MUCH TIME WITH HER THAT'S TREMENDOUS, YOU KNOW THAT 363 00:26:11,438 --> 00:26:16,676 >> Jimmy: YEAH, ABSOLUTELY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AMAZING. 364 00:26:16,676 --> 00:26:20,413 >> BUT SHE'S 103 [ LAUGHTER ] SO SOMETIMES SHE'S HERE, 365 00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:27,620 SOMETIMES SHE'S THERE. AND I'M -- I'M EXTREMELY -- SHE DOESN'T -- SHE DOESN'T HAVE 366 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:30,056 ALZHEIMER'S. >> Jimmy: NO >> NO DEMENTIA 367 00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:33,960 >> Jimmy: GREAT. >> SHE HAS SOMETHING THAT DOCTORS HAVEN'T DIAGNOSED. 368 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:40,400 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SHE JUST MAKES STUFF UP. [ LAUGHTER ] 369 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:46,072 AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT'S INTERESTING, YOU KNOW? MANY -- YOU KNOW, YOU GOT 370 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:47,874 BRANSON AND BEZOS AND MUSK ALL SPENT BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO GET OUT INTO SPACE, 371 00:26:47,874 --> 00:26:54,948 WHERE -- WHERE SHE'S OUT THERE, LITERALLY, FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A DAY. 372 00:26:54,948 --> 00:27:00,720 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEY'RE -- THEY'RE SPENDING THAT KIND OF MONEY 373 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,690 AND I -- I CALL WHERE SHE'S LIVING, HER "ASSISTED LIVING HOME." 374 00:27:03,690 --> 00:27:09,262 IT'S A LAUNCH PAD. [ LAUGHTER ] AND SHE'S ABLE TO -- SHE'S 375 00:27:09,262 --> 00:27:13,533 DOING THIS NOT ON -- ON PENNIES REALLY, BECAUSE SHE'S ABLE TO DO THIS. 376 00:27:13,533 --> 00:27:19,205 HER FUEL IS ACTUALLY OATMEAL [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THEY CAN -- THEY 377 00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:22,909 COULD SAVE A LOT OF MONEY. >> YEAH, EXACTLY >> Jimmy: IT'S RIDICULOUS. 378 00:27:22,909 --> 00:27:26,046 I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR STAND-UP. THE "OFF THE RAILS" STAND-UP 379 00:27:26,046 --> 00:27:31,451 TOUR, RIGHT NOW, TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE AT LEWISBLACK.COM. BUT THIS IS -- YOU'RE ONE OF MY 380 00:27:31,451 --> 00:27:36,256 FAVORITE STAND-UPS AND THEN WENT THROUGH 500 DAYS OF NOT DOING ANYTHING. 381 00:27:36,256 --> 00:27:38,491 YOU WERE IN LOCKDOWN >> YEAH. HERE'S ONE THING YOU LEARN IN 382 00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:44,564 LOCKDOWN IS THAT SOLITARY CONFINEMENT IS A PUNISHMENT. [ LAUGHTER ] 383 00:27:44,564 --> 00:27:46,433 BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN CAN ONLY GO THROUGH SO MANY THINGS AND ONCE IT'S FINISHED GOING 384 00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:51,237 THROUGH THOSE THINGS A LOT, IT COMES AFTER YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] 385 00:27:51,237 --> 00:27:55,709 >> Jimmy: IT'S TRUE. >> YOU KNOW, AND SOME PEOPLE WOULD DO ZOOM COMEDY AND STUFF 386 00:27:55,709 --> 00:27:58,345 >> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T DO THAT >> NO! [ LAUGHTER ] 387 00:27:58,345 --> 00:28:01,614 THAT'S LIKE A PSYCHIATRIC TEST YOU'RE LOOKING AT WALL OF PEOPLE 388 00:28:01,614 --> 00:28:07,754 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE WATCHING "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES." I DON'T NEED THAT. 389 00:28:07,754 --> 00:28:10,690 >> Jimmy: YOUR SPECIAL, "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE," JUST GOT NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY 390 00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:14,094 CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT. >> THANK YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 391 00:28:14,094 --> 00:28:15,829 >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE TITLE, "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE" 392 00:28:15,829 --> 00:28:20,033 >> WELL, WE WERE ON TOUR, AND IT WAS THE LAST DAY. LITERALLY, WE WERE GOING INTO 393 00:28:20,033 --> 00:28:24,904 LOCKDOWN I KNEW WE WERE GOING INTO A LOCKDOWN BECAUSE MY FRIEND, 394 00:28:24,904 --> 00:28:26,373 KATHLEEN MADIGAN, ANOTHER GREAT COMIC. >> Jimmy: I LOVE 395 00:28:26,373 --> 00:28:28,875 KATHLEEN MADIGAN SHE IS GREAT >> AND MY -- AND MYSELF HAD 396 00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:34,314 BEEN TRACKING THE VIRUS. LIKE, WE WERE THE FAUCI AND BIRX OF THE COMEDY WORLD 397 00:28:34,314 --> 00:28:38,785 WE KNEW AS MUCH AS COULD BE POSSIBLE SO I KNEW THAT THINGS WERE 398 00:28:38,785 --> 00:28:42,722 GOING TO BE HAPPENING. AND SO, THEY HAD ALREADY - LITERALLY, THEY WERE GETTING 399 00:28:42,722 --> 00:28:46,659 READY TO LOCK EVERYTHING UP. AND SO, THIS WAS - I KNEW THIS WAS OUR LAST SHOW. 400 00:28:46,659 --> 00:28:50,697 AND I KNEW THAT I'D BE GOING HOME AFTER THIS SHOW AND I THOUGHT, "WOW -- ALL 401 00:28:50,697 --> 00:28:56,936 THESE 1,500 PEOPLE IN THE ROOM - >> Jimmy: YEAH 402 00:28:56,936 --> 00:29:01,408 >> CLOSE TOGETHER. AND I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT AND I SAID, "WHEW. 403 00:29:01,408 --> 00:29:03,710 I SAID, "WHAT," YOU KNOW, THAT THING YOU SAY AS A COMIC, "I REALLY KILLED THEM?" 404 00:29:03,710 --> 00:29:08,081 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> YOU KNOW? WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF I DID? 405 00:29:08,081 --> 00:29:14,320 >> Jimmy: MY GOD [ LAUGHTER ] >> SO, I WAS KIND OF FREAKED 406 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,924 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I WALKED OUT ON STAGE AND I LOOKED AT THESE PEOPLE 407 00:29:17,924 --> 00:29:21,094 AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS -- AND I HAD NO OPENING LINE. IS YOU COULD TELL A LOT OF THE 408 00:29:21,094 --> 00:29:25,899 STUFF THAT I'M SAYING TO YOU, IT SOUNDS LIKE I JUST -- THOUGHT OF IT. 409 00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:32,906 SO I WALKED OUT, AND I WENT "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE. AND THEY WENT NUTS 410 00:29:32,906 --> 00:29:36,710 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: IT'S PERFECT 411 00:29:36,710 --> 00:29:41,214 AND IT'S -- IT WAS TRUE, ACTUALLY I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP 412 00:29:41,214 --> 00:29:43,416 HERE'S LEWIS BLACK IN "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 413 00:29:43,416 --> 00:29:43,450 FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 414 00:29:44,751 --> 00:29:49,956 BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO BE FUNNY NOW. 415 00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:52,726 YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO BE FUNNY WHEN EVERYTHING'S GOING SO 416 00:29:52,726 --> 00:30:04,037 GREAT. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S JUST HARD TO BE FUNNY WHEN 417 00:30:04,037 --> 00:30:08,742 EVERYBODY IS SO [ BLEEP ] HAPPY. [ LAUGHTER ] 418 00:30:08,742 --> 00:30:11,378 I TRAVEL EVERYWHERE AND, YOU KNOW, EVERYWHERE I GO, I KNOW IT SEEMS ODD, BUT THEY'RE 419 00:30:11,378 --> 00:30:16,082 SMILING EAR TO [ BLEEP ] EAR IT'S LIKE EVERYBODY'S ON ECSTASY. 420 00:30:16,082 --> 00:30:21,388 IT IS LIKE WANDERING THROUGH A A GREAT BIG CHRISTIAN CAMP AND AS A JEW, LET ME TELL YOU 421 00:30:21,388 --> 00:30:23,823 HOW [ BLEEP ] EXHAUSTING THAT IS [ LAUGHTER ] 422 00:30:23,823 --> 00:30:27,327 [ CHEER AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE" IS AVAILABLE ON ALL 423 00:30:27,327 --> 00:30:31,631 DIGITAL PLATFORMS. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE PLAYING "WHEEL OF OPINIONS" 424 00:30:31,631 --> 00:30:35,969 WITH LEWIS BLACK STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 425 00:30:35,969 --> 00:30:53,420 * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK WE'RE HERE WITH LEWIS BLACK, 426 00:30:53,420 --> 00:30:58,692 RIGHT NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, LEWIS, YOU'RE A GREAT 427 00:30:58,692 --> 00:31:02,295 COMEDIAN WHO IS KNOWN FOR YOUR STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT ALL KINDS OF DIFFERENT TOPICS. 428 00:31:02,295 --> 00:31:04,364 SO WITH THAT IN MIND, IT'S TIME TO PLAY A GAME WE CALL "WHEEL OF OPINIONS. 429 00:31:04,364 --> 00:31:05,298 OF OPINIONS. HERE WE GO 430 00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:10,070 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 431 00:31:10,070 --> 00:31:12,138 >> Jimmy: NOW, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. I'M GONNA HIT THIS BUTTON HERE 432 00:31:12,138 --> 00:31:16,276 WHICH WILL ACTIVATE AN OPINION TOPIC GENERATOR. >> OKAY. 433 00:31:16,276 --> 00:31:18,078 >> Jimmy: IT'LL LAND ON A RANDOM TOPIC AND WHATEVER IT IS, YOU JUST GIVE YOUR OPINION 434 00:31:18,078 --> 00:31:20,547 ON IT. >> NO PROBLEM. >> Jimmy: HERE WE GO 435 00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:26,786 LET'S DO THIS. HERE WE GO [ BEEPING 436 00:31:26,786 --> 00:31:30,256 >> OH, COOKING FOR YOURSELF. THAT'S -- LOOK, YOU DON'T COOK FOR YOURSELF 437 00:31:30,256 --> 00:31:33,326 OKAY [ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE THAT'S THE ROAD TO 438 00:31:33,326 --> 00:31:37,163 INSANITY [ LAUGHTER ] I'LL TELL YOU WHY. 439 00:31:37,163 --> 00:31:40,533 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> FRACTIONS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 440 00:31:40,533 --> 00:31:47,007 OKAY ANY RECIPE IS FOR A FAMILY -- A NICE FAMILY OF FOUR, NOT FOR 441 00:31:47,007 --> 00:31:54,647 SOME MISERABLE AGING PRICK [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GOT TO TAKE 1/16th OF 442 00:31:54,647 --> 00:32:00,453 A THING OF CUMIN THAT'S NOT -- THAT'S A FORMULA FOR A STROKE 443 00:32:00,453 --> 00:32:07,861 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE [DINGS ] >> Jimmy: TOO MUCH MATH. 444 00:32:07,861 --> 00:32:15,535 TOO MUCH MATH. HERE WE GO [ BEEPING 445 00:32:15,535 --> 00:32:21,975 >> WHO WROTE THE MUSIC OH, VACCINES OH 446 00:32:21,975 --> 00:32:23,743 OOH. I'LL TELL YOU THIS, I'VE BEEN TRIPLE VAXXED, AND IF I CAN 447 00:32:23,743 --> 00:32:26,680 FILL MY BATHTUB EVERY DAY WITH THE VACCINE, I'D HOP RIGHT IN IT 448 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:32,085 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WOULD WASH MYSELF IN THE VACCINE. 449 00:32:32,085 --> 00:32:35,221 I GOT NO PROBLEM WITH IT LOOK, WE LIVE IN A COUNTRY -- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE 450 00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:40,326 DON'T DO IT. THEY'RE TAKING SUPPLEMENTS WE'D SCARF THEM DOWN 451 00:32:40,326 --> 00:32:45,465 WE SPEND BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WE EAT THEM -- WE EAT SUPPLEMENTS LIKE THEY'RE CANDY 452 00:32:45,465 --> 00:32:49,536 CBD OIL FOR GOD'S SAKE IT COMES FROM A WEED AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD 453 00:32:49,536 --> 00:32:53,006 [ LAUGHTER ] AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "OH, CHUGGY, CHUG, CHUG." 454 00:32:53,006 --> 00:32:57,110 I TAKE SOMETHING CALLED ASHWAGANDHA. IT'S AN HERB THAT COMES FROM 455 00:32:57,110 --> 00:33:00,246 INDIA. IT'S SUPPOSED TO CALM YOU DOWN DOING A GREAT JOB. 456 00:33:00,246 --> 00:33:07,554 [ LAUGHTER ] [ DINGS >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD 457 00:33:07,554 --> 00:33:19,399 [ BEEPING >> OH, BEAN BAG CHAIRS IF YOU BUY A BEAN BAG CHAIR, 458 00:33:19,399 --> 00:33:25,171 SOMETHING IS SO WRONG WITH YOU [ LAUGHTER ] WHY WOULD -- IT'S A BEAN BAG 459 00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:30,176 CHAIR. YOU COOK BEANS YOU DON'T SIT ON BEANS 460 00:33:30,176 --> 00:33:33,246 [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY >> Jimmy: GOD. 461 00:33:33,246 --> 00:33:35,081 >> WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE -- AND WE WERE DOING A LOT -- I WAS DOING A TON OF POT, JUST TONS 462 00:33:35,081 --> 00:33:40,687 OF IT. AND I'D SIT -- YOU'D SIT ON A BEAN BAG CHAIR, YOU NEVER 463 00:33:40,687 --> 00:33:43,256 THOUGHT, "OH, I'M COMFORTABLE. WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS, "I'M GOING TO GET A KNIFE, I'M GOING 464 00:33:43,256 --> 00:33:47,227 TO OPEN THIS UP, I'M GOING TO MAKE SOME [ BLEEP ] DINNER [ LAUGHTER ] 465 00:33:47,227 --> 00:33:53,767 [ DINGS [ COUGHING ] >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN 466 00:33:53,767 --> 00:33:56,536 TAKE IT. I'M GOING TO HAVE A STROKE OKAY 467 00:33:56,536 --> 00:34:00,240 [ BEEPING >> QANON OH, YEAH 468 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:06,146 ANOTHER GOOD GROUP [ LAUGHTER ] THEY RECENTLY, A WHILE BACK 469 00:34:06,146 --> 00:34:07,914 THERE, THEY DECIDED THEY'RE GOING TO GO TO DEALEY PLAZA, WHICH IS WHERE KENNEDY WAS 470 00:34:07,914 --> 00:34:14,120 SHOT AND THEY WENT THERE -- A BUNCH OF THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE 471 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:20,060 GATHERING TO MEET UP WITH JOHN F. KENNEDY JR. WAS GOING TO SHOW UP 472 00:34:20,060 --> 00:34:23,196 AND THEN THEY WERE GOING TO GO WITH HIM, AND JOHN F. KENNEDY JR. WAS GOING 473 00:34:23,196 --> 00:34:29,169 TO SHOW UP WITH OUR FORMER LEADER AND THEN THEY WERE GOING TO GO 474 00:34:29,169 --> 00:34:31,604 TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND THEN THEY WERE GONNA TELL THE PRESIDENT TO LEAVE, AND HE 475 00:34:31,604 --> 00:34:36,209 WOULD, OF COURSE, LEAVE. AND -- [ LAUGHTER ] 476 00:34:36,209 --> 00:34:44,517 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> HOW -- HOW CRAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO THINK THAT? 477 00:34:44,517 --> 00:34:49,756 I HAD CALLED JOHN KENNEDY JR. THE DAY BEFORE, AND HE SAID, "I'M NOT COMING. 478 00:34:49,756 --> 00:34:53,093 [ LAUGHTER ] [ DINGS >> Jimmy: HE ANSWERED THE 479 00:34:53,093 --> 00:34:56,229 PHONE? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> YES 480 00:34:56,229 --> 00:34:58,198 >> Jimmy: AND HE SAID, "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO COME TO THAT." 481 00:34:58,198 --> 00:35:00,700 >> HE SAID, "NO. >> Jimmy: HE SAID, "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO DO THAT." 482 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:03,203 [ LAUGHTER ] [ BEEPING >> Jimmy: OH, HERE WE GO 483 00:35:03,203 --> 00:35:07,374 >> THIS MUSIC IS SPECTACULAR >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, I WROTE IT ON MY PHONE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT 484 00:35:07,374 --> 00:35:10,643 OH, SOCIAL MEDIA >> SOCIAL MEDIA, WHICH GOES BACK PRETTY MUCH TO QANON, WE 485 00:35:10,643 --> 00:35:18,284 CAN COMBINE THOSE TWO IN A WAY BECAUSE I HAVE SUCH A JOY ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA 486 00:35:18,284 --> 00:35:20,253 I'VE LEARNED ONE THING FROM SOCIAL MEDIA, AND QANON KIND OF PROVES WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY, 487 00:35:20,253 --> 00:35:22,055 AND THAT IS THIS -- IF YOU MAKE SOMETHING UP, AND THEN YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU MADE UP IS 488 00:35:22,055 --> 00:35:45,912 TRUE, THEN YOU ARE CRAZY [ LAUGHTER ] AND IF YOU READ SOMETHING THAT 489 00:35:45,912 --> 00:35:50,884 SOMEONE HAD MADE UP AND YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY MADE UP IS TRUE, YOU'RE CRAZY 490 00:35:50,884 --> 00:35:55,355 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ DINGS >> Jimmy: THAT IS LEWIS BLACK! 491 00:35:55,355 --> 00:36:02,262 LEWIS BLACK. LEWISBLACK.COM, ANYTHING LEWIS BLACK, CATCH HIM LIVE ON 492 00:36:02,262 --> 00:36:06,399 HIS "OFF THE RAILS" TOUR CHECK OUT HIS LATEST SPECIAL "THANKS FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE. 493 00:36:06,399 --> 00:36:09,569 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM FONTAINES D.C. 494 00:36:09,569 --> 00:36:25,085 STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 495 00:36:25,085 --> 00:36:26,820 >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "JACKIE DOWN THE LINE" FROM THEIR UPCOMING NEW ALBUM "SKINTY 496 00:36:26,820 --> 00:36:31,825 UPCOMING NEW ALBUM "SKINTY FIA," HERE'S FONTAINES D.C.! 497 00:36:34,194 --> 00:36:35,362 * MY FRIEND SALLY 498 00:36:35,362 --> 00:36:41,067 SAYS SHE KNOWS YA * * GOT A FUNNY POINT OF YOU * 499 00:36:41,067 --> 00:36:47,173 * SAYS YOU GO AWAY WITH MURDER * * MAYBE ONE TIM 500 00:36:47,173 --> 00:36:50,243 MAYBE TWO * * SOMETHING HAPPENS IN THE MORNING * 501 00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:56,082 * WHEN I CAN'T SE THOSE FAILING EYES * * I CAN'T FIN 502 00:36:56,082 --> 00:37:00,053 A GOOD WORD FOR YA * * DOES IT COM AS A SURPRISE * 503 00:37:00,053 --> 00:37:06,526 * I DON'T THINK WE'D RHYME * * I WILL WEAR YOU 504 00:37:06,526 --> 00:37:11,097 DOWN IN TIME * * I WILL HURT YOU I'LL DESERT YOU * 505 00:37:11,097 --> 00:37:22,375 * I AM JACKIE DOWN THE LINE * * 506 00:37:22,375 --> 00:37:29,783 * DO DO D LA LA LA * * SAID DID SALL 507 00:37:29,783 --> 00:37:35,155 BOUT A FUTURE * * BEFORE YOU BORE OF HER AS WELL * 508 00:37:35,155 --> 00:37:41,394 * IF ALL YOU WANT IS ENTERTAINMENT * * IF YOU CAN'T HAVE I 509 00:37:41,394 --> 00:37:46,199 YOU MAKE HELL * * DON'T MAKE NO ODDS FOR YOU 510 00:37:46,199 --> 00:37:52,539 TO BE TOLD YEAH * * DON'T MAKE NO ODDS FOR YOU 511 00:37:52,539 --> 00:37:57,877 * TO BE TOL YEAH * * I DON'T THINK 512 00:37:57,877 --> 00:38:02,382 WE'D RHYME * * I WILL WEAR YOU DOWN IN TIME * 513 00:38:02,382 --> 00:38:07,020 * I WILL HURT YOU I'LL DESERT YOU * * I AM JACKIE 514 00:38:07,020 --> 00:38:13,093 DOWN THE LINE * * I DON'T THINK WE'D RHYME * 515 00:38:13,093 --> 00:38:18,331 * I WILL MAKE YOUR SECRETS MINE * * I WILL HATE YOU 516 00:38:18,331 --> 00:38:24,571 I'LL DEBASE YE * * I AM JACKIE DOWN THE LINE * 517 00:38:24,571 --> 00:38:39,052 * * DO DO DO LA LA LA * * SO COME ON DOWN 518 00:38:39,052 --> 00:38:45,759 TO SALLY'S BONEYARD * * SEE HER SPIRI IN DECLINE * 519 00:38:45,759 --> 00:38:49,062 * SEE THE HANDSOM MOURNERS CRYING * * THEY HAWKED A 520 00:38:49,062 --> 00:38:53,967 BEATING HEART * * FOR A STURDY SPIN YEAH WHAT GOOD I 521 00:38:53,967 --> 00:39:00,740 HAPPINESS TO ME * * IF I'VE TO WIEL IT CAREFULLY * 522 00:39:00,740 --> 00:39:05,345 * FOR CARE I'LL ALWAY COME UP SHOR IT'S ONLY RIGHT * 523 00:39:05,345 --> 00:39:10,583 * I DON'T THINK WE'D RHYME * * I WILL WEAR YOU 524 00:39:10,583 --> 00:39:16,589 DOWN IN TIME * * I WILL HURT YOU I'LL DESERT YE * 525 00:39:16,589 --> 00:39:21,528 * I'M ONE JACKEEN OF A LINE * * I DON'T THINK 526 00:39:21,528 --> 00:39:25,899 WE'D RHYME * * I WILL TAKE U ALL YOUR TIME * 527 00:39:25,899 --> 00:39:31,905 * I WILL CHEW YOU I'LL GO THROUGH YOU * * I AM JACKIE 528 00:39:31,905 --> 00:39:36,810 DOWN THE LINE * * I DON'T THINK WE'D RHYME * 529 00:39:36,810 --> 00:39:41,314 * I WILL MAKE YOUR SECRETS MINE * * I WILL HATE YOU 530 00:39:41,314 --> 00:39:47,087 I'LL DEBASE YOU * * I AM JACKIE DOWN THE LINE * 531 00:39:47,087 --> 00:39:53,326 * AND I WILL STONE YO I'LL ALONE YOU * * I AM JACKIE 532 00:39:53,326 --> 00:39:58,365 DOWN THE LINE * * IF I CAN MAKE YOU I CAN BREAK YOU * 533 00:39:58,365 --> 00:40:03,603 * I AM JACKIE DOWN THE LINE * * I AM JACKIE 534 00:40:03,603 --> 00:40:14,647 DOWN THE LINE * * DO DO D LA LA LA * 535 00:40:14,647 --> 00:40:28,895 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO 536 00:40:28,895 --> 00:40:33,600 SARAH SILVERMAN, LEWIS BLACK FONTAINES D.C. AND THE ROOTS RIGHT HERE FROM 537 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,803 PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH 538 00:40:36,803 --> 00:40:40,540 SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE