>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL,
JACOB ELORDI COMEDIAN RAANAN HERSHBERG, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1581 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY. WELCOME.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
WE'RE HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU MADE IT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING I APPRECIATE IT. >> WE LOVE YOU, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU TOO [ CHEERS ] WELL, GUYS, TODAY NEW YORK --
NEW YORK CITY GOT SLAMMED WITH AN ARCTIC BLAST CAUSING WIND CHILLS AROUND ZERO DEGREES,
MAKING IT ONE OF NEW YORK CITY'S COLDEST DAY IN YEARS.
YEP. YOU CAN'T SEE IT AT HOME, BUT RIGHT NOW, THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE
IS SPOONING EACH OTHER [ LAUGHTER ] TODAY EVEN THE BIGGEST
ANTI-MASKERS ARE LIKE, "DAMMIT, GIVE ME ONE. ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] GIVE ME AN N95." [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, IT'S THAT TYPE OF COLD WHERE THE DOMINO'S GUY SITS ON YOUR PIZZA WHILE DELIVERING IT
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, THIS IS EXCITING
I SAW THAT THE GIRL SCOUTS ANNOUNCED A NEW PARTNERSHIP WITH DOORDASH THAT WILL ALLOW
THEIR DRIVERS TO DELIVER GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. [ CHEERS ]
RIGHT NOW, THERE'S A BUNCH OF 50-YEAR-OLD DRIVERS LIKE, "DO I REALLY HAVE TO WEAR THE SASH
[ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE IT A GO." I DON'T KNOW
IS IT REALLY BUYING GIRL SCOUT COOKIES IF YOU'RE NOT GUILTED INTO ORDERING AS MANY BOXES AS
YOUR CO-WORKERS? [ LAUGHTER ] "REALLY, KELLY BOUGHT TEN
BOXES. JUST SAYING. IF YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK, WE
CAN'T GET RAPID TESTS TO AMERICANS BUT DO-SI- DOS CHECK.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE FIGURED THAT OUT. HEY, THIS IS FUN
THE TSA JUST RELEASED ITS ANNUAL LIST OF THE WEIRDEST THINGS THAT THEY'VE
CONFISCATED. AND THIS YEAR'S ITEMS INCLUDE A CHAINSAW AND A BURRITO FILLED
WITH METH. [ LAUGHTER ] YEP.
SOMEONE TRIED FLYING WITH A CHAINSAW IN FAIRNESS, HOW ELSE CAN YOU
CUT THROUGH THE CHICKEN ON A A UNITED FLIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ MIMICKING CHAINSAW ] "LOOKS A LITTLE TOUGH. YOU WANT A BITE OF MY BURRITO?
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, THE PANDEMIC HAS CAUSED ALL KINDS OF SHORTAGES AROUND
THE WORLD, BUT NORWAY'S MILITARY IS DEALING WITH A VERY UNIQUE ONE
CHECK THIS OUT
EXTRAORDINARY PROBLEM.
A SHORTAGE OF UNDERGARMENTS. AT THE END OF THEIR SERVICE, RECRUITS MUST NOW TURN IN THEIR
UNDERWEAR, BRAS AND SOCKS SO THAT THE NEXT GROUP OF SERVICE MEMBERS CAN REUSE THEM
>> Steve: OH [ LAUGHTER ] OH
>> Jimmy: WHETHER IT'S THE NORWEGIAN MILITARY OR NORWEGIAN CRUISES, THEY HAVE THE SAME
SLOGAN "YOU'RE GOING TO NEED EXTRA UNDERWEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ] I THINK THIS IS WHY THE MILITARY INVENTED "GOING
COMMANDO." [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT'S THAT?
A LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD THAT'S FANTASTIC THANK --
OH, YOU'RE NOT AIRING IT ON TV OR STREAMING IT? OH, OKAY
I WON'T SAY ANYTHING BUT, ANYWAYS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
NO THANK YOU THANK YOU. >> Steve: WOW.
FOR THOSE TWO JOKES. >> Jimmy: AMAZING. YEAH
SO THAT'S JUST FOR THAT ONE, I THINK. >> Steve: JUST FOR THE ONE
JOKE THE COMMANDO JOKE? >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> Steve: MAN, GOOD FOR YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NOT COOL
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HEY, GUYS, GET THIS. HULK HOGAN IS UNDER A LOT OF
FIRE AFTER HE SUGGESTED THAT THE COVID VACCINE IS TO BLAME FOR THE RECENT DEATHS OF SOME
OF OUR BIGGEST CELEBRITIES AS A RESULT, HULK HOGAN HAS BEEN NAMED THE HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF FACEBOOK [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH
YOU'RE LAUGHING NOW, BUT IF TRUMP'S RE-ELECTED, HE'S THE NEW DR. FAUCI.
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE WAS A NEW EPISODE OF "THE BACHELOR" LAST NIGHT
YOU GUYS WATCH "THE BACHELOR?" [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE WAS A PRETTY DRAMATIC
SCENE BETWEEN TWO WOMEN, SHANAE AND ELIZABETH. NOW THE SHOW CAN GET PRETTY
EMOTIONAL. AND I THOUGHT THAT WE COULD HELP
HERE'S THAT MOMENT RE-VOICED WITH THE LEAST EMOTIONAL PERSON WE KNOW, SIRI.
THIS IS, "LET'S GET SIRI-OUS." [ APPLAUSE ] >> I THOUGHT YOU AND I WERE ON
THE SAME PAGE YESTERDAY. WE WERE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE YESTERDAY.
SO, IT THIS YOUR ADHD OR IS IT ME THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH
>> I THINK THIS IS REALLY INAPPROPRIATE, SHANAE. >> SO, ARE YOU TELLING EVERYONE
IN THE HOUSE YOU HAVE ADHD >> YOU ALREADY BROUGHT IT TO THE ATTENTION OF THE GIRLS
>> I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE YOU HAVE ADHD. I HAVE ADHD.
>> YOU ABSOLUTELY DID TELL >> I MEAN, [ BLEEP ] LITTLE KIDS HAVE ADHD
>> OKAY. >> AND I THINK YOU'RE USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE.
>> I REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE HOW YOU'RE COMING AT ME, AND IF YOU'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME,
I'LL DO SO, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I AM NOT GOING TO ENGAGE IN THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU
ANYMORE. OKAY >> WELL, I'M JUST SAYING, LIKE
I HAVE ADHD, TOO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: VERY --A LOT OF DRAMA
THERE. WELL, SOME MORE ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
ABC JUST ANNOUNCED THAT AFTER A THREE-YEAR HIATUS, THIS YEAR'S OSCARS WILL HAVE A HOST
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S HULK HOGAN >> Steve: OH
[ LAUGHTER ] "THE OSCAR, BROTHER, GOES -- DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS
A FEDERAL JUDGE JUST RULED THAT U.S. CHEESE MAKERS CAN STILL MAKE GRUYERE CHEESE EVEN IF IT
DOESN'T COME FROM THE GRUYERE REGION OF SWITZERLAND. YUP.
HOWEVER, THE JUDGE SAID VELVEETA STILL MUST COME FROM THE VELVEETA REGION OF FRANCE.
[ LAUGHTER ] FRANCE -- FRANCE, NEW JERSEY THAT'S RIGHT
[ LAUGHTER ] HEY, IF THIS CHEESE CASE IS APPEALED, IT COULD BE HEARD BY
THE NACHO SUPREME COURT. [ LAUGHTER ] *
WHAT'S THAT? I'M SORRY. WHAT
HOLD ON A SECOND ANOTHER LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD?
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE THIS ONE WILL STREAM
OH, MY GOSH. SO PEOPLE WILL -- IT'S ON QUIBI.
OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. WOW.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE -- WHAT A NIGHT I'VE HAD >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: FINALLY, A WOMAN IN CANADA WAS JUST REUNITED WITH HER CAT WHEN IT TURNED UP AT
HER SHELTER 12 YEARS AFTER GOING MISSING. [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
MEANWHILE THE CAT WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET AWAY FROM THIS LADY?"
[ LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE
FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE WROTE AND DIRECTED HER FIRST FEATURE FILM, "THE LOST
DAUGHTER." AND IT'S ALREADY BEEN NOMINATED FOR A TON OF AWARDS AND WON
BEST SCREENPLAY AT THE VENICE FILM FESTIVAL. IT'S IN SELECT THEATERS AND
STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL IS HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
GOOD SHE HIT A HOMER. IT'S A GOOD ONE.
PLUS, YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE HBO SERIES "EUPHORIA." JACOB ELORDI IS HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE'VE GOT GREAT STAND-UP BY RAANAN HERSHBERG, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "DOWNHILL EVER SINCE." HEY, GUYS, IT IS TIME TO TAKE
A LOOK AT THE STORIES MAKING HEADLINES TODAY AND WEIGH THE GOOD WITH THE BAD.
IT'S TIME FOR "PROS AND CONS." HERE WE GO
>> Jimmy: TONIGHT WE'LL BE TAKING A LOOK AT THE PROS AND CONS OF THE CDC'S NEW COVID
RULES. >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: YUP, THAT'S RIGHT.
THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL RECENTLY ANNOUNCED SOME NEW RULES AND REGULATIONS REGARDING
THE OMICRON VARIANT. SO LET'S LOOK AT THE PROS AND CONS OF THE CDC'S NEW COVID
RULES. HERE WE GO PRO, THE CDC NOW RECOMMENDS THE
PFIZER BOOST FOR CHILDREN AS YOUNG AS 12. CON, UNLESS YOU MISBEHAVE, THEN
YOU'RE GETTING JOHNSON & JOHNSON. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
PRO, THE CDC SAYS IF YOU TEST POSITIVE, YOU SHOULD QUARANTINE AT LEAST FIVE DAYS
CON, WHICH IS THREE DAYS LONGER THAN YOUR DRY JANUARY LASTED [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
GOTTA TRY, RIGHT >> Steve: YEAH, THEY TRIED YOU HAD A METH BURRITO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I SLIPPED UP AND I HAD A METH BURRITO, WHAT'S THE
PROBLEM? >> Steve: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY. [ MIMICKING CHAINSAW ]
THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: I DON'T TRAVEL WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT
>> Steve: WAS THAT IN MILWAUKEE? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: PRO, EXPERTS SAY IF YOU'RE VACCINATED, OMICRON SHOULD BE MILD
CON, IF YOU'RE UNVACCINATED, IT WILL BE MEDIUM OR HOT AND GUAC IS STILL EXTRA
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WHAT STILL?
PRO, CDC DIRECTOR ROCHELLE WALENSKY HAS BEEN TAKING MEDIA TRAINING IN AN
EFFORT TO IMPROVE MESSAGING. CON, SHE NOW LEARNED 40 DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY, "WE
HAVE NO IDEA." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "WE DON'T KNOW."
PRO, YOU CAN BUY A RAPID TEST AT CVS CON, YOUR SYMPTOMS WILL BE GONE
BY THE TIME YOU FIGURE OUT THE SELF-CHECKOUT MACHINE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"MOVE THE ITEM FROM THE BAG? >> Steve: "PUT IT IN THE BAG >> Jimmy: "REMOVE THEM FIRST
THEN PUT THE BAG BACK. >> Steve: "CALL CASHIER? >> Jimmy: "CALL CASHIER TO
CHECK YOU OUT, TEACH YOU HOW TO USE THIS." "GET A JOB AT CVS?
>> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: "WORK FOUR DAYS A WEEK AFTER YOUR JOB?
SEE IF YOU LIKE IT?" >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: "IT'S FUN.
IT'S A GOOD FAMILY HERE AT CVS. >> Steve: MORE RECEIPTS.
>> Jimmy: "WITH ALL THE RECEIPTS." >> Steve: OH, MY GOSH.
>> Jimmy: "THINK OF ALL THE COUPONS. THINGS YOU CAN SAVE.
>> Steve: OH, A CVS CARE CARD. >> Jimmy: "I WANT TO GIVE TO THIS CHARITY."
YEAH, SURE, SURE, SURE [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH
AND THEN DO I PAY FOR IT NOW >> Steve: NO >> Jimmy: "YEAH, PAID.
I'M ALL GOOD [ MIMICKING ALARM NO, I DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING.
[ LAUGHTER ] PRO, THE CDC SAYS NOT TO USE THE COVID TEST TO SWAB YOUR
THROAT CON, UNLESS IT'S TO GET THAT ONE ANNOYING POPCORN KERNEL OUT
OF THERE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S HOW I GET IT OUT.
IT'S A DIFFERENT WAY TO EXHALE >> Steve: YOU JUST DO THAT [ EXHALE ]
LIKE THAT? >> Jimmy: NO I GO -
[ EXHALE ] >> OH REALLY I GO -
[ GAGGING >> Jimmy: I GO - [ EXHALE ]
>> Steve: OH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. >> Jimmy: YEAH
WHAT DO YOU DO >> Steve: -- "METH BURRITO." >> Jimmy: "METH.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, METH BURRITO. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER PRO, THE GUIDANCE IS CRYSTAL CLEAR.
YOU HAVE TO ISOLATE FOR FIVE DAYS CON, THAT'S FIVE BUSINESS DAYS
WHICH DOESN'T INCLUDE WEEKENDS, HOLIDAYS, BANK HOLIDAYS, LEAP YEARS AND TACO TUESDAYS.
[ APPLAUSE ] GOT IT >> Steve: GOT IT
>> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, PRO, THANKS TO VACCINES LIKE PFIZER, OMICRON COULD FALL JUST AS
QUICKLY AS IT ROSE CON, IF IT DOESN'T FALL AFTER FOUR HOURS, CALL YOUR DOCTOR
THERE YOU GO, EVERYBODY. THAT'S "PROS AND CONS. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE
PLAYING "RANDOM INSTRUMENT CHALLENGE" WITH MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK IT IS TIME FOR A GAME OF
"RANDOM INSTRUMENT CHALLENGE." HERE WE GO
* RANDOM INSTRUMENT CHALLENGE * >> Jimmy: TO PLAY, I'M GOING TO
NEED SOME HELP HER NEW MOVIE, "THE LOST DAUGHTER," IS IN SELECT
THEATERS AND STREAMING ON NETFLIX NOW. GIVE IT UP FOR
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL.
* RANDOM INSTRUMENT
CHALLENGE * >> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE
THANK YOU SO MUCH. MAGGIE, HERE'S HOW THIS WORKS. WE HAVE A BUNCH OF INSTRUMENTS
THAT NEITHER OF US KNOW HOW TO PLAY ON YOUR TURN, YOU'RE GOING TO
PICK A CARD FROM THIS BOARD WHICH WILL GIVE YOU THE NAME OF A RANDOM SONG.
AND THEN YOU'LL PICK SOMETHING FROM THIS BAG. AND THAT WILL TELL YOU WHAT
INSTRUMENT -- RANDOM INSTRUMENT YOU HAVE TO PLAY THAT SONG WITH THAT INSTRUMENT THAT WE'VE
NEVER PLAYED >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: AND IF THE ROOTS CAN
GUESS WHAT SONG YOU'RE PLAYING, YOU GET A POINT. >> ALL RIGHT
>> Jimmy: YEAH ROOTS, LOVE YOU GUYS YOU GUYS HAVE NEVER BEEN
BETTER [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT, SINCE I'M THE HOST,
I'LL GO FIRST. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT -- WHAT IT IS
>> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT NUMBER SHOULD WE
GO WITH? [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS TWO, SIX, FOUR
OKAY >> WAIT, CAN I SEE >> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH
YEAH, YOU CAN SEE. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: THIS IS TOUGH.
>> Questlove: CAN I SEE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, YOU CAN'T SEE.
HERE, I'M GOING TO PLAY THAT SONG ON USING -- OKAY. >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: I THINK THAT'S THE BEST CHANCE I GOT AT THIS. WHERE IS THE TRAIN WHISTLE
OKAY, HERE WE GO I'M ASSUMING THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT
THE TRAIN WHISTLE? OH, GOSH ALL RIGHT, WE GOT 30 SECONDS ON
THE CLOCK. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: OKAY
>> Questlove: OKAY >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. ROOTS, WE GOT THIS, BUDDIES.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. READY? [ TRAIN WHISTLE
[ LAUGHTER ] * >> Questlove: "DANCE TO IT."
"ROCK-A-BYE-BABY." "SWEET CHILD O' MINE." [ LAUGHTER ]
[ TRAIN WHISTLE "YEAH!" BY USHER [ TRAIN WHISTLE
[ BUZZER ] >> OKAY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Questlove: WHAT * ISN'T SHE LOVEL ISN'T SHE WONDERFUL *
YOU WERE DANCING LIKE AXL ROSE, SO I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING "SWEET CHILD O' MINE."
>> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE -- IT WASN'T AXL ROSE, BUT I WAS HOLDING A BABY
>> Questlove: I SEE NOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH >> OKAY, MY TURN
>> Jimmy: YEAH WHAT NUMBER IS MAGGIE GOING TO CHOOSE
[ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS >> THREE OKAY, THREE.
>> Jimmy: OVERWHELMING THREE >> OH, I DON'T KNOW THIS SONG. I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW THIS
SONG I -- I KNOW IT I -- I REALLY DON'T KNOW THIS
SONG I'M SORRY. I'M NOT DOING THIS ONE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Questlove: ALL RIGHT, CHOOSE ANOTHER ONE.
>> Jimmy: VERY -- >> Jimmy: NO, THAT -- I LOVE THAT YOU SAID THAT
THAT'S GOOD. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: NOW LET'S GO
NO, THIS ONE -- YES. [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS >> EIGHT
I DON'T KNOW THIS SONG >> Jimmy: THAT'S -- [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, MY GOSH. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: "OKAY, WEIRD GAME.
I DO NOT KNOW AND I'M NOT PLAYING. OH, YES, I KNOW IT."
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET THIS ONE.
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: WHAT INSTRUMENT? >> I HOPE IT'S NOT THAT FROG
OH, MY GOSH. >> Jimmy: OKAY >> OKAY, IT'S A --
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU COULD SHOW THE INSTRUMENT >> IT'S A LAP STEEL GUITAR
>> Questlove: OH >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: WHEW
IF YOU -- BY THE WAY, IF YOU NAIL THIS, THAT'S ANOTHER CAREER, BUDDY!
>> UH, OKAY. OKAY >> Jimmy: WOW!
ALL RIGHT, GOOD LUCK WHENEVER YOU'RE READY. *
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Questlove: HOW DO YOU DANCE
TO IT? >> HOW DO YOU DANCE TO IT? >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU --
>> HOLD ON >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU DANCE TO THAT
OH, YOU'RE -- >> HOW DO YOU DANCE TO IT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Questlove: IF YOU WERE DOING IT IN -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, I MEAN -- LOOK,
I JUST -- * [ LAUGHTER ]
* [ BUZZER ] >> Questlove: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WAIT ONE MORE TIME. ONE MORE TIME.
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: NO, I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU NEED IT ONE MORE TIME. >> WAIT, I'M TRYING TO THINK OF HOW THE -- HOW THE VERSE GOES.
>> Questlove: "PURPLE HAZE" BY JIMI HENDRIX [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, I KNOW I, KIND OF, HAD A LITTLE JIMI HENDRIX THING. NO
"SWEET HOME ALABAMA" BY LYNYRD SKYNYRD >> Questlove: AH
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE [ SAD TUBA ] >> OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. MY -- MY TURN AGAIN.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU -- [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS OKAY
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: YEP, WE GOT THAT ONE THAT WOULD BE PLAYING IT ON THE
DULCIMER >> Questlove: GESUNDHEIT >> Jimmy: DULCIMER
>> DULCIMER. >> Jimmy: DULCIMER >> DULCIMER.
>> Jimmy: SURE
[ LAUGHTER ] IS THIS THE DULCIMER >> Questlove: I --
>> Jimmy: THIS IS THE DULCIMER OKAY NOW DO I STROKE THIS THING
OR DO I -- [ LAUGHTER ] *
>> Questlove: HAMMERS. >> Jimmy: OKAY *
* AMAZING GRACE * * [ BELL DINGING ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH WOW, I'M SO PROUD.
I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF OH, MY GOSH. MAGGIE, YOU'RE UP AGAIN.
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: PICK A SONG FROM THE BOARD.
>> OKAY. [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU JUST SEE
THE -- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE PLAYING ON >> THE WASHTUB BASS.
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY >> Jimmy: THIS IS EXCITING
>> WHICH ONE IS THAT WAIT, OH, THIS >> Jimmy: I DON'T -- TO BE
REALLY HONEST, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE ANY OF THESE INSTRUMENTS.
[ LAUGHTER ] DO YOU PUT YOUR FOOT ON IT >> YEAH.
>> Questlove: PUT YOUR FOOT ON IT >> OH, OKAY.
GOT IT [ CHEERS ] ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL COME ON. [ LAUGHTER ]
SHE KNOWS THAT -- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO >> ALL RIGHT, READY?
>> Jimmy: NOW WHAT SONG WAS IT OH, YEAH YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS. * *
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: "BUT THEY WILL NOT TAKE OUR FREEDOM!"
[ LAUGHTER ] >> READY *
>> Questlove: "EYE OF THE TIGER"
>> NO. >> Questlove: OH, "MY HEART WILL GO ON"?
>> Jimmy: YES. THANK YOU. YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU GOT IT >> I GOT IT.
>> Jimmy: IT SOUNDED GREAT [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GOT -- YOU GOT IT.
OKAY, HERE WE GO GUYS, THIS IS OUR LAST ROUND RIGHT HERE
LET'S JOIN FORCES, ALL RIGHT >> OKAY, OKAY. >> Jimmy: LET'S DO A SONG
TOGETHER >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: SO WE'LL BOTH TRY TO
PLAY THE SAME SONG AT THE SAME TIME AND WORK TOGETHER TO GET THE ROOTS TO GUESS THIS.
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: AND I THINK WE COULD -- WE CAN NAIL IT.
WHICH NUMBER [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS FIVE
I HEARD FIVE [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: MM-HMM MM-HMM I THINK WE GOT THIS.
>> AND WE EACH GET OUR OWN INSTRUMENT >> Jimmy: YEP, SO I'LL PICK
FIRST AND THEN YOU PICK YOUR INSTRUMENT >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: I GOT THE IRISH TINY HARP OVER THERE, WHICH IS PERFECT.
AND YOU GOT THE SOUSAPHONE >> I GOT THE SOUSAPHONE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S -- THAT'S THE
BIGGEST -- >> THAT'S THAT >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S LIKE
A TUBA YEAH, YEAH >> OKAY, FINE.
* THIS HOW DO YOU EVEN HOLD THIS?
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY, COME SHOW ME >> Jimmy: WHAT
I -- * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> OKAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Jimmy: YOU ACTUALLY -- IT LOOKS LIKE -- IT LOOKS GREAT IT LOOKS LIKE --
>> THANKS. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU -- YOU'RE ROCKING IT
>> I'VE BEEN FEELING ALL THESE INSTRUMENTS TONIGHT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THIS IS
FANTASTIC. ALL RIGHT. >> OKAY.
>> BOTH: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR [ BLOWING TUBA ] *
>> Questlove: IS IT "OVER THE RAINBOW" >> Jimmy: YES!
[ BELL DINGING ] HOW DID THEY GET THAT? *
>> I WANT A HUG -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WANT TO HUG ME WITH THIS BIG, GIANT
SOUSAPHONE AMAZING WORK THAT IS TEAMWORK, RIGHT THERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> HOW DO YOU -- >> Jimmy: I HAVE NO IDEA
>> OKAY, WILL YOU HELP US? I DON'T WANT TO HURT IT. >> Jimmy: THANKS
>> Jimmy: MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> WOW, THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: WE'RE TALKING -- THAT'S TEAMWORK, RIGHT THERE
WE'LL BE TALKING WITH MAGGIE WHEN WE COME BACK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
I HAD IT EASY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A A VERY TALENTED ACTRESS. NOW SHE HAS WRITTEN AND
DIRECTED HER FIRST FEATURE FILM, "THE LOST DAUGHTER," WHICH IS IN SELECT THEATERS AND
STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL!
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AH, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK TO THE SHOW AND THANKS FOR
PLAYING "RANDOM INSTRUMENT CHALLENGE. >> THAT WAS WILD
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WHAT'S CRAZIER? SO DURING THE BREAK, YOU TOLD
ONE OF OUR SEGMENT PRODUCERS THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY ONE OF THE WEIRD
INSTRUMENTS WE HAVE THERE. >> YEAH, ABOUT AS WELL AS I PLAYED THE SOUSAPHONE AND THE
UPRIGHT BASS >> Jimmy: NO, BUT I WAS IN SHOCK.
I GO, "WAIT THIS IS -- WE HAVE TO --" I WANT TO SEE YOU PLAY THIS, BECAUSE I KNOW KIND OF
THE IDEA BEHIND IT THIS IS A THEREMIN >> YEAH.
SO THIS IS PITCH [ THERAMIN PLAYS ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WOW! MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL, I MEAN THAT IS -- THAT IS A TALENT RIGHT
THERE. >> YEAH, THIS IS LIKE THE EXTENT OF MY MUSICAL TALENT.
>> Jimmy: WHO KNEW I LOVE THAT. WELL, LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE,
SPEAKING OF TALENTS, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT "THE LOST DAUGHTER," BUT HOW YOU ADAPTED
IT FROM THIS BOOK THAT YOU READ BY THE SAME NAME YOU'VE ALREADY WON AND BEEN
NOMINATED FOR ALL THESE AWARDS AND I THINK TOTALLY DESERVED IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOVIE
GORGEOUS IN FACT, AT THE VENICE FILM FESTIVAL, THAT'S WHERE I THINK
WE FIRST HEARD ABOUT IT. IT GOT LIKE A 20 MINUTE STANDING OVATION OR SOMETHING.
CRAZY. WERE YOU NERVOUS EVEN JUST GOING INTO THE FESTIVAL?
>> YEAH, I MEAN, LOOK, WE MADE THE FILM IN A PANDEMIC BUT MORE THAN THAT, WE CUT IT
IN A PANDEMIC BEFORE THERE WERE ANY VACCINES OR ANYTHING I WAS CUTTING THIS TIME LAST
YEAR AND SO WE NEVER SHOWED TO IT AN AUDIENCE EVER.
WHICH, IF YOU DON'T MAKE FILMS, I DON'T KNOW, IT MAY BE HARD TO KNOW HOW STRANGE THAT IS
BUT USUALLY YOU INVITE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY YOU INVITE, YOU KNOW -
>> Jimmy: SCREEN IT AND -- >> SCREEN IT AND YOU FIND OUT HOW IT PLAYS AND YOU HEAR
PEOPLE LAUGH AND THEN PEOPLE GIVE YOU NOTES AND YOU ADJUST THE FILM SOMETIMES BASED ON
THOSE NOTES. HERE IT WAS JUST ME AND MY EDITOR
I MEAN, WE SHOWED TO IT A FEW PEOPLE, BUT THEY WERE PEOPLE WHO ALREADY LOVED US
YOU KNOW THEY WERE -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S LIKE MY
MOM GOING LIKE, "JIMMY, YOU ARE THE GREATEST PERSON EVER TO BE ON 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.'" I
GO, "OH, MY GOD. WHAT A GREAT REVIEW, MOM >> EXACTLY
>> Jimmy: THANKS >> EXACTLY AND SO THE FIRST TIME I EVER
SAW MY FILM WITH ANY AUDIENCE -- LIKE, I'M TALKING ANYTHING, WAS AT VENICE.
AND THE GRANDE SALA WITH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE AND OLIVIA COLMAN AND DAKOTA WERE
THERE -- DAKOTA JOHNSON, AND THEY HAD NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE AT ALL
SITTING NEXT TO ME AT THE VENICE FILM FESTIVAL WAS THE FIRST TIME
>> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU SET IT UP AND HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT THE MOVIE'S ABOUT?
>> WELL, IT'S ABOUT A WOMAN WHO GOES ON VACATION ALONE AND WHILE SHE'S ON VACATION, SHE
GETS REALLY COMPELLED BY THIS YOUNG MOTHER THAT SHE SEES ON THE BEACH, AND IT STARTS
BRINGING UP FOR HER ALL OF THESE WILD,DARK, STRANGE MEMORIES IN HER OWN LIFE THAT
START TO REALLY TRIP HER OUT >> Jimmy: BECAUSE SHE WAS A YOUNG MOTHER AND -- I DON'T
WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING, BUT -- >> SHE WAS A YOUNG MOTHER WHO STRUGGLED WITH BEING A MOTHER
LIKE, IF WE'RE HONEST, I THINK EVERY MOTHER WHO EVER EXISTED. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'RE USED TO EITHER SEEING, SORT OF, THE FANTASY VERSION OF THE
MOTHER THAT WE ALL WISH WE HAD OR THE MOTHER WE WISH WE WERE. OR LIKE A BAD MOMMY.
YOU KNOW AND THE THING THAT THAT DOES IS IT MAKES YOU GO LIKE, "OH, LOOK
AT THAT CRAZY, BAD MOMMY I'M NOTHING LIKE THAT. THANK GOD.
YOU KNOW, I'M SUCH A GOOD MAMA." BUT TO JOIN THEM TOGETHER,
WHICH IS WHAT THIS MOVIE DOES, YOU KNOW, WHERE IT'S COMPLICATED, YOU KNOW?
>> Jimmy: BUT IT'S SO WELL DONE AND SHOT AND DIRECTED AND WRITTEN.
AND YOU WROTE AND DIRECTED THIS, BUDDY. AND I WILL SAY THIS, LAST TIME
YOU WERE HERE, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT
OPTIONING. AND I GO, "WHY IS IT -- WHY ARE YOU WAITING THIS LONG TO
DIRECT?" DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME?
>> I THINK I SAID THAT IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO EVEN ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL HOW MUCH I
WANTED TO DO IT, THAT I DIDN'T FEEL ENTITLED TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
>> Jimmy: NOW THAT YOU DID IT, DO YOU FEEL GREAT THAT YOU'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE AND YOU NOW
HAVE A MOVIE UNDER YOUR BELT THAT'S FANTASTIC >> I FEEL LIKE -- I LOVE ACTING
AND I MISS ACTING, BUT I WAS ALWAYS LIKE BUMPING UP AGAINST SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY OR EXPRESS OR DO OR OFFER
AND IT WAS LIKE -- I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT I WAS LIKE -- DID YOU EVER HAVE
A DREAM THAT -- IT'S LIKE A COMMON DREAM I THINK PEOPLE HAVE WHERE THEY'RE, LIKE, IN
THEIR LITTLE APARTMENT AND THEY DREAM THAT THEY OPEN A DOOR AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THERE IS AN
ENTIRE OTHER WING? YOU KNOW AND YOU'RE LIKE -- YOU'VE HAD
THAT DREAM >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS GETTING CHASED BY A SHARK LAST NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> BUT YOU'VE NEVER HAD THAT DREAM?
THIS IS WHAT IT WAS LIKE IT WAS LIKE ALL OF A SUDDEN I JUST KNOCKED A WALL DOWN AND I
WAS LIKE, "IT'S SO MUCH BETTER OVER HERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> BECAUSE I DO THINK WHEN WOMEN MAKE MOVIES, AND WOMEN DO A LOT OF THINGS AND REALLY
EXPRESS THEMSELVES, IT LOOKS DIFFERENT. AND SOMETHING NEW AND DIFFERENT
IS REALLY COMPELLING, YOU KNOW AND HONEST >> Jimmy: I APPRECIATE YOU
BEING HONEST EVEN WHEN WE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE YOU DID THIS AND YOU WERE LIKE, "I
DON'T KNOW IF I EVEN KNOW. COULDN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT, EVEN DIRECTING IT, I THINK
TO NOW, YOU DID IT AND IT'S A HOMER. HONESTLY, IT'S MOVING, IT'S
BEAUTIFUL, IT'S FANTASTIC. I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S A PEEK AT "THE LOST
DAUGHTER." TAKE A LOOK.
DADDY'S AWAY, AND YOU'RE TAKING IT OUT ON ME >> ALL RIGHT
COME TO AUNTIE, BABY COME ON, COME TO AUNTIE. THERE WE GO, MY BIG GIRL
OH, MY BIG GIRL. >> GO, SO I COULD HAVE A A MINUTE
SOMETIMES YOU JUST CAN'T HANDLE IT >> I KNOW.
>> YES, ANYTHING YOU WANT. SHOW MAMA AND THE LADY WHAT A GOOD GIRL YOU ARE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL, EVERYBODY
"THE LOST DAUGHTER" IS SELECT THEATERS AND STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JACOB ELORDI STICK AROUND EVERYBODY
CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A TALENTED ACTOR WHO YOU CAN SEE IN THE HIT SHOW,
"EUPHORIA," WHICH AIRS SUNDAYS AT 9:00 P.M. ON HBO. EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME
JACOB ELORDI
*
>> Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW. IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING
ON >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] WOW, YOU DID IT RIGHT THERE.
YEAH, YOU -- THAT'S IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR COMING TO
NEW YORK I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY COMING FROM L.A., BUT I -- OR
AUSTRALIA. >> L.A >> Jimmy: L.A., YEAH
HAVE YOU SPENT MUCH TIME IN NEW YORK >> I SPENT A LITTLE BIT OF TIME
HERE I TRY TO COME, SORT OF, AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE TO SEE THE
PLAYS THAT ARE ON AND EVERYTHING BUT MY PARENTS ARE HERE, AND
ONE OF THE BIGGEST MEMORIES I HAVE COMING HERE WAS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, AND I CAME WITH THEM.
SO THIS IS ONE OF MY FIRST - >> Jimmy: WHERE IS YOUR MOM? >> I'M TRYING TO FIND THEM
WHILE I'M SPEAKING >> Jimmy: OH, HEY, THERE THEY ARE.
I SEE THEM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HI, MOM.
HI, DAD. WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." YEAH, IT'S ALSO THEIR FIRST
TIME >> YES >> Jimmy: IT'S THEIR FIRST TIME
BEING ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW" AS WELL, WHICH IS PERFECT >> WE'RE IN IT TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: WHEN DID YOU COME TO THE CITY WITH YOUR PARENTS >> I THINK I WAS 8 YEARS OLD
AND WE SORT OF DID ALL THE STUFF, LIKE ALL THE SIGHTS AND I REMEMBER MY DAD SORT OF
SURPRISED ME WITH TICKETS TO A A KNICKS GAME, BECAUSE I WAS A A BIG BASKETBALL FAN
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, AND WHERE DID -- >> YEAH, WE WERE IN THE
NOSEBLEEDS UP THE BACK, BUT I REMEMBER IT WAS LIKE -- IT WAS THE MOST SPECIAL EXPERIENCE
THOUGH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN >> Jimmy: DON'T WE HAVE SOME NEWS TO TELL YOUR PARENTS?
>> YEAH. WE'RE GOING TO THE KNICKS TOMORROW, BUT WAY CLOSER
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT WAY CLOSER
THE NEW SEASON OF "EUPHORIA" HAD A GIANT PREMIERE ON SUNDAY CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: IT'S BECOME A HUGE, HUGE HIT
DID YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT IT WOULD BE THIS BIG THE SECOND TIME AROUND, THE SECOND SEASON
>> NO. I DIDN'T KNOW, AND THEN THEY TOLD ME THIS MORNING THAT IT,
LIKE, CRASHED THE WEBSITE, AND, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE SEEN IT, SO IT'S -
YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S WHY IT'S FUN.
>> SO SCARY. >> Jimmy: BUT ALSO, I MEAN, YEAH
BUT I MEAN YOU HAVE THAT - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S SCARY YOU'RE GETTING YOUR OWN WAX
FIGURE AT MADAME TUSSAUDS. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO --
I'VE DONE IT MYSELF AS WELL. HAVE YOU BEEN THROUGH THE WHOLE PROCESS YET?
>> I DID I WENT THROUGH THE PROCESS, AND IT WAS STRANGE, BUT THE
STRANGEST THING IS THEIR SHIRTS THAT THE CREW WEARS SAY, LIKE, PAPARAZZI AND, LIKE, CELEBRITY
THAT WAS THE STRANGEST THING FOR ME LIKE, YOU'VE ALL THESE CAMERAS
IN FRONT OF YOU, AND YOU'VE GOT ALL THESE LITTLE DOTS ON YOUR FACE
IT LOOKS LIKE BEHIND THE SCENES OF "PLANET OF THE APES." AND THEN THESE PEOPLE IN SHIRTS
THAT SAY, LIKE, PAPARAZZI AND CELEBRITY. >> Jimmy: REALLY
I DIDN'T SEE THAT? >> YEAH, IT WAS PECULIAR >> Jimmy: ON MINE --
>> GREAT PEOPLE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
HAVE LEGIT PEOPLE DOING IT [ LAUGHTER ] >> LIKE A GANG OF PAPARAZZI --
>> Jimmy: YEAH, A GANG OF PAPARAZZI. TURNS OUT YOUR WAX FIGURE --
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> IT'S A BOBBLE HEAD. >> Jimmy: LEGOS, YEAH, EXACTLY
THIS SHOW "EUPHORIA," I WILL SAY, IS PRETTY DARK IN SOME PARTS.
PRETTY, YOU KNOW -- MUST BE STRESSFUL TO DO A SHOW LIKE THIS
BUT I HEARD THAT TO KEEP IT LOOSE, YOU WOULD DO YOU THIS THING WHERE YOU WOULD GRAB
PEOPLE'S PHONES AND JUST TAKE SELFIES WITH THEIR PHONES? >> YEAH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU GO WITH THAT -- I LIKE -- WHAT IS IT
>> WELL, IT'S NOT EVEN, LIKE, "EUPHORIA" SPECIFIC. I THINK WAS IN NEW YORK
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO AND I WAS AT A BAR. AND SOMEONE HAD LEFT A PHONE
SORT OF ON A TABLE SOMEWHERE AND I KIND OF JUST, LIKE, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT IT
I WANT THEM TO FIND IT I HAVE THIS IDEA THAT THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE THE PHONE FOR,
LIKE, 40 YEARS, AND IN 40 YEARS TIME, THEY'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, "OH, I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH MY
CAMERA ROLL. LIKE THEY DON'T GO THROUGH IT EVERY DAY.
AND BE LIKE, "OH, MY GOD WHO IS THIS? >> Jimmy: NO, THEY KNOW WHO YOU
ARE. BUT YOU JUST GRAB A PHONE AND JUST -
MOVE IT, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE INVASIVE [ LAUGHTER ]
SO I DO THE SLIDE UP >> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU
[ LAUGHTER ] I APPRECIATE THAT. THOUGHTFUL
>> YEAH, LIKE A PIGEON >> Jimmy: YEAH, VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU TO DO THAT, YEAH.
IN THIS SHOW YOU PLAYED NATE, WHO WE CAN -- I DON'T KNOW HE'S NOT REALLY A GOOD GUY
NO BUT AT THE END OF SUNDAY'S EPISODE, YOUR CHARACTER IS A
A LITTLE CHANGED, KIND OF, WELL - >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HE GETS BEAT UP. >> YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BUT FANS WERE LIKE, "WELL, HE HAD IT COMING. >> YEAH, THEY WERE STOKED.
THEY WERE SO HAPPY ABOUT IT. >> Jimmy: WOULD YOU AGREE WITH THAT
>> WELL -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I MEAN, IT IS YOU.
>> I THINK ME AS JACOB, I WOULD LOVE TO BEAT HIM UP. LIKE I WOULD GIVE HIM A CLIP
AROUND THE EARS. BUT AS NATE, YOU KNOW, I FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS CHARACTER.
YOU'RE PLAYING THE CHARACTER SO WELL >> YEAH, I HAVE TO GET BEAT UP
>> Jimmy: YEAH, AND YOU DON'T WANT TO GET BEAT UP, BUT - >> IT SUCKED
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP
FROM THE SHOW. HERE'S JACOB ELORDI IN THE NEW SEASON OF "EUPHORIA.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME
>> YEAH. >> MAKE ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS?
>> NO. YOU? >> A FEW
>> THE LAST TIME WE TALKED, DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO KILL ME?
>> IT'S A NEW YEAR, PLAYBOY. >> OH, MY GOD! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: JACOB ELORDI, EVERYBODY. "EUPHORIA" AIRS SUNDAYS AT
9:00 P.M. ON HBO MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE COME BACK, EVERYBODY
CHEERS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS HIS STAND-UP SPECIAL, "DOWNHILL EVER SINCE," AVAILABLE ON
YOUTUBE. MAKING HIS "TONIGHT SHOW" DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY
FUNNY RAANAN HERSHBERG
*
>> THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH. HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?
HUH? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GREAT.
SO I'VE BEEN SOBER NOW FOR FIVE YEARS. YEAH
[ APPLAUSE ] IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN A COUPLE WEEKS BUT IT FEELS LIKE FIVE
YEARS. [ LAUGHTER ] NO
IT'S BEEN A WHILE. BUT EVEN WHEN I WAS'T SOBER, THERE WERE SOME DRUGS I NEVER
DID. LIKE I HATE EDIBLES. THEY'RE MY LEAST FAVORITE DRUG
'CAUSE EVERY EDIBLE INSTRUCTION ALWAYS THE SAME AND IT'S ALWAYS NONSENSE
IT'S ALWAYS SOMEONE HANDING YOU A COOKIE AND BEING LIKE, "ONLY DO HALF.
[ LAUGHTER ] "DO NOT DO MORE THAN HALF. JUST HALF.
IT'S LIKE, "EXCUSE ME. I NEVER HAD HALF A COOKIE IN MY LIFE."
[ LAUGHTER ] NEVER. [ APPLAUSE ]
I'VE EITHER HAD ZERO COOKIES OR ALL THE COOKIES. [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S NO IN BETWEEN WITH COOKIES. IF YOU WANT ME TO HAVE HALF OF
SOMETHING, HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T THE MARIJUANA IN A DESSERT HOW ABOUT THAT
[ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT? DON'T IT PUT IT IN A BROWNIE OR
A GUMMY. I'LL HALF A WEED CARROT. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I CAN DO HALF A CARROT, NO PROBLEM.
I NEVER ONCE HAD HALF A CARROT AND BEEN LIKE, "GET THIS AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I EAT THE WHOLE
THING. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW THAT I'M SOBER, I HAVE NO
TOLERANCE. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS. I USED TO DO DRUGS 'TIL THE
DAWN NOW IF I SEE SOMEONE DRINKING COFFEE AFTER 2:00, I'M LIKE,
"TAKE A LOOK AT KEITH RICHARDS OVER HERE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"WHAT IS THAT? COLD BREW? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND
DO YOU NEED AN INTERVENTION RIGHT NOW? [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I'M ALSO GETTING OLDER YOU KNOW, I'M 37 A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK I'M
YOUNGER 'CAUSE I HAVE SO FEW ACCOMPLISHMENTS. BUT I'M --
[ LAUGHTER ] L AND IT'S HARD TO GET OLD, TOO.
IT REALLY IS ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA. IT IS HARD TO GET OLD.
ONCE YOU TURN 75 IN AMERICA, YOU DO NOT HAVE A LOT OF OPTIONS.
YOU REALLY DON'T YOU CAN EITHER BE PUT INTO A A NURSING HOME OR RUN EVERY
ASPECT OF GOVERNMENT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YEAH
THOSE ARE THE ONLY OPTIONS ALL OF YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE AT 75
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY BINGO ALL DAY LONG OR DO YOU WANT TO PASS LEGISLATION THAT WILL HAVE NO
EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE WHATSOEVER [ LAUGHTER ] I THOUGHT AS I GET OLDER, I'D
GET LESS ANXIOUS AND THAT IS NOT THE CASE I'M A HUGE HYPOCHONDRIAC AND MY
TWIN THE SISTER IS, TOO. BUT SHE'S LIKE A COCKY KIND. LIKE SHE RECENTLY SAW A COUPLE
MOLES ON MY BACK AND THIS IS HOW COCKY SHE IS SHE SAID, "A COUPLE OF THOSE
MOLES LOOK SUSPICIOUS, BUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET A SECOND OPINION.
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS LIKE, "NO OFFENSE BUT I DO NOT CONSIDER WHAT YOU JUST
SAID, A FIRST OPINION. [ LAUGHTER ] "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
THE GALL DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAPPY THAT'D BE IF I WENT TO MY DOCTOR AND I
WAS LIKE, "I WAS JUST WITH MY TWIN SISTER AND NOW I'M HERE FOR A SECOND OPINION
[ LAUGHTER ] AND AFTER YOU, I'M GONNA TALK TO MY MAILMAN AND HE'S GONNA
BREAK THE TIE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WHY ARE YOU CRYING, DOCTOR?"
ANYWAY, SHE WAS A LITTLE INSULTED 'CAUSE SHE'S A DERMATOLOGIST.
BUT I STILL -- [ LAUGHTER ] THAT SHE WAS BEING
CONDESCENDING. MY MOM IS GETTING UP THERE MY MOM IS IN HER 70s
SO SHE'S KIND OF LOSING IT LIKE RECENTLY, ONE OF MY PAYCHECKS ACCIDENTALLY GOT
MAILED TO HER. AND SHE HAD TO DEPOSIT IT INTO MY BANKING MOBILE ACCOUNT.
AND THIS IS 100% TRUE. I'M ON THE PHONE WITH HER AND SHE GOES, "ALL RIGHT TO GET
INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, THERE'S A A SECURITY QUESTION. AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT'S THE
SECURITY QUESTION? AND SHE GOES, "WHAT CITY WAS YOUR MOTHER BORN IN?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "ARE YOU TELLING ME I'M ADOPTED OR THAT YOU HAVE DEMENTIA?
WHAT'S GOING ON? [ LAUGHTER ] NOW ISN'T IT TERRIFYING TO
THINK THAT IN ONLY TEN YEARS -- IN ONLY TEN YEARS, SHE'LL BE READY TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE MY MOM LOVES TO SPEAK IN CLICHES.
SHE SAID MY FAVORITE CLICHE THE OTHER DAY. SHE SAID, "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S
ALREADY JANUARY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] REALLY
THAT'S THE THING IN THESE LAST INSANE COUPLE OF YEARS THAT YOU HAVE TROUBLE BELIEVING
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S THE PART OUT OF ALL THE IMPROBABLE STUFF THAT HAS
HAPPENED KANYE WEST RAN FOR PRESIDENT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THAT WASN'T A DREAM. THAT HAPPENED. RUDOLPH GIULIANI GOT BROUGHT
DOWN BY BORAT. [ LAUGHTER ] A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
THAT'S LIKE AUSTIN POWERS ARRESTING MIKE PENCE [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE WAS ON COUP ON THE CAPITOL THAT LOOKED LIKE A A FRENCH REVOLUTION WAS
REENACTED BY CARNIVAL CRUISE PASSENGERS [ LAUGHTER ]
AND OUT OF ALL THAT, THE THING MY MOM HAD TO PINCH HER CHEEK ABOUT IS THAT IS THAT TIME --
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS MOVES FORWARD. [ LAUGHTER ]
I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL ALIENS LAND. I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "MOM, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?"
AND SHE'LL BE LIKE, "I KNOW. HANUKKAH ALREADY?" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I'M RAANAN HERSHBERG YOU'VE ALL BEEN SO WONDERFUL THANK YOU SO MUCH.
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: FANTASTIC, DUDE.
RAANAN HERSHBERG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "DOWNHILL EVER SINCE" IS
AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW ON YOUTUBE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL, JACOB ELORDI, RAANAN HERSHBERG, ONCE AGAIN
COME ON. "DOWNHILL EVER SINCE." AND OF COURSE, THE ROOTS FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE