>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS -- REESE WITHERSPOON,
MIKE BIRBIGLIA MUSICAL GUEST, ROBERT PLANT AND ALISON KRAUSS,
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1574
>> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT'S A FRIDAY CROWD RIGHT THERE. HELLO, WELCOME
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW.
WELL, GUYS, WE ARE ONE WEEK AWAY FROM CHRISTMAS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* JUST SEVEN MORE DAYS JUST EIGHT MORE SLEEPS
AND 900 MORE HALLMARK MOVIES THAT'S IT, WE'RE ALMOST THERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE ONE WEEK AWAY FROM CHRISTMAS. OR AS THE PANERA GIFT CARDS AT
WALGREENS CALL IT, "OUR TIME TO SHINE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT CHRISTMAS IS JUST SEVEN DAYS AWAY, WHICH MEANS THAT YOU'LL
FINISH YOUR CHOCOLATE ADVENT CALENDAR IN 10 DAYS AGO. [ LAUGHTER ]
AT THIS POINT, EVERYONE'S ADVENT CALENDAR IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE ABANDONED MOTEL 6.
IT'S SO SAD. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU COULD TELL THE WHOLE
CITY IS IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT. I MEAN, RIGHT NOW, TIMES SQUARE ELMO REEKS OF EGGNOG INSTEAD OF
VODKA. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT'S JUST A --
OF COURSE, THIS IS THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN THEY SHOW ALL THE CLASSIC HOLIDAY MOVIES ON TV
AND I WAS WATCHING ONE LAST NIGHT. BUT I THINK THEY TRIED UPDATING
IT TOO MUCH TO MAKE IT CURRENT I DON'T KNOW TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ONE SCENE.
>> QUICK, QUICK. WE HAVE TO HURRY DASHER, DANCER, PRANCER, VIXEN,
GUCCI, CHEUGY, FAYE, FEMME, EXTRA, TURNT, DANK, SWOLE, BOUGIE, YEET, THIRSTY, AF,
JOE BYRON, BING BONG [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: BING BONG? BING BONG?
>> Steve: BING BONG? WHAT >> Jimmy: GET THIS, GUYS
ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL THIS YEAR, A MAJORITY OF PEOPLE STARTED THEIR CHRISTMAS
SHOPPING BEFORE NOVEMBER WELL, IT'S BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS WHAT MONTH IT SINCE MARCH OF
2020, BUT STILL. [ LAUGHTER ] I SAW IN A RECENT SURVEY THAT
MOST AMERICANS WOULD RATHER GET AN EXPERIENCE THAN A GIFT. WELL, THEIR PARTNER IS GOING TO
BE LIKE, "WELL, NOW YOU CAN ENJOY THE EXPERIENCE OF OWNING SOCKS.
THERE YOU GO [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS AMAZING.
EXPERTS PREDICT THAT BY THE END OF JANUARY, $120 BILLION WORTH OF GIFTS WILL BE RETURNED.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS YEP, ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, WE EXCHANGE PRESENTS.
AND ON CHRISTMAS AFTERNOON, WE EXCHANGE THE RECEIPTS. [ LAUGHTER ]
I READ THAT THIS YEAR'S TOP TOY GIFTS INCLUDE THE MAGIC MIXIES MAGICAL MISTING CAULDRON AND
WOWWEE'S GOT2GLOW FAIRY FINDER >> Steve: OOH, NICE! DID YOU GET EITHER ONE OF
THOSE? >> Jimmy: NO, I ENDED UP NOT GOING FOR A MAGIC MIXIES
MAGICAL MISTING CAULDRON OR WOWWEE'S GOT2GLOW FAIRY FINDER BUT I DID CONSIDER GETTING THE
WORLD OF WACKY WONDER WIZARD WORMS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: NOT THE NERDY, NAUGHTY GNOMES >> Jimmy: I WAS TEMPTED BY THE
ENCHANTING EARL'S UNDERWATER OTTER OASIS. BUT I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT
PICKING UP SOME CHARMING, CHUCKY, ENCHANTING CHOO-CHOO-TRAIN-CHOMPING
CHIMPS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OOH, I LOVE THOSE.
ARE THOSE MADE BY THE SAME PEOPLE WHO MADE THE TOAD ONE >> Jimmy: TALKING ABOUT TWIGGY
THE TRENDY TWITTER TOAD OR TOMMY THE TICKLISH TEXAS TOAD? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: EITHER ONE >> Jimmy: THEY WERE BOTH SOLD OUT.
>> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: THEY ONLY HAD TALENTED TACKY'S TASTEFUL
TAP-DANCING, TANK-DIVING TURTLE TAXIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THE FABULOUSLY, FANCY, FOAMING, FLUFFY THE FANTASTIC-FIGHTING FRENCH
FALCON [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: THOSE ARE GOOD
OPTIONS, BUT I ALSO HEARD THE BEST TOY OF THE YEAR IS -- >> Jimmy: "BAWITDABA, DA BANG,
DA BANG, DIGGY, DIGGY, DIGGY." SHAKE THE BOOGIE SAID UP JUMP THE BOOGIE" DOGS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: EXACTLY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH YEAH, I HEARD THAT TOO
>> Jimmy: ANYWAY, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING YOUR KIDS THIS YEAR? >> Steve: A GIFT CARD TO
DUNKIN'. >> Jimmy: ME TOO >> Steve: OH, MY GOSH.
>> JIMMY AND HIGGINS RUN ON DUNKIN'. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: MOVING ON. >> Steve: OOH! >> Jimmy: THIS IS VERY FUNNY
A WOMAN IN CALIFORNIA GOT INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT BY TURNING HER CUBICAL AT WORK INTO A
A GINGERBREAD HOUSE. THIS IS REAL CHECK THIS OUT
>> Steve: OH [ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> Jimmy: THAT LOOKS LIKE ONE
OF THOSE HUTS WHERE MALL SANTAS GO TO VAPE ON THEIR BREAK. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN THEY SHOW AROUND -- WHEN THEY SHOW AROUND NEW EMPLOYEES, THEY'RE LIKE, "AND
THAT'S CAROL SHE'S A LOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
"SHE'S - YEAH." FINALLY, I HEARD THAT THIS
MONTH, MARIAH CAREY'S "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU" BECAME THE FIRST HOLIDAY SONG
TO HIT 1 BILLION STREAMS ON SPOTIFY. >> Steve: OOH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE, THOSE ARE JUST STREAMS FROM ONE
CVS. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN COME ON.
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE'S STARS IN THE HIGHLY
ANTICIPATED ANIMATED MOVIE, "SING 2," WHICH OPENS IN THEATERS DECEMBER 22nd
REESE WITHERSPOON IS HERE THIS EVENING WITH US. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
PLUS, I LOVE THIS GUY. HIS UPCOMING STAND-UP TOUR, "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL,"
KICKS OFF JANUARY 4th IN BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA MIKE BIRBIGLIA IS HERE
>> Steve: COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HE'S ONE OF THE BEST
AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM ROBERT PLANT AND ALISON KRAUSS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THEN, LATER IN THE SHOW, AN ALL NEW "THANK YOU NOTES." >> Steve: OOH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
GUYS, WE HAVE EXACTLY ONE SHOW LEFT BEFORE WE GO ON CHRISTMAS BREAK.
THIS IS IT WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR THAT BELOVED "TONIGHT SHOW"
TRADITION. IT'S TIME FOR "12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SWEATERS."
HERE WE GO
* 12 DAYS O CHRISTMAS SWEATERS
NO SHOWS LEFT * >> Jimmy: THAT IS RIGHT. EVERY SHOW BETWEEN NOW AND
CHRISTMAS WE'LL BE GIVING ONE LUCKY AUDIENCE MEMBER A BING-BONG CHRISTMAS SWEATER
FROM THE "COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS CABINET. ARE YOU READY?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, SINCE THIS IS THE LAST DAY, LET'S OPEN THE LAST DOOR.
DOOR NUMBER ONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ARE YOU READY FOR THIS
>> I'M READY >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HAPPY HOLIDAYS
>> HAPPY HOLIDAYS. >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO RIGHT THERE.
LOOK AT THAT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
OH, MY GOODNESS. THAT IS SPECIAL. THAT IS SOMETHING SPECIAL RIGHT
THERE. TURN AROUND. WHAT DO WE GOT ON THE BACK
THERE? YEAH, THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT. NOW, LET'S SEE WHO IS GOING HOME WITH TONIGHT'S SWEATER.
EVERYONE LOOK AT YOUR SEAT NUMBER IF I CALL YOUR NUMBER, COME ON
DOWN QUEST, CAN I GET A DRUMROLL PLEASE
>> Questlove: YES! [ DRUM ROLL >> Jimmy: WHO WANTS THIS
SWEATER? IT'S A GOOD ONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THE LAST SWEATER GOES TO 120 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME. WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHERE -- >> KRISTA FROM FLORIDA >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT'S YOUR
NAME AGAIN, SORRY? >> KRISTA FROM FLORIDA >> Jimmy: KRISTA FROM FLORIDA?
>> YES >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW. OH, MY GOSH.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, BUT IN NEW YORK, IT'S A LITTLE COLD
I MEAN, YOU NEED TO GET -- [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, THE WEATHER IS A
A LITTLE -- IT GETS CHILLY AT NIGHTTIME. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS
AT HOME? >> NO. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, THIS IS PERFECT. THEN THIS IS PERFECT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT ON?
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: NO, PLEASE, GO FOR IT
THE ROOTS.E * THERE'S NO RIGHT WAY TO PUT ITON
NOT REALLY A FRONT -- THERE'S NOT REALLY A FRONT OR BACK, EITHER
YOU KNOW, IT'S A VERY INTERESTING SWEATER. [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, NO, THIS IS GOING TO BE PERFECT FOR GOING OUT AFTER THE SHOW TONIGHT
LOOK AT YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ARE YOU KIDDING ME
COME ON. YOU LOOK GREAT COME ON.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I MEAN, JUST GORGEOUS. HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE >> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: ONE MORE TIME. A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR WINNER
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST NIGHT OF "CHRISTMAS SWEATERS," WE WANT TO GO OUT WITH A BANG
SO PLEASE WELCOME FOR A VERY SPECIAL PERFORMANCE, THE RADIO CITY ROCKETTES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
THE ROCKETTES RIGHT THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. STICK AROUND FOR "THANK YOU
NOTES. COME ON BACK, EVERYONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
TODAY IS FRIDAY. THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP ON SOME PERSONAL STUFF
I -- I CHECK MY INBOX. I -- I CHECK MY E-MAILS. I SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES
AND I WAS RUNNING -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WAS RUNNING A BIT BEHIND
TODAY. >> Steve: REALLY >> Jimmy: YEAH
ANYWAYS, I'D LIKE TO WRITE OUT SOME THANK YOU NOTES, RIGHT NOW.
IS THAT COOL WITH YOU GUYS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU
NOTE WRITING MUSIC PLEASE? * OH, YEAH
>> Steve: WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, THREE WISE
MEN, BRINGING GIFTS OF GOLD, FRANKINCENSE AND MYRRH, FOR SHOWING US YOU'VE CLEARLY NEVER
BEEN TO A BABY SHOWER. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE DIAPERS.
* THANK YOU, TINSEL, FOR SHOWING
ME WHAT MY TREE WOULD LOOK LIKE IF IT WENT THROUGH A '70s GLAM ROCK PHASE
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: NICE [ LAUGHTER ]
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, CHRISTMAS, FOR BEING THAT SPECIAL TIME
WHERE WE REFLECT ON THE HOLY TRINITY. REGULAR, CHEESY AND CARAMEL.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE MIX THEM BOTH. >> Jimmy: OH, YOU REBEL!
* THANK YOU, CHRISTMAS LAWN INFLATABLES IN THE MORNING, FOR
LOOKING LIKE FROSTY WENT A A LITTLE TOO HARD THE NIGHT BEFORE
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "OH, NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
[ LAUGHTER ] "WAKE UP WAKE UP, FROSTY!
>> Steve: "BLOW ME UP! >> Jimmy: OH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: "OH, FROSTY. * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, CHRISTMAS
DINNER, FOR BASICALLY PANICKING AND BEING LIKE, "LET'S JUST DO THANKSGIVING AGAIN, PLUS HAM
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT IS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I DON'T KNOW
I -- SURE. * THANK YOU, STORES THAT OFFER
GIFT WRAPPING, FOR BEING A FUN WAY OF ASKING, "HEY, WANT TO BE STUCK HERE FOR AN EXTRA
40 MINUTES?" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: UGH!
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, WRAPPING GIFTS YOURSELF, FOR TAKING TEN
SECONDS TO GO FROM, "THIS IS COMING OUT GREAT," TO, "I MEAN, I DON'T NEED TO COVER THE WHOLE
BOX. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "NO ONE LOOKS AT THE BOTTOM.
>> Steve: YEAH, IF IT LOOKS -- >> Jimmy: "IT LOOKS GORGEOUS, TAKE A PICTURE OF IT
YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] LET'S SAVE THAT WRAPPING PAPER
WE'RE USE IT NEXT YEAR." * THANK YOU, EGGNOG, FOR EASILY
BEING ONE OF THE TOP FIVE NOGS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE EASILY
>> Steve: EASILY, YEAH * >> THANK YOU, RUDOLPH SAVING
CHRISTMAS, FOR PROVING THAT SANTA CAN MAKE TRULY ANYTHING IN HIS WORKSHOP AS LONG AS IT'S
NOT HEADLIGHTS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "RUDOLPH, YOU GET IN FRONT
AND -- >> Steve: "OH, NO. *
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, SUGAR PLUMS, FOR SOUNDING SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE SOMEONE JUST
TRYING TO REBRAND PRUNES [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "THEY'RE SUGAR PLUMS."
>> Steve: IS THAT THE LAST ONE OF 2021? >> Jimmy: WOW.
[ AUDIENCE GROANS >> Jimmy: IT'S IS THE LAST ONE OF 2021.
WE'RE ALL HERE TOGETHER SHARING THIS EXPERIENCE. >> Steve: NICE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "I SHOULD'VE --" >> Jimmy: I KNOW
I LOVE IT. I'M SO HAPPY WELL, I WANT TO THANK EACH AND
EVERY ONE OF YOU FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT. LAUGHING
[ CHEERS ] CHEERING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HOOTING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HOLLERING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YELLING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WHISPERING [ LAUGHTER ] LOVING
[ AUDIENCE AWS ] CARING [ AUDIENCE OOHS
BEING JEALOUS. >> Steve: AH [ LAUGHTER ]
* >> Jimmy: BEING -- [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH * THANK YOU, SANTA CLAUS, FOR
FESTIVELY TESTING THE LIMITS OF BREAKING AND ENTERING LAWS THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S THE LAST THANK YOU NOTE OF 2021.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH REESE WITHERSPOON, EVERYONE. COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN
OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS STARRING AS THE VOICE OF ROSITA IN THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED NEW FILM,
"SING 2," WHICH OPENS IN THEATERS DECEMBER 22nd PLEASE WELCOME
REESE WITHERSPOON!
* *
WHO DOESN'T LOVE REESE WITHERSPOON? WELCOME BACK -
>> OH, YOU'RE SWEET. >> Jimmy: -- TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
>> THANK YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THANKS SO MUCH FOR
COMING ON. I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU IN PERSON
>> I KNOW. >> Jimmy: AND THE HOLIDAYS >> LAST TIME I SAW YOU, IT WAS
ON ZOOM, AND IT WAS JUST -- SO - >> Jimmy: IT'S SO TOUGH, BUT
IT'S - >> IT'S NICE TO BE HERE. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE IT. WE ALL APPRECIATE IT TOO >> IT'S THE AMBIENCE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND THE FAM. WHAT GOES ON IN
REESE WITHERSPOON AND THE HOLIDAYS >> OH, YEAH, GOSH, WELL, LOTS
OF SINGING OF CHRISTMAS CAROLS >> Jimmy: YES. >> I LIKE --
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU A CAROLER? DO YOU GO OUT AND LIKE - >> OH, I MEAN, I DON'T THINK
SO >> Jimmy: JUST IN THE HOUSE. >> ANYMORE
WHEN I WAS A KID WE USED TO GO DOOR TO DOOR >> Jimmy: YOU DID?
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. >> I GREW UP GOING DOOR TO
DOOR, BUT NOW I JUST STAY HOME AND WATCH MICHAEL BUBLE'S SPECIAL AND SING ALONG
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE DOES NOW, YEAH, EXACTLY, YEAH.
>> I LOVE THE BUBS >> Jimmy: ARE YOU? I LOVE THE BUBS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WAIT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, I KNOW, IT'S
WEIRD, YEAH. IT SOUNDED WEIRDER WHEN I SAID IT, I DON'T KNOW WHY, ALL
RIGHT, BUT I - WE LOVE THE BUBLE. >> WE LOVE MICHAEL BUBLE
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT JUST HAPPENED >> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT THAT
HAPPENED SORRY, IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S MY -
>> I HAVE A FRIEND WHO CALLS HIM MICHAEL BUBS [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: MICHAEL BUBS >> BECAUSE THEY KNOW HIM >> Jimmy: NO, I THINK YOU WERE
MEANING LIKE - >> BUT NOBODY CALLS HIM THAT >> Jimmy: JUSTIN BIEBER, YOU
CALL HIM - >> THAT WAS SO WEIRD YOU CALLED BIEBS THE BUBS.
>> Jimmy: THE BIEBS. JUSTIN BIEBER, YOU CALL HIM BIEBS, MICHAEL BUBLE THE BUBS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE THE BUBS, YEAH, I MEAN -
>> MAYBE IT'S BUB -- BUBBLY. OH, MY GOD >> Jimmy: BUT, YEAH, I LOVE THE
BUBBLY [ LAUGHTER ] >> QUEST, HELP
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO NO, NO YOU'RE IN THIS NOW
>> IS IT HOT IN HERE >> Jimmy: NO, PLEASE, PLEASE,
PLEASE LOOK, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT
YOU KNOW, I FOLLOW YOU ON ALL THE SOCIALS AND -- >> OH, MY GOD.
>> Jimmy: -- AND I -- YOU'RE VERY -- YOU'RE VERY CRAFTY YOU LOVE TO COOK
>> I LOVE A CRAFTERNOON, Y'ALL [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH -
>> WHEN YOU CRAFT IN THE AFTERNOON, IT'S CRAFTERNOON. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE MAKING UP ALL SORTS OF NEW WORDS CRAFTERNOON.
YOU HAVE TO TRADEMARK THAT >> OH, MY GOSH BUT YOU -- LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS YOU MAKING A A GINGERBREAD HOUSE. >> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THIS CRUSHES WHAT I WAS MAKING FOR MY KID, OH, MY GOSH
[ APPLAUSE ] >> IT'S A VERY SPECIAL PATTERN AND --
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S SO MUCH FUN. >> MOST OF THE MATERIALS WERE
EATEN BY THE END >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT MY KIDS DO, THEY DO IT, AND THEN
THEY JUST WAIT AND THEY'RE LIKE, "CAN I JUST TAKE THAT OFF?
I GO -- "JUST DESTROY IT AND EAT IT." >> JUST EAT IT, JUST EAT IT,
YEAH >> Jimmy: JUST GO FOR IT, I MEAN -
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DID YOU -- WAS YOUR MOM INTO GINGERBREAD HOUSES
WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP AND LIKE DID THAT FOR YOU OR - >> YEAH.
MY -- WELL, WE GREW UP PARTIALLY IN GERMANY, 'CAUSE MY DAD WAS IN THE MILITARY, SO WE
ALWAYS HAD GINGERBREAD HOUSES AND, LIKE, GERMAN CANDIES AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I HAD A FAMILY --
KATRINA WALMSLEY, THE WALMSLEYS, AND THEY WOULD -- WE WOULD GO OVER TO THEIR HOUSE,
AND HER MOM MADE ALL THESE DIFFERENT PIECES OF THE HOUSE AND HAD FROSTING FOR PEOPLE,
AND WE WERE LIKE, "OH, MY GOSH." AND THAT WAS LIKE A TRADITION.
>> LIKE A PERFECT MOM. >> Jimmy: IT WAS THE BEST. I LOVED IT
I GO, "OH, MY GOSH," IT WAS SO COOL AND LIKE -
>> MS. WALMSLEY? >> Jimmy: YEAH, MS. WALMSLEY, YEAH
>> MAKING EVERYBODY'S CHILDHOOD MAGICAL. THANK YOU MS. WALMSLEY
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SHE REALLY DID, YEAH I WILL SAY, SEASON TWO OF
"MORNING SHOW. >> AW, DID YOU LIKE IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: I LOVED IT >> OH, THANK YOU >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY LIKED IT.
LOVED IT >> THANK YOU IT WAS FUN
>> Jimmy: YOU TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL, AND YOU WERE -- WE TALKED ABOUT IT ON ZOOM, BUT IT
IS VERY TOPICAL. IT IS CONTROVERSIAL, BUT YOU NAILED EVERY SINGLE LITTLE
DETAIL AND I'M LIKE - >> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. THAT WAS ANOTHER GREAT ONE AND I JUST BINGED OUT, TOO,
'CAUSE I JUST WENT CRAZY, AND THEN - BIG TWIST.
>> BIG TWIST >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. >> NO, I DON'T
[ LAUGHTER ] OH OH, YEAH
OKAY OH, RIGHT, YES >> Jimmy: BIG TWIST.
BIG TWIST FOR ME, MAN. OH, MY GOSH. ANYWAY -
>> YEAH. DID YOU RECOVER THOUGH YOU WERE OKAY?
>> Jimmy: I LOVED IT >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I LOVED EVERY SECOND
OF IT. I DID NOT SEE THAT THING COMING
>> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT >> Jimmy: BUT THERE'S SO MANY
OTHER THINGS, I GO, "THAT'S SUCH A WELL WRITTEN WAY OF DOING THAT."
>> IT IS SUCH A WELL-WRITTEN SHOW >> Jimmy: BECAUSE WHAT IF THAT
ACTUALLY -- THE SITUATION THAT HAPPENED, HOW WOULD PEOPLE REACT?
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? IT WAS JUST GREAT. >> RIGHT, WELL, Y'ALL PROBABLY
HAVE SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO PUT ON A SHOW EVERY SINGLE DAY OR TWO
SHOWS OR THREE SHOWS, SO - >> Jimmy: YEP. >> IT'S -- YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IT'S WILD. >> IT'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, WITH
DIFFERENT MOTIVATIONS AND -- >> Jimmy: YEAH YOU HAD SUCH A BUSY YEAR
BUT I WILL SAY, I WANT TO SHOW THE COVER OF "TIME." YOU'RE ON THE COVER "TIME
MAGAZINE." NOT TOO SHABBY, RIGHT THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HELLO, SUNSHINE. AND THEN, THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE.
AND YOU CAN -- I MEAN, REACT TO THIS, BUT JUST, I THINK IT'S SO COOL
YOU'RE ON "FORBES," THE WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL WOMEN, 2021. HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THEN LOOK UP HERE. LOOK UP HERE
THAT'S THE QUEEN, RIGHT THERE, YEAH >> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH YOU AND THE QUEEN. >> I CALL HER Q.E.
>> Jimmy: YOU CALL HER Q.E.? >> YEAH, BUT YOU CALL HER -- NO, I'M PROBABLY JUST -- CLOSE
FRIENDS. >> Jimmy: I CALL HER QUEEN I'M QUEENY
YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] >> I NEVER MET THE QUEEN
>> Jimmy: CONGRATS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "SING 2" AND THEN SHOW A CLIP OF THAT
WHEN WE COME BACK. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: MORE WITH
REESE WITHERSPOON, EVERYBODY STICK AROUND COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH REESE WITHERSPOON WHO STARS IN
SING 2." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'RE BACK AS THE VOICE OF
ROSITA >> YES >> IS IT FUN TO GET BACK WITH
THE CAST I KNOW YOU DID A LITTLE PRESS, BUT --
>> OH, MY GOSH IT HAS BEEN SO MUCH FUN. WE WENT AND THEY HAD THE
PREMIERE OF THE SHOW, AND IT WAS ALL LITTLE KIDS IN A A THEATER.
AND THEY WERE ALL STANDING UP AND SINGING ALL THE SONGS. AND I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A MOVIE
WHERE I SAW PEOPLE STAND UP AND SING AND CHEER AND IT WAS JUST PURE MAGIC
>> Jimmy: DID YOU GET NERVOUS THAT YOU HAD TO PERFORM AN ARIANA GRANDE SONG
>> YEAH, I HAD TO SING PRINCE, ARIANA GRANDE, U2 -- I WAS SO SCARED.
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE LIKE, "OH, MY -- WHAT IS GOING ON?" >> I WAS LIKE, "THIS IS NOT
GOING TO BE GOOD." BUT IT WAS REALLY GREAT. HARVEY MASON DID THE -- HE
PRODUCED IT AND HE IS AMAZING. AND HE MADE ME -- I WAS LIKE, "MAKE ME SOUND GOOD.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> HE WAS LIKE, "I GOT YOU." >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU MET ARIANA?
>> HAVE I MET HER? NO, I'VE TALKED TO HER, BECAUSE SHE DID A "LEGALLY BLONDE"
VIDEO. LIKE, SHE DID AN HOMAGE TO ELLE WOODS, WHICH WAS SO SWEET
AND THOUGHTFUL AND - >> Jimmy: SHE'S ONE OF THE MOST FUN -- YOU WOULD TOTALLY GET ON
WITH HER SHE'S SO GREAT >> I WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT,
JIMMY. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> MAYBE YOU CAN -- YOU KNOW
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I COULD TOTALLY HOOK YOU GUYS UP >> HOOK A FRIEND UP.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, NO PROBLEM, MAN. YEAH, I ALSO HAVE BUB'S NUMBER
AS WELL. >> OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NOW LOOK HE IS NOT IN THIS FILM, BUT MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY IS,
SCARLETT JOHANSSON >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND THEN THE ADDITION
TO THE CAST IS BONO. >> I KNOW. >> Jimmy: COME ON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> BONO, PHARRELL, HALSEY? >> Jimmy: OH YEAH, I KNOW,
THAT'S -- YEAH - >> HALSEY HAS THE MOST AMAZING NUMBER, AND THEN WE ALL HAD --
THERE'S LIKE SEVEN MUSICAL NUMBERS AT THE END WHERE EVERYBODY'S DANCING AND SINGING
IN THESE BEAUTIFUL COSTUMES, AND I'M TELLING YOU IT WAS LIKE -
EVERYBODY WAS SINGING. IT WAS SO FUN. >> Jimmy: ISN'T IT FUN TO DO,
LIKE, A MOVIE LIKE THAT, AND, LIKE, A BIG ANIMATED MOVIE THAT'S JUST GORGEOUS AND JUST
EVERYONE LOVES AND WE ALL NEED IT RIGHT NOW TOO >> IT'S SUCH A DREAM
IT'S SUCH A DREAM. I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S REESE WITHERSPOON AS
ROSITA IN "SING 2. TAKE A LOOK.
WAIT
* >> LISTEN YOU GUYS, I HAVE DREAMT OF PERFORMING IN
RED SHORE CITY SINCE I WAS A A LITTLE KID AND BESIDES, I JUST CONVINCED
MY HUSBAND TO BABYSIT FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS, AND I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE AN OPPORTUNITY
LIKE THAT. SO COME ON WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.
>> AWW >> Jimmy: COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE IT'S HOPEFUL GO CHECK OUT THIS MOVIE.
I LOVED IT REESE WITHERSPOON, EVERYBODY "SING 2" OPENS IN THEATERS
DECEMBER 22nd. MIKE BIRBIGLIA JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN SEE OUR NEXT GUEST ON HIS NEW STAND-UP TOUR "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL,"
WHICH KICKS OFF JANUARY, 4th IN BURKLEY, CALIFORNA CHECK OUT BRIBIGS.COM FOR
DATES. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE WELCOME, MIKE BIRBIGLIA.
MIKE BRIBIGLIA RIGHT THERE >> "OLD MAN LOOK AT A MY LIFE. OH THAT'S NICE
BECAUSE IT'S A NEW SHOW AND SO IT'S CALLED "OLD MAN AND POOL. >> Jimmy: THAT'S CORRECT
>> AND I LOVE NEIL YOUNG THAT'S REALLY NICE >> Jimmy: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD,
RIGHT? THE NEW SHOW IS CALLED "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL."
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND I LUCKY TO SEE ONE OF THE FIRST PREVIEW'S OF
THIS >> YEAH, YEAH. THIS IS ALL A WORK IN PROGRESS
AND I'M GOING TO BURKLEY IN JANUAURY FOR THREE WEEKS IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST
STRECH OF SHOWS. I'M DOING LIKE 21 PERFORMANCES IN JANUARY
I'M REALLY EXCITED >> Jimmy: THAT'S WILD. >> YEAH IT'S WILD, RIGHT
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU COULD JUST RELOCATE THAT'S GOING TO --
I MEAN, THE FIRST TIME REALLY DOING THIS SINCE COVID AND ALL THIS STUFF
I MEAN, ARE YOU EXCITED FOR ALL THIS >> I -- MY SISTER PATTY LIVES
IN THE BAY AREA. AND SO IT WAS ACTUALLY THE FIRST PLACE WHEN I STARTED OUT
AS A ROAD COMIC THAT I WANTED TO PERFORM WAS THE BAY AREA SO I COULD VISIT MY SISTER PATTY.
IT'S LIKE A SWEET THING, YOU KNOW AND THE PROBLEM WITH GETTING
BOOKED THERE WHEN YOU'RE STARTING OUT IS THAT THERE ARE TONS OF GREAT LOCAL COMICS
AND SO THEY DON'T REALLY WANT YOU. LIKE, GERNEALLY, THEY'RE LIKE
"WE'RE GOOD. AND I'M LIKE, "YEAH, I'LL COME."
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "NAH, NAH. >> Jimmy: NO, WE'RE FINE YEAH, WE ACTUALLY HAVE -
>> YEAH. NO, NO, WE HAVE COMIDIENS, YOU KNOW
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I WAS STARTING OUT
I WAS AN OPENER. AND THE GUY -- THIS GUY WHO OWN A CLUB, HE GOES LIKE, "YOU CAN
WORK FOR A WEEK IN SAN FRANSICO, BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR MY CLUB FOR A WEEK
IN SACAMENTO WITH NO HOTEL WHICH IN SHOW BUSINESS, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO NOT HAVE A
A HOTEL. BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIVE IN SACRAMENTO
LIKE, I DON'T LIVE IN SACRAMENTO >> Jimmy: YEAH, HOW ARE YOU
GOING DO IT? >> WHAT AM I GOING TO DO SO I STAYED AT MY SISTER
PATTY'S COUCH IN SAN FRANSICO AND THEN I COMMUTED 100 MILES EVERDAY TO SACRAMENTO FOR
A WEEK AND -- >> Jimmy: THAT'S COMMITMENT
RIGHT THERE. >> RIGHT AND SO THEN, THE REASON I
REALLY REMEMBER IT IS THAT I WAS BACKSTAGE AT THE SACRAMENTO PUNCH LINE AND SOMEONE OFFERED
ME MARAJUANA AND I DON'T USE SUBSTANCES BEFORE I PERFORM
I NEVER HAD. AND I GO, "WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT WAS --
[ LAUGHTER ] -- SO WHAT IT WAS -- BECAUSE I'M LIKE A PERSON WHO LIKE WHEN
YOU SMOKE POT I'M THE LEAST FUN PERSON TO SMOKE POT WITH I'M THE GUY WHO'S ALWAYS LIKE,
"DO YOU GUYS HATE ME?" [ LAUGHTER ] "WHY DOES MY HEART HURT?
"DO I HAVE RICKETS?" LIKE I'M THAT GUY. AND SO I -- I TOOK ONE DRAG.
ONE DRAG AND WALKED ON STAGE I FORGOT MY ACT. [ LAUGHTER ]
FORGOT MY NAME [ LAUGHTER ] AND I FORGOT THAT I WAS
A COMEDIAN >> Jimmy: WOW. >> SO, I'LL ACT IT OUT
IF THE CAMERAS CAN FOLLOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO I'M UP -
[ LIGHT CLAPPING ] THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, YEAH ACTUALLY, NO, THAT'S GOOD. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, SO DO I
INTRODUCE YOU? PLEASE WELCOME MIKE BRIBIGLIA. *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> OH, WAIT. CAN I DO IT OVER HERE?
YEAH, YEAH >> Jimmy: PLEASE WELCOME MIKE BRIBIGLIA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> HEY
[ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ] FOR 30 SECONDS
[ LAUGHTER ] FOR 30 SECOND. "HEY."
PLEASE WELCOME YOU'RE HEADLINER TOM ROAD [ LAUGHTER ]
NO ACT I HAD NO JOKES I TOLD NO JOKES.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON FOR 20 MINUTES I DID 30 SECONDS OF STANDING
THERE. AND I NEVER USE A SUBSTANCE BEFORE WALKING ON STAGE EVER
AGAIN. YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH
THAT'S A GOOD LESSON TO LEARN. YEAH >> AND THEN I STAYED AT
A MOTEL. THAT NIGHT I USED MY PAYCHECK FROM THE ENTIRE WEEK TO PUT
MYSELF UP IN SACRAMENTO HOTEL. >> Jimmy: MY GOD >> YEAH, I KNOW.
>> Jimmy: SO YOU ENEDED UP DOING -- SO, WHERE ARE YOU STAYING NOW?
>> I'M STAYIGN -- OH, MAN. LAST TIME I WAS AT BERKELEY -- THE LAST SHOW I DID WAS CALLED
"THE NEW ONE," WHICH WAS ACROSS THE STREET ON BROADWAY >> Jimmy: I LOVE "THE NEW ONE.
>> THE ACCORD THEATER THERE. AND IT'S SO NOSTALGIC TO BE HERE
YEAH, BECAUSE IT WAS RIGHT AROUND CHRISTMAS LIKE THREE YEARS AGO.
AND I DID IT AT BERKELEY REPERTOIRE THEATER WHICH IS WHERE I'M GOING.
AND I STAYED IN THE AIRBNB, WHICH I FIND TO BE A DISHONEST ACRONYM.
NO BREAKFAST [ LAUGHTER ] STILL WAITING ON THE BREAKFAST
>> Jimmy: THE BED, SURE. >> AIR-B-AND WE LIVE NEARBY. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND SO WE STAYED AT AN AIRBNB. IT WAS MY WIFE JEN AND OUR DAUGHTER UNA WHO WAS THREE AT
THE TIME AND WE LOVED IT. IT WAS A PRISTINE PLACE.
BUT THEN WE REALIZED FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT WE ARE NOT PRISTINE PEOPLE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO >> I THINK WE'RE MESSY PEOPLE.
BECAUSE AFTERWARDS WE MESSAGED THEM WE'RE LIKE, "WE'D LOVE TO STAY
HERE AGAIN." TO THE OWNERS OF THE BNB THEY WERE LIKE "YOU SHOULD
VISIT THE CITY AGAIN." [ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS, LIKE, "AT YOUR
APARTMENT. AND THEY WERE LIKE, "WE WISH YOU WELL IN YOUR LIFE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN >> Jimmy: WE WISH YOU WELL IN YOUR LIFE.
>> "WE WISH OUR LIFE WAS AT YOUR APARTMENT." AND THEY WERE LIKE, "WE WISH TO
NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. SO THIS TIME I'M STAYING IN A HOTEL.
>> Jimmy: YOU DOING A HOTEL. >> YEAH. IN SACRAMENTO.
I MEAN, I'M COMMUTING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: TO BERKLY ALL THE WAY
FROM - YEAH, YOU CAN'T. YOU GOT TO -
ONCE YOU CAN'T GET TOO BIG YOU GOT TO CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF.
>> YEAH, YEAH. ABSOULTLY. YEAH
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PODCAST, "WORKING IT OUT. WHICH IS I LISTENED TO MAYBE
TWO PODCASTS >> WHICH ONEA? >> Jimmy: "WORKING IT OUT" IS
ONE. >> "WORKING IT OUT." >> Jimmy: "SMART LIST" MAYBE
>> "SMART LIST" IS SO GOOD YOU WERE GREAT ON "SMART LIST. AND I WANT TO YOU COME ON MY
PODCAST. I KEEP TEXTING YOU DO I HAVE THE RIGHT NUMBER
646 -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WAIT, WAIT
>> DO YOU WANT JIMMY ON THE PODCAST OR NOT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
DO YOU WANT JIMMY ON THE PODCAST OR NOT 646 --
>> Jimmy: DON'T GIVE OUT MY NUMBER >> NO, NO.
THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, RIGHT? YOU COME THE "TONIGHT SHOW." >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> AND THEN YOU GET THE PHONE NUMBER AND THEN YOU TEXT.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S CLOSE TO MY NUMBER >> 646 -
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> GO AHEAD. >> Jimmy: NO, YOU HAVE MY
NUMBER >> QUEST >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE MY NUMBER WE
TEXTED >> ALL RIGHT >> Jimmy: I LOVE YOUR PODCAST
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T DONE STAND-UP IN SUCH A LONG TIME. >> YEAH.
I'M PULLING OUT JOKES FROM THE PODCAST. BECAUSE I WORK OUT JOKES ON THE
PODCAST. >> Jimmy: I KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE REACHING FOR WEAPON
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING
BUT YOU WERE DOING THIS WHILE I WAS GOING. AND I GO -
UH-HUH UH-HUH YEAH
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT, MAN?
BUT I HAVEN'T DONE STAND-UP IN SO LONG THAT I LOVE LISTENING TO IT.
BECAUSE YOU GET A GREAT COMEDIAN ON AND YOU TALK ABOUT --
YOU TAG TAGS OR YOU TALK ABOUT TAGS SO IF YOU HAVE A GREAT JOKE.
YOU GO, "YEAH, THAT'S GOOD." OR COULD END IS THIS WAY >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN THEY GO "YEAH. OR KEEP TO IT SAME WAY I JUST
HAD IT I'M NOT GOING TO TAG AT ALL. AND YOU KIND OF GET IN A NERDY
FIGHT, BUT IT'S FUNNY. PETE HOMES IS I ONE OF MY -- >> PETE HOMES IS GREAT
ROY WOOD J.R JOHN MULLANEY. >> Jimmy: JOHN MULLANEY IS
FANTASTIC. >> YOU TEXTED ME ABOUT ASHLAND BEE WHEN SHE WAS ON.
SHE WAS REALLY GOOD. >> SHE WAS SO GOOD >> Jimmy: I JUST LOVE IT
I JUST LOVE HOW IT'S SO INTERESTING, BUT ALSO SO FUNNY AND YOU GO, LIKE I MISS THOSE
DAYS OF TALKING TO COMDIANS AND GETTING IN IN THE NUANCE OF A JOKE
>> HERE'S SOME JOKES ON "WORKING OUT." THESE MAY OR MAY NOT MAKE IT
INTO THE SHOW. THIS IS HOW THE SHOW WORKS I SAY JOKES THAT AREN'T DONE
>> Jimmy: HERE WE GO >> I WAS AT A CAFE IN BROOKLYN AND THERE WAS THIS WOMAN WHO
SAID TO HER SON, HE'S LIKE SIX-YEARS-OLD. SHE GOES, "ARROW, IF I DON'T
GET MY COFFEE SOON I WILL DIE, LITERALLY. AND I WANTED TO SAY TO THIS
WOMAN, LIKE, "MA'AM, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO TEACH YOUR SON THE MEANING OF
THE WORD 'LITERALLY.'" [ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE HE THINKS -- IF HE
THINKS THAT THAT'S THE MEANING OF THE WORD, HE MIGHT THINK HE, HIMSELF IS AN ARROW.
AND IF HE IS AN ARROW AND HE HUGS YOU, YOU MIGHT DIE, LITERALLY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, ABSOUTLEY. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT WAS A GREAT JOKE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * YOU MIGHT DIE, LITERALLY
THAT'S FANTASTIC >> OH, THERE WE ARE. >> Jimmy: SO GOOD.
"AN ARROW, LITERALLY." IT'S SO GREAT. YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
I LOVE THAT ONE. >> I LOVE YOU WERE ABLE TO FINISH IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE IT'S NOT THAT WELL READ. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY
IS OUR DAUGHTERS ARE BEST FRIEND >> OUR DAUGHTERS ARE FRIENDS
AND BOTH LOVE JOKES. >> Jimmy: YES. >> AND MY DAUGHTER ALWAYS --
[ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE THINGS ABOUT BEING A COMEDIAN THAT'S FUN IS THAT
YOU GET TO MAKE UP JOKES FOR CHILD. MY DAUGHTER'S SIX.
YOU'RE DAUGHTER'S EIGHT. >> Jimmy: YES. >> AND THEY LOVE IT.
AND IT'S GREAT AND IT'S LIKE, " OH, I'M DOING ONE THING RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YES. >> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? >> Jimmy: I LOVE IT.
ONE THING RIGHT. AND SO LIKE, WE WERE READING A A BOOK THE OTHER NIGHT ABOUT
PENGUINS SO I JUST THOUGHT -- WHAT DOES A PENGUIN SAY TO HER PARENTS
WHEN SHE IS HUNGRY AND SHE IS LIKE. WHAT
AND I'M LIKE "WADDLE WE HAVE FOR DINNER?" [ LAUGHTER ]
DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO LAUGH. IT'S NOT FOR YOU
I WRITE SOME JOKES FOR YOU AND AND I WRITE SOME JOKES FOR MY DAUGHTER
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AS AN AUDIENCE IS THAT IT KILLED [ LAUGHTER ]
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> Jimmy: WADDLE WE HAVE FOR DINNER
HOW DO YOU DO IT >> SO -- BACK TO THE GROWNUP JOKES.
>> Jimmy: OKAY >> I THINK >> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE
>> SO I'M AT THE CAFE AND THIS GUY WALKS IN AND HE GOES -- HE GOES TO THE -- TO THE PERSON HE
GOES, "COULD I HAVE A -- A LOAF OF ROSEMARY CIABATTA AND HIS 8-YEAR-OLD GOES, "DAD, I
DON'T WANT WOSEMARY CHIBATA, I WANT WEGULAR CIABATTA. I WANTED TO SAY TO THIS KID --
LIFE IS GOING TO HAND YOU ALL KINDS OF CIABATTA. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU WANT WEGULAR CIABATTA, I THINK YOU GOT TO HOLD YOUR GRAND.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LIFE IS GONNA HAND YOU -- ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF
CIABATTA YKYK >> ROSEMARY CIABATA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
SO THEN PEOPLE ALWAYS GO LIKE YOU KNOW - YOU'RE NOT OLD YOU KNOW --
AND IT'S TRUE. IT'S LIKE I'M NOT OLD, LIKE MIDDLE AGE
I'M LIKE 43. I'M HALF WITH THROUGH MY LIFE NOT TECHNICALLY.
NOT EVERYONE DIES AT 86 BUT NO ONE IS EVERY LIKE 80 THROUGH 100, THOSE ARE THE YEARS
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THEY WERE LIKE, "I WAS 83. I REACHED FOR A GRAPE AND NEVER
WALKED AGAIN." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 80 TO 100.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: CAN I CHOOSE WHICH ONE?
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I LIKE THE BLUE ONE. >> OKAY.
I WAS IN THE BACK OF AN UBER AND THE UBER IS MAKING A LEFT TURN ON TO THE MANHATTAN BRIDGE
AND HE HIT A PEDESTRIAN. BUT IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE SHE LIVED.
[ LAUGHTER ] SHE WENT DOWN HARD, BUT, YOU KNOW, AND SHE WAS LIKE -
AAH! THEN SHE'S LIKE -- "I'M GOOD." AND CAUSE NEW YORKERS ARE
RESILIENT AND OFTEN DRUNK. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT WAS SHOCKING IN THE BACK
SEAT I WAS LIKE, AAH! AND THE SECOND THING I SAW WAS
ONE STAR [ LAUGHTER ] ONE STAR
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT THAT IS HOW DO YOU IT RIGHT
THERE. THAT'S THE -- MIKE BIRBIGLIA, EVERYBODY.
CHECK OUT BIRBIGS.COM. FOR TICKETS TO "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM ROBERT PLANT AND ALISON KRAUSS.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: PERFORMING "SEARCHING FOR MY LOVE," FROM THEIR NEW ALBUM "RAISE THE ROOF," HERE'S
ROBERT PLANT AND ALISON KRAUSS
* * SEARCHING SEARCHING
FOR MY BAB YES I AM SEARCHING SEARCHING *
* FOR MY BABY YES I AM SEARCHING SEARCHIN
FOR MY BABY * * SEARCHING SEARCHING FOR MY BAB
I'M SEARCHING SEARCHIN FOR MY BABY * * I'M SEARCHING SEARCHING
FOR MY LOV SEARCHING FO THE ONE I ADORE *
* AND IF I FIND HER YOU KNOW I WIL I'LL NEVER LET HER G
NOW BABY NO NO NO NO * * SEARCHING SEARCHING FOR MY BAB
I'LL NEVER LET HER G NOW BABY * * SEARCHING SEARCHING
FOR MY BAB I LOVE YOU I NEED YOU *
* I'LL NEED YOU BY MY SID FOR MY LOV MY OWN TRUE LOVE
I'LL NEVER NEVER HIDE * * NOW BABY NO NO NO NO NO SEARCHING SEARCHIN
FOR MY BAB I'LL NEVER LET HER HIDE * * NOW BAB
SEARCHING SEARCHIN FOR MY BAB OH NO *
* SEARCHING SEARCHING FOR MY BAB NO N
SEARCHING SEARCHING * * FOR MY BABY OH
I WONDER O I WONDER WHY YOU HAD * * TO LEAVE ME THIS WA
I'M SORRY DARLIN OH THAT I MADE YOU CRY FORGIVE ME LOVE FOR THE *
* THINGS I'VE DONE TO YOU OH COME ON COME ON COME ON GIVE ME ONE MORE TRY
OH * * SEARCHING BAB SEARCHING SEARCHIN
FOR MY BAB I'M SEARCHING SEARCHING * * FOR MY LOVE
SEARCHING SEARCHIN FOR MY BAB I'M SEARCHING FOR THE *
* ONE THAT I ADOR SEARCHING SEARCHIN FOR MY BAB
AND WHEN I FIND HER * * I'LL NEVER LET HER GO NOW BABY
NO NO NO NO NO SEARCHING SEARCHING * * FOR MY BABY
I'LL NEVER LET HER G NOW BABY OH *
* NO NO NO NO NO NO * * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
REESE WITHERSPOON, MIKE BIRBIGLIA ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
ROBERT PLANTS AND ALISON KRAUSS AND OF COURSE THE ROOTS FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS" HAPPY 2
2021, EVERYBODY! HAPPY 2022 HERE WE GO
GOODNIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE