1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,945 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:19,119 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:23,123 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - JEREMY RENNER, 4 00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:27,861 KRISTIN CHENOWETH, COMEDIAN ALI KOLBERT AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:34,734 ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1556 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:40,740 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:54,020 * 8 00:00:54,020 --> 00:01:03,830 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. 9 00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:07,867 WELCOME. I LOVE YOU PLEASE ENJOY YOURSELF. 10 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:11,438 WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." 11 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:14,107 YOU'RE HERE, YOU MADE IT, YOU'RE WATCHING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:20,413 THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE IT WELL GUYS, THIS WEEKEND WAS PRESIDENT BIDEN'S BIRTHDAY AND 13 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,850 HE'S THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO TURN 79 WHILE IN OFFICE. BIDEN SPENT HIS BIRTHDAY IN 14 00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:29,089 WILMINGTON, DELAWARE, AND WENT TO A 5:00 MASS MAN, DOES THIS GUY KNOW HOW TO 15 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,959 PARTY OR WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, EVEN MIKE PENCE WAS 16 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,162 LIKE, "EVER HEARD OF CHUCK E. CHEESE?" [ LAUGHTER ] 17 00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,199 BUT YOU CAN TELL BIDEN'S 79 BECAUSE WHEN HE BLEW OUT HIS CANDLES, EVERYONE STARTED 18 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:47,507 CLAPPING AND THE LIGHTS WENT ON AND OFF. [ LAUGHTER ] 19 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:50,010 YEAH, IT WAS BIDEN'S 79th BIRTHDAY AND HE HEARD FROM A LOT OF 20 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:52,679 DIFFERENT PEOPLE HERE, CHECK OUT SOME OF THE TEXTS HE GOT 21 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,882 FIRST, FROM VLADIMIR PUTIN HE TEXTED, "I SENT YOU EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT. 22 00:01:55,882 --> 00:02:00,353 NO NEED TO SEND THANK YOU NOTE JUST SPEAK CLEARLY INTO PINEAPPLE. 23 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:05,825 [ LAUGHTER ] THEN BARACK OBAMA TEXTED, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE! 24 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:11,698 EVER WONDER HOW THE HELL I'M RETIRED AND YOU'RE NOT?" [ LAUGHTER ] 25 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:15,669 NEXT UP, KIM JONG-UN TEXTED, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STOP. I AM SENDING THIS VIA TELEGRAM, 26 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:19,973 STOP HOPE YOU GOOD, STOP. [ LAUGHTER ] 27 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,876 >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: TELEGRAM EVEN DONALD TRUMP TEXTED 28 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:26,179 HE TEXTED, "JOE BIDEN IS A A TOTAL AND UTTER FAILURE. WANTED TO TWEET THIS BUT 29 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:35,722 CAN'T. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE CAN'T DO IT. 30 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,825 NEXT UP, POPE FRANCIS TEXTED, "HOPE YOU HAD A BLESSED BIRTHDAY, BUT IF I'M BEING 31 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,628 HONEST, THIS WEEKEND BELONGS TO ADELE. [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:47,901 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FACT RESPECT ADELE. 33 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,636 AND FINALLY QUEEN ELIZABETH TEXTED, "YO, NOT SURE IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TEXT, JUST WANTED 34 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:56,343 TO HOLLA AT MY BOY TO SAY H-B-D. STAY GUCCI FAM." 35 00:02:56,343 --> 00:03:05,051 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU GO, THAT'S NICE. AND GET THIS, GUYS 36 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:10,457 TIFFANY'S JUST REVEALED ITS MOST EXPENSIVE DIAMOND IT'S CALLED THE EMPIRE DIAMOND 37 00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:14,094 AND IT COSTS ABOUT $30 MILLION [ AUDIENCE OOHS SO THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, GIVE 38 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:16,096 YOUR LOVED ONE THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE, GETTING ROBBED 39 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:25,839 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, KEEP THIS GIFT IN MIND IN CASE YOU DRAW AN OIL BARON IN 40 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,507 YOUR OFFICE SECRET SANTA THAT'S RIGHT, A $30 MILLION DIAMOND. 41 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:29,109 MEANWHILE, ALL THE $20 MILLION DIAMONDS ARE NOW PART OF TIFFANY'S CHEAP BASTARD 42 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:33,947 COLLECTION [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OW 43 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:37,150 >> Jimmy: BUT IF YOU'RE BUDGET'S A LITTLE SMALLER THAN THAT, I HAVE GOOD NEWS 44 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:42,622 HUNGRY MAN AND COORS LIGHT HAVE TEAMED UP THIS HOLIDAY SEASON TO OFFER A SPECIAL HUNGRY-BEER 45 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:45,458 MAN MEAL LOOK AT THIS YEAH 46 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:52,999 [ CHEERS ] * IT'S THE MEAL THAT SAYS, "TELL 47 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:57,103 ME YOU'RE RECENTLY SINGLE WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'RE RECENTLY SINGLE. 48 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,838 IMAGINE DRIVING FOUR HOURS ON THURSDAY, AND WHEN YOU GET THERE, YOUR GRANDMA STARTS 49 00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:04,711 PASSING THESE OUT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WELL, ACCORDING TO A NEW 50 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,479 SURVEY, MOST PARENTS SAID THAT THEY WOULD HAPPILY PAY LESS FOR KNOCKOFF TOYS THIS HOLIDAY 51 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:13,053 SEASON THAN PAY FOR THE ORIGINALS. AND LUCKILY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING 52 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:17,057 FOR SOME KNOCKOFF TOYS, THERE ARE PLENTY TO CHOOSE FROM. FOR EXAMPLE, INSTEAD OF MY 53 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:25,699 LITTLE PONY, YOU CAN GET HORSES ON ACID. [ LAUGHTER ] 54 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:31,871 NEXT UP, INSTEAD OF ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS, THEY HAVE FRONTIER FLIGHT ATTENDANTS 55 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:36,776 [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, INSTEAD OF LEGO, YOU CAN GET FOOT IMPALERS. 56 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:41,514 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS IS GOOD THEY'RE KNOCKOFF TOYS, THEY'RE 57 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,483 CHEAPER. HEY, I HEARD ABOUT A GUY IN FLORIDA WHO'S FACING UP TO 58 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,218 $1,000 IN FINES FROM HIS HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION BECAUSE HE PUT UP HIS CHRISTMAS LIGHTS 59 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:53,393 TOO EARLY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS FINE SEEMS PRETTY HARSH 60 00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:56,096 I MEAN, A LITTLE CHRISTMAS CHEER NEVER HURT ANYBODY CAN WE TAKE A LOOK AT HIS 61 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:56,463 CAN WE TAKE A LOOK AT HIS DECORATIONS? 62 00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,132 * 63 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,534 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? PUT HIM IN JAIL. 64 00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:06,139 PUT HIM IN JAIL. AND FINALLY, THIS WENT VIRAL ON TIKTOK 65 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:11,911 IT MADE ME LAUGH WHILE HANGING CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, LIKE ONE OF THOSE SPECIAL 66 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,646 INFLATABLE SANTA THINGS, THE HUSBAND FORGOT TO ZIP TIE THE SANTA'S HAND TO MAKE IT LOOK 67 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:19,853 LIKE HE'S WAVING SO INSTEAD IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S DOING SOMETHING -- 68 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:24,057 [ LAUGHTER ] WATCH THIS TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 69 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:24,057 WATCH THIS TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 70 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:33,066 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. 71 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,268 OH [ CHEERS ] ALL RIGHT. 72 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,237 OH, NO OH, NO >> Steve: OH 73 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,072 >> Jimmy: YES. IT WAS AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT - 74 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:47,247 [ LAUGHTER ] -- WHEN SANTA FINALLY ARRIVED. IF YOU LIKE THAT VIDEO, YOU CAN 75 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,383 SEE MORE OF IT ON ONLY SANTAS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW, GIVE IT 76 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,952 UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! 77 00:05:54,521 --> 00:06:09,803 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 78 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:13,606 >> Jimmy: HELLO, EVERYBODY WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. 79 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:18,044 HE STARS IN "MAYOR OF KINGSTOWN" ON PARAMOUNT PLUS AND, OF COURSE, HE'S "HAWKEYE," 80 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:22,048 WHICH PREMIERES THIS WEDNESDAY ON DISNEY PLUS JEREMY RENNER IS HERE TONIGHT! 81 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:32,192 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COME ON. ALSO, HER NEW HOLIDAY ALBUM 82 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:37,797 "HAPPINESS... IS CHRISTMAS" IS OUT NOW. KRISTIN CHENOWETH IS HERE! 83 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:41,067 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE CAN SING AND WE'VE GOT STAND-UP COMEDY 84 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:50,643 FROM ALI KOLBERT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE'S COMING BACK. 85 00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:52,245 I WANTED ALSO TO REMIND EVERYONE TO TUNE IN THANKSGIVING NIGHT, AFTER THE 86 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:56,383 FOOTBALL GAME ON NBC WE HAVE A BRAND NEW SHOW FOR YOU. 87 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,952 AND IT'S A BIG ONE WILL FERRELL AND PAUL RUDD WILL BE OUR GUESTS! 88 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,155 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING FUN WITH THOSE GUYS. 89 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:07,160 PLUS WE'VE GOT SEBASTIAN MANISCALCO >> Steve: WHOA 90 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,528 >> Jimmy: AND MUSIC WITH JENNY LEWIS, AND ALL NEW THANK YOU NOTES. 91 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:14,067 THAT'S THANKSGIVING NIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT. 92 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:19,773 BUT HANG OUT WITH THE FAMILY, DO IT ALL UP EVERYONE'S GETTING TOGETHER. 93 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,542 IF YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FAMILY, I HAVE TONS OF THINGS THAT I'M INVOLVED IN, 94 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:29,816 THAT'S KIND OF COMING OUT NOW FOR THE HOLIDAYS SO THEY'RE HERE. 95 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,718 SO IF YOU HAVE KIDS AND YOU WANT TO PUT SOMETHING ON FOR THEM, WE HAVE THE "KIDS TONIGHT 96 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:36,056 SHOW." THAT IS ON PEACOCK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 97 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,324 IT'S LIKE OUR SHOW BUT MORE FOR KIDS, AND IT'S 15 MINUTES LONG AND YOU GO, "GREAT, WATCH 98 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:43,129 THIS," AND GO TO SLEEP YEAH, AND, UH, PERFECT AND THEN, THIS IS REALLY 99 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,866 EXCITING MY BOOK "5 MORE SLEEPS TILL CHRISTMAS," RIGHT? 100 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,069 >> Steve: YEAH, [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT. 101 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:54,140 I'M VERY PROUD OF THIS NBC HAS MADE IT INTO ANIMATED SPECIAL. 102 00:07:54,140 --> 00:08:02,015 "5 MORE SLEEPS TILL CHRISTMAS" [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THIS -- SO IT'S ON THIS FRIDAY 103 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,416 >> Steve: DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING >> Jimmy: DAY AFTER 104 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:07,921 THANKSGIVING, THIS FRIDAY. IT'S ON AFTER "THE GRINCH. "HOW THE GRINCH STOLE 105 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,423 CHRISTMAS. THAT'S GOOD PLACEMENT. >> Steve: WOW. 106 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:14,160 >> Jimmy: AND BEFORE A BRAND NEW "TROLLS" HOLIDAY SPECIAL SO IT'S A HOLIDAY ROCK BLOCK 107 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,030 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] ROCK BLOCK FOR THE HOLIDAYS. YEAH, IT'S A FULL ON ROCK 108 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:21,034 BLOCK. THAT'S A GOOD SANDWICH TO BE IN, MAN. 109 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,137 AFTER "THE GRINCH" "5 MORE SLEEPS," THEN "TROLLS" COME ON. 110 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:29,309 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FRIDAY NIGHT, 8:30 P.M. ON NBC BUT THEN I HAVE ANOTHER THING. 111 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,511 >> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: I KNOW, IT'S ALL JUST -- IT'S ODD HOW IT ALL 112 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:36,683 JUST -- IT'S HAPPENING NOW BUT ON MONDAY -- >> Steve: MONDAY 113 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,585 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHICH I WILL TALK ABOUT SO NOT THIS MONDAY, NEXT 114 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:45,792 MONDAY BUT IF YOU'RE HERE FOR THE WEEKEND AND YOU WANT SOMETHING 115 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:51,131 TO DO WITH THE FAMILY, THERE'S A BRAND NEW "VOICE," THERE'S AN ALL-NEW "VOICE." 116 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,199 AND IT'S -- THEY'RE GETTING DOWN TO THE FINALS HERE, "THE VOICE. 117 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,135 I THINK IT'S A LIVE "VOICE." BUT ANYWAYS, AFTER THAT WE HAVE MY NEW SHOW CALLED "THAT'S MY 118 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,736 JAM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S ON AFTER THAT, 10:00 ON 119 00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:01,174 MONDAY I HOST IT, AND IT'S LIKE ALL THE MUSICAL GAMES WE PLAY ON 120 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:06,212 OUR SHOW, BUT JUST WITH MORE OF LIKE A PRIMETIME BUDGET. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 121 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,382 AND GREAT GUESTS OUR FIRST GUESTS ON THAT SHOW -- IT'S LIKE A COMPETITION 122 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,151 SHOW IT'S ARIANA GRANDE, KELLY CLARKSON, JOHN LEGEND, 123 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:16,022 AND BLAKE SHELTON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WHAT 124 00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:19,092 >> Jimmy: YEAH AND ARIANA AND KELLY, I WILL SAY, HAVE THIS BATTLE THAT IS 125 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:22,729 UNBELIEVABLE IT WILL BE TALKED ABOUT. >> Steve: OOH. 126 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:26,099 >> Jimmy: IT IS LIKE -- PHEW I MEAN, YEAH, THEY GOT IT. ANYWAY, I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT 127 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:30,837 ALL THAT STUFF THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF, RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 128 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:35,075 ALL FUN STUFF FOR THE FAMILIES ANYWAY, I'M VERY, VERY EXCITED GUYS, WHENEVER I GET SOME DOWN 129 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:39,412 TIME HERE AT THE SHOW, I LIKE TO GO ON INSTAGRAM AND I SCROLL THROUGH ALL THE PHOTOS 130 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,214 AND ONE THING I'VE NOTICED IS THAT A LOT OF TIMES TWO PEOPLE WILL WRITE THE SAME EXACT 131 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,582 CAPTION, BUT THE PICTURES THEY POST WILL BE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. 132 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:48,188 I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN. IT'S TIME FOR "PICTURE THIS. 133 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:53,360 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * PICTURE THI 134 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,129 PICTURE THIS PICTURE THI YEAH PICTURE THIS * * 135 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,965 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS FIRST EXAMPLE IT'S FROM MACY'S AND THE U.S 136 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:01,301 JUSTICE DEPARTMENT >> Steve: REALLY >> Jimmy: YEAH, THEY BOTH 137 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,736 WROTE, "HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING, HE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE. 138 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:07,474 MACY'S POSTED A PICTURE OF SANTA. THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT POSTED 139 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:11,144 A PICTURE OF MARK ZUCKERBERG >> Steve: OH [ APPLAUSE ] 140 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,346 >> Jimmy: YOU SEE? >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM 141 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:17,684 DISNEY AND BILL de BLASIO. >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: THEY BOTH WROTE, 142 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:21,021 "TAKE A TRIP WITH CHARACTERS FROM ANOTHER GALAXY. DISNEY POSTED A PICTURE OF 143 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:25,959 THEIR NEW "STAR WARS" CRUISE BILL de BLASIO POSTED A PICTURE OF THE "F" TRAIN AT 2:00 A.M 144 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:30,163 [ APPLAUSE ] WOW. >> Steve: WHERE'S THE LIE? 145 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:34,200 >> Jimmy: HERE'S ONE FROM NETFLIX AND RITE AID THEY BOTH WROTE, "STILL GOING 146 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,670 STRONG FOUR YEARS LATER. NETFLIX POSTED A PICTURE OF THE NEW SEASON OF "STRANGER 147 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,639 THINGS." RITE AID POSTED A PICTURE OF THE CHAPSTICK THAT'S BEEN IN 148 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:47,213 YOUR COAT POCKET FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS [ APPLAUSE ] 149 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,417 THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM THE NATIONAL PARKS SERVICE AND TARGET 150 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,819 >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: THEY BOTH WROTE, "CAREFUL, THIS COULD EXPLODE AT 151 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,588 ANY MOMENT." THE NATIONAL PARKS SERVICE POSTED A PICTURE OF OLD 152 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:59,225 FAITHFUL TARGET POSTED A PICTURE OF PILLSBURY CRESCENT ROLLS 153 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:07,100 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THEY'RE FRIGHTENING. YOU KNOW IT'S COMING, TOO. 154 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:15,208 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, HE LAUGHS AT YOU >> Steve: HE LAUGHS. 155 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:18,144 LAUGHS AT YOU. >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 156 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,213 THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY DOESN'T LAUGH WITH YOU >> Steve: HE LAUGHS AT YOU 157 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:25,952 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] DID NOT KNOW THAT. >> Steve: NO 158 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:29,856 YOU SON OF A BITCH JJJ HEY! [ LAUGHTER ] 159 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:34,094 NO NEED! NEXT UP, THIS ONE'S FROM TWO HBO MAX SUBSCRIBERS. 160 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,997 THEY BOTH WROTE, "I WAS GOING TO GET RID OF HBO MAX, BUT THEN I SAW THIS." 161 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:41,735 ONE SUBSCRIBER POSTED A PICTURE OF THE "HARRY POTTER" REUNION. THE OTHER SUBSCRIBER POSTED 162 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:49,342 A PICTURE OF HIS FRIEND'S HBO MAX PASSWORD [ APPLAUSE ] 163 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,679 CAN'T SIGN OFF NOW THIS LAST ONE IS FROM ADELE AND YOUR UNCLE 164 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,348 THEY BOTH WROTE, "IT WAS AN OVERWHELMING JOURNEY, BUT I'M GLAD IT'S OUT. 165 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:58,151 ADELE POSTED A PICTURE OF HER NEW ALBUM, "30." YOUR UNCLE POSTED A PICTURE OF 166 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,420 HIS BELLY AFTER THANKSGIVING DINNER [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 167 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,188 THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "PICTURE THIS. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT 168 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:06,059 BACK WITH "BATTLE OF THE INSTANT SONGWRITERS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 169 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:29,082 * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY! 170 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,117 HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE LOVE SONGS, AND WE ESPECIALLY LOVE SONGS WRITTEN BY OUR 171 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:37,123 AUDIENCE MEMBERS IN UNDER AN HOUR THAT'S RIGHT 172 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:40,694 IT'S TIME FOR "BATTLE OF THE INSTANT SONGWRITERS" HERE WE GO 173 00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:40,727 INSTANT SONGWRITERS" HERE WE GO 174 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,595 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 175 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:48,134 * I'M SINGING A SON AND I'M WRITING A SONG ABOUT ANOTHER SONG * 176 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,503 * >> Jimmy: YEAH WELCOME TO "BATTLE OF THE 177 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:54,474 INSTANT SONGWRITERS. BEFORE THE SHOW, WE WENT THROUGH OUR GREAT AUDIENCE, OUR 178 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:58,411 LOVELY AUDIENCE, AND WE PICKED OUT TWO PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY WERE MUSICIANS 179 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,847 WE DON'T KNOW IF THEY ARE. BUT WE GAVE THEM EACH A MADE-UP SONG TITLE AND GAVE THEM AN 180 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:06,186 HOUR TO WRITE AN ORIGINAL SONG BASED ON THAT TITLE. HERE'S A SHOT OF THEM 181 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:09,823 PRACTICING BACKSTAGE MINUTES AGO. THERE YOU GO 182 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:13,493 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH SO LET'S MEET THEM RIGHT NOW 183 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:17,664 COME ON OVER, GUYS WELCOME! 184 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,167 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * JJJ NICE TO SEE YOU. 185 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,069 WELCOME TO THE SHOW. WELCOME TO THE SHOW. HOW ARE YOU? 186 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,704 >> GOOD. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO 187 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,206 CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE YOU FROM 188 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,208 >> MY NAME'S MARSHA BELSKY, AND I'M FROM BROOKLYN, NEW YORK. >> Jimmy: YEAH, BROOKLYN 189 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:32,946 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COME ON. MARSHA BELSKY. 190 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,781 MARSHA, WHAT WAS THE TITLE THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU >> IT WAS "SCROLLING THROUGH 191 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:40,387 TIKTOK ON THANKSGIVING DAY." >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE 192 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,823 WILL BE DOING THAT "SCROLLING THROUGH TIKTOK ON THANKSGIVING DAY." 193 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,092 AND WHAT INSTRUMENT WILL YOU BE PLAYING? >> I'M DOING PIANO 194 00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:48,628 >> Jimmy: OH, I LOVE THE PIANO ALL RIGHT, GOOD. ALL RIGHT, WHY DON'T YOU GO 195 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,097 OVER AND GET READY, GET INSPIRED, GET SET. AND GET READY TO HEAR -- 196 00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:58,238 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 197 00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,873 HERE TO PERFORM THE WORLD PREMIERE OF THE SOON-TO-BE CLASSIC "SCROLLIN' TIKTOK ON 198 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:04,544 THANKSGIVING DAY," IT'S MARSHA BELSKY. 199 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:12,519 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * LAST YEAR THIS TIME 200 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:16,856 I WAS SO LONEL AT THE HOLIDAY BUT THIS YEAR I'LL BE * 201 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,927 * SITTING RIGHT ACROS FROM EVERYONE I LOVE AS SCROLL TIKTO 202 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:26,099 ON THANKSGIVING DAY * * SCROLLIN' TIKTO ON THANKSGIVING DA 203 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:30,170 WATCHING COUPLES WHO HATE EACH OTHER * * PULL DANGEROUS PRANKS LIK 204 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:35,208 WATCH ME SCARE M PREGNANT WIFE * * OKA 205 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:39,946 NOW YOUR BABY'S ON ITS WAY SCROLLIN' TIKTOK ON THANKSGIVING DAY * 206 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:45,952 * A 12-YEAR-OLD TAROT READE SAYS LOVE'S COMING MY WA I'M IN COMMUNITY HERE WITH 207 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:53,793 THE TWEENS ON TIKTOK BABY * * SCROLLIN' TIKTO ON THANKSGIVING DA 208 00:14:53,793 --> 00:15:04,037 I'M SO THANKFUL FOR MY PHONE AND I GUESS ALSO MY FAMILY * * 209 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:07,941 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S GREAT * 210 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,578 "AND I GUESS ALSO MY FAMILY. MARSHA BELSKY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 211 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:18,852 HEY, THAT WAS INCREDIBLE COME ON OVER, MARSHA YEAH, "I'M SO THANKFUL FOR MY 212 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:20,520 PHONE," OH YEAH, AND "ALSO MY FAMILY." YEAH 213 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,889 ALL RIGHT, LET'S MEET CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE 214 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,724 YOU FROM >> MY NAME IS BROOKS ALLISON, I'M FROM BROOKLYN AS WELL. 215 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,394 >> Jimmy: HEY, BROOKLYN IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT! [ APPLAUSE ] 216 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:34,234 BROOKS ALLISON BROOKS, WHAT IS THE SONG TITLE WE GAVE YOU THIS EVENING 217 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:39,239 >> "STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH ED SHEERAN." [ LAUGHTER ] 218 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:44,744 >> Jimmy: VERY POSSIBLE. PROBABLY DID HAPPEN, YOU KNOW? ELEVATORS ARE KIND OF AN OLD 219 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:49,482 TECHNOLOGY, BUT I MEAN, I'M SURE EVEN ED SHEERAN USES AN ELEVATOR 220 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,484 >> SURE. >> Jimmy: AND HE PROBABLY GOT STUCK MAYBE ONCE OR TWICE WITH 221 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:56,089 SOMEONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I PROBABLY WOULD ENJOY BEING 222 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,425 STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WHAT INSTRUMENT WILL YOU BE PLAYING? 223 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:01,127 >> I'LL BE PLAYING GUITAR. >> Jimmy: YOU'LL BE PALYING GUITAR 224 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,897 OKAY WHY DON'T YOU GET OVER THERE >> THANK YOU 225 00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:06,399 >> Jimmy: GET IN THE ZONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 226 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:12,439 COME OVER HERE MARSHA. THAT WAS GREAT BY THE WAY. ALL RIGHT. 227 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,240 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GET READY FOR THE WORLD PREMIERE OF "STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH 228 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,411 "STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH ED SHEERAN" BY BROOKS ALLISON! 229 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,113 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 230 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:27,787 * * I GOT IN AN ELEVATO AND WAS HEADED FOR THE 231 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:34,494 SIXTH FLOOR * * THERE WAS A BIG CRASH AND THE ELEVATOR WORKE 232 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:41,101 NO MORE * * I STARTED TO PANI TURNED AROUN 233 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:47,374 THERE WAS A RED-HEADED MAN * [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] * LITTLE DID I KNOW 234 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:53,380 THAT I WAS STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WIT ED SHEERAN * 235 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:59,686 * HE TOLD ME I LOOKED PERFECT TONIGH I SAID NOW'S NOT THE TIM 236 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:04,190 HE SAID NO * * THAT'S JUST A LIN FROM ONE OF MY SONGS 237 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,794 CALLED "PERFECT" * * I SAI YEAH I KNOW THE SONG 238 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:12,298 I HEAR IT ALL THE TIME ESPECIALLY WHILE DRIVING * * BUT RIGHT NOW ALL I 239 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:19,406 CARE ABOUT IS SURVIVIN THIS ELEVATOR THING * * HE SAID YEAH THAT WAS DUM 240 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:25,178 I SAID DON'T WORRY ABOUT I AND THE DOORS OPENED UP * * 241 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:33,319 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: GIVE IT UP FOR BROOKS ALLISON RIGHT THERE 242 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:39,325 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT WAS AWESOME BROOKS, COME ON OVER 243 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:43,563 THANK YOU, BROOKS. WOW. SEEMED LIKE IT REALLY HAPPENED, 244 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:48,168 ALMOST NOW IT'S TIME TO SEE WHO WON SO WE'RE GOING TO LET OUR GREAT 245 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:55,508 AUDIENCE DECIDE THE WINNER WAS IT MARSHA BELSKY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 246 00:17:55,508 --> 00:18:01,014 OR WAS IT BROOKS ALLISON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THE WINNER IS 247 00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:04,617 BROOKS ALLISON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 248 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,486 BROOKS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE GOING HOME WITH $1,000 AND A A "TONIGHT SHOW" NOTEBOOK FOR 249 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:15,228 WRITING MORE SONGS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONGRATULATIONS, THAT WAS 250 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:19,232 A GREAT JOB. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: BUT NO ONE GOES HOME 251 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,134 EMPTY-HANDED OUR OTHER CONTESTANT TONIGHT WILL ALSO RECEIVE A NOTEBOOK 252 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:25,772 AND $1,000 WE LOVE YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 253 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:29,242 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR TWO NEW INSTANT SONGWRITERS. 254 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,177 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JEREMY RENNER, 255 00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:52,165 EVERYBODY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 256 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,234 >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN OSCAR NOMINATED ACTOR WHO'S STARRING IN TWO TV 257 00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:59,706 SHOWS. YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE "MAYOR OF KINGSTOWN." 258 00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:03,443 NEW EPISODES RELEASED SUNDAYS ON PARAMOUNT PLUS. AND THEN, "HAWKEYE," WHICH 259 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:07,113 PREMIERES THIS WEDNESDAY ON DISNEY PLUS. EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME 260 00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,183 EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME JEREMY RENNER! 261 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:29,803 * 262 00:19:29,803 --> 00:19:34,040 >> AWESOME >> Jimmy: WELCOME, IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE YOU, BUDDY. 263 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,477 >> IT'S NICE TO BE BACK. THIS IS AWESOME. >> Jimmy: AND LOOK AT YOU ON 264 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:40,146 THE COVER OF "MEN'S HEALTH" JUST ROCKING IT OUT. >> YEAH. 265 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:43,216 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: JEREMY RENNER JUST WON'T STOP 266 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:48,655 YOU'RE UNSTOPPABLE >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DID THIS GUY KNOW 267 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:51,491 THAT HE WAS UNSTOPPABLE? HE'S GOING TO BE UNSTOPPABLE ONE DAY? 268 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:56,363 LOOK AT THAT GUY >> YEAH, THAT'S THE FIRST HEAD SHOT I EVER DID, YEAH, YEAH. 269 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:59,065 >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT BAD FOR A A FIRST HEAD SHOT. >> YEAH, I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, 270 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:02,535 ALL YOU GOT TO DO FOR A HEADSHOT IS TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR HEAD, SO I GOT THAT RIGHT 271 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,772 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU NAILED THAT PART 272 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,141 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DID THIS GUY GET ROLES? 273 00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:13,546 >> YEAH, THEN I GOT MY FIRST JOB OUT OF THAT HEAD SHOT. >> Jimmy: DID YOU REALLY 274 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,215 >> YEAH, "NATIONAL LAMPOON'S SENIOR TRIP. >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, I DO 275 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:19,319 REMEMBER THAT. ABSOLUTELY, NO WAY I ALWAYS LIKENED THE EAR 276 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:22,956 PIERCING, I WAS LOOKING AT NOT BAD. >> YEAH. 277 00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,625 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT'S A NICE ONE THERE. 278 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:28,294 DO YOU REMEMBER GETTING YOUR EAR PIERCED? WHERE DID YOU -- 279 00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:31,031 >> YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW, I THINK I GOT -- WELL, I THINK -- I DID TWO, ONE 280 00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:37,904 I GOT LIKE AT THE MALL, LIKE AT THE FOREVER THING -- >> Jimmy: 21 OR CLAIRE'S 281 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,140 [ LAUGHTER ] >> THE WET PUMA. >> Jimmy: WHATEVER THOSE THINGS 282 00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:42,242 WERE >> WHATEVER THOSE STORES WERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, I REMEMBER 283 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,978 THEM >> BUT DID ONE WITH A POTATO AND ONE OF THOSE -- WHAT DO YOU 284 00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:52,485 CALL IT, SAFETY PINS >> Jimmy: NO >> AND SOME ICE. 285 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,154 DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL, SO THAT'S WHY I THINK I WENT TO THE MALL 286 00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:57,357 >> Jimmy: SO YOU JUST NUMBED IT, AND THEN - >> YEAH, YEAH. 287 00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:58,958 >> Jimmy: HOW IS THE POTATO INVOLVED >> KIND OF GIVE YOU SUPPORT AND 288 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,827 YOU POP IT THROUGH IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS A GOOD THING, DIDN'T WORK OUT VERY 289 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,063 WELL >> Jimmy: WOW, OH, I SEE, SO YOU PUNCTURE YOUR EAR AND GOES 290 00:21:03,063 --> 00:21:10,103 INTO THE POTATO INSTEAD OF THE FINGER >> YEAH, IT WAS A BAD IDEA 291 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:13,173 >> Jimmy: WOW, YOU GOT THE GIG >> AND I GOT THE HEAD SHOT >> Jimmy: AND NOW, YOU GOT THE 292 00:21:13,173 --> 00:21:15,542 HEAD SHOT. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU. WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT, 293 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:20,146 BUT "MAYOR OF KINGSTOWN," THE SHOW HAS BEEN A HUGE HIT IT'S THE NUMBER ONE SCRIPTED 294 00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:23,516 SHOW ON PARAMOUNT PLUS IT'S A GIANT -- CONGRATULATIONS. 295 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:28,988 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> YEAH, YEAH. IT'S PRETTY GOOD 296 00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,757 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED, WEIRDLY ENOUGH, YOUR CHARACTER, WHO'S VERY DIFFERENT 297 00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:37,197 FROM HAWKEYE, YOU USE A BOW AND ARROW IN THIS SHOW AS WELL >> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHY -- I 298 00:21:37,197 --> 00:21:44,371 MEAN, I REALLY TELL THEM NOT TO DO IT, BECAUSE - >> Jimmy: ARE YOU TYPECAST NOW 299 00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:49,309 >> GUYS, USUALLY PICK THIS UP. IT'S LIKE -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU CAN'T PICK 300 00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:53,313 UP CAPTAIN AMERICA SHIELD. >> WHAT IS THIS THING, HOW DO YOU USE IT 301 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:56,383 >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND YOU REALLY HAD TO ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW -- NEVER SHOT ONE BEFORE. 302 00:21:56,383 --> 00:21:58,318 >> YEAH, YEAH, BUT IT'S THE SAME THING AS MOST OF THE [ BLEEP ] I DO IN LIFE, ACT 303 00:21:58,318 --> 00:21:59,919 LIKE I DO KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, AND GET AWAY WITH IT >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT ACTING 304 00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:06,192 IS >> IT'S MY JOB >> Jimmy: EXACTLY, YEAH. 305 00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:10,363 BUT TAYLOR SHERIDAN IS THE CREATOR ON THIS ONE. ALSO, THE CREATOR OF 306 00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:12,665 "YELLOWSTONE." >> "YELLOWSTONE," YEAH, YEAH AND WE DID A MOVIE "WIND RIVER" 307 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:16,670 TOGETHER AND YEAH, HE'S A PRETTY AMAZING WRITER 308 00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:19,072 >> Jimmy: WELL, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THE "MAYOR OF KINGSTOWN" IS ALL ABOUT 309 00:22:19,072 --> 00:22:24,210 >> YEAH, IT TAKES PLACE IN A A FICTITIOUS TOWN IN MICHIGAN, AND IT'S ESSENTIALLY A PRISON 310 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:32,619 TOWN AND THE ONLY BUSINESS THERE IS INCARCERATION. 311 00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:34,354 SO IT'S EITHER INSIDE THE PRISON, OUTSIDE THE PRISON, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THIS 312 00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:36,823 PRISON AND I PLAY THE MAYOR OF KINGSTOWN, IT'S REALLY NOT THE 313 00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:38,625 OFFICIAL MAYOR, AND HE IS SORT OF THE GREASE BETWEEN ALL THE WHEELS TO ENSURE THAT HE KEEPS 314 00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:46,733 THE PEACE IN TOWN. AND IT'S -- IT COMES AT YOU PRETTY HARD. 315 00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:48,568 >> Jimmy: YEAH DID HE JUST SEND YOU SCRIPT, SAY, "JEREMY, PLEASE, I THINK 316 00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:51,237 YOU'LL BE GOOD FOR THIS? >> WELL, I DID "WIND RIVER" WITH HIM, SO I SAID YES BEFORE 317 00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:58,478 I READ ANYTHING. >> Jimmy: OH, REALLY >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 318 00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,413 >> Jimmy: I LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS WHERE YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "NO, I KNOW THIS GUY DOES GREAT 319 00:23:00,413 --> 00:23:02,816 STUFF. >> YEAH. AND IT WORKED OUT GREAT. 320 00:23:02,816 --> 00:23:05,051 IT WORKED OUT GREAT. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT, AND THEN "HAWKEYE," FIRST 321 00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,154 TWO EPISODES COMES OUT WEDNESDAY ON DISNEY PLUS >> YEAH. 322 00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:10,824 >> Jimmy: PEOPLE ARE FREAKING OUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 323 00:23:10,824 --> 00:23:14,861 >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, GOOD TIMES. >> Jimmy: YOU'VE DONE OUR SHOW 324 00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:18,665 MANY YEARS AS HAWKEYE. >> THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH, I CAME OUT AND SANG AND 325 00:23:18,665 --> 00:23:22,068 PERFORMED FOR YOU GUYS IT WAS PRETTY SPECIAL. >> Jimmy: YEAH, I MEAN, YOU'VE 326 00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:24,070 COME ON BY YOURSELF BUT YOU'VE ALSO COME ON WITH THE OTHER AVENGERS 327 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:31,678 DO YOU MISS DOING PRESS WITH THE AVENGERS >> YEAH, I DO, MAN 328 00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:35,281 I MEAN, THE LAST ONE WE DID WAS FOR "ENDGAME," I BELIEVE IT WAS JUST PAUL RUDD AND I 329 00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:41,087 TALKING ABOUT 50-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, THE MOVIE THAT WE COULD ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT. 330 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:44,791 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT I -- PAUL RUDD, HEY, HE'S THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 331 00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:47,427 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, HE IS. >> MY MAN, MR. RUDD. >> Jimmy: WHO DOESN'T MISS 332 00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:50,230 PAUL RUDD? >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: BUT THE WHOLE CREW 333 00:23:50,230 --> 00:23:53,600 YOU GUYS WERE ALL SO NICE AND GREAT TO US. I APPRECIATE IT. 334 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,237 BUT ALL VERY TALENTED. BUT BETWEEN YOU, I WAS THINKING OF SCARLETT JOHANSSON, CHEADLE, 335 00:23:57,237 --> 00:24:04,944 AND PROBABLY RUDD, HE CAN SING >> I'M SURE HE COULD SLAP THE BASS, RIGHT? 336 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,347 >> Jimmy: HE COULD PLAY BASS GUITAR I THINK HE SHOULD PUT TOGETHER 337 00:24:07,347 --> 00:24:12,385 A BAND WHAT IF THERE WAS AN AVENGERS BAND 338 00:24:12,385 --> 00:24:16,156 >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW, YOU GOT THE ROOTS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH AN AVENGERS BAND? 339 00:24:16,156 --> 00:24:18,091 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THEY'RE KIND OF THE AVENGERS BAND RIGHT THERE, BUT YEAH, YOU KNOW, WHY NOT, WE 340 00:24:18,091 --> 00:24:22,762 COULD ALWAYS ADD - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE COULD ALWAYS ADD MORE 341 00:24:22,762 --> 00:24:26,332 SUPERHEROES TO THE ROOTS >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALWAYS 342 00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:27,934 WELCOME. WHEN YOU SIGNED ON TO DO HAWKEYE, DID YOU HAVE ANY CLUE 343 00:24:27,934 --> 00:24:35,709 THAT IT WOULD RUN THIS LONG? BUT THEN, ALSO, TURN INTO A TV SHOW 344 00:24:35,709 --> 00:24:41,448 >> I THINK THERE'S IDEAS OF THAT INITIALLY, BUT THAT'S -- THAT WAS 11 YEARS AGO. 345 00:24:41,448 --> 00:24:43,283 I'M LIKE, I REMEMBER ONE OF MY FIRST THOUGHTS, IT'S LIKE 2010, 2011, I'M LIKE, "I DON'T 346 00:24:43,283 --> 00:24:53,893 WANT TO BE 50 IN TIGHTS. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW 347 00:24:53,893 --> 00:25:00,600 I'M LIKE NO ONE WANTS TO SEE ME AT 50 IN TIGHTS. >> Jimmy: AND TURNS OUT -- 348 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,569 >> YES THEY DO >> Jimmy: PEOPLE REALLY DO, YEAH 349 00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:04,437 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEY WANT TO SEE IT. MORE WITH JEREMY RENNER WHEN WE 350 00:25:04,437 --> 00:25:06,339 COME BACK. COME ON, EVERYBODY COME BACK FOR MORE "TONIGHT 351 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:26,192 SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 352 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,861 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY. WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH 353 00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:33,166 JEREMY RENNER! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HIS NEW SHOW "HAWKEYE" DEBUTS 354 00:25:33,166 --> 00:25:39,539 ON DISNEY PLUS THIS WEDNESDAY. >> YES >> Jimmy: I GOT TO SEE A 355 00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:41,441 A SNIPPET OF IT, BECAUSE IT'S MARVEL AND THEY ARE VERY -- THEY DON'T REALLY LET PEOPLE 356 00:25:41,441 --> 00:25:45,745 SEE MUCH >> RIGHT >> Jimmy: IN MY SNIPPET, WAS 357 00:25:45,745 --> 00:25:52,085 ANOTHER SMALLER SNIPPET OF "A CAPTAIN AMERICA" MUSICAL >> UH-HUH. 358 00:25:52,085 --> 00:25:55,555 >> Jimmy: COULD THERE BE AN ACTUAL "AVENGERS" MUSICAL IN THE WORKS ON BROADWAY? 359 00:25:55,555 --> 00:26:00,460 [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT 360 00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:08,168 LOOK, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE LAST SCENE THAT WE SHOT IN THE SHOW ACTUALLY, YOU GOT TO SEE IT. 361 00:26:08,168 --> 00:26:10,804 IT'S QUITE A SHOW. >> Jimmy: IT'S REALLY GOOD >> IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY DANGED 362 00:26:10,804 --> 00:26:15,041 GOOD KEVIN'S MIND IS REALLY TURNING ON THIS, HE'S THE HEAD OF 363 00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,444 MARVEL >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S 364 00:26:17,444 --> 00:26:19,245 GOING TO DO WITH IT. THERE'S A LOT MORE OF THE SHOW THAT'S IN THE "HAWKEYE" SHOW, 365 00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:25,218 BUT WHO KNOWS, I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT A SOOTHSAYER >> Jimmy: NO, BUT WHAT I SAW 366 00:26:25,218 --> 00:26:34,861 WAS PRETTY GOOD. DID YOU DO -- DO YOU KNOW IF THERE'S MORE THAN ONE SONG 367 00:26:34,861 --> 00:26:38,965 >> I THINK THERE ARE [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY 368 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:40,467 I DON'T WANT TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE, BUT ALL RIGHT, I LIKE THAT ANSWER. 369 00:26:40,467 --> 00:26:43,670 [ LAUGHTER ] CAN I ASK YOU ABOUT SOME RUMORS 370 00:26:43,670 --> 00:26:47,073 >> SURE, WHAT DO YOU GOT OKAY, I GOT SOME ANSWERS FOR YOU. 371 00:26:47,073 --> 00:26:51,978 >> Jimmy: OKAY, YELENA -- FLORENCE PUGH FROM "BLACK WIDOW. 372 00:26:51,978 --> 00:26:56,416 >> WHO [ LAUGHTER ] WHO'S THAT 373 00:26:56,416 --> 00:27:01,021 >> Jimmy: YELENA >> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. >> Jimmy: YOU DON'T? 374 00:27:01,021 --> 00:27:05,425 >> I'M NOT SURE. IT DOESN'T SOUND FAMILIAR. >> Jimmy: SHE KNOWS YOU. 375 00:27:05,425 --> 00:27:09,095 >> IS THAT RIGHT >> Jimmy: I'M JUST WONDERING IF SHE -- 376 00:27:09,095 --> 00:27:11,531 >> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THING AT THE END OF "BLACK WIDOW." >> Jimmy: YEAH 377 00:27:11,531 --> 00:27:14,334 >> YEAH, YEAH. I WATCHED THAT WITH MY NIECE, AND SHE'S LIKE, "UNCLE JEREMY, 378 00:27:14,334 --> 00:27:20,040 WHAT DID YOU DO? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY 379 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,275 >> I SAID, "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING DARLING." >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY 380 00:27:22,275 --> 00:27:24,110 AND THAT'S ALL I KNOW ABOUT THAT >> Jimmy: OKAY 381 00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:29,949 [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY HOW ABOUT THIS 382 00:27:29,949 --> 00:27:34,854 AFTER THIS SHOW, WILL WE SEE YOU PLAY HAWKEYE AGAIN >> WHO 383 00:27:34,854 --> 00:27:41,194 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YELENA [ LAUGHTER ] 384 00:27:41,194 --> 00:27:44,330 OKAY PERFECT. WHAT CAN WE TELL EVERYONE 385 00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:46,966 "HAWKEYE" IS ABOUT >> HAWKEYE, WELL, WHAT I LOVE ABOUT IT, FIRST OF ALL, WE GOT 386 00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:53,306 TO KIND OF INTRODUCE THE WORLD TO CLINT BARTON IN A BIGGER WAY. 387 00:27:53,306 --> 00:27:55,208 BECAUSE FOR SIX HOURS, WE SPEND A LOT MORE TIME ON JUST THE CHARACTERS AND NEW CHARACTERS 388 00:27:55,208 --> 00:28:01,281 INTRODUCED BUT IT'S ALSO IN A WORLD OF THIS WORLD, RIGHT, IT'S NOT 389 00:28:01,281 --> 00:28:03,016 GALACTIC WITH THE ALIENS AND ALL THESE THINGS, IT'S IN A REALLY PRACTICAL WORLD LIKE 390 00:28:03,016 --> 00:28:08,655 A SUPERHERO WITH NO SUPERPOWERS. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW 391 00:28:08,655 --> 00:28:10,557 EVERYONE A CLIP. HERE'S JEREMY RENNER IN "HAWKEYE." 392 00:28:10,557 --> 00:28:11,257 "HAWKEYE." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 393 00:28:12,292 --> 00:28:14,494 * 394 00:28:14,494 --> 00:28:32,512 [ INDISCERNIBLE SCREAMING >> COME ON * 395 00:28:32,512 --> 00:28:38,251 >> ON FIRE >> TOLD YOU. >> YEAH. 396 00:28:38,251 --> 00:28:55,869 * GOT TO GET THAT SUIT >> THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT 397 00:28:55,869 --> 00:29:00,073 COME ON. >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 398 00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:04,544 JEREMY RENNER, EVERYBODY "HAWKEYE" PREMIERES WEDNESDAY ON DISNEY PLUS 399 00:29:04,544 --> 00:29:08,048 KRISTIN CHENOWETH JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY! 400 00:29:08,048 --> 00:29:27,867 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU ROOTS. 401 00:29:27,867 --> 00:29:32,605 OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY AND TONY-WINNING ACTRESS AND SINGER, WHO HAS A BRAND NEW 402 00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:35,408 HOLIDAY ALBUM OUT, RIGHT NOW, CALLED "HAPPINESS IS... CHRISTMAS! 403 00:29:35,408 --> 00:29:37,477 PLEASE WELCOME KRISTIN CHENOWETH! 404 00:29:39,846 --> 00:29:55,161 * >> Jimmy: HI THEY LOVE YOU. 405 00:29:55,161 --> 00:30:00,033 COME ON. THEY LOVE YOU. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO -- TO 406 00:30:00,033 --> 00:30:02,469 ASK YOU -- >> SURE. >> Jimmy: -- BUT I'M SO HAPPY 407 00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:04,504 YOU'RE HERE. >> I'M SO HAPPY TO BE BACK >> Jimmy: BUT, FIRST OF ALL, 408 00:30:04,504 --> 00:30:07,607 EVEN JUST DOING THAT, I JUST WANT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS. YOU JUST GOT -- YOU GOT 409 00:30:07,607 --> 00:30:10,377 ENGAGED. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 410 00:30:10,377 --> 00:30:15,115 >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD, WOW. YEAH, I'M SO HAPPY PAL 411 00:30:15,115 --> 00:30:17,250 >> THANK YOU BABY. THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: NOW, THERE'S -- 412 00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:19,619 THERE'S BEEN BIG NEWS, RECENTLY THEY ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'RE 413 00:30:19,619 --> 00:30:26,192 MAKING A "WICKED" MOVIE. AND ARIANA GRANDE GOT CAST TO PLAY GLINDA, WHICH IS YOUR -- 414 00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:28,962 YOU MADE FAMOUS IN THE PLAY "WICKED. DID YOU -- DID YOU TALK TO 415 00:30:28,962 --> 00:30:33,199 ARIANA ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE CHOICE? >> OH, I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER 416 00:30:33,199 --> 00:30:36,269 >> Jimmy: YES. >> I'VE KNOWN HER SINCE SHE WAS 10, Y'ALL. 417 00:30:36,269 --> 00:30:38,238 SHE CAME TO THE SHOW, AND SHE'S LIKE, "I WANT TO BE GLINDA," IN THE SAME EXACT VOICE THAT SHE 418 00:30:38,238 --> 00:30:42,709 HAS NOW, JUST LIKE ME. AND I SAID, "YOU -- YOU CAN BE." 419 00:30:42,709 --> 00:30:47,347 AND THEN, HER NANA SAYS, "OH, YOU'RE GONNA SING FOR HER. AND SHE DID. 420 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:51,217 AND SHE BLEW ME AWAY AND I WAS LIKE, "YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING OF MINE." 421 00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:55,321 SO, I GAVE HER HAND SOAP AND A A FAKE PLASTIC WAND. AND I SAID, "TAKE IT." 422 00:30:55,321 --> 00:30:58,925 YES. >> Jimmy: HAND -- HAND SOAP. >> I JUST SAID, "TAKE MY SOAP. 423 00:30:58,925 --> 00:31:01,061 I KNOW IT'S WEIRD. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DOES SHE REMEMBER 424 00:31:01,061 --> 00:31:02,629 THAT >> YES SHE -- SHE SAID FOR MANY YEARS 425 00:31:02,629 --> 00:31:06,499 SHE DIDN'T USE IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WOW. 426 00:31:06,499 --> 00:31:09,869 THIS IS A REAL PHOTO OF YOU. >> THERE'S - >> Jimmy: AND THIS IS 427 00:31:09,869 --> 00:31:12,672 ARIANA GRANDE AND -- YEAH. >> AND NANA. >> Jimmy: NONNA. 428 00:31:12,672 --> 00:31:18,078 >> AND NONA, RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT 429 00:31:18,078 --> 00:31:20,347 NONNA. OH, NO WAY IS THAT UNBELIEVABLE THOUGH? 430 00:31:20,347 --> 00:31:22,282 >> AND NOW SHE'S PLAYING -- I'M SO HAPPY >> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT WILD HOW 431 00:31:22,282 --> 00:31:24,951 LIFE WORKS THAT'S WILD. >> YES 432 00:31:24,951 --> 00:31:29,122 THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN AROUND A SECOND >> Jimmy: OH, NO 433 00:31:29,122 --> 00:31:30,423 BUT, I MEAN, ALSO TO GET THE THUMBS UP FROM YOU IS FANTASTIC. 434 00:31:30,423 --> 00:31:35,128 THE RUMORS ARE NOW -- ARE YOU GOING TO CAMEO IN THE MOVIE OR WOULD YOU? 435 00:31:35,128 --> 00:31:37,263 >> WELL, I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT HERE'S WHAT I THINK SHOULD 436 00:31:37,263 --> 00:31:41,468 HAPPEN [ LAUGHTER ] SO, YOU KNOW THE POSTER, HOW 437 00:31:41,468 --> 00:31:46,373 GLINDA IS ALWAYS LOOKING -- YEAH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU >> Jimmy: I'M PREPARED 438 00:31:46,373 --> 00:31:49,542 YES. >> YES, YOU ARE. AND, BY THE WAY, I BEGGED TO 439 00:31:49,542 --> 00:31:52,912 HAVE BLONDE HAIR IN THIS, 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE "THE FLYING NUN," BUT THAT'S A SEPARATE 440 00:31:52,912 --> 00:31:54,647 SUBJECT. [ LAUGHTER ] I ALWAYS THINK -- I JUST 441 00:31:54,647 --> 00:31:56,516 THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL IF THE CAMERA PANNED BY AND IDINA AND I WERE JUST THERE AND WE 442 00:31:56,516 --> 00:32:02,422 JUST -- YOU JUST SAW ME GO - YEAH >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD -- COME 443 00:32:02,422 --> 00:32:04,657 ON THAT'S A GOOD EASTER EGG, RIGHT THERE. 444 00:32:04,657 --> 00:32:07,227 YEP. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BUT I WANT -- I WOULD WANT TO 445 00:32:07,227 --> 00:32:10,830 SEE A LITTLE BIT MORE OF YOU >> REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH 446 00:32:10,830 --> 00:32:13,233 >> THANKS. >> Jimmy: BECAUSE -- YEAH. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. 447 00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:15,135 I HAVE A QUESTION I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT. >> OKAY. 448 00:32:15,135 --> 00:32:19,072 >> Jimmy: BECAUSE WE BOTH LOVE HIM, BUT, I HEARD THAT PRINCE WAS A BIG FAN OF YOURS 449 00:32:19,072 --> 00:32:22,976 AND -- >> I -- YES. IT HAPPENED. 450 00:32:22,976 --> 00:32:26,346 I DATED HIM TWICE. >> Jimmy: YOU DATED PRINCE >> I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A DATE, 451 00:32:26,346 --> 00:32:30,250 BECAUSE IT'S PRINCE. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO, THE MANAGER CALLS ME, 452 00:32:30,250 --> 00:32:33,353 AND HE SAYS, "PRINCE WANTS YOUR PHONE NUMBER." I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, RIGHT." 453 00:32:33,353 --> 00:32:37,824 [ SNORTING ] [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED 454 00:32:37,824 --> 00:32:40,493 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND THEN, RUTH, HIS ASSISTANT, CALLED ME AND SAID, 455 00:32:40,493 --> 00:32:44,097 "NO, PRINCE, REALLY. SO, I DRIVE IN MY HONDA CR-V IN L.A., TO -- IT WAS WHEN HE WAS 456 00:32:44,097 --> 00:32:52,372 THE SYMBOL -- TO THE SYMBOL, AND I GOT THROUGH, AND THERE WAS A BIG 457 00:32:52,372 --> 00:32:55,442 PURPLE CARPET, AND A WAITRESS THERE. AND I WENT IN, AND THE -- 458 00:32:55,442 --> 00:33:00,447 THE -- THE HALLWAY WAS AS BIG AS THIS ROOM AND I HEAR -- I'M IN THE 459 00:33:00,447 --> 00:33:03,149 LIBRARY, AND I'M LOOKING AT WHAT PRINCE IS READING, RIGHT? AND I HEAR, "CLICK, CLICK, 460 00:33:03,149 --> 00:33:07,220 CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK >> Jimmy: YEAH >> IT'S HIM IN HIS HEELS COMING 461 00:33:07,220 --> 00:33:09,289 TOWARD ME. >> Jimmy: YES, THAT'S RIGHT. HE WORE HEELS. 462 00:33:09,289 --> 00:33:12,792 YES, CORRECT >> WHICH WAS FANTASTIC FOR ME, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW. 463 00:33:12,792 --> 00:33:16,930 SO HE COMES IN, AND I GO, "HI, I'M -- I WANT TO "PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999" AND RIDE YOUR 464 00:33:16,930 --> 00:33:21,301 'RASPBERRY BERET.'" >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD [ CHEERS ] 465 00:33:21,301 --> 00:33:25,105 HE JUST WAS LIKE, "WHOMP, WHOMP. >> Jimmy: NO 466 00:33:25,105 --> 00:33:27,474 [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND THEN WE -- WE HAD SALMON 467 00:33:27,474 --> 00:33:30,310 AND I HATE FISH. AND, SO, I PUT IT IN MY NAPKIN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 468 00:33:30,310 --> 00:33:32,412 >> Jimmy: I LOVE THESE DETAILS >> OH, YEAH. I'LL NEVER FORGET, BECAUSE - 469 00:33:32,412 --> 00:33:35,315 >> Jimmy: WHAT DOES HIS -- WHAT DID HIS PLACE LOOK LIKE? >> IT'S -- IT'S A MUSEUM 470 00:33:35,315 --> 00:33:37,584 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> IT WAS A MUSEUM A MUSEUM 471 00:33:37,584 --> 00:33:40,487 I MEAN - THEN HE SAID, "DO YOU WANT TO GO SEE MY GUITARS. 472 00:33:40,487 --> 00:33:45,692 I'M LIKE, "NO -- OF COURSE!" >> Jimmy: YES. >> SO WE GO DOWN HIS BASEMENT, 473 00:33:45,692 --> 00:33:48,561 WHICH IS MASSIVE AND THERE'S -- Y'ALL, PROBABLY 200 GUITARS LINED UP, STANDING 474 00:33:48,561 --> 00:33:52,932 THERE. AND HE SAID, "PICK ONE UP. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE?" 475 00:33:52,932 --> 00:33:55,602 I PICKED UP THIS WHITE ONE PICKED IT UP AND START PLAYING A LITTLE BIT 476 00:33:55,602 --> 00:33:58,104 I'M TERRIBLE AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE I PLAYED IN FRONT OF HIM. 477 00:33:58,104 --> 00:34:00,373 I MEAN, REALLY AND I TURNED IT OVER, IT WAS REALLY HEAVY 478 00:34:00,373 --> 00:34:04,444 AND I GOT, "WHAT'S ALL THIS SCRATCHING ON THE BACK?" HE GOES, "ELVIS'S BELT." 479 00:34:04,444 --> 00:34:08,915 [ AUDIENCE OOHS >> Jimmy: YO, THAT'S A WAY TO SAY IT, RIGHT? 480 00:34:08,915 --> 00:34:11,818 THAT'S HOW COOL HE WAS >> I'M -- YES, I WAS TALKING LIKE - 481 00:34:11,818 --> 00:34:14,921 [ MUMBLING ] [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T GET MAD, YOU KNOW? 482 00:34:14,921 --> 00:34:17,824 >> Jimmy: OH, MY - >> I'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T. BUT -- YEAH. 483 00:34:17,824 --> 00:34:21,227 >> Jimmy: BUT GREAT STORY. >> OH, I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT HE -- OH, HE TOOK ME DOWN 484 00:34:21,227 --> 00:34:24,064 IN THE - IN THE BASEMENT, IN A MOVIE ROOM 485 00:34:24,064 --> 00:34:27,834 AND HE SAID, "WATCH THIS." AND HE, I DID THIS OPERA CALLED "CANDIDE" ON -- AND IT WAS ON 486 00:34:27,834 --> 00:34:32,105 PBS. AND, HE SAID, "LOOK AT THE -- YOU SING THIS ARIA 487 00:34:32,105 --> 00:34:35,875 YOU INSPIRE ME." I'M SORRY. IT'S SO WEIRD TO CRY, BUT I 488 00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:41,081 THOUGHT, "ARE YOU INSANE?" I'M NOT WATCHING MYSELF. AND HE SAID, "WHAT YOU DO IS 489 00:34:41,081 --> 00:34:44,351 WHAT I LIKE TO DO WITH THE GUITAR." AND ANYWAY - 490 00:34:44,351 --> 00:34:46,252 >> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT UNBELIEVABLE >> ISN'T THAT COOL 491 00:34:46,252 --> 00:34:47,687 >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT STORY, THANK YOU FOR TELLING US THAT STORY. 492 00:34:47,687 --> 00:34:50,757 >> OF COURSE >> Jimmy: I APPRECIATE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 493 00:34:50,757 --> 00:34:54,094 >> I DON'T TELL IT VERY OFTEN. >> Jimmy: YOU EVEN KNOW HIM. YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL -- THAT 494 00:34:54,094 --> 00:34:56,229 MEANS MORE TO ME -- I GET IT AND I LOVE IT. I APPRECIATE IT. 495 00:34:56,229 --> 00:34:59,265 >> THANK YOU I LOVE HIM >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU 496 00:34:59,265 --> 00:35:00,700 ABOUT "HAPPINESS IS... CHRISTMAS! >> OH, RIGHT 497 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:03,370 THAT RIGHT. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY WE -- WE 498 00:35:03,370 --> 00:35:05,271 GOT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR ALBUM I THINK THIS IS A GREAT YEAR TO PUT OUT A HOLIDAY ALBUM. 499 00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:07,374 >> THEY -- THEY WERE LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? AND I SAID, "I REALLY WANT TO 500 00:35:07,374 --> 00:35:09,609 DO A COUNTRY ALBUM." AND THEY SAID, "NO, HOW ABOUT A CHRISTMAS. 501 00:35:09,609 --> 00:35:12,412 AND I WASN'T IN THE MOOD BUT THEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT LIGHT -- LIGHT AT THE END 502 00:35:12,412 --> 00:35:15,782 OF THE TUNNEL, YOU KNOW? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND THAT'S WHY I DID IT 503 00:35:15,782 --> 00:35:18,585 >> Jimmy: YEAH EXACTLY. WELL, THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT 504 00:35:18,585 --> 00:35:22,222 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LOVE YOU KRISTIN CHENOWETH, EVERYBODY 505 00:35:22,222 --> 00:35:25,725 "HAPPINESS IS... CHRISTMAS!" IS OUT NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 506 00:35:25,725 --> 00:35:28,795 STAND-UP FROM ALI KOLBERT. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 507 00:35:28,795 --> 00:35:49,082 * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE HOST OF "THE ALI KOLBERT SHOW," 508 00:35:49,082 --> 00:35:54,621 AVAILABLE AT APPLE PODCASTS. PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY, ALI KOLBERT! 509 00:35:54,621 --> 00:35:54,654 PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY, ALI KOLBERT! 510 00:35:56,823 --> 00:36:03,897 * >> HI, YOU GUYS! 511 00:36:03,897 --> 00:36:10,770 OH, MY GOD, IT IS SO GOOD TO BE BACK ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 512 00:36:10,770 --> 00:36:15,775 I JUST GOT MY BOOSTER, SO I CAN FINALLY SEE MY FAMILY THIS THANKSGIVING 513 00:36:15,775 --> 00:36:20,547 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, NOT THE SHOT, THE SEAT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 514 00:36:20,547 --> 00:36:24,884 I'M -- I'M LEAVING THE KIDS TABLE. [ CHEERS ] 515 00:36:24,884 --> 00:36:27,821 I FINALLY GET TO BE AT EYE LINE [ LAUGHTER ] 516 00:36:27,821 --> 00:36:33,827 I AM FUN-SIZED, SO I GET HIT ON BY A LOT OF YOUNG DUDES, LIKE 10-YEAR-OLD BOYS 517 00:36:33,827 --> 00:36:36,663 [ LAUGHTER ] COMING UP TO ME BEING LIKE, "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR, 518 00:36:36,663 --> 00:36:40,834 MAMA?" [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS AT THE GROCERY STORE, THE 519 00:36:40,834 --> 00:36:46,172 OTHER DAY, WITH MY FRIEND. AND MY FRIEND IS MY AGE, BUT SHE LOOKS LIKE ADULT HUMAN 520 00:36:46,172 --> 00:36:49,943 WOMAN. AND THIS LITTLE BOY GOES UP TO HER AND HE SAYS, "EXCUSE ME 521 00:36:49,943 --> 00:36:54,848 MISS, I REALLY LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER." [ LAUGHTER ] 522 00:36:54,848 --> 00:36:57,884 I WAS LIKE, "DUDE, HOW OLD ARE YOU? DO YOU EVEN HAVE AN ALLOWANCE? 523 00:36:57,884 --> 00:37:03,223 [ LAUGHTER ] HE WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I HAVE AN ALLOWANCE. 524 00:37:03,223 --> 00:37:07,260 SO, GOING TO HIS LITTLE LEAGUE GAME TOMORROW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 525 00:37:07,260 --> 00:37:11,464 GO RACERS. I FIGURED THIS OUT, THAT THERE'S TWO TYPES OF MEN IN THE 526 00:37:11,464 --> 00:37:14,801 WORLD, OKAY? THERE'S A NICE GUY AND A SHADY GUY. 527 00:37:14,801 --> 00:37:17,370 AND YOUR NICE GUY IS AMAZON, OKAY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 528 00:37:17,370 --> 00:37:22,776 YOUR SHADY GUY IS USPS [ LAUGHTER ] AMAZON'S ALWAYS HITTING YOU UP 529 00:37:22,776 --> 00:37:27,313 WITH UPDATES, "I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. USPS, YOU'RE LIKE, "HEY, WHERE 530 00:37:27,313 --> 00:37:30,750 ARE YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] AND HE'S JUST LIKE, "SOMEWHERE 531 00:37:30,750 --> 00:37:35,422 IN NEW JERSEY, BABY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M LIKE, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE 532 00:37:35,422 --> 00:37:38,358 COMING OVER. HE'S LIKE, "STAY HOME BETWEEN 12:00 AND 6:00, MAYBE I'LL 533 00:37:38,358 --> 00:37:43,530 SWING BY." [ LAUGHTER ] AMAZON'S SUPER EXCITED 534 00:37:43,530 --> 00:37:49,769 HE COMES IMMEDIATELY [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, "HOW WAS THAT FOR YOU? 535 00:37:49,769 --> 00:37:58,745 USPS IS LIKE, "YO, CAN I LEAVE MY PACKAGE UNPROTECTED?" [ LAUGHTER ] 536 00:37:58,745 --> 00:38:02,449 I THINK DUDES TALK A BIG GAME, YOU KNOW THEY'RE LIKE, LET ME TAKE YOU 537 00:38:02,449 --> 00:38:07,721 OUT. I'M LIKE, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A TOP SHEET IS, CONNOR." 538 00:38:07,721 --> 00:38:13,860 [ LAUGHTER ] WE'RE NOT GOING OUT. YOU OWN ONE TOWEL. 539 00:38:13,860 --> 00:38:16,763 I'VE MET GUYS WHO SWEAR THEY HAVE TWO TOWELS. THEY HAVE ONE TOWEL THAT'S 540 00:38:16,763 --> 00:38:24,771 RIPPED IN HALF [ LAUGHTER ] THAT IS NOT TWO. 541 00:38:24,771 --> 00:38:28,808 I FEEL LIKE THE SEXISM IN THIS COUNTRY'S OUT OF CONTROL LIKE, A DUDE HOOKS UP WITH A 542 00:38:28,808 --> 00:38:33,646 A TON OF WOMEN, "OH, HE'S A PLAYER." I HOOK UP WITH A TON OF WOMEN, 543 00:38:33,646 --> 00:38:42,822 "OH, LESBIAN!" [ LAUGHTER ] NOT COOL 544 00:38:42,822 --> 00:38:47,560 I DID GET A GIRLFRIEND OVER THE PANDEMIC AND THESE GIRLFRIENDS, THEY ASK 545 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,765 A LOT OF QUESTIONS MY GIRLFRIEND'S GOT A LOT OF QUESTIONS. 546 00:38:51,765 --> 00:38:54,734 SHE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY SHE'S LIKE, "WHO'S GOING TO CARRY? 547 00:38:54,734 --> 00:38:57,637 WHO'S DOING IVF? WHOSE SPERM ARE WE USING I'M LIKE, I GOT A QUESTION, 548 00:38:57,637 --> 00:39:01,274 "WHO'S DOING THIS WITH YOU OKAY [ LAUGHTER ] 549 00:39:01,274 --> 00:39:05,845 'CAUSE I'M OUT, NO DEAL. THAT'S HOW I TALK, NOW THAT I'VE SEEN EVERY SINGLE EPISODE 550 00:39:05,845 --> 00:39:09,849 OF "SHARK TANK." [ LAUGHTER ] I'M LIKE, "I'LL NEVER MAKE MY 551 00:39:09,849 --> 00:39:11,785 MONEY BACK ON A TODDLER, SWEETHEART I'M OUT. 552 00:39:11,785 --> 00:39:18,858 [ LAUGHTER ] NO DEAL. I THINK -- I THINK IT'S 553 00:39:18,858 --> 00:39:24,230 INTERESTING HOW YOU FIGURE OUT YOUR SEXUALITY LIKE, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, WE 554 00:39:24,230 --> 00:39:28,935 WOULD PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE AND IF A GIRL SPUN THE BOTTLE AND IT LANDED ON ANOTHER GIRL, 555 00:39:28,935 --> 00:39:32,472 EVERYONE WOULD BE LIKE, "OH, REDO." AND I'D ALWAYS BE LIKE, "STICK 556 00:39:32,472 --> 00:39:40,880 TO THE RULES, OKAY [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I RESPECT THE INTEGRITY OF THIS 557 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:46,753 GAME PUCKER UP, JENNA!" [ LAUGHTER ] 558 00:39:46,753 --> 00:39:51,224 AND LIKE, I WAS IN A SORORITY IN COLLEGE THAT'S QUITE THE CONUNDRUM, TO 559 00:39:51,224 --> 00:39:57,797 BE A LESBIAN IN A SORORITY 'CAUSE EVERYONE'S JUST LIKE, "WE ARE SISTERS. 560 00:39:57,797 --> 00:40:03,269 AND I'M LIKE, "NOT BY BLOOD. [ LAUGHTER ] "WE CAN STILL DO STUFF 561 00:40:03,269 --> 00:40:06,840 I DIDN'T JOIN THIS FOR FAMILY! [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 562 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,175 THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'M ALI KOLBERT! THANK YOU, GUYS. 563 00:40:09,175 --> 00:40:15,849 * >> Jimmy: I LOVE - OH, MY GOD 564 00:40:15,849 --> 00:40:18,351 OH, ALI KOLBERT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALI KOLBERT. 565 00:40:18,351 --> 00:40:21,755 "THE ALI KOLBERT SHOW" IS AVAILABLE ON APPLE PODCASTS. MY THANKS TO JEREMY RENNER, 566 00:40:21,755 --> 00:40:23,289 KRISTIN CHENOWETH, ALI KOLBERT, ONCE AGAIN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 567 00:40:23,289 --> 00:40:25,091 AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE, FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA 568 00:40:25,091 --> 00:40:34,734 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.