1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,345 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:19,019 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,822 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - TAYLOR SWIFT 4 00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:27,427 COLIN QUINN, COMEDIAN JARED FREID AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:37,804 ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1549 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:38,872 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:47,981 * 8 00:00:47,981 --> 00:01:03,129 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. 9 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:08,301 LOOK AT THAT LOOK AT THAT RIGHT THERE HEY! 10 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:13,473 LOOK AT YOU. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME. OH, MY GOD 11 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:23,516 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LOVE YOU, BUDDY. WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." 12 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:27,754 YOU GUYS, IT IS VETERANS DAY AND TONIGHT, OUR ENTIRE AUDIENCE IS MADE UP OF 13 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:33,860 VETERANS, ACTIVE MILITARY AND MILITARY FAMILIES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 14 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:42,602 * PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, 15 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,505 WELCOME. THAT'S RIGHT IT'S JUST LIKE OUR FLEET WEEK 16 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:51,378 AUDIENCE BUT SOBER [ LAUGHTER ] ALL KIDDING ASIDE, I WANT TO 17 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:55,148 SAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE YOU TRULY ARE THE BRAVEST. THANK YOU. 18 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:59,886 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN IT. I -- THE CLOSEST MOST OF US 19 00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:04,391 HAVE COME TO A WAR ZONE IS SHOPPING ON BLACK FRIDAY AT T.J. MAXX. 20 00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:07,093 [ LAUGHTER ] "GIVE THAT TO ME IT'S NOT EVEN MY SIZE. 21 00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:10,630 YUP, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN MORE COMBAT THAN YOU GUYS ARE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS ON 22 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:18,405 SOUTHWEST. I REMEMBER -- I REMEMBER TELLING MY DAD THAT I THOUGHT 23 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,373 A LIFE IN UNIFORM MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR ME, SO HE WENT OUT AND GOT ME A JOB APPLICATION 24 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:26,479 FOR PIZZA HUT. [ LAUGHTER ] SADLY, THEY SAID "NO." 25 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:30,283 [ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, THE SPACE FORCE COULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT 26 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:41,761 THEY'RE BUSY - [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 27 00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:45,799 THEY'RE BUSY MONITORING THE GALAXY FOR MISSILES, ALIENS AND OUR NEWEST THREAT, BORED 28 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:52,205 BILLIONAIRES [ LAUGHTER ] A LOT OF RESTAURANTS OFFERED 29 00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:55,475 SPECIAL DEALS TODAY. SERVICE MEMBERS COULD GET A FREE BLOOMIN' ONION AT 30 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:58,812 OUTBACK. [ CHEERS ] FREE PANCAKES AT IHOP. 31 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:02,048 [ CHEERS ] AND A FREE DOUGHNUT AT KRISPY KREME 32 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:05,118 [ CHEERS ] AND IF YOU ATE ALL THREE, WE HAVE AN AMBULANCE OUTSIDE 33 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:08,888 STANDING BY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH 34 00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,724 >> Jimmy: LET'S GET TO THE NEWS THIS POSTMASTER GENERAL JUST 35 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:16,162 SAID THAT THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE IS READY FOR THE HOLIDAY PACKAGE RUSH 36 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:19,232 UNFORTUNATELY, THE HOLIDAY THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT IS JULY 4th 37 00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:21,167 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT STILL, THEY'RE READY THAT'S RIGHT 38 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:24,571 THE POST OFFICE IS PREPARED, MEANING THEY PREPARED HUNDREDS OF SIGNS THAT SAY "NEXT WINDOW 39 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,774 PLEASE." [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT 40 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,743 THEY SAID THEY'RE READY FOR THE RUSH ALTHOUGH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I 41 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:34,481 FEEL ABOUT THE NEW SLOGAN, "UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE, WE CAN HANDLE YOUR PACKAGE." 42 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,283 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN'T SAY THAT >> Steve: WHY WOULD YOU SAY 43 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,419 THAT >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T SAY THAT ANY MORE 44 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:41,488 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU CAN'T -- YOU CAN'T SAY THAT - 45 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:47,093 >> Questlove: PACKAGE. >> Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS THE TUNA LAWSUIT AGAINST SUBWAY 46 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:53,099 SANDWICHES IS BACK YEAH, AND NOW, THEY'RE SAYING THE TUNA CONTAINS CHICKEN, PORK 47 00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:57,971 AND CATTLE DNA [ AUDIENCE EWS ] EVEN CRAZIER, WHEN THEY TESTED 48 00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:01,041 SUBWAY'S CHICKEN AND PORK, THEY FOUND IT WAS 100% TUNA >> Steve: REALLY 49 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:07,213 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, CHICKEN, PORK AND CATTLE DNA 50 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,215 RIGHT NOW, SUBWAY'S THINKING, "ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, NOT BAD. 51 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:14,220 [ LAUGHTER ] "THEY'RE ALL MEATS, RIGHT? THAT'S -- SUBWAY'S LIKE, "WHAT 52 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,056 DO YOU WANT FROM US? IT'S FISH SERVED WITH AN ICE CREAM SCOOP. 53 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,792 COME ON, WHAT DO YOU WANT? [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S NOT LIKE MORIMOTO IS 54 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:26,266 SHARPENING HIS KNIVES BACK THERE, CUTTING IT UP [ LAUGHTER ] 55 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:30,070 WELL, I READ THAT THE CEO OF ROYAL CARIBBEAN SAID THAT THE COMPANY IS SEEING HISTORICALLY 56 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:34,207 STRONG BOOKINGS FOR CRUISES NEXT SUMMER. RIGHT NOW, MEMBERS OF THE 57 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:37,177 COAST GUARD AND NAVY ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, IT'S LIKE, "SO YOU GUYS GOING TO 58 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:41,181 HANDLE THIS OR SHOULD WE?" [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, CARNIVAL CRUISES 59 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:47,087 STILL HASN'T LET PEOPLE OFF THE BOATS FROM MARCH 2020. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 60 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:51,291 NOT LOOKING GOOD "MORE TUNA." [ LAUGHTER ] 61 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:55,195 THAT'S RIGHT, ROYAL CARIBBEAN SAID IT IS EXPECTING A RECORD PROFITS AND THEN THE CEO OF 62 00:04:55,195 --> 00:05:05,138 IMODIUM WAS LIKE, "SAME HERE." [ LAUGHTER ] SOME -- SOME AIR -- THANK YOU. 63 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,873 SOME AIRLINE -- SOME AIRLINE NEWS THE FAA HAS PROPOSED MORE THAN 64 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:14,080 $200,000 IN FINES FOR TEN UNRULY PASSENGERS. YEAH 65 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,349 AND THIS IS NICE STARTING TODAY, IF YOU'RE FLYING FROM FLORIDA, THEY ASK 66 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:19,953 IF YOU WANT TO PRE-PAY YOUR FINE [ AUDIENCE AWS ] 67 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:23,323 [ LAUGHTER ] "HOLD MY -- HOLD MY FOUR LOCO. THAT'S HOW I'M --" 68 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:29,763 [ LAUGHTER ] GET THIS, I READ THAT A NEW SURVEY FOUND THAT 80% OF 69 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:34,134 AMERICANS USE SLANG WORDS BUT ONLY HALF KNOW WHAT THE SLANG TERMS THEY USE ACTUALLY MEAN 70 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,404 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THOSE AREN'T GREAT NUMBERS, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD HELP EVERYONE 71 00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:52,986 BRUSH UP ON THEIR SLANG DEFINITIONS WITH A TINY SONG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 72 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:57,323 * ACTING EXTRA MEAN OVER THE TOP STILL THE TE 73 00:05:57,323 --> 00:06:01,194 MEANS YOU SHOULD * * SHARE THE GOS RECEIPTS ARE PROOF 74 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,030 IF YOU SEEM SU SUS IS SHORT * * FOR SUSPICIOU 75 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,433 GUCCI'S COOL AND FLEX I SHOWING OFF * 76 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:12,138 [ LAUGHTER ] * CURVES IS WHEN YO IGNORE A FLIRTY TEXT 77 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:16,242 NO CAP MEANS FOR REA WE MOVE MEANS YES * * SIMPING IS WHEN 78 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:19,045 YOU LIKE SOMEONE BUT DO TOO MUCH FOR THEM * 79 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:22,382 * AND SIMPS ARE ALMOS STANS BUT JUST NOT - >> Jimmy: DANG, SORRY. 80 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,317 [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, LET ME DO IT ONE MORE TIME. 81 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:29,089 CAN I DO IT ONE MORE TIME? ALL RIGHT, GO. [ LAUGHTER ] 82 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,057 YEAH, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME CLAPPING BECAUSE WHO KNOWS HOW MANY TAKES I GOTTA DO THIS 83 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:35,929 [ LAUGHTER ] EXHAUSTED. >> Steve: GO WASH YOUR HANDS 84 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:41,067 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'LL BE ASLEEP - YOU'LL BE ASLEEP BY THE TIME -- 85 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,069 YEAH, HERE WE GO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: YOUR HANDS ARE NUMB. 86 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:47,273 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO * 87 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:53,980 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OH [ LAUGHTER ] 88 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,949 >> Jimmy: WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A STROKE. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS 89 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,151 HAPPENING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Questlove: OH 90 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,421 >> Jimmy: I HAD IHOP PANCAKES. I HAD A KRISPY KREME [ LAUGHTER ] 91 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:07,293 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. * ACTING EXTRA -- NO. [ LAUGHTER ] 92 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:11,197 SORRY, BUD * ACTING EXTRA -- * YEAH, THERE YOU GO 93 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:14,801 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. GET READY FOR THIS [ LAUGHTER ] 94 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:19,606 * ACTING EXTR MEANS OVER THE TOP SPILL THE TE 95 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,109 MEANS YOU SHOULD * * SHARE THE GOS RECEIPTS ARE PROOF 96 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,046 IF YOU SEEM SU SUS IS SHORT * * FOR SUSPICIOU 97 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:30,483 GUCCI'S COOL AND FLEX I SHOWING OFF * 98 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,318 YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SILENT EITHER I MEAN, YOU CAN -- 99 00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:38,458 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A FUNERAL FOR GOD'S SAKE. DID SOMEONE DIE? 100 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,128 JESUS. >> Steve: WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] 101 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:45,231 >> Jimmy: I WAS HEARING -- I WAS HEARING TAPPING FROM - I WAS HEARING TAPPING FOR THE 102 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,267 TENTH FLOOR. >> Steve: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] 103 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:50,937 GOSH YOU SAID, "DON'T CLAP. >> Jimmy: I DID SAY, "DON'T 104 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,073 CLAP." YEAH, I -- WELL, I'M - >> Steve: YOU DID WHAT YOU TOLD 105 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,674 THEM TO DO >> Jimmy: AND I WAS LIKE, "CLAP. 106 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,643 YEAH >> Steve: --CLAPPING. YOU DIDN'T SAY LAUGH 107 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,912 >> Jimmy: I COULD HEAR SOMEONE CHEWING GUM. IT WAS SO QUIET. 108 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:04,084 [ LAUGHTER ] AND IT WAS OFF BEAT TOO. THAT WAS THE WORSE PART. 109 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:08,421 >> Steve: WHAT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING 110 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:15,428 TO GET THIS NOW. [ CHEERS ] [ LAUGHTER ] 111 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:20,300 * ACTING EXTRA MEAN OVER THE TOP STILL THE TE 112 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,803 MEANS YOU SHOULD * * SHARE THE GOS RECEIPTS ARE PROOF 113 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,873 IF YOU SEEM SU SUS IS SHORT * * FOR SUSPICIOU 114 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,042 GUCCI'S COOL AND FLEX I SHOWING OFF * 115 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:34,881 [ CHEERS ] * CURVES IS WHEN YO IGNORE A FLIRTY TEXT 116 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:39,219 NO CAP MEANS FOR REA WE MOVE MEANS YES * * SIMPING IS WHEN 117 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:42,122 YOU LIKE SOMEONE BUT DO TOO MUCH FOR THEM * 118 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:47,160 * AND SIMPS ARE ALMOS STANS BUT NOT QUITE YE SLEPT ON MEANS SOMETHING 119 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:53,333 DESERVES MORE HEAT * * AND IF YOU WANT TO SAY WOO HOO SAY YEET * 120 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,269 * SO NOW YOU KNOW THE SLANG TO DRO THE NEXT TIM 121 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,472 THAT YOU SPEAK * * THESE ALL WILL BE OUTDATED BY NEXT WEEK * 122 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:13,453 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ LAUGHTER ] 123 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:19,225 THANK YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING 124 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:25,231 SO PATIENT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FINALLY, A MAN IN FRANCE SET A 125 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:30,236 A WORLD RECORD FOR STANDING ON TOP OF A HOT AIR BALLOON NEARLY 12,000 FEET IN THE SKY 126 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:30,804 12,000 FEET IN THE SKY CHECK THIS OUT 127 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,041 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 128 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,644 >> Jimmy: THE ONLY THING MORE DANGEROUS IS EATING THE TUNA AT SUBWAY 129 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:42,282 [ LAUGHTER ] WHEN HE CAME BACK DOWN, HE WAS LIKE, "YEAH, STILL NO SIGNAL." 130 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,951 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN 131 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:49,289 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * 132 00:09:49,289 --> 00:10:07,007 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO OUR SHOW, EVERYBODY. 133 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:10,944 AS I MENTIONED BEFORE, TODAY IS VETERANS DAY AND TONIGHT'S AUDIENCE IS MADE UP ENTIRELY OF 134 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:16,149 VETERANS, ACTIVE MILITARY AND THEIR FAMILY, THEIR FRIENDS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 135 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:25,358 * IT IS AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU ALL WITH US TONIGHT. 136 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,161 THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SERVICE TO THIS COUNTRY AND THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE VETERANS WATCHING 137 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:36,836 AT HOME AND ALL OF OUR VETERANS ON OUR STAFF AND CREW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 138 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:42,308 BECAUSE -- REALLY. IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR SACRIFICES THAT WE GET TO DO 139 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,811 WHAT WE DO EVERY NIGHT, SO REALLY, THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH 140 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:51,818 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH TONIGHT, WE HAVE AN AMAZING 141 00:10:51,818 --> 00:11:01,194 SHOW FOR YOU SHE'S AN 11-TIME GRAMMY WINNING MUSIC SUPERSTAR WHO HAS SOLD 142 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:05,198 OVER 114 MILLION ALBUMS WORLDWIDE. SHE'S SPENT MORE WEEKS AT 143 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:09,602 NUMBER ONE THAN ANY OTHER FEMALE ARTIST IN BILLBOARD HISTORY. 144 00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:15,075 THIS WEEKEND, SHE'S THE MUSICAL GUEST ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND HER NEW ALBUM, "RED 145 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:19,512 (TAYLOR'S VERSION)," IS AVAILABLE TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT. TAYLOR SWIFT IS HERE TONIGHT 146 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:27,487 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: COME ON. COME ON. 147 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:31,958 WHAT >> Jimmy: SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE I CAN'T EVEN COMPARE 148 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,494 >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE SHE'S PHENOMENAL 149 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,329 WE'LL BE TALKING TO TAYLOR AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "BOX OF LIES" LATER IN THE SHOW 150 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:39,899 [ AUDIENCE OOHS SO STICK AROUND FOR THAT, YEAH PLUS, YOU CAN SEE HIM RIGHT NOW 151 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:45,271 IN HIS NEW STAND UP SHOW, "THE LAST BEST HOPE." COLIN QUINN IS HERE. 152 00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:48,208 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE A FUNNY HUMAN BEING RIGHT THERE. 153 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,144 >> Steve: HE'S THE FUNNIEST MAN ON THE PLANET. >> Jimmy: I LOVE HIM 154 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,947 AND WE GOT GREAT STAND-UP FROM JARED FREID RIGHT HERE >> Steve: OH 155 00:11:53,947 --> 00:12:01,054 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THE "U UP?" PODCAST. SO STICK AROUND. 156 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,456 WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M PLAYING "BOX OF LIES" WITH TAYLOR SWIFT 157 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:16,970 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE 158 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:20,373 "TONIGHT SHOW. WE'RE ABOUT TO PLAY A GAME CALLED "BOX OF LIES. 159 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,842 BUT I'M GOING TO NEED SOME HELP SHE IS THIS WEEK'S MUSICAL 160 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:27,781 GUEST ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," AND HER ALBUM "RED (TAYLOR'S VERSION)" IS OUT AT MIDNIGHT 161 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,817 TONIGHT. PLEASE WELCOME, TAYLOR SWIFT 162 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:40,226 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> HELLO 163 00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:44,397 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH. TAYLOR, GET READY TO PLAY -- WE'VE NEVER PLAYED THIS GAME, 164 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,232 HAVE WE? >> WE HAVE NOT PLAYED THIS GAME 165 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,601 >> Jimmy: NO, WE'VE PLAYED A A BUNCH OF GAMES, BUT THIS ONE IS A NEW ONE 166 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,737 HERE WE GO >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: NOW, HERE'S HOW IT 167 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,405 WORKS. WE HAVE NINE MYSTERY BOXES CONTAINING OBJECTS NO ONE HAS 168 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:57,410 EVER SEEN BEFORE ON YOUR TURN, YOU PICK A BOX TAKE OUT THE OBJECT. 169 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,646 DESCRIBE THE OBJECT TO YOUR OPPONENT, OKAY AND THEY HAVE TO GUESS IF 170 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:03,450 YOU'RE LYING OR TELLING THE TRUTH. WE'LL PLAY THREE ROUNDS. 171 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,187 I MEAN, AND YOU KNOW, I'M NOT THAT GOOD OF AN ACTOR SO - >> THAT'S RIDICULOUS 172 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:11,057 DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT THAT'S YOUR FIRST LIE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 173 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:14,194 IMMEDIATELY KNOW >> Jimmy: WHY DON'T YOU CHOOSE THE FIRST BOX. 174 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:19,199 ANYONE ANY NUMBER YOU'D LIKE. >> OKAY. 175 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,634 >> Jimmy: OH, NUMBER ONE OKAY >> BIG SHOCK 176 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,571 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH OH, LOOK AT THIS NOT THAT HEAVY, SO THAT'S THE 177 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:32,545 FIRST HINT ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, YEAH. >> OH, MY GOD. 178 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:40,920 >> Jimmy: UH-HUH [ LAUGHTER ] >> WHERE DO I PUT IT 179 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,290 >> Jimmy: YOU CAN PUT IT HERE IN THE FRONT I WON'T SEE IT 180 00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:47,227 ARE YOU GOING TO LIE TO ME, OR ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THE TRUTH TAYLOR SWIFT 181 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,962 >> I DON'T HAVE TO LIE, BECAUSE I'M VERY EXCITED TO TELL YOU IT'S A "WIZARDS OF WAVERLY 182 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:56,436 PLACE" DVD WITH A WEIRD RIBBON AROUND IT THAT SAYS, "I SEE CORN." 183 00:13:56,436 --> 00:14:00,473 >> Jimmy: SO SPECIFIC. IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUR WRITERS WOULD DO, BUT THEN 184 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,309 YOU'RE DELIVERING IT VERY INNOCENT WHICH MAKES ME THINK THAT 185 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:09,616 YOU'RE MAYBE MAKING IT UP. NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING THAT I SAID YOU'RE MAKING IT UP. 186 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,419 [ LAUGHTER ] >> I COULD BE DOING A DOUBLE BLUFF. 187 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:16,456 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT. TAYLOR SWIFT, YOU ARE TELLING 188 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:20,360 THE TRUTH. >> I LIED! [ BUZZER ] 189 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,196 >> Jimmy: AH COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 190 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:26,399 OH, MY GOD >> I LIED. >> Jimmy: YOU LIED 191 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,769 YOU DID IT >> I LIED. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD 192 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:34,240 >> I HAVE A BINOCULARS SET WITH CORN STUFFED IN IT IT'S VERY UPSETTING. 193 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,609 IT HAS BABY CORN AT THE TOP. IT'S BAD [ LAUGHTER ] 194 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,712 >> Jimmy: I'M SORRY. >> YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WAS LYING, BECAUSE I WILL DO 195 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:41,381 ANYTHING TO BRING UP SELENA GOMEZ ANYTHING 196 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:45,418 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I WANT TO -- IT'S MY TURN TO PICK 197 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:55,328 WHICH NUMBER SHALL I PICK? [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING [ GROANING ] 198 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,597 >> OKAY, THIS IS EXCELLENT THIS IS REALLY ROUGH WHAT'S HAPPENING OVER HERE 199 00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:03,169 OKAY >> Jimmy: OKAY * 200 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:14,647 [ LAUGHTER ] WHERE DO I BEGIN [ LAUGHTER ] 201 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,751 >> IT'S A GOOD ONE >> Jimmy: YEAH >> YEAH. 202 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:25,291 >> Jimmy: IT'S A FAMILY OF PINECONES PLAYING "TROUBLE." >> THE GAME? 203 00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,928 >> Jimmy: NO, THE SONG >> WOULD BE RELEVANT >> Jimmy: "I KNEW YOU WERE 204 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,064 TROUBLE. IT WOULD BE RELEVANT >> IT WOULD BE RELEVANT. 205 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,133 >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING. >> I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF THEY 206 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,101 HAD THE SHEET MUSIC FOR IT OR SOMETHING. [ LAUGHTER ] 207 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,470 >> Jimmy: JUST WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S ODD IT'S WEIRD, AND IT'S REAL. 208 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,374 OR AM I LYING? >> UM, WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE 209 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:50,216 PINECONE, BUT MAYBE * TROUBLE, TROUBLE, TROUBLE * >> OKAY. 210 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:53,586 [ DRUMROLL ] YOU TELLSTHE TRUTH [ AUDIENCE OHS ] 211 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,923 [ BUZZER ] >> Jimmy: I GOT YOU! >> OH, MY GOD! 212 00:15:56,923 --> 00:16:03,329 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * MY GOD 213 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:08,234 >> Jimmy: AH [ LAUGHTER ] WOOO-WOOO. 214 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,770 THAT FELT GOOD MAN, I'M EXHAUSTED >> THAT WAS AMAZING. 215 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,839 YOU SHOULD BE. >> Jimmy: I DON'T ACT. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT. 216 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,674 >> NO, YOU DO. >> Jimmy: DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT. 217 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:17,344 >> EITHER THAT OR WE'RE LIKE THE WORST POKER PLAYERS -- THE WORST. 218 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:20,280 WE SHOULD NEVER -- WE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED OUTSIDE >> Jimmy: WE REALLY SHOULDN'T 219 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,249 BE ALLOWED OUTSIDE >> TOO GULLIBLE. >> Jimmy: WE'RE TOO GULLIBLE 220 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,318 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT? >> I JUST WANT TO BELIEVE. 221 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,954 >> Jimmy: AND I JUST TRUST YOU BUT HERE WE GO THIS IS THE LAST ONE 222 00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:30,190 >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: THIS IS FOR ALL THE MARBLES RIGHT HERE 223 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,425 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: TAYLOR, YOU'RE UP. HERE WE GO 224 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,893 COME ON. WHICH ONE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 225 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,528 THREE? ALL RIGHT. I'M NOT LOOKING. 226 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,330 NOT LOOKING. NOT LOOKING. NOT HEARING. 227 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,699 NOT LISTENING. WE CAN STILL MAKE NOISE SO I DON'T CHEAT. 228 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,770 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. >> OKAY. 229 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:54,114 * >> I'VE GOT IN MY VISION, UM, A BOOK 230 00:16:54,114 --> 00:17:06,292 [ LAUGHTER ] A BOOK CALLED "I'M NOT LOVING IT, MY LIFE UNDER THE GOLDEN 231 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:12,332 ARCHES," AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S A BIOGRAPHY WRITTEN BY - >> Jimmy: RAY CROFT? 232 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:19,139 >> --BY A FUZZY MONSTER WITH, UM, STEEL HANDS. [ LAUGHTER ] 233 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:23,243 UM, IT SAY'S IT'S WRITTEN BY GRIMACE. IS THAT -- IS THAT -- IS THAT 234 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:26,046 A SPOKESPERSON FOR SOMETHING >> Jimmy: IT'S VERY FAMOUS GRIMACE IS VERY, YEAH, YEAH, 235 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:30,250 YEAH YOU'RE VERY YOUNG, TAYLOR. BUT, YES, GRIMACE IS GIANT 236 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:34,587 WE DON'T KNOW REALLY WHAT GRIMACE WAS WAS HE PURPLE AND WHERE YOU ARE? 237 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:40,694 >> IT'S ACTUALLY A BLACK AND WHITE COVER. IT'S A VERY SERIOUS BOOK 238 00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:43,196 UM, INSIDE THE BOOK -- YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN CUT OUT THE PAGES OF A BOOK? 239 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:46,866 >> Jimmy: SURE, I KNOW THAT. >> YEAH, THERE'S FRENCH FRIES, AND A HAMBURGER IN HERE. 240 00:17:46,866 --> 00:18:01,381 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW! TAYLOR SWIFT - 241 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:07,320 [ DRUM ROLL YOU TELL THE TRUTH >> I DO. 242 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,357 >> Jimmy: YES! [ DINGS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 243 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:17,897 * >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH! TAYLOR SWIFT 244 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,332 THAT WAS STRESSFUL, OH, MY GOSH I HAVE TO TAKE -- I'M TAKING 245 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:24,404 THAT HOME BY THE WAY YOU CAN TAKE THAT HOME >> IT SMELLS DELICIOUS 246 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:27,440 >> Jimmy: YOU CAN HAVE THAT. YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE THAT. TAYLOR SWIFT, EVERYBODY. 247 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,576 I'M TALKING TO TAYLOR MORE AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND 248 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:45,158 COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 249 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:50,730 >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN 11-TIME GRAMMY WINNER AND THE ONLY WOMAN EVER TO WIN THREE 250 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:57,303 ALBUM OF THE YEAR AWARDS, EVER THIS WEEKEND, SHE'LL PERFORMING ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND 251 00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:01,074 HER NEW ALBUM, "RED (TAYLOR'S VERSION)," IS AVAILABLE AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT 252 00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:05,412 PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE, THE ONLY TAYLOR SWIFT! 253 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:28,802 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW! 254 00:19:28,802 --> 00:19:36,209 WHOA YEAH WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME BACK 255 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,611 IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU >> YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S REALLY GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO 256 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,214 >> Jimmy: I MISS YOU, BUD. >> I MISS YOU TOO. >> Jimmy: I PROMISE YOU THIS 257 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,783 TIME I DID NOT TALK TO YOUR MOM. I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE ANY 258 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,453 EMBARRASSING VIDEOS OF YOU - >> WOW >> Jimmy: -- LIKE I DID LAST 259 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:50,623 TIME, YEAH NO, THIS IS -- >> YEAH, WE DON'T LET MY MOM 260 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:54,527 HAVE A PHONE AROUND ME ANY MORE >> Jimmy: YEAH 261 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,064 I JUST WANT TO -- I THINK YOU'RE PHENOMENAL, I JUST WANT TO JUST -- TO SAY THAT 262 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,233 >> THANK YOU, I THINK YOU'RE PHENOMENAL >> Jimmy: NO, BUT YOU ARE JUST 263 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,269 UNBELIEVABLE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE'S NO -- I DON'T EVEN KNOW 264 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:06,639 IF YOU UNDERSTAND HOW GREAT YOU ARE AND HOW COOL YOU ARE AND HOW PHENOMENAL YOU ARE 265 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,142 BUT I MEAN LIKE -- >> WELL, CAN I INTERRUPT AND SAY IT'S REALLY PHENOMENAL TO 266 00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:13,446 BE IN THE PRESENCE OF MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE SERVED OUR COUNTRY, SO THANK YOU. 267 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:18,018 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IT'S KIND OF PERFECT THEY'RE AMAZING. 268 00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:24,457 >> THEY'RE AMAZING WE DON'T -- WE'VE NEVER DONE THAT, AND YOU'RE AMAZING 269 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:29,262 >> Jimmy: YEAH AND IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT, "RED (TAYLOR'S VERSION)" WILL BE OUT 270 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:32,298 VERY SOON, LIKE IN A MATTER OF MINUTES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 271 00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:36,202 CAN YOU BELIEVE? >> I'M REALLY -- I'M REALLY, REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT. 272 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:41,841 I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS OF RE-RECORDING ALL OF MY OLDER MUSIC AND WHAT I'M 273 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,777 REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IS THESE SONGS THAT NO ONE'S EVER HEARD BEFORE THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE 274 00:20:43,777 --> 00:20:45,545 ON THAT ALBUM, AND I'VE GOT ARTISTS LIKE CHRIS STAPLETON AND PHOEBE BRIDGERS FEATURED ON 275 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:55,522 THEM, SO >> Jimmy: I MEAN, COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 276 00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,491 WHAT SONG ARE YOU MOST EXCITED FOR THE FANS TO HEAR >> THANK YOU FOR ASKING, I'LL 277 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:02,662 TELL YOU [ LAUGHTER ] GO ON. 278 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,466 THE ONE THAT I AM THE MOST EXCITED ABOUT IS A SONG CALLED "ALL TOO WELL IN PARENTHESES 279 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:10,103 (THE 10 MINUTE VERSION). >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE 10 MINUTE VERSION. 280 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,472 >> SO -- >> Jimmy: EXPLAIN THIS >> -- I WILL 281 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:16,109 [ LAUGHTER ] BASICALLY, AND THE WAY THAT THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN WAS -- I 282 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:27,087 WAS GOING THROUGH A BIT OF A A SAD TIME AND I WAS 22. AND I WAS IN BAND REHEARSALS, 283 00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:33,593 AND I THINK I WAS 21 OR WHATEVER, AND I WAS IN BAND REHEARSALS FOR A TOUR THAT I 284 00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:38,198 WAS ABOUT TO GO OUT ON CALLED "SPEAK NOW" TOUR, AND I SHOWED UP FOR REHEARSALS AND I JUST 285 00:21:38,198 --> 00:21:42,669 WAS REALLY UPSET AND SAD AND EVERYBODY COULD TELL, IT WAS REALLY, LIKE, NOT FUN TO BE 286 00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:48,008 AROUND ME THAT DAY AND SO I STARTED PLAYING GUITAR AND JUST KIND OF PLAYING THE 287 00:21:48,008 --> 00:21:50,810 SAME FOUR CHORDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AND I JUST STARTED KIND OF -- 288 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:55,015 THE BAND SORT OF JOINED IN, AND I STARTED AD LIBBING WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH AND WHAT I WAS 289 00:21:55,015 --> 00:21:56,616 FEELING, AND IT WENT ON, AND THE SONG KEPT BUILDING AND BUILDING AND BUILDING IN 290 00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:58,351 INTENSITY, AND THE SONG JUST WENT ON FOR ABOUT, YOU KNOW, 10 TO 15 MINUTES OF US DOING 291 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:00,053 THIS AND THEN WE GOT DONE WITH THAT AND THEN WE MOVED ON TO THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED 292 00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:16,670 REHEARSAL. AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, MY MOM CAME UP TO MY SOUND GUY AND 293 00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:23,510 SHE'S LIKE, "IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT YOU RECORDED THAT? >> Jimmy: YEAH 294 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:27,180 >> AND HE WAS LIKE, "YEP," AND HANDED HER A CD. THE TEN-MINUTE VERSION OF ALL 295 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,082 TOO WELL IS WHAT WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN FOR THE SONG BEFORE I HAD TO CUT IT DOWN TO A NORMAL 296 00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:34,087 LENGTH SONG. 'CAUSE THAT'S -- YOU KNOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH, IN CASE IT GETS 297 00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:36,289 PLAYED ON THE RADIO OR WHATEVER TEN MINUTES IS LONG >> 'CAUSE 298 00:22:36,289 --> 00:22:38,491 THE TEN MINUTES IS ABSURD. THAT'S AN ABSURD LENGTH OF TIME FOR A SONG TO BE - 299 00:22:38,491 --> 00:22:40,226 >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE "AMERICAN PIE," YEAH, IT'S - >> WHO THINKS THAT THEY CAN PUT 300 00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:44,230 OUT A TEN MINUTE SONG. >> Jimmy: WE WANT A TEN MINUTE SONG FROM YOU. 301 00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:47,567 WE WANT THIS FROM YOU. >> WELL, THANKS, AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL GET, AND THAT'S THE 302 00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:50,503 THING I'M THE MOST EXCITED ABOUT, 'CAUSE IT'S THE ORIGINAL LYRICS 303 00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:55,508 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I GOT TO SEE "ALL TOO WELL," THE SHORT FILM, EARLIER 304 00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:58,345 TODAY, THANK YOU FOR SHOWING IT ME >> OH, YOU'RE SO WELCOME 305 00:22:58,345 --> 00:23:00,714 >> Jimmy: IT IS AMAZING, BY THE WAY. YOU WROTE THIS, YOU DIRECTED 306 00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:02,382 THIS >> YEAH! >> Jimmy: AND THIS WILL BE 307 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:09,122 RELEASED ON YOUTUBE TOMORROW AT 7:00 P.M. EASTERN. IT -- SADIE SINK, BY THE WAY 308 00:23:09,122 --> 00:23:11,491 >> OH, MY GOD. >> Jimmy: NO, I LOVE HER I WAS FAN FROM "STRANGER 309 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:14,627 THINGS," I GO -- >> I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE -- LIKE, WE'VE GOT TO EXPLAIN WHAT'S 310 00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,663 GOING ON, LIKE EVERYBODY'S SO BUSY AND I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD JUST TELL YOU, LIKE I WROTE AND 311 00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:23,837 DIRECTED A SHORT FILM BASED ON THE PREMISE OF THE SONG "ALL TOO WELL." 312 00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:27,574 SO I CAST SADIE SINK AND DYLAN O'BRIEN, WHO ARE INCREDIBLE ACTORS -- 313 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:30,410 >> Jimmy: YES. >> -- IN THIS SHORT FILM, AND THEY COULD NOT HAVE BLOWN ME 314 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:36,983 AWAY MORE. IT WAS THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE EXPERIENCE WORKING WITH PEOPLE 315 00:23:36,983 --> 00:23:39,352 WHO ARE THAT PREPARED, COMMITTED. JUST THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THEM 316 00:23:39,352 --> 00:23:43,523 IS REALLY ON ANOTHER PLANET. >> Jimmy: AND THERE'S GOING TO BE A FILM PREMIERE FOR THIS? 317 00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:47,093 >> YES, ACTUALLY, AND I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY TOLD PEOPLE THAT YET, BUT I'M SO EXCITED 318 00:23:47,093 --> 00:23:50,096 IT'S GOING TO BE AT THE -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SORRY ABOUT THAT 319 00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:52,198 >> NO, IT'S GREAT! I'M SO, SO SORRY >> IT'S GREAT! 320 00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:54,100 NO, IT'S GOOD. THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO ANNOUNCE IT. 321 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:57,103 >> Jimmy: OKAY, PERFECT, YEAH, SORRY, YES, YES. >> THIS IS COOL. 322 00:23:57,103 --> 00:24:00,440 IT'S AT THE AMC 13 THEATER IN LINCOLN SQUARE IN NEW YORK TOMORROW AFTERNOON 323 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,376 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT 324 00:24:03,376 --> 00:24:09,449 BUDDY. HOW FUN WILL THAT BE >> I MEAN, I HOPE FUN. 325 00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:11,818 >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'LL BE GREAT >> I HOPE IT'LL BE FUN >> Jimmy: MORE WITH 326 00:24:11,818 --> 00:24:14,187 TAYLOR SWIFT WHEN WE COME BACK, EVERYBODY. WE'RE GOING TO TALK MORE 327 00:24:14,187 --> 00:24:41,214 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: YES! 328 00:24:41,214 --> 00:24:42,749 WELCOME BACK, TAYLOR SWIFT IS HERE COME ON! 329 00:24:42,749 --> 00:24:47,387 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "RED" IS OUT RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY, ESSENTIALLY IS COMING 330 00:24:47,387 --> 00:24:52,959 OUT RIGHT NOW WHILE THIS AIRING >> I THINK IT'S OUT. 331 00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:55,228 >> Jimmy: YOUR FANS ARE AMAZING FANS, I WILL SAY THAT. I KNOW YOU SAID IT EARLIER 332 00:24:55,228 --> 00:25:00,100 THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY SO EXCITED YOU'RE HERE ON OUR SHOW SO WE'RE GETTING A LOT OF BUZZ 333 00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:04,170 FROM YOUR FANS AND THEY WERE LIKE, "WAIT, WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO TALK ABOUT 334 00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:09,809 WHAT'S GOING ON? I HEARD THIS THIS IS TEN SECONDS LONG." 335 00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:13,246 THERE'S EASTER EGGS THAT MAYBE AREN'T EVEN REALLY EASTER EGGS >> YEAH, IT'S SORT OF 336 00:25:13,246 --> 00:25:16,349 A TRADITION THAT WE STARTED A VERY LONG TIME AGO I THINK, THE FIRST TIME I 337 00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:24,190 STARTED DROPPING SORT OF CRYPTIC CLUES AND THINGS IN MY MUSIC IS WHEN I WAS 14 AND 338 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:27,193 15 PUTTING TOGETHER MY FIRST ALBUM. AND I WANTED TO PUT -- I WANTED 339 00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:33,400 TO DO SOMETHING THAT INCENTIVIZED FANS TO READ THE LYRICS BECAUSE MY LYRICS ARE 340 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,135 WHAT I'M MOST PROUD OF OUT OF EVERYTHING THAT I DO, EVERY ASPECT OF MY JOB SO I REALLY 341 00:25:35,135 --> 00:25:41,441 WANTED PEOPLE TO READ THE LYRICS AND SO I WANTED TO INCENTIVISE 342 00:25:41,441 --> 00:25:45,445 THEM SO IN MY LYRICS, FOR MY FIRST, YOU KNOW, SEVERAL ALBUMS I WOULD HAVE ALL LOWER CASE 343 00:25:45,445 --> 00:25:47,380 LETTER LYRICS, EXCEPT FOR CAPITAL LETTER, CAPITAL LETTER, CAPITAL LETTER, EVERY ONCE IN 344 00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:56,756 A WHILE. AND IF THEY CIRCLED THE CAPITAL LETTER, AND WROTE IT DOWN, IT 345 00:25:56,756 --> 00:26:03,797 SPELLED OUT A SECRET CODE, A A SECRET PASSAGE IT SORT OF - 346 00:26:03,797 --> 00:26:09,135 >> Jimmy: SO FUN >> Jimmy: IT WAS REALLY -- IT WAS REALLY FUN, IT WOULD EITHER 347 00:26:09,135 --> 00:26:10,837 TELL THEM A STORY ABOUT THE ALBUM OR HINT ABOUT WHAT THE SONG WAS ABOUT 348 00:26:10,837 --> 00:26:14,140 AND SO THAT'S WHEN IT STARTED. BUT WHEN IT GOT OUT OF CONTROL WAS -- 349 00:26:14,140 --> 00:26:16,076 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH >> WAS WHEN I STARTED TO 350 00:26:16,076 --> 00:26:17,911 REALIZE IT WASN'T JUST ME THAT HAD FUN WITH THIS, THAT THEY HAD FUN WITH IT TOO. 351 00:26:17,911 --> 00:26:21,247 >> Jimmy: OH YEAH. >> AND I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LEARNED THAT, BECAUSE THEN I 352 00:26:21,247 --> 00:26:24,551 COULDN'T STOP. AND THEN ALL I STARTED THINKING OF WAS HOW DO I HINT AT THINGS, 353 00:26:24,551 --> 00:26:30,056 LIKE, HOW FAR IS TOO FAR IN ADVANCE? CAN I HINT AT SOMETHING THREE 354 00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:33,727 YEARS IN ADVANCE CAN I EVEN PLAN THINGS OUT THAT FAR? 355 00:26:33,727 --> 00:26:36,930 I THINK I'M GOING TO TRY TO DO IT >> I THINK IT IS PERFECTLY 356 00:26:36,930 --> 00:26:45,872 REASONABLE FOR PEOPLE TO BE NORMAL MUSIC FANS AND TO HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP TO MUSIC 357 00:26:45,872 --> 00:26:49,075 BUT IF YOU WANT TO GO DOWN A A RABBIT HOLE WITH US, COME ALONG -- 358 00:26:49,075 --> 00:26:51,211 >> Jimmy: TAYLOR IS YOUR PERSON - >> THE WATER'S GREAT 359 00:26:51,211 --> 00:26:54,414 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE WATERS FINE >> JUMP IN 360 00:26:54,414 --> 00:26:57,350 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> WE'RE ALL MAD HERE. >> Jimmy: EXACTLY RIGHT. 361 00:26:57,350 --> 00:27:00,820 [ APPLAUSE ] >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: ALSO, WITH ALL TO 362 00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:04,357 WELL WITH THE SHORT FILM, I NOTICED -- I NOTICED A TON OF EASTER EGGS IN THIS. 363 00:27:04,357 --> 00:27:07,427 >> OH, IT'S RIDICULOUS HOW MANY THERE ARE. >> Jimmy: WOO! 364 00:27:07,427 --> 00:27:10,363 IT'S SO GOOD, I'M LIKE, "THAT'S A THING. THAT'S ANOTHER THING 365 00:27:10,363 --> 00:27:12,298 I WANT TO WATCH THIS, LIKE, 30 TIMES." I'M LIKE - 366 00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:14,701 >> THAT YOU -- >> Jimmy: I'M GEEKING OUT. >> THANK YOU 367 00:27:14,701 --> 00:27:16,770 >> Jimmy: I'M A UBER FAN YEAH >> THAT'S SO AWESOME 368 00:27:16,770 --> 00:27:18,204 >> Jimmy: MY DAUGHTERS ARE SO INTO IT TOO, WHICH IS LIKE THE BEST 369 00:27:18,204 --> 00:27:23,410 I'M LIKE, "YEAH. OH, THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH. MY LITTLE DAUGHTER, SHE GOES, 370 00:27:23,410 --> 00:27:26,713 "DAD, I HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT, I CAN TELL WHENEVER IT'S A A TAYLOR SONG. 371 00:27:26,713 --> 00:27:30,250 [ GASPS AND I GO, "YOU CAN?" BUT SHE DOESN'T REALIZE THAT'S 372 00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:32,318 ALL WE PLAY. >> OH, MY GOD. [ LAUGHTER ] 373 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:36,256 THAT'S SO AMAZING, PLEASE, TELL HER I SAID THANK YOU >> Jimmy: SHE LOVES YOU. 374 00:27:36,256 --> 00:27:40,827 >> SO WONDERFUL. >> Jimmy: THIS IS A GIANT WEEK, YOU HAVE "RED," RIGHT? 375 00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:43,797 TAYLOR'S VERSION, COMING OUT YOU HAVE "ALL TOO WELL," A A SHORT FILM COMING OUT. 376 00:27:43,797 --> 00:27:46,299 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE PERFORMING ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." 377 00:27:46,299 --> 00:27:48,968 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THIS SATURDAY. >> THIS SATURDAY 378 00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:52,172 >> Jimmy: WHAT TWO SONGS - CAN WE HINT TO WHAT SONGS YOU'RE PERFORMING? 379 00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:56,343 >> I LOVE TO HINT. WHICH TWO SONGS? WHAT IF IT WAS NOT TWO SONGS AS 380 00:27:56,343 --> 00:28:07,854 MUCH AS IT WAS ONE SONG THAT IS THE LENGTH OF THREE SONGS? [ LAUGHTER ] 381 00:28:07,854 --> 00:28:11,524 [ AUDIENCE OHS ] >> Jimmy: I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY THIS. 382 00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:14,194 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] I GOT IT 383 00:28:14,194 --> 00:28:20,734 I GOT IT I KNOW EXACTLY - I KNOW ALL TOO WELL WHAT YOU 384 00:28:20,734 --> 00:28:23,536 MEAN, BETTY. TAYLOR SWIFT, EVERYONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 385 00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:27,407 TAYLOR IS PERFORMING ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" THIS WEEKEND. 386 00:28:27,407 --> 00:28:32,746 "RED (TAYLOR'S VERSION)", IS OFFICIALLY OUT NOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 387 00:28:32,746 --> 00:28:35,281 MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK. COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. 388 00:28:35,281 --> 00:28:51,231 STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 389 00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,066 >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A A VERY FUNNY WRITER AND COMEDIAN WHO HAS A NEW SHOW 390 00:28:53,066 --> 00:28:54,834 CALLED "THE LAST BEST HOPE," WHICH IS RUNNING HERE IN NEW YORK THROUGH NOVEMBER 20TH 391 00:28:54,834 --> 00:29:03,076 AT THE LUCILLE LORTEL THEATRE. PLEASE WELCOME COLIN QUINN 392 00:29:04,044 --> 00:29:23,096 * THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE IT'S ALWAYS -- 393 00:29:23,096 --> 00:29:25,899 >> THEY PLAYED -- THAT WAS "STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN. >> Jimmy: YEAH 394 00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:28,034 >> NOT THE LED ZEPPELIN ONE. >> Jimmy: NO >> THE OTHER ONE 395 00:29:28,034 --> 00:29:30,370 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> YEAH, IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE, BUT THANK YOU FOR -- 396 00:29:30,370 --> 00:29:34,140 >> Jimmy: YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE IN A BAD MOOD. >> I AM IN A BAD MOOD. 397 00:29:34,140 --> 00:29:37,911 SORRY, I AM IN A BAD MOOD. >> Jimmy: WHY? >> BECAUSE YOU BRING ME OUT 398 00:29:37,911 --> 00:29:39,746 AFTER TAYLOR SWIFT AND LIKE ALL OF THE EXCITEMENT, THE BIGGEST -- ONE OF THE BIGGEST 399 00:29:39,746 --> 00:29:44,818 STARS, AND THEN, IT'S DELIBERATELY TO SABOTAGE AND I COME OUT HERE. 400 00:29:44,818 --> 00:29:48,154 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I'M NOT DOING THIS TO SABOTAGE YOU - 401 00:29:48,154 --> 00:29:52,225 >> I COME OUT IN A CORDUROY SHIRT. [ LAUGHTER ] 402 00:29:52,225 --> 00:29:54,160 >> Jimmy: I COULD HEAR YOU WALKING OUT BEFORE YOU EVEN CAME 403 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,063 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I'M ACTUALLY SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE AND I WANT TO 404 00:29:57,063 --> 00:29:58,832 TALK TO YOU ABOUT "THE LAST BEST HOPE," AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT, JUST IN GENERAL, I SAW 405 00:29:58,832 --> 00:30:06,740 SOMEWHERE THAT - [ LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE IN SUCH A BAD MOOD. 406 00:30:06,740 --> 00:30:12,879 YOU'RE SUCH A PUNK YOU'RE SUCH A PUNK, MAN. >> YOU WERE HOLDING IT - 407 00:30:12,879 --> 00:30:14,581 YOU WERE HOLDING IT SARCASTICALLY. [ LAUGHTER ] 408 00:30:14,581 --> 00:30:17,917 >> Jimmy: I WASN'T HOLDING IT SARCASTICALLY. >> I'LL HOLD IT. 409 00:30:17,917 --> 00:30:19,619 >> Jimmy: I WAS HOLDING IN REVERENCE. >> I'LL HOLD IT. 410 00:30:19,619 --> 00:30:22,155 >> Jimmy: OH, GOSH ALL RIGHT. I WANTED TO ASK YOU A THING, 411 00:30:22,155 --> 00:30:26,893 BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS A COMPLIMENT FOR YOU A LOT OF TEACHERS -- 412 00:30:26,893 --> 00:30:30,096 >> OH YEAH >> Jimmy: THEY'RE ARE ASKING YOU FOR YOUR LAST SPECIAL TO BE 413 00:30:30,096 --> 00:30:34,134 PUT ONLINE BECAUSE THEY WANT TO TEACH IT TO THEIR -- THEY'RE TEACHING IT TO THEIR STUDENTS. 414 00:30:34,134 --> 00:30:36,803 >> ACTUALLY, THEY'RE NOT ASKING ME, THEY JUST -- THEY JUST USE IT 415 00:30:36,803 --> 00:30:40,140 NOBODY'S PAYING FOR IT [ LAUGHTER ] NO MONEY, NO CREDIT, JUST USE 416 00:30:40,140 --> 00:30:43,543 IT AT THEIR CLASSES. I AM GRATEFUL FOR IT, I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M NOT. 417 00:30:43,543 --> 00:30:48,715 [ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE I CONSIDER MYSELF, I WAS ALWAYS IN THAT ROLE WITH 418 00:30:48,715 --> 00:30:54,054 JIMMY, AT "SNL." I WAS REALLY A MENTOR AND A TEACHER TO YOU 419 00:30:54,054 --> 00:31:01,194 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WERE JUST A YOUNG, WET BEHIND THE EARS BOY, AND I TOLD 420 00:31:01,194 --> 00:31:03,063 YOU, I'M THE REASON YOU HAVE THIS SHOW. REMEMBER WHAT I SAID - 421 00:31:03,063 --> 00:31:04,931 >> Jimmy: WHAT IS GOING ON - [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND I REMEMBER TELLING YOU 422 00:31:04,931 --> 00:31:09,169 EARLY ON, I SAID, "WHEN YOU LEAVE THE SHOW, DO A COUPLE OF UNWATCHABLE MOVIES 423 00:31:09,169 --> 00:31:17,110 [ LAUGHTER ] THEN GO INTO TALK SHOW - [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 424 00:31:17,110 --> 00:31:18,912 WHAT DID I SAY HEY, COME ON OH 425 00:31:18,912 --> 00:31:24,551 >> Jimmy: WHICH ONE WAS UNWATCHABLE? [ LAUGHTER ] 426 00:31:24,551 --> 00:31:26,519 BUT THIS IS -- LOOK AT THIS. YOU'RE DOING MATERIAL THAT IS GOING TO GO IN THE EDUCATIONAL 427 00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:30,256 SYSTEM >> I KNOW, AND IT'S GOOD >> Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF CHANGES 428 00:31:30,256 --> 00:31:34,294 WOULD YOU MAKE, IF YOU WERE A TEACHER, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THESE KIDS? 429 00:31:34,294 --> 00:31:37,397 WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO LEARN >> WELL, HERE'S THE PROBLEM, IS OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM WE TEACH, 430 00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:43,103 WHAT, STUDY HARD, BEAR DOWN, YOU'LL BE A SUCCESS IN LIFE. >> Jimmy: YEAH 431 00:31:43,103 --> 00:31:46,106 >> THAT'S NOT OUR SYSTEM WE'RE A SALES COUNTRY. WE SHOULD BE TEACHING KIDS THAT 432 00:31:46,106 --> 00:31:47,707 THE PERSON WHO STUDIES HARD THAT GOES TO WORK AND JUST WORKS AND DOESN'T TALK TO 433 00:31:47,707 --> 00:31:56,950 ANYBODY, THEY GO, "THEY'RE THE OFFICE PSYCHO. [ LAUGHTER ] 434 00:31:56,950 --> 00:31:59,552 TEACH PERSONALITY. KIDS SHOULD BE TAUGHT FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL, EVERYONE HAS 435 00:31:59,552 --> 00:32:03,890 SOCIAL ANXIETY TEACH YOUR KIDS TO WALK IN AND MEMORIZE, LIKE, JUST WALK IN 436 00:32:03,890 --> 00:32:11,231 FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL AND BE LIKE, "IS IT ME OR IS THIS BUS DRIVER A LITTLE OFF? 437 00:32:11,231 --> 00:32:15,268 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 438 00:32:15,268 --> 00:32:17,804 TEACH THEM HOW TO WORK THE CROWD. THAT'S WHO DOES WELL IN OUR 439 00:32:17,804 --> 00:32:20,240 COUNTRY. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THE PEOPLE WHO WALK IN AND 440 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,442 BE LIKE, "THIS KID KNOWS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. THE KID DOES'T EVEN KNOW - 441 00:32:22,442 --> 00:32:25,345 LIKE, "YOU GET IT. YOU GET IT." JUST BOND. 442 00:32:25,345 --> 00:32:28,848 "LIKE THE OTHER KIDS, I DON'T KNOW IF THEY GET IT, BUT YOU GET IT, YOU KNOW 443 00:32:28,848 --> 00:32:34,187 WE NEED MORE KIDS LIKE YOU IN THIS CLASS, I'LL BE HONEST IT'S NOT A LOT OF US LEFT. 444 00:32:34,187 --> 00:32:37,824 IT'S A PERSONALITY COUNTRY >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT IS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 445 00:32:37,824 --> 00:32:49,569 * >> Jimmy: YO SIT DOWN 446 00:32:49,569 --> 00:32:53,773 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'RE HOLDING - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 447 00:32:53,773 --> 00:32:56,109 YOU'RE HOLDING IT SARCASTICALLY. CHRIS, CHRIS 448 00:32:56,109 --> 00:32:59,779 HOW CAN I -- >> Jimmy: CHRIS, HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 449 00:32:59,779 --> 00:33:02,148 >> I JUST CAME TO SEE TAYLOR SWIFT, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: NO, YOU MISSED 450 00:33:02,148 --> 00:33:05,552 TAYLOR SWIFT >> I DID ALL MILITARY PEOPLE? 451 00:33:05,552 --> 00:33:07,887 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YES, THESE ARE ALL MILITARY 452 00:33:07,887 --> 00:33:11,291 >> YES YES. >> 25 PERCENT GOT FAKE 453 00:33:11,291 --> 00:33:14,761 VACCINES [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: CHRIS, GOOD TO SEE 454 00:33:14,761 --> 00:33:17,430 YOU. YOU MISSED TAYLOR. I'LL SEND YOU A LINK 455 00:33:17,430 --> 00:33:19,799 I'LL SEND YOU A LINK CHRIS ROCK EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 456 00:33:19,799 --> 00:33:29,576 * >> OH, THAT'S GREAT, JIMMY, NICE 457 00:33:29,576 --> 00:33:34,180 THAT WAS ACCIDENTAL TOO? [ LAUGHTER ] HEY, LET'S BRING OUT 458 00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:40,086 HARRY STYLES AND OLIVIA WILDE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: COLIN, WHEN I TALK 459 00:33:40,086 --> 00:33:41,521 ABOUT "THE LAST BEST HOPE," YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON THE ROAD WITH THIS. 460 00:33:41,521 --> 00:33:44,124 YOU'RE GOING TO TRAVEL - >> YES, I AM >> Jimmy: -- AROUND THE 461 00:33:44,124 --> 00:33:46,926 COUNTRY. >> OH, SURE I AM >> Jimmy: YEAH 462 00:33:46,926 --> 00:33:50,964 BUT THIS IS -- CAN I ASK YOU ABOUT THIS THOUGH? "THE LAST BEST HOPE," WHO IS 463 00:33:50,964 --> 00:33:54,567 THE "THE LAST BEST HOPE" >> WELL, IT'S A QUOTE FROM LINCOLN ABOUT THE COUNTRY BEING 464 00:33:54,567 --> 00:33:59,272 THE LAST BEST HOPE BUT IN THIS CASE IT'S COLIN QUINN, "THE LAST BEST 465 00:33:59,272 --> 00:34:05,412 HOPE." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: COLIN QUINN! 466 00:34:05,412 --> 00:34:07,414 "THE LAST BEST HOPE" IS RUNNING NOW THROUGH NOVEMBER 20TH, HERE IN NEW YORK AND THEN HEADING TO 467 00:34:07,414 --> 00:34:13,920 CITIES ACROSS THE U.S. FOR TICKETS, GO TO COLINQUINN.COM 468 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:19,125 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAND UP FROM JARED FREID! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 469 00:34:19,125 --> 00:34:35,575 * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE CO-HOST OF THE "U UP?" PODCAST 470 00:34:35,575 --> 00:34:40,347 AVAILABLE AT APPLE PODCAST MAKING HIS "TONIGHT SHOW" DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY 471 00:34:40,347 --> 00:34:41,147 DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY, JARED FREID 472 00:34:42,082 --> 00:34:49,956 * 473 00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:55,195 >> HOW WE DOING EVERYBODY! WE GOOD? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 474 00:34:55,195 --> 00:35:00,367 I DO A LOT OF SHOWS. I PERFORM FOR THE TROOPS, AND THOSE SHOWS ARE ALWAYS THE 475 00:35:00,367 --> 00:35:06,606 BEST [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE BEST 476 00:35:06,606 --> 00:35:11,244 I ALSO PERFORM AT COLLEGES, THOSE SHOWS ARE ALWAYS WEIRD [ LAUGHTER ] 477 00:35:11,244 --> 00:35:16,950 I WAS AT A COLLEGE ONCE. I CAME ON STAGE, MY FIRST WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH I SAID, "I LOVE 478 00:35:16,950 --> 00:35:20,053 DOING SHOWS FOR COLLEGE KIDS." THIS GUY STANDS UP IN THE CORNER HE GOES, "WE'RE NOT 479 00:35:20,053 --> 00:35:26,226 KIDS WE'RE ADULTS!" [ LAUGHTER ] 480 00:35:26,226 --> 00:35:30,063 I LOOK AT HIM, I GO, "ONE QUESTION WHO BOUGHT YOUR UNDERWEAR? 481 00:35:30,063 --> 00:35:40,073 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I'LL NEVER FORGET IT HE GOES, "GO ON WITH THE SHOW. 482 00:35:40,073 --> 00:35:44,411 [ LAUGHTER ] I GET THAT I THOUGHT I WAS AN ADULT IN 483 00:35:44,411 --> 00:35:49,082 COLLEGE. I DEFINITELY WAS NOT I USED TO WEAR ONE POLO SHIRT 484 00:35:49,082 --> 00:35:53,353 WITH ANOTHER POLO SHIRT OVER IT YEAH, AND THEN POP UP BOTH OF 485 00:35:53,353 --> 00:35:59,359 THE COLLARS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW AN ADULT 486 00:35:59,359 --> 00:36:03,730 DRESSES! THERE'S NO ADULT WALKING AROUND LIKE AN AGGRESSIVE TULIP 487 00:36:03,730 --> 00:36:10,870 [ LAUGHTER ] MY GIRLFRIEND, SHE WOULD WEAR TWO POLOS TOO. 488 00:36:10,870 --> 00:36:15,709 TWO PEOPLE, FOUR POLOS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WHEN WE HOOKED UP IT LOOKED 489 00:36:15,709 --> 00:36:21,214 LIKE A BROOKS BROTHER'S FITTING ROOM [ LAUGHTER ] 490 00:36:21,214 --> 00:36:25,251 YOU'RE NOT AN ADULT IN COLLEGE ONE SEMESTER I LIVED WITH THREE OF MY FRIENDS IN ONE ROOM. 491 00:36:25,251 --> 00:36:31,558 WE CALLED IT BUNKZILLA NO MAN LIVES IN A BUNKZILLA. [ LAUGHTER ] 492 00:36:31,558 --> 00:36:34,494 IF A MAN LIVES GUYS THREE OTHER MEN, THAT'S NOT A HOME, THAT'S A SHELTER. 493 00:36:34,494 --> 00:36:40,900 [ LAUGHTER ] AND NO WOMAN HERE WOULD GO HOME TO BUNKZILLA TONIGHT 494 00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:45,071 THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE IN COLLEGE, THEY WOULD. ONE NIGHT WE ALL BROUGHT WOMEN 495 00:36:45,071 --> 00:36:49,342 HOME [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT 496 00:36:49,342 --> 00:36:55,882 ONE ROOM FOUR BEDS. EIGHT PEOPLE 497 00:36:55,882 --> 00:37:06,393 16 POLOS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I DON'T KNOW 498 00:37:06,393 --> 00:37:09,195 I THINK PEOPLE DON'T LIKE COLLEGE STUDENTS BECAUSE THEY SPEAK CONFIDENTLY ON THINGS WE 499 00:37:09,195 --> 00:37:13,400 KNOW THEY CAN'T BE CONFIDENT ABOUT YET. LIKE THE TWO STORIES ARE ALWAYS 500 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:17,037 WRITTEN THAT THEY'RE OUTRAGED OR THEY'RE SHAMED. I DIDN'T KNOW OUTRAGE IN 501 00:37:17,037 --> 00:37:20,240 COLLEGE. I LEARNED ABOUT OUTRAGE THE FIRST TIME I SAW THE TAXES COME 502 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:25,178 OUT OF A PAYCHECK. [ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT? 503 00:37:25,178 --> 00:37:32,252 THAT WEIRD MOMENT WHERE YOU'RE LIKE, "I DON'T EVEN USE ROADS. [ LAUGHTER ] 504 00:37:32,252 --> 00:37:38,425 I LEARNED SHAME THE FIRST TIME I LAUGHED AT A BOSS'S JOKE YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT IN FRONT 505 00:37:38,425 --> 00:37:42,495 OF YOUR CHILD. BE LIKE, "TURN AROUND TIMMY, DADDY'S GOT TO PAY RENT HA, HA, 506 00:37:42,495 --> 00:37:47,667 HA." [ LAUGHTER ] "YOU'RE RIGHT. 507 00:37:47,667 --> 00:37:53,540 MONDAY'S ARE WEIRD." I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AN ADULT IS ANY MORE. 508 00:37:53,540 --> 00:37:57,444 I'M 36 I'M DOING STUFF I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE GROWN UP OUT OF YEARS AGO 509 00:37:57,444 --> 00:38:07,220 EVERY TIME I FLY SOMEWHERE, I TEXT MY PARENTS, "LANDED." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 510 00:38:07,220 --> 00:38:09,222 YOU EVER READ THAT TEXT BACK TO YOURSELF YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE A MAN 511 00:38:09,222 --> 00:38:16,463 "LANDED. YOU SOUND LIKE A SPOILED PRINCE 512 00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:20,266 "MOMMY, PUT MY JAMMIES IN THE DRYER. I PREFER THEM WARM WITH MY MILK 513 00:38:20,266 --> 00:38:25,572 AND COOKIES. TELL PAPA I'LL BE TAKING STORY TIME IN MY QUARTERS. 514 00:38:25,572 --> 00:38:36,216 THE PRINCE OF NEEDHAM HAS LANDED." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 515 00:38:36,216 --> 00:38:40,086 I LOVE GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS I LIKE SEEING MY FAMILY. 516 00:38:40,086 --> 00:38:42,489 I LIKE SEEING WHERE ALL MY INSECURITIES CAME FROM [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 517 00:38:42,489 --> 00:38:45,058 RIGHT? IF YOU'RE FAMILY HAS A PROBLEM, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A VERY 518 00:38:45,058 --> 00:38:48,928 SIMILAR PROBLEM. MY FAMILLY -- THE WHOLE FAMILY IS INSECURE. 519 00:38:48,928 --> 00:38:53,166 FOOD, BODY, WEIGHT THAT'S OUR WHOLE FAMILY. I WALKED IN THE HOUSE ONE DAY, 520 00:38:53,166 --> 00:38:54,801 MY MOM LOOKS AT ME, SHE GOES, "YOU LOOK SO SKINNY. MY DAD'S ACROSS THE ROOM, HE 521 00:38:54,801 --> 00:39:04,444 YELLS OUT, HE GOES, "HE'S WEARING ALL BLACK. [ LAUGHTER ] 522 00:39:04,444 --> 00:39:05,645 I WAS LIKE, "IS MY INNER MONOLOGUE PLAYING ON THE ALEXA? 523 00:39:05,645 --> 00:39:13,286 [ LAUGHTER ] I TALK ABOUT MY WEIGHT ON STAGE A LOT. 524 00:39:13,286 --> 00:39:14,721 SOME PEOPLE GET VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I HAD A WOMAN SHE STOOD UP 525 00:39:14,721 --> 00:39:18,658 ONCE, SHE GOES, "YOU'RE NOT FAT. THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU 526 00:39:18,658 --> 00:39:24,030 COULD EVER YELL AT SOMEONE WHO'S NOT SKINNY [ LAUGHTER ] 527 00:39:24,030 --> 00:39:28,635 BECAUSE THEN THE SHOW BECOMES A TOWN HALL MEETING ON WHETHER I'M FAT OR NOT 528 00:39:28,635 --> 00:39:33,106 SOMEONE STOOD UP, "THERE, LIKE, HE'S JOLLY THOUGH. [ LAUGHTER ] 529 00:39:33,106 --> 00:39:37,043 ANOTHER PERSON WAS LIKE, "CAN MEN BE CURVY?" [ LAUGHTER ] 530 00:39:37,043 --> 00:39:40,814 SOMEONE IN THE MIDDLE WAS LIKE, "THERE'S LED IN THE WATER. I'M LIKE, "YOU'RE AT THE WRONG 531 00:39:40,814 --> 00:39:50,623 MEETING, BRO." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I JUST WANT TO GET IN SHAPE 532 00:39:50,623 --> 00:39:53,059 ENOUGH TO TAKE A VACATION TO TULUM, MEXICO. IF YOU KNOW, TULUM, THAT'S WHERE ALL OF THE 533 00:39:53,059 --> 00:40:01,334 CELEBRITIES AND INFLUENCERS GO I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE THERE WITH A BAD BODY. 534 00:40:01,334 --> 00:40:04,738 I THINK THEY WEIGH YOU AT THE MEXICAN BORDER [ LAUGHTER ] 535 00:40:04,738 --> 00:40:09,909 LIKE, I THINK I WOULD GET TO MEXICO, THEY'D BE LIKE, "HOLA. STEP ON THE SCALE. 536 00:40:09,909 --> 00:40:14,347 I'D STEP ON, THEY'D LOOK DOWN, THEY'D BE LIKE, "WELL HAVE FUN IN CANCUN. 537 00:40:14,347 --> 00:40:19,285 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I'M JARED FREID. THANK YOU GUYS VERY MUCH 538 00:40:19,285 --> 00:40:27,427 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: JARED FREID! 539 00:40:27,427 --> 00:40:33,867 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE "U UP?" PODCAST IS AVAILABLE ON APPLE PODCAST 540 00:40:33,867 --> 00:40:37,771 MY THANKS TO TAYLOR SWIFT, COLIN QUINN, JARED FREID, ONCE AGAIN. 541 00:40:37,771 --> 00:40:43,777 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA 542 00:40:43,777 --> 00:40:47,414 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH 543 00:40:47,414 --> 00:40:49,082 SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE