Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - MICHAEL CHE,
ED SHEERAN MARTHA STEWART MUSICAL GUEST SUMMER WALKER,
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW Questlove: 1546
Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS THAT'S A CROWD RIGHT THERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WELCOME. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, GUYS, AFTER SEVEN MONTHS OF NEGOTIATIONS, LATE FRIDAY
NIGHT, THE HOUSE FINALLY PASSED PRESIDENT BIDEN'S INFRASTRUCTURE DEAL.
YEAH SO THAT'S OBVIOUSLY -- YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S -- THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT THIS WEEKEND.
BIG BIRD ANNOUNCED HE WAS GETTING VACCINATED AGAINST
COVID. [ LAUGHTER ] BIG BIRD GOT HIS COVID SHOT
OVER THE WEEKEND BIG BIRD ANNOUNCES HE'S BEEN VACCINATED
BIG BIRD GOT THE JAB. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: SOMEHOW THAT WAS THE
BIG STORY THIS WEEKEND BIG BIRD TWEETING THAT HE GOT VACCINATED
YEP. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A BIG DAY ACTUALLY FOR BIG
BIRD BECAUSE IMMEDIATELY AFTER GETTING VACCINATED, HE WAS SIGNED BY THE GREEN BAY
PACKERS. SO THAT IS AMAZING THAT'S AMAZING TO SEE THAT
CAREER [ APPLAUSE ] SOME MORE COVID NEWS
TODAY, THE U.S. LIFTED THE TRAVEL BAN ON VACCINATED TOURISTS FROM MORE THAN
30 COUNTRIES OF COURSE, ALL THE AIRPORTS ARE GOING TO BE SLAMMED.
FLIGHT ATTENDANTS ARE LIKE, "WE'RE GOING TO NEED MORE DUCT TAPE."
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT TRAVELERS ARE THRILLED TO BE
BACK IT'S THE FIRST TIME PEOPLE EVER CRIED TEARS OF JOY AT THE SIGHT
OF LaGUARDIA [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT, NEW YORK CITY IS
EXPECTING TENS OF THOUSANDS OF TOURISTS AND THEY'RE ALL GOING TO WALK IN FRONT OF YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] 19 MONTHS FOR A TRAVEL BAN IS A LONG TIME.
YEAH, YOUR FRIEND WHO LEFT TO STUDY ABROAD IN JANUARY 2020 ACTUALLY CAME BACK
SPEAKING FLUENT ITALIAN. [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, AS I MENTIONED ON, FRIDAY
NIGHT, THE HOUSE PASSED BIDEN'S INFRASTRUCTURE BILL. THE BILL TOOK FOREVER TO PASS.
WHEN IT WAS OVER, THEY WRAPPED BIDEN IN A FOIL MARATHON BLANKET AND GAVE HIM A MEDAL
[ LAUGHTER ] ONLY 13 HOUSE REPUBLICANS VOTED FOR THE BILL
WHILE THE REST SAID, "WE THINK THAT IF YOU'RE DRIVING OVER A COLLAPSED BRIDGE, YOU CAN
JUST SPEED UP AND YOU'LL PROBABLY MAKE IT." [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU GUYS EVER SEEN THE DOCUMENTARY "THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS?
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME BUSINESS NEWS, WALMART JUST ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS NOW
USING FULLY DRIVERLESS TRUCKS TO DELIVER GROCERIES TO CUSTOMERS.
Steve: OOH. Jimmy: IT'S PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY
THE DRIVERLESS TRUCKS WILL PICK UP ITEMS FROM WALMART AND THEN DELIVER THEM RIGHT THROUGH YOUR
LIVING ROOM WALL [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT
OH, YEAH! Jimmy: OH, YEAH Steve: OH, YEAH
Jimmy: YEAH WALMART IS THE ONLY PLACE YOU'LL FIND CUTTING-EDGE
TECHNOLOGY, AND ALSO A BAREFOOT GUY BUYING MARGARITA MIX [ LAUGHTER ]
"I'M SURPRISED IT'S NOT MORE PACKED HERE AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING.
HEY, I SAW THAT, GUYS, RESTAURANTS ARE FACING A A SHORTAGE BECAUSE OF SUPPLY
CHAIN ISSUES OF TAKEOUT CONTAINERS Steve: OH
Jimmy: YEAH, THAT WILL BE FUN WHEN THE UBER EATS GUY IS LIKE, "HERE'S YOUR FRIES
[ LAUGHTER ] PUT IT ON YOUR LAP OR YOU WANNA --
BUT THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM FOR McDONALD'S BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY MAKE McRIBS OUT OF
TAKEOUT CONTAINERS Steve: REALLY [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I HEARD. THAT'S WHAT I HEARD. I DON'T KNOW
HEY, I SAW THAT IN A RECENT INSTAGRAM POST, VIN DIESEL CALLED DWAYNE JOHNSON HIS,
QUOTE, "LITTLE BROTHER." AND ASKED HIM TO RETURN TO THE "FAST AND FURIOUS" FRANCHISE
YEAH, IT TURNS OUT VIN DIESEL ALSO LEFT A VOICEMAIL TO FOLLOW UP WITH HIM, AND WE ACTUALLY
GOT OUR HANDS ON IT. Steve: OH, MY GOSH. Jimmy: YOU WANT TO HEAR IT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN, THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE LET'S TAKE A LISTEN.
VIN DIESEL
BRO, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW
MY LAST POST, BUT WHEN WE MADE "FAST AND FURIOUS," WE DIDN'T JUST MADE A MOVIE, WE MADE A
A FAMILY [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE NEVER WALK AWAY FROM
FAMILY FAMILY ISN'T JUST WHO YOU'RE RELATED TO
SOMETIMES FAMILY IS PEOPLE YOU MADE A MOVIE WITH A FEW YEARS AGO.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE DIRECTOR IS LIKE THE DAD THE ACTORS ARE THE KIDS.
THE SCRIPT IS THE MOM. THE CAMERA IS LIKE OUR GRANDDAD
AND WE ARE ITS NEPHEWS THE SNACKS ARE THE GROCERIES THE LIGHTS ARE THE FAMILY DOG
BECAUSE IF YOU TRY TO PET IT, YOU WILL GET HURT. WE MISS YOU, DWAYNE.
COME BACK. [ BEEP ] THIS OLIVE GARDEN VOICEMAIL
BOX IS FULL. [ LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU FOR CALLING OLIVE
GARDEN WHEN YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE -- FAMILY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WE GOT THE EXCLUSIVE WE GOT IT TONIGHT.
AND FINALLY, THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON WAS THIS WEEKEND. CONGRATS ON ANYONE WHO RACED
IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AMAZING.
I READ THAT ONE GUY RAN 17 MILES WITH AN ENGAGEMENT RING AND THEN PROPOSED TO HIS
GIRLFRIEND DURING THE RACE [ AUDIENCE AWWs WHAT'S MORE ROMANTIC THAN
PROPOSING NEXT TO TIMES SQUARE ELMO PEEING HIS COSTUME? [ LAUGHTER ]
ACTUALLY, IT WAS VERY CUTE THEY EVEN CELEBRATED WITH TINY PAPER CUPS FILLED WITH
CHAMPAGNE. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
EVERYBODY!
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: IT IS MONDAY
WE'RE VERY EXCITED TO BE BACK. WE HAVE A GREAT WEEK OF SHOWS AHEAD.
WILL SMITH WILL BE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WILL FERRELL WILL BE STOPPING
BY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND ON THURSDAY, WE'VE GOT A
A VERY SPECIAL SHOW. IN HONOR OF VETERANS DAY, OUR ENTIRE AUDIENCE WILL BE MADE UP
OF VETERANS AND THEIR FAMILIES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S THURSDAY.
AND OUR GUEST WILL BE THE ONE AND ONLY TAYLOR SWIFT. THAT IS THIS THURSDAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT THIS THURSDAY
WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. HIS STAND UP SPECIAL "SHAME THE
DEVIL" PREMIERS NEXT WEEK ON NETFLIX. MICHAEL CHE IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Steve: COME ON. Jimmy: "SHAME THE DEVIL."
MICHAEL CHE. PLUS, GOSH, WE LOVE THIS GUY HE'S GOT THE NUMBER ONE ALBUM
IN THE U.S. AND U.K. RIGHT NOW WITH "=. ED SHEERAN IS ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, SHE'S THE GREATEST
JUST LAUNCHED HER BRAND NEW WEBSITE CALLED MARTHA.COM. ALWAYS WELCOME HERE.
GOSH, I LOVE HER SO MUCH MARTH STEWART IS ON THE SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
JUST QUALITY AND SPEAKING OF CRUSHING IT RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE MUSIC FROM
SUMMER WALKER! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH
SHE'S CRUSHING IT RIGHT NOW. GUYS, DID YOU EVER SEE A PHOTO IN THE NEWS AND THINK THE
HEADLINE COULD BE MUCH BETTER? WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN
IT'S TIME FOR "NEWS AND IMPROVED."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * NEWS AND IMPOVED *
* Jimmy: FOR EXAMPLE, CHECK OUT THIS FIRST PHOTO
THE ORIGINAL HEADLINE WAS "BIDEN ANNOUNCES HISTORIC DEAL."
THE HEADLINE CAN DEFINITELY BE IMPROVED, BECAUSE IF YOU ONLY LOOK AT THE PHOTO, THE HEADLINE
COULD HAVE BEEN, "AMATEUR PSYCHIC GETS WOMAN'S BIRTHDAY WRONG FOR THE FIFTH TIME."
[ APPLAUSE ] MAY 6th. Steve: NO
Jimmy: MAY 7th. Steve: NO MAY 8th
Steve: NO Jimmy: IS IT IN MAY Steve: NO
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: CHECK OUT THIS -- IS YOUR NAME MAY?
Steve: NO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER MET
ANYONE NAMED MAY Steve: NO WELL, ONCE
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY CHECK OUT THIS NEXT PHOTO.
THE ORIGINAL HEADLINE WAS "PELOSI ADDS TO SOCIAL SPENDING BILL."
IF YOU ONLY LOOKED AT THE PHOTO, THE HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN "WOMAN THREATENS VIOLENCE
IF SUPPLY CHAIN AFFECTS BOXED WINE." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MAMA NEEDS HER FRANZIA [ LAUGHTER ] THE NEXT HEADLINE WAS
"PEYTON MANNING RECEIVES RING OF HONOR." THE HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN,
"BLIND DATE WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHICH ONE WAS HIM." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"I'LL BE WEARING A BRIGHT ORANGE BLAZER. NEXT HEADLINE WAS, "WORLD
LEADERS AGREE ON TAX DEAL. HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN, "ABBA GOES ON TOUR, INSTANTLY
DISAPPOINTS FANS." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: WOW.
Jimmy: TERRIBLE Steve: MAMMA MIA! Jimmy: YEAH
UP NEXT, THIS HEADLINE SAYS "PUTIN CELEBRATES UNITY DAY. THE HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN,
"MAN GETS THIRD ANSWER IN A ROW CORRECT WHILE WATCHING 'JEOPARDY!'"
[ APPLAUSE ] NEXT HEADLINE WAS "U.K CHANCELLOR ANNOUNCES BUDGET.
HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN, "HULK'S LUNCHBOX GETS ANGRY, TURNS INTO SUITCASE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT HEADLINE WAS, "JOHNSON MEETS WITH LEADERS."
HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN, "GUY INDICATES HOW MANY BEERS HE'S HAD IN THE SHOWER.
[ LAUGHTER ] SHOWER Steve: DRINKING IN THE
SHOWER WOW. Jimmy: NEXT HEADLINE WAS,
"PRINCE WILLIAM URGES CLIMATE ACTION." THE HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN,
"DAD ANNOUNCES TO FAMILY HE JUST SAW THAT THE McRIB IS BACK."
[ APPLAUSE ] FREAKING OUT FINALLY, THIS HEADLINE WAS,
"NORTH KOREA VOWS TO BUILD UP MILITARY." HEADLINE COULD HAVE BEEN,
"GROUP IS SEATED AT NEW TIMES SQUARE THEMED RESTRAINT NUCLEAR WARHEAD CAFE."
[ APPLAUSE ] THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "NEWS AND IMPROVED."
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE PLAYING CHARADES WITH OUR GUESTS TONIGHT
STICK AROUND COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
WE ARE ABOUT TO PLAY CHARADES. BUT FIRST, WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME PLAYERS
JOINING MY TEAM, SHE'S A HUGELY SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEUR WHO JUST LAUNCHED HER NEW WEBSITE
MARTHA.COM PLEASE WELCOME MARTHA STEWART! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* HI OUR FIRST COMPETITOR IS ONE OF
THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE OUT THERE. HIS STAND-UP SPECIAL "SHAME THE DEVIL" PREMIERES NOVEMBER 16th
ON NETFLIX PLEASE WELCOME MICHAEL CHE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* HEY, BUDDY JOINING MICHAEL'S TEAM, HE'S
ONE OF THE BIGGEST MUSICIANS IN THE WORLD. HIS NEW ALBUM "EQUALS" IS OUT
NOW. NUMBER ONE EVERYWHERE, PLEASE WELCOME ED SHEERAN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * THIS IS --
LOOK AT THIS LOOK AT THIS COME ON, LOOK AT -- THIS IS
A GROUP HERE ALL RIGHT, NOW WE ALL KNOW HOW TO PLAY CHARADES
WE'RE GONNA DO FOUR ROUNDS, 30 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK PER ROUND THEN THE FIFTH ROUND IS
THE SHOWDOWN BOTH TEAMS GET THE SAME CLUES AT THE SAME TIME
I WILL GO FIRST. YOU GUYS CAN ALL TAKE YOUR SEATS.
MICHAEL -- NO, MARTHA, YOU'RE OVER HERE. YEAH, WE'RE TEAM FALLON.
YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] HERE WE GO
ALL RIGHT, GOOD. ALL RIGHT, THIS IS GONNA BE DONE
ALL RIGHT, WHAT NUMBER SHALL I CHOOSE, GUYS [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBER ]
EVERYONE SAID FOUR ALL RIGHT. INTERESTING.
UH-HUH MM-HMM. OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: HERE WE GO ARE YOU READY FOR THIS
TV. SHOW [ LAUGHTER ]
THREE WORDS. WORD NUMBER ONE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SALUTE ARMY FLAG
ARMED SERVICES [ LAUGHTER ] I'M TERRIBLE AT THIS
OUR MAYBE YOU'RE TERRIBLE AT THIS [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: NO SECOND WORD CAN WE GUESS?
Jimmy: NO, YOU CAN'T GUESS, ED SORRY!
[ BUZZER ] * I'M SORRY,
SECOND ONE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT I SHOULD HAVE DONE THE SECOND
WORD "KARATE KID?" Jimmy: NO
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT IS IT? Jimmy: "AMERICAN NINJA
WARRIOR. OH. WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ] "AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR? Jimmy: "AMERICAN NINJA
WARRIOR," YES. OH, GOD [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, ED. I'M UP. Jimmy: YEAH, ED
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A SHOT OH, YEAH. LET'S DO THIS.
Jimmy: WHAT NUMBER? WHAT DO YOU THINK? THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT. [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS COME ON, ED.
LUCKY NUMBER SEVEN. YOU GOT IT OKAY.
WHAT SONG? WHAT SONG? WHAT SONG?
OKAY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SONG!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THAT WAS NOT THE CLUE
THAT WASN'T THE CLUE OH, YEAH. IT'S A SONG.
Jimmy: THAT WASN'T THE CLUE OH, ALL RIGHT WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?
IT'S A SONG. YEAH I GOT YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] OH HARLEM SHAKE
NO, NO. "THRILLER." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT'S NOT THE HARLEM SHAKE? THAT'S WHAT - HARLEM -- THREE -- OH,
HARLEM SHAKE REMIX [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OH
DIRT ON YOU -- GET THE DIRT OFF YOUR SHOULDER? NO, NO.
OH. "LEAN WITH IT, ROCK WITH IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
UHH Jimmy: WHAT WORD -- WHAT WORD ARE YOU DOING
THAT WAS THE FIRST WORD? TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT? [ BUZZER ]
* Jimmy: "SHAKE IT OFF? "SHAKE IT OFF."
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER Jimmy: NO, MARTHA IT'S NOT TAKE IT OFF, "SHAKE IT
OFF. OH. "SHAKE IT OFF."
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO
THAT WAS GOOD Jimmy: ONE OF US HAS TO GET ONE POINT.
ALL RIGHT Jimmy: MARTHA, YOU'RE UP. PLEASE
OH, GEEZ. Jimmy: WE GOT THIS. COME ON, BUDDY
WE CAN'T. IT MUST BE THE WORST [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: COME ON, WE'RE GOOD PARTNERS WE'RE GOOD AT THIS
OH, THIS IS VERY EASY OKAY. Jimmy: I LOVE THE
CONFIDENCE YEAH. Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS
YOU HAVE MOVIE HOW MANY WORDS YOU'RE WALKING ON A TIGHT ROPE
YOU'RE WALKING ON A TIGHT -- NO [ LAUGHTER ]
IT IS A LINE - OH MAN. Jimmy: NO, NO, ONE WORD
ZIP LINE NO -- YES. ONE WORD
THREE SYLLABLES. TIME'S GONNA BE UP. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: TIGHT ROPE NO, I CAN'T GET IT OH, I KNOW IT
I KNOW IT. Jimmy: WAIT, YOU KNOW IT TOO?
YEAH, I KNOW IT WE KNOW IT Jimmy: SORRY, YOU'RE WALKING
ON THE -- BALANCING. OH. Jimmy: "WALK THE LINE."
YEAH. [ DINGING *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MAN MAN, MAN, MAN.
EVEN I KNEW THAT ONE. EVEN I KNEW THAT ONE Jimmy: SOMETHING JUST POPPED
IN MY BRAIN. I WAS JUST LIKE -- LIKE, I FELT IT, WOW.
MAN Jimmy: I WAS LIKE -- BROKE SWEAT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'M READY. I'M READY.
Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, MIKE. OKAY, ONE POINT Jimmy: MICHAEL CHE.
WE GOT A POINT. Jimmy: YEAH, WE GOT A POINT THIS IS GREAT.
[ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT OH, MAN.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT READY?
Jimmy: ED'S GOT THI FILM. FOUR WORDS
SMALL? NO HAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] NO NO
SMALL NO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SECOND WORD
Jimmy: SECOND WORD. SECOND WORD TIME
DEAD Jimmy: OH, YEAH YOU KNOW THIS.
"NO TIME TO DIE." [ DINGING *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WOW! "NO TIME TO DIE."
Jimmy: IT'S A BARN BURNER IT'S A GIANT MOVIE. Jimmy: IT'S A BARN BURNER
ALL RIGHT. THIS IS THE LAST ONE BOTH PEOPLE GIVING, WILL GIVE
THE SAME CLUE AND THE FIRST ONE TO GUESS WINS THE WHOLE THING. BUT WE GET TO SELECT WHO IS
GIVING THE CLUES OOH, WHAT DO YOU WANT I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, I THINK WE'LL GO WITH WHAT WE KNOW, I THINK. WE WON THAT ONE.
I'M IN. I'LL DO IT AGAIN I'LL DO IT AGAIN
COME ON, LET'S DO IT Jimmy: SNL BUDS YEAH, LET'S DO IT
WHICH ONE WE PICKING [ AUDIENCE SHOUTS NUMBERS ALL RIGHT
COOL, 88 [ LAUGHTER ] OH
Jimmy: WE GOOD? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S DO IT. COME ON.
WE GONNA DO IT WE GONNA DO IT Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, READY,
MARTHA READY? READY
Jimmy: HERE WE GO FILM.
[ LAUGHTER ] DANCING
"DIRTY DANCING? [ DINGING *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: COME ON. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I ONLY JUST WATCHED THAT
FLICK. I GOT A POSTER FOR MY WIFE FOR CHRISTMAS OF ALL THE BEST
FILMS. WE SCRATCH THEM OFF. AND I'VE NEVER SEEN IT
AND WE WATCHED IT LIKE LAST WEEK WHAT DID SAY?
"DIRTY DANCING. I SAID "DIRTY DANCING," BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME
YEAH. I SAID IT BEFORE YOU SAID IT
[ LAUGHTER ] HAVE TO ENUNCIATE [ LAUGHTER ]
I SAID IT RIGHT AWAY. I SAID "DIRTY DANCING. Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
WE'LL COME BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'LL TALK WITH THE JUDGES
MY THANKS TO MICHAEL CHE, MARTHA STEWART, ED SHEERAN WE'RE TALKING TO MICHAEL AFTER
THE BREAK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* Jimmy: THANK YOU, ROOTS MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN
EMMY-NOMINATED COMEDIAN WHO YOU KNOW FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
HIS NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL "SHAME THE DEVIL" PREMIERES ON NETFLIX NOVEMBER 16th.
EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME MICHAEL CHE!
* Jimmy: OH MICHAEL CHE!
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW I APPRECIATE EVERY TIME YOU COME
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DRINK WATER HERE [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, YOU ONLY SEE LIKE THE CUP BUT I DON'T EVER SEE ANYBODY DRINK.
AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO JUST HAVE A LITTLE SIP OF WATER Jimmy: YEAH
I HAVE TO ASK YOU, BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS LAST TIME. YOU NOW HAVE A HOUSE
YES Jimmy: AND LAST TIME WE TALKED, YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD AN
ICE MAKER AND YOU THOUGHT THE THREE STOOGES WERE BURGLING YOUR HOUSE
IT MADE ME LAUGH BUT YOU HAVE A HOUSE HOW IS IT?
AND I HEARD THAT QUESTLOVE HELPED YOU DECIDE TO MOVE UPSTATE?
THAT'S TRUE HE DID I WAS LOOKING FOR A HOUSE AND I
WAS LOOKING OUT IN SOME TOWN THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND HE WAS LIKE, "YOU NEED TO LOOK WHERE I'M AT. AND I LOOKED UP THERE AND IT'S
QUITE NICE I DO ENJOY IT. IT IS GOOD WATER
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT USED TO HAVING NEIGHBORS, THOUGH.
LIKE, EVEN STILL, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE, LIKE, IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Questlove: I HAVE YET TO MOVE IN. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO YOU SENT ME TO A A NEIGHBORHOOD THAT YOU DON'T EVEN LIVE IN
[ LAUGHTER ] Questlove: I'M NOT READY YET.
I'M NOT READY YET. YEAH, SO I'M LIKE THE GUINEA PIG FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD NOW
Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE IT IT'S CRAZY, THOUGH. LIKE, WHEN I FIRST GOT THERE,
SOME LADY LIKE BROUGHT ME BREAD. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SHE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR. SHE WAS LIKE, "I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR
HERE'S SOME BREAD. Jimmy: THAT'S SO NICE SHE COULD HAVE POISONED ME
OR SOMETHING [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: NO, NO, UPSTATE,
THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY DO. IF YOU'RE WATCHING, THIS MA'AM, I PUNTED YOUR BREAD OVER
TWO FENCES [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU'RE BEING
PARANOID SHE'S BEING NEIGHBORLY NO, MAN
I'VE LIVED IN APARTMENTS IN NEW YORK CITY MY WHOLE LIFE. I'VE NEVER MET ONE NEIGHBOR.
[ LAUGHTER ] NOT ONE PERSON WE DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.
WE'RE NICE PEOPLE THAT WAY SUBURBS, I DON'T TRUST IT. Jimmy: I WANT TO ASK ABOUT
COLIN JOST, YOUR "WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR. YOU GUYS ARE FANTASTIC
TOGETHER, BY THE WAY CONGRATS ON A GREAT SEASON OH STOP
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE JUST HAD A BABY THAT'S TRUE
WELL, SCARLET DID. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: SCARLETT HAD THE
BABY HAVE YOU MET THE BABY? I HAVE, MAN
WHAT A CUTE KID. BUT BABIES ARE, THEY'RE FUN FOR LIKE A SECOND.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T DO MUCH AFTER YOU LOOKED AT THEM
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEY'RE JUST STARING AT YOU, TRYING TO KEEP THEIR HEAD
ON STRAIGHT. Jimmy: OH, YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
GET THIS WIGGLY THING AWAY FROM ME. BUT NO, IT'S LIKE AN ADORABLE
BABY IT'S COLIN AND SCARLETT'S BABY TOGETHER
Jimmy: YEAH ARE YOU GOING TO BABYSIT HAS HE ASKED YOU YET
I DON'T LIKE BABYSITTING, MAN. I'M ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD
BABYSITTER THOUGH. IF YOU GUYS ARE INTERESTED [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I'M A GREAT BABYSITTER I'VE BEEN BABYSITTING MY WHOLE LIFE
I HAVE NIECES AND NEPHEWS THAT'S LIKE THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.
Jimmy: OH, REALLY I'VE BEEN BABYSITTING THEM SINCE THEY WERE BABIES
SINCE I WAS A BABY, ACTUALLY Jimmy: YEAH, WERE YOU A GOOD BABYSITTER
I WAS A GREAT BABYSITTER, MAN. I JUST LET YOU CRY UNTIL YOU'RE
SLEEPY [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: NOW, MICHAEL CHE,
"SHAME THE DEVIL." YEAH. Jimmy: THIS IS YOUR STAND-UP
SPECIAL ON NETFLIX I'M EXCITED YOU KNOW, RIGHT ABOUT NOW, I
JUST FEEL LIKE WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS IS MORE STAND-UP COMEDY ON NETFLIX
[ LAUGHTER ] SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE CAN AGREE ON
Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH I LOVE THE NAME "SHAME THE DEVIL.
I NEVER HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE NEVER YOU DON'T GOT LIKE A BLACK
AUNT [ LAUGHTER ] "SHAME IS DEVIL" IS A VERY --
IT'S SOMETHING THAT, YOU KNOW, LIKE, CHURCH LADIES SAY. THEY SAY, "TELL THE TRUTH,
SHAME THE DEVIL. BECAUSE THE DEVIL IS A LIAR. NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD THIS
BEFORE Jimmy: NO, I MEAN I HAVEN'T THE ROOTS ARE SHAKING THEIR
HEADS, YES, ABSOLUTELY [ LAUGHTER ] "SHAME THE DEVIL.
Jimmy: SO YOU'RE JUST KIND OF JUST TELLING THE TRUTH. I'M TRYING TO
BUT AS MUCH AS I CAN, YOU KNOW Jimmy: YOU'RE A GREAT COMIC, MAN.
LET'S NOT Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU FILM IT
IN OAKLAND. OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: WOW. A LOT OF OAKLAND FANS HERE WHAT'S IT LIKE BACKSTAGE WHEN
YOU'RE ON THE ROAD DO YOU HAVE A RIDER? DO YOU HAVE -- WHAT DO YOU HAVE
IN THE ROOM? I'M FASCINATED WITH RIDERS LIKE, I DON'T REALLY HAVE
A RIDER. I USUALLY JUST ASK FOR LIKE, CHICKEN FINGERS AND M&M'S
BECAUSE THAT'S JUST MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BUT I'M FASCINATED WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S RIDERS. LIKE, I'M ALWAYS LIKE, ANY TIME
THERE'S A PERFORMER, LIKE, BEFORE ME, "I'M LIKE, WHAT DID THEY HAVE IN THEIR RIDER."
AND THEN, LIKE, THEY TELL ME, LIKE, SOME PERFORMERS, LIKE, ONE COMEDIAN, I WON'T SAY HIS
NAME, BUT HE ASKED FOR LIKE WHITE SNEAKERS BEFORE EVERY SHOW
BRAND NEW WHITE SNEAKERS, THEY GO TO BUY THEM BEFORE EVERY SHOW
Jimmy: CAN YOU DO THAT? APPARENTLY, YEAH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ISN'T THAT THE COOLEST THING YOU DO IT TOO? Tariq: I DO IT WITH T-SHIRTS
AND OTHER THINGS BUT I LIKE TO PROVIDE MY OWN SHOES.
THAT'S AWESOME. Jimmy: WAIT, SO YOU GO DO A A GIG AND YOU HAVE THEM BUY
YOU -- Tariq: I MEAN, YOU HAVE A A RIDER.
IT'S, YOU KNOW, PART OF THE TERMS OF THE AGREEMENT [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: NO, I UNDERSTAND WHAT A RIDER IS Tariq: SO YOU PUT THE
SNEAKERS ON THE RIDER. AND THEN, YOU KNOW - THEY GOT TO DO IT
Tariq: YEAH, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ONE LESS THING YOU GOT TO THINK ABOUT. MY FAVORITE RIDER THING WAS
SNOOP DOGG I WAS DOING A GIG, AND SNOOP DOGG WAS THERE LIKE
A WEEK BEFORE ME AND IT WAS IN THE U.K. AND I WAS LIKE, "MAN, WHAT DOES
SNOOP DOGG HAVE IN HIS RIDER?" "REGULAR STUFF, BUT HE ORDERED 150 POUNDS OF CHICKEN.
AND I WAS LIKE, "150 POUNDS OF CHICKEN? IT BLEW MY MIND.
LIKE A WHOLE YEAR, I'M THINKING SNOOP DOGG EATS MORE CHICKEN THAN ANYBODY ON THE PLANET
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN, I WAS TELLING A FRIEND ABOUT IT.
I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW SNOOP DOGG ASKS FOR 150 POUNDS OF CHICKEN IN THE UK?"
AND SHE WAS LIKE, "MONEY OR WEIGHT?" [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: OH THAT MAKES MORE SENSE. YEAH, APPARENTLY, HE DOESN'T
EAT A BARREL OF CHICKEN BEFORE SHOWS. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: WHERE DOES HE PUT IT ALL? HE'S GOT A GOOD METABOLISM,
MAN. IT MAKES THE STORY A LOT LESS INTERESTING
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A A CLIP
IF YOU GUYS NEED A LAUGH, YOU GOT TO WATCH THIS. HERE'S MICHAEL CHE IN "SHAME
THE DEVIL" ON NETFLIX, TAKE A LOOK
COUNTRY, WE'RE JUST MORE SPECIFIC ABOUT OUR LOVE. YOU ASK ANY [ BLEEP ], YOU LOVE
AMERICA? HE'S LIKE, "I LOVE BROOKLYN. [ LAUGHTER ]
ATLANTA IS COOL. I DON'T KNOW THE [ BLEEP ] ABOUT THEM DAKOTAS."
[ LAUGHTER ] IF THERE WAS A BLACK AMERICAN FLAG, THERE WOULD BE LIKE
11 STARS [ LAUGHTER ] FOR CITIES
IT WOULDN'T EVEN BE THE WHOLE STATE. THEY'D BE LIKE, "ALL RIGHT,
DETROIT, OAKLAND, D.C. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE WOULD BE A BIG
ASS QUESTION MARK. Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
MICHAEL CHE, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HIS SPECIAL, "SHAME THE DEVIL"
PREMIERES ON NETFLIX NOVEMBER 16th. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ED SHEERAN STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A MULTIPLE GRAMMY-WINNING
ARTIST WHOSE LATEST ALBUM "EQUALS" IS NUMBER ONE IN THE U.S. AND THE U.K
PLEASE WELCOME, ED SHEERAN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AT NUMBER ONE. NOT TOO SHABBY, BUDDY.
HUH? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CAN I SAY BEFORE WE START,
EVERY TIME I COME HERE, JIMMY PUTS A KIND OF GIFT BASKET IN MY ROOM.
AND IT IS ALWAYS SO SWEET AND THOUGHT OUT. IT'S LIKE GIVING ME A VINYL.
IT'S LIKE A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER, AND STUFF. I JUST WANT TO SAY IT'S REALLY
NICE REALLY NICE. [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
THANK YOU. Jimmy: THANK YOU, MAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
MAKE FUN OF WHAT I GAVE YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BY THE WAY, I WANT TO TELL YOU
THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS JUST THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING THANK YOU
Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING A DAD. THANK YOU
Jimmy: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME ON THE SHOW AS A DAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU AND YOUR WIFE MYRA
SHE'S BACK -- SHE'S BACKSTAGE. Jimmy: THAT'S THE BABY.
SHE'S THE CUTEST BABY. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] AND ME AND MY WIFE HAD OUR
SECOND DATE THE NIGHT I DID FALLON IN -- I SAID FALLON I DID IN JIMMY, IN 2015.
AND WE WENT OUT FOR OUR SECOND DATE THAT NIGHT AND WE JUST WERE LIKE REMINISCING BACKSTAGE
THERE. Jimmy: ISN'T THAT GREAT PRETTY COOL
Jimmy: I LOVE THAT. THERE'S GOOD VIBES HERE. SHE'S 1.
SHE'S 1, YEAH Jimmy: DOES SHE SAY JIMMY YET OR ANYTHING?
[ LAUGHTER ] NO, SHE -- SHE SAYS DADA AND POINTS AT ME
SO I'M NOW LIKE, "OKAY, NOW SHE KNOWS. Jimmy: WOW.
BUT BEFORE SHE'D JUST SAY, "DADA," AND LIKE POINTING AT AN ORANGE OR SOMETHING.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, EXACTLY. WHY NOT?
YEAH DO YOU PLAY - OBVIOUSLY, YOU PLAY MUSIC FOR HER
BUT DO YOU PLAY THE CLASSICS DO YOU -- OH "BABY SHARK?" DO-DO-DO-DOO-DOO-DO.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WE HAVEN'T QUITE GOT TO "BABY SHARK" YET, BUT NO IT'S
VERY GOOD BY THE WAY Jimmy: WHAT, "BABY SHARK? DO-DO-DO-DOO-DOO-DO.
YEAH. Jimmy: YEAH WHY DON'T YOU SING IT
THOUGH DO YOU NOT WHAT TO Jimmy: MY VOICE HURTS
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I FEEL YOU I FEEL YOU
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: DUDE, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS, BY THE WAY
ANOTHER NUMBER ONE ALBUM I MEAN - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
COLD YEAH, I JUST -- Jimmy: WOW, ARE YOU EXCITED
ARE YOU COLD I JUST FEEL THE BUZZ OF NUMBER ONE
YOU KNOW Jimmy: YEAH, YOU THE BUZZ YEAH
IT'S IN ME. IT'S IN ME Jimmy: NUMBER ONE -- NUMBER
ONE. I WANT TO SAY THIS, OVER A A BILLION STREAMS ON SPOTIFY
A BILLION. YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I READ SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT I THOUGHT WAS COOL
I DON'T KNOW IT WAS "SHIVER" OR WHAT WAS - WHAT WAS THE FIRST SINGLE OFF
THIS ONE "BAD HABITS." Jimmy: SO IT'S "BAD HABITS"
WAS ON, YEAH AND THEN - DID YOU SEE THE VIBE, JIMMY
Jimmy: YEAH, I SAW YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT THEN "SHIVER" IS COMING
OUT. "BAD HABITS" WENT TO NUMBER ONE.
"SHIVER" CAME OUT, KNOCKING YOU -- YOURSELF OUT OF NUMBER ONE WITH YOUR OTHER SONG
IT'S LIKE, YEAH. AND THEN YOUR BUDDY, ELTON JOHN COMES OUT WITH A SONG WITH
DUA LIPA AND HERE'S THE THING THAT -- EARMUFFS
MAYBE JUST PLUG YOUR EAR ED'S SO COOL HE GOES THROUGH IT EVERYONE ON,
AND ALL HIS FANS GOES, "HEY, ELTON IS GOING TO HIT NUMBER ONE.
HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE I WANT HIM TO HIT NUMBER ONE SO GO STREAM HIS SONG, "COLD
HEART. [ LAUGHTER ] CAN I INTERJECT
SO THE REASON -- Jimmy: WAS I CLOSE? WAS IT CLOSE
BUT BASICALLY, SO HE HAD STARTED -- WHEN I HAD MY DAUGHTER, HE STARTED RINGING ME
ONCE A WEEK TO JUST CHECK UP ON ME BEING A NEW DAD AND THEN I HAD A FRIEND THAT
PASSED AWAY. AND THEN HE STARTED RINGING ME EVERYDAY JUST TO CHECK UP ON
ME SO WE SPEAK -- I SPOKE TO HIM THIS MORNING
I SPOKE TO HIM YESTERDAY I'LL SPEAK TO HIM TOMORROW MORNING.
WE SPEAK EVERYDAY. AND WHEN HIS SONG CAME OUT, HE WAS SO BUZZED ABOUT BEING
TOP 20 AND HE WAS LIKE, "I'M 74 AND I'M TOP 20."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND IT WENT TOP TEN. AND THEN IT WENT TOP FIVE.
AND IT WAS CLIMBING UP AND IT WAS THERE WEEK WHERE IT WAS GOING NUMBER ONE AND I JUST
LIKE -- I WOULD FEEL LIKE A WEIRD GUY IF I WAS SPEAKING TO HIM THE WHOLE TIME BEING
LIKE, "MAN, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU," BUT THEN AT THE LAST MOMENT BE LIKE, "[ BLEEP ]
YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: "YEAH, I WAS GETTING
TO NUMBER ONE. YEAH "WE'RE FRIENDS, BUT YEAH."
YEAH. AND WE'VE GOT A CHRISTMAS SONG COMING OUT TOGETHER.
Jimmy: WE YOU AND ELTON JOHN ME AND ELTON JOHN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH Jimmy: HE'S GOT ONE OF MY
FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONGS EVER. YEAH WELL, SO HE --
Jimmy: "STEP INTO CHRISTMAS? YEAH, SO HE RUNG ME ON
CHRISTMAS DAY. AND SAID -- 'CAUSE HE WAS SO BUZZED THAT "STEP INTO
CHRISTMAS" GETS A HIGHER CHART POSITION EVERY SINGLE YEAR SO I THINK IT WENT IN AT 13 IN
THE '80s AND IT WAS LIKE NUMBER 6 LAST YEAR IN ENGLAND SO HE WAS LIKE, "I WANT TO DO
ANOTHER CHRISTMAS SONG DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT ME?" AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN QUITE
AGAINST -- NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE CHRISTMAS I LOVE CHRISTMAS
BUT IN TERMS OF DOING A CHRISTMAS SONG, YOU NEED TO CHUCK THE KITCHEN SINK AT IT
IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT - Jimmy: GOT TO BE ABLE TO DO IT
I HAVE A NORTHERN IRISH FRIEND THAT SAYS, "IF YOU'RE GONNA GET DONE FOR STEALING
A HORSE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL [ BLEEP ] IT." YOU KNOW
[ LAUGHTER ] [ RIM SHOT ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: STEALING THE HORSE YEAH. SO I SAID TO ELTON, I WAS LIKE,
"I DON'T REALLY WANT TO DO CHRISTMAS SONG UNLESS WE'RE GOING IN
UNLESS IT'S LIKE -- UNLESS IT'S LIKE SLEIGH BELLS, DING DONG.E YEAH, IT NEEDS TO BE A PROPER
CHRISTMAS SONG." SO I WROTE A CHORUS, AND THEN I WENT TO GO AND STAY WITH HIM
AND WE WROTE THREE AND ONE OF THEM WAS THIS ONE CALLED "MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"OKAY. SO GET THIS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO WE WRITE IT AND I TITLE IT "MERRY CHRISTMAS.
AND I'M LIKE, "WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE THAT TITLE 'CAUSE THERE'S PROBABLY LOADS OF SONGS
CALLED "MERRY CHRISTMAS. I WENT ON SPOTIFY AND I TYPED IN "MERRY CHRISTMAS.
NOTHING. THERE'S "MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE," THERE'S "HAPPY
XMAS." THERE'S "MERRY XMAS", THERE'S "WAR'S OVER.
Jimmy: YOU'RE KIDDING ME. THERE'S NOT A SONG CALLED "MERRY CHRISTMAS."
AND THEN I WENT ON YOUTUBE AND CHECKED IT OUT IT BAFFLED ME.
LIKE THERE'S -- IT'S KIND OF LIKE THIS GLITCH IN A VIDEO GAME WHERE NO ONE SAW --
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WOW. NO ONE THOUGHT TO, YEAH
Jimmy: YEAH 'CAUSE MY NEW HORSE -- MY NEW HORSE, SORRY
Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. SHE'S WRITTEN 99 BOOKS, WOW.
AND SHE'S AN 11-TIME EMMY WINNER NOW, SHE HAS A NEW WEBSITE
CALLED MARTHA.COM. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME MARTHA STEWART
* *
THANK YOU Jimmy: MARTHA, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
THANKS. Jimmy: IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO HAVE YOU ON.
THANKS FOR PLAYING CHARADES WITH ME AND BEING MY PARTNER I APPRECIATE IT.
IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT --
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS BY THE WAY, I NEVER KNOW IF I THANKED YOU FOR THIS, BUT DO
YOU REMEMBER WHEN I RAN INTO YOU AT A FARM? OUT IN THE HAMPTONS
Jimmy: YEAH YEAH. Jimmy: AND YOU TAUGHT ME HOW
TO PICKLE AND YOU GOT ME INTO PICKLING AND I MADE PICKLES
I WAS -- I WAS SO HAPPY THAT YOU WANTED TO PICKLE
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? SO HAPPY.
Jimmy: I WAS AT THIS FARM, FAIRVIEW FARMS HARRY IS THE OWNER THERE, THE
FARMER THERE I LOVE HIM THEY'RE THE ONES WHO DEEP
FRY THE SWEET POTATOES AND ALL THE -- AND THE RED POTATOES AND THE BLUE POTATOES.
Jimmy: IT'S DELICIOUS I JUST LOVE THE WHOLE FAMILY, THE VIBE
AND I'M THERE, AND I'M THERE AND I GO, "HARRY, HOW DO YOU MAKE -- DO YOU HAVE ANY PICKLE
RECIPES? OR HOW DO YOU -- HE GOES, "I DON'T REALLY KNOW
BUT SHE WOULD BE THE PERFECT PERSON TO ASK. I TURN AROUND AND
MARTHA STEWART IS AT THE -- PICKING VEGETABLES AT THE GARDEN
I GO, "THIS IS LIKE A DREAM. THIS IS LIKE UNBELIEVABLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD STUDENT. YOU KNOW, YOU JUST PICK IT UP RIGHT AWAY
AND YOU HAVE A GOOD MEMORY, TOO. BECAUSE YOU REMEMBERED HOW TO
MAKE THEM. Jimmy: I DID, AND I LOVED THEM
I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT YOU MY NEWEST PICKLES I'LL SEND YOU A JAR.
LITTLE TINY RED AND YELLOW PEPPERS. PEQUINO PEPPERS.
Jimmy: THAT'S PERFECT SEE, COME ON I WANT TO TALK ABOUT -
YOU HAVE A SHOW THIS WEEKEND ON HGTV CALLED "TABLE WARS. OH, YEAH.
Jimmy: YOU -- THAT'S A GIANT THING. THEN YOU'RE STARTING
MARTHA.COM DIFFERENT THAN MARTHASTEWART.COM.
THIS IS MARTHA.COM YES YEAH, THIS IS OUR ONLINE STORE
WITH ALL OUR THINGS. THINGS THAT I DESIGN, THINGS THAT I CURATE --
Jimmy: IT'S SO IMPRESSIVE THINGS THAT WE FIND HERE AND THERE.
AND IT'S A REALLY, REALLY WONDERFUL WEBSITE. AND SO IT ANSWERS ALL YOUR
NEEDS. IF YOU'RE A HOMEMAKER AND YOU NEED STUFF FOR YOUR KITCHEN, OR
YOUR BEDROOMS, YOUR BATHROOMS, IT'S THERE BUT IF YOU NEED GIFTS, THEY'RE
THERE. Jimmy: YEAH YOU HAVE FLANNEL SHEETS ON
THERE I SAW. I REALLY CHECKED IT OUT. YOU HAVE NFTs YOU'RE SELLING ON
THERE. OH, THE BEST. THE BEST
AND YOU KNOW, I WAS SO SURPRISED, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY STARTED GETTING INTO
THE NFTs, NONFUNGIBLE -- Jimmy: TOKENS, YEAH TOKENS, YOU KNOW.
AND YOU CAN PAY WITH THE CRYPTOCURRENCY OR WITHOUT. ONE OF OURS, THE NAUGHTY NURSE
PICTURE OF ME FOR HALLOWEEN, SOLD FOR A LOT [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS ] Jimmy: I WAS THINKING -- BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE THESE
NEW IDEAS. I ALWAYS THOUGHT MAYBE I'D PITCH YOU AN IDEA AND MAYBE WE
COULD GET INTO BUSINESS TOGETHER LET ME HEAR
Jimmy: OKAY, READY FOR THIS THIS IS LIKE "SHARK TANK. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ON
"SHARK TANK. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, YEAH, ME TOO
YEAH. Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, READY THIS ONE, HERE WE GO
WE CAN GO FAST OR SLOW IF YOU WANT PRE-MADE CRANBERRY SLICES,
ALMOST LIKE KRAFT CHEESE BUT IT'S JUST CRANBERRY SLICES YOU THROW IT ON A TURKEY
SANDWICH WITH STUFFING AND IT'S A POST THANKSGIVING - [ CHEERS ]
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I GOT A LOT OF -- TONS OF
IDEAS. HOW DO YOU PACKAGE THEM THEY'RE MESSY.
MAKE YOUR OWN CRANBERRY SAUCE AND JUST PUT A NICE LITTLE SPOON OF IT ON EACH SANDWICH
Jimmy: SANDWICH [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, TURKEY SANDWICHES THE
DAY AFTER. Jimmy: I KNOW, BUT THERE YOU JUST SAID, SANDWICH, BUT
BEFORE, YOU SAID, "SANDWHICH." SANDWICH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: ARE YOU READY FOR THIS ONE [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, WE'RE HAVING A SANDWICH. MARTHA, HOW ABOUT THIS READY FOR THIS
WITH STUFFING DON'T FORGET STUFFING ON THE SANDWICH
Jimmy: COOKIE BREAD COOKIE BREAD. LIKE WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, THEY'RE IN FOR IT.
THEY'RE INTO IT. Jimmy: I'M ENJOYING YOUR REACTION BECAUSE -
COOKIE BREAD. Jimmy: YEAH, SO WHY IS CINNAMON TOAST HAVE THE ONLY
SWEET BREAD THAT YOU CAN GET OUT THERE? WHY NOT DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF
SWEET BREADS, LIKE, THAT TASTE LIKE SUGAR COOKIES OR PEPPERMINT COOKIES OR CHOCOLATE
CHIP WHY NOT JUST EAT THE COOKIES?
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU ALWAYS WANT LIKE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
OKAY, YOU DON'T LIKE THAT. ALL RIGHT, LAST IDEA HOW ABOUT COFFEE MUGS WHERE
YOU -- IF YOU PUT THEM ON THE HOLDER, A LITTLE AIR BLOWS THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THEM AND
JUST KEEPS IT STIRRING AROUND. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] STIRRING WHAT
Jimmy: SOMEONE JUST YELLED "NO. [ LAUGHTER ]
WELL IF YOU USE AN ALTERNATIVE MILK LIKE A NUT MILK OR SOMETHING.
BUT SEE, I DON'T LIKE MUGS. I THINK MUGS ARE SORT OF CLUMSY AND UGLY
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T OWN A MUG IN MY HOUSE. Jimmy: REALLY
NO. I HAVE BEAUTIFUL CUPS. Jimmy: WE GIVE YOU MUGS
EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON OUR SHOW. I KNOW, BUT I GIVE THEM AWAY
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] Jimmy: HEY, IF YOU GUYS WANT
OUR MUGS OR ANYTHING, GO TO MARTHA.COM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
EVERYTHING HOLIDAY CHECK IT OUT RECIPES.
YOU'LL JUST LOVE EVERY SINGLE THING ON THIS THING. TUNE IN TO THE PREMIERE OF
"TABLE WARS" THIS SUNDAY NIGHT AT 8:00 P.M. ON HGTV [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM SUMMER WALKER.
STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
Jimmy: PERFORMING "UNLOYAL" FROM HER NEW ALBUM "STILL OVER IT," HERE IS SUMMER WALKER
* *
* I AIN'T TAKIN
YOUR -- TODAY NO I AIN'T TAKING YOUR -- TOMORROW NO *
* WE CAN DO IT MY WAY S I AIN'T STICKING N NO I AIN'T STICKIN
'ROUND NO MORE * * SINCE YOU JUST WANN PLAY WITH MY HEART AND O
I SEEN YOU WITH TH GIRL AT THE PARTY OH * * YOU THINK THAT I'
GON' STAND ON BY AND WATCH YO WASTE MY TIME *
* BOY I AM TOO DAMN FIN SO I'M OUT I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL BABY
I GUESS I'M UNTRUE * * I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL BAB SO CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT
I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL * * BABY BABY I GUESS I'M UNTRUE
I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL BABY SO CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT * * THINK I NEED YO
BOY YOU FUNN GOT MY OWN MONEY SO I'MA SHOW YOU *
* HEY YOU THINK THA I'LL BE LONELY BUT YOU DON'T KNOW M
BOY YOU DON'T KNOW ME * * *
* SAID YOU COULD COME
AND PICK UP YOUR ACTIN' LIKE YO PAYING FOR *
* IN YOUR BOW-WOW DURAG OUTSIDE IN YOUR DOGGIE BAG I AM SO DONE WITH THAT
TELL ME HOW A GROWN MAN * * SO CHILDISH ALWAYS IN KEVIN SAMUELS'
COMMENTS YOU THINK THAT I'M * * GON' STAND ON B
AND WATCH YOU WASTE MY TIM BOY I AM TOO DAMN FINE * * BAB
I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL BABY I GUESS I'M UNTRUE I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL BABY *
* SO CALL IT WHAT YOU WAN I GUESS I'M UNLOYAL BABY * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH
EVERYBODY. JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT WILL SMITH AND JACK WHITEHALL
WILL BE HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE HAVE MUSIC FROM
NATHANIEL RATELIFF AND THE NIGHT SWEATS MY THANKS TO MICHAEL CHE,
ED SHEERAN, MARTHA STEWART SUMMER WALKER ONCE AGAIN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *