1 00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:12,579 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:19,819 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:23,189 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - JAMIE FOXX 4 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:27,460 PHOEBE ROBINSON, WILLIAM SHATNER, COMEDIAN TOM THAKKAR 5 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:33,566 AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1536 6 00:00:33,566 --> 00:00:40,874 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:45,345 --> 00:01:02,429 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 8 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:06,166 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH! LOOK AT THAT CROWD LISTEN TO THAT CROWD 9 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:11,071 I LOVE IT. WELCOME. THANK YOU. 10 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,273 I'LL GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO YOU, PLEASE ENJOY YOURSELF. WELCOME, EVERYBODY 11 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:16,876 WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." YOU'RE HERE. 12 00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:21,881 YOU'RE WATCHING. YOU MADE IT, THANK YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,583 WELL, GUYS, THE NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH JUST ANNOUNCED THAT PEOPLE WHO GOT 14 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,218 THE JOHNSON AND JOHNSON VACCINE ARE BETTER OFF GETTING A A BOOSTER FROM PFIZER OR 15 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:36,830 MODERNA. [ LAUGHTER ] NOW THOSE PEOPLE HAVE TO 16 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,698 DECIDE, "DO I TELL JOHNSON AND JOHNSON I'M SEEING OTHER VACCINES OR DO I JUST GHOST 17 00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:43,436 THEM COMPLETELY? YEP. THE OTHER VACCINES ARE MORE 18 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:47,907 EFFECTIVE THAN JOHNSON AND JOHNSON. THE REPORT WAS PUBLISHED IN THE 19 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:53,480 JOURNAL, "THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A SCIENTIST TO KNOW. MEANWHILE THE DEADLINE FOR 20 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,851 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES TO GET THE VACCINE IS COMING UP AND THE TSA JUST ANNOUNCED 21 00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:05,058 40% OF ITS EMPLOYEES ARE STILL UNVACCINATED [ AUDIENCE BOOS 22 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,060 IF THEY GET FIRED, THEY'RE GOING TO BE AT AN EMPLOYMENT AGENCY LIKE, "IS THERE ANOTHER 23 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:11,531 JOB WHERE I CAN RUN MY HANDS DOWN PEOPLE'S LEGS [ LAUGHTER ] 24 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:16,102 GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK?" >> Steve: HEY! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 25 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:19,739 * >> Jimmy: WATCH IT THAT'S NOT THE TYPE OF -- WE 26 00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:21,574 DON'T DO THAT HERE WE DON'T DO THAT HERE. WE DON'T DO THAT HERE. 27 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:23,910 >> Steve: UNCALLED FOR >> Jimmy: NO >> Steve: YOU DON'T DO THAT 28 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:28,948 KIND OF HUMOR. >> Jimmy: SOME TSA AGENTS SAID THAT PEOPLE KNOWING THEIR 29 00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:34,354 VACCINATION STATUS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY THEN EVERY PASSENGER WAS LIKE, 30 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:38,858 "NOW YOU KNOW HOW WE FEEL. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT THIS IS COOL 31 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:42,962 SCIENTISTS IN THE NETHERLANDS ARE DEVELOPING LASER TECHNOLOGY TO GIVE VACCINES TO PEOPLE WHO 32 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:46,499 DON'T LIKE NEEDLES AND SAY THAT THE INJECTIONS ARE VIRTUALLY PAINLESS 33 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:50,970 PEOPLE HEARD AND WERE LIKE, "YEP, DEFINE VIRTUALLY." [ LAUGHTER ] 34 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:55,575 ACTUALLY, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. THE VACCINE IS HEATED BY A A LASER WHICH CREATES A LIQUID 35 00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:58,745 BUBBLE THAT SHOOTS INTO YOUR SKIN AT 60 MILES-PER-HOUR. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 36 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:02,248 SO YEAH. WAY LESS SCARY THAN A NEEDLE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 37 00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,352 LASER BUBBLE I HEARD THAT DURING THE PANDEMIC, AMERICANS DRANK AND 38 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:16,129 SMOKED MORE AND EXERCISED LESS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEP. 39 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:19,399 JUST ANOTHER ARTICLE IN "THINGS YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A A SCIENTIST TO KNOW. 40 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:24,170 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SOME NEWS FROM WASHINGTON TODAY, THE WHITE HOUSE HOSTED 41 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,972 A SUMMIT WITH 30 OTHER COUNTRIES TO DISCUSS WAYS TO CRACK DOWN ON HACKING AND CYBER 42 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:32,145 ATTACKS. IT WAS VERY PRODUCTIVE EVERY COUNTRY AGREED TO FIGHT 43 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,582 HACKING BY ADDING AN EXCLAMATION POINT TO ALL OF THEIR PASSWORDS. 44 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:40,387 [ LAUGHTER ] 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 EXCLAMATION POINT. 45 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,322 THAT'S RIGHT, THE WHITE HOUSE HOSTED 30 COUNTRIES TO TALK ABOUT CYBER CRIME, BUT RUSSIA 46 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:46,726 WASN'T INVITED [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, I'M SURE THEY WERE 47 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:50,230 THERE. THEY JUST WEREN'T INVITED. [ LAUGHTER ] 48 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,232 I DON'T THINK RUSSIA WOULD HAVE STAYED ANYAWAY AS SOON AS PUTIN WALKED IN, 49 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,268 HE'D BE LIKE, "IS THIS INTERVENTION NO WAY 50 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,104 NO WAY [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT GOING TO STOP HACKING. 51 00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:03,576 IT IS NOT A PROBLEM FOR ME I QUIT -- I ONLY HACK WHEN I'M DRINKING." 52 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:09,916 [ LAUGHTER ] IN A NEW STATEMENT, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP IS SUGGESTING 53 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,584 THAT UNLESS THE ISSUE OF ELECTION FRAUD IS ADDRESSED, REPUBLICANS SHOULD NOT VOTE 54 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:25,198 IN 2024. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 55 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,633 DEMOCRATS HEARD AND WERE LIKE, "LET'S GET THIS GUY BACK ON TWITTER. 56 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:33,306 [ LAUGHTER ] HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY. HE'S VERY -- THIS IS SMART." 57 00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:35,709 GET THIS, A ROAD SIGN IN THE UK IS GOING VIRAL BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING FROM "SQUID 58 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,878 GAME." LOOK AT THIS [ AUDIENCE OHS ] 59 00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:42,248 [ LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE GOT EVEN MORE SCARED WHEN THEY PULLED UP TO A GREEN 60 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:47,954 LIGHT THAT QUICKLY TURNED TO A A RED LIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] 61 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,357 SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT ADELE'S NEW ALBUM WILL BE CALLED "30." 62 00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:56,563 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR IT. IT'S APPARENTLY INSPIRED BY HER 63 00:04:56,563 --> 00:05:01,167 LIFE AS A 30-YEAR-OLD. AND THEY JUST RELEASED THE TRACK LIST 64 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,203 TRACK LIST HERE, CHECK THIS OUT 65 00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,772 SONGWRITERS OF OUR TIME IS BACK 66 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:10,143 WITH A BRAND NEW ALBUM CHRONICLING WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE 30 YEARS OLD WITH HEART 67 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:14,714 BREAKING SONGS SUCH AS, "WHY AM I STILL ON MY PARENTS' CELL PHONE PLAN?" 68 00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:17,684 [ LAUGHTER ] "I DIDN'T KNOW MY BACK COULD HURT THERE." 69 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:24,224 "CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT YOU (ZILLOW)." "HUNGOVER OFF TWO BUD LIGHTS." 70 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:27,293 "I GET EXCITED ABOUT BUYING A NEW MOP. [ LAUGHTER ] 71 00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:30,463 AND "DAIRY DOESN'T DIGEST LIKE IT USED TO." ADELE'S "30. 72 00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:33,299 AVAILABLE AT NOVEMBER 19th AT MIDNIGHT BUT LET'S BE HONEST, YOU'LL BE 73 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:36,469 ASLEEP BY 10:00. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU CAN GET IT THE 74 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:42,942 NEXT DAY YOU CAN GET IT THE NEXT DAY. EXCITED ABOUT GETTING A NEW 75 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:48,181 MOP. I REMEMBER HOW I FELT THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING 76 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:52,318 OLD. I SAW BEAN SALAD ON THE MENU AND I GO, "OOH, BEANS! 77 00:05:52,318 --> 00:06:00,860 [ LAUGHTER ] NO KID SAYS THAT >> Steve: NO KID GOES, "I WANT 78 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,930 BEANS, MMM." >> Jimmy: THIS HONEY BEAN SALAD. 79 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:07,767 >> Steve: THREE BEANS! [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LIKE TEN DIFFERENT 80 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,470 TYPES OF BEANS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: FANTASTIC. 81 00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:14,407 >> Jimmy: INTENSE. WOW. WHERE ARE THE BEANS GROWING? 82 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:18,912 [ LAUGHTER ] OH, GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] 83 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:23,483 A COUPLE BEANS RIGHT THERE SOME BUSINESS NEWS NOKIA JUST ANNOUNCED THAT 84 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,051 THEY'RE CELEBRATING THE 20th ANNIVERSARY OF THEIR CLASSIC BRICK PHONE BY 85 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:30,924 RELEASING A NEW VERSION. WOW! [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 86 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,560 I MISS THE OLD NOKIA WHEN YOU DROPPED THOSE PHONES, THE SCREEN DIDN'T SHATTER. 87 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,063 THE SIDEWALK DID [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, A COUPLE IN 88 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:43,603 MISSOURI JUST PLEADED GUILTY IN FEDERAL COURT TO SELLING FAKE DISNEY DVDs. 89 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,773 HEY, LISTEN, IF SOMEONE IS STILL ABLE TO SELL DVD'S, THEY SHOULDN'T PUT THEM IN JAIL 90 00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:49,275 THEY SHOULD PUT THEM ON "SHARK TANK." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 91 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,910 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN 92 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:50,944 GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN 93 00:06:54,681 --> 00:07:08,194 * * 94 00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:13,867 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT! 95 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:17,937 HIS NEW BOOK, "ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE: AND OTHER THINGS MY DAUGHTERS TAUGHT ME" WILL BE 96 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,041 AVAILABLE ON TUESDAY ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET. 97 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:27,313 JAMIE FOXX IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S SO GOOD 98 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:31,685 IT'S FUNNY IT'S JUST -- IT'S ACTUALLY SOME GOOD ADVICE IN THERE 99 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:35,855 GREAT STORIES. I LOVE THIS DUDE, MAN. THIS IS GREAT. 100 00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:39,225 JAMIE FOXX IS HERE TONIGHT ALSO HER NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL PREMIERES TONIGHT ON HBO MAX 101 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:42,729 PHOEBE ROBINSON IS HERE! PREMIERES TONIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 102 00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:50,270 PHOEBE ALSO, JOINING US TO TALK ABOUT HIS TRIP TO OUTER SPACE, 103 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:55,408 WILLIAM SHATNER IS ON THE SHOW COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 104 00:07:55,408 --> 00:08:00,013 I CAN'T WAIT AND WE HAVE STAND-UP FROM TOM THAKKAR, EVERYBODY 105 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:07,554 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BIG SHOW, BIG SHOW GUYS, AS I SAID EARLIER, 106 00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:11,057 EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT ADELE RIGHT NOW. HER NEW SONG "EASY ON ME" JUST 107 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:15,695 CAME OUT TONIGHT YEAH, AFTER A LONG HIATUS, ADELE SHOWED UP OUT OF NOWHERE 108 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:19,132 WITH A SONG LIKE - * HELLO * [ LAUGHTER ] 109 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,700 >> Jimmy: AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "WAIT. WHO SAID THAT? 110 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:24,070 AND SHE WAS LIKE - * IT'S ME * >> Jimmy: SO EVERYONE STARTED 111 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,573 FREAKING OUT BECAUSE ADELE HASN'T RELEASED NEW MUSIC IN SIX YEARS. 112 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:29,109 I MEAN, SHE WAS BASICALLY LIKE - * HATE TO TURN UP 113 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:33,680 OUT OF THE BLUE * >> Jimmy: BUT EVERYONE'S FINE WITH IT BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST 114 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,049 EXCITED FOR A NEW ALBUM, WHICH -- * RUMOR HAS IT * 115 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:40,253 >> Jimmy: COMES OUT IN NOVEMBER [ LAUGHTER ] 116 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,958 SO YOU ALREADY KNOW THE SONGS ARE GOING TO BE -- * NOTHING BUT THE BEST * 117 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,860 >> Jimmy: AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE HOPING IT'LL FEATURE SOME DUETS, MAYBE ONE WITH BEYONCE 118 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:56,536 OR COLDPLAY OR MAYBE EVEN -- * YOU TOO * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 119 00:08:56,536 --> 00:09:01,007 >> Steve: OKAY, WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT. >> Jimmy: WHO KNOWS? 120 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,009 ALL I KNOW IS THAT NOTHING WILL STOP PEOPLE FROM GETTING THEIR HANDS ON THE NEW ALBUM 121 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:06,479 IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT STARTS POURING -- * RAIN * 122 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:10,016 >> Jimmy: OR IF -- * THERE'S A FIRE * [ LAUGHTER ] 123 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,718 >> Jimmy: HECK, THEY WON'T EVEN STOP IF THEY LOOK UP LIKE CHICKEN LITTLE AND SEE - 124 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:16,756 * THE SKY FALL * [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BECAUSE IT'S ADELE 125 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:19,826 SHE'S SO TALENTED, WHEN YOU LISTEN TO HER MUSIC, SOMETIMES IT FEELS GREAT, BUT -- 126 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:25,632 * SOMETIMES IT HURTS INSTEAD * >> Jimmy: BUT NO MATTER WHAT, EVERYONE IS GLAD SHE'S BACK, 127 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:30,737 AND AS FOR ME, I'M GOING TO LISTEN TO THE NEW ALBUM -- * A THOUSAND TIMES * 128 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,707 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 129 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:37,744 JAMIE FOXX, EVERYBODY. COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 130 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:59,899 * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 131 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:03,937 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT JAMIE FOXX IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 132 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:10,477 JAMIE FOXX YES. YOU KNOW, BEFORE THE SHOW, 133 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:14,748 JAMIE AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT SOME OF OUR FAVORITE 90s R & B GROUPS 134 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:21,321 AND WE GOT REMINISCING ABOUT THIS DUO THAT WE BOTH LOVED, NAMED TAKE TWO 135 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,089 IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER TAKE TWO, THEY WERE THIS AN R&B DUO WHO WERE FAMOUS FOR DOING THE 136 00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:28,528 FLIRTY DIALOGUE AT THE BEGINNING OF R&B SONGS BUT HERE'S THE THING, THEY 137 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:32,032 NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO THE SINGING PART [ LAUGHTER ] 138 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,534 THEY ONLY DID THE TALKING AT THE START. WELL, I JUST FOUND THIS OLD 139 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,203 COMMERCIAL FOR THEIR MUSIC CHECK THIS OUT [ APPLAUSE ] 140 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:37,237 CHECK THIS OUT [ APPLAUSE ] 141 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:42,742 WAITNG FOR IS FINALLY HERE IT'S THE COMPLETE "TAKE TWO. 142 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:44,811 THIS SPECIAL COLLECTOR'S EDITION INCLUDES ALL YOUR TAKE TWO FAVORITES. 143 00:10:44,811 --> 00:11:00,060 LIKE THE NUMBER TWO SMASH HIT, "HEY GIRL. * 144 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:03,897 >> HEY GIRL. >> Jimmy: IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, >> BUT LATELY YOU'VE BEEN 145 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:12,072 ON MY MIND * >> Jimmy: SO TONIGHT I WANT TO 146 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:17,544 TELL YOU HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE >> THAT'S RIGHT. AND IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING 147 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:23,416 LIKE -- WELL, THERE'S ACTUALLY ARE A COUPLE OF THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU. 148 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:29,189 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: FIRST AND FOREMOST, HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE. 149 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,125 >> YEAH, WE'LL COVER THAT. BUT ALSO I WANT TO TELL YOU, THAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL, YOU MAKE 150 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:43,303 ME FELL, YOU MAKE ME FEEL -- GOOD >> Jimmy: YOU MAKE ME FEEL 151 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,805 GOOD, I GUESS IS THE POINT, RIGHT? THAT'S THE POINT 152 00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:49,743 AND ALSO THAT I GET A LITTLE NERVOUS. YOU MAKE ME A LITTLE NERVOUS 153 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:58,318 >> I NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE YOU BEFORE I MEAN, I'VE MET WOMEN BEFORE 154 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:03,089 * >> I MEAN, I'VE MET WOMEN BEFORE, OF COURSE. 155 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,824 I'VE MET WOMEN WHO ARE ORTHODONTISTS LIKE YOU ARE, BUT MY CURRENT ORTHODONTIST SHE'S 156 00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:09,062 A WOMAN. >> BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE IN MY MOUTH 157 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:13,900 [ LAUGHTER ] * YOU THE ONLY ONE THAT FLOATS 158 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:22,642 DOWN MY ROOT CANAL [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 159 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:26,680 * >> Jimmy: YOU TALKING ABOUT THE GIRL WE SINGING ABOUT? 160 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:31,818 >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, HER, OH, YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 161 00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:35,121 >> THIS SET HAS EVERY TAKE TWO EVERY SONG EVER RECORDED WELL, MAYBE THERE MORE JUST 162 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:39,693 INTROS THAN THE ACTUAL SONGS, BUT THEY'RE STILL SMOOTH LIKE THEIR 1993 CLASSIC, "HEY, 163 00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:51,104 GIRL, WE GOOD? * >> HEY GIRL, WE GOOD 164 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:59,279 >> Jimmy: IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE BEEN AROUND AND AT NIGHT, I'VE BEEN MISSING 165 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:06,386 YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 166 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:13,159 >> Jimmy: IT GOES LIKE THIS. I RECENTLY MOVED SO MY MAIL IS STILL ALL MESSED UP. 167 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:23,103 SO, YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES YOU GOT TO GET A FORWARDING ADDRESS, THE WHOLE THING 168 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,738 * >> YEAH, AND I'VE BEEN GETTING MAIL FROM ALUMNI PURDUE. 169 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:31,945 AND I AIN'T EVEN GO TO PURDUE. [ LAUGHTER ] * 170 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,348 >> Jimmy: NOW, USUALLY I JUST LEAVE IT IN THE MAILBOX FOR THE POSTAL WORKER TAKE IT BACK 171 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:48,361 * SOMETIMES IT'S -- SOMETIMES I FLIP THROUGH THEM. 172 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:52,499 I JUST FLIP THROUGH THEM >> FLIP. >> Jimmy: I'M LIKE A FLIP 173 00:13:52,499 --> 00:14:02,776 >> FLIP. >> Jimmy: A LITTLE FINGER FLIP >> WHY DON'T YOU FLIP? 174 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:10,050 FINGER FLIP THROUGH, THROUGH THEUNIVERSAL BOOK. * 175 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:15,455 >> WAIT, SORRY, MY LINE. SORRY. >> I'M WITH YOU MAN. 176 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,223 >> I KNOW. >> THIS IS CALLED IMPROVISATIONAL. 177 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,459 * >> Jimmy: I JUST SAW THAT ORVILLE REDENBACHER USED TO GO 178 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,827 PURDUE DID YOU KNOW THAT? >> WAIT A A MINUTE THAT'S THE POPCORN 179 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,295 DUDE >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S THE POPCORN WITH THE BOWTIE. 180 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,764 >> NEAT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> LIKE HOLIDAY SONGS? 181 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,267 HOW ABOUT HOLIDAY INTROS CAUSE WE'VE GOT ALL TAKE TWO'S SEASONAL HITS. 182 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,569 INCLUDING "HEY, GIRL, IT'S HALLOWEEN. * 183 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:34,374 >> DON'T WORRY, BABY I WILL HOLD YOU CLOSE WHEN WE WATCH A SCARY MOVIE. 184 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,444 >> Jimmy: OH, I LIKE SCARY MOVIES DO YOU, GIRL 185 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:45,418 * WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU DISCUSSING? REALLY SCARY OR -- 186 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:49,689 >> ANY TYPE OF MOVIE YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY VANILLA FRIEND 187 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,525 * [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT SCARY 188 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:55,695 MOVIES LIKE "JAWS" >> JAWS, YES WELL, "JAWS" ISN'T TECHNICALLY 189 00:14:55,695 --> 00:15:00,500 A SCARY MOVIE, BECAUSE IT'S NOT REALLY FOR HALLOWEEN * 190 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,103 >> Jimmy: WELL, IT IS A SCARY MOVIE. IF YOU WATCH IT IN OCTOBER, I 191 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,739 GUESS THAT MAKES IT A HALLOWEEN MOVIE. >> "JAWS" LITERALLY TAKES PLACE 192 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:09,342 ON THE FOURTH OF JULY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THAT IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE 193 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:18,318 OF HALLOWEEN [ LAUGHTER ] * 194 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:22,355 >> Jimmy: I WOULD HAVE SAID THAT THE OPPOSITE OF HALLOWEEN WAS VALENTINE'S DAY. 195 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:25,959 SORT OF DIFFERENT ENDS OF THE LOVE-FEAR SPECTRUM, KIND OF, YOU KNOW 196 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:33,933 >> OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT. BUT STILL IT'S NOT HALLOWEEN THERE'S NO LINE IN THE "MONSTER 197 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:38,071 MASH" LIKE, "HERE COMES, JAWS, THE SHARK. >> Jimmy: PRETTY SURE HIS NAME 198 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:41,474 ISS JUST JAWS. NOT JAWS, THE SHARK. >> I SWEAR TO GOD. 199 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:46,513 * >> PLUS, THIS SET IS LOADED WITH RARE, NEVER BEFORE HEARD 200 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:53,086 TAKE TWO JAMS. * >> HEY GIRL. 201 00:15:53,086 --> 00:16:01,928 IT TAKES DOS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: EXHALE 202 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:07,300 THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL NAME, EXHALE >> IT TAKES TWO. 203 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,538 >> Jimmy: AND THAT'S US. >> YEP I WAS JUST TRYING TO CORNER THE 204 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:15,475 LATIN MARKET WITH DOS. >> Jimmy: I UNDERSTOOD THAT'S - 205 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:23,783 [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ SPEAKING SPANISH ] 206 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:28,588 * [ LAUGHTER ] >> WE CERTAINLY HAVE NOT RUN - 207 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:38,064 * OUT OF FLIRTY R&B INTROS, TALK OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 208 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:43,636 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS 209 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:47,874 THINKING >> Jimmy: WHAT >> ONE, BECAUSE WE ARE, PART 210 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:51,344 TWO. >> Jimmy: YES. >> WHY DON'T WE SING A LITTLE 211 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:57,684 SOMETHING FOR THEM WHAT DO YOU THINK? JUST THIS ONCE 212 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:01,187 >> Jimmy: JUST THIS ONCE. AND BY IT, DO YOU MEAN SINGING >> YEAH. 213 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:07,193 CORRECT. YES. GIVE IT TO EM LIKE - 214 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:38,058 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 215 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,628 >> OR NOW. >> Jimmy: JAIME FOXX, EVERYBODY. 216 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:46,199 STICK AROUND MORE WITH JAMIE AFTER THE BREAK. 217 00:17:46,199 --> 00:18:18,832 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS AN 218 00:18:18,832 --> 00:18:25,805 OSCAR WINNER, A GRAMMY WINNER, AND NOW HE HAS A NEW BOOK OUT ON TUESDAY CALLED "ACT LIKE YOU 219 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:28,341 GOT SOME SENSE: AND OTHER THINGS MY DAUGHTERS TAUGHT ME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE 220 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,477 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME JAMIE FOXX 221 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:48,128 * 222 00:18:48,128 --> 00:19:00,573 * PCPC >> Jimmy: THAT'S JAMIE FOXX 223 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:09,115 THAT'S JAMIE FOXX RIGHT THERE! YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 224 00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:10,517 WOW! WOW! OH MY GOODNESS 225 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:14,888 OH MY GOODNESS JAMIE FOXX >> YOU KNOW, NEW YORK, Y'ALL 226 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:18,191 AIN'T PLAYING AROUND I JUST HAD TO MAKE SURE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, NO, WE'RE GOOD 227 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:22,862 NO WE'RE GOOD. >> Y'ALL ARE NOT PLAYING AROUND OUT HERE 228 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,265 >> Jimmy: WE DON'T PLAY AROUND IN NBC, NEW YORK >> BUT I'M HAPPY TO BE OUTSIDE 229 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,335 >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. >> SEE EVERYBODY, LOOK AT THIS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 230 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,304 COME ON! >> Jimmy: LOOK AT THAT COME ON. 231 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,473 >> YOU CAN SEE THE BOTTOM OF PEOPLE'S FACES NOW >> Jimmy: YES. 232 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:39,045 >> TAKING THEIR MASK OFF >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU CAN SEE, YEAH 233 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,114 >> 'CAUSE THAT TRIPPED ME OUT. I WAS WORKING ON THIS MOVIE, AND, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY'S EYES 234 00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:44,184 LOOK BEAUTIFUL [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS TALKING TO THIS GIRL FOR, 235 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:47,487 LIKE, SIX MONTHS, AND ALL I SAW WAS THIS YOU TAKE THE THING OFF, I WAS 236 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:52,592 LIKE, "OKAY! [ LAUGHTER ] THE BOTTOM OF THE FACE LOOKS 237 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,229 DIFFERENT, RIGHT I WAS LIKE, "OH! >> Jimmy: LIKE, "PUT THE MASK 238 00:19:56,229 --> 00:20:01,668 BACK ON. YEAH >> SHE'S LIKE, "ARE WE GOING 239 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,870 OUT? I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I'M GOING." [ LAUGHTER ] 240 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,806 >> Jimmy: ONE OF US IS GOING OUT, ABSOLUTELY. >> COVID IS CRAZY, MAN 241 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:10,377 ESPECIALLY BEING BLACK, TOO. IT'S CRAZY NO, I'M JUST SAYING BECAUSE I 242 00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:13,279 KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE TOUGH FOR BROTHERS DURING COVID, JUST THE WAY WE GREET EACH OTHER. 243 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:21,154 LIKE, WHEN I SAW YOU, I WAS LIKE, "OH! [ COUGHS ] 244 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:25,392 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO WE ELBOWED EACH OTHER. 245 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,228 >> YEAH, YOU RIGHT, YOU RIGHT, YOU RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] 246 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:32,732 MY WHITE FRIEND. >> Jimmy: SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT THE BOOK 247 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:37,537 >> OH, YES [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A GIANT BOOK 248 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:39,406 COMING OUT TUESDAY "ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE: AND OTHER THINGS I TAUGHT MY 249 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:45,311 DAUGHTERS," CROSSED IT OUT AND PUT, "MY DAUGHTERS TAUGHT ME." >> YEAH. 250 00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:48,481 >> Jimmy: "ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE." THAT CAME THERE YOUR GRANDMA 251 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,550 >> THAT CAME FROM MY GRANDMOTHER. WHEN I WON THE OSCAR FOR "RAY," 252 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,385 IN MY SPEECH I THANKED MY GRANDMOTHER, BECAUSE I SAID, "SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON WHO 253 00:20:52,385 --> 00:21:00,593 WAS MY ACTING TEACHER. SHE TOLD ME ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE 254 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:04,064 YOU KNOW, IT'S CULTURE, BUT, LIKE, WHEN YOU BLACK, AND YOU GOING INTO A GROCERY STORE, 255 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:07,167 YOUR MOTHER SAYS, "NOW, ACT LIKE YOU'VE GOT SOME SENSE IN THERE. 256 00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:10,203 DON'T YOU PICK UP NOTHING, BECAUSE YOU MIGHT, YOU KNOW, LOSE A LIMB OR WHATEVER. 257 00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:16,776 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SO, I USE THAT TITLE BECAUSE I USED, SORT OF, THE DISCIPLINES 258 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:21,581 OF WHAT MY GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDFATHER TAUGHT ME IN TEXAS TO TRY TO APPLY WITH MY TWO 259 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:27,587 YOUNG GIRLS IN HOLLYWOOD WHICH IN THE BOOK, YOU SEE IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK. 260 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,889 >> Jimmy: NO, I THINK THAT'S WHAT I TOOK FROM THE BOOK. AND WHAT I LOVE FROM THE BOOK, 261 00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:34,694 IS I THINK THAT YOU STARTED A COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR KIDS THAT YOU DON'T TALK TO THEM 262 00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:37,764 LIKE KIDS. YOU'RE TALK TO THEM LIKE, YOU'RE AN ADULT AND YOU'RE THE 263 00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:41,701 DAD, BUT YOU GO, "LET'S TALK." >> BECAUSE OF WHAT I THINK -- YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT A BIG 264 00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:45,972 MESSAGE BOOK CAUSE IT'S A LOT OF FUNNY STUFF IN IT. 265 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,274 BUT WHAT I WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND, I WANTED TO BREAK DOWN THOSE 266 00:21:48,274 --> 00:21:50,543 BARRIERS WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE GOING TO NEED YOU. 267 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:54,381 ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO, LIKE, GUYS AND RELATIONSHIPS I MEAN, WHO ELSE WOULD KNOW 268 00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:59,519 BETTER THAN US AND SO BY DOING IT EARLY, WHICH A LOT OF PEOPLE FROWNED AT 269 00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,388 FIRST, BUT NOW IT PAYS DIVIDENDS WHEN THEY REALLY HAVE SERIOUS QUESTIONS ABOUT GUYS 270 00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:12,966 THAT I'M GOING TO KILL [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: CAN YOU TELL THE 271 00:22:12,966 --> 00:22:15,301 STORY ABOUT HOW YOU HAD -- YOU ENLISTED TO SNOOP DOGG TO HELP INTIMIDATE YOUR DAUGHTERS 272 00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:22,375 BOYFRIEND? >> WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY DAUGHTER, WHO DIDN'T KNOW THAT 273 00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:28,581 I HAD ALREADY RUN A BACKGROUND CHECK ON HER BOYFRIEND, HE COMES -- HE COMES TO THE CRIB 274 00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,550 AND SNOOP HAPPENS TO BE THERE. AND I SAID, "SNOOP, THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE. 275 00:22:30,550 --> 00:22:38,224 SHAKE HIM UP." AND YOU KNOW SNOOP, YOU KNOW, SNOOP WALKED OVER TO MY 276 00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:40,827 DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND, AND JUST SAID," HEY, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP, CUZ 277 00:22:40,827 --> 00:22:46,299 HEY, LOOK HERE WE HER UNCLES, YOU KNOW WHAT I SAYING 278 00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:55,608 SO ACT ACCORDINGLY, HOMIE. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT THE UNDERLYING MEANING OF 279 00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:57,444 IT WAS IS THAT I WANTED THE YOUNG MAN TO UNDERSTAND THAT SHE HAS PEOPLE THAT REALLY LOVE 280 00:22:57,444 --> 00:23:03,683 HER. SO THAT IF SOMETHING DOES GO WRONG, SNOOP IS COMING 281 00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:07,053 [ LAUGHTER ] PPP >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOUR BOOK TOUR KICKS OFF FRIDAY NIGHT IN 282 00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:14,828 PHILLY THEN ON SATURDAY NIGHT YOU'RE IN HARLEM. 283 00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:21,067 >> FRIDAY NIGHT IN PHILLY. FRIDAY NIGHT IN PHILLY FRIDAY NIGHT IN PHILLY 284 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:26,639 WOOH * FRIDAY NIGHT IN PHILL FRIDAY NIGHT 285 00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:32,212 FRIDAY NIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT * * FRIDAY NIGH 286 00:23:32,212 --> 00:23:44,691 FRIDAY NIGHT * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND THEN SATURDAY -- 287 00:23:44,691 --> 00:23:49,496 >> HOLD ON A SECOND. I WANT TO POINT AT EVERYBODY THANK YOU. 288 00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:51,798 >> Jimmy: AND THEN SATURDAY NIGHT, SATURDAY NIGHT IN HARLEM 289 00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:56,102 AT THE APOLLO THEATER. * SATURDAY NIGHT IN HARLE SATURDAY NIGHT IN HARLEM 290 00:23:56,102 --> 00:24:03,376 SATURDAY NIGHT IN HARLEM * * SATURDAY NIGHT IN HARLE SATURDAY NIGHT IN HARLEM * 291 00:24:03,376 --> 00:24:07,514 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TOAST TO YOUR NEW BOOK. 292 00:24:07,514 --> 00:24:13,219 I FIGURED WHY NOT TOAST WITH ACTUALLY YOUR OWN BOURBON. >> OH, MAN 293 00:24:13,219 --> 00:24:17,590 GUYS, I HAVE MY OWN BOURBON. IT'S CALLED BROWN SUGAR BOURBIN. 294 00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:19,759 LISTEN, I'M A TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYBODY ELSE'S ALCOHOL 295 00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:25,665 THIS GOES HARD [ LAUGHTER ] AND IT'S SWEET 296 00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:29,836 IT HAS A NICE SWEET FLAVOR TO IT SO IT IS GOING CRAZY RIGHT NOW 297 00:24:29,836 --> 00:24:31,738 SO WE GOING TO TOAST TO ALL OF YOU GUYS IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A MASK ON, 298 00:24:31,738 --> 00:24:36,810 YOU COULD TASTE IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BROWN SUGAR. 299 00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:46,753 BROWN SUGAR BABE >> Jimmy: JAMIE FOXX, EVERYBODY. 300 00:24:46,753 --> 00:24:49,489 "ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE: AND OTHER THINGS MY DAUGHTERS TAUGHT ME" IS AVAILABLE 301 00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:52,992 STARTING TUESDAY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH PHOEBE ROBINSON. 302 00:24:52,992 --> 00:25:15,181 STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 303 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:20,220 >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A A VERY TALENTED COMEDIAN WITH A NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL CALLED, 304 00:25:20,220 --> 00:25:25,458 "SORRY, HARRIET TUBMAN," WHICH PREMIERED TODAY ON HBO MAX AND THIS IS HER NEW BOOK OF 305 00:25:25,458 --> 00:25:28,962 ESSAYS CALLED, "PLEASE DON'T SIT ON MY BED IN YOUR OUTSIDE CLOTHES. 306 00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:32,499 PLEASE WELCOME THE MULTI-TALENTED, PHOEBE ROBINSON! 307 00:25:32,499 --> 00:25:32,532 MULTI-TALENTED, PHOEBE ROBINSON! 308 00:25:34,134 --> 00:25:52,452 * * 309 00:25:52,452 --> 00:25:55,955 >> Jimmy: FANTASTIC! >> WOW >> Jimmy: IT'S SO -- IT'S SO 310 00:25:55,955 --> 00:26:01,094 NICE TO SEE YOU IN PERSON. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING OUR SHOW DURING ZOOM 311 00:26:01,094 --> 00:26:04,597 THE SHOW THAT I -- YOU KNOW. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE -- YOU'RE -- 312 00:26:04,597 --> 00:26:06,666 YOU'RE A FRIEND OF THE SHOW. I APPRECIATE THAT. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME BACK 313 00:26:06,666 --> 00:26:10,170 HI, EVERYONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH 314 00:26:10,170 --> 00:26:13,340 >> Jimmy: WELL, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR STAND-UP SPECIAL. IT PREMIERES TONIGHT, HBO MAX. 315 00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:16,276 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: GIGANTIC >> A DREAM COME TRUE 316 00:26:16,276 --> 00:26:20,880 A DREAM COME TRUE. >> Jimmy: BUT YOU ALSO HAVE A BOOK OF ESSAYS CALLED, 317 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,050 "PLEASE DON'T SIT ON MY BED IN YOUR OUTSIDE CLOTHES." [ LAUGHTER ] 318 00:26:24,050 --> 00:26:27,420 EXPLAIN THE TITLE TO ME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> DO YOU GET IT 319 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:30,490 QUESTLOVE GETS IT. >> Jimmy: SORRY. YEAH, YEAH 320 00:26:30,490 --> 00:26:32,892 >> SO, YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS ARE VERY NEAT PEOPLE >> Jimmy: YEAH 321 00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:35,962 >> THEY LIKE A CLEAN HOME. AND THEY'RE LIKE, "THE OUTSIDE WORLD IS TRIFLING. 322 00:26:35,962 --> 00:26:39,466 DON'T BRING THAT IN HERE." [ LAUGHTER ] SO THEY WOULD -- THEY WOULD 323 00:26:39,466 --> 00:26:41,634 TELL MY BROTHER AND I JUST, LIKE, "CHANGE CLOTHES. PUT ON YOUR INSIDE CLOTHES 324 00:26:41,634 --> 00:26:45,071 PUT ON YOUR PAJAMAS OR WHATEVER." AND THEN THAT STUCK WITH ME. 325 00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:47,540 AND SO THEN, WHEN I WENT TO COLLEGE, I WENT TO PRATT INSTITUTE. 326 00:26:47,540 --> 00:26:51,711 I WOULDN'T LET ANYONE SIT ON MY BED. AND LIKE, DUDE, CAUSE I'M LIKE, 327 00:26:51,711 --> 00:26:54,114 "YOU WERE ON THE NEW YORK SUBWAYS. SO HE CAN'T SIT ON THERE." 328 00:26:54,114 --> 00:26:56,282 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN SO MANY PEOPLE WERE LIKE -- THAT WAS THE ONE THING 329 00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:59,786 PEOPLE REMEMBERED ABOUT ME SO I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY PERSONALITY WAS TRASHED IN 330 00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:02,856 COLLEGE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. 331 00:27:02,856 --> 00:27:06,359 THAT'S SO -- >> YEAH, IT'S HORRIBLE >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU -- 332 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,661 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND DO YOU STILL, KIND OF, FEEL THAT WAY OR NO 333 00:27:08,661 --> 00:27:11,264 >> YEAH, I AM. YES. NO -- JUST PLEASE -- 334 00:27:11,264 --> 00:27:13,800 >> Jimmy: SURE >> JUST BRING AN OVERNIGHT BAG TO THE SPRING THAT SAVED MY 335 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:18,038 LIFE [ LAUGHTER ] PLEASE DON'T SIT ON MY BED 336 00:27:18,038 --> 00:27:20,340 >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT'S THE THING THEY REMEMBER ABOUT YOU. >> YES 337 00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:22,409 >> Jimmy: OF ALL THE FUNNY THINGS IN -- >> OH, THANKS. 338 00:27:22,409 --> 00:27:24,811 >> Jimmy: THAT YOU'RE DOING, NO, THAT'S WHAT YOU REMEMBER THEN 339 00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:26,579 I SAID - >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT. 340 00:27:26,579 --> 00:27:29,049 I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE STAND-UP SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU -- YOU SHOT THIS IN 341 00:27:29,049 --> 00:27:31,384 THE MIDDLE OF THE PANDEMIC IN THE AT THE BOTANICAL GARDENS >> YEAH, IN BROOKLYN 342 00:27:31,384 --> 00:27:33,453 >> Jimmy: IN BROOKLYN, WHICH IS YOU. >> YES 343 00:27:33,453 --> 00:27:35,522 >> Jimmy: WHICH I LOVE >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WHAT WAS IT LIKE 344 00:27:35,522 --> 00:27:37,624 >> IT WAS VERY EXCITING. I WAS SO NERVOUS BECAUSE I WAS LIKE, "I JUST 345 00:27:37,624 --> 00:27:41,561 HOPE WE CAN GET THIS OFF IN -- YOU KNOW, THE DELTA -- THE DELTA VARIANT WAS LIKE, "HEY, 346 00:27:41,561 --> 00:27:44,597 BOO! AND I WAS LIKE - [ LAUGHTER ] 347 00:27:44,597 --> 00:27:48,335 I WAS LIKE, "THIS IS MY -- PLEASE." AND WE GOT THROUGH IT. 348 00:27:48,335 --> 00:27:50,303 >> Jimmy: "HEY, BOO. >> YEAH. "HEY BOO, I'M BACK." 349 00:27:50,303 --> 00:27:51,838 [ LAUGHTER ] AND I'M LIKE - >> Jimmy: NO 350 00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:55,308 >> "NO ONE INVITED YOU." >> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS SPOT. LOOK AT THE PHOTOS - 351 00:27:55,308 --> 00:27:58,945 >> LOOK AT THOSE PELOTON LEGS, YOU GUYS [ LAUGHTER ] 352 00:27:58,945 --> 00:28:01,648 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LOOK AT IT AH 353 00:28:01,648 --> 00:28:05,719 LOOK AT IT >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 354 00:28:05,719 --> 00:28:08,321 OH, MY GOSH. BUT I -- I LOVE THAT YOU DID IT AND YOU GO, "YEAH. 355 00:28:08,321 --> 00:28:11,391 WE'RE DOING THIS SAFELY AND WE'RE PUTTING THIS OUT THERE, BECAUSE WE NEED FUNNY -- 356 00:28:11,391 --> 00:28:13,860 >> YES >> Jimmy: WE NEED CONTENT. >> WE GOT TO JUST, LIKE, RELAX 357 00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:17,731 AND LAUGH AND NOT BE STRESSED OUT ANYMORE. SO I HOPE THAT PEOPLE FEEL THAT 358 00:28:17,731 --> 00:28:20,900 WAY WHEN THEY WATCH THE HOUR >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP. 359 00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:24,337 HERE'S PHOEBE ROBINSON IN "SORRY, HARRIET TUBMAN." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 360 00:28:24,337 --> 00:28:24,371 "SORRY, HARRIET TUBMAN." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 361 00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:27,040 >> NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. 362 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:33,046 I DO HE'S MY SOULMATE, MY BEST FRIEND 363 00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:35,782 BUT DURING QUARANTINE, HE WAS GIVING ME MAJOR -- "DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE 364 00:28:35,782 --> 00:28:40,687 ENVIRONMENT? [ LAUGHTER ] DO YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS ON THE 365 00:28:40,687 --> 00:28:46,059 STREET WITH -- HOLDING CLIPBOARDS, JUST GETTING IN YOUR WAY 366 00:28:46,059 --> 00:28:49,863 [ LAUGHTER ] ASKING YOU QUESTIONS THAT WAS MY BOYFRIEND. 367 00:28:49,863 --> 00:28:54,567 HE WAS JUST TRACKING ME ALL OVER THE APARTMENT, OKAY HE WAS LIKE, "ARE YOU HUNGRY 368 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:59,606 WANT TO ORDER OUT? DO YOU WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE OR PLAY CHECKERS? 369 00:28:59,606 --> 00:29:07,480 HEY, I'M JUST CHECKING IN. WANT TO SEE HOW YOUR DAY IS. AND I WAS LIKE, "MAN, YOU HAVE 370 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:11,184 AN UNCUT LIVESTREAM FEED OF HOW MY DAY IS GOING. [ LAUGHTER ] 371 00:29:11,184 --> 00:29:13,687 >> Jimmy: YOU TELL ME. EXACTLY RIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 372 00:29:13,687 --> 00:29:18,391 PHOEBE ROBINSON, EVERYBODY "SORRY, HARRIET TUBMAN" IS STREAMING RIGHT NOW ON HBO MAX 373 00:29:18,391 --> 00:29:22,328 IT'S OUT CONGRATULATIONS! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 374 00:29:22,328 --> 00:29:24,864 WILLIAM SHATNER JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. 375 00:29:24,864 --> 00:29:46,886 COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 376 00:29:46,886 --> 00:29:53,460 >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR, AUTHOR, PERFORMER, AND AS OF 377 00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:59,366 YESTERDAY, HE IS NOW ALSO OFFICIALLY AN ASTRONAUT. BACK FROM HIS TRIP TO OUTER 378 00:29:59,366 --> 00:30:02,335 SPACE WITH BLUE ORIGIN, PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE AND ONLY, WILLIAM SHATNER! 379 00:30:02,335 --> 00:30:02,369 WELCOME THE ONE AND ONLY, WILLIAM SHATNER! 380 00:30:03,336 --> 00:30:07,440 * >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M 381 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,209 TALKING ABOUT! HEY! OH, MY GOSH. 382 00:30:09,209 --> 00:30:12,912 I'M -- >> OH, MY GOD. AN ASTRONAUT 383 00:30:12,912 --> 00:30:16,182 WE'RE NOT REALLY, YOU KNOW ASTRONAUTS REALLY, THEY GO UP, THEY DO THINGS 384 00:30:16,182 --> 00:30:22,088 WE'RE HALF ASTRONAUTS. >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO [ LAUGHTER ] 385 00:30:22,088 --> 00:30:24,157 HALF ASTRONAUTS. ASTRO-NOTS THANK YOU. 386 00:30:24,157 --> 00:30:27,260 YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WILLIAM, I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE 387 00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:29,195 YOU. AND I REALLY WANTED TO TALK TO YOU. 388 00:30:29,195 --> 00:30:33,066 THIS IS SO EXCITING TO ME. BECAUSE I LOVED IT SO MUCH AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY I LOVED 389 00:30:33,066 --> 00:30:38,171 IT ONE IS BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, YOU SPENT A MAJORITY OF YOUR LIFE 390 00:30:38,171 --> 00:30:41,574 TALKING ABOUT SPACE AND, YOU KNOW, "STAR TREK" AND YOU'RE CAPTAIN KIRK 391 00:30:41,574 --> 00:30:45,512 HERE'S WHY I REALLY LOVED IT YOU COME DOWN. YOU LAND IN THIS DESERT THING. 392 00:30:45,512 --> 00:30:49,115 YOU COME OUT OF THE CAPSULE. JEFF BEZOS COMES OVER. THEN HE COMES IN WITH 393 00:30:49,115 --> 00:30:53,687 CHAMPAGNE. AND HE'S LIKE, "WHOO-HOO!" AND YOU GO, "NO. 394 00:30:53,687 --> 00:30:56,656 HEY. NO NOT NOW, BUDDY 395 00:30:56,656 --> 00:31:00,493 ABSOLUTELY NOT I DON'T WANT THE CHAMPAGNE I'VE GOT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT 396 00:31:00,493 --> 00:31:05,932 JUST HAPPENED. >> WELL, YOU KNOW, THE -- THE WHOLE EFFECT OF GOING INTO 397 00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:12,405 SPACE AND -- AND SEEING WHAT VERY FEW PEOPLE HAVE SEEN, AND THERE IS NO FRAME OF REFERENCE 398 00:31:12,405 --> 00:31:15,075 HOW DO YOU -- HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE WEIGHTLESSNESS? HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE SEEING 399 00:31:15,075 --> 00:31:23,316 PALPABLE DARKNESS -- BLACKNESS OF SPACE WHERE THERE IS NO FILTER OF DUST OR DIRT OR 400 00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:27,821 REFLECTIONS OF LIGHT IT'S THERE IT'S LIKE HANGING THERE. 401 00:31:27,821 --> 00:31:31,858 IT'S EVIL. IT SEEMS LIKE THE -- THE MONSTER. 402 00:31:31,858 --> 00:31:41,101 AND THEN YOU LOOK DOWN AND YOU SEE THIS PRECIOUS THING. THIS WARM, NURTURING EARTH 403 00:31:41,101 --> 00:31:46,606 AND YOU SEE DEATH AND LIFE AND YOU DESCEND AND THEN YOU'RE OVERWHELMED BY THE POSSIBILITY 404 00:31:46,606 --> 00:31:49,876 OF THE EARTH ENDING IN A SHORT WHILE. AND YOUR LIFE IS IN FRONT OF 405 00:31:49,876 --> 00:31:55,448 YOU. BUT THE MESSAGE IS INTERESTING THE MESSAGE IS, WE ALL NEED 406 00:31:55,448 --> 00:31:58,418 A WAKE-UP CALL EVERY SO OFTEN IN OUR LIVES WHERE YOUR -- YOUR LIFE IS THREATENED BY 407 00:31:58,418 --> 00:32:02,689 SOMETHING. YOU MAY HAVE A NEAR ACCIDENT OR YOU -- SOMEBODY YOU LOVE HAS 408 00:32:02,689 --> 00:32:07,694 DIED AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU LOOK AT YOUR LIFE AND GO, "WAIT A 409 00:32:07,694 --> 00:32:11,197 A MINUTE WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE? AND YOU HAVE THAT WAKE-UP CALL 410 00:32:11,197 --> 00:32:16,569 AND YOU NEED IT EVERY SO OFTEN BECAUSE THEN, YOU KNOW, COMING AND TELLING JOKES IS VERY 411 00:32:16,569 --> 00:32:20,707 IMPORTANT AND YOU LOSE SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT -- THAT YES, THAT'S IMPORTANT 412 00:32:20,707 --> 00:32:28,148 BUT WHAT IS EQUALLY AND PERHAPS MORE IMPORTANT IS CARING, LOVING, THE PLANET IS GOING TO 413 00:32:28,148 --> 00:32:32,619 BE INUNDATED UNLESS WE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT I MEAN REALLY BAD AND WE GOT TO 414 00:32:32,619 --> 00:32:36,122 DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT 415 00:32:36,122 --> 00:32:40,827 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE SO ALL THOSE DEEP THINGS THAT 416 00:32:40,827 --> 00:32:44,664 WE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT EVERY SO OFTEN, WE NEED TO BE REMINDED 417 00:32:44,664 --> 00:32:51,871 AND THAT MOON SHOT, THAT -- THAT THING, THAT DID IT TO ME. AND I WAS -- I WAS OVERWHELMED 418 00:32:51,871 --> 00:32:58,745 BY ALL THE THINGS WE NEED TO DO AND THE LOVES AND THE LOSSES IT WAS AN ENORMOUS MOMENT FOR 419 00:32:58,745 --> 00:33:04,451 ME THAT I NEVER EXPECTED I, TOO, HAVE AN ALBUM CALLED "BILL" THAT OUT'S THERE. 420 00:33:04,451 --> 00:33:09,155 AND THERE IS A SONG ON THERE SO CLOSE, SO FAR FROM THE MOON. A TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN THEY 421 00:33:09,155 --> 00:33:14,060 WALKED ON THE MOON AND I WAS SO FAR FROM IT. AND HERE I WAS, 50 YEARS LATER, 422 00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:19,866 SO CLOSE TO THE MOON AND -- AND IT WAS VERY MEANINGFUL TO ME 423 00:33:19,866 --> 00:33:23,336 >> Jimmy: THE ALBUM, BY THE WAY, WHICH I JUST LISTENED TO, IS GETTING GREAT REVIEWS AND I 424 00:33:23,336 --> 00:33:26,639 LOVE IT. I GO, "WOW, WILLIAM SHATNER HAS A NEW RECORD." 425 00:33:26,639 --> 00:33:30,343 IT IS GETTING GREAT REVIEWS. I LOVED IT I KNOW YOU THAT WERE SAYING IN 426 00:33:30,343 --> 00:33:36,249 INTERVIEWS BEFORE YOU DID THIS TRIP THAT YOU GOING TO WRITE A A SONG ABOUT THIS. 427 00:33:36,249 --> 00:33:39,085 ARE YOU STILL GOING TO WRITE A A SONG OR -- AND HAS THE SONG CHANGED? 428 00:33:39,085 --> 00:33:41,721 >> YEAH. THANK YOU, JIMMY THE -- THE OTHER PART OF THAT, 429 00:33:41,721 --> 00:33:51,564 THE OTHER ASTONISHING PART WAS THAT DAN MILLER, ROB, THE POET, AND I HAVE WORKED ON THIS ALBUM 430 00:33:51,564 --> 00:33:56,102 AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ALBUM IT'S A WORK OF LOVE AND -- AND, AS YOU SAID, IT IS GETTING 431 00:33:56,102 --> 00:34:00,306 ASTONISHING REVIEWS. WE MET IN NEW YORK A FEW DAYS AGO AND SAID, "YOU KNOW? 432 00:34:00,306 --> 00:34:03,910 WE'VE GOT TO WRITE ABOUT SONG ABOUT BILL GOING UP INTO SPACE AND WHAT IS THE SONG ABOUT." 433 00:34:03,910 --> 00:34:07,080 WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE. YOU KNOW 434 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:13,186 THE BLUE ORB AND THE THING YOU SEE, AND THE -- I CALLED ROB THE POET, WHEN I CAME DOWN 435 00:34:13,186 --> 00:34:17,057 I SAID, "TOSS OUT EVERYTHING WE TALKED ABOUT GOING UP THERE AND HAVING THAT 436 00:34:17,057 --> 00:34:22,696 EXPERIENCE IS NOTHING LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR ABOUT >> Jimmy: I JUST WANT TO SAY 437 00:34:22,696 --> 00:34:27,734 ALSO, ON BEHALF, I -- I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT THAT YOU DID IT I THINK IT WAS ALSO -- MAYBE, 438 00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:30,370 ALSO A WAKE-UP CALL FOR ALL OF US TO JUST TO WHEN YOU GET A A CHANCE, JUST TELL SOMEONE YOU 439 00:34:30,370 --> 00:34:35,075 LOVE THEM. SO, YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 440 00:34:35,075 --> 00:34:38,111 >> AND THAT'S THE MESSAGE. >> Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU, BUDDY WILLIAM SHATNER, EVERYBODY 441 00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:41,081 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE WENT TO SPACE HE WAS AN ASTRONAUT. 442 00:34:41,081 --> 00:34:44,250 IT'S WILLIAM SHATNER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 443 00:34:44,250 --> 00:34:46,653 "TONIGHT SHOW. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON 444 00:34:46,653 --> 00:34:50,924 THE SHOW WE LOVE YOU, BUDDY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 445 00:34:50,924 --> 00:35:10,577 * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE SEEN AT THE NEW YORK COMEDY 446 00:35:10,577 --> 00:35:16,616 CELLAR, TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19th. MAKING HIS "TONIGHT SHOW" DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY 447 00:35:16,616 --> 00:35:18,084 DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY TOM THAKKAR. 448 00:35:20,053 --> 00:35:24,257 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 449 00:35:24,257 --> 00:35:27,627 >> HOLY MOLY LOOK AT YOU. OH, MY GOSH. 450 00:35:27,627 --> 00:35:35,635 THIS IS INCREDIBLE IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HERE. I'VE BEEN AGING RAPIDLY. 451 00:35:35,635 --> 00:35:38,805 I'VE BEEN CATCHING MYSELF JUST SAYING OLD PEOPLE STUFF LATELY I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET 452 00:35:38,805 --> 00:35:42,609 THE OTHER DAY AND I JUST HEARD MYSELF GO, "THAT POST OFFICE USED TO BE A BANK. 453 00:35:42,609 --> 00:35:46,346 [ LAUGHTER ] WHO CARES? THAT'S NOT A GOOD STORY. 454 00:35:46,346 --> 00:35:49,282 THAT SUCKS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THAT'S AN OLD PERSON STORY, YOU 455 00:35:49,282 --> 00:35:51,251 KNOW THEY'RE ALWAYS TELLING YOU STUFF LIKE THAT. 456 00:35:51,251 --> 00:35:53,753 THEY'RE LIKE, "THAT PIZZA PLACE WAS A SPAGHETTI PLACE BEFORE." [ LAUGHTER ] 457 00:35:53,753 --> 00:35:56,089 "ALL RIGHT DID YOU LIKE THE SPAGHETTI PLACE? 458 00:35:56,089 --> 00:36:00,226 "NO. IT JUST WAS. YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT WAS. 459 00:36:00,226 --> 00:36:06,232 [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT THAT OLD YET I'LL KNOW I'M REALLY OLD WHEN I 460 00:36:06,232 --> 00:36:10,370 HAVE A LOUD CLOCK IN MY HOUSE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] OLD PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS INTO THE 461 00:36:10,370 --> 00:36:14,207 LOUDEST CLOCKS YOU STAY WITH AN OLD PERSON, THEIR CLOCK IS LIKE, "BING, 462 00:36:14,207 --> 00:36:22,282 BONG, DING, DONG DING, DONG, BING, BONG BONG 463 00:36:22,282 --> 00:36:25,051 BONG BONG BONG!" 464 00:36:25,051 --> 00:36:27,887 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN THEY'RE ALWAYS LIKE, "I HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING LAST 465 00:36:27,887 --> 00:36:38,064 NIGHT. LIKE YEAH, I WONDER WHY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 466 00:36:38,064 --> 00:36:42,969 I'M FROM INDIANA I LIVE IN NEW YORK BUT MY FAMILY REFUSES TO VISIT 467 00:36:42,969 --> 00:36:46,673 ME HERE AND MY FRIENDS, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SCARED OF NEW YORK THEY THINK IT'S TOO DANGEROUS, 468 00:36:46,673 --> 00:36:49,409 WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE INDIANA IS THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN 469 00:36:49,409 --> 00:36:53,346 [ LAUGHTER ] WHEN I WAS A KID, OUR MAIN FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT WAS A 470 00:36:53,346 --> 00:36:57,384 A TRAMPOLINE THAT DIDN'T HAVE THE GUARD NET THING AROUND IT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 471 00:36:57,384 --> 00:37:01,755 THOSE ARE LIKE LITTLE KID DEATH TRAPS. EVERY KID HOBBLES AWAY LIKE, 472 00:37:01,755 --> 00:37:08,094 "WE LOST JEREMY BACK THERE AND I'M DIFFERENT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] 473 00:37:08,094 --> 00:37:11,931 MY BROTHER BROKE HIS LEG ON OUR TRAMPOLINE IMMEDIATELY, BECAUSE DID HE THAT THING WHERE HE WAS 474 00:37:11,931 --> 00:37:15,535 LIKE, "I'M GOING TO GO AS HIGH AS I CAN ON THE NEW TRAMPOLINE," AND THEN HE DID, 475 00:37:15,535 --> 00:37:19,139 AND THEN HE STARTED TO FLOAT AWAY FROM THE TRAMPOLINE [ LAUGHTER ] 476 00:37:19,139 --> 00:37:22,542 YOU KNOW THAT MOMENT WHERE YOU SEE SOMEBODY SUSPENDED IN THE AIR AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, NO 477 00:37:22,542 --> 00:37:25,478 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WE'RE ABOUT TO HEAR A NEW NOISE. 478 00:37:25,478 --> 00:37:31,151 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S GOING TO BE CRAZY BUT, NO, MY BROTHER BROKE HIS 479 00:37:31,151 --> 00:37:35,522 LEG, AND THEN HE MADE ME -- WE DIDN'T WANT TO TELL MY MOM WHAT HAPPENED, BECAUSE WE DIDN'T 480 00:37:35,522 --> 00:37:39,592 WANT TO LOSE THE TRAMPOLINE. SO HE MADE ME DRAG HIM INTO THE HOUSE, AND THEN WHEN MY MOM GOT 481 00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:44,831 HOME, WE TOLD HER THAT MY UNCLE BROKE MY BROTHER'S LEG [ LAUGHTER ] 482 00:37:44,831 --> 00:37:47,233 BECAUSE WE WERE MORE WILLING TO LOSE HIM THAN A BOUNCY TARP, SO - 483 00:37:47,233 --> 00:37:53,239 [ LAUGHTER ] I GOT BANNED ON TWITTER LAST YEAR 484 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:57,711 THIS IS TRUE BECAUSE I GOT SUPER INTO THIS SHOW CALLED "MY CAT FROM HELL. 485 00:37:57,711 --> 00:37:59,813 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW IF GUYS HAVE SEEN IT 486 00:37:59,813 --> 00:38:02,315 IT'S THE BEST SHOW IT'S ON ANIMAL PLANET. IT'S LIKE "THE DOG WHISPERER," 487 00:38:02,315 --> 00:38:06,252 BUT FOR CATS AND THE HOST'S NAME IS JACKSON GALAXY AND HE CALLS 488 00:38:06,252 --> 00:38:10,724 HIMSELF THE CAT DADDY. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S INCREDIBLE. 489 00:38:10,724 --> 00:38:14,227 AND I WAS WATCHING, AND I WAS LIKE, "MAN, I BET THIS SHOW HAS THE BEST TWITTER ACCOUNT OF ALL 490 00:38:14,227 --> 00:38:16,429 TIME WITH ALL THESE CRAZY CAT PEOPLE AND JACKSON GALAXY. I LOOKED IT UP 491 00:38:16,429 --> 00:38:19,366 THEY DIDN'T HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT. BUT NOW THEY DO. 492 00:38:19,366 --> 00:38:22,769 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE BECAUSE I MADE ONE I MADE A TWITTER ACCOUNT FOR 493 00:38:22,769 --> 00:38:25,505 "MY CAT FROM HELL. AND I GOT LIKE, 15,000 FOLLOWERS, BECAUSE I 494 00:38:25,505 --> 00:38:28,341 PLAYED IT STRAIGHT ALL I WOULD TWEET WAS LIKE, "CHECK OUT THE SHOW. 495 00:38:28,341 --> 00:38:30,944 SUNDAYS AT 9:00. YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ] 496 00:38:30,944 --> 00:38:33,146 "WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MEOWMENT FROM TONIGHT'S EPISODE? 497 00:38:33,146 --> 00:38:37,083 [ LAUGHTER ] I DID THAT FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR LIKE A PSYCHO. 498 00:38:37,083 --> 00:38:41,888 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND IT WAS SO BELIEVABLE THAT WHEN PEOPLE INTERVIEWED THE 499 00:38:41,888 --> 00:38:44,090 HOST OF THE SHOW, THEY'D TAG MY TWITTER ACCOUNT. THEY'D BE LIKE, "FOLLOW HIM 500 00:38:44,090 --> 00:38:47,894 HERE," AND EVERYBODY DID AND THEN A YEAR IN, I GOT DRUNK AND I WAS LIKE, "LET'S BURN 501 00:38:47,894 --> 00:38:55,435 THIS THING DOWN. YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 502 00:38:55,435 --> 00:38:57,203 SO MY FIRST MOVE WAS I TWEETED OUT, "HEY, SEND IN A PICTURE OF YOUR CAT AND I'LL GIVE IT 503 00:38:57,203 --> 00:39:02,108 A RATING FROM 1 TO 10. [ LAUGHTER ] AND I GOT THOUSANDS OF CAT 504 00:39:02,108 --> 00:39:06,146 PICTURES, AND I GAVE THEM ALL THREES [ LAUGHTER ] 505 00:39:06,146 --> 00:39:09,649 AND PEOPLE WERE SO MAD I THOUGHT THEY MIGHT THINK IT WAS FUNNY. 506 00:39:09,649 --> 00:39:11,518 THEY DID NOT THEY WERE LIKE, "HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MY CAT AND MY 507 00:39:11,518 --> 00:39:16,556 FAMILY." AND WAS JUST LIKE, "HEY, I'M SORRY YOUR CAT'S A BUTTER TAIL 508 00:39:16,556 --> 00:39:18,725 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME." [ LAUGHTER ] 509 00:39:18,725 --> 00:39:21,661 "I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOUR LITTLE KITTY CAT, YOU PERVERT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 510 00:39:21,661 --> 00:39:25,832 BUT I SPELLED "PERVERT" P-U-R-R-V-E-R-T. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 511 00:39:25,832 --> 00:39:30,203 TO STAY ON BRAND BUT WHAT GOT ME IN TROUBLE WAS PEOPLE WERE ASKING ME FOR CAT 512 00:39:30,203 --> 00:39:32,706 ADVICE ALL THE TIME, AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CATS 513 00:39:32,706 --> 00:39:36,876 BUT I STARTED GIVING ADVICE. [ LAUGHTER ] A LOT OF IT WAS LIKE, PEOPLE 514 00:39:36,876 --> 00:39:40,480 GOING, "HEY, MY CAT SCRATCHES OUR FACES EVERY DAY. AND I WAS LIKE, "YOU'VE GOT TO 515 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,050 CHANGE THAT CAT'S NAME, BROTHER. [ LAUGHTER ] 516 00:39:44,050 --> 00:39:47,787 THE ONE THAT REALLY GOT ME IN TROUBLE THOUGH IS THIS GUY GOES, "HEY, MY CAT KEEPS GOING 517 00:39:47,787 --> 00:39:49,889 TO THE BATHROOM NEXT TO THE LITTER BOX AND HE WON'T GO INSIDE 518 00:39:49,889 --> 00:39:52,726 NEXT TO IT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. AND I WAS LIKE, "LOOK, CATS ARE 519 00:39:52,726 --> 00:39:56,863 VERY OBSERVANT, PERCEPTIVE CREATURES. [ LAUGHTER ] 520 00:39:56,863 --> 00:40:02,135 SOMETIMES THEY NEED TO SEE YOU GO IN THE LITTER BOX BEFORE THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO." 521 00:40:02,135 --> 00:40:05,605 AND RIGHT BEFORE I GOT BANNED, I JUST SAW ONE TWEET FROM THAT DUDE THAT WAS LIKE, "THIS IS 522 00:40:05,605 --> 00:40:09,542 NOT WORKING. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT, I'M TOM THAKKAR 523 00:40:09,542 --> 00:40:12,946 THANK YOU GUYS VERY MUCH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 524 00:40:12,946 --> 00:40:15,448 >> Jimmy: HEY! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, BROTHER. OH MY GOSH, FANTASTIC! 525 00:40:15,448 --> 00:40:20,487 TOM THAKKAR! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE WILL BE AT THE NEW YORK 526 00:40:20,487 --> 00:40:24,524 COMEDY CELLAR TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19th MY THANKS TO JAMIE FOXX, 527 00:40:24,524 --> 00:40:32,065 PHOEBE ROBINSON, WILLIAM SHATNER, TOM THAKKAR [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 528 00:40:32,065 --> 00:40:35,368 AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 529 00:40:35,368 --> 00:40:38,538 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.