1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:13,279 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:18,852 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:22,889 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - ANDREW GARFIELD. 4 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:29,429 PATTON OSWALT. A PERFORMANCE FROM "LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS." 5 00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:34,134 AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1513 6 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:39,039 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:40,874 --> 00:01:00,160 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 8 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,064 >> Jimmy: OH, WELCOME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU GO 9 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:09,436 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. WELCOME EVERYBODY, PLEASE. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO 10 00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:12,405 "THE TONIGHT SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 11 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:17,977 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WELL GUYS, TODAY, A GROUP OF LEADING U.S. AND INTERNATIONAL 12 00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:22,816 SCIENTISTS ANNOUNCED NEW DATA THAT SHOWS COVID BOOSTER SHOTS ARE NOT APPROPRIATE AT THIS 13 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:28,455 TIME [ AUDIENCE OHS ] AND THEN SCIENTISTS SAW 14 00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:31,091 100 SOLD OUT FOOTBALL STADIUMS THIS WEEKEND, AND WERE LIKE, "HOLD THAT THOUGHT 15 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,160 HOLD ON A SECOND." [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, THEY SAID THEY'RE 16 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,763 ABSOLUTELY SURE OF THEIR FINDINGS, AND LOOK FORWARD TO CHANGING THEM NEXT WEEK. 17 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:44,204 [ LAUGHTER ] IT SEEMS LIKE THESE SCIENTISTS CAN'T MAKE UP THEIR MIND 18 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:46,606 I SAY WE JUST SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, AND JUST START MICRODOSING PFIZER 19 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:50,210 [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, AS IF THE DELTA VARIANT ISN'T CAUSING ENOUGH 20 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:54,714 PROBLEMS, APPARENTLY IT'S NOW LED TO A SHORTAGE OF PRINTING PAPER. 21 00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,716 OOHS THIS IS A BIG DEAL. IF THIS IS TRUE, MY DAD WILL HAVE NO WAY TO PRINT OUT HIS 22 00:01:56,716 --> 00:02:04,324 EMAILS [ LAUGHTER ] "HOLD ON A SECOND, JIMMY 23 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:10,063 LET ME READ WHAT YOU WROTE HOLD ON A SECOND." THE PAPER SHORTAGE IS SO BAD, 24 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,399 BOOK SELLERS ARE WORRIED THERE MIGHT NOT BE ENOUGH PAPER TO PRINT BOOKS. 25 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:17,337 [ AUDIENCE GROANS SEE, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ONE OUT OF THREE PEOPLE WRITE 26 00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:19,939 A TRUMP TELL-ALL THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING EVERYONE'S GOT TO STOP WITH THE 27 00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:24,878 TELL-ALL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, THIS IS FUN. 28 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:30,450 AHEAD OF THE NEWEST "JAMES BOND" FILM, ONE COMPANY IS LOOKING TO HIRE SOMEONE TO BE 29 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:34,821 AN OFFICIAL MARTINI TESTER [ CHEERS ] THAT SOUNDS LIKE A JOB A 30 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:39,426 A CONTESTANT ON "THE BACHELORETTE" WOULD HAVE "HI, MY NAME IS TODD V 31 00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:42,095 I'M AN OFFICIAL MARTINI TESTER." [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:46,533 THIS WASN'T GOOD YESTERDAY, AT THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM'S SEASON 33 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,368 OPENER -- THAT'S THE NAME. THEY'RE STICKING WITH THAT NAME 34 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:53,506 THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM, YEP. AT THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL 35 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,776 TEAM'S SEASON OPENER, A PIPE AT THE STADIUM BURST OVER A GROUP OF FANS. 36 00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:59,212 AND SOME PEOPLE SAID IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SEWAGE [ AUDIENCE OHS ] 37 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:00,246 I DON'T KNOW TAKE A LOOK. 38 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:10,123 >> THAT'S SEWAGE >> THAT'S SEWAGE >> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S A GOOD 39 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:15,829 OMEN FOR THE SEASON, YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER ] WASHINGTON IS STILL LOOKING FOR 40 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,664 A TEAM NAME, AND IT'S TOO BAD THE BROWNS ARE ALREADY TAKEN [ LAUGHTER ] 41 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:23,570 >> Steve: HEY! OH, OH OH, HEY! 42 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:27,307 >> Jimmy: BUT THE FANS, THE FANS EMBRACED IT ALL DAY LONG. THEY WERE CHANTING, "WE'RE 43 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:34,180 NUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWO! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS IS INTERESTING. 44 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:39,419 I READ THAT EMOJIS MAY BE THE NEW WAY PATIENTS COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR DOCTOR. 45 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:42,922 I DON'T KNOW DO YOU REALLY WANT TO RECEIVE BAD NEWS FROM YOUR DOCTOR BY 46 00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:45,892 GETTING THE THUMBS DOWN EMOJI? [ LAUGHTER ] SOUNDS A LITTLE STRANGE, BUT 47 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:49,596 INSTEAD OF HAVING TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING EMBARRASSING, YOU CAN JUST SEND THIS 48 00:03:49,596 --> 00:04:01,508 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OW >> Jimmy: WELL, GET THIS 49 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:06,312 A TEAM OF SCIENTISTS ARE POTTY TRAINING COWS IN AN EFFORT TO REDUCE THE EMISSIONS CAUSED BY 50 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:12,218 THEIR WASTE. WHICH MEANS STORES ARE GOING TO START CHARGING EXTRA FOR GRASS 51 00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:14,287 FED, FREE RANGE, POTTY TRAINED BEEF [ LAUGHTER ] 52 00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:17,357 WHAT A JOB EVERY NIGHT THE SCIENTISTS COME HOME SMELLING LIKE THEY JUST 53 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:21,628 LEFT THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM'S STADIUM [ LAUGHTER ] 54 00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,931 AND, FINALLY, LAST NIGHT JON STEWART AND PETE DAVIDSON PUT ON A BIG BENEFIT SHOW AT 55 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:31,137 MADISON SQUARE GARDEN CALLED "NYC STILL RISING AFTER 20 YEARS." 56 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:39,112 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GOOD FOR THEM. IT WAS GREAT 57 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,382 I WAS THERE, AND I WROTE A SONG FOR IT AND I'D LIKE TO PLAY IT FOR YOU 58 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:52,459 RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. 59 00:04:52,459 --> 00:05:00,300 MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, HOW YOU GUYS DOING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 60 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,602 >> Jimmy: MY NAME IS JIMMY FALLON I'M A NEW YORKER, AND I'VE GOT 61 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:10,910 A LITTLE SONG FOR YOU. * * I DON'T CARE IF YOU'R 62 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:16,282 MODERNA OR PFIZE JOHNSON AND JOHNSON OR HORSE TRANQUILIZER * 63 00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:27,327 * I KNO NEW YORK'S COMING BACK * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 64 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:33,967 * WE GOT THE RANGERS YANKEE METS, KNICKS AND NET WE CHEER FOR THE GIANT 65 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:39,673 AND WE PRAY FOR THE JETS * * I KNO NEW YORK'S COMING BACK * 66 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:49,716 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WE'RE ALREADY COMPLAINING * ABOUT THE COL 67 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:56,923 WE ALL HATE BILL DE BLASIO AND I KNOW * * NEW YORK'S COMING BACK * 68 00:05:56,923 --> 00:06:04,030 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WE GOT THE NYPD AND THE FDNY * 69 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:09,502 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WHEN I TRIED OUT THEY SAI YOU SEEM MORE LIKE 70 00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:14,641 A POST OFFICE GUY * [ LAUGHTER ] * I KNO 71 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:21,848 NEW YORK'S COMING BACK * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * ALL THE TOURISTS HAVE 72 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:30,290 RETURNED DOING WHAT THEY DO WALKING SLOWLY DOWN * 73 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:37,297 * THE SIDEWAL RIGHT IN FRONT OF YO EVEN THOUGH SOME * 74 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:45,605 * OF THE SEATS ARE WE THE SUBWAY IS STILL PACKED AND I KNOW NEW YORK CITY'S 75 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:56,449 COMING BACK * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * NEW YORK IS BAC 76 00:06:56,449 --> 00:07:01,588 YOU CAN'T KEEP US DOWN * * YOU CAN TRAVEL THE WORL BUT THERE'S NO PLACE 77 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:08,461 LIKE THIS TOWN * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * OH, I KNOW NEW YORK 78 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:17,637 CITY'S BAC I KNOW NEW YOR CITY'S COMING BACK * 79 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:25,512 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU NEW YORK! WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW 80 00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,547 GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN 81 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:40,260 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 82 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:47,167 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY. 83 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,337 IT IS -- IT IS MONDAY. WE'RE EXCITED TO BE BACK WE'VE GOT A BIG WEEK OF SHOWS 84 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:53,173 AHEAD. KENDALL JENNER WILL BE HERE. >> Steve: OH 85 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:56,443 >> Jimmy: BEN PLATT WILL BE HERE JENNIFER ANISTON WILL ALL BE 86 00:07:56,443 --> 00:08:01,047 JOINING US [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BIG WEEK 87 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,650 BUT FIRST, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. HE STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE "THE 88 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:08,588 EYES OF TAMMY FAYE" WHICH IS IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY ANDREW GARFIELD IS HERE. 89 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:18,865 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, YOU CAN SEE HIM ON THE SERIES "A.P. BIO" ON PEACOCK 90 00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:22,235 AND ON HIS NEW STANDUP TOUR, "PATTON OSWALT LIVE: WHO'S READY TO LAUGH." 91 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:26,072 ONE OF MY FAVORITES. PATTON OSWALT IS HERE TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 92 00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:32,946 FUNNY, FUNNY MAN AND THIS IS A BIG WEEK FOR US IN OUR SHOW. 93 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:37,450 IT IS BROADWAY WEEK HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 94 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:43,323 WE ARE CELEBRATING THE RETURN OF BROADWAY WITH LIVE IN STUDIO PERFORMANCES FROM SOME OF 95 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,859 BROADWAY'S BIGGEST SHOWS ALL WEEK LONG. WE'RE KICKING THINGS OFF 96 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:51,765 TONIGHT WITH AN UNBELIEVABLE -- GET READY. YOU THINK YOU MISS SOMETHING, 97 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:55,068 AND THEN YOU JUST SEE IT AND IT'S LIKE, EVERYONE WAS JUST TRYING NOT TO BE 98 00:08:55,068 --> 00:09:01,808 EMOTIONAL. THIS IS AMAZING -- BUT YEAH. IT'S JUST THE GREATEST 99 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,443 AND HOW TALENTED THESE PEOPLE ARE. AND GOD, I REALLY MISS 100 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,846 BROADWAY TONIGHT TO KICK OFF, WE HAVE A A PERFORMANCE FROM "LITTLE SHOP 101 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:12,852 OF HORRORS." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH 102 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:17,657 * LITTLE SHOP LITTLE SHOPPA HORROR LITTLE SHOPPA HORROR 103 00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:26,066 OH, OH, OH, OH, OH* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BIG SHOW 104 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,035 BIG WEEK GUYS, IT'S TIME FOR "GOOD NAME, BAD NAME, GREAT NAME." 105 00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:29,536 BAD NAME, GREAT NAME." HERE WE GO 106 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,771 * GOOD NAME, BAD NAME 107 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:37,243 GREAT NAME YES * >> Jimmy: FIRST UP WE HAVE -- I 108 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,613 LOVE THAT THEME. * * GOOD NAME, BAD NAME 109 00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,583 GREAT NAME YES * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 110 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:48,388 [ APPLAUSE ] FIRST WE HAVE "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING." 111 00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:52,525 THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A SHOW ON HULU. THAT'S A BAD NAME FOR A ZILLOW 112 00:09:52,525 --> 00:10:00,734 LISTING. A GREAT NAME FOR RED LOBSTER [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 113 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:05,872 NEXT THERE IS "PAPER SOURCE. THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A STORE THAT SELLS STATIONERY. 114 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:13,413 BAD NAME FOR A FOREST. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * 115 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,017 * GOOD NAME, BAD NAME GREAT NAME YES * 116 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,652 >> Jimmy: DIDN'T GET TO THE PUNCH LINE YET >> Steve: WELL, YOU GOT TO GET 117 00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,256 IT COME ON. PAPER SHORTAGE 118 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,425 >> Jimmy: GREAT NAME FOR A CVS RECEIPT PRINTER. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING 119 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:33,299 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ALL I BOUGHT WAS A PACK OF GUM >> Steve: I DON'T HAVE A CARD. 120 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:37,037 >> Jimmy: I DON'T HAVE A CARD. GOSH, I REALLY DON'T HAVE ONE. BELIEVE ME 121 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:41,608 I WOULDN'T LIE TO YOU. AFTER THAT WE HAVE "LET THERE BE CARNAGE." 122 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:46,112 >> Steve: OOH. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A "VENOM" SEQUEL 123 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:50,350 A BAD NAME FOR A ZOO [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR TJ MAXX. 124 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:57,123 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "I GOT IT. GIVE ME THAT!" 125 00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,427 AFTER THAT WE HAVE "MACHINE GUN KELLY." WELL, THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A 126 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:04,130 A RAPPER IT'S A BAD NAME FOR A NEW BARBIE DOLL. 127 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:10,070 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: MACHINE GUN KELLY. >> Jimmy: IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR 128 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:13,106 KELLY CLARKSON'S CALL OF DUTY SCREEN NAME. THERE YOU GO 129 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:20,213 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AFTER THAT, WE HAVE "THE LEGEND OF THE TEN RINGS." 130 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:25,218 [ CHEERS ] WELL, THAT IS A GOOD NAME FOR A MARVEL MOVIE 131 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:28,421 IT'S A BAD NAME FOR YOUR BATHTUB. IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR 132 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:35,295 TOM BRADY'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. THERE YOU HAVE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 133 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:40,533 NEXT UP, THERE IS "CRY MACHO." THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A A CLINT EASTWOOD MOVIE 134 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,237 BAD NAME FOR A WWE WRESTLER. A GREAT NAME FOR GHOST PEPPER HOT SAUCE. 135 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:53,313 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "IT'S SO GOOD. I WOULD LIKE ANOTHER HOT WING. 136 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:57,484 NEXT, THERE IS "BACK FOR BLOOD. THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A VIDEO 137 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,886 GAME IT'S A BAD NAME FOR THE RED CROSS. 138 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:12,565 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WHAT WOW. 139 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,068 >> Jimmy: IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR A VAMPIRE BOY BAND THERE YOU GO 140 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:19,105 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Steve: BACK FOR BLOOD FANGS. 141 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:29,816 * BACK FOR BLOO SOMEWHERE IN THE NIGHT * FINALLY, WE HAVE "TRUTH BE 142 00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:34,421 TOLD." WELL, THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR AN APPLE TV PLUS SHOW 143 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:40,093 BAD NAME FOR BATHROOM SCALES IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR TEQUILA! >> Steve: YEAH 144 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,195 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S "GOOD NAME, BAD NAME, GREAT NAME." 145 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,464 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "SCREEN GRABS. COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. 146 00:12:44,464 --> 00:13:00,714 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE 147 00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:05,752 TONIGHT SHOW." IT IS TIME FOR "SCREEN GRABS." HERE WE GO 148 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:05,785 IT IS TIME FOR "SCREEN GRABS." HERE WE GO 149 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,054 * * MAKES ME WANT 150 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:12,926 A SCREEN GRAB * [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: NOW, THESE ARE SOME 151 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,894 WEIRD, FUNNY THINGS THAT YOU GUYS FOUND ON THE INTERNET OR TOOK A PICTURE OF IN REAL LIFE 152 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:22,635 AND SENT IT IN TO US AND, YEAH, WE CALL THEM "SCREEN GRABS. 153 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,504 HERE WE GO THE FIRST SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY SEBASTIAN DENBORE IN 154 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:30,076 ONTARIO, CANADA. HEY, WE LOVE YOU, CANADA THANKS FOR WATCHING. 155 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,812 HE KEPT TRYING TO LOG INTO HIS PHONE BUT COULDN'T REMEMBER THE PASSWORD 156 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:39,152 AND THEN, THIS HAPPENED. iPHONE IS DISABLED, TRY AGAIN IN 23,743,654 MINUTES. 157 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,756 [ LAUGHTER ] AND LOOK, HE ONLY HAS 5 PERCENT BATTERY LEFT 158 00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:48,661 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT GUY'S GOT IT TOUGH THERE. YEAH, THAT'S ROUGH 159 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,430 I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN >> Steve: NO, I DON'T THINK 160 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,165 ANYTHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN >> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 161 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:56,202 THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY JAMIE LEET IN SAN DIEGO. HE WAS USING FACEBOOK AND 162 00:13:56,202 --> 00:14:01,841 SPOTTED THIS AD FROM TARGET. GET READY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY WITH COLLEGE MUST-HAVES, LIKE 163 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:12,585 A HIGH SPEED BILL COUNTER. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 164 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,055 >> Steve: DRUG DEALER COLLEGE? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW, IT'S 165 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:18,625 LIKE "BREAKING BAD." MINI FRIDGE. GOT IT 166 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:23,063 HOT PLATE. GOT IT BILL COUNTER 167 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:24,431 [ LAUGHTER ] SOMETHING TO BURN MY FINGERPRINTS OFF SO MY 168 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:27,667 FINGERPRINTS AREN'T ON THE BILLS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 169 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,938 THIS NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY DENISE JENKS IN OMAHA, NEBRASKA 170 00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:35,542 SHE WAS WATCHING "THE TODAY SHOW'S" COVERAGE OF HURRICANE IDA. 171 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,278 LET'S SEE WHAT SHE SAW IT SAYS, HURRICANE IDA SETTING NEW RECORDS, FIFTH STRONGEST 172 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:42,782 LANDFALL, RAPID INTENSIFICATION, 24 HOURS. AND THEN, IT SAYS, SOME OTHER 173 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:46,720 STAT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WHATEVER 174 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:52,092 >> Jimmy: WHATEVER YOU DO THE MATH. LEAVE ME ALONE 175 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:55,762 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, EVERYTHING >> Steve: COME ON. 176 00:14:55,762 --> 00:15:01,901 >> Jimmy: SOME OTHER STAT TOO. NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY COURTNEY BERRYMAN IN TENNESSEE 177 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,637 SHE WAS SHOPPING ON AMAZON FOR A SMALL PLAYPEN TO PUT HER DOG, OKAY 178 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:09,542 BUT THEN, SHE FOUND THIS AD FOR WHY TO GET A PLAYPEN FOR YOUR DOG. 179 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:13,046 VERY INTERESTING IT SAYS, WHY DO YOU NEED A PET PLAYPEN. 180 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:17,751 AND IF YOU ZOOM IN IT SAYS, "PET GNAWING ON WALL? THEN IT SAYS, "EAT A MUD." 181 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,054 [ LAUGHTER ] "BITE FURNITURE. IT SAYS, "SWALLOW DEAD PERSON. 182 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:27,594 [ LAUGHTER ] NO ONE'S DOUBLE CHECKING THESE >> Steve: YEAH, COME ON. 183 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,429 >> Jimmy: PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS. >> Steve: YEAH 184 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,631 >> Jimmy: NO ONE IS DOUBLE CHECKING THOSE >> Steve: I KNOW, NOT CHECKING 185 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,933 >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT? LOOKS GOOD TO ME I'VE GOT TO RUN "THE TODAY 186 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,769 SHOW." I'VE GOT TO RUN "THE TODAY SHOW" STAT 187 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:40,140 COME ON. >> Steve: EAT OTHER DEAD PERSON 188 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,643 WHAT >> Jimmy: SWALLOW A DEAD PERSON 189 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:47,580 >> Steve: SWALLOW DEAD PERSON. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR PET IN THE PLAYPEN 190 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,116 >> Steve: YOU DON'T WANT IT THAT TO HAPPEN >> Jimmy: NO 191 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:54,788 WELL THE NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY SHERI KUSS IN SPRING CITY, PENNSYLVANIA 192 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,991 SHE WAS SEARCHING FOR A -- [ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ] THERE IS ONE PERSON FROM SPRING 193 00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,593 CITY, PENNSYLVANIA [ LAUGHTER ] SHE WAS SEARCHING FOR A PLACE 194 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,229 TO BRING HER KIDS GOLFING. >> Steve: OKAY >> Jimmy: SO THERE IS WHAT SHE 195 00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:07,367 FOUND. GOLF CAMP FOR KIDS AND TEENS DOWN HERE IT SAYS, "YOU CAN 196 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,670 BRING BEER AND WINE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU CAN BRING BEER AND WINE. 197 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,839 >> Steve: YEAH WHATEVS. >> Jimmy: FOR KIDS, TEENS, 198 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:16,443 YEAH, WHATEVER >> Steve: KIDS CAN HAVE THE BEER 199 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,745 TEENS HAVE THE WINE. >> Jimmy: KIDS DRIVE YOU THERE, TEENS DRIVE YOU HOME 200 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:22,248 >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY CHRIS GRINDROD 201 00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:27,821 IN OHIO. HE WAS SCROLLING THROUGH - [ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ] 202 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,123 >> Steve: WELL, THERE YOU GO >> Jimmy: THAT'S ACTUALLY CHRIS. 203 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,292 HE'S HERE. CHRIS IS HERE TONIGHT. WELCOME CHRIS. 204 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,827 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Steve: GOD BLESS HIM. >> Jimmy: CHRIS, YOU WERE 205 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:39,299 SCROLLING THROUGH FACEBOOK AND CAME ACROSS A QUESTION POSTED ABOUT A LOCAL BUSINESS 206 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:43,570 THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION HERE VERNON FUNERAL HOME. >> Steve: OKAY 207 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,205 >> Jimmy: IT SAYS HERE, DOES THIS PLACE OFFER CURBSIDE PICKUP 208 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:53,079 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GET ONE OF THOSE PET THINGS 209 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:56,783 >> Steve: YEAH, AND THEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT [ LAUGHTER ] 210 00:16:56,783 --> 00:17:01,054 CAN YOU HURRY UP >> Jimmy: YEAH HOW MANY PETS DO YOU GOT 211 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:04,591 >> Steve: YEAH SWALLOW THAT DEAD PERSON >> Jimmy: NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS 212 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:09,462 SENT IN BY YANIS KONOPKA IN GERMANY. >> Steve: OHH. 213 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,897 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR WATCHING US OVER IN GERMANY, YEAH 214 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,633 >> Steve: THERE YOU GO, YANIS. >> Jimmy: I FELT LIKE YOU WERE MORE OF A FAN OF GERMANY AS 215 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,103 OPPOSED TO ACTUALLY BEING GERMAN ARE YOU FROM GERMANY 216 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,607 >> YES >> Jimmy: YOU ARE? WHAT PART? 217 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:25,111 >> BAVARIA >> Jimmy: HEY! BAVARIA! 218 00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:32,185 * >> Steve: MUNICH, MUNICH, MUNICH, MUNICH 219 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,054 MUNICH, MUNICH, MUNICH, MUNICH OKTOBERFEST. [ AIR HORN ] 220 00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:38,758 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: THAT IS GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] 221 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:43,063 YA >> Jimmy: DA ROOTS >> Steve: DA ROOTS, YA 222 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:48,368 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: GET THIS, HE'S TRYING TO FIND AN ITALIAN PLACE 223 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,071 >> Steve: OKAY, HERE WE GO [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IN GERMANY 224 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,073 >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: WHY NOT? THEY'VE GOT GERMAN FOOD ALL 225 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,941 OVER THE PLACE HE WANTED TO FIND AN ITALIAN PLACE. 226 00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:59,746 THIS ONE'S GOT PRETTY DECENT REVIEWS. RESTAURANT -- WELL, WE WON'T 227 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:04,651 SAY THE NAME WE'LL BLEEP IT OUT BUT PIZZERIA SOMETHING, YEAH 228 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,887 AND HERE'S THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE MENU UNDERNEATH. IT SAYS PANNA COTTA AND 229 00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:14,627 CARBONATED WATER THE HIGHLIGHTS I LOVE THIS RESTAURANT 230 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,796 [ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE THIS PLACE. >> Steve: WHAT DO YOU LOVE 231 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,431 ABOUT IT >> Jimmy: WHAT >> Steve: WHAT DO YOU LOVE 232 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,200 ABOUT IT >> Jimmy: THE PIZZERIA THE PIZZERIA 233 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,136 >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: ARE YOU KIDDING ME >> Steve: THE PANNA COTTA? 234 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:27,073 >> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. >> Steve: WHAT ELSE? >> Jimmy: THEY HAVE THIS WATER 235 00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:30,710 [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU. YOU HAVE TO TRY IT FOR 236 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,312 YOURSELF I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T HAD THE PIZZA. 237 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,714 [ LAUGHTER ] I GO THERE FOR THE WATER [ LAUGHTER ] 238 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:38,318 WE'RE DOWN TO OUR LAST ONE IT WAS SENT IN BY GAVIN LEG IN TORONTO, CANADA. 239 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,120 HE WAS SCROLLING THROUGH INSTAGRAM, AND HE CAME ACROSS A PHOTO OF A SWEDISH METAL BAND 240 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:51,898 FROM THE '80s CALLED KINGPIN AND HE THOUGHT ONE OF THE GUYS IN THE BAND LOOKED LIKE ME 241 00:18:51,898 --> 00:19:01,174 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I DON'T KNOW 242 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:18,525 I DON'T KNOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 243 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,697 "SCREEN GRABS. 244 00:19:23,697 --> 00:19:28,601 IF YOU HAVE A FUNNY SCREEN GRAB, EMAIL IT TO US AT SCREENGRABS@TONIGHTSHOW.COM. 245 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,671 WE MIGHT PUT IT ON THE SHOW. STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 246 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:53,159 ANDREW GARFIELD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 247 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:56,863 >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A A TONY-WINNING AND OSCAR-NOMINATED ACTOR, WHO 248 00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:03,103 STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE, "THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE." YOU GUYS HAVE TO SEE THIS. 249 00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:05,372 IT'S AMAZING IT IS IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY. PLEASE WELCOME ANDREW GARFIELD, 250 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,973 PLEASE WELCOME ANDREW GARFIELD, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN 251 00:20:07,841 --> 00:20:08,441 * 252 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,310 >> Jimmy: THAT'S MY MAN. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BUDDY. 253 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,680 YES. OH, MY GOSH. YOU ARE GREAT IN THIS MOVIE, 254 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,850 BUDDY. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU 255 00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:20,587 HOW ARE YOU DOING? >> IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO. I'M VERY, VERY HAPPY TO BE 256 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:24,724 HERE BUT, TRULY WISH I COULD BE THERE IN PERSON. 257 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:28,995 I'M IN CALGARY, A LITTLE BIT STUCK HERE DOING A SHOW. BUT LOVELY TO BE ABLE TO TALK 258 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,064 TO YOU HOW ARE YOU? >> Jimmy: I'M GOOD 259 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,166 I APPRECIATE YOU COMING ON THE SHOW, AS WE ALL DO YEAH - 260 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:36,870 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WAIT TILL YOU SEE, WE HAVE AN AUDIENCE 261 00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:39,272 WE'RE COMING BACK, BUDDY ANYWAYS, A SEAT'S ALWAYS OPEN - 262 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,574 >> I FEEL IT >> Jimmy: A SEAT'S ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU. 263 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,743 WE HAVE -- IT'S BROADWAY WEEK, HERE, ON OUR SHOW. AND -- 264 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,347 >> WOO >> Jimmy: YEAH WE ARE HONORING -- YEAH, A 265 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,184 A BUNCH OF AMAZING BROADWAY SHOWS. AND YOU ARE A TONY-WINNER. 266 00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:56,122 I -- ABSOLUTELY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU KNOW THE STAGE PRETTY WELL 267 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,725 YOU KNOW ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN LIVE THEATER DID ANYTHING EVER HAPPEN TO YOU 268 00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,361 DURING A LIVE PERFORMANCE, WHERE THERE WAS A MESS UP WHERE YOU WERE LIKE, "OH, THIS IS 269 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:06,399 GOING TO BE TOUGH TO WORK THROUGH" [ LAUGHTER ] 270 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:11,638 >> MY -- MY BUTT WAS FACING THE AUDIENCE FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME DURING "ANGELS IN 271 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:15,775 AMERICA. IT WAS -- WE'RE IN -- I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT WITH AN 272 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:19,713 ANGEL. AND, IF YOU KNOW THE SHOW, THAT MAKES SENSE. 273 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:21,781 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> IF YOU DON'T, IT'S GOING TO SOUND ODD. 274 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:25,852 BUT, I'M IN, LIKE, A HOSPITAL, KIND OF, GARMENT, AND I'M ABOUT TO BE HOISTED UP ON A HARNESS 275 00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:27,921 WITH THIS ANGEL INTO THE RAFTERS. AND ME AND THE ANGEL ARE 276 00:21:27,921 --> 00:21:32,826 WRESTLING. I'VE GOT MY ARMS AROUND HER WAIST, AND WE'RE, KIND OF LIKE 277 00:21:32,826 --> 00:21:35,795 PRETENDING THAT WE'RE GOING TO WRESTLE. AND THEN WE GIVE THE -- THE 278 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,531 GUYS IN THE -- IN THE WINGS THE GO AHEAD, LIKE, "WE'RE READY TO GO." 279 00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:42,569 I'VE GOT MY HANDS IN THE LOOPS, AND READY TO GO UP AND WE GIVE THEM THE SIGN, AND 280 00:21:42,569 --> 00:21:47,907 LIKE IT FEELS LIKE 8 -- LIKE, 89 MINUTES PASSES AND WE'RE JUST LIKE PRETENDING TO 281 00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:51,111 WRESTLE. AND LIKE, WHY AREN'T WE GOING INTO THE AIR 282 00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:57,317 >> Jimmy: AND YOUR -- YOUR -- YOUR BUTT IS FACING THE AUDIENCE 283 00:21:57,317 --> 00:22:00,487 >> MY BUTT IS FULLY JUST -- JUST GIVING FULL FACE TO THE CROWD. 284 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,055 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH OH, YEAH 285 00:22:02,055 --> 00:22:04,224 SO, YOU'RE PRETENDING TO STRUGGLE FIGHT, BUT NOTHING'S HAPPENING? 286 00:22:04,224 --> 00:22:07,060 >> YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ] AND NOTHING'S HAPPENING. 287 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:12,532 AND MY -- MY PANCAKE ASS IS JUST, LIKE, ON FULL DISPLAY. [ LAUGHTER ] 288 00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:14,234 AND -- AND THE GUYS IN THE WINGS -- THE GUYS IN THE WINGS ARE LIKE, IT'S JUST NOT -- I 289 00:22:14,234 --> 00:22:18,405 DON'T KNOW HOW -- IT'S JUST NOT WORKING. [ LAUGHTER ] 290 00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:20,707 AND WE'RE LIKE -- SO, I WAS LIKE WHAT DO WE DO DO WE JUST KEEP WRESTLING WITH 291 00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:23,977 MY BUTT FACING EVERYBODY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND I -- I GUESS THAT'S WHAT WE 292 00:22:23,977 --> 00:22:27,280 DID. UNTIL -- AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY AWKWARD. 293 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,649 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THE STAGE -- THE STAGE MANAGER WALKS OUT UNDER THIS REALLY 294 00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:35,255 DRAMATIC MUSIC THAT'S HAPPENING, WITH A MICROPHONE AND HE'S LIKE, "UM --" IT'S 295 00:22:35,255 --> 00:22:39,092 A BRITISH GUY. HE'S LIKE, "UM, SO SORRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BUT WE'RE 296 00:22:39,092 --> 00:22:41,594 HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE 297 00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:44,664 A PAUSE. AND MEANWHILE, LIKE, ME AND THIS ACTRESS, MANDY, WERE JUST 298 00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:50,236 LIKE STILL WRESTLING [ LAUGHTER ] AND HE STOOD RIGHT NEXT TO US. 299 00:22:50,236 --> 00:22:54,808 AND THEN THE CURTAIN COMES DOWN IN FRONT OF MY ASS [ LAUGHTER ] 300 00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:58,411 AND THEN, LIKE, LITERALLY, LIKE, I'M LIKE -- I'M LIKE, "WHAT DO WE DO 301 00:22:58,411 --> 00:23:01,481 HOW DO WE -- HOW DO WE KEEP THIS -- LIKE, WHEN WE FIGURE OUT THIS TECHNICAL THING, HOW 302 00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:05,385 DO WE START THE SHOW AGAIN?" AND I WAS LIKE, "I'VE GOT AN IDEA 303 00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:09,255 LET ME PUT MY ASS TO THE AUDIENCE AND, AS SOON AS THE CURTAIN 304 00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:14,728 COMES UP, JUST SEND ME UP ON THE GOD DAMN ROOF. [ LAUGHTER ] 305 00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:18,331 LIKE, WE PICKED UP EXACTLY WHERE WE LEFT OFF. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 306 00:23:18,331 --> 00:23:21,067 >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE BEST, DUDE WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO 307 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:24,070 >> WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? >> Jimmy: WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO I HAVE -- I HAVE A COUPLE OF 308 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,905 QUESTIONS. FIRST OF ALL, YOU LOOK LIKE A STUD ON THE COVER OF 309 00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:31,878 "VARIETY," HERE. HEY, NOT TOO SHABBY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 310 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:36,483 I WANT TO -- THERE'S A PHOTO GOING AROUND ON THE INTERNET OF YOU AND TOBEY MAGUIRE ON THE 311 00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:42,689 SET OF "SPIDER-MAN," YEAH, THE NEW "SPIDER-MAN," MOVIE, AND -- AND I WAS LIKE, "WOW 312 00:23:42,689 --> 00:23:48,094 >> I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT >> Jimmy: WE ARE [ AUDIENCE OOHS 313 00:23:48,094 --> 00:23:53,967 WE'RE PRETTY SURE. WE'RE PRETTY SURE ABOUT IT SO, WE KNOW WHAT'S UP. 314 00:23:53,967 --> 00:24:00,306 DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP? ARE -- [ LAUGHTER ] 315 00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:03,810 WHAT I'M TELLING YOU IS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE -- YOU'RE IN THE NEW "SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME." 316 00:24:03,810 --> 00:24:06,312 CONGRATULATIONS. >> WAIT, WHAT? >> Jimmy: YES! 317 00:24:06,312 --> 00:24:08,181 CONGRATULATIONS. YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN IT YEAH 318 00:24:08,181 --> 00:24:11,117 THAT'S EXCITING, RIGHT >> I HAD NO IDEA [ LAUGHTER ] 319 00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:13,753 LIKE, IF - >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU SEEN THE PHOTO? 320 00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:18,124 >> WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 321 00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:22,362 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T SEE THE PHOTO, BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE PHOTO 322 00:24:22,362 --> 00:24:26,433 >> NO, YEAH, IT'S NOT POSSIBLE TO SEE A PHOTO THAT YOU'RE IN. >> Jimmy: THAT'S CORRECT 323 00:24:26,433 --> 00:24:28,835 [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, I -- I -- NO, I - >> Jimmy: I'M THE WORSE 324 00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:31,771 DETECTIVE EVER [ LAUGHTER ] "HOW COULD YOU BE IN THIS IF 325 00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:36,910 YOU'RE THERE?" [ LAUGHTER ] "AH, IT'S A PHOTO. 326 00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:40,980 [ LAUGHTER ] I AM THE WORST DETECTIVE >> WELL, IF YOU SHOW ME THE 327 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:44,351 PHOTO, I CAN TELL YOU WHETHER IT'S ME OR WHETHER IT'S A REAL THING. 328 00:24:44,351 --> 00:24:46,653 BUT, UNTIL I SEE THE PHOTO - >> Jimmy: IT'S BEEN ERASED -- IT'S BEEN ERASED OFF THE 329 00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:49,489 INTERNET >> OH, HOW CONVENIENT, DETECTIVE FALLON 330 00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:56,096 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I'M JUST SAYING. YEAH -- YES, IT'S BEEN ERASED. 331 00:24:56,096 --> 00:25:01,735 BUT IT WAS AROUND, AND WE ALL SAW IT >> I HEARD ABOUT IT. 332 00:25:01,735 --> 00:25:07,507 AND I DID SEE IT AND IT'S A PHOTOSHOP [ AUDIENCE GROANS 333 00:25:07,507 --> 00:25:11,678 >> Jimmy: WE SAY, "NO. >> I'M TRYING TO MANAGE EXPECTATIONS 334 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:14,314 YOU SAY, "NO."/E OH, YOU SAY, "NO. [ LAUGHTER ] 335 00:25:14,314 --> 00:25:19,119 >> Jimmy: WE SAY, "NO. [ LAUGHTER ] WE SAY, "THEY SHOULD RESHOOT 336 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,187 THE FILM." >> I'M JUST TRYING TO MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. 337 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:23,490 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THEY SHOULD RESHOOT -- THEY'VE GOT TO 338 00:25:23,490 --> 00:25:26,092 RESHOOT THE FILM [ LAUGHTER ] >> IF THEY WANT TO GIVE ME A 339 00:25:26,092 --> 00:25:28,294 A CALL AT THIS LATE, LATE -- >> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- STAGE OF THE GAME 340 00:25:28,294 --> 00:25:31,664 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> YOU KNOW, I'M SITTING HERE IN MY TRACK SUIT 341 00:25:31,664 --> 00:25:34,634 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU SEEN THE TRAILER? I KNOW YOU'RE A SPIDER-MAN FAN, 342 00:25:34,634 --> 00:25:37,704 BECAUSE WE'VE TALKED ABOUT WHEN YOU WERE SPIDERMAN, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE TRAILERS TO THIS 343 00:25:37,704 --> 00:25:44,077 NEW ONE? >> I HAVE, AND I'M EXCITED AND I THINK THAT TOM HOLLAND IS 344 00:25:44,077 --> 00:25:47,213 JUST THE PERFECT PETER PARKER AND SPIDER-MAN, SO I'M JUST SUPER STOKED 345 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:50,817 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S GOOD. HE'S GOOD. 346 00:25:50,817 --> 00:25:54,521 >> AND -- AND I -- AND I GET TO JUST LIKE BE A FAN AGAIN, WHICH IS MY PREFERRED POSITION, TO BE 347 00:25:54,521 --> 00:25:56,489 ABLE TO SIT IN THE AUDIENCE AND JUST KIND OF GO, "YEAH, YOU SCREWED UP, MATE, YOU DIDN'T DO 348 00:25:56,489 --> 00:26:01,428 IT AS WELL AS YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT. [ LAUGHTER ] 349 00:26:01,428 --> 00:26:03,396 LIKE -- LIKE, I GET TO BE THAT GUY. >> Jimmy: EXACTLY. 350 00:26:03,396 --> 00:26:05,565 >> IT'S JUST LIKE, "NAH, I DON'T REALLY LOVE THE SUIT, AND I DON'T REALLY LOVE THE --" I 351 00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:09,269 GET TO BE THAT PERSON, WHICH IS MUCH MORE FUN. >> Jimmy: YEAH, PERFECT. 352 00:26:09,269 --> 00:26:12,906 I WANT TO TALK TO YOU BECAUSE, MAN, YOU TOTALLY TRANSFORM IN THIS MOVIE "THE EYES OF 353 00:26:12,906 --> 00:26:16,609 TAMMY FAYE," AND I WANT TO GET INTO IT. MORE WITH ANDREW GARFIELD WHEN 354 00:26:16,609 --> 00:26:34,194 WE COME BACK, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 355 00:26:34,194 --> 00:26:36,496 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK WE'RE TALKING TO ANDREW GARFIELD RIGHT HERE 356 00:26:36,496 --> 00:26:43,703 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ANDREW GARFIELD. "THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE" IS IN 357 00:26:43,703 --> 00:26:51,244 THEATERS THIS FRIDAY IF YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT TAMMY FAYE AND JIM BAKKER, IT'S 358 00:26:51,244 --> 00:26:56,583 PHENOMENAL BOTH OF YOU GUYS -- EVERYBODY IN THE MOVIE DID A GREAT JOB 359 00:26:56,583 --> 00:27:00,086 BUT MICHAEL SHOWALTER DID A GREAT JOB DIRECTING. BUT YOU TOTALLY TRANSFORMED AS 360 00:27:00,086 --> 00:27:03,823 JIM BAKKER IT'S KIND OF AMAZING YOU TOTALLY IMMERSED INTO THE 361 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:11,131 CHARACTERS I HEARD THAT YOU AND JESSICA WENT TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. 362 00:27:11,131 --> 00:27:16,503 >> YEAH, WE WERE IN -- WE WERE SHOOTING IN NORTH CAROLINA WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, THE HOME OF 363 00:27:16,503 --> 00:27:22,409 HERITAGE USA, WHICH IS NO MORE WHICH WAS THE BIG KIND OF PROPERTY THAT JIM AND TAMMY 364 00:27:22,409 --> 00:27:27,213 DEVELOPED AND OWNED. THEY BUILT A HOTEL, AND THEME PARK, AND A WATER PARK 365 00:27:27,213 --> 00:27:31,851 AND LIKE THEY WERE BUILDERS FOR CHRIST, ARGUABLY AND -- BUT ANYWAYS, SO, YEAH, 366 00:27:31,851 --> 00:27:34,487 WE WOULD GO TO THAT SITE EVERY SUNDAY WHERE THERE'S THIS NEW EVANGELICAL CHURCH THAT WAS, 367 00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:41,061 KIND OF, IN FULL OPERATION THERE. AND WE ENDED UP MANAGING TO -- 368 00:27:41,061 --> 00:27:44,064 WE SAW SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE PART OF JIM'S TEAM I WON'T MENTION WHO IT IS, BUT 369 00:27:44,064 --> 00:27:49,402 WE SAW -- WE RECOGNIZED HIM FROM DOCUMENTARY ONE SUNDAY, AND WE KIND OF CORNERED HIM, 370 00:27:49,402 --> 00:27:52,339 AND ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD SHARE WITH US. HE WAS VERY, VERY KIND OF, UM, 371 00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:57,277 YOU KNOW - >> Jimmy: PROTECTIVE >> --SUSPICIOUS, PROTECTIVE 372 00:27:57,277 --> 00:28:00,313 AND, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HE REALLY CARES ABOUT JIM, AND CARED ABOUT TAMMY, AND STILL DOES, 373 00:28:00,313 --> 00:28:04,818 SO BUT I THINK WHEN HE FELT ALL WE WANTED TO DO WAS TO HONOR THEM, 374 00:28:04,818 --> 00:28:11,024 AND TO HUMANIZE THEM - AND WITH JIM, FOR ME, IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST CHARACTERS 375 00:28:11,024 --> 00:28:16,629 I'VE EVER HAD TO STEP INTO BECAUSE HE'S SO FAR AWAY FROM ME, INTERNALLY, EXTERNALLY, 376 00:28:16,629 --> 00:28:21,534 ACCENT-WISE, THE WHOLE THING IT WAS THE BIGGEST STRETCH I'VE EVER HAD TO DO IN TERMS OF 377 00:28:21,534 --> 00:28:24,938 CREATING A CHARACTER AND SO, IT WAS VERY, VERY CHALLENGING. 378 00:28:24,938 --> 00:28:28,842 BUT, YEAH, A BEAUTIFUL THING AND TO WATCH JESSICA TRANSFORM, AND DO ALL THE HONORING WORK 379 00:28:28,842 --> 00:28:32,579 SHE DID FOR HER CHARACTER. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO ATTEMPT TO KIND OF HUMANIZE 380 00:28:32,579 --> 00:28:36,416 THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN PUNCH LINES ON "SNL" AND ETCETERA SO. 381 00:28:36,416 --> 00:28:40,153 >> Jimmy: YOU DID A GREAT JOB. I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP HERE THIS IS ANDREW GARFIELD AND 382 00:28:40,153 --> 00:28:44,057 JESSICA CHASTAIN IN "IN THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 383 00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:44,057 EYES OF TAMMY FAYE." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 384 00:28:48,795 --> 00:28:54,467 COULD DOUBLE THEIR PLEDGE RIGHT NOW, THAT WAY WE CAN SAVE THE 385 00:28:54,467 --> 00:29:01,241 WORD OF GOD. I'M TALKING ABOUT SALVATION -- YOURS, MINE, PTLs, THE ENTIRE 386 00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:07,147 WORLD. SO TOGETHER -- IF WE AGREE TOGETHER, LET'S GIVE THE DEVIL 387 00:29:07,147 --> 00:29:12,719 A BLACK EYE. [ PHONES RINGING ] ALL THE PHONES ARE RINGING 388 00:29:12,719 --> 00:29:15,889 OH, PRAISE JESUS AND PRAISE YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 389 00:29:15,889 --> 00:29:24,197 >> Jimmy: THAT'S ANDREW GARFIELD, EVERYONE. "THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE" IS IN 390 00:29:24,197 --> 00:29:26,466 THEATERS THIS FRIDAY PATTON OSWALT JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK. 391 00:29:26,466 --> 00:29:44,217 STICK AROUND THANKS FOR COMING, BUDDY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 392 00:29:44,217 --> 00:29:48,254 >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST JUST STARTED HIS NEW TOUR, "PATTON OSWALT LIVE: WHO'S READY TO 393 00:29:48,254 --> 00:29:53,827 LAUGH. HE ALSO STARS IN THE SEASON FOUR OF "A.P. BIO" WHICH IS 394 00:29:53,827 --> 00:29:57,364 STREAMING NOW ON PEACOCK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME PATTON OSWALT. 395 00:29:57,364 --> 00:29:57,397 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME PATTON OSWALT. 396 00:30:19,786 --> 00:30:21,154 >> OH, MY GOD! 397 00:30:21,154 --> 00:30:23,023 >> Jimmy: OH, THE LOVE COME ON. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING 398 00:30:23,023 --> 00:30:26,960 BACK, PATTON >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU. 399 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,897 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK AND BEING HERE. >> YES 400 00:30:30,897 --> 00:30:33,299 >> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO GET INTO YOUR TOUR -- "PATTON OSWALT LIVE. 401 00:30:33,299 --> 00:30:35,902 IF YOU WANT TO SEE A GREAT COMEDIAN, PLEASE CHECK OUT PATTON OSWALT. 402 00:30:35,902 --> 00:30:39,839 YOU'RE DOING FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 17th, WASHINGTON, D.C. AT THE KENNEDY 403 00:30:39,839 --> 00:30:44,878 CENTER CONCERT HALL. TWO SHOWS. THAT'S A BIG JAM RIGHT THERE 404 00:30:44,878 --> 00:30:47,180 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: ON THE 18th, AT VIRGINIA BEACH AT SANDLER 405 00:30:47,180 --> 00:30:49,149 CENTER FOR PERFORMING ARTS YOU'VE GOT LIKE 20 DATES ON HERE 406 00:30:49,149 --> 00:30:53,953 >> YEAH, YEAH. IT'S BEEN AMAZING. IT'S BEEN -- I'M IN FRONT OF 407 00:30:53,953 --> 00:30:59,526 LIVE AUDIENCES AGAIN AND IT'S GREAT ENOUGH TO BE LIKE HEARING -- 408 00:30:59,526 --> 00:31:02,929 LIKE I'M SO USED TO BEING INSIDE SO IT'S ALL EMOJIS AND THUMBS UP OVER THE INTERNET 409 00:31:02,929 --> 00:31:05,098 WHEN I'M TWEETING OR TEXTING SOMEONE. >> Jimmy: YEAH 410 00:31:05,098 --> 00:31:07,300 >> AND NOW I'M LIKE, "WHAT'S THAT NOISE COMING OUT -- OH, THAT'S LAUGHTER. 411 00:31:07,300 --> 00:31:09,703 OH, YEAH THAT'S LAUGHTER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 412 00:31:09,703 --> 00:31:14,941 OKAY, OKAY OKAY, OKAY >> Jimmy: I GOT SCARED 413 00:31:14,941 --> 00:31:18,211 >> BUT WHAT'S WEIRD IS A LOT OF TIMES IT'S ENTERTAINING NOT EVEN FOR THE LAUGHTER. 414 00:31:18,211 --> 00:31:22,716 IT FEELS LIKE ME AND THE AUDIENCE ARE CHECKING IN WITH EACH OTHER JUST TO CONFIRM THAT 415 00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:26,419 NONE OF US HAS GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY. SO WHEN I'M ON STAGE AND GO, 416 00:31:26,419 --> 00:31:28,822 "SO I HAD LIKE DORITOS FOR BREAKFAST. AND THEY'RE LIKE, "WE HAD 417 00:31:28,822 --> 00:31:32,225 DORITOS FOR BREAKFAST! WE DIDN'T GO CRAZY GOOD, WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME 418 00:31:32,225 --> 00:31:34,294 PAGE >> Jimmy: DID YOU POUR PEPSI ON YOURS? 419 00:31:34,294 --> 00:31:37,997 [ LAUGHTER ] >> GREAT, I KIND OF WANT CRAZY FOR A LITTLE 420 00:31:37,997 --> 00:31:41,167 SO WE ALL ARE CONFIRMING THAT OUR MINDS BROKE DURING QUARANTINE 421 00:31:41,167 --> 00:31:48,108 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU GOT IN SOME NEWS, SOME HEADLINES, LAST 422 00:31:48,108 --> 00:31:50,677 TWO WEEKS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE YOU HAD TO CANCEL SOME SHOWS 423 00:31:50,677 --> 00:31:57,450 >> I CANCELLED SOME SHOWS BECAUSE THE VENUES -- IT WASN'T REALLY THE VENUES' FAULT 424 00:31:57,450 --> 00:32:01,621 THERE WERE FOUR SHOWS IN FLORIDA THAT UNFORTUNATELY RIGHT NOW THEY DON'T LET THESE 425 00:32:01,621 --> 00:32:04,891 VENUES ENFORCE COVID PROTOCOLS BECAUSE IT'S AGAINST THE LAW FOR THEM 426 00:32:04,891 --> 00:32:08,128 AND THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER GIG IN SALT LAKE CITY. I HAD TO CANCEL AND IT KILLED 427 00:32:08,128 --> 00:32:13,433 ME I LOVE GOING TO FLORIDA. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IN DECEMBER 428 00:32:13,433 --> 00:32:16,369 AND THEN I -- BUT THEN I STARTED GETTING ALL THIS WEIRD PUSH 429 00:32:16,369 --> 00:32:19,205 90% OF THE FEEDBACK WAS VERY POSITIVE "THANK YOU, WE'LL SEE YOU IN 430 00:32:19,205 --> 00:32:22,709 THE FUTURE WHEN THINGS ARE SANER. I DID GET THE EVEN SPLIT 431 00:32:22,709 --> 00:32:28,281 BETWEEN "YOU'RE A NAZI FOR DEMANDING THE CARDS," 'CAUSE, YEAH 432 00:32:28,281 --> 00:32:31,351 'CAUSE THAT WAS HITLER'S BIG THING WAS MAKING SURE THAT NO ONE WAS VACCINATED 433 00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:34,954 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN ALSO, BUT I ALSO GOT THE -- 434 00:32:34,954 --> 00:32:37,157 >> Jimmy: WAS THAT HIS BIG THING? >> THAT WAS HIS BIG THING. 435 00:32:37,157 --> 00:32:40,093 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT THAT'S RIGHT >> "LISTEN TO ME 436 00:32:40,093 --> 00:32:44,230 HORSE PASTE. MAKE SURE THEY USE THE HORSE PASTE. 437 00:32:44,230 --> 00:32:47,400 AND THEN THE OTHER ONE - >> Jimmy: HORSE PASTE. >> I EITHER GET THAT OR I GET 438 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:54,307 THE "YOU'RE A PUSSY. AND I WAS LIKE, "WHY -- WHEN DID EVERYONE BECOME THANOS 439 00:32:54,307 --> 00:32:58,778 WHERE IT'S JUST LIKE, 'WHOEVER DIES DIES. JUST GO OUT THERE.'" 440 00:32:58,778 --> 00:33:04,351 AND BY THE WAY, IF THAT IS YOUR PHILOSOPHY, DON'T DIE FOR A -- GO DIE SEEING LIZZO. 441 00:33:04,351 --> 00:33:06,653 LIKE, THAT'S A GOOD -- [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 442 00:33:06,653 --> 00:33:08,521 -- LAST CONCERT TO SEE >> Jimmy: NO, NO YOU SHOULDN'T -- 443 00:33:08,521 --> 00:33:13,426 >> BY THE WAY, YOU SHOULDN'T DIE FOR AN ENTERTAINER BUT IF YOU ARE, MAKE IT COUNT. 444 00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:17,464 >> Jimmy: NOT YOU. >> DON'T BE IN THE HOSPITAL GOING, "I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO 445 00:33:17,464 --> 00:33:20,066 SEE THAT FAT NERD WHINE ABOUT 'THE MANDALORIAN.' BEEP 446 00:33:20,066 --> 00:33:25,472 [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE IT'S NOT -- THAT'S A TERRIBLE FINAL -- THAT 447 00:33:25,472 --> 00:33:28,942 SHOULDN'T BE YOUR LAST THING DON'T ROLL THE DICE FOR THAT STUFF. 448 00:33:28,942 --> 00:33:32,879 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IF YOU WANT TO LAUGH SAFELY, PLEASE GO SEE PATTON 449 00:33:32,879 --> 00:33:36,383 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "A.P. BIO. 450 00:33:36,383 --> 00:33:41,087 SEASON FOUR NOW IS ON PEACOCK. AND ONE OF YOUR COSTARS IS ONE OF MY OLD PALS, MY OLD 451 00:33:41,087 --> 00:33:45,258 FAVORITES, ONE OF THE FUNNIEST HUMANS, PAULA PELL >> PAULA PELL IS SUCH A -- SHE 452 00:33:45,258 --> 00:33:50,163 WAS ALREADY A FORCE AS A A WRITER NOW SHE'S ACTING ON THE SHOW 453 00:33:50,163 --> 00:33:53,867 THERE'S SO MANY SCENES WHERE THEY WERE SHOOTING OVER MY SHOULDER AND I WOULD BLOW THE 454 00:33:53,867 --> 00:34:00,040 SCENE. THERE'S ONE SCENE THE FIRST EPISODE WHERE SHE DESCRIBES HER 455 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:04,711 GRANDFATHER'S BEING KILLED BY A TORNADO AND SHE DESCRIBES IT LIKE - 456 00:34:04,711 --> 00:34:08,048 I THINK IT'S TWO BALLOONS FULL OF SPAGHETTI-Os IN THE AIR AND I'M LAUGHING SO HARD I 457 00:34:08,048 --> 00:34:10,884 BLEW -- AND MY SHOULDERS WERE GOING UP AND DOWN. I'M LIKE HUNCHED OVER LAUGHING 458 00:34:10,884 --> 00:34:14,220 AND BE LIKE, NO, NO, SHE'S TELLING YOU A SERIOUS -- YOU CAN'T BE LAUGHING AT HER 459 00:34:14,220 --> 00:34:16,823 >> Jimmy: SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE >> BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A PSYCHOPATH. 460 00:34:16,823 --> 00:34:22,295 SO MANY THINGS YOU LOVED ON "SNL" SHE WAS THE BRAINS BEHIND 461 00:34:22,295 --> 00:34:25,065 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A A CLIP HERE'S PATTON OSWALT AND 462 00:34:25,065 --> 00:34:28,068 PAULA PELL IN SEASON FOUR OF "A.P. BIO. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 463 00:34:28,068 --> 00:34:28,068 "A.P. BIO. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 464 00:34:30,203 --> 00:34:32,672 >> MAMA, IT'S RALPH. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR 465 00:34:32,672 --> 00:34:36,076 TREATING ME LIKE A SECOND CLASS CITIZEN. I BECAME STRONGER BECAUSE I HAD 466 00:34:36,076 --> 00:34:44,584 TO BE. YOU MESSED ME UP THANK YOU! 467 00:34:44,584 --> 00:34:49,622 >> RALPH DURBIN, YOU'RE A GODDAMN TIGER. [ ROARS 468 00:34:49,622 --> 00:34:55,428 >> NOW YOU'RE READY. * >> HELLO, DODGE? 469 00:34:55,428 --> 00:35:00,133 YEAH, IT'S RALPH LISTEN, THOSE PRICE HIKES, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO WORK FOR 470 00:35:00,133 --> 00:35:03,403 ME, BUD. I'M NOT PAYING A PENNY MORE FOR THOSE TOTS 471 00:35:03,403 --> 00:35:08,541 GOOD GOOD I'M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY 472 00:35:08,541 --> 00:35:13,580 OH, DAPHNE SAYS HI WELL, YOU CAN TELL YOUR WIFE TO KISS MY ASS! 473 00:35:13,580 --> 00:35:19,152 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PATTON OSWALT, EVERYBODY. 474 00:35:19,152 --> 00:35:23,857 SEASON FOUR OF "A.P. BIO" STREAMING NOW ON PEACOCK, AND YOU CAN CHECK HIM OUT LIVE ON 475 00:35:23,857 --> 00:35:28,228 TOUR WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM "LITTLE SHOP 476 00:35:28,228 --> 00:35:31,498 OF HORRORS." STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 477 00:35:31,498 --> 00:35:51,685 * >> Jimmy: HERE TO KICK OFF BROADWAY WEEK, TO PERFORM 478 00:35:51,685 --> 00:35:54,754 "LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS" AND "SKID ROW," PLEASE WELCOME THE CAST OF "LITTLE SHOP OF 479 00:35:54,754 --> 00:35:57,557 HORRORS! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 480 00:36:07,067 --> 00:36:12,238 * LITTLE SHOP LITTLE SHOPPA HORROR LITTLE SHO 481 00:36:12,238 --> 00:36:18,044 LITTLE SHOPPA TERROR * * CALL A CO LITTLE SHOPPA HORROR 482 00:36:18,044 --> 00:36:23,516 NO, OH, OH, NO-O LITTLE SHOP * * LITTLE SHOPPA HORRORS 483 00:36:23,516 --> 00:36:28,521 BOP SH'BOP LITTLE SHOPPA TERROR WATCH 'EM DROP * 484 00:36:28,521 --> 00:36:34,761 * LITTLE SHOPPA HORRORS NO, OH, OH, NO-O SHING-A-LING 485 00:36:34,761 --> 00:36:38,698 WHAT A CREEPY THING * * TO BE HAPPENING LOOK OUT, LOOK OUT 486 00:36:38,698 --> 00:36:42,836 LOOK OUT, LOOK OUT SHANG-A-LANG * * FEEL THE STUR 487 00:36:42,836 --> 00:36:47,774 AND DRANG IN THE AIR YEAH SHA-LA-LA * 488 00:36:47,774 --> 00:36:54,314 * STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU AR DON'T YOU MOVE A THING YOU BETTER, TELLIN' YO 489 00:36:54,314 --> 00:36:58,151 YOU BETTER * * TELL YOUR MAM TELL HER SOMETHIN'S GONN 490 00:36:58,151 --> 00:37:08,228 GET HE SHE BETTER, EVERYBODY * * BETTER BEWARE 491 00:37:08,228 --> 00:37:12,365 THEN YOU G DOWNTOWN WHERE THE CABS DON'T STOP * 492 00:37:12,365 --> 00:37:17,837 * DOWNTOW WHERE THE FOOD IS SLOP DOWNTOWN 493 00:37:17,837 --> 00:37:23,410 WHERE THE HOP-HEADS FLOP * * IN THE SNOW THAT'S WHEN YOU GO 494 00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:28,748 DOWNTOWN WHERE THE GUYS ARE DRIPS * * DOWNTOW 495 00:37:28,748 --> 00:37:33,687 WHERE THEY RIP YOUR SLIP DOWNTOWN WHERE RELATIONSHIPS * 496 00:37:33,687 --> 00:37:40,460 * ARE NO GO DOWN ON SKID ROW DOWN ON SKID ROW 497 00:37:40,460 --> 00:37:45,598 DOWN ON SKID ROW * * DOWN ON SKID RO DOWN ON SKID ROW 498 00:37:45,598 --> 00:37:53,473 DOWN ON SKID ROW DOWN ON SKID ROW * * POO 499 00:37:53,473 --> 00:37:58,712 ALL MY LIFE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN POOR I KEEP ASKING GOD * 500 00:37:58,712 --> 00:38:05,051 * WHAT I'M FO AND HE TELLS M GEE, I'M NOT SUR 501 00:38:05,051 --> 00:38:11,191 SWEEP THAT FLOOR, KID * * O I STARTED OUT AS AN ORPHAN 502 00:38:11,191 --> 00:38:17,197 A CHILD OF THE STREE HERE ON SKID ROW * * HE TOOK ME IN AND 503 00:38:17,197 --> 00:38:23,036 GAVE ME SHELTER, A BED CRUST OF BREAD AND A JOB TREATS ME LIKE DIRT * 504 00:38:23,036 --> 00:38:29,743 * CALLS ME A SLOB WHICH I AM SO I LIV 505 00:38:29,743 --> 00:38:34,247 DOWNTOWN * * THAT'S YOUR HOME ADDRES YA LIV 506 00:38:34,247 --> 00:38:38,284 DOWNTOWN WHEN YOUR LIFE'S A MESS * * YA LIVE 507 00:38:38,284 --> 00:38:46,693 DOWNTOWN WHERE DEPRESSIONS' JUS STATUS QUO * 508 00:38:46,693 --> 00:38:50,530 * DOWN ON SKID RO SOMEONE SHOW M A WAY TO GET 509 00:38:50,530 --> 00:38:57,537 OUTTA HERE * * 'CAUSE I CONSTANTLY PRA I'LL GET OUTTA HER 510 00:38:57,537 --> 00:39:02,776 PLEASE WON'T SOMEBODY SA I'LL GET OUTTA HERE * * SOMEONE GIMME MY SHOT 511 00:39:02,776 --> 00:39:08,248 OR I'LL ROT HERE DOWNTOWN SOMEONE TELL ME I WILL * 512 00:39:08,248 --> 00:39:15,221 * LUCK IT OUTTA HER I'LL START CLIMBING UP HILL AND GET OUTTA HER 513 00:39:15,221 --> 00:39:21,227 SOMEONE TELL ME I STILL * * COULD GET OUTTA HER SOMEONE TELL LADY LUCK 514 00:39:21,227 --> 00:39:24,731 THAT I'M STUCK HER DOWNTOWN * * GEE, IT SURE WOULD BE 515 00:39:24,731 --> 00:39:30,537 SWELL TO GET OUTTA HER BID THE GUTTER FAREWEL AND GET OUTTA HERE * 516 00:39:30,537 --> 00:39:35,342 * I'D MOVE HEAVEN AND HEL TO GET OUTTA SKI WHY DON'T I DUNNO WHAT 517 00:39:35,342 --> 00:39:40,714 TO GET OUTTA SKID * * BUT A HELL OF A LOT TO GET OUTTA SKI 518 00:39:40,714 --> 00:39:46,920 PEOPLE TELL ME THERE'S NOT A WAY OUTTA SKID * * BUT BELIEVE ME, I GOTTA 519 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:55,895 GET OUTTA SKID ROW * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 520 00:39:55,895 --> 00:40:09,242 >> Jimmy: JEREMY JORDAN, TAMMY BLANCHARD, CHRISTIAN BORLE AND THE CAST OF 521 00:40:09,242 --> 00:40:14,814 "LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. GO SEE IT STARTING SEPTEMBER 23rd AT THE WESTSIDE 522 00:40:14,814 --> 00:40:19,519 THEATRE. FOR TICKETS GO TO LITTLESHOPNYC.COM. 523 00:40:19,519 --> 00:40:24,858 MY THANKS TO ANDREW GARFIELD, PATTON OSWALT, THE CAST OF "LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS" AND 524 00:40:24,858 --> 00:40:29,796 THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 525 00:40:29,796 --> 00:40:32,298 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.