1 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:14,280 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:19,486 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:22,822 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - BILLY CRYSTAL, 4 00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:27,293 KATIE LEDECKY, JEAN HANFF KORELITZ, COMEDIAN JACKIE FABULOUS 5 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:35,602 AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1499 6 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:41,408 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:51,117 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * 8 00:00:51,117 --> 00:01:04,964 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. WELCOME, EVERYBODY 9 00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:08,468 THANK YOU. HAVE A SEAT. I APPRECIATE THAT. 10 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:11,237 WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW. 11 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:16,843 YOU'RE HERE. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:21,648 LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS GUYS, TODAY THE SENATE APPROVED THE PRESIDENT BIDEN'S 13 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:27,187 $3.5 TRILLION BUDGET FOR HOUSING, EDUCATION, HEALTH CARE, AND THE ENVIRONMENT. 14 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:32,792 YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S GIANT 15 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,696 $3.5 TRILLION. BIDEN'S SPENDING MONEY LIKE HIS GAP REWARDS JUST KICKED IN 16 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:43,003 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, BIDEN CALLS IT "THE HUMAN INFRASTRUCTURE PLAN. 17 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:46,506 NOT REALLY CRAZY ABOUT THE TERM "HUMAN INFRASTRUCTURE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 18 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,174 I'M PICTURING RICH COUPLES USING OTHER PEOPLE AS FURNITURE, YOU KNOW? 19 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,977 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, "WE PICKED HIM UP IN UPSTATE NEW YORK." 20 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:54,881 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION HAS ALSO BEEN 21 00:01:54,881 --> 00:02:02,055 QUIETLY DISCUSSING A PLAN TO WEAN AIRLINES OFF FOSSIL FUELS BY 2050. 22 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:07,193 BY THAT TIME, ALL PLANES WILL NOW BE RUNNING ON HARD MOUNTAIN DEW. 23 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:10,063 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: YEE-HAW! >> Jimmy: AND THE PILOTS TOO 24 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,265 YEP. AIRLINES WILL START USING RENEWABLE ENERGY LIKE COOKING 25 00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:16,603 OIL. SO NOT ONLY IS IT GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT BUT EVERY PLANE 26 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:21,908 WILL SMELL LIKE POPEYE'S IT'S A WIN-WIN SPEAKING OF AIRLINES, I HEARD 27 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:26,813 THAT SOUTHWEST, AMERICAN, AND DELTA AIRLINES WILL NOT REQUIRE EMPLOYEES TO BE VACCINATED 28 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:31,117 [ AUDIENCE GROANS THAT'S AN ODD TWIST. FRONTIER IS NOW THE CLASSY 29 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:36,589 AIRLINE. [ LAUGHTER ] DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING 30 00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:38,692 "I PREFER THE 3M DUCT TAPE, PLEASE THANK YOU. 31 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:43,997 [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, COME ON, DELTA, YOU HAVE THE EXACT NAME -- 32 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:50,136 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: COME ON! >> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU - 33 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:55,408 [ APPLAUSE ] IT PROBABLY EXPLAINS THEIR NEW SLOGAN -- "DELTA, MAKING CORONA 34 00:02:55,408 --> 00:03:00,780 HOLD OUR BEER. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WHY WOULD THEY DO 35 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:06,386 THAT >> Jimmy: WELL, HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS. 36 00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,421 THE CDC SAYS WE'RE NOW AVERAGING 500,000 VACCINATIONS PER DAY FOR THE FIRST TIME 37 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:15,628 SINCE JUNE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S GREAT 38 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,263 YOU KNOW, IT'S CRAZY, 500,000 PEOPLE ARE GETTING VACCINATED EVERY DAY DESPITE 39 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:22,635 WHAT ALL THE EXPERTS ON FACEBOOK ARE SAYING. [ LAUGHTER ] 40 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:26,940 THIS IS A LITTLE STRANGE I READ THIS. RUDY GIULIANI HAS JOINED CAMEO 41 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:32,445 AND IS SELLING VIDEOS -- [ LAUGHTER ] -- FOR $275 EACH 42 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:36,116 THAT'S RIGHT HE WENT FROM BEING AMERICA'S MAYOR TO SAYING, "HELLO, THIS 43 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:39,152 IS RUDY GIULIANI, I WANT TO WISH DEEZ NUTS A HAPPY RETIREMENT." 44 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:44,324 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU, BIG NATE. 45 00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:49,129 DEEZ IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT A A BIRTHDAY MESSAGE FROM 46 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:54,167 RUDY GIULIANI LOOKS LIKE, IT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT YOU'D EXPECT. TAKE A LOOK. 47 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:54,200 PRETTY MUCH WHAT YOU'D EXPECT. TAKE A LOOK. 48 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,303 IT'S RUDY GIULIANI, AND I'M I WISHING YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY 49 00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:00,106 NEVER REMEMBER A CENSORSHIP LIKE THIS. THE HARD DRIVE, THE ELECTION, 50 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:06,379 THEY JUST CUT OFF 80% OF YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE THEY'RE GOING TO STOP THIS 51 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:14,954 EXPRESS TRAIN TO SOCIALISM AND AGAIN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. [ LAUGHTER ] 52 00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:16,856 >> Jimmy: IT'S EASY. JUST TELL YOUR EIGHT-YEAR-OLD" I WAS GOING TO GET YOU SHAQ BUT 53 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:21,261 THEN I SAW THEY HAD RUDY." SO - [ LAUGHTER ] 54 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:25,832 SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS. AFTER MONTHS OF SEARCHING, MAYIM BIALIK AND MIKE RICHARDS 55 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:30,603 HAVE BEEN NAMED THE NEW HOSTS OF "JEOPARDY!" YEAH 56 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,273 [ CHEERS ] SO IT'S MAYIM BIALIK AND THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER - 57 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,076 >> Steve: WEIRD. >> Jimmy: OF "JEOPARDY!" [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 58 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,745 MIKE RICHARDS. HE BASICALLY CHOSE HIMSELF AS THE HOST 59 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:42,082 [ LAUGHTER ] HE'S LIKE, "I'VE SEARCHED LONG AND HARD AND I'VE DECIDED TO 60 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:46,119 PICK - ME." [ LAUGHTER ] 61 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,654 MIKE SAID IT WAS REALLY EMOTIONAL WHEN HE RECEIVED THE CALL FROM HIMSELF. 62 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:52,292 [ LAUGHTER ] "MIKE. AM I SITTING DOWN? 63 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:58,865 YOU DID IT." BUT HE'S NOT STOPPING THERE. TONIGHT, I SAW HIM IN A WHITE 64 00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,368 DRESS REVEALING ALL THE LETTERS ON "WHEEL OF FORTUNE." >> Steve: REALLY 65 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,203 >> Jimmy: YEAH HE JUST FEELS LIKE THAT'S MORE OF HIS - 66 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,272 WELL, GET THIS, GUYS THE FIRST EVER CRUISE SHIP WITH A ROLLER COASTER JUST SET SAIL 67 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:10,643 FROM FLORIDA [ AUDIENCE OHS ] A ROLLER COASTER 68 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:16,649 REALLY YOU'RE ALREADY TAKING A CRUISE FROM FLORIDA DURING A PANDEMIC 69 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,720 HOW MUCH MORE DANGER DO YOU NEED [ LAUGHTER ] 70 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,522 FINALLY, A TEAM OF RESEARCHERS FOUND THAT A CHEMICAL LEAKING FROM PLASTIC POLLUTION IN THE 71 00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:31,064 OCEAN IS SEXUALLY AROUSING HERMIT CRABS [ LAUGHTER ] 72 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,699 HONESTLY, IT'S THE BEST OUTCOME FOR A HEADLINE WITH THE WORDS "SEX" AND "CRABS." 73 00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:36,236 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW [ APPLAUSE ] GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, 74 00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:36,703 GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN 75 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:46,146 * 76 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:55,288 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW. 77 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,324 WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. HE DIRECTED, CO-WROTE, AND 78 00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:02,796 STARS IN THE NEW FILM, "HERE TODAY. THE ONE AND ONLY BILLY CRYSTAL 79 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:09,202 IS HERE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WHOA, COME ON! 80 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:13,640 >> Jimmy: I CAN'T WAIT SHE JUST WON FOUR MEDALS AT THE TOKYO GAMES, INCLUDING HER 81 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:20,747 SIXTH INDIVIDUAL GOLD MEDAL IN SWIMMING OLYMPIC LEGEND KATIE LEDECKY IS 82 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:28,588 JOINING US IN STUDIO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE BROUGHT THE MEDALS 83 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,590 PLUS, SHE'S A "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, AND SHE WROTE THIS YEAR'S FALLON SUMMER 84 00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:38,231 READS BOOK "THE PLOT." JEAN HANFF KORELITZ IS HERE TO TALK ABOUT "THE PLOT." 85 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:43,236 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WON'T GIVE IT AWAY AND WE'VE GOT GREAT STAND-UP 86 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:48,141 FROM - JACKIE FABULOUS IS HERE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 87 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:54,848 TODAY IS JACKIE'S BIRTHDAY >> Steven: AW, REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH 88 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,950 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACKIE FABULOUS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 89 00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:01,287 THAT'S KIND OF COOL. >> Steve: THAT'S FABULOUS. >> Jimmy: YEAH 90 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,023 GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "GOOD NAME, BAD NAME, GREAT NAME." 91 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:10,230 * GOOD NAMES BAD NAME GREAT NAMES YES * * 92 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,199 >> Jimmy: FIRST UP WE HAVE "GOD ONLY KNOWS." THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A BEACH 93 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,735 BOYS SONG. A BAD NAME FOR A FINANCIAL ADVISER. 94 00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:18,438 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] A GREAT NAME FOR WHATEVER THE MOST UP-TO-DATE CDC GUIDELINES 95 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:26,613 ARE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT THERE'S "TIKTOK." 96 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,816 THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A VIDEO APP. A BAD NAME FOR A RETIREMENT 97 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:35,588 HOME [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: TIME'S RUNNING OUT, 98 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:40,894 GRAMPS >> Jimmy: GREAT NAME FOR THE CUOMO ADMINISTRATION 99 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,263 >> Steve: OH, OH [ AUDIENCE OHS ] [ APPLAUSE ] 100 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:46,766 >> Jimmy: TWO WEEKS GOES FAST. >> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: AFTER THAT, WE HAVE 101 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:50,804 "BEAUTIFUL MISTAKES. WELL, THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A A MAROON 5 SONG. 102 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:54,074 IT'S A BAD NAME FOR A DELIVERY WARD [ LAUGHTER ] 103 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,576 IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR FINDING AN ONION RING IN YOUR FRIES. OH, YEAH 104 00:07:56,576 --> 00:08:01,214 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, YEAH NEXT THERE'S "FIVE SECONDS OF 105 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,818 SUMMER." THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A POP BAND 106 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,321 A BAD NAME FOR A HOTEL VACATION PACKAGE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 107 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:13,760 A GREAT NAME FOR AUGUST IN ALASKA [ APPLAUSE ] 108 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,030 ONLY FIVE SECONDS. NEXT UP, WE HAVE "BIBBIDI-BOBBIDI-BOO." 109 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,100 THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A MAGIC SPELL. IT'S A BAD NAME FOR A SCATTING 110 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,870 GHOST. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A GREAT NAME FOR 111 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:28,875 CINDERELLA'S SIDE PIECE. OH [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 112 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:33,246 NEXT UP, WE HAVE "HANDBALL." WELL, THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A A SPORT. 113 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:36,449 A BAD NAME FOR A MEATBALL RESTAURANT [ LAUGHTER ] 114 00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:42,322 A GREAT NAME FOR A UROLOGIST [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE [ COUGHING ] 115 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,723 A LOT OF COUGHING, A LOT OF COUGHING AFTER THAT, WE HAVE "BAD 116 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:48,228 HABITS." THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR AN ED SHEERAN SONG. 117 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:51,431 A BAD NAME FOR A CIGARETTE COMPANY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 118 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,234 A GREAT NAME FOR A NUN BIKER GANG [ APPLAUSE ] 119 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:59,806 BAD HABITS >> Steven: BAD HABITS. >> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, WE HAVE 120 00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:03,309 "PERMISSION TO DANCE." THAT'S A GOOD NAME FOR A BTS SONG 121 00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:07,347 IT'S A BAD NAME FOR A JAMES BOND MOVIE A GREAT NAME FOR TEQUILA 122 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,482 THERE YOU GO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR 123 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,284 "GOOD NAME, BAD NAME, GREAT NAME." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 124 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:33,106 "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. * 125 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:37,177 >> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU, ROOTS THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GUYS. WELCOME BACK 126 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,913 GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS. HERE WE GO 127 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:39,946 SHOW HASHTAGS. HERE WE GO 128 00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:44,284 * * HASHTAG 129 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:51,124 HASHTAGS * * >> Jimmy: NOW, WE DO THIS THING 130 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,361 EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG AND ASK YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC. 131 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:59,699 SO SINCE WE JUST FINISHED OUR "TONIGHT SHOW" SUMMER READS, I SENT OUT THE HASHTAG "ADD 132 00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:04,871 A WORD, RUIN A BOOK. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH 133 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:08,575 SO YOU ADD ONE WORD TO A FAMOUS BOOK AND MAKE IT WORSE WITHIN MINUTES, IT WAS A 134 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,044 A TRENDING TOPIC, SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 135 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,547 WE LOVE DOING THAT NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE RESPONSES FROM YOU 136 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:20,220 GUYS THIS FIRST ONE'S FROM @CRAIGFLYNN1 137 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,756 HE SAYS, "TACO TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE." THERE YOU GO 138 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:28,528 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: HE DID WIN >> Jimmy: YEAH 139 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:33,700 THIS ONE'S FROM @DUNDERMIFFLIN84 THEY SAID, "FROG AND TOAD ARE 140 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:38,171 FACEBOOK FRIENDS." OH, THERE YOU GO [ LAUGHTER ] 141 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:44,444 [ APPLAUSE ] THIS ONE'S FROM @ANNIFANNI18 SHE SAYS, "THE GIRL WITH THE 142 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,080 DRAGON BALL-Z TATTOO." [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 143 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:52,118 [ APPLAUSE ] I LIKE THAT. >> Steve: THAT'S A GOOD ONE. 144 00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:56,056 >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @ROSSSWIM14. HE SAYS, "IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE 145 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,291 A WEED COOKIE. OH, HEY. WATCH IT 146 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:04,130 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Steve: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 147 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:10,870 >> Jimmy: OH, I LIKE THIS ONE. IT'S FROM @BILLYHCLUB. HE SAYS, "HOWYA DUNE?" 148 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,406 [ LAUGHTER ] "HOWYA DUNE. HOW YA DOIN' 149 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,076 >> Steve: HOW YOU DOIN'? HOW YOU DOIN'? >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM 150 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:19,946 @CASIEWALL SHE SAYS, "WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING NICKELBACK. 151 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:26,086 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS ONE'S FROM @CLUTCHCITYFAN1. 152 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:32,192 THEY SAY, "TICKLE FIGHT CLUB." THAT'S - [ LAUGHTER ] 153 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:37,597 THIS ONE'S FROM @SOCKMONKEYPJs THEY SAY, "THE JERSEY DEVIL WEARS PRADA. 154 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:44,771 HEY, THERE YOU GO. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NOT BAD. 155 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:48,675 THIS ONE'S FROM @JOHNNYUNITIES >> Steve: OH, GREAT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 156 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:52,178 >> Jimmy: HE SAYS, "DANTE'S DISCO INFERNO. HEY! 157 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:57,384 [ APPLAUSE ] * * 158 00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:01,955 * SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL * * * THERE'S VIRGIL * 159 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:07,861 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @SAVAGEFRANJ 160 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,096 HE SAYS, "LAP DANCES WITH WOLVES." OH, INTERESTING. 161 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:14,167 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: AWOO >> Jimmy: THIS LAST ONE'S FROM 162 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,771 @HERMANBALDURS HE SAYS, "WAR AND PEACE OUT! THERE YOU HAVE IT! 163 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,305 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THOSE ARE OUT "TONIGHT SHOW" HASHTAGS 164 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:22,308 TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES, GO TO TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS 165 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:26,079 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BILLY CRYSTAL! COME ON! 166 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:52,205 OH, THAT'S AWESOME [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 167 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,842 >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST DIRECTED, CO-WROTE, AND STARS ALONGSIDE TIFFANY HADDISH IN 168 00:12:55,842 --> 00:13:00,647 THE NEW FILM "HERE TODAY." IT IS AVAILABLE NOW ON DIGITAL, BLUE RAY, AND DVD. 169 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:04,617 HERE IS THE ONE, THE ONLY, BILLY CRYSTAL! 170 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:09,322 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 171 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,791 YEAH OH, LOOK AT YOU. >> FINALLY 172 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,594 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK BILLY, I'M SO HAPPY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING 173 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:17,697 HERE >> WELL, I WISH I ACTUALLY WAS THERE. 174 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:24,371 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. >> BUT, YOU KNOW, TIMES I MIGHT BE A LITTLE AFRAID TO FLY. 175 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:32,645 NOT ABOUT THE COVID. THE PASSENGERS [ LAUGHTER ] 176 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,781 I MEAN, I ACTUALLY CALLED FOR A RESERVATION, AND THEY ASKED ME IF I'D LIKE TO SIT IN THE 177 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:40,086 OCTAGON. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH 178 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,722 >> THERE'S THREE KNOCK-DOWN RULE NOW IN FIRST CLASS. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THAT. 179 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:46,092 [ LAUGHTER ] I COULD HAVE RIM SHOTS FOR THIS, DON'T YOU THINK? 180 00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:50,397 >> Jimmy: YEAH, QUEST CAN GIVE YOU A RIM SHOT YEAH, OF COURSE. 181 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,499 >> HEY, LAST TIME I FLEW, A FLIGHT ATTENDANT ASKED IF I WANTED HEADPHONES OR DUCT TAPE 182 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:56,703 [ LAUGHTER ] [ RIM SHOT ] THEY STOPPED SERVING ALCOHOL 183 00:13:56,703 --> 00:14:00,640 NOW THEY SERVE AMBIEN. [ RIM SHOT ] [ LAUGHTER ] 184 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,377 HERE'S THE LAST ONE. NEW SLOGAN IS, THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL IN THE AIR 185 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,781 [ LAUGHTER ] * >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO 186 00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,050 THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT 187 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,285 WRITE IT DOWN. BILLY, YOU LOOK GREAT, BUT I HEARD YOU HAD A LITTLE HEALTH 188 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:19,359 SCARE. IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 189 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,327 JUST -- YOU KNOW, I WAS -- I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT AS MUCH AS I CAN. 190 00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:28,101 AND SO I DID SOMETHING WITH MY RIGHT HIP. SO IT WAS JUST A STRANGE PAIN, 191 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:33,940 SO I WAS WORRIED, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO JOIN THAT "YEAH, I GOT A NEW HIP" CLUB. 192 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:37,677 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SO THE DOCTOR SAYS, "LISTEN, I THINK THE BEST THING IS TO PUT 193 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,379 YOU IN THE MRI TUBE AND WE'LL, YOU KNOW, LET'S TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR SOFT TISSUE." 194 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:49,189 SO I SAID, "FINE, BUT I'M 73, SO THERE'S -- EVERYTHING IS SOFT AT THIS POINT." 195 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:52,392 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NOTHING BUT SOFT TISSUE 196 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,793 >> SO I'M -- YOU'VE BEEN IN AN MRI TUBE, RIGHT? >> Jimmy: YEAH 197 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:58,832 >> IT'S AWFUL. I'M VERY CLAUSTROPHOBIC, WHICH IS WHY I WAS A MONTH PREMATURE 198 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:09,743 [ LAUGHTER ] AND SO -- SO I GET THERE, AND I'M NERVOUS AND THEY SHOOT DYE 199 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:13,279 INTO THE HIP AND THEN THEY PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL GOWN. YOU KNOW, WHERE YOUR ASS HANGS 200 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:19,252 OUT IN THE BACK. NOTHING IS GOOD ABOUT THIS >> Jimmy: YEAH, I FEEL LIKE 201 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,621 THEY NEED TO MASTER THAT YEAH >> YES, AND I'M REALLY 202 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:25,592 NERVOUS -- SO TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, WHEN I WAS ALONE, I SWALLOWED 203 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:31,297 FOUR EDIBLES [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN 204 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:37,604 >> FOUR, YOU KNOW, EDIBLES >> Jimmy: GUMMIES. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 205 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,507 THE GUY AT THE CANNABIS PLACE SAID -- BECAUSE THERE'S A SECTION FOR SENIORS. 206 00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:45,979 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] TWO WILL MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. SO I SAID, "I REALLY WANT TO 207 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:50,550 FEEL FABULOUS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: FOUR GUMMIES 208 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:54,220 >> SO I SWALLOWED THE FOUR SO NOW I GET ON THE THING, AND THEY PUT ME INTO THE TUBE. 209 00:15:54,220 --> 00:16:00,660 AND I HAVE HEADSETS ON AND I'M LISTENING TO A LITTLE BILL EVANS ON PANDORA. 210 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,730 AND THEY GIVE YOU THIS THING TO SQUEEZE. SO IN CASE YOU GET INTO 211 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:07,500 TROUBLE, YOU JUST SQUEEZE IT, AND HE SAYS, "WHAT CAN I DO? AND I'LL GET YOU OUT OF THERE. 212 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:12,038 RIGHT? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO ABOUT A HALF HOUR IN, I 213 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:15,175 GOT REALLY HUNGRY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A STONER NOW, 214 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:18,845 GEEZ >> YEAH, AND SO I SQUEEZE THE THING, HE GOES, "YOU OKAY, 215 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:22,782 MR. CRYSTAL? I SAID, "YEAH, YEAH. IS THERE A TACO BELL NEARBY? 216 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:26,286 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BY THE TUBE? IS THERE ANY 217 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,954 >> HE SAYS, "NO. "OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 218 00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:32,425 NOW, 40 MINUTES IN, I SQUEEZE IT AGAIN HE GOES, "YOU OKAY?" 219 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:36,629 "YEAH, YEAH, I'M THINKING IF POSTMATES WOULD MAKE A A DELIVERY?" 220 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:41,501 >> Jimmy: JUST GET ME -- JUST GET ME SOMETHINGGET ME A A BURRITO. 221 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:44,604 >> "I'M THINKING GUMBO OR NUETELLA FRENCH TOAST, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 222 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:49,109 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A STONER. YOU BECAME A STONER. >> IN THE TUBE 223 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:52,612 AND I DIDN'T WANT TO OPEN MY EYES BECAUSE I KNOW, YOU KNOW, THE ROOF IS, LIKE, RIGHT HERE. 224 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:58,151 >> Jimmy: YES. >> I'D FEEL LIKE I WAS, YOU KNOW, A MUMMY OR SOMETHING 225 00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:02,655 SO FINALLY I NODDED OFF. SO IT WAS LIKE 1960 ALL OVER AGAIN, SO, IT WAS, LIKE, VERY 226 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:06,893 COOL FOR ME. THEY TAKE ME OUT, AND I WALK OUT OF THE BUILDING AND SOMEONE 227 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:12,298 SAYS, "UM, SIR, YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR GOWN. AND YOUR ASS IS HANGING OUT. 228 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:16,803 I SAID, "OH, GEEZ. SO, I COME BACK IN, I GOT DRESSED, AND I WENT TO 229 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:22,042 TACO BELL AND HAD A NACHO FRY BOX. [ APPLAUSE ] 230 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,045 >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT. SO, GOOD AND EVERYTHING WORKED 231 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,648 OUT? >> YEAH, I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY 232 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:32,152 >> Jimmy: I WANTED TO MENTION, ONCE AGAIN, YOU'RE VOICING MIKE WAZOWSKI, YOU'RE BACK 233 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:35,955 CAUSE WE LOVED YOU IN "MONSTERS, INC." AND THE SEQUEL 234 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:39,592 BUT NOW IT'S, UM, "MONSTERS AT WORK" ON DISNEY PLUS ANY KID OUT THERE, ANY FAMILY 235 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,796 WITH KIDS, YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS YOU'RE FANTASTIC 236 00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:45,465 >> WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. IT'S BEEN JOHN GOODMAN AND I, AND MINDY KHALING, 237 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:50,770 HENRY WINKLER. A VERY TALENTED ACTOR NAMED BEN FELDMAN. 238 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:54,541 SO, IT'S BEEN A LOT OF FUN PEOPLE SEEM TO BE REALLY LIKING IT 239 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,210 IT'S A CONTINUATION OF WHERE "MONSTERS, INC.," LEFT OFF SO IT'S NOT A SEQUEL. 240 00:17:57,210 --> 00:18:03,116 IT'S JUST A CONTINUATION OF THE ORIGINAL STORY 20 YEARS AGO 241 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:06,453 THIS IS THE 20th ANNIVERSARY OF "MONSTERS, INC." CRAZY. 242 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:11,224 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SEEMS ALMOST WRONG THAT'S WILD. 243 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,027 IT FEELS LIKE IT JUST CAME OUT >> THIS WHOLE YEAR IS ANNIVERSARIES FOR ME THOUGH. 244 00:18:14,027 --> 00:18:18,631 IT'S THE 30th ANNIVERSARY OF "CITY SLICKERS." >> Jimmy: WOW. 245 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:22,702 >> YEAH, CRAZY AND THE 35th ANNIVERSARY OF REALLY MY FIRST ROLE THAT I 246 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:28,408 REALLY LOVED, AND THAT WAS "RUNNING SCARED" WITH THE GREAT GREGORY HINES. 247 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,778 >> Jimmy: GREGORY HINES. ABSOLUTELY I LOVED THAT 248 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,581 I LOVE THIS NEW FILM THAT YOU HAVE "HERE TODAY." YOU WROTE IT 249 00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:38,084 YOU DIRECTED IT. YOU STAR IN IT WITH TIFFANY HADDISH, WHO, BY THE 250 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:41,054 WAY, IS FANTASTIC AS WELL. >> YEAH, SHE'S GREAT >> Jimmy: WHY -- THAT'S TOO 251 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:47,694 MUCH WORK. >> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS SOMETHING THAT I REALLY LOVED, 252 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:52,198 AND I GOT TO WRITE IT WITH MY DEAR FRIEND, AND SOMEONE YOU KNOW VERY WELL, ALAN ZWEIBEL 253 00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:57,404 >> Jimmy: I LOVE ALAN ZWEIBEL. IS A LEGEND. >> I SAW HIM, ACTUALLY, ON THE 254 00:18:57,404 --> 00:19:04,644 "LETTERMAN SHOW" TELLING THIS FUNNY STORY ABOUT HOW HE MET THIS PERSON BY CHANCE AT A 255 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:10,650 A CELEBRITY AUCTION LUNCH, AND SHE PURCHASED HIM FOR $22. [ LAUGHTER ] 256 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:15,021 AND THEN -- AND THEN SHE ENDED UP HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE SEAFOOD SHE WAS EATING. 257 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:19,259 SHE HAD NO INSURANCE SHE HAD TO GET AN AMBULANCE. AND THIS CHARITY LUNCH COST HIM 258 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:23,263 $3,000 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO FUNNY - 259 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:26,900 >> SO I'M WATCHING HIM, JIM, AND I SAID -- AND WE ALL STARTED TYPING WITH ALAN -- 260 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,402 THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT 261 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:33,473 THIS IS HOW THEY MEET. WHERE DO WE GO FROM THERE, AND SO AND FORTH 262 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,909 SO WE JUST STARTED WRITING IT, AND IT ENDED UP BECOMING THIS, I THINK, REALLY FUNNY, 263 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:43,516 BEAUTIFUL STORY OF THESE TWO MISMATCHED PEOPLE WHO BECOME GREAT FRIENDS. 264 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:48,288 >> Jimmy: YEAH IT'S VERY FUNNY, BUT IT'S ALSO GOT SOME VERY MOVING SCENES IN 265 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:53,760 THERE TOO. CAN I SET IT UP OR - >> SURE, YEAH. 266 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:59,466 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A WRITER AND SUFFERING FROM DEMENTIA. FIRST STAGES OF DEMENTIA 267 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,535 >> I SAID, "WELL, WHAT IF WE COMPLICATE IT, AND HE'S GOT THIS?" 268 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:06,139 BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF SOMEBODY FUNNY, WHO'S WORDS ARE HIS CURRENCY, WHO'S NOW GOING BROKE 269 00:20:06,139 --> 00:20:15,148 COULD BE VERY DRAMATIC, AND VERY FASCINATING TO PLAY >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH 270 00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:16,850 >> AND CAN WE PUT THAT INTO A MOVIE THAT WE HOPE IS FUNNY, BUT ALSO ENTERTAINING AND 271 00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:22,989 HEARTBREAKING AT THE SAME TIME AND THAT'S -- I'M VERY PROUD OF WHAT WE WERE ABLE TO DO. 272 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,658 >> Jimmy: YEAH AND IT'S TRICKY TO COME OUT WITH A MOVIE DURING QUARANTINE, 273 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:30,430 AS WELL. BUT -- >> YEAH, I MEAN, "MOM, COME ON, 274 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,633 WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE DEMENTIA MOVIE! COME ON! 275 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,603 COME ON! [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT ALSO IT'S 276 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,639 KIND OF GOOD THAT IT'S OUT NOW, AND STREAMING -- >> YEAH, NOW PEOPLE SEEING IT 277 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,842 AND I'LL TELL YOU. I MEAN, THE REACTION TO IT NOW WITH PEOPLE FINALLY SEEING IT 278 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:47,614 HAS BEEN REALLY HEARTWARMING AND GREAT. AND I THANK EVERYBODY WHO'S NOW 279 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:53,386 GETTING A CHANCE TO WATCH IT >> Jimmy: YEAH >> YOU KNOW, THESE LAST COUPLE 280 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:56,289 WEEKS. IT'S GREAT >> Jimmy: YOU DID A GREAT JOB. 281 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:59,926 I LOVE THE CAMEO, THE ALAN ZWEIBEL CAMEO, AS THE CUE CARD GUY IN THE SHOW 282 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:04,531 IT MADE ME LAUGH IF YOUR TALK TO HIM -- TELL HIM IT WAS GREAT 283 00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:07,734 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S BILLY CRYSTAL AND 284 00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:10,503 TIFFANY HADDISH IN "HERE TODAY. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 285 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:10,537 TODAY. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 286 00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:13,807 THE AUCTION. >> TRUTH 287 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:16,609 >> SURE. >> I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE. 288 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,946 MY EX BID ON YOU >> HOW COME YOU'RE EX DIDN'T COME 289 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:23,650 >> I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING ON ME >> AW. >> AND HE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE 290 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:29,723 I'M THE WORST LAY IN THE WORLD AND TRUST ME, HE'S WRONG YOU GOT TO SEE MY MOVES. 291 00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:33,393 IT'S CIRQUE du SOLEIL. >> LET'S GET THROUGH LUNCH FIRST. 292 00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:37,430 >> I BREAK YOUR BACK, OLD MAN. >> THANK YOU >> HAVE YOU LAID OUT DEAD WITH 293 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:41,334 A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND YOUR KIDS WOULD BE LIKE, "HOW DID HE DIE? 294 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:46,406 HOW DID MY DAD DIE?" AND I WOULD JUST HAVE TO LOOK AT THEM IN THE EYES AND SAY, 295 00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:53,513 "ON TOP OF ME. >> THAT'S A REALLY LOVELY THOUGHT. 296 00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:57,283 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BILLY CRYSTAL, EVERYBODY 297 00:21:57,283 --> 00:22:02,322 I LOVE IT, BUDDY PLEASE COME BACK >> SEE YOU NEXT TIME, JIMMY. 298 00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,757 >> Jimmy: "HERE TODAY" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON DIGITAL BLU RAY AND DVD. 299 00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:08,628 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KATIE LEDECKY. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. 300 00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:28,915 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS 301 00:22:28,915 --> 00:22:33,386 FRESH OFF HER HISTORIC APPEARANCE AT THE TOKYO OLYMPICS, WHERE SHE WON HER 302 00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:35,655 SIXTH INDIVIDUAL GOLD MEDAL IN SWIMMING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE 303 00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:36,890 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME KATIE LEDECKY! 304 00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:40,527 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 305 00:22:40,527 --> 00:23:07,220 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 306 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:07,253 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 307 00:23:09,589 --> 00:23:10,790 THAT'S THE APPLAUSE YOU DESERVE. 308 00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:13,827 >> WOW >> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING 309 00:23:13,827 --> 00:23:15,795 ON LOOK AT THESE MEDALS >> YEAH. 310 00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:17,897 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. WHAT DOES IT -- WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE? 311 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:19,566 BECAUSE NOW, THIS IS WHAT -- TEN? >> YEAH. 312 00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:22,202 YEAH IT'S HEAVY >> Jimmy: YEAH 313 00:23:22,202 --> 00:23:25,171 >> SO I THINK I NEED TO GIVE YOU ONE. DO YOU WANT TO WEAR ONE? 314 00:23:25,171 --> 00:23:29,075 >> Jimmy: OH, NO >> DO YOU WANT TO FEEL HOW HEAVY? 315 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:30,744 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK, YEAH 316 00:23:30,744 --> 00:23:35,515 >> Jimmy: IT'S AMAZING WOW. >> HEAVY 317 00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:38,718 >> Jimmy: IT IS HEAVY. WAIT, BUT WHAT -- THIS IS LIKE -- CAN I DO THIS? 318 00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:41,821 >> DUDE, THAT'S WHAT WE HAD TO DO IN TOKYO, WE HAD TO PRESENT THE MEDALS TO OUR SELF, SO 319 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,891 YOU'RE GETTING THE FULL EXPERIENCE >> Jimmy: IT FEELS LIKE I WAS 320 00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:48,361 IN THE OLYMPICS. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. 321 00:23:48,361 --> 00:24:00,040 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE >> MM-HMM. 322 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,043 >> Jimmy: NOW -- OUT OF ALL THE MEDALS YOU'VE WON, DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE ONE 323 00:24:03,043 --> 00:24:08,815 >> I REALLY LIKE THESE THE FRONT IS ALL WAYS THE SAME THIS -- THE EVENT ON THE EDGE. 324 00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:10,950 >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT >> ALL THE TIME. SO LET'S SEE WHICH EVENT YOU 325 00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:14,154 WON, JIMMY >> Jimmy: YEAH WHERE IS THAT? 326 00:24:14,154 --> 00:24:16,656 DO YOU SEE THAT? >> YOU WON THE 800 METER FREESTYLE. 327 00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:21,294 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THAT'S THE ENGRAVED ON THE 328 00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:24,497 BOTTOM >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND THEN -- WHAT 329 00:24:24,497 --> 00:24:26,700 THE -- THIS SIDE IS DIFFERENT. WAS THIS SIDE ALL WAYS THE SAME 330 00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:28,668 >> THAT SIDE IS ALL WAYS THE SAME AND IN THE BACK, TOKYO PUTS THEIR OWN LITTLE SPIN ON 331 00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:33,173 IT, SO THEY PUT "TOKYO 2020. [ AUDIENCE OOHS >> Jimmy: HOLY MOLY. 332 00:24:33,173 --> 00:24:35,542 >> YEAH, THERE YOU GO. >> Jimmy: IT'S AN HONOR TO HOLD THIS 333 00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:37,510 THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE 334 00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:39,079 YOU HERE WHAT WAS IT LIKE WHEN YOU WERE THERE? 335 00:24:39,079 --> 00:24:42,982 I MEAN, NO SPECTATORS, NO FAMILY ALLOWED TO COME, SUPPORT YOU. 336 00:24:42,982 --> 00:24:47,987 WHAT WAS IT LIKE >> IT WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT I'M LUCKY IN THAT I HAD -- I 337 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:51,191 HAD MY FAMILY THERE IN 2 2012 AND 2016, SO I HAD THAT EXPERIENCE 338 00:24:51,191 --> 00:24:55,261 >> Jimmy: SURE >> BUT WE MISSED AN AUDIENCE LIKE THIS BUT -- 339 00:24:55,261 --> 00:24:57,364 >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> MY TEAMMATES WERE IN THE STANDS CHEERING, THE ONES THAT 340 00:24:57,364 --> 00:25:00,300 WEREN'T RACING EACH SESSION, AND THEY REALLY BROUGHT -- BROUGHT SOME GOOD ENERGY, SO - 341 00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:05,038 IT DIDN'T FEEL AS WEIRD AS I EXPECTED >> Jimmy: ONLINE 342 00:25:05,038 --> 00:25:08,675 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVEN LOOK AT WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU, BUT EVERYONE IS CALLING YOU THE 343 00:25:08,675 --> 00:25:12,879 G.O.A.T. OF -- YEAH. IS IT -- IS IT ODD TO BE CALLED THAT 344 00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:17,784 >> A LITTLE. I MEAN, THERE'S SO MANY GREAT SWIMMERS THROUGHOUT THE YEARS. 345 00:25:17,784 --> 00:25:21,154 OF COURSE, MICHAEL PHELPS IS THE G.O.A.T., AND I'M JUST HONORED TO CARRY ON THE LEGACY 346 00:25:21,154 --> 00:25:24,657 OF REALLY GREAT FEMALE SWIMMERS IN THE U.S SO, I DON'T KNOW 347 00:25:24,657 --> 00:25:27,627 I DON'T KNOW THANKS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 348 00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:32,332 >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF MICHAEL PHELPS >> YES 349 00:25:32,332 --> 00:25:34,868 >> Jimmy: I HAVE A PHOTO HERE. THIS IS A PICTURE OF 9-YEAR-OLD KATIE LEDECKY WITH 350 00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:38,204 MICHAEL PHELPS TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] 351 00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:41,841 DO YOU SEE THIS? [ AUDIENCE AWS ] SOUNDS CUTE AND DID YOU -- WAS 352 00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:44,277 YOU JUST SIGNING IT -- WAS THAT A POSTER WAS HE IN THE BAND OR 353 00:25:44,277 --> 00:25:47,580 SOMETHING? >> YEAH. IT WAS AT A SWIM CLINIC, SO I'D 354 00:25:47,580 --> 00:25:51,084 ACTUALLY MET HIM AND GOTTEN HIS AUTOGRAPH THREE YEARS PRIOR BUT I HAD TO -- HAD TO GO TO SOME 355 00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:54,154 CLINIC AND GET IT AGAIN, I GUESS. >> Jimmy: REALLY 356 00:25:54,154 --> 00:25:59,759 >> HE'S BEEN SUCH A GREAT FRIEND OVER THE YEARS. SIX YEARS AFTER THAT PHOTO, I 357 00:25:59,759 --> 00:26:02,162 WAS ON AN OLYMPIC TEAM WITH HIM IN LONDON. HE GAVE ME A HIGH FIVE RIGHT 358 00:26:02,162 --> 00:26:05,665 BEFORE MY RACE, WHICH MADE ME FLASH BACK TO THOSE MOMENTS. AND -- 359 00:26:05,665 --> 00:26:08,601 >> Jimmy: THAT'S AMAZING >> HE WAS THERE IN TOKYO SUPPORTING US AND CHEERING US 360 00:26:08,601 --> 00:26:11,504 ON WHICH WAS GREAT. >> Jimmy: I ALSO HEARD THAT 361 00:26:11,504 --> 00:26:14,040 YOU'RE A BIG FAN OF BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. >> MM-HMM. 362 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,677 >> Jimmy: AND I HAVE ANOTHER PHOTO. THIS IS YOU AND BRUCE. 363 00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:21,047 NOW WHAT DID HE -- WHAT GOLD MEDAL DID HE WIN I DON'T REMEMBER THIS. 364 00:26:21,047 --> 00:26:23,383 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN -- HE DID THE -- 200 -- 365 00:26:23,383 --> 00:26:26,052 >> Jimmy: JUST ROCKING - YEAH >> YEAH, FROM RIO. 366 00:26:26,052 --> 00:26:27,620 >> Jimmy: DID YOU SEE HIS DAUGHTER >> YES 367 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:32,625 SHE WON A SILVER MEDAL IN TOKYO. AND IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN I 368 00:26:32,625 --> 00:26:37,797 SHOWED HIM MY MEDALS, HE SAID, "YOU KNOW, MY DAUGHTER, SHE'S AN EQUESTRIAN. 369 00:26:37,797 --> 00:26:40,667 AND IT WAS REALLY COOL BECAUSE HE WAS, OBVIOUSLY, VERY PROUD OF HIS DAUGHTER AND I KNEW THAT 370 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:44,371 SHE HAD OLYMPIC POTENTIAL. SO WE REALLY FOLLOWED HER OVER THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS, AND SO 371 00:26:44,371 --> 00:26:46,639 IT WAS REALLY COOL TO WATCH HER WIN A SILVER MEDAL >> SHE IS THE BOSS 372 00:26:46,639 --> 00:26:48,742 YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SHE WON A SILVER 373 00:26:48,742 --> 00:26:53,913 MEDAL. CONGRATULATIONS. THAT'S AMAZING 374 00:26:53,913 --> 00:27:00,487 I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION THAT I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE SEEN YOU ASK THIS BEFORE. 375 00:27:00,487 --> 00:27:04,524 BUT AS A PARENT, I WANT TO KNOW, CAN YOU -- CAN YOU EAT BEFORE YOU GO IN THE POOL? 376 00:27:04,524 --> 00:27:07,727 [ LAUGHTER ] OR DO YOU HAVE TO WAIT 30 MINUTES 377 00:27:07,727 --> 00:27:11,664 OR IS THAT REAL? OR LET'S GET TO -- I WANT A REAL FACT HERE 378 00:27:11,664 --> 00:27:14,868 >> I MIGHT HAVE SOME PARENTS COMING AFTER ME FOR THIS >> Jimmy: WOW! 379 00:27:14,868 --> 00:27:17,704 >> I THINK WE CAN DEBUNK THE MYTH YOU CAN EAT BEFORE YOU SWIM. 380 00:27:17,704 --> 00:27:20,874 I'M NOT -- I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND YOU GO OUT AND HAVE A HUGE PIZZA WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS 381 00:27:20,874 --> 00:27:25,679 BEFORE YOU - >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> BUT, I MEAN, I EAT GRANOLA 382 00:27:25,679 --> 00:27:29,716 BARS BEFORE I SWIM WITHIN, I DON'T KNOW, FIVE OR TEN MINUTES BEFORE I RACE. 383 00:27:29,716 --> 00:27:32,218 >> Jimmy: I JUST HOPE MY DAD IS WATCHING >> I DRINK CHOCOLATE MILK RIGHT 384 00:27:32,218 --> 00:27:35,855 AFTER I SWIM I SOMETIMES, HAVE TWO RACES. IN TOKYO, I HAD TWO RACES ABOUT 385 00:27:35,855 --> 00:27:40,593 AN HOUR APART AND I WAS EATING AND DRINKING AND MY SECOND RACE WAS THE 386 00:27:40,593 --> 00:27:43,797 1500 FREE, SO I HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING IN MY STOMACH TO GET ME THROUGH A 15 AND A HALF 387 00:27:43,797 --> 00:27:47,600 MINUTE RACE. >> Jimmy: I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU WHAT AN HONOR IT IS TO HAVE ON 388 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,804 THE SHOW AND FOR REPRESENTING OUR COUNTRY. YOU'RE SO COOL AND AMAZING 389 00:27:50,804 --> 00:27:56,710 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLEASE COME BACK, WILL YOU >> THANK YOU, YEAH 390 00:27:56,710 --> 00:28:00,480 >> Jimmy: THERE YOU ARE RIGHT THERE, OLYMPIC CHAMPION, KATIE LEDECKY, EVERYBODY 391 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,017 WHEN WE COME BACK, WE ARE JOINED BY BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, JEAN HANFFF KORELITZ 392 00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:25,205 STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 393 00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:31,044 >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A A "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR 394 00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:33,046 HER LATEST BOOK, "THE PLOT," WAS THIS YEAR'S "FALLON SUMMER READ." 395 00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:38,084 EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME JEAN HANFFF KORELITZ 396 00:28:40,286 --> 00:28:52,265 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 397 00:28:52,265 --> 00:28:54,768 >> Jimmy: THANKS FOR COMING ON YOU LOOK GREAT WELCOME TO THE SHOW. 398 00:28:54,768 --> 00:28:57,270 I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU >> I'M EVEN MORE HAPPY TO MEET YOU. 399 00:28:57,270 --> 00:28:59,406 >> Jimmy: I LOVE THE BOOK SO MUCH IT WAS OUR "FALLON SUMMER 400 00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:05,679 READS" WINNER, OBVIOUSLY WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT THAT YOU WON? 401 00:29:05,679 --> 00:29:11,685 >> MY HUSBAND AND I WERE TAKING A ROAD TRIP TO THE EXOTIC UPPER MIDWEST. 402 00:29:11,685 --> 00:29:13,787 >> Jimmy: OH >> AND WE WERE ON AN ISLAND IN THE MIDDLE OF LAKE MICHIGAN, 403 00:29:13,787 --> 00:29:18,291 AND I GOT A CALL FROM MY EDITOR, AND THERE WAS A LOT OF JUMPING UP AND DOWN. 404 00:29:18,291 --> 00:29:20,360 IT WAS AMAZING >> Jimmy: OH, GOOD >> THE WHOLE THING HAS BEEN 405 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,030 AMAZING. >> Jimmy: I LOVE -- LOVE -- LOVE -- LOVE THE BOOK. 406 00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:28,168 AND WHEN I READ A BOOK, I LIKE TO UNDERLINE THINGS JUST TO MAKE SURE THERE'S THINGS THAT I 407 00:29:28,168 --> 00:29:30,136 GO LIKE, "OH, I GOT TO REMEMBER THAT ONE." >> RIGHT 408 00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:32,205 >> Jimmy: SO I GOT ONE OF THESE PENS - >> YEAH, RIGHT 409 00:29:32,205 --> 00:29:34,641 >> Jimmy: THE ONE WITH ALL THE -- ALL THE LITTLE COLORS IN THERE. 410 00:29:34,641 --> 00:29:38,111 [ LAUGHTER ] AND I FORGOT THEY STILL MAKE THESE, BUT I GO, "I LOVE IT. 411 00:29:38,111 --> 00:29:40,213 AND THEN IF I SEE SOMETHING WHERE THAT'S A RED FLAG, I'M GOING TO READ. 412 00:29:40,213 --> 00:29:44,284 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT I LOVED IT I EVEN, LIKE, PULLED OUT, LIKE, 413 00:29:44,284 --> 00:29:49,055 PAGE 60 AND 61 >> WHAT HAPPENS ON 60 AND 61 >> Jimmy: BIG PAGES, WHATEVER. 414 00:29:49,055 --> 00:29:52,959 >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: I WROTE -- YEAH, BIG PAGES RIGHT THERE. 415 00:29:52,959 --> 00:29:55,095 THESE ARE BIG PAGES. A LOT HAPPENS THERE. YOU GO LIKE, "OH, WAIT A 416 00:29:55,095 --> 00:29:58,131 A SECOND." I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THE BOOK WITHOUT GIVING 417 00:29:58,131 --> 00:30:01,067 ANYTHING AWAY. NO SPOILERS HERE >> RIGHT, RIGHT. 418 00:30:01,067 --> 00:30:03,903 WELL, IT'S A HARD BOOK TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO 419 00:30:03,903 --> 00:30:10,010 KNOW BEFORE THEY READ IT BUT IT'S ABOUT A FAILED WRITER WHO IS TEACHING A CREATIVE 420 00:30:10,010 --> 00:30:14,514 WRITING CLASS AND HE HAS JUST THIS HORRIBLE, ARROGANT STUDENT WHO CLAIMS THAT HE HAS A 421 00:30:14,514 --> 00:30:19,252 A BRILLIANT BOOK THAT'S GONNA MAKE HIM VERY RICH AND FAMOUS. WHICH IS SOMETHING WE WRITERS 422 00:30:19,252 --> 00:30:22,088 HEAR A LOT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH 423 00:30:22,088 --> 00:30:26,426 >> BUT IN THIS CASE, WHEN HE TELLS HIS TEACHER, OUR HERO OR ANTI-HERO, THE STORY, HE HAS TO 424 00:30:26,426 --> 00:30:34,634 AGREE. IT'S REALLY THAT GOOD. AND WHEN THE STUDENT DIES, THE 425 00:30:34,634 --> 00:30:37,837 TEACHER DECIDES TO APPROPRIATE THE STORY, NOT THE MANUSCRIPT. THERE IS NO MANUSCRIPT 426 00:30:37,837 --> 00:30:42,042 SO IT'S NOT PLAGIARISM, BUT IT'S SOMETHING >> Jimmy: YEAH, SO THE TEACHER 427 00:30:42,042 --> 00:30:45,145 DOESN'T LIKE THIS PUNK THAT'S IN HIS CLASS AND THIS GUY IS GOING LIKE, 428 00:30:45,145 --> 00:30:47,547 "OH, HE'S BRAGGING ALL ABOUT IT." AND THEN YEARS LATER -- RIGHT? 429 00:30:47,547 --> 00:30:49,783 THIS IS YEARS -- >> A COUPLE YEARS LATER. >> Jimmy: -- YEAH, A COUPLE 430 00:30:49,783 --> 00:30:52,419 YEARS LATER, HE'S LIKE, "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT BOOK, BECAUSE THAT WAS A GOOD 431 00:30:52,419 --> 00:30:55,789 PLOT AND HE'S LOOKING IT UP -- GOOGLING UP. 432 00:30:55,789 --> 00:30:59,292 AM I GIVING TOO MUCH AWAY? >> WHEN HE -- WHEN HE DISCOVERS THAT HIS FORMER STUDENT HAS 433 00:30:59,292 --> 00:31:01,261 DIED - >> Jimmy: DIED, HE HAS NO FAMILY 434 00:31:01,261 --> 00:31:03,897 >> HE CANNOT LEAVE IT ALONE. [ WHISTLE IT'S TOO GOOD, SO. 435 00:31:03,897 --> 00:31:07,400 >> Jimmy: HE TAKES IT -- >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: -- AND THEN BECOMES 436 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,903 A FAMOUS AUTHOR. >> HE DOES >> Jimmy: ON THE NEW YORK TIMES 437 00:31:09,903 --> 00:31:12,739 BESTSELLER - >> BUT HE CAN'T ENJOY IT BECAUSE HE'S SO WORRIED THAT 438 00:31:12,739 --> 00:31:16,076 SOMEBODY IS GOING TO COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK AND ACCUSE HIM >> Jimmy: YEAH 439 00:31:16,076 --> 00:31:18,745 >> AND THEN, OF COURSE, SOMEBODY DOES. >> Jimmy: HE GETS AN EMAIL 440 00:31:18,745 --> 00:31:21,114 >> HE DOES IT SAYS, "YOU ARE A THIEF. >> YUP 441 00:31:21,114 --> 00:31:24,617 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S ALL I NEEDED." 442 00:31:24,617 --> 00:31:28,088 THAT WAS SUCH A GREAT, FAST, FUN READ I LOVED IT SO MUCH 443 00:31:28,088 --> 00:31:31,458 I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING COMING YOU'RE SO TALENTED YOU'RE WRITING -- YOU'RE 444 00:31:31,458 --> 00:31:33,426 WRITING A BOOK INSIDE OF A A BOOK >> YEP 445 00:31:33,426 --> 00:31:37,764 BIT OF A CHALLENGE >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THANK GOODNESS FOR GOOGLE 446 00:31:37,764 --> 00:31:39,432 SPREADSHEETS >> Jimmy: YEAH, IS THAT WHAT YOU USE? 447 00:31:39,432 --> 00:31:42,502 >> YEAH, I DO. >> Jimmy: ANOTHER THING I THOUGHT WAS FUNNY, BUT YOU -- I 448 00:31:42,502 --> 00:31:47,273 DON'T KNOW IF YOU DID, BUT YOU'VE ACTUALLY BEEN ACCUSED OF STEALING THE IDEA OF THE BOOK. 449 00:31:47,273 --> 00:31:51,478 THE PLOT OF "THE PLOT. >> YEAH. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S 450 00:31:51,478 --> 00:31:53,880 BECAUSE THE BOOK IS ABOUT LITERARY THEFT BUT SINCE THE -- SINCE PEOPLE 451 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:59,552 STARTED READING IT BACK IN THE SPRING AND I STARTED TO LOOK AT GOOD READS REVIEWS AND AMAZON 452 00:31:59,552 --> 00:32:06,159 REVIEWS, I'VE BEEN JUST AMAZED BY THE RANGE OF THINGS THAT PEOPLE HAVE ACCUSED ME OF 453 00:32:06,159 --> 00:32:08,528 STEALING >> Jimmy: CAN YOU GIVE US SOME EXAMPLES 454 00:32:08,528 --> 00:32:10,196 >> I BROUGHT A LITTLE LIST WITH ME >> Jimmy: YOU DID? 455 00:32:10,196 --> 00:32:13,967 >> A LITTLE LIST >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT. [ APPLAUSE ] 456 00:32:13,967 --> 00:32:16,636 TELL ME, HOW DID YOU STEAL -- I WANT TO HEAR IT. >> WELL -- 457 00:32:16,636 --> 00:32:18,571 >> Jimmy: HOW DO THEY THINK YOU -- >> REMEMBER, THESE ARE JUST THE 458 00:32:18,571 --> 00:32:21,541 HIGHLIGHTS I MEAN, THERE WERE MANY, MANY THINGS 459 00:32:21,541 --> 00:32:24,744 BUT SOMEBODY SELF-PUBLISHED eBOOK CALLED "THE PLOT." I DIDN'T -- DIDN'T READ IT 460 00:32:24,744 --> 00:32:27,681 >> Jimmy: OKAY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> AN OLD EPISODE OF 461 00:32:27,681 --> 00:32:31,084 "LAW & ORDER." WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE HAVE BEEN EPISODES ABOUT "LAW & ORDER" 462 00:32:31,084 --> 00:32:33,987 ABOUT EVERYTHING, SO I GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE. [ LAUGHTER ] 463 00:32:33,987 --> 00:32:36,356 >> Jimmy: YES, THEY PROBABLY DID HAVE ONE -- YEAH, AN OLD EPISODE OF "LAW & ORDER. 464 00:32:36,356 --> 00:32:41,394 >> SEASON FOUR OF "RIVERDALE." [ LAUGHTER ] I HAVEN'T WATCHED SEASON FOUR 465 00:32:41,394 --> 00:32:45,765 OF "RIVERDALE," BECAUSE THAT WOULD REQUIRE ME WATCHING SEASONS ONE THROUGH THREE. 466 00:32:45,765 --> 00:32:50,770 >> Jimmy: TWO AND THREE. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ONE IS GREAT 467 00:32:50,770 --> 00:32:53,173 >> THE MOVIE "YESTERDAY" ABOUT THE BEATLES, WHICH I HAVE SEEN IT'S A GREAT MOVIE, BUT I HAVE 468 00:32:53,173 --> 00:32:55,141 NO IDEA WHAT - >> Jimmy: I DON'T SEE THE CORRELATION -- 469 00:32:55,141 --> 00:32:57,777 >> I DON'T EITHER. >> Jimmy: BETWEEN THOSE TWO. >> AND, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, 470 00:32:57,777 --> 00:33:00,847 EVERY SINGLE NOVEL THAT'S EVER BEEN WRITTEN ABOUT WRITERS' PLAGIARIZING OTHER NOVELS. 471 00:33:00,847 --> 00:33:03,116 AND THERE ARE LOTS OF THEM BECAUSE WE ARE OBSESSED WITH PLAGIARISM 472 00:33:03,116 --> 00:33:06,853 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S SOMETHING THAT, YOU KNOW -- AND THAT'S WHY I'VE 473 00:33:06,853 --> 00:33:12,859 BEEN SO GRATIFIED BY -- BY HOW -- HOW WRITERS HAVE RESPONDED TO THIS BOOK 474 00:33:12,859 --> 00:33:15,962 BECAUSE I FELT WHEN I WROTE IT, THAT I WAS SORT OF, WRITING THIS ONE FOR THE TEAM -- 475 00:33:15,962 --> 00:33:18,331 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THIS ONE WAS FOR US >> Jimmy: GOOD FOR YOU 476 00:33:18,331 --> 00:33:21,401 IT WAS A GREAT - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU SO MUCH WRITING. 477 00:33:21,401 --> 00:33:24,337 YOU ALSO HAVE A NEW BOOK COMING OUT ALREADY. >> I DO. 478 00:33:24,337 --> 00:33:27,540 IT'S COMING OUT OF IN THE SPRING IT'S CALLED "THE LATE COMER. 479 00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:31,077 AND THE COVER WAS JUST REVEALED TODAY, I THINK >> Jimmy: "THE LATE COMER. 480 00:33:31,077 --> 00:33:33,980 BUT HOW DO YOU -- BUT HOW DO YOU -- HOW DO YOU KEEP WRITING ALL OF THESE 481 00:33:33,980 --> 00:33:37,083 >> WELL, I ACTUALLY WROTE A LOT OF "THE LATE COMER" BEFORE "THE PLOT. 482 00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:40,420 I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THIS NOVEL, "THE LATE COMER," AND IN THE MIDDLE OF IT, I GOT THE 483 00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:45,191 IDEA FOR THIS, AND THEN WE HAD THIS PANDEMIC. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD ABOUT 484 00:33:45,191 --> 00:33:46,593 THAT, BUT -- >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 485 00:33:46,593 --> 00:33:48,828 BUT ALSO, WE SHOULD MENTION TOO, "THE UNDOING. YOU KNOW, THE AWESOME 486 00:33:48,828 --> 00:33:56,136 NICOLE KIDMAN, HUGH GRANT, HBO -- YEAH, THAT WAS BASED OFF OF YOUR BOOK 487 00:33:56,136 --> 00:33:58,204 >> IT WAS. IT WAS ALL THOUGH IT TRAVELED - 488 00:33:58,204 --> 00:34:04,210 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT WAS FANTASTIC >> BUT IT TRAVELED VERY FAR 489 00:34:04,210 --> 00:34:07,847 FROM MY BOOK, AND I'M SOMETIMES CONGRATULATED FOR THINGS CONNECTED TO "THE UNDOING" THAT 490 00:34:07,847 --> 00:34:11,051 I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR. AND I WANT TO SAY, "DAVID E. KELLY DID ALL THE 491 00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:15,689 COURTROOM STUFF. MY BOOK DIDN'T HAVE THAT, BUT IT WAS WONDERFUL TO SEE TO WHAT 492 00:34:15,689 --> 00:34:18,892 HE DID WITH IT AND, OF COURSE, IT WAS A GREAT THRILL TO WATCH IT 493 00:34:18,892 --> 00:34:24,664 >> Jimmy: ARE WE GOING TO SEE "THE PLOT" AS A MOVIE OR - >> WELL, IT'S BEEN OPTIONED FOR 494 00:34:24,664 --> 00:34:27,867 TELEVISION, BUT THAT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY THING I'M ALLOWED TO SAY ABOUT IT. 495 00:34:27,867 --> 00:34:29,836 >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO THERE YOU GO RIGHT THERE, I LOVE IT. 496 00:34:29,836 --> 00:34:31,504 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONGRATS ON EVERYTHING KEEP IT UP 497 00:34:31,504 --> 00:34:33,173 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JEAN HANFFF KORELITZ, EVERYBODY! 498 00:34:33,173 --> 00:34:36,142 "THE PLOT" IS AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE BOOKS ARE SOLD. GO TO YOUR BOOKSTORES TO PICK 499 00:34:36,142 --> 00:34:39,312 THIS UP. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAND-UP COMEDY FROM 500 00:34:39,312 --> 00:34:43,216 JACKIE FABULOUS. STICK AROUND EVERYBODY THANK YOU, PAL 501 00:34:43,216 --> 00:35:07,207 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE 502 00:35:07,207 --> 00:35:11,244 SEEN AT THE LAS VEGAS LAUGH FACTORY TOMORROW THROUGH SUNDAY 503 00:35:11,244 --> 00:35:14,848 MAKING HER "TONIGHT SHOW" DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY JACKIE FABULOUS! 504 00:35:14,848 --> 00:35:14,881 DEBUT, PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY JACKIE FABULOUS! 505 00:35:19,052 --> 00:35:25,558 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> WHOO! 506 00:35:25,558 --> 00:35:30,330 YOU CAN SIT DOWN SIT DOWN SIT DOWN 507 00:35:30,330 --> 00:35:33,933 IT IS ACTUALLY MY 50th BIRTHDAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 508 00:35:33,933 --> 00:35:39,105 YEAH YES. I'VE HAD TWO VERY HUMBLING 509 00:35:39,105 --> 00:35:44,177 EXPERIENCES IN THE LAST YEAR I ALMOST HAD TO GET A JOB, WHOOO! 510 00:35:44,177 --> 00:35:49,082 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I GOT CLOSE. I HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH 511 00:35:49,082 --> 00:35:52,118 A WOMAN -- I HAVEN'T HAD A JOB SINCE 2010 AND THE LADY INTERVIEWING ME, 512 00:35:52,118 --> 00:35:57,457 SHE'S LIKE, "I SEE YOU HAVEN'T HAD A CORPORATE JOB SINCE 2010 WHAT HAVE BEEN YOU DOING?" 513 00:35:57,457 --> 00:36:00,927 I LEARNED THE WRONG ANSWER IS, "THE BEST I CAN. [ LAUGHTER ] 514 00:36:00,927 --> 00:36:05,031 THEY DON'T LIKE THAT BECAUSE AT MY AGE, I LIKE JOB INTERVIEWS 515 00:36:05,031 --> 00:36:08,768 THEY'RE FUN. I TELL THE TRUTH NOW THEY ALL ASK THE SAME QUESTION 516 00:36:08,768 --> 00:36:11,438 THEY'RE LIKE, "JACKIE, WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES? WHAT SHOULD YOU WORK AT HARDER 517 00:36:11,438 --> 00:36:14,074 IN LIFE? WHAT ARE YOU WEAK AT?" AND I'M, LIKE, "UH, WORKING. 518 00:36:14,074 --> 00:36:18,044 [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T HOLD A JOB DUH, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE." 519 00:36:18,044 --> 00:36:23,049 [ LAUGHTER ] NEXT QUESTION, "JACKIE, WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT? 520 00:36:23,049 --> 00:36:26,553 WHAT ARE YOUR ASSETS?" I SAID, "SIR, I CAN WORK EIGHT HOURS A DAY, FIVE DAYS A WEEK, 521 00:36:26,553 --> 00:36:29,189 AND NOT DOING A DAMN THING." [ LAUGHTER ] ANYBODY ELSE 522 00:36:29,189 --> 00:36:33,393 SO GOOD. FAVORITE ONE, "WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE YEAR GOALS? 523 00:36:33,393 --> 00:36:35,662 WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN FIVE YEARS?" I'M LIKE, "HOPEFULLY HAVING AN 524 00:36:35,662 --> 00:36:40,834 AFFAIR WITH THE VP SO I AIN'T GOT TO WORK NO MORE. [ LAUGHTER ] 525 00:36:40,834 --> 00:36:49,709 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE EVERY JOB I'VE HAD, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONLY BLACK GIRL, 526 00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:53,113 SURROUNDED BY WHITE PEOPLE AND I ALWAYS HAD TO BE THREE DIFFERENT WOMEN, EVERY JOB 527 00:36:53,113 --> 00:36:58,184 I'M JACKIE FOR YOU GUYS. MY FAMILY CALLS ME JACQUELINE. I'M ALSO JAQUEESHA, THE BLACK 528 00:36:58,184 --> 00:37:01,254 GIRL FROM THE BRONX WHO COMES OUT AT THE WRONG TIME. [ LAUGHTER ] 529 00:37:01,254 --> 00:37:03,690 I WAS AT A CORPORATE JOB ONCE, AND THEY HAD SECRET SANTA. WHAT'S THE NORMAL AMOUNT 530 00:37:03,690 --> 00:37:09,629 $10? THEY RAISED IT ONE YEAR TO $50 JAQUEESHA JUMPED OUT 531 00:37:09,629 --> 00:37:12,866 I WAS LIKE, "I WISH I WOULD GIVE UP 50 DIANE IS A WHORE 532 00:37:12,866 --> 00:37:15,235 [ LAUGHTER ] I HATE THIS COMPANY. OH, MY GOD 533 00:37:15,235 --> 00:37:17,070 WAS THAT JAQUEESHA HOW'D SHE GET HERE?" [ APPLAUSE ] 534 00:37:17,070 --> 00:37:22,208 MY BAD JAQUEESHA BEEN TO JAIL I'M SORRY. 535 00:37:22,208 --> 00:37:26,312 I DIDN'T KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ] MY NEXT HUMBLING EXPERIENCE, I 536 00:37:26,312 --> 00:37:32,185 HAD TO MOVE BACK HOME WITH MY RETIRED JAMAICAN MOTHER. YEAH 537 00:37:32,185 --> 00:37:36,056 AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT SHE IS A LIAR OKAY 538 00:37:36,056 --> 00:37:38,558 EVERYONE'S WORRIED ABOUT HER THEY'RE LIKE, "MISS CAROL, ARE YOU STAYING HOME 539 00:37:38,558 --> 00:37:42,829 ARE BEING NICE AND SAFE? SHE'S LIKE, "BABY GIRL, I'M SO SCARED OF THE COVID I DON'T 540 00:37:42,829 --> 00:37:46,066 LEAVE THE HOUSE. THAT WOMAN IS A LIAR SHE'S GONE EVERY DAY FOR THREE 541 00:37:46,066 --> 00:37:48,401 HOURS. I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE GOES. SHE COMES BACK WITH TWO 542 00:37:48,401 --> 00:37:52,872 BANANAS, AN APPLE, A MANGO THIS IS NOT ESSENTIAL. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU 543 00:37:52,872 --> 00:37:57,644 [ LAUGHTER ] I ACCIDENTALLY GOT IN A REALLY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WHEN THE 544 00:37:57,644 --> 00:38:02,215 PANDEMIC STARTED YEAH 'CAUSE THEY WERE LIKE, "YOU 545 00:38:02,215 --> 00:38:03,783 CAN'T DATE." AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE ALONE FOR A YEAR 546 00:38:03,783 --> 00:38:08,688 SOMEBODY LOVE ME SO I FOUND SOMEONE, WHO I'VE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME. 547 00:38:08,688 --> 00:38:11,191 I TOLD HIM SO MANY LIES TO MAKE HIM THINK I'M THE QUARANTINE WIFE YOU WANT. 548 00:38:11,191 --> 00:38:15,095 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I SAID, "LOOK, I'M A DOMESTIC GODDESS. 549 00:38:15,095 --> 00:38:18,031 I COOK ALL MY MEALS FROM SCRATCH. I EVEN GROW MY OWN VEGETABLES. 550 00:38:18,031 --> 00:38:22,802 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SOMEHOW I FOUND A MAN WHO ACTUALLY DOES COOK AND GARDEN. 551 00:38:22,802 --> 00:38:25,171 HE HAD A WHOLE THING PREPARED. HE WAS LIKE, "YOU AND I SHOULD GARDEN TOGETHER. 552 00:38:25,171 --> 00:38:28,808 HE HAD TWO PACKS OF GREENS THAT HAD THE ROOTS, AND TOLD ME -- HEY! 553 00:38:28,808 --> 00:38:32,746 AND TOLD ME, "TAKE ONE HOME. [ LAUGHTER ] HA-HA. 554 00:38:32,746 --> 00:38:37,917 TOLD ME TAKE ONE -- HE SAID, "TAKE ONE HOME AND PLANT YOURS, AND I'LL PLANT MINE. 555 00:38:37,917 --> 00:38:40,720 AND WE CAN WATCH THEM GROW TOGETHER AS A COUPLE." [ AUDIENCE AWS ] 556 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,790 I WAS, LIKE, "OH, MY GOD GARDEN I LIED TO YOU. 557 00:38:43,790 --> 00:38:47,727 I'D RATHER DIE LOOK AT THESE NAILS! [ LAUGHTER ] 558 00:38:47,727 --> 00:38:53,266 [ APPLAUSE ] OKAY?" I BARELY HAVE THE STRENGTH TO 559 00:38:53,266 --> 00:38:55,435 TAKE A SHOWER ON FRIDAYS DURING THE PANDEMIC I'M NOT GOING TO PLANT 560 00:38:55,435 --> 00:39:00,140 ASPARAGUS. [ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE HE WANTS US TO BE 561 00:39:00,140 --> 00:39:02,108 MARTHA STEWART AND SNOOP DOGG. GUESS WHAT HE'S MARTHA. 562 00:39:02,108 --> 00:39:04,778 I'M SNOOP. I DON'T DO ANY OF THAT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 563 00:39:04,778 --> 00:39:08,815 THAT WAS A LIE NOW IT'S TIME TO TACKLE SOME OF MY PANDY WEIGHT. 564 00:39:08,815 --> 00:39:12,752 PANORAMIC WEIGHT LITTLE CHUNKY MONKEY I WAS BEFORE, BUT NOW IT'S 565 00:39:12,752 --> 00:39:15,388 REALLY A PROBLEM NOBODY SHOULD BE SADDER WHEN THIS IS OVER MORE THAN WHITE 566 00:39:15,388 --> 00:39:19,359 WOMEN. THE WAY YOU WOMEN STARTED BAKING LIKE CONVICTS ON TIKTOK 567 00:39:19,359 --> 00:39:25,298 [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY, THE ZUCCHINI BREAD, THE BANANA BREAD, THE BANANAS YOU 568 00:39:25,298 --> 00:39:28,134 SAVED, THE SOURDOUGH THE SIZE OF MY HEAD WHY? 569 00:39:28,134 --> 00:39:30,937 AND THEN I'M FOLLOWING STACY'S RECIPES ON TIKTOK AND SHE AIN'T GAINING NO WEIGHT. 570 00:39:30,937 --> 00:39:35,942 GO TO HELL, STACY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OKAY 571 00:39:35,942 --> 00:39:38,478 I GREW A THIRD BREAST DURING THIS PANDEMIC. [ LAUGHTER ] 572 00:39:38,478 --> 00:39:42,949 AND IT'S MADE OF SOURDOUGH, OKAY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 573 00:39:42,949 --> 00:39:45,085 WITH ALL OF MY HUMBLING, YOU NOW, I HAD ONE THING THAT'S REALLY HUMBLING, I'M LIVING IN 574 00:39:45,085 --> 00:39:50,790 THE SAME CHILDHOOD BEDROOM THAT I GREW UP IN YEAH, SAME ROOM. 575 00:39:50,790 --> 00:39:55,128 THE FIRST ORGASM I EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS IN THIS BEDROOM. 576 00:39:55,128 --> 00:39:59,065 AND THAT WAS ALONE THEN TOO. SO LIFE IS FULL CIRCLE [ LAUGHTER ] 577 00:39:59,065 --> 00:40:02,569 STAY HUMBLE. REMEMBER WHERE YOU COME FROM I'M JACKIE FABULOUS, GUYS. 578 00:40:02,569 --> 00:40:05,772 THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 579 00:40:05,772 --> 00:40:11,644 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. I LOVE THAT. HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 580 00:40:11,644 --> 00:40:14,147 JACKIE FABULOUS! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 581 00:40:14,147 --> 00:40:15,982 SEE HER AT THE LAS VEGAS LAUGH FACTORY THIS WEEKEND MY THANKS TO BILLY CRYSTAL, 582 00:40:15,982 --> 00:40:22,422 KATIE LEDECKY, JEAN HANFF KORELITZ. JACKIE FABULOUS, ONCE AGAIN! 583 00:40:22,422 --> 00:40:27,060 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE BIRTHDAY GIRL. AND ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM 584 00:40:27,060 --> 00:40:32,098 PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 585 00:40:32,098 --> 00:40:48,248 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. 586 00:40:48,248 --> 00:40:48,281 SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.