>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - CONSTANCE WU
BOWEN YANG MUSICAL GUEST LORD HURON FEATURING ALLISON PONTHIER
AND THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1468 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS
THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT. WOW! SOUNDS SO GOOD
I'LL TAKE IT I MISS IT. I LOVE YOU
PLEASE, THANK YOU, WELCOME OH, MY GOD LET'S JUST GO TO COMMERCIAL.
LET'S JUST GO TO COMMERCIAL OFF OF THAT. >> Steve: YEAH, THAT'S IT.
>> Jimmy: WHY NOT? YEAH FANTASTIC.
THAT'S A CROWD RIGHT THERE >> Steve: COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WAKING EVERYONE UP WAKE UP! AND WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT
SHOW," EVERYBODY YOU'RE HERE. YOU MADE IT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME I APPRECIATE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WELL, GUYS, TODAY THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED A NEW WAY THAT THEY'RE TRYING TO GET MORE
AMERICANS VACCINATED LISTEN TO THIS
>> SOME OF AMERICA'S BIGGEST
DATING APPS ARE JOINING THE WHITE HOUSE PUSH TO GET AMERICANS VACCINATED
APPS INCLUDING TINDER, HINGE AND BUMBLE WILL OFFER BADGES FOR SINGLES TO DISPLAY THEIR
VACCINATION STATUS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SURE
THAT'S GREAT THE ONLY OTHER SHOT DATING APPS EVER PROMOTED WAS PENICILLIN SO
I THINK THAT'S A GREAT - I LIKE THE IDEA, YOU GET YOUR SHOTS, YOU MEET SOMEONE ON
TINDER, THEN GET A FEW MORE SHOTS. [ LAUGHTER ]
USUALLY WHEN YOU HEAR WHITE HOUSE AND TINDER IN THE SAME SENTENCE, IT'S FOLLOWED BY
RESIGNATION AND DISGRACE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, THIS STARTED WHEN SOME CDC EMPLOYEE WAS LIKE, "HONEY, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU
THINK. IT'S A WORK PROJECT. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, THEY'RE OFFERING A BUNCH OF FEATURES FOR USERS WHO GET THE VACCINE LIKE BEING ABLE TO
ADD AN "I'M VACCINATED" BADGE TO THEIR PROFILE [ AUDIENCE OOHS
AMERICANS ARE LIKE, OOH, THAT'S EVEN HOTTER THAN BEING VERIFIED ON TWITTER
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S HOT [ LAUGHTER ]
N-B.
THAT'S MY NEW JAM. >> Steve: N-B? >> Jimmy: N-B, YEAH.
>> Tariq: NO BIGGIE? >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DON'T SAY D ANYMORE.
>> Steve: YOU DON'T SAY N-B-D? YOU JUST GO, N-B >> Jimmy: NO BIG DEAL.
TOO LONG >> Steve: RIGHT. >> Jimmy: N-B-D.
N-B-D. FINE N-B.
THERE YOU GO CHECK, PLEASE. >> Steve: THAT'S SHARP, YEAH
>> Jimmy: RIGHT? >> Steve: I FEEL HIPPER. >> Jimmy: THAT'S HOT
[ LAUGHTER ] N-B. THE DATING SITES ARE ALSO
ADDING A LOT OF OTHER HELPFUL BADGES TOO, LIKE "ACTUALLY SIX FEET TALL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'LL WORK PROVE IT
STAND NEXT TO SOMETHING. STAND NEXT TO SOMETHING THAT'S SIX FEET TALL.
YEAH >> Steve: IT'S A GIANT FIRE HYDRANT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALSO THEY HAVE THE BADGE, "THIS IS A RECENT
PHOTO. YEAH I WANT TO KNOW
YEAH, I WANT TO KNOW, IS THIS A RECENT PHOTO THEN THERE'S ALSO THE BADGE, OF
COURSE, "NOT A SERIAL KILLER." AND THAT'S GOOD IF YOU KNOW THAT
ALSO FOR THE WEIRDOS WHO POST GROUP PHOTOS ON THEIR DATING PROFILE, THEY OFFER, "I'M THE
SECOND ONE FROM THE RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I KNOW
I KNOW IT'S A GROUP PHOTO, BUT IT'S A GOOD ONE OF ME SO I'M GOING TO POST IT
I MEAN, LOOK WHO ELSE YOU COULD HAVE BEEN STUCK WITH MY OTHER FRIENDS ARE DISASTERS
SPEAKING OF VACCINATIONS, I SAW THAT PEOPLE WILL SOON BE ABLE TO GET THEIR VACCINE SHOTS AT
AIRPORTS LIKE LaGUARDIA. [ AUDIENCE OHS ] NEW YORKERS HEARD AND WERE
LIKE, I'M FLYING THROUGH LaGUARDIA, DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT LIVING
[ LAUGHTER ] I JUST ATE A COLD HOT DOG AND FLAT SODA.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M GUESSING THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WAITING TO GET VACCINATED AT
THE AIRPORT ARE THE SAME PEOPLE BUYING LUGGAGE AT THE AIRPORT. HOW BUSY ARE YOU
"I'M JUST GONNA WEAR TEN LAYERS OF CLOTHES AND GET THROUGH SECURITY
THEN I'LL PEEL OFF EACH LAYER AND FOLD IN IT MY NEW LUGGAGE. GET THIS, I SAW THAT THE POPE
JUST SIGNED OFF ON THE FIRST ALL ELECTRIC POPE MOBILE CHECK THIS THING OUT
LOOK AT THIS HUH? LET ME SEE THAT AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT SPACESHIP-LOOKING THING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE HE
IS COMING DOWN THE PROCESSION, POPE TRON PAUL THERE HE IS.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT LOOKS LIKE THE POPE'S GOING TO EXIT THAT THING SMOKING A
A VAPE PEN, DOESN'T IT [ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT?
YEAH, HE COMES OUT - * * SUMMER LOVING
HAD ME * >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHY IS HE DOING JOHN TRAVOLTA?
[ LAUGHTER ] WHY IS HE --WHAT IS HE DOING IN THE NEW "GREASE"?
>> Steve: THE POPE IS IN THE NEW "GREASE" >> Jimmy: THE POPE IS -- THEY
REDID "GREASE. >> Steve: THE POPE >> Jimmy: THE POPE IS NOW
DANNY ZUKO >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: AND HE'S NOT SMOKING
CIGARETTES CAUSE THAT'S BAD FOR YOU >> Steve: VAPING
>> Jimmy: SO HE VAPES. THAT'S CORRECT >> Steve: THAT'S HOT
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S HOT N-B.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] CAN I SEE THAT ONCE AGAIN REALLY QUICK
I JUST WANT TO SEE THAT VEHICLE. IT LOOKS LIKE THE NEW DOMINOS
DELIVERY CAR, DOESN'T IT [ LAUGHTER ] "HEY, CAN I GET A BLESSED CRUST
PIZZA. "I'M SORRY, POPE I APOLOGIZE.
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME BUSINESS NEWS, THIS SUMMER, GOOGLE IS OPENING ITS
FIRST EVER RETAIL STORE. [ AUDIENCE OOHS YEAH, AND SINCE IT'S GOOGLE,
YOU JUST WALK IN, THEY ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR [ LAUGHTER ]
"HOW YOU DOING, DAVE YEAH, WE HAVE YOUR PHONE ALSO, UNICORNS AREN'T REAL."
SO HEY, WELCOME. [ LAUGHTER ] SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, I GOT
REALLY EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS SARAH JESSICA PARKER, BETTE MIDLER AND KATHY NAJIMY
ARE COMING BACK TO DO A SEQUEL OF "HOCUS POCUS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YES. I LOVE THE ORIGINAL. SO DO MY KIDS.
MY KIDS LOVE IT. TARIQ, WHAT'S A CLASSIC MOVIE THAT YOU AND YOUR KIDS LOVE?
>> Tariq: I DON'T KNOW, JIMMY. YOU TELL ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS, TARIQ CAUSE I'M ASKING YOU
>> Tariq: WOW! SO NOW I'M RIDICULOUS. >> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON?
ARE WE IN A FIGHT? >> Tariq: CLEARLY. >> Jimmy: I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT WE'RE FIGHTING ABOUT. >> Tariq: CLEARLY! OKAY
EARLIER IN THE WEEK YOU ASKED ME WHAT WAS THE SCARIEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN
I SAID "SIGNS. AND YOU MADE FUN OF ME >> Jimmy: COME ON, TARIQ
I MEAN, THAT WAS JUST -- >> Tariq: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO YOU DON'T GET TO DISMISS THIS.
IT'S TIME FOR "TARIQ PROVES HIS CASE."
*
* TARIQ PROVE HIS CASE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Tariq: "SIGNS" IS A SCARY MOVIE. IT HAS VERY EFFECTIVE JUMP
SCARES, A FOREBODING SOUNDTRACK, AND THE SCARIEST THING OF ALL, JOAQUIN PHOENIX
COMMITTING TO A ROLE [ LAUGHTER ] "SIGNS" IS SCARY
THIS HAS BEEN "TARIQ PROVES HIS CASE."
*
* TARIQ PROVE HIS CASE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: SO IF YOU GET TO PROVE YOUR CASE, THEN I GET ON PROVE MINE
IT'S TIME FOR "JIMMY PROVES HIS CASE."
*
* JIMMY PROVE HIS CASE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: "SIGNS" ISN'T SCARY. IT'S NOT EVEN A HORROR MOVIE, IT'S SCI-FI.
ALSO, THE CGI HASN'T AGED WELL AND JOAQUIN PHOENIX ISN'T SCARY IN THE MOVIE, HE'S ENDEARING
THIS HAS BEEN "JIMMY PROVES HIS CASE."
*
* JIMMY PROVE HIS CASE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: ARE WE GOOD NOW? >> Tariq: MAN, SHUT UP IT'S TIME FOR "TARIQ PROVES HIS
CASE."
* * TARIQ PROVE
HIS CASE * >> Tariq: YOU ASKED ME MY OPINION AND I GAVE YOU MY
OPINION. OPINIONS ARE INHERENTLY SUBJECTIVE
THEREFORE, IT'S CORRECT. THIS HAS BEEN "TARIQ PROVES HIS CASE."
* TARIQ PROVES HIS CASE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S TIME FOR "JIMMY PROVES HIS CASE.
* JIMMY PROVES HIS CASE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: TARIQ, YOU SAY OPINIONS ARE SUBJECTIVE AND
YOU'RE RIGHT I'M SORRY FOR JEOPARDIZING OUR FRIENDSHIP
>> Tariq: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SORRY TOO, BUT I WAS HURT AND I OVERREACTED.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A GREAT FRIEND AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO COME BETWEEN US.
>> Tariq: AGREED >> Jimmy: AGREED SCARY THINKING I COULD EVER
LOSE YOU AS A FRIEND >> Tariq: YEAH BUT NOT AS SCARY AS "SIGNS."
* * YOU'RE THE BEST AROUN NOTHING'S GONNA EVER *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: I HAVE NO IDEA
>> Steve: THEN YOU FROZE AT THE END? >> Jimmy: I HAD NO IDEA IF I
COULD EVEN - >> Steve: WHAT IS THAT ABOUT >> Jimmy: I COULD HAVE HELD
THAT FREEZE. IT LOOKED LIKE A GLITCH. *
* YOU'RE THE BEST AROUN NOTHING'S GONNA EVER * >> Jimmy: THAT'S LONGER THAN
THE BIT. >> Steve: LIKE IN "POLICE ACADEMY.
>> Jimmy: I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO FREEZE, THAT'S WHY I BROKE DOWN
>> Steve: LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE BOXING [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER
>> Steve: PLAY CARDS HAVE A ROUND OF PINOCHLE >> Jimmy: I LOVE PINOCHLE.
>> Steve: OH, I DO TOO [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, I READ ABOUT
A JAPANESE BULLET TRAIN DRIVER WHO TOOK A THREE-MINUTE BATHROOM BREAK WHILE THE TRAIN
WAS GOING 90 MILES AN HOUR WHEN THEY HEARD NO ONE WAS DRIVING THE TRAIN, PASSENGERS
TOOK A BATHROOM BREAK RIGHT IN THEIR SEATS. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME, EVERYBODY, HAPPY FRIDAY
HAPPY, HAPPY FRIDAY. BE SURE TO TUNE IN ALL NEXT WEEK
WE HAVE SOME GREAT SHOWS COMING UP KEVIN HART WILL BE HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SOFIA VERGARA AND JULIANNE MOORE WILL ALL BE
HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND ON MONDAY, ON MONDAY WE
HAVE A VERY SPECIAL SHOW DAVE GROHL OF THE FOO FIGHTERS WILL BE MY CO-HOST HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COMING ON TO CO-HOST YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.
BUT FIRST, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. YOU CAN SEE HER IN THE NEW
AMAZON PRIME VIDEO SERIES, "SOLOS." CONSTANCE WU IS HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALSO, LOOK AT THIS DID YOU SEE THIS
>> Steve: VERY FUNNY DUDE. >> Jimmy: JOINING US IN STUDIO FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE,"
BOWEN YANG IS HERE IN STUDIO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LOOK AT THAT
>> Steve: LOVE ME MY BOWEN >> Jimmy: HE GOT THE COVER GOOD FOR YOU, MAN.
I LOVE THAT. ALSO, WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM LORD HURON FEATURING
ALLISON PONTHIER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEN LATER IN THE SHOW WE HAVE
ALL NEW "THANK YOU NOTES." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, IT'S HAPPENING
GUYS, WHENEVER I GET SOME DOWN TIME HERE AT THE SHOW, I LIKE TO GO ON INSTAGRAM AND SCROLL
THROUGH ALL THE PHOTOS >> Steve: REALLY >> Jimmy: AND ONE THING I'VE
NOTICED IS THAT A LOT OF TIMES TWO PEOPLE WILL WRITE THE EXACT SAME CAPTION, BUT THE PICTURES
THEY POST WILL BE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I'LL SHOW YOU --
[ LAUGHTER ] DID HE SAY "OH, NO?" I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN IN
THIS NEXT SEGMENT. IT'S TIME FOR "PICTURE THIS. HERE WE GO
* * PICTURE THI PICTURE THIS
YEAH PICTURE THIS * >> Jimmy: HAVING A SMALL CROWD
IS SO FUN, BUT IT'S ALSO REALLY PERSONAL I GET TO HEAR --
[ LAUGHTER ] -- EVERY SINGLE PERSON'S OPINION.
YEAH SO I SAID THE SAME CAPTIONS, DIFFERENT PHOTOS AND HE SAID -
>> OH, NO. >> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS FIRST EXAMPLE.
IT'S FROM TESLA AND MICROSOFT. >> Steve: OH, NO >> Jimmy: THEY BOTH WROTE,
"AVAILABLE THIS SUMMER." TESLA POSTED A PICTURE OF THEIR NEW ELECTRIC CAR
MICROSOFT POSTED A PICTURE OF BILL GATES DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: SAME CAPTION >> Jimmy: SAME CAPTION
DIFFERENT PHOTO. THE NEXT ONE IS FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA AND PRESIDENT BIDEN.
THEY BOTH WROTE, "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS, BUT I'M INTRIGUED BY IT.
PRESIDENT OBAMA POSTED A A PICTURE OF A UFO PRESIDENT BIDEN POSTED A
A PICTURE OF AN iPHONE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ISN'T THAT NICE?
THAT'S MY MAN. CAN WE CUT TO HIM -- CAN WE CUT TO --
YEAH, STAND UP YEAH, YEAH, THERE HE GOES. THIS GUY WORKS -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WE TALKED TO HIM BEFORE THE
SHOW HE'S REPRESENTING -- HE WORKS AT THE APPLE STORE, AND SO ANY
APPLE HUMOR, YOU LAUGH DOUBLY. >> Steve: RIGHT. >> Jimmy: YEAH
WHAT'S YOUR NAME >> MY NAME'S DAVID >> Jimmy: DAVID, ARE YOU A
A GENIUS >> AM I WHAT >> Jimmy: A GENIUS
>> I'M A SPECIALIST. >> Steve: A SPECIALIST >> Jimmy: SO WAIT --
>> THERE'S A HIERARCHY AT APPLE, YOU START AS A SPECIALIST, THEN AN EXPERT,
THEN A GENIUS. >> Jimmy: OH, SO RIGHT NOW YOU'RE A SPECIALIST, NOT YET AN
EXPERT >> I JUST FINISHED MY FRESHMAN YEAR
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHO ARE YOU POINTING AT
OVER THERE DO WE TEACH A COURSE HERE? WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?
>> I WAS A MUSICAL THEATER MAJOR. I WENT FOR MUSICAL THEATER AND
OPERA AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MONTEVALLO >> Jimmy: WHOA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DID YOU HAVE A -- DAVID, DID YOU HAVE A GO-TO SONG?
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU USED TO LOVE TO SING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
DAVID, HERE. I'LL HOLD THIS OUT TO YOU. WE'VE GOT TO BE SIX FEET AWAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DAVID, JUST STAY - STAY THERE
AND I'LL JUST HOLD THIS. IT'S FOR COVID REASONS, I
THINK. BUT, OKAY. DAVID, WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME
>> POEHLER, LIKE AMY POEHLER >> Jimmy: YEAH, OH MY GOD. DAVID POEHLER.
ALL RIGHT, GREAT HERE'S DAVID POEHLER WITH HIS AUDITION DOING -
>> "TOMORROW" FROM "ANNIE. >> Jimmy: OH MY GOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT * ALRIGHT.
* THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR
THAT TOMORROW * * THERE'LL BE SUN * >> Jimmy: LET'S GO TO THE PART
* TOMORROW TOMORROW I LOVE YA TOMORROW YOU'RE ALWAYS A DAY AWAY *
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT
DAVID POEHLER! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT THERE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, BUDDY.
THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. WOW! TALENTED CROWD
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU ROOTS. OH, HE'S GOT PIPES
HE'S GOT PIPES NO WONDER HE'S YELLING IN THE CROWD.
HE'S GOTTA SING. >> Steve: HE'S GOTTA SING. >> Jimmy: WE'RE STILL DOING --
YEAH >> Steve: WE GOT BITS? >> Jimmy: WE'RE STILL DOING
THIS BIT YEAH, HERE WE GO [ LAUGHTER ]
CHECK OUT THIS PHOTO HERE, THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM THE GIRL SCOUTS AND "ENTERTAINMENT
WEEKLY." >> Steve: OH GIRL SCOUTS AND "ENTERTAINMENT
WEEKLY." >> Jimmy: THEY BOTH WROTE, "ANYONE CAN JOIN."
GIRL SCOUTS POSTED A PICTURE OF A TROOP. "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY" POSTED
A PICTURE OF THE CAST OF "KNIVES OUT 2. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THEY JUST KEEP ADDING TO IT. THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM J LO AND BEN AFFLECK.
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] THEY BOTH WROTE, "IT'S COMPLICATED.
J LO POSTED A PICTURE OF BEN AFFLECK. BEN AFFLECK POSTED A PICTURE OF
THE CDC'S CURRENT MASK GUIDELINES [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WEAR THEM. DON'T WEAR THEM. YES, I CAN
NO CAN'T. MASK UP.
HERE'S ONE FROM GUY FIERI AND "POLITICO. THEY BOTH WROTE, "THE MEATS
JUST FALL OFF THE BONE." GUY FIERI POSTED A PICTURE OF A RACK OF RIBS
POLITICO POSTED A PICTURE OF MITCH McCONNELL. [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT
>> Jimmy: WHY WOULD THEY - I WOULD THINK THAT'S OFFENSIVE >> Steve: THAT SEEMS ODD
>> Jimmy: THAT SEEMS ODD TO ME >> Steve: THAT SEEMS RUDE AND MEAN
>> Jimmy: THAT SEEMS ODD ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE LAST ONE, IT'S FROM
BILL de BLASIO AND ANDREW YANG THEY BOTH WROTE, "THERE'S SIMPLY NO EXCUSE FOR THIS.
BILL de BLASIO POSTED A PICTURE OF UNVACCINATED NEW YORKERS GOING MASKLESS
ANDREW YANG POSTED A PICTURE OF BILL de BLASIO IN NETS GEAR. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR
"PICTURE THIS. STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "THANK
YOU NOTES" EVERYBODY COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
TODAY IS FRIDAY AND THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP ON SOME PERSONAL STUFF
YOU KNOW, I CHECK MY INBOX, I RETURN SOME EMAILS AND OF COURSE I SEND OUT THANK YOU
NOTES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND I WAS RUNNING A BIT BEHIND
SO I THOUGHT IF YOU GUYS WOULDN'T MIND, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO WRITE OUT MY WEEKLY
THANK YOU NOTES, RIGHT NOW IS THAT COOL WITH YOU GUYS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK-YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE *
CONCENTRATING. >> Steve: HE'S SUSPICIOUS. WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH HE DID SOMETHING *
THANK YOU, JOE BIDEN, FOR RELEASING YOUR TAX RETURNS, ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE YOU'RE
ALLOWED TO DEDUCT MALARKEY [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT, TRIED TO DEDUCT MALARKEY
>> Steve: SIX POUNDS OF IT >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, KIM JONG-UN, BANNING MULLETS
AND SKINNY JEANS, FOR LETTING THE WORLD KNOW THAT YOUR BIGGEST ENEMY IS APPARENTLY
BILLY RAY CYRUS FROM 1992. >> Steve: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? ACHY BREAKY.
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, GETTING HANDED YOUR DIPLOMA, FOR MAKING
ME FEEL LIKE I'M PARTICIPATING IN A RELAY RACE THAT TOOK FOUR YEARS TO FINISH.
[ APPLAUSE ] * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, GRADUATION
CEREMONIES, FOR GIVING STUDENTS ONE FINAL LESSON HOW TO DODGE SHARP PIECES OF
FALLING CARDBOARD. [ APPLAUSE ] DO THEY HAVE ANY AVENGERS THAT
THROW THINGS LIKE THAT >> Steve: DON'T THEY HAVE THAT CARD GUY
LIKE, GAMBIT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT >> Jimmy: OH, REALLY
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: THE GAMBLER, HE COMES OUT AND HE JUST TAKES HIS CARD
OUT OF THE DECK OF CARDS AND FLIPS IT AT SOMEBODY IT'S PRETTY COOL
DOES HE DO A TRICK FIRST AND HAVE THEM GUESS IT >> Steve: MAYBE HE DOES --
>> Jimmy: YOUR OWN MURDER WEAPON YEAH, BUT THEN SUSIE AND TIMMY,
THEY WENT TO THE STORE SO THEN THEY GOT RID OF THE -- DO A WHOLE STORY.
AND THERE LIKE, "WELL, WHERE'S TIMMY? IS THIS IT?"
AND YOU GO, "NO. IT'S ACTUALLY NOT. HE'S LIKE, "OH, I GUESS I DON'T
KNOW HOW TO DO MAGIC THEN. [ LAUGHTER ] WAIT A SECOND.
COULD YOU JUST CHECK YOUR COAT POCKET FOR A SECOND? *
"IT'S TIMMY! AND THEN YOU GIVE IT TO HIM. AND HE TAKES IT AND HE GOES --
>> Steve: "IS THIS YOUR CARD?" >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: YOU CUT OFF MY
FINGER >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, CHURROS, FOR BEING THE ONLY DESSERT THAT
LOOKS LIKE IT WAS MADE USING A A PLAY-DOH FUN FACTORY >> Steve: THAT'S NOT A CHURRO!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, LAS VEGAS HUSTLER CLUBS POP-UP VACCINE
SITE FOR NOT BEING THE FIRST POP-UP THAT'S HAPPENED AT A STRIP
CLUB * >> Steve: OH
POLLING STATION. >> Jimmy: NO, JOHNSON AND JOHNSON.
>> Steve: HEY! >> Jimmy: THREE JOHNSONS >> Steve: GET READY FOR IT
YOU CAN DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT. GOT THEM READY
>> Jimmy: GOT WHAT READY >> IS THAT YOUR CARD THAT WASN'T MY CARD.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT THIS WAS >> Steve: OH
YOU'RE RIGHT IT WAS THE SEVEN OF SPADES WAIT, THIS CARD IS A JOKER
IT WAS MY CARD I'M DYING NOW. I'M -- ABOUT TO -- LOSE MY
LIFE REALLY BAD [ GROANING ]
THIS IS THE CARD FOR 20% OFF AT BED, BATH AND BEYOND I THINK I'M BEYOND THAT.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON. >> Steve: OH, MY GOD
THIS IS A DINER CLUB CARD FROM - >> Jimmy: LET'S JUST CALL IT A
A MISUNDERSTANDING I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, OKAY >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT
HERE WE GO * THANK YOU, CABINET FULL OF OLD
SPICES IT'S NICE TO KNOW I CAN FRESHEN UP ANY MEAL WITH SOME GARLIC
POWDER FROM 2006 COME ON, IT STILL WORKS. JUST BANG IT ON THE COUNTER.
>> Steve: IT'S SOLID NOW >> Jimmy: EXACTLY. SCRAPE IT OFF.
>> Steve: YEAH, JUST GET A A GRATER >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> Steve: MAKES IT BETTER CAUSE IT'S GRATER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: A LITTLE CHEESY. >> Steve: NICE >> Jimmy: BUT STILL SHARP.
>> Steve: THAT WAS A GOUDA JOKE >> Jimmy: YEAH
I GUESS WE'RE FONDUE-ING IT. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, CRAYONS, FOR STARTING OUT PRISTINE AND
ENDING UP LIKE A POST BATTLE SCENE FROM "GAME OF THRONES. THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THOSE ARE OUR THANK-YOU NOTES. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CONSTANCE WU
COME ONE BACK, EVERYBODY * >> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS
A GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED ACTRESS WHO YOU CAN SEE IN THE NEW SERIES, "SOLOS," WHICH IS
AVAILABLE ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO STARTING TODAY PLEASE WELCOME CONSTANCE WU!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH OH, MY
COME ON, WELCOME BACK! >> THANK YOU HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING GREAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU BECAUSE, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON OUR
SHOW, YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BABY SO CONGRATULATIONS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> THANK YOU YEAH
I HAD A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL IN AUGUST >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
CONGRATULATIONS. HOW IS SHE DOING HOW IS IT ALL GOING?
>> SHE'S THE BEST. SHE'S THE BEST SHE HAS A FULL HEAD OF HAIR.
YOU KNOW, SHE HAS A BLUE BUTT. [ LAUGHTER ] AND, UM, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, LONG NIGHTS, OR IS SHE SLEEPING? EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS THAT.
>> YOU DIDN'T ASK ME ABOUT THE BLUE BUTT, JIMMY [ LAUGHTER ]
I THOUGHT -- I THOUGHT THAT YOU MIGHT BE CURIOUS ABOUT A BABY WITH A BLUE BUTT
>> Jimmy: I DIDN'T, ALMOST, UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAID SO I KIND OF SKIPPED OVER IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] WAIT, SHE HAS A BLUE BUTT? >> YES
HER BUTT IS THE COLOR BLUE >> Jimmy: OKAY IS IT LIKE FOR PRINTING
PURPOSES [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, THEY PUT HERE IN THE INK
WHY IS HER BUTT BLUE >> WELL, YOU KNOW, I MIGHT NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT, YOU
KNOW, WHAT I CAN USE IT FOR, HER BUTT BUT NO, ACTUALLY, THERE'S THIS
THING, I HAD NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE, BUT IT'S CALLED A MONGOLIAN SPOT
AND APPARENTLY, IT HAPPENS IN A LOT OF ASIAN BABIES, AND MY BOYFRIEND AND I ARE BOTH ASIAN
AND IT'S WHERE YOUR BUTT IS BLUE FOR LIKE THE FIRST TWO YEARS OF YOUR LIFE, AND THEN IT
JUST GOES AWAY [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW IF THIS
IS A BIT OR NOT. I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THIS IS IT A THING?
HAS EVERYONE HEARD OF IT [ AUDIENCE SAYS NO ] [ AUDIENCE MEMBER SAYS YES ]
>> Jimmy: OH, WAIT SOMEONE THERE HAS HEARD OF IT. >> HE HAD IT
>> Jimmy: OH, HE HAD IT? [ LAUGHTER ] >> I JUST THINK IT'S A VERY
SPECIAL THING, AND NOT SOMETHING THAT, YOU KNOW, SHE GETS TO SHOW OFF WHILE SHE'S
WALKING DOWN THE STREET. SO NOT THAT SHE'S WALKING YET. BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST, YOU
KNOW, SAY ABOUT HER LITTLE BLUE BUTT IT'S VERY SPECIAL.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS ACTUALLY -- THAT IS ACTUALLY SO CUTE OH MY GOODNESS
AND YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A MUSICIAN SO IS HE PLAYING MUSIC ALL THE
TIME FOR THE BABY? >> YEAH, HE ACTUALLY WROTE A A SONG ABOUT HER BLUE BUTT
[ LAUGHTER ] SO THAT WILL BE ON HIS NEXT ALBUM.
BUT YEAH, HE'S A MUSICIAN. >> Jimmy: GONNA BE ON THE NEXT ALBUM.
WHAT'S IT LIKE DATING A ROCK STAR DO YOU TALK ABOUT EACH OTHER'S
MUSIC? DO YOU, LIKE, SCHOOL EACH OTHER ON DIFFERENT THINGS?
>> WELL, I MEAN, YOU -- YOU PROBABLY KNOW THIS LIFE BECAUSE YOU WERE IN THAT MOVIE, "ALMOST
FAMOUS." >> Jimmy: PLEASE, HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE
HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN'T HEAR IT, BUT THEY'RE
GOING NUTS HERE NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH STOP.
OH, PLEASE THIS IS EMBARRASSING BUT THANK YOU.
>> OUR LIFE IS LIKE THAT MOVIE EXCEPT, LIKE, MIDDLE AGED. >> Jimmy: OKAY
ALL RIGHT. INTERESTING, YEAH. BUT IT'S THAT ROCK LIFESTYLE
>> YEAH. AND IT'S, YOU KNOW IT'S INTERESTING 'CAUSE HE'S AN
INDIE ROCKER HIS BAND IS CALLED MAN-MAN, AND I AM A MUSICAL THEATER NERD.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH, WAIT A SECOND YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE BEGINNING
OF OUR SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ] WE JUST -- WE LAUNCHED A NEW
BROADWAY STAR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DAVID POLLER
YEAH HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF DAVID POLLER
[ CHEERS ] >> I HAVE NOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S
UNBELIEVABLE GET READY. PUT YOUR STOCK IN DAVID POLLER
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU, BECAUSE, NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE A BRAND NEW BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL
IN YOUR HOUSE, BUT YOU HAVE SOME OTHER VISITORS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT? >> YEAH. I HAD SOME BEES VISITING MY
HOUSE, AND I WAS, LIKE -- I DID NOT KNOW WHERE THEY WERE COMING FROM
SO I KIND OF, LIKE, FOLLOWED WHERE THESE BEES WERE COMING FROM
AND I SAW THEM SWARMING AROUND THIS TINY LITTLE HOLE IN MY WALL ON THE OUTSIDE OF MY
HOUSE. SO I INVESTIGATED. AND IT TURNS OUT THAT THEY HAD
BUILT AN ENTIRE HIVE INSIDE OF THE WALL OF MY HOUSE >> Jimmy: NO, NO, LOOK AT THIS
THING. THIS IS IN THE WALL. [ AUDIENCE OOHS
>> THAT'S AFTER THEY CUT IT OUT AND THAT WAS INSIDE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE MOST
FRIGHTENING THING I'VE EVER SEEN >> IT WAS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN SCARIER? IS THAT LIKE OUR BEES ARE IN
TROUBLE IN THE WORLD, RIGHT? SO WE'VE GOT TO SAVE OUR BEES. SO I WAS LIKE, "HOW DO I SAVE
THESE BEES, BUT NOT HAVE THEM IN MY HOUSE? SO I GOT, LIKE, A SPECIALIST
WHO HAD THEM HUMANELY REMOVED. AND FOUND THE SCOUT BEES SO THEY WOULDN'T COME BACK.
IT WAS LIKE A WHOLE PROCESS. >> Jimmy: WOW. >> OH, MY GOSH
I'M SORRY. MY BABY JUST WOKE UP FROM HER NAP.
SHE'S LIKE SCREAMING >> Jimmy: I'LL WRAP THIS UP. I'LL MAKE IT QUICK
>> NO, NO, IT'S FINE SHE'S WITH HER DAD. IT'S COOL.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE LIKE -- >> IT'S LIKE LEAVING YOUR DEAD
WITH THOSE GUYS FROM "ALMOST FAMOUS." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. I WANT TO MAKE SURE -- I WANT TO GET YOU SO YOU CAN GO UP
TAKE CARE OF THIS BABY WITH THIS GUY YEAH, YEAH, EXACTLY.
I DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT "SOLOS." IT'S ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO AND
IT IS BASICALLY MONOLOGUES >> UH-HUH. >> Jimmy: I MEAN. YOU'RE IN
A GREAT COMPANY, BY THE WAY. MORGAN FREEMAN, HELEN MIRRIN, ANTHONY MACKIE
CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE WHAT THIS IS >> YEAH, THEY ARE LITERALLY
SOLOS. EVERYBODY EPISODE IS JUST ONE ACTOR, UM, TALKING
[ BABY SCREAMING ] WHICH, YOU KNOW, I GUESS COULD BE A NIGHTMARE FOR SOME PEOPLE,
BUT IT WAS REAL FUN FOR US [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOUR DAUGHTER JUST
HAD A GOOD LITTLE CAMEO THERE. THAT WAS A GREAT -- I THINK HE'S TEACHING HER LED ZEPPELIN
IS WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S TEACHING HER [ LAUGHTER ]
IT SOUNDS GREAT. GOOD GOOD
GET THOSE LUNGS. I LOVE IT, GIRL. I LOVE IT.
PLEASE GIVE HER A HUG AND A KISS FROM ME AND I WANT TO SHOW EVERYBODY IN
THE CLIP, HERE'S CONSTANCE WU IN "SOLOS. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
SO WAIT FOR IT YESTERDAY AFTERNOON I WENT TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY OF
A 2-YEAR-OLD MY FRIEND'S LITTLE GIRL. I MEAN, OUR HUSBANDS WORK
TOGETHER, I'VE ONLY MET HER TWICE. BUT IT WAS A COSTUME PARTY,
OBVIOUSLY, AND VOILA I'M LIKE AN ANGEL BASICALLY. YOU KNOW, LIKE, FROM THE BIBLE
I WAS CHECKING, THAT I DIDN'T SMELL SORT OF THING. JUST LIKE I SAID, I HAVEN'T
BEEN HOME. I ACTUALLY THINK I MIGHT STILL BE DRUNK
I'M JENNY, BY THE WAY. I AM GREAT FUN AT PARTIES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: CONSTANCE WU, "SOLOS" IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO
WE'LL BE BACK RIGHT BACK WITH BOWEN YANG, EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND
CONGRATULATIONS, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN WHO YOU
KNOW FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" WHICH IS ALL NEW THIS WEEKEND WITH HOST ANYA TAYLOR-JOY AND
MUSICAL GUEST LIL NAS X. EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME, BOWEN YANG
* >> Jimmy: BOWEN -- I'M SO -- I'M FREAKING OUT
>> I'M FREAKING OUT. YOU'RE FREAKING OUT? I'M FREAKING OUT
>> Jimmy: I'M GETTING A LITTLE EMOTIONAL. LOOK AT YOU.
COVER BOY. HELLO! HELLO!
>> WHAT'S THAT POSE CALLED >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I LOVE THAT
POSE THAT POSE IS CALLED -- WHAT IS IT CALLED?
>> IT'S CALLED, I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND JUST NOW AND HE SAID IT'S SOMEONE JUST PUSHED
YOU OVER THE SHOULDER AND YOU'RE LIKE, WHOA! I THINK THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
THAT'S THE FULL ME [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LET ME SEE WHAT THIS
IS THIS ONE'S GOING LIKE - I THINK THIS ONE'S CALLED, "OH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA SPOIL THE END
FOR ME." >> OH, YEAH. I HAVEN'T SEEN "MARE OF
EASTTOWN" EPISODE FIVE YET DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE SPOILER
ONE. >> THAT'S THE SPOILER ONE. >> Jimmy: CONGRATS ON "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE" AND EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING SUCH A GREAT JOB. THIS WHOLE CAST, THIS WHOLE
SEASON >> YES, EVERYBODY. >> Jimmy: THE WRITERS, AND
CAST >> AND CREW. EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND CREW FOR DOING THIS
I MEAN, A LOT OF PEOPLE, FOR PULLING THIS SHOW OFF IN GENERAL, IS JUST AMAZING
BUT -- YOU DID SOMETHING ON THE SHOW A COUPLE WEEKS AGO THAT GOT A LOT OF PEOPLE'S
ATTENTION. YOU PLAYED THE ICEBERG THAT -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> SIDE EYEING >> Jimmy: THE ICEBERG THAT SANK THE TITANIC.
WHERE DID THE IDEA COME FROM >> THIS? >> Jimmy: WALK ME THROUGH IT
>> OKAY. IT IS SUCH A CRAZY JOURNEY BECAUSE THE HEAD WRITER OF
"SNL," ONE OF THE HEAD WRITERS, ANNA DREZEN -- >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
>> AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE FROM COLLEGE. SHE TEXTED ME IN FEBRUARY,
"HEY, MAYBE FOR THE APRIL 10TH SHOW, FOR THE TITANIC ANNIVERSARY, YOU CAN PLAY THE
ICEBERG WHO SANK THE TITANIC." [ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, COOL.
MAYBE, SURE. AND THEN KIND OF RAISED MY EYEBROW AT HER OVER TEXT
BUT THEN APRIL ROLLS AROUND AND THEN I TEXT HER, "HEY, WERE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THAT ICEBERG
IDEA?" AND SHE WAS LIKE, "I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT.
LET'S DO IT. WHY NOT? AND THEN THE ENTIRE WEEK WE DID
IT, WE JUST -- WE'RE LOSING OUR MINDS A LITTLE BIT CAUSE WE KEPT LOOKING AT EACH
OTHER AND BURSTING OUT LAUGHING, LIKE, ON SATURDAY AT, LIKE, 7:00 P.M., AS YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO TURN IN SCRIPTS, WE WERE LIKE, "WHAT ARE WE DOING? >> Jimmy: YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] >> "THIS WILL NEVER MAKE IT ON TO TV.
WILL PEOPLE GET IT BECAUSE THERE'S JUST SO MUCH GOING ON HERE.
>> Jimmy: THE ICEBERG CAME ON UPDATE TO PROMOTE -- >> HIS ALBUM
>> Jimmy: YES. HE HAS A TECHNO -- >> IT'S A HYPERPOP EDM. NEW
DISCO FANTASIA >> Jimmy: SORRY. >> SO IT'S A LOT OF GENRES
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S A LOT OF GENRES IN THERE.
AND THEN, JUST GOT UPSET >> GOT UPSET BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE KNOWN FOR THIS THING
THAT HAPPENED IN HIS PAST AND HE ACTUALLY FEELS VICTIMIZED BY IT
WE PUT A LINE IN THERE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY, "YES, I REMEMBER THAT BOAT ATTACK, WHICH I THINK
IS THE PERFECT" -- THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE TITANIC SANK
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> THE ICEBERG WAS ATTACKED BY A BOAT
>> Jimmy: THAT'S CORRECT [ LAUGHTER ] THE ICEBERG DID NOT MOVE
>> NO. >> Jimmy: YEAH IT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING.
I LOVED AND IT THEN IT WAS TRENDING ON TWITTER FOR LIKE THE NEXT THREE DAYS.
>> OH, MY GOD. >> Jimmy: AND IT WAS MASSIVE >> Jimmy: BY THE WAY
THE MOTHER'S DAY SHOW, YOUR MOM WAS FANTASTIC. PLEASE TELL HER I THOUGHT SHE
WAS SO FUNNY MOM, YOU WERE GREAT. >> OH, SHE WAS GREAT
SHE WAS GREAT. >> Jimmy: THE PURELL >> PURELL.
SHE COULDN'T HANDLE THE PROP >> Jimmy: WAS SHE NERVOUS? >> SHE WAS VERY NERVOUS.
SHE WOULDN'T TELL ME SHE WAS NERVOUS, BUT EVERYONE COMPLIMENTED HER IN THE STUDIO
LIKE YOU HANDLED THE PROPS GREAT. SHE'S LIKE THE CARROT TOP AND
GALLAGHER OF MOMS. >> Jimmy: SHE REALLY IS. OH, MY GOODNESS.
SO FUNNY I REMEMBER MY MOM WAS ON THE MOTHER'S DAY THING
AND SHE WAS SO NERVOUS SHE WAS FREAKING OUT AND I REMEMBER AT THE
BEGINNING, WE DID A MONOLOGUE WITH ALL THE MOMS. AND EVERYONE'S THERE, YOU KNOW,
WITH THEIR MOMS OR DADS, YOU KNOW AND WE'RE ALL STANDING AROUND.
AND I GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE. IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE A DISASTER, GET SOMETHING IN
YOUR EYE WHEN THERE'S 30 MOMS ON STAGE BECAUSE, I GO LIKE -
SOMEBODY'S GOING LIKE, "HOLD YOUR LID OUT AND ROLL YOUR EYE BACK
BLOW IN IT NO, PUT WATER IN IT. NO, BLOWING WILL BE FINE."
THEY'RE GRABBING MY HEAD AND I'M LIKE, "OKAY. GUYS, HOLD ON.
>> THAT'S BEAUTIFUL TO BE SCREAMED AT BY THAT MANY MOMS. >> Jimmy: IT WAS A FANTASTIC
MOTHER'S DAY MOMENT FOR ME >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I FOLLOW YOU ON
INSTAGRAM, BY THE WAY. I FOLLOW @FAYEDUNAWAY. >> FAYE DUNAWAY IS THE HANDLE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I JUST THINK THAT'S
INTERESTING. >> YEAH. IT'S INTERESTING
I -- ALL I WANT IS FOR FAYE DUNAWAY, THE REAL OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS, TO LIKE
SUE ME OR SOMETHING. >> Jimmy: WOULD YOU GO TO COURT?
>> I WOULD GO TO COURT I WOULD -- I WOULD GET LOCKED INTO LIKE THE LONGEST BATTLE
WITH HER ALL I WANT IS JUST TO LIKE - >> Jimmy: TALK TO HER.
A CEASE AND DESIST OR -- YEAH. >> Jimmy: SHE'S WATCHING FAYE
>> FAYE. >> Jimmy: FAYE DUNAWAY LEGENDARY.
>> LEGENDARY ACTRESS, FAYE DUNAWAY >> Jimmy: AMAZING, GORGEOUS.
>> ALL I WANT IS FOR TO YOU REACH OUT TO ME AND CALL ME, "THAT SNIVELING HOMOSEXUAL."
AND -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU
WANT >> AND -- YES IT IS WHAT I WANT
IT IS WHAT I WANT! CAUSE SHE'S -- SHE'S FANTASTIC AND I JUST WANT HER TO INSULT
ME AND SAY "YOU GIVE THAT HANDLE TO ME I WANT TO BE ON INSTAGRAM WITH
EVERYBODY ELSE." >> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK SHE WOULD CARE ABOUT INSTAGRAM, BUT
I THINK THAT SHE CARES ABOUT YOU, AND THAT YOU LOVE HER AND I THINK THAT SHE WOULD SAY,
"HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'VE GOT MY BLESSING." >> WOW
I HOPE THAT HAPPENS. >> Jimmy: "AND I LOVE YOU AND CONGRATS ON YOUR SUCCESS,
BOWEN YANG." >> JIMMY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
>> Jimmy: DUDE, YOU'RE THE GREATEST I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU, PAL.
BOWEN YANG, THE SEASON FINALE OF "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AIRS THIS SATURDAY.
STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A MUSIC PERFORMANCE FROM
LORD HURON FEATURING ALLISON PONTHIER COME ON BACK
* >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "I LIED" FROM THEIR NEW ALBUM 'LONG
LOST," HERE'S LORD HURON FEATURING ALLISON PONTHIER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* I SWORE THAT I'D BECOME A BETTER MAN FOR YOU AND I TRIED *
* TRIED TO CHANGE MY WAYS AN WALK THE LINE YOU FOLLOW
I BORE A FLAME THAT BURNED * * A THOUSAND SUNS FOR YOU BUT IT DIE
TOLD YOU I COULD NEVER * * LOVE SOMEBODY ELS BUT I LIED
OH I LIED * OH I LIED * *
*
* I TOLD YOU I'D BE COMIN BACK AGAIN FOR YOU *
* BUT I'M NOT GOING WAY OUT WHERE THE * * WORLD WILL NEVER FIND M
I MADE A CLAIM THAT I WOUL DANCE UNTIL WE'RE * * BONES WITH MY BRIDE
TOLD YOU I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE * * BUT I LIE
OOH OOH OOH OO
I READ YOUR LETTER IN THE MORNING BY THE LAKE *
* AND I CRIED THEY WERE TEARS OF JOY MY CHAINS ARE *
* FINALLY BROKE I MADE A VOW TO STAND * * BESIDE YOU 'TIL
THE DAY THAT I DIE TOLD YOU I COULD NEVER * * LIVE WITHOUT YOUR LOV
BUT I LIED OH I LIED * * OH, I LIE
OH I LIE OH I LIED * * OH I LIED
OH I LIED * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO LORD HURON AND ALLISON PONTHIER
MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE COME BACK. COME ON BACK EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: JOIN US NEXT WEEK --
KEVIN HART, SOFIA VERGARA, AND JULIANNE MOORE WILL BE HERE. AND ON MONDAY, DAVE GROHL OF
THE FOO FIGHTERS WILL BE MY CO-HOST! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MY THANKS TO CONSTANCE WU, BOWEN YANG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
LORD HURON, ALLISON PONTHIER, AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY *