1 00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,310 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:17,984 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S THE "TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:21,788 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - DAVE CHAPPELLE 4 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:25,658 NIKKI GLASER MUSICAL GUEST J.PERIOD FEATURING BLACK THOUGHT AND 5 00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:32,198 TIFFANY GOUCHE WITH NARRATIONS BY DAVE CHAPPELLE. >> Questlove: 1461 6 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:37,704 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:50,784 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * 8 00:00:50,784 --> 00:01:00,493 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 9 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:05,065 OH, MY GOODNESS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY THANK YOU, THANK YOU, PLEASE 10 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,100 HAVE A SEAT. WELCOME, EVERYBODY THAT FEELS SO GOOD 11 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:10,136 WELCOME TO THE "TONIGHT SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU MADE IT, YOU'RE HERE 12 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,273 YOU MADE IT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:17,844 GUYS, LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS WELL, EVERYONE'S HEARD ABOUT THE PIPELINE HACK. 14 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:22,082 AND PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY MAKING IT WORSE BY FREAKING OUT AND PEOPLE ARE PANIC-BUYING GAS. 15 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:27,153 AND NOW, THOUSANDS OF GAS STATIONS ARE OUT OF FUEL [ AUDIENCE OHS ] 16 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:29,155 THIS PROBABLY EXPLAINS WHY MY UBER DRIVER GAVE ME A PIGGY BACK TO 30 ROCK. 17 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:33,293 [ LAUGHTER ] A GAS SHORTAGE -- RIGHT NOW, THERE'S PROBABLY A GUY WHO JUST 18 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,363 GOT HOME, LIKE, "HONEY, THROW AWAY ALL THE TOILET PAPER. WE'VE GOT TO CLEAR SPACE FOR 19 00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,965 GASOLINE WE'VE GOT TO DO IT - [ LAUGHTER ] 20 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:42,669 HONEY, ARE YOU OKAY? PEOPLE ARE PANIC BUYING GAS. AND ONE COUPLE STOCKING UP WENT 21 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:49,109 VIRAL. LOOK AT THIS [ LAUGHTER ] 22 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,111 YEAH THEY DROVE ABOUT EIGHT FEET BEFORE THEY PASSED OUT FROM THE 23 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,848 FUMES. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND IT WAS A MINIVAN, SO YOU 24 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:58,885 KNOW THERE'S KIDS INVOLVED [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SHOULD WE ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW 25 00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:02,155 HUNTER LOOKS SLEEPY. [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, AT LEAST THEY USED PROPER 26 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:05,692 CONTAINERS LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE PUTTING GASOLINE INTO. 27 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:05,725 LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE PUTTING GASOLINE INTO. 28 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:10,764 >> PANIC BUYING OF GAS ON THE EAST COAST GETTING SO BAD. 29 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,066 TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THE U.S. CONSUMER PRODUCT SAFETY COMMISSION JUST TWEETED, 30 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:20,073 SAYING, "DO NOT FILL PLASTIC BAGS WITH GASOLINE." [ LAUGHTER ] 31 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,709 >> Jimmy: JUST LIKE THAT, WE'RE RIGHT BACK ON THE WORLD'S DO NOT TRAVEL LIST. 32 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,745 [ LAUGHTER ] SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WOULD IT BE SAFER IF I PUT THE GASOLINE 33 00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:31,584 IN BALLOONS AND I SWALLOWED THEM [ LAUGHTER ] 34 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:35,422 AND NOT ONLY THERE'S A GAS SHORTAGE THERE'S ALSO A CHICKEN SHORTAGE 35 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:37,390 THE COMPANY TYSON IS SAYING THEY'RE PARTLY TO BLAME BECAUSE THE ROOSTERS THEY USE FOR 36 00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:43,663 BREEDING HAVE NOT MET THE DEMAND [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 37 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:47,000 THE ROOSTERS HEARD AND ARE LIKE, "WELL, THE ADDED PRESSURE CERTAINLY ISN'T HELPING! 38 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,971 [ LAUGHTER ] WHY DO I FEEL THIS IS GOING TO END WITH A COMMERCIAL FEATURING 39 00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:53,740 TWO CHICK IN A TUB AND THE ANNOUNCER ASKING, "ASK YOUR VET IF ROOSTER CIALIS IS RIGHT FOR 40 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:58,645 YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS A TOUGH TIME FOR 41 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,881 TYSON. YOU HATE TO HEAR ANYONE HAVING TROUBLES WITH THEIR CO - 42 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:06,553 * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE SOME BIG POLITICAL NEWS, TODAY 43 00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:12,592 HOUSE REPUBLICANS VOTED TO KICK LIZ CHENEY OUT OF HER LEADERSHIP ROLE. 44 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,661 YEAH, REPUBLICANS HAVEN'T TURNED ON SOMEONE THIS FAST SINCE THEY TRIED TO MURDER 45 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:22,302 MIKE PENCE [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN TELL DICK CHENEY WAS 46 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:23,937 UPSET WHEN HE OFFERED TO TAKE HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN McCARTHY ON A HUNTING 47 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:31,144 TRIP TO TALK IT OVER [ LAUGHTER ] AFTER THE VOTE, LIZ CHENEY SAID 48 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,647 THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TRUMP TO GET NEAR THE OVAL OFFICE EVER AGAIN. 49 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,717 YEAH IT'S NOT THAT HARD ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HANG A SIGN 50 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:43,623 OUTSIDE THAT SAYS "JUST SALAD. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS WEIRD, O.J. SIMPSON 51 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:48,228 CAME OUT ON TWITTER AND PRAISED CHENEY FOR STANDING UP FOR THE TRUTH. 52 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:55,001 SHE WAS LIKE, "NOT THE ENDORSEMENT I WAS LOOKING FOR. [ LAUGHTER ] 53 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,904 MEANWHILE, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP ALSO WEIGHED IN AND OF COURSE, HE KEPT IT CLASSY. 54 00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:57,937 TRUMP ALSO WEIGHED IN AND OF COURSE, HE KEPT IT CLASSY. 55 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:01,875 >> NEW STATEMENT BY FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP 56 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:05,311 LIZ CHENEY IS A BITTER, HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING SHE HAS NO PERSONALITY OR 57 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:09,949 ANYTHING GOOD HAVING TO DO WITH POLITICS OR OUR COUNTRY. >> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE THIS 58 00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:15,221 STATEMENT JUST A MAD LIB THAT TRUMP FILLS IN EVERY DAY [ LAUGHTER ] 59 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:18,391 IT'S LIKE, BLANK IS A BITTER, HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING, BLANK HAS NO PERSONALITY 60 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,427 SPEAKING OF REPUBLICANS, I SAW THAT OVER A HUNDRED REPUBLICANS ARE PLANNING TO RELEASE 61 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:27,567 A LETTER THREATENING TO FORM A A THIRD PARTY IF THE GOP DOESN'T MAKE CERTAIN CHANGES 62 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:32,172 IN FACT, SOME REPUBLICANS HAVE ALREADY STARTED RELEASING THEIR OWN STATEMENTS 63 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,108 CHECK THIS OUT FIRST UP, CONGRESSMAN NEAL DUNN SAID, "IF THE GOP DOESN'T 64 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:42,749 CHANGE THEN I'M ABSOLUTELY, WELL, MY LAST NAME." [ LAUGHTER ] 65 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,586 NEXT UP, CONGRESSMAN MICHAEL GUEST SAID, "IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE THE PARTY, THEN 66 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:52,158 BE MY, WELL, MY LAST NAME. [ LAUGHTER ] AFTER THAT, CONGRESSMAN 67 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:53,927 SAM GRAVES SAID, "IF WE SPLIT UP THE PARTY WE MIGHT BE DIGGING OUR OWN, WELL, MY LAST 68 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,162 NAME." [ LAUGHTER ] THEN CONGRESSMAN DAN NEWHOUSE 69 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:58,164 SAID, "I'M LEAVING CONGRESS ALL TOGETHER BECAUSE I SAVED ENOUGH MONEY FOR WELL, MY LAST NAME." 70 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:03,036 [ LAUGHTER ] CONGRESSMAN PAT FALLON SAID, "I SURE HOPE THEY DON'T MENTION ME 71 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:10,043 ON ?THE TONIGHT SHOW' STARRING JIMMY, WELL, MY LAST NAME. [ LAUGHTER ] 72 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:22,589 AND FINALLY, CONGRESSMAN GUY RECHENTHALER SAID, "NO COMMENT. 73 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:29,529 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE JUST EVERYONE SPEAKING OUT >> Steve: WOW. 74 00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,631 >> Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS I READ THAT AMAZON DESTROYED MORE THAN 2 MILLION COUNTERFIT 75 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:36,436 PRODUCTS LAST YEAR ALTHOUGH I WISH THEY DID IT BEFORE I DROPPED $50 ON MY 76 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:42,809 SUPERB MARCO VIDEO GAME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: IT'S ME, MARCO 77 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:51,518 SUPERB MARKO >> Jimmy: YEAH HIS BROTHER IS SQUINGILLY. 78 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,154 >> Steve: YEAH, SQUINGILLY [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S THE Y-BOX 79 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,656 YOU PLAY IT ON THE Y-BOX >> Jimmy: SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS 80 00:05:56,656 --> 00:06:00,727 I SAW THAT NATURAL LIGHT JUST LAUNCHED IT'S OWN LINE OF SOUR HARD SELTZER, TO COMPETE WITH 81 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:04,898 WHITE CLAW BUT WHITE CLAW IS NOT WORRIED. THEY HAVE A NEW SLOGAN 82 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:12,038 "IT WILL POWER YOUR CAR DURING THE GAS SHORTAGE." [ LAUGHTER ] 83 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,641 LISTEN TO THIS A NEW STUDY FOUND VEGETARIANS WHO DRINK AND SMOKE ARE STILL 84 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:19,879 HEALTHIER THAN MEAT EATERS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] MUST BE PRETTY ANNOYING HAVING 85 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,349 DINNER WITH SOMEONE WHO DRINKS AND SMOKES AND THEN IS LIKE, "THAT CHICKEN BREAST WILL KILL 86 00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:29,556 YA." [ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT'S GOOD NEWS BECAUSE 87 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,558 VEGETARIANS HAVE BEEN FEELING LEFT OUT SINCE PEOPLE WHO LOVE CRYPTOCURRENCIES BECAME WAY 88 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:37,063 MORE IRRITATING. [ LAUGHTER ] I INVESTED 89 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:41,935 I KNOW, I HEARD, GOOD LUCK AND FINALLY, IN MINNESOTA, A A METEOROLOGIST WAS GIVING THE 90 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:47,073 FORECAST WHEN SOMETHING STRANGE STARTED GOING ON WITH THE GRAPHICS BEHIND HER. 91 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:47,507 GRAPHICS BEHIND HER. WATCH THIS 92 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:50,643 >> 57 IN MARSHALL. 93 00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:55,181 50 IS THE CURRENT TEMPERATURE RIGHT NOW IN WYNONA. OHH, THAT'S FUNKY, WHAT IS 94 00:06:55,181 --> 00:07:00,286 GOING -- [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S - 95 00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:10,497 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THE ANCHOR'S LIKE, VERY FUNNY, JENNIFER 96 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:15,301 MOVING ON, THE MAYOR'S BEEN ABDUCTED [ LAUGHTER ] 97 00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,904 THAT WAS FUN IT'S ALMOST LIKE WHEN YOU USED TO WIN A GAME OF SOLATAIRE ON 98 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:21,307 THE COMPUTER [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 99 00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,243 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY. 100 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,077 EVERYBODY. COME ON NOW. 101 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:25,311 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 102 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:39,659 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 103 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:43,163 >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW! WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. 104 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,365 HIS NEW PODCAST, "THE MIDNIGHT MIRACLE" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON LUMINARY, DAVE CHAPPELLE IS 105 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:57,377 HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, PLUS, SHE IS HOSTING THE 106 00:07:57,377 --> 00:08:03,350 MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS UNSCRIPTED ON MAY 17TH I'M GOING TO WATCH THAT, I LOVE 107 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:09,456 REALITY TV NIKKI GLASER IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 108 00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:11,157 AND WE HAVE AN IN-STUDIO PERFORMANCE THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVEN'T HAD A FULL IN-STUDIO 109 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:22,802 PERFORMANCE FOR A CROWD SINCE WE WENT IN QUARANTINE. SO THIS HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR 110 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:25,305 SO I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE AND I'M GLAD THAT THEY'RE PERFORMING TONIGHT 111 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,808 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE AN IN-STUDIO PERFORMANCE FROM J.PERIOD 112 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:37,117 FEATURING BLACK THOUGHT AND TIFFANY GOUCHE, WITH NARRATION BY DAVE CHAPPELLE. 113 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:41,154 WHAT A SHOW TONIGHT. I'M SO PSYCHED >> Steve: YOU KNOW I LOVE 114 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,790 DAVE CHAPPELLE I LOVE DAVE CHAPPELLE. >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS, A LOT IS 115 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,492 HAPPENING IN THE NEWS RIGHT NOW. AND SOMETIMES, I FIND THE BEST 116 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:50,063 WAY TO EXPLAIN THE NEWS IS WITH MUSIC. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN, IT'S 117 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,731 TIME FOR NEWS RADIO. HERE WE GO 118 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:59,673 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EARLIER THIS WEEK, THE WINNER OF THE KENTUCKY 119 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:04,477 DERBY, MEDINA SPIRIT FAILED A DRUG TEST. AND NOW, HE'S ON AN APOLOGY 120 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:08,615 TOUR LIKE -- * BABY, I'M SORRY * [ LAUGHTER ] 121 00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,351 >> Jimmy: BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE AREN'T HAVING IT THEY'RE LIKE - 122 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,754 * IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE * >> Jimmy: HIS TRAINER BLAMED 123 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:18,124 THE WHOLE THING ON CANCEL CULTURE. AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE -- 124 00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,627 * SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP * 125 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:23,363 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO THE TRAINER'S BEEN BANNED AND EVERYONE'S LIKE - 126 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:27,734 * MAYBE NEXT TIME HE'LL THINK BEFORE HE CHEATS * 127 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,037 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: IN CELEBRITY NEWS, BEN AFFLECK AND JENNIFER LOPEZ 128 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:37,043 MIGHT BE DATING AGAIN. [ CHEERS ] YEAH, EVERYONE'S LIKE -- 129 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:43,283 * DO YOU GET DEJA VU * >> Jimmy: APPARENTLY, BEN TEXTED JENNIFER ONE DAY LIKE - 130 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:46,553 * ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL * >> Jimmy: AND JENNIFER SAW THE 131 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:50,390 TEXT AND WAS LIKE -- * YOU WANT ME * >> Jimmy: AND BEN WAS LIKE - 132 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:53,360 * I WANT YOU BABY * [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND NOW THEY'RE 133 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,961 LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, THEY'RE LIKE - * REUNITED AND IT 134 00:09:54,961 --> 00:10:01,634 FEELS SO GOOD * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND IT'S NOT JUST BEN 135 00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,371 AND JEN. EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW CICADAS ARE COMING BACK. 136 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:08,141 EVERY 17 YEARS, THEY POP OUT OF THE GROUND LIKE -- * DON'T CALL IT A COMEBAC 137 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,277 I'VE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS * >> Jimmy: AND IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR, CICADAS ARE GIANT 138 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:20,120 BUGS THAT KIND OF SOUND LIKE - * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 139 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:25,592 >> Jimmy: QUICK REMINDER THAT THE NEW TAX DEADLINE IS THIS - * MONDAY, MONDAY * 140 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,327 >> Jimmy: SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET YOUR TAXES DONE NO LATER THAN THIS -- 141 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:31,464 * FRIDA FRIDAY * >> Jimmy: SERIOUSLY, DON'T WAIT 142 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:35,669 UNTIL IT'S - * SATURDAY * >> Jimmy: GET THEM DONE NOW SO 143 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:40,440 YOU CAN SICK BACK AND HAVE A A NICE RELAXING -- * SUNDAY MORNING * 144 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,076 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, STARBUCKS NOW HAS A STRAWBERRY 145 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:49,315 FUNNEL CAKE FRAPPUCCINO TOPPED WITH PIECES OF FRIED DOUGH WHEN ASKED HOW MANY CALORIES 146 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:55,955 ARE IN IT, STARBUCKS SAID -- * 525,600 * [ LAUGHTER ] 147 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:59,025 >> Jimmy: THAT'S A LOT AND IF YOU WANT TO BURN OFF ALL THOSE CALORIES, YOU'LL HAVE 148 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:02,095 TO - * MOVE BITCH * [ LAUGHTER ] 149 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:06,332 >> Jimmy: I'M SERIOUS, YOU'LL HAVE TO -- * WALK 500 MILES * 150 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,502 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHO AM I KIDDING YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO -- 151 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:14,674 * WALK 1,000 MILES * >> Jimmy: ALSO, DON'T DRINK THE FRAPPUCCINO TOO FAST OR -- 152 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:18,244 * YOUR MIND GOES NUMB YOU CAUGHT A MENTAL FREEZE * >> Jimmy: THIS HAS BEEN "NEWS 153 00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,880 RADIO. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF THE "TONIGHT 154 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,517 SHOW," EVERYBODY COME ON BACK DAVE CHAPPELLE 155 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:45,105 COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 156 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:50,610 >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A A GRAMMY AND EMMY WINNING COMEDIAN WHO HAS A NEW PODCAST 157 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:53,780 CALLED "THE MIDNIGHT MIRACLE" WHICH IS AVAILABLE NOW ON LUMINARY 158 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,616 PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE AND ONLY DAVE CHAPPELLE 159 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:01,654 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OH 160 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:06,393 YES! DAVE >> WHAT'S HAPPENING, JIMMY 161 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:10,397 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU 162 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,067 >> IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU I'M SORRY I'M NOT THERE. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS ARE 163 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,637 DOING IN-STUDIO STUFF, I'D HAVE PULLED UP. SHOUT OUT TO STEVE HIGGINS 164 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,674 SHOUT OUT TO THE ROOTS >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, YEAH ABSOLUTELY, WE'RE HAPPY YOU'RE 165 00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:24,944 HERE [ APPLAUSE ] WHEN EVERYTHING CLOSED DOWN, 166 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:30,850 YOU WERE THE FIRST OF THE COMEDIANS TO DO OUTDOOR SOCIALLY DISTANCED SHOWS 167 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:34,154 I MEAN IT WASN'T JUST COMEDY, THERE WAS MUSIC TOO. BUT WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO DO 168 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,090 IT YOU JUST HAD TO DO IT. >> YOU KNOW, A LOT OF IT 169 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:42,328 STARTED WHEN THE PROTESTS STARTED, THE GEORGE FLOYD OF IT ALL. 170 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,165 AND BOY I REALLY MISS HAVING A A MICROPHONE IN MY HAND WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT TRAGIC 171 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:52,105 HAPPENS. AND SO THE FIRST NIGHT I HAD TO CALL THE GOVERNOR TO GET AN 172 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:58,411 APPROVAL WHICH HE LUCKILY GAVE US WE HAD 60 PEOPLE IN A FIVE-ACRE 173 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:05,385 CORN FIELD AND ENDED UP DOING ABOUT 54 SHOWS IN 15 WEEKS >> Jimmy: THAT'S AMAZING 174 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:08,788 [ APPLAUSE ] THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE THAT YOU PULLED THAT OFF. 175 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:12,058 >> AND I GOT TO SAY -- I GOT TO SHOUT OUT, A LOT OF GREAT COMEDIANS CAME OUT HERE AND 176 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:17,063 DONATED THEIR TALENTS. IT WAS JUST GREAT BEING WITH EVERYONE AFTER BEING 177 00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:22,135 QUARANTINED AND SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO CAME BECAUSE IT WAS WONDERFUL. 178 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,338 >> Jimmy: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DOCUMENTED SOME OF THIS. >> OH, YEAH, I DOCUMENTED ALL 179 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:30,210 OF IT, VERY THOROUGHLY >> Jimmy: OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD SO THE VERY FIRST NIGHT I HAD 180 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:34,714 CALLED MY NEIGHBORS SO I COULD FILM IT. JUST FOR, LIKE, YOU KNOW -- 181 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:39,819 POSTERITY SAKE AND THAT FIRST NIGHT ENDED UP BEING THAT SET THAT I RELEASED 182 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,990 "8:46. MY NEIGHBORS STEVE BOGNAR AND JULIA REICHERT, THEY WON AN 183 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,592 OSCAR LAST YEAR FOR A GREAT DOCUMENTARY, "AMERICAN FACTORY," THAT THE OBAMAS 184 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:54,267 PRODUCED >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> AND I SEE THEM ALL THE TIME 185 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,835 AT THE GROCERY STORES AND EVERYTHING, I LITERALLY JUST KNOCKED ON THEIR DOOR. 186 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,773 WE SAT DOWN AND TALKED ABOUT IT SO WE ENDED UP FILMING ALL 187 00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:04,411 54 SHOWS IT WAS AMAZING >> Jimmy: NO WAY 188 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:10,917 WOW. THAT SPECIAL YOU DID WAS SO NEEDED AND SO POWERFUL 189 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:19,893 DID YOU FEEL HOW POWERFUL IT WAS? >> IT WAS A WEIRD PROCESS. 190 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:23,129 I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT I WOULD PUT ANYTHING OUT, BUT IT BECAME A THING WHERE I WOULDN'T FEEL 191 00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:28,335 RIGHT TELLING JOKES UNTIL I ADDRESSED THAT BECAUSE PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME 192 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,070 DIFFERENT AND THAT WAS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS WHERE I UNDERSTOOD THAT AND WE LET IT 193 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:38,111 RIP. SO IT WAS GUT-WRENCHING PUTTING IT OUT 194 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:41,381 TO BE HONEST, I WAS REAL NERVOUS ABOUT IT, BUT I'M GLAD THAT I DID 195 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,917 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WE ALL NEEDED IT, CLEARLY THE WORLD NEEDED IT 196 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:51,725 BECAUSE IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE FROM 2020 >> I BEAT A DANCING SQUIRREL 197 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:56,563 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A VERY CLOSE SECOND, BUT YOU GOT THE TITLE. 198 00:14:56,563 --> 00:15:06,039 >> TAKE THAT SQUIRREL. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A PRETTY FUNNY VIDEO, THAT SQUIRREL 199 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,841 ALSO, YOU KNOW, I FOLLOW YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA, EVEN THOUGH, YOU DON'T REALLY POST THINGS ON 200 00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:14,614 SOCIAL MEDIA >> NO. >> Jimmy: NO 201 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,118 LIKE, TWITTER, I THINK THE LAST TIME YOU POSTED WAS IN 2012 OR SOMETHING. 202 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:24,691 >> TWITTER IS A BATHROOM WALL. >> Jimmy: I TOTALLY AGREE. IT IS. 203 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:29,596 >> WHY WOULD I WRITE ALL MY THOUGHTS ON A BATHROOM WALL? DONALD TRUMP, YOU HEARD THAT 204 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:35,702 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT [ APPLAUSE ] 205 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,271 >> DON'T CUT THAT [ BLEEP ] IN POST, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: NO, I DON'T CUT ANY 206 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:46,846 OF THAT STUFF, MAN I -- WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ] 207 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,416 >> I WAS GONNA DO A JOKE ABOUT DRAWING A [ BLEEP ] ON THE BATHROOM WALL. 208 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:52,485 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT WE'LL CUT THAT, WE'LL CUT THAT 209 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,354 >> CUT THAT IN POST -- >> Jimmy: WE'LL CUT THAT ONE, YEAH 210 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,090 [ LAUGHTER ] WE'LL CUT THE [ BLEEP ] AND LEAVE THE TRUMP. 211 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,859 I KNOW - >> YEAH, THERE YOU GO. CUT THE [ BLEEP ], HE SAID CUT 212 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,696 THE [ BLEEP ]. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T SAY IT. 213 00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:06,399 I DIDN'T SAY, I DIDN'T SAY IT. WE'RE GOING TO CUT THAT. NO ONE WILL EVER SEE IT. 214 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,501 THAT'S SOMETHING JUST ME AND YOU EXPERIENCED. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPENED 215 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,438 NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW IT HAPPENED ANYWAYS, YOU POST A VIDEO 216 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:15,942 CALLED "UNFORGIVEN." YOU ASK YOUR FANS TO BOYCOTT "CHAPPELLE'S SHOW," YOUR SHOW. 217 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:21,648 WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW DID THAT ALL WORK OUT >> WELL, WITHOUT GOING INTO TOO 218 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,585 MUCH DETAIL. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THAT [ BLEEP ] WORKED 219 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:30,824 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH SO, I THINK YOU HAVE TO GO INTO 220 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:36,629 A LITTLE MORE DETAIL >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. FIRST OF ALL, SHOUT OUT TO 221 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:42,502 EVERYBODY THAT HELPED ME OUT WITH IT BY NOT WATCHING THE SHOW 222 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:46,706 SHOUT OUT TO TED SARANDOS WHO RUNS NETFLIX BECAUSE HE HAD THE COURAGE TO TAKE OFF CHAPPELLE 223 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,608 FINANCIAL DETRIMENT TO THAT COMPANY AND IT OPENED THE DOOR FOR US TO RESOLVE A LONG 224 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,377 STANDING ISSUE AND SHOUT OUT TO CHRIS McCARTHY AT CBS-VIACOM BECAUSE THAT GUY REALLY DID 225 00:16:50,377 --> 00:17:03,490 WORK HARD WITH ME TO MAKE THIS THING RIGHT AND HE WAS WONDERFUL TO ORK WITH 226 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:08,862 >> Jimmy: YEAH YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE RIGHTS OR ANYTHING TO YOUR MATERIAL 227 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,165 TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING, SOMETHING LIKE THAT? >> SOMETHING LIKE THAT 228 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:15,802 YEAH BUT, ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL I DO NOW SO PLEASE BY ALL 229 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:18,772 MEANS, WATCH IT. >> Jimmy: OH, THERE YOU GO, YEAH 230 00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:21,508 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO PLEASE WATCH "CHAPPELLE'S SHOW." 231 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:26,746 IT'S ON EVERY STREAMING PLATFORM YOU CAN THINK OF. >> AND I'M VERY GRATEFUL, MAN. 232 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:32,385 LIKE, PEOPLE -- PEOPLE ARE WONDERFUL TO ME. I WAS VERY MOVED BY THE 233 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:37,223 RESPONSE OF THAT AND THE SUPPORT I GOT FROM PEOPLE ALL OVER 234 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:41,394 AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU. IF YOU'RE WATCHING IT, IT MEANT 235 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:47,500 MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE >> Jimmy: OH, WE -- WE -- WE LOVE YOU 236 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,070 >> I LOVE Y'ALL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE DO. 237 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:54,607 >> YEAH, I DO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT 238 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,910 YOUR NEW PODCAST WHEN WE COME BACK MORE WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE AFTER 239 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,678 THE BREAK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 240 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:18,465 * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 241 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:21,034 WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. 242 00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,837 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 243 00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,673 >> CAUGHT ME SMOKING >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, WE CAUGHT YOU SMOKING 244 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,843 BUT -- DAVE, I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO -- I USED TO -- I GOT ON THE SAME BILL AS YOU BACK IN 245 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:38,051 '97, SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THE IMPROV AND YOU USED TO SMOKE -- 246 00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:41,321 >> I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT VERY WELL AND YOU KILLED 247 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,590 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU REMEMBER THAT I WAS LIKE - 248 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,792 >> YEAH, YOU USED TO HAVE THE GUITAR I REMEMBER THE WHOLE THING 249 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,328 >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. I WAS LIKE MAN BUT I REMEMBER JUST WATCHING, 250 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:51,297 AND YOU GOT ALL OF THE COMICS JUST SITTING AROUND THE SIDE AND JUST WATCHING EACH OTHER - 251 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:56,736 WE WATCHED ALL THE COMICS. AND SMOKING WAS A BIG PART OF YOUR, KIND OF TIMING 252 00:18:56,736 --> 00:19:03,209 >> IT VERY MUCH IS I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE. [ LAUGHTER ] 253 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:07,147 NAILED IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M 254 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:10,083 TALKING ABOUT. BUT THEN - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 255 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:14,688 BUT THEN, I READ SOMEWHERE THAT YOU STARTED STAND UP WHEN YOU WERE 14. 256 00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:18,324 IS THAT POSSIBLE >> IT WAS. MY MOTHER -- MY MOTHER USED TO 257 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,694 HAVE TO BRING ME TO THE CLUBS, WHICH WAS KIND OF A NIGHTMARE, 'CAUSE I WAS FILTHY. 258 00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:27,734 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I JUST -- I JUST THOUGHT BEING DIRTY WAS THE WAY TO GO. 259 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:33,573 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> BUT, IT WAS A WEIRD AND WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE 260 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,675 I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IT DIDN'T SEEM CRAZY AT THE 261 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:39,479 TIME, BUT WHEN I LOOK AT MY KIDS, I SAY, "THAT WAS CRAZY." >> Jimmy: YEAH 262 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:45,819 >> Jimmy: BUT, THE ONE THING I DO LOVE ABOUT YOU TOO, IS YOU NEVER FORGET D.C 263 00:19:45,819 --> 00:19:47,921 YOU NEVER FORGET ACTUALLY WHERE YOU CAME FROM, WHERE YOU STARTED, AND WHEN YOU WON THAT 264 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:53,693 MARK TWAIN PRIZE, YOU ACTUALLY WENT BACK AND DID A MASTER CLASS FOR YOUR HIGH SCHOOL, 265 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:58,064 WITH A LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL >> OH, MY GOD, YES, THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF IT. 266 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,266 EXCUSE ME. AND BY THE WAY, JIMMY, I GOT TO TELL YOU BEFORE I TELL THE 267 00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:05,305 STORY, I LOVE YOU TO DEATH UM, I WENT TO DUKE ELLINGTON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS, IN 268 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:11,745 WASHINGTON, D.C. AND THAT PLACE CHANGED MY LIFE IT'S PARTIALLY PRIVATELY 269 00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:13,913 FUNDED IT'S A PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT THE ARTS PROGRAM IS WHY THEY ALWAYS 270 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:19,853 TRY TO GET DONATIONS AND IT'S ONE OF THE BEST INCUBATORS TO HONE YOUR TALENT 271 00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:25,425 THAT I'VE EVER WITNESSED AND BRADLEY COOPER, AND CHRIS TUCKER, AND COMMON, AND 272 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:30,697 ERYKAH BADU AND ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE AT THE AWARDS -- THE MARK TWAIN AWARDS. 273 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:34,567 [ APPLAUSE ] YEAH, THEY ALL WENT TO THE SCHOOL WITH ME THE NEXT DAY AND 274 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,805 TAUGHT MASTER CLASSES FOR THE KIDS IT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY, 275 00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:43,643 I THINK, I'VE EVER LIVED IN MY LIFE IT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME 276 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,712 >> Jimmy: THAT IS SO COOL FOR THOSE KIDS >> YEAH, THOSE KIDS ARE THE 277 00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:48,782 BEST AS MATTER OF FACT, THERE'S A A BUNCH OF MY BUDDIES FROM HIGH 278 00:20:48,782 --> 00:20:52,619 SCHOOL WITH ME RIGHT NOW I GOT A WHOLE CROWD RIGHT IN HERE 279 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:56,022 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: LET ME SEE WAIT, LET I'M LIKE - 280 00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,958 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WAIT, WHAT OH, COME ON. 281 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,562 THAT'S A FIRST I THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST GUEST TO BRING THEIR OWN CROWD 282 00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:05,231 >> YEAH, YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALWAYS DOING 283 00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:08,735 EVERYTHING FIRST ALWAYS DOING EVERYTHING FIRST! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT 284 00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:11,538 YOUR PODCAST, "MIDNIGHT MIRACLE. >> OH, YES 285 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:13,973 >> Jimmy: THIS IS -- >> YES, INDEED >> Jimmy: IT'S AVAILABLE NOW 286 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:20,280 IT'S ON "LUMINARY. TALIB KWELI AND YASIIN BEY ARE YOUR CO-HOSTS ON THIS. 287 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:26,519 >> THE GREATEST PARTNERS EVER. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THEY ARE UNBELIEVABLE 288 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:30,790 YEAH HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT? >> WE ALL -- WE WERE ALL IN 289 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:35,528 OHIO, AND THERE WAS A TORNADO, SO WE ALL -- THERE WAS LIKE 20 OF US -- WE 290 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:40,834 HAD TO HIDE IN MY BASEMENT IT WAS HILARIOUS [ LAUGHTER ] 291 00:21:40,834 --> 00:21:43,003 AND YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, A TORNADO SOUNDS LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN IS COMING, BUT THERE'S NO 292 00:21:43,003 --> 00:21:47,107 TRAIN TRACKS HERE. WE'RE TALKING. IT'S A LITTLE STRESSFUL, AND IN 293 00:21:47,107 --> 00:21:51,111 THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS STRESS, MOS GOES, "WE SHOULD DO A PODCAST. 294 00:21:51,111 --> 00:21:56,683 [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE DID IT. AND WE DID IT. 295 00:21:56,683 --> 00:21:58,985 >> Jimmy: YOU JUST DID IT. YEAH >> AND DOING THIS PODCAST IS 296 00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:01,187 ONE OF THE MOST FAVORITE I'VE EVER DONE IN MY CAREER JUST BEING ABLE TO SPEND TIME 297 00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:06,526 WITH MY FRIENDS AND LAUGH ABOUT STUFF, AND REMINISCE ABOUT STUFF AND FIGURE STUFF OUT 298 00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:10,663 IT'S BEEN WONDERFUL. >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE THE SHOW 299 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,732 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, YOU KEEP HOLDING THE THING UP - 300 00:22:12,732 --> 00:22:16,903 ALL THESE EPISODES WILL EXIST ON VINYL, ULTIMATELY >> Jimmy: WHAT 301 00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:20,840 >> SO IT'S LIKE -- YEAH, THEY'RE GONNA BE ON VINYL. >> Jimmy: WAIT, THIS A 302 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,677 A BRILLIANT IDEA >> I'M GOING THE OTHER DIRECTION. 303 00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:25,912 IT'S BEAUTIFUL, MAN. AND WE DO -- SO THEY'RE ALL LIKE 25 MINUTES, BUT THEY'RE 304 00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:31,317 GREAT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT. 305 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:35,689 IT'S LIKE A VARIETY SHOW ON WAX. >> Jimmy: YEAH 306 00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:38,324 BUT IT'S 'CAUSE IT'S MUSIC AS WELL I MEAN, "BLACK STAR" ON THE 307 00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:44,330 SECOND EPISODE, THEY DEBUTED A A NEW SONG, FIRST TIME YOU HEARD FROM - 308 00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:48,268 >> IN OVER TWO DECADES, THE FIRST TIME THEY RECORDED AS "BLACK STAR. 309 00:22:48,268 --> 00:22:51,471 >> Jimmy: WOW. >> THE SONG IS PRODUCED BY MADLIB, WHO IS AN AMAZING 310 00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:56,376 HIP-HOP PRODUCER AND YOU'RE GONNA HEAR IT ON THE "MIDNIGHT MIRACLE" FIRST 311 00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:59,112 IT'S BEAUTIFUL >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS DOING IT, YOU'RE ALWAYS 312 00:22:59,112 --> 00:23:00,914 PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES AND JUST TRYING SOMETHING, EVEN THOUGH IT'S VINYL, IT'S NEW, IN A 313 00:23:00,914 --> 00:23:11,591 A WEIRD WAY. >> YEAH >> Jimmy: NO ONE'S DOING THIS 314 00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:13,693 I THINK IT'S SO FUN. YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH THE MUSICAL PERFORMANCE TONIGHT, 315 00:23:13,693 --> 00:23:15,895 WHICH IS OUR FIRST LIVE PERFORMANCE SINCE WE SHUT DOWN, FOR A CROWD, FOR AN AUDIENCE 316 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:19,399 >> OH, MAN, THIS IS EXCITING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHOUT OUT TO J.PERIOD TOO. 317 00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:23,269 >> Jimmy: J.PERIOD AND TIFFANY GOUCHE AND BLACK THOUGHT, OBVIOUSLY 318 00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:27,340 >> YOU KNOW MY GUY YEAH, WHAT UP BLACK THOUGHT? >> Tariq: WHAT UP, WHAT UP, 319 00:23:27,340 --> 00:23:29,309 WHAT UP? >> Jimmy: THEY SAID THAT YOU'RE - 320 00:23:29,309 --> 00:23:33,079 >> "I'M COOLER THAN A COOLER INSIDE OF A COOLER." [ LAUGHTER ] 321 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:35,882 HE KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS >> Jimmy: YOU, PROVIDING NARRATION TO THIS, SO TELL ME 322 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:43,823 ABOUT THIS COLLABORATION >> J.PERIOD IS LIKE THE HOMIE. IF YOU'RE INTO MIXTAPES, HE GOT 323 00:23:43,823 --> 00:23:49,529 SOME OF THE FIERIEST MIXTAPES THAT COME OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 324 00:23:49,529 --> 00:23:51,197 WHEN THERE WAS A TRIBE CALLED QUEST MIXTAPE THAT I WAS CRAZY ABOUT, HIS LAURYN HILL 325 00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:52,599 MIXTAPES, THERE'S PROBABLY A A FEW VOLUMES OF THAT, THOSE ARE CRAZY. 326 00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:59,239 SO, WHENEVER SOMEONE WANTS TO GET A DOPE MIXTAPE DONE, THATS THE GUY TO GO TO 327 00:23:59,239 --> 00:24:03,043 SO ME AND J.PERIOD MET HE'S GOING TO BE ROCKING WITH US ON SOME THINGS ON "MIDNIGHT 328 00:24:03,043 --> 00:24:08,848 MIRACLE. AND I'M HAPPY HE'S ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. 329 00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:11,851 AND I'M HAPPY NIKKI'S ON THE SHOW, SHOUT OUT TO NIKKI I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE'S AT, 330 00:24:11,851 --> 00:24:14,521 BUT GIVE HER MY LOVE >> Jimmy: YEAH, NIKKI GLASER YEAH, SHE'S ON THE SHOW. 331 00:24:14,521 --> 00:24:17,390 EXACTLY. WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE. 332 00:24:17,390 --> 00:24:19,259 BUT, ALSO, WE HAVE ANOTHER FUN BIT, JUST -- EVERYONE JUST STAY TUNED, MORE WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE 333 00:24:19,259 --> 00:24:40,547 WHEN WE COME BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 334 00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:42,549 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH 335 00:24:42,549 --> 00:24:46,786 DAVE CHAPPELLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 336 00:24:46,786 --> 00:24:52,892 NOW, DAVE YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMEDIANS, ONE OF THE BEST OUT THERE AND YOU HAVE 337 00:24:52,892 --> 00:24:56,396 SUCH A UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE, AND SO I THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HELP SETTLE SOME OF THE BIGGEST 338 00:24:56,396 --> 00:25:00,867 AND MOST IMPORTANT DEBATES OF ALL TIME ARE YOU READY FOR THIS 339 00:25:00,867 --> 00:25:04,471 >> I'LL DO WHAT I CAN. >> Jimmy: LET'S DO IT, IT'S TIME FOR "DAVE CHAPPELLE 340 00:25:04,471 --> 00:25:05,672 TIME FOR "DAVE CHAPPELLE SETTLES IT." 341 00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:13,546 DAVE CHAPPELLE SETTLES IT * 342 00:25:13,546 --> 00:25:16,516 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO FIRST UP, SMALL TOWN OR BIG 343 00:25:16,516 --> 00:25:22,756 CITY >> DEPENDS ON WHAT I'M DOING >> Jimmy: HA HA HA 344 00:25:22,756 --> 00:25:27,227 OKAY >> OBVIOUSLY, I'M A SMALL TOWN KIND OF GUY. 345 00:25:27,227 --> 00:25:33,400 >> Jimmy: YEAH MAC AND CHEESE, FORK OR SPOON? >> YOU KNOW, I WOULD HATE TO 346 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:38,605 GUESS A WHITE PERSON MUST HAVE ASKED THIS QUESTION. [ LAUGHTER ] 347 00:25:38,605 --> 00:25:44,277 FORK FOOD, BABY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, FORK YOU GOTTA DO THE FORK. 348 00:25:44,277 --> 00:25:48,214 >> WHO HAS SOUPY MAC AND CHEESE WHITE PEOPLE 349 00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:54,487 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HERE'S SOMETHING EVERYONE'S 350 00:25:54,487 --> 00:25:58,692 TALKING ABOUT, CRYPTOCURRENCY OR CASH? >> CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND 351 00:25:58,692 --> 00:26:03,029 ME IN FACT, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN BUY CRYPTOCURRENCY WITHOUT 352 00:26:03,029 --> 00:26:06,466 CASH >> Jimmy: HA HA HA THERE YOU GO 353 00:26:06,466 --> 00:26:09,536 YEAH, THAT'S ACTUALLY RIGHT. NOW WE'RE GOING TO MUSIC TOPIC HERE 354 00:26:09,536 --> 00:26:15,041 READY FOR THIS JAZZ OR HIP HOP? >> WELL, THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR. 355 00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:19,512 >> Jimmy: OH, THIS IS THE DEBATES OF ALL TIME. YOU HAVE TO SETTLE IT, JAZZ OR 356 00:26:19,512 --> 00:26:22,916 HIP HOP? OH, MY GOODNESS. >> JAZZ, SORRY TARIQ 357 00:26:22,916 --> 00:26:35,462 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: A FOLLOW UP. GUITAR SOLOS OR DRUM SOLOS 358 00:26:35,462 --> 00:26:39,232 I KNOW YOU LIKE -- >> THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, BECAUSE AMIR IS SITTING OVER THERE, AND 359 00:26:39,232 --> 00:26:40,600 I KNOW JOHN MAYER IS PROBABLY WATCHING LIKE, "WELL, WHAT IS IT?" 360 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,738 [ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M A BLACK DUDE, DRUMS ALL DAY, BABY. 361 00:26:44,738 --> 00:26:48,141 >> Jimmy: THERE YOU ARE. VERY GOOD. NEXT UP, CALL OF DUTY OR 362 00:26:48,141 --> 00:26:52,712 FORTNITE >> WELL, THAT'S EASY, CALL OF DUTY 363 00:26:52,712 --> 00:26:56,649 FORTNITE IS THE CRACK OF VIDEO GAMES. I DON'T EVEN TOUCH THAT STUFF. 364 00:26:56,649 --> 00:27:00,687 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I HAVEN'T MESSED WITH IT EITHER. 365 00:27:00,687 --> 00:27:03,423 BECAUSE I KNOW -- I KNOW I'LL GET ADDICTED TO IT I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT. 366 00:27:03,423 --> 00:27:05,291 >> I'M SURE. >> Jimmy: I HAVEN'T EVEN OPENED IT UP. 367 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,927 I JUST KNOW -- >> I GOT MY SON A COPY OF FORTNITE, I DIDN'T SEE HIM FOR 368 00:27:07,927 --> 00:27:11,798 SIX MONTHS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO 369 00:27:11,798 --> 00:27:16,736 INTO FASHION HERE. SKINNY JEANS OR BAGGY JEANS? >> I'M NOT EVEN WEARING PANTS 370 00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:21,207 RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I THINK, YEAH, 371 00:27:21,207 --> 00:27:26,713 NEITHER ONE FOR ME SKINNY, BAGGY? YOU CAN'T GO TOO SKINNY. 372 00:27:26,713 --> 00:27:31,151 I CAN'T DO TOO SKINNY JEANS. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. BECAUSE YOU'D NEVER WEAR PANTS 373 00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:37,557 SO TIGHT THAT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH LEG YOUR PENIS GOES IN. 374 00:27:37,557 --> 00:27:44,664 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SUMMER'S COMING UP, WE NEED TO KNOW, ARE SANDALS 375 00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:52,839 SHOES? >> OH, NOW THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION 376 00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:57,277 I'M GONNA DO A FULL-THROATED NO ON THAT. IF THEY WERE SHOES THEN THE 377 00:27:57,277 --> 00:28:02,482 WORD SANDALS WOULD NOT EXIST >> Jimmy: WOW. THAT'S -- WOW. 378 00:28:02,482 --> 00:28:08,021 >> THEY'D JUST CALL THEM SHOES >> Jimmy: YES, I TOTALLY AGREE DO YOU THINK JESUS WORE 379 00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:13,626 SANDALS? >> WHEN HE WORE FOOTWARE, I WOULD IMAGINE HE DID 380 00:28:13,626 --> 00:28:17,030 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, I WOULD IMAGINE IN THOSE TIMES SANDALS WERE A 381 00:28:17,030 --> 00:28:23,470 A LUXURY ITEM. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THINK TOO. 382 00:28:23,470 --> 00:28:25,238 >> COULD YOU IMAGINE IF I TIME TRAVELLED AND WENT BACK TO BIBLICAL TIMES WITH TIMBERLANDS 383 00:28:25,238 --> 00:28:33,179 ON, I WOULD BLOW THEIR [ BLEEP ] MINDS. [ LAUGHTER ] 384 00:28:33,179 --> 00:28:36,916 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE I BIG ONE HERE, THIS ONE, ALL RIGHT, BEST CHICKEN SANDWICH, CHIC-FIL-A OR 385 00:28:36,916 --> 00:28:41,855 POPEYE'S >> YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA -- I DON'T KNOW THAT I'VE EATEN 386 00:28:41,855 --> 00:28:43,456 EITHER OF THOSE CHICKEN SANDWICHES, BUT THAT POPEYES ONE LOOKS LIKE IT'S REALLY 387 00:28:43,456 --> 00:28:52,332 CAUGHT TRACTION. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT IS KIND OF INSANE, 388 00:28:52,332 --> 00:28:57,370 IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. I KNOW YOU LIKE MUSIC, SO I KEEP GOING BACK TO MUSIC 389 00:28:57,370 --> 00:29:01,508 BEST WAY TO ENJOY A CONCERT, STANDING OR SITTING? I WROTE THIS ONE 390 00:29:01,508 --> 00:29:05,278 >> OKAY, THIS IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. 391 00:29:05,278 --> 00:29:10,283 >> I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY, IF I'M AT A MUSIC SHOW, I'D RATHER BE STANDING. 392 00:29:10,283 --> 00:29:14,621 >> Jimmy: CORRECT. >> IF I'M AT A STRIP CLUB, I'D RATHER BE SITTING. 393 00:29:14,621 --> 00:29:20,894 [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT. DAVE, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE, 394 00:29:20,894 --> 00:29:26,032 SHOULD YOU KNOW YOUR NEIGHBOR'S NAME >> I SHOULD BUT I DON'T. 395 00:29:26,032 --> 00:29:30,437 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HA HA. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE 396 00:29:30,437 --> 00:29:37,577 KAYAK OR CANOE >> I'M A CANOE GUY >> Jimmy: I'M A CANOE GUY TOO 397 00:29:37,577 --> 00:29:42,349 BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE SWAYED >> MAKE A KAYAK WORK 398 00:29:42,349 --> 00:29:47,253 KAYAK PEOPLE LOOK WEIRD, THEY JUST LOOK LONELY, THE ONE STICK. 399 00:29:47,253 --> 00:29:51,825 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WHICH IS 400 00:29:51,825 --> 00:29:56,496 BETTER A FINISHED BASEMENT OR NICE YARD. >> OH BOY, NOW THIS IS A POOR 401 00:29:56,496 --> 00:30:01,901 PERSON QUESTION. [ LAUGHTER ] MY KINDA PERSON WITH MY KIND OF 402 00:30:01,901 --> 00:30:06,172 MONEY AIN'T GOING TO THINK THIS UP, SHOULD I FINISH THE BASEMENT OR MOW THE GRASS? 403 00:30:06,172 --> 00:30:12,178 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, ALL RIGHT. >> FINISH BASEMENT, FINAL 404 00:30:12,178 --> 00:30:14,681 ANSWER >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, WHEN IT COMES TO COOKING, HALF-BAKED OR 405 00:30:14,681 --> 00:30:25,959 INFUSED? AH A LITTLE INSIGHT FUN FOR YOU 406 00:30:25,959 --> 00:30:27,494 >> ALL RIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN, I WENT THROUGH ONE OF THOSE 407 00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:31,431 WEED-INFUSED DINNERS ONCE. TALKING ABOUT MAC CHEESE, I ATE THIS MAC AND CHEESE THAT I 408 00:30:31,431 --> 00:30:36,436 DIDN'T KNOW HAD WEED IN IT AND I SAW MY MOTHER AND SHE GOES, "SON, YOU LOOK TIRED, AND 409 00:30:36,436 --> 00:30:42,409 I SAID "MOMMA, I'M HIGH ON MAC AND CHEESE." SHE KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG, 410 00:30:42,409 --> 00:30:46,846 BECAUSE I WAS EATING IT WITH A A SPOON. [ LAUGHTER ] 411 00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:50,984 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT. 412 00:30:50,984 --> 00:30:52,552 DAVE CHAPPELLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT 413 00:30:52,552 --> 00:30:55,155 THERE. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 414 00:30:55,155 --> 00:30:58,658 CHECK OUT HIS PODCAST, THE MIDNIGHT MIRACLE, AVAILABLE NOW ON LUMINARY. 415 00:30:58,658 --> 00:31:01,628 THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW. 416 00:31:01,628 --> 00:31:20,447 THANK YOU, BUDDY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 417 00:31:20,447 --> 00:31:22,415 >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN WHO WILL BE HOSTING THE "MTV MOVIE AND 418 00:31:22,415 --> 00:31:28,855 TV AWARDS: UNSCRIPTED," WHICH AIRS MONDAY, MAY 17th AT 9:00 P.M 419 00:31:28,855 --> 00:31:32,092 9:00 P.M HERE IS NIKKI GLASER 420 00:31:32,726 --> 00:31:37,397 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 421 00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:39,132 >> Jimmy: OH, NIKKI. >> MY DRESS JUST UN-POPPED, BECAUSE I JUST DID A -- I 422 00:31:39,132 --> 00:31:43,436 LITERALLY GO, "YAY" AND MY DRESS UN-POPPED. THAT WAS HUMILIATING 423 00:31:43,436 --> 00:31:46,106 LET'S KEEP GOING HI JIMMY I'M NOT WEARING A BRA UNDER 424 00:31:46,106 --> 00:31:50,610 THIS EITHER, AND I HAVE A ROOM OF PEOPLE. THAT WAS CRAZY 425 00:31:50,610 --> 00:31:54,447 BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SAW IT THIS IS -- YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS 426 00:31:54,447 --> 00:31:56,449 >> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH, NO, I'M NOT TAKING ANYTHING OUT. I DON'T THINK WE SAW ANY -- WE 427 00:31:56,449 --> 00:32:00,687 DID? >> I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY I WAS JUST EXCITED AND TRIED TO 428 00:32:00,687 --> 00:32:03,423 PRESENT IN A WAY THAT THIS DRESS WOULD NOT LET ME MOVE. >> WELL, YOU CAN CUT AROUND IT, 429 00:32:03,423 --> 00:32:06,126 BUT I THINK THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY. AND I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP IT. 430 00:32:06,126 --> 00:32:09,929 >> Jimmy: YEAH, LET'S KEEP IT IN >> I'M SNAPPED BACK, AND I'M 431 00:32:09,929 --> 00:32:12,265 READY, JIMMY >> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 432 00:32:12,265 --> 00:32:14,567 YOU LOOK FANTASTIC [ APPLAUSE ] >> I'M BACK. 433 00:32:14,567 --> 00:32:16,302 LOOK, JIMMY, IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HERE IN CLOTHES, MOSTLY. WHEW 434 00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:19,472 >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU HAVE A MICROPHONE THIS IS FANTASTIC. 435 00:32:19,472 --> 00:32:23,476 THIS IS PERFECT. >> OH, YEAH, I DON'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT - 436 00:32:23,476 --> 00:32:26,346 I'M A STAND UP COMEDIAN, AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST WHERE I'M MOST COMFORTABLE 437 00:32:26,346 --> 00:32:29,949 AND SO, I MEAN, I WAS AT MOTHER'S DAY BRUNCH LIKE THIS. THIS IS HOW I CONDUCT MY LIFE. 438 00:32:29,949 --> 00:32:33,787 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AND I -- YOU KNOW, I USUALLY DO 439 00:32:33,787 --> 00:32:36,222 STAND UP ON YOUR SHOW, AND IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU. 440 00:32:36,222 --> 00:32:38,625 AND SO, IT'S GOOD TO CATCH UP. IT'S BEEN A WEIRD YEAR I -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW 441 00:32:38,625 --> 00:32:42,529 THIS, BUT I LIVED WITH MY PARENTS IN ST. LOUIS FOR A A YEAR 442 00:32:42,529 --> 00:32:45,498 I MOVED BACK HOME TO ST. LOUIS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC 443 00:32:45,498 --> 00:32:49,536 >> Jimmy: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE >> AND PEOPLE WERE ASKING ME, LIKE, "WHY?" 444 00:32:49,536 --> 00:32:51,604 YOU KNOW, LIKE I'M SUCCESSFUL, LIKE "USUALLY MOVE BACK HOME WITH YOUR PARENTS WHEN THINGS 445 00:32:51,604 --> 00:32:55,442 AREN'T GOOD, AND YOU'RE 36, AND WHY ARE YOU LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS? 446 00:32:55,442 --> 00:32:58,611 AND SO I GOT RID OF THAT THERAPIST, BECAUSE I JUST DON'T REALLY WANT TO LOOK INTO THAT. 447 00:32:58,611 --> 00:33:02,549 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT, I STILL LIVE THERE, JIMMY >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, I WOULD 448 00:33:02,549 --> 00:33:04,517 FIRE -- I WOULD GET RID OF THAT PERSON ABSOLUTELY 449 00:33:04,517 --> 00:33:06,486 >> YEAH. I DON'T WANT TO EXPLORE WHAT'S GOING ON THERE THAT I'M HOLDING 450 00:33:06,486 --> 00:33:08,688 ONTO YEAH, I, NOW, LIVE IN ST. LOUIS THOUGH 451 00:33:08,688 --> 00:33:11,958 I GOT MY OWN PLACE, AND I HAVE A ROOMMATE I CONVINCED MY BEST FRIEND, 452 00:33:11,958 --> 00:33:13,727 WHO'S A 41-YEAR-OLD MAN, TO COME FLY IN FROM NEW YORK AND LIVE IN ST. LOUIS WITH ME AND 453 00:33:13,727 --> 00:33:20,900 START A PODCAST. AND, HE'S JUST MY FRIEND, EVERYONE THINKS WE'RE MARRIED. 454 00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:23,536 THEY'RE LIKE, "YOU'RE MARRIED. AND I'M LIKE, "NO, HE'S MY ROOMMATE 455 00:33:23,536 --> 00:33:26,606 WE SHARE A PLACE WE TAKE CARE OF A DOG TOGETHER, AND WE DON'T HAVE SEX, SO, 456 00:33:26,606 --> 00:33:30,076 WE'RE HAPPILY MARRIED ACTUALLY." [ LAUGHTER ] 457 00:33:30,076 --> 00:33:33,580 >> Jimmy: YEAH ABSOLUTELY >> YEAH. 458 00:33:33,580 --> 00:33:36,216 YEAH >> Jimmy: NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT -- I WANT TO TALK ABOUT 459 00:33:36,216 --> 00:33:37,951 THIS, THE NEW AWARD SHOW, BECAUSE I'M A GIANT REALITY TV FAN, AND YOU'RE HOSTING THE 460 00:33:37,951 --> 00:33:44,958 "MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS: UNSCRIPTED." IT'S - 461 00:33:44,958 --> 00:33:48,461 >> YES >> Jimmy: IT'S HONORING REALITY -- THIS IS THE FIRST 462 00:33:48,461 --> 00:33:50,463 >> IT'S A MOUTHFUL >> Jimmy: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 463 00:33:50,463 --> 00:33:53,466 ARE YOU EXCITED TO HOST THIS >> YEAH. IT'S THE FIRST ONE 464 00:33:53,466 --> 00:33:56,736 AND IT'S ALL FOR REALITY SHOWS IT'S THE FIRST ONE, POSSIBLY THE LAST, BUT NOT BECAUSE IT'S 465 00:33:56,736 --> 00:33:59,606 NOT GOING TO BE GOOD, BUT BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, CABLE IS DYING. 466 00:33:59,606 --> 00:34:03,309 BUT, I CAN'T SAY THAT ON THE SHOW, SO I'M GLAD TO SAY IT HERE 467 00:34:03,309 --> 00:34:06,079 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD I WROTE A LOT OF JOKES ROASTING MTV, AND THEY'RE LIKE, "HOW 468 00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:09,883 ABOUT NOT, BECAUSE IT'S --" BUT, I AM JUST -- I'M SO EXCITED, BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO 469 00:34:09,883 --> 00:34:14,721 BE WILD. REALITY TV IS MY FAVORITE. >> Jimmy: ME TOO 470 00:34:14,721 --> 00:34:16,523 >> WE'RE HONORING EVERYTHING FROM LIKE, "BEST REALITY SHOW CAST," "BEST COMPETITION 471 00:34:16,523 --> 00:34:21,661 SERIES." THERE'S COOL CATEGORIES, LIKE, "BEST BLACK OUT ON A YACHT." 472 00:34:21,661 --> 00:34:24,964 [ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S ONE THAT'S "UGLIEST HUSBAND OFF CAMERA." 473 00:34:24,964 --> 00:34:28,468 NO, THOSE AREN'T REAL. BUT IT'S GOING TO BE WILD. >> Jimmy: BEST BLACK OUT ON 474 00:34:28,468 --> 00:34:31,871 A YACHT. >> JIMMY, THE PEOPLE THAT ARE THERE -- I MEAN, IT'S ALL 475 00:34:31,871 --> 00:34:34,708 REALITY SHOW STARS THAT YOU LOVE, AND THEY'RE -- THEY'RE THE CELEBRITIES, YOU KNOW. 476 00:34:34,708 --> 00:34:36,509 LIKE, THEY'RE GOING TO BE -- I MEAN, I THINK -- I THINK WE HAVE HEIDI KLUM SITTING NEXT TO 477 00:34:36,509 --> 00:34:41,681 THE SITUATION, AND WHAT OTHER AWARD SHOW WOULD EVER HAVE THAT 478 00:34:41,681 --> 00:34:45,085 >> Jimmy: I WOULD WATCH THAT >> IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING. >> Jimmy: I CANNOT WAIT TO 479 00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:47,787 WATCH IT >> IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD THANK YOU. 480 00:34:47,787 --> 00:34:50,090 >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY AM I A FAN -- >> IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUNNY, 481 00:34:50,090 --> 00:34:51,658 I'M REAL EXCITED >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY AM I JUST WANT TO SEE IT, BECAUSE I DO 482 00:34:51,658 --> 00:34:55,161 LEGITIMATELY LOVE REALITY TV THAT'S WHAT I WATCH THE MOST OF 483 00:34:55,161 --> 00:34:57,097 >> ME TOO. >> Jimmy: I LOVE "THE CHALLENGE. 484 00:34:57,097 --> 00:35:00,233 I LOVE "BELOW DECK." I LOVE ALL THAT STUFF. BUT, ALSO, YOU HOSTING, I'M 485 00:35:00,233 --> 00:35:03,770 TELLING YOU, YOU'RE SO FAST AND FUNNY -- WE NEED THIS NOW 486 00:35:03,770 --> 00:35:07,374 >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: WE NEED A GOOD, FUNNY AWARD SHOW WHERE YOU CAN COME 487 00:35:07,374 --> 00:35:11,077 OUT AND JUST SAY STUFF AND, YEAH. >> AWARD SHOWS ARE BROKEN, KIND 488 00:35:11,077 --> 00:35:12,779 OF I WAS WATCHING, YOU KNOW -- THE OSCARS FELT LIKE, THIS YEAR, IT 489 00:35:12,779 --> 00:35:16,649 FELT LIKE A SCIENTOLOGY FUNDRAISER [ LAUGHTER ] 490 00:35:16,649 --> 00:35:21,921 THE GOLDEN GLOBES ON ZOOM. JASON SUDEIKI WEARING A TIE-DYE HOODIE 491 00:35:21,921 --> 00:35:24,157 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THEY'RE BROKEN. SO, NOW WE GET TO REINVENT 492 00:35:24,157 --> 00:35:26,059 THEM AND THE THING I LOVE ABOUT THE SHOW, IS THAT, IT'S I LIKE 493 00:35:26,059 --> 00:35:27,861 REALITY SHOWS, BECAUSE PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY REALITY TV IS FAKE, AND I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DISMISS 494 00:35:27,861 --> 00:35:34,134 IT LIKE THAT BECAUSE, THEY GO, "OH, REALITY TV IS FAKE." 495 00:35:34,134 --> 00:35:37,771 AND, IT'S LIKE, "WELL, I'M SORRY, THE SCRIPTED SHOWS YOU LOVE ARE MORE FAKE THAN THAT 496 00:35:37,771 --> 00:35:41,174 THOSE ARE, YOU KNOW, ACTORS --" >> Jimmy: SCRIPTED >> --PLAYING ROLES WRITTEN BY 497 00:35:41,174 --> 00:35:43,343 PEOPLE AT LEAST REALITY SHOWS ARE REAL PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, BEHAVING IN 498 00:35:43,343 --> 00:35:47,480 SITUATIONS TOLD -- YOU KNOW, PRESENTED TO THEM BY SOCIOPATHIC PRODUCERS. 499 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,951 BUT -- SO IT'S A LITTLE FAKE, BUT THE PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS ARE REAL 500 00:35:51,951 --> 00:35:53,820 AND AS A COMEDIAN WHO, I THINK I'M THE PERFECT HOST FOR THIS, BECAUSE MY JOB IS TO TELL THE 501 00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:58,191 TRUTH ALL THE TIME AND BE VULNERABLE AND I'VE ALWAYS ACTUALLY BEEN 502 00:35:58,191 --> 00:35:59,926 VERY, YOU KNOW, ATTRACTED TO REALITY SHOW STARS, EVEN AT THEIR WORST, BECAUSE I'M LIKE, 503 00:35:59,926 --> 00:36:11,037 THE WAY THEY'RE ACTING IS SO EMBARRASSING THAT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER, LIKE, LIVE ON. 504 00:36:11,037 --> 00:36:16,676 BUT YOU CAN, YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN YOU WATCH IT, OBVIOUSLY. 505 00:36:16,676 --> 00:36:18,812 [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE ALL WATCH THESE SHOWS LIKE "REAL HOUSEWIVES" AND WE 506 00:36:18,812 --> 00:36:24,884 GO, "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT." BUT THE TRUTH IS, WHO HASN'T BEEN A RAMONA, THROWING 507 00:36:24,884 --> 00:36:26,853 CHAMPAGNE OUT OF A CANOE, AT YOUR FRIEND, AT THE LAKE HOUSE, IN THE BERKSHIRES? 508 00:36:26,853 --> 00:36:31,091 WE'VE ALL DONE THAT. SO, IT'S SO RELATABLE. AND I'M JUST SO EXCITED THAT, 509 00:36:31,091 --> 00:36:35,595 YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO ONE THERE THAT'S INTIMIDATING FOR ME >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. 510 00:36:35,595 --> 00:36:38,231 YOU'RE GONNA BE FANTASTIC. >> NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT 511 00:36:38,231 --> 00:36:41,401 >> Jimmy: I HONESTLY, I THINK YOU'RE PERFECT FOR IT. I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE SO 512 00:36:41,401 --> 00:36:43,737 FUN. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: AND, YEAH, BREAK A 513 00:36:43,737 --> 00:36:45,672 A LEG, I'LL BE WATCHING ON MONDAY >> THANKS, JIMMY 514 00:36:45,672 --> 00:36:47,741 >> Jimmy: YOU GUYS, NIKKI GLASER CHECK OUT THE "MTV MOVIE AND TV 515 00:36:47,741 --> 00:36:51,978 AWARDS UNSCRIPTED," MAY 17th AT 9:00 P.M MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE 516 00:36:51,978 --> 00:36:57,250 BREAK. STICK AROUND "WAIT, WERE WE AT THE BEYONCE 517 00:36:57,250 --> 00:37:13,299 PARTY. NO, NO * 518 00:37:13,299 --> 00:37:17,871 >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "ALL IN YOUR HEAD" FROM HIS ALBUM, "STORY TO TELL CHAPTER ONE," 519 00:37:17,871 --> 00:37:22,242 HERE'S J.PERIOD, FEATURING BLACK THOUGHT AND TIFFANY GOUCHE, WITH NARRATION 520 00:37:22,242 --> 00:37:24,411 TIFFANY GOUCHE, WITH NARRATION BY DAVE CHAPPELLE. 521 00:37:25,779 --> 00:37:28,581 * 522 00:37:28,581 --> 00:37:32,519 >> HI, I'M DAVE CHAPPELLE, WELCOMING YOU TO J.PERIOD PRESENTS, "A STORY TO TELL," A 523 00:37:32,519 --> 00:37:37,357 A MUSICAL JOURNEY IN THREE ACTS NOW WHEN YOU HERE THIS SOUND 524 00:37:37,357 --> 00:37:41,628 [ BEEP ] TURN THE PAGE. PLEASE TUNE YOUR SPEAKERS FOR 525 00:37:41,628 --> 00:37:47,667 MAXIMUM BASS RESPONSE AND ENJOY THE SHOW AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 526 00:37:47,667 --> 00:37:54,708 IT'S MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE, "A STORY TO TELL." [ BEEP ] 527 00:37:54,708 --> 00:38:08,588 * * MY BROTHER JOEL WENT TO SEE DAVE CHAPPELLE 528 00:38:08,588 --> 00:38:11,558 AMIDST THE PANDEMIC * * I SAI HE BRAVE AS HELL 529 00:38:11,558 --> 00:38:14,594 BLAZE THE TRAI JUST DON'T TAKE A MAJOR L * * I'MA WAIT 530 00:38:14,594 --> 00:38:18,331 BUT SAVE THE DAT SAVE YOURSELVES * * NEXT THING YOU KNOW 531 00:38:18,331 --> 00:38:20,500 HE BRINGS HIS THINGS TO YELLOW SPRINGS * * AND SAY 532 00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:22,469 TO SPREAD HIS WING IT'S BEEN TH STUFF OF DREAMS * 533 00:38:22,469 --> 00:38:24,704 * OH WELL TIME TO PULL ANOTHER BOOK FROM THE SHELVES * 534 00:38:24,704 --> 00:38:27,040 * FEELS LIKE HE'S GOT A STORY TO TEL THIS RHYTHM IS 535 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:31,811 TAKING ME BACK * * YOU KEEP GOIN BACK AND FORTH 536 00:38:31,811 --> 00:38:35,048 YOU KNOW IT' TIME FOR A CHANGE DON'T YA * * SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE 537 00:38:35,048 --> 00:38:41,521 LOSING TIM GOTTA STAY FOCUSED CAUSE I'M LOSING TIME * 538 00:38:41,521 --> 00:38:46,059 * YOU WON'T GET FAR IF YOU DON'T STAY OPEN WHAT IF I TAKE IT TOO FA 539 00:38:46,059 --> 00:39:00,106 TWO-FIFTEEN * * IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD DON'T LET IT GET TO YO 540 00:39:00,106 --> 00:39:16,289 IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD * * SET YOURSELF FREE MY LOVE * 541 00:39:16,289 --> 00:39:30,937 * SET YOURSELF FREE MY LOVE * * SET YOURSELF FREE 542 00:39:30,937 --> 00:39:40,447 MY LOV MY LOVE * * SET YOURSELF FREE 543 00:39:40,447 --> 00:39:47,053 MY LOV MY LOV YEAH * 544 00:39:47,053 --> 00:39:56,196 * SET YOURSELF FREE MY LOV MY LOVE * 545 00:39:56,196 --> 00:40:03,636 * SET YOURSELF FREE MY LOV MY LOVE * 546 00:40:03,636 --> 00:40:08,775 * SET YOURSELF FREE * >> J.PERIOD, BLACK THOUGHT, TIFFANY GOUCHE, DAVE CHAPPELLE 547 00:40:08,775 --> 00:40:11,077 * MY LOVE MY LOV SET YOURSELF FREE * 548 00:40:11,077 --> 00:40:18,084 >> THIS IS A STORY TO TELL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: "STORY TO TELL 549 00:40:18,084 --> 00:40:21,554 CHAPTER ONE" IS OUT NOW. MY THANKS TO DAVE CHAPPELLE, NIKKI GLASER, J.PERIOD, BLACK 550 00:40:21,554 --> 00:40:29,329 THOUGHT, TIFFANY GOUCHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE. 551 00:40:29,329 --> 00:40:33,166 THAT WAS AMAZING THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH 552 00:40:33,166 --> 00:40:36,102 SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY YOU FEEL THAT.